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#I AM SO SORRY I RANT A LOT but i dont trust anyone and the ones i trust
nicosraf ยท 8 months
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Maybe this is going to sound so stupid AKFKKRKEKFKFKF but where do you start learning about angels? Any particular sources that you recommend? I want to expand my knowledge on โœจ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿชฝa n g e l l o r e โœจ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿชฝ without accidentally falling from some tradcath's attempt at making church look cooler than it really is
Youre not stupid!! and I don't want to start coming off as The Authority on angels or anything - I'm just a guy. I think I'm really wary of others positioning themselves as an authority on angels (or theology generally) when they make videos/tiktoks explaining angel forms/hierarchies/etc. hence my frustrations
Unfortunate boring answer but: I think the best place to start is the Bible, reading the (few!) scenes where angels are present, examining how they act and how they speak. Read the scene where Jacob wrestles the angel, or the one where angels rush over to comfort Jesus after his days in the desert, or the angel that shakes Elijah awake then feeds him (then does it another time). (Book of Tobit, too, if you want to see Raphael!)
It's after this that I think you can start getting into the "sources." I would recommend reading the Book of Enoch - it's short, the summaries of it online are not good imo, and it's pretty simple. One translation I've been enjoying atm is George Schodde's ! Next, I would suggest moving onto the real "angelologists."
So, of course - Pseudo-Dionysius' The Celestial Hierarchy. Books like Thomas Heywood's Hierarchie of the Blessed Angells, and dictionaries about angels/demons. Here is where all the "fun" stuff is! I'm a boring loser so I usually read up on these, before or after, on JSTOR (or at least I did until I graduated) because you can learn a lot about the context in which they were written, and why you might not want to take what's in this umbrella of angelology/theology at face value. (Remember that these type of books/studies were often commissioned by powerful people.)
Around here or after this, you can move onto the writing about angels that isn't trying to convince you it's actual theology โ€“ so Milton's Paradise Lost or William Blake's work generally. I love William Blake, he's probably the only guy more in love with Lucifer than I am.
I wish I had a singular "Angels" book that I recommend but, as of now, not yet! I've hardly touched modern full-length books on angels, just articles (and those don't feel introductory enough to recommend, i think?)
But honestly? Just do whatever you want! No one is the authority on angels, just have fun with them fr <33
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gaystardykeco ยท 9 months
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need to go home rn actually i cannot be on this trip anymore. like at least when i reach a breaking point at home i have an apartment alone to break down in and regulate myself until im okay enough, there's just no way to do that here at all
#like there is no room other than the bathroom where i can be alone#and i cant be in the bathroom very long bc all eleven of us are sharing two#and every day is just overwhelming things constantly and i just have to be okay and normal for all of it#and i can't even go home and decompress afterward like there is no alone time or privacy or any time for me to like stabilize#and i broke tonight and cried in front of my mom and she started talking about how i shouldnt be like this anymore#and i need a better psychiatrist and she just was so annoyed with me#and im just trying so hard and still failing like this is the best i can fucking do rn#and i know its pathetic and difficult to be around and annoying trust me#like im so aware of how impossible it is to be around me i know and if i could control this i would be better but i cant#i can regulate myself to some degree when i have time alone where i feel safe but i just dont have that option here#and i have to do this for another week and i just dont think i can like theres no way i can and i dont know what to do#cw self harm#ever since i started living alone ive been doing so so much better about not engaging in self harming behaviors#and after just three days of this multiple are coming back bc pain is the only way i can think of that can maybe get me to calm down quickly#and i cant do that like i just cant deal with all this coming back i was doing so fucking well#sorry this is such a long rant and ik its all silly and i need to be grateful i get the chance to go on vacation like this#i just am at such a breaking point like all my mental energy is gone and sleeping hasnt even been recharging it#like i really just need to be alone so i can calm down and reset for a little bit and there just isnt a chance for that#plus i dont have anyone to talk to about this except this stupid fucking blog#i thought maybe my parents knew me well enough to get it but they just dont and that hurts a lot in itself#and i miss having friends i could tell this stuff to that would get it and wouldnt think im pathetic or broken or unlovable for it#i just want to be home so so badly
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sonik-kun ยท 4 months
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I feel a level of accountability needs to be had amongst certain wangxian stans, particularly in regards to how some of them make us JC fans feel and have us reluctant to engage with the mainstream part of the fandom due endless hounding and bullying..
Yes, for Twitter users, this is about that one poll that is going around and the conversations I've seen amongst moots about the poll..
After reading what I've read this week.. I just need to get something off my chest about how icky this fandom is sometimes and how it has us JC fans feeling all the time. So bear with me whilst I rant. It's a lot to unpack, but it has to be said.. So here I go..
So for those who dont know, there's this poll going around on twitter for best DILF/MILF.. Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji both happen to be in that poll.
To both the surprise and excitement of us JC fans, JC is doing well.. However.. So is LWJ.. and so, of course, the possibility of them two coming head to head hangs over us..
And now, in the semi-finals, JC is up against Toji from JJK, LWJ is up against Loid from Spy x Family. It seems LWJ is going to win his.. and JC fans, as a result.. Have felt the need to step away and let Toji take the win.. In fear of backlash and what's to come for our fanbase, if LWJ and JC were to face each other in the finals..
Throughout the entire tournament, we already saw a few nasty remarks from these antis, rearing their ugly heads. So we could only imagine what it would be like should the two be put up against each other.
The fact that we as a fanbase feel the need to let another character win so our favourite doesn't recieve any backlash is both upsetting and really telling of what this fandom has been reduced to.
The fact of the matter is, it shouldn't have to be this way. Us JC fans shouldn't have to be afraid to vote for our favourite character, to see him do well and win and to enter his name or his ships into other tournaments. We should be able to enjoy ourselves and have fun, free of any fandom drama and bullying. The same freedom wangxian fans get to enjoy.
I know it's just a twitter poll, and it doesn't really mean anything, but.. It's just so disheartening seeing your moots feel that way about a character they should be allowed to enjoy.. Honestly, the whole thing has just left a bad taste in my mouth.. I wasn't really a fan of LWJ due to some of his fanbase.. But the nasty attitudes I've seen in this poll, amongst many, have only further solidified that stance..
To the kind and normal wangxian fans out there, I am sorry if you are reading this. I'm not tarring you with this lot. But I hope you all understand that this is the position of most JC fans rn. We do not trust most of you because, unfortunately, the toxic but very vocal minority speaks the loudest.
It really is ruining the whole fandom experience and making MDZS look like a joke and I think that is a conversation that needs to be had.
JC fans aren't the only ones who feel this way. Anyone outside of Wangxian feels very alienated by some of the fans of the main ship.
As a result, a lot of us are afraid to enjoy our characters the same way wangxian fans do.
No Wangxian fan would ever feel afraid to enter their fave into a mainstream poll, and rightfully so. So why should we feel afraid? Why can't we enjoy our characters the same way?
Sorry, this is all mostly me rambling, but.. I just couldn't sit there and not address all the ick.. Especially whilst I was having so much fun, seeing JC doing so well and my moots being so happy as a result..
Note: Just to make it clear, in case I haven't already, I'm not upset with the JC fans who chose to no longer vote for JC towards the end of the tournament. Giving all the bullying and backlash we receive, I can see why you wouldn't want him to win for that reason. A part of me felt the same way, too. I just wish it didn't have to be that way.. It just sucks to see that some people can't behave and let others have their fun :(
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davekat-sucks ยท 5 months
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Been thinking about HS2, as you do. And to be honest, I have no idea how we got here. I mean I know a bunch of shit happened to Hussie over the debacle of the game. But how did we get to HS2. Like, it hates you. HS2 reads like it hates the reader, it hates homestuck, it hates the reader for enjoying homestuck. I would call it misery porn, but even misery porn has some sort of catharsis. Some kind of release. HS2 does not. Its just an anon telling you to kill yourself, over and over for the length of the Epilogue and HS2 up to this point. The former team members, are allegedly, the progressive leftist type, yeah? So why did they decide to kill Rosemary, the fandoms pet lesbian ship? The one thing that would get thousands of screeching people telling you to kill yourself if you dared ship rose or kanaya with anyone other then themselves? Why did they make so many characters act out of character, why kill so many? Why introduce so many uncomfortable kinks? Why did they make dog dick jade canon? And call it the trans rep? Aint these people supposed to be allies? Supposed to care about the LGBTHDTV+? Supposed to be part of the alphabet people themselves? How? Why? Spite? It certainly seems so. HS2 seems like it was written from a place of spite, just sheer derision for the material and the author. Maybe Hussie planned this, maybe he hated his own creation and the fans of it, maybe the team did this of their own volition? I dont know, I doubt we ever will. How can Roach write the story like this? I dont know too much about him. I dont have a reason to trust him, but I dont have a reason to distrust him either. But giving him the benefit of the doubt, Id say that he's passionate about Homestuck and wants to bring it to a good place, but how do you do that? How do you bring something from a place of sheer hatred into a place of passion? Without retcons or denouncing the things that came before? I have no doubt that he's under NDA's out the ass, probably has some "non slander" clauses in his contract as well, since you obviously just cant bad mouth the previous team, even if they deserve it. Still, I am just at a sheer loss of how the comic can be turned around with this development. I know Im going to be following it, is it possible for an IP to give you Stockholm Syndrome? Because no matter how bad Homestuck gets, I cant give it up. Theres still more blood and bodies to be found in this train wreck. I dunno, sorry for the rant, but you're really the only other blogger I feel I can vent shit about homestuck towards. Lots of the people I knew before dropped out, or I lost contact when my first blog got obliterated.
It's alright. I know what you mean and have similar feelings as well about all this. There are other fandoms and interests that have similar cases of going back to your abusive lover because you had liked what they were before. Just look at comic book fans, Disney fans, Pokemon fans, RWBY fans, etc. Homestuck's case is that the effort to contribute anything to it is just tiring. Other series have similar themes of nihilism and dark topics. But the fans there are able to make great fan works despite such depressing tone. Was it because the execution of those lets audiences have a choice to give a better outlook on things while Homestuck denies us this? Maybe. It's hard to pinpoint where had it all gone wrong or why it still continuing. Even if somehow Roach is able to salvage it, the damage has been done that it will take a long long time to really forgive and forget. Though with the downward spiral of this current generation, they'll probably be lucky to rope in new fans to enjoy that small high before they move on to something new and better.
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seidrcat ยท 6 months
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Ok. So. This is a post about my thoughts on hakuba sagurus portrayal in the 2010 specials, specifically the first 2 he appears in. Which iirc should be the first and second appearances of Spider, too, so the merge of ch15+16 and ch17. Be warned: it's not a nice post. I'm not going to hide my exact feelings on it, I am not a fan of these two episodes and the way they portray saguru. I know there are fans on this site (and lots of fans in general) who prefer 2010 saguru over like 1412 saguru and sorry, but im not one of you. I'm going to say things that will not be nice to your favourite of the adaptations. This is me venting/ranting about something that annoys me, and i am not going to care if i break your hearts by doing so. So. You have been warned. I'm going to continue under the cut so anyone who doesn't want to read this can ignore it. Have a nice day.
So. Hakuba Saguru in the 2010 specials. I have negative thoughts and feelings about this, like anyone who's read the stuff above the cut now knows, and frankly I have no idea how I'm going to express them coherently. i think i'll just start where the specials did: with saguru's introduction to inspector nakamouri (do you write it nakamori or nakamouri in japanese? i still dont knows). Also small disclaimer, I am going off my memory and while I trust myself to know what happened, I'll gladly accept any obvious inaccuracies being pointed out to me.
So. Actually the introduction has nothing to do with my dislike of the specials, I'm just pointing out that as far as i can tell/remember, the manga/specials/anime never specifically say that saguru wanted to meet/catch KID. His dad says that he could use the humble pie KID tends to throw at their foes but afaik it's never said if saguru wanted to be there. Which is a fun detail that I've wanted to bring up for a while now! Anyway. i should probably start talking about my gripes now.
So the way that saguru is introduced is a merge of chapters 15+16, basically reducing his overall screentime by merging a chapter that could have been animated with another. I'll ignore that for now, 1412 had similar issues after all. He yells "You're just bait!" at KID, fine, I suppose we don't get a moral alignment chart with an x marked where sagurus alignments lie, so some alternate character interpretation inevitably happens
Then the writers introduce spider. Cool, new character, whatever. Fleshes out the org a bit, which is just as neglected as basically the entire rest of mk except maybe KID. Except. Spiders first appearance being also sagurus first appearance is the beginning of the end of sagurus adaptation being faithful to his character. Because the episode in which saguru discovers and tries to prove Kaitos identity (the only time hes ever done it by the way, he doesnt try to openly or covertly expose KID ever again after this chapter/episode) happens right after, and for SOME FUCKING REASON, the writers changed ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the "trying to prove Kaito's KID" part of the plot.
Let me jump to the manga to elaborate. In the manga, saguru knows nothing about the organisation. Hell, even kaito doesnt know they exist yet, if we take the order of chapters to be the chronological order. In ch17, saguru finds a hair strand and with the help of hakuba labs narrows down KID's identity to kaito. I still dont know how accurate the hair strand thing is compared to reality. When saguru finds out, he comes to school and basically is so subtle about his knowledge of kaitos identity that kaito has to guess if he knows before going 'no way he knows' and accepting sagurus invitation to the heist. Aoko invites herself along, they go, and right before the heist starts, saguru handcuffs kaitos right hand and basically wants to force his hand so kaito will reveal himself (how that was supposed to work when kaito successfully made himself appear to be watching a movie with aoko during a heist before and nakamori already laughed off the dna evidence i have no idea). It doesnt work because akako intervenes and basically saves kaito from being arrested somehow. Chapter over.
Now lets compare that to the specials. The dna evidence thing happens. The class room scene that lacks any obvious accusations whatsoever happens basically the same. And then, for SOME REASON, so does the heist. You know? The ch17 heist in the specials, when saguru knows that not only is KID the 17yo kaito but also that a hitman is out to kill KID, one who happens to be really good at illusions? I genuinely would not be surprised if spider could get victims who are in prison. That's the heist when saguru tried to expose kaitos secret, in full knowledge of the hitman trying to kill KID. If the specials were the original version of mk, saguru in the manga would have been a hell lot more sympathetic, or decried as being 'too out of character'. But its the other way around. And it means that specials saguru is a lot more unsympathetic by comparison. After all, he knows. he knows that he is putting kaito in danger, especially if im right and spider can sneak into prisons for his job. Like, manga saguru didnt know that kaito was at risk of being murdered if he exposed his secrets. But specials saguru knew what was going on. He shouldn't have done the exact same thing as manga saguru, because manga saguru wouldnt just risk kaitos life like that. He tries to warn KID about using a hangglider during a heavy snowstorm when he still thinks of KID as nothing more than yet another criminal. With the way specials saguru acted during ch17, I wouldnt be surprised if that warning didn't happen even if ch15 was animated in full instead of being merged with ch16. It seems to me as though specials saguru doesnt really care about KID and their wellbeing in these episodes at all. All he cares about is spider. Who i guess could be blamed for the way these episodes got screwed up. but i think the writers genuinely didnt handle their own story and characters well (plus the 12 episode limit admittedly). Like, they could've waited with spider's introduction until ch17 was done with. Or introduced him during the adaptation of ch17 and given saguru a strong reason not to tell on kaito (btw the manga never explained why saguru stopped trying to prove KID's identity). Like, if you adapt a medium, and you introduce an original character, the least you could do is introduce them in a way that doesn't screw up major plot points, so either introduce them after those plot points and leave them as they were in the manga.. or adapt them with the character in mind. Like, it doesn't take that much to adapt sagurus behaviour and still keep to one episode. in fact, im gonna say you barely need to change anything at all. after all, saguru finds out that spiders current target is a teenager, one he happens to share classes with. Arresting him is out of the question since it risks spider getting a shot in and succeeding in his mission. So what better way to prevent kaito from getting murdered by spider than by not letting him get into a position where spider could get him to begin with? I'd suggest saguru trying to prevent kaito from even getting to the heist location but kaito could absolutely sneak out and after dealing with him for at least 2 heists, saguru knows this. so instead, everyhting in the episode happens... until saguru handcuffs kaito to himself, not so he'll have to break character iin fffront of everyone but to prevent him from getting to hold the heist at all. We know how competetent shinichi and heiji are, its not a stretch to assume saguru would notice if kaito tried to sneak away and grab him again. They also wouldnt be trying to get back to the main room since kaitos trying to change his outift without anyone noticing and saguru just wants him away from spider, not caught openly. Cue akako entering and both rushing out so the rest of the episode can occur. There you go, saguru stays a hell of a lot more in character and barely anything changed.
I said something a about mk adaptations condensing sagurus appearances earlier. Both 1412 and 2010 adapted only 2-2.5 of saguru's three entry chapters. And im still mad about it, especially at 1412 since they had twice the amount of episodes yet still pushed saguru to the side in favour of (presumably) trying to win more cash with conan. But at least saguru didnt get completely butchered in 1412 as a character and apart from the mangling of his catchphrase (another unforgivable sin especially since they replaced it with shinichis as if 'why did you do this' was somehow too much for the voice actors) is relatively similar to manga saguru. in fact, im going to make a theory, and depending on who reads this I will absolutely love the reactions.
The 2010 specials played a role, possibly a huge role, in the creation/existence/continued existence of Fanon!Hakuba(tm). After all, this saguru tries to expose kaito's criminal secret despite knowing that there's a hitman out to get him. so viewers who dont know what hes originally supposed to be like or just didnt do their research will go "huh, thats how he acts when he knows kaito could get killed because of him? how much worse would he be without the danger of spider?" and voilร , a complete and utter asshole who tells everyone and their grandma that kaito is KID every chance he gets. I once made a post asking if anyone knew how people got such a skewed perception of saguru that its still depressingly common. And i may not have found a definitive answer, but it seems that i found a potential cause for it. and its all because a bunch of people making an adaptation didnt portray a character faithfully.
Anyway. rants over, im done venting. Now i have to edit all the spelling errors i made writing this. inswear my pgone hates me by the way, half the errors happen because i make an error, tap the delete button so i can delete it, and disco er that somehow, the same letters repeat or some bullshit like that and the error i was trying to correct may be gone, but it cam at the costi of fucking up the word even more so i have to do even more correcting. And since i tried to erite this without wastung time correcting every fourth word or so and forgetting where ineas going with anything but still correct some words because i want to be able to rexognise what i was trying to type dammit, I build up a whole book fulรถ of spelling error. It doesnt happen in the tags or on any other messages so it has to be a tumblr post thing. To prove how many errors incan accumulate, I'm going to leave this last paragraph unedited aka youll see whaz i wrote without trying to correct it after going through the rest of the post. thank you for indulging my desire to share my thoughts, i hhpe i didnt ruin your day immeasurably, and have a nice day!
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pompadourpink ยท 7 months
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Hi mom! I need some advice ! I trust your opinion , im so sorry that this will be a long one ! Im starting my freshmen year at college this fall, after a prep year. I want to open an instagram account , i like taking pictures and i want to keep up with my friends from prep year. The thing is i am a socially anxious person. And when i was in middle school i was made fun of because i had so little followers ( like 25 smthing) and i got sad and closed my account. I was 12 when that happened, i was also being bullied in many other ways. So i am afraid now that people will mock me for not having many followers and they will think im unsociable or uncool or something like that. The thing is i also think instagram is a fake place, but many school clubs announce things there and in college you just want to fit in. Also i was the nerd all my school life, i got no attention from boys whatsoever. I got really insecure, all the people that saw me this year tell me that i have changed so much, now i get compliments about my looks but i still feel unconfident. When it comes to interacting with boys all my friends tell me im too unapproachable. Maybe an ig account will help that? honestly idk. and i know that im overthinking this issue but thatโ€™s me unfortunately ๐Ÿ˜ญ
part 1
part 2
actually i hate ig flirting? like what does liking a story even mean i hate that kind of stuff. But appearently my generation dont know how to make a move in real life because all the relationships i know of starts online. I cant complain because i could have made a move? but i didnt because im anxious and sometimes insecure because of all the bullying i got in middle school. They made fun of me in unimaginably cruel ways , it still has affects on me years later. I am so desperate for male attention, like i was wearing a tshirt that was slightly wide in the collar and a classmate checked me out , i got really happy! How silly is that! Because i was told that thet were disgusted to even look at me before and they dont consider me as a woman !
Now i go to the best college in the country, i changed a lot physically ( that doesnt matter, i could stay ugly and they had no right) and they are still horrible human beings. Sorry to burden you with all these stuff, it took another turn .
Since i got shit treatment for being ugly earlier in my life, i guess i need validation, posting pretty pictures and being hit on by boys and it sounds silly to me but it is like that.
What do you think about this issue? I know that itโ€™s a bit all over the place , sorry about that! Lots of love โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
*
Hello dear,
There is a lot to unpack here so Dr Talks too much is back in office.
Of course, you should get IG if you feel like it. You were 12 a long time ago, those people are probably not in your life anymore (and if they are, they should get fired, no one will arrest you for not talking to people). I also have a ridiculous number of followers and I don't even think about it (at least they actually care when I post), that is not what we are here for, numbers mean nothing and anyone who tries to tell you anything different doesn't deserve a place in your life.
You are at an age where this type of desire makes sense. If you want a collage of the things you love to make yourself feel happy and discover yourself, do it. And yes, if people find your account and like it, you could make some friends. And if they don't and mock you, you know who to avoid.
The rant about loneliness is worrying me greatly. If I could go back and talk to my 18-year-old self, I would tell her to drop the boy-obsessed attitude. The truth is that being desperate is a bad look, but also a very obvious one. You can get groomed easily because what you want is flagrant and any guy at least a little bit charming will drive you insane by just maintaining eye contact and smiling. And if a man can be super lazy and still get you, he will do exactly that and play with you until he's bored and dumps you without a care in the world. That is not a compliment. There are too many stories of women who put men first and got fucked over for people your age to try it and think it will go differently. Make yourself the main character of your life instead of forcing yourself to live in the shadow of people who don't even seem to like you.
Now, some homework:
Watch this. Excellent advice from a 20-year-old lady making the best out of loneliness instead of letting it destroy her.
youtube
And this. What happens when girls are boy-obsessed. If you have time, watch the show. The entire world agrees that Carrie is the worst character of the series because she's a shit friend, doesn't learn from her mistakes, and can't be trusted.
youtube
And finally, worry about yourself. There are billions of men on Earth and many will find you attractive. You have a long life ahead of you. A nice body is not enough to keep a guy and even models get cheated on. Don't date someone because he liked your cleavage. Having low confidence is a curse because it turns you into a people pleaser, and that just makes you a liar and an easy victim. People can't know you if there's no one to know. A great personality is what makes people stick. Listen to yourself, try fun things, find a therapist, and get a couple of hobbies. Get yourself some girlfriends and do things with them, strengthen your circle, make yourself a person worthy of being befriended or dated, and one day someone will say oh, there's that guy I used to know in high school, I think you would really like him. Don't force it. Don't chase. Only accept someone who is truly happy to be around you, or sentence yourself to have to heal from relationships forever.
Love,
Mum
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aller-geez ยท 8 months
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why do people assume everyone is the good protagonist that can't be hurt and is invincible and doesnt get affected by hate seriously i- listen i fully understand how you feel, and that you made an apology is amazing. But i also understand you rant on the internet because it hurt you more than you hurt anyone else. And now ppl are suddenly shitting on your hair, only because of one photo i seriously can't imagine how you must feel right now. I'm literally so angry.
Listen, this is what happened. Geezie worked super hard to create all the drawings she created, and did something admittedly pretty horrible once, and now people are ignoring the effort from earlier, hating on her, claiming she did it everytime, which i can kinda understand. But what i do NOT understand is that someone can come over and tell you to improve because you're mental health is affected by it!! I cannot grasp that mentality! You must have a great fucking life to be able to say something like that. Now if anyone hates geezie more because a FAN of her (aka not herself) can't take the critisism she received, dont you fucking dare to direct even more hate at someone who's been bullied for a reason, but nevertheless bullied. Listen, viceous words are as sharp as knifes and it hurts even more coming from a community that has loved and accepted you for a while. Can't no one understand that??
Thatโ€™s honestly kind of where Iโ€™m at with it all..
Like, I know I fucked up, trust me. I am in no way trying to excuse what happened, or minimize it in the slightest.
But the amount of pure hate Iโ€™m receiving about personal shit due to something as vulnerable as fetish art that was instantly taken down, apologized for, and even the reblog that started it all was deleted.
The space I felt the safest with who I am suddenly made me feel like less than nothing over something that could have been handled by sending me a dm and I would have had the same reaction.. But instead thereโ€™s people insulting my appearance, and I canโ€™t even scroll through my dashboard without seeing someone post about it. Iโ€™ve drawn over 200 pieces since April when I joined, which is an embarrassing amount of hours and finger calluses from my Apple Pencil.
And all of it was set on fire because no one could just shoot me a message..
So I feel, as someone who is diagnosed with a grab bag of mental illnesses including bpd, and autism, Iโ€™m allowed to feel depressed that 4 months of work and all of that time Iโ€™ve spent on art to go up in smoke..
Yes, I definitely caused it and havenโ€™t tried once to defend my actions. I am extremely sorry.
But the hate Iโ€™m getting is so hard to not internalize when I already struggle every day with keeping my head above water.
Idk, maybe Iโ€™m expecting too much, maybe Iโ€™m just rambling and this will just further the clown image I already have going on for myself. Idk
either way, thanks for your support and kind words, it really means a lot to me.
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echoesofadream ยท 6 months
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lol i don't mean they learned everything about misogyny from the west, i just meant it wasn't brought up much before they interacted more with the west. they obviously learned more about it in korea and feminists in korea. not saying the feminism movement isn't a movement there. i'm from the east, specifically india, which i've noticed is culturally similar in many ways to korea, i know feminism is a thing here and we don't learn feminism from westerners. just that some of us don't become aware of it so much until some interaction with the west where it's brought up all the time, like myself and my family. until i started becoming involved in political communities on the internet and learned about the misogyny prevalent in the west, i assumed this was the standard in the west simply because i became so aware of it because of the west.
sorry, ranting a bit because i saw @kpoplesbianism in the notes of my first ask say i was hinting that easterners learn about problematic stuff from the west, and that was xenophobia, and no. absolutely not. i am not xenophobic against my own fucking people. and i never said asian people or anyone from the east only learns about stuff from the fucking west. our own feminist movements have always been here, and have especially grown quite a lot in the last few years. i was talking from my own experience, and referring only to those of us wh happened to be made aware by the west. i was referring specifically to bts, due to the timeline of them becoming aware of their past misogyny aligning with them gaining more fans in the west who noticed it and were great enough in number to bring it to their attention.
about the rapper misogyny thing, yeah, i agree, since it's so prevalent in rap
I feel a bit weird about being in the middle of this ehh also to clarify I AM from the west so like. not the best person to talk about this? idk maybe because im also not too knowledgable about all this. also idk if this will like notify the user you tagged but if so then.... yeah idk this is a bit awkward um talk to each other instead
that said I think I understand what you mean dont worry. i understand you were only talking about your own experiences, and if bts got most of their backlash from their western audience like you said then ok! like feminism is perhaps (I dont know enough on this im more like speculating) a "bigger" movement here but its also more watered down I feel so its like, pointless that it is anyways. and I think where our opinions differ is when it comes to if we can hold jungkook accountable because I still think he should know better even if I also give him the benefit of doubt that he is clueless on this, not because he is from South Korea but because hes a clueless person lol. we already know he is at best ignorant since he performed at the world cup so.
but I guess what you mean is like, jungkook thinks that in the west you cant openly be misogynistic without so much backlash etc that it wouldnt happen anymore and thats why he blindly trusts even a male rapper to rap about having sex with several women. sure I guess. even thought that'd be stupid of him then sure. like he went "ok I guess thats okay then" but thats not enough of an excuse for me because he should know by his own that that is disgusting and not okay and objectifying like it shouldn't be about what is deemed okay or not it should be his own values and common sense.
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yurtletheturtlehenderson ยท 2 years
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i just wanna talk to someone abt this because i trust u and ppl on tumblr actually freak me out and scare me soโ€ฆhear me out. im not at all opposed to byler and im not homophobic bc i dont particularly ship it as much as others. yes i do ship it some amount, but the only thing that worries me is homophobes. being a queer person in a homophobic family is reallt hard and u have to learn to grow with a fear of them hating u. im just afraid of how ppl will take it if byler is canon. again i am not against the ship. that being said i am a girl who simps over will byers and i adore the y/n x will dynamic they have. just wanted to tell someone bc a lot of ppl on this sight would call me homophobic and stuff over this
Aw honey... of course it's okay. And I'm sorry things have been like this. I totally get it. What's not okay is a fandom getting so protective over their ships they make people of afraid of not shipping something enough. (Long but necessary rant ahead. Sorry, but its worth it)
I'm gonna lose a lot of people here, and likely cause they don't want to read to the end to hear all I have to say, but here goes: I don't particularly ship Byler either. When most people hear this statement they immediately equate it with the statement "I don't think Will is gay and neither is Mike" (I feel like this is true for most queer ships, or just shipping culture in general?).... this could not be more wrong. For one, nobody ever immediately knows why someone ships something (and a lot of times, the person themselves don't understand/realize why they subconsciously pick to a specific pairing and cling to it so tightly) and while it's completely understandable to have become defensive, say, because you feel as though your own identity is under attack, it's so easyโ€”natural evenโ€”for people to snap into survival mode and try to defend themselves. But as we've seen, this can, in the right circumstances, also feed the pre-existing cycle of offense and defense that is far too long and philosophical a discussion to dive into here and now.
No, for now I wanna just reiterate that just because someone admits to not being particularly hyper-enthused by a specific shipโ€”yes, like Bylerโ€”doesn't mean they automatically hate it. I don't particularly campaign for Mileven either! I've been persuaded by both in the past, but I've never found myself at point where I'm making fan accounts surrounding the ship, pumping out content 24/7, and I certainly haven't felt compelled to bash anyone who ships the other. But ya know what? I will say, and I bet im not alone here, the more I encounter Mileven content/space OR Byler content/space, the more I'm driven away. Why? The fucking shipping wars.
Byler and Mileven shippers, hard-core super-shippers specifically speaking, are some of the most toxic fans I've ever encountered. Is it every one? No!! But most. Most. The most extreme ive heard/seen is horrific. I'm talking death threats, suicide baiting, doxing, constant harassment and just overall borderline cyberterrorism. It's fucking unacceptable. And the underlying theme here and why there's so much fear spreading throughout fandom spaces. Why someone felt the need to limit contact and come to someone they claimed to trust to anonymously admit they aren't frothing at the mouth for one of these aforementioned ships. (Thank u btw for feeling u could trust me) This is not okay!!! People have to see how wrong this is!!! Right?? Right?!
I have no idea how much people will respect all this considering the source: a 21 year old reader insert writer who dedicates most of her time to writing teenagers into the plot of stranger things with Will Byers as their love interest (yes, specifically fem presenting/ she/her pronoun users). So no, I wouldn't blame anyone for hearing me say the words "I'm not a big byler shipper" and assume it has anything to do with that. But I'd hope that anyone who knows me, or is at least willing to hear me out, will understand that I have stated many times (and likely will again cause im a โœจ๏ธrepetitive bitchโœจ๏ธ) that when I was a teenager, I was going through the absolute worst years of my life. Like, it warmed me up the for 2020s, that's how bad it was for me. And the only thing that got me through (likely without falling into what I believe would have become some incredibly dangerous habits) was falling into a world I could completely disappear into and forget my own shitty world existed.
I found this series called The Maze Runner, fell absolutely in love with the books and the world and bought every copy I could get my hands on. And when that wasn't enough, I looked for every blogspace I could get my hands on. Enter tumblr. Not even five minutes into my new account and searching the maze runner tag do I find a short little story called an "x reader". I literally cried. I was so fucking alone cause, and I'll tell yall, in the span of 15 months, I put down my dog of 11 years, lost my great-grandmother, then my grandpa, then my great grandfather, and then my grandmother. I had reason to believe I would suddenly lose my best friend to depression, and then to top it off my parents got divorced. Granted things have definitely gotten brighter, but little 14 year old me was no where near a healthy state of mind, or body and stumbling across something that not only let me disappear from my collapsing world, but surrounded me in love and encouragement, no matter how corny or silly, by the characters I had fallen in love with was an indescribable experience. This. This is precisely why i write. If theres even a chance i can provide that for you, and God, in the 2020s of all time to be a teenager, than i want to. I want to pay it forward.
That being said, I'd also hope one would understand while things were on the mend, I wasn't fully recovered by the time stranger things came out and i decided to write for it. The grief and trauma was one thing but, another thing you guys might know about me if you've been following me for a while is in the past, I've struggled severelyโ€”and still do a great dealโ€”with compulsory heterosexuality. And honestly, a little internalized homophobia I think. It's stuff I work on daily, and it's stuff, I'd be willing to bet, a lot more people deal with than you'd expect. It's for this reason, that I suspect hilariously enough, me a deeply closeted lesbian while planning an x (at the time fem!)reader rewrite for younger kids to escape into, was faced with the choice of a love interest and subconsciously chose one of the only semi-canonically gay male characters available. Yes, essentially, in my own comphet riddled brain, I subconsciously gave both the (fem)reader and Will Byers my own comphet.
But guess what? Characters evolve as the story evolves and that rings true for COSMIC. I wish I had stories back then that casually explored sexuality outside the confines of cisgender heterosexuality in a safe, fun, encouraging way. I also wish I had stories that led you down one story with one character only and suck you in only to change and evolve if needed to say, an opposite sex or nonbinary character as the new love interest and being able to do so cause the love interest was never THE PLOT in the first place. It certainly would have helped speed things along I think, and even if I wasn't its healthy to try things out/consider before saying, ya know I think this still feels right, I'm good! And that's okay!
I deeply deeply appreciate anyone who read this far. I completely understand how much i tend to blather and granted i didnt plan on going into the specifics of my childhood trauma but i felt it necessary info as to why on earth im preaching gay Will while i currently have a Will x fem!reader on my page (Again, dont worry. Im not about to disrespect/erase anything likely to come in s4, nor have is this is a sudden thing in COSMIC) and seemingly shitting on ships. Again, it's the over intense shippers, not the ships themselves and overall lack of byler content that failed to get my attention.
In conclusion, yes, I don't particularly ship Byler much like you dear nonnie, but anyone who automatically thinks that statement makes us homophobic really needs to take a step back and perhaps consider taking a break from public fandom space. If you as a byler OR mileven shipper feel confronted at every corner to a point you're jumping down others throats, you need to take a break from the internet. Draw your ship, write some fanfic if you still want to engage in fandom activities offline but take a break from the internet and prowling for any throat to jump down.
Blech. Rant over. I kinda accidentally combined it with the pre season 4 premiere disclaimer for Cosmic and how and why I have a will x reader with a fem reader copy and how that's going to be affected by s4 so that's prob why it's so long but I don't regret it. The point is, this is and always will be a safe space for fandom enjoyment and just hanging out and the last thing I want here is someone to be feel afraid or threatened in any way. I love you all so much and wish nothing but amazing things for you all. And thank you again, dear nonnie, for trusting me. It means a lot.
๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’• - Yurtle
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hystixia ยท 8 months
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Sweetheart please don't think like that.
It's not gonna help if you keep denying your feelings. Thinking about suicide is DEFINITELY not the best thing.
I know the pain that your going through with your parents, and if you ever need a shoulder to cry on then you can talk to me (us, ur fans and mutuals).
It might be difficult, but you mustn't give up.
Keep applying for jobs and you will get one eventually. Maybe look for someone in need of a roommate? Or ask a friend to let you crash over for a few days to clear your head?
And maybe you should talk to a professional. Or create a burn book. Maybe go to a rage room and take out your anger? There are multiple possibilities doll, and suicide isn't one of them.
Stay strong!
I belive in you, you're doing great so far <3
All my love
- ๐Ÿฏ Nonnie
this is what broke me like i just started crying and couldnt stop hhjskxkak okay okay im good im calm i promise
thank you for the kind words youโ€™re the only one that said anything AKDKWOC and while i dont expect anyone (especially you guys) to react or check on me, it means a lot when someone goes out of their way to do it. so thank you for being so caring :,) unfortunately i dont know anyone (not anyone i could trust anyways) to crash with for a few days just to temporarily escape my problems and because of the tight leash my parents have on me BECAUSE im jobless and basically have to depend on them for everything, iโ€™m unable to even find and keep a job because i dont have a car and they wouldnโ€™t drive me (they literally told me โ€œwhoโ€™s going to drive you? we dont have time for it. stop being selfish.โ€ LITERALLY said that to me and what did i do? i stayed quiet and took it and gave up.) i also couldnt just walk to work because every job thats hiring is roughly an hour drive away. ๏ฟผ๏ฟผwhich sucks. itโ€™s just very inconvenient and i feel lost and helpless and itโ€™s suffocating when i overthink like this because once i start itโ€™s difficult to pull myself out of that hole. i literally have no one to turn to for help in any capacity, only myself and even i am getting tired of having to pick myself up and ignore things that no one else would put up with in my situation because its not okay to be treated like this but i know that if i defend myself and speak up for myself, iโ€™ll also be fucking homeless because thatโ€™s the direction this is heading and im trying to stall and prevent it for as long as i can manage. basically im just stressed and i have nothing to do or turn to but suicidal thoughts unfortunately. it doesnโ€™t help, it makes things worst and i gotta stop resorting to that mindset whenever things get to be too much for me. idk why i rambled/ranted sorry JDJFKSKLF
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lokisprettygirl ยท 1 year
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thoughts about TNSATSI
very ominous, especially the last part.
i love how he just does everything to at least try to make her feel comfortable. i have a feeling that behavior has a story behind i. it just cant all be chivalry cant it.
how shes very guarded is interesting. the constant mentions of he or them is just the tip of the iceberg innit. she's really traumatized by whats happened that her walls are so high up she could barely trust anyone.
this island is also proving to be very very mysterious. how come of the two other teachers in said island, the both just decided on taking a vacation just as she start working. i mean its understandable through further thought but i just think its questionable. and the towns people, what the bloody hell is wrong with them that they look at her as if she brought the plague. did they have a bad experience with a previous new comer? does she look an awful lot like minola or does she remind the of her? i have a feeling minola isnt/wasnt very kind to the town, either that or shes a tortured soul.
i absolutely adore how this is ramping up to be.
i still cant help but think back to lokis concern for her and the last bit. that'll be nagging for a while now wont it. what does he mean she wont survive the next week i believe? and the sort of protectiveness he has on her is really intriguing to me, (though that might be for personal reasons).
i just cant get over how guarded she is. what happened to her and therapy is a common thing but so far why does every hint given so far make it sound so severe. it quite possibly is but... ill have to wait to know wont i?
i saw your earlier post about not receiving much interaction or feedback and about others having to just want to go straight to the height of action on interest, i mean i know what they mean but the slow starts are as important as that. the structuring of the characters and the steady build up of mystery is what makes a good story. sure jumping straight to the middle, in where the most action is drawn in is cool but others miss the meaning in that. the meaning that could only be realized if you read the start. structuring makes a good story people. personally i think its what made your other stories so brilliantly wonderful. the questions left after every chapter pile up until answered in later pages. the intrigue is palpable if you begin at the very start.
i apologize for ranting but in short of what i meant to say, im sorry that you dont get the proper response or enough of it. your work is absolutely marvelous and other may just be shy but they love it just as much a person who sends feedback. im sorry that you feel down love but if it ever raises your spirits, know that i eagerly wait for your posts as much as a child waits for Christmas. that doesnt mean to pressure you into posting, i am completely satiated in reading your older works as well.
i really just want you to know that your work is deeply appreciated. others may not show it or express it but your writing is loved. it really really is. the amount of times ive talked to myself (i really dont have friends) about your work, the reactions ive expressed are absolutely ridiculous but all of it was caused by your brilliant work and the other talented writers in this app. mere typed words or words alone cant do justice to the praise held up for your work. its just beautiful, from the heartbreaking angst to the steamy smut, all are just a work of art.
damn this got lengthy, i apologize for length of this rant and just hope you have a good one. sending you all the hugs and love i can muster
from your lovely๐Ÿ˜Šโค๏ธ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ˜Š
Yess there are many hidden details, or I should say it's not really hidden though, just a matter of perspective I guess. She feels a sense of safety around him which is surprising even for her.
Also the he person and them she thinks about are the people from her past. Whatever happened to her had destroyed her will to live normally, that's why she thought living at a place where she wouldn't have to interact much, especially with men would be good for her. Epic fail because now she's desperate to seek connections because the house is either haunted or she's losing her mind.
Something is not right at The Slumber Island
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Thank you for everything else you said about me and you have a virtual friend here, you can talk to me anytime you feel like. ๐Ÿค—
Now I personally believe that people can write bad stories even after writing good ones, so sometimes the story just doesn't connect with people. Sometimes the story is just bad, but I KNOW that there are some people who are reading every chapter but they just don't want to respond or give a feedback because ofcourse it takes time and effort, people are busy, have lives, not well etc and I understand that very well but that doesn't mean it's not disheartening for me to be disappointed by the fact that people don't want to engage with me directly.
I think reading a series is not everyone's cup of tea, people just want to read quick smut fics or a oneshot, that's not the issue, issue is that I know they are reading but not wanting to respond. It might seem boring or dragged but pacing is very important for me, even when I'm reading x reader stories if I read a full fledged series where the characters just fall in love with each other even though there were no emotions described, no inner thoughts were shared, it immediately takes me out of the story because I can't relate with these people..I don't know what gives them a substance, a motive. So I try to build my characters, ofcourse it also depends on the plot, hmbomt had characters engaging with each other quickly but there were conflicts and issues that kept coming because that's how it is, people don't just magically start loving the other person madly for no absolute reason.
You never have to apologise to me for literally drowning me in the praises I don't feel worthy of, thank you for taking the time to send me this. Usually after I'm done venting I feel better and I was afraid of complaining again but then it's my blog and people are free to unfollow if it bothers anyone.
Love you ๐Ÿ’šโค๏ธ
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ye-local-simp ยท 2 years
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Hi omg i wanted to request for the twst match up request if possible ? If not feel free to ignore !!
Physically speaking i have dark brown hair, im 5'7 and kind of chubby? Not too much, (kind of thick?) but there is visible squeezable fat on my body KWNDLMW
Im a pisces, and an INFP ! Im usually open minded and creative, and impulsive on most occasions . I am very productive once i understand my goal and i want to better myself in my own way. I am very sympathetic and usually am the therapist of the group, its a kind of love language ? I like listening to people (mostly friends) and just letting them decompress in my presence. I like being trusted in a way someone can mentally and emotionally rely on me from time to time. Usually i tend to be quiet in public spaces and with strangers until someone brings up interests they like,, and i kind of blabber about it until we become pretty good friends lol. I tend to daydream quite often and i am pretty melancholic and nostalgic as a person,, i really like reminiscing about certain past events and overall i just like that kind of vibe too.
I am heavily introverted, i like being around friends (quality time !!) But if im at a party with people i dont know i dont talk or anything. Its easy for me to be left out and feel lonely. I do also unfortunately isolate myself from time to time for long periods. I very often feel like the amount of love i can give is not reciprocated?
Regarding my interests,, i really like soft desserts like ice cream , and i just overall like warm and cozy things and places. I admire hard work, and i like when someone is able to hear out about different opinions,, i like confidence but not the kind that makes you arrogant ? I really admire straightforward people who sometimes Tell You Like It Isโ„ข๏ธ but also help you figure out stuff. I also really get along with people with a slightly dumb sense of humor.
My main aim is to understand people, i want to help people and listen to them, i want to hear about the things they cant really tell anyone because they think its not that important or its not too interesting or maybe its too heavy. I want to understand a lot of people, even if i might not like them.
I hope this is enough ?? Sorry if i dragged it out for too long ! -๐Ÿ‘พ
You are matched with....
Trey!!
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-Already of to a great start since you two have the same ideals or thoughts. For appearance, he already finds slightly chubby people cute so he doesn't really have any problems on your looks.
-You two shall be known as the therapist couple.Probably because that's what you are to others and each other.You both have problems of your own and would sometimes rant about it to each other which makes the relationship a healing place for you both. So you two never really feel like you are fighting any problems alone.
-Heartslabyul is a dorm that is actually really outwards but cozy at the same time so it's no surprise that his room is like that so you two normally just have desert in his room while watching a movie as a date since it isn't like you two can leave campus for one. Other dates would be unbirthday parties if Riddle allows it(most likely would if you were a love interest of his childhood friend) or baking treats together.
-You two would definitely be the most romantic couple in the entire acade- world.
The entire relationship is just full of agreements so literally no issues here.
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losing-my-mind-in-the-mirror ยท 10 months
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you called ? (๏ฝก๏ฝฅโˆ€๏ฝฅ)๏พ‰๏พž
hehe
hi sweetie, how are you doinggggggg, how was vacay, how is life going on!!!
I came online bc mr. conan fucking gray released a new song and i wanted to see how is it going with other ppl who like him bc i loved the vibe and its different from what he usually sings and everything.
speaking of songs, i liked the one you linked in my last ask a lot.
my exams are almost over, the last one is on 26th and the next ones are in like july end so yayyyyy
i am looking forward to some holidays if we will get any because its not confirmed yet and i do not trust my institute as they didnt give us any winter holidays either. but i do wanna learn something like dancing or driving or even swimming, if we get like a month of holiday bc i really wanna learn something useful i have started to feel like a useless person tbh bc i dont do anything productive with my time. i dont read i dont write i dont have a single fucking hobby. i am just on this damn phone watching web series and movies.
although my laptop is fixed now so ig i can start reading again.
i have a rack full of course book but i just dont feel like reading them. i go through a 300 page book in two hours, just skimming through and skipping half of the syllabus. and yesterday i didnt even study that much i just gave the exam according to prev knowledge which is so so so limited idek if i will pass. like i am sure out of 10 subject i am for sure going to fail in atleast 3 including the last one and barely pass by a mark or two in the other subs.
and if i wont get any holidays then i think we will join the institute before or by 15th of june and then we will have to settle in and maybe start preparing for orientation for the next batch of freshers and maybe get to participate in some inter-institute competions. bc there are like 9 branches and i am hoping i will make some friends from the other institutes so its going to be a lot of activities and chaos and i wish i will get to participate in something and they wont reject me for being completely useless everywhere. bc that, would be hella depressing. specially as i m already feeling useless and then other ppl will make me feel more useless, like gimme a break here.
i am going to try to stay positive about it though. as long as i can that is.
sorry for the long rant lol. have a good day, or night. <3
buh bye
love ya sm
-๐Ÿฌ
Omg ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ youโ€™re actually here??? ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ
Vacay was great, life is okay ig and I didnโ€™t cry in like 3 weeks :D
Yeah I listened to it and I really like it!! I honestly donโ€™t know what song that was Iโ€™m glad you like it โค๏ธ๐Ÿฌ
Good luck for your exams!! Youโ€™re gonna do great!!
So wait when was the last time you had holidays?? That sounds super stressful I hope you get a few free days soon <33
You arenโ€™t useless!! But thatโ€™s great, you learn the things you wanna learn! Speaking of learning Iโ€™ll probably start taking guitar classes soon ๐Ÿ˜
I Hope you make new friends <3 if anyone says something mean or makes you feel useless Iโ€™ll kick their asses!!
Always feel free to rant my love <3
I was at a swim competition today again! I wasnโ€™t really good because I was sick last weeks but it was fun and Iโ€™ll go dancing tonight so Iโ€™m excited for that already ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ•บ
Love you so so so much ๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ
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lunamsubmersi ยท 2 years
Text
sometimes i think of all the people who have hurt me and i write to them. this is one of those posts. i could say to ignore it but i'm not your boss and i dont really care.
to ledah:
i'm sorry i told you i'd stay when i already knew i wanted to leave but you have to understand: you were right. you can't be saved. not because you're worthless or too far gone but because you refused to save yourself. you didn't want help. you wanted someone to burn with you. i wasn't going to be that person. you broke down so much of the work my therapist guided me through. i told you that i felt the only way to keep you happy was to isolate myself from everyone else and that wasn't a joke. you genuinely made me afraid to speak to anyone else because of your fits. all those talks of me being better off without you were sickening because you knew damn well you used to get rid of most forms of contact after talking about dying when they were still with us. and you knew it scared me. but you were right about that too. you were right about a lot of things. i am better off without you. and i did like ace more. because ace never makes me afraid of living outside of them. ace never freaks out at me for talking to other people a little too enthusiastically. ace never tells me im the only thing keeping them alive. no one does that actually. it was only you. so yeah. i am better off. and i hope to every god out there you never manage to drag someone that fucking low again. i hope there's never another charlotte or another me that has to suffer what you did to us.
to marcy:
you never hurt me but i feel like you deserve to know your brother isn't an honest person. i know you love him and i know there's little chance you'll believe me here but you need to know the truth. ledah always painted you as a villain. charlotte didn't do anything to bad mouth you ever. even when he ranted to us about how you were selfish and mean and lazy, charlotte didn't speak out against you. they would apologize for him having to deal with it. you have no idea how many times i heard ledah talk about how he cant wait for you to move out or how angry he would get when you didn't want to do something anymore. he made you a monster to us and then had us play nice with you. but i did like you. you were kind and funny and genuinely very sweet. even when you decided to cut ties with me, you were gentle about it. and i never blamed you. i just hope one day you see how he really is because i would hate to see you hurt.
to hajime and the two nagis:
you three were exhausting and tiring and mean. i cared for you all sincerely. i still do. but you weren't good friends. it was always obvious you three only valued each other and not me or ruby. all the constant talking ill of other people and aggressively strong opinions that you seemed to use to villify those who disagreed with you were tiring to sit through. i left for my own peace of mind. i know one of the nagis, the one closest to you haji, thought it was jealousy that fueled me at one point. and it wasnt. i didnt care if they didn't like me. i cared that they had the audacity to lie to me and then use my characters in a plotline without my consent on the matter. i cared about the broken trust and all the lying they did. i sincerely hope you three have changed in the time since then and learned to treat others better.
and to diana:
i know you'll never see this but you genuinely were like a twin sister to me. i adored you. i dont think you ever felt the same way though, despite that title being one you first started. sometimes i still think about that time in middle school at lunch when everything i was dealing with in silence got too much and i tried to hurt myself. and when you all finally talked me into stopping and i sat down to try and push it all back down, you told one of our other friends i was doing it for attention. you said that knowing you were speaking normally and in earshot of me. i dont know what you thought that would do. but it did make me regret listening to all of you. i havent seen you in years now. and funnily enough, out of all the memories we have together? that's the one i always remember first. that's the clearest. i hope you don't speak to or about your brother like that. i hope you learned to be better. i hope you think of that day and regret that sentence for years.
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levmada ยท 2 years
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iโ€™m not sure if i can do more than one character so iโ€™ll stick with levi ackerman. ๐Ÿฅบ however suddenly i cannot remember who, where, why, or what i am . this came out pretty long, sorry!! heheh
i like black, grey, blue (any shade, just not super bright or neon).
my favorite things to eatโ€ฆ pizza, egg fried rice, tacos, chocolate mousse cake, ramen, cotton candy ice cream, waffles with chocolate cream cheese, stir fry, lots of chocolate.... (aaaa sorry its not in order of anything XD)
my favorite time of day is evening/night. more during the sunset because itโ€™s very relaxing cloud gazing and watching the stars come out.
my mtbi is isfj. my enneagram is type 6. (no idea if iโ€™m saying this one right. i never knew this was a thing :o)ย my love language is mainly acts of service, quality time and giving gifts.
i love that i am a stubborn brat, literally xD. i donโ€™t give up on anything easily, persistent, and i usually stick to my word (i promised my mum i wouldnโ€™t have panda express after she had food poisoning from there. its been 8-9 years now :3 not really crazy but my family really likes eating a lot). i also love that once i put my mind toward something, no matter how long it will take, i'll get it done. i like that i can turn a basic google slides into something aesthetic, or almost anything digital into something nice (i lack artistic ability on paper though.. sigh). i like that people usually trust me with their secrets or rants because i do not tell anyone ever except for my cat.
i have way too many different genres that i listen to so iโ€™ll try to put some: no fun, always forever, jealous, pretty cvnt (its gets loud if you plan on listening to it:s), omomo punk,ย ๅƒๆœฌๆกœ, everybody wants to rule the world
my favorite artists are: joji, eyedress, tame impala, crystal castles, the drums, datfootdive, idealism and nohidea (i bolded my top 3)
i dont have a lot of favorite books but my favorite mangas are: noragami, monthly girls: nozaki kun, aot, tokyo ghoul
i dont watch movies often, but i have seen more shows (mostly anime, rip): ajin demi-human, manifest, the way of the househusband, all of us are dead, saiki k, death note, hyouka, dont toy with me miss nagatoro
hopefully i did this right and that youโ€™re able to click the links!!! it goes to spotify. and congrats again for 500 followers!!!! <3 <3
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hHI SUKI!! thank you for submitting for my event !! making these was a ton of fun. also, i appreciate sm you being so specific - it helped a lot :) and i hope you like this. i made sure to do Armin too ๐Ÿฅฐ
oh! and your music taste rocks btw๐Ÿฅฒ
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๐™ป๐šŽ๐šŸ๐š’ ๐™ฐ๐šŒ๐š”๐šŽ๐š›๐š–๐šŠ๐š—
โญ๏ธŽSongโญ๏ธŽ
I may have overthought (overthink-ed?) song choice a lot, but considering the music you like (which - those songs u linked, i listened to all of them and saved 'everybody wants to rule the world'. i love pretty cvnt and jealous lol) ... i decided on:
Lovers Rock by TV girl
Very chill, a little electronic - it's a super romantic-sounding song, but it also comes across as pretty shy, which i think fits Levi perfectly + by the vibes you give off. i think it fits v well.
โญ๏ธŽQuoteโญ๏ธŽ
๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ง ๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ, ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ.
๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ ๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ถ๐˜ฎ๐˜ด๐˜บ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฅ๐˜ด ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ฉ.
๐˜š๐˜ฐ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ด ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฑ๐˜ด ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ถ๐˜ฎ๐˜ด๐˜บ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต.
โ€“๐˜ˆ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ถ๐˜ด
Atticus is an anonymous Canadian poet - this excerpt very fitting for Levi.
โญ๏ธŽAesthetic Boardโญ๏ธŽ
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๐™ฐ๐š›๐š–๐š’๐š— ๐™ฐ๐š›๐š•๐šŽ๐š›๐š
โญ๏ธŽSongโญ๏ธŽ
To Binge by Gorillaz
one of my favorite songs by Gorillaz .. has a simple melody, but in a whimisical way i feel really matches armin. in my mind he's such a hopeless romantic.
and tbh? if u don't listen to Gorllaz already i highly recommend, especially since you like Joji !
โญ๏ธŽQuoteโญ๏ธŽ
For the most part, Stephen King is no good for romance (obviously) but i read one of his novels a few months ago with an awesome romance (sub)plot and :((
โ€œ๐˜‰๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ, ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ; ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ข ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฒ๐˜ถ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ค. ๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏโ€™๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ช๐˜ตโ€™๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ด, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต.โ€
โ€“๐˜š๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜’๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ, 11/22/63
โญ๏ธŽAesthetic Boardโญ๏ธŽ
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i loved how this one turned out - i hope u like it lol. thank u for submitting suki, was lots of funโฃ๏ธ
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๐•‹๐•™๐•’๐•Ÿ๐•œ ๐•ช๐• ๐•ฆ ๐•—๐• ๐•ฃ ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ ๐•—๐• ๐•๐•๐• ๐•จ๐•–๐•ฃ๐•ค!
more styles below the cut โ†“
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hey i hope you're doing well!! i was wondering if i could request a oneshot that kinda diverges from canon ? so basically mc is given the chance to go back to the human world (permanently) or stay in devildom w the brothers. so everyone literally expects for them to stay bcs they really "happy" with the brothers + the (un)dateables,, but surprise:: theyre fucking ecstatic to go back to the human world !!!! and they re all like "why mc dont u love us ๐Ÿฅบ" and mc just goes full rant about every shitty thing that happened to them in devildom: belphie killing them, brothers treating her as lilith's replacement, dangerous shit ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œ tHIS IS SO LONG N SPECIFIC OMG IM SORRY
Oo. Yes. This is it. I remember always choosing the "Yeah fuck you guys I wanna go home," choices lmao. There's so much I personally would say to them if put in that situation. One would be what the fuck.
This takes place after Belphegor kills you, but before you go home. The undatebles aren't really included because none of them really fit in with the scene I'm painting.
Also! To my followers, I'm thinking of opening a patreon? Idk if anyone would use it or not. It's just that I am trying to make money, and since I can't work consistently, this might be my best shot for now. It's just a thought! I won't do it if you guys think it's stupid. Thanks babes ๐Ÿ’ž
It was an offer from Diavolo that started all this.
After Belphegor had lashed out you'd taken to staying away from any of the brothers. You'd never totally felt safe around the demons. They are demons after all, but you trusted that someone would always be there to protect you. That was what you were told at least. It worked in many circumstances, but not when you needed it most. Not when you actually died.
You were miserable. Everyone could tell just by the way you acted. A frown was on your face the majority of the time, you were always on guard around any demons, and you spent the majority of your nights at purgatory hall for some reason or another.
It hurt them to see you so terrified of their presence. Any little fight they had now flashed like a warning sign in your mind, alerting you to the danger of meddling in demon affairs. You'd leave, and they'd become discouraged, only realizing how empty everything felt with you gone. They try to make it up to you, try to keep away from their natural tendencies to get a bit rowdy, but nothing works. You're still petrified in their presence.
That's when Diavolo asks you if you want to go home. You're not comfortable here, it's written on your sleeve. It's affecting your mental health, and despite how much it hurts to send someone so perfect away, he does suggest you leave. To get some help, reconnect with yourself, and possibly forget they ever existed.
You agree.
It's heartbreaking when they find out. Belphegor blames himself, and so does everyone else. They see his mistake as the catalyst for all your changes in personality, when really it was just the final nail in the coffin. After being forced to participate in a stressful school schedule, to deal with men constantly busting into the room despite the lock, being expected to cook for the avatar of Gluttony at least once a week, and to have to find new hiding spots for your precious items to avoid loosing them to Mammon, it was a lot. You were always up, ready for some crazy new happening, never resting even when your body was on the verge of collapse. Your body couldn't handle it anymore, and after Belphegor, you knew you'd never sleep again
You don't say goodbye to them.
Lucifer acts like it doesn't bother him, and he'll act this way until the day he ceases to exist. It does though. He considered you a friend, possibly more, but seeing as you willingly left the realm, it's clear that he misjudged the situation. Satan doesn't receive the news any better. He's a lot more angry then Lucifer, but deep down they both know the eldest is just better at hiding his feelings. The house is a wreck without these two micromanaging every aspect, but neither ever pleaded with you to stay.
They blame Belphegor, but they also blame themselves for not showing you how much you meant to them. Satan knows he could have done more. He should have. In all the books in his library, why is there not one explaining how to fix such a situation? Lucifer almost thinks the same, but he knows he does not need books. He should have noticed your little set backs from the beginning, without the help of a book.
Mammon doesn't completely understand what happened. He's confused, not knowing what he did to make you despise him so. Levi tries to explain, sometimes through teary eyes and anxious hand movements, yet it still never really sinks in. Part of him believes he could have possibly shown his affections more. The other remaining side can't stop chastising himself for not knowing.
The third eldest feels abandoned, and he doesn't know why. You're just a normie. Just some human who shouldn't mean anything to him, but you do. He hates it. Leviathan wants nothing more to forget you, but how can he when your ghost still haunts these halls?
The only one who seems to be able to move on is Asmodeus, but that's far from the truth. He's good at faking emotions. Sure, he's never really had to fake being happy, but all the improv disappointment and whiney attitudes have prepared him for this. Asmo looks fine. No one really worries about him. They should.
Beelzebub and Belphegor have been at odds ever since you left. They both blame the youngest, and whilst Belphie doesn't usually care about his sibling's opinions, knowing Beelzebub is so angry with him hurts. He can't fix it either. You're not coming back, and Beelzebub will always be angry with him for doing something so selfish.
And Beelzebub is angry. He moves out of their shared bedroom and into your room. For weeks he refuses to even speak to Belphie, and after that he only acknowledges him in passing. It's heartbreaking to watch, but Beelzebub doesn't care. You're gone.
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