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favefandomimagines · 3 years

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I Bought A Ring (e.b.)

Summary: Abby’s back and Buck doesn’t know how to handle the news. And neither do you.

AN: i’m still PISSED that abby came back even if only for an episode, my poor buck was so hurt ): this was something i had deep in my drafts and now that buck is blowing up it seemed like a good time to post it!

there is a buck fic similar to this and i just wanna say that i did not copy or steal the idea. i’ve had this in my drafts for months since season 3 ended so no one stole anyone’s idea! if you wanna check out their fic their username is @lotsoflovefromlea and the fic is titled ‘Second Best’ it’s really really good

You didn’t think you’d have to face the day when Buck’s past came back to haunt him. You were hoping it would stay in the past and you would be his future. But life has a funny way of putting us to the test.

After the train crash, and Buck saw Abby again, he had been acting distant. Distant enough for you to notice that something was wrong. It wasn’t hard to notice, especially when the two of you live together.

He would rarely talk when you had the same shift at the 118, there was no conversation during dinner and he’d come to bed long after you had already fallen asleep.

It had gotten to the point where you didn’t even remember the last time he kissed you or touched you. And you had enough of the maltreatment.

You exited the shower and saw him standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. You walked down the stairs and stood across from him, the tension between the two of you painfully obvious.

“What’s been going on with you?” You asked, breaking the ice. “What do you mean?” He asked, not meeting your gaze. “Seriously? Buck, you’ve been acting like I killed your dog for three weeks since the train crash. What the hell is going on?” You explained.

Buck sighed before looking up at you. He knew he couldn’t keep secrets from you. Including ones that could possibly change your relationship.

“Abby reached out to me. She wanted to meet up to talk.” He said. Buck could tell by the way your right eyebrow was raised and your eyes narrowed that you were not happy. “Really? And you went?” You asked. “Yeah.” Buck answered quietly.

You laughed bitterly before walking around the counter back towards the stairs. “God, you just can’t seem to let her go, can you?” You started. “It’s been, what? Two years? Two years since she left you for her ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ experience and got engaged? And who was the one who never left your side? Me. It was me, Evan and even now, you can’t seem to realize how terrible she was to you. Face it, you were her midlife crisis and you fell in love with her and never fell back out. All while making me fall in love with you.” You finished.

Sure you were a tad bit cruel, but it was what he needed to hear. No one wanting to be the one who had to pop his perfect bubble when it came to Abby.

“I stayed with you when you were suing the department for christ sake! And I can’t do it anymore, Evan.” You added. There it was again. His dreaded first name. The name you never used unless you were beyond angry with him. And he hated hearing it come from your lips. “Y/N, what do you mean?” He asked.

Fear was coursing through his body as he waited for you to finally leave him. After everything he put you through, Abby was the last straw.

“I mean, maybe we should take a break. Until you figure out what it is you really want.” You answered. It wasn’t something you wanted nor did you think it would ever happen. “No. No, no, Y/N, don’t do this.” He begged, walking towards you. “I have too. Since she came back, this relationship has been one sided and I don’t deserve that.” You said.

“Please, Y/N, I love you.” Buck told you. “Do you? Because you have a funny way of showing it.” You replied. You swiftly grabbed your keys and your purse and made a path towards the exit. “So this is it? You’re breaking up with me?” Buck asked, causing you to stop.

“I don’t want to. But you seem to have unresolved feelings for Abby and you can’t claim to love one person wholeheartedly when you clearly don’t. Figure it out, Buck. But remember who was here when no one else was.” You answered before leaving the house.

You didn’t know where else to go after you left. So you decided to go to Bobby and Athena’s. Bobby was like a father to you when you joined the 118 and you trusted him more than you trusted most people.

After trying to straighten yourself up and wipe the tears from your face, you got out of the car and headed to the front door. You knocked a couple of times and waited for the door to open.

When it did, Athena’s face softened when she saw you and instantly knew something was wrong. “Y/N? What’s wrong? What happened?” She asked, ushering you inside. “I didn’t know where else to go.” You answered.

Bobby, wondering who was at the door, turned the corner and saw you standing in the entryway. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked. “Buck and I got into a fight. He went to meet up with Abby and he didn’t tell meand I just, I just don’t understand why he won’t let her go. Am I not enough?” You explained.

Athena shushed you and pulled you into a hug to comfort you. She knew Buck was stubborn but not so much that you felt you had to leave. Bobby was furious. He hated seeing you so upset and he was frustrated with the young man for making you think you weren’t enough for him.

After a few minutes, Athena made up the guest bedroom for you and said you could stay as long as you needed. But you hoped it wouldn’t have to be for long.

Bobby arrived at the station in search for Buck and found him sulking while Hen and Chimney were grilling him about his mood. “What’s wrong with you today?” Chimney asked. “Him and Y/N got in a fight last night and she walked out on him.” Bobby answered for him.

Buck looked up at his captain with wide eyes, wondering how he knew about the prior events. “She stayed at mine and Athena’s last night.” He added. Buck let out a sigh of relief, mainly because he was worried sick about you. You didn’t answer a single one of his calls or texts and he didn’t know where you went off to.

“Why did she walk out on you?” Hen asked. “Because I may have went to meet up with Abby the other day. And apparently I had been acting distant towards Y/N and she confronted me.” Buck explained. “Seriously? You still have feelings for Abby?” Hen asked. “No, Hen-” Buck tried to explain but was interrupted by his coworkers.

“Y/N is the perfect girl for you and you’re throwing her away for someone who left you?” She continued. “Hen,” Buck started. “You’re stupid but not this stupid.” She said. “Hen! I don’t have feelings for Abby anymore. I wanted to give her a chance to explain why she left and to thank her. Because if she wouldn’t have left, I wouldn’t have met Y/N.” Buck interrupted.

“And I,” He started before he stopped himself, not sure if he wanted to tell everyone his secret. “You what?” Eddie asked. Buck looked up at his friends before sighing. “I bought a ring.” He answered. “Wait, what?” Chimney asked. “I bought a ring. I was going to propose but then I got all in my head after Abby showed up. I thought Y/N would say no and she’d leave me just like Abby did.” Buck explained.

The rest of the 118 crew was silent as they looked down at Buck. Hen sat down across from him before speaking. “That girl is head over heels in love with you, Buck. She has been since the first time she met you and the last thing she would do is leave you like Abby did. Though, because of Abby, she felt she had no choice.” She said.

“I need to get her back. I didn’t even know what to do this morning without her.” Buck said. “When does she come in for her shift?” He asked Bobby. “She was supposed to be here by now. She left before me.” The man answered.

Before anyone could form a theory about your whereabouts, the bell went off signaling they had a call.

They soon arrived to the scene of a car accident, one car completely flipped upside down.

The 118 stopped short, however, when they noticed who’s car was upside down. It was yours that was hit by a guy texting and driving and ran a red light.

“Y/N?” Buck called, running to the driver side door. “Buck, you’re too close to this.” Bobby stopped him. “We’re all too close to this, Bobby.” Buck rebutted. Bobby looked at Athena and gestured for her to keep Buck away from the scene. “Keep him away from her.” He instructed his. wife.

Eddie began trying to get the door off and Hen and Chimney noticed you were still conscious, struggling to get out and stay awake.

“Y/N, can you hear me?” Hen asked. “Yeah. I-I can hear you.” You stammered. “I have a piece of shrapnel between the third and fourth intercostal space. Mild to severe concussion and around three broken ribs, and a possible pulmonary contusion.” You told them.

Both EMTs were surprised that you could still diagnose and recognize your symptoms while having a concussion and actively bleeding.

Once the door was off the car, Hen and Chimney set down the backboard and Eddie began cutting your seatbelt.

“Where’s Buck?” You asked him. “Bobby won’t let him help. He’s too close to this one.” Eddie answered. “Aren’t you all though?” You joked. Eddie laughed dryly as the seatbelt was cut free. “Can you move?” He asked.

You looked down at the piece of metal from the seat and back up at him. “You have to pull it out.” You told him. “Y/N,” Eddie started. “Eddie, you have to pull it out or I won’t be able to move. I have a concussion, I’m already bleeding and in about five minutes I’m going to pass out. I will slowly bleed out from the inside if I don’t move. Pull the damn thing out.” You snapped.

Eddie looked at you for a moment before glancing over at Buck, arguing with Athena. As Eddie pulled the piece of metal out of your side, Buck broke free of Athena’s grasp and fell to his friend’s side.

“Y/N, baby, are you okay?” He asked frantically. “I’m going to pass out in a couple of seconds so I’m sorry, Buck. For what happened last night.” You spoke, your breathing becoming shallower. “Buck we gotta move her.” Eddie told him.

Your eyes fell closed slowly and the heart rate monitor attached to you started beeping rapidly. “We gotta get her out now.” Hen instructed. Bobby pulled Buck back as he watched in horror while his friends began giving you CPR once they pulled you from the car.

Your heart beat thankfully went back to normal and Chimney and Hen loaded you into the back of the ambulance.

Buck took the liberty of joining you considering he was your emergency contact, having no other family in LA.

Once the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Buck, Chimney and Hen were forced to stay at the ER bay, not being allowed to go with you.

Buck watched as the doctors took you away and this quickly became his worst nightmare. What if you didn’t make it? What if the last conversation you had was a fight?

Bobby’s hand rested on Buck’s shoulder as they all watched you disappear down the hallway.

It had been hours. Hours of the 118 sitting in the waiting room for you to come out of surgery. Buck was a nervous wreck and no amount of consoling from Maddie or Eddie made it any better. He knew she should have told you about meeting with Abby but he was afraid of ruining everything. But not telling you made it ten times worse.

“Evan Buckley?” A doctor called, alerting the entire crew. “Th-That’s me. I’m Evan Buckley.” Buck replied. “Y/N is going to be okay. We repaired the damage to her lung as well as the other internal damage she received from the car crash. She still had a major concussion and she’ll be out of commission for a while, but she got incredibly lucky.” The doctor explained.

Buck let out a very visible sigh of relief, as did everyone else. “Can I see her?” Buck asked. “She’s in the ICU so only a couple of people at a time.” The doctor said. “You go, Buck. We’ll see her when she’s moved to a normal room.” Bobby told him.

He nodded his head and followed the doctor to your room. He saw you lying in the hospital bed, multiple IVs in your hands and arms and an oxygen tube in your nose.

Your eyes were still closed but he could tell you were awake, though hearing the doctor’s voice alerted you.

“Y/N, someone’s here to see you.” You turned your head slightly and saw Buck standing in the doorway. “Hi.” You said quietly, your voice still hoarse from the breathing tube in surgery.

Buck sat in the chair next to you, his eyes red and watering. “I am so sorry, Y/N,” He whispered. “I should have told you about Abby but I met with her to get closure. And to thank her because if she wouldn’t have left me, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.” He added.

“It’s okay. I should have let you explained.” You replied. “I have something else to tell you.” Buck said. “Oh no, now what?” You joked. “I bought a ring.” He said. “Like, a ring ring?” You questioned. “Yes, a ring ring.” Buck laughed. “Where is it?” You asked.

Buck let go of your hand for a moment and fished the piece of jewelry out of his pocket.

“You have to put it on for me.” You said. Buck looked at you in disbelief as he smiled, sliding the ring on your left finger. “I’m assuming that’s a yes.” He said. “Of course it is. I’d be stupid to say no to you.” You told him with a smile.

Buck squeezed your hand gently as he looked at the ring on your finger. “I never want to come that close to losing you ever again.” He muttered. “You won’t. I don’t plan on leaving you for a long time.” You said. “Good. Because I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” Buck said.

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on your forehead as you looked down at the ring. “You did a good job.” You commented. Buck laughed at your comment, causing a smile to grace your face. “Hen and Maddie helped.” He said. “I figured as much.” You replied.

The rest of the evening, or whatever time of day you thought it was, Buck stayed by your side. Even when the doctors were running their tests and looking over your condition. After almost losing you, there was no way you were going to get rid of Buck even for a moment.

#imagine #imagines #911 imagine #911 fox #911 lone star #evan buckley #evan buckley imagine #evan buckley x reader #evan buckley oneshot #oliver stark

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tawaifeddiediaz · 3 years

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“i want to kiss you” for the i love you prompts 👀🥰

will i ever stop myself from getting out of hand with these? no.

i hope you like this, babe! 🥰🥰🥰

[this love of mine (begs to be known) - AO3 Link]

Word Count: 1344 words

Eddie is, without a doubt, the stubbornest fucking person Buck’s had the pleasure of knowing.

“Dad, what are you doing out of bed?”

Christopher’s voice tunes Buck into whatever’s going on in the living room. He pauses from where he’s tossing his laundry into the washer. Eddie must have escaped his bedroom when Buck wasn’t looking, but he probably wasn’t counting on Chris ratting him out instantly.

It doesn't sound like it would be a huge deal if Eddie falls asleep on the couch. He does it all the time — especially on the nights when he insists he can make it through another episode.

(Those are the nights they’re not even five minutes in before he starts snoring — they’ve never let him live it down.)

It is a big deal, however, for Eddie to sleep on the couch after he covers 45 straight hours.

It’s no secret that Eddie prefers to take on overtime whenever he can, but this wasn’t exactly taken on as much as it was shoved onto him. Mitchell’s partner went into labor two weeks early after a precarious pregnancy, and he wanted to rush out immediately, but the B-shift captain wouldn’t let him go without someone to cover.

Finding cover right at the beginning of a long shift was always hell, but the other captain saw Eddie and asked him to cover. He was the only firefighter from their regular crew working after the initial 24 hours, and even though he’d been due to get off shift after two more, he’d agreed.

Buck had already been on his way home when Eddie’s text came through, putting him in charge of Christopher over the course of it.

Buck never minded the time he got to spend with Christopher during one of Eddie’s longer shifts, because having Christopher close kept his mind from jumping to worst case scenarios of his partner working without him.

But damn, his boyfriend drove up him the fucking wall when he came back from these long stretches of shift and simply refused to just go to sleep — in an actual bed.

Sometimes, the exhaustion of working so long wires them up enough that they can’t slow their brains down enough to fall asleep. Buck suspects that’s what happens with Eddie, because it’s not often that any of them have 40-plus hours on shift without at least a four-hour reprieve in between.

“Eddie, that better not be you out there!”

A loud thump, a muffled curse, and a shrill laugh sound in quick succession from the living room. Buck presses down the laughter that threatens to tip his lips up as he exits the laundry room, propping his hands on his hips as he sees his boyfriend sprawled out on the couch, face down. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Christopher’s perched on top of him, beaming eagerly between Buck and Eddie like this is the debate of the century. “He’s not listening,” Christopher informs pleasantly. “And he said a bad word.”

“Traitor,” Eddie mumbles from where his face is squished into the couch cushion, a large fleece blanket covering him from head to toe.

Buck rolls his eyes and helps Christopher get off Eddie. He’s not sure how the kid ended up there, and he’s not sure he wants to know. “I told you to sleep in bed. Not out here.”

“What’s wrong with the couch?” Eddie blinks drowsily up at him. Exhaustion has bracketed deeper lines around his eyes, but there’s something soft and fond in his eyes, in the faint curl of his smile.

Buck’s heart contracts at the sight, but he grasps Eddie by the elbow, pulling him up — one drowsy inch at a time. His boyfriend stumbles in place a little, caught off-balance.

Buck raises an eyebrow and gestures to his unbalanced form. “You can’t even stand straight. You don’t need to break your back out here.”

Buck would know — he’s spent more nights on this ancient couch than he cares to think about.

“It’s comfy,” he grumbles, wrapping his blanket around him like a burrito.

“It’s really not,” Christopher pipes up, wrinkling his nose. “You always complain about it.”

Buck grins triumphantly.

“Traitor — that’s twice now,” Eddie sniffs, clearly offended. “Look, if I go to sleep, then by the time I wake up, you two will go to bed. Then I won’t get to see Chris until tomorrow evening and you have work tomorrow.”

Buck’s resolve wavers a little bit at that, but clearly not Christopher’s, who instantly reassures his dad that they’ll have the whole weekend to spend together.

This shouldn’t come at a surprise to him anymore, but somehow, seeing how great of a dad Eddie is always catches him off-guard — and usually around the same time he’s trying to put his foot down about something.

(It’s inconvenient, because Buck’s heart can only take so much before he inevitably gives in.)

This is something Eddie’s always done — one of the things Buck had first noted about him. He sets aside time for the people he loves, but sometimes, it’s at his own expense and Buck can’t have that, at all.

So, he doesn’t feel shitty for monopolizing on Christopher telling him to go to bed.

“You heard the boss. Let’s go.” The fight drains out of Eddie, who sways closer to Buck to tuck his head under his chin. Buck wraps an arm around him, supporting him as they stumble through the hallways to their room. “Just a couple hours of quality sleep. Then we can have dinner and watch a movie together. Best of both worlds.”

Eddie hums in agreement. “You’re the best.”

A flush skitters over Buck’s cheeks and ears as Eddie drags the tip of his nose across the cradle of his shoulder, sleepily burrowing into his side. When he’s tired like this, his affection tends to be uninhibited and free, and Buck never tires from being showered in it, because it’s almost as if Eddie’s base function is to make sure that Buck and Christopher know that he loves them.

They manage to get to the bedroom without crashing into the walls — which is a miracle, as far as Buck’s concerned, because maneuvering his sleep-drunk boyfriend is almost like supporting him after a few too many drinks. Almost, because at least drunk Eddie walks on his own two feet, while sleepy Eddie drags them.

Eddie crawls into bed without further complaint, still wrapped in his blanket burrito and opens half-lidded eyes to grin drowsily up at him, his smile tucking into the corner of his cheek to reveal a dimple. “Thanks, Buck.”

Buck reaches out to push an errant curl away from his forehead and presses the pad of his thumb to that adorable dimple, smiling at the sleepy sound his boyfriend makes. “Get some rest.”

He’s about to leave when Eddie tugs tightly at the bottom of shirt, as if he’s pouring all his energy into that one movement. “I want to kiss you.”

Buck is 100% sure that he’s stalling so he doesn’t have to knock out for the next few hours, but he can’t help but indulge him as he leans down to kiss his boyfriend anyway, heart swelling a few sizes too big.

Eddie misses his mouth a couple times, sleepily pressing kisses on whatever part of Buck’s face he can reach. Buck laughs and tilts Eddie’s chin up with light fingers, capturing his lips in a slow, drawn-out kiss.

By the time he pulls back, his boyfriend’s mouth is kiss-bruised, but there’s a satisfied grin on his exhausted face. Buck drags his thumb lightly along the line of Eddie’s stubbled jaw, raising a brow. “Good enough?”

Eddie hunkers down under the blankets again, wrapping them tighter around his body. “Mhm. For now. You’ll have to…” The words are broken up by a loud yawn that cracks Eddie’s jaw “...let me kiss you more when I wake up.”

“You know I will.”

(Buck kisses his already-asleep boyfriend's forehead once before he lets the door fall closed behind him with a soft snick.)

#zee writes #buddie #buck x eddie #they're just so soft and im just so emotional #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #911 fic #911 on fox #lauren: floof solidarity

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elvensorceress · 3 years

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I had too many feelings after yesterday’s episode. So, here. Have an angsty snippet of angst.

Everything Is Fine

It’s not the loss of light that bothers him, or even the whole station living on top of each other for days on end. It’s the unending heat. Constantly sticky, constantly sweating, constantly too much. But he wants to set a good example for his newfound probie protégé, so he does what he does best. He wears a smile and keeps track of what he can control and shows the world that he’s fine.

Everything is fine.

Except that nothing is.

The blackout, the power outages, the zoo escapees, the sad food, the lack of his own cellphone — that he can handle. All things considered, they’re nothing really. Especially after last year. It’ll be over eventually. Those aren’t the things that keep gnawing at his insides and flooding him with worry and visions of a hospital ICU.

Every time he closes his eyes. Eddie is pale, intubated, unconscious, fighting for his life.

What if his heart is broken? What if the extreme hypovolemic shock and blood loss and trauma to his body weakened his heart? What if there’s residual damage? What if he had some kind of underlying condition that was aggravated when he nearly died four months ago? What if he suffers an attack or his heart starts failing and they can’t get him to a hospital this time?

There is no chance in any sort of hell that Buck will just drop it and move on.

He knows Eddie’s been carefully avoiding him the past few days. Not enough to be obvious. Not enough to make it seem like it’s anything out of the ordinary. To anyone else that is. He still smiles when they’re near each other and sits beside Buck when they eat like they always do.

He’s just not talking. About anything more than work.

And after something clearly happened when his girlfriend stopped by with salad and Christopher, Buck is done. He’s done. It’s not okay. He’s not ready to be a single parent. He’s not ready to watch Eddie crash and slip away from them. Everything around them is sweltering, suffocating, and he can’t bear to watch Eddie stop breathing.

So, no. He’s not going to give up. Ever.

He’s also not sure what to do with the revelation that Eddie is having panic attacks so intense and visceral that 1) he has to see a cardiologist and 2) are over the thought of his long term relationship becoming serious.

Eddie and Ana are supposed to be great. They’re supposed to be doing well together. Eddie is supposed to be happy. He has to be because if he’s not then all of this is so much worse than Buck ever could have imagined.

He’d been working on his relationship with his parents. He’d upgraded himself, turned a page, started a new phase. He’d been thinking about the future he wanted.

Dr. Copeland told him to make a list — they could be goals, they could be dreams, it didn’t matter how far-fetched or ridiculous they seemed. She told him it was good to figure out what he wants his life to be and what he wants out of it. It would help him take steps toward those things.

He knew it wasn’t possible. He knew it was a future he could never have. But it was a dream that existed, okay?

When he looks at the smile on Christopher’s face, when he thinks of the way Christopher turns to him for help, when he feels the way Christopher hugs him and melts because he’s safe and loved and happy when Buck holds him.

When he thinks of his own safe person, of reassurance, of compatibility, of comfort, of happiness, there’s no one he can picture but Eddie.

He can’t imagine a future without them. He doesn’t want a life without them.

But he can only have so much. He knows that. It’s fine. Everything is. He just filled his nights off with an endless string of first dates that went nowhere instead of playing video games and watching movies and cooking dinner with his favorite people.

He didn’t think about being replaced. He’s not a Diaz and never will be. He wouldn’t be missed. He had plenty of things to do on his own. If a lot of them turned out to be listening to Albert talk about the people he’d met while out clubbing and the ones he’d kissed or wanted to kiss, it was Buck’s fault for asking what he was up to.

His loft was so quiet without roommates. Too quiet. When Albert was gone. When everyone was gone.

But it was supposed to be worth it. Because Eddie was supposed to be happy.

How the fuck can he stay with someone, knowing she is probably in love with him by now, when he knows he’s not in love with her? When he knows the thought of being with her and having a future together is something that literally, physically hurts him?

How can it be enough? How can he live through giving up time with Chris? Time with Eddie? If this is what he gave that up for?

He stepped back. He made room because Eddie wanted someone and should have someone, and Buck knows there’s nothing on the future list for the two of them as anything more than what they already are.

And that’s fine. He can live with that, too. As long as they still have each other in some way, as long as Eddie is alive, as long as Christopher is still somewhat his, Buck can accept it.

But not like this. Not when Eddie is miserable and hurting himself and hurting someone who probably loves him. It’s not fair to any of them.

“I have been Ana,” he says before he can ever rein in depth and layers of unrequited love. Maybe it’s not fair, but neither is holding on while you have one foot out the door or your whole entire self on another continent.

Abby let him love her. She knew Buck loved her, wanted her, wanted to be with her. If she’d asked, he might have even followed her. But she didn’t ask and didn’t want him in return. Didn’t even tell him. In the end, he’d fallen in love with a ghost. A shadow. She confessed she wasn’t herself with him, and he wanted to say he didn’t know and couldn’t feel it. But he could.

He’s not sure anymore if he’s ever known what it’s like to be loved by someone in that way.

It hurts worse than the truth. The uncertainty, the knowing but having no confirmation, the suspicion and doubt. It breeds insecurity and jealousy and he already lacks in the department of self worth.

If Eddie asked, there’s no question, no limit to what he’d give.

But he won’t ask. He wants to stick it out and hurt every single one of them.

So, Buck leaves him to contemplate while he goes outside in the roasting sun. It’s too much. Too much heat and not enough relief. Too much always, always pulsing in his chest. The air smells and tastes even more toxic. Metallic, noxious pollution hovering within everything.

It’s not fine. He doesn’t know how Eddie can be okay with it.

#buddie #911 spoilers #911 5x02 #buck x eddie #idk I just had a lot of feelings #hopefully there will be more so I can continue this and give it a happy ending #jenwyn fic #elvensorceress #everything is fine #oh this is the bad place

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kitkatpancakestack · 3 years

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ya'll I'm so sorry but I'm about to go tf off again about this damn weewoo show and these dumb coparenting firefighters.

I can't keep track over what's been discussed already and what hasn't, but I'm freaking out over my re-watch of 4x08 (Breaking Point). I could probably write 25k words on that episode alone and maybe this will be a multi-part post, but I don't want to set the precedent that I'm organized so this will be some more word vomit thrown into the void.

The rest under a cut so you can ignore my hiatus crackheadery if you wish:

Alright, so whoever is still here, I want to talk about three specific scenes in Breaking Point that happen in succession. They are as follows:

1. Eddie's talk with Chris about Ana

2. Buck's awkward double date with Taylor

3. Christopher running away to Buck

Firstly, what I do remember is an excellent meta by @jackles-coded (and they do have some excellent posts about 9-1-1) about this episode and how Albert/Veronica were proxies for Eddie/Ana, so definitely go check that out for a deeper dive. Sorry I don't have the direct link :(

Alright, let's get into this nonsense:

Eddie's talk with Chris about Ana

There are some interesting choices in this scene for sure. We're going to be talking about the usage of the word friend. In this scene, Eddie talks to Christopher about the friend he mentioned before, which Christopher gives a god-tier side-eye to, before Eddie specifically follows up by saying his friend is a woman, in which Christopher proceeds to go ape shit. The end of this scene shows Eddie holding his face with his right hand. There's a shot of LA before the next scene, but the first shot in that scene is a close-up of Buck's right hand, before it zooms out to show the rest of him. Listen, I don't know if this is tinhattery or not, but what a subtle way to connect these two scenes. Which brings us to . . .

Buck's awkward double date with Taylor

The song playing in the background as this scene opens, I know we all know it by now: Where Do We Go by Beauty Queen. In case you don't know, have some lyrics:

I wanna know there will be someone else for you / Cuz I can't stand making plans without you / where do we go when there is nothing left to do / cuz I'm wondering, wondering / where do I go when I stop running? / Will I have a place for my heart to stay? / Don't wanna end up one day with nothing / Where do I go when I stop running

When I return will it have been too many days / spent too long trying just to get away / feeling low and I know you can relate / cuz I'm wondering, wondering / where do I go when I stop running? / Will I have a place for my heart to stay? / Don't wanna end up one day with nothing / Where do I go when I stop running

Speaks for itself, right? It's actually driving me insane.

Not only is this obviously about Buck and Taylor, but this song being placed immediately after the scene with Eddie implores me to parallel it to Eddie's situation with Ana as well.

The scene continues, Taylor spits that unforgiveable bullshit at Buck, causing him to revert to Buck 1.0 before our very eyes. And again we have the usage of the word friend: "Because I could really use a friend right now," says Taylor. Leaving Buck looking dejected, and leading right into the next scene which is . . .

Christopher running away to Buck

So we go from Taylor leaving Buck behind to a scene with Ana trying to peace out herself, but Eddie asking her to stay. And we know what happens: Chris takes an Uber (???) to Buck's and Dad!Buck jumps out for a hot second. We have Buck assuring Christopher that he will always be there for him, and then again the use of friend: "You're a good friend [Buck]."

Listen, I'm sorry (not sorry), but these three scenes happening one after the other, connected the way they are, with an obvious theme about "friendship" and what does it mean and when does it lead to something more, threaded through each scene? What was the reason? What is the endgame here?

The episode altogether, but especially these three scenes, are so loud. The writers really tipped their hands for us, but again, I don't think it's something you catch on the first or second viewing. This plotline was entirely about Buck and Eddie. They have their little moment together at the beginning (which is an entire meta to itself), but they are intentionally separated throughout the rest of the episode. It was about them blindly following the paths they thought they were supposed to travel, ignoring the obvious signs of where they should be going. I am beside myself. These writers . . . .

4.08 is a gold mine, someone dig into this nonsense with me please.

#buddie #parallels #buddie meta #meta by me #the writers are insane #the writers are unhinged #this episode is a literal soap opera #Buck and Eddie chasing after these women #acting so angsty and unhappy #while they are steadfastly supporting each other and acting like a blatant fucking family #jfc all i want is a moment of peace #they are soulmates #someone should tell them that though #missing the signs they are #hiatus crackheadery

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extasiswings · 3 years

Text

That episode left me a broken woman. Here, have a continuation of the boxing scene. Also on ao3.

Buck hits the bag a few more times, but it’s harder without Eddie there to keep a foot on the edge of the frame to hold it down. The bag swings wider, the punches don’t land as strongly. And Buck finally just catches the bag and holds it in place until it stops rocking, feeling...feeling…

Tired.

He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. That for all his bravado not five minutes earlier that he could punch his way to clarity or healing or justice—for the kid he was, for the man he is—he can’t even keep it up. Can’t keep going. He doesn’t want to fight—not really. He’s not even sure he wants to try. He just wants to fucking sleep, to crawl into bed with a flashlight like he’s ten years old again and pull the covers up over his head and make his own little cave. Pretend that nothing can touch him there. Hide until it feels safe to come out again.

He’s so. Fucking. Tired.

Tired of not being good enough. Tired of trying. Tired of backsliding every time he thinks he’s finally in a good place. Months of therapy and he just—

“Hey.”

Buck looks up as he steps away from the bag.

“Thought you left,” he says quietly.

Eddie shrugs and holds up his hand to show off the two wrapped protein bars he’s procured.

“Haven’t seen you eat all day. Thought you should,” he replies. He nods at the gloves on Buck’s hands. “You can take a break. The bag will still be there later...if you really want it to be.”

There’s the faintest edge of concern and disapproval in his tone, an echo of I’ve been down that road, I don’t recommend it. But it doesn’t feel like judgment. It doesn’t sting.

Buck sighs and strips off the gloves, scrubs his hands over his face as he collapses onto the bench. His eyes burn and he bites his cheek, swallows back the tidal wave of emotion threatening to drown him.

(There’s another piece to it as well—the nasty whisper that he needs to run away, that he’s too open, looks too honest, that he shouldn’t be showing it, sharing it. But thankfully, he doesn’t seem to have lost everything from months of therapy in one fell swoop, because when Eddie sits down next to him, close enough that their shoulders press together, he doesn’t shy away.)

“They asked what I expected them to do,” he confesses, leaning into that pressure, the warmth and solid muscle of Eddie’s arm. “I said things I’ve been keeping inside for years about how I’ve never been good enough for them and they asked what I expected. Like it was my fault. Like it’s still—like it’s always been my—even when I was a kid, Eddie, I was never enough, and I don’t understand why they don’t—”

Buck takes a shaky breath and lets it out. “I didn’t think it was too much to expect your parents to give a damn. I definitely didn’t think it was too much to expect them not to blame you for it when they don’t.”

“It’s not too much,” Eddie says firmly. He presses the protein bars into Buck’s hand and although he doesn’t feel at all like eating, Buck tears one open anyway.

“It’s not too much to expect your parents to love you,” he continues. “Or to expect them not to be hypocrites. It’s not too much to expect them to apologize when they’ve hurt you.”

“They’re never going to do that,” Buck interjects, bitterness clawing up his throat like bile. “They won’t use the name I want them to, and that’s not even difficult. God forbid they ever actually admit they were wrong about something.”

Eddie’s quiet for a moment. Then, he says—

“You know, I’m not a therapist—although, for the record, you should probably call yours about this—but I’m pretty sure if they don’t apologize, you don’t have to forgive them. Pretty sure you don’t have to forgive them even if they do.”

“They’re my family.” It feels trite and hollow, an argument that Buck doesn’t even feel connected to, but is somehow compelled to make anyway. An echo of the words he’s had thrown back in his face a million times over the years.

Eddie just shakes his head. “They’re people you’re related to. This place, here? Bobby and Athena, Hen and Karen, Chim and Maddie...me—me and Christopher. We’re your family. The family you made. The family you chose.”

Buck’s eyes burn again and he glances away as he clears his throat roughly.

“Is it—is it stupid that I still want them to care anyway?”

Eddie shifts, moving away in favor of curving his hand around the back of Buck’s neck, his thumb pressing gently into tense muscle and working in small circles to dig the tension out.

“I don’t think it’s ever stupid to want someone to love you.” His voice is soft—it matches the look in his eyes, a look that Buck hardly feels worthy of. “But if they never do, that doesn’t mean you aren’t still loved. That you aren’t worth loving. All it means is that they fucked up and missed out on the best opportunity of their lives. And that’s their loss. Not yours.”

Buck’s stomach squirms but it isn’t uncomfortable exactly. More like he’s being pulled in two different directions—the one that’s still a mess, spiraling down into the dark, and the one that wants to press back up into Eddie’s touch, to drown in his eyes instead of that ocean of grief. The one that wants to upend everything and risk it all, that wonders if he knocks whether Eddie will let him in just like this.

The one that wants Eddie to love him back.

The one that wants.

“Worth loving, huh?”

Eddie’s lips quirk up. “Yeah, I guess.” His tone is light and teasing, but his thumb strokes gently down Buck’s neck in a way that makes him hold back a shiver.

Buck wets his lips and glances back at the bag.

“It really doesn’t help. Does it?”

Eddie follows his gaze and shakes his head.

“For a little while,” he admits. “For a few minutes, an hour maybe—it can help you get some tension out. But at the end of the day, whether you’re fighting a bag or even another person, you’re not going to solve anything that way. Especially if you’re not even fighting the person all of those feelings are directed at. But, I know something that works a little better.”

His hand withdraws and Buck bites back a sound of protest. Eddie stands, holds out a hand to pull Buck up as well.

“Come on,” he says. “Shift’s over anyways--you’re coming home with me, and no, you don’t get to argue. Chris and I started a new puzzle last night and barely managed to get the border together. On god, I’m pretty sure it’s a lost cause without you.”

Buck’s startled into a laugh. For the first time all day, he smiles and doesn’t feel like he’s faking it.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

#chapel writes #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fic #911 fic #911 spoilers

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justaswampdemon · 3 years

Text

The Place You Need To Reach

Finally finished the first chapter of a Buck Begins fic I started...when the episode airs...Biggest of shoutouts to @marjansmarwani for the title help and also all the support and encouragement. You’re the best!

Read it here on AO3

Bobby’s phone rings loud from the night table, waking him with a start. Looking at the clock he groans, 12:45am glaring at him. Whatever irritation he feels is quickly overridden by Captain Mode. He reaches for his phone, already concerned. It skyrockets to worry when he sees Buck’s name lighting up his screen. He’d been worried when they found out Buck’s parents were visiting. The few vague things he’s heard plus what he's been able to piece together did not paint a pretty picture. Then this morning Buck had been waling on the punching bags while Eddie watched with carefully hidden concern. Bobby had hoped that had gotten some of the overwhelming emotions out, helped the kid get back on solid ground, but a call any time after midnight is never a good sign.

“Buck?” He sits up, getting a grumble from where Athena had been tucked against his shoulder. There’s no answer, just shaky breaths barely audible. “Buck what’s wrong?”

Athena rubs her eyes and turns her laser focus on her husband as she wakes up fully.

Another stuttering breath, followed by a sniffle and all the parental warning bells in Bobby’s head are going haywire. “Buck, c’mon kiddo I need you to talk to me here.”

“Bobby…” Buck sounds wrecked, his voice trembling and small. He sounds young and scared and Bobby shares a nervous look with Athena.

“Where are you?” He starts simple, all his first responders training kicking in to get Buck somewhere safe.

“Um...I just kind of started driving…” The pause on the other end of the line is agonizing. “I’m by the pier.”

That sends all kinds of alarms off in his head again. Buck drove to the pier, completely without thinking, and Bobby changes tactics slightly. He doesn’t just need to get Buck somewhere safe, he needs to get Buck here. “Are you ok to get here or do you need me to pick you up?” He’d drive to the middle of nowhere to get Buck if that’s what the kid needed.

“I can drive.” There’s a hint of stubbornness back in his voice, but it does nothing to settle Bobby’s nerves.

“Ok.” Bobby slips into Captain mode, hoping it helps keep Buck focused and present. “I want you to stay on the phone with me, and come straight here. Can you do that?”

Buck takes a few breaths, gathering himself and when he answers he sounds at least a bit more like himself. Athena is already up, changing into lounge clothes and grabbing her phone. “Yeah Cap, I can do that.”

He nods, more to himself, “good job Buck. You stay with me alright? You don’t have to talk, just listen to my voice and focus on driving.” Grabbing a sweatshirt and his slippers, he tucks the phone against his ear. Buck is so quiet, it’s possibly the longest the kid has gone without talking, especially to Bobby. He always has an obscure fact to share, knowing his Captain was always interested. Sometimes they were ridiculous, or it was something Bobby already knew, but they had bonded over loving weird facts. The way Buck had lit up when he realized Bobby was actually interested had firmly placed him in Bobby’s heart.

Making his way into the kitchen he sees Athena putting the kettle on, kissing her cheek and getting a supportive one armed hug. “How we doin Buck?”

“Almost there.”

“Ok, you’re doing good.” There’s another shaky exhale, and something close to a sob breaking from Buck’s throat. “Hey did you know Einstein issued the patent for Toblerone chocolate?” He doesn’t wait for a response, knows the words don’t matter as much as just having Buck hear his voice. “He was working at the patent office as a way to occupy his brain while figuring out equations.” He keeps offering up facts as he opens the front door. As soon as a familiar jeep parks behind his truck he hangs up.

He meets Buck half way, taking in the hunch of his shoulders and the way he avoids meeting Bobby’s eyes. Wrapping an arm around him he guides the kid inside and gets him settled on the couch.

Athena presses a cup of tea into his hands, sitting next to him with a gentle hand on his arm. Buck deflates at the contact, still not meeting either of their eyes. “What happened Buckaroo?”

Buck’s quiet, mouth twisting and leg bouncing. They give him time, let him gather his thoughts. “I was doing so good...I was getting better and in two dinners they’ve just…undone it all.” He breaks off into a sob and Bobby is moving before he realizes it, sitting on Buck’s other side and pulling him into his arms as Athena takes his mug from shaking hands. Buck falls apart in front of their eyes, years of hurt finally breaking free. “They never...they never cared. When they’d look at me it was like they were staring right through me, they’d barely acknowledge I was there unless I was hurt or I fucked up…then they’d have to look at me…but I was never enough and I tried.” He sounds almost pleading as he chokes the words out through tears. “Bobby, I really tried to be good enough for them to love me and all they could say was how difficult I made it...how difficult we made it for them. I just wanted them to love me and instead they gave up on me.”

“Buck you listen to me right now. You do not have to earn your parents love.” Athena holds his face in her hands, trying to get him to look at her. “Kids are difficult. That’s just called being a kid. Our job as parents is to love our kids no matter what. We love you, no matter what, and we are so so proud of the man you are.”

His eyes meet Athena’s for a moment and then go blank again. A harsh laugh grates out of his chest, “they never even wanted another son...they never wanted me.”

“Buck, what do you mean another son?” Bobby tries to think back on what he knows about Buck’s family, but as far as he’s heard it’s just him and Maddie.

Bobby lets him free of the hug as he tries to get the words out. “I had a brother…he was older and he got sick. They needed bone marrow and no one else in our family was a match.” The pieces fall into place and Bobby wants to vomit. Buck was a savior baby, and like he could hear Bobby’s thoughts he closes his eyes against fresh tears. “They had me for parts. But it didn’t work and Daniel died…and they were stuck with me when I’d already failed to do the only thing I was made for.”

Over where Buck has hunched back over, hiding his face in his hands, Athena and Bobby share a shocked and horrified look. Without hesitating Athena wraps him in a protective hug, eyes fierce even as her voice murmurs comforting nonsense. On the table Bobby’s phone rings, a quick glance showing Eddie’s calling. Bobby places a steady hand on his back, “I’m guessing Eddie’s looking for you? Do you want me to tell him where you are?”

Without moving from the safety of Athena’s arms Buck nods and lets out another choking sob. “I was supposed to come over for movie night…After I left Maddie’s I just sort of, I don’t know I guess I checked out. I don’t even know what time it is.” Suddenly he sits straight up, eyes wide. “Shit! I missed movie night! And it’s probably the middle of the night and I woke you up and—”

Before he can work himself into a full panic Bobby squeezes his shoulder. “It’s ok Buck, we’re here for you whenever you need us. Don’t worry about what time it is.” Internally he’s trying not to let the terror of Buck so out of it he completely lost himself cloud his mind. He needs to keep a clear head, needs to be the steady rock Buck is searching for. “Now do you want me to tell Eddie you’re here?”

“He’s worried I bet…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry him.”

Grabbing his phone Bobby stands and sees multiple missed calls from Eddie and Chimney, “he’ll understand just like we do. We’re all here for you Buck, you’re not alone.” Athena hands Buck his tea, coaxing him to take a few sips while he calls Eddie back. After one ring it picks up and Eddie’s frantic voice fills his ear. “Cap, we can’t find Buck. I don’t know what happened when he went over to Chim and Maddie’s but she’s almost inconsolable and Chimney is flipping out. He won’t answer the phone and he was supposed to come over. Albert said he never went back to the loft either…”

Quickly he steps outside, not wanting Buck to hear how scared Eddie sounds, it would only make him feel worse. “Eddie, take a breath, Buck is here.” He’s about to say that Buck’s alright but there’s no way Eddie would buy it. “He’s here and he’s safe. We’ve got him.”

There’s a sigh of relief and no small amount of swearing in Spanish. “Ok…ok good. I’ll text Chim and let him know.” A pause and then a little quieter, “do you know what happened?”

“His entire world just got turned upside down, it’s not my place to say any more than that…but he’s going to need us, need you, more than ever.” Glancing inside he sees his wife pulling Buck to lean against her again, a strong arm around his shoulders.

“Whatever he needs.” Eddie says simply, a little bit of calm working through his voice now that he knows Buck is safe. “Can Christopher and I come over tomorrow?”

“Of course, I’ll make breakfast.” Thank god they’re off shift tomorrow, Bobby has no idea how they’d manage to convince Buck to take the day off. The kid would almost immediately take it as a sign he’d done something wrong. So much of his behavior, his actions, are suddenly making sense and Bobby would very much like to have strong words with Buck’s parents. “Get some rest Eddie, I’ll call you if anything changes but we’ll see you in the morning.”

“Right, thank you Bobby.”

“Of course Eddie, take care of yourself and get some sleep.” Bobby hangs up and walks back inside and immediately Buck’s eyes shoot to his. “He’s not mad Buck, he’s just worried about you. I told him to bring Christopher over for breakfast.”

Buck looks completely drained as he sags with relief. His eyes are red and puffy and exhaustion radiates from every line of his body. With a quick squeeze Athena stands, “I’ll get the guest room all set up for you.” Buck looks like he’s about to apologize and Bobby’s heart breaks. “Don’t you dare apologize,” Athena says firmly. “You’re not being any trouble and we want you here. I know I’ll feel better if I know you’re here safe and sound.”

“Thank you…” Buck smiles at her, still subdued but genuine. Athena pauses to kiss the top of his head before heading down the hallway. Bobby takes her place on the couch and can’t help wrapping an arm around Buck in another protective hug. “I think you and Athena have hugged me more tonight than my parents have in my whole life…” Buck admits and Bobby wants to smack some sense into these people.

Anyone who’s spent more than 15 minutes with Buck can tell he thrives on physical contact. He takes every opportunity to be close to the people he loves. It’s the most obvious with Eddie, who’s always accepted Buck into his personal space even before they started to slide from friends to more, but Buck is quick with his affection and gets this almost surprised glee when he gets some in return. He soaks up love like a sponge and now they know why.

Athena comes back a few minutes later, giving them a fond look. “What do you think kiddo? Wanna try and get some sleep?” Bobby asks, rubbing a hand over Buck’s back.

“Yeah…I’m pretty drained Pops.” Together they stand up from the couch and follow Athena through the hallway.

“I put a pair of Bobby’s sweat pants and a sweatshirt on the bed.” Athena hugs him again, managing to tuck him against her so Buck looks small in her arms. He sniffles a little and steps back with a twist to his mouth.

Giving him a supportive pat on the shoulder, Bobby smiles at him. “We’re at the end of the hall if you need us.” Buck surprises him by reaching out and wrapping his arms around Bobby, squeezing tight before stepping back with a nod. “Thanks again…Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Buckaroo.” Athena smiles and grabs Bobby’s hand as they head to their room. They hear the door shut just as they shut their own and Bobby’s shoulders sag. Athena on the other hand starts pacing, eyes stormed over. “No wonder he was like that when he first came here. It was probably the only way he thought he could get any attention…we see it all the time with neglected kids.” Suddenly she pauses, spinning to face Bobby. “And Maddie! They probably made her keep it a secret…that poor girl had to just ignore that her brother had died and become a parent to the other one.”

Bobby rubs his hands over his face. “Eddie said she’s beside herself…inconsolable is the word he used…”

“I’ll call her in the morning and check on her.” Athena decides, finally crawling back into bed. Joining her under the covers, Bobby pulls her into his arms and takes comfort in the way she grips him just as tight. It’s a long time before they manage to fall asleep.

Buck leans against the door as it shuts. He feels…empty isn't the right word. More like he's been hollowed out and filled with cotton stuffing, nothing left in him but lumps and cheap fiber. Pulling his wallet and keys out of his pocket he tosses them on the night table, pausing as he pulls his phone out next. He turns it over in his hands as he sits on the bed, debating turning do not disturb off or ignoring the shitstorm that's probably growing in his notifications.

Taking a deep breath he sets it down and changes into his borrowed pjs. The sweatpants are a little big but actually long enough for once, and the sweatshirt is just loose enough it wraps him in comfort. Curling up under the blankets, Buck lets the feeling of safety wash over him. Snatching his phone from where he’d set it on the table he checks his battery life. It’s low but enough for him to pull up his recent calls and quickly select Eddie’s name.

It’s only two rings before the line picks up, “Buck?”

“Hey Eds…”

“Buck, baby are you ok?” Eddie goes from groggy to awake in a heartbeat and Buck closes his eyes against the worry staining his voice.

“Not really…no, but I’m better than I was.” He’s too tired to pretend right now, breath hitching, “I’m so sorry Eddie…I know Christopher is probably mad at me and I’m sure you are too 'cause I let him down and I didn’t mean to worry you…”

“Hey hey hey, it’s ok Buck.” Eddie cuts off the frantic apologies that seem to be forcing themselves from his throat. “Take a breath for me.”

There’s no way Buck can resist the softness in his words, following the gentle instructions until his breathing settles down. “I’m not mad Buck,” Eddie continues now that Buck’s not halfway to hyperventilating, “and neither is Christopher. We were worried about you, but you’re somewhere safe and that’s what matters.”

“Did you tell Maddie and Chim where I was?” Buck knows he probably did, he highly doubts they didn’t blow Eddie’s phone up when Buck went radio silent.

There’s a sigh on the other end of the phone, “yeah…They were terrified.” Buck feels a weird mix of guilt and anger flare up, and Eddie reads his mind as always. “I also told them to let you come to them, and to give you some space.” He hears the shifting of blankets before Eddie continues, “I know that whatever happened feels like your entire world just blew up…But remember that me and Christopher are here and we love you. Whatever it was, we'll be right here with you, ok?”

“Ok…I love you both too.” Buck wraps Eddie’s words around him, another layer of warmth under the borrowed sweatshirt. “Hey babe?” Eddie hums in questions. “Can you stay on the phone a little longer?”

“Yeah, I’m here Buck, for as long as you need me.”

It’s mostly quiet after that, a few murmured words of comfort and affection passed back and forth, but eventually Buck hears Eddie’s breathing even out and lets it soothe him enough to close his own eyes.

#swamp demon writes #my fic #buddie #firefam #I will always be weak for Bobby calling Buck kiddo

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tngrace · 3 years

Note

“I really need you” please!

Thank you nonnie. this is gonna be another coda/extension of 2.03 with members of the 118 making an appearance in the story. I tweaked some of the dialog, and who said and did some things to make it fit where I was going with this. Plus it gave me an excuse to watch parts of the episode again, especially stealing the fire truck scene. 😍🤣

And @moviegeek03 thank you for being so wonderful and becoming a trusted friend. Have some of that TK whump we discussed. 😉 i’m pretty sure this is the most whump I've ever written in one setting. This also ended up being more Judd & TK focused than Tarlos.... not sure how that happened. 🤔

Prompt was from this list. I'm officially closing that list but please feel free to send me a request if you have one and I'll see if I can do anything with it.

4 word prompts masterlist- find all completed fics & requests waiting to be written here. I've got 2 left to write after this one.

TK was exhausted. They'd been working the wildfire for a week, getting little sleep. Out of state crews were to be arriving any minute, and he was hoping that would mean they could catch a break. He just wanted a little rest, and to talk to Carlos. The few texts they'd exchanged wasn't enough anymore.

Before he was able to find a quiet spot for a call, his dad called a meeting with all the out of state crews that had arrived. He let's out a deep breath and throws on his jacket, before joining his crew. Out of town crews made him uncomfortable just because he wasn't sure he could trust them. With his team, they knew each other's moves and thoughts as they worked together. He knew they needed the help, but he was leary. His leariness remained especially when he saw some guy constantly staring at Marjan. It set his already frayed nerves on edge.

TK is gathering shovels and picks with Mateo when he learns Judd, Paul and Marjan are abandoning them with one of the 118 crew members. To say he is not happy about it would be an understatement. He tries to put on his best face though, and he can’t turn off his friendly personality even though he tries when he realizes it's the guy who stared Marj down. Plus Mateo is doing his damnedest to engage him so TK throws in his own comments to try and help because he knows how personally Mateo takes things and he just wants to protect him.

The work is hard and tiring on his already tired body. Plus Buck just doesn’t seem to want to engage with him. TK understands though; Buck is probably feeling just as abandoned as he is by his team which he tries to convey to Mateo. At least TK still has Mateo; Buck was left by both of his other team members. As they’re comparing their wildest calls, TK sees a burning car rolling down the hill at top speed at them. He doesn’t even think; he just reacts diving towards Buck with a yell at Mateo to look out.

He collides full force with Buck, knocking him out of the way. He can feel the air knocked out of himself as well as they collide with the ground. They’re up and moving before his body can even process possible injuries, the adrenaline spurring them on. Once the fire is out, and the dog is reunited with his owner, TK doubles over to catch his breath. He can feel the struggle, knowing he must have sustained some bruising to his ribs when knocking Buck out of the way. He feels a twinge in his ankle too, but ignores it. He can’t afford to be hurt though with it being all hands on deck, so he takes as deep a breath as he can and stands back up before anyone can notice.

“So that was weird,” Buck says to him as they watch the guy retrieving his dog from Mateo.

“Right?” TK says with a confused look on his face.

“Nice moves by the way. Good reflexes,” Buck says with a smile on his face before he walks off to get back to work.

“Yea you too,” TK says watching the scene and still mentally trying to asses himself. He has enough medic training to know what he should be feeling for, and when all he can come up with is the soreness in his ribs, he decides to push on.

After that, Buck opens up more to them also explaining his fixation with Marjan earlier, and it makes the day pass faster. TK does his best to ignore the aching in his ribs and ankle. Buck notices how off TK would get at times, especially when he wouldn’t take a break from digging, but he brushed off every attempt Buck made at making sure he was ok. Mateo has noticed the same thing, but he also knows when to push and when not to push TK.

By night fall, they’re heading back down the mountain, still discussing their wildest calls, and TK is limping and having to pause his talking every now and then to catch a breath. His ribs and ankle are throbbing now, and he just wants some Tylenol and bed. Mateo effectively ends their pissing contest on who has the wildest calls, but before he can even contemplate the fact that Probie was the voice of reason, they encounter the rest of their teams minus his dad and Hen.

They tease them about already having their feet up, but one look at Judd and Marjan and TK knows somethings wrong. “What? What’s wrong?” he asks feeling the panic building under his skin. It’s not ideal for his ribs, but he can’t stop it, not with the way they’re looking at him.

“You didn’t hear did you?” Marjan finally asks finding her voice first. TK is looking between all of them as he hears Buck ask, “hear what?”

Paul speaks up then, explaining how his dad and Hen went up to provide air support to find the missing kid. TK’s eyes never leave them as he listens, his breathing becoming more erratic the longer Paul talks. When he hears the fateful words that the chopper went down, he’s almost positive he stops breathing. He feels his world tilting; he feels his knees giving out, but before he hits the ground again, Judd is off the back of the ATV so fast TK is not sure how it happens.

“Woah there brother,” he says his arms coming underneath TK to catch him. TK can’t stop the whine when Judd’s hands connect with his sore ribs. “What the hell?” Judd asks him as he holds him up.

“Uh... I might can help with that,” Buck says when TK refuses to answer Judd. He explains how TK saved him from the runaway car, and how he’d been limping and breathing weird ever since. He explains that he tried to get TK to take it easy, but TK insisted he was fine and kept working.

“Of course he did,” Judd says before muttering under his breath about idiot little brothers.

“Uh... Judd,” Paul and Marjan say at the same time as TK’s erratic breathing becomes extremely apparent and his eyes glass over.

“Fuck,” Judd grunts as he takes more of TK’s weight. “Let me get him calmed down and then you can check him over,” he tells Eddie before more or less dragging TK off to the first quiet spot he can find. They’ve been down this road with TK’s panic attacks before, and Judd seemed the best to handle them.

He gets TK seated before coming around in front of him and placing his hands on TK’s shoulders. “Hey kid. Eyes on me,” he says as one of his hands come up to cradles TK’s neck to keep his head from lolling too much. He can tell TK has really worked himself up this time, by the glassy look in his eyes and how TK doesn't appear to hear him. “TK! Look at me,” he says sternly as he finally gets TK’s eyes on him. He takes TK’s hand and places it along his own chest so TK can feel his breaths.

“I’m gonna call Carlos and you’re going to focus on breathing,” Judd tells him digging in his pocket for his phone while making sure TK stays with him. “Slow and steady,” Judd reminds him as he focuses on keeping his own breaths even for TK to match.

“Gracie!” Judd says when she picks up. “I need you to get me Carlos. TK is having a panic attack, and he needs to talk to him,” Judd relays. He knows she’s working tonight, and he’s not sure about Carlos so he did the only thing he knew would guarantee Carlos would answer. It doesn’t take Grace five minutes before she has Carlos on the line. Judd quickly explains what has happened and that he needs Carlos to talk to TK.

He puts the phone on speaker so he can go back to holding TK’s head up. “Alright Reyes you’re on speaker. He can hear you,” Judd relays and he steadies his breathing once more for TK.

“Ty, you’re ok. I’m here. Judd’s there. You’re whole team is there. I know you’re tired. I know you’re exhausted, but I need you to focus on breathing for me ok?” Carlos murmurs softly. Judd can tell TK is focusing more listening to Carlos and he tells him to keep talking.

Slowly but surely TK comes back around and his breathing is more even. “Carlos,” he finally says in a choked whisper when he realizes his boyfriend is talking to him.

“Yea love, I’m here,” Carlos says as TK finally reaches for the phone from Judd.

“You good? You’re not gonna kill over on me are you?” Judd asks him as he sees TK sitting up more on his own.

“I’m good,” TK promises as Judd finally passes him the phone.

“Five minutes little brother, and then I’m letting the Army medic check you over,” he warns before giving TK time to talk to Carlos.

TK takes the phone off speaker, but he knows Carlos has already heard. “Ty? Why is the medic looking you over?” he asks TK with worry clearly seeping through his tone.

“Judd’s being overprotective as usual,” TK says but he knows Carlos doesn’t buy it. He lets out a sigh and then winces when his ribs twinge. “I’m tired, exhausted really. I saved one of the other guys from a different team today from a runaway car. The collision with the ground may or may not have bruised my ribs, and I may or may not have tweaked my ankle, but I’m fine,” he tries to stress not wanting his boyfriend to worry anymore.

“Tyler,” Carlos stresses knowing TK is not fine. If he was fine, Judd would not have had to call him tonight.

“Ok, I’m not fine,” TK admits trying to hold his tears off. “I’m hurt. I’m tired, so tired. Dad is possibly hurt or dying or we don’t know. He.. He crashed in a helicopter and no one’s heard from him, and I just... I just got him back from the cancer, and I just almost lost him last week. I just.. I can’t... I can’t... I can’t do this again. I can’t lose him. I can’t... ” he gets out in a rush with his breathing hitching and his ribs protesting.

“Easy Tiger. Breathe,” Carlos calms. “Breathe TK. It’s going to be ok.” TK tries his level best to control his breathing and stop the tears once more.

“I just really need you,” he gets out as a few stray tears fall. “I don’t think I can do this.”

TK can hear background noise and Carlos talking to someone in Spanish, before Carlos is telling him he will come. “Wait? Who was that? Where are you?” TK asks knowing Carlos rarely uses his Spanish unless he’s on the phone with his family or on a call where he needs to use it. TK doesn’t think Carlos is working, which means he must be with or around his family.

“I was at my parents,” Carlos tells him. “But I’m coming to you, ok?”

“What? No! You can’t!” TK says feeling the panic rise once more. Carlos won’t even broach the topic of his parents with him, and TK doesn’t know why. He hasn’t had the time to question Carlos on it either between Tim’s death and being called out to assist with the wildfire, but TK knows it’s something. But the last thing TK wants is to pull Carlos away from his family knowing how little time Carlos gets with them. Besides he doesn’t want Carlos near this fire either.

“TK it’s fine. I can be there within three hours. Just breathe baby,” he says when he hears TK’s hitching breath once more.

“Carlos no. Don’t. Stay with them, please,” TK begs the tears falling faster now despite how much he tries to stop them. It’s amazing how broken down and non-cooperative the body can get when it reaches the stage of exhaustion TK is in. He doesn’t want Carlos’s parents to have a bad impression of him if they know about him, or for them to be mad he’s pulling Carlos away when they rarely get to see him. It's causing his panic to rise once again.

Judd has returned to force TK into being checked over and notices the tears and erratic breathing once more. “Damn it kid,” he says as he kneels in front of him again. He once again places TK’s hand along side his chest, before putting the phone back on speaker. Carlos is doing his best to get TK to listen and calm down, but Judd finally has to speak up.

“It’s not working. Look I’m gonna see if I can get him calm,” he tells Carlos who then explains what happened. Judd sighs knowing TK’s mind is just too worn down at this point. “Drive safe,” he tells Carlos before hanging up knowing it’s useless to try and tell Carlos to stay in Austin.

“Alright kid, breathe with me,” Judd instructs as he forces TK to focus on him and breathe. Once TK is breathing normally again, Judd motions for Eddie to come over and check him out. The others have gone to the command tent to see if they can reason with the Commander. Judd would love to be in there helping them, but he knows his anger would get the best of him because he knows what the Commander is going to say. Besides TK needs him and that is his top priority right now.

Eddie checks TK over, noticing the dark bruising along his ribs. He feels of them making TK wince as he apologizes but they both know it has to be done, and while they don’t feel broken, with the bruising he thinks one might be cracked. “I’m good,” TK tries to say, but Judd ain’t buying it.

“Just let him wrap your damn ribs kid,” Judd says tossing Eddie an ace bandage. “I know you’re not gonna stay in the tent and rest, even though that’s where you should be, so at least let us make sure you’re not going to do more damage.”

TK finally relents and Eddie does his best to stabilize TK’s ribs. He then moves on to check TK’s ankle, and once his boot is removed, the swelling is obvious. Eddie feels along it and determines it is just twisted. TK had come to the same conclusion, so he lets Eddie put a brace on it to keep from making it worse. Eddie leaves them with it once he’s finished his medical assessment, knowing Judd probably needs a minute with his kid brother.

“Look I know I’m not going to be able to keep you sidelined on this,” Judd started getting a definitive agreement from TK making Judd rolls his eyes hard. “But I want you to be smart about it, and try not to make your injuries worse.”

TK does agree to that, even though they both know once he's caught up in the moment, he'll forget his promise. He doesn’t want to be laid up anymore than Judd wants him injured. “Now wanna tell me why talking to your boy sent you into another spiral?” Judd asks as he helps TK up and towards a picnic table.

“Not really,” TK murmurs as he drops down to rest.

“Fine. I won’t make you talk if you don’t want to. I know what that’s like. But you know I’m here for you bub.” At TK’s nod, Judd announces he’s going to find them food and water and for TK not to move. TK decides he needs to inform his mom what is happening, so while Judd is gone he calls her. He’s just wrapping up the call when he feels someone walking up behind him. He assumes it’s Judd returning with the promised food and water, he had no plans of touching, but is surprised to see it’s Buck with pizza.

Even though Judd had told him not to move, TK is up and moving as Buck starts to talk. He doesn’t think he can handle any small talk, and he doesn’t want to talk about how he is. He just wants to find his dad, even though he knows deep down he is in no position to go out looking for him. Even though he knows it, he doesn’t think it’s going to stop him, especially when Buck holds up keys to the fire truck.

They grab their go bags and sneak through the command center. TK is a little slower than he’d like because of his ribs and ankle, but Buck is patient with him. TK tries to talk Buck out of going so he doesn’t get fired as well, but Buck doesn’t back down. TK is thankful because he knows he’s not fully up to going this alone. He gets frustrated easily when Buck doesn’t explain his total plan and tries to divert him from the 118′s truck. He just wants to get in it and go before Judd finds him.

It doesn’t take long for Judd to gather everyone up when he gets back to the table he’d left TK at and finds it empty. Eddie is the first to piece it together when he realizes Buck is also missing. They grab backpacks and race off to the fire trucks, splitting up to surround them when they see two bodies trying to sneak around. They flip on their flashlights and Judd speaks up before the guys make it to the 126′s truck.

“Hey! Dumbass! Dumbasser!” Judd calls out making them both freeze. TK knows he’s screwed by Judd’s tone of voice. He slowly turns to face Judd and realizes Paul and Mateo are with him. He sees Buck looking the other direction, so he can only assume Marjan and Eddie are there. “Did you stop and consider the consequences of what you’re about to do at all?” Judd asks shining his light on TK making him wince hard at the bright light as Paul shines his on Buck.

TK’s theory of Marjan and Eddie coming in from the other side is confirmed when they both speak up. “You obviously don’t know Buck.”

“You two didn’t seriously think that you could sneak off and drive into wildfires did you?” Marjan asks in an accusatory tone, making TK scrunch his face with a wince feeling like a scolded kid.

“Yes?” he says, more like asks, timidly. He’s hurting, he’s exhausted. He just wants to find his dad and sleep for a month. He wants this stupid wildfire over with so he can go back home.

“Well that ain’t gonna happen,” Paul finally pipes up. TK feels the defeat creeping in until Buck stands up to them. “You think you’re gonna stop us?” he asks.

“Stop you? We’re going with you,” Mateo supplies like an excited puppy going on his first adventure. “Come on let’s go,” Eddie say as everyone starts loading up.

TK and Buck share a look as everyone jumps into the truck. TK gives Judd a skeptical look making Judd roll his eyes. “Just get in the damn truck before I change my mind,” he huffs helping TK climb up. Once everyone is in, they take off up the mountain to find their captain and Hen.

Judd does his best to keep TK from over-exerting, but it’s useless. As soon as the truck stopped, TK was out and racing for the helicopter despite his limp. Judd watched from the sidelines as TK crawled all over it, screaming for his dad. He knew they weren’t there though; he knew Owen would’ve tried to get them somewhere safer. He can see the defeat creeping in to TK’s face. He decides to take the lead and tells everyone to fan out. He grabs TK and makes him come with him so he can keep an eye on him. He takes the backpack off TK’s back so it’s less he’s carrying and exerting himself.

Once Hen and Owen are found, Judd can’t stop TK from climbing into the mine to get to his dad. He knows TK is probably doing more damage to his ankle and ribs, but he can’t stop him. They’re able to get both Hen and Owen out safely and loaded in the trucks. TK sits next to his dad the whole way back, telling him over and over he’s going to be ok even though Owen is unconscious.

Since they were able to complete the rescue safely, their reprimands are minimal. Once they’re dismissed from the Commander, Judd steers TK to the medical tent. “No argument,” he says gruffly when he sees TK start to protest. “You are hurt. You are exhausted, and brother, I’ve lived through the kinda panic attack you hard earlier. You are resting. You are getting fluids and a proper medical assessment even if I have to tie your ass to the bed.”

“That won’t be necessary Judd,” they hear turning towards the voice. Carlos is standing there in uniform watching them. He’d used his badge and uniform shamelessly to get through to San Angelo as quickly as he could after hanging up with TK. He hadn’t explained it to his parents, just told them he had to go, and here he was.

TK’s eyes filled with tears before he could stop them. Carlos had really come. He was here. TK all but collapses in his arms, and Carlos catches him as always. “I’ll leave ya to it,” Judd says clasping Carlos’s shoulder before he goes to check on the captain.

Carlos gets TK over to a bed, and TK clings to him when Carlos tries to lay him down. “I’m not going anywhere Tiger,” he whispers as he finally gets TK stretched out. A medic comes and checks TK over, Judd having sent her over after detailing what he knew of TK’s condition. She starts an iv to run fluids before listening to his lungs. She doesn’t think anything is broken, but she does advise he take it easy in case one is cracked. She elevates his ankle wrapping it in ice and suggesting he rest for the time being. Carlos sits by his bed the whole time carding his finger through TK’s hair.

“I’m sorry you left your parents,” TK says quietly.

“Don’t,” Carlos tells him as he softly kisses him. “You needed me, and here I am. I always said I would come if you needed, and that doesn’t change just because I’m visiting my parents.”

TK gives him a sleepy nod, Carlos’s fingers working like magic as always to relax him. “Rest TK, and then we’ll go home and you can rest some more.” TK turns into Carlos’s touch giving a sleepy nod, before he lets his body succumb to the exhaustion and he falls fast asleep.

The out of town crews are dismissed while TK is sleeping. Eddie and Buck both check in on TK and see Carlos sitting beside him watching him sleep. They leave their numbers and well wishes with Carlos before following Hen to check on the captain. They let her have a moment with him, while they say goodbye to the rest of the team. The 126 decide to all catch some sleep now that the wildfire is contained. They know they’ll be dismissed to return to Austin soon, but they all need some much needed sleep. They check in on their Strand boys before they all crash for some much needed rest.

It’s the next day before they load the truck to head home. TK decides to ride back with Carlos letting his dad have room to stretch out in the back of the truck to rest as Judd drives them home. He’s still feeling the exhaustion, and he’s glad they have mandated time off. His head lolls against the window as Carlos drives them home. He knows over the next few days they’ll have to talk about his panic attack and how he freaked out again over Carlos’s parents, but for now he’s just glad to be back with Carlos and almost home.

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star #911 lone star fic #4 word prompt fic #writers life #big brother judd #judd & tk #126 & 118 #i love a fire fam #this is more fire fam than tarlos #but i got my tarlos moments in there

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ellelans · 3 years

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You made a tag comment about how Buddie wasn't planned from the beginning. And therefore what we got in Season 2 wasn't (at the time) the groundwork for a love story. I agree completely! Much of it I can see as either a bit of fun (the Christmas elf, the instagram girl) or that kind of hyper-masc heterosexuality that loops around itself and becomes gay (Buck's whole...thing with Eddie in the beginning, the focus on Eddie's body/hotness/physical appearance). But sometimes I step back and look at the whole and I'm all 🧐 🤔.

I don't even know what I'm asking lol. Would just love your thoughts/feelings on the confusing spectacle that are Buck and Eddie in season 2. And when/how/why did the show change their mind?

Thank you so much for the ask and you know what? Let’s talk about it.I recently had an in depth chat about this pretty unpopular opinion with a friend and I tried to explain to her why I don't see buddie as an actual pairing or having any canon potential until early s3 and why I don't believe they were planned from the beginning.This will be long and all over the place of course lol

The first and the most obvious reason is the way 911 deals with main characters and their romantic arcs.They don't actually drag it on for long because there is no need or time for that since every single main character has a strong storyline of their own and any romantic development between any pair as an additional combined storyline. Relationships happen fast on 911 because they are planned ahead and the only relationship that took longer than usual few episodes was Chim and Maddie and they were already kissing and planning a date in 2x11.

Also when shows enter their second season there is never a way to predict how long it will stay on the air and because of that it is impossible for me to believe that buddie was planned as some epic old school slowburn that is nowhere as close to be resolved after 3 seasons.When I say old school slowburn I mean shows that have this one heterosexual romance at the center of the universe that is usually stretched across seasons and builds up sexual tension between characters and it takes literally years for them to finally get together.We have these two characters that where made for each other and you KNOW that they will eventually get together because of some ridiculous pining that will eventually end in a kiss and everyone will scream and cry.And maybe that’s how buddie feels to me now after years of careful build up-but the way I see it they as a potential something didn't happen in s2.

We all joke about how character introduction of Eddie is the gayest we have ever seen and Buck's reaction to him as true bisexual and I do that myself too because I am a bisexual too and tbh its hard to unsee (also I don't want to) but lets remove our rainbow glasses for a second. What really did happened in that scene? Eddie's perfect abs on display,Chim and Hen fun comments on how beautiful he is,Bobby's praise and bragging about getting Eddie and his Silver Star on the team and Buck's insecurities flaring up as a reaction to all of this.Buck immediately feels threatened.At this point we of course have no idea how deeply his insecurities run or why,but as episode progresses we witness Eddie on his first call making a better decision to how to handle a medical situation and backed up by Bobby.It has sort of a devastating effect on Buck,who suddenly starts acting like we have never seen him before.Then there is a that scene at the gym where Buck tells Eddie how he is his problem. And later we of course have the scene in ambulance when Eddie asked what exactly they are measuring. Because that's what it looked like - a usual macho men measuring context. But the thing is 911 doesn’t toxic masculinity when it comes to main male characters and we saw many examples of that already by then,but the biggest one was supposed to be BuckandEddie. Equals,partners and best friends.

911 was already pushing boundaries with cast,characters and relationships diversity and I strongly believe that what they wanted to show us was a male equivalent of what we are used to see in female bffs -a different kind of a friendship between men. Men who care about each other,who talk about feelings,discuss sex,dating or why they don’t,who again openly acknowledge that they find each other attractive and giving advices on how to take a more flattering selfie,who are not afraid of crying, admit they are struggling or heartbroken or loving their kid.Honestly when was the last time any of us saw a male friendship like theirs?Men are not allowed to be like that on TV (I am still shocked that its a Fox show tbh) and especially with each other.We are not used to see such a development so no wonder people started paying attention-which was what writers wanted,of course.

But that also brings us to that important question about queer undertones,subtext and do what we actually see in s2. Are there queer undertones?Absolutely. Subtext?It’s right there but you will probably not get it unless you’re reading between the lines.Before we get to Christmas Elf,there was ‘’He is cute!/He gets that a lot,you should’ve seen his kid...’’ Maddie and Buck scene that is once again reinforces that Buck finds Eddie attractive and it shouldn’t be a surprise because we already know from 2x01 he has eyes - but they mention it AGAIN and that personally made me raise a brow or two.By the time we get to that Christmas episode,we already have Shannon back and Buck finally moved on from Abby with Taylor and then Ali and then we are given another queer coded scene-with Christmas elf.And its very cute and to an average heterosexual viewer its a nice little joke,but any queer watching that scene was probably taken aback a little.

So why imo did Tim&Co do it and when they realized they can actually see where they can take BuckandEddie and when they started becoming buddie?My answer is ship teasing.It’s what a lot of people actually mistake for queer baiting,but we are not talking about that rn.Ship teasing works like charm and if shows can get away with that-they will totally use it to their advantage.It’s usually not always malicious,but it IS always intentional because that brings in a category of people that were overlooked for a long time-online fandom.Now I have seen some opinions that fandom doesn’t really matter,it’s the ratings that count and that is NOT TRUE.You can have your ratings,but if there is no buzz online?Your show is going nowhere.For at least a decade now every self-respecting production has teams to monitor fandom activities because it gives them better ideas about how consumers(fans) are interacting with their product (show).Fandom is important because we generate the buzz.So I do believe that BuckandEddie and that sweet ship teasing were to get a certain part of the fandom pay attention.

I wasn’t here when S2 aired so I don’t know if that was the case,but it is obvious that these scenes I talked about above made fans pay a LOT of attention. And maybe that was the reaction writers needed to start changing course from ship teasing to start building up to something else.They maybe didn’t plan it at the very beginning and on paper,but lets also not forget the insane chemistry between Oilver and Ryan,which imo is another big reason-it's impossible to ignore.

Because S3?Is light years away from S2 in terms of BuckandEddie-they became buddie.In s3 Buck and Eddie become each other’s significant other,they are in a primary relationship. ’’Buck invites Eddie...’’?!!!!! It is not yet romantic and probably won’t be until ending of s5 if we are lucky-but it is in your face,they are not subtle anymore.I personally saw buddie only at the end of 3x03 when Eddie came over and said that there is noone in the world he trusts with his son more than Buck, looking like he did into Buck’s eyes,while ‘Photograph’ played in the background right before Buck’s overvoice about being seen and found and a raft to bring one home. After S4 ending tho...we all know that something is about to happen and its like there is electricity in the air as we are waiting for s5!

Probably a lot more thoughts than you expected,but I have many feelings about these two and when buddie goes canon this post will become completely irrelevant lol 💖

#what i was trying to say #is that s2 still can be read as heterosexual #but s3? no way #s3 was different #it was impossible to ignore that something is going on #911 #buddie

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inawickedlittletown · 3 years

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Alone Together - meta/review

This was such a good episode! I think while I thoroughly enjoyed 4x01 and the way that it got us back into the rhythm of things especially with, you know, a pandemic happening, 4x02 got us back into the usual balance of emergency and personal aspects.

Spoilers below:

The episode begins with news coverage and it’s a good way to jump right into what’s happening and give us a recap to last week. And then we meet the three roommates. I can’t be bothered with remembering their names, but they were fun. The dynamic there is interesting and of course, this leads into some really awesome shots of the Hollywood sign breaking and the mudslide. The whole sequence is such a good opening for the episode and it sets our scene well. While I don’t have any complaints, this emergency is smaller scale to the tsunami and the earthquake of the past two season openings, but that isn’t much of a problem when we consider that they shot this in the middle of a pandemic. So, it works.

What I found most interesting about this episode, and in a way how it continues the stories that were begun in 4x01, is that we delve further into the personal. Not every character is featured heavily, but we get small and big moments with all of them.

Athena:

The struggle that Athena has faced since the end of last season has been handled so well. Her trauma and how it lingers on her and yet doesn’t change how strong and fierce and amazing she is, is amazing to watch. It’s inspiring. Having Athena be right in the midst of everything especially when she wasn’t supposed to be just fits so perfectly. Having her contrast with Sylvia who is afraid of leaving her own house, and having Athena rescue Sylvia and herself and not give up, not even when the voice of dispatch was her daughter asking her to save herself. I just love Athena so damn much. She went through a journey in this episode and while I don’t think that her trauma is over, I think she will push herself to move forward and move past it. If not just for herself, then for May.

I also really appreciated that we got a moment where Athena gives her approval of David by telling Michael that David looks tired. It was such a nice touch. The Athena and Michael relationship has been developed so well from S1, to a place where they are both with other people but can still be family.

And finding out that May made the choice to be a dispatcher over going to school to be about her mom felt absolutely right and I feel so much for both of them and both sides, but I do have to say that May’s outlet for her lack of control in her life/the life of her loved ones is at least healthy and it’s making a difference.

Lastly, I will never not be fond of Bobby and Athena — the way that Bobby was allowed to go search for her personally and that moment when they saw each other. His promise to always search for her. After everything Bobby went through during Athena’s attack, it’s easy to think about how difficult this was for Bobby.

Chimney:

The other big focus of this episode was Chimney. 4x01 set up the living arrangements and it was immediately apparent that while Chimney had his reasons, that he didn’t need to be as set on that. After all we’re told that both Eddie and Hen went back home to their kids, so Chim should have gone home to Maddie and his unborn baby.

It’s nice that we begin this conversation with Buck and Chim, instead of directly involving Maddie. We already know how Maddie feels about this — she misses Chim and wants him around.

Chim’s joke about his “bad joke” being a “dad joke” was perfectly in line with his type of humor and it set us up for the conversation to come in which we learn that Chim’s whole problem is not just concern about the pandemic, but a deeper fear that he won’t be a good parent. His convo with Buck certainly offers some insight into his worry, but also the willingness that Chim has to do absolutely anything necessary for his baby, whose gender the characters and us, the viewers, don’t get to know yet.

The rescues that Chimney and Buck end up going on begin with Chimney — not Buck — hearing a baby crying. And just like with Athena, the emergency itself gives Chim more insight into himself and into his situation and into what he needs to do. He rescues the baby, finds a bunch of pregnant ladies, and then goes on to deliver a baby and while talking to the mother, I think Chim finally gets to understand what the importance that being present for Maddie means.

We get a very sweet moment where Maddie arrives home and finds Chimney already there and the whole thing is just emotional enough both from Chimney’s perspective of just how pregnant Maddie is and Maddie’s surprise and joy to have him there with her. They really are the sweetest together. And by the time that we’re in the closing parts of the episode and we see Maddie and Chimney on a video call with the new roommates — uncles to be Buck and Albelt, it’s clear that they’re settled together and happy and that Chimney knows better than to argue about coffee.

Hen:

Ms. Henrietta Wilson knows how to emote with her eyes. We first see her reactions to Chimney’s bad joke and just her general demeanour and it’s all perfect, and then gets better when she’s reacting to Bobby’s facts about the Hollywood sign. In a liveblog post I said this was very Buck and I stand by it. Not just the rattling of facts, but the need to research a new place in some way.

But where it gets good is when we see Hen in the middle of the drama among the roommates. Hen does so much with just a slight widening of her eyes, or a look in a certain direction. The timing is absolutely perfect and is practically alone in making that scene funny.

Other than these small moments we don’t get much of Hen in this episode, but we do get the sweetest moment towards the end where we get to see Hen and Karen’s daughter, Nia. Not only is this little girl adorable, but with just a couple of lines, I’m sure she’s stolen every viewer’s heart. And to add to this, the love and pride that Karen feels for Hen radiates. I cannot wait for the show to go further into Hen’s experiences on her road to becoming a doctor.

Bobby:

Bobby mostly plays the part of a secondary character to everyone else’s story. We see plenty of him and we learn that he’s the one with facts about the Hollywood sign. Mostly, I enjoyed that he played a part in finding Athena and I think it was an interesting choice to have him keep his composure and be professional. In some ways this relates to May and the conversation that May has with Maddie about the need to put feelings and personal stuff aside to do the job. And yet we know that after what Athena has recently gone through, that none of that could have been easy for Bobby.

Eddie:

Very little Eddie once more. I’m honestly not concerned about it to be honest. I’ve seen a lot of talk about how little he shows up in promo stuff and all that, but I just think it’s important to remember that this is an ensemble show with a rather large cast and that it’s entirely possible focus on his character will come in other episodes. And to consider that he’s one of the characters that was chosen for the cross-over.

But we did get to see minor Buck and Eddie interaction, and more importantly we got to see Eddie and Christopher.

And I think it was so important to bring Carla in, even over video, because she really is a huge part of Chris’ life. It does lead to the question of who is taking care of Christopher while Eddie is at work? How is school being handled for him? And it was just so lovely to see Eddie fall asleep at a bedtime story too.

Buck:

He is just so damn smart. Who would have thought to follow the feedback to find that baby? Buck is the kind of character that takes in the variables and finds a way to problem solve. He’s the kind of smart that you want and need in a crisis. And he’s also very cognizant of what’s going on with Chimney and his sister enough to be able to try and get through to Chimney about how he needs to move back home. I just love the consistency of having Buck be research crazy, quick to figure things out, and still at times a dumbass. It’s what makes him so perfect.

I also appreciate that he’s called out for having too many rules by Albert and I just want to know all about the rules that Buck would impose on those staying at his place other than the sharing of chores that is mentioned in the episode.

I’m also very curious about Buck and his therapist, the covid crush that literally everyone on the internet scoffed at and figured out even before last week’s episode aired. We were all right. It was fun to see all the crazy theories, though. But I do find it interesting that Buck feels he needs to hide the therapist from everyone because that isn’t really about what he and the therapist might be talking about, as much as it is about not wanting to be judged for needing a therapist.

And his feelings are absolutely valid. Not because I think anyone in the 118, or Maddie, will judge him for needing it, but that they do sometimes her pushy with things and wanting to know more — we see that already with the covid crush thing — but I think it’s also to do with not wanting to explain himself and all of this is even more valid with the knowledge that we have about Buck’s parents showing up.

But, the fandom at large has wanted Buck to talk to a professional for a long time, so I think we’re all very happy that he’s getting help. And I’m also very glad that we got the reveal in this episode and it wasn’t drawn out and made out to be something it isn’t for much longer.

Dr. Copeland. They really know how to pick names on 9-1-1, don’t they?

But of the small clip we get to see of her, it is clear that she is helping Buck and Buck begins the therapy session we get to see by admitting that Dr. Copeland might be right about him hiding his true feelings and Buck, holy hell, what does that mean?

Because, it could literally mean anything. It could be about his sexuality and discovery about his romantic feelings about a fellow firefighter. Or it could be that it’s about how much of himself he hides away or doesn’t present to the world in light of, you know, all the trauma that he’s faced and that we’ve all wanted addressed. This could also tie in some way to his past and that doesn’t have to take away from possible reveals about his sexuality. Mostly, it just makes me more and more excited for Buck Begins.

Overall, an excellent episode. I love the things it touches upon and how the show isn’t steering directly into a deep focus on covid and instead giving us these moments of things have changed and this is how it is now from seeing everyone in masks, to seeing Hen going to her class online, and even down to Buck’s therapy happening over a screen. It is excellently handled when it comes to David and Michael and not only in the confirmation that they are living together in spite of the possible contact with the virus, but in how we see them handle that. Michael taking care of his man. All of that was lovely.

The episode closed out on an amazing note, giving us these momentary glimpses into where everyone is and their familial spaces and the love and acceptance felt there and all the small tidbits and hints at what may be coming up.

#911 fox #911 meta #911 spoilers #911 on fox #spoilers

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wild-springflower · 4 years

Text

And I Can’t Wait to go Home

A coda to episode 3X15: Eddie Begins. Because it ripped my insides out and stabbed me with all the feels. But Buck and Eddie need to have a conversation.

Eddie winced as he stretched his stiff neck, thankful that as far as injuries went, his were mostly superficial. Especially given how dire the circumstances had actually been. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew he was lucky to be alive, and only he knew how close it had actually been, as he’d refused to tell anyone the exact details of what happened 35 feet below the ground.

The doctors seemed amazed, frankly, and couldn’t find any reason for him to stay in the hospital for more than one night. Which was why Buck was waiting silently in a chair by the wall, having brought a fresh pair of clothes for Eddie to change into.

With a sigh he turned back around, fully dressed, with what little of his things he’d had left after being whisked away to the hospital packed neatly into a bag. Except for his necklace, that he kept tucked safely in his front jean pocket, where he could feel the comforting weight pressed against his leg. Slowly he turned to his best friend; he’d been waiting patiently for the dam to burst, or the volcano to erupt, or whatever other metaphor fit the situation, but it seemed like he was going to have to pry.

“Okay,” Eddie began, trying to sound as non-confrontational as possible. “let’s hear it.”

Buck blinked, almost tiredly, and it seemed to take him a moment to register Eddie was talking to him. “Hear what?”

“Whatever it is that’s had you biting your tongue since I got here, yesterday.” Eddie stressed, making it clear that if Buck had been attempting to hide it from him, the efforts were unsuccessful.

Buck shook his head, still refusing to look Eddie’s direction, but finally, quietly, “That was stupid of you.”

Eddie hadn’t quite caught the words that had been so softly murmured they might as well have not been spoken, “What?”

“I said that was stupid of you!” Buck exploded with a rush of water and volcanic ash. He stood with such force his flimsy plastic chair almost toppled over, before he began pacing in front of the door. “I mean, cut the line? What kind of self-sacrificial moron does that?”

“Well, me, obviously.” Eddie said with a little chuckle, trying to lighten the mood, but he was completely serious when he looked over Buck’s tense form. “And I have a sneaking suspicion you would too.”

Buck huffed, but the barest hints of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he nodded, “Yeah uh, Hen said as much.” The humor, however, was quickly washed away. “God, Eddie, did you even think before you did it? Consider the consequences at all?”

“No.” Eddie responded immediately, truthfully.

“Of course not.” Buck scoffed in response, arms crossing back over his chest.

Eddie felt a flare of defensive rage for his actions rise in his chest and couldn’t entirely control his tone as he responded. “Look, the only thing that went through my head was the fear in that kid’s eyes, and the feeling of his little fingers in mine before I got wrenched away. Leaving him alone, in the cold, in the dark. And I knew that if it was Christopher trapped down there, I would want the person sent to rescue him to do everything in their power to get him out. I couldn’t leave him down there.”

Buck nodded, he inhaled shakily, and when his eyes opened Eddie was shocked to see them lined with tears, “I know.” He nodded again, hands reaching up to rub at his face, then comb through his hair before ultimately falling by his sides as his head leaned back towards the ceiling.

For several moments the two stood in silence, Eddie watching carefully as Buck inhaled deeply, before his eyes finally opened and turned to face him on the exhale. He looked a little more composed than before, but was still clearly reigning his emotions in.

“I know.” He whispered, “It’s what makes you good at your job. You care, and you genuinely want to help however you can, and you’re willing to do whatever it takes to protect an innocent person, you won’t stop unless every option has been exhausted. Those are only some of the reasons that I lo-” Buck cut himself off with a quick click of his jaw, Eddie was almost worried he’d bitten his tongue in the process.

But his interest was piqued. He knew what Buck wanted to say, he felt the words resonating in his own chest loudly. It seemed like forever they’d been dancing around it, tiptoeing the line, with neither one of them willing to take the plunge and jump across. “That you what?” He whispered, tilting his head slightly as he stepped closer.

For several moments the entire world seemed to fade to the background, as Buck’s wide eyes met his. Buck’s stare was so intense, his eyes deep like an ocean that Eddie was more than happy to get lost in. At some point during their conversation the two had drifted ever closer together, like they always did. Sometimes it seemed like they were two opposite ends of a magnet, no matter how far they wandered always finding their way back.

In a sudden flurry of movement, Buck surged forward and pressed his lips against Eddie’s. It was warm, and tasted salty from tears, and it made Eddie go weak in the knees.

When they pulled apart Eddie realized Buck wasn’t the only one crying, he heaved a large breath, both shocked at the kiss and the warm water streaming steadily down his face. He’d closed his eyes for only a moment but when he opened them up again the uncertain face of his best friend stared back him, worrying at his bottom lip in trepidation.

Without a flash of doubt in his mind, Eddie leaned in, smiling happily as his lips once again brushed against Buck’s. Buck’s large hands fisted clumps of his shirt, refusing to let him move away. Eddie’s own hands moved to drag through Buck’s messy hair, before settling over the back of his neck, fingers framing the man’s face.

“Hey,” Buck finally whispered, when they broke for air. “I need to say something.”

“Of course.” Eddie said, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist.

Buck swallowed, “You, Edmundo Camilo Liam Diaz,” he began, voice so thick with emotion it made Eddie start crying all over again, “are a brave idiot, and I could not be more proud of you, but you better not do something like that again, you hear me?”

Eddie blinked, there were so many emotions flooding through his system, but somehow the thought at the forefront of his brain was, “Wow, that was really good pronunciation.”

Buck pulled back, shaking his head in disbelief even as he laughed wetly in amusement. “Is that what you took away from this?”

“No, no of course not, I’m sorry.” Eddie dipped his head to catch Buck’s downcast gaze, “Hey, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. And I promise to try and not do something like that in the future. Okay?”

He hoped it was enough, and for the few terrifying seconds it took Buck to nod softly he had been worried it wouldn’t be. But deep down, Eddie knew he couldn’t make a promise like that and realistically keep it, and Buck knew it too.

“Okay.”

Eddie had no control over the laugh that escaped him, he was feeling so many different emotions he couldn’t even possibly begin to name them all. Finally, he sniffled and looked back at Buck with a coy smile, “You still didn’t say it you know.”

Buck pulled back, his own eyes just barely beginning to dry, “Are you serious?”

“Oh yeah.”

“You’re insufferable.” Buck said with a wide smile as he pulled playfully against Eddie’s shirt.

“And you, Evan Buckley, are perfect.” Eddie whispered, cupping Buck’s chin to pull him in for a chaste kiss before resting their foreheads together, closing his eyes and breathing deeply through his nose. “And for the record, I’d be more than happy to say it back.”

Eddie felt more tears pool above his thumbs and knew they must look like such a mess. They were so engrossed in each other and their conversation, neither noticed the tell-tale clack of crutches against hard floor until Christopher’s soft voice was filtering through the doorway.

“Daddy? Why are you crying?”

Buck pulled back immediately, but he didn’t go far.

“Oh, hey buddy!” Eddie said, trying to wipe away some of the evidence on his face. “It’s okay, we’re just, really happy.”

Christopher took a half step forward, head bent upwards at the pair. “That you made it out okay?”

Eddie nodded, but also didn’t want to lie to his kid, “That, among other things.”

“What other things?”

Buck stifled a snicker behind his hand, shaking his head when Eddie looked to him for assistance.

Silently cursing the man he loved, Eddie sighed, “Just, something we’ll talk about later okay?”

Christopher seemed unphased, “Does it have to do with you kissing Bucky?”

Eddie’s brain stuttered to a standstill, his mouth opening and closing several times as he tried to form a coherent thought. Buck’s face was red all the way to the tips of his ears, and judging by the burning Eddie knew his wasn’t much better. “Uh, you saw that did you?”

“Mmhmm.” Chris nodded with a self-satisfied smirk.

Eddie shook his head in fond exasperation, “What am I supposed to do with you kid?” He opened his left arm to make room, “Well come on, get over here.”

Chris giggled, and practically launched himself into Eddie’s waiting arm. He easily hoisted Christopher off the ground and pulled him tight against his chest, using his other hand to squeeze Buck.

He felt as Buck maneuvered his arms from where they’d been pressed to his chest to snake around his and Christopher’s backs. When he dipped his head against Eddie’s collarbone, Eddie couldn’t resist the temptation to kiss the hair that was tickling his neck. Then he turned slightly so he could nuzzle Chris with his nose. “I love you both.”

“Love you daddy.” Christopher whispered back.

Buck just nodded his head against Eddie’s chest gently, but Eddie knew the meaning behind it.

Buck’s fingers were digging tightly into his shirt, warm tears staining the light fabric dark, and Christopher’s crutches were pushing against his bruised ribs, but Eddie wasn’t about to stop the hug.

It was messy, and perfect, and not at all what he had ever expected it to be. But he’d meant it, he’d meant it unconditionally and without exception. He would always fight to come back to his family, no matter how it changed, or where they were, he had them, and he loved them. And he was never letting them go.

#911 fox #911 spoilers #3x15 #Eddie Begins #Eddie Diaz #evan buckley #Buddie #buck x eddie #my writing #the level to which I could not while watching this episode was astounding #like gouge out my insides with a dull boxcutter why don't you

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thisissirius · 4 years

Text

CAN TUMBLR STOP FUCKING UP MY READ MORE PLEASE AND THANK YOU

WRITTEN FOI AN ANON. AGAIN.

Siri I have a plot for you if you want to take it. In the episode Buck was on the outside of the train and Eddie was inside while Bobby was outside (Sorry haha this is complicated but i'm trying to explain) Would you be able to write a story where while Buck is saving Rumer Wllis and they get Sam out Eddie is still in the train. Buck manages to get out of the way but the train crushes Eddie.

Sorry second part. So now Eddie’s trapped in the train and Sam’s safe and Abby comes over. Buck gets mad at her because Eddie’s in the train. I like Abby so please don’t make her evil I just want Buck to get mad at this. If you cant thats okay too. I love your stories

NGL anon, this post was a BALM and i spoke to @hearteyesforbuck and this happened. oops. so as an aside, i LOVE abby and want her to be happy, so the views expressed by eddie are not all my own.

face the wind [AO3 LINK] eddie/buck, abby, firefam. spoilers for what’s next? and some injury TW.

Buck makes the mistake of thinking everything’s going to be okay.

The rescue is almost complete; they’ve got the young woman out through the panel Buck cut through and she’s gonna be fine. Buck trusts Eddie on that diagnosis; though he’s less certain how they’re gonna get Sam out. Eddie assures him they’ll both fit through the panel as well, careful considering Sam’s crushed chest, but the basket is the best option of getting Sam to solid ground without more injury. It’s still risky, especially as Buck’s not convinced they’re as secure as they need to be, but the winch is working well enough and they’ve come this far; they’ll get it done — and Buck thinks yes.

There’s a steel beam between Buck and Eddie when the train starts to rumble at the base of the car. Eddie looks at him with wide eyes and Buck snaps, “go!” before rappelling down as fast as the harness allows. He holds his breath the entire way down, fear settling low in his belly as the car starts to move, and he hits the ground the same time Sam does. The paramedics are startled, looking at the falling car, and Buck shoves at them. “Go, go!”

The words are barely out of his mouth before the car picks up speed, toppling away from them. Buck’s on the wrong side of the basket, away from Eddie, and he can’t move out of the way, can’t get free as they’re shoving Sam forward, away from the car. Buck needs to get free, to help Eddie, but he’s being propelled away from the scene.

“No, wait,” he cries, caught up in his harness. He waits to be wrenched from his feet, but it never comes; the winch snaps, hitting the ground with a vicious crack. Buck’s heart goes with it as the car comes to a sliding stop halfway down the hill, still tilted and unsecure. Bobby appears before Buck can finish unhitching himself. Buck needs to get untangled and away from Sam so that he can help Eddie. His hands are shaking as he tries to get out of the harness, and he can’t bear to look at the train, at the wreckage, but he needs to get there and—

“Buck.”

Buck tenses, head snapping back so fast he feels something wrench. Ignoring the dull throb of pain, he stares.

Abby’s just letting go of Sam’s hand as the paramedics remove him from the scene, but she remains, her hands falling by her sides when she looks at him. Her expression is hopeful, if a little awkward. “I wanted to thank you.”

Feeling what little control Buck’s got on his emotions snap, he takes an aborted step forward. Aborted, because Bobby grips his upper arm tightly. Buck can’t hear anything through the rush of blood in his ears, but he laughs; it sounds a little cruel. “Thank me for what? Promising you something I shouldn’t because of some strupid left over feelings? I’ve lost myself twice because you couldn’t just tell me what you were feeling, Abby. because you couldn’t not rush into a vertical train car!”

“Buck,” Bobby says.

Buck ignores him, knows he’s shaking from something other than adrenaline. “Eddie��s in there,” he says, waving a hand towards the train. “Sam’s got two daughters, but Eddie’s got a son, our son,” the words twist on the way out, getting choked, and Buck can’t think about it, can’t— “I don’t wanna have to tell him—”

“Buck,” Bobby interrupts, and while Buck can’t look away from Abby, from her stunned expression, he closes his mouth. Bobby continues, “Abby, I need you to leave.”

“I,” Abby starts.

“Now,” Bobby snaps, and there’s a hard edge to his tone that Buck doesn’t know what to make of. Ignoring Abby, Bobby tightens his grip on Buck’s arm, forcing him to look Bobby in the eye. “You need to get you head together, Buck. Eddie needs you. They’ve got eyes on him, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s not an easy fix.”

Buck immediately comes back to the moment. He doesn’t wait to see if Abby listens to Bobby or not, because he’s scrambling back towards the train car. He’s wasted time yelling when he needs to be focused on Eddie. His heart almost stops when he sees the wreckage; the train car is completely buckled on one side, the end warped and twisted, and Buck can see only a window that might give enough for him to jam his head in. There’s still no security in the way it’s leaning, and Buck doesn’t want to think about another topside rescue.

“We have ears on your guy.” Rodriguez from the 153 is already on scene. “He’s jammed between the beam and a couple of seats; didn’t get far before it went. Slightly disoriented with possible concussion. Can’t get anything else out of him.”

“Fuck,” Buck mutters. He doesn’t wait to hear anything else. Eddie doesn’t know Rodriguez and Buck knows when he’s out of it, the last thing he wants is someone unfamiliar. Approaching the window, Buck breaks it gently, shielding himself as he sticks his head through. “Eddie?”

“M’stuck,” Eddie slurs. He sounds far away.

Blowing out a breath, Buck maneuvers so he can fit a hand through. “Eddie? I’m just gonna shine my flashlight, so I need you to close your eyes for me, okay?”

Eddie makes a noise that Buck takes for assent and flicks on his handheld. He sees the beam, Eddie flinching away from the light, which concerns Buck. He bites back on saying anything and follows the line of the beam. Ignoring the cold trickle of fear down his spine, he sees the way Eddie’s leg is twisted under steel, bloody already, and calls back up.

“I see you, buddy, but I gotta talk to Bobby a second.”

“Go,” Eddie says.

“To talk to Bobby,” Buck says firmly. “I’ll be back.”

Eddie says something else, but Buck can’t make it out. He’s not sure he wants to hear it. Bobby’s at his elbow when he pulls back and Buck makes a face. “Trapped,” he affirms. “Steel beam on his leg, slurring his words, thirty feet up.”

Bobby goes pale. “Shit.”

Buck focuses on Eddie, the things he’s seen, and the rescues they’ve already performed. “I don’t like it,” he starts, “but we gotta cut through that beam.”

“He’ll fall,” Rodriguez cuts in.

“I’ll be right there,” Buck says firmly, giving Bobby a look. “We’re not getting him out any other way, Cap. That’s thirty feet and he’s stuck in there. We can cut through the top, but it’s the same problem. We don’t have any winch security again, and I don’t know if the car will withstand a lot of wait up top.”

Bobby stares at the train car, working things through, and Buck waits him out. They don’t have time, he knows it, but he’s pushed Bobby once and he doesn’t want to do it again.

Rodriguez is watching the train too, and he sighs. “I don’t like it, Nash, but the kid’s right. The only way I see this going well is if we cut from beneath. We need to move fast before we lose your guy for good.”

“Not an option,” Buck says, and Bobby finally looks him in the eye. “Bobby, I promise. I’m not being foolish about this, not with Eddie—”

“I know.” The faith in the words stuns Buck for a minute before Bobby rests a hand on his arm. “Alright, we’ll do it your way, but I need two more firefighters under you—”

There’s a commotion behind them, and Hen and Chim are running up, looking out of breath but panicked. “Cap?”

“Shit,” Chim says. “Eddie’s in there?”

Buck doesn’t have time to explain. “Hen and Chim can come in, Cap. they’ll be there to make sure Eddie’s not injured beyond—”

Bobby nods. “Hen, Chim, Eddie’s trapped thirty feet up. Buck’s gonna cut into the beam and bring him down.”

Hen and Chim share a glance and Buck expects them to disagree or argue. Instead, they nod, and Buck blinks back blurred vision, swallows thickly. Bobby nods towards the car.

“Go,” he says.

“We’ve got you covered on the outside,” Rodriguez promises.

Buck doesn’t wait around to hear anything else. He starts off for the window and grabs the cutters. “We have to make this bigger,” he says, getting much-needed help from Chim. “Eddie’s slurring, blood on his leg, and he flinched from light.”

“Doesn’t necessarily mean anything’s wrong,” Chim is saying as Buck cuts through the metal siding. “It’s pretty dark in there, so we’ll make an assessment once he’s adjusted. Worried about the slurring. Did he hit his head?”

Buck grunts as the metal peels back from the car and drops to the ground. It’s wide enough for him to climb through and he does so. “No harness,” he says when Hen opens her mouth. “Gotta have the basket ready, Eddie’s gonna need it with that leg.” Once he’s cleared the hole, and confident Hen and Chim are following, Buck clambers back inside. “Eddie?”

There’s nothing. Then, “Buck. M’here.”

“Good,” Buck says, levering himself up between the seats. “Flashlight’s going on again, alright?”

“Kay,” Eddie says, and Buck doesn’t like how faint his voice is.

The light goes on and when Buck shines the beam across Eddie’s upper torso, Eddie flinches again.

“Bright.”

“I know, buddy,” Buck says, managing to get a foothold on the seat beneath Eddie. Eddie’s in a similar position to Sam’s, except with a leg jammed between a beam, and he swallows down bile at the state of Eddie’s leg. He doesn’t react this way at scenes and knows it’s only because it’s Eddie. He’s not squeamish, it’s just Eddie. “Chim?”

“On it,” Chim says, directly below Buck. “This is gonna hurt, Eddie.”

“I know,” Eddie says, and he sounds a little more alert. “Do it.”

Buck wants to close his eyes against the pained moans Eddie lets out while Chim checks he’s got a pulse. There’s so much deja vu here, a cruel twist of irony that Buck hates, but he manages to get a grip on the beam.

“Oh, don’t do that,” Eddie groans, whimpering, and Buck rocks back on his feet.

“I have to cut it,” Buck says. “I know it’s gonna be weird because you’ll have to fall, but I promise I’ll catch you, okay? I’ll be right here, Eddie, and I’ve—”

“—got me, I know,” Eddie says, and his eyes are a little more clear when he looks at Buck. He quirks his lips up into a smile and then winces as Chim releases his leg. “M’safe.”

Buck nods, because he doesn’t trust himself to speak. “Okay, I’m just gonna go grab the jaws and we’ll have you out of here.”

Eddie nods again, mouth opening but nothing comes out, and Buck reaches over, rests a hand on Eddie’s hair. Eddie pushes into the touch a little. “You’ve got me.”

“I do,” Buck promises, and pulls back, dropping down a seat or three. Chim looks serious. “He okay?”

Chim nods, all business, and looks between Buck and Hen. “He’s got a pulse, so I’m not worried about that. Blood loss might be an issue. Was he tracking?”

“Eyes seemed clear,” Buck says, “but he’s still wincing at light. A concussion is almost certain.”

“Crush injuries?” Hen asks.

“Breathing rattled,” Buck says.

Hen nods and she and Chim share a thoughtful look. “Nothing out of the ordinary,” Hen says eventually. “We free him, we’ll be able to make a better assessment.”

Buck looks up at the beam. “Spinal injury?”

“Won’t know until he’s out,” Hen says. “No other way to do this.”

It’s not the best outcome, but Buck swallows around the lump in his throat. “I’ll take life-altering injury over death and I hope he will too.”

“I can hear you,” Eddie says, voice carrying well through the train. “M’not deaf.”

Buck lets out a shaky laugh and climbs back up.

“Just do it,” Eddie says, wincing. “Can’t stay here forever.”

With that prompting, Buck, Hen, and Chim get to work. Buck cuts through the beam, Chim keeping an eye on Eddie from below, and Hen getting ready with the basket. Eddie makes soft, pained noises throughout the process and Buck does his best to block them out; he doesn’t want to lose concentration and cut through something he shouldn’t. He feels something give beneath the jaws and there’s a creak.

“Shit,” Buck says, and hands off the jaws to Chim. “Okay, Eddie, one more shove okay?”

Eddie grunts again, eyes lifting slowly to Buck’s face and then the beams cracking, a high whine as it splits and Eddie’s letting out a pained noise as he starts to slide down the gap. Buck winces, shoves at the steel beam.

Hen and Chim have moved to the side, away from the path of the beam, and Buck gives it a kick; at the same time it goes tumbling down the train, Eddie starts to fall. He slams into Buck with a cry, and Buck wraps his arms around Eddie, almost losing his balance in the process. He’s got a leg on each seat, arms full of Eddie, and a back that’s gonna protest later.

“I’ve got you!” Buck adjusts his stance, trying to stay level. Eddie shifts, another pained grunt, and then he’s looking at Buck. His pupils are tracking, and he looks fine, but he makes a face.

“Think I’m gonna throw up,” Eddie says, burying his face in Buck’s neck.

Buck winces. “If you have to, do it. I’ll get you out of here.” As he talks, he starts to work his way down the seats, Eddie clinging to him. His weight is heavy, arms weak, and Buck knows he’s trying his best, but it’s awkward at best. There’s still half a beam above them, but it still seems wedged well enough; Buck’s not about to take unnecessary chances.

Chim’s watching their descent, clambering over one of the seats, and gets a grip on Eddie. Eddie says, “no,” and tightens his grip on Buck. Chim holds up his hands, a rope in his fingers. “I promise I’m just keeping you attached to Buck. We can’t get the basket up here, Eddie, you need to be secure.”

“Kay,” Eddie says, and Buck waits for Chim to support them both, and the three of them make their way down. Chim’s going slow enough to keep Buck steady, but with enough speed that before Buck knows it, they’re taking the last step down, the basket right there.

Buck shifts his grip. “Just gonna get you on the basket, okay?”

“Uh-huh,” Eddie manages, going limp in Buck’s arms as they settle him on the stretcher. Hen and Chim immediately set to work stabilizing him as best as possible. Eddie’s eyes are on Buck, though, his fingers twitching. Buck reaches out, squeezes them gently. “Thanks.”

“Idiota,” Buck says, and he doesn’t know much Spanish, but it makes Eddie’s lips curve up. He looks tired, eyes closing in pain as they lift him up, and Buck’s heart lurches. “Let’s get out of this damned thing.”

“You don’t have to tell us twice,” Chim says, and the three of them manage to get Eddie out of the gap in the train carefully. The train is still precarious and Buck doesn’t trust it to hold with all the moving they’ve done inside.

Outside, Rodriguez is true to his word; he’s got an ambulance waiting, and Bobby’s there to help them load up Eddie. Outside, with lights flooding the area, Buck gets a better look at Eddie. His leg’s a mess, and there’s blood matting his hair that Buck doesn’t like. Eddie’s got his eyes closed, still mumbling about wanting to throw up, but he’s being put in the ambulance so Buck trusts he’s in the best hands.

Bobby’s at his elbow, hand on his back. “You doing okay?”

“No,” Buck says honestly. “I need,” he starts, swallows. “Get to the hospital.”

“Come on. Let’s get you changed and then you go and check up on Eddie, alright?”

Buck nods, itching to be where Eddie is, but he’s exhausted, dirty, and needs to check in with Abuela and Chris before going to the hospital. Not that he thinks Eddie’ll wanna see Chris when he’s half-conscious in the hospital, but Buck needs to reassure himself that Chris is okay, that they’re going to be okay.

Eddie wakes up slowly. His leg aches, his head is thumping, and he wants to go right back to sleep again. There’s someone in the room with him; he can feel their weight against the bed, and his sense of the room’s been magnified since Afghanistan. “Hey,” he says, shifting in the bed. “i knew you had me. Never let me down.”

Opening his eyes, he’s startled when it’s not Buck sitting next to him, but Abby. Immediately, his heart hammers in his chest, and anger unfurls, harsh and sudden in his chest. His lip curls up into a sneer, eyes narrowed.

“Never let you down either.” Abby’s lips pursed together, but Eddie’s not done. “Can’t say the same about you.”

“You don’t know me.” Abby’s soft-spoken, he realizes, but it doesn’t change his opinion. “I wanted to say thank you.”

Eddie doesn’t have the patience for this. He’s never met Abby but he doesn’t like her. He thinks he’s entitled not to like her; when someone breaks your best friend’s heart and ghosts him for the better part of a year? Eddie’s not inclined to give you the time of day.

“Don’t bother,” he says, looking up at the ceiling, then back at her. “I’m not the one you should say thanks to.” Abby at least looks contrite. “He wouldn’t leave. Wouldn’t let us until we’d saved both Sam and-”

“I know,” Abby says quickly. “Sam told me and I appreciate what you did. I know you didn’t have to.”

“Buck did,” Eddie snaps. “Because for some stupid reason, he still wants you to be happy. Which, good for him because he’s a better person than either of us, but I don’t have to want that for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Abby says. She sounds sincere and Eddie wants to temper his tone, but he’s in pain and she came to him.

“How did you even get in here?”

“I saw Captain Nash leave,” she says. She puts her hands in her lap and looks out of the door for a moment, then back at Eddie. “I just wanted to thank you for what you did for Sam.”

Eddie nods, takes a moment before he replies. His anger is receding and he’s just tired, wants to get the heck out of the hospital. “I want to thank you as well.” Abby looks surprised and Eddie huffs a laugh. “You couldn’t see what was right in front of your face. It means I get him instead, my son gets him, and we’re damned lucky to have him. There’s no way we’re ever giving him up.”

Finally, Abby’s expression shifts to anger. “I’m entitled to want something better for myself.”

“Yeah, you are,” Eddie allows. “But you don’t have the right to drag this on for Buck for so long. He’s a good person, trusts implicitly, and I hate that you damaged some of that faith he has in people.”

“I’m glad he’s happy,” Abby says, and Eddie hopes she’s hearing him. “I want to speak to him.”

“He’s happy now,” Eddie says, choosing to focus on that first. “He wasn’t then and he still isn’t, not about you. I hope I—and my son—have done some good.”

Abby nods. “He called your son our son.”

Eddie’s breath hitches and he wants Abby gone, wants privacy so he can work through that. “You should talk to him. He needs that, I think, needs to hear whatever you’ve told yourself to justify it, but if you hurt him again.” He almost leaves the threat hanging. “I might be in a hospital bed right now, but I won’t let you near him again if you do.”

There’s a drawn silence where neither of them says something. Eddie looks at the clock, knows Buck’s due back soon, and he doesn’t want Abby here when that happens.

“I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to hear,” he says because his Abuela would kill him if he wasn’t at least a little polite. “Please go. I’m glad Sam is okay, I am, but Buck’s coming soon and I don’t want this,” he says, gesturing between them, “to get in the way of us going home. Please.”

“Bit late for that,” Buck says, and when Eddie looks up, he’s standing in the doorway. Eddie’s stomach swoops.

“How long have you been there?”

“Long enough,” Buck snaps, and his expression is angry. Eddie can feel his own anger fade beneath the shame pooling in his belly.

Taking a deep breath, he tries to sit up, grunting when his head pounds, his leg spasms and he gasps, “Buck-”

“Stop it,” Buck says, and between one of Eddie’s breaths and the next, he’s on the other side of Eddie’s bed, hand in his hair. “Stop moving.”

“You’re not mad?” Eddie says, slurring his words a little. He really needs to stop moving.

Buck blows out a breath and drops a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “Not at you. Idiota,” he adds, and Eddie gives him a weak smile.

Abby stands. Her clothes are still dirty and she looks like she could do with a night of good sleep, but Eddie’s watching her face, the look she gives Buck’s hands, then his face. “Can I speak to you?”

“Later,” Buck says firmly.

“I don’t know how long-”

“Abby,” Buck says, straightening up, and he still has a hand on Eddie’s hair, scratches his fingers, but Eddie doesn’t know if it’s intentional. It feels good anyway. “I want to talk to you. I want to clear the air between us, but I’m still mad. About you, and the fact that you indirectly put Eddie in danger.”

Another pause. “I’m sorry I made you promise me.”

“You didn’t,” Buck says, squeezing Eddie’s hand. “I made that promise myself because yeah, I still care about you. I want you to be happy, and I don’t want to be angry with you, but I am. I could have lost Eddie for the sake of your fiance and I can't—I can’t look at you and not think about that, so I need you to go.”

“Buck—”

Buck lets out a slow breath. “Abby. Think about Sam; if I’d come out and told you I’d saved Eddie and left Sam to die, how would you be feeling?”

It must land; Eddie can see the moment she realizes, and it’s probably about the same time Eddie does. They’ve been heading for this thing for a long time. Slow burn, gradual leaning towards each other, whatever anyone wants to call it, Eddie’s got enough love for Buck burning in his body to power LA for a lifetime.

“I’ll call you. We can arrange something.”

Eddie turns his face into Buck’s wrist, closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to see Abby leave, or the look on Buck’s face when she does. He doesn’t open them until Buck moves his hand, tilts Eddie’s head up.

“Look at me?"

Eddie does, wincing at the light. Now that his anger’s gone, now there’s nothing left but Buck and the pain, Eddie feels the throb in his head turn into steady drumming, the ache in his leg becomes a burn, and the warmth of Buck’s hands is a balm against the hurts. "M'okay.”

Buck laughs, and there’s a little bit of lightness there. “Liar. You have a concussion and a laceration as deep as my love for you.”

Eddie laughs, groaning when it causes his headache to flare, but he wraps his fingers around Buck’s. “Don’t make me laugh, asshole.”

Buck’s flushing, a grin on his stupid face, and Eddie loves him so much.

“I wanna go home,” Eddie says, closing his eyes.

Buck hums, resumes stroking his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “Doctors are discharging you soon. We gotta wait for them, Eds, then I promise we can go.”

“Chris?"

"Gave me a card for you,” Buck says, his voice low. He shuffles around some, dragging a chair over to the bed. “You can read it when the room stops spinning.”

“I’m fine.”

“Shut up,” Buck says. Eddie feels a press of lips to his temple. “We’ll get some painkillers for your concussion,” Buck says gently, the motions of his hand in Eddie’s hair soothing. Everything about Buck is soothing. “You’ll go home, spend some time recovering, probably worrying about Chris-”

“M'not worried,” Eddie objects and opens an eye. “You are.”

Buck glares at him. “Of course I am! We haven’t even vetted this place, Eddie. What if Chris hates it and wants to come home? What if we wanna talk to him and-”

Eddie snorts gently, feels the tug of sleep pull at his consciousness. Chris is gonna be okay and so is he; Buck has them both.

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #buddie fic #911 fic #abby clark #fic by me #911 #911 spoilers

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0ciestiel0 · 4 years

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Buddie Appreciation/Ted Talk

Buddie Appreciation

This is going to be extremely long, basically a novel. For Real, this is loooong. I have tried my best to organize what we have for Buck and Eddie’s relationship and the building up that has been done and give some theories/explanations for our Buddie moments. I don’t necessarily mean that in the totally romantic sense as they aren’t actually a couple as of now, but I discuss why Buddie is a ship and why it is a valid ship and what it seems like the writers are doing. I cover all of seasons 1-3.I have posted everything before the updates sections before, but this is the complete seasons 1-3. Without further ado,

Welcome To My Ted Talk

So obviously Buck and Eddie are close. Buck calls him his best friend in Searchers. They didn’t start out that way, however.

Buck was jealous of Eddie. Not just because he was a new hot guy who was in his turf and he felt threatened with that whole hot firefighter calendar but of how easily the team accepted Eddie into their ranks. Buck had to fight and earn a place and respect but Eddie just walked in and had it. It stung and you could see it in Bucks facial expressions and overall attitude.

However, that animosity quickly subsided the minute he and Eddie share an intense call. He sees that Eddie has experience and skill. Eddie offers him to have his back and Buck offers the same. But Eddie acknowledges Buck’s skill. He tells him he’s good under pressure. He offers verbal praise which I think is something Buck kinda craves. He seems to need that verbal validation. He must not have had that unconditional love growing up, at least from his parents and Maddie left for school and then got married and had her own set of problems. But Eddie gave that validation. That was a very quick progression to friends but not necessarily unreasonable given Buck’s personality.

They slowly bond over their time being partnered in the field. Buck spends the most time with Chris out of anyone else on the team. Buck helps Eddie out, giving him rides, going to see Santa, getting Eddie Carla, and who knows what else we haven’t seen. The lady elf even thought they were a couple and Chris was their son. Buck obviously cares about Chris. He loves spending time with him. When Eddie brings him to the station Buck was already informing Bobby and getting the necessary permissions. And he was Playing with him on the fire pole with Eddie. Maddie even picks up on their closeness by teasing him about having boy-crush on Eddie.

Eddie talked to Buck about his relationship with Shannon. Buck was the one to take Eddie to the school to make sure Chris was ok and to pick him up, after the earthquake.

There was a lot of this trust built up and then Eddie emphasizes it when he drops Chris off with Buck before the tsunami. He drops by Bucks unannounced, clearly having a key to his place. Like it’s normal for Eddie to just show up without warning. I bet only Maddie would have a key besides Eddie. He gets Buck out of bed, not caring about his personal space. He says Chris is spending time with His Buck today. He’s Chris’s Buck. And maybe Eddie’s too. We don’t really know Eddie’s full meaning behind those words. We’ve never seen Eddie leave Chris with anyone but his family or Carla prior to this. He has a very overprotective nature with Chris. He wouldn’t even trust Shannon with him when she first came back.

And with Shannon is the first time we see Eddie get kind of angry at all. This is important for later. Chris has been the only thing that Eddie expresses lots of emotion for, aside from from his anger at Shannon which is still about Chris.

Then we have the tsunami episodes. And Eddie was happy to show everyone the selfies Buck was sending. He didn’t even seem worried that Buck and Chris were out that day. He likely assumed they were at the movies but still. He trusted Buck. And after Cap said that Buck still has them even if he doesn’t know it Eddie has that look of like ohhhhhh. And boom. Christopher basically becomes Bucks therapy.

And after. That scene at the end of Searchers. Where Eddie tells Buck there’s no one is this world he trusts more with his son than Buck, that’s intense. That’s meaningful. Parents just don’t say that to anyone, friends included. He also said Buck loved Christopher enough to never stop trying. Also an important thing to note. And Buck needed to hear that. Buck needs verbal affirmations it seems. He needs to hear that Eddie and Chris are still going to be a part of his life. That Eddie doesn’t hate him. That Chris doesn’t hate him.

Now to this whole lawsuit non-sense. After the tsunami Buck was cut off from his team. Even Eddie and Chris it seemed. Chris was having nightmares but Eddie didn’t go to Buck for it. It didn’t seem like anyone came around Buck much. And then he comes to find out Lena has taken his locker, his place as Eddie’s field partner. They taped over his name. Eddie is clearly spending time with her. It was all too much for Buck after the loss of no one coming around and he did something stupid. He filed the lawsuit. All he wanted was to get back with his 118 family. Including Eddie and Chris. I think the thought of losing Eddie as his best friend hurt him the most. He didn’t mean to cut of ties with Chris. He never wanted to hurt his family, especially Chris. He just wanted to feel like he belonged again. Like he hadn’t lost his family.

But he did act rashly. And Eddie took his rash decisions the hardest. Which came out at the grocery store. His whole speech was I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t reach out to you. It may have started with Chris misses you but it led to I need you why didn’t you consider that. It also made clear how much Buck means to Eddie. How much Eddie considers Buck a parental figure to Chris. The only other time Eddie got emotional was with Shannon. He felt betrayed when she left. When she left Chris. And it seems like Eddie had very similar feelings here. Like he and Buck had built this relationship and that relationship included Chris and then Buck just up and leaves. It’s like he stopped trying. If he loved Chris so much why would he have done this. To Eddie that felt like a Shannon betrayal all over again and he snapped. Which makes his grocery store outburst make so much more sense. And I think Chim was clearly picking up on just how intense this outburst from Eddie really was.

And It wasn’t just that he couldn’t talk to Buck either but that was certainly part of it. Buck was obviously Eddie’s first choice to bail him out of jail. He said to Lena he couldn’t call the team, he couldn’t call Buck. He separated Buck from the team. Like Buck was more to him than just a colleague or work friend. That he can trust Buck when he can’t trust anyone else. Buck obviously means a lot to Eddie. He even looked ready to deck Buck before the car accident in the parking lot happened. And what happens next? Eddie goes and does illegal street fighting. And Buck? He looked crushed when he heard that Eddie and Chris are hurting. I bet that’s exactly why he gave up on the lawsuit. He didn’t want millions. He wanted his family. He was wondering where Eddie was at the rage room. Just wait until Buck finds out about that. I have a feeling he will be the one to pull Eddie back from this spiral that he’s on.

Updates:

First thing I’d like to add into this is how the directors/writers add in these very…romantic tropey things with Buck and Eddie. Like how they set up shots for example. During Eddie’s ceremony when he’s finally like not a probationary firefighter and Chris is walking his helmet up the aisle and they have in frame: Eddie’s Abuela, Christopher coming up the middle, and Buck. And let’s take a min to look at Buck’s face as he sees Chris walking to his dad. It’s the face you’d expect a proud mom to have. But anyway. The fact they put Buck and Eddie’s Abuela in the same shot like that seems intentional and seems meaningful. Because Chris and his Abuela are two very important people to Eddie. And they have now included Buck into that moment. Giving us the impression Buck is as important to Eddie as his son (well almost, No One will be more important than Chris to Eddie but you know what I mean) and his Abuela.

Also, During Buck’s welcome back party we see Cap push Eddie, who was looking already ready to pounce, right to Buck to get the first hug. Everyone else waits while Eddie gets to greet his best friend first. And give him a very not bro-like hug. This kind of setup is also something we normally see with romantic partners. The love interest being the first to greet or hug or whatever.

Then we have that shot when Buck finally confronts Eddie for ghosting him when he comes back to the station. When they are standing apart Buck to the left Eddie to the right. It’s a very couple dynamic cinematography. Then after all is said and done, Eddie is still lying to Buck. He won’t meet Buck’s eyes. Like he knows if he makes eye contact Buck will push to find out what Eddie’s been secretly up to. And he knows he’d probably tell him. He tends to do that with Buck. He didn’t exactly want to talk about his relationship with Shannon when they took Chris to see Santa but it happened anyway. He talks to Buck. And Eddie currently doesn’t want to talk.

Next we have Buck and Eddie having dinner together at Bucks place with Christopher. We never see Eddie having dinner or hanging out like that with the other fire fam. Maybe as a group sometimes but never alone. And Eddie, once again, seems perfectly comfortable in Bucks place. we’ve seen he has a key when he showed up to get Buck out of bed pre-tsunami. And now we see him taking plates to the sink like he’s done that a million times before. He didn’t need to ask Buck what he wanted him to do.

And then we have that conversation in the kitchen. While Eddie does seem to have forgiven Buck, for real this time, Buck can’t seem to forgive himself. He apologizes for like the hundredth time. And Eddie is honestly shocked. He thought Buck knew things were good. But to Buck things weren’t. He still felt awful. He never meant to hurt his basically family like that. I think this is an interesting parallel here back to Shannon. She wanted Eddie to forgive her but she never really apologized. Not really. Eddie said he CAN forgive her. But wasn’t sure if he could trust her. He said he forgave Buck. No can, no maybe words. I think a lot of that has to do with their approach’s. Buck went out of his way to show Eddie he was sorry. He verbally said it multiple times. Eddie saw his remorse. He saw how much Buck was hurting just by the thought of hurting him and Christopher. That’s why Eddie thought they were past it. And why Buck didn’t. Buck seems pretty insecure with the people in his life. Like if they don’t tell him straight out what’s up he will worry. I don’t think Eddie’s the only one who feels like he’s not enough. I think Bucks love language thingy would be words of affirmation. He needed to hear Eddie tell him they were past it. To see Eddie really had forgiven him. And once they do get past it they are back to their weird flirty but not flirty thing they do. ([i](I mean did we all see Buck saunter over to Eddie with hands on his belt telling him he could take him?? Like that was a flirty way to say that, Buck))

And I think it says a lot that Eddie says his kind of therapy is just being with Buck and Chris. Buck does seem to be a grounding point for Eddie. Saying that out loud to Buck I think was important too because like I mentioned above Buck needs to hear things. Hearing that tells Buck that Eddie loves spending time with him. With his son. Basically like it’s his ideal day. It makes him happy.

And then we have the Christmas episode. Eddie invites Hen and Denny over to build gingerbread houses with Chris. But he also invites Buck. Hen points that out. All three of the boys. Buck, Chris, and Denny. Eddie knows how much Buck means to Chris. But I also think on some level he’s moral support for Eddie since he just told Hen that Chris was mad at him or upset really because he had to work on Christmas. And then Chris asks, His Buck, if he can spend Christmas with him. Like if he can’t have his dad he can have his Buck. Which is saying something right there. He knew he was going to be with his Abuela and his aunt but he still asked Buck. Buck obviously has a special place in Chris’s life for him to feel that way. To ask that kind of question knowing the alternative choice. But of course they both work and Eddie and Buck look heartbroken when Buck has to tell that to Chris. Let’s not overlook the face Eddie makes when he watches them make the gingerbread houses. Eddie looks so…happy when he looks over to Buck helping the kids. He doesn’t really look at other people that way.

Then at the station during the dinner, Buck is sitting next to Chris. Or more like Chris gets to sit next to both his dad and his Buck. They group Buck with the Diaz family a lot during this part. When Buck gives Chris his gift, it’s Chris, Buck, Eddie, and his Abuela off to the side. During dinner they sit like a family. During the fire fam photo Buck stands next to Eddie and the Diaz clan. When they return to the station to find all their family there the look on Bucks face is pure joy as he sees Eddie see Chris. And as he watched Eddie rush to Chris. Buck to doesn’t really make that face for other people. He made a similar face when Chris walked Eddie’s helmet up to Eddie after his probation status was up.

The writers and directors are intentionally making Buck look like part of Eddie’s family. They started this in season two but it’s increased since then. The way they film the shots, the way they write the dialogue, and the way the actors act the parts all add up to a very romantic/family centered relationship.

[c]It makes me wonder how much is implied off screen between Buck and Eddie. Like how much time does Buck really spend with the two, how much co-parenting are we not seeing. Because Chris isn’t attached to anyone else from the fire fam like he is Buck. It must mean Buck spends quite a bit of time with them. Kids don’t just get attached like that otherwise.

Episode 11 of season 3. So they start off giving us an odd look between Buck and Eddie on being asked if they are single. Was that necessary? Why did they look at each other? Are they setting up a not single scenario? In all honesty I feel like it’s too late to give us a love interest for either of them this far into a season for it to be a serious love interest.

Then we have Maddie scolding Buck for not bringing a gift to Eddie’s house. He didn’t need Maddie to “save him from himself”. Buck knows when to bring gifts, he’s done so at least twice before. Like with Bobby and Athena’s Christmas thing he brought like wine and eggnog. So he didn’t bring a gift because he was being forgetful or rude he did it because he doesn’t feel like a guest in Eddie’s house. Because Eddie has made him feel this way. Eddie wants him to feel that way. So when he says this is Eddie’s house, he’s not really a guest, both he and Eddie mean that.

Eddie also gives Buck and Chris that really soft but huge smile he only gives them while Buck was playing with Chris on the couch with Albert. And Buck hovers next to Albert and Chris as everyone is getting dinner, like he needs to supervise.

Episode 12 of season 3. Now this episode was stressful for many Buddie shippers I’m sure. But we are not yet to the famous line of Dante “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”.

Yes, Eddie does flirt with that teacher. But Eddie is still human and the pretty girl kinda flirted with him. And sometimes there is a “mistake” relationship before the real romance happens. Many late season love interests don’t end up staying on tv shows. They are a stepping stone almost. If she does stay at all or more like if they continue to pursue this or if Eddie leaves it. Who knows where they were going with this, it could be a thing or it could end at flirting. Although I do fail to see how they could possibly build to something as good and developed with a new love interest as they have with Buck and Eddie. The foundation has basically been built for them already and they would literally have to start from the ground up with someone new to make this any sort of believable. Not just some nice, cute, woman thrown into either of their lives.

Eddie did apologize to her but some of the things she said make me wonder if they are hinting to Eddie’s future Buck feelings. Like her whole “There’s also some value in learning that… you don’t like horses.” Could that mean she picked up on something Eddie hasn’t? Or foreshadowing? Writers do dirty tricks like that. And I’d personally like to believe they wouldn’t set up Eddie with someone we the audience haven’t had anytime to get to know. He’s not that kind of guy from what we know. He’s had like one relationship. And even when he was separated (before she died) from Shannon he didn’t date?? So why would he just jump into something with this teacher whom we and he know nothing about??

Buck’s teasing Eddie while they got that woman unstuck from a window also seemed a little jealous maybe? Not to say he’s jealous Eddie has a date and he doesn’t but jealous he’s not the date even if Buck doesn’t totally realize that’s why he’s jealous. A stretch perhaps but why did he need to bring it up right then. Plus Eddie looked like “hey, I didn’t tell you that to mock me” kind of face. Like shocked Buck said that. And if Bobby��s face was anything to go by that was something he only had told Buck about because Bobby looked very shocked and confused, and clearly knew nothing of that situation Eddie had gotten himself in. Buck blurting that out seemed a little...out of place, is all I’m saying. Was he maybe a little relieved he may never talk to her again outside of school necessities? But Eddie apologizes anyway soo...

And we can’t forget about the poker game at Maddie’s and how Buck was not at all offended that he would get set up with a man but that his sister said she wouldn’t do that to Josh. Plus I think Buck isn’t really looking to date. I know he said all those things but since when has Buck ever had trouble getting a date if he wanted to. I was getting the vibe that Buck just isn’t actively looking. That he’s kind of ok with where he’s at right now.

We also can’t ignore how Eddie clearly vents to Buck. Not only about Chris but his terrible flirting and snippy behavior. And Buck also puts things into a better perspective for Eddie. He doesn’t just offer up some weak moral support, he offers actual constructive advice. He trusts Buck. Yes, that comes with being his best friend but when you pair that with all the other romantic subtext you get that close bond that Eddie likely isn’t going to get with someone else. (Cute English teacher I’m looking at you). And he also trusts Buck with Chris. He trusts Buck’s advice even though he’s not a parent himself. More than he trusts anyone else according to Eddie. And they are at Buck’s place. Alone. No Chris? That was clearly a hangout so Eddie could vent and talk out his feelings. Plus Buck uses baseball as a stepping stone for his point. He knows Eddie likes it. And they only just brought baseball up last episode. But we know Buck pays attention to small details. Did Buck actually read that book in the hospital? Or did he research people who were different but found ways to succeed before Eddie came over? Also, Eddie knew who the player was so he probably knew some of the details of his interesting story. But he let Buck explain.

And ok. When Eddie is talking to Chris he tells him things he told Buck in regards to Chris. He told his son to never stop trying. He told Buck he knows he loves Chris enough to never stop trying. He also tells Chris that next time he wants to try something they will try it together. And that just happens to also mean with Buck. That was likely Buck’s idea, just like with Carla, and Christmas. Buck doesn’t hesitate with Chris, if he can do something for him he’s going to get it done. He puts so much effort into being there for Chris, for making sure Chris is ok, he already loves Eddie’s son so much and the tsunami only bonded them more.

And the most heartwarming scene of the episode? Eddie and Buck surprising Chris with the special skateboard while Carla films the whole thing. They way Eddie and Buck look while they both spend time with Chris is just so domestic and comfortable and sweet. They feel like a family. They look like a family. They act like a family. Buck and Eddie are so in sync with each other. They only look at each other that way. Eddie’s flirty eyes are still different than the “heart” eyes he gives to Buck and his son. It’s a look so far that is exclusively reserved for them.

There’s also a lot of this parallel of it being pointed out that Buck is single but then they cut to him, Eddie, and Chris as a family unit. Maddie and Chim seem to think they don’t have a kid but oh they have Buck, but Buck has been coparenting with Eddie for a while now and knows more about raising a kid than Maddie or Chim.

And the episode title, Fools, leaves a lot of questions too. The episode Eddie happens to flirt happens to be titled fools? The fools were not limited to the calls they received. Our fire fam is not immune.

Now on to Eddie Begins. Let’s start with the big moment. With Buck breaking down when the rig collapsed trapping Eddie. He screamed his name, began to try digging for Eddie, has to be pulled away by Bobby where he breaks down and cries. And then everyone, Bobby, Hen, Chim, and I assume a guy (who works with those digging rigs?) has to reassure him that no, no one thinks Eddie is dead. And that no one has given up. Buck even suggest to dig by hand. It was the same level of panic he had when he was separated from Chris during the tsunami. When Maddie was missing. It’s his, my family is in danger panic.

Now I know Buck would be worried about anyone he cares about. But he’s never been that overwhelmed with emotion for anyone except Maddie. Someone he finds especially close and dear to him. He hasn’t responded that way to the others the way he responds to Eddie. It’s like the thought of losing Eddie truly broke him.

And then when Eddie is losing consciousness he thinks about Chris, Buck, and the fire fam. But there’s a lot of moments he brings back that are just him Buck and Chris. That relationship with Buck and Chris is important to him. And the look of pure relief and joy on Bucks face when Eddie is okay, is that look he reserves for Chris.

We also had Buck looking at Eddie with the same level of anticipation of his answer to Chris asking him to be part of his show and tell that Chris had. And his level of comfort with Eddie just coming right up like he’s part of that family. And he just takes Eddie’s medal like no big deal. And Eddie let him.

And how they set up the scene where Eddie reunited with the team very much reminds me of when Buck was trying to tell Eddie he lost Chris in the tsunami and then Chris shows up behind him. Everyone was trying to keep Buck calm, make plan to find Eddie, and then there he is. They start with buck’s face. Show his emotion as he realizes Eddie’s not dead. Then we see Buck, and the others rush to him. As buck supports Eddie, we see the look of relief on his face. The look of joy/love at Eddie being ok.

Also, Buck asks the same questions as a nine year old. Just a fun fact not sure what to do with that yet.

[c]The One That Got Away

Let’s just start with Eddie’s sass when Buck says he wants to do something reckless.

I would like to point out how out of character it was for Buck to not go to Eddie’s for Chris’s sleepover. Eddie invited him outright. Even after he declined and everyone else had date night Buck could have showed up at Eddie’s. I understand that they wanted Buck alone at the bar to point out how alone Buck feels but I think they should have picked a different excuse for Eddie. And maybe this is showcasing Buck doesn’t feel like he’s part of Eddie’s “people” but Eddie clearly thinks of him as his people or he wouldn’t have invited him to his plans. Plus, Chris loves Buck so much. He was who he wanted to spend Christmas with when his dad had to work.

And can we talk about how Buck looks pointedly at Eddie when they talk about not losing touch as a fire fam. Buck’s eyes go straight back to Eddie. Every time he says that won’t happen to us or it better not. It’s once again a subtle point to how important they are to each other.

I guess this episode does point out that Buck has self esteem issues. That even when being blatantly offering an open door Buck doesn’t feel like he’s welcome. But that could all change with a simple conversation. A simple talk with Eddie. And hell it could start with Eddie telling Buck he understands what it’s like to be left behind. Shannon left him. Without warning. He knows. They could talk. It would honestly probably be good for both of them. Buck obviously has a big heart and what he did for Red was sweet. But he also took it too seriously as that’s his future but that’s simple not the case and someone seriously who isn’t Maddie, and probably Eddie, needs to tell him so.

This episode opened the door for Abby’s return and I honestly hope it brings us closure for Buck so he can move on. So he can maybe have that talk with Eddie. So Eddie and Buck can heal together.

The finale parts of season 3.

There are two finale eps this season. The first part isn’t too Buck or Eddie focused but we have a few moments we can talk about.

First up is the moment in the fire truck as Buck is giving hot air ballon facts and when Eddie asks where he heard that from and asks Maddie, then Buck goes no someone else. I was a bit surprised at his reluctance to tell Eddie. Eddie is the only person there who doesn’t know Abby personally. He only knows what Buck or the team has told him. He has no first hand bias. It felt like he doesn’t want Eddie to perhaps judge him or pick up on he’s still got some hang ups when it comes to Abby. But Eddie is his best friend and relationships are certainly something they talk about with each other and not the rest of the team. Eddie in particular. Not to mention Eddie’s suspicious eyebrows. He probably knew exactly who Buck was avoiding talking about.

And then we have the scene with Hen and Karen and Hen saying she doesn’t want to invite tons of people for the “dinner” with Chim because of cost. Well if Hen brings Karen, Chim brings Maddie, Maddie invites Buck (probably out sibling loyalty), Buck invites Eddie. And then Bobby and Athena have to get invited. This was set up in such a way that couples were grouped together with the exception of Maddie and Buck but she has that sister love of inclusion thing with him. That’s more subtext. More tropes.

Now part two. The first big interaction with Buck and Eddie would be when Eddie is bringing up summer camp with the fire fam. Eddie doesn’t seem too worried about letting him go but Buck seems to have all kinds of concerns. None of the others voiced any concerns or challenges Eddie’s decision to let him go. But Buck does. Acting more like an overprotective parent than a friend. And when he says what if he gets homesick felt like it had two meanings, much like when Eddie said/yelled at Buck in the grocery store. For Eddie when he yelled Chris misses you, there was an undertone of, I miss you. For Buck, what if he gets homesick, felt like what if I miss him? The added snark of sounds like child labor adds to that feeling. Like he’s just trying to find fault with this summer camp idea. Of course Buck wants Chris to have a good time but I think his worrying goes a bit deeper than seeing Chris as his best friends kid even if he doesn’t realize it. And of course we have another frustrated Bobby eye roll at Buck’s words. Like he knows Buck is being ridiculous but isn’t going to actually tell him so and that he probably sees it what Buck doesn’t. The looks Bobby has been giving Buck and Eddie this season have been wonderful overall, just saying.

Then when have when Eddie and Abby and talking and Buck shows up. Eddie notices the change in Buck’s demeanor. And his shocked face throughout the encounter is priceless. And after they rescue Sam, Eddie asks Buck if he is ok. He gives him the chance to tell Eddie he’s not ok by asking him directly which Eddie doesn’t do too often. His concern for Buck is obvious but he doesn’t push. He is trusting Buck for the time being that he will at least be ok enough to work and maybe Eddie understands better than anyone that focusing on the job is what he needs at that moment.

Next we have Buck wanting to do something reckless to save both Abby’s fiancé and the other person. Buck is adamant and fighting with Bobby. That’s normal. Buck challenges Bobby quite a bit when it comes to reckless decisions. What is unusual in this case is Eddie stepping in. Yelling at Buck to stop. He says this as Buck brings up the fire truck that crushed his leg. Almost like that was too much for Eddie. He had to watch that happen to Buck and was there when the truck came off him. He doesn’t want to risk his partners life. Normally Eddie is the one to jump into reckless situations with him but this time he didn’t, he tried to talk Buck down and out of the idea. Obviously that didn’t work. And Eddie doesn’t raise his voice often. Shannon and Buck are really the only people he has yelled at. He didn’t even really yell at Chris’s teacher, it was a sort of raised voice and he was angry but he didn’t outright yell. I think that means something or speaks to the level of closeness Buck and Eddie share. That the only two people he ever yells at are his son’s mother and Buck. The show puts a lot of parallels between Buck and Shannon and that can’t be for nothing.

And then May’s party. Not only was it adorable, it was very Buddie subtext heavy. First let’s talk about how each couple was shown taking pics together and then Buck and Eddie. They are, once again, paired like a couple. Taking many goofy photos with each other and then with Chris. Buck even taking many solo pictures with Christopher. No one else does that. Buck also seems to be helping Eddie keep an eye on Chris. They were even standing next to each other during the beginning of the party. He’s the one who helps him write a message for May. While keeping a general eye on other people’s kids is ok Buck goes above and beyond for Chris. More than what friends typically do. I would need to see more evidence one way or the other but Chris also says love Christopher in cards addressed to both Buck and Eddie and I wonder if Chris would do that for the other members of the fire fam or just Buck. They really played up Buck and Eddie and Chris being a family at the end of this episode.

Season 4

Alone Together

The only really note worthy moment to happen was Buck talking to his therapist about telling people how he really feels. That could mean a lot of things, like maybe stop people pleasing all the time or actually tell people when he’s feeling something that’s not happy things. Or it could mean having a talk with someone with an adorable son about feelings you may have that are totally not platonic.

Future Tense

We get our first real Buddie moments of season 4 in future tense. Specifically with Buck and Chris pranking Eddie. Eddie did always strike me the type to be a slight technophobe so it was hilarious. But back to the Buddie.

When Chris and Buck are playing video games and Eddie says “we’re taking an internet break” only for Chris to ask to go play games at Buck’s place, forcing Buck to look at Eddie. Eddie gives him that crossed arms you better have my back look. And Buck obviously compiles. It’s very good cop/bad cop parenting dynamics if I’ve ever saw them. It’s also very domestic. Like a couple where one is sorta still new to the whole parenting and rules thing. Much like Bobby was with Athena’s kids at first. He didn’t want to be the bad guy right away and usually deferred to Athena. That’s kind of where Buck and Eddie are at and they aren’t even a (canon) couple.

Then we have the actual prank. When Eddie opens the box with the coffee maker. Chris is right away on the phone with Buck. So either Buck is on speed dial or Chris knows his number. Either way that’s important. If Eddie has him on speed dial, and Chris knows the speed dial number, it only emphasizes how important Buck is in their lives. If Chris knows the number that’s also telling on his importance as most kids don’t memorize phone numbers easily, and only memorize important ones.

And final point of this episode, is the look on Buck’s face after Eddie hangs up. It’s the same look we have seen Buck make after talking with Abby, the first real love he’s had. That can’t be totally a coincidence that Buck makes that face with Eddie then? Why was it necessary to make that same face that seems to only be with someone he has feelings for previously?

The Crossover with Lone Star

First thing, both Eddie and Buck seemed a little disappointed it wasn’t going to just be them for the Texas trip. Then Buck seemed rather jealous when Eddie wasn’t going to be with him in the field. And seemed rather ruffled that Eddie didn’t seem to share his distress.

It also seemed weird that Eddie and Marjan were so almost flirty? Eddie doesn’t flirt well even when he’s trying. I wondered if he bonded with her so much, insta following, the selfie, and all, to get her to follow Buck back. He subtly hyped Buck multiple times, telling her he’s not so bad and that he helped with Chris’s skateboard.

Then we have TK assuming Buck was flirting with him, Buck looking confused but not immediately reacting negatively, and Eddie showing up right after. Nothing is an accident in film. Eddie showing up is either a subtle nod to future stuff or continuing the aid of the Buddie Baiting. Plus why was that scene even necessary at all? Having TK think Buck is flirting is a deliberate scene. Yes it does add to TK’s story by finally admitting he and Carlos are serious, but they didn’t need Buck to do that. And if it’s more Buddie Baiting it’s dumb but if it’s not then it’s another way to slowly build up to Buck and/or Eddie coming to terms with not being straight and having feelings.

The conclusion here?

Buck and Eddie definitely have an established relationship. Maybe it’s not romantic, at least yet (I can hope), but Buck has become a parental figure in Christopher’s life, regardless. And Eddie doesn’t let that happen with just anyone. And hell, they have more actual chemistry than most actual tv couples. I’m always a bit surprised when people say they don’t see how anyone could think Buck and Eddie should be a couple or how they look like a couple. You don’t have to ship them but saying you can’t even see why people do? Confuses me, Because they show is really hitting us hard with romantic tv tropes. Like you can have male friendships without romantic subtext. Like Jake and Charles from Brooklyn 99 or Shawn and Gus from Psych or JD and Turk from Scrubs. No one ships these friends seriously because there is no romantic subtext or tropes.

If this is just slow burn, like say Booth and Bones were on Bones then fine. I get it. All these little moments were just part of the build up and that’s fine. Booth and Bones took like six seasons before they became a couple. And they dated other people while still having those underlying feelings for each other. I would be ok if this is the route Buddie is taking.

However, if these tropes go nowhere and Buddie doesn’t develop, then this show is probably going to take the title for best queerbaiting show on network television.

And in all honesty I want Eddie to have someone who loves his son as much as he does because his son is his world. And who loves him too. And Buck already does that. And Chris loves Buck. And I want Buck to have that family that loves him because family is clearly something important to Buck and something he may not have had growing up. And he has that with Eddie and Chris. They could easily be each other’s happiness. They made something wonderful, it didn’t just fall into their laps.

If you have made it this far...

Thank You for coming to my Ted Talk and we will see you again once season four airs for more!!

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