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authenticcadence189 days ago
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lxdy-starfury25 days ago
WHY do I procrastinate this hard and this long why do I keep chOOSING to do this to myself why don鈥檛 I just get off my ass and just.. DO
Instead I sit here everyday like
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duckzz2 months ago
If you are still taking requests perhaps 1992 Specs and Skittery
if you are not taking requests anymore ignore the first part and I鈥檓 just here to say your art is super pog !! :D
hI hEllo, tHANK YOU sO MuCh!!! 鈽 and UuuH first of all i am s o sorry i forgot to do skittery aaah. . . i did specs tho! it's not really pretty i'm also super sorry for that but i hope it's still okay. :'D thank you for the request!!!
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yeah uh- i went with blood drips heavily on newsies square, i hope it still works haha 馃
oH wait. oh no. i drew dutchy didn't i? shoot. . i think i did-
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depresseddepot2 months ago
kids who learned an instrument growing up are superior to everyone else, actually
#this is a vent post dont be mistaken by the humor#not to be dramatic or anything. but there's a lot wrong with me that would've been solved by me just. taking band#we couldn't afford the instrument and i was a 10 year old w crippling anxiety so ofc i refused the offer to borrow or rent one#i heard my mom go 'haha....!! uh oh!! careful you don't break it!!!!!!!!!!!!haha!!' and changed my whole mind#but like i would've remedied my stage fright and i wouldve learned a genuine skill for once in my fucking life#instead of all the useless shit i know how to do that doesn't do anything#im not good at anything useful#i cant cook or bake or play an instrument or draw or speak another language#the only useful 'skill' ive learned in the last 3 years is how to use fucking chopsticks#thats it#im trying to be a little nicer to myself because if i apply myself to something i do catch on really quickly#but i the kids say.....mentally ill#in order for me to feel like ive accomplished something i have to do it all by myself start to finish#but i have adhd baby!! the longest ive applied myself to anything since hs was a month of korean at the start of 2021 before spring classes!#i keep saying 'ill pick it up again in the summer' but what then? i drop it again for a year until i dont have classes again?#im trying so hard to better myself but its like half of me is always trying to sabotage it#i need structure and responsibility that i just cant give myself#and w covid everything is either online or closed and like. im starting to lose it.#im so frustrated with myself all the time#im no better than when i was 3 and frustrated at myself for not being able to talk#was the developmental issues not enough like do they really still have to be a problem as an adult#everyone around me has so many accomplishments and skills and i can what? make cinnamon rolls?#all of my interests mean nothing! everything i love distracts me from the things i want to do to better myself! this is a fact!#u know ur right im a little better in that i dont hate myself for my appearance the way i used to#but its just evolved into something that is arguably so much worse and i dont know if i can ever 'accept' this the same way i did that#covid is no excuse i have no excuse for being this fucking useless#i just want to be able to commit to things why does that have to be so hard for me#im so disappointed in myself all the time#thank you to the one person who reads these you know who you are#please know i love and appreciate you and i think abt you every day and you are much more endlessly patient w me than i deserve
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wasscared3 months ago
he doesn鈥檛 mind (even might appreciate) people stepping in in his defense but he also... expects there to be a beat where he can do it first. a beat of,聽鈥榟ow鈥檚 Connor going to handle this鈥, an opportunity for him to do it himself because His Opinion Matters. connor will try to offer this to other people as well, if they are not immediately being physically hurt he will try to give them a chance to stand their own ground, but ... his聽voice in how he is treated does matter, the idea聽鈥榟e needs me to fix that for him鈥 is almost as offensive as whatever insult they鈥檝e decided to defend聽
#ingrid talks#about connor#like. ok. like. someone says 'it' and there's a beat and then his friend steps in and corrects 'he'#because connor doesn't always correct that (about himself) if he's working in his police-capacity with people he won't Usually work with#he'll correct it about others but not himself in that capacity. because it just takes a lot of time and energy#and they'll eventually correct themselves anyway bc everyone he works with Regularly (mostly) says 'he'#BUT he will always correct it if it's said about someone else or if it's said in New Jericho about anyone at all himself included#the beat is important. that blank space of 'connor is going to say something about that'. the assumption he can do it on his own#and he doesn't need their help#because he doesn't. and if they are defending him because 'connor is letting that go but i don't want to let it go' that's fine#but if it's immediate and before he has a chance to say something it's because#'i'm Such an activist i don't care connor has agency of his own'#which he finds .... less endearing#am i drawing this distinction clearly enough. the point is connor notices whether he has been given a chance to do it himself or not#and he knows it is ALWAYS well intentioned#but he notices.#i feel like almost all of his friends would give him the opportunity though#this wasn't prompted by anything i just remembered something Dry he said a few ... months ago now#i dont even remember where. i think it might have been a comment to Moon over discord. who knows#good morning tumblr! i hope you are well <3 i have work today. oh I started playing TWD!#it is good but i am bad at it LOL gamer Ingrid 3/10. i'm getting there tho#and im in it for the story. i'm always in it for the story. i love clem#i tried Apex once and had to abandon it completely because i was That Bad
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bluesoda-iscream6 months ago
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going to libra together uwu
#Vash the Stampede#steven starphase#trigun#kekkai sensen#blood blockade battlefront#im here to inform not so good news in which i made a decision that i am cancelling both my story projects under the tagg of#trigun and kaiada um im very sad about it but i belive i drew just enough pages to explain how these two pairs managed to meet eachother#and after that its just the same old cliche story of how they get along and how them being a couple affects their surrounding environment#im sad i really wanted to interact them with their friends and works and future and past and all that shit im sad uh the problem is theres#two incidents happened 1 is that recently i came to revelation the things i draw is all the same and after i finished stories i never go#back to read any of them caz they are works of self indulgence and they are leaking desperation and giving mee second hand embarassment#through my life i thought i would grow out of this feeling or my story will more mature or something and ill learn to love what i created#but it isnt happening fuck it isnt happening considering my mental health getting worse every year is not helping at all plus my body#my hands and my feets are no longer in healthy condition i cant sit and draw more than 3 hours a day which that needs 5 hours in total with#coffee breaks moreover i realised my eyes or my brain? isnt so fit to draw i cant really see things if i dont take 2 weeks break inbetween#every piece i draw oh hell and the 2nd incident is that something bad happened with people i trusted who were my last resorts i thought i#still had some chance that they would understand how sick my brain is if i just explained good enough with sources and attempt of long talks#which need so much courage that if i was a soldior i could have suicide bomb the enemy tower or something aaanddd that such incident occured#i lost hope that all my efforts are going no where and every word i breathed out meant nothing and means nothing THIS realisation was so bad#so bad i had the strong urge to jump from the window this morning(ive been suicidal for decades) from my experiences of past urges to#finally end myself or commit crimes like go murder my school president or work CEOs means i have to#metaphorically sacrifise something#and this time they are my two projects and the moment i deleted all the plot files i had been developing i felt like i killed myself#this is a feeling which i imagine i would feel if i die#ive been drawing stories in hopes of someday someone like me would read them and they would add another little hope in to their miserable#life but like this second incident broke me so bad SO bad im tired fighting all alone im exhausted im tired believing in myself all alone#i dont think i can commit on drawing 150 pages drawing frame after frame which has same characters over and over i dont think i can#because the stories meant something if they were meant something to someone but my shattered mind is like if i can do nothing to make the#people(from 2nd incident) understand me than what is use of my opinions at all? what am i trying so hard to educate my thoughts for?#where do my words belong to? which fight is worth dying on? even if i COMPLETED the two stories which would take years why bothered?
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m1emmz7 months ago
My thumbs are always in pain I have GOT to stop plucking or I'm gonna fuck myself over real bad -.-
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