#Faking it with my Billionaire Boss

[to-the-stars8]

The Waynes' Nanny

Notes: So, this is my oopsy of adding another story to my roster, but oh well. Here's my other note: Just a little side note. To make this story work, I had to de-age the majority of the characters. So, Dick is 15, Cass 10, Jason 9, Tim 7, Duke 6, and Damian 4. Just FYI. Obvi The Nanny Inspired

Bruce Wayne x Reader, Batfamily, platonically, x reader

Summary: One day, after getting fired from your job by your ex, you somehow ended up in Wayne Manor as the family's new nanny. Working with six kids is tough enough, but the handsome, rich, and emotionally confused father, billionaire Bruce Wayne, who is just too charming makes it a bit more difficult as your feelings for him confuse you. Nonetheless, you love the job and the kids, but soon enough you realize that maybe you're falling in love with the boss, too.

Pilot Pt. 1

“You have to be kidding me, fired?” You said shocked, leaning over the counter.

Your boyfriend then quickly added, “And, I’m breaking up with you.” 

The words could not come off your lips. Instead, you babbled for a good thirty seconds before just turning on your heel to leave. You stopped a couple of times to say something, but the shock was still settling in. It wasn’t until you were outside, watching people on the street that your senses came back. Turning around, you sucked in a breath and threw open the store door.

You pointed at your ex and loudly announced, “You have a small dick, and I’m collecting unemployment! So, hah!” 

Not feeling the victory, but glad that there were more than a dozen people to continue the rumor of your boyfriend’s supposedly small penis, you left.

Luckily, you were quick to find another gig thanks to a family friend. Granted, you hated going door to door trying to sell insurance in Gotham, but it paid you just enough not to be out on the street. This week, however, you were assigned to the other end of the city—The rich part. And, it certainly did live up to your expectations. These people had yards and gardens, and the air even smelled better. If you could only find a rich man, you think you’d be very happy in such a place. 

You looked down at the list of addresses your boss had given you before looking back up at the impressive sight of the house. With a sigh, you pressed the buzzer on the gate and went over your script. 

“Hello, my name is…” 

Before you could finish a British accent came through the buzzer. “Are you here for the nanny position?”

Looking around, you didn’t see a reason as to why you shouldn’t say yes. Absent-mindedly, you said, “I could be.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Oh, um, yes! Yes, I am.” It couldn’t hurt 

Suddenly, another buzz and the sound was clicking of the gate unlocking. Cautiously, you pushed your way through and you headed up the path to the front door. It was a near quarter mile to get to the house and up a hill. By the time you got up to the front of the house, you were winded and slightly sweaty. At the top of the stairs stood an old man in a suit, looking down at you with indifference. Slowly, you climbed the stairs to him. 

“You really gotta warn a girl if she’s gonna take a hike,” You huffed. 

“Most people drive,” The old man said, and you recognized the accent from the buzzer. 

You snickered at the old man, following him in, and you were amazed by just how wonderful the place was. As you entered, you did a turn, and you were amazed by just how big the house—No, mansion—was. 

“Would you like me to present your resume to Mr. Wayne?” Asked the man. 

Luckily, you were quick on your feet, “No, I’ll do it myself. Thank you.”

The man relented, giving you a disbelieving look, and went away. You sat down in one of the chairs in the foyer, quickly pulling out some papers to write some type of passable resume. As you were going for a pen, you realized quickly that you didn’t have one. Panicked, you looked around for one. 

“Ugh,” A voice said, and a boy no older than seven or eight stumbled from a doorway. On him, fake blood and a knife. He cried, “I’m dying!” before collapsing onto the floor. 

“You wouldn’t happen to have a pen, would you?” You asked, but the boy didn’t respond. Defeated, you decided quickly what you said as you saw the old man and a younger, much more handsome return. 

“Tim,” The younger man said. “We’ve talked about this. You can’t scare the guests.”

The boy opened his eyes, “I'm studying people's reactions to gore and pain.”

The man rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to you. He held out his hand toward you to shake, you took it and instantly liked the way his grip was strong. “I’m Bruce Wayne—”

“Oh, yeah! I’ve seen you on TV,” You said excitedly. “I loved the black suit you wore for that ceremony in the park last month.”

Mr. Wayne seemed taken aback by the compliment, but thank you anyway. “Just follow me into the kitchen. We can talk more there.” As he started to lead you away, he turned to the boy still lying on the floor. “Tim, go clean up, please.”

“I will, but only because you said please!” The boy cried out. 

Mr. Wayne shook his head and asked you not to mind him for now. Smiling, you replied that it was no big deal, kids were going to be kids either way. He seemed to agree with you on that and asked you more about yourself. You told him as much as you could think of, not willing or wanting to hold anything back. 

When you finally sat at the kitchen table did you stop talking to let Mr. Wayne talk, but he seemed more pleased to listen. Though, you knew better than to rattle on more than necessary. Maybe, you thought, this was why so many women thought him to be such a charming guy. 

“Can I see your resume, then?” He asked. 

Laughing nervously, you said, “Oh, uh, well, you see, I lost it on my way over here.”

“Is that right?” Mr. Wayne said, sounding like he didn’t entirely believe you. 

“Yes! Yes, it’s the damnedest thing,” You said. “I always seem to have these bouts of terrible luck.”

“Uh-huh,” He said. 

You were going to answer when a voice called out, “Dad!” 

Just then, two boys, one about fifteen and the other around ten, walked in. They seemed surprised to see you when they entered, glancing at their father before telling you hello. You got up, walking over to the boys and cupping their cheeks. 

“My, look how handsome!” You looked over your shoulder at Mr. Wayne. “And those pretty blue eyes! They must get them from you.”

“We’re adopted,” The younger one said. “And I’m Jason.”

You grinned and bent over to look at the boy. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m…”

“You’re the new nanny?” The older boy said. 

You started to answer, but Mr. Wayne cut you off. He told the boy, named Richard, that he could be nicer to you. Richard, or Dick as he called himself unfortunately, protested that Bruce was shuffling his responsibilities on some random lady from the inner city. Bruce was quick to dismiss him to his room, stating that they would speak later, and immediately apologized to you. 

“A kid makes a smart-ass comment, what’re you gonna do?” You smiled. 

“Right,” Bruce cleared his throat, not paying attention to what you were saying. “Well, those two were the oldest boys, I have one girl between them. Then, it’s Tim, Duke, and Damian. My youngest is four.”

“Trying to build a basketball team, Mr. Wayne?” You couldn’t help, but laugh at your joke. He didn’t seem as amused by it, so you quickly went quiet. 

“Yes, well, thank you for coming, but I don’t think I’m in the mood to hire sales girls from off the street.”

You rolled your eyes, mumbling that you could do it and that you had plenty of experience in taking care of children as you babysat a lot when you were a teenager. Mr. Wayne didn’t seem to hear anything you said, though, nor the phone ringing off the hook. 

“Alfred! Will you get that,” He called, seeming a bit stressed. 

“Oh, you cannot be that rich not to answer your phone,” You said, getting up and picking up the phone from the receiver. Putting it to your ear, you answered, “Wayne residence.”

“Give me that,” Mr. Wayne said and snatched the phone from your hand. “Hello?”

He went back and forth with the person on the other line, talking about how he needed a nanny. Yet, he seemed to be getting nowhere. The entire time, you laid yourself in front of him as he tried to talk to the person on the other end to get him a nanny. After a minute or two, he put the receiver down and looked at you. 

You grinned, knowing that you got the job. “You’re hired—On a trial basis!”

“Oh, thank you, Mr. Wayne!” You threw yourself at him, squeezing him tight. “You won’t regret it.”

“Right,” Bruce cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll have Alfred show you to your room—”

“I get to live here?” You asked excitedly. 

Bruce almost smiled, but held it back. “Yes. If you like.”

“If I like,” You laughed like he was joking. “Of course. Oh, it’s going to be great.”

Mr. Wayne nodded, acting like he believed you, but didn’t know for sure. He wondered if he made the right choice not only for his children but for himself as well. Since he only knew you for half an hour, he found himself being intrigued by you.

Despite this, how he felt didn’t matter. All that did matter was if the children liked you and if you were competent enough to look after them. After all, it wasn’t like he was going to fall in love with you. 

#jason todd #red hood #bruce wayne #batfamily #clark kent #dick grayson #alfred pennyworth #damian wayne #damain al ghul #tim drake #nightwing #robin dc #robin #cassandra cain #duke thomas #bruce wayne is a good father #dc batfam #batfamily shenanigans

[seireiteihellbutterfly]

Sundae Tropes - Milestone Event - CLOSED 🍨

Well, hello everyone! I can’t believe it’s finally happened but we’re celebrating a milestone! 300 followers?! Like what? I want to thank each and every single one of you for supporting my little blog. I love the interaction and going forward, hope to have more engagement with everyone. To celebrate, I thought I’d throw together a little event. This is intended to be an 18+ event, so minors MDNI. Welcome to Sundae Tropes! Open to all my followers and moots!

Give it up for the talented @actuallysaiyan for the super cute banner!

Rules

🍨 Make your sundae!

1. Pick a flavor of ice cream 2. Choose 1 or 2 toppings - One per group 3. Pick a man (or woman) from either Bleach or JJK 4. Please note the waffle cone option if none of the toppings appeal to you

So for example, your request could look something like Chocolate with whipped cream and caramel with Renji.

🍨Please note: Since this is meant to celebrate my moots and followers, I will not be accepting anon requests. Anyone who follows me and wants to submit a request, but are shy to have their name show up, please DM me, and I will add your request to the list and reach out to you separately when I’m done writing, without responding to the ask publicly. 

🍨 The reader will by default be written as female unless specified otherwise. Please have a look at my rules for characters I don’t write. All characters are either written as adults or aged up.

🍨Also, since each fandom has certain characters more popular than others, I’m capping the number of requests I receive for these characters. 

🍨This will be open for a week (closing April 12th). 

🍨I will be writing a good number of these and will be feeding all requests into a random generator to pick what order I’m writing these in. 

Flavors

Vanilla - High school sweethearts 

Chocolate - Boss/secretary

Strawberry -  Enemies to Lovers 

Rocky Road - Teacher/student

Cookie dough - Strangers in a foreign city

Coffee - Friends to lovers

Moose Tracks - Fake dating

Mint chocolate chip - Soulmates

Butterscotch - Forced proximity

Cookies and Cream - Marriage pact

Fudge - Captor/Captive

Peanut butter - Secret Billionaire

Butter Pecan- Love Triangle (pick 2 characters)

Birthday cake- Amnesia/Mistaken identity 

Cotton Candy- Secret Admirer 

Cherry- Return to hometown/reunion love 

Toppings (pick up to 2 - one from each group)

Group 1

Sprinkles - Threesome (pick 2 characters)

Whipped cream - Creampie, Breeding Kink

Crushed Oreos - Clit spanking, Nipple play, Bondage

Marshmallow -  Teasing, Edging, Toys

Kit Kats - Exhibitionism, Dirty talk, Hair pulling

Maraschino Cherries - Praise kink, Lingerie, Blowjob

Strawberries - Passionate/romantic sex, Emotional bond

M&Ms - Virginity loss, Soft sex, Sweet talking

Group 2

Banana - Doggystyle

Reeses Pieces- Cowgirl

Chocolate-covered pretzels - Missionary

Nutella - Butterfly Position

Caramel - Thirst Position

Gummy bears - Facesitting

Brownie bits - 69

Chocolate chips -  Lotus position

Kinks and fetishes not your thing? Want something fluffy and SFW? Add a waffle cone to any flavor! Pick a waffle cone prompt from the list below:

A waffle cone request could look like: Vanilla waffle cone #4 with Gojo

"I'm going on a blind date." "In hopes of them actually being blind?"

"Is there something I can do to make it easier?"

“Don’t you dare walk away right now!”

“Do you miss us?”

"I trust you with all of my heart."

“I have the feeling that you’re trying not to kiss me and I give you permission to just do it.”

“Do you want my jacket?”

"You're all my favorite things about the world concentrated into one person”

"You hugged me like your personal pillow."

“Oh, just shut up, I’m not blushing!”

“Morning cuddles are the best part of the day.”

“Of course I know the way you like your coffee.”

"My heart dances every time I look at you."

Why is your stupid face just so kissable?”

“Your laugh is contagious.”

"I never believed in love at first sight before I met you."

all dividers by @/ cafekitsune Prompts from @/ creativepromptsforwriting

#bleach #jujustu kaisen #jjk #tumblr milestone #300 followers #followers event #sundae tropes #bleach smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk smut #lovely moots 💕 #Awesome followers #vee writes #nanami kento x reader #gojo satoru x reader #byakuya kuchiki x reader #ichigo kurosaki x reader #jushiro ukitake x reader

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

The Asgardian Way

Pairing: Thor Odinson x Reader

Warnings: fluff, pining, cursing

Word Count: 3,072

Summary: When a human hits puberty they get the name of their soulmate written on their wrist. You got the name of a mythological figure and assumed it meant his parents were real big fans of Norse legend. Then aliens fell out of the sky and everything changed.

“Oh, I win this. Hands down.” The girl sitting across the table from you said between bites of her food. It was Saturday morning, which meant brunch with the work crew, and the name of the game was, ‘Who had the weirdest name written on their wrist?’. You were still relatively new, having worked there a couple months now, but the girl across from you had started only a week ago. She held her wrist out, “Robert McDick. McDick. You know this boy got bullied in middle school.”

The table burst out into a round of laughter, and you couldn’t help but shake your head. When it quieted down, you brought attention to yourself, “Actually…”

“Oh, come on.” Hanna, the secretary to your left, chuckled, “She’s gonna be Mrs. McDick one day. You gotta let her have this.”

Joni, your boss’ personal assistant, raised her hand curiously, “You know what, I’m realizing that…you’ve never shown us your name.”

“Because it’s bad.” You chuckled.

“Worse than McDick?!” The girl cried in shock.

You pulled up your sleeve and held your wrist out for the table to see. Everyone leaned in eagerly to see the train wreck that was your soulmate’s name. Hanna narrowed her dark eyes as if she was second guessing what her eyes were seeing, “Does your wrist say… Thor Odinson? Like the fake Norse god dude?”

“Yes. Yes, it does.” You replied with a tight smile. “I assume this means his parents were just super big fans of Norse mythology? Or maybe it’s a common name amongst Scandinavians. I don’t know a lot about over there.”

“You better learn quick because apparently you’ll be Mrs. Scandinavian.” Joni snickered and the others laughed at that as well. The joke wasn’t very clever, you had heard better growing up with this name on your wrist, but enough mimosas had been passed around that everything was deemed funny enough to laugh at.

The conversation drifted back to work drama and you glanced down at your wrist again. The moment it showed up on your wrist at the start of puberty you and your entire family had been thoroughly confused. It definitely pushed you to read up on all that mythology as a kid and you had to admit, if someone was going to be named after a god there seemed no better god to be named after than Thor. He was the god of thunder, lightning, and strength and the fictional character had quite the list of accomplishments.

“Hey, do—do you guys see that?”

You turned in your seat to see what the new girl was pointing at. In the distance, over what looked like Stark Tower, was a bright blue light shooting straight up into the sky. You narrowed your eyes wondering what the hell the billionaire genius was up to now, but the line of thought died as some sort of creature flew out of the spot where the light seemed to end.

“Oh my God!” Someone screamed and you pushed up from your seat in shock as more things poured out of the sky. The first sounds of destruction filled the air, gunfire, explosions, and screaming, and as the crowd around you began to panic you came to the realization that the world would never be the same again.

37 DAYS AFTER THE BATTLE OF NEW YORK

Your eyes were glued to the television screen while you used a ruler to try and scratch a spot under the cast around your leg. It was supposed to come off two weeks ago, but apparently the break had been worse than doctors initially thought so you were stuck in this damn thing for longer. Hopefully, it’d be off by the end of the week.

“Stop with the ruler, idiot.” Your temporary roommate, Jihyun, slapped the back of your head as they walked by. She was still in her pajamas despite it being past noon, but the building she worked in, just like her own apartment, had been decimated by aliens a little over a month ago so…

“It’s itchy.” You whined without letting your eyes drift from the news channel that was still talking about the Battle of New York. You weren’t entirely sure why they called it a battle. It was more an invasion that New York barely managed to survive. If it weren’t for the Avengers then New York City would be a crater in the ground.

Speaking of the Avengers…

“Are you still stalking your soulmate?” Jihyun came back in the room with her phone. Her dark hair was a mess around her shoulders and her dark eyes were definitely sort of judging you.

“It’s not stalking.” You mumbled.

The Avengers were a group of superheroes, because that was apparently a real-world thing now, and they consisted of six special people. Iron Man, aka the infamous billionaire playboy, two mysterious agents of some organization, the media was still speculating on them, Bruce Banner, who was a doctor and could also apparently turn fucking green, Captain America, who was apparently not dead, and then of course there was the Norse god who was apparently very, very real.

Thor. Thor Odinson. The god of thunder, lightning, and strength. Your motherfucking soulmate.

To be honest, you weren’t sure how on a day where aliens invaded Earth, the biggest surprise you faced was that the name on your wrist had been very literal. It left you in the weird position where you knew who your soulmate was exactly, but you had no way to reach him? Thor Odinson had left the world, if the interviews with Tony Stark were accurate, and you didn’t think an email would reach him out there.

“So, what’s the plan?” Jihyun asked.

“Very good question.” You sighed and went back to trying to scratch your leg with the ruler in your hand.

402 DAYS AFTER THE BATTLE OF NEW YORK

The next time Thor popped up on the news was the next year. He was in London fighting some other wild thing. Elves? The media definitely used the word elves a lot. It happened so fast that you didn’t even know how to react. By time you heard about it, the next thing you were hearing was that he was gone again. You found yourself actually disappointed.

Early on when you discovered he existed you spent a lot of time in self-doubt. Thor was a god. Literally, not figuratively. You felt comfortable in your skin, but you were very aware that you were human. You were human and technically he was not. What if he didn’t even see humans as like the same as himself? What if humans were the equivalent of like a pet dog?

You didn’t know anything about gods.

When you moved past the ‘does he even see humans as equals’ fear, you moved onto the ‘does he even have a soul mark’ fear. Thor was a god from another world. Humans were given the name of their soulmate on their wrist during puberty, but what if that was just unique to Earth? For all you knew, his kind didn’t even believe in soulmates. Then what?

The worst part of not getting to meet Thor was the not knowing. It left you with a lot of overthinking which was never good for anybody. You were on the fence on whether or not you should try to email someone like Tony Stark. A part of you figured the email wouldn’t ever even get to him.

The world was saved again, but your soulmate was gone as quick as he came.

1132 DAYS AFTER THE BATTLE OF NEW YORK

Three years had passed from the moment you found out your soulmate was a real person. All the fears you had, all the worries, concerns, reservations, were pushed to the side. Somewhere around year two you had fallen into the ‘fuck it’ mentality. You were not going to be one of those people who never met their soulmate. You refused. So you made it your actual mission in life to get an audience with the god whatever it took.

You sent an email to Tony Stark that, like you assumed, was ignored.

You traveled out to places you knew he had been before in hopes to meet someone that knew him. That’s how you met a woman named Darcy, who was super great and you still texted here every once in a while, but she had no way to get in contact with Thor. She said he kind of came and went whenever he wanted.

You tried and tried and tried, and everything came up as a failure.

Until today that is.

Thor was on Earth, there had been sightings of him, and you knew he would be at a party being hosted by Tony Stark in the tower. The party was Avengers, Avengers families and friends, and then a local Veterans group. Unsurprisingly, you didn’t get an invite, but you did know someone who worked for Stark Industries as an intern and she said her badge would get you to where you wanted to be.

That’s how your night was going. You were standing in an elevator, rising up the skyscraper that was Avengers Tower, wearing an outfit that filled you to the brim with confidence. You literally went out and bought an entire new outfit for tonight in hopes that it would make you brave enough to follow through on the plan and hopefully hot enough to make you stand out.

When the elevators opened, a wall of music and laughter hit you. You slid the badge into your purse and hesitantly stepped out. Nearby eyes looked over at you, but you were dressed nice enough that they assumed you were part of the party. Swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in your throat, you readjusted your clothes and made a beeline for the bar. From there you could look for your soulmate while also maybe taking 3 or 4 shots. Maybe 7. You hadn’t decided yet.

The bartender gave you a bright smile and you quickly ordered your favorite shot. You threw two back before turning around and scanning the room. Avengers Tower was as elaborate and amazing as you assumed it would be. The room was made up of multiple levels and people mingled on every single one. You could see Captain America by the pool tables. Tony Stark was entertaining a crowd of people around him. Bruce Banner was a few steps away talking to a smaller group of people and—

Thor. There he was.

He was sitting on a couch and the way he moved his arms made you think he was telling a story of some kind. His long hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and he had on a form fitting red coat that draped past his hips. Thor was… wow. You had seen pictures of him, seen him on the news, and so you knew he was a good-looking guy. That shouldn’t have been a surprise but seeing him in person was different.

You turned around and asked for one more shot. The bartender gave you a curious look but was quick about it. All this time you had pictured various things you’d say, different ways you’d greet him, but none of them seemed right anymore. With your hands on the bar, you closed your eyes and took in a slow breath like a crazy person. The bartender was without a doubt definitely judging you now, but you had bigger issues at the moment.

When you turned back around it seemed like fate was throwing you a bone. Thor had risen from the couch with a bright smile and said a few more words before moving away from the couch. This was it. This was your chance. You grabbed that ‘fuck it’ motto and pushed off the bar to walk in his direction.

You were a couple feet away when he turned his head and noticed you. Don’t get lost in his eyes. Don’t get lost in his eyes. Thor must have realized your path was leading you right to him because he stopped and offered you a curious smile.

“Hi.” You blurted when you stopped in front of him.

“Hello?” Thor replied. God, you could listen to his voice all day.

“This might sound rehearsed and a little crazy, but I’ve kind of been thinking about this moment for the past three years so I apologize in advance.” The words fell out of your mouth and you were too stunned to even be embarrassed by it. Thor raised an eyebrow at you, and it only made you panic more, “You’re…you. I…”

Thor gave you a polite smile, “Have we met before, my lady?”

“I’m your soulmate.” You blurted. Thor’s smile fell and his eyes widened. If he didn’t think you were insane before then he definitely did now. He opened his mouth, and you held your wrist out for him to see. Thor’s mouth snapped close, and his eyes stared down at your wrist. Thor reached out to lightly hold your hand in both of his. His gaze stayed on his name, but yours were now able to see his wrists from the way he held your hand.

His very bare wrists.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach, and you pulled your hand back quick, startling him, “You don’t… Your wrists are…” Your mouth felt dry and a part of you just prayed the floor beneath you would open up and swallow you whole. “I have to go, I’m sorry.”

Without waiting for a reply, you spun on your heel with full intentions to sprint out of this penthouse everyone else be damned. You’d be the weird girl running out a party for half a minute and then they’d never see you again. Your plan failed before it even began though because you only got three steps away until a hot hand grabbed your wrist and stopped you.

Thor spun you back around, but the moment you were facing him again he let go of you and held his hands up, “I apologize. It was not my intentions you grab you like that, but I’d very much appreciate it if you stayed for just a moment.”

“Dude, I kind of feel like my world is imploding.” You replied back quickly. “I just want to drink in shady bar alone right now.”

Thor chuckled, but his smile looked hesitant, “May I ask you for your name?”

You mumbled it out and tried to look for an escape route. What were the chances of you successfully fleeing from a god? They couldn’t be good.

Thor repeated your name and it sounded so good in his voice that you wanted to cry. He held one hand out to you, “I am Thor Odinson, though…I guess you are aware of that.” He chuckled and he almost seemed nervous. “May I see your hand once more?”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Why was this moment not ending? Unfortunately, though, looking into his gorgeous blue eyes, you realized it might be physically possible for you to tell this man no. You nodded once and held your hand up for him.

Thor took it into his again, holding it delicately, and gave you a tight smile, “I am going to bring your hand to my chest now.”

“You’re going to what now?” You replied in surprise. He brought your hand to his chest and if you weren’t in shock enough then your brain definitely broke the moment he slipped your hand under the collar of his black, v-neck shirt so you were touching the bare skin on the left side of his chest, “Uh…”

His skin was warm, and if this was anyone else you would’ve punched him by now. The spot under your fingers grew hotter for a moment and you stiffened in surprise. Thor realized your hand, in his own state of shock, and your hand just hovered in the air between the two of you. He took in a shaky breath and pulled the collar of his shirt to the side so you could see his skin.

On his left pec, a few inches under his collarbone, you watched as glowing red symbols began to form on his tan skin. The symbols were Norse, you recognized the shapes from all the research you had done over the years, and slowly the glow faded away to leave black marks there. You lifted your eyes from the spot up to his eyes and found him already staring at you with a soft look on his features.

“Wh—What was that?” You asked, your voice a whisper.

“Asgardians do not have the name of our soulmates on our wrists.” Thor replied. He took a step closer, and you couldn’t help but suck in a sharp breath at the motion. “This is our legend. How we find our soulmate.”

Your eyes widened as you motioned between the two of you, “So we are…?”

Thor grinned, his hands lightly reaching out to touch your arms, “Yes. Yes, we are.”

“Cool, cool, cool. Not to sound any crazier than I probably already have, or potentially insult Asgardian culture by skipping steps, but, uh, I’ve been picturing this moment for a while and I’m just gonna ask it.” Your own lips curled up into a broad smile that you couldn’t help. “Can I kiss you? I would love to kiss you right now.”

Thor smirked, one hand traced up your arm to cup your face tenderly, and you pushed forward to meet him halfway and press your lips to his. Your own arms wrapped around his neck to pull him closer and words couldn’t describe how it felt to have his warm lips molding to yours. You felt the tip of his tongue trace your lower lip and it brought a laugh bubbling out of you.

“Typically, laughter is not the response I try to gain from this.” Thor mumbled against your lips with a smile of his own. You pecked him on the lip once more and when you pulled back he followed to prevent any space from forming between the two of you. His forehead rested against yours as his thumb traced back and forth on your cheekbone.

“You just have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.”  

#thor odinson #thor x you #thor x reader #thor odinson x reader #thor odinson x you #marvel #soulmate au

[delta-pavonis]

'allo! may i have a bit of Friend Like Me? ;)

Absolutely! I have posted some of this before, but once again Tumblr's search function is failing me and apparently I can't organize my own tags for shit so... This is Matthew + Hob used to be partners in crime (literally) and Hob may or may not have started the crew from Leverage. 😂

100% G-rated fluff over here.

Hob has to do this every few decades otherwise he would be up to his eyeballs in storage units. It isn't fun, but neither is having too many moving parts to keep track of and potentially getting caught by another asshat with a hard-on for immortality. 

What was that quote he had read? "No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style." 

Not to mention the myriad other enemies he had accumulated via his network of grifters, hitters, and hackers. 

(What? The current state of technological advancements meant that Hob needed to get better at tracking and erasing his digital presence back in the late nineties. Was it his fault that while he was living in the States he had accidentally amassed a highly skilled group of "criminals" who were all connected to him like spokes to the hub on a carriage wheel? And that it turned out that they were, as a team, really great at liberating funds and removing items from billionaire idiots who didn't need a fraction of their accumulated wealth and power? That they did it so well that Hob had to fake his own death earlier than expected to get out from under a particularly angry arms dealer? Was that really all because of him?)

(Yes. Yes it was.)

Yeah, anyway, Hob didn't leave the house without at least one blade on his person anymore. 

This is why, when Hob is interrupted by a large black mass swerving into his storage unit through the crack in the door that should be far too small to admit such a creature, he pulls the nearest throwing knife (he was crouching, so he went for the one concealed in a sheath on the outside ankle of his black leather chelseas), clocks the intruder's movement in his peripheral vision, and wings it directly at them. It hits the wall with a satisfying kthud, which is promptly followed by a very avian squawking.

"FUCKING CAWCHRIST MY DUDE WAS THAT A KNIFE!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, THE IDES OF FUCKING MARCH?!"

That voice! Hob's head snaps up to see a sizable black bird falling in a tumble. It hits the concrete floor with a sound not unlike a briefcase hitting pavement from a story up (what? It is a very distinctive sound), leaving three large feathers tacked into the wall by the knife.

"Fuck me sideways that HURTS. Note to self, birds no likey losing butt feathers." The bird (A raven? Like this is the bloody Tower of London?) walks out from around a cardboard box with a bit of a waddle in its step, trying to look back at his tail while he moves. "I guess the Boss didn't tell you I was coming then?"

Hob sits back on his heels. That voice is still hauntingly familiar. But he would damned well remember meeting a talking bird. "Well, perhaps if you told me who your Boss is..."

The raven leaps a solid four feet into the air with a screech. He lands on top of a small writing desk, scrabbles against the smooth surface to balance himself, and then looks down at Hob with one glass-black eye. "I can't believe... no fucking way... Robbie? Is that you? Didn't you die in 2017?"

"Mattie?!" Hob's ass hits the cool floor as he is blown back by the revelation. "Didn't you die in 2020?"

Matthew Cable had been one of Hob's favorite grifters. Not because he was absolutely perfect at his job (oh no, Mattie had fucked up spectacularly more times then Hob’s blood pressure wants to recall), but because they had quickly become "let's get absolutely toasted and MST3K bad horror movies while we bitch about our love lives" buddies. Hob had missed Mattie immediately upon his own faked death and had mourned when he heard, through various channels he still kept an ear to, that Mattie had died in his sleep not too long ago.

"Yeah, but when I died I was given, like, a choice? Apparently the King of Dreams needed a new Raven and I decided to give it a go. Sounded much more interesting to work for him than actual death. There must be some mistake because I was sent here with a message for Hhh..." Mattie freezes.

"Dream sent you?" Hob tilts his head in interest. This was the Matthew he had often mentioned? A raven that carried his messages? Hob had been jealous over a bird?! (Oh Christ, how embarrassing.)

"Wait... what the fuck are you doing in Hob GaaaaAAHHHH!" Mattie the Raven starts hopping around frantically. "YOU ARE NOT JUST IN HOB GADLING'S STORAGE UNIT. YOU ARE HOB GADLING! FRIEND OF THE LORD MORPHEUS, KING OF DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES!"

Hob can't help his laughter. "Oh, he told you I was his friend, did he?" That Dream had called him friend to someone else shouldn't feel as good as it did. Hob tamps that useless bit of emotion down hard. (No good can come of that, better to put it away.) "Only took him six centuries to get there, stubborn wanker that he is." He fails to keep the fondness from his voice. 

"Christ you have no idea how much of a wanker sometimes..." Mattie shuffles his feathers. "Look, I gotta know the story here, man. How did you meet the King of Dreams?"

Hob stands, brushing off his jeans. "That... is a rather long story." He considers for a minute, barely that, rubbing at the back of his neck, before coming to a decision. "Look, it isn't like I get my close friends back from the dead every day... how about we head back to my flat, pull up something ridiculous like Slenderman, and I will fill you in on my story? Like old times?"

Mattie flaps over and lands on Hob's shoulder. "Hells to the yes. Especially if we can find out if ravens respond to THC. Shit, you ever get more of that Amnesia shit the team picked up in Amsterdam during that art heist job?"

Hob's belly laugh echoes in the small room. "I think I still have some squirreled away from my last trip to the continent." 

He locks the storage unit behind them. All the spring cleaning can happen another day. 

___________________________________

They did not, upon making it back to Hob’s flat above The New Inn, actually end up watching their intended horror movie. Instead, as they were flipping through options, they stumbled upon the live-action remake of Aladdin and Mattie had been so damned adamant that he wanted to see it while high that Hob had allowed the deviation from their established pattern. 

“That bird is a fucking useless sidekick. I will show you how to do it!” Matthew stands, wobbles, and falls off where he had been balanced on the arm of Hob’s couch.

Hob cackles, slouching back into the cushions. “Well, that’s your answer to the question about birds and THC, innit?” 

Matthew flapped his way up onto the space next to Hob. “Hey, I am still getting used to this stupid body without any fucking thumbs.” 

“Fair enough.” He shrugs, sinking even further back and letting the movie drift into the background, a gentle blanket of familiar songs. “So I can feel you trying to not ask questions. Ask away, Mattie. I owe you that much, at least.”

“Fucking right you do, faking your death like that caw.” The raven shakes his head. “Where even to start… Oh! I got it! When and how did you meet the King of Dreams and Nightmares? That must have been a trip and a half.”

The memory makes Hob even warmer and he feels himself grinning as he looks at the ceiling. “I was drinking with my pals at a tavern, the White Horse, in the year of our lord thirteen hundred and eighty nine…”

“Wait. The fuck? You are…” Mattie clearly stops to count for a blink, “almost seven hundred years old?”

“That I am, now let me finish… I rather loudly proclaimed that I had decided not to die. Just wasn’t going to fucking do it. And that was when he approached the table,” Hob closes his eyes, the swooping feeling of seeing Dream for the first time still razor sharp in his memory. Should he tell Mattie? Well, he had never been dishonest with the man before, no reason to start now. So Hob let all his emotional walls down. “And I swear to God, Mattie, it was like seeing a meteor shower for the first time. It was like discovering a second moon. I was absolutely dumbstruck by the beauty of this cocky young Lordling, all standing before me like he owned half the country. Looked it too, with that giant fucking ruby around his neck and his fine clothing.” Hob shakes his head, grin widening. “He offered me a deal. If I wanted unending life, then I could come back to that tavern on the same day at the same time one hundred years hence and tell him of my experiences of life so long-lasting. And here I am.” When Mattie doesn't immediately respond, Hob opens his eyes and turns his head. “What?”

The raven was studying him intently. When he spoke it was carefully metered and very much not in jest. “Robbie. I might be a bird now, but I would know that expression on your face anywhere. Do you… Are you…”

He didn’t need to put words to it, Hob knew exactly what his friend meant. He shrugged. “Aye, I probably am. But you have to understand, Mattie, he has been the only constant in my whole long life. Hundreds of relationships. Thousands of friendships. Centuries of life. And he was my only anchor.” Hob lets himself drift on that thought for a moment before coming back. “Did you know that I didn’t know his name until a few months ago when he showed up at the New Inn?”

“What?! What kind of asshole doesn’t give his – oh, wait, this is Dream I am talking about, isn’t it…”

Hob laughs. “You are very correct. Dream’s stubbornness is only surpassed by his beauty.”

“Wow. You’ve got it bad.”

“Most likely.” Hob inclines his head. “But I am happy with whatever type of relationship he is capable of with me."

The raven whistles. "Got it baaaad."

____________________________

And so it happens that Hob and Mattie are stonedly bickering over if Will Smith’s portrayal of the Genie was a good homage or a bad mockery (all while A Whole New World starts up in the background) when the King of Dreams and Nightmares steps out of nothingness and into Hob’s living room.

“Matthew! You were told to deliver a message, not spend an entire day-”

Hob cuts Dream off with an overdramatic, “OoooOOOOoooh, Mattie, you are in trooooouble.” Dream’s stern face snaps to Hob’s and he slaps a hand over his mouth while he giggles none-too-loudly, “OooooOOOh, now I am in trooooouble.”

That makes Mattie burst into giggles and let it be known that the giggle of a raven is not actually a pleasant sound to take in.

So it makes Hob laugh harder.

Then he sees Dream’s absolutely bewildered expression.

And that makes Hob laugh even harder.

Sobbing as he laughs, collapsed to the floor (having initially fallen clear off the couch in surprise at Dream’s entrance), clutching his belly, Hob can’t even bring himself to worry that Dream might actually be angry with him. Fuck, Hob just got Mattie back. This is fucking great.

Hob wipes at his face as his hysterics subside, trying to keep his voice steady as he addresses Dream from his place on the floor. “I’m sorry, m’love, I didn’t mean to patronize you, I just-” He cuts himself off when he sees, for the first time, a petal-pink blush color his Stranger’s cheeks.

“You called him your love!” Mattie cackles. Hob feels himself blush now, too. That was a slip. That shouldn’t have happened. (Ah, bollocks.) “You are so in for it now. The Boss hates pet names! Once I tried to call him Lord Mew-mew because he was acting like a wet fucking cat and-”

“Enough.” Dream waves his hand to his Raven and the bird is immediately silenced. “Matthew, leave us. I am not asking.”

“Aww, maannn.” Mattie shakes himself off and seems to become shockingly sober with just a ruffle of feathers. “Roger that, Boss. See you back at home.” Then he nods to Hob. “We should do this again sometime.” 

Before Hob can respond Mattie has taken wing and flown out a window that definitely was not open a moment ago. When he looks back up it is to have Dream’s hand in front of his face, gently offering to help him stand. Hob takes it, if only for the excuse to touch his Stranger’s skin for the first time. (His touch is cool, his fingers long and uncalloused, his skin smooth. Hob memorizes every sensation greedily.)

Dream seems to realize this once Hob is on his feet because the blush deepens slightly and he retracts his hand with a jerky motion. 

“I am sorry if I offended you, Dream.” Hob takes a step to the side and tries to catch his friend’s eye. Dream keeps purposefully looking away. “It is just a silly human endearment. I am rather high on some excellent weed and I didn’t mean-”

“Ah.” Dream interrupts and Hob’s jaw clicks shut. Dream is still not looking at him and so Hob can see the way the muscles in his jaw flex with tension. “Just a silly endearment. You did not mean it.” 

Something fiery swoops inside Hob. Dream has never acted like this. Never avoided Hob’s eyes. Never interrupted him. And all because Hob had accidentally called him love.

See, thing is, Hob does mean it. More than he has words for. But never did he think… Dream couldn’t possibly. Fuck. Hob is too high to think clearly about this.

Hob steps into Dream’s line of sight, forces the slightly taller anthropomorphic personification to meet his eyes. Why it comes out a whisper when Hob speaks he will never know. “Dream. Do you want me to mean it? Do you want me to call you,” he hesitates for a moment because this could ruin everything. (But look at him! Look at the hurt in his expression, the tension in his shoulders. He does not hide it well, now that Hob knows what to look for - thanks, Sophie.) “my love?”

It is answer enough to see Dream’s pupils dilate and his nostrils flare. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. 

He is shaking when he goes to take Dream’s hand, brings it up to press a kiss to those beautiful fingers. “If I am reading this wrong then please please let’s just chalk it up to the THC and pretend this never happened. But…” Hob takes the last step in and now they are almost chest-to-chest, “I thought you would have figured it out after 1689… you are my guiding star. It is you who I wait decades for. You who I hope to impress with my experiences. You who I have yearned to touch with every fiber of my being for literal centuries.” Dream is blinking wide eyes at him now, confusion and surprise and hope all written there. “And if your friendship is all I can have, then so be it. But, Dream. If I had three wishes I would spend them all just to be able to call you love.”

#Pavonis writes #Dreamling #Leverage AU

[mediumtires]

I'm still not over this. How in the world Christian is sharing this and expect us to be okay ? HOW??

I'm also living for Fed to be there as their chaperon 😂 he cannot let these menaces free or chaos will prevail.

It got me thinking now, is Fred going to tease the hell out of Toto at each TP meetings now?

i would like to formally apologise i don’t understand how no one else is losing their mind about this? i am so about to lose my mind?

you’re telling me christian horner and toto wolff shared a flight to melbourne (loooooong flight from the uk) and christian just causally drops that bomb on us like it’s something they do all the time?

i swear the most compelling thing about them is that THEY LIKE EACH OTHER. all the yelling and the one upping and the creating fake scenarios for netflix, the comments, the quotes they feed the press, the mind games, "i don't have to kiss his arse" etc etc etc but at the end of the day they’ve been around the paddock together for over a decade. in 2014/15/16/17/18 they hung around each other ALL THE TIME.

and then 2021 happened and gLoVeS wErE oFf but even after that— may i remind everyone of preseason testing 2022?

this was literally only A FEW WEEKS after that commission meeting where masi got fired relocated. weeks after toto wore a black turtleneck like he’d just buried the w12. and they were acting like giggling schoolgirls twirling their hair and having a laff? are you joking? are you telling me these two whiny conceited big headed team bosses can just forgive and forget?

YES AND ITS BECAUSE THEY LIKE EACH OTHER. toto probably acknowledged what happened in ad wasn’t christian’s fault and christian’s crush on toto is big enough that he could move past merc protesting max's win and getting his bestie michael fired relocated.

and now you’re telling me they’re sharing flights. sure sure. probably because they’re really environmentally conscious. maybe even an accidental booking on a commercial flight. two personal assistants going “whoopsie didn’t check the passenger list sorry”. three if you count in fred but he and toto probably booked that flight together. surely they weren’t plane pooling a private chartered flight. cough cough surely not. these three old rich men (billionaire toto wolff) would totally sit first class on a commercial flight, 17 hours among commoners, before one of the hardest races of the season, one of them with a broken back, one of them blind, and one of them with a tummy ache. these three very rich men would totally suck it up and bite the bullet to make sure their carbon footprints stay as low as possible.

HELL no i don’t believe it for a second. they plane pooled. BECAUSE THEYRE FRIENDS.

christian is the longest serving tp along with franz tost but toto has been around since 2011ish when he first started at williams. they've known each other for A LONG TIME. no other team principals have been around as consistently and continuously as these two. sure some of the current tps have been around the paddock in other roles. and yet with the exception of toto and fred, none of them are "friends".

i am convinced they started hanging out. they must have because they were the two youngest tps around and everyone else was boring (except for maurizio my beloved). they build a rapport. some kind of undefinable bond, not friends, not colleagues, rivals maybe, but there's respect. even if christian won't ever admit to it ever. maybe they don't go to dinner together but I'm convinced they text occasionally, anything between "happy birthday" and "fuck you for buying out my engineer i actually needed that one". also. christian is ceo of a top level performing technology business (lmao) and if there's one thing toto knows it's management and finance. like I cannot imagine they have never had conversations about that. they're both passionate about racing. sure they probably have like hugeeee differences in opinions about certain things but it's because they're both willing to do whatever it takes for their team to win. they must respect that in the other. (their opinions are probably not even that different if we think about it. probably scarily similar actually. this is the problem, they are very much two sides of the same coin. they want their team to win and they’re willing to do pretty much anything to get there. they look at each other and don’t like what they see because they’re literally mirror images.) (THEYRE TOO SIMILAR)

IN CONCLUSION. they like each other. they may not be friends by common definition but THEY ARE SOMETHING. they share flights I rest my case.

(also yes obviously fred makes fun of them all the time it’s how he’s coded)

#christian/toto lore #toto wolff #christian horner #three men one plane

[lovebittenbyevans]

See No Shame | Part 1

Summary: You and Nanami were only seeing each other for three months. You eventually wanted more but of course they always say “don’t be someone second choice” in a man life.

Pairing: Billionaire! Nanami Kento x Female Reader

Warnings: cursed words, slight angst

Author note: I always been a fan of anime since forever. This is my first time writing about Nanami. Enjoy reading!

Part 1

“Babygirl.” While placing books back on the bookshelf, you heard a voice behind you.

At first you didn’t bother to turn around because you knew who it was standing behind you. “What do you want, Nanami?”

He starts. “You didn’t get any of my text messages I sent you? I’ve been trying to call you.” He reached over your shoulder, helping you put the book back on the higher shelf.

“Which one?” You walked around the corner of the other aisle of the bookshelf and placed one more book in the right order.

He grabs your wrist making you face him. “Now, are you playing dumb?” You let out an annoyed sigh and locked eyes with him. “What do you really want?”

Nanami takes a step closer to you as your heart begins to race. “Why have you been ignoring me?” His fingers brushed against your cheeks, sending shivers through you that you been trying to ignore. “I miss you, baby.”

You slapped his hand away, rolling your eyes. “You have Ariel to keep you company.” You walked back to the front of the library with him following right behind you.

“Babe.” You stood in front of the cash register when Nanami cut in line, not letting the lady behind him move forward.

The lady looked pissed. “Hey!”

“Babe.” He ignores the lady behind him while looking at you.

You sigh, tapping your fingers on the counter. “Say hi to Ariel for me.” You were so tired of his bullshit and him not acknowledging the way you feel about him.

Nanami titled his head, a lock of his hair falling across his forehead. “Y/N, don’t be like that.” He gently takes your hand in his. “Come have dinner with me tonight.”

You let out a scoff. “Dinner? I am not her.” You pull your hand away. “I’m busy so I have to get back to work.” The lady pushed Nanami to the side and you almost laughed.

“Hi, how are you doing today?” You force a fake smile.

The lady waited patiently as she whispered to you. “Back in my day we would grab any hunk of a man like that.” You tried to hide how red your cheeks feel when you handed her the books. “Have a good day, ma’am.”

Nanami smirks. “See, you should do–” You cut him off and leaned forward making sure he met your gaze. “No, what you need to do is leave me the fuck alone and go be with her.” Tears brimmed in your eyes, threatening to spill over.

The way you look right now. He doesn’t like to see you cry at all. He hates it. Nanami has not always been good at comforting people, especially those who have deep emotions.

He wanted to reach over the counter to comfort you but your boss was close by observing. “Baby.”

“No, you don’t get to call me that!” You almost raised your voice. “I am not someone you can play with.” You headed straight to the back room of the library, shutting the door shut for a minute as you allowed the tears roll down your cheeks.

Feeling your heart continuing to shatter into a million pieces, you whispered to yourself. “He will never love me like her.”

#nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x you #nanami kento x fem!reader #nanami kento x y/n #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk x fem!reader #jjk x y/n #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu nanami #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x female reader #jjk nanami #nanami x reader #nanami x you #nanami x fem!reader #nanami x y/n

[enchantestuff]

play pretend (i) - daniel ricciardo

summary: after having dealt with too much bad press, daniel needs something to get the journalists off his back for a few months - just until he returns to his normal sense - and that something seems to be a pretend relationship with you, his bosses daughter

not my gif!! but a fantastic one

warnings: swearing, mention of alcohol and partying, insinuates daniels going through a player phase, billionaires daughter!reader, fake dating, some flirting, the press are dicks to daniel, nicknames, fluff or at least my attempt at it

4.9k words

dedicated to the lovely @kaismason​ thank you for putting up with me

Walking through the F1 paddock, you said hello to everyone you recognised, stopping to speak to some drivers and smiling at people you had never seen before.

“Here she comes, the princess of McLaren,” you could hear Ted Kravitz speak from ahead of you, his cameraman walking alongside you, being careful not to trip over the numerous people walking by.

“And here he is, the prince of the paddock,” you smiled, giving a slight wave to the camera before it panned back to Ted. He was one of the few reporters you truly admired. He never made you feel ashamed for your upbringing and always announced his news in exciting and fun-filled ways. All in all, he made you smile.

“Looking as cheerful as ever, Y/N,” he commented, nodding his head at you as you passed. His microphone dangling in one hand and notebook glued to the other. Just like every other race weekend.

“Nothing to be sad about, Ted!” you hollered back, grin ever so present on your face. You entered the McLaren motorhome, thankful for the air conditioning blasting through the doors, granting your hot body some much-needed relief. The sun glared down your body all morning, sweat piling up on your forehand and down your back, which you assumed was noticeable considering a staff member handed you a cool water bottle before you even had the chance to search for one.

Nobody questioned why you were at McLaren hospitality. Your face had become familiar in the area long ago, with your father partially owning the team - having been brought down from generation to generation.

Being the daughter of a billionaire was everything people imagined it to be. You had the freedom to do whatever you liked, enough money to indulge in hobbies others could only dream of, and you were even in the position to give back to the world. Sure, the press you dealt with on the daily was sometimes less than friendly, but you were in no right to complain about them when others had more pressing matters to deal with.

But more specifically, being the daughter of a billionaire who owned an F1 team was even better.

Growing up, you were constantly surrounded by Formula one, its cars and drivers. You had attended more races than you could count, standing proudly alongside your father, showcasing his team on your too-large t-shirt. Your regular visits to the paddock - and not to mention your father’s heavy involvement in the sport - led you to grow a real passion for it from a very young age.

As an adult, nothing had changed. You still spent all your free time at the paddock, so much so that it felt like a home from home. You were comfortable there. At ease.

That is why, whilst walking through the McLaren hospitality, you didn’t even budge when you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist and pull you towards a more secluded area of the corridor. Upon steading yourself, you looked up at your capturer, wondering who needed to talk to you so desperately.

Bewilderment and shock flowed through your veins when you registered that Daniel Ricciardo had taken hold of you. One of the very few McLaren employees you had rarely spoken to. Not for any particular reason, except maybe because you had a massive crush on him.

“Well, isn't this a lovely surprise,” you smiled, your desperate need to please people kicking in as you spoke to the driver, the driver that you had practically begged your father to hire, “if you needed to speak to me, you could’ve just asked,” you commented, making sure to keep your friendly smile plastered on your face.

From merely glancing at Daniel, you could tell he was nervous. Nails picking at skin, feet hitting against each other as he willed for the confidence to just speak his mind. It put you at ease knowing you weren’t the only one with butterflies swarming your stomach.

“This felt like the most efficient approach,” Daniel lazily smiled, clearly not interested in indulging in small talk and instead deciding to rip the bandaid off, “I have a favour to ask of you.”

“I’m all ears, Ricciardo,” you replied, suddenly aware of the awkward tension that had just surrounded the two of you. Why was it whenever you spoke to a man you liked, you suddenly turned into your father with all his stupid phrases. I’m all ears? You were already scolding yourself for that one.

“I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend,” Daniel muttered, words quickly spewing out of his mouth, almost bunching into one, but you had heard him loud and clear.

Whatever you had expected from him, it certainly was not that.

“Come again?” you beckoned because, although you had heard him correctly - judging by the painfully embarrassing look crossing his features - you still needed him to elaborate. For your sanity more than anything else.

“I know, I know it-” he sighed, his hand rubbing down his face, tired eyes looking at you once again, “it’s a stupid idea, but I don't know what else to do.”

“You don’t know what else to do?” you questioned, confusion laced in your words, practically begging Daniel to clear the haze in your mind, to explain himself properly.

“Oh, come on, Y/N, you’ve seen the headlines!”

Ah yes. You were very familiar with those. Daniel had been the hot topic for media outlets these past few months, although it wasn’t for the reasons one would hope. Pictured with booze and different girls draped from his arm wasn’t a good look, especially when it continued to happen.

Your father had thrown a fit when the first article slamming Daniel’s “boyish ways” was written. Although he didn’t tell the driver personally, he was very disappointed by the tarnishment of Daniel’s name rather than McLarens.

However, everyone knew, deep down, why Daniel had gone down this road. They were understandable, considering the circumstances. Even though your father had nothing but respect for the Aussie driver, the rest of the McLaren management had some distaste for him. Now those were the people who didn’t understand that their harsh words and unfair actions were the things that had driven Daniel to drown his sorrows in alcohol and girls.

When headlines had shifted from Daniel’s lack of progress in the team to his affiliation with alcohol and women, his results at Mclaren seemed to improve. You, and the many people around you, had come to realise that Daniel didn’t mind the invasion of his privacy - he seemed to prefer people critiquing his personal choices rather than his career ones - either way, although he was performing the way you, and your father, knew he could, the headlines were still nothing to be proud about.

“What do the headlines have to do with this?”

“I need them to focus on another part of my life so I can fix it,” he groaned, clearly distraught with the situation, “First they slammed my driving performance this year, and the minute they started critiquing my partying habits - my driving improved. Cant you see it's connected?”

Your heart broke for him, you could see he was grasping at straws but maybe he had a point. If they started pestering him about a different part of his life, maybe he could fix the bad habits he had acquired.

“So you want them to focus on something else? Something fake?”

You knew then and there you would agree. It was hard not to with a distressed Daniel pleading with you

“Give me your phone number.”

**

“Michael,” you hollered upon spotting Daniel’s other half, surprised you managed to catch him away from the Aussie driver.  Michael, recognising your voice, quickly pivoted from where he stood on the opposite side of the garage, “I have a favour to ask of you,” you spoke, repeating Daniel’s words from earlier, internally rolling your eyes at the irony.

You and Daniel had texted the entire day, while you were trying to organise a plan for the next four months - from his belief, it would only take four months for the press to back off - Daniel was helpless.

When you had asked him when he was free, he told you Michael was in charge of his calendar. When you had asked him where he wanted to meet to further discuss your pretend relationship, he told you he was happy with whatever you wanted.

He was driving you insane and you hadn't been on one date yet.

“Anything,” Michael replied, unsure of what he could help you with but willing to do so.

“I’m going to need to borrow Daniel’s calendar,” you explained, wrangling your hands together. Yes, this was a strange ask, but you didn’t feel the strange look he threw your way was warranted. “Just for a few hours, I promise! I’ll give it back to you as soon as possible - tomorrow at the latest!” You were practically out of breath from explaining yourself to him. Why couldn’t Daniel be responsible enough to manage his calendar? Why did he have to make things awkward and insist you get it from Michael instead of just retrieving it from his best friend himself.

“Right,” Michael nodded, visibly trying to rake his brain for reasons you would need the drivers’ calendar and yet, coming up empty-handed, “Can I ask why?”

Fuck, now you had to think on the spot. Think of something that would be believable. Something plausible.

“I’m organising an event for the company,” you hurriedly spat out. It would do. “And I just want to be 100% sure on a date both the drivers can attend; you know how hectic their schedules can be!”

How many times could you plaster a fake smile onto your face?

“Another charity event?” Michael happily asked, “The last one raised a lot of money, didn't it? And from what I remember of the night - it was very successful,” Michael laughed.

Relief flooded your veins, you had honestly forgotten about that event but you were happy with how easily he believed your lie.

“Yes, exactly!” you agreed.

“I sure hope I'm going to be invited too.”

What was once a lie has now turned into a reality. Now you had a charity event to plan alongside pretending to be Daniel's girlfriend. You now cursed the times you had complained about your free schedule.

“Yes, of course! It won't be for a few more months though, need to figure out when everyone is free,” you explained. He nodded along to your words, rummaging through the backpack at his side and pulling out what you could only assume was Daniel's calendar.

“Let me know if you need any help organising it, Y/N, id love to be a part of it.

You were going to kill Daniel for making you lie to this man.

**

“Wow, you’re taking this seriously,” Daniel remarked, looking at the calendar you had made and set down on the table he was sitting at. The calendar detailing the progress of your soon fake relationship, which he looked at with pure fascination. Several dates had been circled and marked with numbers, and others had been underlined with a red marker, showcasing their importance. Very few squares in the calendar remained blank.

“All this time, it felt like my business degree was going to waste-”

“You have a business degree?” he pondered, pure amusement laced in his voice. He hadn’t known that you went to college. He hadn’t even realised he knew so little about you; except that his boss was your father. Something that had majorly put him off speaking to you since joining the team. Looking back on it, it seems like a very stupid reason to avoid you.

“Save the personal questions for our first date,” you remarked. The smile was still to leave your face, excitement bubbling through your body with the prospect of a new project keeping you busy for the next few months. Or perhaps it was the prospect of spending the next few months with Daniel.

You made yourself believe it was the former. It had to be.

Daniel’s laugh boomed across the outside seating area, catching the interest of some of the media who had ventured closer to take a picture of the two of you.

You had been smart when you picked this area as a meeting point and were well aware of it. If just one reporter happened to mention you were having breakfast with Daniel - something that didn’t happen regularly -  merely one photo snapped of the two of you having dinner the next day would spark rumours. The stories would practically write themselves. All you have to do is keep the facade going for a few more months.

“Which, from what you’ve planned in this calendar, is tomorrow? Moving fast there, princess,” he remarked, dragging his finger across the date that marked your inevitable break up. Four months. Exactly what he had told you. So then why did a sudden pit emerge from his stomach?

“Just can’t wait to start dating me?” he teased, a grin easily finding its way onto his face, almost like second nature.

“Yes, I stole your calender from Michael, who, by the way, needed a lot of persuading to hand over that beloved item, which also means your forced to help me organze a charity event “ you shook your head, “anyways, we’re both in Monaco tomorrow, so it’s the perfect time to get it started,” you smiled proudly at him. “What’s the need to wait?”

“How come you’re in Monaco?” he questioned, curious to know more about the life of the person he was to be fake dating for the next few months. Wondering why he knew so little about you. Why it had taken him so long to approach you. To indulge in a conversation with you.

Eyebrows furrowed, you couldn’t help but laugh at his question, almost 100% sure you had bumped into him on a random street at one stage during the winter break. “I live there,” you confirmed, bearing witness to the look of surprise that ran through his features before his neutral expression took over again.

“Really?” he exclaimed, his previous intention of concealing his shock now thrown out the window. If he had known you lived so close to him, he would’ve sparked a conversation with you sooner. The prospect of your father being his boss no longer bothers him, having finally had a few conversations with you. Having gauged your personality. Having realised that yes, you were as lovely as everyone else made you out to be. “How come we’ve never run into each other before?”

You granted him another laugh, something that would’ve filled Daniel with pride if, in that particular moment, he wasn’t scolding himself for being so shy with you the past year or two.

“I’m pretty sure we bumped into each other while I was walking my dog two weeks ago,” you confessed, wanting to ease the tension; you couldn’t help but tease him a small bit, “clearly, I’m just not that memorable.”

“No, no,” Daniel rambled, hands flying out to contradict your statement, “I can guarantee you that’s not true i- god, I can’t believe - listen i-”

“Daniel, it’s okay,” you laughed, “I’m only teasing.” Daniel, on the other hand, sighed into his hand, giving himself a moment, hoping that the ground would swallow him up before bringing his attention back to you.

“Okay, so tomorrow, should I just meet you at the restaurant, what’s it called? Le-” he flipped the calendar over so he could read the details of your date on the little box indicating tomorrow’s date. You didn’t give him much time to scan the words, however, quickly slammed your hand down on the page.

“You will be picking me up, actually. From my family home,” you tried to be stern with him, tried to make it seem like he had no option in the matter, yet he still managed to argue back.

“I hate to break it to you, princess, but i will not be doing that,” Daniel argued. He would have preferred walking through glass than having to face your father after his previous rough patch. Having to explain to his boss that he was bringing his beloved daughter on a date. A slap to the face would be expected, he assumed.

“Okay then,” you shrugged, slamming the calendar shut in front of you and dusting your clothes off, “good luck finding someone else to indulge in your fake dating schnanagings.

“Wait! No don’t-”

“This is non-negotiable Daniel! I know you think my father hates you, but he doesn’t. He certainly will develop a severe disliking to you, though if you proceed to date me without talking to him first.”

Daniel cursed at the sky. He needed you. Needed someone he had no emotional connection to, to ensure this fake dating didnt end with heartbreak. Something that seemed harder and harder to achieve the more he spoke to you. He was too far gone now. “Okay, send me your address.”

***

Daniel let out a breath. He had been holding it for a while. The whole ride to your family home, he felt like he hadn’t stopped to breathe, mind overrun thinking of ways he could clarify himself to his boss. How could he explain that after his recent partying with far too many women, he was taking his boss’s daughter out on a date?

With one last breath, he pressed the doorbell to your fancy house and waited silently for somebody to answer it. He had flowers for you and your mother in one hand and chocolates for the entire family in the other.

You hadn’t told him to bring anything, but it felt appropriate to bring a gift considering you had agreed to help him out without anything in return.

“Daniel, it’s lovely to see you!” your father gushed as he opened the door, pulling the driver into him and giving him a welcoming hug, “Please come in, make yourself at home,” he smiled, finally registering the gifts in his hands, “Are these for me?” he joked, gesturing to the bouquets in Daniels arms.

“They’re actually for the two beautiful women in your family.” Why had he said that? Why did he just compliment his boss’s wife and daughter in front of him, “however, these are for you,” he passed the chocolates to his boss, forcing himself to breathe through his nose and ease his jitters away.

“See, i knew I liked you for a reason.”

Your father opened the box and plopped one of the sweets in his mouth. “Delicious, come sit sit,” he beckoned. “Im sure my two girls will be down soon, mums just helping Y/N get ready for her date with you,” he stretched out on the couch. Clearly comfortable in his own home. Understandably. “You know how it is.”

“You have a lovely house,” Daniel choked out, desperate for something to say.

“Have to thank the misses for that, I can tell your nervous, mate, i can guarantee you have nothing to be worried about,” your father sympathized.

Daniel swallowed, were his nerves really that obvious?

“But im telling you now, she really does like you, let me tell you a secret,” he laughed before continuing, “she was the one who practically begged me to hire you, although it didnt take much convincing.”

“Really?” Daniel remarked, surprised with this newfound information.

“I can tell shes really nervous for this date, just be your usal self with her yeah?”

“Of course, ill make her feel at ease, sir,” Daniel didnt think conversing with your father would be so easy. Everything was becoming too easy.

“You dont have to call me sir, Daniel, you’ve been a part of the McLaren family for over a year now,” he sighed like something was bothering him, “on that note actually, i know youve been having a hard time, i just want you to know that i never-”

“Hello, hello!” you gushed from the top of the stairs, quickly making your way down to save Daniel from your father, “Im all ready lets go, oh-” You had spotted the flowers. You hadnt told him to bring you flowers.

“Well arent these just beautiful,” your mother smiled from behind you, “You are just the sweetest Daniel thank you,” she gave him a polite kiss on the cheek, “ill put yours in a vase with mine, darling, brighten up the living room a bit.” She hurried off to the kitchen, a newfound bounce in her step.

“Thank you,” you smiled at Daniel, finding solace in the shy smile he presented you with.

“You dont need to thank me, princess,” he grinned, jumping at the unexpected laigh your father let out.

“She is a little princess isnt she? Let me grab a quick photo of the two of you-”

“Dad!” Were you twelve again? You couldnt believe he was embarrassing you in front of his own driver.

“Oh come on! My only daughter and my favourite driver are going on a date! Let me document this moment!”

You plastered on a smile, tucking yourself under Daniels arm and looking into the camera. All you could think about was how quickly you wanted to get out of there.

All Daniel could think about was how wrongly he had perceived both you and your father.

**

“Well, isnt this lovely,” Daniel commented, glancing around the restaurant you had chosen, taking into account the soothing live music being played from the centre of the hall. The dim lighting caused goosebumps over his skin as if he were on a real date with you.

“Did you expect any less from me?” you laughed, doing your glance around the restaurant, already spotting some journalists crowding around the entrance, hassling the staff to try to get a photo from inside before eventually retiring to the window. The window that had the perfect view of the two of you. You had planned everything out to the most minor of details.

“From the princess herself? I expected more, actually,” he teased, pausing the conversation to order before turning his attention back onto you.

He couldn’t help but admire how you looked as he waited for you to order. Sure, you always looked great, but right now, as he glanced at your cherry red lips, lips that were quirked into a smile as you thanked the waiter and handed him your menu. He was overcome with an urge to snap a photo of you. To not let your beauty go to waste.

Perhaps if he had enough confidence, he would’ve. He would’ve shown it to you and come up with a cheesy line describing just how gorgeous he found you. Instead, he waited in silence for you to order.

“I’m saving that for date number five, Ricciardo,” you winked once the waiter had left, taking a sip of your wine, laughing silently at his reaction. Things were comfortable between the two of you. You briefly forgot it was all fake.

“What’s in store for date number one then?” he wondered, cringing at the pointed look you gave him, knowing very well the reason for your disappointed look.

“Did you not even bother to glance at the notes i left you?” you playfully glared, breaking into a smile once you were sure you had scared him enough, “It’s simple. We just need to be photographed together, maybe some hand-holding if the moment arises,” you shrugged, “that’s it.”

Daniel nodded along to your words. Hand holding. He could do that. He held plenty of hands over his lifespan, or at least that was what he told himself as he wiped his palms on the surface of his jeans.

The arrival of the food granted him the opportunity to think. He didn’t want awkward silences on your fake dates, let alone on the first one.

“Keeping it very PG, I see,” he joked, “not one to kiss on the first date, princess?” You stifled your laugh behind your wine glass, not even noticing the flashes of bright light echoing through the restaurant from the window beside you.

“Gosh, if I knew you were so eager, Ricciardo, i would’ve just planned our wedding,” you remarked, waiting patiently for whatever witty reply he would throw your way.

“I can go down on one knee right now, darling, if that’s what your heart desires,” he quipped, shuffling in his chair to get you on edge.

“Let’s see how the next couple of dates go first. Wouldnt want to fake marry someone who was a shit kiss,” you fought back, one eyebrow quirked up, corners of your mount tugging upwards while his jaw went slack.

“Are you insinuating that I’m a shit kiss?” Daniel was offended, whereas you were thankful that the waiter took this moment to present you with your food. Placing your plate down on the table, he threw you a glance, and while you couldn’t necessarily decipher it, it felt like he was telling you he wouldnt be a shit kiss, unlike your date across from you.

“He’s not a shit kiss, “ you clarified for the waiter, wiping the smirk off his face, “I was just trying to get him riled up, wasn’t i babe?” you smirked, watching as Daniel quickly caught on to your facade.

“She thinks i perform better that way, if you get what i mean,” he winked.

The waiter threw a polite yet strained smile in your direction and hurried off.

“Perform better when you’re angry, is it?” you pondered, tucking into your food, grateful for how easy this fake date seemed to be flowing.

“Suppose you’ll have to wait and find out for yourself, doll. I’ve got to keep some things about me a mystery,” he winked. Your thighs clenched together. This whole thing was meant to be fake, so why were the reactions he pulled out of you so honest.

“Your confidence is admirable.” Your skin felt hot under his intense gaze. Had he been looking at you like that the entire night?

“There’s a lot of things about myself that I would consider to be admirable,” one of his eyebrows arched upwards, a suggestive smile playing on his lips before he took a bite of his dish.

“I sure hope you’re not going to disappoint me after all this hype you’ve built around yourself.” Why was it so easy to flirt with him. Agreeing to do this was a mistake. You were going to end up hurt.

“Trust me, princess, if I get the opportunity to prove myself to you, there’s no way you’ll be left disappointed,” he ran his thumb against the corner of his mouth, wiping away any excess sauce left in its wake, “and that’s not just me inflating my ego, that’s a promise.”

Converstaiuon after that had flowed as easily as it coud with a wet patch forming in your panties.

**

“After you, m’lady,” Daniel spoke, holding the door open, one hand outstretched to help you into the car.

Grabbing your dress, you were aware of the cameras plastered on you and Daniel. All too aware that any possible photo of the two of you could end up online, so you were careful to hold your dress, maintaining your dignity in case a gust of wind decided to try its luck and lift your dress up.

Daniel was also painfully aware of the cameras that followed you. He didn’t even think twice as he moved to stay behind you, blocking your body from the view of any cameras. These people were ruthless, he thought, pushing against one another to get a photo of the new happy couple.

Once you were comfortably settled in the passengers’ side of Daniels McLaren, you looked over at him, eyes softening at the sight of him completely blocking the paparazzi’s view from inside the car door.

“Thank you,” you gushed, cheeks warming at the thoughtful gesture. You had been on plenty of dates before, with men arguably more famous than Daniel, more used to dealing with the paparazzi. Yet, this was the first time someone had made sure you were comfortable.

“Anything for you, princess,” he winked, lightly closing the door, jogging around the front of the car and climbing into the driver’s side. “I’d say that was quite the successful date,” he gushed, putting on his seatbelt and turning to look at you, momentarily surprised to see your head already turned, looking directly at him.

“One of the best ones I’ve ever had.” It wasn’t a joke, you knew Daniel would take it as so, but there was nothing but honesty behind your words. A wide grin spread across his face, white flashes illuminating his sparkly eyes and bright teeth.

“Who knew fake dating could be so smooth sailing? I guess I have you to thank for that,” he let his head rest, directly copying you while he waited for your response. He had yet to start the car and drive away from the restaurant, but that didn’t bother either of you.

You were both just living in the moment. Not a care in the world. Both did not want the date to end but refused to tell the other how they truly felt.

“I’m just amazing, “ you sarcastically sighed, brightly beaming at him, the smile becoming even wider when his arm strode a stray hair away from your face.

“Yeah, you are,” he breathed against your face. Your noses were inches apart, paparazzi were bustling outside the car, excitement running through their veins, yet your sole focus remained on Daniel and his on you.

“Stop that,” you blushed, your hand now swatting at his bicep. You twisted your head, now facing the windshield, the blush on your face being documented by the crowds of people outside.

“See, I knew you would fall for the Danny Ric charm,” Daniel joked; the sound of the two of you laughing drowned out the clicks of cameras and the engine revving.

Four months would creep along too fast for you to get your emotions in check. You already knew it.

#daniel ricciardo imagine #Daniel Ricciardo x reader #Formula One #f1 x reader #f1 fluff #daniel ricciardo #formula 1 imagine #formula one x reader #formula one imagine #f1 one shot

[m0nsterqzzz]

Puzzles Can Be Fun

pairing: boss!Tony Stark x employee!malereader

summary: Your boss Tony is a flirt. everyone knows that. but what about when he asks you out?

a/n: I had like no inspiration forever but then this piece of shit came into my brainnnn. hope you enjoy :)

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Working for Tony Stark is a pain and pleasure at the same time. 

The billionaire can never fail to make you laugh, but he also never fails to give you a headache. 

You've worked for him for a few years since your older sister Pepper didn't get the job and she instead recommended you, her younger brother. 

Tony is a great man, but he's quite flirty. He leaves you gifts on your desk daily, uses terrible pick up lines as he leans against your doorframe every afternoon. He’s never truly asked you out on a date, and if that wasn’t proof that he’s kidding, the models he takes home every night are. He barely looks your way as he leads them out of his office and to his fancy cars. But that’s okay. You can’t be upset over losing something that was never really yours.

Today is no different. You arrive a little bit later than usual, a permanent blush coating your cheeks after being hit on by the hot barista when you were getting Tony's morning coffee. You knock on your bosses door but don’t wait for a “come in” before walking in. It’s a struggle with the drink carrier in one hand and folders in the other.  He’s sitting at a table covered in gadgets that you couldn’t name if your life depended on it, and he drops the screwdriver he’s holding to turn around and grin at you. “Hey handsome! How is my favorite employee this fine morning?” He says, standing up to grab some of the folders for you. “What do you want Tony? You’re being suspiciously nice.” You say. He fake gasps, holding a hand up to his chest as if your words hurt him.

You roll your eyes, setting down his coffee near his work station and sit in the chair he keeps near his, specifically for when you have no work to do and want to watch him work. He sits down next to you. He picks up the screwdriver again and goes back to working on one of the iron man suit hands. “I want to know if you’d come with me to a gala tomorrow? I don’t know if I’ll survive the night without you.” You’re barely paying attention as you begin filling out some forms in the files you brought in. “I work tomorrow. I have loads of paperwork to do.” “I’m your boss though.” “And boss, you scheduled for me to work 6 days a week. Tomorrow is one of those days.” “Okay then brainiac, as your boss, I’m giving you the duty of coming with me to an event tomorrow night.” 

You sigh, looking up from the legal document and focusing on him. “Fine. What do you want me to wear?” You give in. He grins. “Something fancy. Other than that, I leave it up to you. You have great style.”

It’s silent for a few minutes as you both continue on your work. 

“What’s this?” You hum, looking up when he doesn’t say anything. He’s glaring at his coffee cup like it just insulted him. “It’s your usual. A black coffee with two extra shots of espresso, vanilla creamer and an unhealthy and disgusting amount of sugar. Why? Is something wrong with it?” He shakes his head and then turns the cup a bit so you can see the words written on the side of it. There are a few numbers written on it. A phone number with the note:

Hope you enjoy the coffee pretty boy

Call me :)

The blush is back on your face, and you shake your head as you try to focus back on the paperwork in front of you. “The barista that works at the cafe down the road was flirting with me I think. I didn’t know if he was serious but I uh…I guess he was.” You shrug.

Tony instantly throws the to-go cup in the trashcan next to his table. “What the hell Tony? That was a perfectly good cup of coffee. He probably just didn’t know which cup was mine.” You say, but Tony doesn’t respond as he goes back to work like nothing happened.

You huff, standing up and looking into the trash can. It landed the perfect way, and you can still see the number on the cup. You put it in a contact on your phone.

“What? It’s not like you're gonna go out with him right?” Tony asks, his eyes not moving from his work. You sigh, sending a quick hello to the barista and grab the files off the table. It’s time to go back to your own desk.

“I don’t know. But the least I could do if I'm not going to is send him a quick message. I don’t wanna seem rude. Why does it matter to you?” He shrugs, not meeting your eyes. “It doesn’t sweetheart. Why don’t you go make me a coffee? I know yours are always made with love unlike that asshole. I bet his coffee was made with poison.” You scoff, rolling your eyes as you begin walking out of the office. You’re not Tony Stark's “sweetheart”.

A few hours later, you're sitting at your desk when Tony exits his office. He smiles at you, but you're still quite salty over the events this morning. He doesn’t say anything about it if he notices.

“So sweetheart, what are you doing tonight?” You groan, spinning around to look at the wall of hung up important reminders for you and simultaneously avoid looking at him. “Why do you wanna know Mr. Stark?”

He shrugs, looking at the dying flowers on your desk. “Do you need new flowers?” “Yes I do actually. The ones you got me are dying so I'm going to buy some more soon.” “Hm….interesting. Anyway, you never answered my question.” “That’s because I asked my own Mr. Stark.” He huffs.

“I want to take you out to dinner. Tonight.” His words take a moment to register in your head and then you're laughing. You’ve heard those words from Tony many times, but never once have they been uttered to you. His classic smirk drops a bit, but he begins to chuckle along with you. “W-why are we laughing? I mean….if you’re busy we can go another day.” You’re beginning to think he’s serious.

“That’s very funny Tony. Have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.” “I’m not kidding sweetheart.” You freeze, pretending to be focused on the work in front of you as you mow over his sentence. He’s silent, patiently- not really as he can never be patient- waiting for your reply.

“I can’t go out with you Tony.” His smile drops. “What? Why?” He asks. “Because you're my boss. I don’t know all the rules but I know that's pretty bad.” He sighs, leaning on your desk in a way that makes it hard to say no.

“But I’m your boss. I make the rules.” He says and you chuckle. “I’m sorry Tony. My answer is no. Now, if you don’t need anything else today, I’m going to go home and do puzzles while I watch TV and dinner.”

You’re packing up your stuff, and in a last bit of hope he rushes out, “I like puzzles! I would love to come over and help you with them. Thank you for the invite sweetheart.” You stop what you’re doing and look at him. “You can’t sit still for more than two minutes and the only puzzles you like involve mechanics. And also, I didn’t invite you.” You deadpan, and he mocks offensive. “You clearly don’t know me at all! I love puzzles. And dinner. I like dinner. So, what do you say? I’ll swing by at six and bring chinese from that place you like?” 

You take a moment to stare at him before you huff, nodding and trying not to smile at the grin that forms on his face. He nods and then speeds off to his office, leaving you alone to roll your eyes at his antics. Tony Stark is an annoying man, that's for sure. But you gotta give it to him, he’s pretty convincing.

Later that night, now in sweats and a t-shirt, you grab a three thousand piece puzzle from your closet. You have bigger ones, but you know Tony will quickly become bored and stressed with even a 100 piece one.

There's a knock on the door, and you find yourself checking your hair in the glass of a photo hanging in your hallway. You open the door, and Tony's standing there. He's wearing the same clothes as earlier, black jeans and a t-shirt, but he looks as good as always. 

He smiles his classic charming smile, holding up the fruit box filled with take out containers. in his other hand is a bouquet of flowers, a different type then the kind he got you last time. He notices your wide eyes at the gift and mumbles, “For your desk.”

You find yourself smiling a bit, taking the bouquet from him and smiling. “Thank you Tony. Come in.”

He follows you into your home, setting the food on the kitchen counter and looking at the puzzle spread out on your living room table. “That's…..a lot of pieces.”

You chuckle. “I'm not finishing it today. Don't panic. I’m not gonna torture you to much.” You say.

You grab some silverware and go to the living room, grabbing a random container of food along the way. Tony follows, sitting dangerously close to you. “So, what's it gonna look like when it's done?” You can practically feel his breath on your neck as he speaks, making you lightly shiver and show him the box.

It's a picture of what looks like a thousand butterflies, and he shouldn't be surprised with the knowledge that you draw butterflies flying on his arms during every single meeting.

You start building the border, watching with a small smile as Tony separates them by pieces with pictures on them and pieces with no pictures, just color. 

About 30 minutes later, Tony's rambling on about some movie he watched recently. He seems to have forgot the main task at hand. But that's okay, you already have most of the border done.

He suddenly stops talking, sitting up from his lying position and looking at the puzzle again. “I got this.” He starts grabbing random border pieces and connecting the ones that connect. Your phone starts buzzing, the baristas contact showing up. You decline his call, not missing the way Tony clenches and unclenches his jaw.

Another 10 minutes later, you can tell he's becoming agitated. You place a gentle hand over one of his. “Its just a puzzle Tony. Take a deep breath and control your anger.” He chuckles and rolls his eyes, but does it anyway.

“I’m not mad, I'm just……94.27 percent annoyed. Not at you though, sweetheart.” He says and you laugh.

He sets down the pieces, going back to lying down and you ask, “You knew you'd hate this. Why are you really here Tony?”

He sighs, still looking at the ceiling as he admits, “I want to get closer to you. If I do, maybe you'll consider going out with me.” This brings a small chuckle out of you. “I told you I can't go out with you Tony. Even if we get closer.” You say, not looking up from the puzzle as you do.

He nods, and you think he's dropped the subject until he sits up to look at you. His brown eyes are staring at yours, making you slightly nervous. Not in a bad way though? This is confusing.

“Look at me sweetheart. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel the same way.” Your eyes widen, and a smirk makes its way onto his face when you blush. “Well…I….I can't exactly say that I don't…” He grins, and your instantly being lifted off the couch and into his arms.

He grabs you like your nothing, and then practically slams you into the wall and begins kissing you like his life depends on it. And lets set the record straight, it was the best wall make out of all time.

His hands start traveling, and your instantly snapped back into reality. You gently push him off of you, but his erratic breathing and blown pupils are making what you're about to say so much harder. “I don't want to be one of your one night stands Tony. I've wanted this for a really long time but I won't do it if things are going to go back to the way they were before tomorrow morning.” He takes a moment to collect himself before he mumbles against your lips, “It won't be. I'm yours alright? And I'm hoping you'll be mine. We can take this as slow as you want. And also I'd really love it if you'd never talk to that barista ever again unless you're ordering my coffee. And if he does it again, I'll buy the cafe. Let's see him flirt on the clock again.”

You laugh, giving him a quick kiss before leaning to the side to whisper in his ear, “Your mine? You promise?” “I promise.” “Then I'm yours. All of me.” The look in your eyes is all the confirmation he needs and suddenly you're being thrown over his shoulder.

Your laughter fills the apartment as he carry you down the hallway and to your room, the puzzles long forgotten.

#tony stark x you #marvel x reader #marvel x you #fluff #tony stark x reader #tony stark #iron man #iron man x reader #iron man x you

[lazydreamer19]

When Their Eyes Met(pt.2)......

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: again none other than extremely sappy stuff.

Y/n: Your name.

Y/l/n: Your last name.

Y/h/n:Your house name.

Summary:The journey of love between Draco Malfoy, the son of a CEO and Y/n Y/l/n , an ordinary employee. That's it, I am sorry,I couldn't come up with a better summary without giving away too much!

Masterlist/ Pt.1 / Pt.3

"Ahem!" A fake cough from their mutual friend made them break their stares away from each other.

"If you two are done with your introductions, then let me proceed. Y/n, Malfoy happens to be the son of the owner and CEO of Malfoy Corporations and Y/n here is Mrs. Johnsons' Personal Assistant. "

No wonder he looks so….rich. Then suddenly another realization hit her. He was Draco Malfoy! One of the biggest bullies from her school! He was older than her by two years, so she didn't have to face him or his wrath,but his notorious behavior never failed to terrorize everyone ,just like a mythical monster. You never get to face it,but the mere mention of it scares you.

Her visibly flustered cheeks quickly dropped the blush as soon as she recalled his legendary tales of notoriety. This didn't go unnoticed by Draco. 

"Ladies if you don't mind, I have to leave this conversation for now,my father is calling me and it'd be wrong of me to not attend to his call." With that he left immediately, but not forgetting to take a glance at the beautiful woman. 

A sudden uncomfortable feeling crept inside her chest at the loss of the blonde rich man next to her. Continuing small talk with Martha she tried her best,not to glance at the same previously notorious man, which she eventually failed. He was busy in a conversation with what seemed to be a group of elite individuals.

"Y/n dear! There you are!" Mrs.Johnson voice broke her from staring at him longingly any further.

"Come on, I need you to accompany me for a while, I'll be talking to some extremely important people, you know, the ones who might invest in our company? Come on, we can't waste anymore time." Sending an affirmative nod she followed her Boss and stayed behind her as she greeted others by kissing their cheeks and making small talk. 

After several greetings and useless chatter,Mrs.Johnson finally got a chance to initiate a conversation with this extremely powerful couple,who Y/n couldn't bother to take a good look at because of the sheer spell of boredom. 

"Bored huh? Would you like some company, my lovely lady?" The same masculine voice that gave her innumerous butterflies in her guts ,reached her ears and broke her from her daze and again, gave her butterflies in her stomach. Turning around, she met those beautiful icy blue eyes again, and she swore that she found herself melting,again. 

She couldn't help it, the feelings, they just came out of nowhere. A hopeless romantic she was, yet, she failed to find the love that she dreamed of and deserved. Safe to say, her hopes were almost dead by now. She wasn't ready to have feelings for anyone, she didn't want to. But,she just couldn't help it. She saw her entire world in his eyes!

It wasn't very different for Draco. Being the only child of a billionaire family,he was spoiled rotten since his birth. He had everything, everything but Love. His parents acted cold enough to make him feel neglected. He was a bully, so naturally people loving him was the last thing for him to expect. Being loved and adored by fellow bullies and nasty people didn't count for him. His romantic ventures weren't very romantic in the first place itself. But with her, he swore he saw his entire world in her eyes!

"Who wouldn't love some company, especially when it's with someone like you?" She flirted back.

Oh my God! I flirted back! I flirted! She was screaming at herself mentally. 

"So, what's a beautiful lady like you thinking so deeply about right now? I won't be surprised if it's about me! I mean, I know that I am really good-looking!" He boasted arrogantly.

This brought her back down from flying across the dreamy skies of her romantic feelings with wings of hope as she crashed down to the cold ,hard and dry ground of reality. She was indeed thinking of him,however. 

 This guy was an arrogant bully who felt no sympathy or compassion for anyone. He mocked people who were lower than him in status. I am lower than status to him, is it another ploy of his to make fun of me ultimately? Am I his new victim?

"Maybe you'll never know, what I was thinking of, but seems like you're very familiar with the quality of humbleness"

"What? Is it wrong to be confident in your looks?"

"No,it's not Malfoy. It's just that you don't really have much history with the quality of humbleness."

"Oh so you went to Hogwarts Academy?"

"Yes, I did."

"What house were you in?"

"Y/h/n."

"I see,I have never seen you at school. How is that possible ? Someone as beautiful as you not being noticed by me at all?"

"Of course you haven't, I was two years younger than you." She was sure that she probably looked like a tomato by now because of his constant flirtatious remarks.

"Anyways, better late than never. Ermmmm……As long as my parents talk to Mrs.Johnson about the business deal, would you like to get out of here with me…….for a while?" He rubbed his neck as he averted his gaze away from hers. Nervousness being clearly visible through his actions and by the reddening of his pale face.

"I'd love to."

"Come on then." He held out his hand for her to take. Without giving a second thought to it, she happily put her hand into his. 

They ran through the dimly lit, empty corridors like kids who were sneaking out of their parent's house to conduct some mischief. Giggles and laughs echoed all around. Bringing them to halt in front of a mahogany door, Draco turned to look at her.

"Close your eyes Y/n, I have something to show you." Trusting his words,she closed her eyes and left herself to his mercy. He gripped her shoulders gently, threw the door open and led her inside. The beautiful and evergreen scent of parchment paper and old books along with the expensive cologne of Draco filled her sense of smell and she felt like she had probably ascended to heaven.

"You may open your eyes now." A gasp left her lips as her eyes widened in surprise at the ginormous library. For a fleeting moment she felt like Belle from The Beauty and the Beast movie. The library had a gothic element in its design and the relics kept there were certainly of not only high monetary value but also historical . There was a spiral staircase at one corner which led to the upper floor which was filled with even more books. 

"I have attended several balls and parties all throughout my life in this venue and everytime I felt bored, I would come here. This place has some really interesting books,but not as many as the library in our manor does."

"You have your own personal library? That too ,bigger than this one?"

"I do indeed."

They talked about their interests and passions for quite some time. Not a moment did they find dull, in fact as time progressed, Draco found himself fawning over her even more as she talked about herself and her life. Y/n found herself opening up to him easily without any doubts, a certainly high level of trust was what she felt with him. Something she never felt with anyone else other than her family.

"We should head back,it's getting late." She spoke up as she heard the chime of the grandfather clock when it struck ten. 

"Yeah……we should." A frown came upon their faces at the realization that they now needed to leave each other. Reaching the hall back again,before parting ways, they looked at each other for possibly the last time.

"I really had an amazing time with you. I hope…..I'll see you…again?"

"I did too, Draco. Goodnight and I hope that I'll see you again." She smiled softly ,earning a wide grin from Draco.

"Goodnight then. I am not going to say Goodbye at all!"

"You just did though. Anyways….bye."

___________________________________________

A/n: Thank you so much for reading this! I apologize for the delay in posting this, but I hope that my mediocre writing will make it up for it. Hope you Have a great day!💕

Taglist: @mysteriousteaposts ,@i-am-the-entire-circus ,@angelzone ,@drayslove ,@slytherin-princess247 ,@bazizinga ,@thehalfbloodedwitch ,@blackthunder137 ,@miss-celestial-being ,@n0agranger ,@coreycom ,@garfieldsladybird ,@smiling-girl ,@natti-ice ,@lady-of-love-beauty-and-death ,@marycove ,@siriusblackstwin ,@thespiritoflife ,@lily-the-ravenclaw ,@tinyduckcloud ,@dr4cosimp ,@dead-pcets ,@hhesperidess ,@shyposttree ,@siriusblackstwin ,@nottluvr ,@unmadana ,@budugu ,@kaurava-apologist ,@aasthuu ,@browsing-my-favourite-fandoms ,@cupids-crystals ,@writingwitch007 ,@millesawaybb .

#sea's works🌊 #draco lucius malfoy #draco x reader #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy #draco x y/n #draco #draco angst #draco fic #draco fluff #draco imagine #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy x hufflepuff!reader #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco x you #draco malfoy x reader #sea's works.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

[peterstarker]

Someone help because I watched Far From Home the other day and BOY OH BOY DID IT BRING BACK THE FEELS.

Ahem.

Help. My Starker obsession that has returned full force. I’m looking for a few rp partners who will let me play Peter Parker against their Tony Stark.

I’m 21+ and I prefer that my partners are too. Peter will be 18+ in all plots. I’m fine with any post length. Give me one paragraph, give me ten. I’m in. I love angst and trauma just as much as I love lighthearted fun, so I’m happy to tip the scales either way.

Discord is highly preferred (add me: peterstarker).

You could throw any plot at me and I’d be sold. However, if you’d like some ideas:

Post NWH - Peter’s alone and at his lowest, trying to get by. Tony is somehow brought back to life and Peter just has to know if he recognizes him. Unfortunately, he seems to have received the “Peter Parker doesn’t exist” memo, but can’t help but feel drawn in. Especially once he realizes there’s no record of him anywhere.

Accidental sugar daddy!Tony - that’s it. That’s the whole plot. We’d definitely build more than this, I just love that trope (and all the AO3 fanfics about it)

Avengers vacation - honestly, I just want to build something fun where the Avengers are all taking some time off together at some tropical destination or private snow vila and everyone knows Tony and Peter are into each other and trying to get them together

Fake boyfriends - Tony is not publicly out as Iron Man. Peter is not publicly out as Spider-Man. They don’t know each other beyond their superhero identities. At least until Shield recruits them both for an undercover mission where Tony Stark and Peter Parker are expected to jet set to a couples resort owned by another billionaire who they suspect to be a crime boss

Hunger Games AU - I am DYING to throw them into the arena. Someone send help. There’d be so much room for hurt/comfort here and recklessly trying to save each other.

#iron spider #mcu #peter parker #tony stark #starker #starker rp #rp search #roleplay search #starker roleplay

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 5/5

Book Blurb:

Marry or lose his inheritance? That’s the ultimatum billionaire Damon Everett faces. There’s one problem. The woman he craves is his sunshine PR rep…who wants nothing to do with him.

Ruthless, arrogant, cold-hearted are some of the words I would use to describe my a**hole of a boss, Damon Everett.

That doesn’t stop the goosebumps from rising along my neck every time he says my name, or the way my pulse races when his stormy gray eyes pierce mine.

So, when he coerces me into a fake marriage to uphold his family's tradition, I can't resist pushing his buttons.

He's a walking red flag, and I should run the second this arrangement ends. But the very thought of losing him is suffocating - a dangerous addiction that I can't seem to break.

Is this really love or just a twisted desire to own me? And deep down, do I secretly crave to be possessed by him?

A Tempting Arrangement is a red flag billionaire, marriage of convenience, standalone romance from USA Today bestselling author, J. Wilder

Review:

Billionaire Damon Everett faces a dilemma: marry or lose his inheritance... and the solution, the one woman he's been in love with since he met her, his sunshine PR Rep for his hockey team, Misty Hart. Damon is a ruthless, arrogant, cold hearted boss. His one weakness? His PR Rep, Misty Hart. Misty with her beautiful bright hair, green eyes that captivate him, and her fiery angry that only comes out around him. Damon will do anything to make Misty his wife... including creating a fake inheritance issue and claiming that he needs a wife, but the only woman he'll have is Misty. When Misty's visa renewal has issues... the only person she can ask for help is her very hot boss who gets under her skin. Misty needs the visa renewal to go through, she wants to escape her traumatic past and is running away from her ex. Misty agrees to marry Damon, but can she resist him when he moves in and proves at every turn that he'll be there to support her and love her through it all? This book right here is all the shades of obsessed unhinged lover that I adore. Damon was so gone for Misty he was calling her his wife from chapter 1. Damon would do anything for her, kill for her, protect her, and give her everything she could ever ask for, all she has to do is ask. Misty is dealing with so much and is guarding her heart, but Damon's sincerity and actions, his persistence and adoration, have her ready to open her heart up again. I adored this book and I can't get enough of these two. I loved Damon's brothers so much and can't wait to read their books and see what romance awaits them!! This is such a fantastic spicy read and I would absolutely recommend it!!

*Thank you J. Wilder for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #bookish #j wilder #jessa wilder #billionaire romance #a tempting arrangement

[queenofgone]

“I have given the WWE Universe some of the best matches the women in this company have ever seen! And I have carried this division for 10 years ... all of you have treated me with disrespect. The WWE wanna turn their back on me? ... Well now, I’m turning my back on all of you!”  -Clash of Champions 2017

Eight years later, now a total of 15 years in the business, nothing has changed still. Even with smashing records, having the most matches and wins of any woman in WWE history the veteran had to lay down, be told to “slow down” and make the younger and prettier women look good in the ring for the cameras, them eventually stealing a push or a title reign that should be HERS. The undeserving losses, the squash matches, having to look weak... Natalya Neidhart has put her foot down and said a long overdue, “NO MORE”. Her mental health had broken down so many times only for her to pick it back up within the next week then go through the same downward spiral. Enough was enough and it was time for a CHANGE.

She’s finally retired from the ring━━ something that should have been done ages ago. No more putting on a front, no more putting on a fake smile at work, no more letting a senile, out-of-touch billionaire boss tarnish the family name any more than he already has. Nattie is now a trainer at her Dungeon full-time, teaching current and future superstars how not to settle and let anyone walk over them or underestimate their own self-worth... a lesson much more important than lockups, counters and submissions.

(work in progress)​

#( 🖤 sʜᴜᴛ ᴜᴘ ᴀᴍʙᴇʀ. / ooc ) #❥┊ ❝ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛʙᴇᴀᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ❞ (au) #//idk if I’m 100% happy with the graphic but that’s not important

[alix-xer]

Spiderman deadpool omnibus isn't it bromantic spoilers.

This isn't really a thing major so you can just read it anyway however it won't make alot/any sense really

This is copied straight from my notes app, starting after this now

(also patient 0 and chameleon might be the same person?? It's super confusing but the book says patient 0)

Yo wtf yeah

Spidey and deadpool become besties at thors dance party fight truce thin and deadpool says how they need to hang out again and then he fucking kills Peter Parker (the rich billionaire Parker industries one) without knowing he's spidey, Peter lies on the floor with a selfie of them   next to him and deadpool leaves spidey a voicemail about how psyched he is that they can be buddies

I am ascending why the fuck would they do that  oh my days

And then the next page is the 'isn't it bromantic' issue cover thing

But oh fuck it turns out that they go after patient 0 and we find out he got mysterio to decoy and distract both DP and SM as well as plant fake evidence of what patient 0 was doing and blame it on Peter so that while DP killed Peter mysterio could keep Pete dead/hijacked so patient 0 could replace Pete and steal all their data on gene slicing for himself

Also yeah spidey fucking pissed at deadpool cuz he's like 'you just used me this whole time to get to my boss,' and dps like 'you thought we were friends' and spidey said ye we 'were'

Then dp reveals he was tryna protect spidey (by not showing proof Pete was bad) from being hurt from what he thought Pete was doing cuz he thought spidey held Pete in such high regards. Spideys also his hero too so he would wanna hurt him like that either

He also admits he was wrong and face reveals (smooth face that happened when he snogged death in the whole save Pete thing)

And Peters like 'fuck, wade I believe you'

And then patient 0 escaped cuz before that confession thing he exploded the building on them and forced them to make a Web shield  and he has spidey and deadpools blood and is giving it to a girl (itsy bitsy) to make them be one

(dp realises Pete was good cuz after ke killed Pete 1st time him and wife went on a date to hell and realised he wasn't there, then he killed him again then he wa like fuck and went in to save him then gave him the sorry I killes u card then Pete got angy)

Also what the fuck in hell Pete tells the illusions of mysterio no one can torture him more then himself, and then at the end when Pete conjures the spidey patronus (dp is snogging death at this point) he meet this devil and he says a secret about his life that is 'there will always be apart of you that is unsatisfied. No matter how hard you fight. No matter what you do.... You will always sense that something is missing from your life. You will never find peace'

Which is cruel and leads Pete to realise that this peace is what patient 0 took from him when he replaced him when he died

Becaue to steal the data he needed dna which he took  as well as his peace  and leads Pete to set out and get it back (then the romance thing ends for now and into the next omnibus? Or the itsy bitsy thing)

But while replacing Pete it seems that patient zero left some of his ideas in Pete, which makes him go to dp and then they fight patient 0 etc etc

#the amazing spiderman comics #the amazing spider man #deadpool comics #deadpool #Spideypool comics #Spiderman/deadpool omnibus #Isn't it bromantic #i highly recommend it #Ilits expensive but it's fucking huge #There's two omnibus btw #And yes spideypool is official ish #There's official arts of them together at the end #It's crazy #rambles

[distort-opia]

like. as much as Bruce Wayne is recognized as one of the FEW genuinely good men with power in Gotham City, many (even in good society) believes it to be too good to be true: the man hides something. The rumors are varied in that regard: misconduct, drug abuse, money laundering, trafficking... Some simply thinks Wayne is closeted or that he has a sex addiction.

There are also a LOT of rumours regarding his wards and children. Dick Grayson and Wayne cordially hate each other, it is whispered. The young man is rumored to have never forgiven the man for tossing him aside to adopt another boy. It is unclear whether Grayson left or if he was chased out by Wayne, but some even claim the billionaire wanted to push him out of his will. Rumor has it however that Grayson is Pennyworth's favorite, and since the butler has great hold over his master, it is thanks to his persuasion that he is still on Wayne's last will and inheritance. Jason Todd has been written up as Wayne's favourite, which, some says, has led him to indulge his son's supposed drug addiction. His sudden death away from the public eye has sparked a lot of speculations. The general theory is that Todd died of an overdose or some other overindulgence, but some doesn't hesitate to accuse either Wayne or Grayson for his death. There are some people on the internet who allegedly have seen him alive so there are some rumours that Wayne faked his favourite son's death to escape a conviction or perhaps retribution from organized crime. Then there is Timothy Drake, who many see as the most "capable" of the children. Malicious rumours depict him as a money-hungry teenager who used his father's death to get in Wayne's good graces. Some whisper he has made sure Grayson and Wayne stay at odds to ensure he'll get his share of the inheritance, though it is also said he's hated of Pennyworth which may be why the man supports Grayson. And then there is Damian, who supposedly is Wayne's biological son, though his mother's identity is unknown. It is rumored Wayne got the daughter of a powerful mob boss pregnant and was forced to take the boy in after his mother's death.

Nah, creativity just works like that, you get inspired in the worst practical moments. Gotham is such an interesting city! Hope my tag wasn't too distracting though, wishing you the best with studying and exams <3

And damn, I love these ideas. I've seen people headcanon Gotham's perception of Bruce Wayne a lot as either 'That guy?? Batman?? He got lost within his own building 3 times last week and they had to send the fire department in because he got stuck in a bathroom' + his kids tweeting about how much of a himbo he is. Or, inspired by the new Batman movie, as 'He's our pathetic little prince. Our poor little meow meow. Look at him he started crying because the barista got his order wrong. Someone get him to sleep'.

But this is darker and more realistic, perhaps. Also, the idea that there are people going 'Hm. There is something darker behind this good person, ditzy exterior' and thinking it's shady drug-involved mafia shit when the man is actually putting on a Bat suit at night to pummel criminals into the dirt... is also kinda funny.

#tbh go nuts and play with the city who can stop you #asks #batman #batman meta #bruce wayne #bruce wayne meta

[noxnthea]

Why did Coulson ask the Avengers to build the haunted house?

Because they're always assembling! — Avengers team shenanigans, etsy kits, Coulson POV —

The team is home to one of the greatest tactical minds of the 20th century, a billionaire with three doctorates, a not-that-kind-of-doctor who spent years helping underserved communities by any means necessary, two world-class, multilingual, highly competent spies, and an alien warrior with a hammer capable of demolishing an entire building. 

Assembling a haunted house for small children should not be difficult. 

And yet — 

“Look, I bet I can balance the windows on my head. Nat, Nat, look over here!” 

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but — ” 

“Okay, stop — look, if you just focus on what the instructions say, it’s very clear that —” 

“I’m more than slightly offended that you would suggest I need instructions, capsicle.” 

“ — but if you would please listen for one — ” 

“Do you think this can hold my weight? While I’m holding the windows, too? I’m gonna see. ” 

“я работаю с дураком.” 

“Very nice, young hawk! Excellent form! This reminds me of a time when my brother — ” 

“ — it’s just that nobody put up the support beams, so — ” 

BOOM. 

Earth’s Mightiest Heroes stare as one as the only two sides they’d managed to prop against each other collapse with a crash in the middle of the lobby of Stark Tower. Puffs of fake cobwebs, unwrapped at least thirteen steps before they should have been, drift upwards with the force of the fall. 

Phil pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He lifts his other arm slowly, clipboard in hand, and points wordlessly towards the elevators. 

Tails tucked, heads bowed, the Avengers —  Defenders of the World, Victors of the Battle of New York — retreat silently in a single file, vanquished by an Etsy DIY kit.  

Phil keeps his gaze trained on them, channeling his very best Disappointed Dad, until the elevator door closes. He exhales, then calls his most recently dialed number.  

“Sir?” 

“Send in the backup team. You were right.” 

Hill’s voice is not at all smug as she says, “I always am. Did they make it to fifteen?” 

Phil narrows his eyes, frowning minutely at the disaster of a lobby. If they’d made it to fifteen, he'd be in the green. “… six minutes and forty-three seconds.” 

Hill doesn’t bother to hold back her laugh. “That’s even faster than the gingerbread houses!” 

Yes, Phil is aware. That’s the standard he used to calculate his bet on this time. He lets Hill laugh herself out before speaking. “Call Jasper once you’ve sent in the crew?” What are subordinates for, if not to make them share the news that’ll get their boss teased and laughed at for his unwavering, if increasingly illogical, support of his childhood hero? 

“You got it, boss.” 

He hangs up and sighs. Come on, Steve. This is really starting to hurt his wallet.

—

other halloween joke ficlets here!

#look phil doesn't get paid enough for this shit #my fic #avengers trick and treat #avengers fanfiction #phil coulson