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#Especially because I think I might be sick and am having slight chest pressure and coughing and congestion
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hgghhhhhhhhhh...............smonk ..............
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#I can barely see out the window lol...#With the wildfire smoke making the air quality so hazardous it almost feels claustrophobic like.... normally if you can't breathe well you#can just open a window and get some fresh air - but in this case there's literally nowhere to turn for fresh air#if the air inside your home gets worse or anything then that's it#Like if i burnt toast or something I couldn't air out the place.. I would just have burnt toast in the air forever now#which is a bad example ghghj but you know what I mean#Especially because I think I might be sick and am having slight chest pressure and coughing and congestion#all I want to do is breathe good clean crispy air and feel comfortable but it's like HGHj what am I going to do.. open a WINDOW??#I hope my symptoms don't get worse or that if they do it's around the time that the smoke clears up and etc.#so far I think they said it should be getting a little better by monday but that feels so far away#plus it's summer so the air inside is like... warm and muggy and uncomfortable but the air outside is worse. I guess I just don't like#feeling trapped lol.. but ANYWAY ..#you know those photos of the surface of mars or whatever where everyhting is all yellow/orange? that's like literally#the view outside of the window. it feels like another planet and is so weird#we also might have to evacuate at some point so I need to take stuff to the car (though my area is not even a level 1 i just want#to be ready? especially if we had to go in the middle of the night like.. I'd rather pack a few things into the car then than now) but I'm#afraid to open the door and also to go outside in general lol..#I also need to water my poor plants but I don't want to open the door long enough to do so lol... I am so sorry my children.. TuT#(for reference I'm around portland in oregon so that's the specific area out of the list that I'm talking about )#*'now than then' lol not 'then than now' .. I mixed them up .. whoop
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mxflo · 3 years
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Visitor - Part 2
Part 1
You pull on an large, baggy sweater and some shorts before heading to the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth for the night. The light in Changkyun's room is still on, Jooheon's room is on the other side of the house as he has the master bedroom. You quietly close the door to the bathroom and start going through your nightly routine. Once your done you flick the light off as you open the door slowly as it sometimes like to creak.
You softly step back to your room and as you close the door you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. Why were you so nervous? Obviously Changkyun liked you. Why else would he try to kiss you? Unless it was a prank? The rest of the night he had acted like nothing had happened. He seemed totally unbothered. How could he just so easily act so relaxed like it wasn't a huge change in your friendship, unless it wasn't a change, because it wasn't real.
You crawl into bed and grab your wolf stuff animal that you sleep with every night. Looking at it, you remember when you got it. Changkyun bought it for you when you were sick once and missed going to the zoo with your group of friends. You toss it aside in frustration, just wanting him off your mind.
You jump when you hear a light knock at the door.
"Yeah?" You answer.
"It's me." Changkyun's deep voice makes your heart race.
"Come in."
The door opens and he slips inside, wearing a pair of gym shorts and an old t-shirt. "You wanted me to stop by..." He keeps his voice low as he walks to your bed.
You sit up more, running your hands through your hair. "Yeah. Look, about before..." He sits down next to you. You loose your train of thought as you look over his features. His black hair longer now, his full lips relaxed and tempting. His deep, brown eyes staring back, patiently waiting. "...Changkyun...Were you joking before?"
"About?" He slightly tilts his head in amusement, fighting back a slight smirk.
"You know damn well what I'm talking about. When you almost kissed me!"
"Why would you think that was a joke?" He asks, his voice serious.
"Because it's me. It's us. Jooheon...we..." You try to find the words to say to make sense but your thoughts are all over the place.
"Jooheon would be okay with it." He shrugs. "Have I ever given you a reason to think I would play with your emotions?"
"No..." You look down at your hands.
"Clearly the text you sent me back is true. I've never seen you this speechless." He uses his finger to lift your chin so that you meet his eyes again. This time the smirk is on full display.
"You are enjoying this." You huff.
"Maybe a little." He laughs softly.
"Glad I can entertain you." Sarcasm heavy in your tone.
"Will you stop deflecting and avoiding what is obviously inevitable?" He moves in closer, his eyes drop to your lips quickly before returning to your eyes.
"I'm not..."
"Baby..you are." Changkyun interrupts you as he leans the rest of the way in and presses a soft kiss to your lips before resting his forehead on yours, his hand finds it's way into your hair as he keeps you close to him.
His breathing is irregular and you feel the tension in his body as he waits for you to react. Your heart racing and the sudden fire that was ignited inside of you from a simple kiss is enough for you to lose yourself control. You kiss him back, pulling his lower lip between your teeth as you gently bite, urging him to let go more. He instantly responds and kisses you back with much more passion this time as he guides you to lay back onto your bed.
Leaning over you, propping himself on his elbow next to you the kiss continues to heat up. Suddenly realizing you are grinding your hips against him; feeling how hard he is pressed up against you with the fabric of yours and his clothing the only thing separating you. You break the kiss and he dips his head to kiss down your neck. Pulling out soft moans as he gently bites.
His teeth grazing your skin with just the right about of pressure that sends tingles straight to your core. "Kyun...." You breathe.
"Baby." He whispers as his hand that was playing with the hem of your sweater slips under it. His hands scaling up your side slowly, the warmth of his touch making it hard to focus.
"We can't." You sigh, knowing you are about to ruin this. For a second you think about letting it continue and dealing with the consequences later, but you can't.
He stops and lifts his head to look into your eyes. "Everything okay?" His expression full of worry.
"Yes, just, I think we need to talk more before we go to far." You admit.
He kisses you, his lips lingering on yours. "About what?"
"For starters...Jooheon." You grit your teeth, nervous about how he would take news of you and Changkyun being together.
"Baby, he's okay with us being together." Changkyun dismisses quickly, his mouth falling to your neck to continue to trail kisses and nibbles from your collarbone to ear and back.
"How...do you...know?" You pant, fighting to stay focused.
"He already knew this might happen."
"WHAT?" You say to loudly. Changkyun quickly covers your mouth.
"Shhh, Baby." He laughs. "We still need to be quiet."
"What do you mean he knows?" You lower your voice back down.
Changkyun sighs and absent mindlessly starts tracing your lips with his finger. "I already told him how I feel about you. He approves."
"Then why did you ask if there was anything between us, if you knew there wan't?"
"I wanted to make sure you didn't have some kind of crush on him." He pauses then smiles. "Plus to get you fired up."
"I can't believe you!" You watch him as he continues to trace your features with his fingers lightly. When you finally speak again your voice comes out weaker than you wanted, "What happens when you have to go back? We hardly talk anymore. It's was hard enough missing you without...this..." You wave your hand around between you and him.
"I'm sorry for not staying in touch like promised, but I was so ready to move back, I made reasons to push you two away so that I wasn't tempted to come back." Changkyun kisses your temple. "I am done with my courses now. I got done early."
"Wait, does this mean?" You gasp.
"I'm moving back. I'm crashing here for at least ten days, maybe a little longer, while I find a place to stay here." Changkyun smiles.
"Wait. What about what's her face?" You poke his chest. "This isn't some kind of rebound thing for you, right?"
Changkyun chuckles. "The truth, I never really dated her. I couldn't when she isn't the one I want. We went on one date, and it didn't go well. I just wished it was you the entire time."
"Why did you tell me you were with her?"
"It was apart of hiding my feelings from you. I know dumb." He smiles.
"Very." You smile back. "So what does this mean then?"
"It means I can finally do this..." Changkyun leans in and takes your mouth in a passionate kiss, nipping at your lips, his tongue dancing with yours as he deepens the kiss, drawing out a needy moan from you as his hands grip and knead at your breasts through your sweatshirt. Your body instantly reacts to his touch. He breaks the kiss with a smile. "Baby?"
"Yeah?" You kiss him back, needing more, especially after having all your worries cleared.
"Baby....can I...can we?" He looks into your eyes, he's breathing heavily from his desire for you raging through him. Seeing him fight for self control, making sure you're comfortable and ready to take this step with him makes your heart skip.
"Please. I need you." You don't wait for him to finish asking as you already know your answer. You pull him onto you, urging him to continue. Without hesitation he complies, his mouth claiming yours again, but his hands this time begin to strip both of your clothes off.
"Fuck, you are perfect." He pants as he sits back for a second to admire you laying vulnerable before him. "I love you, Baby."
His words make your heart swell. "I love you, Changkyun."
Without wasting another second his hands and mouth continue to explore your body, tasting and rubbing over every inch of you. Learning what spots draw out your moans the most, and wanting to hear his new favorite sound as much as possible.
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izzabeean · 3 years
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Chapter 4 : Bitter
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SUMMARY
Oikawa tries to distract you upon finding out about your break-up and it does seem to be working but only for a moment...
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pairing : ushjima x f!reader / oikawa x f!reader / iwaizumi x f!reader
genre : angst + fluff
word count : 2,146
tags :  alternate universe - college/university, post-break up, friends to lovers, pining, slow burn
a/n :  I feel like things are picking up and I’m so excited for what this fic has in store! Apologies for the slow beginning, this truly is a slow burn. *NOTE: Kuri dorayaki is a traditional Japanese sweet, pancake-like bun with red bean paste and roasted chestnut filling.
masterlist
<< prev |  ch . 4  | next >> 
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Barely an hour goes by before Oikawa jumps at the chance to spend the day with you out and about in the city; it's not often he’s had the opportunity to, especially when you and Ushijima were together making most of your weekend's busy spending time with him. Of course, you were quite keen on spending the day inside, finding ways to forget the severe emptiness festering within, but Oikawa's excitement couldn't be ignored and with that, you agreed to spend the day out with him.
Honestly, if it weren’t for Oikawa's pestering, you wouldn’t have realized how much the fresh air fills you with ease a s you walk down the street listening to him babbling about his evening with Iwaizumi. Normally you are a very attentive listener, engrossed in his dramatic details, but today you found it very difficult to listen intently. Your attention shifted to the pairs of people passing by; some hand-in-hand, some giggling, and the sight makes sick to your stomach.
All these couples in love getting to spend time together. It’s so repulsive.
And you're bitter.
Bitter because you wish you had that. Bitter because you used to have that. Bitter because you miss Ushijima.
And because you miss him, you can't help but think back to when you first showed interest in each other. At that time, you and Ushijima had a weird friendship, actually, you weren’t really sure what it was as he only spoke to you at school. Topics didn’t stray far from assignments or classes, so it was very odd when he asked you to hang out one morning off of campus.  
“You didn’t have to wake me up so early,” you groan curled up in the passenger's seat of Ushijima’s car. Your eyes are heavy, as you press your forehead against the cold window examining the long outstretch of highway lit by the sky just moments before dawn breaks. Looking over to Ushijima you notice not a trace of fatigue that filters his eyes as they remain focused on the road ahead. 
“What is there to even do at 6 in the morning?” you yawn.
The sudden wake-up call was earlier than anticipated, you should’ve clarified that morning for you was 9 AM. But to Ushijima hammering his fist on your door was a more productive way to wake you up rather than a call or text. Truthfully, he found the results to be much more amusing and knew you could not ignore him.
“We had to in order to arrive on time,” he booms flatly, quickly casting a glance at you.
Your face contorts with irritation at the vague response and question if this is just a planned kidnapping. Maybe you were exaggerating a bit... Still, nothing else seemed reasonable.
“Well, will you at least tell me where we’re going?” you lash.
“We will be there soon,” he replies, calm and cool to your aggressive tone.
Crossing your arms in impatience, you scoff at his response then continue to look out of the window listening to the low murmur from the radio. 
It’s not much longer until Ushijima pulls into a gravel lot at the side of the road and parks. 
“We’re here,” he says getting out of the vehicle.
You tilt your head quizzically scanning your destination which is basically out in the mind of nowhere. Ushijima pops open the passenger door waiting for you to get out.
"Is this a joke?" you rasp.
"Just follow me," he says trying to hold back the irritation in his voice.
Unbuckling the seatbelt, you slide out of the vehicle and follow him, hopeful that there’s more to this deserted parking lot than just a dusty road. 
And there is because your eyes are met with a breathless view above the town. All at once, your doubts fade as the sun begins to rise at the atmosphere’s edge, drenching the houses and buildings in its golden glow. Everything feels so peaceful.
“This is beautiful,” you breathe, sincerely in awe of the picturesque sight. 
You are an idiot.
“Not gonna lie, I thought this was a kidnapping,” you joke.
Ushijima casts a confused glance at you, unable to understand what you were getting at. “I was told to take a girl I like to an intimate spot.”
A girl he likes? Oh.
Did he bring you here for advice? A hint of jealousy surfaces at the thought that Ushijima has his eyes set on someone else. And you wonder what his true intent was for bringing you here. 
“Maybe tell her where you’re going so she doesn’t get the wrong idea,” you tease.
“Tell who? You didn’t like the surprise?”
You blink. “Me?”
It never crossed your mind that you could be the one he likes. Obviously, he’s hot and every time he says your name your heart skips a beat, but you never thought anything of it.
“Yes.” 
Ushijima takes a step forward closing the distance between the two of you. His gaze is a lot warmer than usual evoking a strong pull at your heartstrings. You know your personality can be quite cold and temperamental, sometimes even hostile, but there was something more underlying your cheeky, sarcastic comments. Ushijima brought out a side to you that no one else really could.
A slight breeze picks up pushing your hair in your face, to which Ushjima leans in tucking the strand behind your ear. 
“Your hair was in your face, thought I should move it so I could see you better,” he utters.
He’s close, the closest he's ever been, and you're hot. 
You stare at him wide-eyed soaking in the electric chemistry floating in the air. You think your heart might stop as his hand moves under your jaw to tilt your face up at him while the other touches the small of your back bringing you closer; his touch is warm and soft cascading tingles down your body. Then he leans in even closer to gently press a kiss on your lips.  
“Hey! Pay attention!” 
Oikawa’s yell snaps you out of the nostalgia bringing you back to your walk with him in the city. But your daze only causes you trouble because you spot a bike unwavering from its path heading towards you. Your brain screams, telling you to move or do something, but your body freezes in place--all you sense is fear. 
Suddenly, your arm is yanked from the side, and with a yelp, you’re pulled to safety. It was unlike you to be so out of it, but you didn’t realize how much Ushijima occupied your thoughts until that moment. 
A lump forms in your throat as the cyclist passes you and you could hear him mumbling under his breath how unobservant pedestrians can be. 
“That was close,” Oikawa jokes.
His words startle you as you come to the realization that Oikawa’s arms are wrapped around your body. You look up at him as he stares down at you with his shit-eating grin that says “I just saved your ass big time .” Your eyebrow twitches at his expression and pry yourself away from his grip.
“I’m not going to thank you!” you shout, angrily. 
“Wow, so cruel Y/N-chan,” he whines with a giggle.
His laugh is all-consuming as you feel overwhelmed with frustration. It’s just like Oikawa to make everything completely insufferable, now you weren’t going to hear the end of it, of how he saved you from getting hit by a bike. He always knew the right way to get under your skin.
“Y/N-chan,” Oikawa calls, pointing to a vendor on the corner of the street selling kuri dorayaki*. “Would you like one?” 
Swiftly, the sweet smell fills your nose and the scent reminds you of your childhood, strolling with your family under the gold and crimson trees while the earthy, caramel air nips at you through your clothing. 
But you’re hesitant to give in to his peace offering. 
You didn’t want to be bribed, but as the flavors continue to float through the air, you could hear your stomach start grumbling.
Before you had a chance to oppose, Oikawa takes his wallet out while walking up to the food stand to purchase a couple of treats; one for you and one for him. Upon returning, he hands it to you and motions to take a seat on a bench nearby.
“What do I owe you?” you ask.
Oikawa waves his hands in the air, “Nothing, it’s on me.
You pause. The city noise rang in your ears as the sun gleams down blanketing you in warmth. It almost feels strange, having him be so nice, after all, teasing each other has become so routine that the pressure to say something nice resides in your chest. You don’t know what’s overcome you, you normally never second guess what to say to Oikawa, but his kindness really stunned you.
As the steam rolls off causing your mouth to water in anticipation of the flavors, you sink your teeth into the delicious pancake-like bun. The taste of the sweet red bean and chestnut coats your mouth bringing a sense of warmth inside washing away the feelings of anger and frustration. 
“Thank you,” you mumble, under your breath licking your lips. 
Oikawa smiles in response, “Anything for you!” 
Just as you were about to take another bite, you pause peering at a familiar figure across the street-- the only figure you could recognize from a mile away.
Ushijima.
“Do you not like it?” Oikawa looks at you with an uncharacteristic flash of concern.
You don’t reply as you keep your eyes locked on your ex who is in front of a bakery you’ve walked past a million times, standing next to a girl you’ve never seen before. It’s almost unbearable as she wraps her arm around his looking in the window at all the decadent sweets on display. You are nearly consumed with agony at the sight but can’t stop looking while he turns to fix her hair for her.
Just like how he used to with you.
Your gaze must have been burning because as he looks up in your direction. He pauses blankly staring; it’s the same look he’s always given you--stony and daunting--but it feels much more unsettling. And now you know, that he knows you’ve seen too much.
Your eyes dart back to Oikawa who’s traced your eye line to where you’ve been looking. You can tell he’s anticipating some sort of reaction, but all you do is look back to find Ushijima gone.
Your heart sinks.
Everything makes sense now.
“Isn’t that--” 
"Do you know her?" you cut Oikawa off quickly reverting to desperation. A sense of betrayal fills you as you study his face, noticing he looks like he wants to say something but is holding back.
"No," he scoffs, not sounding the slightest bit convincing. It's the kind of ‘no’ you give to someone you want to let down easy or you want to avoid telling the truth to. 
"Don't lie to me," you say, firmly.
Oikawa pauses.
The suspense feels like it could kill you as you watch the wheel in his head turn, trying to piece together the right thing to say. 
“Have you met the transfer student?” Oikawa softly asks. "I've seen her around campus but didn't realize…"
Transfer student? 
Your heart drops as the words echo in your head leaving the rest of Oikawa's explanation to fade in the background. 
“You’re joking,” you state plainly, unable to process the information and when Oikawa doesn't answer you know he's not. 
It wasn’t like Ushijima to leave you for someone else, not even the slightest sliver of you can believe it. He respected you and cared for you, was the one who initially made a move on you. How could that all just change, like a flick of a switch? Yet, it did and last night you were met with a Ushijima you didn’t know. He was cold and distant, unreadable to the point you were convinced he could be a stranger. But, of course, the evidence was right in front of you as to why. There was someone better.
Unfortunately, there was nothing you could do. You know immediately Ushijima doesn’t owe you an explanation because you weren’t together anymore.
"Let's go," you whisper, getting up from the bench turning to Oikawa.
“You know, you don’t have to deal with this alone,” Oikawa breathes, quietly
The sentiment is almost dumbfounding to the point your nerves start to jitter. Admitting your worries to Oikawa wasn’t going to do you any good. 
You can’t help but let out a nervous laugh to suppress your embarrassment.
“Thanks.”
And there it is again, that smile he knows it’s forced, but he doesn’t tell you. It’s not worth causing you more pain than you’ve already been in.
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binniedeactivated · 4 years
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saint. || soobin (4)🌪
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🖤┊𝔰𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔱 . ೄྀ࿐ 𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: 𝖘𝖔𝖔𝖇𝖎𝖓 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: 𝖘𝖒𝖚𝖙/𝖆𝖚  𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙; 2300
“mom i’m home! i know you missed me”. soobin jokes while closing the door behind you. He knew full well his mother wasn’t there but it was fun for him to think that his mom was waiting for his return. He laughs and you nudge him. 
“that isn’t funny soobin that’s actually kind of sad”. he throws his jacket on the coat rack.
“hey i’ve come to terms with the way my parents are a long time ago. I laugh at it to keep it from being sad”. 
“do they always beat you like that?”. you ask, following him upstairs to his room. 
“do you know what kind of kid I am in school? of course they beat me like that”.
“so why do you act out if you know they’re going to beat you?”. you ask confused. 
“yeah and you sound like my mother now”. 
“well you act like a child soobin”. you found it weird how often he laughed at you. if you were some kid in school talking to him the way you talk he would’ve ruined your life. Soobin was too nice to you. 
He walks into his closet and starts undressing, you were following him but once you realized what he was doing you gasp and immediately covered your eyes. Trying his best to pull his other leg out of his pants he chuckles at you again. 
“what are you hiding for? It isn’t like I’m naked”.
“I’m scared of seeing something”. you utter moving to the other side of the room away from his closet. “oh yeah? what are you afraid of seeing?”. he grins. for some reason you still had your eyes covered. “you know”. 
soobin shoves his legs into some black sweatpants. “oh come on. you can’t even say the word?”. you swallow. “What word?”. 
“Penis. Dick. Cock”. 
“yes, i’m afraid of seeing those”. 
“what are you afraid of?”. 
“of what they might look like”. 
“you’ve never saw a dick before?”. soobin asks from inside his closet still, wincing at his wounds while he changed his shirt. 
“no soobin”. 
he makes his way out of there shutting the door behind him. he folded his arms while you were by the door with your eyes still covered. He removes them. you were so innocent, he thought.
“Do you want to see one?”.
your eyes expand. you weren’t exactly expecting him to say that. 
“you mean you’re going to...?”. soobin laughs making his way to his bed. He reaches in the drawer at the bottom of his night stand for his computer. 
“I was talking about porn you little freak”. he said, you instantly regained breath.
“come sit”. he directs patting the spot beside him. you do as you were told and watch him surf the web. Things looked pretty normal until he was now on a black screen full of videos with an orange and white header that read Pornhub.
Was it bad that you never heard of it before?
He scrolls down and you saw more than you’ve ever saw before. I mean you knew body anatomy pretty well but damn, you’ve never explored further than your biology classroom. 
“so sometimes when two people have sex or they want to have sex they watch a little porn to get them going. you don’t have to be with someone though. even kids our age and younger just watch it to get ourselves off”. 
“why?”. you questioned disgustingly.
“because it’s fucking hot. here let me show you”. soobin clicks on a video of a couple. you couldn’t really make out anything with how fast he clicked on the video. It buffers a bit before showing a tiny girl with a skimpy outfit. She was pretending to bend over in front of some muscular guy on her living room couch. you watch closely as the guy smirks before grabbing her and bending her over the couch he was sitting in. She moans while he rips her panties off.
“Does it feel that good?”. you ask. Soobin shakes his head. 
“most girls do it for camera purposes. they get paid a lot of money so it’s best they do it good so they can get a lot of castings”.
you nod and continue watching. by now the guy is already unzipping his pants and pulling out his dick and you flinch not believing you kept your eyes open enough to see. It hadn’t looked as weird as you thought it would. Kind of like a banana with a mushroom head. But it definitely was huge. 
“oh my--are they all like that?”. 
“that’s for you to find out”. soobin laughs at your innocent reaction. he thought you were adorable. the girl gets on her knees for a while and sucks it. you had a slight idea of what transpired during sex but it was never this. you always thought people got straight to the point. Well that’s all you got to see at least while your parents shielded your eyes whenever a rated r part occured in any movie. she’s moaning and spitting on it as if it were the best thing she’s ever tasted. your jaw drops completely. 
and this was nothing compared to what you felt when it was his turn. he laid on on the couch before he swipes his tongue up her pussy. She’s pushing his head further inside of her and he’s slurping her like there was no tomorrow. you compared it to the feeling you got when soobin touched you. you shuddered at the thought, reliving it again. The way the guy sucked every part of her intrigued you and you felt your heart racing. he didn’t stop either, he sucked her just as good as she sucked him. With spit and his tongue curling around her clit every 5 seconds. 
you felt yourself growing hot as you watched more. she moans and rubs herself against his mouth. your throat runs dry. you were feeling a little uncomfortable in your school skirt, a wet feeling. as she moans you pulsate in your panties. you never knew just a simple video could have this effect on you and now you knew why kids your age watched it. of course you weren’t going to tell soobin that it was turning you on. You tried to look as calm as possible. Especially since soobin was watching as casual as if it were an anime.  
it was now time for them to have sex and god you were a mess. you wanted something to calm your nerves. your blood was rushing and you couldn’t stop throbbing. you wished soobin would turn the video off but you didn’t want to have to explain the reason why. but you couldn’t take it anymore and you just hoped father benjamin would forgive you after what you were about to do. 
“ssoobin”. you stammer.
“sh this is the good part”.
you look at the screen and the girl is on all fours with the guy absolutely hammering her. It looked painful. you tug on soobin’s shirt sleeve.
“ssoobin I need help”. 
he pauses the video, glimpsing over at you to see what was the matter. you didn’t look like you needed urgent care. 
“what is it? are you alright? if you’re feeling sick I can just turn it off. She’s fake moaning anyway”. 
you shake your head no. 
“It isn’t that”. 
“what is it?”.
with a shaky hand you lift your skirt up a bit so he could see the wet stain growing in your panties. you were embarrassed but you had to say something because you knew he’d know how to help you. He bends his head over to get a better look. He was shocked to be honest. 
“are you horny?”. 
you palm your face in humiliation. 
“yes soobin”. he picks your head up with his hand so your eyes were now on  him. 
“you don’t have to be embarrassed alright? That’s what porn is supposed to do. Hold on”. 
Soobin assures before standing up. He drags his pants down slowly and your breathing stops. you hadn’t learned enough to have sex yet. and soobin knows this which is why he wasn’t going to have sex with you. He makes himself comfortable on the bed next you.  
“ssoobin I don’t think I’m ready”. you stutter. he had boxers on of course but you’re nervous just in case he was planning on taking them off. 
“I’m not going to have sex with you. have you ever heard of thigh riding?”. 
you shake your head no. 
“I’ll teach you. you’ll have to take off your panties first though”. you hesitantly stand up on his bed to do so. you weren’t exactly nervous about it since you had your skirt to cover your naked parts. 
“straddle my thigh”. he demanded. and you did so. as soon as you came in contact with his skin you grimaced. Just the pressure alone felt good. 
“move your hips”. he said again. you gripped the front of his shirt while you dragged yourself up and thigh and back down again. you whine a little, never feeling something so pleasurable in your life. you do it once more, loving the way his skin stuck to your clit in the most delicious of ways. 
soobin watches you. he thought you looked so hot when you were desperate. he tries his best to keep a boner down though. “Does it feel good?”. he ask. 
“yyes”. you murmur dragging yourself against him again. You could feel your core producing twice the amount of wetness you had before. But this pace wasn’t enough for you. You’d never get off like this. You decided to quicken the speed of your hips. It was the best decision you’ve ever made. You couldn’t contain your small squeals and whimpers of pleasure as you rode soobin’s thigh. 
“you’re pussy is so wet..are you okay?”.
you push a strand of hair behind your ear and nod as you bite your lips still clutching his shirt for support. you were grinding hard at this point and soobin felt every ounce of wetness that came from you. your heart raced at lightening speed as you kept going. Soobin eyes were just fixed on your every move. He puts his hands on your waist pushing you down harder. sensation burned in your abdomen. 
“ssoobin”. you stuttered again. 
“hm?”. 
“I feel like I’m gonna--”. your eyes drive to the back of your head as you grind on him as fast as your waist allowed. Your hips began stuttering and you felt the familiar pressure you felt when soobin touched you in the classroom. 
“you’re going to cum?”. 
“yes!”. you wail dragging yourself on his thigh while your juices was squirting out of you. when you were finished you were hit with a lazy limp feeling that urged you to lay your head on soobin’s chest. You were breathing heavy and now you were more than embarrassed. 
“I’m sorry about your leg”. you apologized. your liquid was rolling down the sides of his thighs. He rubbed your back softly. 
“It’s alright I shouldn’t have showed you that video if you’ve never watched porn before. I should played something a bit more softer. Welcome to your second orgasm though”. he adds at the end and chuckles. you slapped his shoulder and bury your face in his shirt. 
“stop I can’t believe I just did that”. 
“Welcome to being a real teenager. Do you want to put your panties back on? I won’t look”. soobin questions and you wondered what was it that made him softer than usual. It was cute yet odd. If you were any other girl he’d be telling the whole school your business on social media right now. 
soobin closes his eyes while you slip your panties back on under your skirt. you told him you were done and he flutters them back open. He glares up at you while you were still standing on his bed pressing your foot into it with concentration. 
“what are you doing?”. 
“your bed is bouncy”. you mention jumping a little. He laughs. 
“are you really jumping on my bed right now?”. 
you nod and jump higher. with your skirt flaring up It was kind of fun to be honest. And it got your mind off of what you had just done.
“yeah why not?”.
“because you’re 18 and not 5 years old”. you stop jumping to look at him.
“so? you’re 18 and still misbehave in school”. you reply before jumping again. soobin sucks his teeth before he playfully tackles you to the bed. you admit it was fun wrestling to get out of his grip. but he held you tightly and the both share a laugh once he got you fully down on the bed. He does that stare again that made your heart do weird things. 
It felt as if the world stopped whenever he stared at you. And it was intense yet heartwarming. An aura that you never thought you’d get from Choi Soobin. He leans in carefully, pressing a delicate kiss on your lips. He was a great kisser. He had a way of making his kisses slow enough to make your heart full and powerful enough to leave you wanting more. He pulls away and stares into your eyes again, rubbing your cheek with his thumb. You take that as an invitation to bring your head up to meet his lips again, this time initiating the kiss yourself. You had to learn someway.
You copied soobin’s movements whenever he kissed you. Your lips danced in perfect harmony with his. It wasn’t hard to kiss it’s just that you had to match the timing of the other person for a good slow heated kiss. Your timing was just right. He presses his body against yours and deepens the kiss keeping his lips slow and steady. surprisingly you wanted more. You comb his hair with your hands and he glides his tongue in your mouth smoothly. He felt your breathing come to a halt at the feeling. 
“it’s alright, just keep kissing me the way you were”. he speaks with his lips closely shadowing yours. you follow his directions and his tongue feels like magic on yours. He places his hand on your thigh and curls your leg around his waist and you now knew why kissing lead to sex. It was something your parents always told you, that they forbid you kiss anyone because they knew what were to happen next. 
you didn’t necessarily think it was a bad thing especially if kisses felt like this. like nothing else mattered. as if every worry you had from the outside world was gone. you couldn’t believe yourself. you were rocking your hips steadily against soobin. he was gentle with you though. He wasn’t rushing to lift your skirt up or sliding his sweatpants down. You both were fully clothed and he respected that. and you didn’t even know soobin had one respectful bone in his body. 
you had to pause though with your phone buzzing in your pocket. you reached into it fishing it out. It happened to be your mother calling. You put a finger up in front of soobin’s face telling him to wait one moment. 
“hello yes mom?”.
“where are you? your study group should’ve ended by now”. 
“I know mom we’re finishing up right now”. 
“Okay. If you’re not home in within the next couple of minutes you’re not going to be able to keep going to study group”. 
“alright I’m coming”. you say and quickly hang up. Soobin looks down at you with that stupid grin. you rolled your eyes and laughed at him, mushing his face the other way. “shut up soobin”.  He got off the bed and went into his closet to grab some sneakers. 
“Come on. I’ll take you home”.
“If my mother finds out some guy is taking me out she’ll lose it”.
“i’ll drop you off at the corner and you can walk down the sidewalk to your house”. 
you nod in agreement and slip your boots on before the both of you head back to the car. While soobin was driving though a call from his phone appeared on the touchpad in the middle of you both. It was Mia. He answers it. 
“hello?”. 
“hey I was thinking if you’re not doing anything maybe you wanted to come over?”. her voice blares through the speakers of the car, it sounded even more annoying on the phone. 
“um I’m in the middle of something right now”. 
she scoffs. 
“I hope you’re not with that prissy little religious bitch”. you felt yourself sink further into your seat. Were you mad that she said that? yes. but were you going to argue with her? no. 
“can you relax? you’re always riled up for no reason”. 
“because you are always in other bitches’ face soobin”.
“if you think that then why the hell are you trying to date me then?”. 
“soobin just look at us. We clearly belong together”. 
you roll your eyes. god she was desperate. 
“you’re crazy”.
“whatever. are we still on for tomorrow night?”. 
“yeah I guess so”.
“I’ll be ready. Talk to you later”.
“alright”. 
and with that the conversation ended. Pretty one sided relationship if anyone asked. you knew you were starting to hate Mia though.
“soobin if you don’t like her then why are you taking her on a date?”. 
you question. it was clear that he didn’t like her back.
“you’ll see”. he replies which was a weird way to answer your question. You wanted to ask him what he meant by that but you were already at your house. 
“alright. Don’t forget to study your bible”. soobin chuckles while you unbuckle your seat belt and open the door. you laugh. 
“thank you soobin. Have fun at Mia’s house”. you responded while hauling your bag around his car. 
“what?”. he yelled from his car while you were walking away. 
“I know you’re going over there soobin”. you yelled back. 
he laughs as if it weren’t true. he watches you walk down the sidewalk and into your house, admiring how obedient and respectful you were. 
Maybe he was going to Mia’s house but, he’d rather be with you.
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poetryofyouth · 3 years
Text
I did it, I finally quit psychiatry
(I wrote this for r/antipsychiatry, but I thought I might as well post it here too. don't read if you're easily triggered)
It's been a long journey through hell, but I've had enough. I'm not taking any more shit from incompetent, clueless doctors who think they know me better than I do myself. Who do not listen to me when I beg them to change the medication and instead just give me more of the stuff that is making me worse. I'll finally be free.
I doubt anyone cares, but I'll just tell you my story from the beginning. This is going to be a very long story. Basically, I became depressed at 14 or 15, I'm a 22 year old woman now. The reason was mainly that I couldn't handle the pressure from school. I am a very ambitious, perfectionist but also extremely lazy person. I was constantly beating myself up for not achieving what I wanted to achieve but also unable to fix my behavior. I did also have some slight, not even that serious trauma from a emotionally neglectful childhood and my parents telling me I was a failure every time I would get a grade that wasn't an A. At some point it all became too much and I started self-harming. Then I got worse and worse, self harming occasionally but severely, until I finally attempted suicide at 17.
I was locked into a youth psychiatry institution against my. will. I had my rights, my freedom taken away and was forced to take heavy medications. The very first evening I asked the psychiatrist at the hospital about the side effects of the medications, but he refused to tell me anything and instead just said I should trust his professional judgement. Unfortunately I was too tired and unwell to keep asking so I just accepted not knowing what would happen to me.
They gave me very high doses of Seroquel (Quetiapine), SSRIs and other stuff that I don't even know because they didn't even tell me the names of what they made me take. I just know the names of the medications I was supposed to continue to take after the hospital stay because they were in the papers they gave me. Then after a few days I begged the doctor to take me off the meds because I was so tired I could barely move. I had never felt worse in my life. she refused and instead upped my dose further.
I got worse and worse until I managed to get access to a razor blade I injured myself with on purpose. When my roommate told the nurses what I had done, I was forcefully, against my will restrained onto a bed. Yes, they actually tied me to a bed. And then pushed the bed into a small room where I was alone, and tied to the bed, unable to move. Of course I had a severe panic attack. The room had video surveillance, but it took them quite some time to notice that I was having a panic attack. they finally came and gave me something to breathe into and I calmed down more or less, but they didn't untie me. I later had to pee, and they didn't even untie me for that. I had to pee into a bedpan while tied to the bed, with a nurse watching me. it was incredibly humiliating. I was not untied the entire night. I was restrained until the next morning. When they finally untied me, I had quite seriously injured myself from fighting against the restraints. I had basically torn the skin off my ankles, the scars are faded now but they were visible for many years. It was quite painful. I do consider this incident of being restrained against my will psychiatric abuse, especially because I was restrained for so long. In total probably 10 hours, maybe even more.
Then the hospital didn't really know what to do with myself. I had of course lost any trust I had into the nurses and doctors and shut myself off from them. So they transferred me to a different institution, a more high-security one. Of course I wasn't asked if that was okay, I had to comply. I had began to form relationships with some of the girls, so being taken away from the small support system I had was very stresssful, especially considering how fragile I was at that time.
The other institution wasn't much different, but it was good for me to be taken away from the people who had abused me. I got a tiny bit better. I started to trust the nurses there a little bit. I got along with the other patients and over all liked the hospital better for maby reasons. And then they noticed I was a little better. And then they decided I was well enough to go back to the other hospital. Of course I wasn't asked this time either. But I had made more progress there in two weeks than in the other hospital in a month. I had again started building a little support system. But worst of all, I was forced to go back to the place where I had been abused, and at the time I was still very affected by the experience. I felt incredibly powerless and betrayed, but I didn't have a choice.
Then back at the first hospital I decided I would get better, for no other reason than to finally be able to leave that horrible place.
Then two things were getting severly uncomfortable. I was weighed every week and started noticing significant weight gain. At the same time, I was hungry all the time. painfully hungry, ravenous, even. I basically felt like I was starving all the time but still put on weight. Of course that was because of the high doses of Seroquel, but no one told me. I told nurses, doctors and therapists about the hunger and weight gain, but they simply didn't tell me that was a side effect, they told me an increased appetite was a sign i was getting better. I legit thought I was losing my mind.I have struggled with weight all my life and putting weight on like that made me feel horrible.
Then the doctor decided I was well enough to start taking up school work again. I begged him not to force me to, I told them the pressure of school was the reason I was sick in the first place. Of course no one listened to me. I was forced to do school work even if I knew it wasn't good for me. they didn't care.
Then, after three months of hell, I was finally released. And only because it was Christmas, and my parents refused to leave me there over Christmas. I got a therapist and medication for home.
Then after the Christmas holidays I, against my will, started going to school again. And after about two weeks, my new therapist told me that I had to choose between dropping out of school or going back to the hospital, because school was already making me severely suicidal again. And that was one of the few good things a mental health professional had said to me. I dropped out of school and actually started getting better for real. I sometimes forgot to take my medication, and every time I did, I instanty felt better. I suddenly didn't feel like a tired zombie anymore, I actually had emotions, I felt... alive. So I begged my psychiatrist to let me stop taking medications, and a few months after being released from the hospital, I was free of them.
And everything was great. I got a job, then I volunteered in New Zealand, then, when I was in a more stable place than at 17, I took up school again and graduated with flying colors. I was doing incredibly well.
And then I started university. The first semester went okay, but my mental health quickly started deteriorating. It was the academic pressure again. That's simply something I cannot handle. Soon I started self harming again, and it became more frequent than ever before. I also got into a bad, one might even say toxic, relationship. My girlfriend had issues on her own, but her behavior towards me was often extremely triggering and I very frequently self harmed because of something to do with our relationship. I do not want to blame her for my behavior, but she often made feel worthless, like I was not good enough for her. She would frequently cancel our dates at the last minute, and when she didn't, she would be half an hour late, and when we were together, she didn't make me feel very appreciated either. I was very much in love with her and always blamed myself for everything she did. She once even talked me into having sex with her, when I had said no repeatedly. She did not accept no for an answer and kept pushing until I slept with her to make her shut up. I felt like I didn't have a choice. She didn't force me to, but she simply did not accept my "no". Anyways, it was not her who took the knife to my skin, but she was a big factor in why I did it. I never told her she was a reason for my severe self harm, I didn't want her to feel bad. I didn't hide my wounds fro. her, I mean we did see each other naked and I always had at least four or five big bandages. We just kinda... ignored that.
So then I was getting desperate and decided to get professional help once again. I went to a free psychiatrist from the student councellors and she prescribed me Seroquel once again. I told her I didn't want to take it because it had made me gain a lot of weight and made me very tired. She laughed in my face and told me Seroquel doesn't do that. I don't know if she was just incompetent or lied to me on purpose, because these side effects are experienced by pretty much every single person who takes Seroquel, they are listed in the information leaflet, and I know many people who have taken this medication, all of them had them. During the appointment, she did not even ask me how I was feeling. She prescribed me 200 mg of Seroquel XR. Now, the recommended starting dosage is 50 mg. She prescribed me a starting dosage of four times the recommended amount. Unfortunately, I did not know that back then, I didn't expect a doctor to be that negligent. I took the first 200 mg pill that very evening before going to listen to a debate. Seroquel XR takes a while to kick in, but oh boy did it kick in. I didn't even notice the tiredness that much because I was having severe heart palpitations. My vision was going from normal to black and to normal again all the time. I was dizzy and desoriented and felt my heart was about to jump out of my chest, and sometimes it stopped beating for several seconds. I legit thought I might die in the audience of a debate on ethical farming.
Of course I didn't take the pills the next day and started looking for another psychiatrist. I got an appointment relatively quickly at a private one, it was relatively hopeless to get an appointment with one my insurance would pay, but I thought if she could help me, money wouldn't matter. She prescribed me some stuff that didn't do much harm but also didn't do much good. basically, i was a little tired but that was it. i got a therapist.
About 9 months passed, I had several psychiatrist appointments where I told her the meds didn't do much good, but she never really changed anything. She also insisted that I would get tested for Borderline personality disorder and the psychologist she told me to go to diagnosed me with it. My therapist at the time agreed with me that there was no way in hell that I have BPD, but she also said that when psychiatrists see an adult who self harms, BPD is the only thing that can explain that for them.
Then fall came and a new uni semester started. I had been alright over summer, I had broken up with my girlfriend, but of course with the start of the semester, everything came crashing down.
I lasted a month in university until i impulsively took the whole pack of Seroquel I still had laying around and went to the hospital telling them i was suicidal and also told them what i had done.
Now, I have to say that the nurses in this hospital were absolute angels. They treated my with respect, I almost felt mothered. I was given a lot of activated charcoal and basically had a good night in the hospital. I also got stitches for my freshest self harm injuries, but I had several ones that were too old to be treated that way.
The next morning I was transferred. Can you guess where to? The mental hospital i had been to as a teen. Again, I didn't have a choice.
But overall, the experience at the emergency ward was not as horrible as the first time. I was an adult now and actually treated like a human person. it says a lot about my first experience that I was very surprised by that.
I felt better rather quickly, mostly because the stress factory university was eliminated. The doctor there again insisted that I had BPD even when I said that was ridiculous. They evalued me again and the psychologist came to the conclusion that I had a borderline accentuation, basically borderline borderline.
The emergency ward doctor talked me into treatment at the psychotherapy ward, so I did that for 8 weeks. it was okay, again I was treated way better than as a teen. I was allowed to have an opinion about the medication, I was even allowed to read the little side effect pamphlets. But overall it didn't really do it, I self harmed less but I still self harmed.
During that stay I decided to drop out of university and start an apprenticeship as a baker. I found a company to work for, I loved work, then Corona happened. The company had to shut down. They laid me off after I had only worked there for three weeks. Basically I fell into a hole again, became a depressive husk again.
Then some time passes and a new therapist asked me why I didn't want to go to university anymore, she basically thought i was too intelligent not to. I told her how I could never focus, how I struggled with procrastination, how I couldn't handle the pressure and she recommended that I get assessed for ADHD. Now, I had suspended I had ADHD for years, but I didn't want to bring it up myself. I didn't want to seem like hypochondriac, or an attention whore, and after all, I had told so many people about my struggles and they never suspended ADHD. But I was relieved she brought it up and I had an "excuse" to get assessed. I was professionally diagnosed with ADHD soon after and happily went to my psychiatrist with my brand new diagnosis, I was full of hope that I would finally be "fixed". She basically told me she couldn't help me because she didn't know a lot about adhd. She prescribed me a very low dosage of Strattera (10 mg) and recommend me a specialist. I called the specialist, but they told me they couldn't give me an appointment and I should call in a few months, maybe it would be possible then.
It was july, and over the course of summer I decided I would try university again. Maybe if I was medicated for ADHD, I would actually be able to study. In fall of 2020, I started a brand new program, something very different from what I had done before.
I realized pretty quickly that the Strattera wasn't helping so I found a private ADHD specialist. I was extremely excited for the appointment. Again I thought "I only have to get through these few weeks, then I will finally get proper treatment" I didn't get proper treatment. He prescribed me more Strattera, which didn't help. The next appointment was a month after the first and again, I was excited. I was sure thia time he would fix me. I was sure after that appointment I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. But again, despite me saying I wanted to try something different, and that Strattera was not helping at all, he prescribed more Strattera.
Then university was getting really stressful, I had exams before Christmas, I was frustrated about him not listening to me. I started having suicidal thoughts again, I even relapsed with self harm, it had been months since the last time. But I more or less got through it in a piece, I even passed the exams (surprisingly), and was again looking forward to the next psychiatrist appointment after the Christmas vacation.
Strattera wasn't doing nothing, but it was not doing anything helpful. Basically, it made me feel quite relaxed, chill, less stressed. Which sounds good at first. But in order to get anything done, I rely on negative motivation. Basically, if I'm not panicking over possibly failing an exam, I'm just simply not going to study. So Strattera took the tiny bit of self-discipline and motivation that I had away and replaced it with a "idgaf"-attitude.Of course I told the psychiatrist. But can you guess what he did? Bingo, he upped the Strattera dosage. Again.
Then I had a second appointment with a new therapist, an ADHD specialist for adults. I told her how he did not care what I told him about Strattera and she was extremely upset and said that I can't let myself be treated like that. I needed to call him immediately and yell at him until he does something actually useful. I was baffled. I am not a confrontational person at all and I had never even considered actually arguing with a doctor. Yes I know, it sounds stupid in hindsight, but even after all that I had experienced, I still naively thought the professionals know best.
Okay so I called him. unsuccessful. I texted him. he ignored me. He had ignored my texts telling him that I was actually worse even before that last appointment, even though he told me to contact him with any concerns, and said that he prefered texts best, I thought he was maybe busy or something and didn't think much of it, but then he was ignoring my calls and texts. I was basically ghosted by a s
psychiatrist.
Okay I thought, then I'll simply go to someone else. To my suprise I got an appointment really quickly. I knew this wasn't a good sign, because good psychiatrists, if there even are any, don't have appointments free that soon.
But still, I had hope. And was of course disappointed again. I went to her with a professional ADHD diagnosis, but for her, that wasn't good enough. She had the audacity to tell me I needed another diagnosis from her psychologist friend who, by the way, has his office in a town over an hour away. She refused to treat me at all until I got that second diagnosis. Now,. I went to her out of pure desperation, out of knowing I simply could not go on like this any longer. Because I needed treatment quickly. And she told me she wouldn't give me that. I couldn't keep a few tears from escaping my eyea, she noticed and said very condescendingly "you don't have to cry, that's normal procedure". I tried my best to fight the tears, but as soon as I left her office, I started bawling my eyes out in the middle of town
And then I knew I was done. I had tried and tried again to get help, and I had not gotten it, I had not been listened to. Something in me snapped right in front of that office building.
I went home and threw my medication in the trash. Sure, it's bad to quit cold turkey like that, but honestly I don't care. I'm done. I'm done with psychiatry, I'm done with doctors. I have had the patience of a saint, but enough is enough. That was yesterday. And today I flipped a coin, twice, once for the psychiatrist and once for the new therapist. It told me to quit both of them, so I did.
I'm done with the mental health industrial complex. It has not helped me in all those years. I have only been sedated. Fuck psychiatry, fuck psychiatrists. Maybe I am simply meant to be miserable. I'll probably drop out of uni again, I thought I would be able to do it with treatment, but I did not get treatment, and I simply cannot do it this way. I've already attempted suicide because of academic pressure twice. Maybe I'll just have to live a miserable life working a low-paying job until I'm sad enough to finally actually kill myself. I'll probably always be a wreck, but at least I won't be a sedated wreck any longer. I'll be free, until I will be free for real.
Thank you for reading all this. I know it was a lot, but I needed to get it off my chest. Thank you.
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silverdecepticon93 · 4 years
Note
can you write something where the reader is Queen Bee's heiress (niece or younger sister) and is the first bialyan hero and Queen Bee and Black Manta try to arrange a marriage between you and Kaldur (when is on the Light's side). please.
Here it is! I hope you guys enjoy!
    Nightwing’s secrets and habit of keeping people in the loop was getting pretty tiresome in your opinion, especially when he didn’t inform you that Kaldur’ahm was undercover. At least, you hoped Kaldur was undercover if not, that might be somewhat troublesome for you.
     Especially since you secretly worked against your sister, Queen Bee. As much as you loved and appreciated family, she was slowly becoming more and more immersed in her own selfish goals by the day, and your beloved country of Bialya was feeling the effects of her greed and warmongering. Even if you were to inherit the throne after her rule, you were merely going to be a puppet Queen, and Bialya will forever be under The Light’s control so it was your goal to help the Justice League stop The Light as soon as you could.
     “Kaldur’ahm, this is my sister, (Y/n),” Queen Bee introduced, putting a hand on your shoulder and gesturing to the half-Atlantian.
     “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Princess.” The Atlantian greeted, nodding his head politely. 
     You were slightly confused as to why he was making it seem as though this was the first time he met you, mostly because he was the one you often told your sister’s plan too, but you played along by smiling and giving him a small curtsy.
     “Yes, it is very nice to meet you as well, Kaldur’ahm.” You responded before standing up straight.
     “Just ‘Kaldur’ would be fine, isn’t that right, son?” Black Manta beamed, looking at his son. Kaldur merely nodded and looked over to you with a small smile, “If the Princess wishes.”
    Queen Bee grinned before putting an arm around your shoulder, “In that case, there’s no need for formalities, so you may call her (Y/n) if you wish, Kaldur.”
    You raised an eyebrow at your elder sister but she elbowed your back, making you scowl a little before looking up at the two males with your best smile, “Yes, if you wish.”     An awkward silence then fell between the two of you, Kaldur now looking at the ground as you started to fidget with the fabric of your dress. Queen Bee then pushed you slightly towards Kaldur, making you gasp in surprise but look over your shoulder to glare at her.
     She looked and nodded over at Kaldur, a silent sign she wanted you to speak up.
    “So, to what do we owe the pleasure of having our fellow members of The Light visit us in Bialya?” You asked in a light-hearted tone, masking the annoyance you were feeling.
     Kaldur and Black Manta didn’t answer right away, not until Black Manta looked at his son and nodded his head towards you, making Kaldur raise an eyebrow but look back over to you.
    “I believe my father wanted to arrange something with your sister,” Kaldur answered, “I’m assuming it is related to The Light’s master plan?”
     Black Manta nodded, “Yes it is, but it is a private matter, now if you excuse us, we must leave to discuss it.”     “Indeed, you two wait here. (Y/n), perhaps you could give Kaldur a tour of the palace.” Your sister said and you could tell by her tone she wasn’t giving you an option.
     You merely nodded before linking your arm along with Kaldur’s, only to look back at your sister quizzically, and both she and Black Manta watched as you and Kaldur walked away to start the tour of the palace. Kaldur also looked back to face his father before looking away as well, his attention on solely on you as the slight smell of flowers soon came to his attention
     “That was...odd.” You finally answered.
     “Really? What made you think that?” Kaldur mused, making you smile a little. You then turned to look at him from his new black suit that resembled his father’s before looking up at him, “So, you’re a member of The Light now?”
    He nodded, “Indeed.”
    “That’s...uh, that’s surprising,” You coughed awkwardly before looking up at him, “I wouldn’t expect you to be a member.”
     “I don’t think we should discuss it here.” Kaldur finally said in a hushed tone, gesturing to the guards that were stationed by the walls. You looked and gulped a little, “Good point. I think I know of a good place to discuss it.”
     Kaldur allowed you to lead him across the castle, all while debating whether or not what to do. After all, it had been a while since you and he had seen each other, for all he knew, you could’ve defected to The Light after all that has happened.
    However, as he looked to the gloomy city out the window, he highly doubted it. You were a responsible princess, you cared about your subjects and often put them before your own well-being and happiness, and Kaldur was pretty sure nothing would change that. Still, Kaldur was unsure about where your alliances laid.
    You two entered what look like a lavish bedroom, Kaldur could tell it was yours by the flowery perfume he smelled, the same one he noticed on you. You unhooked your arm with his and closed your bedroom door, suspiciously looking around the hallway before shutting the door. Then you looked back to face Kaldur.
     “Okay, so what really are you and your father doing here?” You asked, tilting your head. Kaldur shifted uncomfortably in his spot before looking up at you, “My father didn’t tell me, I was hoping that he’d tell me when we got here.”
    You nodded a little, “Yes, my sister didn’t tell me anything, either...why did you act like we haven’t met before?”
     Kaldur paused a little, hesitating whether to answer you or not before he finally looked into your (e/c) eyes, as though looking for something.
    “I’m unsure about your alliances, (Y/n), are you with The Light or do you still rebel against your sister?” He asked, putting on a poker face. You leaned on your door and crossed your arms over your chest, “I won’t answer until I know your alliances, Kaldur’ahm. Are you undercover or have you actually betrayed your friends?”
     Kaldur frowned a little before looking up at you hesitantly, “I am no traitor, (Y/n).”
    “Neither am I.” You responded evenly.
    You two stared at each other for a while, analyzing your words. Kaldur’s words struck you as odd, if he wasn’t a traitor then he didn’t betray his friends before you finally realized what they truly meant.
     “Okay, so, I’m assuming we’re both undercover?” You asked him, a little hesitant to say it. Kaldur smiled in relief at your words, “Yes, it seems as though we both are.”
     You chuckled a little before, you could feel a heavy pressure being lifted from your stomach, one that you didn’t know was forming until it was gone. Then your eyes flickered in remembrance before looking up at him.
     “So, we’re both clueless about what my sister and your dad are planning?” You confirmed. Kaldur nodded his head, “Yes, although my father was acting a little odd today.”
     “How so?” You asked, sitting on your bed.
     Kaldur tapped his chin thoughtfully before looking at you, “Well, he seemed to be a little focused on my appearance as well as talking about you.”
     You blinked dumbfoundedly before looking at you, “My sister was acting the same way! She took it upon herself to dress me up this morning and kept talking about two members that we’re coming over. Usually, she doesn’t even bother to talk to me at all…”
    You then sadly looked at the ground, making Kaldur frown slightly but sit next to you, putting a hand on your shoulder sympathetically. You looked up at him in confusion before noticing the small, comforting smile on his face. It was a smile that you returned slightly before finally sitting up thoughtfully.
     “But what does that have to do with The Light?” You frowned, tilting your head.
     “Who knows, perhaps we can figure it out ourselves, if not, we should see what information we could get after.” Kaldur planned. You nodded in agreement, “So we should exchange private contact information, so we can compare notes.”
     “I agree,” Kaldur said before taking out his cellphone and you took out yours.
     The night became odder after Kaldur and his father left. You two had tried to come up with theories but you two became lost in conversation about trivial things, it was actually quite pleasant. However, when dinner came, you were surprised that your sister had joined you since she’d rather eat in her office or so.
     “So, what did you think about Kaldur?” She asked after a few minutes of silence.
    You paused when eating your food at the mention of him, then you looked up at your sister in utter confusion.
     “Um...he was nice company,” You finally said, “very pleasant to be around.”
     “Do you think he’s handsome, Sister?” Queen Bee asked, leaning a little at you. You frowned and raised an eyebrow, “Forgive my tone but where is this going, Sister?”
     Queen Bee’s stare became severe, making you panic internally but she soon sighed a little before sinking back into her seat, “I suppose I couldn’t keep it from you forever. You see, Black Manta and I were discussing a new plan for The Light, something to strengthen Bialya’s bond with The Light.”
    Your frown grew a little, even hearing Bialya and ‘The Light’ in the same sentence made you feel sick, but you saved face as your sister was about to reveal the plan she was discussing with Black Manta.
     “We want to arrange a marriage, to unite Bialya and The Light further.” Your sister explained.
    Your eyes went wide and you dropped your fork. Anger began to bubble inside you, after all, this wasn’t about being united or strengthening any bond of any sort. It was to assure you as a puppet Queen of The Light, that Bialya was forever going to be under The Light’s control. You wanted to scream and wanted to lash out but you couldn’t.
     “And Kaldur is my chosen husband?” You asked, trying to mask your frustration. Your sister nodded, “I imagine he’s being told right now.”
     You looked down at your plate, unable to eat any more, but you tried to find out the advantages of the situation. You and Kaldur were both spies, so if you were promised to be married to each other, it would give you two more times to exchange information. Not only that but it only reinforces your reputations of being loyal members to The Light. Plus…
     Kaldur wasn’t exactly that most awful person to be married to in your opinion.
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hobiheavenly · 5 years
Text
Karma’s Cravings pt. 3 (MYG)
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✧ Min Yoongi x Reader
✧ Multichapter, Coffee Shop AU, E2L
✧ Warnings: multiple orgasms, cunnilingus (female receiving), penetration, slight dirty talk, slight angst
✧ Word Count: 4.3K
✧ Summary: Your life is going idyllically with your business with the exception of having to work with Min Yoongi who disapproves of your comercial tactics. but when one day a medium tells you he is to be the love of your life you are quick to shut her down but running away from fate can come with cause consequences.
✧ A/N: I DELIVER ONTO THEE THE SMUT! I’m sorry about the ending tho because I promise I want to prolong this a little more. Which means Yoongi and OC will be idiots for now... pls don’t hate me ;n;)
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4
You could see it in his eyes. It was only a matter of time for it. Yoongi had a dark look in his eyes and he seemed to have them dead set on you. The passion and the desire threatening to devour you in the process.
“Take our clothes off?” Yoongi asked “But ___, we haven't even kissed”
Yoongi gave you a seductive smile that shook you to the core. His eyes made you weak and all you could do is just sit there, mouth agape. He was getting closer and closer to you leaving you with nowhere to run. Moreover, you didn’t want to run. You couldn't move, body not responding to what your brain was ordering.
“We can take this slow if you want ____” his whisper made his voice drop lower, causing you to tremble.
The way your name comes out from his lips is sinful. Deep, sexy, and hypnotic. You tried to wake up from what can only be described as an attack to your emotions and your sex deprived pussy.
“What I tried to say was…..” But you didn't even finish your sentence. Yoongi abruptly kissed your lips, his lips plush lips moving on top of yours slowly and seductively. He embraced you, holding you close to him and instinctively you put your hands on his hard chest. Letting yourself go with the sensations that were forming in your mind, you let his masterful tongue explore your mouth and let go of all the emotions you had tried unsuccessfully to suppress. When he broke the kiss you both had to breathe heavily to recover the air missing air from your lungs.
“Ok, what was that?” You asked completely confused.
“Other than something amazing, I have no clue” Yoongi smiled as he saw directly into your eyes once again. He didn't know why he did it but he had felt better. All that pressure was going to kill him and when he kissed you he felt free, but there was a part of him that wanted more.
“Do you usually kiss every woman like that?” You smirked.
“No, only those who invite me to take our clothes off.”
“What I meant to say was that we should put on some dry clothes and take these off. But if you want to catch a cold, by all means.”
Yoongi smirked and separated from you as you tried to get off the counter. "She seems to enjoy torturing me" Yoongi thought a bit irritated. He tried to recover from what just happened and he looked as you walked to the phone. Your hips seemed to sway with a seductive rhythm while walking and the wet pants were still stuck to your skin making your butt look plump and round.
“As I was saying, it’s best we get naked so we can change out of these damp clothes and put on something dry before we get sick” You suggested.
“Yes, but unfortunately I don't carry around a spare change of clothes and I'm thinking you don't have men's clothes either”
“I don't have spare clothes, but my mannequins do so we can just use that.”
“Hell no! I prefer the suggestion of getting naked” Yoongi smiled trying to grab your hips and he hugged you “and while we are at it we can do other things”.
“Of course” you tried to turn around to see him. There was something enjoyable about the way he nestled his arms around you and the feeling of being in his arms. He kissed your neck sweetly as if he tried to convince you of the idea, and truth be told the idea didn’t seem so bad. Damn your conscience for waking up in the worst moment…
“NOT! What we should do is call the Car Association so they can help us with our cars and get some dry clothes and get a cookie while I'm at it. Now if you don't want to put on some dry clothes, feel free to stay in our wet clothes and get a cold. But you are not getting naked while I'm around.”
You pushed him away and went to the window where the male and female mannequins were and took off the clothes. It was more like lingerie but they were still useful pajamas. Hers was a red negligee that seemed to be a little small for you, and his was a black pajama bottom shorts (bordering on boxers) with a matching robe that had little red hearts printed all over.
“Hell no I am not going to put that on!” Yoongi said.
“Suit yourself” You shrugged “Get a cold for all I care.”
“Has anyone ever told you how obnoxious you are?”
“And has anyone ever told you that you whine too much? God! Now I'm remembering all the reasons why I don't like you!”
Yoongi kept looking at the pajama that you threw at him as you had went out back to grab a phone and call for help. He had gotten a little frustrated after seeing how much he had suffered inside just so you could blow him away. But even when you tried to ignore it, he could see you had been shocked and moved by his kiss. You had let loose just like he did and had enjoyed it. So then, why were you pulling away from him?
His mind came back for a second, eyes still looking at the ridiculous and tight pajama with little red hearts. There was no way on earth he was going put on that pajama! No way in hell…..
Yoongi couldn't believe he was actually wearing that stupid pajama. If Hoseok saw him he would be dying of laughter, especially considering that it’s his fault Yoongi was going through all this in the first place. If he hadn't told him that you were a good choice for him and that he needed a woman he wouldn't be having these thoughts about you.
No, there is someone else. Madame Karma! Somehow she did something. He might not be a believer of bad luck and curses, but maybe she was the one who stole his gasoline and made your car die out. And maybe she made the battery of both cell phones die out.
Yes it seemed easy to blame someone. But something in his mind made him think that this was all his fault, for not knowing how to control his needs. Yoongi didn't want you to see the lack of female entertainment he had. Though it seemed fun to see if you were up to the type of entertainment he desired to have.
You came back with a tray with two cups of coffee and a plate of cookies. There was a small cup with milk and a cup with sugar. As you put it on a coffee table in front of the sofa, you could feel Yoongi gaze still fixed on you. The red negligee you wore made you show your long silky legs. Unfortunately the size was tad bit small for your curves, almost showing your butt as you placed the tray on the table.
“Nice pajama” You smiled “glad to see you didn't want to get a cold.”
“Yes well you don't look so bad yourself” Yoongi looked at you up and down as he sat down on the sofa. He was sure the image of you in that negligee was gonna burn in his mind forever and be the star of many of his fantasies.
“Yes well I'm a size bigger than this but it's a good thing the fabric stretches” you said while trying to pull down the dress so it could cover some part of your legs, in vain “I called the Car Association and they told me that they would be here in a couple of hours. How would you like your coffee?”
“I want some decaf, I don't want to lose the sleep at night.”
“Don't worry I used decaf. I don't want to lose sleep either. Sugar?”
“One of sugar and very little milk” Yoongi grabbed his cup once it was prepared as you offered a cookie which he accepted. He remembered the way you had told him about the cookie, "BITE ME" you had said. And thinking about it now, it didn't seem like such a bad idea.
“Why don't you tell me about yourself?” You suggested, clearly needing a distraction from imagining him naked and in your arms. Yoongi looked at you puzzled, “You said I don't know you much so why don't you tell me about yourself.”
“Well there isn't much to say. I live alone and I mostly stick to my work. I don't have any family around so it’s just myself. Hoseok and I used to live together but he moved to another apartment close to his other job. I just don't have time for socializing. But Hoseok insists I get a woman or something like that.”
“I see” You sipped of your coffee “You seem to have the same thing as I do. Seokjin and his boyfriend insist so much about how I should get a boyfriend and well right now I just love my job so much I don't think I need to get a man. It's not like I haven't gone out on dates, but they always end up being too self-centered or too stupid or too nerdy. I have to say that if i were to choose between being with those guys or being alone, I prefer to be alone.”
“We finally agree on something” Yoongi chuckled “do you live on your own too?”
“Yeah, well after I told my father that I was going to start a coffee shop business he didn't seem to be very happy with it. So I started to get my independence and I moved out of my parents' house. Like you I was living with my friend Namjoon but after I introduced him to Seokjin. The two of them fell deeply in love and just made me feel like a bad third wheel. Don’t get me wrong I love them wholeheartedly and they’re my best friends, but there’s so much I can take of them having sex in the next room without loosing it. So now I live alone in a cute little studio. And what about you? Why do you live all alone?”
“My parents live in Daegu and they are sweet and simple people. My father particularly is a practical man, he owns small businesses and always told me strive for the same practicality he had developed so i wouldn’t struggle. At one point in my life I wanted to pursue music but when my dad found out he got rather pissed” Yoongi sighed, remembering the anger in his father's eyes, the disappointment him his mother's face.
“They kept saying it was only gonna lead me to a poor life. In the end, since my older brother decided on a different career path that was still acceptable to parents eyes, I followed in my father's steps. My mother seemed so proud of me when she saw me graduate from a career I had no interest in. But I never wanted to destroy that gleam in her eyes so I just kept doing this. I miss them from time to time but I manage to visit every so often.”
You looked at the man who you thought you knew all this time as an asshole and an idiot only to find a tender and loving man sitting in front of you. So there was more to this informal clone than meets the eye. To say that you were surprised at his confession was an understatement.
“I am so sorry” You said compassionately “I had no idea. No wonder you seem so tough.”
“Looks like you’re looking for more compliments” Yoongi smiled “Well ___, you are a very strong woman. And I have to say that you look spectacular in that dress.”
“You are only saying that so you can get another cookie” you laughed nervously trying to shake it off as one of his jokes, not wanting to show how much the compliment had really affected you.
“True but I still think so” Yoongi said giving you a sexy smile that caused your face to turn red as a tomato.
You turned around and tried to get the image of Yoongi naked, kissing you and making you scream in pleasure out of your mind. It didn't matter what that damn medium said, Yoongi is not your soul mate and you are NOT attracted to him.
"LIAR" a voice in your mind said as you scolded yourself, "Stop thinking of him like that, stop thinking of him in any way possible!"
You got back the cookie that was shaped like pair of lips and you extended it to him. “Here you go. Bite me!”
Yoongi grabbed your hand and he got up very close to you. “I think you should change the name of the cookie” Yoongi whispered in her ear, his deep tone creating a ticklish chill to spread all over your body.
“And what do you have in mind?”
“Kiss me” you could imagine his devilish smile as he uttered the words in your ear.
“Ok” was all you could say. That man took the words away from her without even thinking.
“Suddenly you agree with everything”
“That's what happens when a sexy guy talks sweetly into my ears” you blush deepened “ok then, kiss me!”
“And indeed I shall” he growled in response.
Yoongi got close to your lips and trapped them with his. He grabbed you again around him so you wouldn't escape this time. You felt the room spin and lose control of everything once more. It was addicting to feel him, the taste of the bitter coffee still lingering in his mouth. You grabbed onto to his neck as your legs wobbled, you weren’t going to last long. He started to taste the skin of your neck to your cleavage. There wasn’t any need to touch your breast with his hand, just the feeling of his lips on your skin was enough to have your nipples become hard.
“Yoongi, I am not going to last much like this” You said very softly.
“You’re right” Yoongi kept kissing you but he saw around the room “wanna see if your counter can support both our weight?”
Words had escaped your mind so you only nodded and he carried you once again to the counter. As you sat there, legs open feeling his increasing hard on press against your opening causing a moan escape your mouth. He began to kiss your lips passionately once again, both of you devouring each other with yearning as if every moment, every kiss would be the last. You wrapped your legs around his waist closing whatever distance there was left, as he was pulling the straps of your dress down.
Yoongi kissed your skin as you grabbed onto his shoulders and leaning your head back so he would have a better access of your body. Once your breasts were free, negligee covering only your hips down, he kissed each mound delicately causing your nipples to harden with the cool air and the sensation of his hands and lips on you.
Yoongi enjoyed the sensitivity you had to his touch, pleasured in the thought that the moans you were so deliciously exclaiming from your lips were caused by him alone bringing a sense of pride in him.
“Your skin is just as I imagined it” Yoongi said softly against you “it tastes of sugar and flowers. Delicious!”
“Oh, so you have been imagining this” you smiled seductively.
“Oh yes, and you don't know how much I have been wanting to taste you here” he touched your arms, “and here” he kissed your breasts “and very much here!”
Yoongi extended his hand all the way to your legs, to the center of your heat. You understood immediately what he tried to say. Instinct overtook you causing a certain shyness as he touched the outside skin of your cunt but it only took him one more deep kiss to dissolve all mental insecurity. Once he gained access, Yoongi opened his eyes wide and smiled.
“You aren't wearing nothing underneath” he said in a hot, husky voice. Yoongi’s fingers manages to take access of your already wet and hot pussy and dexterously finds
your clit tracing circles around it, playing with it like the button of a game console and you were his play game. The movement was sure to cause a sweet delightful moan to escape cursing the gods at how good that felt.
“I didn't think….ah….I would need it” you were struggling to think but with him touching you that way you were barely thinking straight “can’t believe this feels so good”
“Do you doubt my sexual abilities?” Yoongi introduces a nipple in his mouth, his tongue slowly dragging and licking them. This man is out to make you crazy. The mix of having him play with the sensitivity of both your clit and your nipple was enough to have you squirming and moving your hips back and forth.
“An office man who spends 75 percent of the time scowling shouldn’t be THIS good at sex” you joked, only causing him to increase the speed of his fingers causing you to scream at the increasing waves pleasure. You were close to the edge, so close you were just in the brink of deep diving into an orgasm, when suddenly Yoongi’s lips abandon your breast, slowly slithers down to your crotch, and smiles devilishly.
“Lucky for you, I love to prove people wrong”
If you were already dying of pleasure, it only took only stroke of his tongue in your clit to have you plunge into the most mind boggling orgasm you ever had in your life. Your thighs were trembling as Yoongi’s head was still between them. He grabs them with his hands to keep them still at the risk of you almost asphyxiating him trying to shut them close by instinct. In no moment does his tongue stop stroking your folds, eating you up like a starving man, drinking your fluids as if they were ambrosia in his mouth.
“So tasty…” You could see Yoongi’s mouth shining bright with your cum. You pulled him back to where you were as you kissed him again. Knowing well that if he stayed there any longer you continue driving you mad. He only kept kissing you till you were left without any air, lips swollen and the taste of your cum lingering in your mouth. You pulled his pajama bottom deciding that it wasn’t fair that only one of you to was so indecently naked but you were met with yet another surprise. Revealing that not only did he not have any underwear as well but his dick sprung out making your eyes widen at the sight. To say that Yoongi was well endowed was an understatement. The image of his hard cock making your mouth water.
“Holy shit your beautiful” you whispered.
“But not like you” Yoongi said “are you sure you want this?” Always a gentleman who asks for permission even when you know well enough he’s at the verge of losing his mind. He grabbed your chin and made head raise and see him eye to eye. “Use your words, Baby”
It was such a cute term of endearment that coming from his lips seemed foreign to you but delightful. You get close to him, your breath tickling his ear as you say in low husky voice, “Min Yoongi, I want your thick throbbing cock inside my wet hot pussy.”
You were never much for dirty talk. The words just naturally escaped your lips as if you’ve been saying them for a lifetime but as soo. As they were out there being heard by Yoongi your cheeks turned a deep red, a reaction that didn’t go unnoticed by him.
The man kissed your shoulder and touched the skin of your back causing a shiver to run all over. You just closed her eyes and let him do all the exploring he wanted. At this point he could fuck the everloving lights out of you and you wouldn’t mind. He grabbed something from his pocket, put on a condom as he continued to kiss your skin.
“Yoongi, I need you inside me…please…” you breathed heavily.
“As you wish my dear” Yoongi said positions his cock right in your hot entrance. The movement is slow but having your pussy all wet after your first orgasm helped the entrance of his cock a much smoother experience. You could feel him filling your walls, initially with a little bit of pain but soon it was replaced by delicious pleasure.
In a matter of minutes the pace increases quickly growing the intensity of each thrust. Perhaps it was the lack of sexual activity for both of you but it was euphoric to have each other become one. The tightness of your cunt welcoming his throbbing cock as if the gods themselves sang in heaven for this hot, dirty and wild reunion of your bodies.
You looked at Yoongi as he entered you, a drop of sweat starting to roll down his temple. His eyes were darkened with that intense desire you saw before but now the fire in his stare had increased to hellish levels. “Fuck I’ve been wanting to do this for so long! Who’s offering a slow trip to pleasure now?”
The reminder of your first encounter had been long forgotten but the phrase switched all memories on. To think he remembered after all this time made you smile in tenderness but the feeling was soon fucked away. His thrust become hard causing you to cry and whimper in an exquisite pain. “If I would have known….it was this good… I would have fucked you right that moment” you pant breathlessly meeting his hips with each trust.
The ripples of the oncoming orgasm was coming too soon for both of you. “That’s it baby, cum on my fucking cock” the obscene command echoed in your mind. Your mind, your body, your feelings and sensations were all in this man's hands. Your mind was drowning in the feeling, drowned in Yoongi…Yoongi… Yoongi….
“YOONGI” You screamed as your body convulsed in an overwhelming orgasm peaked all over your body, eyes opening wide rolling back as you were set in this high.
It was heaven, it was madness, it was bliss, it was sin. All at the same time. The orgasm you felt before was nothing compared to the feeling of coming on Yoongi’s dick,
It didn’t take long for him to follow after you. His final thrusts becoming sloppy and uncoordinated until he releases his cum while inside you. You kissed his temples tasting the salty taste of his sweat and holding him tightly against you. Both of you didn’t want to let go of the moment, basking in the sexual afterglow.
“It’s too perfect!” You thought.
Suddenly they heard a something ring. Yoongi and you opened your eyes to see Yoongi’s pager go off. Seriously he must be the only person in existence to actually use one of those other than a doctor. He slowly let you go and went to grab the dreaded device.
“Damn, it's my boss” Yoongi rubbed his temples. As your mind settled in a thousand thoughts came running through. Almost like destiny...like karma…was this truly destiny though? Did Yoongi even like you or was it just the suggestive idea that brought forth interest of love and sex? And it wasn’t even love because he never said those words... neither did you. He turned around saw a disappointed frown grow on your face as you grabbed your clothes, “wait what are you doing?”
“Yoongi, I want you to be completely honest. If Madame Karma hadn’t told us that we were soulmates would you have made love to me?”
Would he? He knew he was attracted to you since the first day but it was only attraction. He wanted to say yes. But he himself wasn’t sure if what he felt was love. Never having experiences it makes it harder to distinguish. You take his silence as a sufficient answer.
“I know that what we just had was good, but is this really what we truly want or just what we think we want only because it was introduced to our mind? Plus I have my life and my coffee shop you’re my manager, that wouldn’t be the best thing to do professionally. I can't let you stop your job because of me. And even when all of this was amazing, I know we are very different from one another.”
“So you are regretting it” Yoongi tried to conclude.
“No it's not that! This had to happen sooner or later” You blushed “I admit I was hoping we would. But we work together, it would be a bit hard for us.”
“Let’s forget this” Yoongi said coldly, “you’re right, you work under me. Professionally it would not be wise” It sounded a bit harsh but it was true, this would make their work relation worse than what it already was. He got his clothes back on and for the rest of the night maintained a cordial silence between each other. Thankfully it didn’t last long since the car aids came just a few moments later. Once they had their cars fixed, they both went their different ways.
"Yes" you thought "Its best we kept our distance"
"Can't say I failed" Yoongi thought "I must have fallen in the temptation of the night. I mean it is Valentines Day. Even so…"
"I am never going to forget this night no matter how hard I try" you both thought.
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ravennest1342-blog · 6 years
Text
Bts Hybrid AU
Bunny Breath Chapter 1
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Kim Namjoon’s day started out normally enough. The twenty-five year old woke in his room with one of his five hybrids wrapped so tightly around him he could barely breath.
Said hybrids name was Yoongi, and he was a mink hybrid. Namjoon squirmed a bit helplessly as he struggled to reach his blaring alarm clock with the numbers 5:30 proudly displayed on it. Yoongi snarled ever so lightly in his sleep as Namjoon squirmed away, his arms tightening around Namjoon as the man finally turned off the dreadful little clock with a slight wheeze from the increased pressure. He blinked sleepily, his breathing harsh as he looked down at his chest to see the mink hybrid he so adored.
Yoongi was tiny, he had a thin, wiry frame that had alarming amounts of strength hidden in the lean muscles. His face was dainty; almost doll like with pouty pink lips and a button nose paired with cat like eyes. Fluffy dark brown — almost black — hair stuck out from his head in a messy way with two tiny dark brown mink ears sticking from them. Namjoon smiled. Anyone looking at Yoongi would think he looked delicate and breakable, his slight build implying that he wasn’t very powerful, especially when compared to Namjoon’s other hybrids Jin or Jimin with their thicker builds. But Namjoon new the whiplike strength, and lightning reflexes his hybrid possessed, he knew that behind those pouty lips, was razor sharp canines — almost fangs — designed to rip and tear into flesh. He knew that the minks dark brown tail with thick fur was there to help the hybrid balance better, move faster.
“Yoongi.” Namjoon breathed softly. “I have to . . . get ready for work.” He wheezed out the last part in a high pitched noise as Yoongi’s grip tightened to the point of pain, nails digging into Namjoon’s hip and chest.
“No.” The hybrid snarled, voice thick with sleep. “You’re staying home with us today.” He growled, lashes fluttering open to reveal dark onyx black eyes. God, Yoongi is so beautiful. Namjoon thought with a sigh.
“I have to Yoongi, there’s an important meeting this morning discussing our new phone prototype and at lunch I have to meet up with Jaebum to discuss the auction he’s scouting out tonight.” He sighed. Yoongi pouted, aggression seemingly disappearing. Namjoon gave him a suspicious look as he withdrew his grip. Yoongi tried to keep him home every morning like this, he set his alarm an hour earlier than needed because of the mink.
“Fine. But you brought this on yourself.” The mink smirked playfully, his tail wrapping neatly around himself as he moved to sit Indian style and drew in a deep breath. Too late Namjoon realized what was happening he surged forward with a yelp but Yoongi had already opened his mouth and screamed.
“NO NAMJOON!! YOU CANT GET A SNAKE HYBRID!!” His voice was modeled with the perfect mixture of horror and terror at the thought of a snake hybrid and as they heard several faint yelps from down the hall, an evil smirk ripples across Yoongi’s face, the sound of running feet reaching their ears and then the bedroom door was practically ripped open.
The two hybrids that raced in were in near hysterics, full on sobbing as they rushed at a stunned Namjoon, slamming into him and knocking the man flat on his back, one hybrid had soft golden brown/russet hair and long deer ears, his body was thin and graceful with a fluffy deer tail that was white on the underside. The other hybrid had floppy golden/brown dog ears with a long tail with equally long fur, he was more gangly, but his face had almost perfect proportions. Both hybrids clambered onto Namjoon, openly wailing as they pressed against him.
“Joonie! No no nonononono!” Hoseok, the deer hybrid cried harshly, sniffling dramatically as he nuzzled into Namjoon’s side while Taehyung, a dog hybrid, straddled his hips, frantically pushing himself against Namjoon’s chest, he too was a sobbing mess.
“I won’t mi-misbehave ever again J-Joonie! Swear! I’ll even apol *hic* ogize for l-locking Jimin outside f-for four ho-hours and . . . laughing at him!” He cried. Namjoon sighed, glaring at a grinning Yoongi, who’s eyes were sparkling with unbridled humor and joy at the situation before him. This was going to be a long morning.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Namjoon was an hour and a half late for work. He really didn’t understand why Taehyung and Hoseok were so strongly against snake hybrids and figured he’d have to ask them at some point, but he barely made it to his meeting on time and all thoughts of his hybrids and worries that they might be slightly racist towards other hybrids were driven from his mind as he tackled the obstacles of his day.
He was obscenely grateful for the fact that everyone at his job respected him. If they didn’t Namjoon was well aware that his job would be a million times harder than it was. Technically, he didn’t even have to show up everyday, his company was so well oiled and staffed he should only have to drop in once a month. But he liked to make a point of going everyday, knowing all his workers names, everyone, even the intern that sorted mail in the mail room. His name was Junhwan (if this is the name of an idol, I didn’t mean to) and he was actually a brilliant artistic kid that Namjoon was thinking about putting in software design once he’d been in the company for a couple more weeks.
As it was, he still had a lot of stuff to do, departments to check up on, problems to sort out. So Namjoon was thrilled when lunch arrived and he got to go meet up with his good friend Im Jaebum. A hybrid doctor, one that was insanely good at his job. Namjoon had known him for a while, having met the other man when he was still an intern and had brought Yoongi who was . . . sick at the time.
He groaned as he made his way to the small cafe on the edge of Seoul. It was a tiny place, but it had the best sandwiches in the world. He arrived a few minutes late, so it wasn’t a surprise that Jaebum was already there and waiting. Namjoon smiled as he made his way over.
“How’s Jackson?” He demanded. His usual greeting. Jackson was a wolf hybrid that Jaebum had rescued from an abusive owner, Namjoon really liked the playful hybrid and he was good friends with Yoongi.
“Still shook by everything Mark does. I thought a wolf and a dove would be ok around each other but Jackson always looks so shocked at everything Mark does.” Jaebum smiled slightly, thinking of the playful turtleneck dove hybrid with a grin. Namjoon went to reach for the menu as he sat, when Jaebum waved him off.
“I already ordered for you. The usual, with a large watermelon juice.” Jaebum grinned widely at the surprised look on Namjoon’s face. The two talked for a few more minutes, both dancing around the real reason they were meeting up for as they waited for their food. Namjoon was just beginning to portray his confusion and worry about how much his hybrids hated snake hybrids when there food came.
Both men graciously thanked the waiter while Jaebum grinned a bit at Namjoon.
“It’s Hoseok and Taehyung that get really worried about it right?” He demanded. Namjoon nodded emphatically. “It’s because snake hybrids are oviparous.” He grinned at Namjoon’s confused look, before waving a hand and leaning back. “Look it up later. Right now, we have a problem.” He sighed.
“What? Did Chen switch auction sights? What’s wrong?” Namjoon demanded, straightening up. Jaebum shook his head, eyes downcast as he tapped his cup.
“No. Chen is auctioning off two hybrids this time. Not one. And again, it’s going to be after all the normal guests have left and only the . . . questionable ones remain.” Namjoon cursed. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. Jaebum could easily afford two hybrids, he could probably buy up to twenty of them. The problem was, at these types of auctions you were only allowed one. And Namjoon couldn’t call anyone last minute like this, everyone would be booked. Which left him. He could see on Jaebum’s face that the other man fully expected him to come. Namjoon winced slightly.
“I promised Yoongi I would have a thorough talk with everyone before I rescued another hybrid.” He mumbled. Jaebum laughed, leaning back.
“And that very same day he called Jackson and called you the cutest dork in the history of dorks and said and I quote ‘Namjoon is lead by his heart. I can’t wait until I see who he brings home this time. But the sentiment was nice.’” Namjoon blinked owlishly, he supposed he should be offended by his boyfriends complete lack of faith in him, but wasn’t he proving him right? Here he was, about to go and get another hybrid from the brink of a truly horrible fate.
“Wow.” He snorted, Jaebum leaned forward expectantly and Namjoon grumbled, rolling his eyes as he pulled out his phone. “At least let me call him, Jesus, I should at least pretend that I feel guilty.” He grumbled. Jaebum smiled. The phone was barely ringing for ten seconds before a happy voice chirped out.
“Joonie! Joonie are you coming home? When? Can I have some strawberries?” It was Hoseok. Namjoon blinked before snorting.
“Um, no I’m not coming home just yet Hobi.” A faint whine of protest. “And ask Jin about the strawberries. Also, may I talk to Yoongi please?” He smiled. Jaebum grinned across the table. There was a small huff of disappointment and some shuffling before Yoongi’s soft yet deep voice filtered through the phone.
“You’re going with Jaebum to the auction aren’t you?” Then before Namjoon could even draw in a breath to answer the mink hybrid continued in his perpetually bored voice that he always used over the phone. “Are we going to have another housemate by tonight? Do I need to arrange for Taehyung to stay over at Minho’s for a sleepover? You remember how much he scared Jimin right?” Namjoon blinked once again, carefully filing each question and processing them before answering.
“Hmm, yes I am going to the auction and maybe about the new house member, no to Taehyung though, I think he’s resolved his impulse issues a bit.” Hearing Yoongi’s quiet snort of derision he sighed. “Give Tae the benefit of the doubt, Yoons.”
“Namjoon I love him to the moon and back and literally every time I see him I just want to kiss his little face until he’s very red, but he has no impulse control whatsoever.” Hearing Namjoon’s silence Yoongi groaned. “Fine! But if he traumatizes the poor hybrid I’m blaming you.” Namjoon laughed softly at him, Tae alwaysmeant well, the dog hybrid could just come off a bit strong.
“You do that. I love you Yoongi, tell the others I love them with all of my heart yeah?” A lot of stammering ensued and Namjoon grinned, knowing fully that he had probably just seriously flustered Yoongi (casually saying I love you over the phone always seemed toget to the mink hybrid) and he barely made out the mumbled reply of “Wh-whatever dork.” Before Yoongi hung up. Namjoon sat the phone down with another fond smile and began casually sipping on his tea lost in thought about the new hybrid and puzzling over what type of stuff he’d need for him/her when Jaebum spoke.
“So your coming?” He demanded. Namjoon nodded. “Great, I’ll pick you up at six p.m. sharp so don’t be late, dress casual but in obviously expensive clothes. You know the drill.”
Indeed Namjoon did.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
— 7:00 PM —
The auction began like any other auction fe rich people looking for a cute hybrid. Namjoon and Jaebum, both dressed in plain yet elegant suits were lead to their specific table in a wide well furnished room with a lovely stage that sellers would bring the hybrids out on to auction. No alcohol was given out, as that was highly illegal. Namjoon knee it would be served once the main guests were gone and the front of the auction was over allowing nastier people to come out and sell. Only a select few would be allowed to stay for that and Namjoon and Jaebum were of those few.
The first Hybrid was a a child. She looked around five or six, which meant she was three in human years, and she was a canary hybrid. Her master forced her to sing in a beautiful high pitched tinkling voice that would only get better with age. She sold for four million won.
After her came a bear, then a cow, then a lizard. All of them began to blend together and it wasn’t until he was signing his papersthat said he would remain anonymous that Namjoon knew the true event was starting. He sighed the paper without fear. Knowing full and well that Jaebum’s friend who went by Woozi, had hacked in and changed two or three words in the packet so that he could safely audio record.
He waited. Chen was one of the more known Hybrid Slave traffickers, he would be showing his hybrids close to last if not last. Namjoon just had to survive this and then he’d be able to bury these bastards. He took a deep breath and forced himself to watch as a small male badger hybrid was dragged in chains onstage with a heavy collar and forced to neel. He blocked out what the salesman was saying, instead focusing on those pitiful brown eyes and the watery nose. Forcing himself to commit the hybrid to memory. The one that he wouldn’t be saving tonight. The police would hopefully find him by tomorrow evening after Jaebum and Namjoon turned in their work. But it still hurt, watching the badger let loose a choked cry as he was bought by a hybrid breeder. Submissive males were always swooped up like that.
He forced himself to watch and remember each hybrid, each face. Each perfectly innocent person, not quite human not quite animal forever abused. He was infinitely relieved when it was announced.
“Next up is Chen with a submissive Arctic fox hybrid.” The announcer bragged. A tiny fox with large doe eyes was dragged up on stage by the man Namjoon so loathed and he barely heard Jaebum whisper, “I got him.” beside him through the raging in his ears and cottony taste in his mouth. Unlike the other hybrids the fox looked not scared, but tired. Defeated almost. As if he didn’t have any hope or joy left in his life.
He slumped quietly, ears twitching and flicking back and forth, his hair was a soft brown and thin, as was his tail. Namjoon knew that come winter the arctic foxes hair and fur would be a lot thicker and shimmering white. He could feel Jaebum continuously raising his sign signifying that he was a competitor. It upped the agression for the hybrid and made more people bet, which in turn, drove up the numbers. But eventually Jaebum was the only one left betting with another man.
He got the fox hybrid for ten million won. Namjoon’s eye twitched at the way the fox closed his eyes and shuddered slightly before dipping his head as Jaebum made his way back to where he would be filling out official documents and inserting an ownership identification chip into the hybrid. Namjoon wouldn’t do the chip part until he got the hybrids explicit consent. Consider it a pet pieve but if the hybrid he was about to get wanted to leave Namjoon would let him. He would only own a hybrid that gave him consent to being owned.
Chen himself took the microphone from the announcer this time.
“This next Hybrid is my work of art people. His parents were a dominant male black mamba hybrid and a submissive Red Rex female bunny hybrid.” Namjoon blinked in confusion. “As you all are probably well aware, breeding to hybrids with different sub base animals results in a hybrid that looks strange when compared to other hybrids of his kind, whether it be mismatched eyes or strange animal features. Please bring out Jeongguk, submissive male bunny hybrid mix breed!” Chen yelled gleefully. The room stirred, while Namjoon’s guy tightened with worry.
Bunny hybrids were pretty common in themselves, they and cat hybrids were the most common hybrids around. Almost all bunny hybrids had small box like body structures with ridiculously fluffy hair and normally black ears that stuck up proudly from their heads and twitched around depending on thei moods.
The hybrid that was dragged up on stage looked close to hyperventilating. He was dressed in form fitting shorts and a white tank top that revealed a thin slightly gangly structure that actually reminded Namjoon of Taehyung quite a bit. The hybrid seemed to possess all the good features of bunnies and none of the bad. With a slightly large nose and large front teeth, delicate cheekbones which hinted at his fathers blood and wife innocent doe eyes that were shelling with unshared tears. His hair was a dark brown with streaks of light brown and black in it giving him a mottled look. But what really grabbed the audiences attention was his ears. They were long, and unlike literally almost every other bunny hybrid, floppy, a soft golden/brown. But while everyone gasped overhow beautiful the hybrid was, Namjoon just saw the frightened gaze, the way his hands twitched in his chains and his red tear streaked cheeks that would probably be more on the babyish/chubby side once he wasn’t skin and bones. He noticed that the ends of the hybrids ears had a antibiotic cream rubbed into viscous looking sores as if the hybrid was constantly chewing or sucking on his ears.
Namjoon began the bidding. He refused to let anyone else have this little hybrid. It was like looking into Hoseok’s eyes when he was first rescued all over again, a mix of fear, pain and confusion. He was adamant. He quickly nicked over half the people out of the running and continued on ruthlessly, well aware that the money wasn’t anywhere near too expensive for him yet, and it wouldn’t be until he reached the high billions.
“Fifty -five million won!” The anouncer yelled as Namjoon raised his sign. He glanced around, seeing the disappointed looks around him and knew he’d won. “Going once! Twice! SOLD to number forty-seven please go to the back to fill out you right to ownership papers please sir! Have fun with your buy.”
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
So what did you think for a beginning chapter? It’s fun right? I figured Jungkook joining them would be a great place to start! Love you!
Feel free to ask any questions or point out any mistakes I’ve made! I tend to not proof read enough so constructive criticism is helpful!
Part Two to Bunny Breath is HERE
If you want to see the rest of my AU’s then please make your way to my Masterlist HERE
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Choose me pt.2 (G.D.)
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Summary: Two months have passed and things have certainly changed.
Warnings: angst, swearing
Word count: 1895
Choose Me - Masterlist
I barely spent any time with Grayson nowadays as he was always out with HER. It's been almost two months since their first date and they were official. It made my skin crawl, but there was nothing I could do. I was a friend, she was more to him. I wasn't okay with that, but I kept my mouth shut.
I never even met her, which isn't unusual with all the parties she and Grayson kept going to. I just missed him. I missed the guy who'd come by if he noticed even a slight change in the tone of my voice. He'd bring so much junk food and we'd watch cheesy movies all night, laughing away anything that might have influenced my mood.
To say that I've been struggling for the past two months would be an understatement. Ethan understood me, but I pushed him away. I didn't need someone to pity me, I needed Grayson to open his eyes and stop hurting me. I needed him to stop canceling our plans for dates with a girl who was obsessed, controlling and always pressured him. I saw less of him as each week went by, his smile wasn't even real anymore. What was he doing with her anyways?
From: Gray
Wanna hang out?
To: Gray
On my way.
I was happy he wanted to spend time with me, but I hated how easily I buckled. I wanted time away, to lick my wounds, let myself heal. I was still in ruins from that day and it was a lot harder building myself up without a best friend to lean on.
„I'm not in love with him. Nope. No way.“ I shook my head in denial, my bottom lip quivering.
„Yeah, you are. You weren't smitten off the bat, but you fell for him. That's why it hurts.“ Ethan reasoned with me and I pulled my knees closer to my chest.
„How did this happen?“ I whispered.
„You two spent a lot of time together..shared intimate things. It all screams 'love story about to happen'.“ Ethan pulled me into a side hug, resting his head on mine.
„You can't tell him!“ I pleaded, panicking about the possibility of Grayson finding out and rejecting me. I couldn't lose him.
„It's not my secret to tell. You should.“ He said and my eyes widened.
„You're crazy. This isn't some teenage movie where one falls in love with her best friend and fights for his attention with a blonde, popular chick and wins. It's real life. She's a model. I lose. That's how things work.“ I muttered bitterly.
„I think if you were to fight for him, there would be no contest.“
Ethan's words have kept me awake for many nights, overthinking, planning, but I wasn't brave enough to do this. Especially after their date turned into a relationship. I got to their house and took my keys out to enter, but it felt a little odd to use the keys after I've been away for so long. Those keys insinuated a bond greater than we had at the moment, so I opted for a knock on the door.
Soon enough, the door swung open and I was met with the guy I couldn't stop thinking about. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his left hand rubbing the back of his neck, a pensive smile on his lips.
„Why'd you knock? You have a key.“ He stated and I almost choked on my saliva.
„I forgot them?“ I said, but it sounded more like a question than a statement and he saw that. Thankfully, he didn't ask more questions and we went inside.
„How have you been?“ Grayson asked and I shrugged.
„Good. You?“ Why was this so awkward? We're best friends, not strangers exchanging pleasantries!
„Good. Uh, I hope you don't mind, but Amber showed up. You two could finally meet!“ He suddenly exclaimed and I screamed internally.
„Great!“ I faked excitement and plastered a, hopefully believable, smile on my face. I did not want to meet her! I did not want to be around them! It was hard enough with him even mentioning her, let alone being in the same room with them.
I followed him to their backyard and there she was, in a bikini, on a towel, in all her glory. She was stunning, that much was true. Her bleach blonde hair was long and wavy, practically glowing in the sunlight. She had zero back fat, her ass was to die for and her legs went on for miles. It was all I could see as she laid on her stomach soaking up the sun, which she seemed to do a lot as her tan was on point, as well.
„Amber, babe, I want you to meet someone!“ Grayson called out for her and she groaned a little before getting up. I saw that she was annoyed, but once her eyes focused on me, she smiled like I was her favorite candy and all but ran to us. Her eyes were emerald green, freckles decorating her face, with dimples that made her look younger than she was. She was taller than me, towering over just like Grayson.
She pecked his lips twice, making sure to make the second one a little longer than it needed to be. I didn't want them to notice I was bothered by it, but I had to look away before I screamed.
„Babe, this is Y/N, my best friend.“ Grayson introduced me and I gave her a small wave, not wanting to touch her.
„Oh, so that's the girl you're always going on and on about?“ She teased, but I noticed her voice wasn't quite chipper, more like poison laced with sugar. That was the first flaw I noticed on her, her pitchy voice. I was glad there was something about her that lacked perfection as I knew Grayson wasn't fond of pitchy, screaming girls. I wondered how that worked out for him in the bedroom.
„Is that so?“ I teased him, keeping my eyes on the girl.
„Oh, yeah. He's always talking about how Y/N does this, how Y/N does that. It's just adorable.“
I saw through her fake sweetness, she was clearly jealous. I wonder why, because he dropped me the moment she came into the picture.
��That's funny, because I didn't realize he knew I existed.“ I remarked and noticed the way she put her arm around him, her hand landing on his ass. It made me sick to my stomach and I wanted nothing more than to get away from them.
„What do you mean?“ Grayson stepped in and looked at me in confusion. Boy, was he clueless.
„It's a joke, Grayson. Where's your sense of humor?“ I said, sarcasm evident in my voice to anyone who listened carefully.
„Honey, can you get us some lemonade? Pleaseeee?“ She whined and I had to resist an urge to cover my ears. Damn, she was annoying! Grayson broke eye contact and nodded, promptly leaving the two of us alone.
„Listen here, Y/N. Grayson is my man, got that? So keep your grabby hands off him or I'll make you pay!“ She threatened, her face morphing into a little monster I never knew a girl like her could be.
„Seriously? What is this, a chick flick? I'm not after Grayson.“ I said looking at my nails, ignoring the steaming pile of girlishness before me.
„I may be bleach blonde, but I ain't dumb. I see the way you look at him. More importantly, I'm tired of hearing your name. This isn't going to work out in your favor. Beautiful people like G. and I herd together, it's only natural. You aren't on the same level as us. Forget about him, or I’ll make it happen myself.“ She spat those insults in my face hoping I'd break, but I refused to give her the satisfaction. How did Grayson end up with someone like this? A guy who had a heart of gold with a snake underneath her beautiful glow?
„The correct term would be I'm not dumb...as for the whole string of insults, I'm not an insecure little girl who would break at any little thing a mean girl says to me. I'm not scared of you, but I am tired of hearing your squeaky little voice. It's actually a lot like a toy for little kids and dogs, you know, just squeeze any of them and you'll hear how you sound.“ I remark, unaware of the audience we had.
„Oh, honey, did you hear how she spoke to me?! I can't believe this is the same amazing Y/N you spoke of.“ She wailed like a little bitch and I almost jumped at her.
„Why did you just insult her?“ Grayson asked, almost like he was out of breath. He glared at me, his jaw clenched and muscles tensed up.
„You didn't hear the whole story.“ I tell him, but he narrows his eyes at me and I knew right then and there that I lost this fight, him along with it.
„But, you won't hear that. You wouldn't believe me anyways..“ I shake my head, biting my lower lip, pulling it into my mouth. I rummage through my bag and find the keys to the house, slamming them on the table next to me.
„It was good while it lasted. Goodbye, Grayson.“ I tell him as I watch Amber smirk subtly.
I turn around and walk out the back door, refusing to pass next to them. My entire body was shaking, each step I took pulling me closer to the edge of breaking. In a moment, just one moment, I lost him forever...
„Hey, wait!“ Ethan grabbed my arm, pulling me into his chest, but I pushed him away, hard.
„Don't! Okay? Just, don't!“ I yelled out, holding back tears that were due any second now.
„What? So, this is it? You’re just going to leave? No fight, nothing?“ He questioned, angry with my resignation.
„He chose her! He believed what she said without listening to me! I saw it in his eyes! It's clear where his heart is! I've been denying it for months..he barely spends any time with me anymore! He doesn't answer texts or calls and when I got one from him today, I just..I thought maybe we could get back to being friends again. I thought...Look, it doesn't matter anymore. He doesn't feel the same way, not even as a friend. I can't keep breaking my own heart. I need to leave to save my own sanity. I'll be here if you need me, just give me some time first, okay?“ I ask and Ethan shakes his head, his hands on his hips.
„You're giving up on everything, because you're scared to take a risk. It's your choice, not his. He doesn't even know he has options, Y/N! If he did, he might not be so keen on staying with that long-legged chihuahua.“ Ethan says and I couldn't hold back a giggle as tears streamed down my face.
„You hear it, too?“ I said between giggles and he laughed too.
„She's not you. She never will be.“ Ethan pulls me in for a hug and I let him give me some comfort before pulling away.
„Thank you.“ I kiss his cheek and walk away.
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fearingtwd · 6 years
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Family Ties (Nick Clark Imagine)
request: Can you write a Nick Clark x reader when the reader finds out she’s pregnant after he dies
warnings: angst, major character death :(
masterlist
You couldn’t breathe. 
It was as if the air was sucked right out of your lungs, or maybe one of them collapsed. Maybe you were dying too. It wasn’t so long ago you were tending to the garden with Nick in the baseball diamond you called home. So much had gone wrong since then. So much. 
Nick was dying. You were looking at him taking his final breaths while Alicia was sobbing and Strand was trying to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding, but everyone knew it was just too late. 
You watched it happen, your entire body trembling, your eyes watering. But you weren’t crying. You were in shock. You were confused.  You were in love with him and he was just... gone. 
Alicia cried against his lifeless body for a little longer before he was buried in the Middle Of Nowhere, Texas. You wouldn’t even have the luxury of visiting him everyday. 
Strand suddenly invited himself to take a seat next to you, but you didn’t bother reacting. 
“You haven’t cried, Y/N. You need to cry. You need to grieve,” he explained gently. 
You shook your head. “No. If I.... This isn’t real. None of this is real. It can’t be.” 
He let out a loud sigh. “You have to deal with it.” 
“I can’t.” And with that you got up and walked away. 
When you began feeling lethargic in the coming days, you thought it was your body eating you alive for not coping with Nick’s death. When you puked, you thought it was because you ate something that wouldn’t sit well in your near-empty stomach. 
Althea kept watching you from the corner of her eye. Every time you looked at her, she was staring. 
When you finally told her to piss off, she pulled you aside. “Nick was your boyfriend, right?” 
“Yes. Don’t say his name. You didn’t know him,” you spoke bitterly, feeling your eyes already beginning to water over. 
She pursed her lips, appreciating your sincere lack of diplomacy. “It’s not my place to pry, but did you ever consider that you’re not actually sick?” 
You scoffed, unable to fathom the audacity coming from this chick you barely knew. “I feel like shit right now. If I’m not sick, then what am I?” 
“Pregnant,” she suggested softly. 
When your jaw dropped slightly and you felt like you couldn’t breathe again, she knew she was on to something. You quickly worked out the timeline in your head, realized you hadn’t gotten your period in a long time, and it made sense based on the last time that you and Nick were intimate. You rushed away from her, feeling a bit faint. 
Alicia was in a dark place. She wasn’t speaking. She wouldn’t look at anybody. She seemed empty inside, and rightfully so.
But you weren’t. Physically, anyway. You always thought about what it would be like to have a family, especially with Nick. And now... he wouldn’t even be there to be a father. You knew he’d be a great dad. 
That was when you began hysterically crying, nearly screaming in agony. You could picture a white picket fence and late nights on the front porch swing with Nick after tucking in the kids. You would never get that. Not even a twisted post-apocalyptic version of it. Your body was shaking as you sobbed. Strand comforted you, holding you close and you cried into his shoulder. You bawled until your head was pounding and you puked again from the stress your body has been through. Your chest was physically aching from the loss you were finally allowing yourself to deal with. 
“Can we stop by a pharmacy soon?” you asked the group, wiping snot away from your nose not caring how disgruntled you probably appeared. You’d all been through absolute hell. Nobody was judging. In fact, they were all looking at you like you were a basket case and you hated that you felt like one. 
“What for?” Morgan questioned, feeling truly sorry about what happened with Nick. 
“A pregnancy test.” 
Alicia’s head lifted and she glanced at you with wide eyes. 
“I think I might be....” your voice, completely hoarse from all of the blubbering, trailed off. You took a deep breath and tried to explain again. “I think I might be having a baby.” 
“It explains the nausea,” Althea chimed in in an attempt to catch everybody up tp speed. 
Alicia leaned forward a little bit, completely lacking life behind her eyes. “It’s... It’s his?” 
Even though you felt completely cried out, tears welled once again. You nodded to answer her question that you knew she already knew the answer to. She put her head in her hands. Everybody was quiet. 
Nick wouldn’t be there to go through this pregnancy with you, and you were scared shitless. If you survived all three trimesters, would you survive childbirth? Would the baby even survive? What if it turned inside of you? Your mind was racing and all you wanted to do was just hold his hand for comfort. Just holding his hand was all you needed. But you would never get to touch him again. You would never feel his warm, calloused hands against your soft skin ever again. 
The tears trailing down your cheeks grabbed your attention. You wiped them away, sniffled, and promptly sat beside Alicia. You two needed each other now more than ever. 
“It feels like... It feels like it’s over, like we lost everything,” you said quietly, sounding so incredibly drained. “Like, what’s the point if he’s not here? How do we keep going? I always wanted to be a mom, but not like this.” You were barely keeping yourself together, not wanting to upset her more than she already was. “Alicia, if I really am pregnant - and I just have this horrible feeling I am - I can’t do it alone.”
She finally looked up at you and after a moment of silence she gave a slight nod. You knew this meant she was there for you in any way that you needed her. 
Despite how hopeless and scared and utterly broken you felt, this baby was a part of Nick and you were going to do everything you could to protect it since you couldn’t protect him. 
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iceamericanoventi · 6 years
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Blank Space - Chapter 12
Part 11
———————
Boys only want love if it's torture Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn ya
Eighty seven. Eighty eight. Eighty nine.
What day is it again? He kept both eyes shut; it doesn’t seem to have any difference at this moment. All is pitch black, sunrise looks like midnight and the dawn appears like an eternity without any sheer of light. Last night, he has another weird dream, a term he agreed with himself to call it as a replacement for nightmare. It’s not frightening, it’s just odd.
In that dream he was standing in an undefined vast space full of shadow passing by and among those absurd creatures he caught a smile. Just smile, as if it’s floating on the air instead of belong to particular face. The smile was familiar for the Jinki in his dream. However, the sober Jinki could never tell who that is which stressed him way too far for a merely form of hallucination.
He stirred under the blanket. The uncomfortable weight of the mounds of cotton forced him to kick the poor duvet. Too heavy, it just flopped back to its position, only to irritate him even further. Palms pressed to his face, he wished the instant friction on the skin washed over the weariness.
But of course he could only wish.
Ninety. Ninety one. Ninety two.
There’s a slight crack on the wooden beams on his ceiling that he noticed just now. After he gave up and checked the life rotating around him. He then wondered, for how long the crack has been there. And how come it didn’t catch his attention before today? Random calculation of the bending moment and load combination suddenly came up inside his twisted mind, occupy the vacant space he’s been neglecting these past weeks.
He blinks, one and two. His vision’s projecting the same image, hypnotizing in a way, hinting a pinch of motion sickness as a precaution. The crack’s there, still, visually concerning, but seemed like it doesn’t bother the whole structure supporting the floor above. From down there, the crack is simply filling the gap, completing the entire system.
He wished the crack in his heart is as static as that. But of course, he could only wish.
Ninety three. Ninety four. Ninety five.
Distorted and obscure, that’s how everything’s pictured behind his closed back eyes. The timeline of his memory is jumbled, it’s patchy at the edge and fragmented inside and out. How it happened, he couldn’t tell. But how it felt, he had at least half of the dictionary to complain about it. About how unfair it is, about how agonizing it is.
One moment in life, he’s seeing how happy Gwiboon talked about his corny jokes which deadly annoying but actually helping her dealing with the pressure of the fashion week at the same time. Any other second, he went red when the fraction of his memory flashed, force him to dredge up how he screamed directly to her face like a mad man, asking what kind of joke she was pulling out. She said she desperately wants to spend their bubble together, a little longer, until the day turns week, and week turns months. Then again she also stormed out the room on the next day, all drenched and broken, mimicking the same hazard occurred inside his chest.
Gwiboon is more than a crush, more than a fling, more than a good catch he discovered across the field. He wished she wasn’t.
But of course, again, he could only wish.
Ninety six. Ninety seven.
Men can only wish, the sky, at the end, would be the one who decide was it worth to be granted or not. He spent a whole night in secluded beach, a hideout place he learnt from his grandfather, screaming to the far high sky, but the wound unfastened wider. At some point he admits, he was partly responsible. He wanted – and loved – the idea of a relationship, but terribly in fear for the actual relationship.
What’s bad for being in a relationship? You idiot, Lee Jinki! He cursed silently, for the thousand times already this week. That if he didn’t count words spilled out his mouth when he was unconscious.    
Ninety eight. Ninety nine.
Jinki can list at least ten reasons in less than five minutes why he didn’t pull his ass together and man up telling Gwiboon his feeling instead dropping some barricade with the whole being-casual-and-let’s-not-put-any-label-on-it shenanigans. And out of those ten reasons, none of them because of something that Gwiboon did. Or feel.
After all, he has no heart to blame her.
Hundred.
***
It’s easy to put a mask around the house, especially with a father who’s that busy and a mother who recently found a new hobby in her flower arrangement club. Unfortunately, not when a little devil descendant like Lee Taemin is actually present.
Jinki is about to go out, suffocated inside his room and suddenly feeling skimpy with just helplessly cuddling his pillow. He finally charged his phone and took his iPod out from the dock. While the other family members are somewhere scattered between living room and the kitchen, he managed to take a very quick shower and put on some presentable clothes.
Today, he opted to pick brown-maroon sweater, attempt to distinguish his feeling after last week his Mom was complaining about all the black dirty laundry he piled up making her doubling the effort doing the laundry since she had to separate all those clothes to not ruin each other. He snatched pair of jeans carelessly and as if all the constellations are lined up to pinch a joke on him, it happened to be the cropped jeans Kim Gwiboon decided to put her magic on it a while ago.
“Do you like the idea of me making you clothes?”
Jinki looked up for just a second before focused back on the contemporary art book on his hands, “What does that supposed to mean? Sounds really domestic on my ears just now.”
“Oh, please. I just asked permission, like, is it okay if I spice up your wardrobe a little bit?”
“I don’t think I need any.. but if you insisted, then I guess it’s okay. Your hands wouldn’t do something disastrous anyway.”
“Good. Because I already did,” she handed him back the jeans she stole from his wardrobe few days before, “Your jeans are all the same and I noticed you kept wearing the same ones over and over again I almost sure if I assessed it a little bit more attentively I would find holes at some point. That’s boring and I don’t want my man’s boring. So give that a try and thank me later.”
He looked himself at the mirror, his eyes struck on both his ankle when the end of the jeans hanging with jumbled strain of threads, the vivid evidences that once, Kim Gwiboon existed in his dull life. To entertain his boring life.
Boring.
Yeah, maybe that’s why she left me, because I’m boring, Jinki thought.
He thought she would be forever, they would be forever, because finally Jinki thought he found someone who leveled very well with his obduracy without coercing themselves too far. Turned out, this time is not any different with the previous relationship that he head, got his hope high then spitted out back to the earth right on the top of rocky valley. Not like the thing he had with Gwiboon could be entitled a relationship anyway. He wouldn’t dare to call it that.
If only I could muster up some courage back then and just asked her out in a very proper way, I would feel so much worthier than merely a fuck buddy.
He pocketed the car keys, inhaled a very deep breath, practiced his auto-reply smile before exited his dungeon. And there he is, waiting by the corner of the breakfast island, the devious Lee Taemin who’s always up to roast his own brother.
“Oh, hello universe. The grad student is finally showed up! Congratulation!! We need to celebrate this very soon! Should I buy some champagne?”
Jinki kicked the stool where he sit furiously before poured himself a good amount of orange juice, the bright yellow liquid vanished in less than thirty seconds.
“I heard from your Mom, Buddy. Finally, you’re going.”
“It’s not in anytime soon, Dad. I just got accepted. Barely finish my final project here.”
“But you can still take the long distance single course for the first semester right?”
His father had been busy coming back and forth among Seoul, Tokyo, and London. There wouldn’t be any chance left for him to go through in his courting mode and interviewing his mother because the woman would shower him with the story of her new club before he could ask anything.
“Who told you that?”
“Your brother.”
He shot a glare to Taemin who stopped middle air from shoving a piece of taco to his mouth, “Don’t blame me. That man come to me with new pair of shoes, of course I surrendered.”
“That man is your father!” his mother slapped the back of his head which attained an annoying squeal from the youngest son.
“I am worried a little bit about you, Jinki.”
There’s a reason why his father now became a very famous attorney. His instinct works beyond human shield.
“Don’t be, Dad. I will be fine. It’s just too handful a bit now, with the final project, preparation, and also adjust the online course and everything.”
“If only you picked London, I have lots of acquaintance there who can actually help you.”
“That’s in some measure, the reason why I picked Chicago. Too many people we know in London, Dad, they might judge as well while stretching a helpful hand. Besides, it was my first choice since the bachelor but the beautiful lady over there was begging like a toddler seven years ago for me not to go there too early. I won’t give up my dream twice.”
Thanks to cousin Minjung and her obsession on NBA when they’re in the grade school. Whenever she visited, she gushed about this Chicago Bull’s to the siblings and triggered a very young Jinki to go to his father’s library and checking some books about the place along the Lake Michigan. Soon enough, he fell for the Windy City and dreamed to move and work as an architect there.
“And yet, see how stubborn you grew up into. So much effort I pulled to keep you grounded next to me. At the end you’d flee away still.”
“You better go sooner or she reenacted the same scene again, Buddy,” his father winked to him, knowing Jinki would be at least smiling on it.
“Roger that, Pops! I’m going!”
Taemin looks dejected on his seat, this is the first time since forever Jinki’s finally leaving his sanctuary that he’s witnessing and he didn’t even pay attention to him. Is he okay? Did he find another girl already? Taemin is way more worried than he used to be.
“Where?! For a date?! Why?! How?! With whom?! Why did you leave me here?! Why didn’t you say anything to me?! Dude!”
“Stop the commotion right there, Lee Taemin. I called Junghee this morning both of you are going with me to shop for my next club gathering.”
“Why on earth you called her?! And how do you know her number?! Mom!!”
The scene left Jinki shaking his head and chortling, somehow, a bit of pleasant feeling occupied his hollow core. That might be the one he would be missing so much when he’s alone abroad. However, the excitement of finally leaving all the traces screaming Gwiboon’s name whenever he turned is all that he can think about now and then. What a perfect excuse. He can’t wait to run away from every single memory of her in this house, this town, this time zone that had been hunted him ever since she asked him not to see each other anymore.
***
Jinki stood right at the check-out desk, dropped his favorite red bean buns and pulled out the wallet from his back pocket. The first thing greeted him when he opened it was the silly picture of him and Gwiboon they took one day at the photo box near Jinki’s favorite arcade because it was suddenly pouring hard. He still has no gut to throw it out because deep down he realized when he took it out, when he finally took it out, it means he needs to let it go everything and he hasn’t down for it any closer yet.
“That’s all?”
The question of the boy in front of him breaks the bubbles inside his head. Jinki’s eyes went pass him and caught the rack full of cigarettes behind. How tempting in so many ways.
“Yeah. That’s it.”
He opened the wrap immediately he stepped out the mart and decided to get his caffeine intake across the street. The café seems not that full, maybe I can still find some blind spot at the corner.
“Jinki?”
A calm voice intrigued his consciousness. He looked around for a while until a woman with short blonde hair is intruding his personal view more.
“Amber, right?”
“Yeah. I thought I called the wrong person.”
“How so? Do I look different with his hair?” Jinki jokingly pointed to his choppy hair. He attempted to cut it by himself last week since he didn’t want to go to his regular barber shop, the man over there would talk nonstop and that was the last thing he desired. The result as everyone can see, was beyond awful. Let’s just all be relieved that his hair grows in the speed of light.
“A little bit,” Amber chuckled seeing how his hair seemed done by a blind person, “But mostly because you look tired.”
Jinki laughed, but not really laughing, “Just woke up and drove here. Stay up late for the final project. How are you?”
Of course he lied, who wants to turn the situation into an awkward moment by blurted out how messed up they’re currently?
“I’m good! Quite busy at the studio but that means we’re growing. So I’m not really complaining.”
“Sounds great.”
Sounds annoying. Why can’t other people as miserable as me?
“Totally,” she looks very pumped and Jinki felt so bad for not reacting with the same level of excitement, “And how is it going with you?”
“Busy but not, bored but not, just.. so so.. you know?” Jinki snorted, tad nervous with such a simple question.
“Ah, I know.. it must be difficult for you as well.”
“As well? I thought the studio’s doing great. You’re going through something?”
Guess it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time having his personality. Being born Jinki, he can’t just ignored people’s feeling even though he knew he’s not in the current capacity to help.
“No, no, yeah, I’m great, studio, factory, all is well. I mean besides Gwiboon.. it must be hard time for you too, you know… with all this situation.”
Jinki doesn’t remember he told anyone what happened between him and the girl. Not even Taemin actually, but that kid was probably a CIA in his previous life Jinki didn’t find the necessity to tell him, nonetheless he would still just come up with some weird ideas to cheer his brother up.
Like the other day, suddenly stack of Mars appeared on his side of fridge – yes, he has his own territory inside that place because once their mother got rid of something belong to him, he exploded like a land mine. Or suddenly, chicken bucket greeted him by the corner of his desk when he came back home almost four in the morning.
But besides that, he kept everything inside. Not any single word of her came out from him after that day. She must have gone to Amber to unload her heart and narrate some stuff about them.
“What can I say?” He sent her small smile but it looks bitterer than the last pills he took for his migraine two days ago.
“I’m sorry, for both of you, really. It’s always hard to choose when it comes for this kind of crossroad, even a very smart one can be the most indecisive human being on earth. I was in her position before. In my case though, I was so much more hardheaded than Gwiboon, that way it was easier for me to leave everything behind. Gwiboon was still nice enough to think about other people around her. Her brother, you, and even her crazy parents who don’t even care. You may already know how hard her father is to his children.”
Hard to choose? Between what? Father? Why suddenly she brought up her father when Gwiboon herself never talked about the said man? Not even Jonghyun who had been friend with him longer than his sister.
“I still remember she ruck-sacked my office all tears and snots rambling about she doesn’t mind throwing herself under the bus as long as she can stay here and not being sent to the states. Poor girl.”
Sta—wait, what?
He thought he knew Gwiboon, this new found though, completely confused him to the staple. After a very quick self-deliberation, he decided to play along and stay chill. Jinki’s afraid Amber would realize she did something she’s banned to and just left the conversation hanging on the air while Jinki finally can grasp the whole portrait of the puzzle Gwiboon left behind.
“Ah she told you that?”
For Jinki that was a pure question, with a tint of hope Amber would leak some circumstances a little bit more. However for Amber, she heard that as a response of bemusement as if Gwiboon not supposed to tell anyone that and kept it only between her and Jinki.
“I am really sorry. She didn’t want to say anything at first, but I guess I was too pushy and it happened that she just couldn’t handle it by herself anymore. Her dre—“
Amber’s phone beeped before she could finish her sentence. She excused herself to check the message and immediately glancing to her wrist, unpleasant air’s very evident on her face.
“Jinki, it was really nice stumbled into you. The work is calling, though, so.. if you don’t mind..”
“Ah, yeah. Of course. Sorry I was holding you here. Thanks for the quick catch up.”
“You take care, okay?”
“I will. See you around, Amber!”
Within a minute, Amber already leaving the side of the street they were standing. Jinki felt the need of caffeine boiling inside him is just got tripled.
***
Jinki accomplished simple tasks by eleven in the morning. He changed his sheets, almost one months later – finally, his mother almost burn the filthy mattress together with it, he made himself a good cup of coffee and grilled cheese, and now started to make trial renders for his interior proposal of his final project.
He put aside his ego and locked it at the corner of the back of his head after he met Amber and of course a long drive to his grandfather graveyard only to eat two whole chicken bucket while talking to his headstone. He obviously earned very weird and awkward gazes from the other people who happened visiting their beloved ones but he didn’t mind even slightly, because at the end of the day he’s convinced, at least Gwiboon left not completely because him.
Another reason is because his professor sent him an email reminded him if he still desired to graduate by the next batch, he needs to submit 50% of the final material no later than the next week. Therefore, the reasonable part of Jinki strangled the overly sensitive and emotional self to the ground and chained him for their own good.
And of course the last part was only happened inside his head but who cares? He finally managed to control his adrenaline by eating one kilogram of avocado for each meal yesterday. Healthy or unhealthy, the people in his house could only judge. With the amount of obstinacy he owned, nobody’s able to change anything.
“Jinx, you got a package,” Taemin trespassed the door on ease knowing he’s currently having the upper hand in the house after seeing the effect of his tattle tale nature on Jinki, “Did you order something?”
“I ordered pork stew and some soondae two minutes ago but I don’t think it would come this fast and I’m pretty sure they came in different container.”
“Funny,” Taemin dropped the small brown box on his desk, “I went to the mailbox to check my shoes but I found it instead.”
“You do have some shoes fetish, don’t you?”
“So what can I do if Reebok just released its new classic edition? Sleeping soundly at night knowing thousands people out there sporting the goods while I can only dream about it? Do you want to see the world burnt? Hell no!”
Jinki’s taken aback with the sudden outburst he didn’t expect. Those shoes must cost him such fortune, he shrugged and reached the package.
“Who sent this?”
“How would I know?”
Jinki assessed the wrapper, it does have the stamp of the courier company, so it must be sent through mail. But oddly enough, they let this package passed with no name or address from the sender was written on it. And lately, he didn’t order anything besides food. Or taxi, when the other day Taemin was sneaky enough being an asshole by taking his car to go on a date.
“You brought anonymous package inside my room? How could you? Don’t go anywhere until I opened it!”
Taemin wasn’t planning to go out soon anyway, but the shrieking voice released from Jinki’s mouth was insulting his pride enough.
“What? Did Mom finally rub you off too hard? You sounded exactly like her just now! And it was just a ridiculous package! Might be from your fans who finally found our address!”
“Might be a bomb as well! If this one exploded, I’m taking you with me!”
“Did you even hear yourself? Who do you think you are? President? Prince Harry? Bruno Mars?”
“Terrorism doesn’t own GPS nor common sense!”
“Neither do you!” he dropped himself to Jinki’s mattress after he couldn’t find any leftover of candies Jinki used to have here and there on his bookshelf, “Who knows it would be just fans gift like before? And who knows you don’t want it and I got to have that?”
Jinki finally realized the reason why his brother not leaving immediately after he dropped the good. It can’t be bad, this one went through the courier company scanning system, the worst he could get is a stupid prank from someone or like Taemin said, a gift from admirer.
“But I haven’t been on stage since God knows how long!”
“Jesus Christ, just open it for crying out loud! I’ll do it if you’re too scared!”
Taemin’s this close ripping Jinki’s pillow into two. Snickered lowly, he started peeling the wrapper only to find a fine maroon box with silver band tied it together. Once the content peeking through the opening Jinki made carefully, eruption of emotion burst under his skin.
Safely kept inside the box, all the Polaroid photos Gwiboon had been taking when they were together, she obsessed with Polaroid and could take three pictures at a time. The amount of love floating from the piles started to suffocate Jinki. They were happy, it’s started and ended in a disaster but they were happy.
He picked one where both of them doing stupid faces, it was in her studio where they spent the whole night working on their own deadlines. 3 AM, with the best companion ever, that’s how she wrote below.
‘When Jinki being an architect’
‘I had enough for today’
‘Coffee time’
‘Look at meeee’
‘He said I’m cute in this one’
‘The sweetest bunny’
‘Jinki’s number :)’
‘Can’t help but being sloth to him :P’
‘Winter Project’
‘He gives the best hug’
‘His baby carrot fingers :3’
‘How the sun looks when he’s sleepy’
‘Mine <3’
She left her message in almost every picture. And the last one nearly breaks the guard on his eyes. Mine, he brushes her cute hand writings, bitter smile adorned his gloomy face promptly. It was him, lips all red pursing like baby penguin, looks like he was arguing something and she didn’t miss the chance to frame his upset state.  
He doesn’t know her whereabouts, phone calls and texts he sent only reciprocated by the provider service messages telling him the number had been deactivated. Yet now, he received the only traces left of her, returned back to him, as if she tried getting rid the last footprints of him that she possessed. It’s saddening.
Jinki continued digging the pictures, grimace, smirk, smile, and frowns appeared one to another, enlightened Taemin – who kept his brother in check by the corner of his eyes – that it was some important package. One Polaroid however was purposely been stuck to the bottom of the box.
Gwiboon was smiling, so bright, angelic and mesmerizing, with Jinki glued to her side, nuzzling her cheek, grin splitting on his half face printed on it, so evident it hurts.
‘98258’
It stunned him immediately. Still in daze, the sound of Gwiboon’s voice mocking him and his fixation on oldie stuff is echoing so loud inside his head. That’s started with simple conversation of current fashion trend which brought back the vibe from 90s. One thing led to another, both of them spent the rest of the night in front of Jinki’s laptop checking how the youngster using beeper to send each other message back then. He was so excited when they found this website full of silly quizzes where you need to encrypt the hidden message behind those series of number.  And of course Gwiboon was annoyed because most of the time, it was Jinki who’s able to guess it correctly.
Even now.
“Taem.”
“Hmm?” he tried to act as nonchalant as possible but his ears perked so bad, desperately want to know what his brother is going to say.
“How do you know you love someone?”
He cocked his head to the side, just to found Jinki looking forlornly to the small box, “How do I know I love someone?”
“Did I ask the wrong person?” Jinki let out dry chuckle to ease Taemin.
“Ha. You may say so,” Taemin puffed the sides of the pillow under his head, “This may sound so pretentious and would make you cringed at some point, but I guess, nobody knows, Jinx. It’s not weather that you could forecast, not something that obvious as if you look at your window and be like crap-it’s-raining-outside. It’s just… happened. Some are lucky enough to be more aware than the other. Some are just too oblivious until the end, until they had the urge to invent the impossible time machine.”
“And some are just too dumb and chicken out when they realized they’re in love.”
“Were you in love?”
Jinki’s eyes fluttered close to the question, “I am.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
Silence fell once again between the two. Taemin’s digesting still all the unexpected confession he just heard while Jinki now stared blankly to the pile of Polaroid spread over the surface of his desk. Recollection brewed inside his head, somehow he’s quite proud, half awe-struck half regretted, how they managed to have this much memory in a very limited time. Indeed, time is just a concept, it’s all relative up to the point you desperately need to stretch one slice of its epoch.
“Sorry, I was disappointing with my stupid try-to-be-poetic answer. Never been in love before, never expected I’d be, but one thing I can say to you because you’re my brother and even though we’re not twins we have this scary gene connection which is too similar and I bet twins would questioning themselves once they acknowledge this, if you found yourself relating random tiny detail to certain someone, you might as well go for it, then.”
“Is that what happened with you?” Jinki timidly asked, afraid that Taemin could proof further how he missed his chance by assuming he knew what’s the best for him and Gwiboon for these past months.
“Do you realize that the color of your wood structure is exactly the same color of Junghee’s eyes under the sun? Of course you don’t. So, yeah, more or less, that’s what happened with me.”
His eyes locked to one of the photo. Gwiboon was smiling on it, hair pulled up into his favorite messy bun, one shoulder exposed to the sun flares seeping through his window and touched the glowing skin on it. She looked so serene, the most beautiful he had ever seen, because in this one, he could see the genuine Gwiboon under those rumors, those pointed fingers, those make ups, pretty clothing, cynical comments and cold surfaces she put as masks. She’s the Gwiboon who he fell for.
And his heart clenched for he still vividly recalled how he convinced Gwiboon to let him took that picture of her the minute she opened her eyes, the girl finally gave up after he threatened her he would withheld her favorite shower sex. Worked like magic back then.
And worked like poison now once he realized it’s simply a painful memory left he held tight.
“Can you do me a last favor?”
“Sounds erotic,” he yawned and ready to slither inside Jinki’s comforter, “Both of us knew very well it won’t be the last, but yeah, shoot it.”
***
The house is painted dusted blue, huge window pane by the right far covered with light grey curtain from the inside, preventing people to peek on what’s behind the glass. The porch is not that big, but enough to accommodate couple of wooden chair with small concrete table. There’s no vehicle present in the carport, only an old skateboard leaned to the white wall separating the house with the neighbor.
Jinki nervously double check his phone, reciting the address written on the screen to himself, then make sure the number there is the same with the one placed on the wall.
He has never been here before, clearly. He licks his dry lips for the nth time this morning and glanced to his watch. Ten minutes late. Damn you bridge construction, he mumbled. He’s debating whether he should make a call or just go press the ring bell.
At the end, after another minute delaying himself like a sweaty anxious provincial exam taker, he opted to the second one. Vaguely, he heard someone’s approaching, and the door in front of him swung open inside. A familiar face greeted him with small nod and smile.
“Took you longer than I expected.”
“Well, need some time to make a peace with everything, I guess? I asked your number to Taemin just yesterday.”
“Come on in, then.”
“Thanks, Minho.”
***
cross-posted on my AFF couple weeks ago :)
This one is purposely written to center on Jinki, and the universe rolling around him. I am excited but also quite sad that the next chapter will be the last one. Thank you for reading and following this story. Hopefully, you like this chapter and the upcoming one as well! As usual, I only wish for your happiness wherever you are! Comments are always welcome! XOXO
P.S.: do you know what’s the beeper message mean? Let me know if you can guess! :P
Final
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Title: Words That Water Flowers
Total word count: 8894 -> Chapter 6 word count: 3138
Chapters: 6
Chapter 6 summary:
Viraag (Hindi)- the emotional pain of being separated from a loved one
I choose marigolds to be Killua's flower because of this fanart and poem someone shared with me after the idea of a hanahaki au started to take shape. Marigolds represent despair and grief over the loss of love and the beauty and warmth of the rising sun, so its perfect for killugon! If you want more information on marigolds, check out this website!
You don't want to know how long it took me to edit this chapter. I have no idea why it was giving me such trouble but its over now *sighs*. I should be done with the next chapter for next weekend, but we shall see. I'll make a post if I have to push it back at all.
Thank you for all the love this story has received so far!!! You guys inspire me to keep writing :) thank you for reading~
Gon heard the whistle of air half a second before the ball crashed into his chest.
“Ooof!” He stumbled back a few steps, oxygen vanishing from his lungs, but by some miracle managed to keep his grip on the yellow and black striped ball.
“If you keep getting lost in thought, Gon,” said a booming voice. “I’ll aim the next one at your face.”
Gon grimaced. His chest ached dully where the ball had made contact, but he really wasn’t surprised by that. Everyone knew Razor had the strongest throw for miles around.
“You could’ve- ow- warned me,” Gon said with a wince as he rubbed one hand over his chest, right over his heart. “You know I can catch anything you throw at me.”
Razor’s already broad smile widened. “It’s your job to pay attention to what I do and say. I told you the first day you got here, I won’t go easy on you. Especially after what your father told me.”
Ging, Gon thought, lips twisting.
Ging was Gon’s father in name only. Gon had been just a baby when Ging left him to Aunt Mito’s care and Gon had only met Ging once in person. Razor, on the other hand, had been Ging’s business partner years ago. So when Gon began searching for a part-time job, Razor recruited him at once.
It wasn’t a bad place to work; the Greed Island indoor sports arena was spacious and had everything under the sun that an adrenaline junkie like Gon could ever want to expend energy. Gon got to test out all the equipment, talk to customers, and even play in a few games hosted there.
And the best part? Killua could visit and hang out with him while he was working.
Gon glanced to his right. Killua was sitting a good distance away in the stadium seats, legs propped up on the chair in front of him, a book in his hands. He looked up as if feeling Gon’s eyes at him and smiled slightly. He lifted one hand in a small wave.  
Gon’s chest tightened; it was amazing how normal Killua looked like that. No one would ever suspect that Killua was dying by the second.
WHOOSH-
Gon’s head snapped back around. He slapped his hands around the ball a half-second before it slammed into his nose.
“Good,” said Razor approvingly as Gon slowly lowered his arms. “That’s much better. How does that one feel?”
“Ummm-” Gon tossed the ball back and forth between his hands. “…this one’s a little flat, I think.”
“Hm. Put it to the side, then. You can add air to them after we’re done with the pile.”
Gon groaned. Razor’s ‘pile’ was over a hundred dodge-balls. They’d gone through only ten so far. At this rate, he’d have no time to hang out with Killua before nighttime-
“Is something wrong?” Razor asked, already grasping a new ball in his hands.
“No…” Gon grunted as he caught the ball tossed at him. His fingers were already starting to sting from the force of Razor’s throw. “It’s just. I thought I might leave early today.”
Razor tilted his head to one side. “You never ask to leave early.”
Gon gripped the ball tighter. “I know.“
“And you’re never this distracted during work, either.”
Gon gritted his teeth. He never had a best friend ready to suffocate for someone Gon never met before, either.
Instinctively, his gaze darted back to Killua, only to find an empty chair.
Gon’s heart shot straight up into his throat. He whirled around in a circle, ball falling from his numb fingers and landing on the nylon grass with a dull thud.
Where had Killua gone?! Gon thought wildly. What if he choked on those fiery flower petals, what if he needed Gon’s help and Gon wasn’t there, what if-
There was a flash to Gon’s left and he zeroed in on it immediately.
There was Killua sprinting up the stadium steps as fast as he could, taking two at a time. There could only be one reason why Gon’s best friend was in such a rush.
Dread pooled into Gon’s gut and his stomach rolled. He felt sick.
“KILLUA!” he yelled desperately and his voice echoed off the walls.
Killua almost tripped at the sound Gon’s shout. But he made it to the door at the top of the stairs without falling, throwing Gon a murderous glare over his shoulder.
Gon’s mouth went dry- not because of Killua’s fury, but because of the ashen color of Killua’s cheeks, the slight sheen of sweat that made his entire face shine, the way his legs trembled like he was too weak to stand…
And then Killua turned the doorknob and vanished into the hallway.
“Razor,” Gon said before the door shut. “Can I take my break now ple-”
“Tell me why you can’t focus, first,” Razor’s loud voice cut through Gon’s panicked question.
Gon stilled. He slowly turned around to face Razor once more. His boss wasn’t smiling anymore.
“It’s because of your friend,” Razor asked, but his tone left no room for argument. “Isn’t it.”
Ice shot down Gon’s spine. He shouldn’t spill Killua’s secret. It wasn’t right. But at the same time-
At the same time, he and Killua had so little time left. And if Killua was stuck in the bathroom, heaving over a dirty sink and spitting out bloodstained flower petals, Gon should be there with him.
Gon swallowed. It wasn’t a choice at all, really.
“Yes,” he admitted reluctantly. “Killua’s the reason I can’t focus. But- please, please don’t make him leave, Razor. I would be even worse without him here.”
The expression on Razor’s face was unreadable. After a tense pause, he said, “Your friend’s been here nearly as often as you, Gon, and his presence has never affected your work quality before. But today- today you’ve looked over at him at least once every five minutes. You don’t hear half of what I say and you can’t stand still for more than a few seconds.”
Gon felt the blood drain out of his face. He hadn’t realized he was so obvious. But he had never exactly been subtle. Killua had told him that more times than he could count.
“There’s something wrong with him, isn’t there?” Razor continued. “You’ve never acted like this around him until now.”
Pain resounded deep within Gon’s chest, the kind that had nothing to do with the ball Razor had hurled at him less than ten minutes ago.
Gon’s eyes dropped down at his sneakers. Hot pressure began building up behind his eyes and his throat burned. He had to struggle to keep his voice even as he whispered, “Killua has Hanahaki.”
His confession was met with silence. Gon didn’t raise his head, not wanting to see the sympathetic way Razor had to be looking at him. He didn’t want to be reminded of the frustration and sadness he carried around him everywhere like a shadow.
No matter what Gon did, nothing affected the Disease killing Killua from the inside out. Even worse, Killua didn’t want his help. He flat out rejected Gon at every turn. And it hurt knowing that one day soon, Killua wouldn’t be at his side to laugh at his jokes or walk home with Gon from school. There was a part of Gon that existed solely because of Killua’s friendship, because of the immeasurable and priceless impact Killua’s had made on his life, and he didn’t know what would happen to that part of him once Killua was gone.
Gon’s nails dug into his palms. He struggled to breathe normally.
Killua was leaving Gon, and he wasn’t putting up any fight. And Gon didn’t understand-
“I’m not surprised. It makes sense in a twisted way.”
Gon’s head snapped upwards. Razor’s mouth curled down in a rueful frown, muscled arms folded across his chest.
“W-What?” Gon stuttered. What did that mean?! “How does Killua having Hanahaki make any sense-?!”
“What I mean,” Razor interrupted. “-is that your friend gives one hundred and ten percent of himself to the people he cares about. His devotion to you, for example, is easy to see. And it’s only people like that- those who love to the point it can’t be controlled…those are the kind of people who suffer from Hanahaki.”
Razor looked over at the door Killua had disappeared into. “It’s not a surprise that Killua has Hanahaki,” he repeated. “If Killua’s love was unrequited, he wouldn’t be able to stop loving them. Am I wrong?”
Gon couldn’t bring himself to answer. He could feel his whole body shaking from head to toe. From what- he didn’t know. Maybe he was angry at Razor from seeing straight through Killua. Maybe he was angry at himself for not noticing what was happening to his best friend until it was too late. Maybe he was angry with Killua for being the kind of person susceptible to the Disease at all.
“One thing is certain,” Razor spoke up again, scattering Gon’s thoughts. “He must truly be in love with this other person, if he cares about them more than you.”
Shock jolted through Gon like he’d been struck by lightning, pinning his feet to the ground, making his legs weak.
Killua loving someone else- someone more than Gon? Was that even possible?!
“I…what are you…” Gon’s brain didn’t seem to be working right; he couldn’t get his mouth to form the right words.
Razor’s expression didn’t change. “I’ve personally seen the dedication that boy has for you. When I told you that you first needed to beat me in dodgeball to get this job, you returned a day later with only him at your side. In the end his hands were bruised purple and blue, but he never complained. Nor did he accept the job offer I gave him along with yours. And yet, he still comes here every day with you without fail.”
“Your friend loves you with all his heart. So that means, if there’s someone out there he’s chosen to suffer Hanahaki for…well, that’s the strongest physical form of love I can think of. Even more so than that dodgeball game.”
Razor jerked his head towards the exit. “You’re dismissed. Go help your friend.”
Gon didn’t know how to respond to that. So instead he just nodded unsteadily and walked as quickly as he could to the stadium staircase, ears ringing.
Everything Razor had said was true; Killua was the kind of person to selflessly give himself up to those he loved without restraint, and therefore was an easy victim of Hanahaki. Gon didn’t like hearing that- at all- but he could see the reason behind it.
The last part, though- the part about Killua loving someone more than Gon; Gon, who had been Killua’s best friend and closest confidant since they’d been twelve…
The wave of pointless rage that roared to life inside of him made Gon’s blood to boil. It was a burning, uncontrollable kind of fury that washed away everything else, even reason.
Just the idea of Killua spending less time with Gon to hang out with another person was wrong. Imagining Killua’s rare, honest smiles directed at someone else caused Gon’s throat to close up, making it impossible to breathe. Knowing that Killua’s unrequited lover could be the one to hear Killua’s bell-like laughter, if only they loved Killua back, made Gon nauseous.
Gon hated that. Every single part of it.
Finally, he made it to the top step, breath ragged. His heart raced in his chest for a reason that had nothing to do with physical exhaustion and his head spun in dizzying circles.
He couldn’t make sense of the swirling emotions at war inside him. But he knew one thing:
He needed to see Killua. Now.
Gon stepped into the hallway that wrapped around the stadium. Killua would’ve gone to the bathroom to cough up the petals, Gon reasoned, so he turned right and charged down the title until he came to the navy door labeled ‘men’s room’.
He stared unblinkingly at the door. He couldn’t hear any coughing, but that didn’t mean anything. Killua had hid his Disease from Gon for months and Gon hadn’t even-
Suddenly, the door opened and Gon jumped backwards. There, standing in the now open doorway, was a very tired and very pale-looking Killua.
Killua caught sight of Gon and jerked, clearly surprised by the other teen’s presence. “G-Gon? What- Why are you here? Aren’t you still on the clock?”
Gon didn’t say anything. He quickly raked his eyes over Killua’s features, drinking in the clammy alabaster skin, chaotic mess of silver hair, those deep blue eyes that never failed to see straight into Gon’s very soul…
And there, hidden in the corner of Killua’s thin lips, was a streak of scarlet red.
Blood.
Gon’s heart throbbed. So. Killua had been coughing up petals, just like he’d thought.
Razor’s words echoed in his mind:
“He must truly be in love with this other person, if he cares about them more than you.”
Gon felt his eyes darken as the earlier fury returned in full force.
Killua was Gon’s best friend. Killua was Gon’s teammate and partner in crime before he had ever fallen in love. And despite Killua’s unconditional love, Gon didn’t want to share Killua with anyone else.
Killua had always called Gon selfish. And now Gon knew he was right.
“Gon,” Killua croaked. Gon bit his bottom lip to keep himself from screaming; Killua’s throat had to be raw from coughing up all those petals. That’s why his voice sounded like that.
Killua tried again, “C’mon, seriously. What’s with that face?”
Gon knew there was no point in explaining himself right now; even if he tried, he was too enraged to make any sense. Killua had to feel the waves of anger rolling off him to know that. Killua was good at understanding stuff like that. He knew what Gon needed before Gon himself did half the time.
He grabbed Killua’s hand roughly and dragged him back down the hallway. Killua inhaled sharply, stumbling slightly against the tiled floor, but didn’t speak a word of protest.
That was good. Gon wasn’t sure if he could calm himself enough to slow down.
They reached the food court in record time. Gon spotted a deserted table in the farthest corner and immediately headed for it.
“Sit,” Gon said shortly once they got to the table.
Killua side-eyed him suspiciously, but did as he was told. He and Gon sat sideways on the bench, looking at each other face-to-face. It was a small bench and their knees brushed, but Gon didn’t mind the contact.
It just somehow made Gon feel better, seeing Killua’s face right in front of him like this.  Even now, he could feel his rolling anger subsiding at the familiar sight of those glittering blue eyes.
There was just something about Killua that made Gon feel calm. Made him feel whole. Killua centered him, somehow.
With the weight of Killua’s gaze on him, Gon pulled out a stray tissue from his pocket. Then he turned back to the pale teen and reached out slowly with the tissue.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second!” Killua threw his hands up, face alight with alarm. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Gon?!”
Gon set his mouth stubbornly. “You have blood,” he explained. “On your mouth. There, in the corner.”
Killua’s fingers jumped up to touch the mark Gon was pointing to. When he lowered them, the tips shone red.
Killua visibly swallowed. Gon watched closely for any other reaction, dying to know what Killua was thinking. He just wanted Killua to confide in him like he had always done.
That was what best friends were for, right?
“I’m gonna wipe it off, okay?” Gon said and Killua flinched.
“I- no, Gon, you don’t have to do that-”
“I want to do it!” Gon finally exploded and Killua sucked in a breath. “Please, Killua I just! Let me do this one thing for you, please.”
Killua gaped at him and Gon stared back, jaw clenched. Killua was totally caught off guard by Gon’s outburst but Gon couldn’t bring himself to feel bad. Killua had refused Gon’s help with the Hanahaki Disease in every way and it hurt. It hurt so bad to not be able to support Killua like Killua had done countless times for Gon. This was the least he could let Gon do.
After a heavy pause, Killua nodded.
The tension eased out of Gon’s shoulders. “Thank you. Stay still, I promise I won’t hurt you.”
Killua abruptly snorted, a bitter sound, and Gon’s brow furrowed.
“Why did you laugh?” he asked, confused.
“It’s nothing.” Killua offered him a small, but affectionate, smile. Gon’s chest tightened reflexively. “Really, Gon. Its nothing you need to concern yourself about.”
Gon couldn’t help the sharp jolt of pain that stabbed through his heart. “I’ll always be concerned when it comes to you, Killua. You’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
His best friend’s cheeks darkened with a blush. It brought some of the color back into his ashen skin and some of the tension eased out of Gon’s shoulders.
He carefully gripped Killua’s chin with his free hand to make sure Killua wouldn’t move his head. He felt Killua shudder slightly through his touch, but Gon ignored it, putting all his attention into the task at hand.
Using the tissue, Gon gently wiped the blood smudged across the edges Killua’s mouth. It took a few tries to clean all of the bright red away, and it was only after the first and second wipe that Gon suddenly realized that he was touching Killua’s lips.
He froze, heat rushing to his cheeks so fast his head swam.
“Gon?” Killua said quietly. Gon’s fingers moved with Killua’s jaw, slightly shifting against Killua’s incredibly soft skin, and Gon snatched his hand back as if he’d been burned.
“S-Sorry!” Gon squeaked. A hot wave of embarrassment washed over him at the sound of his voice cracking. “I, um! It’s all g-gone now!”
Killua’s hand reached up to touch the once scarlet-stained corner of his mouth- the same spot Gon had been touching less than five seconds ago- and deflated in relief when it came away clean.
Killua looked up at Gon. The soft expression in his eyes made Gon’s stomach flip and something light fluttered in his chest.
“Thank you, Gon,” Killua said, voice heavy with affection.
Gon’s pulse was flying under his skin. He took a deep breath to calm himself, face uncomfortably hot.
What was going on with him?
“Anytime, Killua,” he said sincerely and Killua smiled slightly. “Let’s go home.”
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mintypothos · 7 years
Text
Sirens and Shipwrecks- 3
read it all from the start
the squad tries to start a fire
Hercules did not come back for a little while, which was a relief given how the conversation had ended. When he did come back, however, it was with Lafayette. “My dear Hercules tells me you are in need of a fire?”
Aaron nodded, receiving a strangely solemn nod in return. “We will do our best then, little Burr.”
“There is... a way to constrain the fire, right?” Hercules was hesitant, and Aaron remembered again his brief disbelief at the mention of using fire.
“Of course,” Aaron assured. “From what I understand, you clear a small area where there's as little wind as possible, then you line a circle with rocks. The fire goes inside, and if there's not too much breeze, it should stay inside. When it's time to sleep, you bank the fire so the embers stay hot for the morning, and also so nothing can happen when you're sleeping.”
Lafayette hummed in interest, and it was unfair how even that slight sound was captivating in nature. “How does one 'bank' a fire?”
“Well,” Aaron controlled the urge to scratch his face. “First, we should concentrate on starting a fire. The thing is, I'm used to human made devices that create the heat for me. I know the basics, but I've never... actually had to start a fire from scratch.” Aaron tried not to feel useless- he was a city boy in every way, and hadn't even gone camping before. Thomas teased him enough about it (which was stupid besides, seeing as Thomas might actually be more loaded than Aaron and certainly hated nature more than any of them, no Thomas, living in the country doesn't count when you have a mansion-) Even the vacation that stranded him here had been an excessive pampering, the boat tricked out with all sorts of amenities.
Said amenities, namely the air conditioning and mini fridge, were, come to think about it, how Aaron had spent half the trip talking to Alexander while Thomas and James sucked face and drank smoothies below deck. That at least was a good turn of fate, since at least Aaron had endeared himself enough to get rescued.
“Well, we're going to try our best.” Hercules gave a reassuring smile. Aaron couldn't help but reciprocate. In what was clearly a well repeated movement, Lafayette leaned over to Hercules and lightly kissed the corner of his smile. It was returned with a familiarity that seemed almost too personal.
Aaron hid his surprise, although really, it shouldn't have been surprising. Hercules had mentioned the phrase 'soulmate', it only made sense to be referring to a romantic partner of some kind. But questions of merfolk relationships could wait for another day. They had a fire to start.
...
They did not have a fire, hours later, even when Alexander and Laurens arrived to help. It wasn't their fault that Aaron knew that Pyrite could make sparks against flint but had no idea what either type of stone looked like. Pyrite was probably brown-ish, and flint spintered easily and was probably dark, but that wasn't descriptive enough for good results. “Well, we can just keep an eye out, if it's not an emergency. Try to test a few new stones each day until we find something?” Laurens asked, after yet another pile of handpicked rocks revealed nothing.
Hercules glanced at Aaron, a helpless look, before shrugging. “I guess we can continue with fruit for now. But Aaron really should get something more filling, soon.”
Aaron, who had eaten nothing but coconuts and some unfamiliar tropical fruit for the past several days, agreed wholeheartedly. “Say,” Alexander rested his elbows on the bank of the river, the rest of him comfortably seated in the water. “What is it about cooking that is necessary for you humans?”
Aaron silently thanked him for a question he was actually able to answer. “Most importantly, it kills the microorganisms in the food that are harmful to us. But also, it chemically changes the protein and other components in meat to something much easier for humans to digest.”
Alexander brought a knuckle to his lips, making a long thoughtful noise. “That sounds familiar...” He plucked at a clump of grass with his other hand, lost in thought. The other Mer fell quiet, letting him think. The atmosphere suddenly felt anticipating.
Despite having learned by now that Alexander was a Mer of sudden movements, Aaron did not anticipate the burst of motion. Alexander shot from the bank with a loud whoop, drenching all of them with the resulting splash. Aaron allowed a long sigh.
“Oh, what's wrong?” Lafayette turned at the noise. Aaron supposed that getting splashed was the opposite of a problem for Mer, so he probably shouldn't hold it against them.
“Nothing, just, it's the evening now so my clothes aren't going to dry by night. Humans don't generally find it comfortable sleeping in wet clothes.” He didn't expect them to fully understand, with their strange clothing that was obviously designed for being constantly wet. Although, Aaron was a little surprised in retrospect that the guards they all wore on their forearms appeared to be some sort of leather and yet did not smell.
Unsurprisingly, this was new information to all of them. “Does it make you sick?” Laurens pulled a bit closer to get a look, studying the lightly dripping fabric.
“That's not good, you're still working that fever off.” Hercules' hand itched like he wanted to check Aaron's temperature again. He'd already done so an hour previous.
Aaron felt a little bad for worrying them yet again. “Well, it can, if it gets too chilly and we sit in it for too long. That's another benefit of having a fire actually, because I could dry off. But it'll be fine, the nights here are warm.”
Laurens frowned. “Is it a matter of only wet clothes, or wet skin as well?”
“Clothes, because skin dries off much more easily.” Aaron answered without thinking.
He should have expected the sudden smirk on Lafayette's face. “So you need only take your clothes off, yes?”
Aaron sputtered. “No, absolutely not!”
“But would it actually help, though?” Laurens looked intrigued.
“I'm not taking my clothes off!” Aaron huffed and drew his knees up to his chest. Honestly!
“I promise we won't mind!” Lafayette giggled and then abruptly stopped when Hercules smacked the back of his head.
“Hey, knock it off!” Once Lafayette looked suitably chastised, Hercules turned back to Aaron. “No one is going to pressure you into doing anything you're not comfortable with, Aaron.”
“Yeah,” Laurens snickered, “just because you like going around naked, Laf, doesn't mean everyone wants to.”
Lafayette let out a dramatic sigh. “You can't blame me for trying.”
Hercules rolled his eyes, though faced towards Aaron, he was the only one to catch it. “That being said, if the alternative is you being uncomfortable all night and possibly getting sick, I would appreciate you considering it. We can give you space, if you prefer.”
Aaron felt warm, the thoughtfulness unexpected amongst the teasing. “I.. that would be nice. I am not sure how Merfolk regard clothing, but it's considered very improper to go in public without.” Not to mention his long standing body issues, but they didn't need to know about that.
Hercules nodded. “We're sort of like that, but to a lesser extent. It's not too weird to go around in only bracers, but most people at least wear wraps. Outerwear if you're going out or getting a lot of sun. And Laf's a rich asshole, so he'd be expected to wear at least a shawl or something.”
Lafayette shrugged, drawing attention to the lean muscles of his shoulder. “Ah, but I left that life behind for you, my true loves. The trappings of aristocratic society are beyond me, now.”
“The wealth sure isn't.” Laurens snarked, earning a round of chuckles.
“True, I am not as brave as you, dear Laurens. If it bothers you, only say the word and I will not spend a cent of my fortune.” Lafayette spoke loftily, with flowered language and laughter in his voice.
Laurens snorted. “Now hold on, I never said that. Just that you're a hypocrite.” This earned a sound of mock outrage as Lafayette launched himself at Laurens. They play-wrestled for a moment, only to give up in collapse of limbs. Hercules rolled his eyes again, but the fondness in his smile was telling.
Watching the antics of people clearly enamoured with each other, Aaron felt a tiny ball of hidden tension release inside him. This felt comfortable, somehow. Lafayette, trapped now under Laurens, started peppering the Mer's freckled face with tiny kisses, until Laurens laughed and scooted off. The act was sickeningly cute, and Aaron felt himself relax a bit more.
For the first time, Aaron considered that he may have been over-exposed to PDA growing up, if this was what made him feel a bit like home. Aaron could almost hear the embarrassed “oh my god” James would mutter if he knew. Thomas would just be self satisfied, as he always was.
The truth of the matter was, wet clothing was rather uncomfortable. Especially with the sun as low on the horizon as it was. Aaron still wasn't quite comfortable showing skin to relative strangers, and in fact still had the occasional bad day for himself. But it was getting dark, he only really needed to ditch the shirt, and there was something calming and familiar in the air.
Aaron was halfway into removing his shirt when Alexander came splashing up the river. He paused for a moment, seriously considered abandoning the motion, and then finished pulling the shirt away with a determined air. Alexander lifted a book out of the water and opened his mouth to say something, before zeroing in on Aaron.
“Why is he undressing? Humans don't usually undress.” He pulled himself onto the grass with a graceful twist and slid closer. “Not that there's anything wrong with that, just that I've observed a lot of humans in my time, and they never leave their homes without clothing.” Alexander's face brightened, “Oh, if you consider this something of a home already, that's awesome!”
Then, Alexander paused, quirked an eyebrow, and peered down at Aaron's chest. “What are those scars?” Aaron froze.
The words caused the others to immediately turn to Aaron, and he spared a moment to internally curse. This was exactly the experience he wanted to avoid. “They look painful.” Lafayette had a frown on his lips, one hand slightly extended to the parallel scars on Aaron's chest. Thankfully, he had the foresight not to attempt touch, because that was really not something Aaron thought he could handle right now.
“They're very uniform. Looks like a surgery,” Laurens offered, and Aaron nearly jumped at the correct guess.
“Yes, it's from a surgery a while ago.” Aaron hoped they would leave it at that. He was not ashamed of being Trans, not anymore at least, but it wasn't a topic he had the emotional energy to explain. Aaron especially did not have the energy to explain it to members of an isolated fantastical race that probably had a very different concept of gender to begin with. If they were anything like the species humans already knew about, then their bodies were magic enough to make that sort of change simply by unconscious will- in which case, the concept of being Trans would be completely lost on them anyways.
“Oh, alright.” Alexander nodded, accepting the answer despite its vague nature. “Well anyways, as I was saying before, I took a quick trip to my personal archives, and I've found the solution!” And, more effectively than any intentional distraction, the topic changed. Lafayette looked like he still wanted to say something, but relented as Alexander prepared to launch into another speech.
“You weren't saying before, you just launched off suddenly,” Hercules pointed out.
Alexander rolled his eyes. “details, details. The point is, I have a solution!” From the bag attached to his hip, Alexander pulled out a lemon, brandishing it proudly beside the book in his other hand (which, considering it looked exactly like the paper books Aaron was used to, he had no idea how it wasn't falling apart from the moisture).
“How's a lemon supposed to help? You can not be expecting Aaron to eat one.” Hercules wrinkled his nose. “I remember how sour those are.”
“Not quite.” Alexander started, only to be interrupted by Laurens shouting in recognition.
“Oh wait, of course, Ceviche! I didn't even think about that.” Laurens laughed, “I knew the citrus acids made for a kind of cooking, but honestly I haven't had it in so long I didn't even realize.”
Lafayette made a similar noise of acknowledgement. “I have had it as well. I thought it was just a marinade.”
“No wonder, it's not like anyone eats it much with how hard it is to get lemons,” Alexander explained. “I had to double check that it really does do the same thing as cooking. Also, even back in the heyday of stealing shit from humans, it wasn't like lemons and limes were that common. Now, there's even less.”
Aaron Burr considered the solution. He had never heard of Ceviche before, but the concept of cooking with acid made enough sense. Vinegar was used as a preservative because it killed bacteria, and it could also denature proteins. There was no reason they couldn't accomplish something similar with lemon juice.
Then again, if lemons were so rare, this would not be a long holding solution. “Excuse me,” Aaron said, “if it's very hard to find lemons, you don't need to waste them for my sake.” Aaron should have expected the shut down he immediately got.
“Don't say that, you need to eat,” Hercules started.
“Little Burr, you are worth much more than a lemon,” Lafayette was next.
“What they said, also it's not actually hard for us, there's a big orchard of all sorts of fruit on the North side of the island.” Laurens finished.
Aaron considered the information. “I didn't realize.”
“It is a little weird,” Alexander agreed. “We think that some humans maybe lived here, sometime before it became part of Mer territory. There's a lot more edible things than you would expect for a small island like this.”
“Our island is pretty awesome.” Laurens added.
All four of them grinned at that, and Aaron considered that their pride was well earned. “When I'm less sore, maybe I could check it out.”
“I can take you there myself, once you've recovered.” Hercules emphasized the last word, his smile turning razor sharp. “ But for now, let's talk less and cook more. It's almost dark out, and you are not going to bed without a full meal in you, Aaron.”
The book that talked of fish cooking in lemon juice did not come with a recipe, so as a result the fish ended up mashed with several lemons and soaked until they were certain the acid had done its job. The result was unbelievably sour, with little else to divert the tang of lemon and still uncomfortably raw tasting fish.
Honestly, it was one of the most disgusting things Aaron had ever eaten. But it was also one of the most delicious.
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snoringtreatment666 · 6 years
Text
How Exactly To Treat Your Snoring
Some 37 million Americans snore, making grunting, whistling, choking, snorting, and buzz-noticed-like sounds on an everyday foundation, consistent with the national Sleep basis.
The annoying noises arise while the airway narrows or are partly blocked at some stage in sleep, chronicle thanks to nasal congestion, floppy tissue, alcohol, or enlarged tonsils.
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The nostril devices are separated by the septum. The septum can sometimes be deviated, causing one nostril to appear larger than the other. With extreme damage to the septum and columella, the two nostrils are no longer separated and form a single larger external opening
OSA is marked by way of noisy stops and starts in respiration during sleep, and hikes dangers of cardiovascular sickness, stroke, cardiac arrhythmia, and hypertension. And 34 percentage of fellows and 19 percentage of girls who snore mechanically have OSA or are at danger for it, says the yank Academy of Sleep medicinal drug.
Right now you’ve probably found out that the snoring can be a reason for the situation. Perhaps you feel so it has gotten uncontrollable and is meddling with you obtaining a full night time’s rest.
Or possibly your bed associate is uninterested in dropping sleep each night time because of one’s nocturnal tuba impersonations. For something purpose, you’ve decided to search for solution, and we at the Alaska Sleep health facility tend to be higher than satisfied to offer you with all the solutions you could probably need.
How am I able to stop my snoring?
First of all, it’s essential to discover the possible causes of your snoring. You could find it useful to look at our set of not unusual elements in the back of snoring and related health troubles that chronic snoring can cause.
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For some of you snorer’s with mild to mild snoring troubles there are a few Do It yourself (DIY) tips, hints, and techniques you might want to test earlier than contacting your doctor, sleep medical institution or dentist for a session.
Do-it-yourself snoring solution:
Preserve a more healthy weight with weight-reduction plan and exercise. In case you are obese, you're greater predisposed to snoring. Excess fatty tissues are building up to your throat, narrowing your air passage.
By using the weight-reduction plan routinely and exercising you could lessen those fatty throat tissues and feature a freer air passage.
Lessen alcohol. Alcohol may want to purpose muscle mass within the frame to loosen up, and it consists of the muscle groups within the throat and jaw. If you have been to think your snoring can be linked to alcohol intake, strive now not ingesting at least three hours before bed.
What Are the treatments for snoring?
There are hundreds of products, sports, scientific gadgets, capsules, and surgeries that claim to treat snoring. But, in most instances, a simple way of life changes can help forestall snoring. 
They encompass:
Don't drink alcohol within 3 hours of bedtime.
Avoid sedatives and antihistamines, especially at bedtime.
In case you're obese, get to and keep a wholesome weight. Losing even some kilos may also make a massive distinction.
Exercise can beef up and tone muscles, which includes those within the neck.
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In case you suffer from allergies, attempt to take away allergens within the bedroom -- which includes doing away with pets, often washing your sheets in hot water to dispose of dirt mites, and doing away with any mold.
Sleep on your aspect.
Use a humidifier if the air in your house is too dry.
What is chronic snoring?
snoring is loud respiration during sleep that feels like unsightly damn, vibrating, or sawing. Persistent snoring is snoring that happens maximum nights, even when you’re not sick or tormented by hypersensitive reaction signs and symptoms.
Loud, snoring can reach a hundred decibels—loud enough to harm listening to with widespread publicity.
Is snoring terribly to your fitness? No longer just embarrassing or bothersome, snoring can pose critical health threats. Chronic snoring is associated with an increased incidence of neurodegenerative illnesses, diabetes, metabolic syndrome, heart sickness, and stroke.
Normal snoring ends in daylight hours fatigue, lowers daylight performance, and increases the hazard of drowsy driving. Persistent snorers who do no longer have sleep apnea nevertheless have two times the incidence of immoderate daylight sleepiness.
Folks that snore often aren’t aware of the situation. Those symptoms are clues that you may be sleeping at night time:
Waking with a headache
Dry mouth in the morning
Dental decay or cavities
daytime fatigue
sudden midnight awakenings
Wheezing, gasping or coughing for the duration of the night
What Causes Snoring?
snoring happens as the result of a narrowing of the higher airway or when nasal respiration is obstructed. The delicate tissue and muscle mass of the sleeper’s throat loosen up, decreasing the diameter of the airway.
This discount effects in noise while breath enters or exits the airway, much like air flowing via a whistle. Something that enlarges or relaxes the soft tissues inside the mouth and throat can lead to snoring. That is why snoring is more significant, not unusual after ingesting alcohol or taking sure sedating medicinal drugs.
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Knowledge snoring -- prognosis and remedy
Weight reduction, if you are obese
A CPAP (non-stop extreme airway pressure) device or BIPAP (bilevel positive airway pressure) device; that is a mask-like tool which you put on at night to preserve air pressure on your nostril and hold airways open.
An implanted tool called inspire. The tool, referred to as a top airway stimulator, includes a small pulse generator positioned below the pores and skin inside the higher chest. A twine main to the lung detects the man or woman's herbal respiratory sample.
Every other wire, leading as much as the neck, gives you slight stimulation to nerves that control airway muscle tissues, retaining them open.
Surgical procedure; there is a ramification of surgical procedures now to be had to treat a few causes of snoring, inclusive of somnoplasty, which makes use of radiofrequency ablation to decrease the tissues of the gentle palate.
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