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#GOD I was so blonde then
so your web!jon is amazing but what abt web!martin :0 (or do you have any other idea of that avatar he would fit/would be interesting to write?)
No, see that wouldn’t work, that makes too much sense askdfjasfd
I definitely always play Martin close to the web. One of my central character traits for Martin is ‘manipulative’, and I view him as being very good at reading people. I think there’s also a connection between the Web and theater, and I’m constantly connecting Martin and theater. He definitely did some work for the web in another story I wrote, Feste. So it’s definitely a direction I tend to lean him, and it’s a direction I find really interesting for his character.
The only other time I’ve written Martin with a strong connection to an Entity was my roleswap AU with Slaughter!Martin. It was 100%, entirely because it was funny to make Martin Melanie. Another part of my characterization for Martin is that he’s pretty much five minutes away from going apeshit at any particular time, so Slaughter was really very fun to write for him, and it let me do an exploration into his darker sides and create a really funny Jonmartin, but I wouldn’t have written that in a serious context. Similarly, I have another comedy story where he’s an arsonist, but Martin destroying shit is just funny. 
So I guess both Web and Slaughter makes sense to me, and I could play him both those aways. However, that being said...I wouldn’t write Avatar Martin.
It just has to do with character arcs in the story. Which characters, thematically, are about being people, and which are about being monsters. I think Martin really hates being a person sometimes, and that he hates caring about other people because it never gets him anywhere, and that his self-concept relies heavily on feelings on powerlessness. He’s never really felt human. So being an Avatar just doesn’t work with his story at all - because Martin’s a monster struggling to be a man, and Jon’s a man struggling to be a monster. I could twist it into literalizing that and flipping this over, but I find it more interesting this way. 
Even more than that, and this is more personal to my writing, is also narrative roles. I write Martin as a survivor. That’s another one of my central character tenets for him - that he’s a survivor, who will do whatever it takes to survive, and he survives through manipulation. Martin is impressively good at not dying. But part of acting as that survivor part is always remaining the underdog, and existing in a permanent state of powerlessness. Both in the stories I write, and in the way Martin thinks of himself, he’s the ‘NPC’. He’s the nothing. He’s the background character. I’m most explicit about this in Feste, but if you’ve read Web!Jon then you know what I’m talking about. Narrative role-wise, Jon’s cast as monster and Martin as the human, and the rest of the story erupts from that. 
Martin is that guy who slides into the background, who you don’t really notice, who’s not really that threatening, who you think would be pretty easy to push around...until he sets your Institute on fire lol. This is pretty web of him, but it creates a better sense of narrative tension and investment if this insane shit is just something Martin can do because he’s insane. Like, this is all the most entertaining if he’s Just Some Dude. Martin thinks of himself as Just Some Dude and he will continue thinking of himself as that as he undertakes an apocalyptic murder revenge tour. 
There’s also just the narrative thing? The most interesting romantic relationship dynamics to me are ones where they’re foils. I always write Georgie & Jon as foils (my early characterization for Georgie was as simple as ‘everything Jon is not’) and I always write Martin & Jon as foils too. If I were to make Martin an Avatar, then Jon and Martin would be having the exact same character trajectories and problems, which is dull. Jon’s constant scrabble for power to keep himself safe and Martin weaponizing his lack of power to keep himself safe. Martin working hard to keep the team together and Jon being completely self-obsessed. Jon’s selfishness and Martin’s selflessness. Martin’s refusal to ever ask for help or admit he needs help and the way that Jon is always reaching out a hand. How Martin very purposefully tried to lose his humanity and how Jon was extremely forced into it. How they’re both empathetic, but Martin weaponizes that and Jon pretends that he isn’t until it’s crushing. How in S4 Jon becomes Martin and Martin becomes Jon, I like writing Monster!Jon, so a lot of the stories I have contrast them as a powerful monster out of touch with humanity vs a powerless guy who’s one of the most human guys you’ll ever meet. And as a powerful monster who is painfully human vs a powerless guy who can be as cold and monstrous as the best of them.
jalsdf did that answer your question?? I feel like I did not. I feel like I should have supplied headcanons. But I tend to think of these things as ‘how would they work in the narrative’, so that’s my lens. I never know if I’m answering these right dlkjsf
 I’m pretty aware I write Martin really, really, different than most people do. So I could only give an answer with the Martin I have, which is not most people’s Martin, lol. But...I feel like people prioritize the development of the relationship over the development of the characters...and that people struggle to write romantic relationships where both characters are severely and sincerely flawed people...and really nobody in TMA is a great person and I hate making Martin the exception to that, and I think it’s great when he’s terrible just on his own merits as a dude...and -
jasklfd thanks for the really interesting ask, I enjoyed thinking about Martin in this context! 
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slutabed · 13 days ago
#tw: body image#tw: eating disorders#oof I knew I’d been gaining weight lately and I’ve been trying not to weigh myself#and working from home was fine bc I was just in sweats all day LOL#and now my work clothes are mostly fine except the pants that didn’t fit bc things aren’t cut to be so form fitting for work#but I went out with my brother and his wife last night and we took pictures#and fuck I look horrible#and it’s not even just size like there are people bigger and smaller than me who look amazing#it’s just my body I look fucking horrible and misshapen and awful#and my perception of myself is so off bc I thought I looked okay recently#but like last year I thought I was enormous when I was losing weight to the point that my ex was like ‘where did you go??’ when he saw me#like pre-pandemic I was just disappearing and I wish I could’ve seen that and appreciated it lol#bc now I look fucking awful and then I saw some family today for a socially distanced bday celebration#and in the pictures#god I hate it so much#it’s like everything about me is just wrong#skin hair face eyebrows body#i can’t hide behind filters in real life and without them I truly look like a monster I don’t even look human#and you’d think I’d be old enough by now to not care about looks!!! looks shouldn’t be important!!!#except I’ve been skinny and bigger and I’ve been cute & blonde and I’ve been whatever I am now#and people fucking treat me differently based on how I look and it’s awful to know now I’m back in the ‘doesn’t deserve respect’ category#I’ll delete this I just#it’s always harder to be bigger in the summer bc clothes are smaller and it’s hot and I’m just uncomfortable in my skin all the time#I want to be swaddled in at least three layers of clothing and blankets at all times
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lexitomarquez · 26 days ago
#I'd like to be appreciated#you know like I feel like to be known for once it's been like this smart one something like that like you know I'm not always the chaotic o#life is beating me up like a kangaroo at the moment and imnnot a fan#you know I'd really like it if you know like just someone thought I was don't know not a dumb blonde I'm not even blonde and so stupid it i#I just don't want to feel so fractured so fragmented because now it feels like you know I've put my brain to the side river come on this si#but like I didn't I mean a eid sometimes#you know what I don't even know where I'm going with this I'm yeah ok#I mean like I don't even know if my own friends think that I'm smart or have any brain cells because they were doing these big fancy courses#and all I can say is I put wheels on cars and that makes me happy no it doesn't know it doesn't#and like they've all got jobs no doing really well for themselves and parents like actual parents and I'm just not at that level#I can go the other friends and partners and what not I have an obsession with a 24-year old man just doesn't reflect very well on myself#I don't know I'm officially using this post as like my little diary but I am I'm sorry#well this point you've already read the posts and I'm just gonna run whatever I need to#like off my god I don't understand one of my own parents it's never even age don't even know what I'm doing with my life you know she's just#not arounf#let's money trying to speak to my brother in then and you know I asked him you know I got the all clear and she didn't even do it#like this is like a seventh chance that is given to her and she just burnt the bridge before she even had a chance to put in a support struc#and ladies have I ever told you how scared I am about driving now it's only I'm only knows but like I've my first lesson on Thursday I'm#scared scared out my bones#animals are very worried if I'm being honest about making friends are good at making friends I'm not very sociable person I'm not good at#speaking I can't read people very well and sometimes I don't think people can read me very well over text because o be quite sarcastic#just feel a bit useless you know I've got no job can't help me dad in anyway you like my life I've done a full 180 with i#how do you go from doing a practical mechanical course going doing 3 of the most academic subject going like chokr
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oncewasamadhouse · 29 days ago
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I... don’t have any fearless merch 😔 but I did find a picture of myself from when I was 11 when Fearless came out ignore the tiara; it’s from a Dance recital... where I danced to Love Story IIRC actually so me then and me now, and I’m VERY excited to relive my childhood tonight, headfirst fearless 💛💛
I first became a fan of Taylor like... a month before Love Story was released so fearless is an album that really defined my childhood and I used to have this potable CD player and I’d just play the album over and over again often making up stories for my littlest pet shop toys to go with them so this just- it means A LOT to me.
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arainayeet · 3 months ago
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i don’t know about y’all but idk. personally these are Not Carver...they can be Carpenter and Mason 🤭😳🤫
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bee-nie · 4 months ago
I’ll work on writing how I see their relationship later, but am I the only one who thinks Rein and Jack would be great friends, especially during the Crisis?
Two idiot blondes whose voices fill up rooms and whose laughs are far too loud. Both with a sense of arrogance but also with an understanding and desire to protect the people they love.
Just- the thought of Rein coming to Jack to caution him about getting too much of an ego after seeing how he and Gabriel joke together (like asshole teenagers), only for Jack to share that he understands his concerns, but that he knows nothing is more important than a team, than their team.
Rein getting the feeling of taking Jack “under his wing,” mostly because he’s the youngest, and Jack genuinely taking his advice.
Rein reminding Jack over and over “There’s nothing more important to a team than their shield! At least, that’s how I see it,” and “The only way to work is together,” ... Even though he inevitably ends up getting ahead of himself a time or two, hammer ablazin’, and Jack, as their team medic, learning then as he’s patching Rein up, to take Rein and his “wisdom” with a grain of salt
((No ship tags, please ;P))
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h-isforhome · 5 months ago
#i barelyyyyy rmbr my dreams but i did today and . i’m laughing bro it’s so sad jsvajhskabs#to preface why it was like that: last night my mom was going around being ~affectionate#except like .! that’s 10+yrs so late for me!!!#so much so i can’t stand affectionate touch from her#or anyone else !!!!!#a year ago all of my sister were like that but ig the 12y/o and 16y/o have grown to be fine with that#but not me or the 10y/o so anyway my mom was just . going around giving us hugs or rubbing us affectionately and saying ‘i love you’#yk all the shit that makes me wanna throw up and claw my ears out bc it’s so fake to me#anyway me & the 10y/o backed away anytime she reached in our direction and told her to stop#and then my mom was all like ‘the 12y/o and the 16y/o are my favorite daughters’#‘bc the let me touch them and tell them i love you and they listen to me’#so like =) she was making me & the 10y/o feel bad =) abt a problem She played a role in =)#anyway . i ignored her and put in my headphones and then accidentally woke up on the living room floor jzksvsjse#and i rmbr’d this dream i had oh my goddddd#i don’t rmbr much i just rmbr . me being older 25-ish and there being a dude also 25-ish ??#and he was blonde ??? literally everything i don’t like but ????? it happened ?????#anyway . we were sitting next to each other somewhere and ??#i distinctly rmbr me going to lean in and like ~tuck myself into the other guy#jesus writing that was so hard god i wanna throw up#anyway i rmbr doing that and i rmbr thinking specifically wanting to be like . held and close to someone#and that was why i made that move or w/e#anyway this blonde guy was super alright with that it was all good i also rmbr reading his wikipedia page ???????????#to figure out if he was divorced ?????????#like out of the corner of my eye on a laptop screen lmao#bc it said he had a wife and then later on it said he divorced and i was happy and i said it as much and blah blah#well that was . a trip and a half yall i have some Issues huh...
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cuyahogafalls-ohio · 6 months ago
I'm no longer the only James at t*rget and further I'm no longer the only blonde James, no longer the only short James, the only chubby James, the only twenty-something James, or the only more-than-slightly effeminate James what the hell bud why you gotta be so weirdly similar to me and have my same name are you the Bernstein-with-an-e universe cisgender version of me?
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lgbtmazight · 8 months ago
hello, i'm an iraqi arab (i call myself either arab or middle eastern) but i live in europe and i just wanted to say that your posts on maghrebi culture and its relationship to arabness have been really interesting and enlightening - even though i lived in the middle east, i was in a country where they basically taught us nothing about the history and politics of the region and now that i'm older i'm really enjoying learning about it all
hi!! that's so nice to hear, thank you for taking the time to send this message T__T <3
it's been such an interesting month for me, dipping my toe back in fictional fandom. i had been holed up in my little kpop corner for years and i came back to tumblr mainly in reaction, because the tog ao3 tag was going in... a questionable direction in the first week, ha. i've always been very ambivalent to the concept of media represention, but i guess i'm rethinking things. obviously on an emotional level ~seeing yourself on screen is very powerful, i knew that, but i've never really been in this specific position before - using a character as a stepping stone to disseminate info most people would never think to look for otherwise. i'm rambling but my point is! not to sound horribly earnest but asks like yours are why i don't mind spending a few hours per day typing up this stuff when i could objectively be doing More Fun Things. so! many heart emojis to u
ps i can't help myself i have to put this disclaimer somewhere, i am Just One Person and i don't want people to take me as the be-all end-all source of information on the maghreb! northwestern africa is an incredibly diverse region in many ways, and our experiences vary drastically, and our understanding of our own history/ies and identities does as well. i am trying however to prioritize an indigenous perspective because even within the maghreb that is almost never the case, and as you state in your ask it indeed certainly isn't something one can expect to find in the rest of the arab world either
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little-seed · 9 months ago
teru.... is that person who will side-hug everyone goodbye Just to hug mob--Just so he can obligatory-side-hug everyone else bc he's "just an affectionate person" and save mob for last to do the INCREDIBLY TRANSPARENT Forgetful Fakeout that ends with "ohhhhh couldn't forget about YOUUUUU<3333" and a much more enthusiastic hug to "prove" it... he's that person isnt he.
#he's that person and everyone knows.#oh god. geez why#i was thinking abt ritsu's possible responses to different senses of humor and how with him bc of how much he masks around#some ppl but can't hide his genuine reactions at all around others--how his responses to diff things would have just as much to do w the#person he's responding to as it does with the thing (jokes in this case)#and somehow that got me on the ritsu and teru interactions train#which--oh nvm it wasn't a big leap: teru being a shoulder-touchy person w/ JUST mob?? or with everyone? easier to pass off if w/ everyone#SO THEN teru being friendily affectionate w ritsu??? would ritsu react differently depending more on Context? or on Company?#OR would teru be a person he cant hide his genuine reaction from?#then it occured to me that ritsu would probably read this loser like an open frickin book the friendly affection is just to get close to mob#so then in that case *ritsu's own* personal feelings abt closeness wouldnt matter as much to him in the situation as his#feelings abt being used..#possibly.#or his brother's feelings.#and if he.... say.... Knew Mob Had A Crush on a..#saaaaaay particular charismatic bottle blonde.....#ritsu then may be inclined to accept the side-hugs to let teru and mob's ritual pining play out.#(little does he know (or perhaps he does know idk) friendly physical contact helps strengthen bonds so he and teru are becoming#better friends too >:^3c and eventually it's such a habit that NO ONE feels right saying gbye to teru w/o a silly side-hug)#HAH#ok back to thinking about jokes and humor goodbye
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Wanted to write a poem that would say literally everything important about my OC because else I'd have to explain shit in at least 10 separate poems and 3 fanfics and honestly that takes ages so I created this:
At the end of time, I'm still here
Feel my laughter turn into tears.
At the end of morality
I'm still here filled with empathy.
Standing at the edge, I'm alone.
Won't you hold me and bring me home?
Killed a bird so small and frail,
tore all the feathers off its tail.
Killed my innocence right there,
oh it's not just, oh it's not fair.
Killed myself with servitude,
so sick of your attitude.
At the end I'll be by your side
damned be all morals and pride.
You are such a guilty one
and I know what you have done.
Still I sit beneath this rotten throne
since it's selfish to be alone.
I know I'm a guilty one
and I won't be forgiven.
Killed a friend, killed a cheap whore,
loving her was such a chore.
Put my fingers around her neck,
grinned as she slithered and begged.
Killed the last good bit in me.
Now I am as twisted as thee.
There's no love for the wicked,
no love for me, I am livid.
God help me, at the end of time
there's evil in this heart of mine.
Doc help me, at the end of line
there's blind love in this soul of mine.
Born evil, give me a diagnosis,
good doctor, what's the prognosis.
Cause I killed a man, crushed him dead,
bludgeoned his ugly head.
Murdered him out of jealousy.
Love made me do it, you see.
Killed him twice, thrice, a thousand times -
just one of my many crimes.
At the end of time I'm still blue,
pure solely by that virtue.
My hands are dirty, they're filthy
but it's love who is guilty.
Pretended to be blind for love,
I'm guilty of a murder bluff.
Someone call my doctor, please.
My demons I need to appease.
Oh I deserve to suffer hard,
after all I played my part.
And I did it all for selflessness
to punish my selfishness.
I'm a sinner, a guilty saint,
I'm Schrodinger's golden maid.
Oh spirits, I'm the guilty one
so torture me for what I've done.
Kissed the devil in pale moonlight,
felt his burning bloodlust and spite.
Oh I'm hell's adversary,
a puppet with no strings to see.
Standing at the edge, I live -
the worst punishment skies could give.
Won't you hold me and bring me home?
I go selfish when I'm alone.
I go thinking something dark,
want to crush your lovely spark.
Want to snatch the devil's crown,
to see you kneel, whimper and bow.
At the end of time, I'm just me -
A demoness evil when free.
From birth a guilty wench, a freak,
Hell's lead puppet, a martyr weak.
I die for love, I die for thee,
I'd die for all who'd order me.
I die for empathy's sweet sake
before death makes me apathy's fake
I die, I die the devil's wife,
a Saint for those who don't know my life.
I die a lavender of blue,
a renegade in pink-ish hue.
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snapdragon-mina · an hour ago
Enchanted Pt. 3
Kuroo x GN!Reader
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A/N: The final installment of this series ✨✨
Warnings: No beta we die like men, swearing, implied death, poisoning, attempted murder, etc Crack treated seriously.
Word Count: 1.3k
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
The chime was heard and they let out a sob, a panicked look gracing their face. Unintentionally letting out a string of "no". Tetsurou's face fell as he stared up at them. " No? I don't- I don't understand? What's wrong? Is it.. Is it my uncle's politics? Your family? Those things aren't important, (y/n)." His voice was soft as he stood and put his arms on their shoulders. "What's important is our love for each other. With this, we can conquer anything."
Tears continued to stream down their face as he talked, the dagger shaking in their hands behind them. "I do love you, Tetsu."
He kissed them softly and hugged them, resting his face in the crook of their neck as the hand with the dagger shakily raised towards his upper back. As they watched, unable to stop their own body, all of their memories of the curse flooded in. Their stepbrothers manipulating them, the accidental incidents, and every other traumatic memory that came with this god forsaken curse. Their hand continued to shake, harder than before as they sobbed, the dagger getting closer.
"I will no longer be obedient..." They mumbled before yelling it out. "YOU WILL NO LONGER BE OBEDIENT." And in one fell swoop, they let go of the dagger right as Tetsu saw it with wide eyes. A loud clatter sounded as it hit the stone. They collapsed in complete relief as Tetsurou continued to stare in disbelief. He took a step back, and then several more.
"I'm free... I did it... I'm finally free..."
"You... You tried to kill me."
Right on que, Kei walked in, followed by Tadashi. "Guards! Take them away."
"No. Wait, no, Tetsu. Tetsu please, I didn't-" They continued to beg as they were picked up and forcefully removed from the Hall of mirrors before being thrown into a dungeon.
"You realize that they'll be sentenced to death immediately, yes?" Kei asked Tetsurou.
"I don't understand... Maybe I should talk to them." He spoke in a quiet voice, going to walk out of the room.
"No!" The blonde cleared his throat. "No, you're not allowed down there."
Tadashi spoke up. "Your Highnesss, Your uncle didn't want to sscare you but the ssecret police informed us of a posssible... uprissing. Thosse... ogress in the foresst, were after you."
"They were obviously part of the scheme," Kei continued. "The ogres never planned to hurt them. They were just toying with your emotions, Tetsu. They wanted to get close to you so they could commit the crime themselves."
"I don't believe it."
"Well, it does seem pretty unbelievable, but it is undeniably the truth. Let me worry about this, yes? Just worry about your coronation tomorrow." Kei pet his shoulder and left.
"Sso, yknow how I've been working with the red guard? Why not call it in now and take over their entire kingdom asss planned?" Tadashi hums.
"We need to get rid of the prince first, Tadashi. Though... I might have an idea for that matter." They looked at each other, a sick sense of glee filled their voices as the laughed.
Shoyo spoke to a group of elves and two giants as they planned to infiltrate the castle, only to hear a familiar voice. Searching, He found Ryuunosuke in a trash can. He managed to let Shoyo know about the trouble (y/n) was in before being interrupted by ogres. Luckily for them, the ogres joined their cause. The group searched the dungeons after taking out the only guard that was on duty.
(Y/n) heard voices. One voice stuck out so much that they decided to push their luck. "Shoyo???"
"(Y/n)!" They found each other and Shoyo helped (y/n) out of their cell. (Y/n) caught everyone up and together they discovered that Kei had poisoned the crown that Tetsurou was set to wear during his coronation.
The coronation began and Kei proudly spoke. "People of Lamia, today is a very special day in the kingdom. Today, you're here to witness the crowning of a king."
Tetsu walked out looking just as miserable as he did the previous night, somehow managing to tune out the piercing screams of his fanclub.
From a door Shoyo could be seen poking his head out, followed by (y/n), and then an ogre. They scouted the guards before looking to the ogre for help.
Back during the ceremony, Kei ordered for the crown to be brought in and a child brought it in on a pillow. As Tetsu was in the process of being crowned, Kei and Tadashi waited in anticipation only for the entire ceremony to be disturbed by none other than (Y/n). They forced the doors open and walked into the room with all of elves, giants, and ogres backing them up.
The crowd gasped and turned to stare at the intruder in shock.
Tetsu whispers their name in shock at the same time Kei demanded that they be caught. All hell broke loose. Ogres were bashing in knights's Armor, Giants were swatting away guards, and at some point Tadashi even pushed a button that made the red guards appear. The moment they did, They were given orders to kill the intruders and anyone that got in their way.
Tetsu tossed (Y/n) a sword and swung via rope towards them. "I can't believe I'm saving you after you tried to kill me."
"I didn't try to kill you!" They defended.
A guard appeared and Tetsu immediately stood in front of them, point the sword and demanding they stay out of it. Another guard appeared and both Tetsurou and (Y/n) fought them off side by side.
"What so the dagger that was about to go in my back was an early wedding present?" He asked, still fighting the guard.
"Okay, maybe I did try to kill you. But it wasn't me!" They both flipped the two guards on their backs.
"Okay, maybe it was me, but it wasn't my fault!" They ducked as another guard ran at them.
As their fight went on, Kiyoko continuously tried to turn Ryuu back into a human. She failed more than once, but eventually, she did it.
(Y/n) explained their curse and then Kei's plan to murder him.
"...Kei's trying to kill me?"
"Yes, One moment-" They paused to beat the shit out of one of the guards due to pure unadulterated frustration. When they calmed back down they led Tetsu away. "There's one more thing. He killed your father."
"What? That's That can't be right."
"No shit it's not true. Who are you going to believe, Tetsu? This lying little fling of yours or the man who raised you?" Kei said with a false softness in his voice. As this happened, a snake could be seen, fully preparing to bite. It wasn't successful, as (Y/n) stomped on it's body the moment they noticed it and kicked them away.
A moment of silence before "He tried to kill Tetsu!" Was cried out and suddenly Tadashi had a mob of very pissy fangirls on his ass.
Tetsurou turned towards Kei with the most unamused look. "Well that answers that question."
"You vile child." Kei hissed at (y/n). "I should've gotten rid of you when I had the chance."
"You almost destroyed the kingdom! You killed my Dad, your own BROTHER! How could you??" Tetsu stared at Kei, expecting answers.
"I wanted something and he was in my way. So I got rid of him," By this point, they had a crowd watching them. "He wasn't fit to wear the crown and neither are you." He seethed before placing the poisoned crown on his head. He immediately regretted the decision as he forced out a single "Fuck." before collapsing.
"You saved my life." Tetsu grinned at them.
"And now we're even." They grinned back at him.
A shout was heard from none other that Tooru himself as he and Tobio ran up. "(Y/n) Stop! I'm commanding you to stop!!"
(Y/n) turned at looked at Tooru, walked over to him and snatched their mother's necklace back. "Wanna bet?"
Tooru had the nerve to look offended.
"Marry me?" Tetsu asked them for the second time.
"That, I can do." They smiled and kissed him softly.
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