#I Think About Sex Things A Lot

[the-final-sif]

what is your opinion on the situation?

I've been at work all day so I haven't been able to sit down with stuff fully, it also seems like Caiti is planning to release a statement later today with more information I think? So I'd like to get her response there, but based on what I've seen so far I think I fall more on the side of "people made some dumb choices and should learn from them" than anything else.

Consent is messy and it gets messier when people start lying or are drunk. In this case, both Caiti and George were drunk. From what I understand, either Caiti had a 21+ wristband from the vidcon party, or her friend group did and assumed since she was drinking with them, she was also 21+.

Honestly, when it comes to the matter of underage drinking, I don't think it's even remotely fair to place blame on Dream/George for that. The blame there lies with Caiti deciding to drink while under 21, and on her friends, Ghostie and the other person present who were both over 21. Unlike Dream/George, both of them knew Caiti and knew exactly how old she was and were letting her drink. They were also letting her drink with no one sober and no one making sure she got home.

Now, Caiti is 18 and also I'm not a goddamn square, I'm not gonna stand here and be like "oh no drinking at 18 clutch my pearls" but like, if people are going to blame other people for that situation, that very much lies with Caiti's friends who knew they had an underage person drinking with them. I feel like people are weirdly assigning blame to Dream/George for not like, iding every person they hang out with (particularly if she had a 21+ bracelet at vidcon, which would mean she already got IDed). While completely avoiding placing any blame on the people who 100% knew they were taking an 18 year old drinking without a doubt.

Putting that aside, from my understanding George's side is he believed at the time that she was having fun, and the most they did was cuddle on a couch with other people there. He believed at the time that everything was cool, and that she later decided she was uncomfortable with what happened.

Honestly, I don't really think that's an unfair reading. At this same party, her best friend was there and from Ghostie's own words, she also didn't realize Caiti was uncomfortable until several months later when Caiti told her. If her best friend didn't notice she was uncomfortable or see anything wrong, then I find it hard to think anyone else would pick up on it.

There's certainly risks taken here that I wouldn't have taken. I think that George needs to do better with checking for consent and maybe vetting the people you're hanging out with. Although I also understand that doing a full background check on everyone you ever meet is an absurd requirement and if, at the time, they trusted the person that they actually invited, I get how that shit happens. Per consent, given that he was also drunk, I get how it may've appeared to him that he had consent. I do think it's still something to work on, but I'm also perfectly aware that in real life, people are often going off vibes and social cues, and sometimes those don't mash.

I also think that Caiti's friends have been pretty shitty throughout this. They take no responsibility for having let an 18 year old drink and then ditching her. They are absolutely milking drama out of this shit and they have a weird obsession with blaming Dream for shit he had no fault in.

As for Dream, I don't think he did anything wrong here. Full stop. If Caiti's best friend didn't notice that she was uncomfortable or unhappy, it's insanely unreasonable to expect Dream to have managed that. He was also drunk and hanging out with people, and he had no way of knowing Caiti was underage. None of that shit was his fault, and his statement seems very measured and reasonable. People are trying to blame him for things that he had absolutely no part in, and the UK group are absolutely trying to pull that shit.

Overall, sounds like several people involved made dumb choices, I hope they learn and grow. Otherwise all of this honestly sounds like shit that should've been talked out privately and not tossed to the internet for speculation. Human beings are messy and will fuck up sometimes. This feels like a case of miscommunication and people making risky choices that left people with some hurt.

Again, I may change my mind with further evidence presented, but that's how it feels to me.

#dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #discourse #sif speaks #sif answers #idk man I think I just have more irl experience with these sorts of situations #like #shit happens in real life #and I think maybe part of the problem with like twitter #is you have a lot of 15 year olds that have never been drunk or fucked in their lives #who are totally sure they know exactly how consent works and how sex goes in real life #I really liked the greendot talk I got about it back in college #I should find a recording of that sometime for people #It laid it out really well that consent is not an on-off switch #It's a door that you're opening #and depending on the circumstances you take risks with how you're opening it #0 risk is like the two of you have a formal plan #and have signed contracts #and then you start to move up through situations that can be more risky that something goes wrong #and someone gets hurt #And honestly for irl consent I found that was so much more of a valuable framework to look at things through

[gayvampyr]

“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.

#‘queer people were banned from and shamed for having sex and that’s where a lot of our activism stemmed from’ and #‘not liking or having sex is considered abnormal and a mental illness and also needs to be destigmatized’ are concepts that not only can but #often do coalign #it’s esp important to consider that a lot of lgbt ppl who have a tricky and strained relationship with sex are like that because of trauma #which is very common for queer folks #it’s really not an ace-only thing #like i am sex repulsed but it’s very hard to discern if it’s because i’m asexual or if it’s the trauma. either way i deserve to have those #feelings and be included in lgbt spaces and discussions about sex and treated as just another queer person with a different experience #instead of being alienated because my feelings about sex don’t directly line up with yours #im so sick of people in this community trying to pit us against each other. as an ace lesbian that shit is so toxic and harmful #my relationship with sex is fluid. im sex-positive always‚ but i often find myself sex repulsed. im otherwise neutral about it but im sick #of people acting like it’s either you enjoy sex and have it frequently or you hate it and you shame everyone who has it like youre a puritan #and it’s often aphobes who bought into that ‘aces are puritanical celibate straights who want ppl who have gay sex to die or think they’re #‘dirty’ or some shit. and it was literally 90% crypto-aphobes pretending to be aces to get people to adopt that into their belief system #the same way crypto-t/rfs pretend to be trans women who want to prey on the ‘innocent women’ #and y’all will use those posts/screenshots as ‘evidence’ that whatever scapegoat you’ve selected is actually inherently bad/homophobic/ #misogynistic/etc and not even #acknowledge the giant hole in your logic cuz you’re too busy trying to find a scapegoat #it’s the same tactics and y’all fall for it every time #text post #like. lesbians are CONSTANTLY getting hounded and told that we’re broken or mentally i’ll for not showing interest in (having sex with) men #for the same reason asexuality is considered bad or wrong or weird #not showing interest in heterosexual relationships or sex is why this is so important #anyone that falls outside the scope of heterosexuality is part of this community whether you like it or not

[anotherpapercut]

genuinely so many of you want to be leftist and "punk" and countercultural soooooo bad but you refuse to become comfortable with the concept of people taking drugs for fun because they like it and not because they were somehow tricked or forced into it without knowing what they were getting themselves into

you'll be like "addiction is a disease!!" but think you're better than those degenerate stoners because you only drink energy drinks and white claws and would never touch "illegal drugs"

many if not most drugs CAN be consumed completely safely with almost 0 risk to the user and even if that werent true and all drugs were extremely dangerous you still wouldn't be better than those of us who love doing drugs recreationally

lighten up and grow up. get offline, talk to real adults, and stop being shocked to discover that they enjoy doing stuff that adults do like have sex and do drugs and even listen to rock and roll

#put punk in parantheses bc yall are hardcore straight edge at best lmao #goes to a punk show in someones basement and gasps when i see people snorting coke off each other in the corner #anyway heres your regular reminder from your friendly neighborhood drug addict that drugs can be and often are consumed safely #LSD‚ MDMA‚ psilocybin‚ cannabis of course‚ ketamine‚ coke‚ whippets. these are all drugs that i personally have used #and that are completely safe when used correctly and by someone who doesn't have some sort of allergy #even if someone is on a dangerous drug like meth or heroin you are not better than them #in fact theyre probably a lot chiller than your ass if youre still viewing drugs as a thing for 'degenerates' to do #literally can not hang out with non druggies anymore bc they cannot stop themselves from moralizing it #i mention that my vape has thc in it and i get That Look and a bunch of 'i would never smoke weed. i mean its fine. i just would NEVER' #i get it! you view drugs as a thing thats only for poor people or people who dont care about themselves or whatever #i call that the go ask alice effect. people will think you smoked weed then immediately had sex got pregnant and died of a heroin overdose #even when they think theyre being super progressive

[squeezetheduck]

Here’s the thing with people shipping Alastor, I could not care less about who people ship Alastor with or whether they ship him at all, what I do care about though is people making him allo.

This is one of the few cannon ace (possibly aro) characters out there and he can 100% be shipped in verity of ways without ignoring he is ace or aroace.

Make him aroace but still platonicly obsessed with Lucifer or Vox.

Make him sex repulsed or indifferent it doesn’t really matter (I could 100% see him having sex with someone for entertainment purposes just like I can see him being sex repulsed).

Even make him Demi/grey-ace if you must show him reciprocating sexual attraction.

Bonus points if he’s aro and you play around with platonic relationships/QPRs.

I know at the end of the day he is a fictional character and people will do what they want, but please listen to aro/ace fans when we ask you not completely ignore his sexuality when there are so many ways you can still play around with his characterization without disrespecting one of the few cannon ace characters to exist in TV.

#slightly ranty but #I’m getting real tired of the black and white arguments about people not being allowed to ship Alastor with anyone or just making him allo #and yes I know he is a fictional character and people in the long run can do what ever they want #but I think people need to consider the double standards at okay here as well #if there was a cannon gay or lesbian character being shipped with someone of the opposite sex a lot more people would be complaining #but when aroace fans try to say the same things about alastor we get told to calm down because he is a fictional character #radioapple #radiodust #radiostatic #ace alastor #aroace alastor #i say stuff #asexual alastor #hazbin hotel

[uncanny-tranny]

The thing about assigned sex labels (AFAB/AMAB) is that a lot of its usefulness comes from discussions around medicine (though there are still issues with this). In a social sense, AFAB/AMAB isn't very useful to describe peoples' lived experience.

Assigned sex happens to people as babies, and "AFAB" and "AMAB" describe very broadly sex categories. Assigned sex acknowledges past assignment, not current reality with regards to one's sex and/or gender.

I find that when people try to apply sex assignment to social settings (e.g., "all AFABs experience this!"), it comes very close not only to misgendering, but also to sex essentialism in many cases.

I simply think there are too many assumptions made about what every person AMAB has (such as a certain body, a certain gender, and certain lived experiences) and what every person AFAB has. We cannot make sweeping generalizations about people, and I think a lot of people seem to forget this especially with regards to transition and/or "rare" sexes.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #all this to say that i don't really like how people slap afab and amab around for social things #like it comes across (to me) like just saying 'women' and 'men' but as an acronym instead... #...and you can see why i don't like that as a trans person i hope... #...i also don't think it is my responsibility to tell y'all my sex or what my sex entails as a trans person... #...(it also bothers me when people say 'afabs' and 'amabs' like idk) #the only people who theoretically NEED to know your sex are certain doctors (like a gp for example) or a partner you are with #i don't think the general public is entitled to your private information - including your sex/transition status/anything else #you are NOT required to tell people if you're transitioning or if you're a trans man or trans woman or literally ANYTHING #in fact that information can put you in danger ESPECIALLY if you have other identities (e.g. being Black/disabled/queer/ect) #i'm sorry if this sounds disjointed ummmmm i have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about this and it's sometimes hard to get that across well

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

where's the crack au where stevies on real housewives as the wife of famous retired metal star eddie munson like. she'd fuck them up. going for that sweet down to earth insanely rich person persona but any time any of the other housewives tries to start shit with her she Shuts It Down

#tryna think about what her like. Intro Dumb Saying is i wanna incorporate her coming for a bitchs kneecaps with a baseball bat #steddie #transfem steve harrington #steve harrington #eddie munson #stevie harrington #stranger things #also she'd be doing a lot of charity work for like abused kids and lgbt rights especially trans rights #the housewives are like oh my husband hates when i buy things you relate right stevie #she's like man if i don't buy enough shit eddie gets pouty bc he thinks he's not being a good provider #she's one of the ones who's like my sex life is going GREAT thank you for asking #oh you didn't ask? im gonna tell you anyway we just bought a new sex swing way better lumbar support than the last one

[fromperdition4]

You Never Cared (Enough)

This. This is the moment, I think, where Porsche finally admits to himself he wants Kinn.

Because Porsche isn’t really arguing against Kinn’s point here.

Kinn does care about his people - we’ll see very clear examples of that later in the series (when he’s grieving for Big and Erica, when he saves Pol and Pete during the shootout, etc.), and Porsche has concrete proof that Kinn cares just as much about him -

But Porsche doesn’t want Kinn to see him as an employee - a responsibility. He doesn’t even want to be seen as a friend.

He wants Kinn to admit that being with Porsche meant something… different. That he didn’t just use Porsche, to get it out of his system, when he was an easy target.

Because it was different for Porsche.

As far as we know, the end of episode 4 was the first time Porsche had sex with a man, the first time he’d had sex after being drugged, and… the first time he’d had sex with someone he really liked. Someone he’d been starting to get to know, who irritated and intrigued him all at once, instead of just a one-time fling.

And he barely got any time to process all of that - his sexuality, his autonomy, his feelings - before Kinn shut down, put more distance between them than ever before, and became cruel -

So it’s only now, after getting time away to get back to who he was - in his own house, spending time with his brother and friends - that Porsche has finally worked out just why he’s so hurt by Kinn.

That, despite everything, he doesn't want to be just one of Kinn's people.

He wants Kinn to care more about him.

#kinnporsche #kpanniversary2024 #kinn #porsche #ep 4 #ep 2 #ep 3 #ep 8 #ep 10 #ep 14 #(small references for those last ones haha) #porsche's line here always stuck in my craw #because it seemed like he was just forgetting ep 2 and 3 #and what he already thanked kinn for #but they're really having two separate conversations here #kinn wants to get things back to normal #after messing it up more and more with every new decision #and porsche can't go back #not any more #(disclaimer that I’m not focusing much on the sex itself) #(and the dubiously consensual nature of it) #(because I think this particular moment is about porsche struggling with his feelings for kinn) #(but coming to terms with that was a major part of his struggle earlier in the ep) #(and I think that’s why he was able to forgive him fairly easily in ep 6) #(because he’d done a lot to process it prior)

[agendercryptidlev]

I think a lot of the Helluva Boss ship discourse would be more constructive if people could be normal about sex work for like 5 seconds

#Helluva Boss #Stolitz #helluva boss drama #I've seen so many posts saying that early Stolitz was coercive when it was really just sex work when you think about it #it's just that instead of getting money Blitz got to borrow the Grimoire #He really could have stopped at any time because I.M.P. had functioned before he had the Grimoire it wasn't his sole source of income #it was a transactional relationship at the start like a lot of relationships that demons would have #they're deal makers after all #anyway I don't think Helluva or Vivzie are the best things ever #in fact I'm working on a big critical post about Vivzie's handling of aspec characters #but I just wish that people could actually use their heads more when it came to common discourse

[blaithnne]

And what if Alfur was ftm transgender then what would you do

#listen #I just think that I’m right #I think he very happily reminders on singing the paperwork to get his legal name and sex changed #I think it’s a very big thing for the elves #I think they pay trans elves lots of elf money bc in their eyes they have made a horrible mistake with the paperwork #I think alfur is very proud of being one of few elves to have paperwork about him changed #I think he’s mildly miffed at the elf who assigned him as female at birth bc how dare they #they were WRONG #I think if anyone came out as trans to him he’d give a scandalised gasp #bc oh my goodness how DARE the authorities mess this up for you I’m so sorry #well reciting this error in paperwork right away #I think gender for elves is just a piece of paper #‘hey what’s in your pants’ #‘paperwork’ #Hilda #hilda the series #netflix hilda #hilda netflix #alfur hilda #Hilda alfur #hc #trans #lgbt

[womenaremypriority]

Radblr! I know people on here have rightfully brought up how trans activists use people with DSD’s as political pawns, but the alternative is not to do that ourselves, and only bring up them when we can use them to criticize trans activism. I see people do this a lot. Intersex people are regularly medically abused and there is a lack of knowledge of their DSD’s even among professionals.

#I think TRA’s have done some things to raise awareness #Of the ways intersex people are abused and the fact they exist #But they’ve also caused harm to them by spreading misinformation about their conditions #Not even just the “sex is a spectrum” thing. But people genuinely think they’re a “third sex” #And we have people thinking they’re intersex because it’s been sold as another quirky trait like has been done to LGBT and mental illness #Despite bringing it up a lot the average TRA knows nothing about them even by their standards #Intersex #my post

[pillowprincessvarric]

*Alistair understander who knows better cope voice* here's how non monogamy can still win.

#my more genuine take is that the circumstances of da:o are so extraordinary that i really think a lot pf things #about his romance (not just this part) cannot actually be extrapolated into the future of that relationship intact #wait i phrased that really weird. #i dont think that its fair to look at the things that a traumatized 19 year old with sex & romance baggage does #& says in his first relationship in an objectively strange life or death situation #and go yeah these are permanent personality traits. hes going to be exactly like this forever. #this dynamic is not capable of changing in any substantial way #you know.