Phineas and Ferb, S1E4: Are You My Mummy?/Flop Starz
Hello, and welcome to the Watchathon, a blog where I watch an episode of TV every weekday, with a blog post where I write down my thoughts afterwards.
And now, here’s my thoughts on Season 1, Episode 4 of Phineas and Ferb: Are You My Mummy?/Flop Starz!
Are You My Mummy?
This episode is a take on the formula where Phineas and Ferb don’t actually accomplish their goal. Instead, the story is about their search for a mummy, and Candace trying to bust them.
It’s unique since the usual thing that we would expect the episode to center around is the antics that Phineas, Ferb and friends get into while they’re having fun with whatever big thing the boys have created for the episode. But in this case, Phineas and Ferb are searching for something rather than creating something, and their plotline centers around that search.
Which leads to a lot of unique jokes, like Phineas and Ferb thinking that the runaway gumball machine is a booby trap (or, for that matter, thinking the movie theater has booby traps), or the chase once Candace encounters her brothers while she’s wrapped up in bandages with her mouth full of sticky expired bubble gum, giving her the appearance of a mummy.
On a side note, there were a lot of clips from this episode that I recognized from the music video for “We’re Back!” from Candace Against The Universe. And oddly, now that I rewatch that video, they’re all in quick succession. Candace running from the gumball machine (0:29), Candace poking her head through the theater door (0:33), Candace spying on her brothers through the bush in the movie theater’s lobby (0:36), and the zoom in on Candace in the backseat of Lawrence’s car (0:38). Weird, innit?
And lastly, the elevator music in the scene where Candace gets on the elevator is significant due to how it’s foreshadowing for the very next segment (heck yeah, perfect segue!):
Ah, the episode which prompted Disney to demand that every episode have its own musical number, one of the few times that executive meddling has resulted in something being good.
And I can see why the songwriting on show here caught Disney’s interest. Despite the intentionally-meaningless lyrics, Gitchee Gitchee Goo is an incredibly catchy song with a good tune behind it. Not to mention, Vincent Martella (Phineas), Ashley Tisdale (Candace) and Olivia Olson (Linda’s singing voice and the voice actor for Vanessa) have great singing voices that are shown off here.
And as we’ve seen in a few of the episodes so far, and we will see many times in the future, these songwriters are also very much capable of pulling off songs with lyrics that are actually meaningful and relevant to the story.
Lastly, to explain what I said previously about how the elevator music was foreshadowing, that elevator music in Are You My Mummy? was “I’m Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun” by Phineas and Ferb’s mom back when she was herself a one-hit wonder. It’s her explanation of what a one-hit wonder is that inspires Phineas and Ferb’s big project, and one of the things she mentions is that “before you know it, their song ends up as elevator music.”
I’ve included some examples of Phineas being angry-adjacent (since he pretty much only gets legitimately angry in specials like “Phineas and Ferb: Summer Belongs to You!”/”Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel”/”Phineas and Ferb Save Summer”/Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension) here!
A collection of my favorite Phineas and Ferb quotes
I, for one, am starting to get bored and boredom is something up of which I will not put. (Rollercoaster)
Is my nose really that pointy? (Are You My Mummy?)
Follow-up single? Who do you think we are, some two-bit hacks who will keep writing new songs just because you pay us obscene amounts of cash?! Phineas and the Ferb-Tones are strictly a one-hit wonder! Good day to you, sir! (Flop Starz)
Um, that man isn't wearing any clothes. (Toy to the World)
You won't tell me? Is this because you don't speak or are you just being a jerk? (One Good Scare Ought To Do It!)
Of course, then I discovered girls and the rest is a blur. (The Ballad of Bad Beard)
Hey, Dad, can we help?
Well, I'm afraid not, unless you can preform miracles.
What's your budget? (Dude, We're Getting The Band Back Together)
Think of all the practical applications a caveman can have in the modern world.
Actually, you know, besides politics, I can't think of anything. (Boyfriend from 27,000 B.C.)
I can't hear you! My cheeks are covering my ears! (Out to launch)
I lost her to a boy bigger fingers... (Out to Launch)
It got up... and it danced away. (Out of Toon)
Hey, wait a minute. Everyone. That British kid is saying something really, really... boring (The Lake Nose Monster)
Your hot dog is no match for my bratwurst! (Backyard Aquarium)
Nothing says "mothers love" like a giant robotic platypus butt. (Perry Lay's an Egg)
I'm sorry, all questions must be phrased in the form of an answer. (Let's Take A Quiz)
So, how about that airline food? (Cheer Up, Candace)
It occurred to me while I was on fire. (Cheer Up, Candace)
Well, if you reverse engineer the human heart, you're bound to find love at its core.
And gross, smushy red stuff.
Yes, love and gross, smushy red stuff.
Actually, I think ventricles is already included in gross, squishy red stuff. (What Do It Do?)
Well, next time you can do all the cooking, and I'll stand around coming up with evil plans that ultimately fail. (Nerdy Dancin')
Nice? Aw, now I got to go do something to balance out the universe. See you on the news. (Hip Hip Parade)
The problem with you is: you're completely delusional. (Wizard of Odd)
Yeah, see, 'cause, 'cause he hit him.
I'm not an idiot, Charles. (The Beak)
There was no rug, sir. (Phineas and Ferb-Busters!)
Give up? Give up?! The day may come when we'll give up on fruitless searches after a mere eleven minutes, but that day is not today! The day may come when our favorite reptile may be lost from our memories and his enduring love of mushrooms forgotten, but that day is not today! Today we search! We will search for him in the streets, we will search for him in the trenches, we will search for him in the alleys and the mini-malls and the cul-de-sacs of this fair land. We'll search for him in the multilevel car parks and municipal recreational facilities. And we few. We happy few. We small band of brothers — and girl from across the street. We shall not cease 'til he is found! (The Lizard Whisperer)
If the molecular splitter doesn't just disappear when this is over, we should really consider destroying it. (Split Personality)
I'm kicking my own butt! (Brain Drain)
Look! A sponge and a starfish! There's gotta be something we can make out of this! (Summer Belongs to You)
Maldito seas, Perry el ornitorrinco! (The Great Indoors)
If I had a nickel for every time I was doomed by a puppet, I'd had two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right? (Across the Second Dimension)
You know, my crimes against humanity had just completely slipped my mind. (Across the Second Dimension)
I've got a date with destiny, and it ain't going to end with a kiss! (The Belly of the Beast)
"Don't believe everything you read." Words to live by. (Magic Carpet Ride)
So what would you do with my hair?
Nothing. It's perfect the way it is.
Wow, you are good.
Girlfriend, please. (Bad Hair Day)
Now, Candace, your brothers have issued a gold-based currency which has seriously devalued the euro. What do you do? (Perry the Actorpus)
Oh! I am sorry, Phineas. I seem to have broken your fire. (Phineas and Ferb Family Christmas)
Space is cold and unforgiving, like my father. (Ferb TV)
Woah, hey, hold it! What's with the banjo?
Where are they going? Alabama? (Excaliferb)
You know what I like about our friends? We say things like, "We're gonna douse you in ant pheromones." And they're just like, "Okay, whatever." They're so cool. (Gi-Ants)
He's gonna John Wilkes my Booth! (Let's Bounce)
Ice chalet! (Bully Bromance Breakup)
Tell me she was deported! (Buford Confidential)
Aw, look at the little guy. What's the fastest way I can transfer all my assets into his name. (Meapless in Seattle)
Why, yes. How about a romantic dinner for two? Wanna sip, Phineas?
Oh, no, thanks.
Oh, okay. I understand. You know, you want to keep yourself open to other drink options. I get it.
Actually, I didn't want to say anything in front of anybody, but, it's, I don't like zucchini.
Dr. D will be so proud! Assuming he survives the cataclysm. (Norm Unleashed)
Hey, guys, I landed up here. Should I come down?
No! Throw down that vine. ... NO! Just one end.
Okay, but I don't know what you're gonna do with half of a vine.
Is it me? It is him, right?
Buford, pull. ... On the vine.
It's him. (Where's Perry? (Part 2))
It was at that point I decided to stop narrating. (What'd I Miss)
Ha-ha-ha! We're just having fun with you! That wasn't the real Balloony!
No, of course not! The real Balloony popped three weeks ago! (This is Your Backstory)
Norm you monster! Can't you see I'm in pain?! (This is Your Backstory)
I was heading to a golden land of opportunity; a land with a pioneering spirit which welcomed misfits like me! But I ended up in America instead. (This is Your Backstory)
Yeah, we all know the song... But I'm not exactly sure how. (Fly on the Wall)
Ooh, I hope they do not have a male dancer popping out of it.
They asked, but they couldn't afford me. (Happy Birthday, Isabella)
Don't ever make Phineas angry. You wouldn't like it when he's angry. (Mission Marvel)
I want your father to disown you and adopt me! (Thanks, but No Thanks)
Yes, the universe is constantly expanding.
But what is it expanding into?
Okay, now my mind is blown. (Cheers for Fears)
We can formally begin courting. (Steampunx)
Behold! The I-Don't-Care-inator! (Live and Let Drive)
Buford, that is not how it is pronounced.
It is on this channel. (The Inator Method)
Seriously? Someone moved the Earth and it wasn't you?
Not this time, no. (Phineas and Ferb Save Summer)
This must be a special episode. He's yelling at his sister again. (Phineas and Ferb Save Summer)
Look, I'm shakin' bacon! You like that? It's a call back to something I didn't even hear! (Night of the Living Pharmacist)
🎶It's just about the time spent together.
With you~ 🎶(Last Day of Summer)
Pairing: M/F, OC/Priest!Diego (OR NOT) Jimenez [Starz Power] AU IMAGINE
Rating: PORN WITH FEELS
Warnings: Come get this matrimonial dick, power imbalance (that has shifted), soft daddy, Diego’s pornographic mouth, baby stuff, old timey woman related bullshit, consent issues, set some time before 1900 in what will be present day Mexico.
Summary: Remember the Zorro TV shows? And the movie? And also Beauty and the Beast? It’s like that but with Diego dick.
Word Count: 2400
A/N: I guess I’m just gonna keep writing until it stops?? I am an atheist so please keep that in mind as I unintentionally mangle Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. This was prompted by an ask, you know who you are >.>
Tag a friend! @girlpornparadise @nicke0115 @heresathreebee @chensingmachinee @kid-from-new-zealand @xxidontwikeitxx @demoncatstone @allalngthewtchtower @dirtynerdy98 @lettherebrelight @revolution-starter @catnip987
The wind howls and it rains with ghastly power. Trees creak, the windows rattle, and the main house itself makes little cracks that startle you without fail every time. The first few times you hear unidentifiable noises you jump and look to Diego for reassurance. He remains alert but calm, you take your cues from his body language.
Your husband is currently back in the same corner, only now he is sat on the floor under a blanket. An unknowable amount of children share the blanket with him, you cannot keep count of how many are completely under the striped fabric because they keep moving about. A little girl with two long braids has climbed Diego's chest to wrap both arms around his neck. One solid arm has secured her stably enough that the girl is sound asleep, your husband is dozing with his scruffy chin propped on her head.
With his features relaxed in slumber, Diego seems ageless. The full lips and gently arched brows balance out the sharpness of his defined jaw and long nose. The big hand holding the child spans her entire back; those hands are big enough to do significant damage, but you know they never will. You observe your husband as children clamber all over him, one drools profusely down the front of his shirt, two little boys pull at his whiskers, a girl old enough to be reading steals Diego's boots (as he pretends not to notice, of course) and clomps around giggling.
I made a good choice, you realize. This man may have had a notorious reputation, but it is clear that his heart is pure gold. Movement to your left pulls your attention to Rosa settling down on the floor. Her skirts flop over yours and her elbow jostles your own. She smirks down at you knowingly, "You are enjoying the show?"
"Has he always been thusly?" You choose to ignore her cheekiness. Diego is now tying tiny shoes, a small queue has formed by the time you can gesticulate.
"Oh yes," Rosa smiles fondly and continues, "Don Diego is not simple. Here at the hacienda he is warm and casual, we trust him. In the city and in the words of other Dons, he is not so virtuous. He does not drink so much since you came along, and he has quit the brothel entirely." Here you shoot her a look, feigned shock is thwarted by a comically raised brow. Rosa snorts and waves you off, "He used to gamble with the other Dons, until they accused him of cheating. His pride did not allow him to return to that circle of society. The other Dons only know what Don Diego's father has told them: that he cannot be trusted."
You blurt out in exasperation, "He was a literal child!"
"I know," Rosa soothes as she takes your flailing hands. Her next words are lower and quieter, "But his father was not so big of heart. He was a ruthless man before, but after her death he became cruel. Don Diego takes after his mother almost entirely. We are most fortunate in this way."
"I am fortunate in myriad ways." You murmur as your husband disappears under a pile of squirming children. A massive bolt of lightning illuminates everything and the entire horde of children shrieks in terror. Diego gathers at least five of the smallest in his huge embrace and shushes them gently. One toddler tucks her face into his neck to hide, Diego kisses her unruly curls and rocks them all just the tiniest bit.
Rosa takes your hand and simply holds it. You had forgotten how nice it was to have a friend.
"Zerrrra. ZeraaaAAaa." Diego’s rough voice is not meant to be used in such a way. I love you, but never sing again.
"Come, niñita. Up. Off of the floor, pregnant woman." He is snickering at you now. It furrows your brow and squeezes your eyes shut tighter.
"I know you are awake. Your adorable little sneer cannot be hidden." And now he is mocking you. Fine.
Cracking open the left eye shows a widely smiling Diego. It is quiet, you look around to see that most of the children have fallen asleep just as you did. The wind is still howling, you find the constant noise exhausting. You capitulate with a sigh, "Fine. Where are we going?"
"We will walk the house, check for broken windows and such, then go to bed." Diego seems to already have a plan in place, who are you to argue? He takes your left hand in his right and whisks you away.
He checks the other rooms to find almost everyone else is asleep as well. Mama, however, is awake. She waves him over to cup those bearded cheeks and kiss Diego's forehead. He returns the gesture and then comes back to your now extremely curious self.
"Why does everyone call her Mama?" You ask softly as Diego heads to the study. You had assumed it was simply her age, but the scene you just witnessed is a bit deeper. The room full of books is dark, the only illumination comes from the short candle in one of his big hands. You await him in the doorway.
"She has helped many lost children over the years," Diego crosses over to the far side of the study to check the windows before he continues, "Including me."
Lost children, you repeat the particular phrasing in your mind. Diego’s face is purposely blank when he turns back. It occurs to you that your husband was probably lost for a time. In your mind you picture a tiny Diego, big brown eyes and somber expression, alone and scared. Gratitude washes over you, That is where he learned to be kind.
"Come," Diego takes your outstretched hand and his shoulders relax as you lead him away with a soft tone, "We should check the nursery."
All of the windows are intact in both the nursery and the bedroom. Diego lights the sconces while you perch on the bed. He begins to disrobe and your paralysis is immediate. The musculature on display is deafening, your heart pounds so loudly that it is the only thing you can hear. All of that solid bulk and supple skin is undeniably enticing. Diego stands before you, gloriously nude and completely shameless.
"Zera?" The rasp draws your gaze upward to his face. His brow is knitted with concern, those bottomless eyes pulling you under his spell.
"I am frightened." The tiny confession is no more than a squeak. Your vision blurs as hot tears roll down your cheeks. Diego steps forward to cup your jaw in giant hands, your fingers wrap around his muscled forearms tightly and you cling to your husband.
"Is it the storm? Or the baby?" He murmurs. You can only nod miserably before hiding in his solid belly. Diego gently manhandles you into the bed while you sob quietly, he curls that big body around you, then covers you both with the quilt.
"I-I worry about my father. I have never seen a st-storm like this. And I do not want to die in childbirth!" The piercing wail of your voice is dripping with terror. Diego folds you into his chest and compresses your form to his. There is no fighting this, you are engulfed in his warmth. Diego only pets over your hair and allows you to cry untempered.
The sobs grow further and further apart, the chest tightness eases, and air becomes softer to breathe. You have never been so vulnerable in front of anyone before, Diego only takes it in stride. Your husband is sure and steady in the face of female distress. It is everything your very emotionally unstable self needs. Maybe I have been blessed.
"Come, take off this dreadful corset and be comfortable." He whispers roughly. His long fingers strip off your clothing and toss the items carelessly over the edge of the bed. The blazing heat of his bare skin burns your fear away. Diego drops kisses over the crown of your head as he shields you within that broad chest. His rumble is a physical force as he reassures, "I will protect you, I will take care of you, and I will keep you, little girl."
Time is meaningless in these circumstances, you assume it is daytime, but everything is still dark chaos outside. It takes some effort to untangle from a clingy husband, you manage an ungainly escape to the bathroom. The cavernous tub is full to the rim with clean water and you scoop some out in a pitcher to wash up.
The woman in the mirror looks odd. Despite the inclement weather outdoors, she appears well rested. Almost glowing, you admit upon closer inspection. The mask of freckles over your nose and cheeks is prominent, a byproduct of spending time in the paddock with Diego. The wild mane seems infinite in the dim lighting. Your nails have grown out to a more typically feminine length, and so have your already wide hips. The bulge of your stomach is nearly the size of a stuffed chicken.
And that is when you see it. The movements that were only felt previously are actually visible. There is no way to know for sure, but it certainly feels like the baby may be turning somersaults. You smile wryly, Clearly taking after their father.
Diego is awake in the bed waiting for your return. Sleepy eyes, a lazy grin, and capable hands pull you back into the bed like a moth to a flame. Rather than lie next to him where he is flat on his back, you climb atop the big body and settle squarely upon his very alert lap. Long lashes flutter as Diego groans lowly at the pressure on his burgeoning length. With a diabolical grin, you greet him smugly, "Good morning, sweetheart."
"Well, it certainly is now." Diego croaks. Fingers spasm tightly on your thighs and he bucks up the tiniest bit. You ride his movements fluidly with your small hands braced on that heavenly chest. His sheet clad erection feels wonderful against the center of your pleasure, it takes very little time for the fine cotton to become sopping wet. Diego's huge eyes are glued to your bouncing chest on fully bared display. The dark hunger in those bottomless depths is ravenous. Your husband orders lowly, "Go on then, little girl. Show me how much you enjoy riding."
The lewd permission tears a long moan from your throat. You bite your lip, throw your head back, and roll your hips forcefully. It is similar to the saddle, but made better by the ferocious heat of him. Every solid inch splits your lower lips and grinds on the bundle of nerves perfectly.
"Look at you, so beautiful and round. Does this feel good?" Diego rasps as he relocates his hands to your hips. That grasp is possessive, the thought provokes a full body shiver. You nod mindlessly, eyes still closed in bliss.
"I like to watch my little girl pleasure herself. Hear her moans and sighs. You sound so lovely, niñita." He rattles on, oblivious to the damage his voice deals you. The muscles below are tightening, every rub brings you that much closer to euphoria.
"Will you let me watch you achieve release?" Diego’s grin is audible, he already knows that he has you. His abdominal muscles flex in order to push narrow hips up in resistance for you, intensifying the force.
"Yes? You will come for me, little girl? Come all over this cock. Come for Father." The rasping order is wrapped in velvet. You are unable to deny him anything, most especially this. Your nipples pebble and your hips stutter, you press down harder yet and whine wordlessly with your peak.
"Ahh, ahh! Ohhhhh, ohohoh…" The contractions are strong enough to shake your entire belly. Arms quivering with effort finally give up and you collapse to sprawl limply all over Diego's solid torso.
"Very good, little girl." Diego praises you warmly, he strokes over your hair and down your back to grip your rump firmly. His obvious pride flushes your cheeks, but the hardened man beneath your pelvis will not be neglected. Your teasing wriggling is rewarded with a stinging slap to your left cheek.
"Oh!" The high pitched yelp dissolves into giggles as Diego rolls to invert your positions. His bulk blocks out everything else as he captures your gaze. The soft expression catches you off guard; deep eyes watch closely, the laugh lines are prominent, and his full lips are parted ever so slightly. Happiness, need, desire, vulnerability, trust, so many things reflect in those beautiful brown eyes. Everything you have ever dreamt of is yours in this man, your man.
"I love you, Diego." You whisper. His Adam's apple bobs as he gulps and his eyes shine. You pull the last bit of sheet out from between your bodies and wrap legs around him tightly. The heat of his arousal is searing, you need him deep inside now and entreat, "Come home, sweetheart."
Diego's face twitches with several emotions before he flexes that thick stomach and sinks himself into your core. The stretch pulls your back off the bed to arch under him. Diego purrs happily at your involuntary reaction, then he begins the long, slow thrusts that addle your senses. He tucks his beard into your exposed neck to lick and nibble and suck indiscriminately.
The squeaks are uncontrollable, you mewl and cry out with each full sheathing. Diego gradually increases the pace until both of you are panting. The feel of his muscles under your hands is intoxicating, hot breath ghosts over your throat, his stomach rubs your with each thrust, and the friction of his girth shatters your mind. This climax is deep to your heart, it brings forth tears and sobs.
"I love you, Zera. Love you so much. You. Our f-family, I--" Diego chokes as his last few thrusts pierce through your convulsions to his own release. He flops down on top of you to cry silently.
A pinch in your belly makes you gasp. Diego launches up instantly, clearly terrified that he may have hurt you or the baby. Nausea rolls up your chest in waves as your belly flips and quivers. You watch intently, small movements are visible under the pale skin. Diego reaches out cautiously to lay his fingers on you lightly. He looks to you and you cannot help the amusement at his pitiful expression.
Some of the shows in recent years that have been nominated for those awards shows don’t even have a huge following of a fan base or as high viewership ratings as Outlander does. How crazy is that? Sam and Cait have carried Outlander on their shoulders for Five Seasons better than anyone else has carried a show of major significance. They are so good at their craft which is acting and it’s a shame Sam and Cait are not recognized more for their hard work. I don’t blame STARZ. I blame the political award committees and the process that is involved when selecting the nominees. I agree with you and the previous Anon about Sam and how there was a big mistake not nominating him for Season 1! He has definitely proven himself outside of Outlander too, just like Cait as a worthy actor.
Yeah, sometimes the SHOW itself isn’t but but the actors in that show are. For example, Ratched flopped compared to some other shows. It wasn’t well received as far as I can tell but because Ryan Murphy was the producer and Sarah Paulson was the lead, then add Cynthia Nixon...of course they’re going to get nominated. They’re huge household names. Unfortunately Cait and Sam just aren’t. They’re HUGE to us, but to anyone outside the fandom....not too many people know who they are 😔 that’s part of why I’m excited for when the show does end. Not because I hate the show or want to see it end but because once it does it gives them both SO MUCH opportunity to be bigger names. They both already have worked with huge stars, they just need the chance to be the lead now.
“That’s all I want – to walk away from the sea and find some peace”
Major Content Notes:
Blood: Singleton’s bloody body is seen
Disfigurement: there is a brief shot of a severely disfigured man in the dark, seemingly from tertiary syphilis. It’s played for a jump scare
After Captain Flint reveals Singleton as the thief in front of his crew, he has Gates convince Billy, who knows the truth about his captain, that this is for the good of the crew. Meanwhile, Silver and Max are forced to hide in the brothel when they put themselves in danger as Captain Vane and his partners, Jack Rackham and Anne Bonny, are determined to get a hold of the missing page in the hunt for the Spanish galleon, Urca de Lima. Also, Eleanor is given an ultimatum by Max and has to decide between wealth or love.
So, the last episode put all the pieces on the board, and this episode sets them into motion so let’s dive into it. As before, below the cut are the timestamps of any scenes requiring any of the major content notes, and then the summary
All timestamps are from the “Complete Collection” DVDs which includes a Starz logo at the start, as well as a recap. Depending on your source, timestamps may vary a little, which is why I’ve included the timestamp for the opening titles. Timestamps are only given for the start and end of scenes featuring any particularly warning-worthy content
00:57: opening titles
05:57-07:50: Singleton’s bloody body is seen, two pirates urinate on the body
37:14-44:04: a hooded man is turned around, revealing his severely disfigured face, likely as a result of tertiary syphilis. It is a brief shot (42:37-42:40 ), in low light, and is used as a jump scare
Eleanor wakes up next to Max. She knows the Scarborough arrived yesterday, but not about the attempted arrest of her father. She goes to the balcony and wonders aloud if the arrival of the Scarborough means the end of their way of life, that the military will return and close down trade, installing her father as governor. Max suggests that that wouldn’t be so bad, that Eleanor could buy the brothel, and they could run it together, as well as commenting that soon she won’t need to worry what Mr Noonan (the proprietor) thinks. Mr Scott calls Eleanor down, but, as she goes to get dressed, Max calls her back to be instead
The crew on the Walrus are already celebrating as if they’d captured the Urca de Lima, as Dufresne tries to persuade them not to spend money they haven’t yet earned. Billy is still in shock, and shows Gates the blank page, wondering if he did the right thing as Flint calls them into the cabin. Randall unnerves Silver by commenting to him in particular that “we don’t like thieves. You shouldn’t steal. That’s what happens”, glancing back to Singleton’s bloody body which is propped against a beam having been pelted with vegetable scraps. As two pirates go to his body to piss on it, Randall reiterates that “you mustn’t steal”. One of the pirates next to Randall (below middle) defends him saying Singleton wasn’t a thief and starts to get up to stop the two pissing on Singleton, when his friend (below right) warns him not to do anything now
Flint tells Billy & Gates that he knows the schedule is still around, because of the feather, proving someone had come back to read the log and work out what it was they actually had, and therefore, somebody on the ship at that moment is the thief. Gates points out that none of their men would have known to look for the schedule, and as he starts saying that the men from the prize were all searched he realises that Silver wasn’t, and that being found in the armoury standing over a dead body he claimed was a suicide is quite suspicious
They leave the cabin to get hold of Silver, but move slowly to avoid arousing the suspicions of the rest of the crew, but Silver, already on edge tries to disembark onto a longboat. He’s informed by Dufresne that they disembark by seniority, at which point, wanting to avoid capture, he jumps off the boat with a big belly flop, before swimming to the longboat which he is helped into. The crew laugh that he “must really want to get laid”
Mr Scott tuts at Eleanor for coming down late. As she comes down, she pays the Madame for Max and notices her cleaning up bruises on one of the prostitutes. She’s told it was the crew of the Ranger (Charles Vane’s ship) & that Mr Noonan won’t do anything because they paid well. Mr Scott also tells Eleanor it was a bad decision to punch Vane, that it accomplished nothing, and that she can no longer afford to provoke his temper
“Eleanor, you can never forget who these men are. They are not our friends, they are not our subjects, they want your father’s business, that is the only reason we do not find their knives at our throats”
Rackham gets 5000 pesos in pearls to buy the schedule, leaving the Ranger with little in the way of reserves. Vane walks in with Anne and tries to dissuade Jack, pointing out that he has no proof the page is genuine, and for such a big price, the seller has every reason to lie. Jack says that the crew will be unlikely to see Vane’s side, as he hasn’t been able to present an opportunity to them for some time, since his falling out with Eleanor
Silver comes ashore and, seeing Flint, Gates, & Billy close behind in another longboat asks several people on the beach for directions, all to different places. When Gates lands and asks where Silver went, they all give different answers
Max is giving a client a handjob. He wants to have sex, but Eleanor pays for Max to only sleep with her. Just as he’s about to cum, Silver bursts in, and refuses to leave, leading the customer storming off. When he tells Max that Flint is on to him she worries that he will soon come after her, saying “when a man is being fucked, he wants to know whose cock is in him”. They decide they need to do the deal immediately, and sail for Port Royal that night although he wonders if there is something else keeping Max in Nassau
A new captain (James Bridge of the Demeter) has arrived at Eleanor’s warehouse, and he is disappointed to be met by a woman rather than Richard Guthrie. When she tells him she’s his daughter, he dismisses both her and Mr Scott making a racist remark. Eleanor blows past it, explaining her terms. Not liking that she’d take 50%, he walks away only to be met by Charles Vane who strongly implies that, if he doesn’t accept her terms, he (Vane) will steal the Demeter’s cargo and sell it to Eleanor anyway. When Bridge finds out who Vane is, he agrees to Eleanor’s terms. making another racist remark about Mr Scott
Vane and Eleanor get down to business in her office. He sits hunched, spinning a coin anxiously, his body language is completely different from every other time we’ve seen him. He nervously asks for her to start giving him information on potential prizes again, saying he believes her decision not to give him such information is personal, but that things are better when they’re on the same side. Eleanor rails against him for the poor discipline of his crew, saying that they cause twice as much damage as they bring in, and as he encourages it, he’s a poor investment, and that he has just last night interfered with her own plans killing one of Flint’s crew to try and depose him
"From where I sit, you coming in here means one of two things: either you’re under the illusion that with Flint gone I have no choice but to give you what you want, or you think that because you and I used to fuck, you can cross me without any consequences. I’m not sure which of the two is more stupid”
As he leaves, Eleanor walks out into the tavern as Flint arrives, still captain, shocking Vane
Billy finds Gates watching Frasier, the appraiser (below left), trying to explain to would-be forger (below right) why his forgery is worthless. He points out that if Silver sells he’ll need to pay to get off the island and, not wanting to arouse suspicions, will need the money to be easily portable e.g. in jewels like pearls, rathe than gold, and so, the appraiser will be called for. Billy wonders if Flint is going too far, and tells Gates what he said about needing a king
The appraiser gets called away to the brothel, and Billy & Gates see him enter a room guarded by Anne Bonny. He inspects the pearls whilst Silver watches from Idelle’s room next door through a peephole
Flint tells Eleanor about her father’s attempted arrest and, when she & Mr Scott are extremely concerned about their future (this likely meaning they won’t be able to sell their goods), he begins “let me tell you a story, about a Spaniard named Vasquez”
As Frasier seals the pouch of pearls, and the exchange is fixed at the wrecks after sundown, Vane bursts in, having now heard the story that Singleton stole the page and is now dead. He recognises Max as Eleanor’s new girlfriend, and aggressively accuses her of lying. As Max protests that Singleton isn’t the seller he shoves her against the wall. Silver, still watching asks Idelle (below left) for a weapon, suggesting several items that might be improvised as one, and is surprised when she just hands him a machete
Jack realises that she isn’t lying, Flint is
“She isn’t lying Charles, Flint is. He lost the page.
So what does he do?
He makes Singleton the thief, and kills him to prevent counterargument, putting a tidy end to his mutiny in the process, and hopes he can recover it before anyone’s the wiser.
What is it Charles? Are we to believe that Singleton, whilst conspiring with you to depose Flint was using this whore to try and bilk your crew out of its money?
Say what you want about Singleton, but he was neither that clever nor that dumb.”
Vane still doesn’t believe Max and lifts her off her feet by her neck. As he does so, Max tries to signal to Silver, but Jack spots this, sneaks up to the peephole and stabs it. He runs round to the next door room which is now empty, but returns with a few drops of blood on his knife saying that, unless Singleton has risen from the grave to eavesdrop, this proves she wasn’t lying about Singleton not being the seller. Vane tells Max that if she’s lying she’ll answer to him, then storms off, leaving her gasping for breath on the floor
Flint has finished telling Eleanor & Mr Scott his story. When he dismisses her concerns about how heavily armed the ship is - a floating castle - she asks, why does he need her help, why not just take the money and run?
“What’s coming our way can’t be outrun, but with the money I strip from the hull, we could add 50 guns to the fort, build ships to defend our shores and train new men to sail them, work the land, grow crops, and raise cattle. Then whoever arrives on our shores first, be it England or Spain will be in for a most unwelcome surprise - a nation of thieves”
Mr Scott laughs at this
“If there’s to be a war, that would be Whitehall’s choice. I’d settle for a pardon, title on lands, and a governor that I could trust, and so would most of the men out there. They’re not animals, Mr Scott; they’re men starved of hope. Give that back to them, who’s to say what could happen”
And Eleanor asks why do this, and why in Nassau to which Flint responds
“Odysseus, on this journey home to Ithaca was visited by a ghost. The ghost tells him that once he reaches his home, once he slays all his enemies, and sets his house in order, he must do one last thing before he can rest. The ghost tells him to pick up an oar, and walk inland, and keep walking until somebody mistakes that oar for a shovel. For that would be the place that no man had ever been troubled by the sea. And that’s where he’d find peace. In the end that’s all I want – to walk away from the sea and find some peace”
Then Gates comes in, tells them they know where Silver is, and that he’s selling through a prostitute. At this, Eleanor seems concerned, presumably for Max
Eleanor goes to the brothel, finding Idelle putting ointment on Max’s injuries as Mr Noon (above centre) complains that “she nearly got herself killed by captain Vane”. Once alone, Max lets Eleanor know she’s about to make a lot of money, but Eleanor interrupts, demanding the schedule. They fight about it, Eleanor calls Nassau “all I have” (which Max takes great offence to, saying she loves her, and that “this place, it is just sand, it cannot love you back”. Gates, Flint, & Billy open the door, and Max realises she has little choice
“I want her to say it. I want her to say that she would sit there and watch as you beat the answer out of me to save this place”
Eleanor stands wordlessly, until Max tells them where the exchange will happen (the wrecks after sundown) and is left alone, crying & betrayed
Jack & vane are on the rocks near the wrecks. It is dark and they’re carrying a torch. We see several fires and, whilst Jack seems afraid, he tells us “there’s nothing in there but opium addicts, lunatics, and men who thought themselves too good to wear a condom” (condoms having become popular in the 18th century)
Silver hides among the rocks, but sends one of the men to Vane for the pearls. Vane shouts for Silver to come out and, when he doesn’t, kills the messenger, again shouting for Silver to come out. Silver sends another man out, who briefly glances at the dead body, before asking for the pearls. At this point, Billy drops down in the distance and shoots at Silver who runs off
Billy chases after Silver, as Jack & Vane try to find him, and Flint moves to cut him off. By hiding in a hollow, Silver escapes Billy and emerges by one of the fires. Putting on a blanket to blend in with the men around it (who appear to be in a stupor), takes the page out to read it, and commits it to memory.
Jack sneaks up to one of the fires and turns one of the men in blankets round. Instead of Silver, it is a severely disfigured man, apparently suffering from tertiary syphilis. This is treated as a jump scare and, as Jack stumbles back, he falls into the water, scattering the pearls, before we see him come back up for air
Flint catches Silver, who reveals that he burnt the page after memorising it, and so Flint cannot hurt him. Meanwhile Vane realises he’s lost him and gives up the chase
Max has decided to leave and, though Idelle tries to persuade her that with Mr Noonan & Eleanor’s men on guard Vane can’t hurt her. Max agrees, but says she still needs to go and, with Idelle distracting them, sneaks out, but is spotted by Anne who follows her
Billy & Gates bring Silver into Eleanor’s tavern where they keep him, with them watching guard, against Mr Scott’s disapproval
We a celebration on the beach. Men are dancing around a fire, there is music, and people stripping off to have sex in the water. Flint rides away inland, to a cottage, where a respectably dressed woman, Mrs Barlow (below) playing a harpsichord welcomes him, she tells him to take off his boots and that she’ll boil some water as he collapses against the door exhausted
This is an attempt at an original story including my friends Nico and Noah, who are absolute messes and the only people I like writing about that aren’t from a fandom.
Its absolute shit and I hate it but like have it anyways :)))
“Nico Starz!” Called the teacher, glancing around the room. Nico glanced up from his seat in the back, his purple dyed hair flopping away from his face at the movement. “Nico!” The teacher repeated, her voice snappy.
Nico cowered slightly, covering the paper he was drawing on with his arms. “Y-Yeah?” He stuttered, the teacher stated him down before snapping out,
“No drawing in my class,” she snarled, snatching the paper from the desk. Nico pulled their arms back swiftly, cowering into the back of their seat. While the teacher was busy looking at the drawing curiously, Nico vanished from sight.
His world turned black and white, and he grabbed his things. The Aphmau backpack from the back of his chair vanishes, and he swings it over his bag before sprinting out of the room. He heads down the hallway,
The purple haired character skidded to a stop, nearly falling over and planting face first into the floor. A door down the hall had been thrown open with an aggression that could only come from the school wide known chaotic Enby; Honeymint.
People here call him demon. Considering that if you piss him off too much theres rumors his eyes turn all black, and sometimes people have even seen flashes of devil horns and a tail.
Nico doesn’t tend to believe in rumours, but considering he has wings sometimes, it’s not too far fetched. Honeymint storms out of the class room and slams the door behind him, running a hand through his orange dyed hair.
He turned left and right, anger practically wafting off him. He shook his head and began running down the hallway, and a certain speed that to most wouldn’t be quite possible.
Before promptly blowing into the invisible character, who squeaked just before it happened and quickly lost invisibility. “Shit, sorry!” Demon exclaimed, sitting up, “I didn’t see you,” he laughed, putting a hand to the back of his head awkwardly. Nico caught sight of the sharp teeth in their mouth and looked in curiously.
“Neat teeth,” he comments quietly, Honeymint raises a brow.
“..thanks?” They sit there awkwardly for a minute, before a scream comes from down the hallway. Both kids jolt at the sound, but Honeymint follows it with a groan.
“Arson, you fucking idiot!” He shouts, standing up. Nico takes in his outfit now, a black leather jacket, tall punky black leather boots, black ripped skinny jeans. He’s also got a band tank under the leather jacket, and a choker wrapped his neck.
Nico doesn’t miss the slight glimpse of a demon tail swishing back and forth, but when he looks properly it isn’t there.
Honeymint jogs down the hallway and throws open the door with an impatient look on his face, the smell of smoke wafts into the hallway. “You fucking fool!” Is the last thing Nico hears before the door is slammed shut. “You’re not supposed to- you- agh!” Honeymint throws his arms into the air, before running a hand down his face.
“Sorry,” Noah shrugs. Noah Heath, one of the many ‘quiet kids’ that look like they could pull out a glock at any moment. He currently is standing in the middle of a very burnt, luckily empty, classroom. “Uh, wanna head out the window before anyone sees?” He suggests, his voice rising in piece.
Honeymint sighs but nods, “Yeah, c’mon, let’s go,” neither take notice of the door opening slightly before closing once again. The invisibile purple haired character follows them to the Windows, where Noah sprouts a pair of dragon wings and Honeymint elbows the glass out of the window.
In a swift movement Noah scoops Honeymint into his arms and they fly out the window, Nico follows with his own wongs.
Why do so many kiss this guy's a*ss? Does his PR think he's not making inroads outside the show so they're pushing him ahead everywhere including on OU where Starz and Sony have been promoting him non stop since season 4, trying to make him appear the sole lead? Where or how do you see him in the future? Will he become the HW star he wants to be or will he be back to taking whatever roles he is offered? Will he have as much money to live comfortable or not if Alex is as shady as many see him?
I think he will need to go back to theory after he has starred in a few more flops and he will never get a serious important role.
It's impossible they give him Bond cause if they did it would be the end of the franchise. I can hear the laughs already from real fans of the saga....
What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2
Episode 3: GOOD Grief! (we finally have a good episode on our hands)
To all those of you keen enough to have come back for another segment of ‘what hasn’t already been said: TSP’, as opposed to have just been scrolling when you see this - welcome back! (Scrollers you too <3)
Drawing of Thomas More’s Son AKA who Margaret Pole at this point wants to be the step baby momma of ;).
To anyone who’s seeing this for the first time: what this is a list of observations, jokes, reactions and criticism which occur to me upon a rewatch. I wait every week until Saturday to do this so that I have had my fill of scrolling through the tag and aggregating what has already been said. I tried doing a whole spoof (here where I gave up 10% in) but tbh a) I don’t know the history well enough b) it’s more time consuming than I thought and c) this series is just not as funny or as crazy as TWQ, so it’s untenable. Having said that: This is not a hatepost. I’m not hatewatching this series and nitpicking on purpose but expressing my honest views and trying to find the good in it as well as the bad.
Without further ado...
LMAO the way Wolsey suggests they break their alliance with Spain is freaking hilarious because the actor delivers the lines as if he were a high school girl making a personal attack by suggesting the prom change its theme to 70s disco to the chagrin of the peppy up-and-coming rival.
Also @ Henry VIII looking like the peppy up-and-comer’s bff and shy stan with that pencil bite and small smirk when Catherine loses her cool against Wolsey.
I’m sorry... who is Henry married to again?
Also what is Margaret Pole doing at the council meeting?? I’m not saying I don’t like it.
Margaret Pole warning against certain repetitive thinking creating madness :(((
Attempted Naked Twister:
Oh Catherine, what is with you and all the other STARZ protagonists and that weird politcky bedroom talk? Who actually finds this sexy?
‘Catherine you are unnatural’ ooof that line delivery was somehow haunting.
Was the whole ‘I can’t be rushed you are off-putting with your overpowering’ a callback to Arthur and Catherine? Apparently there’s another writer for this episode so I won’t put all subtly past them.
‘Shitey men’ asdkjashd
Look I’m tired of all this ‘my children won’t be safe’ line getting repeated. Look mate, murder of royal infants and children was not exactly a common occurence, even in cases of deposition. The Princes in the Tower are an exception to this but a very infamous case for that reason. Child murder was extremely taboo. In situations like this with an infant kid, no one is going to bother murdering the babies and taking their thrones, the lords will just vie for power and make themselves de facto rulers and oust the queen. It’s not a question of safety but a question of holding power. Stop giving all women characters perma mummy brains.
Maggie being all caring:
‘Barnaby’ *scoffs* ‘Such an English name’ - OH MAN 0_0 is Catherine mocking them for trying to adapt ? Like I know it’s meant to show her envy for Lina, but it’s coming out all messed up.
Our girl Maggie’s smile screams I’m beating your ass in chess.
Anyhow this is the least histrionic we’ve seen Catherine so far.
Chaplain vs Catherine:
I’m interested how Catherine will feel at Stafford’s execution given that I have noticed this show build up to a friendship between them.
Why is everyone laughing at the whole ‘will you delight us with new schemes’ line was not that funny?
LMAO at Thomas Boleyn’s attempted brown-nosing.
You know what? Ruairi is a decent actor. When he says ‘so you admit it? you lost the child because you tried to be a man?” the actor conveys Henry’s troubled mind, lowkey scare towards Catherine and bewilderment all in one. The way his eyes do not move but just widen emotionlessly also gives this sense that he is being manipulated (which I guess they are going for with Wolsey). Then the whole choir music in the background.. I don’t know.. I’m liking this, it’s creating a vibe of a king of haunted and increasingly paranoid Henry. I’m sure they are going for that, so good.
Ursula Pole and Mama:
Maggie Pole say ‘riches don’t keep you safe’ with tears in her eyes :’(. Please tell me how this is not her thinking on her parents and granddad Warwick and what befell them ;’(.
I find Ursula refreshing actually, don’t get those types of heroines often. But they are making her similar to a gold-digger, an exhalted marriage was first and foremost considered a thing of honour. Noblepeople wouldn’t speak in such mercenary terms regarding their marriages.
Post Mary Defiance:
I love the ‘horse’ nickname from Brandon n’awwww
Also just realised what made TWQ so atmospheric - that wierd ‘oooo’ sound effect in the background when a character was being paranoid or worrying. They are using it during Henry’s ‘How is it that I have no sons?’ and it is just... so effective.
Catherine calling them ordinary children... she just keeps striking me as more and more classist. Like ok, I know every royal was... but still, I thought she was meant to see Lina as a friend and equal despite her race and status. To add the race element, this kind of rubs me the wrong way.
Also it is so clear by the end when Catherine states how the king is upset with her, she expects Maggie to ask her about it.. but she doesn’t lmao.
Back to Scotland until Sexy boy fencing:
I love me this soft boi. Angus <3 <3
I like how they address that some men don’t really like killing and that violence isn’t inherent in a man’s nature.
Oh man, are we supposed to look at Lina’s house and deplore the impoverished conditions? It would go for at least 3,000,000 pounds in today’s property market?
Is Catherine being particularly classist again with ‘Why u not becoming a butcher Wolsey, ey?’.
Though I will admit the ‘but giving meat to the poor is also good’ was one of her only smart comebacks.
Just realised, Catherine’s pink dress pretty as it is, looks straight out of the 1570s... why?
Montage and After:
You guys are right, there is this weird longing between Henry and Wolsey lmao. It is actually insane.
So basically Catherine is officially depressed
OOOFF we have Stafford as regent instead of Catherine. (edit: I suppose it’s cause they go to France which they didn’t historically? Also if Stafford is at home then what is his son later doing in France, why would he be there without his father. This show didn’t think this through)
An impassionate speech is not too anachronistic. But despite the title of this post (what hasn’t been said) I will reiterate that 16th century and Medieval people’s problem wasn’t that they were ashamed of their grief and didn’t cry. In fact, crying was somewhat more socially acceptable then than it even is now! Even manly men like Arthur were written as crying in literature such as Malory’s Morte d’Arthur. Obviously you couldn’t go overboard, but in truth crying was indeed often tpp performative rather than hidden too much behind doors.
Pole and More UWUWU in France and after:
I LIKE THIS INTELLECTUAL FLIRTING
It’s nice to see a depiction of romantic feelings between mature and level-headed subjects.
God Mary Tudor is so beautiful in this scene jesus. and the music when she was being presented was also very beautiful.
Maggie Pole getting given ‘a modest income’ yeah... she was one of the wealthiest peers of her day.
Also Maggie’s lady cousin not lady aunt Frost!
‘shaking of the sheets’ lmaoooo
William Compton cracks the hell out of me. I love this guy. He is just so creepy and twisted yet super keen and friendly. ahaha He looks like a riot, I hope we see him more. lmao tiles.
Also this palace feels very anachronistic almost 18th century-ish.
I like the Louis and Mary sequence, it’s nice seeing him trying to make her feel less scared, but OMFG when he lay on that chair.. for one second I thought they were trying to kill him off already.
Scotland: ‘Love is an open doooooorrrrr’ + Last Scene:
I ship Meg and Douglas ahhhh this soft boi x strong woman match is everything Henry and Catherine could have been.
I wonder... why is Lina speaking in Spanish more than Catherine. hmmm Are they trying to foreshadow Lina’s eventual return home and how Catherine become a true englishwoman?
I cannot in all fairness believe it. This was actually decent. I’ve given up on historical accuracy long ago so by this point I’m focusing more on how it stands as as drama. I mean, TWQ was also a flop when it came to grasping the complex issues of that era but why do I feel compelled to rewatch it every year? Because it had atmosphere when it came to acting, music, certain aesthetics (though the costumes let me down often). It felt adequately gothic and dark, yet bright and jewel-lish when it had to be, sometimes both at the same time. Some one-liners were also memorable etc...
So far TSP 2 did not have any of this. Everything felt way too off and anachronistic. But not even consistently anachronistic. The music was also often very meh (though I just noted the absence of the spanish stringy theme that kept playing in season 1 - I guess I understand why), the dialogue very clichéd (‘alright lads let’s throw in the words: king, crown, power, fight, battle + other buzzwords and we have ourselves Shakespeare’) and so on... but I saw a change in this episode and I couldn’t initially point out what it was.
Upon rewatch, I identified some of the improvements (noted above) but above all: The producer was different! Boy does it show. Unfortunately, I think she is only for this one episode which really sucks. Come back! There is more chemistry between the couples, less predictable interactions, pervy Compton, cinnamonroll Douglas, better music, more scenic shots (e.g Douglas and Margaret in church) e.t.c. I hope it will match the rest of the STARZ productions in getting better towards the end.
Look it’s no masterpiece. But I’ll give credit where it’s due because at least this time it didn’t leave me feeling wanting and unsatisfied (if that makes sense).
All streaming services go through a down period after the excitement of Spooky Season, it’s only natural. Thankfully with its list of new releases for November 2020, Hulu is making the best out of a barren pop culture landscape.
For starters, Hulu is premiering one of its major 2020 reboots this month as Animaniacs arrives on Nov. 20. Yakko, Wakko, Dot, and the rest of the Warner gang are set to return for this long-awaited revival of the animated classic. That’s about it as far as original series go but Hulu is also premiering original movies Greta, about climate activist Greta Thunberg on Nov. 13; and Run, a horror film starring Sarah Paulson, on Nov. 20.
Still, despite all the Animaniacs, Gretas, and Sarah Paulsons, the biggest hits this month might just be on the library content side of things. November 1 sees the arrival of some major TV properties. For starters, racy British teen show Skins will be made available in its entirety on the first of the month. So too will Rick and Morty season 4 arrive on that date. And those hits will be followed by Killing Eve season 3 on Nov. 6.
If there ever were a time to do some serious streaming, it’s November 2020 on Hulu.
Hulu New Releases – November 2020
Ayesha’s Home Kitchen: Complete Seasons 1 & 2 (Food Network)
Best Baker in America: Complete Seasons 1 & 2 (Food Network)
Christmas Cookie Challenge: Complete Season 1 (Food Network)