She always told me that she liked to draw,
but I never saw her works.
I never understood it,
until i say her lying on the cold bathroom floor.
Her wrists were painted in red,
and her 'paintbrush' in her hand.
My blood ran cold,
how could I not have known?
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to my future lover
I know it is silly to let my mind wander about such things especially when I am faced with reality everyday. But, yet, there is something so intoxicating about you, my dear. I’ve never experienced true love. At least, I don’t think I have. But who am I to talk when I don’t even know what it is? Maybe you could show me. What it’s like to be in love and what it’s like to be loved. I’ve been in relationships before, I hope you know. But all I knew was to give, give until there was nothing left of me. To only take after I’ve thought it through for agonizing hours, to be too afraid to really show myself. Because all I know is to love but I could never imagine myself so willingly open to someone else. So, to my future lover, this is all I’ve ever wondered about you.
Will you be completely like I want? Will you be genuine, so loving, and willing to let me voice my fears without judgement? Will you take, but give the same amount, and never let me feel ashamed of my insecurities? Will I be completely comfortable with you and be able to see what the world has to offer in your eyes? Will you comfort me, even when I wake up crying into your arms? Or will you be a surprise, completely spontaneous? Will our passion come and go like an explosion, only to realize that at the end of the day, there’s no one else we’d rather be with? No matter what you’re like, I still hope you’re willing to teach and to learn. To see me for who I want to be and who I really am.
I want every romantic and disgustingly cute scenario with you. I want late night dinners at fancy restaurants only to stumble home together, always finding our way into each other’s arms. I want movie nights and domesticity. I want the spontaneity of baking cookies in the middle of the night, only to laugh uncontrollably at the beautiful mess we’v e created. I want late night drives to nowhere and road trips to places we’ve never been. I want coffee dates even during our rough patches. I want tight hugs and soft cuddles wherever and whenever. I want slow dancing under warm lights and to sit on rooftops, watching the rest of the world go by. We’ll be immersed in our own bubble because why should we care about everything else when we have each other? I want stargazing and late night conversations over wine and champagne. I want lazy mornings and afternoon naps. I want makeout sessions to playlists of our own creations and rainy days which will never bother us because there is nothing more breathtaking than the pure joy of dancing in the rain. I want to be able to hold you close after a long day because you are my greatest comfort. Most of all, I want you.
Still, I hope you know, my love, that I would never expect you to change and mold yourself into this role that I have imagined. In the end, it’s just that: wonderings and imaginations from someone looking to love. No matter what you’re like and what you want, I’ll accept you and love you. Everything I’ve stated here I will try my best to provide for you. I’ll listen to you and stay with you through your darkest times. Because I’m sure, wherever you are, no matter what you’ve been through, you still deserve so much. Whatever you have to offer, I will take and whatever I have to offer, I will give. Our time will come, my dear. I hope we meet at the right time.
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