#Depending on how fast we finish I might be good to go by the end of this week but who knows

[supercriminalbean]

Hope you're having a good day/night

I was wondering if I could request Hotch x Male reader, the team get a case that leads back to an old unsolved case of a group of children going missing and start showing up dead at different ages from sever injuries from fighting(?)

Reader is part of the bau but has alot of secrets to hide including being one of the younger children that went missing and managed to escape but not without physical and emotional scars (being forced to play a cruel game of survival of the fittest for the entertainment of the Unsub who streamed the gruesome cruelty)

Maybe the unsub captures reader cause he was the one that got away and the team start to peice together reader was one of the missing kids by how fast reader state of mind went to a primal kill or die (like readers afraid he'll die there and no one will ever find him or know or care so when they do he's relived and breaks down but another part of him think he doesn't deserve it cause of what he's done to survive)

Hotch being there for reader

FIGHT CLUB

Aaron Hotchner x Male!Reader.

Summary: The reader is trying to find the group that ruin his life, but keeping it a secret from his team is differcult when he has to ask them for help.

Warning: Dark fic. Blood, fighting, death, abuse, kidnapping, swearing, drugs, unsub violence, bad eatting habits, bad self care, scars, angst. This whole fic is just dark and strange the ask it self is amazing and may help you know if this is something you can handle. (Any other warnings let me know xx)

Words: 9.4k

A/N: Hiiii! Omg this ask 😍😍 I love you!! I had to split this into a couple different parts due to I'm up to 12k words and got so much more i wanna add to it right now. Next part will be posted next week (hopefully!!) I just couldn't wait to post this. I did change it a little and hope this is what you were after. 🖤🖤 thank you for the request my love.

Part two. Part three. Part four.

Another body has shown up, and if you're right another kid will go missing in just a couple hours a few towns over from the latest body. You know it's just a matter of time as you read the article, one that barely has any information of the latest victim found, another teen boy. While the article prints out you give the detective on the case a call, you know you shouldn't, you should just let this go until your team is called in properly. But hey, there is no harm in asking innocent questions, is there? 

“Hello, this is Detective Rose,” An older man answers.

“Hello Detective, I'm with the FBI, SSA agent (Y/L) from the Bau unit” Your voice comes out sharp as you hold back the emotions swirling in your mind. If this is the group you believe it is, you're going to have to bring your team in, but no way could they know just how long you have been looking for them.

“Oh Agent, how can I help?” The man's voice is filled with confusion.

“I heard you found a body of a teenage boy, I read in the report he was badly injured and a 

John doe, look I think he might be connected to a case I'm working and I need you to send me all the information and photos of this boy you have as soon as you can” You don’t have time to explain to him, nor the patience.

“Case, but there's only one body?” There's a small arrogance laying under his tone as he speaks his next words. “Plus he seems to be a runaway, he doesn’t seem like the type anyone would be after”

“Excuse me” You can’t help but sneer into the phone, anger filling you up. “How dare you, he is a child, someone has to be missing him and even if not he deserves justice, so I figure you better send me what I asked for before I called your boss” Venom seems to drip from your words as your grip the phone like your life depends on it. Silence fills the other end and your patience seems to dry up, opening your mouth to send him another order when he finally speaks up again.

“Of course we don’t need that, files and photos have been sent, reach out again if I —” You hang up before he finishes speaking, you don’t need anything more from him. 

~~~

Sitting on your couch, your mind spinning as you go through the new photos of the crime scene you have received. This is it, this is them, no doubt about it. He fits the victimology, he’s the right age, fit and covered in so many cuts and bruises it’s impossible to see his face. What makes your heart drop the most is the cut on his left forearm, two other previous victims also had it. You know how they got it, hell you got one quite similar to it. Which means you know where they are being kept and where they are going next which means it's time to bring your team in. Grabbing the pile of older files, ones that you have collected over the years, pulling the top few files off the top for the team to see, placing the older ones at the bottom of your to go bag. You can’t let your team know just how long you have been investigating this case. If you do things could unravel and your past could be exposed, the one thing that could never happen, because if it does you might not have a job any more. 

Your phone starts dinging, your alarm going off. Great you pulled another all nighter, something you have been warned against many times in the past month. 

~~~

Hotch has been on your ass a lot lately about looking after yourself, he’s the only one who can tell when you're struggling. Maybe that's why you're having a hard time figuring out how to bring this case to him. You know he’s going to know this isn’t just a regular case for you, you might be good at hiding your personal life and emotions from the team but that doesn’t include Aaron. You're not sure how you grew close to your boss, you two have hangout, outside of work many times, even including getting to know Jack and spending many weekends watching his soccer games, and of course getting ice cream afterwards as a reward. Somehow Aaron managed to get you to join them both for movie nights and your friendship has never been stronger than that night. But then you had to go and ruin it, pulling yourself away from him, when things started feeling real. You started feeling like you belong and not just with him, but with the team you're surrounded by. Belonging somewhere is something you have never felt before and it's terrifying, so you pull away from them all. Space is a good thing plus there were only a few reasons you took this job a few years ago and you need to remember that.

~~~

You're the first one at the office that morning, even beating Hotch to the office for once. You wait at your desk, your desk is different from the others. They all have personal items on their desk, things that make their desk seem more welcoming and comforting. Except yours, its fill of paperwork and a small fake desk plant that Garcia placed there one day that you just didn’t have the heart to move. Aaron arrives not long after you. Aaron stops by the glass door when he spots you, and he’s glad you're facing the other way so he can just watch you for a moment. He can’t help but feel something is wrong, the last few weeks you have been more off than normal. You're someone who keeps to themself and he knows that, maybe that's why he was surprised when you were spending a lot of your time with him and Jack. Not that he minded at all, he loves spending time with you, maybe more than a boss should but he shouldn’t be blamed when it comes to you, you're different. But when he was spending time with you, he managed to figure out your tell, and how you go inside your own mind when things aren’t right. Maybe that's why, even when you started putting more distance between you both, he couldn't help but remind you to get some sleep or remind you to eat, the two things you always seem to forget about. Aaron lets out a small breath, preparing himself for whatever the reason is that you're the first one here. The glass doors open and within a second you're spinning around in your chair, and the first thing Aaron notices is the files in your hands and then the bags underneath your determined eyes.

“Good Morning Hotch” Your voice is full of energy, which he can only put down to the empty coffee cup beside you.

“Morning, you’re here early” Aaron stares at you questionably, raising his eyebrow when you don’t respond.  “Is there a reason why?”

“I need to talk to you, it's important” You jump up quickly, meeting him in the middle of the room.

“Alright, my office then” He bites back a sigh as you nod enthusiastically, climbing up the stairs before him. He can’t help himself but compare you to a puppy, one who uses up all their energy but still refuses to back down when it's time to rest. He’s waiting for you to burn out, it may have been three years with you on the team, but he can’t help but wait for you to break. He doesn’t understand how anyone could keep going at the pace you do without any consequences.

~~~

You both enter his office, Aaron places his bag down before taking a seat at his desk, signalling you to do the same, so you do.

“Okay so I found—” You can’t help but start, holding your own homemade files,your leg bouncing as you speak.

“Stop” Hotch holds his hand up to silence you, dread fills your eyes as you do. “Did you sleep last night?” Accusation dripping from his words, his stern stare digging straight into your sole, making a strange shiver roll down your spine.

“That's not important” The confidence seems to slip by as he stares at you longer, you can’t help but sink in your chair, the uncomfortableness just making you want to run.

“But it is, I need to know my agents are looking after themself” Aaron holds back the proper lectures he wants to give you. Sometimes he wonders how you managed to become a full functioning adult with the way you treat your body, running yourself so low he wonders how you're alive at all.

“I look after myself perfectly fine Aaron” You have to physically bite your tongue to hold back the taunt you want to say instead, but you need him to listen to you instead.

“Do you, because you didn’t sleep last night, and can you even tell me the last time you ate something homemade?” 

“Last night” Smirking cockily at him, you indeed did make something last night so he can suck it.

“It doesn’t count if it was your usual cheese on toast” Aaron smirks as yours slowly disappears. 

“Okay, uncalled for Hotch” Grumbling as you place the files down before crossing your arms. “Look I get it, I need to improve, but I need your help on something much more important, please?” Your mask starts dropping, the fear and doubtfulness visible for just a few seconds, before you pull yourself together again, your face hardening up again.

~~~

“Tell me what this is?” Hotch reaches for the files, the pile alot bigger than he first thought it was.

“Someone is kidnapping teenages all over the country, and just hours surrounded the kidnapping another teenage is found dead a few towns over from the new victim, I have found about seven different cases over the course of 18 months so far, but the dead victims are never the ones from the recent kidnappings, they look older almost like they could have been kidnapped years prior maybe, they all have the same marks all over their body, the victimology is the same” You take a deep breath as Hotch flicks throughs the file. “The ones being taken are either from abusive households or already living on the street, they aim for the ones who are strong but not confident, they seem to find the quiet ones are go after them, but they are quick, they don’t leave much room for the kids to escape, they move fast” Your words seem to run from your mouth, the rush to get out of your mind and into Aarons ear makes you forget to breathe. The urgency is great and he just doesn't understand. 

“You keep saying they” Hotch looks up the files, his boss face activated, his lips pursed together. His eyes burn into you once more, you have to do everything in your power to not physically respond to that call out, unfortunately your body straightens up, your throat clutching. 

“I believe it has to be at least two unsubs if not more, and one of them could possibly be a woman” You take a deeper breath as your heart starts to pace, your mind screaming at you to stop as Aaron's eyes narrow more.

“And why do you think that?”

“Because they're fast, they move around the country, and according to the autopsy the kids are well nutritious, they cause of death is mainly blood lose, or hits to the head, I think—-” You quickly cut yourself off. No you can’t say that, you can’t let that detail out quite yet, he won’t understand, no one will understand not yet. “I think they must be keeping them somewhere safe before they dispose of them” You change the words that almost slip out quickly, but not fast enough for Hotch to not notice. Hotch watches you closely as you grow quiet, waiting for his response. Your leg bouncing as your nails dig into your arms, your eyes begging him to say something, just anything.

“What do you think they are doing to them if they are keeping them for so long then?” His question is innocent enough, but oh lord. Your stomach is now on fire, your eyes darken with anger as you speak.

“Training them to fight each other, fight to the death and then they keep the strong ones for who knows what” Oh but you know, oh you know too well what they are keeping them for and that makes you want to be sick. 

~~~

Silence fills the office as he stares at you, the anger that fills your eyes is something he hasn’t seen before, and he has seen you angry. But this is different, this is almost a murderous glaze in your eyes, something that makes Aaron uncomfortable. 

He knows what he has to do, even if he doesn’t like it. 

“How long have you been investigating this, how did you manage to get all of this information?” His voice is low as he speaks, his words filling with disappointment as he speaks.

“A few months” A lie, you both know that. But Aaron knows better than to question that right now, the can of worms that could open could be too hard to close.

“Why are you just bringing this to me now?” His voice raises, the disappointment sweeping out. “You should of came to me as soon as you saw a pattern forming” 

“I know I should have, but I wanted to see if I was right, maybe see if I could find any clues before bringing the team into a goose chase” You try to reason with him, gulping as if you know what you have to say. “I think I found them, and if I'm right another person was taken last night and I have a feeling that another body will be found near the state line of Nebraska and Wyoming, we need to take this case, we need to save them” A shaky breath leaves you as you lean forward, placing your hands on the desk, your eyes pleading. 

“Aar, please trust me on this” Gulping thickly as you see his eye flash with something unreadable as you say his old nickname, one you haven’t used in months.

“I need to make a few phone calls” He looks away from you as he picks up the phone. Standing up you smile slightly at him, thanking him quietly as you make your way out. 

~~~

The team soon arrives within the hour, where hotch is up in his office on the phone the whole time. Your body is on edge, sipping on your third cup of coffee as your mind runs. The team all stood around, talking and laughing as they usually do. Of course they try to get you to join in, but with one glance at you, they know this morning is not the time to get you to join in with them. It's Dave that talks to you this morning, his eyes couldn’t help but keep drifting to you as the team standing around teasing Reid and his crosswords. 

“Hey kiddo” Dave stands in front of you, pulling you from your mind, and mainly your eyes off Aarons offices.

“Ah, Morning Sir” Forcing a small smile as you do your best to focus on him, and not whatever conversation is going on inside the office right now.

“How many times have I told you Rossi, or Dave is fine? '' He smile’s down at you, hating to see the bags underneath your eyes, or the fresh scratch mask around your wrist. You wear long sleeves half the time, but that doesn’t stop the team from seeing the way your scratch at your arms when you get overwhelmed. 

“Right sorry” Pushing a small chuckle out, as you give him a weak smile. “My bad”

“It's okay, are you doing alright?” Rossi looks down at you worriedly, you weren’t the most talkative but right now you don’t even seem to know how to be your regular self.

“Fine si– Rossi” Your body tenses at the slip up, your eyes flicker back up to Aaron's office.

“Alright, if you ever need to talk kiddo you know I'm around” He smiles at you, one that's full of concern. A part of him wants to reach out, place a hand on your shoulder so you get the message, but he knows it won’t work with you. You don’t react well to physical touch, you jump when someone gets too close. The team remembers the first time Garica tried to give you a hug, you jumped back, hiding behind Morgan who was closest to you in that moment. She touched your shoulders, and you have never moved so fast, your body tensing your hands rolling into fist. You apologised as soon as you calmed down, you gave them no reasoning as to why. But they understood and no one has tried to touch you since, they even became your human shields when random people would try to hug you as a thank you. You were extremely grateful for that, it's been like that for three years now and still no one asks you why and you owe them so much for that.

~~~

Hotch finally emerges from his office after another hour, a sour look plastered across his face, and when you catch his eyes you know why. They found the body. 

“We got a case” Hotch calls out to his team, everyone's head shoots up to him. A deep unnerving tension seems to fill the room due to the seriousness on his face, and the way his eyes never leave yours. The air seems to leave your lungs as you stand up, grabbing your notebook off your desk before following the team into the conference room. Hotch waits by the door as the team walks in, placing his hand up in front of you to stop you. 

“One moment” His voice is low as he speaks, not wishing for the team to overhear.

“We found two bodies, one of them is Jason Ducan” Aaron speaks softly, as he watches your face flicker with recognition at that name. 

“They found a body” You stare up at him, your eyes now empty of emotions, putting them on the backboard as you prepare for this case.

“Jason Ducan, he was my first missing kid when I worked here” Your breathing hitches as fear flashes through your mind, doing your best to keep your poker face on. Do they know where you work, have they been keeping tabs on you for the last three years? Or maybe they never stop keeping tabs on you. 

“He doesn’t fit the profile, he was seven, from a good family. He was too young there is no way they would take someone from a family like that, it would be too difficult” Your mind spins as you speak, your words speeding up, slipping over each other in a hurry. Hotch hates the far away look that creeps into your eyes, almost more than he hates the numbness that dominates inside you. Taking a deep breath, hoping he doesn’t make it worse, Aaron slowly reaches out to you, placing his hand gently on your shoulder. You flinch sharply, your eyes narrowing on his hand, on his familiar touch. Aaron is the only one allowed to touch you, and only at certain times, only when you're ready for it, and normally you welcome his touch. Today is not the day you welcome it, his touch feels like fire, it sends painful memories of your past through your mind. 

“Don’t” Your voice is low and full of danger, a shaky breath follows as he doesnt let go immediately. 

“You need to tell me if this case gets too much, okay” Aaron words hold no judgement as he lets you go and just like he expected you stroll straight past him, anger radiating off you, as you fall into the chair beside Morgan.

~~~

Hotch starts the briefing, grabbing the team's attention with your homemade files. He informs them of everything you had told him that morning, minus your theories. 

“So you made these files?” It was Morgan who asked the question. The one thing that had confused the whole team, because this screamed to them as an off the books case, something Hotch would never do. 

“No I did” You speak up, leaning forward. You almost feel bored as Hotch gives the team the basic information, information you have been sitting on for many years. Everyone's heads turn straight to you, curiosity and surprised looks all over them. The quiet one who normally seems to keep to themself, is investigating a crime alone, and somehow convince Hotch to make it a real case. Oh you could feel the questions and doubt spreading throughout the room, and all you do is smirk at them as you lean forward.

“I didn’t think much of it at first, but something didn’t feel right so once I saw a second body drop in the same way. I started investigating a bit more, but I was always weeks behind, so in my time of hoping for new leads I went back and searched months back trying to find anything” You give them a brief explanation, making sure you don’t make eye contact with anyone, not needing to lose your nerve right now. The room stays quiet, giving you the confidence to keep talking, so taking a deep calming breath you continue. 

“After I got an alert last night of a kid going missing, I knew it was them. Conor Blue, he fits the description that the unsubs go after. He’s between the age of Nine and fourteen, he came from an abusive household and he’s into sports which isn’t always a go to, but something I see they prefer” You speak slower than this morning, remembering to breathe as you do. Hotch might be hard to convince, but making sure the whole team has your back on this case, is something you didn’t think through. You needed their help, because without the team, you can’t get close enough to get rid of them for good.

“How long have you been looking into this?” Emily asks, looking over at you with concern. She can see ghosts in your eyes, and whatever answer you give her, she’s not going to believe you. 

“About four months” Your lie is solided, you know that, you made sure all the files you gave them only look that old. Even if they have older information inside you can say it's from research. 

“He came to me this morning, and I have been on the phone with a few detectives” Aaron glances at you as he says that, your stomach drops. He knows you used your FBI statues to gather information you weren’t supposed to have, opps. “And It seems to be happening all over the country, so we need to make a fast move on this case, two new bodies were discovered this morning” Hotch continues, the team watches you instead of Hotch. They all notice the tense look on your face, the way your eyes darken, your lips tightening as a way to stop yourself from interrupting the boss. Photos pop up on the screen as Hotch keeps speaking, your eyes land on the photos, your stomach twisting. Jason laid in the dirt, his body covered in bruises and blood, a hopeless look in his eyes. But what makes your mind ache is the body laying beside the ten year old boy. A 20 year old guy. He looks strong, someone who you know could only live that long in that place, if they were extremely strong and brave. The marks around his neck send a shiver down your body, your stomach swooshes so much you think you're going to be ill. He’s the only one that ages with that mark, and there is only one guy who would do that. He’s still there, and that's all your fault.

~~~

“So (Y/n), any theories?” Rossi the one to ask you, his eyes on the notebook that you're clutching tightly.

“Quite a few” You glance up at Hotch, silently asking for permission to take over, he gives a quick nod and with that it's your turn. “It's a team, I want to say at least two older ones that have been doing this for many, many years, and if anyone has lasted long enough they would train them to join them, using them to find more opposition. They need a good routine of fighters, more opportunity for them to grow” You speak in a matter of fact, your fingers tapping away at the table.

“What makes you think they are fighting each other?” JJ glances at you from the photos.

“Easy, look at them, there is only one way someone can get that many bruises and cuts on them. Also not to mention the autopsy results mention multiple broken bones that have healed, internal bleeding due to multiple blunt force trauma”  Your not sure why but air soon becomes harder to inhale, it feels thick and the room starts heating up. Everyones eyes are on you, but you can’t look at them so you're focusing on the files in front of you instead. “Also look at their hands, they aren’t just defensive wounds, they fit back, also they are strong, it's like they train them. Plus they are well nourished so I guess someone is looking after them, my guess is a women is one of our unsubs” 

“That’s one hell of a theory” Morgan says, his eyes burning into you. His gut is full of distrust when it comes to you with this case, something doesn't seem right.

“I know, but have a look and you will see why I’m right, also this case is nothing like we are use to, I have many theories and most of them are strange but, you can see why” You speak from gritting teeth, your hand now gripping the table in front of you. 

“We are going to Nebraska, wheels up in thirty” Aaron eyes stay on you as you zoom out of the room, dying for some fresh air. 

~~~

“Jupiter wake up” Her viciouses voice fills your ears, as a piercing pain invades your side. A sharp hiss slips through your lips as your eyes shoot open, your body shooting up into a sitting position, pushing the thin blanket to the side. Inside you feel numb, nothing inside you is alive anymore, years of training has made you the perfect soldier. 

“Morning Ma’am” Your voice is emotionless, your eyes are dead as you stand up looking up at her. Keeping your hands behind you, your head slightly bent. 

“We have a new comer, you are to welcome them this morning, I don’t care if they live or die just clean up your mess” Her voice is assertive, a cunning look on her face as she leads you down the hall and past the other trainee soldiers. Some of them are still asleep, most of them without blankets, only winners get comfort items. You stroll past the training room where your fellow soldiers are lifting weights before being allowed to eat. You glance at them a part of you wishing you could join them, but that's not your task this morning. Instead you get to fight, and you get to choose the outcome, oh you do enjoy these fights. You always win, and even better, it doesn’t take much effort. Ma’am leads you to the empty swimming pool, where most fights to the death take place. As you walk over to the edge you spot your opponent, he looks small and extremely frightened, barely a challenge. He’s already got blood over his face as he hides on the corner of the pool, the area where the bloodstains seem to be less. A small chuckle leaves you as you check him out, the thoughts of destroying him winding you up. Licking your lips softly before glancing over at Ma’am waiting for permission to go down.

“Go on, but try and make it fair” She laughs softly, enjoying the murderous gaze in your eyes. In a matter of seconds you're jumping into the pool, smirking darkly as you make your way over to him. The boy looks to be about 14 or 15, a couple years or so younger than you. He looks up at you, a confused and scared look plastered over his face, it grows when you stop a few metres back from him. 

“Y you… you're alive” His whisper is barely audible, but it makes you freeze. That voice, you know that voice, how? 

“Come here, now” You growl at him, gritting your teeth as you stare into his eyes.

“I thought you died (Y/n)” He takes a small step forward staring at you with hope. Oh how wrong that looks for a place like this. 

“That's not my name” You spit at him, a horrible shiver dripping down your spine. 

“Yes it is” He speaks more confidently as he steps closer. “Your name is (Y/n), we used to be friends” That name, why do you know that name, it's wrong, it's so wrong. 

“I don’t know you” You sneer at him, taking a step towards him, dangour radiating off you.

“Yes you do, we used to be best friends, (Y/n) please you have to remember me, its Ryan” He begs you to remember. You freeze, Ryan. You know a Ryan, but he’s younger than him, Ryan was ten last time you saw him. But this can’t be him, because that part of your life is long gone, and who the hell does this guy think he is turning up claiming to be a part of that time. You react quickly with a sharp growl escaping you as you launch yourself on him.

“I don’t know you!” You scream as you grab him by his neck, and punch him repeatedly with your other hand. You're a lot stronger than him, using all your strength to pound into him. You let go of his neck, he falls forward with a gasp, begging you to stop but it falls on deaf ears. You knee him in the stomach as he falls forward, grabbing his hair holding him in place as you let him have it. 

“I don't know you” You scream as your anger explodes. “I don’t know (Y/n)!” You shove him into the wall, his body slides down, so you kick him, as you scream repeatedly. “I don't know Ryan” You keep screaming, blood starts to pile around him, as you lose control. “I don’t know you!”

~~~

“I don’t know you!” A scream invades the quietness of the jet. Everyone's head turns towards the scream full of pain, landing on you. You're asleep at the back of the jet, shaking violently with tears streaming down your face. Aaron is up in a matter of seconds, running quickly towards you. The team stays quiet, letting Hotch take control of this situation. He drops to his knees beside you, small whimpers and cries leaves you as you stay dead asleep. 

“(Y/n), wake up” He places his hand firmly on your arm, giving you a rough shake. But nothing, you stay asleep but your cries get louder. 

(Y/n), open your eyes” Aaron shakes you again sharper and luck is on his side. Your eyes shoot open, breathing heavily as you scan your surroundings. The jet, you're on the jet, with your team. Oh shit your team, everyone is watching you, they stare at you with unreadable emotions on their faces, and you hate it. Soon you let your eyes drop down to the man beside you, fear enters you quickly, yanking away from his touch you straighten up quickly.

“Sir, I’m so sorry sir I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I am extremely sorry sir It won’t happen again” Your words fly out of you with fear, your breathing picking up, your hands shaking uncontrollably as you watch him, waiting for the punishment. 

“It's okay” Aaron gulps, hating the fear you're experiencing, the panic attack that’s consuming you. “You are okay, you are safe here” Aaron speaks calmly, taking the chance to place his hand on yours, he’s grateful you don’t pull back.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep” Your voice grows quiet, your lip quivering as the adrenaline dies down. 

“It's okay you're allowed to fall asleep” Aaron reassures you, his thumb running over the back of your hand smoothly.

“I am?” You look up at him hopeful, your eyes full of tears. You almost seem child-like as you ask that simple question.

“Yes you are, I only woke you because you were having a nightmare” Aaron smiles softly at you, hoping he doesn’t embarrass you as he informs you.

“Oh no” You yank away from his touch, panic filling you. You know you sleep talk occasionally, what the hell did you say?

“We all get them, its okay”

“No.. what did I say?” You stare at him with a look of horror. Aaron's face drops, he knows that look, he’s seen it almost everyday of this job. A look victims have when they open up to much of their past, scared their abusiver will come back for them.

“You didn’t say much” He tries his best to comfort you but he knows that determined look in your eyes. “You said ‘I don't know you’ ” 

A small sigh leaves you as you lean your head back in relief, that's all you said then you are fine, you can recover from that. “Thank you” You force a small smile, before raising your voice, turning to look at your coworkers who all seem to be pretending not to pay attention anymore.

“Sorry for disturbing you”

“You're not disturbing us” Hotch is quick to correct you, hating to think that you would think you're a bother. “If you want to talk about it–”

“No thank you, I’m fine” You interpret him quickly, a sharp glare and turning your back to him is all the dismissal he needs. 

~~~

You're in the SUV with Morgan and Rossi, heading downtown to the morgue. You sat in the back seat, reading through the Jason Ducan files, before sighing loudly and laying your head back. The two men in the front seat share some curious looks before glancing back at you.

“You alright back there” Morgan questions you, a small smile on his face.

“Not at all, this makes no sense at all” rubbing your forehead as the frustration causes another headache. “Why the hell did they take Jason Ducan three years ago he doesn’t fit the profile and they wouldn’t of dumped him like that he would of hide the body better, you would think they know not to show of the bodies we are investigating” You can’t hide the frustration and anger invading you, your hand squeezing into fist and you think back. He was a clue back then yet you were so focused on moving on you didn’t see it, this is bad. 

“Maybe your profile is wrong” Dave shrugs as he speaks, as if it's a casual thing.

“My profile is not wrong!” You snap at him, the anger burning away at your chest.

“I still don’t understand your interest in this case” Derek turns around to face you, a distrustful look in his eyes, one you can’t help but return.

“Well, no one was looking into it, someone has to care. I'm sorry if that irritates you Derek” Glaring deadly at him, as his eyes widen just slightly at your comeback before turning back to the front.

“I was just asking.'' He grumbles before glancing at Dave who is staring at you through the rearview mirror, watching as your face drops as you cross your arms. 

~~~

You are shown the bodies and as the doctor talks you can’t hear her, the words flying over your head as you grab some gloves and start touching the bodies. Three pairs of eyes on you, watching like a hawk as you move like lightning. Your hands travel around the older unnamed victim's neck. The dark unformed bruises with a slight cut you can tell were made with wire, your stomach spinning as you move away from it and down to his feet. 

“His neck wound was made by wire” You state as you kneel down by his feet, anger flooding through you as you see the scars. They are doing it again. “Holy shit” Your words are barely audible, but Morgan catches them, his eyebrow narrowing as he watches you.

“What did you find (Y/l)” Morgan makes his way over to you, spotting fear deep inside your eyes before you quickly mask the emotion once more.

“You need to ring Garcia” You look up at him, gulping thickly. “I think they are recording them” 

“What, how can you tell?” It's Rossi that asks as he walks over, joining you and Morgan at the feet of the victims. 

“Look at this” You show them the bottom of the left foot of the victim, where a big L is cut into along with the name victory which looks like it has been tried to be cut out. 

“Okay” Morgan looks at you puzzled. “How did you get that they recorded them from this?”

“The L, It means they lost, I bet they showed this to the camera to show them that they truly did lose this time” Maybe what you said doesn’t make sense to the profilers, but it's what they do. But they stopped, you know they stopped. You couldn’t find them on the dark web so they had to have stopped but you never relooked when the bodies started dropping again. 

“You can’t know that” Morgan goes to argue with you, a hand on his arm stops him. He turns his head to see Dave shaking his head at him. Morgan stares at him stumped wanting to argue but he can read that look in Dave’s eyes, there is something more going on here. 

“It makes sense, they can earn money this way and also they are sick twisted little fuckers who can find other twisted fuckers to enjoy in on their torment as well” You speak quickly as you pull your phone out, taking photos of his foot. 

“Okay I guess I’ll call Penelope then” Morgan sighs glancing at the dead set look on your face before walking out. You go to move onto Jason Ducan, touching his foot lightly before freezing. You stare at him for a few moments, your body frozen in place. He’s too young, his family loved him. How could they take him from them? It doesn't make sense.

“(Y/n), do you want me to do it?” Dave calls out to you kindly, breaking up your thoughts.

“No I got it” You reply letting out a small breath before pulling back his foot and taking a photo. A small W has been crossed out and replaced with a L, your heart crashing into your stomach as you see it. In a flash you're pulling away and making your way outside for some fresh air.

~~~

You lean against the SUV as you ring Reid, who is driving to see the other body that was discovered last night. 

“Hey (Y/l), You're on speaker phone” You can hear Reid smile through the phone.

“Hey guys, are you at the body yet?” You focus on slowly your racing heart beat as you speak to them, readying yourself to pass on the information.

“Not yet, we are still two and half hours out from the town” Emily response, glancing at the phone as she drives. 

“Okay that's fine, I just have a few things I need you to look at when you get there” Taking a breath as you think back to the cut on Jason's foot. “On his left foot I need you to see if there is anything cut into it, I am sending you a photo of the other two victims' feet okay” You quickly send them the photos.

“Okay I got it” Reid replies after a few moments.

“Oh that's gross” Emily groans.

“That's because you hate feet” Smirking just a little at her reaction.

“It's not my fault they are smelly and gross” She laughs just a little.

“Also you two should be driving through a small town called Cobar, it's a small town with a big population of homeless teenages It might pay to stop and talk to them, see if they have seen anything out of place lately” You take a sharp breath as a strange feeling starts filling you as you think about that place.

“Sure we can do that” Emily nods, her face tightening into a frown. “Hey, um are you okay?” 

“I'm good, why?” Your lips pull into a thin line as you line.

“Because this case seems to be weighing on you alot” She explains, tapping her finger on the steering wheel.

“Nope It's just another case, I gotta go” You quickly hang up before she can ask more questions. Reid and Prentiss share some strange and concerning looks as the phone beeps.

“What is he hiding?” Emily mumbles to herself as she stares out at the road.

~~~

The rest of the day goes by quickly, you three end up meeting up with JJ and Hotch back at the precinct. Rossi and Morgan go and talk with Jason Duncan's parents once they arrive trying to get more information from them. JJ works with other precincts where the other bodies and missing boys have been reported, trying to get all the information she can. You and Hotch work together trying to organise a timeline for the last 12 months, and with all the information you already have some parts are easy to fill in. Until he starts questioning you on the one part you can’t answer. 

“They shouldn’t be here, they should have gone east” Hotch sighs as you both stare at the map laid across the table. 

“I agree but they didn’t” You don’t agree with that, but according to the timeline it makes sense. 

“But do you agree?” Hotch looks up at you, doubt playing across his face. 

“What are you getting at Hotch?” Huffing little as you pick up your coffee, staring back at him.

“You said they would be coming this way, so why would you think that?” There’s his stern look eating at you. Making your stomach sink as you hide the truth from him. The truth is, you know their base is around here. This town is the first thing you remember when you escape but you can’t tell him that, no one can know. 

“I don't know” You lie, and it's a bad one.

“Don’t lie to me” 

“I'm not lying!” You don’t mean to snap at him, but fear and guilt were eating away at you and you can’t contain it anymore.

“Then tell me the truth” His words are sharp and to the point, but his face stays calm, his eyes soft and caring as he stares at you.

“Fine, I had a feeling like this town means something, because look at the pattern here Aaron” Your shoulders tenses up as you lean forward, pointing at the map. “Look, they always avoid this town, and they always avoided leaving bodies in this state until last night so since they did that I decided to take a risk and wait for them to leave us something around here and do you want to know what I’m thinking right now” A smirk slips onto your lips as you speak, a feeling of excitement spreads throughout you as you share your idea.

“You think their base is around here” Aaron finishes your thought, not liking that smirk on your face. 

“Exactly and if they left us this breadcrumb it only means two things, one they are somehow becoming sloppy or two—”

“They know you are investigating them” He finishes your sentence again, dread filling him due to just how close you are to this investigation.

“Not me, but someone yes and we can use that” 

“How?” 

Luckily Aaron's phone rings just before you have to answer that.

“It's Garcia” He glances at you before answering it, placing it on speaker. “Hey Garcia, what do you got?”

“Well boss man, I got good news and some gross news” Penelope's sweet voice floats through the phone. 

“What's the good news Garica?” You straighten up as you hope.

“Well our unnamed victim is Liam Clark, he’s 19 years old and went missing five years ago in florida” Garcia informs you both just as the door to the conference room opens and the rest of the team walks in. 

“Alright, can you send through his family information please” You sigh, leaning backwards in your chair, the stress of the case becoming too much. 

“Will do my love, now are we ready for some more information?” Her voice starts filling with dread as she types aways.

“Hit us with the good stuff baby girl” Morgan speaks up, coming to sit on the edge of the table by the phone.

“Oh I wish it was good news chocolate thunder, but (Y/n) was right.” She sighs as Aaron phones dings. “I found their profile on the dark web and all their live streams have been saved, there are hundreds of them, maybe even closer to a thousand, and they got back many, many years” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “I haven’t looked at them all yet but there are some that are over 25 years old” 

Your heart sinks, your palms becoming sweaty as realisation sits in. Your videos are still up, your team could find out in a matter of seconds what you are. 

“25 years…” Your voice is as quiet as a mouse, your throat tightening up as your team glances over at you. “How did no one see this?” Your voice gets louder, filling with anger as you jump to your feet. 

“They hide their tracks well” Reid speaks up, his eyes focused on you.

“Bullshit, no one can hide their tracks that well!”

“Okay you need to take a breath” Hotch gets up, walking closer to you. Watching the anger firing up inside your eyes.

“No, we need to find these monsters and make them pay, they have hurt and ruined so many innocent people's lives” You spit the words out, your hands squeezing into fist. 

“Is that all?” Morgan questions you, getting up, standing uncomfortably close to you.

“What's that meant to mean!?” Your body is already in defensive mode, locking itself down as Morgan has a determined look inside his own. 

“Well you seem to be hiding something from us and I would like to know what that is?” His questioning is dangerous, he steps closer to you. The rest of the room falls quiet, your eyes burning into his.

“How about, none of your damn business Morgan”

“It is my business when you drag us into it” He huffs back at you. “Just tell us what you're hiding” He steps closer, his breath lingering on your skin.

“Back the fuck up Derek” Your voice is lower, and full of danger. You can feel yourself about to snap and if you do, you don’t think you will be able to stop.

“We barely know you, so why don’t you just tell us what the hell is going on” Derek demands to know “What is wrong with you (Y/n)?” His hand raises up, and before you can process what is happening. Bam. Your fist collides with his mouth and you see red as he stumbles backwards. You follow him, a low growl leaves you as you punch him again, this time aiming for his eyes. He manages to block, trying to hold you back, but you don’t stop trying to get a blow on him. You can hear voices all around you but you can’t hear past the blood rushing in your ears. Soon there are arms wrapping around you from behind, pulling you away from Morgan. You struggle against them trying to break free as you stare daggering at Morgan who is being confronted by three people of your team, you don’t recognize them. Soon there is another person in your way, your body tenses as you see them. They quickly place their hands on your cheeks which make you freeze, the anger vanishing from inside you. Your vision starts easing up and faces start becoming recognizable. The person who is holding your face gently, has beautiful eyes, and a soft smile.

“Your safe (Y/n)” JJ speaks softly, “Just take some breaths” You stare at her, and soon start copying her breathing. Rossi lets you go, moving towards the rest of the team as you calm down.

“Let me go JJ” Your words are as cold as ice, the numb empty look in your eyes being replaced by guilt and anger. 

“Okay” She takes a breath before removing her hands and as soon as she does you bolt out the door.

~~~

You keep running once you get outside, you don’t stop, you can’t, you just can’t. Your mind is spinning and the only way you know how to get it to become quiet again, is to run. So that's what you do, you run. The sun is already set so you enjoy the darkness as you run. You can’t believe you lost it and punch Morgan, but what the hell is he getting at? Now what the hell are you meant to say, what lie are you meant to produce that will cover your ass. You're not sure how long you have been running for, but you're running out of breath when you see a corner store and think oh why not. Checking you have your wallet you head inside grabbing a bottle of water and a pack of cigarettes. Walking back out you open it, throwing the rubbish in the bin before lighting it and taking a long drag. Closing your eyes as you inhale it, it's been a long time since you last smoked and god does it just hit right tonight. Slowly you begin walking back to the precinct, enjoying the nicotine hit. You know you're about halfway to the precinct when you decide to check your phone after feeling it ring a few times. 

Missed phone calls: Aaron Hotchner (6)

Penelope Garcia (3)

You're not sure how many smokes you have consumed already but the pack is way lighter than it used to be. You really should ring them back instead of lighting another one, but oh well you think as you bring one more to your lips. Pulling out the lighter just as a car pulls up beside you, groaning softly as you recognize it. You keep walking, not caring to look at him as he rolls the window down. 

“Get in the car” Hotch yells at you, following you.

“Nope” You go to light the smoke instead when he stops the car and gets out. 

“We are an hour walk from the precinct, get the hell in” Aaron doesn’t bother to hide his anger, holding himself back from grabbing that cigarette from your hand.

“Or what?”

“Or you're fired, and I’ll leave you here” He huffs angrily, seeing you weighing up your options.

“Fine” You take a long drag on your smoke before stomping it out and climbing in.

~~~

The ride back is quiet, as you stare out the window.

“How angry is everyone?” Your voice is quiet and empty. Almost empty because Aaron can detect a small trail of sadness and fear in your words. 

“Morgan winded you up on purpose, he pushed you too far. That wasn’t okay what either of you two did” Hotch ignored your question, because he knew you wouldn’t accept that fact no one is angry. No, everyone is just worried and concerned about you, something you don’t know how to spot or accept when it comes to yourself. He wishes you could just trust the team, trust him enough to let them help. 

“I have a past” You pull yourself closer as you stare out the window, thinking about your next words carefully. 

“You don’t have to tell me” Aaron quickly tells you softly, needing you to know there is no rush.

“And if I do want to tell you?” You glance at him quickly, and for a moment you forget he is your boss and see him in the light of your friend. 

“Then I'm here to listen” He smiles lightly at you. You nod quickly looking back out the window, and then slowly you move your hand towards him, which he happily takes sliding his fingers between yours.

“I was abused growing up, no one cared and nobody knew, I never told anyone” You stare out the window, emotions settling down as you speak. “This case brings back memories I never wanted to relieve back up, I have to find these people so that we can save these kids” Your voice is sweet as you speak, this is a side no one but Aaron ever gets to see.

“And we will get them and we will get them help” Aaron smiles weakly as he pulls up. “But once this case is over we need to get you some help too, okay?” His thumb slides over your hand as you glance at him. If only he knew that nothing on earth can help you, and at the end of this case you don’t think you will still be on this team.

“Okay” You nod forcing a small smile before pulling away and making your way inside.

~~~

You walk in quietly, followed by Aaron. The team is staring up at the tv, watching some of the latest fights. You freeze as you catch a glance of his face on the screen. You knew he was still there but the look in his eyes is killing you. He's gone, replaced by a murderous robot, his skills are fast and sharp. 

“Ryan” His name slips off your tongue before you can stop it, your body tenses up as you stare at the screen and the way he gets his opponent down in one quick move. Emily pauses it as everyone's head turns to you once more. This time everyone looks at you with concern as they see the tears forming in your eyes, which you quickly push away once you let everyone get a good look.

“You know him?” Reid asks you, tilting his head as he asks you. 

“Um y yeah..” You take a deep breath. “I went to school with him” It's a lie, but you know it's golden. “He went missing when he was around 15 years old, we were best friends then one day he didn't turn up to school and well” You take  a deep breath as Aaron leads you to a chair, your arms shaking just a little. “He was officially determined missing a week later, his parents were absent, they didn’t care for him” That wasn’t a lie, he told you about his parents and how much they hurt him and how they were barely at home. 

“Oh (Y/n)” JJ places her hand softly on the table beside your hand, not touching but showing you she is here for you. You give her a soft smile in response. 

“If he’s been there this whole time it's been twelve years” Twelve years, he is never going to be the same.

“Jesus christ” Morgan groans with regret as he looks at you. “That's what you were hiding?”

“I had a feeling he was there.. I was just hoping I was wrong” Your voice is weak and tiredness is starting to take over. It's been almost 48 hours since you last slept.

“Now we got a lead, tomorrow we get Garcia to look into him but let's call it a night it's late we all need sleep” Hotch states, everyone nodding in agreement including you as you stare at Ryan's face on the screen. That's all your fault.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x male!reader #aaron hotcher dark fic #aaron hotcher fic #bau x reader #bau x male reader

[lily-fics-11]

The Cynic and The Sweetheart

You are cynical about love but Robin, the hopeless romantic with a secret crush, tries to convince you that love is real. 

Warnings: not beta read, cynicism, a little bit of angst, a little bit of fluff, kissing/making out, revelations about sexuality

You enter Family Video, and your sort-of-friend Robin is behind the counter. 

“Hey Y/N!” She seems happy to see you. You two run in different social circles but frequent the same parties and have classes together.

“Hey, how’s it going?” You ask with a smile.

“Good, I’m good. Are you looking for anything specific?”

“Not really, I’ve got nothing to do tonight so I figured I would watch a movie.” You sigh. Your best friend had said that she would hang out with you tonight but she bailed on you at the last minute to go on a date. 

“Why don’t I help you pick something out,” Robin offers.

“That sounds great, thank you.” Even though it’s her job, you appreciate her taking the time to help you out after being blow off by your friend. 

Robin heads down one of the rows of videos. You follow her until she stops scanning the shelves and pulls something out.

“Sixteen Candles” she says, holding the video out to you. “We just got it in, I saw it when it was in theatre, it was great.” You can tell she is a fan of the movie by the way she talks about it so you feel bad not accepting the video and rolling your eyes by accident. 

“Robin, I appreciate your help, but I don’t think you know me well enough for this. In all honestly, I wouldn’t be caught dead watching a rom com.” Any of your close friends would know better than to recommend a rom com to you. You don’t blame Robin though, even though you were more than acquaintances you were not quite friends.

Robin looks shocked to say the least. “You don’t like rom coms? Who doesn’t like rom coms? Everyone loves rom coms!” She almost sounds offended. 

“Me I guess. I’m just, not a fan, you know?”

“No, I don’t know. Like at all! I don’t get it, what’s not to love about romance and happy endings?” She is defending rom coms like her life depends on it. 

“Because love is just a concept, Robin, it’s intangible!” You are just as defensive as she is.

“Love is absolutely real!” She seems very protective of this concept.

“Alright then, prove it to me,” you laugh knowing that making reality out of fiction is an impossible task.

“How am I supposed to prove it? I can’t just prove that love is real. Love and romance means something different for everybody. I wouldn’t know what the definition of love and romance would be for you, especially if you don’t even know it yourself. Haven’t you ever had a crush that makes your heart beat fast? Haven’t you ever felt the magic of falling for someone? Haven’t you ever had a perfect kiss? Haven’t you ever had someone look at you like you put the sun in the sky?” Robin is absolutely flabbergasted. 

“No,” you just laugh more. “I’m still in high school. Isn’t it kind of intense? All of that at such a young age?”

“Well, I haven’t exactly experienced most of that myself. But I’ve read so many romance novels and watched so many movies and listened to so many love songs. Love just seems like something to strive for. It seems like falling in love would make the sun shine brighter,” Robin explains slightly in distress. 

“Other people might have a definition of love, but I don’t. Because no one would ever feel that way about me, so I would never let myself feel that way about someone else. I understand that love is real for some people, but it’s just not real for me.” You try to clarify, stubbornly attempting to prove your point. 

“I’m sorry.” Is all she has to say about that, looking like you just crushed her dreams.

“Why are you sorry?” You question.

“For starters, a life without the prospect of love is like a puzzle you can’t finish because there is a piece missing. But also because I can’t imagine what it’s like feeling as if no one could ever love you. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. Not even my worst enemy, and you’re a good person.” She looks genuinely concerned about you. 

“Don’t worry about me, Robin.” You laugh again, trying to make light of what has become a deep conversation “I’m just being realistic.”

“What if you’re not?” She suggests. 

“What do you mean?” You are not exactly sure what she is trying to get at.

“Y/N, what if you’re not being realistic? What if there was someone out there who felt drawn to you? That would kiss you if they got the chance? What if there was someone who saw you for who you are, not even caring that you don’t believe in love, because they could see themselves falling for you?” She offers that all to you, reserved but hopeful.

“I don’t know, Robin. I’ve never really thought about it. I guess I just have faith in my assumptions.” You shake your head, trying not to let her into it. You never intended to have a philosophical conversation. You just wanted to watch a movie. 

Robin puts the video back on the shelf and then takes a step towards you. You are not sure why, but you also don’t question it. 

“Just play devil’s advocate for a minute. What if you found out that your assumptions were wrong? Would that be enough to sway your opinion?” Robin seems well intentioned but you really aren’t sure why she is bothering. What does she get out of this? She is, however, starting to make you think no matter how hard you are trying to resist.

You ponder over what could persuade you to view love and romance differently. You eventually come to the conclusion that “I guess I would need some proof, like an experience that made it tangible for me. I guess it would take someone genuinely liking me, or kissing me and actually meaning it. Not just any person could convince me. It would have to be real and special.”

“So what you are telling me is that if someone genuinely wanted to kiss you, they should do it?” She’s got an air of curiosity.

“I wouldn’t want someone to kiss me that I couldn’t see myself with. But I guess if I let someone close enough to kiss me, why not? Neither of us would have anything to lose.” You tell her all this hoping to have satisfied her curiosity. You expect this to be the end of the conversation. There is no one else to turn to and it’s not like she is going to romance you. And she is definitely not going to kiss you. 

That imaginary prospect sparks something in you though. You had never really thought that much about kissing anyone because kissing boys seemed like the only option. But the new found option of kissing a girl, that is intriguing. Your head begins to spin.

Robin takes another step towards you, leaving less than a foot of space between you. She reaches out her hand to brush a piece of hair off of your face. 

“Is this close enough?” She asks with a smirk. Robin seems to be testing the waters, as if she were following the steps you have given her. But that’s ridiculous. Right? You are just letting yourself get carried away. She’s only gotten inside your head to prove her point. Right?

There is something about the way that Robin looks at you that causes a fluttery feeling in your stomach that you’ve never felt before. It reminds you of the way people describe their first crush or first kiss.

But now you are met with Robin’s pretty face, beautiful smile, and, now that you are looking deeply into them, alluring blue eyes. Something about Robin and this conversation has practically changed the chemistry of your brain and triggered a part of your imagination that you didn’t know existed. You can hardly believe it. But god is she endearing. You’ve quickly come to the conclusion that if it were with a girl, kissing was something you were interested in. Especially if that girl was Robin, who has taken the time to challenge your cynicism in a way that no one else ever cared enough to. 

“I… I… um. Yes. I would say that’s, um, close enough.” You squeak out nervously. Your heart is racing from the attention that no one has ever given you before. You feel drawn to her like a magnet. 

“So you are sure, you wouldn’t mind if I…” Robin begins but you cut her off, taking another step so you two have mere inches between you. “Just shut up and kiss me.” 

Robin leans down towards you and you can feel her smile against your lips as she kisses you, as if she’s been waiting for this moment for a long time. At first you are both standing there a little awkwardly. But you just can’t seem to get enough of Robin. So you get as close to her as you can, your bodies pressed together, and you wrap your arms around her neck. She follows your lead and grabs your hips, clumsily at first but once her hands are settled in their position she tightens her grip. Robin was pulling you in as if she were trying to get closer despite the absence of space between you. Does she feel the same gravitational pull you feel towards her? The way that Robin holds you in place against her and insatiably kisses you starts a fire deep within you. You can tell that she really means it. She kisses you with an intention you didn’t know she had. You never imagined that another girl could make you feel this way.

You have no idea how much time had passed when you hear the door open. You and Robin quickly separate yourselves from one another and try to act casual. But you are unable to take your eyes off eachother or stop smiling. 

“You know what Robin, I think I’ll take that movie,” you tell her nervously. Now that you have had this revelation about her she is making you nervous. Is this a crush? Is this more?

“Really?” She asks, sounding surprised and looking excited. 

“I think you’ve started to convince me that romance is all that it’s cracked up to be.” She looks a little disappointed when you tell her that, “only started?”

You lean towards her and whisper in her ear with a smirk: “I think you should come over after work and watch this movie with me. You can finish proving your point.”

Robin’s jaw drops and her eyes go wide. She takes a moment to recollect herself. 

“You will be a firm believer by the time I’m done with you.”

Thanks for reading, lmk what you think:)

#robin buckley #robin buckley blurb #robin buckley drabble #robin buckley fanfic #robin buckley fic #robin buckley imagine #robin buckley one shot #robin buckley one-shot #robin buckley oneshot #robin buckley scenario #robin buckley x reader #robin stranger things #robin buckley angst #robin buckley angst x female reader #robin buckley fluff #robin buckley fluff x female reader #robin buckley x fem!reader #robin buckley x female reader #robin buckley x reader fanfiction #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley x you

[xxhispieceofheavenxx]

And I'll watch || Regulus Black

Summary: When their seventh year comes to an end, Regulus wants nothing more than to live his life with the woman he's loved for years by his side. Fate has different plans for him, despite his wishes.

CW: angst, mentions of suicide (very brief), French!Regulus, depressed!Regulus, a hint of emotional abuse/dependency, just Regulus being very sad about life, sad Black!brothers talk because they are my boys that constantly hurt my heart and they deserve better than they ever got :(

Word count: 2k words

Hello!! I'm back with an angsty Regulus one-shot. I have to say, I'm not really good with angst, but I tried my best, and I think it came out quite well. I might have gotten a bit teary-eyed towards the end. This was requested, so I hope you liked it, anon! Thank you! Let me know what you think and on what wip I should focus on next!!

Request are open

Masterlist

Regulus watches on as a stampede of students moves swiftly through the corridor. Everyone carries a smile, clearly elated that their seventh year has come to an end. He sees people laughing and smiling as they hug their close friends; some look sad at the prospect of leaving the place they have been calling home for the last seven years but excited nonetheless.

He looks through the crowd, searching for her face. She is easy to spot for his watchful eyes. She stands off to the side, hugging one of her roommates, a big smile plastered on her face as her friend's tears wet her school robes. Even if he cannot hear her words, he knows what she is saying, reassuring words leaving her lips as she promises to keep in contact. Regulus waits for her to finish her goodbyes, a small smile on his own lips. He stays on his spot, even as his roommates and friends go over to him to say their goodbyes, exchanging pats on their backs.

She turns around in the sea of people looking for something, or rather someone. As soon as she locks eyes with his, a smile spreads on her face. Regulus returns it, excited at the mere prospect that she was looking for him. He raises his hand in a wave, beckoning her to get closer. She starts pushing through the crowd to get to his side.

A puff of air escapes her lips when she reaches him. "Ready to get out of here?" She smiles and grabs his hand, pulling him away before he can answer.

They make their way through the crowd until they reach the big entrance doors, where fewer people are gathered to say their goodbyes. Despite how easy it is to navigate around the small groups, she doesn't let go of his hand. Regulus smiles as he soothes her skin with his thumb.

Today is the last day of their life as students, a coming of age of sorts. They will no longer have to worry about homework or quidditch matches. It is easy to spot in the air how many mixed feelings there are, some happy, excited, others sad, perhaps even dreadful. Regulus feels invigorated; his life is about to change. It already is changing, and as he looks at the young woman holding his hand, he can feel the nerves rising through his chest and up his throat.

"Can you believe it's over?" Her voice calls out as they thread through the grass, leaving behind the noisy voices.

"It's weird, but yes, I can believe it." She picks up her pace, making both of them go faster, her goal to reach the Black Lake before anyone else.

"It's just… everything is going to be so different." She sighs, a mixture of dreaminess and doubt. "I mean, Pandora is engaged, Barty is ready to work with his dad at the Ministry, Susan is moving abroad… Everything is changing so fast."

"I know, but we knew it was coming."

"Yes. Doesn't make things less difficult, mostly when I don't know what I'm going to do now. My only option is going back to my parents and working at their shop, it seems."

"It's not your only option." His voice is soft as he stops in his tracks, letting go of her hand.

"What? Should we go and travel through Europe? Maybe you'll finally teach me some French." She stops a few steps ahead, turning to face him.

His face is solemn, an earnest look in his eyes. Regulus shakes his head, opening his mouth. No words seem to come out, his throat drying and his stomach flipping with nerves. The looks in his eyes, the hopeful, loving twinkle, must give him away as a knowing look takes over her features.

"No." She shakes her head as she moves backwards, turning to get away from him. "No."

"Please." His steps are quick as he catches up to her, getting in front so she cannot keep moving forwards. "You have to hear me out." His hands gesture to his chest. "I've loved you since the moment I saw you. You have to understand. I've tried to stop, to give you space, but it isn't working."

"No." She looks past him, trying to avoid his face, which has more emotion displayed on it than ever.

"Please. I've done everything. I've tried to let you know many times. But, but you wouldn't let me, which is fine." Her gaze turns to the floor as his voice fills with even more emotion. "Please, I just need you to consider it. Just once, please."

"Stop, please." Her voice is almost inaudible.

"I've done everything. I've worked so hard so you would see me. I've changed so much for you, which is fine, I'm happy I did." His knees start bending, trying to get her to look into his eyes. "And I did everything because… because I figured you'll love me." Her eyes close as if she is feeling pain from his words. "And I know, I know I'm not good enough, and I'll never be this wonderful man of-"

"Yes, you are. Reggie, you're a wonderful guy, too good for me." Her eyes look directly at his, her hand grabbing his arm, bringing him close. "And I wish that I could love you the way you want me to, but I just-. I can't."

"Yes, you can." His voice wobbles as the tears pool in his eyes, threatening to fall. "You can." It's just a whisper.

"I can't change how I feel."

Regulus turns his face, looking towards the floor, avoiding her eyes. His lips parted, ragged breathing as if she had just knocked the air out of him. In a way she has; he has imagined this day, this moment thousands of times and even when she said no in his thoughts, he never felt like this. He never felt the sharp pain in his chest, the way his throat is closing on him, how his tears are almost spilling down his face as the woman he wishes to spend the rest of his life with crushes his dreams.

"I can't do it, Reggie. I'm so sorry." Her voice is a whisper, emotion taking over her as she tightens her grip on his arm. "I'm so, so sorry, Reggie."

He takes a deep breath and steps back, needing to create distance between them. Needing to breathe anything other than the lingering scent of her shampoo on her hair.

"I can't love anyone else. I only love you." His voice is monotone, the words feeling foreign in his mouth.

"Reggie…" His eyes don't meet hers, he can't bring himself to do so. "We'd make a horrible couple. We-"

"No, we wouldn't. It would be-"

"We would be a disaster, Re-"

"We wouldn't be a disaster, we would-"

"I tried! Reggie, I tried and I can't." She raises her voice, making his words die in his throat.

He finally meets her eyes. They shine with intensity and love, just not the love he wishes she felt for him.

"Then why does everyone expect it?" New emotions make his voice louder. "Evan expects it, Barty expects it, Pandora; everyone expects it!" His hand extends to grab hers. "Say yes and let's be happy." Her hand moves out of his reach, she steps closer and grabs his arms.

"I can say yes, truly, so I'm not going to say it." He gets closer to her face, wanting to touch her lip with his but not doing so. "And you'll see that I'm right eventually, and you'll thank me for not saying yes."

Regulus steps away, momentarily looking at her. "I'll be dead before I thank you for it."

"Reggie." She steps closer, trying to grab at him once again.

"I'll kill myself before that happens."

"Reggie, don't say that!" She watches as he walks away. "Reggie." She starts walking, trying to catch up to him. "Reggie! Listen, you'll find someone." She reaches his back, putting her hand there, taking hold of his hand. He swiftly brushes her off. "You'll find a lovely, pure-blood woman, that your parents will approve of. And she will adore you." She keeps her pace with his. "And she will make the perfect wife and mother, and daughter-in-law. She'll be everything I could never be!"

"Yes, you could." He stops and turns to her. "You could."

"Look at me! I'm awkward-"

"I love you."

"And I'm not a pure-blood-"

"I love you."

"I'm weird and you would be ashamed of me,-"

"I love you."

"We would fight constantly, I could never meet your parents' expectations." She reaches closer to him, pointing to her chest. "I'd hate elegant society." She points her finger at his. "You'd hate that I don't fit in. And we would be unhappy, and we would wish that we had never done it and everything would be horrible." She pants as her words die. Regulus' jaw ticks as he looks up from the floor.

His lips wobble.

"Anything else?"

"No, nothing else."

"Alright." His voice is breathy and defeated as he turns away from her once more.

"Except that," He turns back around, nodding to her with his face tight. She pauses, looking around before she meets his eyes again. "I don't believe I was made to be in love." He pushes out a breath. "I'm happy as I am. I love living in my own little world too much to give it up."

"I think you're wrong about that."

"No."

"I think you'll find love. I think you'll find a man that you want to share your world with, and you'll love him with everything in you because that's the way you do things." He pauses. "And I'll watch." A stubborn tear finally runs down his cheek.

Regulus turns around, defeated, and continues to walk away from her. She stays, watching his back get further and further away from her. Both of their happiness stripped away with just a conversation. Her frame falls to the floor with a thud, curling her legs into herself as she cries sour tears.

With quick steps, he marches back into the castle and down the stair to the Slytherin dorm. He gathers his belongings that he packed the night before, when he was still hopeful. Before his life came crashing down, before his dreams of twinkling eyes and beautiful smiles turned into nightmares. Everything is his fault, he knows. She has never owed him anything, and she doesn't now either. She has happily given him her friendship for years; that should be enough for him. But it is not. Nothing that she could ever give him would be enough for him, he realises. Because Regulus knows that she, no matter how hard he tried, would never allow him into her dreams and passions. The knowledge of it doesn't take away the pain.

#regulus black #regulus #regulus black x reader #regulus x reader #regulus black angst #regulus angst #regulus black x reader angst #regulus x reader angst #marauders angst #marauders #sirius black angst #sirius angst #black brothers angst #sirius and regulus angst #fem!reader #regulus black x fem!reader #regulus x fem!reader

[datamodel-of-disaster]

An Inquiry Into The Perfection Of Systems

(Or, Kevin Flynn is actually the worst and Clu never stood a chance)

So, this is a post about business analysis/project management, sort of. It is also, mostly… about Tron: Legacy. Hold onto your seats, we’re going to talk about IT project management.

Watch me.

Developing software and managing a software development project require surprisingly different skillsets. While intrinsically connected, Computer Logic and People Logic are not at all the same sort of logic. There is no better way to observe this than by putting developers in charge of managing a development project. (Looking at you, Flynn.)

I see you, Kevin Flynn.

There are a couple questions you have to answer in the process of a dev project. They are very common sense questions, like…

When will we call it done?

What does “done” mean?

How do we assess the quality of the result?

As is usually the case when common sense meets computers, the answer is more complicated than the question, to the point that a great many books and papers have been written on the subject. (1)

Does this look like a man who reads Project Management books? No.

Which brings me to a number of useful concepts: Definition of Done, Fit For Use, and Fit For Purpose. The terms may be more recent, but their spirit most definitely isn’t.

Definition of Done is what is says on the tin. It is formally defining what it means for an IT feature to be fully finished: what does it need to do, what does it need to look like, what quality standards does it need to meet, etcetera. This is not the place to be vague: you want concrete, measurable goals.

(Here’s a hint, in case that wasn’t already glaringly obvious: “Perfect” is not a good Definition of Done.)

Now, you can define this “done” in purely hard, technical terms. But typically, software is intended to do something for someone; Computer Logic, meet People Logic. That’s where the “Fit For” terms come in.

“Fit For Purpose” means, the software does what it was intended to do.

“Fit For Use” means, the software does what it does well enough to be actually usable.

THESE ARE NOT MUTUALLY INCLUSIVE.

But a good system is both.

A “Perfect” system would be both to the highest degree. Ideally suited to the requirements of its Users, in functionality and useability both.

Important here is that these are completely relative concepts, entirely dependent on what the users want out of their software. Regardless of how attainable it'd be, you cannot define “perfect” as a measurable goal without understanding what is required of the system in the first place.

Now… look at the Grid.

(Yeah. I know.)

The Grid has no users. The Grid has no user-end functionalities. The Grid isn’t set up to do anything, really, in the software sense. It fulfills no obvious function.

It’s a back-end environment accidentally turned front-end.

Which is… Imagine if someone walked into a factory and was like “oh wow I love the vibe of this place!” and then after getting home began setting up their own production lines, but based on vibes and aesthetic, with no regard to production output, worker safety, resource management, or even, you know, the goal of actually making anything.

Now picture being the manager of that factory.

They told you when you got this job that you had to make this the perfect factory.

But the place is falling apart despite your best efforts. People are getting injured left and right. The owner disappears for months on end, and when he shows up he just keeps adding more production lines that look cool to him rather than offering any clarity. The hope that he might have a plan for all of this is dwindling fast. You desperately try to keep track of anything quantifiable, trying not to think about the fact that you still don’t know what you’re even meant to be producing here. (Everything going wrong weighs on you; you were meant to make this perfect. You should have the ability to do what you were meant to do, right?)

And then, for some reason, random unauthorized strangers start walking into the factory breaking shit. And because the owner thinks they’re neat, they get to stay and do whatever, and you should be happy about it.

If this was an actual factory, you could... quit your job.

But this isn't a factory, it's a computer, and you, a piece of software, ARE your job.

Tell me this wouldn't drive you off-the-rails crazy. Like, actually full-on psychotic.

I know man. I know.

Computer Logic and People Logic are not the same thing. But Programs, being software and people both, have both influencing their experience.

So, was Clu evil? I rather think he never had a chance to be good.

After all, what is good, for a piece of software?

Allow me to refer to my explanations above.

..... ..... .....

(COMPLETELY UNNECCESARY) FOOTNOTES:

(1): One such book that Flynn could have read is “The Mythical Man-Month” by Frederic P. Brooks, which is very good and surprisingly relevant to this day, but I’m only mentioning because when I first heard the title I thought it was a Mothman pun.

#tron #tronblr #tron legacy #clu 2 #kevin flynn #Dys-Functional Analysis #clu

[the-laridian]

Christmas Party

Beckett waited until Willow finished hooking up the colored lights around the cabin. “Now?”

“Now.”

Beckett flipped the switch, and the lights came to life. After a moment they began blinking, alternating colors.

“There we go!” Willow came down the ladder. “Just right for Christmas. Especially with it getting dark so early now. People should be able to see that from a distance.”

“They will.” Beckett put his arm around Willow’s waist, and Willow put his arm around Beckett’s shoulders, as they looked at the lights. “It looks real pretty, angel.”

“Thanks. It’s good to know that vo-tech training in the Vault was worth something.” Willow’s electrician training had paid off more than he’d expected, even if it hadn’t been helpful at all for a while out of the Vault.

They watched the lights in silence for a little while. It might even snow this week; Willow wasn’t looking forward to that, but that was life Outside for you.

Well. He liked snow, as long as he could get out of it when it stopped being fun.

“I’d better put the ladder away,” he said at last.

“Yeah, and I’m gonna make sure the chickens are good for the night.” The hens were in one of the side rooms Willow and Beckett had added onto the cabin, for just this reason. They had a light, too; no staying in the dark for them.

Which, it really was getting dark fast, and chilly. Willow was shivering as he came into the cabin. It hadn’t been that cold when he’d started putting the lights up.

Beckett handed him another sweater. (It was known - Beckett said - that Vaulties were less hardy folk than Wastelanders.) “So you got the lights up… how many people’re coming to this shindig? Lemme rephrase that. How many did you invite?”

Willow pulled the sweater over his head, and then began ticking off on his fingers. “You and me, obviously. Ricky and Sofia. Oh, and I asked everyone to bring something - you know, potluck.”

Beckett nodded. “I hope they do.”

“Well, whether they do or not, I’ve got some food we can set out.”

“It’s not that prewar stuff, is it?”

Willow didn’t answer that. “So there’s you and me, Ricky and Sofia, Orion and Orlando, Max and Stevie - “

“Wait, is Stevie that Mothman guy?”

“Max says he’ll behave,” Willow said.

Beckett’s eyebrow went up. “Will Max behave?”

“One Christmas miracle at a time, okay?… Rowan and Will Dane. I don’t know if either of them are bringing a plus-one or not, but I assume they are. Ronnie and Edwin are going to try to make it.”

“You invited them? Well, good. It’ll do Edwin good, I think.” Beckett went to the bar area to see what he had for the upcoming party.

“And Sage and your brother. Sage, I don’t know if he even got the message, and your brother never responded,” Willow said. He took a seat on the couch.

“I’m not real surprised by either of those. How’d we end up with all the Mireshine?” Beckett was kneeling at the floor cabinet.

“How much do we have?”

“Like six bottles.”

“Yeah, that does seem like a lot.” Willow scratched the back of his neck, where the tag in the old sweater itched against his skin. “I got some in a trade for those clothes.”

“Ah. Well, if Sage shows up, then he’s welcome, and if Frankie shows up, it’ll be okay.”

“Maybe he’s just out with a caravan?” Willow suggested.

“Maybe.” Beckett stood and dusted off his hands. “That’s… at least ten people who’ll probably show up, maybe as many as fourteen. Anyone else?”

“Fourteen’s gonna be crowded in here already,” Willow said. “It depends if anyone else shows up, y’know? I don’t want to turn anyone away on a winter night.”

“Well, let’s just hope they don’t all bring booze,” Beckett said.

~~~

Tagging @darkfire1177 @theartofblossoming @the-lastcall to participate if they'd like! (Even if it's just what's brought to the Christmas party, which is a few days after this scene)

#fallout 76 #willow ironwood #beckett #friend oc #christmas #christmas party #laridian writes

[warp--space]

Vows

“Hey papa, did you and dad ever renew your vows?”

Toshinori nearly dropped the plate he was holding and his eyes flew to Hinata, his twelve year old daughter, who perched suspiciously daintily on the kitchen table.

“...Little shit, didn’t even hear you come in. Should you really be using your powers to sneak up on your parents like that?”

She rolled her eyes. “Didn’t answer my question.”

The villain sighed, going back to doing the leftover dishes. “Technically, every time we get married in a new timeline it’s a renewal of our vows.”

“Okay, but what were your FIRST vows?”

Toshinori thought about it, speaking softly. “... I suppose the first vow I ever made to Rian was that I promised to protect his sister. That was a lifetime before we got married…”

He sighed. “When we first got married… it was as villains, in the bar. I don’t think we ever managed it as heroes… we vowed to support each other in all our endeavors. To never give up on one another, and to never lose the faith we’d built up. To protect each other, and those that followed us, with everything we had. We vowed to remain devoted until the day we were both in the dirt.”

The young girl looked at her feet as they swung back and forth, obviously considering something deeply involved. Toshinori simply shrugged, finishing his chore.

After a moment, Hinata boosted herself onto the counter next to him. “And… you’ll promise the same stuff when you get married again, right?”

“Naturally.”

“That’s good.”

The older blonde quirked an eyebrow. “Why are you bringing this up tonight? I get that it’s Valentine's day, but you aren't usually this… sentimental about things you haven’t seen.”

She quirked her eyebrow as well, like a mirror image. “Because… I’ve never gotten to be old enough to love someone like you and Dad love each other. There were times where I MIGHT have felt something like that, sure, but… not strongly enough to kill for.”

Toshinori thought, for a second, about pointing out the way she trailed after Midoriya and the miniature Todoroki… but instantly decided he wasn’t ready for that conversation and pivoted. “That’s probably for the best, little flower. Devotion can easily turn into obsession, and I don’t doubt that I'd sound a lot more like a lunatic if it wasn't for my memories.”

She giggled. “Dad’s already suspicious… but I think that he thinks that YOU just really like sunflowers too, and that’s why you always get some.”

“He should honestly be more suspicious about—”

“How you sleep together? How you sit with him in your lap? How you give him googly eyes? How you always make sure our bases have soundproofed Master bedrooms? How you have a budget specifically for—”

The older man grumbled, ruffling the girls hair as she giggled. “Mouthy little shit… Twelve year olds aren't supposed to comment on their parents’ sex lives, Hinata.”

The young girl just laughed, wiggling away. Then, she stopped, looking up at him. “...You know… we should tell Dad more about me.”

“... I agree. But we have to do it carefully. Not just all at once.”

“Aren't you going to ask him to marry you?”

Toshinori blushed. “It’s… not the right time yet. I have a date in mind for a wedding, and if I ask now it’ll be too fast.”

“I mean… that depends on the day, I think.”

The older man froze, heat rising up behind his eyes as he slowly glanced back at the sound of footsteps. There, walking slowly from the kitchen doorway, was Rian. He had obviously just ended his shift at the bar downstairs.

And his face looked as red as the blonde’s felt.

The girl’s eyes darted back and forth quickly, before she slinked down from the counter. “Oh boy! I better go watch TV!” She announced loudly, darting out of the room.

Silence.

Silence.

An awkward cough.

Rian fidgeted, looking frantically around the room. “S-so… what day were you thinking of…?”

Toshinori leaned back against the counter, his voice more gruff than he would have liked. “April First.”

The brunette blinked lamely, then looked up. “Why April first? I mean... be a use it's the day you saved me?”

“... Because if enough of our lackeys think it’s a joke, we might be able to keep the party small.”

One beat.

Then two.

Then the younger man burst out laughing, soon joined by his taller counterpart.

“Do you at least have a ring…?” Rian asked shyly, wiping his eyes.

The blonde smiled fondly. “Yes, but since I've had it for three years, we might need to get it fitted.”

The smaller man blanched. “THREE…?”

“The timing never felt right, Kitten!”

“W-well does it feel right NOW?!”

“... If you’ll say yes.”

Rian slowly looked up, his hazel eyes crinkling as he smiled. “...Always. Toshinori... I already vowed to dedicate my life to you years ago... And I don't plan to break that promise.”

#rian posting #antis dni #smitespace #toshinori's divine commentary #oldspace #yagi family story

[writingintheshadowsforever]

Imagine Steve encouraging Robin to ask you out before taking on Vecna

“You know I saw you blushing earlier when you came through the gate.” Steve whispered walking up beside Robin.

She jumped a little surprised by his presence but her eyes started to widen. When his words registered in her brain “wh-what I ha-have no-no-no idea what you’re talking about.” She stuttered out while her eyes searched desperately for you to make sure you were out of ear range out of the conservation. 

You were walking a few paces ahead of them beside Nancy and it looked as if you two were caught in an intense battle strategy discussion.

“When you came through the gate your face was as red as a tomato Robin, and I think I know why.” Steve went on with a grin when he followed her eyesight. “You’re looking right at her this very second”

“Oh shut up” Robin hissed shoving him away.

It was a good thing Steve was light and fast on his feet, or he wouldn’t have been able to dance out of the way of the tentacle. He nearly stumbled onto from the force of the push. “Hey easy we’re in the Upside Down one giant hive mind remember.”

“Then just drop the conservation now isn’t the time for it” Robin told him.

“No now is the perfect time for it. Weren’t you the one just telling me that you feel like this might be it for some of us. Even though I don’t agree with that prediction. I can’t deny that the stakes are a bit higher this time, and if one of us don’t come back for this. Then all of us owe to each other to be honest about how we feel for one another. This might be your last chance to do that with y/n, and I don’t think you should waste it Rob.” 

All Robin could think about as she processed Steve’s words was how she has spent the past two years of her life pinning after you. When you got the job at Scoop she was ecstatic, but in the end nothing really came from it. Because she was way too nervous to talk to you, and plus you assumed she had a thing for Steve. Her first real moment with you didn’t come till y’all running from the Russians in the mall. You were prepared to sacrifice yourself to give the rest of them a better chance at escaping. Before Eleven showed up and saved the day in that moment. When she thought you were about to killed and couldn’t stand the thought of losing you without saying something. Robin caught your hand before you could walk out into the open. 

It was the way she was gripping your hand like her life depended on it. Like you were a life line that made you turn back to look at her. It was if everything faded away for Robin and it was just the two of you. “Y/N I know you think I don’t like you, and I have a thing for Steve but that couldn’t be more far from the truth. Please don’t do this there has to be another way.”

“Hey its okay we’ve been in worst situations I’ll be fine” You told her squeezing her hand. Somehow in the midst of all this chaos you still had in you to be positive and wear your signature grin. It made her fall for you a bit harder if that was even possible. 

You went to stand up from your crouched position but a hard tug on your arm stopped you once again. Robin hadn’t let go of your hand yet, and her grip got so tight it was starting to hurt. “Y/N please don’t go I ne- Robin stop short of finishing her sentence. When you turned back around to look her in the eyes her head turned away breaking the eye contact. Even though you guys didn’t have a lot of time left before the Russian soldiers found the hiding. You still waited patiently for her to finish. “Robin what’s wrong you can tell me” You encouraged her.

“Um its just you can’t-” she paused again to swallow hard trying to find the right words. 

“Hey look at me please” You said squeezing her hand again.

Robin finally turned back to you her eyes locking onto yours. The emotional intensity in her’s didn’t faze you a bit. You figured she was just freaking out at everything that was going on. The emotions had finally caught up to her and she was spiraling. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you okay. You promised all of us would make it out alive.”

In that moment Robin knew she dropped the ball, and missed the perfect chance to tell you the truth. Steve would tease her about just a few months later when she would tell him about her feelings for you. Fast forward here you guys again walking into a situation where death was a possibility, and Robin could tell by the expressions on your face as you talked to with Nancy about the battle strategy. That just like last time you were determined on be the one to not  come back from this. If it came down too it you had no problem making this your last stand. 

“Y/N doesn’t have any real family waiting for her back home Robin, we’re all she’s got so in her eyes we are her family, and if she dies protecting us then that’s okay. She’s not going to know that you need her to be the one to survive this unless you tell her” Steve told her. 

Robin gave him a nod. 

“Hey Nance can you come here I want to go over something with you real quick.” He called out waving her over when she stopped to look back at him with a raised eyebrow. You paused too but something told you to stay put as Nancy drop backed so Steve could catch up with her. Leaving you to walk by yourself for the a while until your ears picked up on a footsteps running to catch up. You glanced over your shoulder to see it was Robin hoping over the tentacles. You came to a halt to make it easier for her.

“Hi” she breathed hunched over on her knees tired after running.

“Hey there you sure you don’t want to save some of that energy for Vecna.” You replied with the grin that made her knees go weak. Robing grabbed your arm as you started to resume walking. Her eyes bore into yours as the two of you stood there in silence for a couple of seconds. But finally the floodgates opened and Robin who was never good at small talk burst.

“Y/N I like you a lot okay, and not in the friendly way. The I want you to hold my hand and kiss me type of way. I want you to look at me the way Steve's being looking at Nancy these past couple of days way. I want to freaking be with you and I’ve wanted it for a long time. But I was just too terrified to say anything because I didn’t think it was possible for you to see me in the same way, and I really don’t want to ruin what we have. But I know you and I know you’re thinking that dying for us is okay because no one will miss you. So please know that you’re wrong I love you, and I’ll miss you. I need you to live so I can take you out so please don’t be a freaking martyr.” 

It all came out at once and so fast it was almost impossible for you to keep up with her words, but you managed and found yourself blushing profusely halfway through. Afterwards when she was done and just stood there breathing hard, hands twitching, and looking everywhere but you waiting in anticipation for your reply. You knew there was no words to tell her how you felt, so you reached out with both of your hands to cup her face. Forcing her too finally look at you but a second later her eyes closed as she felt your lips on hers. The kiss was slow and gentle as you poured all of your emotions into it. In the beginning Robin was slow to kiss back thinking this was all a dream, she’d be waking up from in just a few seconds. Once it hit her it was real her arms wrapped around your waist pulling your body flush to hers. 

“Wooo yes that’s my girl” Steve hollered making the two of you jump, and break apart. Nancy slapped him in the back of the head for ruining the moment. “You idiot.” He held up his hands defensively “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this?”

“No longer than I have” You said pressing your forehead to Robin’s with an adorning look. “I would love to go out with you by the way if the kiss was a good enough answer.”

“Really you’re scared of what people might think.” She asked with a wavering smile.

You snorted “Not even a little bit the only people I care about are with me now, or back in Hawkins risking their life. But the most important person I care about is right here in front of me, and she’s all that matters.”

#stranger things imagine #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley imagine #robin buckley #steve harrington #nancy wheeler

[zeawesomebirdie]

hi !!!! did NOT consider you might like to have the ask again to answer it. if you do:

seeing you post about your old west au is motivating me to at least draft my stuff out for my fic, too!!! so, firstly: good god thank you. secondly, what kind of drafting process do you normally go through? you don't have to answer this but everyone i know is pretty particular about how they write so i'm always curious!!!

Gosh okay I'm still so embarrassed about accidentally posting this before it was ready!! Lesson learned: only work on long posts on desktop (very affectionate). I'm going to copy paste what I had originally said, but there will be added stuff because it wasn't anywhere near ready to go (if you thought it was long before, honey you ain't seen nothing yet!)

Also I still am so proud of you for working on your fic, we are writing buddies now hand in lovable hand I love you thank you for enabling my rambling <33

Buckle in, here we go!

SO! My drafting process is always a moving target. I do what works best for the work in question, and things change depending on my energy and fatigue levels plus my motivation and interest levels

So that said, right now my process usually looks like:

ramble at someone in DMs, copy and paste rambles into a google doc for safekeeping and marinating

zero draft, aka word vomit until a plot forms, block out actions and the occasional dialog, determine chapter and story arcs

first draft, aka Where The Real Writing Happens

optional second draft, but only if the fic is under 10k

line edits

post :)

find a bunch of typos that I somehow missed during line editing, fix those before anyone notices

I will be showing examples because this is a bit hard to explain and Extremely Intense to a lot of people, and yeah that's because it is! I approach writing fanfic the same way I approach writing original fiction, and I find it works best for me as a plotter

If you are metaphorically inclined and familiar with oil painting: I write the way an oil painter paints. First I block in the big shapes, the gestures, and the colours. Then I come back in subsequent drafts and increase the detail until I'm done!

Further information and actual examples of my drafts will be below the cut, because this is gonna be super long and I love talking shop ^.^

And general content warning for non-graphic violence and graphic smut (and shitty early drafts); the examples are from Bruce Wayne/Dick Grayson fics

So before we get into the zero draft, I want to point out two things: first, I do full rewrites. This is why writing takes me one million years. I retype each and every word in each and every draft. Second, I'm actually trying something new with the Old West!AU, for reasons I will explain in a moment!

I started doing full rewrites in 2019 after a college writing course, in which we read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott; she encourages the reader to embrace the shitty first draft. I ended up really benefiting from a zero draft too, something I first learned about in 2020 from someone on authortube who I no longer remember the name of. The zero draft is essentially a pre-draft, in which one gets the gist of the story out of their system before the prose clogs up the spigot

For me, zero drafts are something that need to be finished as fast as possible in order to get done at all, so due to the sheer length of the Old West!AU, I'm trying out writing little bullet points instead of my full zero drafting. Right now this fic is at 27 chapters, and this is part 1 of 3 total. I will be going back and filling in the actual blocking once I have all the scenes roughly accounted for

Context for the Old West!AU: Bruce is the Bat, a vigilante gunman who only kills when he needs to but still has the fastest draw on this side of the Mississippi. Now that he's taken care of the man who killed his parents, he's returned home to his Uncle Alfred and gone straight, meaning that he's hung up his guns and gone back to homesteading the family land. He adopts Dick and then a year later Jason as well, when small burglaries start happening in town, so he takes the Bat out of retirement and goes to investigate.

My bullet points started out like this:

Open on comparison between Bruce's first gun and the Bat's guns. Introduce Joe Chill, general drunkard. The Bat calls out Chill, shootout, Chill is killed. Chill drew first. Moment of reflection between Bruce's first gunfight at 15 to this one, at 21. Bruce goes home.

And that's the whole entire first chapter!

However, now they look more like:

The Sheriff runs up and shoots at him. The Bat has him disarmed with his own gun barrel to his throat in an instant. It doesn't take the Bat much time to get info out of him either. The burglar is only going after small change, not enough to be noticeable. That rules out the gambler, easily. The Sheriff can't do shit about it, because no one is willing to start an investigation for such small change. The Bat shoves the Sheriff to his knees and is gone before he notices. Alfred is waiting for him when he gets home, and asks. Bruce tries to deny it, but the clothes are in his hands and he can't. So he sighs and says he may have made a promise, but… there might be more to this than there seems, okay? He just… has a bad feeling about it. Alfred can't accept this, what about his sons? Bruce can't take this, and tells him he doesn't have to. Their yelling wakes up Dick and Jason, who stand in the doorway to their bedroom and look on with the door mostly closed.

Eventually both Alfred and Bruce yell each other out, and they sit down for coffee as dawn breaks. Bruce breaks the silence first, saying Alfred is right. Alfred tells him he understands. Bruce decides to let the Bat go for real now.

This is about half of the chapter, and closer to the blocking I normally do in zero drafts

So far this pre-zero draft seems to be working, given I've already finished part 1, but I also can't wait to come back and do the blocking in because that's when the fic really starts to take shape!

Usually though, I just start with a zero draft. I'm going to show you two different fics for the zero draft examples, because they were done differently, and like I said at the beginning, I try to adjust my process based on what is called for by what I'm writing

This first is from the fic I'm writing for @ful-crum. It's a 5+1, in which it is five times Dick fucks Bruce to distract him from discussing his emotions plus one time they actually discuss their emotions and then fuck about it.

Tim and Jason turn up an hour later, and they're incredibly concerned. Dick waves them off. Tim takes him at his word and heads to bed (he has a meeting with Wayne Tech at 8am tomorrow, ugh), but Jason sits down next to the bed and asks Dick what he thinks Bruce is going to say. Dick tells him he's not sure, I mean, it's B, y'know? Jason just nods, and they lapse into silence. Then Steph and Cass come in, and Bruce is most noticeably not present. Cass signs something about bed, and Steph tells Dick that she's worried about Bruce, to which Jason snorts and says they all are, but she insists that Dick talk to him. Dick doesn't even need to take more than a moment to decide that won't be happening. But Steph goes to bed, and it's nearly 04:00 when Jason heads up too, saying he'd love to help Dick lecture Bruce about staying out late but he's got stuff to do tomorrow. Dick asks if he wants to know what stuff, and Jason gives him a smirk and says ask him no questions and he'll tell him no lies. Dick can live with that.

As you can see, this is just general staging directions and vibes

This second example was supposed to be for BruDick Week 2024, but I accidentally got carried away and ended up deciding to write a longfic for it instead. The prompt was "brudick meet their AU!selves," so I did 66!brudick meets the Gotham Rogues Polycule, an AU in which Bruce, Dick, and Clark are in a very elaborate polycule with half of Gotham's villains.

Batman and Robin were on a normal mission in the middle of the day, on the trail of Catwoman, who's been stealing from the Gotham Museum of Art again. One moment they were walking into the museum, the next they were in a weird swirl of energy. Robin clings to Batman and asks what's going on, and Batman tells him steady Robin, we just have to stay calm and see what happens. The energy clears as someone calls out “incoming! Clear the floor!” and they find themselves in what is clearly the Cave, except it's even more high tech than anything they've ever seen. There's three people in suits like theirs standing in front of a massive screen, and Robin identifies the Riddler immediately, even if he doesn't recognise the other two. Before Batman can stop him, he charges the Riddler, who jumps behind the man in black and blue with a laugh. Batman does call out for him to stop, but he ignores him. The man in black and blue meets his every move, almost like he's fighting himself, and he calls out to the man in red and blue “a little help here, Supes?”

The biggest difference here is how drastically these fics changed from their zero draft to the first draft rendition, and that is entirely because of how fleshed out they ended up being (or not being, lol)

When I zero drafted the 5+1, it was with the intention of that specific part simply being a chapter, whereas my original zero draft of the 66! meeting the polycule! fic was actually intended to be a two shot at most. I unfortunately lost control of the plot during the first draft of that one, and it spiraled into a longfic, which will become more clear in a bit!

Basically though, the goal of the zero draft is to know who's where and why at all times! With longfics, there is often a restructuring that happens after the zero draft is written, where I move scenes and sometimes whole chapters to their best locations. This is where I make the most use out of a beta! Pacing is a big struggle for me and it is easier to fix at this stage, before I have all the prose and have become attached to what I've written

Next up is the first draft, and this is a whole new document. This is where I write The Actual Words. This is more or less the final version of the fic, for longfics, give or take a few paragraphs and a shit ton of line edits. Having said that though, I write in fits and bursts, because y'know disabled and stuff. So I write a paragraph or two at a time, and I am constantly adding and subtracting words and lines and sometimes whole paragraphs while I am actively working on a chapter

I'm going to show the first draft versions of both of the above fics, and due to the length these will be extremely excerpted but they should serve as examples regardless. Generally speaking, my zero drafts are about 1/3 of the length of my finished fics, however the 5+1 is currently proving to be an exception so that number may not be super accurate

First, the 5+1:

“You did take care of them, right?” Dick asked, groaning when Jason’s mouth thinned as he looked away. “Is Steph at least still with him?” “Last I heard, they were—” Jason started, cutting himself off when the Cave’s alarm signaled the arrival of newcomers. A moment later, two muddy bikes roared into the garage, leaving dark tracks behind them as they parked haphazardly together on the far side of the garage. With the return of Black Bat and Spoiler, the only empty place on the garage floor now belonged to Batman himself. Dick tried to catch Jason’s eyes as they waited in the med bay for Cass and Steph to strip off their suits and join them, but Jason turned away from him, though he didn’t rise from the bed. Something must have gone down after he’d fallen unconscious, Dick was sure of it. Why else would Bruce have sent everyone else home early on a patrol night? He could already see it in his mind’s eye, Batman doing God-knew-what out in Gotham alone, Bruce coming home with a busted lip that Dick would have to personally clean up before they went to bed, how that lip would scab over and feel under his tongue when he kissed Bruce the next morning after waking up in their bed—Bruce’s bed—on accident. How that scab would stretch when the ghost of a smile caught Bruce by surprise after one of Dick’s terrible puns. “You okay?” Steph called across the Cave as she and Cass walked toward the med bay. “Never been better,” Dick replied, trying not to be put out at Jason’s eye roll. He put up a hand for Cass to inspect when she came up to his bedside, and after she had nodded her satisfaction of his health he smiled. “I’ll be right as rain in no time.”

And the 66! meets polycule! fic:

“You!” Robin shouted, not waiting for Batman to back him up as he charged toward the Riddler. Riddler didn't move—in fact, none of the three moved—then Robin was on him, punching his face hard enough to hear a distinct crack. That startled all three into action, Riddler swearing up a storm before throwing himself behind the blue masked man, who blocked Robin's next hits without hesitation. “Robin!” Batman called from somewhere behind him, but Robin ignored him, focusing his energy on striking past the masked man's defenses to get at Riddler. “I know you're behind this, you– you scum!” Robin snarled in Riddler's direction, placing a perfectly timed jab toward the masked man's left cheek and then feinting to the right. But the man met him easily, as though they were merely sparring. “I'm not who you think I am!” Riddler exclaimed, his hands cupping his face but doing little to staunch the blood streaming from his nose. “Let's slow down for a minute, okay?” the masked man said, his voice maddeningly level as if Robin wasn't trying every trick he knew to get past him. “We can explain.” “Yeah kid, there's a good explanation here, we promise,” Riddler added. Robin growled and spun around the  masked man's reach only to find him once again directly blocking him from Riddler. How in the dickens did he know exactly where Robin was going to strike before Robin himself knew? And why on earth was he protecting the Riddler? “Supes, we could use a hand here,” the masked man said, still obnoxiously calm, once again blocking Robin's fist and this time circling his hand around Robin's wrist to twist his arm behind his back. In a blink, Robin was lifted into the air by his collar, the blue and red suited man holding him at arm's length. Robin continued to struggle for a moment, but finally Batman came into view, frowning up at him. Seeing Batman's disapproval took every bit of wind from Robin's sails, and he deflated instantly. If Batman didn't think he needed to fight, then he probably didn't need to.

So as you can see, I just kinda fill in the details with each draft!

Which is where we come to the optional second draft. I try, I really do try, to do a full second draft of everything I write. I always am glad to have done one, once it's done. The problem is, I really do have very limited energy, and anything longer than a chapter or two just doesn't get finished if I try to give it a full second draft. I've instead been doing really vigorous line edits, which I don't have an examples of because those are done in the same document as the first draft!

Now, you're probably wondering why on earth I gave a smut content warning at the beginning of this post. WELL.

I am calling myself out as a newbie when it comes to the art of smut writing. My 5+1 fic, the one where literally every single part has extremely explicit smut, has the following in the zero draft:

Yes, that is not one, not two, but three "cue smuts." Clearly I was new at this (affectionate)

Shout out to past!me for this in the last part though, because at least it actually has some semblance of blocking even if it is still extremely lacking:

The kissing escalates (as it often does) to smut over the desk (though Dick does try to move the documents out of the way, even if Bruce is growling at him to leave it alone; he doesn't want to be the reason Tim has another caffeine-induced breakdown).

I didn't figure this out until I was actually writing this fic, but it turns out I not only need to block in regular action scenes, I also need to block in the smut, because otherwise I will be sitting there having no fucking clue what to write (very affectionate)

So I now present what a zero draft of smut looks like! This is from a 5+1 in which there are five times Bruce and Dick fuck because of Poison Ivy's sex pollen and it "doesn't mean anything," plus one time they fuck because they actually want to:

Dick asks if they can take off their suits, it's too hot he's too hot, and Bruce says okay, that's a good idea, and internally he's panicking because oh no. Oh no. But the moment the words are out he sees the relief in Dick's face, and realises Dick needs to be told what to do right now, so he tells him clearly to strip, it'll help. Once Dick is fully naked in the other seat, he turns to Bruce and asks if he needs help with his armor. His hand is tentatively, almost shyly stroking his cock, and Bruce is really struggling to not watch. He tells him no, he doesn't, and takes off the chest plate and arm armor, but leaves what's left of his leg armor on. He decides he can safely put his hand under his boxers, but Dick makes a little noise, and when he looks over he can clearly see Dick watching him stroke himself. Oh fuck. He's cumming before he even realises it, his boxers getting wet and sticky and his cock still so maddeningly hard and he strokes himself through it, unable to stop himself from moaning even as he tries to keep himself in a clinical mindset. Dick asks to see him, and Bruce, despite knowing what a bad, horrible idea this is, pulls down his boxers to reveal his cock. Dick shifts his hand on his own cock to mimic what Bruce is doing, and Bruce has the horrible realisation that he doesn't even really know how to jerk himself off. Dear God, hopefully Alfred stays the fuck out of the Cave tonight.

So it's really just more of the same general blocking directions and vibes!

Another thing of note for zero drafts, I try to use as few words as possible to get what I need across. These are only ever intended to be seen by myself and a beta, assuming anyone else besides me even sees them at all, so I use slang and shorthand and leave notes for myself in the text itself

This can be a bit weird for when I show it to betas (or anyone else, for that matter!) because there are some fics where the tone or the vocabulary in the zero is incredibly modern despite the fic being in a historical or pre-modern setting!

And I have yet to actually write the first draft of that one, so I'm going to give you the first draft of the "Cue more smut (but this time against the batmobile 😌)" scene so that you can see the difference between the blocking and an Actual Scene:

Bruce had turned his back to him, bracing himself against the batmobile, and Dick took hold of Bruce's hip to hold him steady when he slid a finger into his hole. A soft moan was all he got in verbal response, but Bruce pushed against Dick's finger despite Dick's best efforts to do this slowly. Chuckling under his breath, Dick slid in a second finger, relishing in the clench of Bruce's muscle as he began working him open. “Easy, B,” he said softly, leaning over him enough to move his hand from Bruce's hip to his cock. Bruce growled and arched into his touch, taking in Dick's fingers completely. “Someone's in a rush tonight, huh?” He didn't get a verbal response, not that he ever did. Bruce rarely spoke while full, relying instead on nonverbal communication to indicate his needs. It hadn't taken long for Dick to become acquainted with his movements back when they started this; after all, fucking was no different from fighting, not for them, not when they had flown side by side across Gotham for more than half of Dick's life. And Dick knew Bruce would always try to get him to rush just a little, knew he'd give in like he always did, wanting to have his cock inside Bruce as soon as physically possible just as much as Bruce did. He wasted no more time, sliding his fingers out and releasing Bruce's cock just long enough to slick up his own. The small whine from Bruce at the loss of contact ought to be ignored, ought not be acknowledged, and Dick knew that, but he couldn't resist leaning over to kiss the small of Bruce's back. Bruce huffed at him, glaring over his shoulder. Dick met his eyes with a grin. Then Dick gripped Bruce's hip again, holding him steady while Bruce leaned back to meet him, and slipped into his tight heat. There was a soft moan from Bruce the moment he bottomed out; Dick leaned forward again to kiss up his spine, keeping his cock buried deep even while Bruce began to rock back into him.

I do think the fic for @ful-crum would be easier if I had proper blocking for the smut, but also I do love a good challenge and you live and you learn, so I'm not super invested in going back and blocking in the smut at this point in time!

And honestly, once the line edits are done that's pretty much it!

I keep a little "posting info" doc for each and every fic I write, to which I add tags as I come to them in writing, so that I don't have to think about what needs to be tagged at the end after I've already forgotten what I've written. That has saved my butt so many times ngl, especially for longfics!

But really what keeps me from posting more often, despite how much I write, is that I fully finish fics before I post them, even if I'm posting them on a weekly or whatever basis. This is mostly because I can't guarantee when I'll need to randomly take several months off of writing, and I don't want to leave anything unfinished, but also because I don't want to actually end up leaving something unfinished for a few years until I cycle back into the fandom

And that's it!! Thanks for tuning in to this little master class :) If I can clarify anything please let me know; I tried to explain everything that I thought needed it but I can never tell what others will need more clarification on!!

And also, thanks again for asking this!! I don't know many people who do full drafts, or even many people who don't completely pants everything they write, and so I'm always excited to discuss my process!! I also am a firm believer in "take what helps and leave the rest," so if you find something in my process that sounds like something you'd like to do, give it a whirl!! I think it's super important to share the different kinds of processes there can be for writing, because everyone really writes so differently, you know?

Anyway, thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoyed my shitty early drafts (very affectionate)!!

#asks #idk what to tag this so that ill be able to find it again lmao #also shout out to whomever told you to resend it bc i was fully prepared to just have a screenshot of the ask and tag you in a post #this was very fun!!! #oh and this is for you and anyone else who sees this: #feel free to pop in my ask box and ask about what i'm working on at any time!! #i could ramble for hours about my wips #and to be able to talk about them is always a pleasure!!!

[hrodvitnon]

So, I heard Castlevania Nocturne season 2 is in the works. Big excite! That being said!

I'm overall fine with Nocturne as is if only because I know that Castlevania is no stranger to negative fan feedback whether it's legitimate grievances or petty complaints (and Nocturne is flawed, I won't argue that) – just look at the series history. Simon's Quest being a different sequel like Adventure of Link, 64 being called the worst Castlevania game for years (go watch Ragnarrox's video on it), Dawn of Sorrow and Portrait of Ruin having an anime art style despite Rondo being just as anime if not more so, Symphony being too easy, Ecclesia being too hard, the very existence of Judgment and its take on the characters, Shadowvania being fine or a God of War ripoff. There will ALWAYS be Castlevania fans who dislike something, whether it's retconning Sonya Belmont or Netflixvania simply existing.

I've also played very few games in the entire series (GBA trilogy, SotN, Order of Ecclesia, Lords of Shadow: Mirror of Fate, bit of Dracula X) so the changes in Nocturne don't bother me that much if at all, and my general sense of being fine with Nocturne set in the French Revolution boils down to "Rondo was set during that period and France is one of the stages in Bloodlines". It also helps that I don't have as much energy for vitriol in my old by tumblr standards age, and I know adaptations will change things for better or worse... and Nocturne could have been worse. Imagine if Uwe Boll directed Nocturne.

So far Season 1 presents a fast and loose adaptation of Rondo of Blood with elements from Bloodlines and a dash of Aria of Sorrow (the eclipse) and a smidge of Harmony of Dissonance, just as the previous series adapted Dracula's Curse with bits from Curse of Darkness (Hector and Isaac) and Symphony of the Night (character designs and Lisa's death). Nocturne needs to adapt Rondo in order to properly introduce Richter and Maria and set things up for Symphony, obviously. Assuming it goes that far in future seasons, which it might.

But depending on how things go, once Nocturne is finished with Rondo and if it moves on to Symphony, there's a key element of SotN's story that falls apart when you remember that Dracula and Lisa were resurrected at the end of Castlevania Season 4; SotN happens because Richter is possessed and brings back both the Castle and Dracula, but you can't resurrect someone who's still alive, assuming Dracula hasn't died in the interim between Season 4 and Nocturne, and a whole village was being built around the still standing Castle last time we saw it. So what happens then?

An important thing to note is that Lament of Innocence, chronologically the first game in the timeline, happened in Netflixvania; Trevor mentions Leon Belmont, the game's protagonist. Lament is also where we see Dracula's origins not as a Wallachian prince turned vampire, but as Leon's friend Mathias Cronqvist – a fellow crusader who after the death of his wife Elizabetha, became Dracula by taking the soul of the vampire Walter Bernhard into a vampiric treasure called the Crimson Stone, which is basically if a Philosopher's Stone gave you vampirism because that's a kind of immortality. (There's also the Ebony Stone which is a vampire treasure like the Crimson Stone, the colors are important because there's some alchemy in Lament.)

In SotN Alucard describes the Castle as "a creature of chaos. It may take many incarnations." Apparently in the game Dracula's Curse, Dracula made a pact with the Evil God – who may or may not be Satan, somebody at Konami please clarify – to gain the power of Chaos (and also a monster horde), which would neatly explain why Netflix Drac needed a year to prep his assault after Lisa was burned at the stake. In Aria of Sorrow (in which Dracula dies for good in 1999 and is reincarnated as Soma Cruz), the final boss is literally Chaos, and its second form takes the appearance of (among other things) a black stone that flashes red – Castlevania is a creature of Chaos and the center of it is the Crimson Stone, the origin of Dracula's power.

In Dawn of Sorrow, the cult under Celia Fortner created a "perfect replica" of the Castle and wants to make a whole new Dracula; it isn't outright stated iirc, been a while since I played it, but I'm guessing the implication is that Celia created another Crimson Stone to be a new Chaos for the Castle. Plus, with two candidates being groomed for the Dark Lord position (and Soma himself being Dracula reborn and getting involved), someone would have to be sacrificed like Walter was so someone can become Dracula 2.0.

However, I don't recall seeing a Crimson Stone in Netflixvania, which is interesting considering the focus on alchemy once Saint Germain gets involved. Considering how spotty Trevor's knowledge of the Belmont family's history is, he probably didn't know how Dracula became Dracula. Maybe Leon took that knowledge to the grave, or maybe Sypha uncovered the identity of the man who became Dracula years later while she and Trevor raised their child Simon. If Nocturne will one day adapt Symphony, it needs to address the lack of a Dracula to resurrect. Maybe it can take a leaf out of Dawn of Sorrow's book and have a cult just try to make a new Dracula to replace the old one, and the party meets up with the Vlad Tepes Formerly Known as Dracula in order for him to explain how he became what he is and what the cult is doing, not to mention the whole possessed Richter part... or, perhaps the cult mind controls Richter into going through the motions so he can be forced to sacrifice someone, perhaps one of vampiric blood like Alucard, to take on the Dark Lord's mantle. It certainly wouldn't be the first time a Belmont became a Dracula!

#castlevania #castlevania nocturne

[convexicalcrow]

Today's 750words.com entry. Cub musing about Vex magic. This will eventually go into the grimoire with little scraps of notes and other things, but this is what wanted to be written today.

Also I bought a custom domain for the grimoire website, so it's now found at libervex.org. :D I have a few tweaks and things I want to do with it this week, just to tidy it up and make it more navigable.

-

It's interesting to note how other Evokers talk about Vex magic. I know there are differences in how they use it, and as they aren't Vexes, it works differently. I wouldn't know, really. We're Vexes, through and through, they've been very clear about that. We're not Evokers, nor should we consider ourselves to be. But I find it very interesting to talk to them. They have very interesting ideas and experiences when it comes to how to use it.

The channelling is different, very different. For me, it very much feels like a current, like I've been struck by lightning. But I suspect that's just because I feel the raw power of it, whereas the Evokers are working with a softer current. It's not part of them as Vexes, it's another external power, and I suspect that makes it a different sort of power.

Also, the way they use it in their magic is super interesting. As Vexes, a lot of this is second nature to us. Using Vex magic is just like breathing. We don't really have to try. But the Evokers do these full rituals to cast their spells, otherwise it doesn't work.

I really must track down some witches and ask how they perform magic. I know they work a lot with potions, as have I. I'd like to exchange notes. The tricky thing is knowing how to approach them, as they're usually hostile, and aren't always trusting of Vexes when they approach. So I might have to find a good way to approach them.

I'm sure I'll figure it out. I'd really like to talk about potion brewing too. I'm sure they have some brewing techniques that I haven't thought of, and their potion needs are very different to my own. I bet they have their own recipes they've conjured up. Every good potion master has made their own potions. It's how you grow and learn.

I've come up with some really good ones. Some, not so good, too, but that's part of the process. Sometimes you fail a million times before you figure out how to do what you want to do. I don't mind that. Scar doesn't have the patience for it, but I don't mind. I like the iterative process of trying and improving until you get what you need. I've worked out all my potions that way.

Honestly, half the battle is getting the distillation correct. If you're trying to use oils or distilled liquids in your potions, you really need to get the concentration correct. And that's no easy task, especially for a new potion, as you have no idea what concentration you're looking for.

Like, for example, with the potion of withering. It took so long to get the concentration right. Too much was too fatal, too little didn't give the right effect, but I had no idea what those levels were when I started. I had to figure that out. All I really had to go on was this quote from a book on advanced potion making that said: 'the vitality of the wither rose is dependent on the amount of water used for distillation, which is related to how fast (or not) the roses grow.' It talked about a chart in another book, but I was unable to track it down. It would have saved me a lot of time if I'd been able to find it though, it would have given me all the numbers I'd needed to finish the potion without having to waste so much time.

Not that it's a waste of time, not really. It's all good practice, and sometimes, in the process, you discover something that you might not have worked out if you'd just worked off the numbers someone else had achieved. It's how I got at least one potion created. I was trying to make a sleep potion, and ended up with one for erasing dreams. Is it useful? Well, sort of. It's not one I'd have on hand at all times, but you never know when you might need it.

Though, to be fair, there are enough memory gaps in my brain from the Vex that a potion to erase dreams is kind of useless for me. If They don't want me to remember, then I won't remember. I gave up fighting that years ago. It's easier to just accept it. My body isn't mine anymore, hasn't been for a long time. Is it a problem? I don't know. Maybe. I guess that depends on how you feel about possession and sacrifice.

#hermitcraft #hermitfic #vex magic grimoire #cubfan135 #fanfic #vex cub #vex magic #750words

[beakzine]

BEAKZ FAQs!

- Who are you?

BEAKZ is run by Mod Tawny and Mod Masked, moderators of the Doctor/Master Anon Kink Meme on AO3. Check it out for examples of what we're going for with the zine!

- Who can apply?

Anyone over 18 who can show at least one example of their work. It doesn't matter if you're popular or relatively unknown, new to the fandom or long-established: the KinkZine wants you!

- Will I be accepted?

Whatever example(s) of your work you submit will be judged on their own merits. If your examples prove you can produce a solid, finished piece that we judge to be of good quality, there's a good chance we'll bring you on board!

- How do I submit examples of my work?

There's a question on the submission form to link your work, and another question to upload files directly. Regardless of whether you're providing fic or art, you can use either.

- What should my examples be?

Anything showing your style and your ability to finish a self-contained piece. Kinky/explicit content is good to see, but not required. For fics, we prefer to see one-shots, to match what you'll write for the zine. Otherwise, don't overthink it 💜🩵💛

- What is my pitch?

Your pitch is an idea for art/fic that you might end up going with for your final piece. Key word is MIGHT, since it's all subject to change. Your pitch can be as half-baked as you want at this stage. Again, don't overthink it!

- Does my pitch have to be explicit?

Not necessarily, though of course we're expecting a lot of explicit ones! If your pitch is unquestionably kinky, even with no explicit sex or violence, that's more than enough to merit inclusion.

- Does my pitch have to be kinky?

That depends on your definition of kink, which is a whole can of worms in itself! But we're looking for more than a vanilla sex scene here. Find an angle, whether sensual, emotional, physical or any combination of those, and work with it.

- Is anything off limits?

Practically nothing. Anything allowed on AO3 is allowed here. The zine will use an AO3-style warnings system so readers can choose what they want to see (and skip over the pages they don't).

- What are prompts?

Prompts are ideas/inspiration you want to provide to everyone involved. They can fall anywhere between detailed to vague vibes. See the AO3 kinkmeme for examples.

- Any deadline for the applications?

We're seeing how far/fast our applications post travels first (and feel free to help it along)! Once we feel applications are slowing down, we'll post a deadline with a reminder to apply.

- Wait, DEADLINES? 😱

Don't panic! We're aiming to be as gentle & permissive as possible, to make it low-stress for all involved. There WILL be deadlines for contributors, but we'll give you plenty of time, with check-ins to ensure you're on track.

- What if I can only write something short/draw something simple?

That's okay! If you're chosen for the zine, that proves that we like what you do. Any finished piece you create from there, we're happy to accept as long as you've fulfilled your pitch.

- "Anon" kink zine?

Yes, each work will be published anonymously under a bird-themed pseudonym. Feel free to say, in public or in private, which bird your work is under. Or keep it secret!

- Why birds?

It came from the acronym, BEAKZ. Also, birds are just great. (This is our mascot, Tufty! They've been instrumental in helping us get the zine together. Everybody say "thanks, Tufty"!)

Still want to sign up? Tufty says “you can do so here!”

#best enemies #doctor who #doctor who zine #fanzine #thoschei #spydoc #twissy #threegado

[that-soccer-guru]

HELLO THE 3 STRAGGLERS THAT ARE PROBABLY SEEING MY POSTS STILL, I HAVE MISSED THOU!

Happy world cup month, it is time for the biggest stage of the game and time for be to drop my obnoxious predictions that no one asked for but I'm gonna give anyways!

Here are my group predictions and notes

GROUP A:

I think Norway is gonna make a comeback and come in at #2 behind local New Zealand. The Swiss are great if they can rise to the occasion, and the Philippines has a great young core. They'll give us some very fun games going forward.

A1: New Zealand, A2: Norway.

GROUP B:

Honestly I think this is one of the TIGHTEST groups of this cup. With a fight down to the end I think it'll come down to goals and Fairplay. Depending on the result of Day 1 Canada vs Nigeria my picks are switching depending on the light with which I look at the table. SO.

B1: Australia (2W, 1D), B2: Nigeria (2D, 1W, Goal difference leaving Canada behind by ONE goal in a total group heartbreaker)

Group C:

Despite the big players refusing to play I think Spain has it in the tank for a great cup. If the Ticas can show some discipline they might surprise, but they're up against the TITANS of discipline so.

C1: Spain, C2: Japan

Group D:

Euro winners have one hell of a team. No notes for them today, second place is what is up for grabs. Haiti is always a dark horse pick but I think mettle and the money for great player health and conditioning will draw this one out so.

D1: England, D2: Denmark.

Group E:

One hell of a group here. Without Viv Midema the Netherlands is missing that finishing punch, but if they can bank on winning their other 2 games and forcing a draw or a one goal win with the US, they can go for first. Portugal is good but they have a lot of youth to adjust to the big stage. Vietnam has a delightful proposal and they play some very fun futbol, but they had the unfortunate luck of drawing 2 titans of the women's game.

E1: USA, E2: Netherlands

Group F:

The elderly stateswomen meet the bright eyed newcomers. Brazil is the titan of South America but they've proven to be way too rigid in their team selection. France is shaking off the cobwebs of a shit coach to see how far they can take it this time. Jamaica and Panama have everything to prove to show that 1. they belong here and 2. their federations NEED to stand in this fight with them. Despite the great teams I think this group is gonna be one of those low scoring ones where teams are making adjustments on the fly and we might get a surprise or two from some games.

F1: France, F2: Brazil (but just narrowly edging out Jamaica)

Group G:

Youth and a desire to prove that it's not only their men's team that know what's up. Argentina is pulling one hell of a legacy behind them, Italy is building a beautiful squad, South Africa comes up from fighting a war of speed and strength, Sweden has a chip on their shoulder. One hell of a group!

G1: Italy, G2: Argentina

Group H:

QUE VIVA COLOMBIA HP! An aging titan in Germany with some key injuries, a very disciplined squad that has been testing some amazing set plays and learning how to play through the lines in South Korea (but that tire out quickly), a fast and tough team that plays a fun midfield game with a solid defense in Morocco. And finally, a team composed of the women who paved the way for the youngsters, the maximum scorer in a Colombia jersey, a midfield filled with aggression and experience, a promising defense all led by the most promising young international that already took one team to a world cup final, Colombia promises a LOT to her fans. If Abadia can get his head out of his ass and learn how to make changes before exhaustion takes hold, this team can take it far!

H1: Germany, H2: Colombia

It's an amazing time to be a woso fan!

#woso #fifa women's world cup #wwc 2023 #group stage predictions #that soccer guru talks #im just here giving some notes no one asked me for but imma GIVE ANYWAYS

[fandomscraziness22]

keeeeeeer

B, M, P, R, T, U, and V 💕

shelllllly! love you!

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

not too many! most of my fics are inspired by something else i've seen/read/listened to instead of my own life lol. without you i'm drifting on is probs the most personal with the angst, and i could get used to this is most personal with the fun! also sorta right this way, because i just freaking love Bandstand and found those parallels so easily

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

answered here, but another one i know you're anxious for is Healer!Adam au, where adam is also atypical and has a healing power. lots of random ideas, nothing solid for that one (except for the beginning lol)

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

oof, it depends! i tend to have a vague idea of what i want to happen (the big thing) but then how i get there is usually determined by the characters/what ends up happening when i'm writing! that's how i thought i was innocent (but there is blood all on my hands) ended up being 3 chapters instead of 2, and how i miss the days when grew to be almost 15k!

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

definitely you! any time i come up with a good metaphor i think of you <3 but also I think just any of my favorite YA authors, who write fast-paced but also emotional books (like Sabaa Tahir or Leigh Bardugo) influence me. anything i enjoy becomes a sort of an influence, but i'm not sure i could pick out anything in particular i try to emulate?

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

answered here, but to go along with that, accidental pregnancy. i just don't care for it at all (though i don't mind the occasional accidental baby acquisition if it's done right)

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

(not counting you, though you are absolutely one of my favs)

@pink-flame her writing is such a good mix of emotions and crazy things happening! also the ability to finish long fics? i envy it! (shh i know she hasn't finished all of them that's okay we love her because we understand)

@pawprinterfanfic listen, i still haven't caught up on the willex star wars au, but HOLY CRAP THIS GIRL'S FICS ARE SOOOOO GOOD!!! also long fics that sustain me forever, it's amazing! the amount of Bellarke this girl has written is insane, and the emotion behind everything is soooo good!

and I CANNOT REMEMBER THEIR TUMBLR THIS IS GONNA BOTHER ME!!!!! but they wrote the amazing juke winter fic called the lucky one (i think it might be you), and also this series about 5 times _ happened. i just love their writing so much!!!! UPDATE IT’S @tangledstarlight THE LEGEND!!!!

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

listen. this one is one of my favorites so i don't know if i would actually want a sequel to it. but. light my heart and light my shadow. i want to see the emotional fallout sooooo bad!! and like, would it result in caleb telling adam about his powerup sooner? because it might force a conversation earlier? or would things have gotten even more strained between them, and caleb almost doesn't call adam when ben goes missing because he doesn't want to open that can of worms again? i don't know!!!

send me fanfic asks!

#shelly i love you but this was sooooo many!!! #lololol #answered asks #fanfic #fanfic game

[napolonio]

okay i LOVE your blog, i love reading your answers! (i lowkey feel like u were made to be a blogger, u put so much intricate details in your answers and i love your posts in general).

i also wanted to know, how did you get to the point where u could just decide/script something and it happens? i'd love to know more about your loa journey. 💓

Thank youuuu 🥹🥹🥹🥹 I'm glad you liked it.

It was a bunch of things tbh. Practice, mostly.

Like most people, I found the law at a very low point of my life. Naturally, I wanted to see results in my 3D fast. I had no patience and whenever I saw bloggers/coaches saying things such as "creation is finished" "just believe" I would get pissed off because I thought it was crap, and that I needed to saturate my mind to start seeing results.

I was frustrated because I would affirm (because everyone else was into affirming like crazy, and I thought I had to do the same) and as soon as I was done affirming, I would check the 3D, see no results and go back to crying about my shitty life.

I then started to focus more on my self concept and on feeling safe. I realized I didn't have that feeling of being grounded and feeling connected, so I worked on it. Especially on being grounded. This really helped me to stop feeling needy of something to provide me with safety, I was already safe within and things started to just happen.

I did not need to hold on tight to things, run after them, compete for them, nothing. I just needed to be still, and everything was going to come to me.

I read a beautiful quote once "don't chase butterflies, instead make your garden beautiful and they will come on their own". And it's so true. Our inner world is the only thing that should matter to us. Making it as pretty as we can, the rest is taken care of by God (infinite intelligence, subconscious mind, universe, however you like to call it; I prefer God). So basically what I mean here is that I prioritize my imagination over results in the 3D.

And eventually I stopped seeing my desires as a goal I needed to achieve, or as a prize I was going to get after saturating my brain, and started seeing them as a divine right. If it's my divine right, then there is nothing that I need to do to get them, right? Existing is enough reason for me to experience them.

Another thing is that I stopped seeing my desires as a source of happiness. Everything in the 3D will end, and imagine making your wellbeing dependant on something ephemeral... not a good idea if you ask me.

I also realized I was addicted to instant gratification. I can manifest a mansion and be happy for a while, but then I will need more and more. Because I will still hold this idea that external things are meant to make me happy, which in my opinion is an illusion that most of us have fallen for.

All of the above allowed me to see life as a fun game. There is nothing wrong about wanting things in the 3D, but it is important to acknowledge these things are only "important" because we are perceiving them as such. They really mean nothing. So, yeah, seeing it like this really helps me to just see things with a more playful approach.

I know that sometimes we may think that some things are very serious, and it's totally valid to want to change certain situations in our lives, and it might be so overwhelming that we think it will require a huge amount of effort to change it. We all deserve to live the best timeline. But obssesively thinking about it, is not the answer. Obsession just gives the illusion of being in control, and it's the complete opposite.

I also read A Course in Miracles, this book really made me reconsider my approach to the law and to cultivate trust in God. To learn that, I am not creating anything new. Life already is perfect, I just need to allow myself to see it by refusing to perpetuate my belief in whatever that disturbs my peace.

I'll leave here a quote that made me read ACIM, that at the beginning made me angry af, but eventually I understood what it meant and now it's one of my fave quotes in the world:

"Infinite patience produces immediate results" - ACIM

#ask

[senanatheskenana]

Good morning, I wanted to try the survey event if it's still open. If not, feel free to ignore this ask. And before we get to the question, I apologize for the grammar mistakes English isn't my native language.

1. My work ethic is more or less chaotic. I'm a huge procrastinator who can't follow a plan. I tend to do everything at the last minute under the stress and the pressure. Even if I'm interested in the work, I'll zone out pretty fast.

2. Overthinking is my second name /hj. Well, to be honest I'm a very anxious person, I tend to overanalyzing every single thing. How the baker did look at me, my outfit, my haircut... What a pain. :(

3. I use to be a very extraverted kid, but as I'm growing up I'm getting more and more introverted. I like staying alone or with the few people I can trust. Honestly, I don't see why you should waste your energy by befriending a lot of people when you can use your energy to take care of your loved ones.

4. The answer is very cliché, but it would be Japan. I would love to visit this country one day, climbing Mt Fuji, eating traditional food and discovering their culture.

5. I'm finishing High School and I don't really know what I want to study. Maybe biology or history.

6. I love sweet food with all my heart, give me chocolate and you're making me the happiest man alive.

7. I live with my cat and my two dogs and I wouldn't replace them with anything in the world. But if I could adopt another animal, it would probably be a pigeon or a bird of some kind.

8. I'm a trans man and I consider myself as aroace. So yes, this is more on a " if I could to date I would... " kind of thing or platonic. And I don't really care about the gender of my match.

9. That's a hard question. Probably the hardest on the list /hj. I don't really have one favourite song, more like a whole playlist, but if I should give you one I would say... Fine by Lemon Demon.

10. Family well... All depends on your relationship with them and how they treated you in the past. Sometimes it's important to distance yourself from them, to let go for becoming the best version of yourself. But it's also great when they got your back. So to get on a middle ground, I would say that family is important but you shouldn't let them control your life or make you feel guilty for anything. Talking about kids, I don't mind babysitting or keeping kids at home to help a friend but I don't want to be a father. I don't want kids, I would be a terrible father and I don't want them to grow up in this chaotic world. If the world became a better place, with less wars and dangers for them... Then I might reconsider my choice.

And I ended up writing way to much, I'm terribly sorry T_T. Thanks for reading this, take your time and don't forget to care of you. Have a nice day!

(ps : I find your work very cool)

im glad you like my writing, i really like writing it :)

Also don't worry about writing too much, i think that as long as it's good, you cant write too much xx

I would put you with Kazuha. He's kind and friendly and most of all very calming to be around. Kazuha likes to wander around, so he'd be thrilled to travel with you. While Kazuha can be pretty quiet, he is quite good at calming and comforting people. Kazuha understands the temptation of procrastination so he'd try his best to keep you on track, he may even do it with you. He probably isn't concerned with having children, considering he likes to be transitory and travel but he probably does like having animals around. I can totally see him with a bird too because they can easily follow the Crux

#genshin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact fluff #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagine #genshin x reader

[boxofdice]

Three attempts on answering the ot3 meme for Chengyi, in chronological order.

1

I've kept thinking about this and my first instinct is to go with Sizhui because I like the dynamics I've devised for them, at least in my head.

I think Sizhui and Jingyi would be good for JC and he'd be either awkwardly sincere or the other angle, more experienced and showing them the ropes (if I headcanon him that way, as in not sex-repulsed).

For me, that ship feels more like a Vee of JC/LSZ and JC/LJY with either a platonic or queerplatonic relationship between Jingyi and Sizhui.

But then I thought, what if that's just my bias and not enough in the spirit of the meme?

Which is silly, it's a *meme*, but yeah. Thanks, brain.

So I thought up some more ships that might be, well, still biased but also considering JC and Jingyi's characters a bit and the inherent way I see their ship dynamic.

My problem is that Chengyi feels very contained for me.

As if they wouldn't actually *need* to have someone balance them out.

But it might be fun. So.

My second choice is also kinda biased, Wei Wuxian, but I also encountered a WWX/LJY fic once (which I can't remember if I read or not?) so that was my next idea.

But I'm also fond of Lan Wangji, so, OT4.

It might work?

Three of the prettiest men in the cultivation world.

I headcanon Jingyi as more or less unable to resist that temptation.

I think he and Wei Wuxian could have a lot of fun together, as a ship and platonically, and that might soften some of the emotional baggage of the other relationships involved.

Then, my other ideas are NHS and Wen Ning.

There's fic for the JC/NHS/LJY ship which I have a slight interest in reading one day (there are so many ships I haven't read yet).

There's a bit of power imbalance in it at times that's not quite my cup though.

Mostly hinging on how the author writes and interprets Nie Huaisang's canon actions/motivations and character in general.

It depends. :/ I'm just soft, you know?

I like Wen Ning and am pretty sure Jingyi does, too, and (and I read fic once…) they could probably work something out involving JC?

Even if the range between JC/WN interpretation can go from 'it's complicated' to 'we really hated each other's guts'.

Then there's LXC, and again, I've read fic of that threesome(and even finished it. Mostly.) and Xicheng is moderately common (which means many interpretations but also many angles it might be able to work. Or fail.) but I also found the LXC/LJY relationship interesting.

They're probably not that closely related, right?

Which is one of the questions involved in this, as well as how personal LXC and Jingyi know each other.

Just in the same sect? Knowing of each other but no closer bond?

Cousins?

Mentor and protégé?

2

I'm a bit late with this but I still have some far older unanswered asks, so.

This is almost fast all things considered.

For me, Chengyi is my go-to ship for a fun read, when I want to ship JC with someone he doesn't have age-old baggage with.

Angst is fine but I need some silver lining.

It's pretty hard for me to pick a third for them but I'll talk a bit about the ones I'd consider.

Because I am a JC shipper, they are mostly from that angle first and also because he has connections to the others that Lan Jingyi sometimes lacks.

There's Nie Huaisang, Lan Xichen, possibly Wei Wuxian with or without Lan Wangji,

3

Chengyi ot3 meme

All right, this is my third try to get this answered.

Just a caveat.

I have been thinking this over and always come to the same conclusion: I have already settled on an answer but am scared of my own boldness.

It's because shipping is a very personal thing and sometimes causes backlash.

I don't like backlash (who does?) but I still wanted to answer this.

Every time I thought about a possible third for this ship and went through the other alive characters at the end of canon, I thought: but I want it to be Sizhui!

So I'll throw caution to the wind and say, yes, it's Sizhui.

Jiang Cheng gets followed by two adorable, smitten ducklings.

Now I have ideas about this *sigh*.

I actually headcanon that Jiang Cheng eventually figures out who Sizhui is, or was, either before Wei Wuxian's return or after because Wen Ning follows him on night hunts.

One of my other headcanons is that Jiang Cheng doesn't want him dead, for being a Wen.

It could be my hopeful interpretation of CQL Jiang Cheng but I actually think he would have some scruples about killing children.

(That sounds awful out of context but most people in MDZS are a bit awful, it's a lighter grey and darker grey spectrum.)

The same post on Dreamwidth.