#Fucked Up Tim

[deadsetobsessions]

Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt.4

[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.3][Pt.5][Pt.6][Pt.7]

Danny was sitting in the back, his backpack obnoxiously taking up the seat next to him, when the door to the lecture hall creaked open near silently.

“What are you in here for?” Danny asked the guy who crept into class. He sympathetically took his backpack off the Seat of Shame and allowed the guy to sit down. Funnily enough, they had the same hair and eye color.

“Gen Ed. Undecided. You?” The guy grunted quietly back.

“Environmental studies. I’m Danny.”

“Tim.”

With the implicit understanding of two people in a required class they could not give less than two fucks about, Tim and Danny tuned back into the lecture. When the class was assigned group work, Danny looked over to see Tim softly snoring, head slammed down on the table.

“Tim. Wake up, dude.” Danny poked his shoulder.

“Huh? Class over?”

“Nah, we got group work. Discussion board.”

“Oh shit, thanks for waking me up. Wanna team up?”

Danny shrugged. “Sure. We should aim to post it in the middle so the professor doesn’t read our answers to the class.”

“Yeah, sounds like a good idea. Any idea what we’re talking about?”

“Kind of?”

“Good enough for me.”

——

Tim Drake kept seeing Danny Fenton around on campus.

“Danny! Dude, what are you doing?”

Danny turned, gloved hands full of crumpled trash. “Picking up after the student population, apparently.”

“Didn’t think environmental studies was that serious.”

“Global warming is very serious, you jerk,” Danny smirked at him, crossing the grass to put the trash into the trash can. “Reduce, reuse, oil shouldn’t be spilled in water and all that.”

“Basic stuff,” Tim grinned. Nice, he basically had a friend past Bernard now!

They were friends, right?

“And yet humanity fails to comprehend it. Incredible. Incredibly stupid that is.”

“They get it. Major corporations just don’t care.”

Danny sighed. “True that. You on your way to your next class?” He took off his biodegradable gloves off (nitrile and nylon, baby!) and chucked them into the trash.

“I’ve got free time, actually. Prof cancelled for his daughter’s surgery.”

“Oh, shit, that’s rough! You wanna go downtown and join the strike?”

“A strike? What for?” Even as he asked, Tim hiked his bag higher onto his shoulder, ready to go. They fell into step as the two left campus.

“Apparently, Quillan Pharma was doing some shady shit at their manufacturing plants. I think it’s like killing kids, and pouring toxins into the ground.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Yeah. Oh! Poison Ivy’s gonna be there!”

Tim blinked. He casted a sideways look at Danny. Sure he’s been here long enough to know… but it couldn’t hurt to check. “You know she’s an eco-terrorist, right?”

“Okay, but like… people suck sometimes. And all she’s asking for is like don’t kill the planet. And she doesn’t do that whole mind control thing too much anymore! The Sirens are so cool. Plus, one of my best friends at home might actually kill me if I don’t try to get her autograph. Poison Ivy is like, Sam’s personal hero.”

Tim snickered. “Yeah, okay. Mind if one of my friends join? His name’s Bernard.”

“The more the merrier,” Danny nodded. “Ooo! Hot chocolate. Want some?”

Danny bought three drinks as Tim trailed behind, texting Bernard.

“He said yes.”

“Cool! We should meet up somewhere before the drinks get cold.”

Well, Danny got the autograph. Tim got a new friend, and Bernard got a drink from his crush.

——

“Oh, you’re the glowing dude that Batman always talks about!”

Danny blinked, eyes scanning the wing-like cape and the yellow emblem on the hero’s suit. Danny was indeed glowing, stars and nebulas freckling across neon green skin, and glowing hair the color of a white dwarf star, tinged with the blue from his ice core.

“I… have absolutely no idea who you are,” Danny lied, like a liar. He’s found a surprising niche of entertainment in messing with the local vigilantes and he’ll be damned if he missed this opportunity.

He heard a snicker from the comm lines as Red Robin visibly brushes it off.

“I’m Red Robin. Why are you picking up trash?”

“Picking up after you humans, apparently.”

The both of them blink, feeling a weird sense of déjà vu. A moment of awkward silence passed before they both shook it off.

“Are you here to help? No offense, but the track record for you people is terrible.” Danny strode over and grabbed a bag. He opened it, and shook it at Red Robin’s face. “See? Batarangs, these odd bird looking ones, the R’s. Seriously, pick up after yourselves!”

“Oh, woah, can we have these back?”

Danny yanked the bag back before Red Robin could get close. “Pay me. These were incredibly tedious to pick up. Especially the batarangs. I mean, I even found a whole bunch of old rusted ones in the middle of the bay. What did you do, dump an entire bag in there from the air?”

Red Robin sighed and took out a wad of cash, with tracking fluid all over it. Danny grimaced, smelling the odd scent on the money. “That’s not real cash. It smells off. Are you trying to give me counterfeits because you’re broke?”

Red Robin gaped, oddly offended. “No! They’re real!”

“Doesn’t smell like it. It’s stinkier than the trash. Go get the one with the money, the litterer. Tell him I’ll be back the next full moon. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” Danny grumbled, disappearing on the spot to watch Red Robin flounder with the stack of cash and the piles of dead bodies on the shore.

“What the fuck even is my life these days?” Red Robin wondered out loud, stuffing the cash back into his pocket. He looked over the plastic wrapped bodies and slumped, sighing.

Oddly enough, Danny felt a sense of sympathy. Well, he’s not getting paid for sympathy. He’s not getting paid at all tonight, actually. Danny flew off, plunging once more into the depths of the significantly cleaner waters, and used his ice to scoop out oil stains.

Danny glanced around and sighed. He had a lot of work to do.

——

“So you’re saying he’s like a werewolf mermaid fae child immortal god thing, right?”

Bruce grunted.

“B, what the hell are you smoking these days? You know drugs are bad, right? Do we need Superman to give you that PSA?” Jason snickered.

Tim, massaging his arms from having to haul an ungodly amount of dead bodies, grunted. He’s so similar to Bruce that it gave the people currently in the cave hives.

“He said full moon. I don’t think we can track him with regular stuff. The bugs kept shorting out.”

“Oh boy,” Dick sighed. “Don’t fall off the spiral cliff, Tim. You’ve got midterms to think about so no stalking the guy.”

“Yet,” Tim shot back, changing out of his suit.

Bruce grunted, setting aside a huge stack of cash.

#let Tim Drake go to college you cowards #he got his GED in this one boys #let Tim fucking age #danny phantom #batman #tim drake #dc x dp #dcxdp #dpxdc #danny the tired college student #bamf danny phantom #siren au??? #sea cryptic Danny #bro I had war flashbacks to discussion board group work #terrible why do I do this to myself #the batarangs in the middle of the bay was from when Bruce tried to kill the joker and himself #Danny: people just can’t clean up after themselves these days #sea cryptic! danny au

[aunmenosheteroenespanol]

2.12 Chimney Begins - 2.09 Hen Begins - 2.16 Bobby Begins Again - 7.04 Buck, Bothered and Bewildered

Tommy's family arc

#911 #911edit #911 abc #911 show #911 spoilers #911 season 7 #tommy kinard #evan buckley #evan 'buck' buckley #kinley #bucktommy #kinkley #tevan #pick a ship name you guys and thanks for picking tevan the most correct name #anyway analysis time! #looking back with Modern Knowledge tm about why tommy acts the way he does in the past... babygirl you were so closeted I'm so proud #babygirl was back there getting into narnia #he was so resistant to letting go of the pseudo-family he'd found at the 118 in chimney begins #even tho it was a good old boys club that he knew he really didn't fit into he was making himself fit because at least it was something #but then he let chimney in and then hen came around and he saw a very queer person being openly queer and not giving a fuck what they think #and I think his behavior in that episode was trying to support hen as much as he could without outing himself #because like. how do you give up years of relative safety with people who do care about you they just won't like you anymore if you're *you #then he meets buck in s7 which is like 10-20 years later timeline is fake and he's like oh. this is what unconditional family is #and he's like oh. maybe I can come back. maybe I can be part of this again somehow. maybe we've both grown enough #or at the very least he'll be close to something he never believed would really happen for him #rant over tevan my beloved tim minear pillow cold both sides god bless #my edits

[thoughtsaboutbats]

Titans Tower had a sign that says “days since Robin tried to become a supervillain” that didn’t get past a month the entire time Tim was Robin.

When Damian got there he was pissed cause he thought Tim/Tim’s Titans put it up to make fun of him.

#batfam #tim drake #damian wayne #teen titans #Obviously most of the attempts aren’t act attempts #but everytime tim says let’s do [really fucked up thing] they set it back to 0

[qcomicsy]

Alfred comes home and there's a whole noise from the kitchen.

Alfred: Is everything okay?

Damian: Dumbass is coming out.

Alfred: Oh.

Alfred (to Dick): ...I figured this day would come sooner or later...

Dick:

Alfred: Don't think I didn't saw it my boy, and pardon me if I should said something before...

Dick: No, no, no it's not

Alfred:... I mean It was obvious from the start but I figured I shouldn't press-

Dick: Alfie It's not

Jason: No, no let him finish.

----

Batman: Yes, my kid also came out to me recently.

Superman (to Dick): Oh wow, that's great! I'm proud of you buddy.

Dick:

Dick: What

Tim: It's me.

Superman: Oh

Superman: Oh wow, thats great! I'm proud of you buddy.

Dick: No, wait you can't just-

----

Jon: I'm just glad in not being alone in this, you know.

Titans:

Dick: It's not me.

Titans: "Oh, right. Sure." " Yeah we knew it" "Totally"

#I've been thinking about this since Tim came out beaceus that was pretty much every reaction from everyone I know #And i find fucking hilarious #Tim had more in lore logic but Grayson just screams queer energy and there's no way people around him didn't caught up onto that #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #batfam #incorrect quotes #batfamily incorrect quotes #the funniest part is that if gotham knights is cannon he might actually be and this is just him being confused #on how people think he'll need to come out #but if he's not he's the talk Valentina of the family and we love him anyway

[ew-selfish-art]

Dp x Dc AU: Danny and Tim are twins- And Vlad is the first to figure this out in his attempts to get DavlCo a new investor.

---

Tim was getting the creeps from this guy. It was as if the room got colder, the seconds got longer and the room's shadows moved to their own volition. He stared Tim down less like 'You punk kid' and more like 'You'll be mine' in a way that Tim didn't appreciate. At all.

The guy kept setting meetings up despite Tim's direct insistance that Wayne Enterprises would never touch DalvCo- not with a ten foot pole or for all the money in the world. Some how Tim's board of directors kept getting swindled by the guy and... therefore more meetings. More looks from this guy that made him want to crawl out of his skin.

Vlad asked him if he ever went by Timothy- Tim couldn't reply "that's not my name" fast enough. It apparently inspired the guy somehow. More meetings that Tim can't reject because of board members pop up.

It's been long determined that Jason doesn't get involved with Wayne Enterprises, but after the Uncle and a few other paid-actor solutions go up in flames- Tim decides to call up his older brother to act as a bodyguard and tell this guy to fuck off for the final time.

Jason apparently also gets the Heebee-jeebies from this asshole but his message is loud and clear to Vlad. There's a flash of green and then all of sudden it's just Tim and Jason in the room... Only Jason isn't acting like himself.

Putting it together- Tim reaches for his contingency F stash of Knock out gas and doses Jason. Vlad doesn't re-appear so Tim assumes that to mean that he'll be trapped in Jason's person until Jason wakes up.

Walking out of the meeting room with his bus of a brother over his shoulders- Tim quickly asks Tam to reach out to Vlad's Emergency contact. Surely there is someone in this man's company willing to explain what the fuck Vlad was trying to pull. Tim theoretically can keep Jason drugged asleep for a long time- surely that threat can get him somewhere.

The day drags on as Tim continues to keep Jason unconscious and eventually Tam lets him know that someone is here for Vlad. She says it with the addition of one of their codes- He mentally prepares himself for the worst and then... His doppleganger walks through the door? What the fuck?

Tim and Danny puzzle about one another for a little too long and Jason wakes up- Vlad pops out immediately. A shouting match between Danny and Vlad commences and...

"Man I knew our family had unresolved issues but seriously what the fuck has your clone dealing with?" Jason asks, as though he could watch this all day with pop corn.

"You made more clones?!" Danny screamed at Vlad who's only response is "Not this one! This one is actually polite!"

"Fuck you!" Tim and Danny reply in tandem.

#dcxdp #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc #danny phantom #dc crossover #dp crossover #long post #tim and danny are twins au #twins au #tim is co-ceo of wayne enterprises and has too much shit that he puts up with because his board doesn't respect him #danny shows up and wants to conceal being a ghost for as long as possible but fucking vlad already possessed some fuckin guy #vlads plan is to abduct and adopt tim #vlad sees the resemblance immediately but when he asks tim the name question tims answer basically confirms it to him lol #jason is collateral damage here and is willing to throw down because of it #jason immediately being like 'oh look its a version of you i havent traumatized yet. i should not fuck up this one.' #jason danny and tim bonding over hating vlad actually brings danny into the family fold #he still lives in amity but now he has unlimited pocket change and a family that acts suspiciously like they're hiding being vigilantes

[batfamhyperfixation]

Batkid Groupchat

Dick: someone save me pls

Jason: What's wrong?

Dick: Gala at Wayne Manor

Dick: This guy won't stop talking to me

Jason: lol sucks to suck

Damian: Sorry Richard, I cannot attend to the situation. That would give up my hiding spot.

Damian: I meant vantage point.

Damian: If any of you tell Bruce, I will murder you.

Cass: Damian, look up

*sends photo of Damian in the rafters of Wayne Manor*

Damian: Ah, great minds think alike I see.

Tim: hold up Dick, I wanna get out of this conversation too, I'll be over in a sec

Steph: Can't relate

Steph: This is why you don't let the first billionaire who offers adopt you

Steph: then you gotta go to the stuffy parties

Steph: Duke and I are the only smart ones

Duke: Agreed, have fun at the party

Later at the Gala

*Red Hood and the Outlaws come busting through the door*

Red Hood: This is a hostage situation

Red Hood: We want Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain, and Damian Wayne.

Bruce, also desperately wanting to get out: Aren't you forgetting someone

Red Hood: Oh, right, Alfred Pennyworth

Bruce: aren't you forgetting someone else?

Red Hood: No

Bruce: Ja- Red Hood. Aren't you going to take me!

Red Hood: what would I need you for? I already have CEO of Wayne enterprises *ruffles Tim's hair, about to get fought by Tim* (under his breath: you fight back, I'm leaving you behind), a police officer, biological son of a billionaire, cool af dancer Cassandra Cain, and Alfred the Almighty

Bruce: don't you want a billionaire too?

Red Hood: If I take you, who is going to pay the ransom?

*Taking the Batkids and Alfred out of the gala as Bruce pouts*

Jason: one of you swipped Bruce's credit card before we left, right?

Tim: of course, we aren't amateurs

Jason: then ice cream on Bruce!

#steph and duke were already out in the car waiting #this was a team effort #they met up with babs at the icecream shop #the place was packed full specifically as a fuck you to Bruce #batfam #batkids #bat family #jason todd #bruce wayne #tim drake #damian wayne #dick grayson #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #duke thomas #jason todd and the outlaws #red hood and the outlaws #red hood #alfred pennyworth #they send photos from the ice cream shop to Bruce all night long #he grounds them all in the morning #Babs and Alfred claim they were only there 'for adult supervision' #but we all know it was for the icecream #incorrect batfamily quotes

[sporkberries]

Robin(1993) is a comic where things happen

#the 90’s and early 00’s were a wonderful awful time #seriously like tim’s robin years are insane #man lost his mom got a step mom went to 8 schools dated like 3 girls had all his friends die #had his dad threaten batman with a gun poisoned lady shiva his dad died #he made up an uncle!!! #went to fucking boarding school #SNUCK INTO NO MANS LAND #survived an ebola epicemic #helped form a super hero team #it just keeps going #dc #tim drake #robin #spork art #1k #5k

[bruciemilf]

I wonder how many times Clark and the batkids + Alfred revived Bruce with the Lazarus Pit and just never told him abt it

#he pieces it together later but i mean. its so hard for him to miss now that hes looking back at it #like why is he always always always cold with a turtleneck on and heating blasting #why is his appetite so scarce? how come his sleep deprived body withstands hours - sometimes DAYS - of patrol #and functions perfectly? how come time passes by but he stays the same? why wont clark and dick stop giving gim #*him looks of loving grief? #why does harley slam her fists on her head when she sees him? ' no no no you're gone. you're GONE. I KNOW you are!' #why does selina smile at him with such heavy pity ' sorry bruce. i don't do ghosts' #bruce wayne #dc #dc comics #batman #batfamily #clark kent #dick grayson #jason todd #bc they def exclude the cloning. they dont want another bruce. they want THEIR bruce. tim #like can you imagine jason getting up in tim's face and just ' if you're not gonna stand by us then stay out of our way' #dark bruce? tired. dark BATKIDS? sign me the FUCK up #batdad #text

[arinmoss]

i painted Astarion hehe :3c prints here

#i planned on doing a quick litttle sketch based purely on memory than i was like maybe ill use a ref actually and then i ended up making #a painting of that guy lmao #this took anywhere from 2 to 4 hours idk a good amount of tim was looking at his face and trying to remmeber how to fucking draw lmao #like im bad with making drawings look like someone but i tried! #haven't played the game btw i dont have the moeny nor the laptop for it but i have been watching a lets play of it #want to try and draw more of the companions especially karlach and wyll cause i love wylls design and i love karlach #astarion #bg3 #astarion bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion baldurs gate #astarion fanart #painting #art #art work #digital painting #arin moss #arin moss art #also i know his hairs not that curly but i like drawing hair like this lol #im sure theres more i can fix but whatever i fix it lateer maybe but liekly i wont lol #okay i edited his face a little but idk if this version looks better #maybe ill go back and put the old version in but for now i think this looks a tad better but idk idk #baldurs gate 3 #astarion ancunin #fanart #vampire #vampire art

[p0ssym1lker]

Jazz "6'6 and breaks through emotional and physical walls" fenton and her little brother Danny "5'2 with the power of an ancient and a few ancients a call away" fenton who don't want to deal with the bats

VS

Jason "6'3 she just picked me up like I was nothing" Todd/wayne and Tim "5'7 he makes me want to take care of myself and did you see him threaten Ra's??" Drake who just want a single chance for a date

#tim gets one and he and jason take off the days leading up to it to try and plan it out #they hope if one gets a foot in the other might get a slither of a chance #dannys thinks that's cute #jazz is fully ready to throw down if they fuck w him #dc x dp #dp x dc #tim drake #jason todd #dc crossover #dp crossover

[finemealprompt]

DP x DC Prompt #9

When Phantom joined the Justice League, he wasn’t prepared to be approached by Batman of all people. He had been warned to not take everything Batman says to you personally, but that he was a great hero.

Batman had a request. A simple one, at least according to Batman. He asked Phantom to meet an anti-hero who had come back from the dead and had some … nasty side effects.

Phantom, intrigued, agreed. Batman set a time and place, and Phantom showed up. But, Phantom thought Batman had said the one in the red helmet was the undead.

He doesn’t understand why everyone freaks out when Phantom approaches the vigilante with half a cowl dressed in black and red. This boy reeked of death, did Batman seriously not know?

#finemeal prompt #dp x dc #danny fenton #tim drake #batman #batfam #tim drake is some kinda fucked up #for what reason? #who knows #but i thought it’d be funny to have someone else a lil fucked up from deatg #jason todd is gonna make fun of tim so much for this you already know XD #y’all think tim’s obsession would be batman? #or vigilantism? #idk could be fun

[preyofolympus]

Bernard: I always saw him as like a kind of funny little man.

Tim, trying to contain himself but Bernard loving the Red Hood is pushing his limits: he’s a fucking criminal Bernard.

#Bernard calls Red Hood some fucking cringe online name one (1) time and Tim just reveals all their secret identities to stop him #all #the torture in the world couldn’t make Tim give up their identities #but Bernard calling dick a “pathetic little meow meow does the trick in less than a second #now I know why everyone is funnier in the tags I hope y’all see this shit #batfam #batfamily #red robin #tim drake #dc robin #tim drake wayne #batkids #batman #batman urban legends #bernard dowd #dc fanfic #jason todd #red hood #tim x bernard #timber #timothy drake #batbros #dick grayson #nightwing #discowing #red hood jason todd #bernard x tim #source- some Ryan and Shane screenshot thing but it’s those ghost cunts

[silent-wolf]

sometimes i forget the batkids are just a bunch of theatre kids which makes it funnier when u remember that gotham's entire justice system is run by a bunch of costumed role players

edit: wtf i didnt expect this to gain sm traction, but check out this post. pls dont let it flop

#u best believe these losers have memorised every song from mammma mia #imagine explaining to ur penpal the absolute cesspool that is gotham and when they ask about what the police does #and you have to say #oh ! those fuckers dont do anything we have costumed freaks #that are dressed up as different animals and zipline across the horizon and beatup other costumed freaks! #fucking crazy #bruce wayne #batman #batfam #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #cassandra cain #black bat #tim drake #red robin #damian wayne #robin #duke thomas #signal #stephanie brown #spoiler #barbara gordon #oracle

[arunneronthird]

stockholm syndrome, or the sensation that the thing that traps you is good for you

#let him fly #tim drake #robin #red robin #batman #dc comics #my art #i say this but i do love him as robin and im so scared they will fuck him up again #ladies. gentlemen. you have eaten well.

[catmanbowser]

They’re mocking tim <3

#bart allen #kon el #cassie sandsmark #tim drake #young justice #dc #catman's art #like..they say this just to spite him #i like drawing tim being annoyed by his friends #so many scrunched up tims in my folders #wanted to add a fuck you middle finger to tim but i just imagined him balling his fists like arthur #this was..self indulgent #bcs i kept seeing that urethra picture bcs SOMEONE fucking spammed it to me on dc #AS IN LIKE THE MEME NOT THE URETHRA ITSELF

[qcomicsy]

I am in my angst today so I'm going to drop a few of ansty Batfam headcannons.

- Bruce till this day do that father thing of open the door of his kids room to see if they're sleeping and then closing (even when they're just visiting).

- The first time he did that to Tim, Tim pretended to be asleep and then he just started sobbing because Jack used to do the same thing too, and his mother before him.

- Dick, when he moved out of the manor, still would use the Batcomputer to do research from time to time. Everytime he slept on from tiredness he would woke up with Batman's cape on his shoulders.

- No one knows Bruce has a good singing voice other than Dick and Jason because he would sing to their sleep, sometimes, when they had nightmares.

- He stopped singing when Jason died. The only person who was able to hear him sing again was Damian. He pretended to be asleep, because if he opened his eyes he would noticed how much he misses his mother.

- Jason singed to Damian sleep once at the league. None of them remember that.

- Damian tries constantly to assure himself that he could take down every member of his family if he needed to. Deep down he knows he can't.

- Bruce spent weeks trying to master how to cut someone's hair ( with Alfred's help ) so he could give Dick a haircut, because Dick said to him that his mother used to cut his hair.

- Bruce taught every single one of his sons how to shave their beard.

- Bruce had a mental breakdown once because he was starting to forget his mother's face.

- Cass overanalyze everyone's body language to see if they're healthy and happy. She tries to stop herself sometimes because more often the answer is no.

- Sometimes Tim flinches when Jason moves to fast near him. They never talked about that out loud.

- Sometimes Damian's hand tremble when he grabs his sword, he can still feel the blade.

- In one of Dick's worst fights with Redhood the moment he got home he threw up. His brother's eyes used to be blue like his and not green.

- There was a time where Jason was so happy that Bruce's blue eyes were the same shade of his.

- Bruce's hands still tremble when he sees his children on the battlefield.

- Bruce has a habit of messing with his children's hair, every single one of them picked the same habit after him.

- When Dick moved out to the Titans Bruce couldn't sleep for weeks.

- Jason avoids to change clothes in front of his brothers because of the face Dick made when he saw his autopsy scars for the first time.

- One time Jason had a panic attack and misdialed Tim's number, Tim stayed on the line until Jason managed to sleep.

- There's times where Bruce says the word Robin and all of them look at him.

#batfam hc #Batfamily headcannons #I'm *IN* my feelings so *EVERYONE* must suffer too #'oh but in the cannon' I don't care leave me alone #the source is that I made the fuck up #batfamily #batfam #jason todd #tim drake #bruce wayne #cassandra cain #damian wayne #alfred penyworth #dick grayson #jack drake #DO *NOT* TAG THIS AS BATCEST I swear tO GOD-