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#Don’t find out. Gender is a social construct and you want to make your decisions without it coloring everything.
oleander-nin · 7 months
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Hello! I'm having a bit of a rough time so I thought I'd send this ask. What would the turtles be like with a S/O that has anxiety, depression and PTSD? How would they help them if their depression is bad enough that on some days they can't get out of bed, forget to eat, etc? Bonus if S/O is plus-sized/kinda chubby and insecure about it.
A/N, not important: Split it up so it's easier. I'm sorry. I am not diagnosed with any of these, and don't have experience, so I went off of Mayo clinic, google, and a friend of mine. Please correct me if I got something wrong. Also I skipped the PTSD and replaced it w/ separation anxiety because you didn't give enough details on how it goes with them- Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.
-Ollie
Tw: Depression, anxiety, body insecurities
Words: 993
Summary: ROTTMNT helps you with your mental health.
Michelangelo(Generalized Anxiety):
He tries to help you out the best he can.
He finds out what makes you anxious the most, whether it’s social interactions, responsibilities, or different happenings in your life.
Once he figures it out, he helps you deal with it. He talks you through things and helps keep you calm in more stressful situations.
If you’re uncomfortable with decision making, he helps you find out what you want and what would help you the most. He ends up learning exactly what you like best so he can quickly deduce what choice you would like best.
If you have trouble sleeping or something, he’ll research everything that might possibly help. If nothing does, he’ll try and stay up with you until you’re calm enough to sleep. He doesn’t want you to be up alone after all.
He can tell when you start to do everything. If you’re okay with touch, he’ll grab your hands and rub your knuckles and try to talk you through it, quelling as much of your anxious thoughts as he can.
Mikey will ramble on about his day or other things if you’re feeling particularly anxious at any given time, trying to provide background noise in an attempt to help soothe your nerves. Seeing you all worked up makes him worried, and he doesn’t want you to spiral.
Dr. Feelings will probably visit you often, especially when something stressful is going. He wants you to be comfortable talking to him about your worries.
Donatello(Depression):
Feels slightly responsible, despite that being completely unfound. He tries so hard to make you happy and refutes any negative talk with things you do well and things he loves about you.
He pays attention to your behaviors to make sure you’re okay, well, as okay as you can be. He doesn’t want you to feel like you’re on your own for this. He’s ready to support you at any moment.
If you can’t get the motivation to get out of bed or eat, Donnie will visit and help. He’s ready to let you lean on him if needed. He doesn’t mind being there for you whenever you need.
Is always ready to lend a hand or give you compliments. Words aren’t his strong suit, but he’ll make an exception for you. He does love showering you in gifts though. He likes to make small reminders for you to prove you’re important.
He’ll often end up having you hang out in his lab with him, just for some silent interaction. He would drop everything for you if needed, but he still wants to get work done. So you both came to the compromise of hanging out while he works. It helps because Donnie makes sure to include you in his work to make sure you don’t feel like a burden.
Keeps a list of things that make you happy. He references it a lot to make sure he has something to talk with you about that you’ll enjoy. He also uses it to help with deciding what to make you for a gift.
Raphael(Separation Anxiety):
He knows pretty well what you’re going through, and is happy to talk it through with you. Whether your stress is raised when you’re away from what you know as home, or away from the people you love, Raph’s always there to help you through.
Seeing you struggle as he does, Raph’s quick to help walk you through. He discusses different coping mechanisms with you and walks you through it when you’re feeling really anxious.
Would come to you in an instant if you called. He’s always there when you need him. He doesn’t want you to ever feel abandoned by him.
If you have a hard time sleeping alone, his room is always open for you. He’d come get you, or just stay with you. All you have to do is ask.
Helps you find different fidget toys and coping mechanisms that can help. If he wasn’t able to get to you for whatever reason, he wants to make sure you know how to take care of yourself.
Gives you a stuffie that he claims he ‘filled with love’. It’s something simple, but he’s hoping it’ll remind you he’s always there if you need it.
He gives the best hugs when needed. If you’re overwhelmed and okay with touch, he’ll wrap you in a big bear hug. He’s not leaving you anytime soon and is happy to remind you whenever you need it.
Leonardo(Body Insecurities):
Knowing you’re uncomfortable in your body devastated him. He thinks you’re the most incredible person to walk the earth, and knowing you don’t feel the same upsets him greatly.
He’s constantly trying to pick up your spirit and make you feel better about yourself. You’ll be showered in compliments and any negative talk about your image will be shut down.
Leo’s great at reading body language, so he’s quickly able to tell when you’re feeling self conscious. He’ll use that to time his compliments and hugs. He’ll usually also drag you into cuddle sessions to help make you feel better. He loves you, no matter how you look.
Is very eager to remind you how much you mean to him. If you say one even slightly self deprecating thing, he’ll follow it up with at least ten compliments. He somehow never runs out.
Like to cuddle you a lot. He thinks you’re comfortable to just sit with. If his brothers go looking for him, he’ll often be holed up with you watching a movie.
Keeps you feeling on the top of the world. He’s always ready to defend you if someone gets mean and picks at your insecurities. 
If you ever complain about how you look to him, Leo just hits you back with the “I’m a turtle mutant.” argument. If you can love him despite being green with a shell, he can love you no matter what.
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rikakueroleplay · 1 year
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Hello :) I really love your guy crimson head canons, especially the relationship one! I’ve read it through multiple times and I really enjoy how you characterise him and his personality, I feel that it’s pretty accurate
I couldn’t find if reqs were open or not, my bad, though what do you think of a guy crimson with an so at very similar strength to or stronger than him? (…somehow)
I remember that rudra and guy were at equal enough strength (i think), and they seemed relatively amicable
Thoughts?
(Tumblr has been eating my asks lately so I hope you don’t mind me sending this twice)
Hello there! I'm glad you liked it, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know people love my stuff so much, :3. I way overanalyze the non-Tempest characters frequently, so I would hope my stuff seems accurate!
My bad about that, I'll make sure to add that somewhere. I completely forgot about it! And don't worry, Tumblr does that to everyone. I only got one, so I suppose it was a good idea!
Got inspired half way through and decided to try out writing quotes for each piece! I hope this is what you were looking for.
Warning: Spoilers!
-You are correct! Guy would absolutely adore a s/o stronger than him, hands down. It would be very, very difficult for that to not be the case.
-The only real way to change that is to be the kind of spiteful or jealous jerk that would make one of his last friends cry. Honestly, I don't know how one would even do that. They're all adorable, and frankly I personally would love to be a mother-figure to all of them regardless of if I'm in a relationship, but there are some out there I suppose. If you hate, dislike, insult, shun, or even so much as glare at them often it's pretty much over. This means you would have to be like Leon in personality, but quite a bit worse. This is a well known big thing with him. Upset his friends and you're toast. If he can't kill you, he can easily shun you himself. Again: only if you upset/hurt his friends. "I don't think this will be continuing any further."
-As I was saying, he would absolutely love you. Guy and Rudra were on equal terms and respected each other immensely, the only hindrance to this is the game they decided to play to figure out who was truly the best. But it doesn't really hinder their friendship, rather, it is likely the only reason the two of them didn't end up in a relationship together themselves. Milim is stronger than Guy, and they are also exceedingly close in the same way he sees most of the women in his life: like little sisters. Their relationship is completely platonic and familial, but their bond is not to be underestimated. "My s/o is unrivaled~!"
-We've established by now that gender is a social construct that Guy gives zero fucks about. This is important, because rather than gender-based decisions on which of you is the girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, or if both of you are one/switch, he believes that each individual should decide which one they want to be. The identification can be non-coralating to gender identity, but is important. Not because of roles, no. First of all: gender roles are for humans and demi-humans. Monsters/majin don't need such a stupid system. "So, which is it, dearest?"
-Really, it's all about the nicknames. Why wouldn't they be important? You can't tell me the moment the relationship officiallises, even if not yet to the point of actual marriage, he won't insist that you call each other wifey/hubby depending on the choice. You have a name? Nope, it's one or the other now. He'd also expect the same from you. Perhaps not always if it makes you really uncomfortable, but still every once in a while. He may not be clingy specifically, but he's definitely on a far end of the affectionate spectrum, and we all know which side. "My amazing wifey/Husbun should be here soon~."
-Also, since you're stronger than him and thus have basically no real threats to your well being, the relationship would be publicized immediately. He'd have his maids spread rumors, and quite literally drag you to every Walpurgis or just regular meet up with others just to be a show off. The whole world will know you two are a thing by the end of your first month together. "Look who I have~!"
-For sex: If you're stronger, you'll still have to fight a bit to be the top in the relationship. He's cunning, watch out. Not because he has an issue with being bottom, far from it, but because he just really enjoys the act of fighting for it. If you're the energetic, dominant type, you'll probably always end up top. If you're the mellow, submissive type you'll usually end up bottom. Though I suppose it's really all about whoever tends to make the first move between you two. Likely him, but eh. He may change physical gender based on your preference during this time. "I can be yours, tonight. Or you can be mine. Whichever~."
-For cuddling: If you're smaller than him, you'll be wrapped up in his arms wether you're stronger or not, usually. Exception is when he's laying his head on your lap. If you're about his size, big spoon will swap out either depending on your preference or by taking turns. Or by fighting. That works too. If somehow you're bigger than he is, you'll usually be big spoon. Also, he has no problem altering between female/male during this time according to his mood or your request. Though really this part goes for any romantic relationship with him. Stronger or not. "What a soft lover I have, would you like me to be soft too?"
-If you two are in a relationship and he notices you have a preference wether you say so outright or not, he may alter is gender accordingly. It doesn't even have to be a gender preference, can be a gender-feature preference. Like having a large, firm teddy bear to hold at night? He'll usually be in male form. Prefer laying on a pair of soft boobs or having a smaller squishy s/o? He'll usually be in female form. He usually prefers his male form when he has no romantic partner, but this can change when in a relationship. Technically, the form he is in has no real importance, so he has no issue switching it up a lot of you feel more comfortable like that. Again, this is something that will remain true regardless of if you are stronger or not. "I feel like this suits me better, don't you think, dear?"
-Family! If you have problems with Velzard, Milim, Ramiris, or two, or three of these, you won't be in the relationship for long. Leon is fine, but these three will be an irefutable part of your life if you two become a couple. You should be able to handle them well, and make them happy to be around you. If you can't do this, and you've only started dating Guy recently, than expect to be ditched. The only exception is if you two have been in a relationship for longer than he's known them, and at least a few centuries before they became a part of his life. If that's the case, you will need to figure out how to be good to them. If you can't,then the relationship just won't last. If you aren't into family, and are cold to them, the relationship still won't last. In either case, it will quickly fizzle out. "I'm glad you get along so well with them, my love."
-Your family! If you do not have a good relationship with them, and they are still alive and being toxic to you, he'll very much beat them up upon realizing they exist. If you insist, and threaten your relationship with him, then he may not kill them outright. Maybe. He's still very likely to kill them if they so much as dare to look either of you in the eyes. "I don't think so."
-Your family! If you have a good, healthy relationship with them, than there aren't likely to be many problems. He's strong, good looking, loyal, and has a place where you two can live that will never be threatened (and that can even fit them in too if they can survive it, or he can adjust a bit if it accordingly if they need it). He's also pretty damn good with children. This is thanks to his friends, but is still very helpful. He'll won't play fight with them unless they are like you, and thus rediculously strong, because he understands that hurting them would upset you greatly. And he will be prone to do that if he gets in on the wrestling. You'll have to help him with figuring out how to adjust. Don't expect him to change any diapers, but he will be pretty good at playing board games and other, non-fighting games like hide and seek. He knows how to go easy, but that doesn't mean the kids will think so. 15/10 they'll love him. Now... What about adults or close friends of yours? High chance he scares them, and they think he's too eccentric(a psycho). Really high chance. Luckily, because of all of the afore mentioned traits, they'll accept it if he makes you happy. Will he be scared of meeting them? Will he put extra effort in to impress them like he does you? Nah. Not in a million years. At least ...until he learns from Leon the kind of value humans put into their parent's opinions. You need the PARENTS permission to marry? What??!! Now he's a little more worried. Will cling to you more than usual. Eerily quiet. May fight them if they refuse to accept the relationship. Oh well. 6/10. More things that would stand true regardless of the power balance between you two. "You have cute cousins, dearest."
-Leon? Leon is probably neutral to you. This is with an exception of if you are on the calmer side and keep Guy off his back. Smacked your boyfriend over the head for not listening when Leon tells him to quit? Scolded him for not respecting the boundaries of the one friend that has them? Then by all means, you two are the best of friends. No sarcasm there. "If Guy gets on your nerves, you're welcome to stay in El Dorado while you are ignoring him."
-Milim and Ramiris? If you put up with their individual antics well, they'll both likely see you as a maternal figure. The longer you are with Guy, the more this stands true. In fact, they're even more defensive with you than Guy. They may call you big/little sister accordingly. It's adorable, really. "Hey! Come play with me!" "Want to visit Rimuru with me?"
-Velzard? She likes you a lot, too. You don't cause trouble and are polite? Perfect! Best friends. If not, she'll just see you the way she sees Veldora. Which is not good, but oh well. But if you are the well-behaved and responsible type, you get the two of you are close as can be. In fact, as you are the most decent and loving individual she has ever met, she'll soon disregard her old crush and become Guy's greatest rival for your love. "Oh! You're back! Misery recently picked up some new tea, would you like to try it with me?"
-Rudra? Ah yes, the biggest question of all. Another thing that is the same regardless of your power. Unfortunately for you, their rivalry becomes a quick issue. It doesn't help that Rudra is very, very stupid when he's not being mind controlled by his own fucking skill. This absolute doofus will 110% actively undermine your relationship. If it's normal Rudra, it's nothing that's too big. It's like having an eccentric surfer dude after your heart. Immediately breaks to one knee the moment he hears you two are together. He does not have anything to propose with the first time, but he attempts to take your hand and gets promptly punched in the face for his trouble. By who? Who knows. He certainly doesn't remember. This does not stop him from pulling similar stunts deliberately in front of Guy or his friends. Usually the result is the same, and you always refuse him. He tries to brag about the Eastern Empire and have Velgrynd get you on their side, but never anything heinous. It's the most he knows how to do, but it's never anything that becomes a real problem.
-The real problem lies with his skill. Much like Rudra, it will put effort into getting you on the empire's side. Especially since you are stronger than Guy. Unlike Rudra, it is not stupid. Like a yandere not powerful enough to take you yet. Thus it's schemes become very harmful very, very quickly. Imagine a harem drama. Now imagine it with only a few individuals and them being Guy, Rudra, and Rudra's skill. You quickly learn how to discern between the two identities and to always take Guy's side against either. It's the only way to keep yourself safe from falling into a trap and losing the one you love. You do your best to keep the issues with Rudra's skill a secret, but you cannot hide the discomfort it causes you. If you are observant and pretty clever, you'll usually be fine. If not, then your only hope is to rely on your ever cunning lover. Always, always be on his side. Don't listen to a word Rudra or his alter-ego say about Guy and his found family. "Aww, come on! Aren't I prettier anyway!?" "...Are you really sure you want to be with someone like that?"
Bonus!
-Yandere! Guy. How would yandere!Guy handle a darling more powerful than him? That depends on you. A naive, simple-minded darling is no harder to control than a darling weaker than him. Strength be damned, if you fall for his tricks and believe his words, you'll always be by his side. Oblivious to how cruel your lover is. To how you are not the one in control, not the way you and everyone else thinks you are. It takes an extremely observant, intelligent darling to recognize what's happening and put him in his place. In this case, your dynamic will be very similar to Rimuru's and Diablo's. Except a lot scarier. So much scarier. "You really shouldn't be leaving Icefayr alone, darling."
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Hello, I was wondering if I could ask you a question about he/him lesbians and your opinions on them. I’ve seen you answer an ask before which is what sparked my curiosity. In your answer, you mentioned that identifying as a he/him lesbian beyond safety reasons is unethical. Personally, I don’t identify with any labels, but I do use he/him and I’m not uncomfortable with the term lesbian being applied to me because I am a female who is attracted to other females. On the basis of same sex attraction I am a “lesbian” but I experience dysphoria and am transitioning. I don’t believe that gender is a social construct either, just in sex based attraction. Could you shed some light on this situation? Or does this fall into the context of something you’ve already discussed? Thank you for your time!
This has a couple different points to touch on so imma break it up a bit. Long post ahead.
Firstly, congrats on realizing transitioning is the right path for you. It's not always an easy decision or process. I genuinely hope you find comfort in your body. Medically transitioning for me did absolute wonders. I found myself actually liking my body, being way more comfortable dancing, running, or doing literally anything in public and even privately. Dysphoria is a bitch, and I commend anyone else who has to deal with it.
You specifically asked about he/him lesbians and I stand by my words in my FAQ. Unless it's for safety reasons (as it was for a long time in the past) or you're not outta the closet yet, I find it to be very homo/lesbophobic to call yourself a he/him lesbian. I will never tell someone to their face I don't agree with them because I have absolutely no clue their life story.
Keeping on that point. It's not just safety, but also your own comfort to come out of the closet. I called myself a lesbian for a bit despite being a tran man because I didn't pass as a man yet. I didn't tell people I was trans, just that I liked women. So everyone saw me as a lesbian. Then once I passed, I stopped using that label. If you're in the closet you use any word you need to in order to keep yourself there. It doesn't matter the reason your in the closet-- if it's safe or not. If you're not comfortable, that's all that's needed.
As for people who are fully out and have no safety concerns, I def give a big side eye. This is for a large number of reasons:
1. If you go by he/him-- especially solely by he/him-- then you are a man. I am a firm believer that pronouns (specifically she/he are gendered). Otherwise they'd have no reason to exist. Misgendering people pronouns is a thing. That is only possible if pronouns are gendered. So a man calling himself a lesbian (tran, nb, or otherwise) goes against the definition of lesbian. Ie. Women who are attracted to women.
2. Your biological body doesn't matter. When it comes to sexuality trans people are a big gray area and don't actually contradict anything. A lesbian dating a trans women who hasn't medically transitioned is still a lesbian. Because she's with a women. It doesn't matter if her partner has a dick or not. She's a women. End of story.
When it comes to trans people in relationships and the way those in said relationship describe it, I do think it's best to leave it to them. It's not my relationship to define. So if two lesbians are in a relationship and one of them comes out as male, I get if the one who's still female still wants to call herself a lesbian. This is where the gray area comes in. Cuz she's only into the one guy, and she doesn't really fit the definition of bisexual. Trans people are a gray area 100%. And that can definitely make things a bit more complex when it comes to defining relationships.
3. But it's a different story if you're out, and not in the middle of a relationship that you're trying to figure out how to define. If you are a trans man you are a man. You are no longer a lesbian no matter how much you loved being in that community. Relating to group is not the same as being apart of it.
I know it can be hard to let go of a label that means a lot to you. I had a similar issue when I first realized I was trans. I genuinely hated the idea of being straight. I just realized that was due to do many people around me acting like it was the ultimate sin to be straight and I was just scared of the word being applied to me. The fact of the matter is, I'm not a lesbian anymore. It's ok to let go of words when you discover new things about yourself.
You said so yourself you use he/him and are transitioning. So it seems like you're in a very special and important time in your life. Don't tie yourself down to any word right now. Just let yourself be and do what feels right. The right label will come naturally as you come into your own. Don't hold onto a pass label. Just relax and take time to figure it all out.
4. Unfortunately he/him lesbians are not all trans folks in a gray area of things. I've seen several instances of cis men using it to invade lesbians spaces. And I've seen time and time again people defending these men because "they relate to the word lesbian more then the word straight." And I really hope I don't have to explain why this is a bad thing. Lesbians have enough to deal with without cis men trying to come in.
Cuz again. Relating to a community is not the same as being apart of it.
5. In the same vein. Not being uncomfortable is also not the same as being apart of a group either. I'm not uncomfortable with people calling me gay, even though I'm very much straight. Just like your friend jokingly calling you a dick when you eat the last piece of pizza doesn't actually make you a dick. You aren't uncomfortable with them calling you that. But you're still not a dick. I'm not gay. That's not a label that falls under who I am. I'm not uncomfortable with it either. Can you see how these two things aren't the same?? Does that make sense?
I think it's dangerous ground to say that not being uncomfortable with a word being used to describe you means you are that word. I used to not be uncomfortable with my friend joking that I wasn't a good person. Until years later I realized my confidence was shot partly because I kept hearing her say I wasn't a good person over and over again. I wasn't uncomfortable with it, but that doesn't mean that's who I actually was.
Not being uncomfortable also isn't the same as being actually comfortable.
6. Its very common for people to NOT be comfortable with their sexuality. Like... Super common. Internalized homophobia is a thing for a reason. The same can go for gender. There are many women I've met who hate being a women, but not because they're trans. But because of society and how they are treated. It takes time to come to terms with sexuality and gender. It takes time to be comfortable with the word that describes you best.
Your comfort isn't what determines your label.
That's why it's so important to just be yourself. Let yourself have fun, relax, do what feels right for you. Work on making yourself happy. Having the type of body that you want, having the type of friends around you that you'd like, having the kinda hobbies that you find enjoyable. Learn what makes you happy and strive for it, even if it means moving away from what you always thought you had to or wanted to be before. Be yourself and enjoy yourself. Once you do that the right word will just fall into place. And you'll find yourself a lot more comfortable with it now that you're more comfortable with yourself.
I hope that helps a bit with how I feel on the topic. Feel free to ask any clarification questions. And I apologize now for how long this is. I'm not gonna proof read so hopefully there's no too many mistakes.
Thanks tho. Have a good one.
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dovakiinwitcher · 2 years
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So, I don't know if anyone else saw that one trailer for a thing called "What Is A Woman". Frankly, in my opinion that nobody should care about, I ask you this: what is the point?
This man challenges the concept of what makes a woman, and what makes a man, but what bugged me was when he brought up trans kids. Being a trans kid myself, I'd like to include my input on the matter, as it directly affects me.
First off: gender is a social construct, and is not something as simple as what a rock is or what a cat is. Asking what a cat is, is asking about the species. Asking what a woman is, is asking about a construct we collectively created to put people in definite groups. But not everyone has the same opinion on what makes a woman, and it is entirely up to the individual what it means to be a woman. As a cis man, it is literally none of your business as it does not effect you. It is like asking the origin of the universe: what do you gain from finding "the truth"? What can you do with it? Literally nothing.
Second: I can completely understand your concern about what kind of medication children are receiving, as we are the future of this world. However, we have the right to privacy, which includes (or at the very least, should include) what we do to ourselves, as it is our body and nobody else's. It is our choice. Because of how gender is presented in our society, we feel pressured to conform. But conforming can be harmful and even physically painful to go through when you know in your heart that you are not what society has defined as "man" or "woman". And that medication we receive as hormone blockers are helping us to figure out what we are and who we are.
Third: why are you, as a cis white probably hetero man so concerned with what people are doing with their lives by choice? If it was forced, I'd understand. But it's not. It is a choice we make for ourselves, and no one knows what's best for us better than ourselves because they cannot experience what we experience and go through. As well as top surgery. Breasts are so heavily sexualized and associated with femininity that maybe it is the pressure of society that can influence our need to get rid of our breasts, but why shouldn't we get rid of something that makes us insecure and in pain and feel incredibly dysphoric? Again, it is my body, and I have the right to my body and what I do with it.
Think about tattoos. Tattoos are something you do to your body that you can't get rid of (apart from that laser thing). But people who get tattoos get them to express themselves and who they are. Top surgery is exactly like that. And even if they do end up regretting that, so what? That's not your problem, that's theirs, and they can take other steps to reverse it.
It is our life, and we only get one. And we will do whatever we want to do with our life because it is ours, and you do not get to judge us for our choices and our decisions. Live your own life instead of judging others as though they are specimen to be studied.
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[START] [ABOUT AND WARNINGS] [FAQ]
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Steve/ Don’t find out. Gender is a social construct and you want to make your decisions without it coloring everything.
You shake your head.  “I don’t want to know,” you say.  “I want it to be a surprise, but I also don’t want everyone just buying us pink or blue. I don’t want gender norms being pushed on them before they’re even here.”
Steve raises an eyebrow but stays silent for a moment like he’s contemplating what you’ve said.  “You have a point.  You know, pink wasn’t even considered a girl’s color when I was a kid.”
You laugh and shake your head.  “Sometimes I forget how old you are and then you say things like that.”
Steve starts laughing, which sets the tech off too.  “So we’re not finding out then?”
“I guess not,” you answer and look up at Steve feeling just that little bit more in love than you were before.  “Thank you, Steve.”
Steve smiles and shakes his head.  “At the risk of sounding old again - back in my day, we couldn’t even find out.  So I can wait.”
The tech finishes up and you wipe the gel from your stomach and get up.  The two of you head out to get lunch together. 
Steve lets you sit as he goes and places the order at the deli counter.  “So,” he says as he takes a seat opposite you.  “Seeing as we’re not finding out the sex, what shall we do for names?”
You pop the cap off your bottle and take a long drink, relishing the cool on such a warm day.  “Well,” you say, putting the now half-empty bottle on the table.  “We could either just make lists of boy’s and girl’s names and be ready to pick one when we meet them.  But if I’m honest, I’d love to go with something more gender-neutral for their first name.  Try and let them figure out who they outside of their sex organs.  I know that’s a little idealistic, but I just want them to be whoever they are, not the box they’re supposed to fit in.   Maybe a gender-neutral name will help with that.  Or maybe it won’t… I don’t know.”
Steve seems to consider this for a moment and gives a nod.  “You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you?”
“I mean, I could also be full of shit, and this won’t mean anything in the end, but gendering stuff is kind of bullshit anyway,” you say.
“Alright, let’s do it your way,” Steve says.
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Your pregnancy progresses well, and Steve is attentive as ever.  There is still Avenging that keeps him away at times, but he is there for all the doctor’s appointment, and you know that if he’s in town and you have a craving for pickles and ice cream, he’d be there with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a huge jar of kosher pickles.
The ‘L’ word hasn't been uttered by either of you and the fact it hasn’t seems to be preventing the two of you from really moving forward properly.  Despite the fact there is a baby on the way there has never been any talk about moving in with each other, and since the initial offer of marriage, it hasn’t been brought up again.  Besides a toothbrush, neither of you even keep anything at each other’s place.
You want to move into that comfortable relaxed phase of a relationship, where you are okay with silence and know that you can sleep at the other’s place even if they aren’t there.  But the longer it goes before saying the words, the further you seem to move away from it.
A lot of free time that you both share is just preparing for a baby.  You find a name that you’re both happy with.  You go shopping for baby clothes and diapers.  When it’s time to buy furniture you realize how far away you both are from ever getting there.  Steve buys two of everything.  One for your home and one for his.  It also adds a slightly guilty and jealous feeling about being a parent.  Steve selects everything for his place based on color schemes and quality, whereas you have to pick based on what will actually fit in your tiny place and you can already tell which parent your child will like most, and it’s not you.
When he finally lets you see the nursery, you can see how completely invested in parenthood he is.
You have had to just find a space in your room for her crib and changer table/bath combo.  Steve, on the other hand, has a complete and rather elaborate nursery.  The crib is a dark timber sleigh crib and has a mobile featuring planets and stars hanging over it.  There is a matching change table and chest of drawers, and in the corner is a comfortable-looking sofa chair in pale yellow, with a green throw pillow on it.  Next to it is a small bookshelf in the same dark wood as the other furniture and among the books, you can already see a copy of The Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland.  A rug featuring a top-down view of the street lies in the middle of the cream carpet and there’s a toy box already stuffed with toys that looks like two alphabet stacking cubes sitting side by side.
The walls are what really draw your attention though.  A large mural is painted on two sides, starting with a large rainbow that ends on the yellow brick road where Dorothy, Toto, Scarecrow, the Tin Woodsman, and the Cowardly Lion are all walking arm in arm in the direction of the emerald city.  A field of poppies lies between them and the beautiful green city.
“Wow,” you say, looking around the room in awe.  “This is amazing.”
“I just… I never want them to feel like they were an accident,” Steve says.  “Or that they’re an inconvenience.”
“They are going to love growing up here,” you say, and let out a breath.  “I bet they’ll hate being in my little shoebox with me.  You’ll be the cool parent.”
Steve wraps his arms around you and draws you close.  “That’s not true - in any way shape or form.  I can get Sam to tell you right now, I’m never going to be the cool anything, let alone dad.  I bet they love you most.”
You start laughing and nuzzle into his neck.  “Maybe they’ll love us the same.  You never know.”
Steve chuckles and kisses the top of your head.  “We could get lucky.”  He pulls back and looks into your eyes, his thumb caressing your jaw.  “I love you, you know?”
For a second your heart stops beating and it feels like time pauses.  You swallow thinking about how you really feel about him and what you want for not just the two of you as a couple but as a family too.
Tell him you love him
Don’t return the sentiment
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shemarmooresfedora · 3 years
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Rebuilding Family
Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
A/N: LOVES, I HAD NO IDEA ANON ASKS WEREN’T AUTOMATICALLY TURNED ON IM SO SORRY. they’re on now so please feel free to send or ask me anything, on or off anon!!! thank you @mercy-burning for telling me how to do it!
Masterlist
Chapter 29
“You’re going to have to roll me out of bed, Spence,” you groaned.
“Don’t you want to find out the sex of the baby?” Spencer asked.
“Gender is just a social construct anyways,” you put your pillow over your head to shield yourself from the morning light.
“Yes it is but we still need to go to at least check if little one is healthy,” Spencer countered.
“Fine,” you mumbled, “But you’re doing all the work, Dr. Reid.”
Spencer grabbed one of your hands and then wrapped his other arm around your waist to help you out of bed.
“What do you want to wear today?” he asked, opening your closet door.
“Ooh, that new sundress you bought me!” you exclaimed.
Spencer smiled as he pulled out a light blue sundress with daisies all over it. He helped you take off your PJs and put on clean underwear because bending over was such a chore for you now. Then, he slipped the dress over your head.
You let out an excited squeal when looking in the mirror, “I love it and I love you.”
Spencer knelt down to lace your converse up and then pressed a kiss to the big belly bump directly in front of him.
“I thought you would look adorable in it and I’m never wrong,” he gave you a quick kiss before walking over to his closet to get dressed for the day.
“I can wake Jo up,” you told him as you exited the room.
Jo was already on the floor, dressed and playing with her toys, when you walked into her room.
“Oh my gosh, someone is up early today,” you smiled.
“I get to see brother or sister today,” Jo beamed.
“Yes, you do, Baby J. You will also get an answer to that question because ‘brother or sister’ is kind of a mouthful,” you replied, “Let’s go have some breakfast. Daddy will be down in a minute.”
-
You were in the big chair with your dress up as the nurse squirted the cool gel on your exposed belly. Luckily, you remembered last minute to have Spencer put some shorts on underneath your dress.
Jo was sitting in Spencer’s lap right next to you, fascinated by all the medical equipment surrounding her.
“Okay, I’m going to take a quick look first,” the nurse stated.
As she moved the wand across your belly, her brow furrowed as she looked at the screen and her eyes widened slightly.
“I’m going to get Dr. Collins,” she grabbed her clipboard and rushed out of the room.
“What’s wrong?” you worriedly called after her.
You turned to Spencer, “Spence, what’s wrong?”
He looked just as panicked as you, “I don’t know, the monitor was facing away from me.”
Dr. Collins came into the room before your concerns could continue to exponentially expand, “Hello Reid Family!”
She picked up the wand and quickly scanned it across your belly, observing the screen.
“Yep, she was right. You guys are having twins,” Dr. Collins turned the monitor so you all could see.
“Oh my god, Spence!” your worried expression instantly morphed into one of pure joy as you turned to face him.
His smile was just as wide as yours, if not, wider. You could barely see his eyes because they were crinkled from smiling as much as humanly possible.
“Are you ready for two more?” you whispered after giving him a kiss.
“I’ll take as many as you’ll give me. Maybe they’ll find a third in there,” he joked back.
“I do apologize. Twins usually can be detected earlier but there are cases where one twin sort of hides out in your uterus and can’t be seen on the first ultrasound,” Dr. Collins stated.
“It’s no problem but you may want to tell your nurse to control her microexpressions a bit more. We almost had a heart attack in here,” Spencer chuckled.
“I’m sorry about that. I am able to tell you the sex of each baby if you would like,” Dr. Collins said.
You looked at Spencer and he nodded in confirmation, grabbing your hand.
“The one that was originally spotted on the first ultrasound is...a girl! And the shy one that decided they didn’t want to be seen just yet is...a boy!” Dr. Collins smiled, “Congratulations! You guys are free to go. You can schedule your next appointment at the front desk.”
“Thank you!” you beamed as she left the room, turning your attention to Jo and Spencer.
“Brother AND sister!” Jo exclaimed.
“I thought it was weird my belly seemed to be much bigger than it was with Jo,” you smiled.
“I can have one of those baby carriers with one on the front and one on the back!” Spencer excitedly rambled, “We’re going to need a bigger house with a yard! Oh and a swing set! Maybe I can build a treehouse!”
“I love the enthusiasm, babe,” you laughed, giving him a kiss.
“Jo, are you ready to be a big sister to two?” you asked.
Jo nodded enthusiastically, “We are all going to play together.”
“The babies may need a little time to get used to the world when they are born before they can play with you, Princess, but I promise Mommy and Daddy will still play with you all you want,” Spencer kissed the top of the little girl’s head.
-
You had all taken a family nap when you got home from the doctor’s office. You awoke about an hour later with Spencer’s arms still wrapped around. Jo was using your bump as her pillow. Spencer was speaking softly into his phone, he hadn’t noticed you were up yet.
“Yes, Mom. Twins!” he excitedly whispered.
“Twins, indeed,” you giggled.
Spencer looked down at you adoringly, “Sorry, did I wake you?”
“It’s fine, love. I shouldn’t sleep all day. I should probably wake Jo up too,” you assured him and began to nudge Jo softly.
“She wants to talk to you,” Spencer handed the phone to you.
“Hi, Diana,” you smiled.
“Oh my gosh, Y/N! You are giving me two more grandbabies?! I wish I could just give you a million hugs right now. Is Spencer treating you well?”
“Yes, very,” you cuddled further into Spencer’s chest as he stroked your hair, “The twins won the lottery by getting the best dad in the world.”
“And mom!” Spencer added,“...besides you of course, Mom.”
“I think your one grandchild that isn’t in my belly wants to talk to you,” you laughed at Jo’s grabby hands towards the phone.
“Hi Grammy!” she beamed.
-
You knocked on the LaMontagne’s front door.
“Hi!” JJ greeted, dressed as Cinderella.
“Ooh, very enchanting,” you giggled, “I went for a more comfortable look.”
You gestured to your kangaroo onesie.
“Aw cause the baby is in the pouch, very clever!” Penelope grinned.
You glanced at Spencer with a knowing smirk at the singular ‘baby’ because you hadn’t announced the news to them yet.
“Yeah about that,” Spencer set Jo down to go play with Henry.
Spencer was dressed in a green dinosaur onesie with scales running down his back and Jo was dressed as an archaeologist with a tan vest and bucket hat.
“Do you want to tell them?” he asked.
“No, you can tell them.”
“I told them you were pregnant so you should get to say this,” Spencer insisted.
“How about I tell them the first thing and you tell them the second?” you countered.
“SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE JUST TELL US,” Penelope pleaded.
“We are having twins!” you exclaimed.
“A healthy girl and boy!” Spencer added, wrapping his arms around you from behind.
The room erupted into a cheer and a mad dash for your belly.
“Can I touch, please?” Penelope politely asked.
“Of course. You are all welcome to feel the twins.”
Everyone took a turn, rubbing your belly and saying hi to the babies.
“Jeez, I can’t even imagine two newborns at once. Props to you guys,” Will raised his drink up in the air before taking a sip.
“Oh, I think this one is more than ready for the challenge,” you leaned your head on Spencer’s shoulder, “He’s already started buying everything we need in double.”
A/N: i was on the fence between a girl or a boy or twins but then an ao3 commenter suggested twins and that helped my decision! please feel free to leave comments because i absolutely ADORE reading them!
taglist: (just ask to be added or removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs
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thatguyriggs · 2 years
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[ E. “RIGGS” RIGSBY, HE/HIM, CIS MAN, ALEX FITZALAN ] is a TWENTY-TWO year old HOT DOG VENDOR from PROSPER, WV. They are LAID-BACK and COMPASSIONATE but also SARDONIC and ALOOF. He reminds me of light wash denim jackets, dirty black boots, unkempt hair and black coffee.
BASICS
FULL NAME: E. E. Rigsby
NICKNAME(S): Riggs ( He couldn’t pronounce his real name when he was a kid. Riggs was the only thing he could say so his aunt and uncle just rolled with it and it stuck. It sounded more like ‘wigs’ when he was a toddler but whatever. )
BIRTHDAY: May 13, 1975
AGE: 22
HOMETOWN: Prosper, WV
BIRTHPLACE: Unknown
RELIGION: Atheist
FAMILY
MOTHER: Victoria “Tori” Marie Rigsby ( Deceased )
FATHER: Jacob “Jake” Wright ( They think?? Most probably him anyway. )
AUNT: Lisa Anne Moore, nee Rigsby ( Housewife )
UNCLE: Peter James Moore ( Construction Manager )
SIBLINGS: None
COUSIN: Georgia May George Moore (High School Senior)
PETS: None
APPEARANCE: Riggs stands just short of 6 feet tall. He’s not skinny but he isn’t jacked either. His hair sits in loose curls on his head and is often unkempt. He hates the feeling of an itchy face so despite his laziness, you’ll never see his facial hair grow beyond a 5 o’clock shadow.
STYLE: Riggs is commonly seen around town wearing the same outfit. A light wash denim jacket over a creased white t-shirt and some dark jeans. On his feet, he rocks a pair of old black work boots – the same pair he’s worn since he was 17. They used to be his uncle’s but they were passed onto Riggs when he took on a summer job at one of his uncle’s construction sites.
FAMILY: Riggs has been in the care of his aunt and uncle, Lisa and Peter, since he was just a few days old. They’re traditional, church-going people. For a while, he thought they were his parents but when he was about 5, they told him he was the abandoned child of a runaway drug addict. Left on the doorstep and everything. To Riggs’s knowledge, he’s an only child. The closest thing he has to a sibling is his cousin, George, who as of a few days ago was sent away upstate to ‘get some clarity’ over their ‘bewildering choices’. (His cousin is going through some gender identity issues. Has cut their hair short and been wearing masculine clothes.) His relationship with his aunt and uncle have never been the best but because of this, it’s now practically non-existent.
FRIENDS: Riggs doesn’t really have a social circle. He’s easygoing enough to get along with a lot of people but he prefers his own company. When he does spend time with others, his presence is faint. And he tends to spend time with ‘burnouts’. He tags along for the adventure but doesn’t contribute much in terms of conversation. It’s possible to know him for years and not know much about him. Riggs wouldn’t say he likes the people he spends time with but company was company when you were bored out of your mind and needed a drink.
LIVING SITUATION: Riggs used to live in a moderately-sized home with his aunt’s family in Prosper. However, since his aunt and uncle’s decision to send his cousin away a few days ago, Riggs has decided he’d rather be anywhere else. It’s only been a couple of days into his homelessness but he’s managed to find a place to sleep for each of them, be it in some girl’s bed or in one of the many abandoned structures in Hazzard. Currently, he’s secretly taken residence in the cramped store room of his workplace. He believes he’ll be fine as long as his supervisor didn’t magically decide they wanted to do inventory.
WORK: If you don’t know Riggs as the sardonic presence making inappropriately timed comments, then you know him as the guy who sells hot dogs over at Hazzard. He’s had the gig since he graduated high school, much to his uncle’s dismay who wanted Riggs to work as part of his construction crew. Being a vendor at Hometown Hotdogs isn’t the most appealing of jobs nor is it particularly worth having pride over, but he finds it entertaining and it lines his pockets with enough spare change to spend on cigarettes and black coffee. Is he the best employee? No. But he shows up on time 98% of the time and does what needs to be get done.
SCHOOL: School has never been Riggs’s strong suit. He didn’t like the structure and what he was learning didn’t interest him. Through the years, his teachers have called him distracted, and when he wasn’t distracted, he simply couldn’t ‘apply himself’. It didn’t mean Riggs was moron though. He was a quick study when he wanted to learn something and he had a lot of patience to learn when something interested him. In fact, he taught himself guitar, origami and a bit of ASL –  from Homeless Bob of all people! As a child, Riggs would often have crying fits at school. For years, kids teased him with the words ‘where’s my mommy’, the words he’d often say before bursting into tears. As a teen, he’d get into fights. (And tell people their mommy was in his bed when they’d remind him of his cries in grade school.) The older he got, the less he cared and the quieter he became. People forgot eventually, and if they didn’t, he didn’t care enough to give them a reaction anymore. College is out of the question for Riggs for many reasons. Among them, his grades and that his uncle always expected him to work for his construction crew straight of high school. Though if he attended, he imagined he wouldn’t do great there either.
ASPIRATIONS: If you asked Riggs, he’d tell you dreams aren’t meant for people like him. You learned not to have any growing up in a place like Lockhorn County. Though deep in his heart, Riggs hoped to one day make a living as a musician. He didn’t care about playing stadiums or having crowds of girls scream his name. In his mind, a steady gig at some bar every evening 6 nights a week would be be enough. He just wanted to pluck the strings of his guitar and make people feel something with the sounds he created and the words he decided to share.
RIVALRY: Riggs cared little about where he was from. He cared even less about the rivalry between the two towns. No matter how you looked at it, they were both small shitholes in the middle of nowhere. Though he had to admit: he got a certain pleasure from riling up people who were deeply invested in the rivalry. It was his favorite pastime and what side he was on changed depending on who he was talking to. If a Prosperite hated Hazzard, then he’d say he loved the garbage fire excuse of a town with every part of him. If a Hazzardian hated Prosper, he’d claim it was the only redeemable thing about Lockhorn County and the entire state of West Virginia. All jokes aside, between both towns, he favored Hazzard just a little more. The people there were less pretentious even if they were idiots all the same.
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queering-the-binary · 3 years
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Hey! I noticed that a lot of people following me are just figuring things out with their gender, or are still questioning things.
You’re completely valid! Gender is funky and weird and a social construct made by humans, and you know humans, anything we make is bound to either be incredibly odd, broken, or both. And in this case, the binary assumption of gender that the Christian, Western world enforces on us is just that. Gender is arbitrarily assigned based on things that are correlated, and not even strongly correlated, to a certain gender. And with billions of lives, thousands and thousands of different cultures, and an infinite number of gender experiences, saying that your gender can only be one of two things and that you don’t even get a say in it simply doesn’t make sense.
Your gender doesn’t have to be anything. It doesn’t even have to exist! It can be multiple things at once, contradict itself, change, disappear and reappear, or anything else. However you want to describe your gender is wonderful, and I hope your journey towards finding the right words is an informative and interesting one. And if you decide that you don’t want to describe your gender, that is a wonderful decision as well. If you need a little guidance, feel free to send in an ask.
If you’re trying to figure out what you want your gender expression to be, that’s also a journey, likely full of twists, turns, and confusing mountains. If you’re trying to find the right words to describe yourself, try the pronoun dressing room! It has links to lots of neopronouns and how to use them, and lets you try out different pronouns and names. If it’s clothing or other parts of your physical appearance that you’re trying to figure out, look around you. If there’s something that makes you go, “hm, I’d like that,” go for it! Hair grows back, you can try on clothes in the store or return them, makeup washes off, and there’s so many non permanent ways to explore your gender presentation with your body so you can experiment, and decide what you like!
Whatever makes you feel best is the right choice. Your happiness and comfort is important, and I’m so glad that you’re learning what makes you most comfortable.
And as always, if you need some help, guidance, have a question, or just want to share something, my asks and submissions are always open!
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nevermindirah · 3 years
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I am but a sad little trans man who absolutely wants to know your thoughts on immortals capabilities to transition because I have thoughts and they make my depressed little trans heart hurt because how in the world could they transition if their bodies heal everything?
Hi! Sending you hugs because I've been struggling with the exact same thoughts! I wrote this lil meta last month but I don't like it and my brain keeps interrupting things like my job and trips to the grocery store to get me working on this puzzle.
From what we see in the movie, our elderly friends have regular-human healing, just faster and MORE, plus magic. We have canon evidence of how this works with wounds/injuries and can infer from there about how their immortality would handle infections, genetic/physiological/autoimmune/etc disorders, malnutrition/dehydration/etc, mental illnesses, and dental stuff, as well as things that bodies do that aren't necessarily bad but often need medical care — like pregnancy and gender transition. (I’m not a medical professional, just a nerd who loves a good Wikipedia rabbithole.)
Let's start with an easy one. Nile's hand healing after she stuck it in the fire is just a lickety-split version of what would happen to a regular human with a small skin wound: clotting, inflammation, rebuilding, healed.
When Nile yeets herself and pharma bro out the window of the topmost tower, we see the same thing happen again but bigger, plus we see several of her bones pop themselves back into place, and presumably any blood vessels that got torn up magically correct themselves under her skin. Humans have been surviving injuries like major bone fractures for a very long time but a bone that heals without medical intervention to realign the fractured pieces might heal at a new angle, meaning it doesn't work as well anymore, and it might cause damage to surrounding organs/tissues and leave a lot of scar tissue or a chronic wound. But Nile only needs Booker and Nicky keeping her upright for barely a minute and then she's walking around on her own just fine.
A large wound that breaks deeply through the skin, like Nile's sliced throat or Booker's exploded abdomen, can be survivable for a regular human if it doesn't irreparably damage critical organs and if you can get medical attention before you bleed out, but even with modern medical intervention the results are rough. Jay and Dizzy aren't wrong for being deeply weirded out by Nile's flawless neck: even with the best plastic surgeons in the world on the case, closing up a wound like that will leave scar tissue that affects both appearance and function.
So, we've got immortality magic moving bones back into place, restarting stopped hearts and lungs and brains, rebuilding major structures like arteries and intestines, healing up wounds without scar tissue, pushing out bullets, and otherwise handwaving the big stuff. But it's not a magic wand, it’s a process, and bigger wounds take longer. It's like these people's mitochondria have little gnomes in there with schematics to rebuild their bodies to factory default.
From how these bodies handle wounds we can infer that they'd handle pathogens / infectious diseases the same way: inflammation, white blood cells attack, byebye plague see you never. And if these bodies are resetting bones and rebuilding organs, they're probably also correcting genetic disorders and shifting around physiological problems like bone spurs. So let's keep on inferring.
What if, instead of every death erasing hormone replacement therapy and gender-affirming surgery and leaving a trans immortal detransitioned over and fucking over again, what if the magic that governs immortality considers dysphoria-causing body parts just like any other wound to heal?
What if Booker is a trans man, and he's got that sweet muscle mass and that height and that beard that comes all the way up his cheeks because he's been on the wonder drug that is testosterone for over 200 years? What if immortality was all "we see you've been hung from the neck until dead, and your eyes have been pecked out, and also you have all these hormones that turn your body into a shape that makes you miserable — we're gonna fix all that" and then regenerated his pecked-out eyeballs and unsnapped his neck and undid the results of months of insufficient food AND ALSO started pumping him with the fantasy version of HRT so his chest started to reduce and his fat redistributed itself and his beard started coming in?
Who's to say that's not how it works?
All my dysphoria is social — I'm fine with my body for the most part and I CANNOT STAND when people assume things about my gender, because of my body or for any other reason. We see pretty clearly with Booker that mental illness isn't magically healed the way physical injuries are, and I think that's because the causes of mental illness are a combination of physiology/chemistry stuff and things like our beliefs about ourselves and the world, our experiences of trauma, and our experiences of getting our needs met or not. If I were immortal I could maybe break up with my SSRI, but it wouldn't stop me from getting misgendered — I'd still have to find a way to cope with the ongoing trauma of that. Having to navigate hundreds of cultures' ideas about gender when my gender is "uhhhhh" sounds like absolute hell for me, no thank you, do not want.
But for my fellow trans people whose dysphoria is primarily body-related, and for my social-dysphoria pals whose gender is something nearly every human being would recognize and all they need is to pass, how about let's make an executive decision that immortality includes HRT for anybody who needs it, with no psych eval or begging your insurance company or poking yourself with needles, and just like with wound healing it's like regular HRT but faster and more. HRT so powerful and so magical that it gives you the best possible version of the results you want and none of the results you don't. If I had the option to go on HRT for just like one or two changes but not the whole battery of things I would fucking do that, and if I were to join our elderly friends, maybe I could.
This might be easier on transmasc immortals than transfeminine ones, because testosterone's effects are basically impossible to reverse. But also you can't just keep waking back up after repeatedly drowning for 500 years, so fuck it. We're making an executive decision here.
Estrogen that grows your breasts and softens your dick but doesn't lessen your ability to orgasm. Immortality magic that makes your beard go away and maybe shrinks your height an inch or two or six. Maybe Quynh is trans and one time a few thousand years ago she got injured in battle worse than Booker's grenaded belly and she woke up an hour later with a vulva and a uterus and now her body is just like that. Factory reset.
I subscribe to the "God made wheat and grapes but not bread and wine so humans could share in the act of creation" model of transness and I personally feel very weird about the idea of immortality magically giving a trans immortal cisnormative genitals the same way it resets bones. There's no one right way to have a pussy or a dick, you know? Maybe Quynh woke up from a catastrophic gut wound in like 800 BCE with a constructed vagina rivaling the best our modern money can buy, without a uterus but with a clit that's just as magical as anybody else's.
I've been thinking about writing a Book of Nile fic with trans man Booker, which is why the two of them are most of my examples here. It would include porn, because apparently I can't write more than 1500 words about them without writing porn, so I need to think more about what's going to feel good for me and other trans people who might read it and won't accidentally facilitate cis people objectifying us. Like, I've thought in a lot of detail about what a clit enlarged by that many centuries of testosterone might look and feel like, and that specific experience is not mine so I'm treading carefully.
Cis people are welcome to reblog this! Fellow trans folks are welcome to join me in the act of creation on this post ;)
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dangan-happy · 3 years
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(It's an avocado... thanks!)
To Kiibo, Izuru and Kaito
I've been so stressed lately. I promised myself that I'd come out to my parents as transgender at the end of the school year (i'm ftm going by he/they) but now that it's getting closer I feel like there's a time bomb about to go off. I've been having constant panic attacks just thinking about telling them. I've lost contact with my online friends because I'm not allowed to have discord anymore, I feel alone. I'm starting to hate my body and myself more and more, and I wish I was more masculine. I just want a hug and some reassurance, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you all.
 What's up bro!! You kinda sound familiar, just saying. Anyways, I'm really sorry to hear that you're stressed, let me see if I can do anything to help! Setting goals for yourself is good, so it's awesome that you did that. Yeah, actually going through with things you set goals for is a lot harder than a lot of people think, and for something as big as coming out, no wonder you're stressed! I promise you there's no time bomb. Coming out is seriously scary, especially if you don't have a good support system at home. Are you safe coming out? Are people at your home going to treat you nicely enough for you to be safe? Do you have the emotional strength to take anything they might throw at you? Not everyone's in a good place to come out sadly, and it's totally ok to put off doing it until you feel safe enough to do it. If you're having panic attacks, it's seriously ok to drop the idea of coming out for a bit until you feel more ready. Seriously bro, you don't have to push yourself. This sounds like it's seriously freaking you out, and you shouldn't force yourself into something that's making you this nervous. If just thinking about it is that hard for you, then I think it's a good idea to take a step back. There's seriously no pressure to come out. You'll know when you're ready, I promise.
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Man, I'm sorry to hear that you lost contact with your friends. Is it possible for you to make a different discord account or use a different device? I promise your friends haven't forgotten you at all. Even if you're separated from them right now, they still care about you and think about you all the time. Hopefully one day you'll be able to go back on the platform, and when you do, I'm sure they'll all be there ready to welcome you back! I promise you you're not alone, and I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated. I promise you're not alone, you have people that care about you no matter what. I'm sorry you're feeling that way about your body. I know you can't make the changes you want to, and that's not your fault. You might have to hang in there until you're in a place in life where you can make the changes safely. For now, see if you can wear more baggy clothes and pants, that might help a little.
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Trust me bro, you're masculine enough. You're just as masculine as me, no matter what, got it? You'll be able to make the changes you want to some day, I promise. Hey, you're not bothering at all!! Seriously, I'm happy to help. Hell yeah you can get a hug!! I'm always down to help a fellow man out! You're amazing bro, and masculine, and cared about. Don't forget that ok!
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So you have been locked away from online communication with those dear to you, all while heavily struggling as a trans person? If my analysis skills are correct, in which case, they are. I know who I am speaking to. I must say, it is relieving to hear from you once again. I may even feel the slightest hint of joy that you have come back to us in some way. 
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You are not forgotten. That much I can assure you. We still remember you. I understand that your fear is growing with every passing day. All the more reason to muster the courage needed to come out. I ask of you to abandon your fright and stand upright and bravely come out when that eventful day comes.
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Momota claims to be a man, but often tends to get sick. I am the peak of manhood, you were wise to come to me for help. I hope we hear from you again soon, and that you build your own future. One of your own will. -----------------------------------------------------------------  Yes, I as well find a sense of familiarity with this particular ask, but in a fond way. It is nice to see you again, even if we haven’t talked much as of late due to your situation. I would first like to say that I’m really proud of you for making this goal, Anon. I know it must be really hard to even consider coming out in the first place, and let alone by a certain time limit. While you are awfully brave for making this decision in the first place, I also don’t wish for you to pressure yourself throughout this. Coming out is something that is very personal, and it’s best to do it when you’re most comfortable with doing so. Forcing yourself to do it within a certain timeframe is only going to make you more stressed. and based off of what I’ve heard, that.. doesn’t seem healthy, with the panic attacks and all. (For those, I would recommend breathing exercises and/or medication to at least relieve some of the anxiety.)
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But, please ensure that you are safe with your parents before anything. I don’t want to scare you, but if it’s not safe to tell them yet... I wouldn’t recommend it until much later, when you’re able to live in a safe environment by yourself. You really don’t deserve to be hurt physically or emotional by any of this, let alone by your own parents if they’re unaccepting...
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But listen, no matter what, you are masculine, you are a real boy, and you deserve to express yourself in the most comfortable way possible. From my perspective, gender itself is a social construct, and it’s honestly mostly about how one feels inside. Based on your words on multiple occasions and the statements from beforehand, I know for a fact that you are one of the most “manly” and valid people that I am aware of.
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Onto your discord friends, I am sure that they miss you just as much as you miss them. From what my Inner Voice is telling me, I understand that you and your comrades were very close to one another. Nevertheless, you are not alone, and you never will be. You were able to contact us via an account on Tumblr, yes? Perhaps you can reconcile with some of them on this website, that could at least help you feel less alone to an extent. //Mun here, if I am talking to who I think I’m talking to, my DMs are always open for when you need it my guy, :).//
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Before I go, I would like to say that you weren’t bothering any of us with this ask at any means. You’re not a bother to any of us, and we’re more than welcome to address your concerned. And yes, of course you can have a hug from myself as well. It’s not everyday that you get to hug the Ultimate Robot after all! As both Kaito and Izuru said, I am more than sure that you are an amazing person, and that you’re more than worthy of respect. Above all, please remember that, and I hope that all goes well one way or another. Farewell, Anon.
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abri-chan · 3 years
Text
So a quick post on Rose from 90 days and middle-class raised Americans
But isn’t she a gold-digger if she didn’t really love Big Ed? Actually no.
The thing most middle-class raised Americans don’t understand is how the concept of love or family different by country and by social and financial status. It must be nice to be comfortable enough in life that your only worry is if the person is your soulmate (if there’s one) or they are for you for love only (bc you never had to worry where to find food, or how to provide for your extended family, or raising a single child).
For someone like Rose, who’s born into poverty, dating only American men doesn’t mean she’s a gold digger (like what gold was there to dig with no-neck Ed?) The woman only wanted a better life for herself and her son; so what she probably did she made a list of bullet points in her head how to achieve this. She didn’t intend to scam American men, she just made sure to limit her dating poll to foreign American men (just imagine if you limited your preference on tinder or okcupid to people in your area). We all limit our dating pool, for various reasons: sometimes you only want fit people, sometimes you want people of a certain gender, and sometimes people of a certain socio-economic status. Then after limiting her dating pool, she really had the intention of meeting some guy in the states and really starting a family with them. Haters really act as if someone in America who has a bachelor degree won’t have pretenses with regards to dating construction workers. We all ideally would want our spouse to be wealthier than us, so why do you shame if someone limits their dating pool to only wealthier people? It means they may not find a person and thus remain single, which they know. People act as if we don’t all have these biases on what people we would reject on the spot.
So Ed talked to her, and she probably really thought he could be her future husband, hence why she was so nice to his rancid personality. She never once put him down and always complimented him even (it’s okay if you’re short, you’re still my king) while Ed even though being light years out of her league complained of hairy legs (like dude, you can have a preference, but legit I don’t know a single person who would find their love *disgusting* bc they didn’t shave; if you can’t be with your spouse when they don’t shave in the winter or when they put on some weight or some other dumb imperfection like that, i don’t think you truly love them, my dude. not to even talk about how ed himself didn’t shave his legs bc it’s okay for men to be as hairy as nature made them but women have to turn into porcelain dolls).
Now, when it comes to how she loved Ed, love again in many countries, and even within a country but different socio-economic classes means different things. To some people love is a person whose company they enjoy and who they can see being with long-term. It doesn’t always mean the passion of romances; that fades with time even for the most starstruck people. To some it means someone who provides stability; you may live your wildest dream with the person you love, but they may live on the edge even when they’re 40 and that’s not the lifestyle you want, perhaps. So you find someone else. And to many people it means an equivalent exchange of some sort: maybe if you’re attractive but poor, you settle for someone who is less attractive than you but wealthier; the same way they are settling for someone that won’t love them the way they are used to loving but they are gaining someone who’s more attractive than the pool they usually date. These things happen all the time in US too (think of hot model with uglier, but wealthier guys), people just want to sound high and mighty and not acknowledge that love, like any choice we make in life, is never that easy and depends on so many factors. In any of these situations, it still means the two people will care and cherish one another, and be good companions (which is what your spouse should be), despite of if they ever experienced more passion for someone else in the past or a different type of person.
Like good for you if your spouse is your starstruck lover; but don’t go shaming people or calling them gold-diggers for just making different decisions of who to start their families with. You don’t know their circumstances and you don’t know if they won’t cherish that person as much as you cherish your spouse. People honestly forget that poverty is a thing, and sometimes between a better life with companion-like feelings, or a romance-passionate connection but struggling to eat, people will choose a better life. When you don’t have food on the table, everything, even love, is complicated.
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physicistdyke · 4 years
Text
Transed his own Gender
Dr. Harold P. Coomer is trans, he's worked his whole academic career to make his body just how he wanted it. Now, at age 46, he finally has an opportunity with his work at Black Mesa to get bottom surgery. But his colleague and friend Dr Bubby, who doesn’t know anything about gender besides the strict hetero-normative and patriarchal culture of STEM, objects to the new and risky procedure while questioning Coomers desires to put his own safety at risk all for a silly gen-dar.
rb >> likes!
Link to ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611880
or read under cut 
It was both viciously empowering and crumbled him to the core. He had a power over his own body, rare for the here and now in this space and time. Harold had felt this way many times before, an advantage that should be a right. He could relieve his own suffering, but at what cost? The lingering thoughts would stick with him, latching on like a parasite, a cancer. A hand on his shoulder brought him back into his body, a body he’s worked so hard for. He turned back to see his colleague, stoic in expression. Dr Bubby was not good at expressing emotions in a conventional manner, but other characteristics helped to convey what his face could not. Right now the pressure he was applying with his hand on Coomer’s shoulder mixed with how he avoided eye contact told Coomer that Bubby was afraid. Bubby was afraid for Coomer. “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” Bubby started. Coomer was about to reply, but Bubby’s own racing mind cut him off. “It’s a very experimental procedure you know, I was reading over the cybernetics reports-“ “Please Bubby,” Coomer turned and looked up at him straight on, he saw worry in his friend’s eyes, “I am fully aware of what I’m doing, I have done just as much research as you.” He said these words with confidence. He didn’t want to hurt his friends feelings more, but sometimes Bubby’s ego got the best of him. Bubby took a step back from the other man, as if the eye contact burned him. Harold was one of the few people Bubby could look in the eyes without that feeling, but now it felt like the island of experience between them was distant. He averted his gaze back to a corner of the room, reconsidering his own words and constructing a sentence most logical for the situation. “I just don’t understand your desire to keep going forward with this, you’re already well respected enough.” *** ____________________________________
This would be Coomer’s first procedure since he had met Bubby. The most recent before that was the operation on his chest, he had snagged that opportunity while working on his post doctorate. That was an experimental procedure at the time too, but Coomer’s endless tap of kindness and intelligence had been able to convince his friends in the medical department and their higher ups that this was an ethically sound decision. Even though Coomer himself never wished to study human anatomy, much preferring engineering and physics to biology, the circumstances of his life pushed him to learn more then he wanted to know. This study began the second he got to college, an unaware and afraid young man, he used his own body as test subject. Mixing concoctions that transformed his body and mind. By the time he was applying for his masters, he was a new man. All the insecurity and anxiousness of his younger years behind him, he now shone like the star he was. From there he made incremental and bolder steps in the process of his transition; first with the top surgery as mentioned before, and now, at the age of 46, he was arranging what would hopefully be his final procedure. Black Mesa did a lot of things, and apparently mechanical prosthetics was now one of them. The new cybernetics department had already made wondrous strides in terms of arms and legs, restoring ability to those in their ranks that needed it. These semi-mechanical, semi-flesh prosthetics fascinated Dr. Coomer to no end. About 8 months ago he had started wandering into the department more often. Finding himself asking passing questions to colleagues, asking questions from a genuine place in the heart. Dr. Coomer was open to talk about his experiences as a trans man, but a majority of his peers were always too uncomfortable to ask. They saw it as an oddity within a good man, he saw it as something that helped make him the good man he was today. The gap in that understanding stung Coomer sometimes, and the feeling of isolation sometimes crept up on him. But his smile and the passion for his studies often helped to bring him away from that space. It was about 2 months ago when he picked out a particular team within the cybernetics department, and started to have more serious conversations with them. From a scientific perspective, everyone involved was enthralled by the prospect. Combine that with Coomer's consistent fascination, confidence, and consent, they were fast approaching a place where action could be taken. _____________________________________
Bubby had noticed his friend's increased absence from their own department. Missing from collaboration meetings, not in his office or nearest break room for their usual chit chat. Coomer was an unlikely but much appreciated friend to Bubby. They had met about 10 years prior, when Bubby was nearly done the process of being titled 'a successful prototype'. Coomer was an unexpected ray of sunshine in Bubby's life. Showing him a kindness and understanding Bubby never had the luxury to live with. Being regarded as a test subject and experiment your whole life does that to you. ____________________________________
Bubby didn't know what being trans meant when Coomer first brought it up with him. Bubby, in reality, didn't even know what gender meant. He had a vague grasp on the fact that gender existed. The knowledge tubes his creators attached to him all those years ago mostly skipped out on all topics of liberal arts, humanity, sociology, etc, except for the most minimum required for him to be a somewhat functioning social life form. But what Dr Bubby lacked in those nuanced interactions and social rules, he well made up for in his ability to observe and form logical conclusions (according to his own account). He was aware of the fact that some people were referred to differently. Out of Black Mesas staff, a small minority were referred to as ‘she’. This group had a tendency to dress different from the rest of the staff, occasionally donning skirts and dresses, and varying from person to person on pigment applied to the face. Bubby viewed these people as his equal (or more so equally below him as the rest of his male co-workers, as he was still an egotistical jerk), but he couldn’t help but notice the trends surrounding this group. Bubby heard the back handed remarks, the passing jokes, the tone of superiority made by some of his male colleagues about the fairer sex. He saw the anxiety in his female colleagues when this attitude approached them. He noted the equal distribution of men to women in the ranks of visiting grad students and post docs, yet the stark lack of women in actual professional roles at Black Mesa. He saw the complacency in nearly all of his male colleagues regarding the generally accepted treatment words the ‘fairer sex’. Nearly all his male colleagues. Coomer and Bubby had been working together for a few years, and a friendship (or the closest thing to that someone could get to with Bubby) had started to really solidify. They were on lunch together, discussing the published panels from a recent convention on nuclear physics. Bubby was particularly fascinated in some newly publish findings on strange Beta decay experiments. He excitedly postulated the possibilities the results could mean for the future of the strong nuclear force. Dr Coomer was as supportive and thoughtful towards his friend as ever, but something else seemed to be occupying his thoughts. “Did you read over the notes from the panel on gender issues in STEM?” Dr. Coomer eventually interrupted when his lingering thoughts became too present. This caught Bubby off guard, but he quickly caught up with his colleagues present state of mind, “I didn’t because I saw it as trivial. I mean, it was a convention on nuclear physics, why waste time with trivial matters of progressing social etiquette?” Coomer furrowed his brow and Bubby realized he had perhaps chosen the wrong words, “Well Professor, if you had spent the time to read, you’d realize it was barely focusing on Progressing social etiquette at all. The man they chose to lead the panel was as backwards thinking about women’s role in science as the Pythagoreans were about irrational numbers.” Bubby shuffled in his chair with slight discomfort, he was never put up to the task of discussing matters like this, “Ah, yes. Well that is a shame. Pretty fucked up too… But I’m sure women will find a way to still contribute valuable findings.” “It’s difficult enough already, I’m sick of this two steps forwards one step back mentality.” Coomer was submerged in his own thoughts, barely acknowledging Bubby’s weak response. “Things have barely changed since my undergrad days. I’m lucky I managed to survive the few years I did in academia being perceived as a woman.” Bubby processed this as neatly and quickly as he could. Gender could be changed. ____________________________________
***“What do you mean by respect, Professor?” Dr. Coomer asked, cooling his own emotions. “You know what I mean, you’re already perceived as a man! You’re no longer are seen as a woman and you’re no longer discriminated against. I admire that you’ve figured out a way to jump the backwards system but-“ he was cut off by Coomer. “Bubby,” Coomer looked at his friend, trying to fathom what the hell had gone wrong in that ‘perfect’ brain of his. He finally gathered his thoughts, “I’m not, trans- because I wanted to be respected. I’m trans because I just am.” Bubby ruminated on his colleagues response, “Well fine, if not for the respect then it’s simply conformity! It makes complete sense Harold, science can be a real dog eat dog world. Anything that makes you separate from the norm is just a weight to be lifted.” “What the actual hell are you talking about professor” a tone of anger and disappointment filled Coomer’s voice, “This is some really problematic thinking you know.” Bubby gave a huff and deepened his gaze to the corner of the room, he mulled over his thoughts and tried to choose his words carefully. As much as he hated to admit it, he really knew very little about gender, but his drive to maintain the upper hand kept him from admitting that. He decided drawing from personal experience was the most logical argument to make, “I mean, that’s why I’m a man. I guess I just always assumed it was the same for you.” Coomer’s look of annoyance turned to one of intrigue, it was rare for Bubby to share his more personal thoughts and feelings. Coomer took this opportunity to prod his colleague, “Is that so Dr Bubby?”, he knew how to get Bubby in a more comfortable mindset, “Then tell me, do you feel like a man?”. “What the fuck is that suppose to mean?” Bubby sneered, “I don’t feel like a man, I just present like one. What the hell does feeling have to do with gender?” Coomer chuckled a little, realizing his friend wasn’t a complete bigot, just an idiot. “I say Dr. Bubby, it looks like your creators really didn’t connect any gender tubes to that brain of yours. Did they tell you the you were a man?” Bubby was feeling increasingly exposed and embarrassed but kept his composure. “Those bastards didn’t tell me anything! At least not directly. I popped out of the tube and they just started calling me ‘he’ and I just rolled with it. I thought that happened to everyone! Until I met you,” Bubby finally returned his gaze to Coomer. Slight tones of confusion, fear, and anger made up his expression, “I could tell that it sucked to be a woman, regardless of their extra freedom of expression with clothes and things like that. So it made sense to me that you changed your presentation to avoid the ridicule.” Coomer enjoyed pressing Bubby’s ‘think deeply about something other than science’ button, but refrained and decided to give some explanation. “Bubby, that really isn’t how gender works in the slightest! I mean for some people they’re content with what ever gender they were assigned at birth, but even then they have some sort of emotional attachment or sense of that gender. And for others, like me, they feel a stronger connection to some other gender and they make what ever adjustments feels right for them. With everyone it can be pretty fluid throughout their lifetimes, but it’s all very personal. What gender do you feel Bubby?” “I don’t feel like any fucking gender! I feel like a scientist, can’t I just be that?” Bubby tapped his foot and rolled the hem of his lab coat between his fingers. He was glad he was talking about this with Harold, but it still felt awkward as hell. “Of course you can Dr. Bubby!” Coomer beamed at his colleagues honesty, “Though I don’t think you could be considered trans though, you were assigned Scientist at Birth™.” Cooper laughed at his own joke, which in turn made Bubby relax and smile a bit himself. Coomer placed a hand on Bubby’s sholder, “Ah, but in all seriousness. It’s completely valid to not be a man or a woman. There are plenty of people like that! And it’s also ok to not have any gender at all! You can feel and express yourself however you want to Bubby, and at least I’ll be here to fully support you. I hope you’re willing to do the same for me.” Bubby looked to the side in a sheepish but calmer way, “Well, of course Harold. I guess I didn’t fully understand how much this meant to you. I’m, um, sorry for speaking over you about this.” A sorry from Bubby was a rare commodity. “It’s alright. You were worried about my well being and I’m grateful for that! You were miss informed and kind of stupid, but I’m glad you were willing to open up and have an honest conversation with me.” Bubby smiled and his gaze was finally able to align with Coomer’s again, the feeling of safety retuned and his anxieties took a back seat. “Well, if it’s alright with you, I’d love to help you and the cybernetics department in your research and development. Learn more about the cutting edge of gender confirming surgery and whatnot.” Coomer beamed at the support, “Ah! I’d be happy to include you in Project Black Mesa Super Shlong 3000! I can grab some of the blueprints we’ve been working on right now!” Coomer left Bubby’s office in an excited hurry and would return shortly. In that time Bubby reflected on the conversation. Not needing to be a man or a woman? Not needing any gender at all? That sounded really nice to Bubby. He still had a lot to learn about life outside of Black Mesa and the apparently fluid rules of gender, but he was glad he Coomer there to fill in the gaps.
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Note
Hi Elle! I used to follow you on your old mega-popular tumblr. I really love your new one. :) I know that you've lived in a "super spiritual" community for several years now (not sure if you want me to publicly say the place). What is the community like? Is it more bad than good? What are some strengths and weaknesses of the place/people? Thank you! I've heard mixed things and really respect your insights.
Haha I knew I would get this question one day! If I could title my response, it would be, "Why I've Chosen to Keep My Distance from the New Age Community in the American Southwest." I info-dump and write novels, so get ready! =)
I think there is something to be said for defining things neutrally for yourself overall. Fortunately, I've been able to easily do that in this instance due to: 1. Being introverted and not "needing" a big community experience and 2. Having wonderful friends all over the globe that I am able to interact with all throughout my year. With that being said, if I am being 100% honest and real with you, I truly believe that the new age community where I am is more toxic than good. Here is why. I will have a positive note at the end.
A quick preface: I am not calling out any particular individual(s) and will not be naming names.... quite frankly, there are just too many and I'm not here to humiliate people. Secondly, these traits can take place in ANY community, spiritual or otherwise. But these are things that I feel a spiritual community should be more self-aware of... and sadly right now, they are not.
********ATTENTION: There is a big content and trigger warning here: There will be mentions of sui****, sexual *******, and gaslighting/narcissism, terfs, eating disorders, and other things that could be very upsetting. Proceed with caution and stop reading if you find yourself getting stressed, triggered, or deeply upset.*********
1. Malignant narcissism and community insulation from constructive criticism. I have never seen such a ubiquitous display of malignant narcissism in all my life in a collective, save for some conservative Christian environments in my growing up years. Go onto almost any youtube channel for the Sedona community and you will see very few negative comments… why? (And I have watched this for a long time) Almost ANY criticism of anyone’s channel or blog is instantly removed. There was a time when people who simply noted that some of these small “influencers” were saying toxic things were sent cease and desist letters. The community is very tight knit and displays many marks of a cult. One of these indicators is that they all protect each other and hype each other up on their channels and blogs, while labeling ANY criticism (healthy or not) as someone who is being “triggered.” The younger part of the community cares about looking perfect and having everyone worship them, but has very little spiritual substance. It’s always about who did the alien thing “before it was cool” or “who can do a backflip off of a steep cliff without breaking their neck because their synchronicity is on point.” One youtuber said once that she only wanted to hang out with “pretty” people because they were purer expressions of the divine. The older generation expresses narcissism by assuming they know more than everyone else. Good luck having a conversation on controversial topics with any of them. They are right, you are wrong. If you argue, you are “triggered” and “seeking for truth.” If you don't believe that there are reptilians on the moon with a secret base, you've drunk the kool-aid. Not a good environment to foster open sharing and knowledge. The men have a particular problem with this when it comes to topics of sex and intimacy. If you are a woman and don’t want to “surrender” to your partner (in a lot of vague and unclear ways), you are out of alignment with the divine feminine. Most of the men believe that they should be allowed to "hunt" (look for sexual partners/spiritual twin flames) and that women should do everything in their power to be softly feminine so that they can sync up and recognize each other's souls.
2. A full denial of science and medicine. Look, I get it. We all want to solve our own medical dilemmas and use herbs to cure all ills. I try to solve any (non life threatening) health issues I have the “natural” way first too… often, I have great success! The problem comes when the community rejects all western medicine, most science (that doesn’t affirm their beliefs) and any medical opinion that has… actually been to a real medical school. There is a strong anti-vaccination movement coupled with the belief in using yoni eggs religiously and doing colonics every week (though science tells us this isn’t a great idea overall). I used a different type of yoni egg for awhile to see what would happen, but trust me, your pelvic health is going to be better without them. You will be judged harshly for going to a “mainstream” doctor to get antibiotics for a serious infection and will most likely be gaslit into oblivion regarding “what you did to attract” your infection etc.
I have midwifed for many years now and have extensive “mainstream” training to be able to do this legally. Once, I was working with another midwife on a mother who was having her first baby. The laboring woman had an ideal birth in mind like most people do. Long story short, I discerned while she was laboring that the baby was in intense distress and that the mother was displaying very concerning signs of a life-threatening condition. When I insisted on calling an ambulance and getting the woman to the hospital, the other midwife said that I was interfering with nature. I explained simply that if we didn’t get said woman to a hospital, the baby would most certainly die and the mother’s life would hang in the balance. Her response was that: “Some babies don’t deserve to live and I shouldn’t invite karma by interfering with nature’s course.” I called an ambulance anyway and the mother was taken for an emergency c-section. The mother was very disappointed about not being able to follow her birth plan. However, after the birth (she and baby ended up being okay thank goodness) she sat down with me personally and thanked me for making the decision I did. She said that one of the doctors explained that if I had waited another hour, both she and the baby would be dead. Apparently, this other “midwife” had also had her license revoked a year before for endangering a different laboring person and child. This sounds like a stand-alone freak incident, but I can cite 15-20 other situations just like this one where life-threatening emergencies were viewed as opportunities for good karma and growth… and that western medical intervention would invite bad karma.
Regarding science, if you point to the fact that jade yoni eggs are likely to cause an infection, most of the new age community will scoff and say that they don’t trust science (the logic being that science once explained volcanos as angry gods or something and now cannot be trusted overall). If you don't wear blue-blocking glasses anytime you look at a screen, apparently you've already succumbed to mind control. You get my point… It’s so bad that the new age community is willing to endanger people’s lives and place the blame on the victims for being out of alignment with synchronicity. This one bullet point could be talked about for hours.
3. A lack of discernment and victim blaming. Many have heard about Bentinho Massaro and his crew from that time when they swept through Sedona a couple years ago. The core of the Sedona community started blindly following him… some of them wanted to boost their online platforms by being associated with a well-known figure. Others wanted a guru… and others were just curious and got sucked in by his charisma. All one had to do was google him. He has allegations of physically beating his followers, gaslighting people, torturing animals in his childhood, and ignoring the fact that an alarming number of his followers commit suicide. With all of this knowledge at our fingertips, the popular new age “influencers” went so far as to get in polyamorous relationships with him, validate his platform, and gaslight people who, sadly, committed sui**** because of certain things he said in his teachings. It was insane. Now, many of the people who followed him try to pretend it never happened or that they had no part in it. Many of them claim to have “gifts of the spirit” and to have stellar discernment.
One of the people who got into a polyamorous relationship with this person did an Instagram post where she basically said that if someone is being r*ped they should show their attacker love and surrender to what is happening so that they could experience unconditional love and come back to the "light." I honestly couldn’t believe what I was reading at first when I saw it. The part that was heartbreaking was when I read the comments and watched people (not just women and men) berate themselves for “fighting” while something terrible happened to them in the past. A few of them were teenagers. I made it a point to personally message the ones I was able to, and thankfully, a good number did respond positively. This exact issue has occurred on youtube channels, blogs, and in-person encounters. I’m just citing ONE online instance of this horrible, misaligned belief. Keep in mind that the person who did this post abandoned her disabled child with a family she barely knew to pursue a sexual relationship with Bentinho.
4. TERFS/anti-LGBTQ/anti-feminism. This falls under the categories of relationships, sex, autonomy, and social issues, but expands into much more overall.
A chain of videos came out a couple years ago where about 5 women in the new age community each did a presentation on what was wrong with the “divine feminine” these days. They were saying that women had been erased because they were not conforming to gender roles or seeking out conscious relationships. They all referenced that “women are angry” and basically said it was wrong for women to feel this way and that angry female energy was throwing our whole environment out of balance and even contributing to global warming somehow. They empathized with toxic people/men/known violent incels and said that women needed to get over their traumas and be more available for the divine masculine to show up. They dehumanized women by saying they shouldn’t be expressing anger, glossed over sexual a******, and blocked everyone in the comments who took a stand against what they were saying. The general consensus is that feminists are just angry women who need to get over their trauma.
Many people in the new age community also believe that if you incarnate in a particular body with certain biological parts, you incarnated that way for a reason. Changing it extensively is to erase “the spiritual lessons you were supposed to learn.” Basically, they stand against trans people, nonbinary people, gender nonconforming people… etc. I can go deeper with this if you want, but that is the gist of it without writing a novel within a novel.
Most of them take an active stance against intersectional feminism and use exclusive language to shut out anyone who doesn’t conform to the binary. A few of them are more passive-aggressive about how they do this: refusing to show any support for the LGBTQUIA+ community or mention social issues at all, even when someone is pointing out that they did something hurtful or offensive.
5. Appropriating Indigenous cultures and using past lives as an excuse. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a white new age person say that something is their “spirit animal” or seen one wear Native American/indigenous headdresses to tight-knit community events, citing that they were “Native American” in their past life and that they are entitled to use these symbols, items, and cultural lexicons because of it. (Not that this is the main point… but they tell trans people that they shouldn’t be trans or insinuate that people should conform to the gender binary because they incarnated in a body type for a reason… but make an exception for themselves culturally? Super hypocritical.)
A couple of “woke” guys from the new age community walked around for awhile saying that the Hopi had adopted them into their “tribe” and that the were given Hopi names. I spoke to a few Hopi people about what was happening and they were shell-shocked. That is not something that they do for one thing, and for another, they had never even heard of these people! Thankfully, the behavior stopped after the two men were confronted about it, but this kind of thing happens all the time in various ways. There is a new age store here with a racial slur in the title… bring it up to the owner and she’ll kick you out and launch a smear campaign. Tell one of the white new age women that just because she studies “different traditions” doesn’t mean it’s okay to do rain dances or perform indigenous rituals (Native American, Australian, and others) without permission and they’ll blacklist you. I think many of the new agers operate within this Trojan horse of “I want to accept and validate all cultures”, but do not actually care at all about indigenous voices, feelings, or opinions. Many of them talked a lot about collective trauma in our nation during Black Lives Matter, but wouldn’t actively support it in any way themselves.
6. Let’s talk about mental health. This could go under the science and medicine label, but I think it deserves its own paragraph. Boy is mental health stigmatized in the new age Sedona community…. Real mental health professionals are painted as people who just want to “drug” you and keep you controlled. People with mental health struggles are instantly blamed. “Hell is just a state of mind, you need to change your mind,” is a phrase I have heard more often than not. Ancestral healing, umbilical healing, and random reiki sessions are somehow supposed to take the place of a licensed counselor.
A huge chunk of the “spiritual” community supported a pseudo-therapist who (without any scientific basis) was preaching that any woman who wasn’t sure if she wanted to have children or not by the age of 25 was toxic and needed to be ostracized because “something is wrong there.” A bunch of people believed it and re-posted/shared the teaching.
Another instance occurred where an unlicensed “hypnotherapist” without so much as a bachelor’s degree in anything was using questionable methods to hypnotize clients. During one session a person experienced a severe PTSD flashback and panic attack. She was not brought out of the hypnotherapy session properly or cared for. She ended up having a mental breakdown and having to spend time in the hospital. The charlatan who was treating her said that the client was willfully unresponsive to treatment and refused to confront her demons…
Anyone who is on anxiety medication, anti-depressants or anything else to support their well-being and mental health will be judged aggressively and most likely verbally confronted at some point if they are open about being on medication. The charlatans will throw essential oils into your space saying that they can cure anything. Others will try to get someone to talk to a new age leader in the “inner circle” and attempt to persuade the client that western therapists/psychologists just want to drug people and ignore the spiritual cause of unrest. They’ll cite earthing, crystals, vaginal wands, special teas, dietary habits, and color therapy as causes and answers to everything…. All while regarding victims of sui**** as unfortunate souls and lost causes etc.
7. A summary. I need to sum up other issues here quite quickly or I’ll be typing all day. XD Many of the women here are terrified of gaining weight or looking older. They hide behind the thinning veil of “health and veganism” to justify their worrisome habits to feel sexually appealing to supposedly “woke” men. Disordered eating and terror of eating one granule of processed sugar permeates the consciousness. You can be judged for anything from buying pokemon cards to eating legumes…. of all things. Most of the men are sexual predators who prey on younger women, rely on narcissism as a personality type, and don’t let anyone get a word in edgewise when their opinions are challenged. Many of the women validate these behaviors and blame themselves when they get hurt citing “spiritual growth” as a silver lining to cure all traumas. I would say that 95%+ of the people in the community present a perfect picture of themselves online while having crumbling relationships and failing inner lives. You might see a post or video about “conscious uncoupling” of a spiritual "power couple" and then find out later that someone was in a relationship with a narcissistic predator or was experiencing physical abuse. Sadly, many of the victims gaslight themselves in the uncoupling announcement. Many people here are predators in other ways… they might launch a health business that uses essential oils to replace therapy. There are con artists all over the place who can range from simply overpricing their wares in alarming ways to trying to entrap people in “business contracts” that devastate their lives. I have had personal UFO experiences here and do personally think that extraterrestrial life exists, but I would NEVER try to manufacture a fake experience… One of the UFO tour guides was having people hide out in the desert and flash lights into the sky while people on the tour wore special glasses. Then she was charging an arm and a leg to channel “spiritual messages” from the e.t.s for her clients and saying that if they didn’t receive the message, something bad would happen to them. This is the fluffiest and lightest post I could possibly do to communicate how bad it is in the “spiritual community” here. This is only the tip of the iceberg.
The good news? Sedona is so much more than a toxic new age community. It is GORGEOUS and it does have many good, healthy/normal people here. =) I have had such a beautiful experience in this place and can’t say enough good things about it. I have easy access to healthy foods, endless nature to explore and bask in, and a growing community of people who call the new age community out on its toxicity. I read what I want, play Animal Crossing without blue-blocker glasses, regularly enjoy going to listen to goth music at my preferred venue (I’ve been demonized for this lol), and eat what makes me feel good. My partner and I have had a beautiful and successful relationship for nearly a decade now and create amazing memories every day. We have good friends all around the world… and I have a solid, BIG group of academic colleagues/friends locally who DO ethically cite their sources and contribute positively to science and higher learning. If you’re into paleontology like me, you are in fossil heaven! =D If you love astronomy or astrophysics, we’re in a dark sky city! There are so many cool things to do from playing in LOTR-worthy waterfalls, to sampling delicious vegan creations, to playing DnD on red rocks with your friends while a *real* UFO passes by overhead. Get yourself a smoothie and organic wrap from one of our incredible food trucks and drive out into the desert while listening to Nightvale with your love or your friends. =)
If you ever want a list of must-do’s while visiting, let me know. I’ve got your back! The point is that I just harped on the negative above, but the good news is that you can completely avoid all of the junk. Keep it or scrap it when it comes to the Sedona new age community? I say scrap it. But you can still pursue your spiritual interests in healthy ways here while enjoying all the yummy creature comforts that the Verde Valley has to offer. I hope this helps and if just one person comes here and has a safe experience because of my thoughts, then every moment I’ve spent writing this was worth it. =) <3
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fox-steward · 4 years
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hi, not sure if this blog is active bc im on mobile but you seem v knowledgeable so i hope you are. i have a question if thats ok. ive been id'ing as ftm trans/nb for about 6 years now but havent rlly been able to come out to many ppl or transition at all so im still largely presenting as female. i wouldnt rlly call myself gender critical or anything like that, but i know transitioning is a long & difficult process and im wondering if there is a way to alleviate my dysphoria without going (1/2)
“thru all that. i dont want to transition only to realize that i dont feel better and there was an easier way. in other words, id like to rule out any possibility that im not trans before medically investing in being trans. any chance you have any advice for me? (2/2)”
hey there—still active, if sporadic.
when it comes to healing from dysphoria, there’s no cure-all, no hidden path to healing that you’ve simply yet to uncover. just as there’s no way to guarantee transition will make you happy, there’s no opposite guarantee either. i can only share some of the stuff that has worked for me and some of the hardships i uncovered about living as trans, which i hope you find helpful.
what helps me?
get clear with yourself about what you believe about gender, ideologically. i personally feel, if my beliefs do not stand up to critical thought, if they cannot be supported by rational arguments, then those beliefs are not worth holding on to and i need to let them go. this is what happened to me WRT transness, gender, and all that.
start small—what is gender? is gender innate? do we have gendered souls? how could we have gendered souls if gender is a social construct? okay, so we can’t have gendered souls, so what is gender, if not innate? is gender the social expectations and norms attached to the two sexes? is it possible to break those roles and expectations? does breaking those roles and expectations change anyone’s sex? no—males can behave in typically feminine ways and females in typically masculine ways and that does nothing to change their sex. so what would conceivably make someone (or myself) trans? inhabiting the social roles and expectations of the gender associated with the opposite sex. since we already established that gender isn’t innate and we don’t have gendered souls, there’s no merit in the “born in the wrong body” narrative; it is not possible to be born in the wrong body. we each get one body, no matter how we change it. but if i wasn’t born in the wrong body, why do i feel so uncomfortable with mine, especially with the sexed aspects of it? if you’re female, the likely culprit is misogyny. you don’t actually have to hate women on a conscious level to be suffering from internalized misogyny. we live in a misogynistic world, it saturates everything. if you’re female, it affects almost every factor of how you move through this world—how people treat you, what opportunities you’re given, which behaviors are encouraged for you and which are discouraged, etc. if you are inclined to prefer masculinity—for whatever reason—society will encourage this in males and discourage it in females. having your way of being subtly discouraged all the time can easily lead to feeling disconnected from your body, perhaps even hating it, especially since you know that your way of being would be ENCOURAGED if only your body were male. and that’s when many of us encounter trans ideology that tells us we CAN be male—in fact, we actually were all along! all we have to do is change our bodies drastically with lifelong medication and surgery, all we have to do is trade money and time and health to convincingly imitate the opposite sex—THEN society will finally recognize that our way of being is okay—because we were actually masculine MEN all along, it was simply our female bodies obscuring that. does this feel like a good or healthy trade to you? it doesn’t to me, but i can’t make these decisions for you.
there IS an important caveat, a shortcut that bypasses this bad trade entirely—and that’s realizing that your way of being is ALREADY okay. masculine females and feminine males are healthy and good. it’s not always easy to comfortably BE that way in a society that does not embrace masculinity in women and femininity in men, but the solution is not to change your self, it’s to change the society. and the only way you can do that is by carving out that path—BE a masculine female/woman and you’ll show little girls today that there’s a place for them in this world.
i did try out the trade for myself, however, and i learned a few things you might find useful—maybe these lessons i learned can save you the time and money and pain i’ve already spent.
1) you never actually change sex. you’re always chasing the aesthetic imitation of the opposite sex with transition, but never becoming the opposite sex. in this and so many other ways, transition never ends.
2) passing is conditional. when your sense of self is predicated upon others seeing you a certain way, it can be taken from you in a second. i could be treated like one of the guys for a year, until one of them finds out i was born female. now that he knows, he cannot unknow. now my experience is tied to how he sees me—does he see me as a woman now that he knows? is he comfortable with me in the locker room? it was stressful and uncomfortable for others to have this level of control over my experience of the world and of myself. it’s also out of my control whether he decides to lend manhood to me now—will he use male pronouns with me? will he call me a woman? will he out me to the others? will he sexualize me or sexually assault me based on my female body?
3) as stated above, transition never ends. no matter how well you pass, transition always requires maintenance. you’ll need bloodwork as long as you’re on hormones—that’s time and money you wouldn’t have otherwise spent. you’ll need supplies for your hormone shots—time and money you wouldn’t have spent. there will be instances where you need to disclose your trans status, thus repeating the coming out process infinitely—doctors or EMTs, new intimate partners, friends. this process is exhausting and othering, it’s an ever-present reminder of the fact that you’re trans.
4) medical transition is expensive in terms of money and heath. taking hormones is always a risk. there’s potential for: cardiovascular risk associated with testosterone, vaginal atrophy and sexual side effects, changes to mood (some for the better, some worse), not liking how hormones change your body. then there’s the financial aspect. in the USA at least, this costs money—money for doctor’s visits, money for the hormones themselves, money for the supplies to administer them. there’s risk in any surgery—risk of death or serious complication, loss of function and sensation, improper healing, chronic pain. and of course, the monetary cost associated with surgery. removing the uterus can have lifelong consequences—early onset dimentia, lifelong need for synthetic hormones, osteoporosis.
5) there is no “actually trans.” there’s no meaningful distinction between “true trans” people and others. trans people transition and identify as trans. their dysphoria isn’t any different than mine was. there’s no method for parsing “real dysphoria” from something else. transness is an ideology. i liken it to religion. there are no “real christians” and fake christians, there are only people who believe and those who don’t. that’s the salient difference between myself (detransitioner) and trans people—belief. and if something requires me to believe in it to be real...well that’s a good indication it probably isn’t.
good luck out there. these are heavy questions and weighty struggles. there’s no harm in focusing on other aspects of your life when you’re having trouble answering Big Gender Questions. rooting for you.
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the-real-slim-shady · 4 years
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Transgender and Non-Binary People: The Facts and Science Behind Them
I wrote this essay a while ago, after I had an argument with my mom about transgender people, and I figured I'd share it, it’s really long, so feel free to just skim it and find the important parts lol.
    In recent years, gender issues have become much more prevalent in our society. People who are transgender and non-binary finally feel comfortable being who they are, but there are still people who think transgender and non-binary people don’t exist. Some believe that they’re just seeking attention, or that all of their problems could be solved with therapy. This is a tricky topic because it is hard to scientifically prove how a person feels in their body.
    People usually think of the words “sex” and “gender” as interchangable, but this is in fact incorrect. In general terms, the word “sex” refers to the biological differences between men and women, such as the genitalia and genetic differences. “Gender” is more ambiguous, and harder to define. Gender usually refers to the role of a man and woman in society or an individual’s concept of themselves. To put it simply, sex is in the body, gender is in the mind. Sometimes a person’s genetically assigned sex does not line up with their gender. These individuals usually refer to themselves as transgender, non-binary, or genderfluid.
    We all learn in middle school that the last pair of chromosomes we have determines our sex. XX for a woman and XY for a man. Sex, however, is not that simple. The male/female split is often seen as a man-or-woman binary, but this is not entirely true. Some men are born with two or three X chromosomes as well as a Y, and some women are born with a Y chromosome. In some cases, a child is born with a mix between male and female genitalia. This is sometimes deemed intersex, and parents can decide which gender to assign to the child, but sometimes the child feels neither male nor female or disagrees with their parents’ decision. A person can be female if they have an X and Y chromosome but they are insensitive to androgens, so they have a female body. A person can have an X and Y chromosome and have a female body because their Y is missing the SRY gene. A person can have two X chromosomes and have a male body because one of their X’s has a SRY gene. A person can be female because they only have one X chromosome. A person can be male because they have two X chromosomes and one Y. A person can be male because you have two X chromosomes but your heart and brain are male and a person can be female with an X and a Y because their heart and mind feel stuck inside the wrong body.
    Most people’s sex and gender line up. The expectation that if you’re assigned a male at birth, you’re a man, and you’re assigned female at birth you’re a woman, lines up for people who are cisgender. But for people who are transgender or non-binary, the sex they’re assigned at birth may not align with the gender they know themselves to be. The concepts of gender and sex are socially constructed. We as a society assign gender and sex based on socially agreed upon characteristics. Dresses, the color pink, makeup, long hair, painted nails, and high heels belong to women, but we have seen in the past that this wasn’t always true, and as time goes on, the gendering of the aforementioned products is fading. This doesn’t mean that body parts and functions are “made up”, it just means that we categorize and define things in ways that could actually be different.
    The transgender and non-binary identity has long been associated with poor mental health and trauma that can be “cured” by therapy. Science however, says otherwise. Transgender women tend to have brain structures that resemble cisgender women rather than cisgender men. The bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BSTc) in transgender women is more similar to cisgender women than cisgender men, and the BSTc in transgender men more closely resembles that of a cisgender man. Science tells us that gender is not binary, it may even be a linear spectrum. Like other facets of identity, it can operate on a large range of levels and operate outside of many definitions. Transgender and non binary individuals are not suffering from a mental illness or carefully “choosing” a different identity. The transgender and non-binary identity is multi dimensional, but it deserves no less respect or recognition than any other facet of humankind.
    It is essential to understand the difference between transgender people and non binary people. Transgender people feel like their assigned sex is wrong, and therefore change their gender and sometimes undergo surgery. Non-binary and genderqueer people identify themselves with neither an exclusively male or female gender, their gender identity is beyond the gender binary, sometimes fluctuates between genders, or rejects the gender binary. People who are genderqueer or genderfluid alternate between genders. Kind of like a craving for food, one day they will feel like one gender and wish to be addressed as such, and maybe in a day or a week they’ll feel like another gender and some days they will feel like no gender at all. This may seem to some people like they should just make up their minds, but trust me, if they could they would. Non binary people, however, feel like no gender, and will always feel like they belong outside the gender binary. Science has yet to provide an insight into the non-binary identity and whether there’s any scientific basis to them.
    Some people say that transgender and non binary individuals are just feeling gender dysphoria, and they can overcome it. Gender dysphoria is actually just a name for how transgender and onbinary people feel before they come out: feeling that your emotional or psychological identiy as male or female to be opposite to your biological sex. Gender dysphoria is a strong desire to be rid of your sex characteristics because you feel like they don’t belong to you. It is a strong desire for the sex characteristics of the other gender, or no sex charecteristics at all. It is a strong desire to be treated as another gender. It is a strong conviction that you are not the gender you were born as.
    Some people believe that gender dysphoria for transgender and non-binary people can be solved by therapy. However, researchers analyzed survey responses from more than 27,000 transgender adults accross the US with a roughly even mix of transgender women and transgender men. People who had undergone conversion therapy at some point in their lives were twice as likely to have attempted suicide than someone who had not. About 70% said they had talked to a professional at some point about their gender identity and of those 70%, 20% had undergone conversion therapy. All of the aforementioned people are still transgender.
    In addition, many medical associations and academies have spoken out against conversion therapy. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry “finds no evidence to support the application of any “therapeutic intervention” operating under the premise that a specific sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or gender expression is pathological. Furthermore, based on the scientific evidence, the AACAP asserts that such ‘conversion therapies’ lack scientific credibility and clinical utility. Additionally, there is evidence that such interventions are harmful. As a result, ‘conversion therapies’ should not be part of any behavioral health treatment of children and adolescents."
    The American Academy of Pediatrics says “"Confusion about sexual orientation is not unusual during adolescence. Counseling may be helpful for young people who are uncertain about their sexual orientation or for those who are uncertain about how to express their sexuality and might profit from an attempt at clarification through a counseling or psychotherapeutic initiative. Therapy directed specifically at changing sexual orientation is contraindicated, since it can provoke guilt and anxiety while having little or no potential for achieving changes in orientation."
    Since the beginnning of the non-binary movement, it has gathered skepticism, critisism, derision, and even violence. Many non-binary people (and transgender people too) are accused of being “special snowflakes” or “drama queens” and “attention whores”. However, this criticism ignores the fact that gender identity is largely personal. In addition, something as simple as the way you wish to be identified tends to cause hatred to be sent your way. There is little critisim towards non-binary people that can be directed towards them in a constructive matter. If a non-binary person is in fact “just doing it for attention” the name calling and hatred would just be feeding into their desire for attention and giving them exactly what they want!
    Finally, if exploring your gender identity is a “trend” as some have called it, then isn’t it better than the previous trend of feeling isolated and alone and having absolutely no way to be who you are and say what you feel? In light of the current lack of any scientific evidence as to the biological nature of non-binary transsexuality, it is best to act in the same way as any situation where there is a phenomenon yet to be proven by science: doubt, skepticism, and open-mindedness, which accepts the potential for truth, but does not assume it.
    Some people are against the idea of calling a transgender or non-binary person their chosen pronouns because they disagree with the way that said person identifies themselves, and they reserve the right to their freedom of speech. Dr. Jordan Peterson is one of these people.
    Dr. Peterson is a psychology professor at the University of Toronto. He released a video lecture series taking aim at political correctness. He was frustrated with being asked to use alternative pronouns requested by trans and non-binary students and staff. “I’ve studied authoritarianism for a very long time, for forty years,” Dr Peterson told the BBC. “It starts by people’s attempts to control the ideological and linguistic territory. There’s no chance I’m going to use words made up by people who are doing that, not a chance.” Dr Peterson is concerned proposed federal human rights legislation will elevate his refusal to use alternative pronouns into hate speech. There is currently a bill in Canada that prohibits discrimination under the Canadian Human Rights Act on the basis of gender identity and expression. Under this bill, Dr. Peterson is not guilty of hate speech, but he could face sanction under Ontario’s human rights code which extended protection to trans people in 2012.
    Conservatives like Dr. Peterson have conjured up images of good people being dragged off to jail for not calling a person by their chosen pronouns. To the contrary, as legal scholars like Brenda Cossman and Kyle Kirkup have patiently explained, the bill in Canada cannot lead to anything remotely like this. But the milk has been spilled, and rants have been recorded, and the subtext is that there is a segment of society accustomed to others accommodating their freedom but not the other way around.
    Some people are confused as to why calling someone by their chosen pronouns constitutes as human rights, but I am confused about something else: In what kind of society does the question of whether we should respect people provoke a major debate? In what kind of society does the sentiment “you can’t make me” constitute a compelling argument?
    In conclusion, there’s no reason to discriminate against non-binary people or transgender people because contrary to the popular belief, you’re not being morally or intellectually superior, you’re just being rude. Use their prefered name and pronouns. I promise it won’t kill you.
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[START] [ABOUT AND WARNINGS] [FAQ]
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Steve/ Agree with him.  The wedding was a bad idea.
“Shh… Steve, it’s okay,” you say, getting up and taking his hand.  “If this is how you feel we won’t do it.  I guess… I guess it was a lot of pressure to put on us.”
He looks at you with hope in his eyes.  “Really?  I thought you’d be angry.”
“I’m a little hurt maybe, and I’ll probably be embarrassed when I call my family and friends to tell them that it’s canceled,” you admit.  “But, they haven’t been that supportive if I’m honest with you.  I’ve heard ‘are you sure you’re not rushing things’ from more than one person.”
Steve relaxes and lets you guide him to the couch.  “I can handle canceling things.  This is my fault.”
You shake your head and rub his back.  “No.  I guess I had this idea that I should be married before I have kids, and you asked and I just… felt that was the answer.  We both were being hasty.  What do you want to do now?”
He shakes his head and lets out a breath.  “I guess… go back to dating.  I think I need to step back and figure out how I feel.  I’m not one for rushing things, so I don’t think we should move in together until we’re sure how we feel about each other.”
You nod.  It’s a letdown, but if you aren’t both on the same page there isn’t any point rushing it.  “We’ll take a step back again,” you agree.  “Take things slow.”
He leans in and kisses you gently and you feel a weight lift off you that you hadn’t even realized was there.  Perhaps the wedding was weighing on you more than you thought.
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You are as good as your word.  Both you and Steve take things slow.  The two of you continue dating as you had before, only now as well as romantic dinners and walks in the park, you have doctor’s appointments and visits to bring you food you were craving.
Steve does his best to make the dates as lowkey as he can.  He brings you dinners and rubs your aching feet and back.  Even on those times when he is away on a mission, he has food sent to your apartment so you don’t need to cook, and on a couple of occasions, he sends flowers too.
It is very hard to not fall deeply in love with him when he is being so attentive.
You do find it find it hard to read his feelings.  Sometimes everything is just all about the baby and very business-like, and other times he’s romantic and attentive.  You wonder if you made the right choice, and if maybe having the baby will end up being too much for him.
He doesn’t balk though and by the time you reach the twenty-week ultrasound - the big one where you find out if there are any big genetic abnormalities and if you want, the sex - he actually seems excited.
Steve holds your hand as he watches the image on the screen of the baby.  “It feels really real now, doesn’t it?”  He asks as the baby comes into view.  “That’ doesn’t just look a little peanut any more, that looks like a baby.”
You nod.  You’ve passed the point of no return.  That’s your baby on the screen, complete all the way down to its fingers and toes.
“So,” the tech says as she completes some measurements.  “Are we finding out the sex today?”
You look at Steve and he shrugs.  “That’s up to you,” he says.
Find out.  It will help when thinking of names.
Don’t find out. Gender is a social construct and you want to make your decisions without it coloring everything.
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