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#I also need to keep track of these for myself soooooo
etherealdiva · 1 year
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Mars Persona Chart Observations: fitness & health edition
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So referring to my Exercises according to your Mars & Rising Sign post which you can read here and part 2 here
I wanted to see my Mars persona chart in regards to how I view and feel about my fitness regime. Mars does associate with weightlifting and metabolism. Mars is heat and it burns energy and gives you fuel. Mars rules exercise and gives you the ability to work out. I’m only highlighting key houses that correlate to fitness in my opinion. I will be using my persona chart as an example. I hope this helps you guys to figure out your fitness regime. Or at least give some kind of insight.
Disclaimer: this doesn’t have to be right or wrong, it’s my pov and experience.
Ascendant: from my perspective I believe this is how you show yourself to others in regards to your goals. Like what you want to achieve and also how people view your body and training. I have a Gemini ascendant at 14 degrees which tells me that I’m scattered between my goals like it’s the same but different. Also my body fluctuates and people seem surprised by how it looks and it just doesn’t look the same as before. I’ve worked with coaches and told them my goals but it seemed all over the place. Also my training is different each time but also it’s consistent. 14 is Taurus degrees so it feels different but stable.
2nd house: this to me says what my values are and how I want to feel valuable and good about myself. Like what makes you feel good? What do you need from your goals? I have it in cancer and I need to feel emotionally fulfilled or my fitness regime or health affects me emotionally. If I have a bad workout or I’m injured or like my digestive system is acting up it RUINS MY DAY. I’m soooooo sensitive when it comes to that and moody af.
4th house: inner conflict or how you are at home/alone when it comes to your nutrition and fitness. It’s in Virgo. Need I say more? Perfectionism. Also I used to track and had to reach the accurate number of macros. I use a food scale and i track my progress. But comfortably it works for me to have check ins, keep track, cook my own meals and follow a plan. A routine.
5th house: the pleasures you get from your fitness/results. It’s in Libra. Looking and feeling beautiful. Getting attention from the opposite sex. It’s sad to say but once I got fit, I got asked out like crazy and I went out on dates. Also! I loved getting treated out and having my dates buy me dessert. I ate healthy for dinner but I have a huge sweet tooth!
6th house : energy levels and views on fitness. I have it in Scorpio and Pluto is in there at 20 degrees. I feel powerful when I’m at the gym. Like unstoppable. When I have a goal, I’m on it. Nothing stops me. And I get my results and I see being fit and healthy as something powerful. When you’re in peak condition then knowing you can do anything.
8th house: I feel this area Is where your mars thrives (since it’s naturally a Scorpio house) and it’s in Capricorn with a Stellium of Saturn, sun, Uranus, Neptune and mercury. I shine in my work ethic and my discipline. I’m ambitious and motivated. I keep going until I get my results. I don’t stop.
12th house: to me says my deepest fears and it’s in Taurus. Personally I fear enjoying life and indulging too much that I would get lazy. I don’t ever want that. I can enjoy but I still make sure to be on top of my nutrition and fitness.
I’ve become a lot more flexible though. In my natal I’m a Capricorn mars. Hope you enjoy!
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roseyrex · 1 month
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i guess i gotta start running the park again often and getting in a calorie deficit, because these are the only two things that have helped me lose weight in the past! i have tried power lifting, or using low weights and higher rep, fasting, and nothing really helps because i’m just addicted to food! the whole 20/80 thing is soooo real, and my love for food is also soooooo very much alive. i need to start doin’ substitutions and just tracking myself…. which was so mentally draining… but it was also the only way i was able to keep weight off and it just sucks that i started to spiral today bc i saw a pic of myself from a distance and i get so side tracked in my head. all the confidence i try to build and one photo shatters that. i’m trying my best to just, be strong. be disciplined and just be as consistent as i can be. i can go to the gym at least 3 times a week, and i have been going, and stay as active at work as i usually am, but nothing is going to change without my eating habits the way they are. sigh. sigh sigh. i love my body, it’s just a journey knowing i’m not where i want to be and how far i still have to go. talking to myself bye!
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katyspersonal · 1 year
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Looked at some models myself
Hey guyes! Remember how I complained about wanting to become an old lady? Well, I have good news for you (and myself)....
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LOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!
Okay this IS pretty cool! I was able to borrow that one save-editing program thanks to a friend (and the fact that code can be reused two times) so I was looking through some models, I wanna see more and figure some other stuff too, but... jees, seeing this for myself on the BIG screen is so much better than taking low-res pause captures from low-res youtube videos fsjdfh
This set comes in one piece, as only chest piece, but covers everything including head, and attempt to wear actual head/legs/arms pieces causes clipping.
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I also found out that Adella’s dagger IS a weapon that can be equipped, sort of! I found out by looking at the page with Hex IDs for weapons, and it was right up there ( x ). So yes, I tried this one too.
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Turned out that it does have strong attack animation AND charge attack programmed, however, they do not deal any damage. I’ve tried several times, and nope. Adella, apparently, only uses the L1 attack with it, that is rather slow and repeats her slowly staggering to stab us - you can see the damage it is dealing is rather low, actually. So, yeah, unfortunately, not effective weapon at all... It swings way faster if you use L1 after R1, but, again, doesn’t deal damage to any enemy!
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Also it IS bigger than I thought it was o:
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There are also these REALLY strange looking untextured black arm pieces for some reason. Don’t even know what to use them with, because they clip through other clothes. Was also really upset to find out that I could NOT, in fact, wear Mico’s cut content handcuffs or Garden of Eyes’ head.
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Again, this is just soooooo much better up close and seen by myself!
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Her clothes pieces also have actual icons, and even reasonable defence stats, which is so neat? Don’t know what else it is supposed to mean other than these were intended to be possible to loot and wear, but... yeah
I was editing a save file using IDs found by that cool person Sanadsk / Omega Fantasy, ones for armors are specifically revealed in this document ( x ), but there are also IDs for stuff like weapons and items ( x ). Interestingly, there are still no Hex IDs for weapons from DLC anywhere I could find... But I think that’s even to the better, because everyone must experience getting Rakuyo by themselves jhfdshjfdshfd I think I will just gather them on my own later, by keeping track of placing a weapon with known ID, recording where it is in the save file, and then equipping a DLC one on its place and writing down the number. It is really easy, just need to play until that point now because my progress was lost due to having to switch account on one possible for online :s ....but when I finish with that, I will NOT share Rakuyo’s ID with the public, because everyone should fight Shark Giants, ahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
By the way, a myth got debunked!
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I thought Annalise had a low-res ring on her hand, but turned out that it was just a clipping issue in her fingers, that applies to both hands! D: Yeah, there is a chest piece that, rather than just giving her dress, changes entire player’s model to Annalise! With ridiculously blueishly pale skin, long demelanized hair and... no face, apparently...
So yeah, I want to find out more stuff, such as how to replace one NPC with another to take a closer look and freeze enemies/bosses in non-hostile positions, I have some ideas on how that could possibly be pulled off! This thing is also convenient if you really need to look at something but you messed a questline (like how I had to start a new game to see Henryk’s armour because I accidentally aggroed Eileen early т.т). And of course I am going to save-edit dungeons! I can’t explain it well, it just... being able to see and capture things by myself feels so much better than relying on videos and screenshots found online?
However, one thing annoyed me! Like, I don’t know if the version of Save Wizard get to use is somehow ‘wrong’, or things are JUST like this, but there was one irritating thing that only occured to me a bit late?
Basically, imagine that you want to look at Adella’s dagger close, so what you want to do, is, obviously, to replace a Hex ID for weapon you already have in your equipment with Hex ID for it! For example, unleveled Hunter’s Axe! We can see ( x ) that Hex ID for Hunter’s Axe is 004C4B40 ! So what do you wanna do when you see 100500 lines of shit like this?
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Naturally, just hit search for 004C4B40! But for some reason, the search instead glows blue at 40 4B 4C 00 instead! And yeah, you probably figured by now what is wrong here, but I didn’t get it at first? I kept searching and trying to find what was wrong, and then gave up and replaced 404B4C00 with the normal ID for Adella’s dagger - 000DBBA0 . And... I got jackshit. Just empty item.
But then I did realise that the weird numbers and letters search gives me do, in fact, make sense...... This ABSOLUTE MOTHERFUCKER, for some reason, wrote Hex IDs in inverted order! And not as in, ‘write the same line backwards’, no! Instead, the ID consists out of 8 symbols but they are paired, so you have to write PAIRS in reverse order, but not reverse the order of the letters themselves! So the correct way to insert Adella’s dagger would be to write 00 0D BB A0 as A0 BB 0D 00!
BUT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?????? AAAAAAA!!!!!!
Again, I don’t know, maybe it is on me, I just thought it was painfully obvious how to use this program and I didn’t expect something to be odd, especially with Hex IDs already known to the public - why not write them in ‘correct’ order then? But yeah, the riddle was solved, and I get how it works a bit better now. This is really satisfying that I can DROWN in references now, but I’ll need to take my time with this thing, because with some stuff I still dunno what to do. For example, I saw people edit where Doll is by replacing her ID with ID of like... some cut content model such as King or Beltran, to take a closer look, but for that I do need ID for the Doll first. :thinking_emoji:
I will find out I guess, this thing is simpler when you get around intuitively knowing where is what code.
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ethtyn · 11 months
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combination Etho & Martyn ll2 #8 reaction post:
Etho:
"i'm not in charge, i'm gonna be the first one out, here!" me fr.
MARTYN WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE. "TEAM TIME" THIS "TEAM SMITE" THAT IT COULDVE BEEN THAT FROM THE BEGINNING 😭😭😭
"we need the help, Tango, i hate to say it. and Martyn is good help." thesis statement 🫶🏻
"true that" LITERALLY WHERE is he coming up with this speech pattern. i have never heard him use as much slang as he has in this series in my life.
BDUBS NO.....IT WAS IMPULSE?! 💔
"Tango...this is MINECRAFT, why don't you have blocks?!" PLEASE.
LMAOOOOOOO HE'S MARY POPPINS, Y'ALL 💀
Tango noooooo PepeHands
Scar's out...there goes my hope that Etho got to kill him 😔
I KNOW WHAT THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD SPOILER MEANS NOW AND I'M CRYING PISSING BLOOD SLIDING DOWN THE WALL CHEWING GLASS. LMFAO.
"it's tough being alone...i'm not an entertaining person, and i have to be entertaining right now" don't you talk about my friend like that 😡😡😡
kfjdjcndk the little bitchfight between impulse and the mean gills over trying to kill each other. "yeah, that was me...okie! 😁 water under the bridge" impulse you're soooooo 💀
ETHO WHY DID YOU REMIND HIM ABOUT THE SWORD. i'm furious.
there goes BigB.
i am starting to realize that when one of y'all said "love loses" you mean Ethtyn. fuck.
FISH IN A BARREL. i just caught that.
Scott's disappointed little "Etho" gets me every time LMFAO. is this man ever surprised.
"i could just whack you off right now 😏" aYO
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOT 'ER
i'm gonna throw up. why. please.
GRIAN NO 😭 that little intake of breath right before he fell...i could cry.
I'M GONNA BE SICK I'M GONNA BE SICK. "that hurt, Martyn! apologise."
I'M GONNA THROW UPPPPPPPPPPPPP HE WAS SO CLOSE. also i was wildly distracted by the way you could hear him sit back in his chair and stretch kfdnkcmdmd
side note: i tracked down the counting clip and. uhm. 🥴 yeah.
i. need to gather some thoughts. reblog a few posts. watch martyn's episode so i can find out who won. i'm ill.
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Martyn:
"keep your friends close and your enemies closer" type beat.
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the callback to Southlanders with the "fun British game" 😭 i miss them 💔
still thinking about how Martyn made this Team TIME/SMITE decision all on his own without talking to Scott at all. like i know he's insanely loyal but. sir?
I'M FUCKING PISSING MYSELF over that Scar spleef kill. (in the most insincere voice possible) "woooow. thank you for the business!" CRYING.
thinking So Much about this little duel between BigB and Martyn as Martyn comes in to play the game. Martyn almost died, so did BigB. and then ceasefire and nskxnckdkcjkdmf my brainnnnnn.
"i'm here for games and pleasure" Scar.
HAHAHSHCNFKC LMFAOOOOO ETHO RLLY DID COME IN LIKE MARY POPPINS I'M CRYING.
fast forward to when MISE is boating off of skynet 2.0 - did not realise that Martyn asked Grian "yes or no" 😭 salt in the wound, bro.
fish in a fucking barrel fr.
ONE BLOCK 😭
jesus the way he IMMEDIATELY turns on impulse as soon as Pearl kills Etho. fanning myself.
NAUUUUUURRRRRR I COULDN'T TELL FROM ETHO'S POV BUT MARTYN REALLY DID GET THE LAST HIT ON HIM I'M.
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oh god you can't see it from Martyn's POV but. "Scott, it's not fair!" i'm going to throw myself off of skynet 2.0.
what is this fucking three way death negotiation. i feel sick.
SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. WHAT. WHAT WHAJAMXNCKKCNDMF
um. that + the end animation. i am lying down and i need to lie down. FUCK.
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jinhogwarts · 11 months
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bias game
tagged by @shadowetienne
You're going to pick 10 of your biases (or as many biases as you have and then fill in the rest of the spots with idols you like) and number them 1-10. Then answer the questions below! Try not to look at the questions before you make your list!
1. jinho (pentagon)
2. cheng xiao (wjsn)
3. johnny (nct)
4. changmin (the boyz)
5. yuri (snsd)
6. hyuna
7. hyungwon (monsta x)
8. jun (seventeen)
9. chungha
10. hyolyn
Questions:
1. Between 7 and 5, who did you bias first?
yuri, although she wasn't my first bias in snsd! i biased her during igab era so 2013, and obviously i only biased hyungwon later (actually in 2016 after i saw him in k.will's mv!)
2. Between 2 and 6, who are you more attached to?
hyuna... my female ult 🥹 i also love cheng xiao dearly, but because i don't really watch dramas or follow cpop idols that closely, it's harder to keep up with her. and hyuna is definitely one of my all time favorite idols ever, i feel very strongly about her
3. If you were to spend the day with either 3 or 1, who would you choose and what would you do?
oof this is tough because both of them are people i would love to spend a day with and i would enjoy talking to them both... but i would have to choose jinho because he's my #1 ult haha. if i can go anywhere in the world and don't have to limit myself for anything, i would go with him to the harry potter studio in london, then go watch a musical with him (probably wicked lol) and if we still have the energy maybe go to a bar or a cafe and just sit and talk hehe
4. What is your favorite physical feature about 9?
her eyes 🥹🥹🥹 idk what it is about them but she has such beautiful eyes imo!! i mean she's gorgeous in general, one of the most beautiful girls ever, but her eyes specifically are so pretty
5. What is your favorite part of 6's personality?
she's soooooo sweet and gentle and cute and loving but also she can give a "idgaf" attitude when needed. but mostly she is just very very sweet
6. If you were to tell 8 anything you wanted, what you would you tell them?
i'm so proud of him, he's so talented in everything he does, he's cute and funny and precious!! moving to korea at a young age and still being active there 8 years into his career with no intention of going back is... wow
7. Between 1 and 2, whose closet would you raid?
i mean obviously cheng xiao because 1. we're the same gender and 2. she has so many pretty designer clothes...... but then she's probably like half my size lol. but idk, jinho doesn't really strike me as a fashion icon lol if it was kino i might have considered it lol
8. What is a style that you want to see 3 try?
musically? basically anything lol but i'm always up for some rock-ish vibes
9. Between 5 and 4, who are you closer to in height?
they're both taller than me (i'm 157) but hyuna is closer (she's 164 and yuri is 167)
10. Between 10 and 9, whose music do you like the best?
ooooh that's a difficult one. i love hyolyn so much, her voice is probably one of my faves for female idols, and she has some songs i'm genuinely obsessed with (dally and layin' low especially) and of course sistar's music was one of my fave discographies... but as a solo artist i think i vibe more with chungha's title tracks 🤔 but then i also didn't listen to all her bsides so idk...
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orcelito · 2 years
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I always do question why I keep putting up with all the bullshit of my job. I got soooooo close to quitting back in February, & ultimately only really stayed bc my tax return was delayed & I didn't have the financial security without it to quit
I enjoy some aspects of the job. But tbh yeah I kinda fucking hate it. There's so much I have to do Constantly, there are Always problems, and I've got more and more responsibilities and expectations placed on me. More and more money too, but ngl it still doesn't feel like enough for what all of this is.
But I'm taking so long in my schooling. I've fumbled it so many times. I don't have any internships and I'm petrified at the idea of applying to them. What I DO have is a rock solid track record with this job. I'm well respected by management, I'm relatively accomplished, & I've proved that I can do a damn good job. The longer I stay here, the more that potentially means down the road. I have a business owner who's openly stated he'll vouch for me no matter where I go & a work history that's looking better and better. Having thorough experience with management looks Great no matter where I go.
And... it helps me feel better about myself, too. Helps me feel like I'm not wasting so much time. I'm not just fumbling my schooling, I'm doing part time school as I also participate in managing a store. Sounds better when I put it like that. Makes me feel like less of a failure when compared to others who are more accomplished.
So here I am. Constantly under pressure, constantly wishing to escape, yet Here I Am.
I just really need to finish with school already. It seems like it's going to be my only real escape from it all.
#speculation nation#being in management has driven home to me how little i want to be in management#im fine being a team leader aka what im hoping all this will act as proof of ability for or whatever#but upper level management? no fuckin thanks lmao. i hate almost everything about it#hate being in charge of deciding peoples' fates re: hiring. hate being in charge of disciplinary stuff (im so bad at it)#hate the expectations and responsibilities and all this constant fucking bullshit#... though i do like feeling valued. the owner consistently voices his appreciation for what i do & it feels very nice#but that's also why this bullshit with the supervisor stings so bad bc she's clearly discounting everything i do for this fucking place#i ALREADY stayed late to help but it wasnt enough bc i didnt give Everything for her.#which i hate that im still angry about it but i really am. it fucking sucks.#she has no idea how hard this fucking job is. how much im already doing. it's infuriating.#i bet she thinks im making like much more than i am lmao. im ultimately only a few dollars more than her.#'management' at at a small store doesnt mean ppl sitting on plush pillows making arbitrary decisions for thousands#no im out there doing shit all the time. im still basically an employee. i just also have some say in how things should be run.#it's complicated. my reasons for staying are complicated. so im unlikely to leave until the time is right.#but oh God i want so badly to leave. i want it so so badly.#someday i will have my bachelors. and then hopefully i can get some random computer job where i can just be a gremlin#without all the pressures of management resting on my shoulders.#maybe someday...
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moisummertime · 1 year
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Soooooo this week I finally back to my sleep schedule, enjoying itsy bitsy of naps, and have all my shits just back to as it used to. The smoke season actually help me a lot. All I need to do is just to surrender, let go, and forgive. That everything happened because they supposed to work that way. It's in past anyway, what else you can do? grieving? stay angry? in denial? avoiding it? One thing I always try to trust is action. whatever underly those actions someone choose to take, at the end whatever they do matters the most because they choose it. Remember what they said, "Action speak louder than words." I don't want to argue, get angry, or just being sad af all the time. I want to just keep using love as verb, as action, but I def have short temper so yea I consider that as one of form of love? lmao. Now what I want is to manifest the kind of person I want to be and be with. You put things into words, it becomes prayer. And I hope God hear this because yep, Im done playing. Thank you for sending me another ultimatum in life. I get back on track, God. This is something that I just recently found that this is important. I want a partner that willing to go on counseling with me. This is a big time realization after a whole month learning more skills on being a better partner. I had no idea that it's so fucking difficult to have a relationship yet so many people don't even work that hard for it. They don't even take care of themselves well, how they will be a great partner for you? The complexity of human relationship is whoa... so much layers. You bring your whole life into it and try to navigate it together and work on it together... for as long as you are willing to do it. I don't consider myself a quitter, but when I decided Im quitting, there's no way back. I'll be totally numb and it's even harder to restart everything. So that's pretty much why after I broke up with Zach, I burned down so many bridges with so many people, men mostly. No one from my past is allowed to have access to my current life. I built this peace above so many painful experiences they caused me. Honestly, I don't mind losing people. Although now Im trying to be softer on this one, sometimes it's still tough. Because you will never the same person once someone gave you a plot twist that change the whole things in so many different layers. But this year, since I try to approach things with love and understanding, which also that means I'll be giving so much with no return nor expecting it at all, it's kinda tough since it challenge what worked for me before. It's kinda put a soft reset on my system, and now Im trying to update it the way windows update do it.
I consider myself a give and everyone just telling me to stop. It drains me, and I had to agree with them. My issue is that I always end up being the one that invested so much without a fair/equal effort in return. When they said that love should be unconditional, well, I can but throwing unconditional love without getting the same thing in return, who wants that? I saw so many couples seemed to have a loving relationship, but it's all on surface. no one knows what is hidden behind those sweet display. whether it was a constant work, fights, tears, idk. No one knows the layers that was hidden. but one thing, they make it seems like it works for them. they at least work together to put things great for the eyes of others. Most people know I talk a lot about my struggles. I never really try to hide it. Being vulnerable in the eye of public is seems scary but somehow for some friends, they found it relieving to see that they're not the only one struggling with their demon. One of my friend from volunteering work in Uni struggled a lot, and when she knows I also not well enough we start to connect again and make fun of our misery. Joke is def a bad coping mechanism, but god I've cried enough, I just wanna laugh a bit. another friend said that I am an emotional slut but confident enough to be just super open about those shits. I do have a private journals which I usually use to talk about more stuff in deeper level. I put the name, the date, the details, how I feel about that, I don't leave any details behind. which is kinda annoying me to know that I remember every detail of everything. And Honestly, when I gave this, I expect the same thing in return. I don't want to be the only one vulnerable and open alone. and I fuuuuuuuucking hate it when I have to ask something in return. Men, please be sensitive and sensible. But one thing I like most is being respected. You can disrespect me in bed, but outside bedroom you need to be respectful. I don't know why men these days have a very low respect towards women, me especially. Okay I think that's my rants for today. Im gonna eat some pineapple :3
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I do I guess...
I suppose I do want to get married, but not without severe anxiety about it. I guess I just never imagined myself being someone’s second wife. There’s a pressure to do things right.
Make it our own.
Do it how we want, on our terms.
Destruct the old confines and rewrite what a successful marriage looks like.
A long-term partnership that is real, that is concrete. 
All of these terms are so foreign to me. So far, he has not added to my life in the sense of benefiting me because nothing changed with our relationship by him living here. It’s still me getting up, getting Son to the bus stop, going to work, coming home, eating my mom’s food and catching up on my shows before I go to bed. I feel bad because I don’t feel like I know how to look forward to marriage. I’m afraid I will lose my individuality. 
Every phase of my life has been so heavily weighed by who I was with at the time that I’m in no rush to put a man on this next chapter. No, I don’t want to be in my 40s talking about “this is my boyfriend so and so”. No, I have not ALWAYS WANTED TO BE a wife. The magical barbie dream wedding was never mine. I’ve seen what divorce can do to a couple. I’ve seen what divorce can do to the children. I’ve seen married couples that spit on the fundamentals of marriage and probably should be divorced. I do want to be married. Maybe I’m just not ready. Or I’m scared of being happy and living a prosperous life. If I’m afraid of shrinking then the solution is simple...DON’T!! 
This is STILL your time to enjoy life. You’ve already kicked ass and took names. You’ve already cemented you in how you raised your kid and succeeded professionally and educationally over the last 10+ years since high school. What am I doing in this next chapter that requires him to stay my boyfriend? I don’t plan on fucking anyone else. I don’t plan on hitting the streets. I don’t plan on dating again or starting this whole process to be disappointed with the outcome. This, my relationship, my partnership, my union is going soooooo well. I am terrified that adding permanency to it will change the dynamics and essential function that makes us us. 
I’ve had a lot of boyfriends and have never committed like this to any of them. Do I have a fear of commitment? It honestly annoys me when my dad talks to me about sports like he’s talking to my man. I don’t really care to keep track of stats and whatnot and my dad knows good and well I have never let any type of statistics come out of my mouth. That’s bae Dad. He’s not here. You’re talking to me and still asking about us. I am an individual person. I am not my man. My man is not me. We are together but still different people. I’m afraid of losing that identity. Don’t get me started on whether or not I will change my last name. You’re supposed to leave your single life behind but I don’t see the husband changing his name. All of my degrees have my name on them. Everything I am I did as a single woman. I guess asking what I will do next as a married one is not such a terrible one. Why do I feel like I haven’t done enough as a single woman yet. Am I afraid that marriage means talking about more kids? Am I afraid that marriage means real-world marital issues that I cannot resolve as an individual? Is it needed to be a team player when I know I have selfish tendencies sometimes? 
I’m pretty sure it’s all unnecessary anxiety because if bae asked me to marry him right now I know I would say yes. I’m just also pretty sure I would have a panic attack the moment I get a second alone. 
You did it girl. You have nothing to prove anymore. You raised your son. He’s a wonderful young man, well-mannered, kind, thoughtful and he loves his mama. You [almost] finished all of your degrees up to your Masters and got sexy grades each and every semester. You healed from your previous heartbreak, outlasted them and stunted on everyone that thought you would crumble. What more do you fuckin want woman?! Is it that I am afraid of following in my mom’s footsteps as it pertains to her ability to maintain a happy marriage. She’s literally on her 4th divorce. I COULD NEVER!!! One and done, with the man of my dreams, the one for me, my match, my love. 
His kids have always been a stopping point for us. From early in our relationship, when I felt like a side-piece and secret family. Now his kids have even spent time hanging out and they seem to be comfortable. But bae always puts a seed of doubt in my mind like not yet not yet not yet. I don’t want to mention marriage because of them. Their parents just got divorced. It’s still fresh as far as I’m concerned. And you’re moving on and living your life without them. We try to include them as much as we can but how much can we with them being states away. I think the more they see me advocating for them, the more they will warm up. All I can do is play my role. My mom sounds a little resentful at the idea that marriage is after moving out on my priority list. She said “that should be your next step.” 
They said they wanna downsize when we leave but if you won’t downsize while we are here then you’re wasting your time. You will have me move out and waste money on an apartment just to sell me the house a couple years later? You already know we are moving and you already know you’re going to want to downsize. Why don’t you downsize to an apartment in the area? I miss my man. 
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imagines-hoarder · 3 years
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Considering making a permanent rec list attached to the blog because I read too much to not be sharing the good shit.
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blackspoon99 · 3 years
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You Told Me So Pt. 8
Sherlock X Female! Reader
TW: Violence, injury, kidnapping, mentions of death
Sherlock was pacing frantically around the flat. He needed to think. He knew from the beginning the man from the cargo ship couldn’t have taken you. No. It had to have been someone else. John had already called Lestrade. He had confirmed that you left Scotland Yard on foot just after Sherlock.
The only thing he could think to do was call Mycroft. He dialed the number and waited for him to pick up.
“What is it Sherlock, I was in a meeting.”
“Mycroft, I need your help”
“Well, this is a first. The great Sherlock Holmes calling me for help. It must be serious”
“Enough Mycroft. Y/n is missing. I know you keep track of all of our whereabouts. Help me, please”
“Understood.” Mycroft’s tone changed when he recognized the desperation in his brother’s voice. “One moment.” There were a few seconds of silence then Mycroft was back.
“Sherlock, I’m sorry. Somehow, we’ve lost all surveillance on y/n for the last few hours. I have no idea where she is. If you want, I could try—”
Sherlock hung up the phone and flung it at the wall in frustration. He had nothing to work with. No bread crumb trail to follow. It was like you had vanished off the face of the earth.
Suddenly Sherlock and John heard a chime from across the room. With that single sound, Sherlock had been able to tell exactly who had taken you. With that realization, he immediately felt sick to his stomach. It had come from the replica of Jennifer Wilson’s pink phone, which always sat on the mantelpiece. Sherlock lunged for it and quickly unlocked it. A text alert appeared followed by 5 chimes. 
“Five pips,” John said, under his breath. The text contained a video file.
John walked over to Sherlock. With a shaky hand, Sherlock pressed play. More than a Woman by the Bee Gees blasted through the speakers of the cell phone. None other than Jim Moriarty danced into the frame.
“Hello, Sherlock. Do you like this song? I think it’s pretty appropriate given the circumstances.”
Jim grabbed the camera and turned it towards you while singing along mockingly to the chorus.
More than a woman, more than a woman to me
“Say hello y/n” there was a moment of silence. “Oh, come on, don’t be rude, say hello to Sherlock.” You didn’t move or speak. You must have been unconscious. Your head was bowed to the ground, arms suspended above your head with your feet just barely grazing the concrete. Sherlock’s jaw locked and his eyes narrowed as he continued to watch the video. “I told you to stop messing with my things Sherlock. I warned you. Now one of your pets will have to pay for the consequences of your actions”
Moriarty faced the camera once again. “You know, you trained her so well. This one reaalllly loves you I can tell. I’ll bet she’d die for you and you know what?” He said, pretending to take a moment to think “She just might. I told you I would burn the heart out of you. And poor little y/n, she thinks you don’t care about her. I heard her say it.” Jim said sporting an overdramatic pout. “But we both know that’s not true”
“You’re so cruel Sherlock,” Moriarty taunted. “You adopt all of these pets off the street and turn them into targets. You let them care for you and follow you around. And then you just leave your pets vulnerable, abandon them, leave them behind where anyone could show up and hurt them. Is that how you repay her loyalty?” He turned the camera back to you.
“Although, I will say I see the appeal. I think this one’s my favorite.” He said grabbing your chin and pointing the camera in your face. Sherlock inhaled sharply when he saw your bashed-in face.
“Dear God,” said John, his voice breaking on the last word.
Moriarty continued. “I could just keep her for myself. Although you and I both know toys are soooooo much more fun to play with when you know they don’t belong to you. Don’t be too long Sherlock, we’re waiting for you.” The video cut out.
John balled his fists and finally exploded with anger. “JESUS CHRIST SHERLOCK” he snapped. “None of this would have happened if you hadn’t let her walk herself home in the dead of night! I told you this was putting her in danger, but you didn’t listen. You’d better find her, Sherlock or so help me-”
“Would you SHUT UP JOHN! I can’t focus with you talking. He left a clue. There’s a text.”  
The text was a picture of Primavera by Botticelli. Sherlock immediately recognized it as your favorite painting.
“Shut up”
“I didn’t say anything”
The room felt like it was spinning. “I said SHUT UP. I need to think. I need to do it right now!” Sherlock shouted. He put his hands on his temples and tried to enter his mind palace.
When he opened his eyes, he was in the morgue at St. Barts. There was a body on the table, its identity was hidden with a sheet. Sherlock hesitantly approached the bench and lifted the sheet. Sherlock opened it to see you, beaten and broken, eyes glassed over and lifeless. He shouted out in horror and fell backward. When he sat back up, he saw images of you all around him.
“No. No!”
His mind was creating visualizations of all of the ways he could find you dead. He could feel his heart pounding. He felt dizzy and light-headed, like all the air had been sucked out of the room. You were likely going to die, and it was his fault. Sherlock closed his eyes and desperately tried to shake the images and refocus. He needed to concentrate.
He tried to calm down. Eventually, his breaths began to slow, and he opened his eyes. There you were, standing before him again, completely unharmed with a soft smile on your face.
“Come on Sherlock, this way.” You said, grabbing his hand and pulling him along. 
Both of you were now in the London National Gallery. Sherlock remembered how you’d dragged him and John to the museum last year to see your favorite painting on display through a special event. You were now standing in front of the painting, still holding his hand. You looked up at him and gave him a smile while gently squeezing his hand. Sherlock studied the image in front of him as he tried to remember something, anything, about the painting that could help him. Finally, he recognized something.
“Zephyrus!” He shouted opening his eyes. He was once again in Baker Street. “Zephyrus, the biting wind of March, kidnapped the nymph, Chloris. He’s in the painting. I think I know where to find her.”
“Where?” John asked, grabbing their coats and sliding his handgun into the left pocket of his jacket.
“James’s Park tube station! Zephyrus is also called the West Wind. Moriarty would have focused on that aspect of the story. There’s a carving called the West Wind above the station.”
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toomanyfandoms02 · 4 years
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Quick! // Spencer Reid x Reader
Hello again :) it's been a minute. And I'm so sorry about that. I wish I had more time but I recently started my own business with a friend ON TOP of a full time job. So I'm extremely sorry for the giant hiatus between fics. I love you all immensely and message me if you need anything!!
Summary - Reader brings Spencer to an office Christmas party to keep the office creep away from her.
TW - SLIGHT SEXUAL ASSAULT
Word count - 1.9k
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The situation I had dragged Spencer into wasn't one he would usually agree to. Hell, I usually wouldn't even ask him to do this.
But things at my office were getting a bit too out of control for my liking.
Seth was a man who worked at my office. He appeared kind, handsome, and charming.
And that was all true, because it was on the surface.
Seth was also cunning, seductive, persuasive, and powerful. I think you see where I'm getting at here.
The first time something happened it was pretty harmless, but made me uncomfortable regardless.
*I sat at my desk, finishing up an article I had started days ago, one I was quite proud of, when I felt a presence behind me. I peered to the right slightly, seeing a suit I had seen on many different occasions.*
*Seth.*
*"Looks great y/n!" He put his hand on my shoulder for a few seconds, looking from over my shoulder. "Great job." His hand slid slowly off as he backed away. It gave me chills.*
He had done many other things in between now and then, but the last straw was a week ago when he grabbed my knee under the table at a meeting. I snatched it from him so quickly I was thoroughly surprised that no one heard my knee slam into the underside of the table.
Now it was the office Christmas party, and I wanted to go, I had many friends made in that office that I had come to love being around. But it was hard to do that with a certain lurking presence around.
So I called Spencer.
At first he was very hesitant, saying 'parties weren't his thing.' And 'I wouldn't know what to wear.' But as soon as I brought up how uncomfortable Seth made me, he was on board.
I set out the sweaters I bought for us on my couch, getting ready to tell Spence that he had to wear this.
It was going to be like putting a cat in a bath.
"Come in! Its unlocked." I yelled, hearing the knock at the door. Spencer promptly slinked in, heading to my side.
"You know, that can be quite dangerous. What if it wasn't me?" I looked up at him with a tiny glare.
"You knock a certain way so shut up." He smiled a bit at this, inevitably looking down at the sweaters I had placed.
"No, y/n, why?" He whined, feeling the fabric between his fingers.
"Spencer please! I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend." His movements froze, I may have skipped asking him that the other day.
"What? I thought, you said, I thought I was just there to keep him away from you?"
"And you are! You are! But it would really keep him away from me if he knew I had a boyfriend. Men respect other men they don't know, more than they trust women at all." I gave him puppy dog eyes, holding up the sweaters that read 'I've been naughty' and 'I've been nice.' On them. He looked down at me with what looked like nerves but I was definitely perceiving as pity and finally gave in.
"Fine, because I don't want that asshole touching you anymore."
"Soooooo, you'll wear the sweater?" I gave him a cheesy smile, slowly placing the 'Naughty' one in his arms. He rolled his eyes with the tiniest smile.
"Yes, I'm going to change then we can leave." He walked to my bathroom, coming out less than a minute later with a matching sweater to mine, which I changed into in the living room. And off we went.
-
We had been parked in the parking lot for about 12 minutes while I was half panicking, but I covered that up by saying I needed to 'touch up my makeup.' Within the first minute Spencer realized that I was lying and tried to calm me down.
He succeeded after 13 minutes.
We entered through the glass doors om the first floor, heading to the elevator.
"I do not have good experiences with elevators." Spencer complained.
"Well I don't have good experiences with walking up 9 flights of stairs. So I'm taking the elevator." He reluctantly entered the 'deathbox' as I heard him refer to it under his breath.
Once to 8th floor, I grabbed his hand, waiting for it to reach the 9th as Spence furrowed his eyebrows.
"We are selling this whether you like it or not." I giggled, squeezing his hand and watching the doors opening. Christmas light and laughter spilled in.
"Y/n! Is this Spencer?" My friend Maizey subtly gestured to our hands.
"Yes! Took a little convincing to get him here." I laughed.
"I love the sweaters! So *cute*." We are cute aren't we?
Stop that.
"Yeah, it took a lot of convincing to get him in it." I leaned into him, his arm naturally snaking around my waist.
That's weird.
After a short amount of small talk Maizey was off to mingle with others around the room.
And that's when I saw him.
"Are you gonna point out this douche bag to me?" Spencer asked protectively, which was a new and sour approach on his personality. My head gestured across the room where seth was wearing a Christmas suit and drinking what appeared to be a glass of champagne.
"The one in the obnoxious suit." I watched as Spence narrowed his eyes, clearly trying to profile him. His eyes raked over his figure, soaking up every detail.
"What an egotistical man." I could have sworn I felt his arm pull me closer.
But I think I'm just anxious.
"Come on, we look weird standing her, let's get some punch." I pulled his arm from my hip, interlocking our fingers and dragging him towards a long table. The man immediately spotted some coffee at the other end.
"I promise I'll be right back, I'm going to get some coffee." He squeezed my hand and let go, making his way there. I grabbed myself a red solo cup and the laddle that lazily hung in the large bowl of punch, raising it to the cup before it was pried from my hands.
"I'll get that for you." The voice made me flinch away slightly. I still held the laddle full of liquid in the air, feeling myself getting annoyed. I slowly grabbed the cup back from his hands.
"I think I can handle pouring my own drink. Thanks." I poured it and brought it to my lips to conceal the inevitably pissy look the was plastered onto it.
"An independent woman, I like that." And with that he turned on his heel and strutted away. I then heard quick footsteps from behind, sounding like some familiar beat up converse.
"Was he talking to you? I'm so sorry I wasn't here! The coffee line was taking a lot longer than I calculated."
"Its okay, I think I handled it really well, just, stay by my side." I rubbed my hand down his shoulder for comfort. He nodded with a sympathetic smile and brought his head down to mine, kissing the top of my head. And in those seconds that he did, I silently hoped that this blush would go away before he saw my face again.
But he didn't comment on it.
I was now introducing him to my friends and loosening up, we drank a little bit of alchohol and got buzzed, which I never thought Spencer would do with me.
I plopped onto one of the couches around the fore place, snuggling into Spencer's chest and biting into a chocolate I recently picked up.
"Its nice to see you loosened up you tight-ass." I giggled, offering him the other half, which was half a random choice and half an experiment to see if he cared about sharing germs with me. He won't take it.
But he did, grabbing it with his teeth and slipping it right into his mouth. I sat, a little flabbergasted.
"What?" He chuckled, chewing the rest of the sweet.
"I thought you didn't like sharing germs?"
"Well it's you, and you're my girlfriend, so why should I care?" It looked like he immediately regretted the comment as the words flee from his slightly buzzed mouth. But before he could make any *further* comment, he was interrupted by our manager.
"The Christmas bells are hung and 3 places to be weary of where you stand too long!" She squealed.
Oh no.
"What are the Christmas bells?" Spencer asked, swerving away from the previous conversation.
"Its an alternative for a mistletoe." I groaned, looking around cautiously for any nearby. "You kiss and the you ring the bell to let people know. It's weird." He nodded in understanding, lifting himself off the couch.
"Want to get another drink madame?" He asked properly, holding his hand out for me to take.
"Why yes of course sir." I laughed, taking his hand as he effortlessly pulled me from the couch to my feet. We headed towards the doorway that led to the half of the room that held the drink table. Just as I took a long stride, my keys fell from my pocket. I looked at the ground for them, not seeing them in the immediate area. Though I felt eyes on me, and they weren't Spencer's. Spencer peered around the doorway.
"Oh! Here they are." He crouched to the ground when I heard footsteps approaching me. I looked to see Seth making a B Line right to me, and I looked up to see two little bells hung above me.
No.
No no.
I leaned down, slightly to Spencer's level.
"Quick. Kiss me." I whispered, grabbing his cheeks and bringing him from his crouched position. I pulled his lips to mine and pushed my hands around his neck and through his hair. I heard him sigh into the kiss, his hands resting on my hips. Just before we pulled apart, I heard the bells ring and saw Spencer's hand reaching at them. He turned to the side, seeing Seth froze dead in his tracks, arms crossed over his chest. I heard small claps come from the others around us.
The seething man turned on his heel and strode away from us quickly, *finally* getting the hint.
I hope.
"Thank you, so much." I giggled, bringing my arms back to my sides slowly. Spencer] stood still, his hands moving slowly to... wherever their destination was.
It seems he couldn't decide.
But he just looked into my eyes, silently.
"You okay?" I laughed, grabbing his hand and pulling it to his own side.
"That was just, very, unexpected." He sighed, looking down at his hands.
"Well I certainly wasn't going to let Seth kiss me."
"Did you want to kiss me?" He blurts, his mouth seemingly making the decisions over his head.
Ah, the dreaded question.
Oh well, might as well get it out.
"Did you wanna kiss me?"
Pussy.
"I asked you first." He pried, quite childishly I may add.
"Fine. Yes." I replied grumpily, averting my eyes from his.
"Good." His hand found mine, intertwining them. "Maybe I can be a real excuse to keep that creep away for the next holiday party?" A smile crept onto his features.
"Definitely."
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stinkrascal · 3 years
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Hey jaiden! This might be a weird question, but I recently started living by myself, and one of my biggest struggles lately has been figuring out what to eat everyday, cause I have to find cheap and easy stuff since I’ve never been a really good cook lol. For some reason I thought you might know of some recipes that might work for me? You don’t have to answer this, but thank you so much if you do ❤️ hugs
i'm not a very good cook tbh, and my taste in food is especially bland, but i can share the few things i do know! i'll put it under the cut bc ik i'll ramble lol
i stock up on sandwich ingredients since it's cheap and easy to make and u can make a bunch of them!!! if u have money for a frying pan u can make sandwiches soooo good. i make a lot of grilled cheese in the frying pan!!! i just put 4 slices of turkey w a slice of american cheese in the middle and top it with white bread, then coat the pan in butter and fry the grilled cheese on either side for about 1-2 mins on low temp, until the bread turns golden brown, n that's it!!! u can add other stuff im just rlly bland w my food yk. i also make a lot of tuna fish sandwiches lol, i just mix tuna with mustard and mayonnaise (you can guess how much you need of either tbh) and put that between two pieces of toasted white bread, u can add seasonings to it but again im bland lol
SALAD STUFF is a huge one for me, i always try to have salad ingredients at the house bc its such a good snack!!!! the way i make salads is really easy, i get spinach and spring mix salad, cut up 2-3 strawberries depending on their size, then throw in blueberries, purple and/or green grapes, a can of mandarin oranges, and top it off with a FUCK TON of feta cheese, and that's it!!! u can top it off whatever dressings u like, idrk what dressings would go good w this so use your own discretion ig but yeah its super easy to make, this is one of my go-to meals!!!!
if you have a frying pan, tilapia is really easy to make and it's cheap too!!! you literally just brush the top of the tilapia with olive oil, season it with whatever seasonings you like (i usually only put a little salt, pepper, and a light dusting of tony's chachere's) then fry it on both sides and then you're done!!
i make a lottttttttttt of smoothies, which you do need a blender for, but if you do have one they're really filling for meals!! my favorites are strawberry banana and peanut butter banana smoothies. i just put a cup full of crushed ice, a single banana, 3-5 strawberries depending on their size, a tablespoon of sugar, guess the amount of milk needed, then blend that all together!!!!! the peanut butter banana recipe is the same, except instead of 3-5 strawberries i put in a tablespoon of peanut butter!! theyre both soooooo good and filling and easy to make, definitely would recommend!!
generally a lot of small grocery stores will have weekly sales papers at the front of their store that are free for customers to take, it's good to get in the habit of getting those papers and basing ur meal preps off that!!! some stores will have better deals than others for the same thing, the sales papers helps to keep track of it all :') maybe that's basic info to some of u but i literally didn't know this until i met my bf's mom and it has changed my life lol
otherwise most of the food i eat is canned/refrigerated meals or store bought pizza tbh it's embarrassing how little i know how to cook lmao, but there are tons of recipes on the internet! i find a lot of helpful tutorials on youtube, instagram, and tiktok!!
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irondad-not-ironsad · 3 years
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WandaVision Episode 1 Reaction
Spoilers below!!
I enjoy the music over the marvel logo
But also a 43 second logo feels kinda long for a 29 minute episode- is it just for the premier or is this gonna happen before each ep?
Also I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that there is a title sequence, which will probably be similar in length. Combine that with the lengthy credits people have been complaining about, it seems that the percentage of the thirty minutes that is actually the story is lower than it should be
not that I don’t love a good title sequence! But I’ll take a well fleshed out episode over fancy logos, title sequences and credits any day
now that I’ve got that of my chest, on to the actual show
I like how they have the frame shaped like that of an old timey tv, combined with the black and white it really adds to the old timey sit come vibe
I like these bells
Ok I know I complained about to much time being wasted with logos and such, but i LOVE how cheesy this theme song is and I love them showing vision and Wanda driving tp there house in wedding attire
“A regular husband and wife” 2 seconds late *vision disappears into a cloud of sparkles*.... 1 minute 8 seconds in and I love this 
Even there acting is reminiscent of an old timey sit com this is amazing
feel like I should note he title sequence ends at the 1.36 mark approximately, which may not seem like a lot but again the show is less than thirty minutes so it adds up
Wanda talks with a fifties accent: I already love this show
Also I wish I had magic I could use to clean, I’m moving back into my dorm right now and Wanda’s powers would be SO helpful
Also I LOVE the laugh track
Also Wanda’s short curly hair is so cute
I love how neither of them knows what the heart means so they play it off by being like “yeah of course I know what it means, how could I forget? Do YOU remember what it means
Also Vision is literally part computer shouldn’t he have a photographic memory? 
Also how old is Wanda? I could have sworn someone said she was 19 in civil war, which would make her like 21 here? I think?? Idk tho, as a 19 year old I don’t think she has ever looked 19 in the movies, even back in Ultron she looked at least in her mid twenties
The face Vision makes when he makes himself human is so funny
Also Vision blowing Wanda a kiss and her reaching back to grab it is the perfect amount of corny that makes it still cute
Also I wonder what vision’s job is
The backing music is so funny
I can already tell Agnes is going to be some great comic relief in a show that’s already hilarious
“I assure you, I’m married. To a man. A HUMAN one!” I know I’ve said before that I was never the biggest fan of Wanda or Vision but I love Wanda in this show
Obv there is something clearly off here, but I feel like I need to mention that it’s clear this is some warped reality. If I had never seen any of the MCU before, I may believe it was just  witch and her robot husband living in the fifties, but the little details really make it clear to the audience (the majority of whom I am sure are familiar with the mcu) that something is off. This scene is one of those, where Wanda cannot seem to recall how long her and Vision have been together and plays it off by saying “It feels like we always have been together”
Is Agnes giving Wanda advice for the bedroom? is this really what I’m watching? Or have I wildly misinterpreted this?
Love the old timey lingo
Vision working a desk job is so funny
Love that vision doesn’t even know what they do at his job, I know it’s part of the false reality thing but also lowkey relatable
“you’re like a walking computer” “I most certainly am not! I’m a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter”
I started this like twenty minutes ago and have only gotten 7 minutes in because I keep stopping to type my reactions. I am going to try to shut up and watch, and stop screaming about every little detail for a bit 😂
Real quick though does Vision just go by Vision at work?
Ope apparently he does. 
I wonder if Vision took Wanda’s last name
Or is he Vision Stark-Banner since it was Tony and Bruce who made him??
He probably isn’t called that but I think it would be funny if he was
Love that instead of writing “dinner with boss” or “Dinner w/ Harts” or even just “Harts” he drew a freaking heart like im dying
if my lack of emojis seems weird I’m typing this on a computer which I never normally do and I’m to lazy to pull up the emoji keyboard, so basically imagine there’s a cry laughing emoji after everything funny
“No skeletons in the closet?’ “I don’t have a skeleton sir.”
Yup I was right, Agnes is giving her sexy time advice
“you should stumble when you walk in a room so he can catch you. It’s romantic!” that is the only way I will be flirting from now on
Also I got to say, I'm guessing it’s a fifties thing but those pointy bras don’t look comfortable
So she answers the phone “Vision Residence” Is Vision also their last name now? Does he go by Vision Vision??
They make the best facial expressions
This phone conversation where Wanda think they’re having a date night whereas Vision is talking about his boss coming for dinner is comedy GOLD
also I love the fact that they’re giving us stereotypical sitcom drama while keeping it clear that there are bigger problems than dinner with the boss
Fake commercial break is at 9.56 (these time stamps are for myself I want to calculate how much of the episode is actually the story)
I do love the fake commercials tho! And I suppose in a way they ARE part of the show
They missed the chance to make it the toastmate three thousand and make every ironman fan cry
The beeping toaster sounds like a ticking bomb..... also the little red light is the only color we’ve seen this episode I think
Commercial ends at 10.46
Also love that it was an SI toaster, still wish they had made it 3000 instead of 2000
How did Wanda confuse Mr. Hart with her husband? Not that I’m complaining, her coming out in a robe and covering Vis’ Boss’ eyes is HILARIOUS
“This is the traditional Sokovian greeting? Didn’t I tell you my wife is from Europe?” “How exotic!” “We don’t break bread with Bolsheviks”
Visions pants are SO high waisted
“It’s our anniversary!” “Our anniversary of WHAT?” “WELL IF YOU DON”T KNOW I”M NOT GONNA TELL YOU”
Poor Vision is trying to figure out what kind of company he works for this is sooo funny
Agnes coming in clutch with a full meal
So Wanda needs the ingredients in order to magic a meal she can’t just make one appear
Vision breaking into song was amazing
How did one chicken turn into like 30 eggs
Vision is singing old McDonald with his bosses wife this is great
“Diane!” “That must be my wife summoning me!” “She calls you Diane?” “Yes... it’s her pet name for me” “I’m coming... Fred”
So many clichés in this show but it’s done in such a purposeful way that it’s still funny
Also we have only seen three rooms: the kitchen, the living room and Vision’s workplace
“Well I think tonight’s going SWIMMINGLY”
Mrs. Hart is SO NOSY
But I love that they don’t know the answers
Wanda looks SO disturbed when Mr. Hart is demanding her and visions story, you can tell her mind is fighting itself and it’s so sad
Mr. Hart is choking, is it bad that I think he deserves it?
Mrs. Hart keeps cheerily repeating stop it, and gone is the stereotypical sitcom camera angles and and the backing music is switched for something eery
This is lowkey scary, Mr. Hart Dying while his wife keeps cheerily saying Stop It and it just feels creepier the more she repeats
Wanda looks distressed and vision is just looking to her for what to do, her old timey accent is gone and she sounds nearly robotic as she tells Vision to help
Poor Wanda, she is so clearly going through it mentally right now
Laugh track is back, and just like that the Harts are leaving, despite only having one bite of food
And somehow Mr. Hart is impressed? Was Wanda rewriting reality to make them so?
I know that this is clearly some alternate reality and nothing is right, but wanda and vision deciding to choose that day as there anniversary and this little convo here is soooooo cute
Aw her making them rings and them both saying I do is soooo cute
And vision saying “and they lived happily ever after’ is so sweet but also so sad in context
What is that little remote vision is holding meant to be?
And love the hexagon closing in on them with the cute music playing to end the episode
Are the people in these credits real? Because it lists the start as Wanda Maximoff and Vision but are the rest actual people?
So there is some sketchy dude watching the maybe fake credits so there's something going on there
The actual credits start with 7.13 left and I’ve been told there's no mid or post credits scene. I’ll let them play while I finish this up anyways
8 minutes and 49 seconds of this show is the logo, title sequence and credits. Out of 29.36 total this means only 20 minutes and 47 seconds is the show, which I suppose is standard for a sitcom but I think I felt deceived by it showing as 29 minutes
Also 50 seconds of “commercial takes the show time down to 19.57 if anyone was wondering
I swear tho I’m not all that bothered by the length, just did the math in case anyone was curious like I am. 
I thought I was going to really enjoy this going it, but it still really surpassed my expectations and I can’t wait for episode 2!
This is my raw reactions, but I’m sure that as I mull it over more I’ll be posting more about the show
This is somehow a perfect combo of lighthearted comedy and mild horror
I wanna let this episode stew for a while, so I prob won’t watch episode 2 for at least a day
Also what are your guys’ thoughts on this format of reaction? Did I write to much?
Also what did y’all think of this episode? Feel free to let me know what you think of my reaction, and whether you agree or disagree. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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mysmesomefluff · 3 years
Text
Believe Again: Chapter 33 (Preview)
Three years later
When Saeran left the apartment this morning, it was clean, pristine and neat. He had left everything in order, having been the last one on cleaning duty over the weekend.
But now… eight hours later, he had returned… only to find that the apartment now looked like it had been completely and utterly ravaged. There was a (thankfully) wrapped diaper lying abandoned in a corner, splotches of milk powder on the floor, and little white footprints mixed with big ones trailing into the hallway. The couch looked like someone had been using it as a trampoline, pillows and cushions had been left on the floor, children’s books and toys were scattered everywhere like leaves in fall, and the dining table was a mess of food stains, some of which looked suspiciously like vomit.
Saeran had come home early, skipping out on dinner with his friends at college because MC wanted him home for dinner today. But he was starting to regret his decision when he surveyed the apartment, a grimace forming on his features when he realized he would almost certainly be dragged into cleaning everything up together with his stupid brother. Said man had one simple job today: to babysit his three-year-old child, while MC went out to do some grocery shopping.
And as expected, he had failed spectacularly at it.
The wind slammed the door shut loudly before Saeran could grab the handle. Not thinking much of it, Saeran shrugged and entered, but was promptly startled by a wail—one that belonged not to his niece, but to his brother.
Saeran sighed, carefully tip-toeing his way past the minefield of dirt to avoid getting his socks dirty. He managed past the living room and was about to approach the hallway that looked equally disastrous, when he heard an adorable, heart-stopping voice.
“Ran? Un-ko?”
Saeran froze in his tracks, wavering slightly as he almost lost his balance in the awkward position he was standing in, with one foot directly in front of the other. He was this close to stepping on a puddle of water, and he refused to get his socks wet.
The voice was followed by the sound of little feet running across the floor, like the soft pitter-patter of rain. Saeran’s eyes darted to the source of the noise, and there he found his little niece, with her wild bedhead and rubbing her big, yellow eyes. It was the most adorable thing to watch—the moment she noticed him, he watched as the sleepiness in her features evaporated in a flash, her lips parting into the brightest beam he had ever seen.
And then she was running towards him, releasing a high-pitched squeal as she went as if she were a train.
Saeran didn’t even have time to register his foot stepping into the water when she practically slammed her face against his calf, her little arms wrapping tightly around his leg like a koala to a tree.
“Unko Ran!” she cried happily, and Saeran didn’t even realise he was smiling until he noticed the slight ache in his cheeks. He bent down and scooped her into his arms easily, listening to the sound of her laugh echoing off the walls.
“Were you a good girl today, Eun-byeol?”
“Yes!” she nodded enthusiastically, cheeks turning a rosy pink as she held his cheek with one tiny hand. “Play, play!”
“I was just about to put her to sleep…” Another voice emerged, and Saeran craned his neck to see his brother slinking out of the bedroom, looking like Death itself. His hair was a complete mess, and he had what looked like marker stains on his arms and face—he must have let her use him as paper again.  
It took a moment for Saeran to realise what had probably happened, his mind going back to the loud sound that the door created when it slammed shut earlier.
“Sorry, I didn’t catch the door handle in time. The wind was too strong.”
Saeyoung merely sighed, but it seemed more exhausted than anything else. Saeran could only guess at what on earth happened in this house today. No doubt, his niece must have been a handful—she had inherited her mischievousness from Saeyoung and her stubbornness from MC. And that made for one very difficult and out-of-control kid.
Saeran remembered Saeyoung retelling how Vanderwood had laughed when he first begged him to help babysit, saying something about how “karma’s a bitch” before hanging up on him altogether.
As terrible as it sounded, Saeran couldn’t help but agree.
The most peculiar thing was that for some reason, his niece had taken an exceptional liking to him, attached to him at the hip and always wanting to play with him. It didn’t help that “Un-ko” were her first words, instead of “Mama” or “Papa”. That had upset MC and Saeyoung both so much that Saeran almost felt guilty for playing with Eun-byeol whenever she so asked.
But it wasn’t like he could refuse her, not when she was so cute. She had big, round yellow eyes, fat cheeks that he loved to poke and pinch, long, wavy red hair that made her look like an angel, and her voice was adorable too. Especially when she called his name. Like she was doing now.
“Yes, yes, I’m here,” he chuckled, patting her on the head.
“She was asking about you all day, you know. Ever since we told her that you were staying for dinner today. She even refused to take her nap until you were back.”
“You were?” Saeran asked, turning his attention back to his niece, who was beaming at him proudly once again, as if she had achieved something huge. Well, he supposed, to a three-year-old, staying up past naptime was a huge feat in itself.
“Play, Unko Ran!”
“But you need to nap first.”
His answer didn’t please the three-year-old. Her lips dropped into a pout, and she shook her head. “No, play play!”
“We’ll play after you nap,” he told her firmly, already walking back to the bedroom where she had emerged from. She started to struggle, and he had to tighten his hold around her lest she fell out of his grasp.
“No! No!”
“If you’re good, I’ll let you crack the eggs later.”  
That was the most effective bribe he had up his sleeve. Saeran smiled to himself when he watched her pause thoughtfully, mentally calculating the pros and cons of his suggestion. She had been obsessed with cracking eggs ever since they made pancakes together in the kitchen, of course while she was seated safely in her high-chair and watched Saeran do all the work. She had pleaded and begged for him to let her try cracking the eggs but he hadn’t allowed it. It took a while to placate her by giving her a slice of lemon to play with instead.
“Okay…”
She was rewarded with a peck on the forehead. “That’s my girl.”
It didn’t take long for him to put her to sleep—since she had been staying up past her naptime she was already exhausted. Within five minutes she was out cold, although it took another minute for him to carefully wrestle his index finger out from her grasp without waking her.
When Saeran left the room, he was greeted by the sight of Saeyoung wiping the floor with a wet cloth. He took a moment to watch his brother do the work, sighing as he went and looking thoroughly drained.
Parenthood was certainly taking its toll on this inexperienced father who couldn’t do anything without his wife.
In an uncommon show of sympathy, Saeran stepped forward, snatched the rag from his brother, who then looked at him, confused.
“Go sleep. You look horrible,” was all he said, before he took over and started wiping the same spot that his brother had earlier.
Saeran hated cleaning already, and his stupid brother just had to make it worse by squealing his name and throwing his arms around him in a hug. It took two kicks before Saeyoung finally let go, rubbing at the sore spots on his thigh but still wearing the silly, idiotic grin on his face.
“Thanks, Saeran. I appreciate it.”
“Just shut up and go to sleep or I’ll knock you out myself.”
***
A/N: I’m so sorry that this took so long, I died during recess week lmao and I actually had this part written out before but then I scrapped everything and re-did it soooooo yeah.
I ended up thinking more about how I can develop the plot to end things on a fluffier and happier note, which is why this probably isn’t the last chapter (AAAAAA I WAS SO READY FOR IT TO END BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WANT FLUFF) 
so yeah i’ll TRY MY BEST. To upload soon. But also finals are in like a moNTH so :D Anyways I’ll definitely have time to work on this after finals so wheeee it’s just a matter of time (I’m SORRY THAT I ALWAYS KEEP PPL WAITING am truly unreliable but :”(((( thx for sticking with this story i rly rly appreciate it) 
okay enough rant from me i’ll try working on this chapter more although my plan is for it to be p r e t t y  l o a d e d so it miiiight not come so soon either. I’ll just try :) 
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vyvesvi · 3 years
Text
updated top albums list + recommended tracks from each bc im bored lol
*tentatively* in order
unnatural - wjsn | recommended songs: all of them (especially unnatural, supermoon, and yalla) except for rewind | skips: just rewind bc ballad /// im not sure what style to call this album but they really made such a smash, its crazy that it came out so early in the year and no gg is touching it (album wise). literally the only complaints i have are the obligatory ballad (that they always do bc they can all sing lmfao), the album cover/title (dont love the cover design and i dont love when the album name is the tt name, except in certain circumstances (a full album (especially where the title isnt necessarily from the title track) like montero) or when it's a single album (the inverse of this being rsq's prequel which couldve just been called colorfull since that was the only damn song 😐)). i also was disappointed with the outfits for last dance but that's peripheral.
timeabout, - yukika | recommended songs: insomnia & secret | skips: none /// okay to keep it very real im genuinely scared that she'll never surpass soul lady. i love, and i mean LOVE timeabout, but soul lady was on another plane of existence. like she could've held that album a little bit
the other side of the moon - gwsn | recommended songs: like it hot, starry night, i cant breathe | skips: i sing, depending on my mood /// i dont have much commentary tbh,this is just a very solid mini idk. id like to see a fusion of i cant breathe/tweaks/after the bloom/burn, maybe on their next mini. i love their brighter stuff but maybe a darker concept next (halloween cb pls pls pls)
montero - lil nas x | lowkey too soon for me to pick recommended songs but i'll say montero, scoop, lost in the citadel, sun goes down, and am i dreaming for now. will update! | skips: none /// i cant say that this is this year's sawayama bc sawayama was kinda more like a collection of really strong singles? whereas i feel like these songs shine as an album. i dont even know what to say except that im soooo surprised and impressed because i didnt know that this is the type of music he made???? like he raps but theres a lot of singing? not like belting but definitely not rapping. its kinda...alt ish? in some places? if i had to use ine genre to describe the whole album id probably say alt pop? idk but whatever it is it's definitely working
hide & seek - purple kiss | recommended songs: zombie & so why (tbh all of them) | 2am and zzzz depend on my mood but theyre def not full skips /// no bad song on the album this is crazy....i might rerank since i just listened to it for the first time but as of now idk, its good im just super impressed. ponzona wasnt for me but this cb theyre really doing all the things, lovr tht for them
produced by: [myself] - onlyoneof | recommended songs: coy & night flight | question mark depends on my mood /// im still mad at them (read: 8d) sooooo...idk. i can’t really listen to their music rn. but this mini is still good
play game: holiday - weeekly | recommended songs: check it out, weekend, holiday party | i like memories of summer rain and la luna but it depends on my mood /// very cohesive mini, def their best overall imo! not much to say, but i hope jiyoon gets well soon TTTT
enchant - orbit | recommended songs: gokurakuchouka & never gonna get away but also all of them except flor lunar | skips: flor lunar is nice but boring /// i need kpoppies to get into it im tired of being here alone cmon y’all
set - woodz | recommended songs: feel like | skips: none /// i prefer his bright tracks but this mini was solid as usual. where is the full album tho seungyoun hmmm????
guess who - itzy | recommended songs: sorry not sorry, tennis (0:0), kidding me | skips: in the morning, occasionally wild wild west /// i remember being very surprised that i liked this album, especially given that i dont like mitm. not anything groundbreaking but still solid. i think the naming of tennis (0:0) was really clever
intersection: trace - bae173 | recommended songs: green light, loved you | skips: none (sometimes the intro tho) /// honestly their music is really good??? mbk just hasn’t promoted them well, i feel like they make it a little hard to stan...i really appreciate that they’re not doing the stereotypical hard bg concept thing
lilac - iu | recommended songs: coin, flu, ah puh, troll | skips: honestly id have to relisten, some of the songs a lil boring but idr them at the moment
hello future - nct dream | recommended songs: hello future, life is still going on | skips: idr tbh, probably hot sauce though //// was very surprised that i liked this album, but the outro of hello future really got me after a few listens so i had to check it out. very decent!
killa - mirae | recommended songs: killa, sweet dreams, 1 thing | skips: none really but all of the bsides are a little mid tbh /// i will be 1000% honest in saying that the three reasons this allbum made this list are 1.) killa (the tt), 2.) none of the songs are bad, 3.) lien’s vocals. something about lien....he really just sells whatever song he’s on. his belting >>>>>>>>>>>. he makes their music very enjoyable to listen to, next in that department would be junhyuk. based on their most recent cb, siyoung and khael also contribute a lot as well. shame that the rest of the cb album kinda does nothing for me idk. random but i would really like a gg to cover higher and/or killa
& - loona | recommended songs: ur, ptt | skips: a different night, dance on my own /// these r my girls but this is not their best. ur is wonderful though, and ptt is addicting somehow. wow and be honest are fine but really not their best. i like wow’s choreo tho! 
albums im excited to listen to (no particular order):
last year was weird volume 3, tkay maidza (i’ve already listened to a bunch of it but i need to sit and just listen to the whole thing)
troubled paradise, slayyter (same as above, but i didn’t even realize it came out this year, i thought it was old for some reason lol)
jo1, challenger (every song of theirs i hear i like pretty much so i need to take an organized look at them lmfao)
jo1, stranger (same as above)
only lovers left, woodz (duhhh its woodz. not out yet but im excited! i do prefer his brighter concepts and this def isn’t that. he says its not gonna be like what he’s done before but the title and concept photo that’s out rn is giving lift up)
the book of us: negentropy - chaos swallowed up in love, day6 (the title kinda bored me but we’ll see. also sungjin’s gone so.....................we’ll see.)
ancient dreams in a modern land, marina (i barely got past venus fly trap because its soooooo good. i’ve listened to a little after that but the songs i heard didn’t really compare. i have to give it a shot tho)
the chaos chapter: fight or escape, txt (i liked the blue hour mini so i need to give them a chance i suppose)
333, tinashe (i just feel like i should idk)
honorable mentions (no particular order):
blue hour, txt - discovered this year, came out last year. retroactively makes the 2020 albums list bc whew the market research that went into that thing paid off
hula hoop/ starseed ~kakusei~, loona (why tf does the album not have a name) - duhhh loona + synths = a smash. in fact like i said when it dropped i dont even wanna call them loona anymore. this is kongetsu no shoujo!!! this isn’t on my top albums list because im counting as two songs and my limit is 3. i might add it anyways lmfao. we’ll see
ugly beauty, jolin tsai - discovered this year, came out in 2018. i just really like jolin tsai idk. i had only heard that album w play and i’m not yours, both are iconic but the production quality sounds...low? like its older but ik they’re not *that* old. either way, ugly beauty does everything i wanted it to - dramatic, vocals, rapping, boa vibes...jolin tsai is a queen what can i say
also, there are of course a ton of singles that i love as well, this is albums only though lmfao. i have no idea if i could even attempt to organize the singles lol
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thewritingstar · 4 years
Text
Until My Heart Stops Racing
Pairing: Mitch x Mike (or Bitch as I like to call them, ya know cause Believe x Mitch.....nvm lol) 
Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls 
Note: This was a commission for the wonderful @lisathefan who gave me the cutest prompt and I know she loves her crack ships. I hope you enjoy my dear and thanks to my beta, Faxx for helping me! 
Word count: 5538
---
The car whipped into the parking space, dirt flying around us and I felt my heart rate finally go back to its normal beating. I looked over to Butch who had a goofy grin and ignoring everything he just did.
“Butch your driving is terrible. Now I get why you fly everywhere.” I groaned as I finally got out of the car. “I swear if Brick saw how you drove this thing... actually I don’t want to think about it.” I thought that speeding was illegal but apparently if the cops can’t even see your car, it's a free pass. And being in touch with the puffs might be a bonus we all have.
Butch let out a laugh before locking the car. “Relaxe Mike, what Brick doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He shrugged and sometimes I wondered how he could even say that. Brick could kill someone with just a glance but when you are a superhuman, and his brother, maybe the effect doesn’t work.
Maybe I should ask Blossom about that.
The beeping of other cars brought me out of my trance as I followed him on the dirt path.
“Anyways, why did you drag me all the way out here?” I turned to see the lights and the signs. “The fair?”
In front of me was the entrance to what could only be deemed as a somehow legal way to make people shell out three hundred dollars on cheap food and even cheaper ride systems. Every kid wanted to go to the fair and, yeah, it was fun when you were five, but now that we had just graduated high school, it seemed more dangerous than fun.
“Yeah, why not?”
I glanced at him and he only smiled widely but something in his eyes had mischief written all over it. “What's the deal?”
He sighed and smirked.
“A little birdy told me you got heart eyes for a certain someone.” Butch threw his arm around my shoulder. “And as the king of romance, I’m gonna help you out.”
Theres always a small tinge of fear whenever Butch gets an idea. It either ends badly where someone gets hurt, usually him or bad in the way that we all get in trouble and the notorious Powerpuff Girls have to get us out of it. But this...this was much worse.
“Butch, what did you do?” I said through gritted teeth. He only laughed at me instead of answering and pushed up towards the gates.
“Relax. Look they are here.” He pointed.
I followed his sight and walking up towards us was Buttercup, Robin and Mitch. Butch let out another laugh, probably because he could hear my heartbeat. Fuck superhearing. Of course Robin opened her mouth. You tell a girl while you’re throwing up that you have the biggest crush on your best friend who wears dark leather, has piercings and makes your heart swoon and think that she can keep her mouth shut. But no, she can’t.
“Hey guys.” Butch waves to him before leaving me to wrap his arms around Buttercup and ignore the public by kissing her square on the lips. PDA is always gross unless you’re the one doing it, so I can’t blame them. Also it's funny to watch her smack his arm.
“Sup Mikey.” Robin smiles smugly. Little demon.
“Hey. Hi Mitch.” He gives me a wave and a nod of the head and I have to mentally tell myself not to blush. Stupid hormons.
“Come on you two.” Robin says and grabs my arm and Mitch’s and forces us towards the carnival’s entrance. “Lets go!”
One of the perks to being besties with the puffs is the mass amount of freebies. Buttercup swiftly pulled out a ticket for each of us and handed it to the ticket collector.
“Sweet, free entrance.” Mitch smiled at me and held up his hand for a fist bump.
I gladly returned the gesture and every time I did so, I wondered if he could feel the electric spark between us. God, I need to stop reading romance novels.
“Alright losers. We’ll see you all later tonight, meet up for fireworks at 9?” Buttercup said and apparently everyone already had a plan that I was not aware of.
“Sounds good to me!” Butch smirked. “BC and I are going to do coupley stuff no one wants to see and Robin said something about henna soooooo.” He looked at me. “Guess Mitchy boy and Mikey are on their own.” I didn’t miss his wink and before I could protest, everyone was walking away.
My mind was now racing as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I realized in this moment that the group had ganged up on us, well specifically me. Mitch probably didn’t even think twice as the group broke up but they were out of their minds if they thought something was going to happen.
“Wanna hit the rides?” He asked.
I take a breath before nodding. We turn into the direction of the ride area and I have to remind myself that he is just a friend. A friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I usually have my emotions in check but for some reason, they want to act up now. All I have to do is get through tonight without embarrassing myself or giving Butch the satisfation of him being the king of romance. As if that were possible.
The area is buzzing with so much energy. There’s little kids whining and screams coming from the various rides. The smells of corn dogs, popcorn and, oddly enough, waffles mixed in the air and I can’t tell if it smells good or not but I know my pockets are gonna be much lighter by the end of the night.
We get into the shortest line for the tickets and it's truly a scam that each ride is a separate cost.
“I don’t feel like dying tonight so I think two rides is good for me.” Mitch says and I laugh a little because it's true. Just watching the swings makes me feel like one of them unhinge and plummet to the ground but that's what I get for being a paranoid person.
“I feel you. How about the rollercoaster and ummm... the spinning ride?” I suggest.
“Sounds good to me.” He smiles and god fucking dammit, those damn dimples.
The line moves as we chat about the newest horror movie coming into theaters and how Mitch saw a certain pair of redheads making out in a car.
“Wait for real?”
“I swear to god dude.” He raised his hand. “Unless some other chick wears a big ass bow, it has to be them.”
“Interesting.” I smile and soon we get called next.
“Hi there boys, how many tickets can I get ya?” the older woman asks.
“Ten.” Mitch says and I reach into my pocket to grab my wallet, that may or may not have a photo of all of our friends and definitely not for the reason that I can see his face at any given time, but Mitch stops me and places the cash in the tin. “I got it.” he says casually and something inside me felt all warm and fuzzy as the row of blue tickets was handed to him.
“Have a nice date night.” The woman says as we walk away and I almost do a double take thinking I heard her wrong. But when I look over to Mitch, he seems unaffected by the words so I just let it slide.
The rollercoaster isn’t as grand or cool as the ones at the theme park, it doesn’t even go upside down but it has a good bit of hills and bumps to give some air time so i guess it will do. The only problem is that these workers don’t care and make Mitch and I sit in the same cart as these two younger kids.
After we get the bars onto us, the ride starts to go. In front of us the girl grabs the boy's arm and I give a small eye roll as we start to climb the lift hill.
“Babe I'm scared.” She cries and he wraps an arm around her shoulders and I’ve never been so jealous of middle schoolers before.
“These carts are so damn small.” Mitch complains. And it's true. The two of us squished in this together leaves no space for our arms. The pressure of our shoulders touching isn’t too bad but it's to the point it almost hurts. “Hold on.” He says and I feel him pull his right arm away from mine and throw it behind us. “Sorry this is better.”
“No, it's cool bro.” I say even though I realize that this boy really just made it ten times harder to breath now.
I can barely grasp my surroundings as the rollercoaster takes its first turn before the drop. I can see the ending of the track as we go down but the only thing my brain is processing is the fingers tightening on my shoulder.
“Holy shit.” I mumble hoping that Mitch doesn’t know how he's affecting me.
We let out screams and shouts as we go up and down, flying around on the track and I try to enjoy myself, I really do. Before long, it's over and Mitch reaches his hand out to help me up and I take it with silence.
“That was fun.” He smiles and I am really happy he ignored his moms protests and got that lip piercing. It suits him.
“Yeah.” Is all I can muster and he gives me a look before walking towards the next ride.
Luckily as we enter this ride, there’s more room. Only our knees touch as we buckle in the seatbelt and I feel myself being able to breathe better.
“Good thing we didn’t eat before getting on here.” I laugh as the lights start to flash.
He snorts and nods. “Robin would have blown chunks either way.”
The ride is a simple circular track with small hills. All it does is follow the path and goes around pretty fast. Simple but a classic. The music begins and soon we feel the cart shift. I'm sitting on the right while Mitch is on the left, next to the exit and he wiggles off his black beanie just for good measure. His light brown hair, slightly damaged from dying it black back in freshman year, is ruffled from hat hair and my god is it cute.
“Fucking love this ride.” Mitch smiles and it begins to pick up the pace.
Soon, we are at full speed, which is fine. Perfectly fine. Except for the fact that the gravity from the ride is pulling me towards Mitch and no matter how tight I hold on, I end up smacked against him. Shoulders touching and I can clearly smell his cologne. It's the scent of sandalwood and campfire and my god does it smell heavenly. Men just smell like nature and I am more than okay with that.
But Mitch doesn’t mind, because why would he? Instead he's laughing and truly enjoying the ride. I smile and laugh too because honestly, it's just fun to spend time with him. The ride is over faster than I wanted and we hop off, slightly dizzy and I walk a little out of line but he catches my arm and pulls me to him.
“Easy dude.” He chuckles and I nudge him playfully and ruffle his hair before he plops on his beanie. Goodbye cute hat hair.
All of a sudden, my shoulder is hit. It was a pretty hard smack and my body jolted to the side as Mitch grabbed me from falling.
“Look a bunch of homos.” I look up and realize that it's some assholes from our school.
Duke Jones and Mark Dalton. Some of the few people who actually try to be douchebags on the regular.
My eyes do heavy eye rolls and I want to scream at them but I've never been a confronting person. My voice is in my throat but Mitch takes a step forward, his hand never leaving my arm.
“And what of it? Really dudes? You think some lame insult is gonna hurt our feelings. You’re lucky I don’t just kick your ass, better enough I can call Buttercup in a second and have your bodies all the way across this place. Grow the fuck up and maybe don’t choke on your toxic masculanity.” He sneered and sometimes I forget that Mitch can be pretty intimidating.
Their eyes widened as Mitch pulled out his phone to show BC’s number. They mutter something before turning and rushing off in a hurry.
“You okay?” He asks me.
“Yeah.” I say. “Sorry you got caught in that.”
“It's not a big deal.”
But it is. It's not a secret that I'm out and proud. Yeah its cool and all to not have to be closeted, even Princess came out last year so its nice to know that someone higher up won’t pick on me, but even then, it sucks. No matter where I go in life, someone will be there with a flame thrower of slurs or anger for something I didn’t choose. As for Mitch, theres something about him being called gay and him not having a hissy fit about it that makes me feel safe. Uhh fuck.
I take a second to recollect myself and Mitch just pulls me from the herds of eyes that saw that fiasco.
“Lets go here.” He points to the hall of mirrors and for some reason it's beginning to get extremely hard to be around him.
But I take a deep breath and push those feelings to the side once again.
--
The hall of mirrors was by far the lamest thing the fair could have done. Sure, as a little kid it was cool and slightly scary but now, all of our heads could see just above the tips of the mirrors making it lose the effect. It probably would have been more fun if the others were there. Butch would hide behind the mirros trying to scare us before Buttercup sent some lasers his way causing them to bounce everywhere and making us duck and cover. Good times. However, it was just Mitch and me.
While Mitch was walking, I couldn’t stop thinking about those jerks just now. Of course everyone already knew about my preference but Mitch seemed unbothered by being referred to as gay. Probably because he's not some asshole that thinks it's a bad thing, I mean if he did, why would he be friends with me for all this time? He’s just a good person, that's all.
Not to sound like the coming of age kid, but I knew I was into dudes before I could comprehend the idea of love or romance, I just thought they were pretty to look at. Moving to a new city at such a young age was hard for me, not to mention the whole invisible friend that tried to kill everyone. But after everything was said and done, I did in fact make some friends.
The famous superheroes had become my pals and when Buttercup introduced me to Mitch, I think that's when it all went downhill. We became the dynamic duo and everyone always paired us as the best friends, which is true but...it makes me feel guilty.
He turned a corner and I stopped walking. All of a sudden I was lost and staring at a mirror. Just me in my beat up sneakers and the uncertain face I seem to be wearing a lot lately. There's always a time in your life where you stop and contemplate everything, question all your decisions and how nothing truly matters.
“Hey you stopped walking?” Mitch said to me and I looked at him with a shaky smile.
“Sorry. Lost in thought I guess.”
“Care to share?” He asked and leaned against one of the mirrors.
I laughed to myself thinking about what I could possibly say. “Yeah sure Mitch, why don’t I just tell you that I’m in love with you and how it pains me to wake up to know that you will only see me as just a friend. Why don’t I just rip out my heart and put it on a silver platter for you to squash or just confess and kiss you here, ignoring all the states and hopefully pissing off some people?”
“...What?”
My eyes shot open and my eyes met his. He looked at me with confusion and shock. His mouth hung open slightly and it took me a solid three seconds to relaize that my dumb ass had just blurted that all out.
Panic. That's all I could feel as he stared like a deer caught in headlights. I could feel myself on the verge of tears and suddenly the air was too thick as I turned and ran, not caring about the employee telling me I was going the wrong way.
Mitch’s voice echoed behind me but I couldn’t stand to turn and look towards him. To hear the pure rejection and probably the disgust. Throwing away years of friendship for some stupid feelings? What was I thinking?
After nearly hitting my head several times, I made it out and ignored the weird stares and glances people were giving me. All I wanted to do was find Butch and get out of here and hope that I can just pack up and move away for college. Maybe even change my name.
Instead I found myself pushing my way into the bathroom stall and biting my arm to stifle my sobs. I felt like my heart was about to shatter, that all my nightmares where coming true all thanks to my stupid mouth. I was a fool to think that someone like him would even consider me as something more, a complete and utter fool.
“Mike?” A voice called and of course the sneakers peaking outside the stall belonged to Butch.
“What?” I spat bitterly. “Go away.”
I barely heard his sigh. “Dude, I don’t know what happened but suddenly Buttercup saw you burst into here. Really dude, is everything fine? At least come out and talk to us. Plus it smells really bad in here and there's a line of dudes.”
There's some truth to the matter and I wiped my face and pushed open the stall with a little too much force but luckily he grabbed it and just nodded towards the exit.
Robin and Buttercup are standing outside and luckily, I don’t see Mitch.
“Wanna explain what happened?” Robin asks as she hands me a tissue from her purse.
“No. I just wanna go home.”
Buttercup looks arounds then back to me. “Where's Mitch.”
“Probably somewhere and never wants to see me again.” I mumble.
“What?” She asks and looks towards Butch then back to me.
Butch raised his brow. “Mike, did you tell him?”
“Tell him what?” Buttercup asked.
It was at that moment that Buttercup didn’t know that I was practically in love with her best friend. Maybe Robin and Butch planned this together but it didn’t matter, not anymore. I would be losing two friends after this. Great.
“Look. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same way.” My throat is dry and it hurts and there's no doubt that my face is red and flushed with tears. “I'm just gonna call my mom to come get me.”
“Come on Mike don’t go.” Robin asked and she padded my arm.
“You don’t get it, Robin.” I spat. “You don’t understand what I just did. Thanks to someone’s dumb idea, I now lost my best friend. And for what? Did we really think he would like me back? That he could even see me in such a way? I don’t even know if he’s gay or let alone into dudes. But who gives fuck? I don’t.”
Butch took a step towards me but my anger only rose. “C’mon Mike I'm sure-”
“This was a stupid idea Butch!” I yelled and at that moment I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was embarrassed and hurt. “I just want to be alone.” I pushed past him and the others, ignoring everything they were saying because it didn’t matter any more.
It didn’t matter that my friends tried to help something that shouldn’t have even been considered. It was just a stupid crush. Nothing more, nothing less. Hopefully by the new semester, it would be gone and out of my system…. hopefully. A stupid crush that I’d been harboring for years and titling on a scale of something more.
It wasn’t long until my tears dried and I found myself among the section of carnival games. All of the rigged and hard to win and if you did win, it would be a small sappy prize that you would toss into a garbage bag or try to sell for a nickel at a garage sale.
There were darts and guessing the weight of a small pig. The basketball tossing and hitting the giant hammer looked tempting but instead I walked to the game that no one had ever won. Ring toss. A game of chance and so incredibly rigged, it's a miracle if one prize is won in a year.
Without a second thought, I gave up a fresh twenty dollar bill and the girl working, who clearly hated her job, handed me the biggest bucket of rings. Enough to keep me entertained until I call my mom or muster up enough courage to ask Butch for a ride back like a dog with its tail inbetween its legs.
I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I could be okay with this. But I was stupid. Stupid to think that the boy I had a crush on, one of my best friends, would like me back, or even be into dudes for that matter. But no, instead of having my secret crush kept, ya know, a secret, the one person who shouldn’t know, did.
I tossed another ring into the sea of bottles, the high pitched clinking echoed for just a moment as another was tossed. Maybe this was pointless. Maybe trying to figure out feelings was a waste of time because in all honesty, I never knew.
Like the plastic rings people pay way too much for, you jump and you think you’ll land on that bottle, secure the prize and show everyone up. Prove that you can do the impossible.
But then you miss and reality comes back. The bucket dwindles down and soon you’re left with nothing but regret for trying and shorting eight bucks.
“Hey.”
I turned, of course he would follow me. Why wouldn’t he? He was probably here just to tell me to let it go and sweep it under the rug, and say it's not weird when it totally is. Or he was going to come out and say that maybe our friendship has come to its expiration date.
“Oh. Hey.” I threw another one, missing again.
I tried not to care as he stood next to me but I passed him the bucket and he took his own shot, missing, just like me.
“Have you been crying?” He asked and there was no way around it.
“Yep.” I popped the p and threw another ring. “Look Mitch, I’m sorry what I said-”
“Don’t be.”.
Oh
“Most guys would just push someone like me away if that happened.”
He hummed and tossed a ring, missing. “Well, I’m not like most guys and I thought that was pretty clear. Especially after those jerks. I value your friendship too much to get worried or upset.”
I looked over at him, and that in itself was a mistake, because it would be just my luck that the other carnival games with their bright flashing lights would surround him and make it seem like he was glowing. The lights soften his features, a small twinkle on the black orb of his earring and making those very so light freckles appear.
Almost like a painting hung up in a museum. You think the trip is boring, and for the most part it is. A few interesting things here and there but just as you are about to leave, you find a room you hadn’t explored. It could be nothing and you could leave, forgetting everything in the last three hours and moving on with your life.
Or it could be life changing. As if when you walked in there, the most captivating painting was on that wall and you wonder how you skipped it in the first place. You stare at it, taking in the picture itself and the meaning. Stepping closer and looking at the paint strokes, the time taken to make this is clear and it's full of questions and mystery. The small plaque on the wall fails to answer.
He picked up the last ring. It twirled in his fingertips unsure of where to go.
“I kept thinking, you know.” He said. “I remember watching a show, a random cartoon and an ad for a pride festival popped up. I thought nothing of it, didn’t know what it meant at the time but my father did. He was outraged and changed the channel, screamed and shouted saying that if his son ever was caught doing something like that…” Mitch paused and closed his palm.
I could see the hurt in his eyes as he sighed.
“Then he would have no son. So when I found out what it all meant and learned about myself....I thought it would be best to never act on it. No matter how much I wanted to look towards another guy, I couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry Mitch, I didn’t know.” And it was the truth. I wanted to mentally slap myself for not realizing that he was, in fact, gay as well. Way to go Mike, your gay-dar is broken. But then again, you can’t just tell a sexuality clear as day. I can’t blame him for hiding it, after everything with his dad.
He sighed again. “But when you told me that. Told me you wanted me, I think I started to realize that I would rather have something I want no matter what others think of me. I envy how you can just come out and be proud, as you should, but I wish I was that brave instead of a coward.”
“Mitch.” I slid my hand on top of his cautiously. He didn’t flinch or have any indication of pulling away. “I’m scared every day. Scared that someone might yell something offensive or even try to hurt me. Just like those assholes did earlier.But I can’t stop those things from happening but I can choose to not let them affect me. It's hard but you know you’re surrounded by people who care about you. Plus your best friend is an actual superhero.”
“I know, I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to date such a fuck up like me.”
Fuck up? Did this boy really think that?
“I would never see you as that.” I said honestly. “It's normal for us to have conflicting feelings when someone in our life isn't supportive. It's never gonna be a walk in the park or smooth sailing but when you're with someone who cares about you, it makes it easier.”
He sighed for the hundredth time. It was clear the gears in his mind were running at full steam and he looked at the ring in his hand then to the bottles.
“I guess you’re right Mike. I guess I was thrown off that the dude I've liked since kindergarten likes me back.” He looked towards me and tossed the ring, not bothering to pay attention. “I just hope you haven't changed you mind-”
The next thing I know, my hand is tugging on his worn leather collar and his lips are pressed to mine.
I never thought that my first kiss would be as enchanting as this. You always think it's magical and fulfilling but in reality it's probably a mess of lips that don’t move quite as well and somehow there's a tongue doing whatever it wants. I guess I can’t count this as my first kiss because Robin had peaked me on the lips in third grade, also giving me the clear sexual awakening of how I never want another woman to come near me again, but this was different.
He tasted like cotton candy which I should find gross and oddly weird but I didn’t mind one bit. At the beginning there was a bit of hesitation, or maybe he was caught off guard since I did interrupt him but I couldn’t help myself. Stupid hormones. He wasted no time kissing me back and I even felt a hand on my waist pulling towards him. Although it lasted only a few mere seconds, it was like a lifetime of waiting had lifted.
When we pulled apart, loud speakers and alarms went off above us. I looked towards the game, I noticed one single plastic ring was stuck on the bottle. The worker smiled at us before nodding.
“Wow, I can’t believe you made it, especially without looking.” She said and I looked to Mitch who just shrugged.
“What? You kissed me, I just threw it.” He smiled brightly and I hugged him.
“So what will it be?” I asked him and he turned towards the prizes.
“Well, what about that dinosaur?”
“I love dinosaurs.”
Mitch smiled. “I know.”
The worker used a ladder to climb and retrieve the massive blue dinosaur prize. As a kid, i used to dream of winning such a cool thing but know, I think I got something better. Mitch handed it to me with a blush and I looked at it with just as much pink on my cheeks.
“Ya know.” Mitch started. “I have enough tickets for one last ride. Maybe the ferris wheel?”
“That sounds good.” He reached out his hand and I took it. Before I could blink, I felt his lips press against my cheek.
“I don’t like to see you cry.” He said.
I simply hummed and we walked hand in hand to the ferris wheel before deciding to give the prize to some kids. He handed the tickets to the worker as we climbed into the cart and began to go up. He threw his arm over my shoulder like he did on the rollercoaster, but this time, I leaned against him and let those emotions I tried to keep at bay, run wild.
“I’m really glad Butch dragged me here.” I said honestly and Mitch only laughed and silenced me with his lips pressed against mine.
“Me too.”
When we pulled apart, a few questions still lingered in my mind.
“You mean, you’ve liked me this entire time? And you knew I was gay?” I asked hesitantly. It wasn’t a secret, the last part at least.
He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous tick he's had since he was little. “I mean I wasn’t hundred percent sure, I thought maybe it was a one time thing or just happened occasionally. But as we got older, more specifically high school, I think that's when it hit me.” He sighed. “All I knew was that I wanted to be with you until my heart stopped racing.”
His eyes met mine. I’ve always hated when people didn’t see the beauty in brown eyes. They think they are dull and lifeless, only one hue but that's far from the truth. Mitch’s eyes had spots of gold and a slight tint of green, breathtaking to say the least.
“I mean it’s a shame we spent our high school years just as friends.” My hand went on top of his. “But I’d rather have you as my friend instead of losing you so I understand. But what about your dad? Will be okay with us dating-or well I assume we should-”
“I don’t care about his opinion of us. Plus we would be idiots not to date at this point. If he doesn’t accept. That's his loss not mine.” His gaze went to the sky where a firework exploded.
The colors lit up in the sky and we realized we got lucky as our cart stopped at the very top. It felt unreal to be sitting next to my best friend and now, boyfriend. There's always moments in your life that you feel like were meant to be. Maybe it's the career you chose or the person you marry. Milestones that are already set in stone and fate just happens to bring you together, all that stuff. And as I looked at him through heavy lashes I thought that maybe, just maybe, the stars aligned on this one.
That or I would have to admit that Butch is the king of romance, even though he did literally nothing today and this was all me. Either way, Mikey boy’s got a man.
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I hope you enjoyed love!!
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