#DID I SKIP THIS OR REPRESS THIS I DONT KNOW | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queenburd · 10 months

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does getting a physical form affect the narrator's ability to remember things?? (think you may have talked about this before but. couldn't find it & now am not sure if it was you or someone else ^^;;)

relatedly,, how might it affect the degree to which he can/can't fight against his own code,, and/or what that Feels like for him to do??

I actually am not sure if I have talked about this! I know he had to deal with the Skip button in different ways and I talked about that, but. (maybe also that fic idea I had? but am not gonna write?) hmmm.

okay so I think the issue here is by the time he does make himself a form, they have done everything so so SO many times and have also TALKED about all the endings outside of the context of said endings that he does have the gist of everything by that point. He's not QUITE to the point of Stanley who remembers previous runs freshly, but he's honestly not far off. (their relationship really is Stanley dragging him kicking and screaming into growing and changing, while he forces Stanley to slow down and be introspective with his actions and choices.)

I imagine if he DID keep having memory problems (and Stanley wasn't able to help by reminding him, for whatever reason), he might have trauma habits he doesn't even realize the source of. Kind of like.... maybe OCD? Im not knowledgeable of OCD but I know that and PTSD and CPTSD can have this sense of picking up a coping habit because if you don't do x, something bad will happen. just the constant vibe of "something bad is going to happen!"

I dont feel like Im explaining this well so let me try again using my own experiences as an example. once my roommate and I were doing stretches that were a little vague on how to be done, and I was doing them in a way different from my roommate, and I realized belatedly that I was doing it because I occasionally have severe hip pain, so I was practicing the stretch in a way that wouldn't upset my hip.

but I hadnt had a flare up in multiple months and had never done the stretch during the periods I had the flareup! my body just was instinctively trying to reduce the flare i didnt have.

I also have some pretty bad childhood trauma, and I keep realizing just how many memories I ended up repressing for my own health without my awareness. And those were my formative years, so Im pretty positive Im still unlearning some bad habits I developed as coping techniques for the experiences that I straight up! dont remember!

so... think about it like that, for the narrator. he might do something a certain way and then catch himself and realize "why did I do it like that, anyway?" (which then of course goes back to "why dont I remember? why dont I have control?")

but this is all incredibly hypothetical primarily because he has Stanley as a sounding board for his memories. by the time he has a body, Stanley is so familiar with him that the protagonist is really good about prompting him to try to recall things he might otherwise not.

#tsp #the sparrow parable

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 1 year

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for the writer asks: BTS for dont hurt yourself

BTS: Write a dvd commentary about a passage from the fic (I cannot pic a fav so I'm just gonna give any old passage, I chose this one because it is weed day and they are smoking weed)(Full disclosure I own dvds but its been so long since I watched dvd commentary that I don't really remember what it's like so I'll just talk about the passage and how I made the decisions I did and how it came about, you know, the making of the passage.)

Don't Hurt Yourself

You know what, lets do something festive for 420. CW: Having sex while very very high on this passage

The world started skipping like a scratched CD, time becoming completely disjointed. Ed's consciousness kept skipping back and forth between watching Izzy sink onto Jack's cock for the first time that night and then forward again to making out almost violently with Izzy, all lips and tongue and teeth. He found it hard to climax when he wasn't quite sure which sensations he was feeling and when.

Skip, he was no longer on Jack's face but instead straddling his chest as Jack smoked and Izzy rode his cock, Ed still had his tongue down Izzy's throat. "Are you sure you don't scissor?" Jack asked.

He vaguely remembered getting into the position, laying down on the ground as Izzy lounged back against a chair, propping Ed's ankle up on his shoulder and pressing their cunts together. Then he seemed to skip forward a bit and Jack's balls were in his mouth as he and Izzy rutted against each other.

Another skip and Izzy was cumming as loud as Ed had ever heard him. The last time he'd allowed himself to be that loud they had been on mushrooms, Ed was grasping impotently at Jack's cock as he drooled over his balls.

So I had heard of the "World Skips like a CD when I'm on edibles" phenomenon on tumblr but I didn't experience it myself until I bought edibles from my local dispensary and took twice as much as the package said I should take at a time. I've heard a lot of people find it scary but I actually think it's kind of fun to experience time weird.

Basically what happened when I did it is I was giggling uncontrollably and my roommate asked me what was going on and I told her I was going to go buy gummy worms and she said "Oh you're high" and then I went out to walk to the cvs and the whole way to CVS my perception of reality kept jumping back into my living room. Like how when a cd skips and you're on a different part of the song suddenly, except for I was skipping between being in the living room with my roommate and walking to CVS. And the whole time I could like see where I was walking and stuff so I wasn't in danger or anything but something went loopy in the part of my brain that processes time and memory. I managed to successfully obtain gummy worms while experiencing this because I'm the king of substances and soooo functional on drugs. That was my experience with it.

Then a few weeks later I was like "well I've gotta make the Jack/Ed/Izzy three way happen while Izzy and Ed are broken up for real this time, so I may as well coax them along by giving them drugs. I'll start out soft with some pot"

90% of writing drugs is trying to figure out what drug effects are narrative conducive or fun to write and what drug effects get in your way. For example Jack getting the munchies and stopping everything to go raid Ed's snack cupboard might be realistic but it's definitely not gonna get these three fucking any faster. But the skipping thing, well it makes it easier for me to write smut that flows because it being disjointed becomes an on purpose thing that I'm doing. So if I want them to switch positions but I don't want to describe the in between part, bam, I throw weed at the problem and we don't have to get into the actual mechanics of sex. And frankly it's a fun exercise in trying to describe something I only sort of remember because of how high I was at the time.

I also wanted to further Izzy's characterization of being very very repressed, and a good way to do that is to show him being louder when he doesn't have the faculties to suppress his moaning is a good way to do that.

The Ask Meme, ask me more it's fun.

#happy 420 #ask games #divorce court au

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maxlovescoffw · 1 year

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hi im in my richard siken obsessed gay era so here are some of my of his poetry that makes me cry!!

“ You said I could have anything I wanted, but I just couldn’t say it out loud. “

okay this one reminds me a lot of i bet on losing dogs from mitski and it just makes my heart breaks in a million pieces because i am so so so very lgbt and i still struggle to say my feelings out loud! thank you richard siken and mitski for destroying my life i love you guys

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.

this one is so so very gay and it reminds me of the book “two boys kissing”. and it reminds me of the first love that most of lgbt people experience, i think it usually happens when we are in our starting teenage years, we start to feel such strange things for this beautiful person (that prob is one of your besties) and sometimes we just want to scream at the top of every roof of the city of our heart how much you love them, but its strange because !!oh no friends dont do that thats sus!!! then we feel like we discovered something disgusting about us. we feel horrible and unworthy of love, because thats what society taught us, feeling like this is horrendeous. then you just keep those feelings to yourself. but how can’t help but feel your heart skip a beat everytime that person touches you. so you just repress it forever and pretend it never existed!

maybe im just projecting, but now i realize how much i have grown, like, oh my god, how could i ever thought that loving someone was wrong? how could someone convice me of that bulshit!

“A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river                     but then he’s still left with the river. A man takes his sadness and throws it away                                                                         but then he’s still left with his hands.”

reminds me of that philosophy dude (heraclitos, idk his name in english im sorry)

“If you love me, Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand.”

made me rethink about all of my conception about love.

“He was pointing at the moon, but I was looking at his hand.”

did you guys ever just yearned for someone so much that everytime you are with them you just kept focusing on them because they are literally stunning shining just like the sun and you just don’t seem to care about the world, like, you could be in a street with the most beautiful and amazing people in the world but you just can’t take your eyes of this person in front of you that has the most pathetic sense of humor and a doubtful inteligence. BUT YOU JUST CANT CARE ABOUT THE REST!! because they are simply the most stunning thing in the world.

yes, that’s how i feel when im with my favorite person. and i still don’t know if its platonic but its so so embarassing like oh my god what did i do to deserve this feelings for the most pathetic human being (love her sm)

That I would name the stars for you? That I would take you there? The splash of my tongue melting you like a sugar cube?

I JUST- IM AT MY FUCKING LIMIT RICHARD SIKEN THIS ONE DESTROYED ME BECAUSE OH MY WHO IN THIS EARTH WOULD NAME THE STARS FOR ME RICHARD SIKEN

“Oh, the things we invent when we are scared and want to be rescued.”

reminds me of nobody from mitski<3

I take off my hands and I give them to you but you don’t want them, so I take them back

so true.

“You'd break your heart to make it bigger, so why not crack your skull when the mind swells.”

#richard siken

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spamton-g-spamton-moved · 2 years

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For the oc ask meme, for Basil; (if it's too much feel free to skip the least interesting ones!)

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

😨 FEARFUL - when scared, do they go into “flight” or “fight”?

💐 BOUQUET - create a bouqet for them! what do those flowers mean? are any of the flowers their particular favourite?

🌙 MOON - what is your oc’s greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

🍃 FALLING LEAF - do they enjoy being in nature? what is their favourite outdoor activity?

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what’s different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.?

OK im gonna finally answer this. les go

💥 i def think he would struggle with......acceptance? is that an emotion? i think it would be really hard for him at this point to even so much as acknowledge he was once a normal human being. *slaps him on the shoulder* this creature can fit so many repressed memories and feelings in it

😨 if the fact he ran off to the woods after realizing what he did to himself isnt proof enough of flight idk what is KFHDJDDK. even with his newfound overpowered plant abilities, he goes out of his way to avoid confrontation.

💐 had to do this one for the theming alone. first would prob be hydrangea......its not only my personal fav flower but it has a double meaning i feel fits him: it expresses both gratitude for understanding, and i def think someone being fully understanding of his actions would mean the world to him; and frigidity/heartlessness, which just perfectly encapsulates how he is and can't help being during the colder months (plus the debatable ethics of his experiments could also fall under this). next would be queen anne's lace, which signifies a sanctuary of sorts as well as complexity - him finding sanctuary away from the rest of the world, as well as his own complex feelings about it. then finally uhhhhh pansy, because 1. it signifies remembrance (of the family and friends he left behind in this case), and 2. it was his mom's favorite and because of this he uses it in one of his hybrid experiments :)

🌙 i dont think he rlly has one any deeper than to not be found by the syndicate he used to work for. he misses some of his coworkers, sure, but nothing's worth the risk of becoming just another specimen to the rest of the facility.

🍃 ofc!! plants r his fav thing in the whole world. he loves to fill notebooks with drawings and notes and diagrams of them 💚

🌌 first thing i decided was that he was definitely a mad scientist of some sort. i was super into reading scp articles at the time and was really interested in recurring characters like dr. bright and dr. clef (and scp-3001 inspired the lonely aspect of his current state, its a depressing but wonderful read); and i had also recently discovered sleepykinq (now known as twisted-doctor) and was really inspired by his character, mystery, as well as his overall art style. (sadly i can no longer endorse this artist as he was recently outed to have made a lot of gross racist comments :/)

🎭 oh he's def a mixed bag of presentations. hes kinda socially awkward and Very Autistic and will either take things at total face value or overthink a deeper meaning, and its only intensified when interacting with strangers. he doesnt know what to expect of people unless hes known them for a long time, so he only truly seems calm and doesnt have a lot of filter when around close friends or family. its funny bcus even people close to him rarely know what to expect of him. also the intensity of certain emotions depends on the season so thats gonna affect some things too. (be wary of approaching him in the winter he will either be a sad pathetic scrungly or a feral beast with no in between)

#late reply bcus ive been reflecting on my ocs in general lately #and realizing i. really dont have solid personalities for many of them?#at least from my perspective. if u asked me to describe any of them in 3 words at gunpoint i would simply die #ronan and cyril are prob the only ones i could confidently do it for and im trying to get back to expanding basil as a character so i can #add him to the list.#anyway! got some tips on that kinda thing from some friends and after that this felt really fun to tackle :D #ocs

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stormy-caffeine · 2 years

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CW Childhood Vent

i repress emotions a lot of the time instead of expressing them and i wanted to draw them but i just cant so writing instead

vent under the break, just skip it honestly it doesnt matter

to birthgiver, you are less than the bare minimum and you should fucking know that

you think because you brought me to this existence you can tell me what to do and who to be and what you expect of me

i didnt ask to be here

nobody asked to be put here on a dying planet with arbitrary rules only enforced to make us hate each other, to fight against our nature of being kind and helpful when we can

i was a social creature and you made me hate and fear so much i cant even remember the day i stopped being social, cant remember entire years of my life

you showed me things at such a young age i shouldnt have seen so i wouldnt question you, wouldnt argue when you said i couldnt leave or go to others or do things on my own, you showed me terrible things to scare me into not realizing my own house was really a cage you shut me in so youd have a service animal instead of a child

you made me your fucking therapist at an age i was supposed to be learning multiplication and made me expect the worst out of others so you looked better in comparison cause of course you had to be the best person in the room, the righteous one the one who could never do anything wrong its always someone elses fault and someone out there is always worse so you must be amazing actually

you continue to try and mold me into a second you when i used to cry for days at a time years ago whenever someone mentioned how much we look alike our hair our faces our smiles

i never wanted to smile like you again so i just stopped

i still dont "smile right" for pictures like grandma insists because id rather be scolded than look more like you

the earliest memory i have in the fog is you and dad fighting, crying for both of you to stop it and for dad to not leave, not because he shouldnt have but because then id be stuck with you just me and my brother, the real second parent i had

if he got to leave i should have had the choice to go with him but instead we're both still stuck with you, because you already make things so tremendously draining and difficult imagining you in a court case over anything leaves us both rather being dead, instead tending to you day in and day out while you make me question if im a good person

a good person shouldnt wish for someones health conditions to take them away in the night, so i get to wake up to a calmer reality to a world where i can slowly forget you were ever the one to create me to make me to use me for all the tasks you couldnt be bothered to do or to show me how to do so you could just yell more to show me off like a trophy of being such a good parent when you didnt teach me a damn thing

a good person shouldnt have to question if they would actually call for help if you needed it if you passed out in your own drunken fucking haze and knocked your insulin out of wack or your pump stopped working right

i want to be a good person and i shouldnt be haunted every time i consider if your christian creationist god exists not because of his cracked out doctrine or his shitty followers but because hed look in my head and my heart and see that i legitimately wish for one of his creations to be annihilated and made unrecognizable to her own children

at first every yell made me flinch and question what i did wrong, tip toeing around my own room so you wouldnt have a reason to come in and complain or remember i exist i didnt learn how to play at home cramped in my room not because i didnt have toys but because being too loud would make you come in and not doing something right would make you be loud instead and pretending too hard would be too disappointing knowing just down the hall i could still feel your footsteps and when the dip of the bed meant you were getting up

now you dont need to yell, the sound of your breath of you existing in the same space as me is enough to make me want to scream instead the sound of you being alive when your very presence makes me anxious brings me closer and closer to ending my own, i can tell where you are in a crowded space by the sound of you existing cause i had to fine tune it so well

i dont know what my breath sounds like but i know yours, i can hear it down a hallway, across a house, through walls and vents and floorboards

ive had to listen so thoroughly i started hearing other things that shouldnt be there, seeing things that shouldnt be there when i strain my eyes in the dark wondering if youll burst in the second i close them

every day youre given the chance you take credit for me being where i am today

if it was only you getting me anywhere id be in the ground already

the only person who kept me going through your worst time was the same person you dont trust in our house because theyre a n***** as you love to say, oh they cant be trusted because they were too nice to you? complimented you having nice things when they themself didnt have anything to their name?? well let them be fucking mean to you then cause when i told them how you really were, they swore they might kill you the next time you raise your voice to me

if laws wouldnt take my soulmate away from me id probably join them

every time i question my gender i worry im not trans enough because of you and only you, me discovering myself in my own time isnt enough for you, i need answers or im faking i need to know every detail and be able to dumb it down for you without making you feel insecure about yourself despite it having nothing to fucking do with you i need to be able to convince you of my own feelings because youve so thoroughly trained yourself to expect me to shut up and say i feel however you think i should because for so long it made it easier for everyone if we just agreed with you and seethed later, gotta look good for everyone who doesnt know youre a miserable spiteful drunk at home who amazes me that shes able to carry a service job with how little tech AND people skills she has

out of the maybe 5 childhood memories i have i remember you constantly shoving me in short dresses i was uncomfortable in and couldnt play in because i had to look nice for family or friends you invited even on days i was supposed to be able to have fun and relax like the others, you had to pick the one thing i couldnt be myself in still you had to pick the one i would make a fuss about so you had an excuse to make me feel like a bad ungrateful child, cause god forbid i claim i like dresses and then not adore the one you picked out for me on my own fucking birthday

you wanted to show me off sure but you didnt want them to see who i was, you dont like who i am now either you just dont want to be put in a home when youre turning grey and people could never in this economy be paid enough money an hour to deal with you like our family has

you always try to make me feel guilty when youre reminded that im past the phase of believing you when you say you did your best and you were the best you could have been for me, are being the best you can be for me while im trying to actually grow into the person you should have been helping me become this whole time, youre always so quick to play the victim when i dont run to your side and tell you how good of a mother you are when you havent been a mother since the day i came out of you, if you were even good to me then

guess its hard to be good to a child youve blamed all your problems on since they were born, for things they cant control, not like its your own pessimism and demanding others basically wipe your own ass for you that would make anyone want to bang someone else who doesnt scream like a banshee the second something mildly inconveniences them or drinks themself into a coma multiple times a week

its hard to feel guilt for making you feel insecure as a parent when youve done nothing to make me feel like your love wasnt purely conditional by obedience from the start

you try to act so high and mighty, saying youre such an amazing parent for not throwing me on the streets when i came out or for not beating me as a child or for not making sure i was always fed and clothed and clean

you act so proud of not even coming close to achieving mediocrity that its genuinely fucking pathetic you narcissistic homophobic racist fucking disappointment

#vent #tw vent #cw vent #parental abuse #child abuse #neglect #storm.vent

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thoughtcock · 2 years

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six months later

i feel like i have learnt more about myself and have a lot of thoughts to process in the last few months since i’m gone from this little corner of the internet

i learnt how to be more comfortable being on my own. to be at peace from this strange phase of my life. the phase where im alone, not finding the next person to be distracted with (and even if i do, cutting things off or leaving things alone is how i deal with with it), not feeling as bitter and resentful about the fucked up shit that has happened to me, learning to let go of things that dont serve me anymore

u see, its so tiring being bitter about life all the time. i had a really bad depressive period when covid pretty much shut everything down. all i did were depressing stories about the government fucking up, stay cooped in my room and overthink, constantly swipe on apps in hopes to find a soul connection somewehre, cling onto horoscope predictions that i will land on a soulmate soon (lol i still do that now). being angry and impatient at everything and just wanting to skip to the next era in life already - a life where i finally get my shit together and find someone special and have my career in place where i dont feel like a content sellout for negative news all the time

but i did let the negativity get to me for quite awhile, and people around me could tell how down i was. i felt like i was being a negative nancy all the time, wondering if my moods are affecting how people perceive me. wondering if im spreading bad vibes to my house mates.

but somehow in those months, i found solace with those living with me. i never actually liked the concept of housemates, i usually just see them as taking up space that i feel are mine (even though they are communual, i just cant stand other people’s presence if i were to use those rooms at the same time), but it feels nice living with friends you care about and vice-versa. for the first time, this house that i’m living in, although i spent most of my time being a sad sack in my room, the house also allowed me to share my dark, sad thoughts to my house mates living here. and they actually listened. and asked me questions that i never thought of. gave me observations that never even crossed my mind.

i learnt that it is actually okay for friends to be there for you, like TRULY. i dont even remember when was the last time i cried to my friends back in sg when something happened to me and i needed people to be there for me. this is the first time that i feel its okay to cry, and it doesnt feel like my friends wont know what to do or navigate things awkwardly. i realised that, for the first time in my life, that it sucks to keep things bottled up for the fear of burdening others. and in that, some of my friendships with other peopple have turned for the better too.

i am no longer okay with having my friendships consist of just shallow chats, funny inside jokes, or just reminiscing things in the past. yes, the past may have been great back then. but this is now. its ok to want and need more from people who matter to you, and i should not keep trying to repress them because i am worried they don’t know how to act around me when im become vulnerable.

it sucks because i’ve seen that happened. when i was distraught during the protests but all they could do was talk about other things to keep me distracted, when i broke up and all we did after saying what happened was play tetris. when i went back home for two weeks and i felt the disconnect when i hang out with them and all we did during the hotel in staycation was to watch vapid variety shows. it really sucks because i used to be okay with this for so many years, grateful even, for that i still have people to talk to and be distracted when im sad. but i dont want to always be distracted, i want to learn how to face myself and my feelings. and i want people to be there for me as i face it.

and that is what i did in these six months. i learnt how to embrace the void and emptiness i felt in me for so long. i read a book about what dying people wished they have learnt while they were living (courtesy of a sentimental house mate). and it really hit me like a ton of bricks. it forced me to confront a lot of uncomfortable feelings that i have not 100% processed. i had to put the book down a few times while i sob my eyes out because there were so many things related to forgiveness/patience/learning how to surrender to what life has to offer that i want to take hold of.

and i realised that it is not worth it if i let myself be resentful over a short-lasting relationship that didnt end well. i want to learn how to love authentically, to trust someone wholeheartedly again, to let go of the past. i still have so many years ahead in life, and i really feel like i will be shortchanged of my happiness if i just let myself be a depressed shit over things i cant control all the time. i refuse to let anyone or anything make feel bed bad for an extended period of time again.

knowing this fact, i accepted life for what it is. whatever this phase this is. and i am okay with it. i am at peace with myself after what seemed like a long time in battling out my emotions. and i told my close friends here about it. and they are happy for me. and i want to use my experiences to help other people if i can.

because i am not as alone as i make myself out to be. even when so many experiences have made me feel so so alone in the past.

another great thing is that i am taking a break from meeting new men and dating apps. and i feel fine with it. i still hope for the right one to come of course, but i learnt that its best not to rush things. and then feeling sad about it when you fantasize about the “right” one and them not turning out to be right lol. it actually sets the depresso higher.... and why put that expectation on strangers who dont care much for you?? right?

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peachiswritingg · 3 years

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B99 has an episode with raymond in a pigeon costume what the fu-

#DID I SKIP THIS OR REPRESS THIS I DONT KNOW #b99 #b99 cast #b99daily #nbc b99 #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine nine #i was watching the compilations and that scene was in it and i couldnt remember the ep send help sjsjwkwj

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sleeplessangelsgame · 3 years

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If you dont mind ask about the prompy you posted on the other blog how about chest with Aris ? ❤🥺👉👈

I don't mind at all! I definitely got carried away by this prompt, but I don't think anyone will mind! ❤

“Tell me you aren’t serious,” Aris said, distinctly unimpressed.

At first glance, the situation was unbelievable. The pack had close ties - every single one of the wolves shared feasts and failures in equal fervor - but this wasn’t a gala or a hunt. It was only Aris and me, and one sleeping bag. Temperatures would dip into near-freezing single-digits this high into the mountains, which didn’t leave us much choice.

“For warmth,” I insisted, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. I had hoped we would grow out of this phase: the rejection of crossing the boundary line of Ascendant and protector. We couldn’t control our roles in the pack, but we could try and be familiar with each other at the very least.

Not for Aris Sarantelli, though. There was no gray area, just black and white. Ascendant and enforcer. No more, no less.

Aris still looked unconvinced, regarding the sleeping bag on the cave floor skeptically, so I added, “Unless you want to explain to the Alpha why you let me freeze to death?”

They clenched their jaw at that, hesitated, then nodded. The tense line of their shoulders didn’t ease, but acceptance was a start, at least. I could save the bonding board games for when we were safely back in the packhouse.

For a moment, we both stood there, watching one another. We were both determining who would make the first move, who would settle in, and who would have to climb in next.

When Aris didn’t even utter a breath, too tense to move, I sighed. I started kicking off my boots, shivering when my socked feet met the cold stone floor. I shed my outermost jacket and dropped it unceremoniously onto the floor next to my discarded shoes. The cold crept in like seawater, unforgiving as a riptide, and I quickly wiggled into the sleeping back.

I pushed myself into the farthest corner only to leave little free space for Aris. Despite my gesture of goodwill, it would be inevitable that we would end up side-by-side, our bodies touching.

I focused on burying my face in half of the sleeping bag’s built-in pillow, mentally shoving those thoughts into a closet, and locking the door. Aris and I touched each other often, especially in training. It was only a sleeping bag, and it was to survive.

No more, no less.

I listened to the rustle of Aris carefully toeing off their boots and pulling off their jacket - I even recognized the sound of them folding it with composed diligence - before, cautiously, they slid in next to me. I waited until they fully settled before I pulled my face free, catching the impassive expression on their face as they settled in beside me.

As they zipped up the sleeping bag, the warmth of their body swept over me immediately, chasing away the aching cold that stubbornly lingered in the tips of my fingers. I flexed the feeling back into them, sighing with relief when the numbness faded.

“I think that last mile almost gave me frostbite,” I said mildly, trying to dispel the sudden tension choking the air. Aris raised an eyebrow incredulously, deterred by my nonchalance, so I tucked my defrosted fingers under the covers to gently prod their arm. At the faintest touch, they barely repressed a flinch, and I quickly retreated.

“Goddess,” Aris frowned, and to my surprise, they reached over to take my hand in theirs. “Weren’t you wearing gloves? What were you doing?”

“Gloves?” I repeated. “Weren’t you the one that gave me the speech that gloves slowed my shifting time?”

“Your hands shift first,” they agreed, tucking my hand in both of theirs. The warmth of their palms were scorching, and it sparked an echoing flame in the pit of my stomach. Aris didn’t even seem to notice. “But you know when you’re going to shift, and your gloves are removable.”

I made a face at them. “Don’t try to explain how gloves work, Aris.”

Their expression was serious, but there was the smallest ember glittering in their eyes, lively in a way I couldn’t quite recognize. Aris Sarantelli, the prominent second-hand enforcer of the Keating werewolves and my stoic bodyguard for life, was teasing me about gloves.

“Use them, and I would have nothing to explain,” Aris replied as if it were that simple. They released my hand, and I missed that touch so fiercely that my fingers ached. I curled my fingers into a fist, killing any instinct to reach out and take their hand again, and hoped Aris couldn’t hear the faint skip in my traitorous heartbeat.

“Yes, sir,” I deadpanned. Aris quirked a brow at that, and I knew they heard it, anyway. I fumbled to cover with, “Goodnight!”

I shuffled in place and rolled over to my other side, ignoring the way Aris cleared their throat, covering what would be a laugh.

“Goodnight.”

The night faded into darkness, crawling by in long strokes. I faded in and out of sleep, restless, my inner instincts feeling trapped in the sleeping bag with Aris just as much as I felt secure in their presence. I was always told that werewolves have a delicate balance: half wild and half civil, the instincts of the wolf intricately interwoven with the intelligence of the human.

But I was wolf and mountain lion and human, and even my simple instincts were overrun with conflicting feelings.

Those thoughts kept turning in my head, over and over, and I hadn’t even realized Aris was awake until I felt the faintest press of their hand against my back, catching my attention.

I stiffened, and their hand retreated instantly.

“Sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“What’s wrong?” Aris murmured, ignoring my apology entirely. I swallowed and turned over again, facing them, my breath catching in my throat when I saw the look on their face. I could see near-perfectly in the dark, even in human form, and there was no mistaking the concern on their face, not when we were so close that I could feel the soft brush of their breath mingling with mine.

Aris looked like they expected an honest answer, so I shrugged, “I can’t sleep in new places. I can’t relax.”

“I’m here,” Aris said simply. I stared at them, but they didn’t seem keen to elucidate that, and so we watched each other in pitch darkness, our every emotion visible as if it were broad daylight. They couldn’t hide from my night vision just as I couldn’t hide from theirs, but nothing on their face revealed the implications of that single statement.

Aris was here, like always, but why did my heart still race like it was the very first time?

“You make it sound simple,” I finally admitted quietly. “It’s not like I want to toss and turn all night. I’m tired after walking all day but I can’t just switch my brain off.”

Aris’s expression softened. “Instincts don’t always listen to reason. Or exhaustion.”

I nodded, just once, and by the look on their face, I knew they had the same conflicting emotions I had about our sleeping arrangement. It was an advantage to be together, where we knew the other one was alive and safe, but it was just as debilitating to be so close.

“You need sleep,” Aris finally said, and I shot them an exasperated look. Hadn’t I just explained why I struggled to sleep? At my expression, they opened their arms as much as they could within the confines of the sleeping bag, inviting me closer with a silent, weighted look.

I hesitated, just for a single fleeting moment, and then I wiggled closer, tucking myself into the security of their embrace. I rested my head on their chest, their frenetic heartbeat echoing under my ear. They wrapped their arms around me, holding me tight, enveloping me in a warmth that finally, finally loosened that tightness in my spine.

I let out a soft breath, and Aris rested their chin on the crown of my head, their arms holding me fast, their heartbeat still running rampant at the closeness.

“Go to sleep,” Aris told me, their words rumbling in their chest. “I will protect you with my life.”

“You need sleep, too,” I mumbled back, my voice already heavy with sleep. My eyes slid closed while my breathing evened out, but I didn’t miss the final whisper above my head.

“I just need you to be safe.”

#ask #prompts #aris #oh no. my inner simp is showing. 😔#BUT seriously feel free to send in prompts!! keep me motivated skdlghksgh

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lokislittlesigyn · 3 years

Text

// loki spoilers

This is basically a huge infodump on my thoughts about the first episode, because I doubt y’all want to sift through my trauma-ridden ramblings. I’ll make another post for the rest. This is just everything not related to the IW stuff/my reaction to that. It’s general thoughts, theories, musings.

1. When Loki gets first taken into the TVA. Is that Peggy Carter in the background? Others have suggested it might be. What would that mean??? Will we see the TVA fix the mess the Russos made with Steve/Peggy (not likely) or is it just a lookalike? Who knows..

2. A skrull at the main intake desk! Idk not super relevant just interesting!

3. I’m kind of glad they changed the... uncomfortable scene... with the robot burning his clothes off. He gets more time to react to seeing the machine itself, and he seems more shocked (”Now.. H-hang on just a minute.”) than angry (”Now hang on just a minute!”) i still feel.. horrible for him, i’m glad nobody Saw him and that the machine didn’t grab the clothes off, but still. Ehhh.. uncomfortable.

He is beautiful though, don’t get me wrong - I’d just prefer a shirtless Loki scene where he wants to be shirtless? let him do what he wants with his body?? he’s probably felt so out of control of his body, from being jotun to falling through space that any invasion of privacy like that hits extra deep...

That being said, I recognize the utility of the scene for the narrative - his lack of control, his literally being stripped of what he was before.

4. WHO IS THE MAN WITH THE CAT. What is his name. I love that he has a mug with his cat on it. But I want to know more. Who is he?

4.1 WHY DIDNT YOU LET LOKI PET THE CAT Please,,, I am begging you,,, let loki pet the cat and have something react kindly to him and purr all happily at his scratching behind their ears plea s e

5. The info sheet. Now this is just a little nitpicky tidbit, but in a previous promo they listed Loki’s height as 6′4 ft and weight as 525 lbs. This is taken directly from the comics if I’m not mistaken. However, in the actual show he’s listed as 6′2 (Tom’s height and Loki’s presumed height) but I don’t remember if his weight is the same. Is Loki 6′2? 6′4? please let me know i want to know how smol i am in comparison

6. His little aggressive shaking of the ticket at the guard makes me giggle each time.

7. The fact the turnstile hits so low on him reminds me,, I am short compared to him. Those things hit my stomach/waist. That one hit his legs. I am once again asking Loki to pick me up.

8. The cartoon with Miss Minutes introducing the TVA is wonderful, I love the art style especially. But it raises questions about Variants... I guess Variants can just, pop out of nowhere? Any action could be the wrong one? And then once you commit the wrong action you either get returned or pruned? Yikes??? And THIS ties into another thing later!

9. The trial scene. I have a hunch - a feeling, a suspicion. That one of three things may be true.

A. The Time-Keepers never actually existed. They’re fabricated, and now whoever runs the TVA is actually using the excuse of “The Time-Keepers decree it so!!!” to carry out whatever They think is right. The fact we haven’t seen the Time-Keepers makes me.. suspicious...

B. The Time-Keepers existed, but they have since passed on, however that may have happened. Now someone is doing the same as above, using the excuse of the Time-Keepers apparent dictations to run things.

C. The Time-Keepers do exist, and do run the timeline/TVA, but maybe they’re not infallible? Maybe the TVA info video is lying or incomplete in some way? Idk I just feel like, something about the TVA and how they run things has to be wrong. It has to? Something is off. Again, this will tie into another thought later...

I have no idea if any of these are actually true! But Loki’s questions of “Who’s in charge here? What do they do? What do you do?” punctuated by laughter leads me to believe he’s suspecting something too, or perhaps just trying to figure this mess out.

10. Seiðr/Magic. We see in this scene, Loki’s magic (”powers”) don’t work in the TVA. (and a quick side note, did he have to Flex like that? do you have to make me see Loki’s bare arms Flex like that? be still my heart. anyway please get that collar off of him and let him rest for five minutes) This makes me wonder.. Why isn’t Loki in his Jotun form? His pale skin and blue eyes are decided by magic, are they not? I suppose this is 2012, so perhaps Odin’s magic is keeping Loki looking like that. But if magic doesn’t work in the TVA, why would his spell reach so far? Clearly Loki’s magic isn’t what’s doing it. How is Loki not appearing as a Jotun? Is his Jotun form repressed - is pale skin his default now, rather than something hidden by magic? I need answers!

11. he sounds so scared about being “reset” please dont hurt him,,

12. cALLING LOKI A PUSSYCAT? (lokitty confirmed) I think Mobius was goading him (Mobius strikes me.. As extremely clever. He’s trying to push Loki’s buttons to see who he’s dealing with. At least, I hope so. Because if he really meant that “You were born to cause pain and suffering and death... All so that others can achieve the best versions of themselves.” and that line about killing Frigga??? No no no he is not guilty. He had no way of knowing what would happen. It wasn’t right to send Algrim up to Asgard (i think algrim wouldve found the way up anyway) but there was no intent to hurt Frigga. I really hope you’re trying to goad him, Mobius, because if you believe that I trust you much less. anyway i digress) but wow is he pushing Loki’s buttons a lot. I can’t... Blame him entirely, I understand he’s trying to make sure Loki’s on his side, maybe I’m just too soft for Loki idk. But some of that was very cruel to say. /:

12.1 AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT MOBIUS. That scene with the girl in the church?? Did that little girl kill the men? Is that young Sylvie? Or is she using an illusion to make herself look young and innocent? What’s going on!!!!

13. LOKI SNATCHING THE LITTLE TIME-TWISTER DEVICE AND STOWING IT IN HIS POCKET.... POCKET....... sorry sometimes i get so caught up about loki that i just say random words in between little noises and squeals,,, i am a silly thing

14. CASEY. CASEY??? That whole exchange is funny. Poor Loki, just trying to intimidate this guy so he can escape but - Casey doesn’t know what a fish is. to be fair.... thor doesn’t seem to know what a raccoon is... right?

15. That bit with the infinity stones is kind of funny until you realize

A. Natasha died for a paperweight

B. Tony died from paperweights

C. Loki was tortured for paperweights

D. Oh, and Gamora died for a paperweight too. And Vision. Need I go on?

Then it becomes less of exclusively “haha funny” and now it’s a mix of funny and pain and gosh, is that a good way to sum up being a Marvel/Loki fan sometimes...

16. Loki gazing at the timeline all “Is this the most powerful thing in the universe?” or something, i’m sorry i don’t remember exactly... made me think of a meme and i shall make it presently.

17. I love that Loki got to see examples of how his family loves him but the fact he’s all “I can’t go back.” really just breaks me. It’s like he can finally see they love him after all of this mess, and now he doesn’t have the chance. Please, please let him be happy. Give him some relief. This is the Loki that just came off finding out about being Jotun, falling from the Bifrost, encountering Thanos, attacking Earth, facing defeat, and now he’s being thrashed around in this wild place and has just found out he inadvertently caused Frigga’s death (he did not kill her: his actions, by mistake, lead to her murder, let me be very clear) AND Odin will die AND all the rest... And he wants to be with them.

18. Loki’s reaction to Thor suggesting the hug makes me soft. Please I want to hug this little mischief man so so so bad-

19. Skipping over the iw parts! That’s for another post because this one will be grossly long anyway.

20. “I don’t enjoy hurting people.” and “It's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate play for control.” was all so, so validating. I’ve been trying to argue on Loki’s behalf for almost a solid decade. Seeing the show recognize that Loki’s not all just violence and hurting for “fun”, that he’s not unhinged and bloodthirsty.. Is so nice. It’s just so, so comforting. and it gives me hope for future episodes that they won’t go the route of “oh haha loki bullied and mistreated and stabbed thor for years!!! :)” loki cries during basically every fight with Thor and you want me to believe he stabs Thor for fun? absolutely not.

21. Theory.. Just another hunch.. So we know a fugitive variant, aka Loki, is running amok. Refer back to 8 and 9.C. What if the Time-Keepers never actually fixed the timeline into a single timeline? What if there are other timelines, and these different Loki variants have hopped over to the current one? Or, maybe the Time-Keepers did fix the timeline into a single one, and these Lokis are remnants from that huge time-war at the beginning? Time runs differently in relative spaces, they may have Just Left that war from their perspective!

I say Lokis and not Loki because we’re pretty sure there’s Female/Lady Loki, Old Man/King Loki, and possibly Young/Kid Loki. That’s at least three. From the peeks of Asgard and NYC we’ve seen from the trailers, I think we’re also getting an Asgardian King!Loki and Midgardian King/Vote!Loki. (unless our dearest variant is hopping into timelines and situating into them, but I doubt Mobius would let that happen..?) That’s five.

To further support this, keep in mind, I believe recently six (i think 6 regular and 6 rare...) different funko pops were announced for the series? I’m not sure if they’re in addition to the Loki and Mobius already released. If they are, there’s enough room for each Loki and maybe a TVA agent. One of the pops is supposed to have a buddy/companion I think? Maybe they’re making the cat guy into one, or maybe there’s something else (Throg, anyone?).

22. That is totally Lady Loki/Sylvie at the end by the way. Has to be. But why does she want the reset devices? Why did she snatch that TVA Hunter? Again, WHAT’S GOING ON

ANYWAY this was a very long post if you made it this far, I commend you.

#no proofread only post #long posts about loki #loki #loki series #loki spoilers #sigyn says WORDS #SPOILER HEAVY

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maschotch · 2 years

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Do you have any thoughts on 200?

hmm not many? i like that it focused on jj. not happy that they relied on ~those terrorists in the middle east~ thing… even though the main baddie was a white guy (but jj later only thinks ab askari? bad vibes) like all of that was just unnecessary and they coulda done it all a different way. especially with what happened to the woman and her daughter in that ep…. like putting them through horrible situations just so jj can feel bad? not the writers’ best moments

idk some aspects were really good some werent. the jj torture scenes were crazy and extremely well down.. shoutout the actress for genuinely getting waterboarded for the scene ajdhksh it paid off!! its very intense. and the tension when we’re going back and forth wondering if cruz is the traitor… thats fun.

there are things i like and dont like ab emily coming back. first of all love that she comes back akdhskdj always down for more emily content. and when jj hallucinates emily even tho she doesnt even know she’s on the case?? very unrequited love repressed lesbian energy. big win for jemily stans ig but bigger win for me, the one-sided aspect. i didn’t really like the callback to lauren… i liked it conceptually but the execution was just… not great. jj making it all about herself, mentioning but not mentioning how emily dealt with the brand, emily being perfectly fine despite getting out of surgery like idk how many hours ago skhdksh. i did like that she could read jj well. she’s never been good at hiding what she’s thinking and emily’s perceptive and nosy akdhks

some of the dialogue was um. cringey. like when hotch calls emily.. “you dont beed to be a linguist to recognize pig latin”…. emily’s line “all lies”…. or jj’s line “no more secrets” 🙄🙄… it brought the overall vibe of the episode way down, but i guess kept it on par with the show as a whole

overall… enjoyable episode. its not one i really watch a lot, but its not one that i skip either. for a jj episode its not bad, other than the racism akdjshfks but like its fuckijg criminal minds idk what i expected. guess we should be thankful they kept the terrorists plot to a minimum

#love a good torture scene #and honestly i really do like this as a jj episode akdhks like if they were gonna toughen her up im glad they did it like this #ive always just kinda accepted it as 200 #but i think if i was watching as it came out.. id be a little disappointed that it wasnt about anything cm related #there wasnt a profile there wasnt a serial killer #glad that emily got to come back #i do think its fitting that 200 was jj centric #hotch being protective was fun #idk. ive always been a little annoyed w the transition from liaison to profiler and this didnt exactly help #like idk why they picked jj of all people for this assignment yk?#asks #idk if this is what you wanted akdhksh this is just what comes to mind #if u wanted to ask ab anything specific pls feel free #i havent seen it in a while but its one ive seen enouggh that i feel comfortable talking ab it anyway #endgame spoilers

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boimgfrog · 3 years

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pls pls talk abt your hcs for the twins’ gender explorations bc i’m v v interested now

You donot know what you have unleashed this is gonna be INCOMPREHENSIBLE and LONG I am so medicated rn okay

Hikaru realised smthn was up pretty early on and ~✨repressed it✨~ (mostly unintentionally, moreso "oh weird. I'll deal with that later"). It wasn't super prominent at first, just a sort of...detachment? He's his Father's Son and he's Kaoru's Brother and he's an Heir and he's all of these and he always has been but it starts to feel more and more empty until the concept of Son and Brother and Heir are a performance at best and a caricature at worst (he sort of retreats into the safety of being Kaoru's Twin because of this, it shifts the focus from Son (singular) to Twin (plural), and there's a sort of comfort that comes with being part of a set).

And then he joins the host club, and he and Kaoru do their whole charade, and he starts to lean heavily into the performative masculinity that comes with it because this is his comfort zone, he's acting, he's wearing a costume, he's a Twin playing the role of a Brother and it's relieving almost, to finally have that acknowledged.

He assumed it was just a daddy issues high expectations thing until he meets Haruhi and sees the way she experiences gender and then something *finally* clicks.

KAORU on the other hand, oh buddy. Where Hikaru found comfort in the Twin role, Kaoru was trapped by it. It's routine, it's expectations, it's Performative but is it really?? Is he not reliant on Hikaru?? Do they not share a bed?? A fashion sense?? A hairdresser?? Kaoru isn't a Man he's a Twin, he's a half of a whole, he's one part of a set and he absolutely cannot lose that.

So when he experiences anything that contradicts that, he represses it (he did this with his sexuality too. Hikaru is bi so Kaoru must be bi too [he's not. He's aroace. He's ignoring that.] Hikaru is poly? Awesome, so is Kaoru. Definitely. Dont ask questions to him ever again).

(It's born mostly out of their codependency. Kaoru never had the chance to really discover himself, so he bases himself on his relation to Hikaru. It's similar to what Hikaru is doing, although less as a trauma response and more as a comfort item.)

And then high school ends, and Hikaru decides not to go to college, and Kaoru's world falls apart. Kaoru has to go to college. Hikaru wants to travel, he wants to experience life outside of being an Heir (i think their parents cut Hikaru off too) and Kaoru is happy for him, really, but Kaoru is also alone for the first time in their shared life and it's terrifying.

And then Kaoru skips a hair appointment. And the one after that. He starts letting it grow out more, stops styling it the same way Hikaru and him always have. He gets coffee with Haruhi and makes Kyoya tutor him, he finds out what movies he likes and talks to Renge about them. And one night, alone in his dorm room, his roommate passed out in the kitchen, his hair draped over one shoulder and mirror in hand, he realizes that he is not just a Twin, or one half of a whole, or a part of a set. He looks in the mirror and for the first time, he sees himself, not a parody of his sibling. And the last puzzle piece falls into place with a click.

And then he calls Hikaru and they wake up his roomate from how loud they're yelling because "WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU WERE NONBINARY" "WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GROWING YOUR HAIR OUT BITCH" and it's messy and perfect and exactly what both of them needed <3 (haruhi won soooo many betting pools once they both came out)

Tl;Dr:

Hikaru: gender is a performance and I just won actor of the year <3

Kaoru: gender is a performance and I am being pelted with tomatoes that I am throwing at myself.

*end scene* I am obsessed with them and this is the tip of the fucking iceberg of my thoughts on them but <3 thank you for the excuse to rant abt the twins i love you /p

#asks #mutuwuals #ohshc #genuinely i want to write a fic about this #i left their actual identitys/pronouns vague cos i have so so many varying headcanons that i love #like agender hikaru!! but also he/they hikaru!! and?? whats this??? it/its hikaru with a steel chair!?!?#i adore them both sm with all of my heart #long post #sorry non ohshc moots rip

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masterswrd · 3 years

Note

what in ur opinion is the importance of the “u turned yourself in so id always know where you were. youd only do that if i rejected u” scene? how do u interpret things? im interested in ur view

okay three things i will defend to the death: will is a deeply repressed bisexual man, he is in complete denial and/or disgust about his feelings toward hannibal, in s3e13 he is completely suicidal.

will comes to tell hannibal that the red dragon died by suicide, to stop himself. i think this is what will was doing when he pushed himself off the cliff so talking about dolarhydes fakes death is important especially when will and hannibal survive the fall making that death fake too.

next “does the enemy inside you agree with the accusation? even a little bit?” when hannibal talks about will causing chiltons near death encounter with the dragon. the “enemy” which hannibal is completely aware of is will’s blood lust and grey morality that he knows will is repressing. he knows will is going to be the one to help his escape but his chances are getting slim with the dragon being dead so he’s desperate trying to pull it out of will.

“you can go home now, if there’s any point. is there any point?” hannibal keeps asking questions he knows the answers to and will keeps giving non answers because he cant lie to hannibal. he never could.

“think about me will. don’t worry about me.” hannibal isnt worried at all. he knows will’s marriage will fall apart. he’ll probably get divorced, and he’d find some way to come back to hannibal.

but THEN will puts his hand on the glass. he’s tired. he’s exhausted. he destroyed because he knows he could never have a normal life as a husband, a dad, an upstanding moral citizen. he wants to be with hannibal but he blames him for making him feel like this. he doesnt want to take responsibility, his gaze is just “you did this to me. you made me love you. you drove me to kill. you made me enjoy it. i’ll never be the same and you ruined me.”

“you turned yourself in so i’d know exactly where you were. you’d only do that if i rejected you. goodbye.” will wanted to hurt hannibal. he wanted to tell him “my life is nothing without you and i still dont want you” he’s lying to himself and to hannibal. if he honestly didnt want to be with hannibal he never wouldve turned and stopped to listen to what hannibal had to say.

“was it good to see me?” “good? no.” i this i think was the truth. i dont think will felt good during 3b except when he was killing dolarhyde. that kind of love twists inside you and turns your stomach. it makes you sick and shaky and disgusted like youre a monster because this isnt what youre supposed to be doing and why cant you just stop and be normal. he loves hannibal. hannibal is a serial killer who ate his victims and kidnapped a woman and killed two people that will cared about and hurt eill physically and mentally. coming to terms with still being in love with him was hard and it hurt.

when he takes hannibal over the cliff i think will was trying to be with hannibal in the only way he thought he could be. a real “we’re both bound for hell so lets go their hand in hand. my love, my soul, you’ll be with me in the sea below this cliff and in the lake of fire” kinda love. it was a way he would be with hannibal and he’d skip having to face molly and walter and jack and alana and have them be hurt by his decision. pain reduction because he thinks they’ll get over his suicide and move on and light a candle. his letting them mourn rather than have deal with the realization of who he is and what he’s done. he knew he needed to die with hannibal and hannibal was okay with that because he just wanted to be with will and be loved by him in any way he could have.

#ur making me cry on a tuesday night #w.txt #asks #hannibal #suicide tw #my correct hannibal posts

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dramaticnerdwithanxiety11 · 3 years

Text

, LITERALLY WHO LOOKS AT NICK FUCKING RUSSEL AND GOES “mm yes, take my autism”

THIS IS AN ISSUE

WHY AM I LIKE THIS

whatever its too late now! you get to hear me talk about it to avoid writing it!!

So, i’ll be explaining the show for you newbs who dont watch power rangers like a smart person (as in the not watching it is smart).

Power Rangers Mystic Force is, obviously, power rangers. It’s got the standard team of five with superpowers and weird biker-looking uniforms.

If im honest, PRMF is literally just power rangers but with like fantasy magic.

It follows Nick Russell, the new guy in town. He’s a biker and he’s got this tragic bs backstory about how his parents abandoned him (update: they work overseas, they adopted him and like do not vibe with him) and he travels, living with family members and how he never sticks around long enough to make friends. We know he’s staying with his sister, and about nothing else. ~ Nick Russell is actually really important, of course, he is the Red Ranger and if we didn’t have the leader be angsty what kind of Power Rangers would we be, am I right? (i dunno i havent watched other power rangers in like ten years) ~

But we’ll come back to that. ~

There’s also Charlie “Chip” Thorn, a hyperactive hyperimaginative redhead with a love for fantasy and superheroes. He’s eager to join the team and loves the idea of quests and fighting villains and shit. He’s the Yellow Ranger, with Lightning Powers. ~

Vida Rocca, the ‘bad girl’. She has this one strip of her short hair that she dyes and may I just say when I finished the show a third time I couldnt not think ‘yO HER HAIR CHANGES TO SHOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THE RANGERS’ but lets be honest thats probably bs lol. Anyways, she’s a DJ and she loves music, she’s the Pink Ranger (who hates pink for most of the show) with Wind Powers. ~

Madison Rocca, the ‘good girl’. She’s Vida’s sister, and she like following the rules and she enjoys recording her friends to make little videos for them to look back on when theyre older. She’s hesitant and cautious, but will do a lot to make sure her sister is safe. She’s the Blue Ranger, with the power of Water. ~

Xander Bly, he’s cocky and thinks hes all that, and flirts with women like every chance he gets. He thinks he’s super handsome and amazing and probably has a superiority complex for one reason or another. He’s the green ranger, with Nature Powers. ~

Not rangers include: ~

Koragg, one of the big bads who (SPOILERS) later turns out to be Nick’s father and Udonna’s long lost husband. Early on in the show he can telepathically communicate with Nick, which gives Nick these really really bad headaches, great for angst, it’s used as a bit of a plot device through a lot of the show and ngl I love it cause angst. ~

Uhh forgot her name but there’s the Vampire Queen who has bat wings on her hips and is in a full leather body suit. She’s kinda boring. ~

I forgot her name as well but the Vampire Queens daughter, who later goes on to save her mother because she realizes that the Rangers are the good guys and she’s on the wrong team. ~

Udonna, the kinda ex White Ranger and a very powerful sorceress, as well as the Ranger’s trainer and Claire’s aunt. ~

Claire, (SPOILERS) who turns out to be the Daughter of Udonna’s sister, who was more powerful than her and sacrificed her life to seal the gate to what is essentially hell. She’s comedically bad at magic early in the show, and acts a lot like a comedic relief. ~

The Master, aka The Big Bad that the evil guys are trying to let free. Koragg before he became Koragg was trying to kill him and succeeded in trapping him further than all the others. He’s some weird tentical creepy muscles-showing no skinned weird i dunno i think i repressed this cause i forgot what he looks like lol.

Alright, so those are the characters. Now let me explain the plot.

Nick rides into town on his bike and is usually found set up outside the record shop that the rest of the Rangers (yet to be) work at. Btw, theyre all teenagers, but I think this takes place in summer cause we never see them go to school.

Anyways, this old man calls for somebody to help him, and says that his brother and him were walking through the woods and somebody grabbed him, and he needed somebody to go looking for his brother. Nick, not being apart of the town to know they have rumours about dying in the forest, offers to help.

Xander tells him the woods are haunted, he ignores the man saying the man needs help so who gives a shit about some rumours, and then Vida is like “i’ll help too,” and Chip joins in cause he thinks its gonna be some awesome quest. They make it out to the forest, and Maddie and Xander join them, (”Xander I told you if you ever took my car I’d rearrange your limbs!” -Vida, episode one).

The man is like super ominous and her vanishes once they get into the forest, this creepy witch lady saves them from some bad guys attempting to attack them, and then throws brooms at them that they fly off on.

Time skip not actually in the show but im losing steam so we’re moving on. Eventually, they make it to RootCore, aka the base of operations, and meet Udonna and Claire. Udonna is this super powerful sorceress and the White Ranger, and she trains them. Claire is her apprentice who is comedically bad at magic.

She hands out wands to them, they go to leave, get into a fight, all of them but Nick believe in and use magic, Nick leaves the forest, Udonna fights Koragg and loses her staff aka her White Ranger magic, and the Rangers are left in charge of saving everybody. In the end, Nick goes to leave and ends up showing up anyways to save the rangers from Koragg and embraces the magic, becoming the Red Ranger.

That’s the gist of the first episode, and the rest is kinda just “fight the bad guys, discover random secrets that make a surprising amount of sense for a show like this, fail a couple times, do some weird shit then end on a happy note”

WHICH BTW THE ENDING? FUCKIN WEIRD

The fantasy creatures integrate with Humans, Vida dyes all her hair bright pink, Nick fucking leaves town and this is the weird part. Because for one, Nick wanted to stay with his friends it was obvious, but for two; the way he left was w e i r d . He, Udonna and not-evil-Koragg who I forgot the name of, leave together.

The end scene is Nick riding up to the edge of the rode on his Motorcycle, then it slowly pans out to show Udonna and Nek (im just calling him Nek as in not evil koragg now) on bikes as well?? one of them asks if hes ready to go and they ~ride off into the sunset~

For one: THESE ARE AGE OLD SORCERERS WHO HAVE VERY LITTLE IDEA ABOUT HUMAN TECH?? HOW DO THEY KNOW HOW TO RIDE??

For two: dID THEY JUST HAVE THESE BIKES RIDING AROUND?? AND THE HELMETS?? DID THEY SHELL OUT A BUNCH OF MONEY FOR THIS?? LITERALLY WHAT???

anyways, great show! youve gotta watch it on some.. less than legal sites but shh its okay shhhh. It used to be on Netflix but like yaknow, its gone now. Either way, it’s a great show in my opinion! Like I mean it’s bad cause Power Rangers, so to most who are looking to critique there’s probably shit acting, and there’s a lot of not needed grunting in battle, the effects are shitty and the costumes are kinda depressing, but it’s still enjoyable!

Random Facts-- ~

Vida hates Pink, despite being the pink ranger. ~

Chip, Vida, and Maddie have been friends since either kindergarten or elementary school, i dunno about Xander. ~

They all work at a Record Shop/Music Shop together, and their boss is an idiot but kinda entertaining. ~

Vida turns into a vampire for about two episodes, and Chip is the one to figure it out. ~

Maddie gets turned to stone because Nick essentially calls her useless and shy, and so she went out to prove otherwise, and got caught up in an attack. ~

Chip opens a weird black bottle he found after a battle and some weird thing comes out and attacks him, he spends the B Plot of that episode quite literally dying with his soul being eaten and climbing a mountain to get the cure. ~

Koragg has a really dumb moral code about how he only fights with Honor and refuses to kill the rangers most of the time because its “not honorable” for some reason or another. ~

There’s an episode where Xander gets this really really ugly and big zit right on the tip of his nose, and he uses this perfection potion Claire made for plants. He proceeds to turn into a literal tree and be depressed. ~

There’s a Troblin, the child of a Troll and a Goblin, named Phineas who’s very entertaining and I like this. By the end of the show, he ends up dating the daughter of the Vampire Queen which when you think too hard about makes no sense. ~

Nick turns into Koragg at one point late in the series. I completely fucking forgot how, but he does lol.

#power rangers #mystic force #power rangers mystic force #tw swearing #swearing tw #probably #caps tw #tw caps #infodump #i love this show #can you tell?#infodumping #v fun to talk about #its a great show #anyways im gonna make another post now and talk about #my fic

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lewis-winters · 3 years

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Hi! i really enjoy your daemon au and i-ve gone and watched the new his dark materials series because of it. i love your take on daemons and was wondering if you have nymore headcanons for the other boys? what's luz's daemon? liptons? how do you pick their names? are there any daemons who Re the same sex as their humans? you dont have to rwply if you dont want to i just wanted to tell you i enjoy your world very much!!

Oh, hi! I’m glad you’re watching the new His Dark Materials adaptation! It’s pretty good, huh?

I do have headcanons for not just most of the boys but for the world itself. Though I also call it His Dark Materials!AU alongside daemon!AU it’s actually more the latter than the former. The only things I carried over into this AU from the original world of His Dark Materials are the existence of daemons, the fact that daemons are made of Dust particles, and the existence of witches. The magisterium or any kind of theocracy doesn’t exist. The authority and the angels also do not carry over. Instead, our own religions exist, but there’s just as much emphasis on spiritualism and mysticism as there is on moralism, which I believe would be the natural development of religion in this world where your soul/daemon, the spiritual aspect of you, is literally there for everybody else to see.

All of the boys have small or medium sized daemons, the biggest probably belonging to that of Ron and Tab, who have an Ocelot daemon and a sheepdog daemon respectively. The reason for this being that small or medium sized daemons are easily carried and they, alongside bird or other kinds of flying daemons, are preferred by the airborne. You still gotta jump out of a perfectly good airplane largely undetected. Can’t do that with an elephant daemon.

Ok. This got real long so I’m putting the rest under the cut. tw: mentions of death, trauma, and mutilation.

Some of the younger boys’ daemons haven’t settled. Miller, Hashey, Garcia, and Jackson. Hashey and Garcia’s settle in Hageneu. Miller and Jackson never get the chance.

Shifty’s daemon, Myrtle, is a Capybara. But he doesn’t know that. Every time somebody asked him what his daemon was, he’d shrug, say ‘Don’t rightly know,’ then leave it at that. What can he do? Capybara’s aren’t native to Virginia and he’s never been out of Virginia. Webster was the one to tell him that Myrtle was a Capybara because he’d read about them in a book somewhere that one time. Myrtle was startled by this and said; “I thought I was some kind of dog!” that was one of the few times she ever spoke out-loud during the whole war.

As I’ve said before in this post, Lew’s daemon is a chameleon named Amalthea. For all of the events of episode 9, Lew kept her in his pocket and that scared almost everybody shitless, because it made it seem like he was walking around without a daemon. The replacements assigned to them around that time, like O’Keefe, thought he didn’t have a soul. He never bothered to correct them because that meant letting Amalthea out, and the idea of her being in the open and vulnerable made him especially ill. He’d rather people thought he was soulless than allow himself and Amalthea to get hurt again. Which is so Lewis.

Skip has a hummingbird daemon named Ilaria, which is a name that means happiness and joy. This daemon-human duo wasn’t hard for me to figure out. It just fits.

Malarkey’s daemon is an artic hare with a summer coat named Felis. She’s settled, but after Foy and after losing Skip and Alex and Buck, she changes again. Subtlely, of course, and not wholely. She stays an artic hare, but instead of a summer coat, she permanently has a winter coat.

It’s not uncommon in this world for your daemon to change after severe trauma. I bet as the field of psychology expands, so does the understanding of trauma’s effects on the soul expand. There’s many studies on the changing of once settled daemons in relation to soldiers’ PTSD.

Buck’s daemon, a male bald eagle named Romulus, changes entirely. Still a bird, but instead of an eagle, he turns into a snowy owl. Before the war, he was a chatty daemon. After, he barely speaks and only does so to Buck and, very rarely, to those close to them.

Eugene Sledge’s male daemon, Daecon goes from a blood hound and gets turned into a Luzon bleeding heart-- which, I know is on the nose but it’s just. It’s such a cool bird, ya’ll. I’ve seen one up-close and ever since that day, I have not known any peace. The shift would be painful and would happen very slowly. It was actually horrific and was a trauma in and of itself. That was the last time they ever changed, though.

I also headcanon that the longer you’ve been settled, the harder and more painful the shift.

Merriell Shelton’s daemon settles in Gloucester. Into what, I’m not sure yet, but a part of me thinks she’s settled into some kind of big cat from the rain forests. Either a cloud leopard or a jaguar. Her name’s Charlotte but he calls her Lottie. Don’t ask me why. It just fits.

That being said, I have some Thoughts about people with big cat daemons. They’re usually aloof. Like, they make a very impactful first impression but they’re mostly solitary individuals who are weird af and difficult to get to know. It takes a really special person to tame a human with a big cat daemon. Once you earn their trust, that’s for life. They’re also really self-assured and are very secure in their sense of self. There is almost little to no tension between big cat daemons and their humans, and if there is, it gets explosive.

Ron Speirs has a big cat daemon, a female Ocelot named Aurele. She never talks, not even to Ron. They have this silent gaze/telepathy going on. Ron also takes on a couple of animalistic traits because of it. They could also... stretch their bond really far? Which is scary as fuck. People think he’s the son of a witch who, in her desperation to make him immortal, made him go through the ritual that allows a witch and her daemon to part for long periods of time and great distances. This is not true. Ron and Aurele just have really high pain tolerance.

Eugene Roe, on the other hand, is the son of a witch. His maman, however, did not make him go through the ritual because he’s not her first son. She knows the pain of outliving her sons well. She loves him all the same but understands that he will die well before her. Eugene’s daemon is a male kinkajou named Louis. Which is both a surprise and also not. For much of the war there’s a lot of tension there. Louis craves connection with others, Roe needs isolation to keep their sanity. It kind of turns into this thing where, if you wanted to comfort Roe or be close to him, you’d have to go through his daemon instead.

Babe’s daemon is a squirrel. A very chatty female russian squirrel named Abigail. They talk to each other a lot, and Abby talks to other people a lot too. Sometimes, she even answers in lieu of Babe. They’re both very blunt and very out there, no hiding with Babe and Abby. It used to get them into a lot of trouble with the nuns at school, who believed that daemons are only meant to be seen and not heard. A+ Catholic repression.

George’s daemon was a little tricky to me. I know his daemon is female and that her name is Thalia. I also know that she can fly. My first thought was: Parrot, either a hyacinth macaw or a white cockatoo. But, I also really like the idea of George having a Butterfly daemon. Particularly one that looks like a leaf when her wings are folded up but is brilliantly jewel toned when she opens them. In the end, I opted for George entering the army, having not settled just yet, and he and Thalia are this kind of double-act, where she shifts into whatever form is necessary for the punchline of the joke. She only settles into a parrot (idk still what kind) after their first jump and all the excitement in Carentan. A gradual thing. They don’t even notice until just before the jump in Holland. When they miss someone, Thalia will mimic that person’s voice. First, it was George’s mama and the voice of her daemon, both speaking in rapid fire portugese. Later on, in Austria, Thalia starts imitating all the friends they’ve lost. Sometimes she’ll sound like Skip. Other times, she’ll sound like Bill. It takes a very long time for her to break this habit. To the point wherein she and George don’t even remember what her real voice sounds like.

Lip’s daemon settled really early and is a female Bonobo named Jane. Has been since he was ten and made man of the house. This, like Skip and Ilaria, was very easy for me to figure out.

Dick’s daemon is a Caracara raptor bird. I’m still figuring out the specifics so she doesn’t have a name yet. Sorry.

As mentioned, Tab has a sheepdog daemon named Marisa who enjoys keeping him and everybody else in check. Have you met a sheepdog? They will literally herd you. It doesn’t matter if you are not a lamb or a sheep. They will nip at your heels until you go where they want to go. That’s Marisa. She’ll nip at Tab’s heels, she’ll nip at everybody else’s heels. If you are going somewhere she does not want you to go she will make sure you know her displeasure.

It is also super funny when she looks Tab in the eye and goes “Down, boy.” It never fails to make Tab go red and make everybody else laugh.

Harry’s daemon-- and don’t get mad at me-- but Harry’s daemon is a Scottish Terrier named Saoirse. He carries her around strapped to his chest during jumps. It’s fucking cute. Don’t say that to their faces though because they will lose all respect for you. It’s a daemon suited more to a teacher than it is to a soldier, that’s for sure.

Bill’s daemon is a pit-bull named Darla. Scary looking one, too, with a very bawdy sense of humor. She will growl at you and pretend to bite and you will be very scared but she only does it as a joke. She’s honestly really cool. When Bill and Babe are walking around together, Abby likes to perch on top of Darla’s head. It’s adorable. Sometimes, when Abby gets too much, Darla carries her around in her mouth. It’s still cute. But only to them, everybody else finds it vaguely horrifying.

I know there’s this taboo of humans not touching other humans’ daemons but it’s kinda difficult in such close-quarters like theirs. It is also heavily implied in the original text of Philip Pullman, that the no-touching thing is a cultural thing. Like, I think in religions that deal a lot in repression like Catholicism or Protestantism, the touching of another’s daemon is a no-no and is only reserved for the most intimate of relations (i.e. marriage). But I feel like religions such as Judaism, Wiccan, Paganism, or even some branches of Folk-Catholicism encourage touch/celebrate that connection between two humans. Neither of these two beliefs are wrong, of course. It’s just a cultural thing and they carry with them both pros and cons.

I bet Lieb grew up very used to his daemon being touched by his mother and father or older siblings. It’s not taboo to him, though he recognizes that it’s taboo to others. He doesn’t get it though, and is constantly rolling his eyes every time somebody gasps when they accidentally touch someone’s daemon.

A lot of the boys just kinda ignore the touching daemons thing until they get used to it.

I’m not sure what Lieb’s daemon is or what her name is, too. I know she’s a social kind of daemon-- not solitary like a big cat or a reptile (like snakes). I thought maybe a wolf, but a wolf daemon is too... large and there are a lot of connotations attached to it. I think Lieb’s daemon is something medium-sized and unassuming. Not a dog. Not a domestic cat either. A part of me thinks flightless bird, but no. Not that either. Give me time. I’ll figure her out. As of now, I’m thinking either a marsupial or a canidae/fox but not quite. She’s a mammal, that much I know. Just don’t know what kind.

Grant’s daemon is a male domestic cat named Saladin. He’s either an Abyssinian or a Bengal. Either way, he’s really cool. Like super cool. They’re both super duper cool.

And... that’s kinda it. That’s all I have for now. I’m really sorry it got so long, anon. I get really excited when talking about daemons. It’s character study but with animals! Thank you for giving me this opportunity to ramble. This is where I leave you.

#band of brothers #dæmon au #bob aus #tp aus #the pacific #but only eugene and snaf #ask #bob hcs #tp hcs

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traumascumathena · 3 years

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hi, i just found your blog, i was hoping i could ask some questions. ofc, if youre not comfortable sharing your answer to a particular question you can just skip it lol

1. could you elaborate on what the fantasy model is and how its harmful? i know that the theory is false, but it would be helpful to have more details on what it specifically is.

2. i know that you werent the one to make the comment, but you didnt really combat it either which is why im asking. in that one post where you (and another person) were arguing against the op which mentioned the fantasy model, the other person mentioned repressed memories, which are largely regarded as pseudoscience. what are your opinions on it? they dont need to exist in order for did to also exist, seeing as traumatic memories arent really "repressed" or forgotten in did. rather, traumatic memories are just held in parts/alters instead (ie trauma holders).

3. you also mentioned carl jung at some other point seperately on your blog, which seemed to be a joke (partially bc your blog is themed after athena, who canonically studies jungian psychology/analytical psychology, but mostly bc the statement was literally like "carl jung is rolling in his grave" or smth like that lol), but seeing how repressed memories are explicitly tied to him (and freud), it prompts me to also ask; do you agree with his form of psychology?

4. very unrelated and also much less serious, but since youre a system, what are your thoughts on how did is portrayed in ace attorney 6 (or, i guess they say multiple personality disorder in game, but seeing as its an outdated term...)?

sorry if any of this comes across as accusatory or anything, i dont mean for that to be the tone. im just a singlet trying to educate myself on did/multiplicity and would appreciate input from actual systems. also if any of what i said in the second question was flawed, please feel free to point it out. thanks in advance!

I don’t mind questions at all. It gives me an excuse to ramble.

1. The fantasy model is the belief that DID is actually a delusion or hypnosis-induced. It’s harmful because it does not address the root cause of DID--childhood trauma--and thus inhibits recovery and integration. It’s also just generally associated with therapists who do not fully listen to their patients.

2. Repressed memories are a controversial subject in psychology, true, and I have a graphic demonstrating my current beliefs on the subject.

Structural dissociation. My current belief, summed up, is that traumatic memories are held in EPs, emotional parts, that may be dormant, so they appear repressed. Following the theory of structural dissociation of the personality, EPs exist in all trauma disorders--although, they are far less defined than what DID/OSDD-1 have, hence the distinction and lack of being dubbed a system. EPs in other disorders may present themselves as emotional states, such as in BPD (which also would explain memory loss due to mood swings), or as just big enough to hold reactions to a trigger, such in PTSD.

BPD and DID/OSDD-1 are what I like to call sister syndromes, because of this similarity--and its why people believe BPD systems exist. However, EPs in BPD systems are not fully defined/separated, and are still seen as the self, which is why BPD itself does not produce a system.

3. My views on Carl Jung and Freud are quite all over the place. I respect both as fathers of psychoanalytic theory, and I am a firm believer in Jung’s persona theory (which is why I made that remark, because persona theory deals with acting differently in different situations). They both have their faults, however, and I still have much more research to put into the both of them.

4. Despite it being called MPD, I quite liked its portrayal. It was nice to see them take the stereotype of “murderer with DID” and establish a person with DID as innocent. And no evil alter! The bar is also pretty low, given Split/Glass and Total Drama’s subpar depictions of DID.

And that’s all I have to say, I think. If I think of more later I’ll just reblog this.

#Cykes Answers #gif warning #long post

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