hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x
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Thinking about how Cazador's content in the game got reduced to almost zero when he was supposed to be semi-major villain in Upper City so all we got left with is "this guy is Astarion's abuser" and while that is correct, that's also not the full intended picture and the only glimpse we have left into what Cazador is outside the "abuser" mold is extremely unlikely scene where you open his coffin without Astarion.
I mourn that cut content.
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Sometimes I just want to like pick up another queer person up and look them in the eyes and gently shake them like listen... listen... How much your identity or labels does or doesnt piss other people off has almost no bearing on or correlation to how valid or good or real it is. None. Yes even if the other people being pissed off are other queer people. Okay. There will unfortunately be people who think your identity is cringey or too complicated or "giving queer people a bad name" or "made up" or bad literally no matter what u do as a queer person. It does not matter. They do not matter. Your identity just kind of Is. It is whatever it is. You are what you are and the labels and communities that resonate with you are the labels and communities that resonate with you and theyre probably gonna continue to do that and be that regardless of if people are shit to you and try to convince you otherwise. And the sooner you realize that and start doing your thing and being you On Purpose the sooner you will feel more confident and secure and whole in your identity. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt or that you cant feel hurt or scared. Those feelings are real and I'm very sorry that you are feeling them. But you need to believe me when I tell you that someone else getting angry with how you identify does not make your identity bad or not real. Otherwise literally none of us would exist or be valid because allocishet society gets angry abt us existing all the damn time. You're good. You're fine. Defining yourself outside of normative boundaries and pissing other people off with our "weird" identities is a time honored queer tradition. Don't deny what your heart is telling you that you are and on the basis of someone else's judgment.
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personally i believe a theme of S3 is going to be about absolutely schooling aziraphale.
i love that angel sm but as much as crowley has his things to learn he knows what’s Up, literally. aziraphale will be schooled every episode and it will hurt him (and us) but he will grow and there will inevitably have an ending where both of them were just enough right about things to come together and make Things right
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just a thought but like. if akiyama, who’s established as being a bizarrely talented investigator in y5, suspected kiryu’s death to have been faked (or at least “fishy” in his own words) basically on the fucking Spot, i feel like it just makes sense that majima would’ve been just as quick, if not quicker to see where shit wasn’t adding up and become skeptical that the whole thing was a coverup. reason being, in y5 he put shit together and figured out the grand scheme going on so damn early most people didn’t even suspect yet that there was any scheme going on. he then faked his own death well enough to get it in the papers and had masterminded himself all the way to the final boss (with some help of course) before things backfired on him. so he’s got some crazy good skills when it comes to reading people, figuring out their intentions, putting puzzle pieces together, etc– way better than he wants people knowing, generally– and he knows the hallmark signs of a faked death because he’s literally done it before. all that on top of knowing kiryu like the back of his hand and knowing damn well how hard this man is to kill, and how prone to running away from shit for the sake of the safety of people he cares about (for better or for worse) he is. he could absolutely put together that, if given the opportunity by some faction or powerful individual, kiryu would sacrifice his identity and status as a legit living person for the assured safety of others, or for yakuza tensions to diminish, or maybe even as an act of self-flagellation.
tldr: I think the reasons majima didn’t go rogue/apeshit after kiryu’s alleged death are that A) for once he has saejima around to reign him in and make it feel less like Everything has been lost, B) I think he’s legitimately known pretty much all along that kiryu didn’t die that day; nor would he believe it unless he saw it with his own eye.
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