#EVERY DAY i find a new reason to be like

[harrowharkwife]

i'm so used to there just being random unidentified bones laying around everywhere in these damn books that it finally occurred to me, just now, to wonder where the bones on new rho came from. y'know, the bones palamedes always tried to teach nona necromancy on.

they're his.

palamedes, who always loved teaching, living on borrowed time in a body that's not his own. palamedes, mentoring, teaching- parenting, by sixth standards, mind you. and that boy is sixth, through and through.

and the entire point of teaching nona necromancy in the first place was to try and determine if nona is, well, nonagesimus, right? so it has to be bones, it can't not be bones. bones are, like, her whole thing.

but they're not in the nine houses, anymore. things are different, on new rho.

they burn bones here. dig up the cemeteries. a society terrified of zombies will evolve to dispose of its dead differently.

the only bones he has access to now are his own. (camilla wouldn't let anyone take them- skull or hand, doesn't matter. they're still him, and she doesn't let go, remember? it's her one thing.)

palamedes woke up every morning wearing someone else's body to then gently place the shrapnel of his own in the cupped palms of a girl who's the closest thing he'll ever have to a daughter and try to teach her- how did the angel put it, again? normal school, as much as possible, for as long as possible.

(but hey, in a roundabout way, at least it's a chance for him to touch camilla again, right? nevermind that she's not there to feel any of it because he's in the driver's seat, that he can only stay for fifteen minutes at a time. it's atoms that belong to camilla touching atoms that used to belong to him, and that's close enough. he'll take what he can get, these days- if she can be their flesh, he can be the end. so what if holding his own bones is a mindfuck? so what if looking at them makes him nauseous? surely he can suck it up and deal with it for fifteen minutes. it's the least he can do— his poor camilla was the one who had to scrape the bloody pulp of them off the floors of canaan house.)

(speaking of, here's a fun fact: we actually only see nona practicing with the bones one time, on-page. camilla's final line in that scene, before palamedes takes over, is none other than: 'keep going. there are some bones left.' ow!)

remember, too, that the only part of dulcinea, the real dulcinea, that palamedes ever physically touched, was her tooth- the one that ianthe gave him, pulled from the ashes cytherea burnt her down to. he only ever touched dulcie once, and it wasn't until after she was already gone, but that doesn't matter- it still happened, and you can't take loved away.

in this same roundabout, bittersweet, by-proxy sort of way, palamedes has been physically touched by nona, too: the atoms she currently occupies, touching atoms that he used to occupy, and never will again.

the main interaction we've seen between palamedes and his mother took place back on the sixth, with her acting as mentor and him as pupil: the two of them studying a set of hand bones, juno encouraging him every step of the way.

we know that harrowhark's "most vivid memory of her mother was of her hands guiding harrow's over an inexpertly rendered portion of skull, her fingers encircling the fat baby bracelets of harrow's wrists, tightening this cuff to indicate correct technique."

they're still small for a nineteen year old, but the wrists are bigger, in this new set of memories nona's making. and it's not an inexpertly rendered portion of skull anymore- it's a hand, now, albeit one crafted from [a piece of skull reassembled (painstakingly—passionately—laboriously reassembled) from fragments, manually, and not by a bone magician, from the skull of someone who, soon after death or symptomatically during, had exploded.] and the identity and origin of these bones is no mystery at all. they belong to palamedes, and he's consented to their use for this purpose, and that matters.

but the details are just set dressing, really. the foundation of the memory is the same.

palamedes and his mother, juno and her son.

harrow and her mother; pelleamena and her daughter.

nona and her father-mother-teacher; palamedes and his daughter.

#these fucking books. every 2-3 business days i'll find some new detail to be insane about #this post took me like three hours to write. what the fuck #palamedes sextus #nona the ninth #the locked tomb #nona #palamedes the sixth #tlt #ntn #camilla hect #tlt spoilers #pal honey. im :( :( :( #spiritually that man is a MOM okay! there's a reason tamsyn specifically assigned him the same imagery in this scene #that she's been using to represent crucial bonding moments between mother/mother figure and child/child figure #that and the 'sextus you'll make a very irritating wife someday' joke and cam's 'i'll talk to your mother later' face #ie: talk to palamedes about nona #that boy is momcoded i don't make the rules!

[spacedlexi]

sooo glad we live in the universe where twdgs4 was rewritten to be about saving the school instead of the original lis2-esque on the road each-episode-is-a-new-location plot. really dodged a bullet there

dont know if it was due to the cuts and collapsing work environment (no budget for all the assets needed) or what but the school plot is just like the perfect setting for her to end her story. and we really almost got a plot about her.... just trying to make it back to her original house? oof

#my biggest problem with lis2 is that being on the road made a lot of your choices essentially meaningless #like wheres the threat of consequence when you know youll be gone by the next episode anyway? #the kids were originally gonna kick them out permanently.......Nightmare Scenario #the plot of her trying to get back 'home' is so silly honestly like its Just nostalgia/fan bait. convince me otherwise you cant #it makes no sense....she lived right outside a major city... that place is Not safe anymore #it wasnt even safe when she left it 8 years ago girl why would you go back #her finding a place to MAKE a new home and having to fight for it? with a community of her peers who love and respect her? so much better #shes a community leader now :) of a bunch of kids living secretly in the woods just trying to make a safe home for themselves #in a hostile world that wants them dead #love that for her #shes been managing adults since she was 11 and even before that tried to be a voice of reason. at 8 years old. community leader makes sense #s4 is just so narratively sound to me for clems character that i cant believe there was ever any other direction they wanted to go in #every time im thinking about how good s4 is i remember what it almost was......... and i am so grateful we got what we did #not only do we live in the universe where s4 is about the school but we Also live in the universe where s4 was un-cancelled :) yay #shit makes me so happy man. i remember clem is living happily at ericsons and my day is Immediately improved #these little fictional bitches in my head giving me free serotonin on command #it speaks #twdg

[citriarchive]

thinking about the pipeline from "[grabs face] don't EVER do that again you fucking idiot" to a healthy mix of "[holds face] has anyone told you how radiant you are when you smile" and "[holds face] focus on me (grounding)" is so healing. local jaded doctor loves his partner is not news to me and yet every day i'm just like "NITHRAL LOVES HIIIIIIM :SOBS:" like. y'all don't understand how much this man and ship mean to me.

(honestly i wonder if this is how yaevinn feels but from a first-person perspective. i think that's what the wobbly smile means. it's "on every level except physical i am giggling and kicking my feet".)

#; the citrus speaks #; lemon thesis moment #kind of a little #; healing hands #i never shut the fuck up about them i'm sorry #i think about them a lot #like maybe too much but by following my tumblr dot com you've agreed to be subjected to it #so actually maybe i'm not sorry #in fact i don't think i am #i love them and that's that! and i will talk about it until my lungs and fingers give out!! #ANYWAY that aside i uhhh love them a lot #and i feel like every day i somehow find a new facet of their relationship that makes me go AAAAAAA #and today it's “nithral loves yaevinn and there are about a bajillion reasons why that makes me emotional” #thank you molly for giving such an absolute gift of a character i love him and i love the love he and yaevinn share #i just. holds him so gentle #precious friend character #eeee #anyway #; lemon's inane ramblings #editing to add: honestly it is a pipeline but i feel like yaevinn isn't exempt from “[holds face] what the fuck was that. don't do that.” #which honestly even more healing #he cares so much and i want him to know that it's okay!!!! grrrrrr #feelings

[uzu-hime]

So like legit how does one make friends when they are

-too adhd for normal people

-too depressed for adhd people

-poor (no money to do things or go places)

-25 on the outside, single mom for 10+ years on the inside

-so so lonely but so so afraid of adding anyone else to the "only want to hang out with me when you need free therapy" group that includes everyone I know

#i want friends #but i don't know how to make them #or where to find them #im too weird for a lot of people and too introverted for others #and for some reason everyone i do befriend always ends up being basically my therapy patient #or they only ever want to hang out on their terms which... don't exist #side eyes my friend who always says 'i miss you guys we should hang out' in the group chat but then turns me down #for her boyfriend every single time i try to make plans #'he works night shift i have to clean during the day' girl are you his girlfriend or his maid?? #if you don't want to hang out with me just fucking tell me instead of playing cinderella all the time #my mom says i should get out more and do more things but honestly i live in bumfuck ohio #what things???? #rural america is a nightmare for being social if you don't have money and also don't want to hang out at your local high school #i can't even go to the park in town by myself because too many women have been abducted there #im not making this shit up #i just want someone to sing silly songs with me and try on stupid outfits just for fun and go to new restaurants #no one has ever heard of and sit in the woods in silence for a while and maybe take a nap together and compare grov #*grocery lists and just. #why is it so hard #what is wrong with me that the only friends i have only like me sometimes #even my mom who likes me all the time won't even go shopping with me anymore #she's too burnt out from working #maybe it's not me #maybe im just another victim of capitalist america's isolation #even then i don't know what to do about it. my cat helps but im still just. lonely. #im tired of being lonely #vent post #ignore me

[deus-ex-mona]

kawareeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~

#(aka me when my acid burns randomly start throbbin’ when i bend over :( it’s very inconvenient) #in other news ​this week absolutely s u c k s can i trade it in for a better one— #first there was that acid spill. which. like. ouch???? but the mark is still there and is apparently very obvious. which sucks #then the day after the acid attack™️ meself and one other guy were called out under the assumption that we were doing unnecessary overtime #with the ‘unnecessary’ part running off the basis that there’s a low sample volume bc one single monday had fewer samples than usual #and we were singled out j u s t because our taxi claims for last month were through the roof due to the fact that we live across the country #like??? hellooo????? why are you treating it like it’s my fault that i have to pay upwards of $24 (at least) to get home??? #and??? excuse????? why are you extrapolating the previous day’s sample volume to the previous month’s workload as a whole???? #but. m a n. the way the mildly higher up lady abruptly shouted at me for asking a question just. pissed me off. for some reason. #she was talking in circles regarding the future of our taxi claims #so i asked if we (now) had to submit a second claims form for the transport company dudes to compensate us #and she yelled at me to stop talking before i could finish :( sadded and annoyed tbh #though i get the feeling that she hasn’t liked me ever since i left some results she asked for between her desk and some other guy’s desk #and someone else had placed their notebook or sth atop it so she couldn’t find it. and she blamed me for it. ha. #that was a few weeks ago though. so. hm. i wonder if she’s still mad about that… #either way. i applied for a couple of jobs that are closer to my place bc screw travelling across the country for an hour every day #s c r e w hour-long train rides i’d rather sleep #i prolly won’t even get the other jobs but. oh well. that’s life ig

[marsixm]

neuroses ruining yr life is a real missing the forest for the trees type beat but man im trying to see

#like i have to stop myself and realize #the reason why im so paranoid and upset worrying if people like me or enjoy being my friend or even are my friends #is bc i feel annoying and like ppl only placate me #but constantly fixating on that instead of like idk just fostering a normal relationship based on shared experiences and getting along #is kinda shooting me in the foor #*foot #and i KNOW this! but i still do it! bc every time something happens i convince myself its something new #when all it is is me reading into peoples emotions too much #bc im scared and preempting the strike #but its silly #like the main person my ocd is worried abt if theyre my friend or not #just the other day this person looked at me like the camera on the office when some bs was happening #like thats bestie shit #like bitch i made it i made a friend #i need to calm down #im actually… likeable… shocking i knlw #most people find me funny and charming #unfortunately getting comfortable around people means letting the neuroses out #even if i dont want to #its ironic bc it means i only fuck over the relationships i care about! #well anyway. this is another daily reminder to myself to calm down bc its gonna be okay

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#gonna be depressing in the tags for a moment #pls excuse me #but whenevery i see a pair of friends that are like soulmates together #who laugh and scream about what they love and have so many things in common #i always become the personification of ''i want what they have'' #ever since i was a child i would pray (you heard that right lol) to get a best friend who shared my interests and passions #(and who was gay but that's included in interests and passions lol tho i didn't know it at the time) #i dream with the sitcom worthy friendships with the you get the key to my house and you can come in whenever #we just spend days sitting together and not even talking just being there #or the next best thing. find it online! #but that will never happen and i need to accept that #not even for lack of trying... i even went to a hobby class for a whole month trying to make friends irl #but it's impossible for the simplest reason... i don't enjoy it! #every time i try to do something new and out of my comfort zone i fail misserably because it's literal hell to me #how can i make a friend if i cannot talk to people? #online or whatever?! #i can't even talk to the people i know from school or whatever #i put in so much fucking effort and freak myself out! #and it's not working and it won't work and idk what to do about it! #so yeah i don't think i'm capable of having meaningful relationships actually #and i need to really accept that cause otherwise i will forever dream with it #like i need to stop trying to chase after it it's just not gonna happen #i guess people have these feelings about romantic partners? well not me lol #anyways... #angel talks #personal

[zoekrystall]

Did that fav pkmn thing on a whim and I'm sorry for all my babies I didn't choose bc I really like too many by some.

Love how it's mostly pretty ones and then there's clodsire. Even tho I got it in my team since the beginning of violet do I continuously forget its name bc I just call it by the nickname blobby (one of the rare times I didn't spend hours googling the perfect nickname but it nonetheless is a perfect one)

And for fun without any legendaries as fav

Reg nicknames I even write all down so I only spend decades once for each pkmn (unless I don't like the prev one anymore). Need to update that someday since it's mostly old revolution ones but hey. Blaze do I use for arcanine nowadays more and ninetails got others. Gardevoir got soteria nowadays which I prefer more. Etc.

#a wild lux appears #(made this in december but for whatev reason left it in drafts until now. prob bc I wanted to limit non important posting idk) #Maybe you think garchomp is there bc of other reasons but I use it since dpp bc cynthia made kid me go 'woah!' #I remember having looked up as a kid to cynthia and juniper a lot and that fact n reason behind it makes me also go yeah no I was a girl wh #one day decided to be happier otherwise. Bc the reason was 'oh wow female and cool so I can indeed be that :0' most importantly with junipe #bc I never cared for battles. ye ye ignore fictional professions I was like 8. reason I loath alola tbh I missed doing non battle side stuf #I vividly remember picking my first pkmn game up (hg) and just immediately going fuck being a trainer let me be a prof and it's so funny ho #my horrendous sieve brain has that laser ingrained. Sometimes still brainstorm and I would prob study ghost pkmn tbh who by sheer luck isn' #dead yet. That and maybe being v charismatic to that type idk. Why bc I like those lil fellas. #What I also find extremely funny is having went by sonia prior to swordshield and there being a prof sonia. Wish I still went by it when it #dropped. Imagine. Kid sonia wanting to be a prof and meeting swsh sonia being on her way to be one. I either would've made her my #personality (which I think I nonetheless did I think I changed my icons to her) or would've wildly shaking her going 'it should have been #meeee'. which ig I mentally do by every rival or friend group person that takes that route like take me w you I hate battles please. Insane #that only blueberry academy me start to hate em slightly less. After over a decade of battles. Ig alpharad's n others streams w nuzlockes n #all started to also show me the appeal of actually strategizing instead of brute forcing which I did. #*that only blueberry academy MADE me #Whatev. Also no I don't got anything else that another pkmn would kickstart talking abt. Just know I drag my 2013 xerneas everywhere w me #and it is a fucking crime that I can't throw it into violet. What is this. You clearly don't mind throwing others into regions they don't #belong to at all (which I personally really dislike hc lore wise but gameplay wise whatever let new trainers catch old legendaries) #To come back to fav pkmn yes I'm in the dragonair boat. I hate evolving mine. Dragonite is fine I like it standalone but I like the #aesthetic of dragonair more. Idfc abt logic or whatever this is aesthetic talk. Yes I prefer some fan evos more. #I keep wanting to play that fusion fangame and if you want to know what pkmn I like I found out I have a huge overlap w alpharad there #Which sucks for us both! We adore pkmn that get lewded the most and I hate my life. You do you idc some are humanoid I have to admit that #but I personally would prefer to not see any art or even just jokes abt ANY of that. Humanoid or not I Do Not See. #I don't block let alone report over that just. tag and don't bring that to my doorstep thx. #What I will at most block n judge is if you touch any of the kids idc in this franchise if they're just pixels. #Can you tell I am writing this close to midnight anyways this is all. This became like a completely dif post in the tags welp

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

i keep going to cut things up and then i realize that my cutting board was melted and then i just kinda stand there like how will i make my apply slices. what kind of life do i have to lead before i go to the store again

#i keep forgetting to get a new cutting board when i go to the store like a fool #i am suffering the consequences of my inattention and every day that goes by i find a new reason to resent myself #i want apply slices and i want to cook again but here i am cutting board-less and all the lesser for it

[arimabari]

revisiting Fallout 4 cause its been a hot minute but man. Does anyone else think the Commonwealth should’ve been a lot more dangerous to match the stakes the game kept trying to raise. 

#Fallout #Fallout 4 #every day I dream of a Commonwealth that is just a complete and utter war zone that justifies Brotherhood intervention #and gives a justifiable reason for the Minutemens existence #like I'm talking impossible to survive without at least one companion at your side kind of dangerous #I also just want the Institute to be more of a menace to society than they really are #like imagine an Institute that wants to just completely wipe out the Commonwealth and replace them with robots #Give me settlements that are outright hostile to each other that you have to bring together for a common goal #give me a diamond city that's like New Vegas where VERY few people are actually allowed in because its the only utopia in all of Boston #make Goodneighbor sleezier but more open to the common man #overall just make the commonwealth a shitty uninhabitable place to justify why you need to help people instead of JUST finding your son

[this-doesnt-endd]

I still find it kinda wild that after 1 psych eval they immediently put me on antipsychotics

#i mean it was in the right direction but not the right answer #we good now tho we on the two in one epilepsy mood stabalizers ayye #i will say tho i got put on keppra for my seizures and i cant imagine being on that long term #if i stayed on it any longer than i did i prolly woulda been in the er simply cause i couldnt eat and was near passing out at every moment #but if i didnt have that i woulda been in jail #i was so fucking mad and angry all the time i thankfully was able to keep it in but oh my god #never in my life had i wanted to throw chairs at people SO bad #my mom would ask if i had found a pair of socks and it took all that was in me to not scream and throw my socks across the room #and then i got so so sad oh my god #cause i ended up taking two tweeks off work to get off it and get on a new one and i went up to see my dad #so i was on the train sobbbing my eyes out for no reason #or like a day or two after i got there we drove up into maryland to go to costco it was prolly hour 30 hour 45 #and my dad turned to look at me and my brain decided he did it wrong #i sobbed the entire way home and we had to stop at harbor freight and i cried even more #and he felt so bad and was like we can get dinner u want pizza we'll get pizza if u want and we almost couldnt find the dominos #and it almost made me worse i cried for like a solid 2 hrs and half of it was cause i was so upset abd angry that i was crying #when i didnt want to which made me cry more #god keppra is fucking evil #if it helps you of course ya got the good part but damn id never felt like that on any other med

[bunnyb34r]

I think the universe WANTS me to have a breakdown at work honestly

Did the other side of the table's clearance, which was somehow worse?? I think this side had more items honestly. So I moved aaaaall the old Sharter's (even the pjs that the girls say are $8 and boys $6 but I leave the $8 sign up bc I dont want to hear front end whining ab customers asking which one was on sale/why isnt the girls one on sale. The boys will still ring up as $6, itll just be a suprise :) ). Essentially swapped them and the licensed shit but it wasnt a one to one swap bc ofc no one recovered for me overnight so it was pure hell. Someday I'll have to swap the carters onesies and the licensed pjs that are now on the "wrong" side of the table (ideally the baby stuff would be one side and big kids the other but fuck you that's why) put out 4 new items, thankfully they FINALLY got smart and got rid of the stupid way they used to do these boys shirts (cardboard hanger pinned to a cardboard bar) and they're packaged like NORMAL multi pack shirts 😩🙏

Then I was like phew everything is out of the steel except the endcap which I'll do tomorrow... what the fuck is that

Homicidal ForkliftDriver asked me if I wanted these new multi pack leggings. At 7:55am. (: no.

Like son of a BITCH. That means I have ANOTHER fucking item to find room for (on top of the old tshirts I forgot ab when I was moving shit and didnt leave room for so I threw them in a box sgdgdgdgdggdgd) and with my luck like 6 new items bc we were so fucking behind and now everything is coming in at once! AUGH

And ofc the girl who usually recovers my area is either on vacation, quit, or just got equally overwhelmed with my area and bailed like everyone else, bc it was a goddamn mess. I haven't been able to stock the NikeShitë area in daaays let alone recover it and no one else will even try 😭 and it's getting worse by the day and I'm so overwhelmed like I want to cry

I know I'm the one putting this pressure on myself but I take pride in my job and it looks like I cant do my job and not that I need help bc I only work 20hrs a week and I'm the only one doing this area and that I'm getting overwhelmed with pallets and clearance but god I feel like pingu :( *sad noot noots*

#marquilla #it's like i know i can just leave the new shit in the steel until im caught up but i know that i cant bc if i do that then for sure the next #day ill get more in and then ill feel like i wasted my time by not taking care of it first and AUGH #when i do my new endcap ill need to find space for two shitty stacking items and i know the Chamagedon shit is coming down the pike soon bc #thats the alternate endcap and im like ohhh im gonna die die... #it's giving me suicidal ideation #and theres inventory in April and im on vacation the last week of march and idk WHEN we're going to do inventory and im like well i cant #cancel my time off bc i need it for more reasons than one but like i cant trust anyone to actually do my job for me and it's like just so #overwhelming to think ab and taking it day by day isnt helping when im fighting to get to the end of the day every day yknow???? #work talk

[helfarewell]

absolutely sickening

the way crowley turns away the moment aziraphale starts begging and refuses to look at him until aziraphale changes his tone

#good omens #good omens spoilers #aziraphale calls after him and he stops because he always does #but then aziraphale begs like he never begged before and he's just. not built for that #not to say he would have gone back with him if he had looked into his teary eyes at that point #but that definitely would have cracked the facade a bit more than he would've liked #every day : I find a new reason to make myself sick

[lisbonsteresa]

AND THE TOUCH OF A HAND LIT THE FUSE

#damnit theo now all i can think of is that au it would work so well like the way he was nervous and fidgety before she came over #(for obvious reasons but it could also be because he knows her name when he comes looking for her; he knows he's about to meet his soulmate #and everything involved in that...too much involved for him to deal with now so he tries - and only kind of succeeds - to ignore it) #the way he has one arm kind of tucked into the other (to hide his tattoo) and his 'um' and how he just looks at her for a beat #(hoping it looks more like him still finding it hard to talk about red john and not like some part of him just tilted onto a new axis #in a way he's trying desperately to ignore) #meanwhile lisbon has 17 people say 'hi' to her every day; she's long since stopped wondering if person 18 could be The One #(but something flickers in her chest when she shakes his hand; faint and unfamiliar; it throws her off for the briefest of moments; #causes her 'hi' to come out much quieter and softer than she intended....but of course it did; she's talking to a man she knows #just went through a terrible loss; he LOOKS lost; why wouldn't she want to treat him delicately; it's part of her job #(even if she's starting to get the distinct feeling this man is going to make her job a whole lot harder) #i'm spiraling juuuust a little #tm #AND THEN THE 'TERESA LISBON. THAT'S A NICE NAME.' HOOOO BOY #(ack imagine if lorelei saw jane's tattoo and brings it up while lisbon's listening in in 5.01.... #'i think you do it to be close to teresa lisbon. and i understand why; considering those words on your arm')

[tleeaves]

So, this might be the stupidest thing I've done for exercise yet, but because our dumbbells are still MIA, I have started using my law textbooks as weights to do curls and lifts. Those textbooks are Thick. And I haven't done weights in a while so they're extra difficult (not to mention how weirdly shaped they are for use in a way they were definitely not intended to be used).

Stick around for results, I guess? Today I found out that two textbooks per arm while doing squats after about three months away from the boxing gym is murderous. I have wasted away 💀

#lee finds new ways to do workouts because she's tired of every day feeling like leg day #seriously I've only been doing push ups #what else can you do for arms and shoudlers?? #textbooks are stand-in weights for now #before anyone tells me to go to the gym again - I am doing this from home by choice for reasons