WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU #5 ★ masterlist.
pairing: levi x reader
genre: royal guard au | warnings: mature language, fantasy worlds, violence, blood, character death, battle violence, decapitation, game of thrones inspired violence | wc: 3.4k
note: one of my fave works ever :')
⏤ Imagine the way they say I love you. Imagine the words shouted at top volume, in the middle of an argument, never meant to come out that way.
Growing up, Levi had rarely thought of anybody other than himself. He was selfish, arrogant, cold and standoffish to his friends and family, brooding in his chambers and isolated from children his age. And so, really, he can’t complain about the fact that his father got fed up by his antics and sent him to a facility outside of his village, grooming boys into men, men into Gods who would later serve Lords and Ladies. Levi had never expected to go up in the world, but he did; quite possibly, Levi had the biggest task on hand after his graduation- like every great Kingdom, there was a monarchy. And, as it so happened, their princess was in need of a protector.
He’d been doing that since he was nineteen, standing like a shadow behind the young princess and watching without judgement as she cried, as she obeyed, as she writhed under the stares of suitors and yells from the monarchy behind closed doors. Levi was still selfish, despising the King and Queen and at the same time, needing every moment of his life to be by your side, making sure nobody hurt you or even thought of touching you. Princess Y/N, the only daughter and heir to this Kingdom; his Princess and his life, who he’d do anything for.
Should the city fall, Levi had a conditioned procedure and a network of exits to take, including a well-known passage out of the city towards the Sacred Temple of the Anders, where he had trained meticulously for eight years of his life. Naturally, Levi had never felt the need to practise this with you- this Kingdom was safe and secure, and would never fall under siege.
Of course, now, he curses himself; outside the window, Levi can see turrets of thick grey smoke rising to the sky and glimpses of flames inside shop windows, the screams of the people- by extension, his people- as they fled on foot, on horse, on all fours, escaping the flames and the gunshots and the arrows that were being shot from trees and dugouts, men on horseback.
“Your Grace, it is of paramount importance that we leave right this instant.”
Behind him, Levi can hear the grand maester shouting at you from the door to your keep, his chains clinking nervously as a thud sends bricks from a nearby avenue crashing through the castle walls. He gasps with horror and has the nerve to grab at your arm, as Levi sees when he turns around. Before he can intervene, you yank yourself out of his grasp with a scowl.
“I will leave when I please, and I will leave when Levi says so. If you have anything against my judgement, I would enjoy hearing it at a trial for your head. Now, if you don’t mind,” you huff, finally looking at Levi and as you turn, your expression falls.
There’s no word from the King or Queen, or any other royal council member for that matter. As the world comes crumbling down, there’s only you and him, and the withering old maester who eventually loses nerve, treasonously scoffing in your direction before finally fleeing down the swirling staircase towards, presumably, the next best exit.
Levi follows his body as he leaves before looking back at you, feeling his heart wrench at your fallen expression, eyes filling with tears and skin glassy. He takes several steps forward, because Levi is the only person authorised to be within inches of you without asking beforehand, and takes your forearms in his hands gently.
“Princess, I believe it is time to go,” he says.
“My parents- the King, the Queen-”
“Should have already left, your Grace,” Levi finishes. Your bottom lip quivers with the threat of a cry, and Levi without thinking cups your face with his hands, his thumb smoothing a fallen tear away. “It’s okay. I’ve got you and I’m not going to let a single thing happen to you, okay?”
You nod around a sniffle, gently stepping away and placing your crown down onto the bed, on a pillow where you hope it will remain. If not, somebody else can wear it with pleasure; if there’s a chance your family are alive, they might even look for you once this is all over. Otherwise…
You look back at Levi, whilst he’s busy taking another glance out of the window as if analysing the outside damage. Levi was undeniably one of the strongest, bravest and most selfless people you thought you had ever met. He put you before anything, even if it meant danger for himself, and absolutely anybody in the world would be lucky to have him in their service. While he stares away, you catch your breath and slip your hand into his, wanting the safety of his touch, his presence, to physically feel him there with you.
When your hand slots into his, Levi snaps his head away from the damage and stares at them, intertwined. He sniffs and inhales the smell of dust and brings your hand to his mouth, kissing your knuckles and finally looking at you with a scared, yet composed breath of air: “Okay. Stay as close to me as you can, okay?”
“Yes,” you reply quietly, immediately doing as he says and gluing yourself to his body. He welcomes it, embracing it, as he hurriedly begins a descent down the staircase and onwards with his pre-planned escape route.
It’s simple, and easy to navigate, made up of stairways and corridors that only he knows about, lefts and rights down walkways that hadn’t been dusted in years. With every grumble of damage above your head, you whimper, following Levi further down the castle before finally reaching the dungeon doors. It could be easy for Levi, if he were the type, to kill you in here, or hand you over to the invaders as a welcome present, but he doesn’t; he pushes the door open and pulls you inside, setting off towards the back entrance that just occurs to you is open and untouched, revealing out towards the back of the castle near the creek, and the open passage you both used on evenings to explore the city and the fields, catch frogs in the spring in the pools, watch fireflies and lanterns on summer evenings.
Levi has you halfway down the corridor when suddenly he pushes you into an alcove, the sound of spraying bullets echoing in the corridor. A torn cry of horror leaves your throat as Levi pushes his weight onto you and against the wall in a crouch. A series of voices in a foreign dialect laugh from further by the exit, footsteps slowly moving forward. They think they’ve got a hit.
“Are you hit? Are you hurt?” Levi asks hurriedly, his hands searching for injuries he won’t forgive himself for.
“No, no. Are you?” you reply and he shakes his head quickly, sighing with premature relief. “Levi-”
“I am going to go out there and I’m going to clear the way for us,” he explains, and the plan sounds diabolical and you shake your head as he speaks, “and when I say so, you will run down that corridor and outside. If I’m not behind you, then you must go without me. Go as far as you can, past the forest like we used to, towards the windmill and the lonely tree.”
“Levi-”
“There will be someone there for you,” Levi continues breathlessly, “and they will take you someplace safe, okay? Promise me, please. Promise me you will do as I say.”
You gape at him as he tries to hand you something in his fist. “What? No, absolutely not, I will not leave you behind! Who do you think I am?”
“You are the Princess and your safety is my number one concern.”
“Yes, I am the Princess, and I command you to stay by my side,” you stress indignantly. “I am not leaving here without you.”
Levi’s face darkens with frustration, the item in his hand now forced into yours. You realise that it is a necklace- his necklace, with his family ring attached like a pendant, the chain slightly dirty and skinny. As tears pool in your eyes, you glare at him.
“Don’t be so stupid,” Levi snaps. “Don’t you dare put my life before yours.”
“But you can put mine before yours?”
“That is my job!” Levi replies. The footsteps are approaching closer, hurried and searching. “Just do as I say!”
“No, I can’t-I can’t leave you, Levi.”
“You hold no obligation to save my life,” Levi points out. “So, why?”
“Because,” you cry out. “Because I love you, Levi! That’s why!”
The words come out without you wanting them to, and you can’t undo it; Levi hears it over the crashes of explosions above you and he’s rendered speechless, his eyes looking at every feature of your face with an unreadable expression. He looks pained, heartbroken, his head tilting up with a forced, “fuck,” and he blinks rapidly, to stop his eyes from filling up.
“Why,” he says quietly, looking back at you; his eyebrows are pinched, his face in agony, “why now? Why would you say that now?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know if I’ll get to say it again,” you admit, and after you say them, Levi looks like he’s actually about to cry when he pulls your face towards his, capturing your lips in a firm and deep kiss. It’s short, because it has to be, and he holds your face for a little longer before sighing shakily and pulling away. “Levi- please-”
“I’ll be right back,” he promises, nodding as he speaks. He reaches for his sword- he knows how to use it around the hunting rifles, because they’re slow to reload, and heavy, and he’s not. “You know what to do. Okay? Hm? Yeah, okay?”
You force yourself to nod: “Okay.”
Levi doesn’t want to leave, but he knows that above anything else he wants in the world, he wants you to be able to live, and rest at the end of the day. Granting himself another few seconds to look at you and memorise your face, he smiles around his pain and turns into the hallway. Immediately as he steps out, hellfire; you clench your eyes closed and cover your ears with your hands, struggling to breathe around heavy sobs. From your mouth leaves frantic cries to God, asking him that if he’s there and if he loves you, will he save the one you need to keep living?
A few moments pass, and as you bury your head between your knees, a cold hand on your head makes you shoot up with alarm. Spotting Levi’s face in the blur of your tears makes you cry more, not at first recognising the wound in his leg, the blood pouring down his skin and his trousers torn around the knees. Levi says something- you can see his lips moving but nothing is coming out; he forces you up off the floor and holds you close to him as he limps back out into the corridor. As he hurries you down, you trip over the extended hands of bodies Levi has slain, their faces forever remembered as the ones who tried to take him away from you.
The sunshine of the creek is what you can see, and it occurs to you that Levi has smuggled you out. As expected, by the apple tree by the fountain is the white horse Levi raised from a foal, his mane matted and slightly bloody. He whinnies as Levi clambers forward, and before he raises himself up onto his back, he helps you up, a hand on your legs as he lifts you with a quiet grunt. He doesn’t have much time- the sound of battle cries back towards the castle indicates that more rebels have seen the slaughter, and they know you’ve escaped.
Levi untangles his horse’s reins from the tree branch and heaves himself up; you're sitting in his lap, essentially, unsafely with your body facing his and legs swung around his waist. He does this for his own selfish needs to keep you safe, his arms around you to cage you in so you don’t fall. Wasting no time, Levi rattles the reigns and the horse gallops towards the entry.
For a few minutes, he thinks he’s safe.
Your head is on his shoulder, your ragged gasps of air in his ear and blowing on his neck. Levi just wants to cry- he wants to cry so badly and loudly, and lift you up in his arms and tell you that he loves you and that he’d do anything for you. Those three words are on his tongue ready to be spilled when the crack of a whip sends a shudder down his spine. Over his shoulder, you squeak with fear as a herd of rebels emerges from down the street, blobs that slowly gain shape as they hurry towards you with haste.
The scenery is a green and brown blur, the smoke from your kingdom clustering in the sky and filling the air with a choking and overwhelming smell of ash and fire. That same fire catches to the trees, flames spreading like water spilling and the wildlife protected by your family name scurry away to safety, deer on the road next to you, a squirrel catching a ride on the back of a wild wolf that pays no mind to Levi and his horse. It’s a game of life or death.
Further down the narrow path, Levi sees them; he sees the group of Anders boys standing around the lonely tree on top of the passing hill, where the end of the kingdom stands. He can make out three, on horseback and he doesn’t let himself get too excited- instead he sends his horse rushing towards them. Behind the three, there was more, he could see heads bobbing like fishing boats as the horse settled on the grass. Anders could help them- Anders could get rid of the rebels behind you.
Around his waist, Levi feels you shuffle, your hands creeping up his back between his shoulder blades as you sit back to look at his face. He trusts his horse and looks at you with faith.
“We’re almost there,” he promises, his eyes looking deep into yours as they flicker to the rebels and back to them: “Don’t look at them, baby, look at me, okay? Look at me, Y/N.”
You do, focusing in on his gaze.
“I love you so much,” Levi says, his composure slipping. “I love you.”
“I know,” you reply softly. His horse gallops faster, nearing the hill. The grass is right ahead, “I know. I love you too-”
A horrified scream leaves Levi’s throat as the rebels send out their arrows; one flies through the back leg of his horse and the other shoots straight through your skull, a circle of red around the middle of your eyes as the arrow hits your brain and kills you instantly. As his horse falls, so do you; everything goes tumbling to the twigs and gravel in a matter of seconds and Levi cannot breathe.
Anders move from the hill downwards but he’s not even looking. Levi feels his whole body shaking and his heart hammering in his chest, bile in his throat; your head is split open with crimson, the blood shining in the sun and Levi cries out loud, shouting to the skies as he frantically holds your head with his hands, feeling his body go rigid with tremors as he inhales the smell of your skull, his hands covered with it. This was his fault- he had told you not to look; if you’d have looked, you could have seen them raising their arrows, he could have taken cover - he could have saved you.
Levi is not the only person paralysed; the shooter freezes on his horse. He wasn’t supposed to hit you. He was aiming for Levi, but his horse had jolted and he let go too soon; without you, there was no chance the other kingdoms would accept their King on the throne. He pulls his horse back, trying to flee, but Mike from Anders slices the leg of his horse off, watching the stallion move to the floor with pain and Mike ends its suffering before it can truly suffer, thrusting his sword into the chest of the shooter without a word.
Levi sits.
Even when Erwin, another man from Anders, comes up behind him with his hands on his shoulders, trying to force him back, he doesn’t budge. He can barely hear Erwin screaming at him to move, everything feels like he’s underwater. When Erwin removes his hand quickly and Levi feels the floor vibrating beneath his knees, Levi looks up. Anders have tucked their tails and left, Mike now on his horse and retreating back to the tree. The rebels can’t touch them there- they’re on sacred ground.
In his head, flashing images of your smile replay, the static in his ears. This was his fault. This was all his fault.
Quietly, Levi whispers I’m sorry, his lips on your hands as he gently sets you down on the floor. Mike rides up to him, stopping for one moment and looking at him silently. Nothing is said but he knows what to do, he knows what Levi wants.
In less than three seconds, Mike jumps off his horse and gathers you in his arms, mounting the horse once more and riding towards the plains. If Levi’s lucky, they might get his body too.
Rising to his feet, Levi feels a wave of anger washing over him; his body vibrates with hostility and his face is darkened with pain and sorrow and guilt. As the rebels surge towards him, singing battle cries, Levi unsheathes his sword and stands his ground, feeling the energy from the earth ride through his body. All he can think about is you- his Y/N, his Princess, his meaning and will to live.
And they’ve taken that away from him.
Levi fights for your honour until he feels the clean blade of a sword on his neck. When the blade cuts and slices Levi’s head off his neck and shoulders, Mike’s horse bristles and he turns away unexpectedly, bringing you closer to his chest and retreating down the plain and back towards the Temple of Anders.
If Erwin wanted, he and his men could shoot those rebels, who laugh and cheer tauntingly as they drag Levi’s body up and pull it towards one of their horses. On the side, in a sack on one of the stallions, Erwin spots the tufts of fur from a wolf from the sacred forests, blood dripping from the sawn-off head like a tap. The foreign rebels are famous for what they’ll do next, and what they’ll show to celebrate the death of the monarchy- the irony of a sacred creature sewn onto a sacred guard to the sacred monarchy.
Erwin turns away. What’s done is done, and the only thing he can do now, is save himself.
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