#HEADSPACE. The dream created to distract.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Love-Bites (1)

In which the relationship between you and Jungkook is just something special.

Tags/Warnings: Dog Hybrid!Reader x Idol!Jungkook, DDLG themes, sub/little headspace, soft dom!Jungkook, fluff, minor angst, established relationship, based off of this ask

Chapter length: short

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You're dead asleep with your head on his thigh, arm held hostage as your personal cuddle buddy while the rest of himself sits comfortably, watching his TV show. It's in moments like these, after having bathed with you before dressing you in your comfiest pajamas, that he tends to remember how far you've come since he's taken you in.

Because years before, a scene like that was something he himself thought might never happen.

In the beginning, he'd worried a lot about you. He could see that you were interested in everything around you; everything in his apartment seemed interesting, and most of all, you seemed to want to interact with him and be close all the time. But due to what happened in your past home, you always only sat somewhere secluded, trembling with the inner fight of whether or not to do what your brain told you, or listen to what your past had taught you.

And for a long time, you would rather let your memories lead than him, trust misused to such a degree that you couldn't find it in yourself to give him any of what was left of it.

But he'd been kind, understanding, patient. He showed you that the world never had to be scary, no matter what headspace you're in. He'd proven to you that there's nothing wrong with you, that there's nothing to fix.

He'd created an environment for you to heal in.

Jungkook remembers your first meeting vividly. He'd sat in the waiting area of the ER for info on his bandmate Jin's accidentally broken finger when he first met you. You'd been hiding underneath the seats, and your caretaker had explained to him that you're simply a 'troubled case' with an embarrassed face.

"Isn't there a way to make it easier for her?" He'd asked, looked around for someone he could maybe talk to. "Maybe bring her into a more secluded area? She looks so terrified.." He'd mumbled, unable to look away from where you'd squeezed underneath the chairs. Jungkook had always been someone with a different view on hybrids- he never understood why they had to be treated as 'lesser'or plain weird monsters, when they themselves were created by humanity in the first place.

"Its fine, really!" The caretaker had said. "She'll stay here overnight anyways."

"May I ask why?" He'd wondered, noticing with a smile how you seemed to now crawl closer to him, interested- but still scared. With a clear gaze that told the caretaker that she should just talk to him and not scold you, he'd let his hand lean down for you to maybe inspect- his suspicions correct, as you take it as an invitation to get to know him on your own terms.

"Oh, behavioral problems. She seems to have trouble sleeping, but since she doesn't talk, we don't know if it's a brain issue or just trauma." The caretaker explained, surprised how easily Jungkook had managed to get you interested and distracted from your initial fears.

"Oh my, let's hope they'll figure it out." He nodded, before looking down to where you had started to look up at him. "Isn't that right? You should only have good dreams. Sleep is important." He explained, not even sure if you were able to understand him. But it seemed like you did, because while you didn't come out of your hiding space yet, you did keep your gaze on him mostly. "I'm gonna get something to snack on. Is there something I could bring you two?" He wondered, and the caretaker waved him off before leaning down to you.

"Would you like anything?" She asked, not expecting an answer, and you didn't give one. "Maybe you can walk with him, show him what you'd like?" She tested, and much to her surprise, you actually dud seem to consider it, looking at Jungkook's back then bare hand, no ink yet to be seen on his skin. With a smile he'd reached out-

And you'd taken his hand, letting him lead you to the vending machines, later on eating the granola bar sat on his thigh. It had all just somehow immediate felt natural to the both of you- as if you'd known each other already.

It wasn't surprising to anyone that Jungkook eagerly asked for contact information of the care center you had been staying at, uncaring for any consequences of the company or his career, only focused on you. He remembers the scolding he'd received from all sides, many scared he'd rushed a decision he's gonna regret in the future, others worried for the fate of his career if it was ever revealed that you even existed. And yet, he didn't back down. He knew what he wanted, and for the first time, he pushed through. This had been his decision, and he had been ready for the consequences.

And by now, he knows you're his soulmate.

You stretch in your sleep and turn a little, body and face relaxed as you dream softly- or maybe not at all. He enjoys watching you like this. Calm, comfortable, without worry. As it should always be.

Because with him, you don't have to fear anything. With him, you'll be safe.

He promised, after all.

And he intends on keeping that promise.

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine

[cucumberteapot]

Across the Spiderverse - End Credits Analysis

Good afternoon, everyone. I am back again to discuss this amazing film we all love and I wanted to talk about the end credits. Typically the end credits signify the end of the film but in this rare case, I feel there is a lot to speculate about the visuals and what they could mean for the future film. Afterall, the next installment will be called '"Beyond" the Spider-verse' after all. Beyond canon. Beyond animation and live-action. Beyond narrative conventions in film and storytelling.

So let us begin... one last time.

We are introduced to the end credits with the beautiful violin of Metro Boomin, Roisee and A$AP Rocky's 'Am I Dreaming', invoking Miles' dilemma of belonging to Spider society, hiding his identity from his family and the inevitable challenges he faces and will later face in the next movie. Personally, I'd like to interpret these visuals as Miles' actually dreaming in conjecture with the song's title, or an artistic representation of Miles' headspace. However you interpret it is up to you.

Regardless, this sequence takes place in a surrealist void and we see Miles' spiderman logo spray painted onto what we think is his suit but in actuality is one of Spot's spots. Miles is an artist and customises his costume accordingly, but when we learn it's on a spot, it conveys how Miles' personal and superhero lives are interconnecting and the dangers that pertains.

Then we see Miles properly and he is clearly overwhelmed by this new reality he has to navigate thus hefalls through one of the spots. This sequences makes the effort of conflating Spot's spots with the dimension travel portals and as we see throughout, they represent the uncontrollability of Miles' situation and the moralities of the characters going through them.

Thankfully, Miles is able to catch himself from falling any further. He slings his webs from what looks like buildings but are instead more spots.

Gradually the spots disintegrate, forcing Miles to keep swinging. As Spot threatens in his dialogue and his vision in Mumbattan, he is disrupting Miles' home dimension and forcing him to see him as more than a "villain of the week". Even if Miles goes home, his home will not be the same after the Spot's interference.

But even though Miles keeps moving, it's not enough and we see Spot's giant hands reaching through his holes to grab Miles and presumably pull him through them. I already talked a little bit about Spiderverse villains and their hands in a previous post so you can read more about that here. But here Spot is dehumanised and characterised by his hands, becoming a force of nature by the end of the film that Miles will need to reckon with.

And Miles does by jumping through the black hole in Spot's equally giant head. No longer is he trying to catch Miles or bat him away, but waits for him to attack. Miles leaps through him but he doesn't harm the Spot. He is still powerless against him on his own and so he keeps running, this time avoiding white spots or spotlights instead of black one, perhaps reflecting the inversion of challenges he will face in the Earth-42 dimension.

But then he is distracted. Miles is stopped in his tracks by another titan - the Earth-42 spider that bit him. On first watch I thought the spider was the Go-Home Machine but I feel the same imagery applies. Miles never choose to be bit. To be Spider-man. And he didn't choose to go to the Earth-42 dimension. All of these things were by the consequences of someone else's decisions or consequences. He quite literally can't fight against these components.

Unable to fight back, the Earth-42 spider bites down on Miles like when he was bit and sends him crashing through the floor, creating more spots to fall through. Interesting though when Miles falls, he falls upwards, which if you're aware of the upside-down imagery of the Spiderverse films you'd know that when Miles takes his 'Leap of Faith', he is falling but the camera pans it upside-down to make it look like he is rising to the city - to his responsibilities as Spider-man.

In this case, the inversion is happening. Miles is now Spider-man but he is falling upwards and backwards - he can't see where he is going on this new journey. Then we get one of my favourite transitions in this sequence and that is when Miles stops struggling and goes through one of the spots to become Prowler.

Man, what a cool shot.

But yes, I think the way Spider-man and Prowler deal with the uncontrollability of their situation if interesting here. When we first meet Prowler in the film, he is 100% in control of the situation regarding Miles' capture. But here (and perhaps internally), this isn't so much the case. as Prowler ascends he lets his body go limp as he is engulfed in purple - the colour represented by Prowler and Aaron Davis. Meanwhile Miles' backdrop is blue which I believe represents his father (he wears a blue uniform and a blue shirt in ATSV) as well as half of the Spider-man colours - blue and red. Note: Rio wears a red shirt in this film as well so this would signify that, yes, Miles is strong and therefore Spider-man because of his parents. Furthermore Miles struggle in the blue (father) could represent his struggle to save him from Spot while Prowler's limpness is because his Jefferson is dead.

However, while hued in Prowler purple, we see Rio's large head watches anxiously as a small Spider-man adapts to his situation and reaches upwards while multiple Prowlers in the background don't move at all. I don't think it's too difficult to interpret what Rio is reacting to. Rio is likely reacting to learning who Spider-man and Prowler are, but her expression is not so much as fear but concern for her son/s. Likewise with Spot and the Earth-42 spider, Rio is magnified in Miles' mind. By the end of the film, he summons the courage to tell Rio he is Spider-man, but it wasn't enough. Now Miles needs to reconcile with this alternative identity as the Prowler. An identity that was a villain in his dimension and who might not be willing to reveal that information to his Rio.

As Miles ascends, he sees his father basked in a red background (danger, blood) and likewise, he is giant. Once again all these people in Miles' life are overwhelming for him and are constantly just out of reach. When I watch this scene, I am reminded of the Andrew Garfield's Spider-man trying and failing to save Gwen Stacy. Similarly, Miles reaches for his father but it's not enough, and it doesn't help that the very person trying to prevent him from saving him is waiting through one of the spots.

Much like throughout the movie, Miguel assumes a predatory role as he watches for Miles before fully jumping through the hole. He then swings along to catch up with Miles before appearing as another giant force to contend with.

Interestingly, Miguel stops swinging and instead claws at Miles to catch him. Like the Spot, Miguel serves a similar role in threatening Miles' existence as Spider-man by trying to control him and fit him into some kind of dichotomy. With Spot, it's becoming Miles' nemesis even though Miles doesn't really care. With Miguel, it's making him experience a trauma based on self-projection and as Miles says, "an algorithm". Because that's the way it has to be. It has to be this big tragic origin story with nemesises and trauma.

But then Miles turns around with a response. No. We don't see him turn to face Miguel (we have to think this because Miguel just disappears) but after watching the movie, we know Miles doesn't view the Spider society with the same rose-tinted classes anymore - and this includes Gwen.

Speaking of, we see Gwen swing from portal to portal, presumably in search of Miles but is unable to find him. They swing in opposite directions, implicating their own separate journeys throughout the film but unlike the other characters beside Prowler, Gwen is scaled the same size as Miles. Pink is often used to signify romance and I believe this speaks to their reconciliation in the next film, but interestingly Miles does not seek out Gwen is return. Even if they do become a couple in the next film I feel like Miles' perception of Gwen has definitely changed and he no longer has this sketchbook-drawing idea of her anymore.

But instead of seeking out Gwen, Miles comes face to face with his reflection in a spot. He's confused for a moment before taking a step back and seeing it's Earth-42 Aaron. In the first film, Aaron was a source of comfort for Miles when his father didn't understand him. Now his living-ghost serves as another obstacle in his path and a reflection of who he could've been if not for the spider bite. This is further emphasised by how Aaron is framed exactly like the Earth-42 Spider, and in the next movie I feel like no matter how much Aaron and Miles loved each other, Aaron's influence would've led Miles on a very dark path if not for the morals instilled by his father.

Then Miles runs through another spot and is being chased again by giant versions of Miguel and Spider society. Specifically, they run after him, reminding us how Miguel is "not like the others," and his influence of the other Spider-people is detrimental to the Spider-man identity.

But then Miles swings away from them and we see the Spider-people again but scaled to his size, showing us that in the end how Miles embodies the Spider-man identity better than any other character in the film - "You're the best of all of us, Miles."

But even though Miles is swinging along with the rest of his Spider counterparts, he dimension travels through one of the spots or portal and this time it's a choice. He's not struggling anymore, he's letting the portal take him to where he needs to be and that is into the eye of a young Miles Morales from the first movie who doesn't have his fade yet. Miles remembers Rio's words about looking after his inner "little boy" and before we can pull out to see that little boy's full face...

The camera turns in another cool transition around the back of Miles' head to reveal Prowler standing face-to-face with Spider-man, both masked but not assuming any threatening body language. While Spider-man and Prowler were on unequal footing by the end of ATSV, here there is a sense of self-reconciliation and understanding. That no matter how giant Miles' problems are with the Spot, Miguel, Rio, Jefferson, Aaron or Spider-society, he will always have himself.

Roisee sings the bridge of 'Am I Dreaming' during this part and it completely encapusates Spider-man and Prowler's dynamic. Especially the lines, 'I choose me now, What's wrong with that?' - Straight chills. There's just so many layers.

Coming to an end now, the camera pans around Spider-man and Prowler disappears, presumably letting him return to his dimension, and Miles runs through his hoodie from the first film when he took that first 'Leap of Faith'.

This right here is the defining moment of Miles' Spider-man identity. It wasn't getting bite, it wasn't Uncle Aaron dying, it wasn't the training from Peter and Gwen and it certainly wasn't Miguel denying his identity.

It was right here on that rooftop when he decided to take the 'Leap of Faith' and chose to become Spider-man.

#okay. i'm going to eat something now because that was a long post. my god #this movie has my mind going crazy #there's so much to talk about #across the spiderverse #spiderman across the spider verse #spiderman #miles morales #spiderverse #atsv #gwen stacy #hobie brown #miguel o'hara #pavitr prabhakar #satsv #prowler #rio morales #jefferson morales #aaron davis #peter parker #the spot #spot atsv

[gloriousrunwayninja]

AFFIRMATION TAPES

Table of context

What are affirmation tapes

Why it works

How to make them

Proof on why it works

Videos/resources

What are affirmation tapes

♥…Affirmation tapes are where you say your affirmation into a recording and you listen to them.

Why it works

♥…The reason it works it because It helps reprogram your subconscious mind. It helps saturate the mind especially if your doing something while listening to them for example listening to them while getting ready.

♥…Me personally I would use them while I'm distracted so I'm able to easily saturate my mind.

How to make them

♥…How to make them is by using the SelfPause app. More in dept tutorial on Hyler self pause video.

PROOF IT WORKS

According to a recent study by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, practicing affirmations-whether listening to pre- recordings or creating your own, it helps lower stress by alleviating perceptions of threat and defensiveness by expanding self worth through broader dispositional self-views.

Day One

While I love self development and personal growth, I'm always a little bit skeptical when trying a new practice. I'm definitely not someone who gives myself verbal pep talks or leaves written affirmations on my bathroom mirror so getting into the right headspace for this was a bit of a challenge in itself.

Day Two

By the second day I actually looked forward to listening to my affirmations. I popped in my earbuds when I first woke up and listened to my short playlist before even getting out of bed. I usually grab my phone and immediately start checking my emails and scrolling through social media so the practice instantly helped me 'wake up on the right side of the bed' so to speak.

Day Three

Honestly, I can't believe how easy it was to stop scrolling on social media when I started listening to these affirmations.

Instead of waking up crabby, worried about my workload for the day, and quietly judging strangers on social media, I looked forward to having a coffee in bed, enjoying my partner's company, and thinking about all the potential the day has to offer.

Day Four

I actually fell asleep during the affirmations this moming-which wasn't my intention at all, but there's a ton of construction going on outside my building and I guess trying to listen to affirmations at 6 am just isn't my thing. That said, during my weird interrupted morning nap, I ended up dreaming about the exact affirmations I was listening to. I don't think that's at all how you're supposed to practice morning affirmations but I still woke up in a pretty decent mood-even in spite of the annoying construction outside.

video and resources

here is a tip if ur trying the 10,000 affirmations thing! 400 x 10 = 4,000 sooo you can listen to a subliminal/ aff tapes 10 times which can give you 4000+ affirmations already. (depends which subliminal though)

use @rosellesworkshop the void challenge

cr to @thespiritualgyalss and @td on twitter

love, jade

#loa motivation #the void state #neville goddard #manifestation #mindset #manifesting #law of attraction #affirmations #law of assumption #10k affirmations #10k affirmation challenge #subliminalaffirmations #subliminalresults #subliminals #affirmation tapes #Youtube

[woodchipp]

A CRITIQUE OF OMORI, PART 1: PLOT & SETTING

NOTE: Reader discretion is advised. By clicking on “Keep reading”, you willingly choose to continue reading the post.

As the game's synopsis on TVTropes explains,

Omori's home is White Space, an empty white void containing only Omori's sketchbook, laptop, cat, box of tissues, and the door to the Neighbor's Room where Omori's friends live. These include the plucky Aubrey, the mischievous Kel, and the brotherly Hero, and from here they venture into the fantastical land of Headspace to have picnics with the innocent Nature Lover Basil and Omori's loving sister Mari and go on adventures. But one day, Basil goes missing, and Omori, Aubrey, Kel, and Hero set off to search through all of Headspace for him. As they navigate their way through a space pirate's relationship issues, a mad duchess' narcissistic tyranny, the evil laboratory inside a whale, and various types of hostile bunnies (among other things), a horrifying presence continues to rear its head, and it wants something from Omori.

Indeed, a large part of OMORI’s story is spent in Headspace - an expansive and vibrant JRPG dreamscape created by the game's actual main protagonist, Sunny, to avoid facing an unpleasant truth pertaining to Mari in the real world, with her and his childhood friends always by his side. While the idea is fascinating on paper, OMORI’s execution of said idea turns Headspace into a tedious slog to play through.

It can be hard to get invested in Omori and his friends' hijinks since they don’t have much of a coherent plot to follow, nor do they have a cohesive sense of escalation and stakes. Even if the game heavily implies this to be the point - Omori is creating random distractions on his quest to rescue Basil because Sunny is unwilling to face the truth - it still comes off as being random and quirky for the sake of being random and quirky, along with padding out the game to an ungodly degree. Just because Sunny doesn’t want to confront his issues doesn’t mean that the player should be forced to watch the paint dry. Even the quest to rescue Basil gets ultimately rendered moot, making the time the player spends in Headspace aimless floundering where random things happen for no reason in particular.

Another issue with Headspace is that it results in a great deal of tonal inconsistency. Since re-entering Headspace at the end of every in-game day is required by the game to progress, the game’s tone wildly oscillates between Omori’s wacky escapades in the dream world and the examination of the tragedy Mari’s death wrought on Sunny and his friend group in the real world. On top of all this, Headspace itself is rendered entirely irrelevant halfway through the game with the introduction of Black Space, consequently rendering 50% of the story pointless as well. 

Black Space isn’t any better. It is essentially a blatant rip-off of Yume Nikki, down to the Nexus with an assortment of doors that lead to nightmarishly surreal locations, the big red maze (Yume Nikki's Hell is above, OMORI's Haunted Trees Hanging Maze is below) and even the Toriningen. Story-wise, Black Space is only slightly less meaningless than Headspace; the game provides the player with little to no context for all the imagery, nor does it use Black Space to provide Sunny himself with any substantial characterization (despite the location representing his subconscious), yet acts as if the player is supposed to understand every little detail of the story up until this point perfectly. 

Gameplay-wise, Black Space fumbles being a rip-off of Yume Nikki by discouraging the latter’s core gameplay mechanic - exploration. Instead of making you search for the key you need to exit the area, the game holds your hand and leads you to the key with a convenient trail of footprints. In some cases, the key may be located literally in plain sight. Unless you make the conscious decision to stray from the trail and avoid the Red Hands after taking the key, the average Black Space area can be completed in 10-20 seconds, if not less. As such, Omori’s journey through Black Space can be summed up as “go to surreal room, grab the key, leave surreal room” ad nauseam.

Moreover, all of Black Space's "psychological horror" revolves around the game being unnecessarily edgy, such as having Basil brutally die five times or pressuring the player into dissecting Mewo, Omori’s pet cat. Each time Basil dies cheapens the impact of his subsequent deaths, and by his final death, it’s quite likely the player may not care anymore. The game never gives you any concrete clues to figure out Black Space’s symbolism beyond very opaque implications either, so why should you care?

The abrupt transition from Headspace into Black Space is also jarring for a whole different reason than the giant change in aesthetics and tone - Headspace mainly relies on exposition (i.e. characters spelling things out) to convey the story whereas Black Space takes after the game it’s inspired by and tries to use environmental storytelling, the operative word being “tries.” Some of Black Space’s imagery seems to be vaguely connected by the motif of hanging, but there’s nothing much beyond that.

Faraway Town, the game's "real" world and the setting responsible for moving the game’s overarching plot along, makes it a point to try and subvert gameplay conventions typically seen in similar RPG games to show that Sunny's fantasies are obviously incompatible with how real life works. As with Headspace, the idea itself is neat on paper, but the problem with OMORI's execution of said idea is the inconsistencies in Faraway Town's "realism": Sunny injuring a person with his steak knife is framed by the game as shocking despite said person freely walking around (and attacking him) with a huge nail bat, Mari's picnic baskets are inexplicably scattered across the entire town and function as save points just like they did in Sunny's dream world, the priest of the local church makes no attempt to stop the altercation that happens within the church near the end of Three Days Left because it "seemed really important" (to the plot), Sunny is somehow able to use his breathing skills in the fight with his fear of drowning despite being underwater, none of the charms have any effect on your stats except for one, etc.

The overarching plot itself is entirely character-driven, so I suppose it’s time to talk about OMORI’s characters.

#omori #omori game

[kangel104]

INTRO!!!

This will hopefully be the first and last time I break character on either of my NSO blogs, but I felt it was necessary to post a real intro considering the things that will be posted on this account.

(TL;DR @ the bottom)

DISCLAIMER!!!

These blogs were created with the purpose of being a creative outlet for my trauma and mental illness. This means that some of the content on this page might be unpleasant for some people. If that's the case, don't view my blog.

To start things off...

16+ only, please. I want to create a safe space for as many people as I can, but I don't want to be responsible for influencing any kids into doing any of the things I speak about.

For anonymity, I'm not going to tell you my actual name, so please just call me Kangel or Ame, depending on the blog you are viewing.

I will do my best to always tag any possible triggers on my heavier posts, so please correct me if I miss a tag or incorrectly tag something.

TRIGGER WARNINGS!!

As I just mentioned, there will be a lot of triggering things posted on both of these blogs. Because of that, I'd like to compile what will be the most common trigger warnings to look out for on this page (will be updated as I post to remain accurate)

Mentions of grooming

Mentions of past trauma

Neglect

Fear of abandonment

Long rambles during panic attacks

Addiction

Abuse/toxic relationships

Intrusive thoughts

Self-harm

Mentions of suicidality

A Bit About Me

I like Jirai and the message it sends as it's something I heavily relate to. I don't have any jirai clothing yet, but I'm saving to buy my first item asap! I also really like vocaloid, visual kei, breakcore, and honestly most kinds of music haha.

If you couldn't guess, I really like NSO. The kind of person Ame-chan is really spoke to me. I've always wanted to take on a new persona online, and what better way than a Kangel blog! I'll speak a little more on the roles of each blog later, tho <3

I really like RPGs like Persona and Final Fantasy as I grew up playing both. They're both really comforting games for me.

I suspect I have Autism and either BPD or bipolar. I'm in the process of trying to find a psychologist to get an assessment and confirm my suspicions, but it's hard to find anyone where I live.

The Kangel blog!

This blog is where I'll post my lighter content. It's my distraction from my actual life and is only there for me to pretend I'm someone else. This means that while I'm on the Kangel blog, I'll do things like write in American-English as it's another layer of disconnect from my real life.

There will be much less triggering content on this blog, but there will be an occasional vent post, but that will likely be written in the style of the in-game vent streams and tweets. That means it will likely be a bit dramatised to sound entertaining. Those posts will still have tagged TWs regardless.

The Ame-Chan blog!

This blog is like the priv Twitter account that Ame has in-game. Darker posts will go here, and almost everything will be a vent of some kind. If I feel it's necessary, I will also add a 'check the tags' disclaimer at the beginning of the post so you can decide whether you're in the right headspace to read that post.

This blog is essentially a public diary, which means there will be a lot of in-depth description of my current state and any retelling of past trauma. "Traumadumping" about my childhood will be kept at a minimum though.

This also means that I will occasionally post about dreams I have. I rarely have good dreams, and they're almost always some kind of dream relating to trauma. These normally have a different list of TWs to look out for (including the original list).

I will list those below:

Kidnapping

SA (sometimes explicit, but I will likely never go into those details unless I found it particularly distressing. Those will always be under different tags, though)

Running away/homelessness

Survival game type story line

Physical abandonment

Murder

There will likely be more added as this account develops.

Both blogs, but primarily the Ame one, will occasionally mention a P-Chan. This refers to two different people, but I'll never disclose which is which. This is mostly for privacy.

P-Chan 1 refers to a real-life person I know and have a semi-toxic friendship with. If the bpd allegations turn out to be right, I'd assume they're my 'favourite person'.

P-Chan 2 is fake. They don't exist. They're a character in my head who is my ideal person. They exist so that I have someone to project my unhealthy obsession onto instead of the real P-Chan. This often also means posting the intrusive thoughts I have around P-Chan.

OUTRO!!!

I tried to keep this short while having as much info about this page as needed. I hope this can be a safe space for anyone who relates to me and wants to get to know me <33

TL;DR

Mentally ill girl creates blogs to ignore her problems and vent while staying as anonymous as she can. Triggering posts galore, but it will be tagged to the best of my ability

#ooc #introduction post #intro post #trigger warning list #menhera #jirai kei #needy streamer overload #pien kei #ぴえん系 #landmine girl #kangel104 #amechan26

[ekourege]

getting distracted so im hoping maybe talking about my next one shot will put me in the right headspace to continue.... hollow knight is kind of a game about healing, but not really. 

It’s a game about putting grief to rest, for accepting that all things must end and the old must make way for the new. this is a game where The Knight can save others, but not really, and not themselves. They seek to aid their sibling--their sibling who left them behind to walk in the light of their father--and they lead an existence that while kind, is unfair. They cannot bring back what is gone, and attempting so creates the steps that lead to the doom of others. The sin committed against the Radiance by the Pale King (or what she would consider to be one), and the Radiance’s fury and destruction of innocents in its wake. Their arrogance abets the fall of Hallownest, and leads to the Hollow Knight plan that dooms thousands upon their very birth. 

The Knight puts an end to this cycle as they put an end to themself, and their quest to be kind, to aid instead of acting in their own interest, costs them. This is helping, and this is something they do alone up until the very point that Hornet does the same and holds the Hollow Knight so The Knight can either mercy kill them and assume their role or follow the Radiance to the dream realm and snuff out her rage for good. 

Assisted, yes, but the player, as The Knight does not have quests where they travel with others--charms aside. They save assorted bugs, yes, and free grubs, but the bulk of the gameplay is a solitary thing. 

It just gets me thinking about the lost kin. Differing from the greenpath vessel, or the ones strung up in the Nosk’s nest, The Knight’s lost kin is animate, and once freed of infection, aware. Asking for help. For healing. Something that The Knight, the player, cannot give them before they die after reaching out one last time. You cannot take their hand, you can only stare, and by fighting their dream self in godhome, put them at rest. This is, again, helping, and not healing. It aids in the healing process, the bloodletting of Hallownest so its inhabitants and survivors and sordid history may finally begin to scab over. But it is not fixing. Because Hallownest is something that cannot be fixed.

So I want to explore The Knight taking that hand, reaching out. To fight against fate instead of ghosting in favor of it. I also just want The Knight to have a relatable sibling. That is a major appeal as well. Alright ive talked myself back into interest im gonna go back to my fic. AAAAND POST

#avi.txt #hk #word blogging #hollow knight spoilers #hollow knight #no thesis statement just take my word vomit its all you scamps are getting

[agelessenigma]

Shiloh (@kunabee) and I just came across the term "aspecies", and while the term itself doesn't fit (I have a species; it's 'shapeshifter'), the experiences match quite well.

It's interesting. Shiloh intentionally created me, after first realizing they were a multiple system ("had headmates"; 'system' made them uncomfortable at first) and discovering tulpamancy. (Now, of course, neither of us use that term, as it's cultural appropriation). They realized I would determine much of myself, and they wanted to give me that chance - so I was a shapeless, amorphous blob (with a hat. For some reason, they did give me a hat) of air - a bit like scribbles, I suppose, and purple. They called me "Enigma", waiting for when I would make my own name.

I never did. 'Enigma' worked well. As did not having a form. Of course, in the headspace and astral realms, I do wear forms. I tend towards humanoid, with opposable thumbs (especially with opposable thumbs) simply out of convenience.

But the idea of not truly having a species, of not really being something - that fits, that is the experience I have. Oh, I can cofront with Shiloh perfectly well (and, eventually, will be able to front on my own if they ever figure out how to entirely exit the driver's seat) and any body works well enough for me. It is my dream (and Shiloh's) to eventually have a body of my own. In an ideal, this body would be what I am - shapeless, shapeshifter, able to determine every one of my features down to the minute detail according to my will and whims. But I would be satisfied with simply any body.

Any body, as long as it is a woman's body, or can be formed to be a woman's body. I know my gender; I am a woman. That was the one thing I decided on, took and crafted. They, not realizing they were nonbinary at the time, hoped for a feminine tulpa, to match their gender. They got the person who, in our system, most associates with being a woman, moreso than anyone else in here.

Azuri's realized he's a man. Nisa has never cared. Shiloh's gender is a mystery. And me? I'm a woman.

...Anyway, that's a bit of a... distraction, I suppose. The point of this post is to talk about the experience of not necessarily having a solid form, of not being human, of being a shapeshifter. Some of it is most certainly influence by Shiloh's view of the world, since this is and has been their body (which, saying this is bad practice, since we're trying to get them out of the driver's seat - the more they fall firmly in their body, the harder it is to get them out, although they'll share well with both myself and Nisa), but a lot of it is just... me.

Truly, multiple systems would be a fascinating study into nature vs nurture, and one aspect scientists have not looked into.

This is a bit rambling, and for that I apologize, but it feels - necessary? Yes. I'm the sole extrovert in a system of introverts, and after reading the post we did about "aspecies" and those who lack a specific species, simply knowing they are nonhuman, it resonated with me in such a way that I had to say something about it.

#otherkin #alterhuman #nonhuman

[omori-civilwar]

Come forward, Dreamer. Let us see you and your friends.

[Team Neutral]

Sunny, the Dreamer

Sunny created Headspace long ago and created Omori to help him rule it. He, unfortunately, made the mistake of handing Omori too much power, leaving him with nothing. He is protected by his friends and the red hands, which can often be spotted hovering near him, ready to pull him away from danger — they can, however, be evaded with enough skill…

Basil, the Flower Boy

Sunny’s best friend. Basil is in charge of guarding the memories of the friends in his photo album. He’s a bit shy and gets nervous around Omori easily, yet he seems to crave his attention. His fear of Blackspace keeps him close to the group, though he acts a bit irrational at times.

Mari, the Watcher

Mari, Sunny’s older sister, likes to keep a close eye on her friends and make sure they’re safe. She will do anything to help them; however, she seems weary of Omori and acts aloof when he’s near. She especially enjoys spending time with Sunny, checking in on him regularly — not that he minds; any time spent with his sister is the best time ever, in his eyes.

[Team Dream]

King Omori, Ruler of Headspace

Omori took it upon himself to rule Headspace and keep his friends out of harm. He does, however, tend to act like a bit of a dictator and uses force to get his way. Anyone who goes against him will suffer the painful consequences… [The rest of this text has been archived and is no longer available.]

Aubrey, the Fighter

Aubrey’s favorite things in life are her plush toy, bunnies, her best friends, and being with Sunny. Omori tends to treat her like a princess — not that she’s complaining; she enjoys it, really. She tends to spontaneously attack the enemy when it’s close, easily getting riled up and starting fights. Because of this, she keeps Hero busy and sometimes even becomes TOAST.

Kel, the Trickster

Kel is easily the most energetic of the group, and he’s often found sticking with Sunny, sometimes acting like a soft of bodyguard to him. In battle, he runs around and serves as a distraction for the enemy, which causes him to become TOAST several times. The sign around his neck was a "punishment" from Omori to shame him, but Kel doesn’t mind it at all — he’s rather proud of it, actually.

Hero, the Healer

Hero isn’t much of a fighter, but he’s quick to support his friends in battle and heal their wounds with his delicious cooking. He’ll give the enemy a good bonking when necessary, and occasionally gives Sunny a soft bonk to gently punish him when he gets in trouble — though he makes sure not to hurt him when doing so. Despite his kinder, less aggressive nature, he wears the armor — not because he wants to, but because Sunny thinks he looks cool in it, and honestly, he can’t argue with that logic.

#omori #omori au #omori civil war #civil war au #omori civil war au #omori spoilers #omori character #omori sunny #omori basil #omori mari #omori aubrey #omori kel #omori hero #sunny #basil #mari #aubrey #kel #hero #civil war team neutral #civil war team dream

[ranch-sauce29]

“You have to make a conscious decision not to be crazy “

“It’s not about the choice you may, but what you choose to do about it. “

Multiple heads on the wheel, too many in the pot

Wanting to have more control of myself

Demanding a change to end the cycle

Feeling like it’s one step forward and too many back

Starts with my mindset, my words, how I’m choosing to write my story

What I’m choosing to focus on

Instead of worrying how others aren’t meeting my needs I need to point a finger at myself. How am I making my goals and dreams a reality? If I’m not living for me, I have no reason to devote my time and energy others.

I have to create a stronger mindset. A headspace that isn’t easily permeated. One that remains focus and doesn’t get distracted. I need to stay in the moment. Allow myself to feel all sensations that come with reality. Too often I look back at my choices and cringe. How could I allow myself to be steered so wrong. I need to move with the best foot forward. I can’t do a little what I should’ve done. I can only do better for my future.

#my stuff #my thoughts #my feelings #reality check #realization #do better #my words #my mind #change my mind #changing #it’s your choice #choose yourself #my choices #choices

[galaxygrv]

having an accessable headspace would b REALLY helpful right now but ofc we struggle w imagining things while awake (though it is possible). our dreams r extremely vivid and almost like we're awake but as soon as we're awake they turn to mush. its hard to remember images and visual things so we often just forgo trying to imagine it and just repeat a description of it in our head. and despite the constant use of a description, we cannot describe things very well !!! its like a whole different language in our head, the version we can share outside (written or spoken) doesnt have the same meaning as the one we had in our head.

dont even get me started on how easily we r distracted !! its impossible to "clear our head" or "stop thinking" !!! we try and do that and BOOM. its been twenty minutes and we're in outer space talking w aliens (got distracted and started daydreaming AGAIN). this is even how we fall asleep !! we start daydreaming while laying down w our eyes closed and all of a sudden we're dreaming.

all of this combined makes a headspace REALLY fucking hard to even imagine creating, let alone actually trying to make it.

every tip we read abt just makes us more and more hopeless. how the Fuck am i supposed to imagine an apple? how does the "minds eye" work and why doesnt it work very well for us despite consistent hard effort? r we doing it wrong? how am i supposed to figure out if im doing smth wrong when everyone says its natural and that it doesnt need instruction? am i just Doomed?

#our posts #🐾 #🌨️ #vent cw #cw vent #🌸

[sapphicmoth]

Here I am , beginning what is the first ever book review of my life...if you don't count the ones you are forced to compose in school , those of which you have no true interest in.

Please only read this book if you are in a good headspace

Content Warnings for the review and book, this book contains the following mentions both brief and/or in depth of . Sexual abuse,alcoholism,mental abuse,physical abuse,emotional abuse, narcissistic family members,stalking,bullimia and purging,anorexia, cancer/treatment , death, panic attacks , anxiety disorders 

I have been waiting for a long time to get my hands on this book, however after finding it out of stock I my local bookshop and a 6 month wait I decided to purchase my first audio book.I was persuaded because I decided I wanted to hear jennette tell me her story...plus waiting sucks.

Rating someone's personal story about their struggles and the exploitation she faced as a child doesn't feel right so I've decided to rate the feelings it made me feel and how effective it was at doing so.

Growing up undiagnosed and autistic, I myself had an 'interesting' childhood and often zoned out absorbing whatever distractions I could.My favourite being icarly.I remember the very first episode I watched, a Halloween special, watching a scene where Jennettes character 'Sam' repeatedly hit her friend 'Freddie' (Nathan Cress) against a door in order to escape a haunted apartment. I laughed. This was the first time I had laughed at a TV show.I found comfort in the little world in which Jennette played. I found comfort in her character Sam Puckett. Sam Puckett was a girl that loved food, wasn't afraid to fight and who showed traditionally 'masculine' traits. I loved her because not only did I struggle with being neurodivergent and sticking out of social situations like a sore thumb but  I struggled with eating, Sam showed me that it was okay to eat and enjoy food and to be a little rough round the edges...And yet , this character couldn't have been further from the reality Jennette was facing. The contrast was heartwrenching.

I think that people always have the presumption that fame=money=happiness. I think people like to think that children stars have no concern , they have property at the age of 18 , bank accounts with numbers many working families can only dream of by the age of 21 ... Jennette shows us this isnt real , this isnt the truth . She is the start of something , she is the start of what i expect to be a string of child stars living and giving us an unfiltered insight into the exploitation of young people in showbiz and hopefully the start of a conversation

Jennette rips open the facade inwhich Hollywood creates surrounding young fame and gives us the raw , unforgiving truth.

From abuse and power from those at Nickelodeon studios to not being able to escape her own thoughts amongst the abuse at home. Jennette covers it all and in a very unique way. She is fast paced but goes into detail just where you would want to know more and skims over other bits enough to feel satisfied. She has a very dry sense of humour, very witty and I think that did go over a few people's heads when sliding little laughs in surrounding issues and trauma. I am someone who copes with my trauma through humour, talking  relating to others so to me it was perfect but I can see where others may have missed it.

The brutality of recovery is often a subject people shy away from. I personally believe its a fear of putting others off going through it themselves. However we need people to give us the harsh reality of recovery. She goes in depth into the physical and mental struggle of a bullimia recovery and having to break the illusion of a narcissistic parent and face the trauma it brings with it. The hardships of healing.

I found this book a difficult read or 'listen' but not because it is written badly , because younger me could relate and because it was written so truthfully and beautifully.

If you too are neurodivergent, have experienced neglect or abuse or even followed icarly as a child/teen. Pick this book up. Read the paper , scroll over the screen, listen the words...however you take books in, if you only plan to read one book this year... make it this one.

Rest In Peace Sam Puckett, Hello Jennette McCurdy , we cannot wait to get to know you , as a creative , as a writer and as yourself .

#booklr #books #jennette mccurdy #im glad my mom died #im glad my mom died jenette mccurdy #tw abuse

[ccthewriter]

CC's New Watch Ranking 2022: #8 - PlayTime

1967, dir. Jacques Tati

Every year on Letterboxd, I make a list of the 100 best films I’ve seen for the first time. It’s a fun way to compare movies separated in time, genre, and country of origin, and helps me keep track of what I’m watching! This is a series of posts about my Top 10.

Took a break from these posts to celebrate the new year and deal with some Life Problems. You ever get into a headspace where nothing seems to make sense? Like there’s a path that appears clear - perhaps you can even see your destination - but when you try to go there new obstacles seem  to arise out of nowhere? And you’re trapped in this absurd cycle of striving, failing, getting back up to try again, only to slam into a glass door like a distracted pigeon? 

You’ll understand that feeling if you watch Jacques Tati’s 1967 masterpiece, PlayTime!

I watched a ton of silent comedies this year. Every Chaplin movie they had up on Criterion, a few Keaton’s, and Harold Lloyd’s incredible Safety Last.  They’re the best reference point for PlayTime’s sense of humor. PlayTime is a largely silent, movement-driven comedy about various characters interacting with modernity. There’s a central figure, a man trying to make an appointment, but several background characters take prominence as the film goes on. As he tries to reach the person he’s meeting with, the world conspires to get in his way. Corridors guide him back towards the exit. People make assumptions about why he’s there, and usher him away from his goal. He gets literally swept up in a crowd that floats him into another building entirely. Through the shining new architecture of mid-60s French modernism, all steel and glass, you can spy absurd scenes of background actors getting into just as much confusion. The sets are solid and clear as crystal - everyone’s purpose is obscured. 

The unrelenting absurdity of every moment makes this film very funny, but within that silliness is the true feeling of alienation that the modern world has bestowed upon us. I think of René Magritte’s paintings when watching this film. Those works are brightly lit, boldly colored, and yet lack the human warmth one craves from those qualities. There is always a personal absence in his paintings. PlayTime similarly creates scenes where you see a lot of people, doing very mundane things we see every day, but the architecture of the space keeps us from understanding them. If we focus our eyes to try and pick apart who they are - like picking a stranger out from a crowd - we lose what’s happening everywhere else. This isn’t the sort of busy, lived-in space that an Altman movie creates. It’s much colder, much more impersonal. If we strain our ears to hear the overlapping dialogue, we’ll be left with less understanding than when we began. 

The film shifts towards the end from a series of similar office buildings to a restaurant, still being constructed around the diners who sit in for a meal. This sequence becomes much more classically farcical than the rest of the film, but it still contains that wise look at what it’s like to exist right now. It’s amazing that feeling existed in the 60s too. It’s a feeling of absolute morons making panicked decisions, yelling at their subordinates, while they turn to you with a smile and insist everything’s fine, they’ve got the latest thing, you’ll love it. While the first half of the film embodies the frustration of trying to navigate modern bureaucracies and impersonal urban environments, this sequence embodies the fun that you can create despite those travesties. You can dance even if the dance floor is falling apart. Right now, as we all worry about what the future will hold, for ourselves, for the world, for whatever dreams we may have had when we were younger, I take comfort knowing that everyone around me is just as confused. That we are all yearning for hope. Even if the kitchen can’t get our meals right, there’s music and drinks and the jokes only we can share. 

Despite the alienation, confusion, lack of clarity, and autocratic obstinance, there is still time to play.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading! If you made it this far why don't you give me a follow on Letterboxd, where I post reviews and keep obsessive track of all the movies I watch. Feel free to drop a line if you checked this movie out and want to share your thoughts!

#movies #film #jacques tati #PlayTime #letterboxd #movie list #cc oc

[mybookplacenet]

Author Interview: Nat Bickel

Tell us about yourself.: Nat Bickel is an energetic storyteller who aims to move people to action with her words. She has a bachelor's in communications, a previous contributorship with Darling Magazine, and published features in Glamour, Stylist, Shondaland, Refinery29, Parade Magazine, and more. Through her journalism experience, she's interviewed celebrities, worked with musical artists, and reported on current trends and events. She's the author of the children's book, The Christmas Clue, that showcases the tale of a Christmas morning scavenger hunt. When she's not writing, you can find her taking film photos of her dog, pressing flowers, or blazing new trails with her husband. Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?: I grew up in Southern Indiana. It’s an alright place to live, but it can get a bit dull. I moved from my flat hometown to a town with hills and more scenery. I think this is reflected in my writing because I’m always writing about places I’ve either been outside of Indiana or places I want to go. The setting isn’t usually a Midwest town. Do you have any unusual writing habits? Writing has always been the way I process things, and therefore I try to take readers on a journey with me, letting them see the world from my mindsight view. I tell people I’m an energetic storyteller because I feel the energy when I write. For example, I can tell when a good story or article is brewing. It starts to pop up in my dreams, and I can visualize it before the words come to me. A half-sleep state is usually how my writing starts. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve accidentally texted with a sentence I didn’t want to forget, when I was trying to make a note for myself. Whenever I sit down to write, I have to drink out of my favorite mug. It gets me in the headspace of “I’m about to let the stories, worlds, characters, and metaphors unleash onto a page.” What authors have influenced you? I grew up in Southern Indiana. It’s an alright place to live, but it can get a bit dull. I moved from my flat hometown to a town with hills and more scenery. I think this is reflected in my writing because I’m always writing about places I’ve either been outside of Indiana or places I want to go. The setting isn’t usually a Midwest town. Do you have any advice for new authors? Constantly be writing/creating. Even if no one reads it, write it because you only have yourself to benefit. No one has lived your experience or is in your head, so let your unique thoughts out regularly. Treat your book like you would a baby. It’s your creation, and you have to nurture it to make it thrive in this world. What is the best advice you have ever been given? “When you’re in the middle of a story you’re in the middle of possibility” - The Chair on Netflix This isn’t direct advice, but it keeps me going when I feel like a story has fallen flat or I’m not sure what direction to go next. Just being in the middle of a story feels thrilling, and the possibilities are endless because it’s your creation. What are you reading now? Lately, I’ve been reading books on raising children, but I recently started a Kristin Hannah book—The Great Alone. What's your biggest weakness? My biggest weakness is knit-picking my work. Sometimes it’s best to just write and let it flow freely without editing along the way. Some mornings I wake up ready to explode all my thoughts onto the page, and I can’t type fast enough. Others, I’m struggling to find the words, and I end up stressing over small things that can be fixed later like word-choice. Giving myself the space and time without distractions to explore the story already within me is when I produce the best writing. What is your favorite book of all time? This is extremely hard to answer, but I'll go with Dangerous Lies by Becca Fitzpatrick. When you're not writing, how do you like to spend your time? When I’m not writing, you can catch me creating something from nothing through my love of turning vintage items into something fresh and modern, including practicing photography using analog cameras. I also enjoy picking and pressing wildflowers, which then get turned into jewelry or decor. My husband and I love frequenting coffee shops, hiking, getting out in nature, and playing with our dog. Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you? I can’t remember the first story I ever read, but it was definitely in my early years. My mom would read Is Your Mama a Llama? by Deborah Guarino. It details a llama who lost its mom asking its friends if their mama is a llama. It felt almost like a silly question to me as a child to ask animals of different kinds if their mothers were llamas. Now, as an adult, I think about that book differently. Parents can look completely different from their children, and it’s beautiful. It’s no longer a silly thought, but a reality with adoptive parents, foster parents, and other atypical families. It’s impacted my worldview and my writing to be more inclusive. What has inspired you and your writing style? Typically, authors that use highly descriptive language and thought-out metaphors inspire my writing. I want people to feel like they're there inside the story, experiencing it firsthand. I also find that the more people I meet and the more places I go, the more I have to write about because in those moments, inspiration is floating all around—in the air, in the settings, and in the details of the people. What are you working on now? I have a young adult novel I’ve been working on polishing for a few years now, a new children’s book idea that I’m working on fleshing out about inclusivity and diversity, and a short story of mine is going to be published in a Christmas Anthology this year (2022) with TouchPoint Press. What is your favorite method for promoting your work? Social media is your best friend. My publisher helps promote through Ebookfairs, but utilizing your personal following is invaluable. Podcasts are another great platform to connect with readers interested in your genre. What's next for you as a writer? Short stories have been my sweet spot this year. I’ve been crafting a few in hopes to see them published via literary contests and anthologies. I also hope to get my novel published within the next year or so, but my ultimate goal is to continue to share my creativity and life experiences through story. How well do you work under pressure? I typically don’t put myself in situations to be under pressure. I’m a highly proactive person who tends to get tasks done well in advance so I never have to have the feeling of panic. Yet, that puts quite a bit of self-induced pressure on me because I have my own deadlines. Since this is how I work in every aspect of life, I would say I do well under pressure. I’m a go-getter who loves to get things done! How do you decide what tone to use with a particular piece of writing? The tone just comes naturally for me. When I have a story brewing in my mind, it starts to write itself. For example, I recently wrote a Christmas story about a little girl whose only wish is to meet her uncle. That tone throughout the story was mostly lighthearted and excited. Another story I’m working on is darker. It’s about a young woman who has experienced trauma and is trying to focus on the beauty in her life even though her past resurfaces from time to time. The story idea comes to me first, then the tone follows suit. If you could share one thing with your fans, what would that be? Take time to find inspiration and to explore your passions. That’s when I feel the most like myself—when I make space for rest, creativity, and spontaneous plans. Feel free to reach out via my website or social media. I’m always looking to connect with fellow authors and readers! Nat Bickel's Author Websites and Profiles Website Amazon Profile Goodreads Profile BookBub Profile Nat Bickel's Social Media Links Facebook Page Twitter Instagram LinkedIn Read the full article

[getting-stranger-and-stranger]

- They pick up the sketchbook and start flipping through the pages, they didn’t seem too disturbed despite it’s strange contents, after a minute or two of looking through they spoke -

If you don’t mind, i’d like to know about them. Is this some sort of legend that i should know about?

- They look up from the book, tilting their head slightly -

(They watch as the asker flips through the pages, also not disturbed by the content in the sketchbook, a pencil also now in their hand, though their attention turned to the asker.)

Ӌօմ աօմӀժ Ӏìҟҽ էօ ҟղօա ʍօɾҽ ąҍօմէ էհҽ ᎠའƐȺⱮƐའ? చҽӀӀ... į ąʍ ղօէ ąցąìղʂէ էҽӀӀìղց վօմ ահąէ į ҟղօա ąҍօմէ էհҽ ᎠའƐȺⱮƐའ.

(With a light sigh, they quickly gather their thoughts before speaking up again.)

Ͳհìʂ քӀąçҽ էհąէ աҽ ɾҽʂìժҽ ìղ, ą քӀąçҽ մʂҽժ էօ çօղէąìղ էհҽ ɾҽքɾҽʂʂҽժ ƒҽąɾʂ ąղժ ʍҽʍօɾìҽʂ օƒ ą էɾօմҍӀҽժ ʍìղժ. βꝈȺ↻Ҡ ϚφȺ↻Ɛ. Ͳհҽ օքքօʂìէҽ օƒ చǶįͲƐ ϚφȺ↻Ɛ, մʂҽժ էօ ʂմքքɾҽʂʂ ʂմçհ ƒҽąɾʂ. ȺӀӀ çօղէąìղҽժ ìղ էհҽ հҽąժ օƒ էհҽ ᎠའƐȺⱮƐའ.

(Another sigh, heavier this time.)

ꝈìէէӀҽ քҽօքӀҽ ɾҽʂìժҽ ìղ ҽìէհҽɾ βꝈȺ↻Ҡ ϚφȺ↻Ɛ օɾ చǶįͲƐ ϚφȺ↻Ɛ, ҽ×çҽքէ ƒօɾ ʍҽ ąղժ էհҽ ᎠའƐȺⱮƐའ. Ͳհҽ օղӀվ քօքմӀąէìօղ օէհҽɾ էհąղ էհąէ ìʂ ìղ ǶƐȺᎠϚφȺ↻Ɛ. Ͳհҽ ժɾҽąʍ çɾҽąէҽժ էօ ժìʂէɾąçէ.

(Tapping their pencil against their thigh, they look down pensively for a little bit, before turning back to the asker.)

į... Ϛҽҽʍ էօ հąѵҽ ɾąʍҍӀҽժ. Ϛօɾɾվ. Ɛìէհҽɾ աąվ էհօմցհ, էհąէ ʂհօմӀժ ҍҽ էհҽ ìղƒօɾʍąէìօղ էհąէ վօմ ɾҽզմҽʂէҽժ, մղӀҽʂʂ վօմ աìʂհ էօ ҟղօա ʍօɾҽ?

#You would like to know more about the DREAMER? Well... I am not against telling you what I know about the DREAMER. #This place that we reside in/a place used to contain the repressed fears and memories of a troubled mind. BLACK SPACE. The opposite of- #WHITE SPACE/used to repress such fears. All contained in the head of the DREAMER. #Little people reside in either BLACK SPACE or WHITE SPACE/except for me and the DREAMER. The only population other than that is in- #HEADSPACE. The dream created to distract. #I... seem to have rambled. Sorry. Either way though/that should be the information that you requested/unless you wish to know more? #gettingstrangerandstranger #icomefromthevoid #holy shit that was a lot (dies) #omori stranger

[condorclaw]

How c!Technoblade deals with others’ mental health

(TW: mentions of panic attacks and trauma symptoms)

Just finished the newest Technoblade stream, and something that stood out was Ranboo telling Techno about the voices. More so how Techno reacted to them.

The moment Ranboo tells him about the voices, the two are already in a stressful situation, with Techno's support animal, Steve, in danger. In this panic, the two try to talk to distract themselves from the current situation. Ranboo asks Techno about his voices during that moment, which Techno elaborates on. Ranboo tells Techno about the voice in his own head, trying to connect to him in some way, while letting out his own feelings.

Techno's response during this is asking simple questions and making a few jokes. This could be seen as disrespectful, but it's rather in-line for who Techno is and the current situation.

Techno doesn't do too well with talking to people, and when he does, he makes jokes to try and interact with his peers at least somewhat. He shows more through his actions, and in the moment of him having to hang on to Steve with a rope while a piglin tries to push him, there's not much room for physical acknowledgement. When it comes to what he says, Techno is already balancing Steve's safety and the voices in his head, so his responses won't be as thought out or carefully crafted.

He still knows that Ranboo is telling him something important, and he does care about what Ranboo is saying. When Ranboo says that his voice tells him bad things, but Techno's voices appear to be helpful, Techno responds by telling him that they're just saying "E" at the moment. Techno isn't trying to downgrade Ranboo's experiences at all here, and is rather trying to convey that his voices aren't all that helpful, not wanting Ranboo to feel bad about his own voice.

Techno knows that Ranboo is opening up about something important, and if Techno really didn't care about Ranboo's experiences, he'd tell Ranboo to shut up while they were saving Steve.

Now compare this to another situation where Techno was present: Tommy's frequent panic attacks during exile. More specifically, the ones occurring near Logsteshire and the Final Control Room.

When the two chose to sneak into L'manberg at one point to create a base, Techno shows Tommy a room he found, which turns out to be the Final Control Room, where Tommy had lost his first canon life. Techno wasn't present when the L'manberg Independence war wasn't taking place, so he, himself, didn't know what it was for.

Upon entering, Tommy immediately starts having a panic attack, and Techno tries to ask him what happened in that room. Tommy takes off running, and due to how he normally acts, Techno probably saw it as just another thing he does sometimes. As Tommy ran through the tunnels, Techno repeatedly asked why he was so afraid of the room, only fully realizing what was going on after Tommy said he didn't want to think about it.

Techno followed him, trying to tell Tommy that it was fine, and that he didn't need to talk about it. Tommy then started having conflicting thoughts about Dream again, with Techno trying to direct them towards the "you don't need Dream" area so Tommy could hopefully clear his thoughts more.

Techno's immediate response after Tommy recovering from his panic attack was for the two to head home. Heading in that direction, Techno tried to talk about secret bases to distract Tommy, and the two ended up staying in the tunnels for a little longer after Tommy found a ravine and got distracted, forgetting about what he previously felt like. Techno made some jokes and helped out Tommy with his discovery before they headed home.

The other instance of Techno witnessing one of Tommy's panic attacks was when the duo went looking for some wolves, and ended up going near Logsteshire, which is where Tommy was emotionally and physically abused by Dream.

The journey started off well, where the two continued to banter in their normal way, but the situation started to get worrying when Techno warned Tommy that Dream was online, and Tommy proceeded to talk about how he and Dream were friends, which worried Techno, since Tommy had expressed aggression and hatred for Dream several times.

Techno tries to ask Tommy more about his feelings, but by then, Tommy's trauma is starting to surface as he sees familiar landmarks from Logsteshire. Techno tells Tommy that he can handle the dogs, and tries to distract him by asking Tommy what he knows about the dogs. While Techno is busy with looking up information however, Tommy wanders off to Logsteshire, getting more and more panicked and quiet. Techno tries to ask him where he is and tells Tommy very clearly to come back to where he was.

Tommy sees a forest nearby and insists that he'll conquer his fears and find dogs for Techno. Techno says that he'll go off on his own, and gives Tommy instructions to find dogs, believing that Tommy will be fine since he said he would be.

When Tommy says that his head started spinning, Techno tries to make a joke about it, saying that it's a "promising development", but Tommy takes that literally. Tommy says that he just wants to get bamboo and go home, and Techno talks to him softly, saying that he just needs two dogs, emphasizing that it's not much. Techno meets up with Tommy again, but they get immediately separated as Tommy runs away again, trying to rush past Logsteshire to get to a different forest.

Tommy insists that he's going home, and Techno agrees that they can head back, he just wants to meet up with Tommy so they can go together. Tommy and Techno have a slight argument, where Tommy says Techno isn't the best at comforting him, and Techno says that he wants to meet up with Tommy, implying that he feels it would be bad to let a disoriented Tommy go alone.

Techno mentions that he might have spotted Dream, panicking Tommy who desperately asks where Techno is, and starts rambling about his conflicting thoughts. Techno becomes concerned as Tommy starts talking about how he's alone again, and asks Tommy to describe his surroundings. Tommy proceeds to do that with single words, with Techno trying to ask Tommy as simple questions as he can.

Techno pieces together that something is wrong, and works on trying to get Tommy home, while distracting him with random things and other jokes. As soon as Techno recognizes that Tommy's back in his regular headspace again, the two resume their banter.

The experiences Techno has had with Tommy have been similar in how he handles them. Techno always tries to ask first, and when he realizes that Tommy isn't in the right spot to talk, he tries to make jokes and distract Tommy with his current muddled thoughts. Techno isn't being disrespectful by doing this, and even expresses concern and wanting to get Tommy home when the boy's feelings become too much for Tommy himself to handle. Tommy frequently gets distracted from his own thoughts himself, so Techno finds that joking around helps pull him back to reality, since it's what Tommy likes to do.

When Techno believes that Tommy should do something specific, he always speaks in a clear, short manner, that Tommy can easily understand and reply to in simple ways. Techno himself isn't good with words, so it's easier for him to speak in short sentences when it comes to dealing with serious problems.

Techno could have carried these observations over for when he talks with Ranboo. Ranboo and Tommy are different when it comes to how they express trauma, and Techno is mostly familiar with what Tommy's is like. Ranboo is more direct with his words, while Tommy can't address the situation directly and has to drop cues.

When it comes to using words to comfort others, Techno is mostly familiar with distracting the person from their pain, wanting them to keep stable long enough so he can either get more information about what's going on, or get them to a better spot where they can rest.

Techno deals with the pain of others' in a similar manner to his own. He makes jokes constantly, and keeps moving frequently to keep unwanted voices away from his own thoughts. He's not heartless, and rather has a different way of handling certain issues than many others do.

#I BANGED THIS OUT IN ONE FUCKING GO WOOOO please read it #dream smp #dsmp #dream smp analysis #c!technoblade #c!ranboo #c!tommy #my post

[thesquareinthecircularhole]

hey stupid, i love you [MCYT: Dream x GN!Reader]

song: hey stupid I love you by jp saxe

warnings: fluff

im pretty sure i made this an gender neutral as possible but if there is an error lmk thanks bby :*

im in a simpin mood bby

as always, song lyrics in italics

i skipped a couple versus due to repetitiveness oops

this is the one i complained about losing, but it actually worked out bc i like this one better...less wordy

word count: ~2k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing's wrong, and it's not what I'm used to Oh, does it surprise you too? When it's simple, is it easier than it should be?

"Hey babe, are you okay? You've been quiet today," Dream practically pouted as he asked you. He loved the sound of your voice and while you definitely weren't giving him the quiet treatment, you sure weren't as talkative as you normally are.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just distracted thinking my thoughts." You smiled at him and leaned against him. He looked down at you and pecked your lips. You gave him a sweet kiss back. The smile he gave you made your heart boom. Loving him was as easy as eating a cake (because the usually analogy 'baking a cake' isn't true, its sometimes hard to bake a cake, especially when a hungry streamer keeps trying to eat the batter or start a flour fight).

"Anyway, don't you have a stream with the Dream Team to get ready for? One that starts in," you look at the clock on your phone, "three minutes ago?" The slight panic that crosses Dream's face makes you laugh loud. He gives you another kiss and in less than five seconds has practically launched himself across the house into his recording room. Your laughter follows him the whole way, a smile and blush upon his face.

Nothing's wrong, but when you're not in my arms I send voice notes, you send hearts And get quiet, and I know that means you miss me

Okay, granted, you were the one to remind him that he was streaming with his friends today and speedrunning, but you didn't expect it to last well over five hours. At the beginning you worked on your classwork for your [college degree of choice]. You got it done quickly, as it was nearing the end of the semester and most professors of yours were laidback and wanted you to study more than write nonsense papers (fictional you, i'm so jealous). Occasionally you would jump in fear when you heard Dream shout, still not used to it after years.

After finishing your classwork, you started cooking dinner. Soup was the vibe for the evening, and you had found a wonderful chicken and dumplings recipe a while ago that you wanted to try. You did have to go to the store for some of the ingredients, but luckily it only took you an hour. You can back and he was still streaming. It took about another hour for dinner to be done. You let it cool and prepared yourself a bowl. You set your laptop up and started watching Dream's stream. Hearing his voice made you miss him, so you pulled out your phone.

Going to the two of y'alls messages, you started making him a voice message.

"Hey baby, I made dinner, so don't play so long it gets cold. I love you! Kick the enderdragon's ass baby! Mwah."

You continued watching him stream, and he took a pause for a minute, his screen not moving from the create a new world screen and his mic muted. A couple seconds later you got spammed with every heart offered in the emoji index times what felt like a thousand.

He continued being quiet for a couple seconds, although he did unmute and continue playing, answering George's and Sapnap's questions of where he went with, "I had to take a message."

You're jealous, you shouldn't be I want you obsessively But I know how complicated it can get When you're not in front of me I know insecurities get in your head

Chat sometimes upset you. Sure, you got Dream, all of him, but sometimes the comments made by some of the more obsessives fans were a bit to much.

'With the way he killed those mobs you know he's got good fingers'

'His voice is hot so he must be'

'Heyo dream baby lemme see them feet'

Okay the last one was more weird, and actually turned out to be a joke from Quackity but anyway moving on.

He was your guy, and he promised himself to you, but sometimes he seemed to have a genuine connection with some of the sweeter and not gross ones. It made you scared that someone, one day, will swoop him off his feet with a comment and he’d leave you for them. 

But I'm not gonna interrupt if you need to talk about it Roll my eyes, get offended by the way you doubt it You know you're mine, you just forget sometimes So promise me you won’t And you know I'll remind you when you think I don't

The stream ended a little under an hour later. Dream left his recording room, grabbed a bowl of soup, and found you in the living room, lost in thought. He plopped down right next to you. 

“Talk to me baby.”

“About what?”

“Anything and everything.”

“Okay.” You’re quiet for a bit, despite his offering of listening. He knew you were gonna take him up on the offer, you just needed a bit of time, so he was going to wait patiently. He finished his soup quickly, he was much hungrier than he thought. He put the bowl on the coffee table and before he was all the way leaned back on the couch, you were leaning against him. His arms wrapped around you, your head was tucked in between his head and shoulder, and a blanket covered the both of you. You looked towards the blank tv screen but felt his eyes on you.

“I love you a lot. And I know you love me too, but I’m afraid I’m not enough. You have so many options, especially with your popularity online. I don’t know what I’d do if you left me, whether it be for someone else or just because you’re tired of me.” Dream waits for you to stop entirely, with you breathing heavily.

“Well, you’re right about one thing. I do love you, a lot. The rest of it is wrong and I’ll spend the rest of time telling you so.” Dream says, pressing several kisses against your forehead. 

“Yeah I know it’s stupid to feel this way, but my anxiety gets the best of me. It’s stupid, I’m stupid.”

“First of all, you’re not stupid. Second, hey stupid, I love you.”

Nothing's wrong, I just get in my head too Can you reassure me you, you're still in it? I just wish you could lean in and kiss me

As much as Dream loved you and reassured you, sometimes he would get caught up in his thoughts too. The life of a streamer/youtuber, especially one with as much fame and subscribers as him, was rough. The constant need to feed his fans with entertainment and content, and the need for the content to satisfy his fans was stressful. He hates to admit it, but he some days he spent to much time working and not enough with you. He thinks you would be so much happier with someone without a tight schedule and without a large, intense fanbase. Any random person on the street would be better for you than him, he thinks. 

When he gets into this headspace, the only thing that grounds him is your lips on his. When you kiss him, the clouds go away and all he can see is your eyes, as bright as the sun, and your smile, which can tempt even the purest. 

Say nothing's wrong, tell me to settle down You do it better than I've ever known how Won't pull some tricks for attention But could I get a little now?

Now, everyone knows that Dream likes some attention. He especially likes attention from you. Good thing is you also like attention, especially from him. The not so good thing is both of y’all get distracted so bad, it’s almost too funny.

He tends to get your attention by tickling you, whether it be in the comfort of your home or in public. One day, when you guys were walking through town, you stopped at a flower booth and got to talking with the friendly and flirty florist gentleman. It had been a couple minutes, and Dream was really needing some love, but you continued chatting with the florist who was definitely going to ask for your number but you genuinely thought he was just being nice. Dream crept up behind you and placed his hands on your side. You froze for a moment and looked at him, confused. The smirk that crossed his face barely gave you a second to prepare as he tickled your sides. Your laughter filled the street as you turned around as he tickled you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, which got him to stop ticking you, and gave him a kiss. The two of you continued on your way, attached at the hip.

And one day, when you wanted his attention, it was after he was done recording a manhunt with his friends. The actual video had been done for a bit, but they were just fucking around in the minecraft world and talking to each other. You had had a not so nice day, and wanted the crushing weight of your boyfriend on top of you. You crept into his recording room and came to stand right behind his chair. Based on the conversation you could tell he wasn’t recording anymore, so you knew it was safe. Your hands started in his hair, trailed down to his face, and slid down his body till your arms were wrapped around him snuggly. Your head was placed on top of his. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, and received no response. Instead, you began aggressively shaking him and the chair, turning it this way and that, making him slightly dizzy. His laughter filled the room, and he quickly ended the call. The two of you spent the next 12 hours cuddled in bed, leaving only for the necessities. 

You're jealous, you shouldn't be I want you obsessively But I know how complicated it can get When you're not in front of me I know insecurities get in your head

Dream got jealous as well sometimes. You were beautiful and a lot of the time attracted the attention of random passerbyers. Those people, who you don’t even know, who lived normal lives where they didn’t have to spend every second worried that their face will be revealed to the public and suddenly all their fans from around the world will know what they look like or the general area in which they live, who don’t have to obey algorithms and bend to the will of the masses to make sure they get paid enough to live, who could give you a normal and safe life. Every time one looked at you with some attraction, he pulled you a bit closer and kissed you a bit harder. 

But I'm not gonna interrupt if you need to talk about it Roll my eyes or get offended by the way you doubt it You know you're mine, you just forget sometimes So promise me you won’t And you know I'll remind you when you think I don't

Sometimes, Dream needed to rant. A long, hard, intense, rant. Sometimes it was about how someone accused him of cheating his speedruns. Sometimes it was about how someone said something nasty to him or one of his friends. Sometimes it was about a comment someone made about him or you that got on his nerves. When he needed to talk, you sat there and you listened. You did whatever he needed to get better, whether it was just listen or talk to find solutions. You did it because you know he would do the same for you. And afterwards, a cuddle session was a must. 

How could you forget? I told you seventeen times before 7 AM I love you How could you forget? I told you seventeen times

The morning after rough days were one of the bests. Arms tangled together, legs tangled together, everything tangled together, no one able to tell where one started and the other ended. Lazy kisses pressed to faces, hands, necks, any part of skin the lips could touch. One particular morning you woke up earlier than he did. A quick kiss against his cheek woke him up, and he gave you the most love filled smile any man could do.

“Hey stupid,” you said, “I love you.”

#mcyt #mcyt x reader #dream x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #fluff #songfic