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#DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
totopopopo · 4 hours ago
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I saw a video of like a cool woman working out like boxing and she was like super ripped and like but not like in a creepy way but like in like a like she’s stocky and muscle and strong and I am like I wish I looked like that 
like fuck I wish that I was like athletic like I wish that I was like stocky in in the sense of strong and tough but I’m not i’m like not heavyset in an athletic way just overweight but like. I wish I looked like that lady but like I don’t know I can’t bc. I’m impatient. And can’t workout because I get soooo bored and frustrated and feel like everyone is so condescending and bc I don’t like overheating like if I didn’t mind that so much I would work out every day and shit because I like getting my energy out I just don’t like being looked at or getting hot because I hate getting hot and sweaty and because I get bored and because I don’t have enough time to work out every day and also because I don’t want to but I also want to because I want to be like a strong muscles butch lesbian and not just like un athletic me
#I want to do a sport like boxing like I want to do a sport I can’t just work out by itself#cause that’s boring#I want to box. like real boxing with a punching bag. for real. not just air punching in theory#if I boxed I could be strong and it would be cool and I would like lift weights and stuff to be a better boxer#like I’m being serious right now#but I don’t know where to start or like where to go for that#but I don’t know a place that has punching bags and like trains you how to box#like I don’t know how to start doing that for real#because if I could find a place that let me do that I would do that fucking every day like I literally would#but I don’t know how or where and I don’t want to pay for it#but I want to be like that lady who was a lesbian by the way thank you for asking#because like I don’t have body dysmorphia because I am overweight#I have body dysmorphia because I’m not strong and physically capable of you know#I don’t know I have body dysmorphia because I am not strong like that and because of like yeah gender stuff#like I look I wish I looked more intentional#anyways#ask to tag#I mean the fact that the world treats weight gain like a moral failure is unrelated but not totally unrelated#like I don’t know it’s really hard to exist like that there’s like constant shame in existence#I am OK with being overweight but I want to be intentionally so I want to be this week with muscle I want to choose my body#I just feel very helpless I think and also tired but I can’t sleep and it’s 4 AM love that for me#also I want to go running with Atlas#he barks at other dogs so I can’t right now so that sucks
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itstheadomania · 7 hours ago
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huh. watching the majority of my tumblr dash go 'and he's only seventeen!' is so surreal. because... im only seventeen too?
i'm not sure what the point i'm making is. but something about how twitter would not hesitate to do this shit to me and how every grown-up on tumblr is horrified really says how shitty what happened last night was methinks
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delarverie · 7 hours ago
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love truly is the only thing that matters
#i'm still thinking about that quote. 'i'm a little bit in love with u and how much u love'#creo que se siente mucho más cercana por el hecho de que demostrar emociones como el amor es. difícil para mí#i won't lie by saying i don't cry or things like that. i think that crying is the easiest way for me to show how i feel.#but when it comes to showing affection. saying i love you and expressing that with your body as in. you know... hugging/kissing#isn't that hard for you? maybe we have that little something in common#english means nothing to me i hope you can understand what i'm saying.#i think one of the reasons i admire lali so much is the fact that they can show their affections in ways i've never imagined.#and that's truly beautiful. i've been thinking a lot about them these past few days. i always think about them but.#these days have been different. i want to tell them every little thing and everytime i share something with them i learn how different we-#are. and isn't that beautiful i truly love that about us.#imagínate tener tanto que descubrir de la persona que amas y no tener miedo de hacerlo (a mí me aterra montones pero eso va mejorando)#going back to nonnie's message. i'm sending them flowers for real their message was so cute i fell asleep at like#4am? and i woke up at 9am with 0 energy and as soon as i saw that cute ask i went O.O HDFJVHDJ OH?#i enjoy sharing love. i love sharing love if we're friends i'm loving you as much as i can :] i'll show you my love in a different way but.#love is love no matter what form it takes.#now my dearest mutuals. the big question is#do i send them a gay ask. do i#do i send them a gay dm. what do i do.................. i'll probably send them an ask and then fill their dms up with silly messages so-#as soon as they read our chat they smile (i hope)#if i end up getting blocked you all will be the first ones to know <3#HGFDVBHBVFHJDBJ#yeas. i'll do that and then read martín rivas because. yeas#I LOVE YOU ALL. SO MUCH#I LOVE YOU <3#also lali if you read this. you didn't. i'm kissing you on the mouth#ISJEUWJWU ALSO I FORGOT TO ADD THESE COMMENTS BUT FOR THE MUTUALS WHO SAID PREV TAGSKWJDJDJ#i'm hugging you all you're my bebés de azúcar les quiero mucho c:#monsense.txt
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majesties-palace · 19 hours ago
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grim crawls on top if your chest, orb balancing in between the space of his ears, giving it a blue hue. "taking care of the sick dorm leaders," he announces. "this time it includes kalim, vil, idia, and malleus."
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KALIM AL-ASIM
with jamil taking care of the mess that had made kalim sick, that left you to take care of him. he's pouty and restless. if he begs you for something and you say no, expect puppy eyes. do not give in. "sick kalim causes even more problems than regular kalim." is one of the first things jamil tells you when you enter his room to play caretaker. "he'll get the impulse to buy something.. absurd.. like a country or some sort."
he didn't buy a country, thankfully. he did buy a an entire stadium and filled it up like noah's ark under the guise of wanting to show you a world that's less likely to make jamil have a breakdown [which happened regardless]. kalim's impulse control and common sense would lower whenever he's sick, so most of the things he buys during this period would be for you if not to try and show off. he'll get sad if you don't take them, try to return it, or tell him off.
find some way to keep him distracted if you don't want him to bother you in every way possible. i suggest putting on a single movie and staying in there so he won't feel lonely. he'll be out within the first fifteen minutes if you play your cards right. if you can't get him to focus on the movie, play some game that involves some brain power. "'m sorry—" he'll yawn, "— this game just seems to really make me tired.."
kalim wants attention, but he also doesn't want you to get sick. this creates a great dilemma in his mind. having you in the room close to his bed gives him some sort of relief, but he'll take what he can get. as mentioned, just put on some movie or play a game with him and you should be fine. on the off chance that he doesn't want you around him, just make sure to hang close enough to where he's staying in case he calls you back in.
his brain is running on a small amount of the sleep it needs while kalim is sick. he wants to stay awake and see what everyone is doing, not lay around in bed all day! be sure to give him updates on all of his friends, jamil will come in every five hours to tell him about the dorm if he feels it's necessary. if you ever have to leave for something like class, be sure to tell him all about it! he'll just live through you if you're comfortable with it.
if you can get over kalim's impulse buys, you should be fine! keeping him entertained is also important, so be sure to bring some type of game [or book. a riveting story will always keep kalim's interest on you]. to jamil, you'll be a godsend, so expect some of sort of feast sometime soon.
kalim looked like a kicked puppy. having been told he would have to stay in his room all day had put an extreme damper on his mood. the dorm leader's pout made you heavily sigh and toss your phone to the side. "cater and lilia said they would bring your instrument not to long ago, so they should be here soon." you relay to the bedbound boy, leaning your head over the head of your seat. "why don't you teach me how to play it when they drop it off?"
this seemed to lift kalim's mood. he sat up on his elbows, eyes lighting up as he thinks of different songs to teach you. "is there anything specific you want to learn?"
shaking your head, you let out a laugh. "no, nothing in particular. i'm fine with whatever you first think of." VIL SCHOENHEIT
vil takes his sudden illness seriously as to make sure that he doesn't trickle into something worse. he's an important figure, he can't risk anything when it comes to his health. while vil is concerned about your health, he comes first in this scenario. do him a huge favor and just stay out of breathing distance.
if you want keep rook away from you, just pull him off to the side and tell him that you want to be romantic. he'll understand in a less than a heartbeat and backs away to keep epel in line. in the case that you do need his assistance, he'll either give you advice or come in whenever you're struggling.
vil isn't a fan of being coddled. at all. let him do what he needs to do! step in when it's apparent he can't do something himself, he asks for help, or if neige shows up with a bouquet of flowers. you don't have to spoon feed him some soup or pour out his medicine for him, just hang around in case he does show signs of struggle.
as mentioned, neige will be showing up, no doubt about it. vil's a celebrity; if the public knows, neige was one of the first to know. do vil a huge favor and lie. tell the ravenette that whatever he has is contagious and doesn't want to risk anyone else catching it. he might leave a little saddened, but it's not enough to put a damper on your own mood.
assist him with his routine! face washing, hair masking, fingernail trimming, all of it! he isn't all to keen on getting out of bed, but doing it outside the bathroom can make a mess. you might as well join him while doing this. just sitting and watching him do this can't be good for your eyesight. as much as vil would love to take over because "you're supposed to go counter-clockwise, darling," vil is aware that touching your face while sick doesn't do anyone any good.
vil is probably the best one to take care of when sick seeing as he wants this to be over as soon as possible. he won't be a brat and will be much more comprehensive than his peers from before. depending on how doting you are, vil might become a little snappy but other than that? there's nothing for you to worry about.
vil allows his body to sink back into his pillow once you re-enter his room, eyes glaring harshly at the group of flowers in your hand. "burn them." he speaks abruptly. "give them to rook and have him turned to ash."
"i'm sure they'd go nicely with your.. other.. gifts.." you reluctantly reply, eyes shifting to look at the pile of stuffed animals, letters, and balloons from his fans.
the blond turns on his side with a scoff. "if it's from neige, i'm positive it'd make my condition worse."
you shake your head mutely, placing the flowers on his dresser before sitting on the edge of his bed. placing your hand on his calf, you lean over so you're able to see his face. "they'll be gone soon enough," vil's attention is now on you. "isn't it time for another dose anyways?"
IDIA SHROUD
no one can be surprised when idia catches something given his unhealthy habits. make sure he doesn't try and sneak his way to his computer, he'll be there until you or ortho pry him off. "what am i supposed to do when you take as long as a loading screen with bad wifi?" he'll try to make excuses as to why he should be able to game in between your little check ups. just tell him that staying hunched over like that will only make him feel worse.
ortho will be there to help [regardless if you want him to or not]! use this as an opportunity to give idia some sort of entertainment unless you want him to be depressed the entire week. watch some sort of gameplay, preferably something that he's already done a 100% playthrough of so that he can judge them harshly. listen to him tear into their attack strategies before rushing to give him a glass of water because his throat also got torn up.
seeing as idia won't be able to check in on his afk farm, guilds, and whatever else he said, you'll have to be the one to do it. he'll backseat game if you have no idea what to do so you don't have to worry about anything. if he starts getting to obnoxious just threaten to shut the game down without saving, he'll stop real quick.
an absolute menace when it comes to medicine. tell idia that resistance is futile and will result in his games being unattended for even longer. he'll down it reluctantly and request for something in return. be nice and give whatever you think is fitting, he'll appreciate it greatly and might even give you something in return!
idia's guaranteed to stay in bed and only his bed during this time which means you'll have to worry about him finding some way to use all of his pent up energy. seeing as he mostly gets fired up when playing some type of game: make him play some uno! make it fun and add some rules of your own to make him get real invested!
if we're ranking the dorm leaders on a scale of best to worst when sick, idia's certainly one of the lower ranked ones. he could care less that he's sick. he just wants to get back to binge watching the latest summer anime! who cares if his eyes begin to worsen and there's a pounding migraine in the back of his head! threats [subtle or not] seem to be the only thing that get to him while he's sick, so use them to your advantage and don't be afraid to carry through with them.
after looking at idia's self-pitying pout for the past eight minutes, to say you were beginning to feel aggravated was an understatement. after unplugging the cords that led to his pc in an attempt to get his focus off of his games, any attempts at conversation resulted in a cold shoulder.
it's not as though. he just needed you to understand that all actions had consequences and your result just so happened to be idia ignoring you.
finally giving in, you heave a sigh and extend one of the controllers you had confiscated in order to get him to sleep. "we can get in one round before ortho comes back in with something to eat," you state, watching as idia sits up and takes the controller from you with the excitement of a child.
"that's enough time to get back in and check on my warriors and do another set of tasks." he hums, booting his system back up and opening up his laptop back up.
MALLEUS DRACONIA
he doesn't take this cold seriously because [one] he's been alive for more than a hundred years. if a cold as simple as this killed him, he was unfit to become the king of thorns; and [two] getting special attention from his very own beastie? a privilege indeed.
if anyone [sebek] insisted on helping you take care of malleus, there's no need to fear! lila will give him small tasks until the prince is feeling better. of course, you'll have to give him updates. "did anything interesting happen while we were gone?" the old fae will ask, voice lilting in hopes that you'll catch onto what he's saying.
malleus doesn't act any different when he's sick, not wanting to take advantage of this time or you. he'll only do those sick i'll only take the medicine if you give me a kiss scenarios if you're okay with it or in a relationship. on the off chance that he doesn't jump onto an opportunity like that, it's because he's to shy and finds things like that to lewd.
speaking of medicine, malleus doesn't really need it. he's lived for more than a hundred years and is a powerful dragon fae; his immune system has been through much worse. if you do request that he downs the horrid drink, he'll do so without question. "although it does taste horrid, it's much better than lilia's cooking." he'll note with furrowed brows.
as vulnerable as he may look while he's sick, malleus is still able to hold his own. though, he would get quite the laugh out of it if you were to tell him about your perilous mission of keeping rook away from diasomnia. bonus points if you make it even more dramatic than it actually was! being forced to stay inside his room all day without the chance of seeing you had made him quite depressed. seeing you so animated made him feel much better.
in the end, malleus is probably the third best dorm leader to take care of when sick because he doesn't put up any fights, isn't a brat, and loves your attention. spoil him like the prince he is and he'll be like that piece of putty that won't leave the inside of your nail no matter how how much you try to wash it. unfortunately, he does lose points for not eating the food lilia slaved over so you might as well just take another one for the team and start preparing meals for all of them
malleus looks up from his position in your lap, eyes gazing up at you with an emotion you couldn't yet place. "what's wrong?" you ask while using the back of your palm to feel the fae's forehead. it was lukewarm, which thankfully meant that his fever had gone down over the last few hours you'd been there.
"is this not dangerous for your own health, child of man?" he finally speaks up after a few moments of staying silent.
shaking your head, you his bangs so you can see the entirety of his face. "i could care less, sweetheart," you hum while leaning down in order to kiss the exposed skin. "your health matters the most to me."
a look of offense crosses malleus' face before he sits up and gently nudges you away. "and yours matters the most to me.." he gives you another nudge when you refuse to stand. "now leave before you catch this illness as well."
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eddiediazbeloved · a day ago
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thinking about eddie staring at the ground with the blankest expression before buck walks into his room to tell him they're almost good to leave the hospital. thinking about how he’d been stewing in his thoughts since buck sat by his bedside and said it would’ve been better if he got shot instead. thinking about how up until the moment he tells buck he wants to talk to him about something - he’d been trying to figure out exactly how to tell buck that he’s wrong and that he matters and that he’s such an important part of eddie’s family that he made it legally binding a year ago. thinking about how he’s realizing that it’s time to tell buck about the will......and maybe realizing that part of the reason why he hasn’t mentioned it yet is because he’s scared of what it’ll reveal......but buck needs to know that he’s important and that eddie and chris need him so......he decides to tell him....
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#using that picture as both an example and a reaction i#he's thinking SO hard#he’s so deep in thought that he’s startled when buck walks back in#‘i’ve been meaning to talk to you about something’ he says like it hasn’t been A YEAR.#just dying to know what eddie’s been THINKING this whole time#dying to know what he was thinking when he put buck in his will and made the conscious decision NOT to talk to him about it#dying to know if at any point over the last YEAR he ever considered telling him#dying to know what kept him from telling him#a year eddie.......a year........#a whole#........#eddie#bestie i’m dying to know what goes through that beautiful head of yours bc oh my god#like literally why didn’t you talk to him BEFORE you made the change#why did you just SIT on this#what’s the reason eddie. what’s the reason.#al talks#having a rough day so logically thinking about the will is how i'm coping#ana while sitting in the hospital with eddie: so do you think maybe we should talk about this experience?#eddie: buck said it would've been better if he got shot. why would he say that? why would he think that?#ana: ...okay no you're the one that got shot maybe we should talk about how YOU feel?#eddie: ...why doesn't he understand how important he is? did you know he's christopher's legal guardian if i die? it's in my will#ana: it's..........what#eddie: i haven't told him. should i tell him? do you think that will make him realize how important he is to us?#ana: ........#no i'm not ever getting over this#sorry
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mrfoox · a day ago
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'so what would you like to do (as work)? If you could get to do anything, without anything holding you back?'
Me, sweating bc I haven't dreamt of a job since I was 7 and wanted to be a dentist: haha
#miranda talking shit#My therapist really is trying but honey... I havent decided if i want to be alive yet....#'uh... Nothing ... My solve reason id ever work would be from guilt and necessity. I have nothing id want to do. I dont WANT to finish#High school but it is basically an requirement for any low paying job here so its basically a given... I myself have no want or drive to#Work or study (: (i can barely force myself to do things i enjoy and struggle greatly with basic things like food exercise and balance irl)'#First time ive ever admitted i dont actually WANT to do anything lmao... Every offical person and even my mom i just say i guess i want to#Finish high school.... Just so they get some answer and think a little more of me lol#The older i get the more honest im becoming and the more depressing my existence is....#'miranda you have on paper by doctors that you are depressed and too sick to work and is allowed to be home . Its not something you should#Be ashamed for. Youre not doing anything wrong its just how it is right now. You have the right to do that ' haha... Ok but we both know im#Hogging tax payers money and should have been eliminated long ago but okay haha#Mentioned like... Another type of therapy where one goes out to do things they want to do and then will be able to get energy to do things#They dont want to do (chores etc etc) and im like... Uh... Ok but i feel too guilty to even play video games which is my hobby and when i do#I kinda just feel guilty instead of enjoying it uh... But ...... Uh.... Yeah#Everything just tires me. Like the idea of some kind of work or even just events to go out of the house just sounds exhausting#Like that would be like the school environment which i have always struggled with! Even if school had no grades and was all just a place kid#Went to hang out I'd not want to go. Id be uncomfortable and still feel like shit. Less like shit but still shit?#And its hard to explain to people bc theyre like ah yes you struggle with the expectations set on you only i see#Like naw dawg i have to perform socially and be in an uncomfortable environment for 6+ hours and have to be on guard every minute#Among 95% of people i dont like or want to be around AND THEN forced to work and concentrate and shit#The situation in itself is just . .. Awful. I never did great in school but i still passed with at least E-D in all subjects... And that#I did without like... Doing any research or homework one need to 'study' for... Because i tried it for one period and none of my teachers#Seemed to notice it and i didn't do better so like... Why spend 90% more of your mental energy if the end results is still the same as when#You just swing it? Im not smart and im sure i could 'do better' and manage something if i actually wanted to do it or someone helped me#But like that ship has sailed. I got way off track and lost my point but uh i just ... Hate the social aspect of school and since our sociey#Is mostly built in that way unless you work at some small business or such its uh... I cant see myself ever enjoying working...#Negative
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arsenic-apathy · a day ago
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whenever somebody calls me a baby or smol or a cinnamon roll or WHATEVER it literally makes me want to kill someone
#news flash: im not a fucking infant#im a person#im not less than anyone for being traumatized#im not a fucking child i don't need you to baby me and take care of me or whatever#because ive had to take care of myself since i was 7#you don't know the shit that ive been through bby <3 you don't fucking know me <3#you know what i WISH i could be taken care of#i wish i could let someone take care of me#but im too fucked up to be able to trust any caretakers <3#i take care of myself i take care of my siblings#and next time you want to baby me remember that you weren't the one who had to sob silently when you were 9 years old#with your siblings crying into your chest because they thought that my dad was killing my mom#you weren't the one who had to talk your dad out of committing suicide every night when you were 13#begging and crying and pleading for him to not do it because emotionally he was destroying your mom and no matter how hard you tried you#knew that you couldn't take care of the family on your own#you didn't have to pretend to be strong when you were 12 as your MOM cried into your chest because of your dad threatening to leave us#every day#you didn't have to pretend you weren't having a panic attack the whole day when your dad hit your brother and he had a massive bruise but#went into school and you cried and prayed in the bathroom stall that the guidance counsellor wouldn't notice#and you didn't attempt suicide at age 13#next time you try to baby me for whatever reason idc if its because im trans or mlm or what please just fucking STOP
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samuslut · a day ago
ahh im stil kind of a bebe writer and i thought i was making some kinda mistake because my longer fics weren’t getting as much traction as my thirsts or drabbles so i stopped writing longer fics for a while, it is super discouraging especially because longer fics take so much more out of you where as thirsts take little to no work (for me at least) unedited and off the top of the dome ;/
yeah,, u write enough long fics and learn how the trend goes with short works vs long fics :/ that’s unfortunately just how the wind blows
but ultimately as long as you’re still enjoying the process, it’s def worth doing!
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universallongings · a day ago
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How about instead of telling people to “just let it go” when someone teases them about something that’s hurtful, we taught people not to say potentially hurtful things in the first place?
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mcnuggyy · a day ago
YOOOOO YOURE WATCHING ROBBYS REEL FISHING ADVENTURE VODS!?!?!?!! FINALLY SOMEONE WITH TASTE!!!!! LITERALLY THE BEST GAME EVER REEL FISHING CHANGED ME . FISHING FISHING FISHING FISHING!!!!!!!
YOOOO ITS SO FUCKING GOOD DUDE I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY I HAVE NEVER been SO invested in a fishing game in my life AAAAA... okay I actually need to go to bed but I’m so tempted to go to part 2 already like come ONNN it’s just 3 episodes COME ONNNN ITS FREE SEROTONIN, AND JUST SO SO GOOD, but god, THE AMOUNT OF JOY THIS IS BRINGINGG ME?? unparalleled. absolute delight of a game and great vibes all around 😭😭😭🙏
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itsbeenclaireified · a day ago
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My dude, I don’t know why I ever Google stuff about my cat. It just makes me feel anxious and inadequate.
All my anxious comments are in the tags, but also I register I’m doing the best I can and she’s happy. Here’s a picture from Sunday when I spent the whole day in bed after returning from my week long trip just so that we could cuddle all day together. And we did cuddle!
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