Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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Cillian Murphy - Leading Actor BAFTA for Oppenheimer
BAFTA Film Awards 2024
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I KNOW but bakugou doing interviews like youtube brand ones and he’s sitting slouched in the chair with an all black outfit????? eating my knuckles. doing the gq video of going through his everyday bag. chunky ass prada boots, black cargos and a random black but well fitted henley top. he’s harsh and he’s blunt and he laughs loud. has to censor his language but if he forgets he just adds a shrug. clearly doesn’t want to be there but when he gets into it he leans on his knees. decides how to introduce himself differently every time. sometimes dynamight or katsuki or bakugou or bakugou katsuki or katsuki bakugou. depends how he feels. quirks an eyebrow at intimate questions and scratches his chin when he’s thinking hard. rings on his fingers and the only tattoo showing is the one on the back of his hand.
listens to the public share their opinions about him through questions and comments, something he usually avoids when he’s back home. rolling his eyes at people saying how attractive they find him, grunting when people compare him to the oddest things. shy smile when he gets comments from strangers being proud of him.
shows off random talents and facts. like how he knows seven languages and he can juggle. how he really enjoys cooking and is a plant dad.
wipes his face to hide his grin at the mention of you since your relationship is public and if he’s been away from home for a while, he finds out the company reached out to you to send him in a video question and suddenly he wakes up completely. grabbing for the ipad. it doesn’t matter he saw you on facetime last night. he recognises the outfit you’re wearing in the video from last week and he wonders how you were able to keep this little secret. the question you ask is sweet, cute, typical. has him grinning at the device. watching it twice before handing back the ipad to the interviewer.
“hey katsuki!!! i’ve got a question for you, don’t worry i’m not gonna say anything embarrassing.” you giggle in the video, “just wanted to ask, are you missing me? because i’m missing you!” and you give a little wave, “love you! come home safe!”
he hears your voice replay in his head even once it’s over. visibly shaking his head so he can hear the interviewer.
“so what’s your answer?”
“course ‘m missin’ her,” his voice gets quieter without meaning to, crossing his arms across his chest, “missin’ her more than she’ll ever know.”
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Hey, I heard from someone that you don't like being depicted as a deer. Is that true, or do they just have misinformation?
Sorry for asking if it makes you uncomfortable. I just wanna know cause I have, like, no context😅
I think people get that from misunderstanding a tweet I put out a while ago.
I dont hate being portrayed as a deer.
Although, it wasnt something i expected. Pre-hermitcraft gem was almost never drawn as a deer, the antlers were meant to be part of a decorative flower crown, not actually growing out of my skull. So it isn't a depiction that I intended or imagined for myself. When I picture my character she's more of a silly nature elf woman.
Because of that, I do sometimes wish I could separate from the deer a bit. I tweeted a while ago that I didn't want to *always* be a deer. So for the skins I have that don't have antlers, I usually prefer those to be humans or some other more fitting animal. Wizard Gem from Empires is a good example, I really didnt picture her as being a deer, it didnt fit with the character for me. But season 8 hermit gem can totally be a deer. That doesnt mean if you portrayed wizard Gem as a deer I was uncomfy, it just didnt align with how I imagined the character, which is fine.
For season 10 of hermitcraft I plan to ask the audience not to make me a deer. I've had season 8 & 9 gem both be deer now, and I just prefer for my character to be able to change outfits and forms. I think always being portrayed as a deer is putting me in a cottagecore sized box that I never really asked to be trapped in. Season 10 gem won't make sense as a deer anyway, just cause of the theme i'm going with, but to help the fan artists I am commissioning an artist to portray my character close to how I imagine her, with a few animals I think could work in place of the deer.
also if you just haveeee to draw S10 gem as a deer, I still wont be mad, its not that serious I appreciate all the art.
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I know this AU has since died down, but recently it's really been helping me look on the bright, fun side of college, so I decided to draw @spectacledraws's (go check her out!!!) Deltarune college au as if it were a fake manga (heavily inspired by the Yotsuba comics)!
For those curious what the title means (which I hope I didn't royally mess up the Japanese on):
別の伝説 (betsu no densetsu) - Another Legend
DELTARUNEの二次創作 (Deltarune no nijisousaku) - A DELTARUNE side-story
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Remus: I'm just going shopping with Dorcas to help them with their Christmas presents for Marlene, do you want anything?
Sirius: No thanks Moony, love you, bye!
Remus: I love you too, see you later!
Regulus: Merlin, you guys are so gay
Sirius: Homophobia doesn't work when you are quite literally fucking my best friend Reg
James: *jaw dropped*
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i frequently get asked what other ships are canon in this au and i haven't really thought about it much tbh?
james is aroace and happy and i think butch and cassidy eventually find each other again. these are the only ones im sure about LOL
the rest of the characters are all kids and wouldn't really be touched on anyways LOL. i feel like most people are curious about ash tho
i think ash and misty would date for a little bit as teens, but misty is a massive romantic and ash is very much NOT (probably where he realizes he's aroace). misty is also set being the gym leader at cerulean while ash wants to continue his travels. i could see them breaking up after finding they're not the most compatible but remain the best of friends.
in my head misty ends up with lana (lana like... clearly has a big crush on her idk). then ash i think would find a life bestie who'd be down to travel with him. i've tossed around the idea of goh and angie (who i think's underrated)
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Lackadaisy Enrichment
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The babies
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Clownsuu, i think your goober wally is popular now. I've seen so many artists make their own style of da goober.
GOOBER WALLY WILL LIVE ON!!!
GOOBER WALLY UPRISING
FORFEIT ALL YOUR VALUED POSSESSIONS TO THE GOOBER-
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percy and grover swapping sandwich toppings without having to ask each other is actually something that can be so personal
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idk but saying tyler being a manipulative serial killer means he can’t be with wednesday is genuinely so funny to me like baby this is the addams family we’re talking about. being a manipulative serial killer should put him at the top of the viable choices for wednesday list.
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Nobody portrays childhood like Psych. They make the kids actually act like kids, not super sweet or a brat or some kind of golden child
Shawn and Gus dug a hole in the backyard trying to find oil. They created a dummy and threw him off the roof in an attempt to learn how to parachute. They tried to drive Henry's car. Shawn skipped days and didn't do his homework. Shawn wanted to ride a dolphin.
I've never felt so seen
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Well it is done! Thank you for all the comments, this was a pretty cool thing to do! ✨
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