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tequiilasunriise · 9 months

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Annabel Lee & Fears: A Short Essay Based On Ep70

Here it is, folks, the truest crux of Annabel’s character, her deepest fears is not going mad or even people discovering she’s not as put together as she tries to appear, but rather:

Was that gambit of constant scheming and using others worth it, Annabel? Was always trying to think ten steps ahead and always keep yourself in a position of power and control truly worth it, because how can you ever be trusted when all you do is play 5D chess with everyone?

There is is, folks!!! Just like her greatest strength- her cunning willpower- is centered around a certain bright moon, Annabel’s greatest fear is rooted in Lenore. The deepest, darkest trenches of her soul, the one thing that would shatter her heart and send her lungs choking fer breath? The killing blow that would end her and make all these charades worthless? It’s Lenore seeing her constant conniving and asking Annabel, “Why would I be any different? You already have no problem using everyone else as a pawn, how could I ever possibly trust you, Annabel Lee?”

The way Annabel is SUCH a great morally grey character, y’all tell me you love hot villains yet many a time I’ve seen people calling Annabel too heartless. She’s the opposite! She cares!! SO MUCH!!! She would burn the world down if it meant kissing Lenore one last time, to the point where her deepest fear is losing Lenore in the process of trying to protect her. All Annabel knows is using manipulation to gain the upper hand because simply being born a woman in the Victorian era she was so throughly disadvantaged by such a horribly misogynistic society that girlypop had to scrape together any form of control she could. Annabel wants so badly to protect Lenore but all she knows are her own methods of protecting herself, which involves plausibility deniability and facades and sometimes sheer cruelty, and that’s where the conflict arises. From the start Annabel assumed Lenore and her had the same understanding of this ‘fake enemies’ ploy going on but surprise surprise babygirl, not everyone is overthinking four parallel universes ahead like you do. This boils over into her lover having doubts on what’s real and what’s not, which then culminates into Lenore asking if Annabel is using her affections as empty currency to get what she wants, and Annabel’s first move to tell Lenore to fucken kill her????

“To you alone, I have left myself completely defenseless.”

The drama of it all!! The shattered facade leading to exploding vulnerability of it all!! The dim sun sparking out into a heat death just to prove her sincerity of it all!!! The exposed innermost organs ripping out my heart with my bare hands and begging you, “Do you see it now? Do you see the way it beats for you and only you? Tell me you see it, tell me you see me…” of it all!!

Oh baby the way Annabel still retains this deep fear of Lenore not truly believing in the “only thing that’s real” to her, the way her lover’s ghost still lingers and haunts her and is then ripped up from her innermost psyche like a desecrated grave and given form by Ada’s power. The way, after all this time- and I mean all this time from Lenore’s constructed resurrection, to their relationship blossoming into a wedding, all the fucking way up to that bell tower scene, the fucken way Annabel still never truly let go of her fear that Lenore doesn’t see her, doesn’t see how she alone bashed through all of Annabel’s walls and made a home where her heart laid. I’m sure during their living relationship all the way until the wedding Annabel’s fears were greatly settled, but it’s the fucken way these panels implied that this wretched heartache never completely left Annabel’s guilt-wracked soul.

I just know, okay I just KNOW, that even up until she was putting her wedding dress on Annabel still questioned if she even deserved this happy ending because she still feel phantoms of guilt fer this betrayal. This comic only furthers this implication of unabsolved guilt when it’s made clear as day that Annabel’s biggest fear is Lenore not believing in her love. And before anyone argues how Annabel can currently feel guilt fer betraying Lenore when she hasn’t recovered the memory yet, I’ll argue back that from the very beginning of the comic these two were inexplicably drawn to each other even when they had NO memories. Therefore, even if she doesn’t have the explicit memory, I highly doubt Annabel’s subconscious would ever let go of something as huge as deeply hurting the one person she truly cared about in such a wretched way.

Fuck, dude, I mean Annabel’s greatest fear wasn’t even Lenore dying- which was already a huge thing if y’all remember her tearstreaked, panicked, “What is left? If she’s not here, what’s the point?”- no her greatest is Lenore!!! Not!!! Believing!! Her!!! Like yeah losing Lenore physically definitely would’ve cut so deep even her bones would bear the scars, but losing Lenore in the form of the other woman walking the same ground as her but choosing to stay away?? Call her fucking selfish because some people would rather have their other half still be alive even if they’re not by their side, but Annabel ain’t one of them that’s fer sure. Babygirl has spent a lifetime perfecting the craft of deceiving others fer her own gain, but the ONE TIME she’s genuine her heart is to be called nothing more but empty??? Oh babbyyy that’s gotta fucken hurt.

The thing is, I don’t think Annabel really loves herself all that much. I really don’t. A huge focus on self-preservation doesn’t necessarily mean one really loves themselves, and when we add the aforementioned guilt she carries? Plus, the fact that Annabel being forced to swallow down her anxiety attacks from a young age could easily lead to her having a rather sour view of her 'not normal' self? Yeah no yeah, I truly don’t think Annabel loves herself that much, if at all. So really, this line is adding immense insult to already grievous injury. Not only does Annabel deeply fear Lenore not believing her affections to be true, she also fears the New Yorker misconstruing her as nothing more but a shallow as hell, prissy, little pampered damsel, a role pretty much everyone else regulates her into whether she wants it or not (right from the beginning, before she even set her schemes in full effect, Annabel was already explaining, “Ada wanted a queen, so I gave her one”). Lenore, the only one Annabel had believed to ever really see her fer her, is now discrediting Annabel’s vulnerable affections AND seeing her as that unloving ice queen like everyone else?? Horrible terrible horrible!!! She may have a ribbon threatening to strangle her right now, but it’s clear that ghost!Lenore’s words are what truly cut her down to size. Y’all seeing that fucken pain in Annabel’s eyes? Her worst fear is just so… personal.

Which actually leads me to my next point, which is how just before Annabel’s worst fear is revealed in stark, horrifying detail, we see Prospero’s. Lemme just preface this by saying what Prospero went through is n o t any less terrible and is a super fucken mega valid fear/trauma, but let me cook y’all just hear me out. Prospero’s fear seems to be about medical malpractice and/or being conscious during a painful operation that likely went south (aka ‘oh shiiitttt he fucken DEAD-‘), and that’s fucking tragic as all hell. Yet, okay let me cook here, it’s more… I don’t want to say general, because that does NOT mean his fear is any less significant but it’s like. Way back when, death via medical bullshit was more or less fairly common, especially during wartimes (which is the era I headcanon Prospero to be from); meanwhile, Annabel’s fear is so uniquely hers, it’s borne of a culmination of specific experiences tied together by her relationship with Lenore.

By contrast of a more common fear vs something so deeply personal and specific to this one person- because it’s not just unrequited love, it’s being so vehemently denied and misunderstood by the ONE (1!) person who you wholeheartedly trusted in your entire life who also oops mega died on you- this distinction gives way to an almost more raw, more visceral feeling to Annabel’s fear sequence. Again!!! I am not undermining Prospero’s own trauma, I promise!!! But you have to admit that there’s something, from a narrative standpoint, that hits so much harder with how deeply personal Annabel’s fear is. The contrast is even more great when you look at how Prospero’s involved a buncha bloodied hands not really tied to any faces or even any indication of personhood like accessories, scars, etc etc. It could’ve been a group of anyone holding him down hurting him; on the flipside, Annabel is being restrained by one very specific person we see in full view. The faceless crowd who could’ve been anyone at anytime vs the lone perpetrator whose history you know like a second name. It’s just!!! So personal!!!

In conclusion, on the surface level, one would think a character so deeply ingrained in using deceptions and manipulation would have her greatest fear tie into having her true nature revealed to everyone she’d fooled, but then it turns out it’s the complete fucking opposite. What homegirl fears the most is her truest, innermost self not being believed and accepted by just one (1!) person. The way it’s framed is just so heartstabbingly personal, especially when you parallel it to a previous fear sequence just a few panels preceding it. This is it, your honor, this is Annabel’s deepest driving force broken down to its bare essentials. To hell with whatever reputation she’s carefully crafted! Who cares what anyone else thinks of her if she doesn’t believe her, if she doesn’t SEE her. Really, truly see her. Lenore is the defining point that Annabel has revolves around so wholeheartedly, and there’s no point to anything anymore if Annabel loses her. This crux of her character, OHHH BBAAABBYY it’s just so well done because we, as the audience, have been given clear evidence to build up this narrative of Annabel’s characterization fer so long now and to finally see it come together in a fiery explosion of lesbian angst with this latest chapter??? Gods, the writing of Nevermore will never not drive me absolutely insane in the membrane.

#if yall think this essay went crazy i need yall to kmow i once wrote a legit MLA cited college research paper about mf Bumbleby #and I got a high grade and everything yall heard me it was 12 pt new times roman and had literal academic sources to back up my points #i had to cut it down from 15 pages to like 10 bc of a max word count my prof set it was so sad #so yeahhhhhhh your girl may or may not just go crazy on the fictional analysis #which makes sense when u know that imma character-driven writer #anyways in conclusion i be clocking in to fight fer annabel as an amazingly written character like its a 9-5 job #to all the ppl who doubted her how yall feeling rn hmmmmmmm #annabel lee whitlock ur just so much fun to dissect like a lesbian lab project #nevermore webtoon #white raven #annabel lee whitlock #lenore vandernacht #prospero nevermore #<—i swear i care fer the rat man guys i rlly rlly do #but man. the way annabel’s shit was just to personal. it rlly got me okay???

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chiropteracupola · 28 days

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really they (1) should pay me to sit in a room (2) and draw my little images (3) and also do other crafts and things. just that nothing else.

1 no I do not know who I mean by 'they.' the government maybe?

2 in a house where my parents do not also live

3 for my own purposes and my own purposes only

#news from the cupola #'insulting that I'm going to have to do essays' says guy who voluntarily went to essays-doing place (college)#spring break not breakful enough. what about second spring break where I don't have to spend it Like That.

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boxdstars · 28 days

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your girl got into her colleges honors program >:)) we win these ‼️‼️ local woman can actually write her way into her writing degree‼️

#i’ve been very busy but like holy shit #had to write those two essays like back when i had covid #i am currently but a community college student but we transferring to my fancy university this fall #WE WIN THESE GUYS IM SO #RAHHHHHHGHHHHHHH #boxd chitchat

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givemewallywestorgivemedeath · 5 months

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Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

#started anti depressants recently. kinda had an epiphany. i can't hate who i was. if i met me now i wouldn't blame that tiny child #for their rancid beliefs or for being dragged to protests. because thats a CHILD. i HAVE met kids in that position and i feel nothing but #pity and anger on their behalf. so why am i holding that version of myself to a higher standard?#i could not have known what i know now at 6 or 8 or 10. the same way that i could not have written a college level essay at that age #but i did what i could. in my own 8 y/o way. i believed in love and humanity and happiness. i was just misguided in the 'hows' of it all #and i am so so so so so proud. of every single microscopic step that i took. every question i asked. every thought that i hid and protected #and pondered secretly at night until new ideas and doubts bloomed like a dandelion through the pavement #and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw #until their answers stopped adding up. until i sought knowledge elsewhere with a mind dehydrated and malnourished and begging for knowledge #in any form i could get. i just. if i could hug that kid? if i could right now reach out and give that terrified and lonely child a hug?#i would. a million times over.#anyway sorry for the intense personal rant I'm just going through it rn and I'm like.... actually feeling alright #its wild. did you guys know about this??? anti depressants make you NOT depressed??? shits insane fam #irl #personal

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here-there-be-drag0ns · 1 year

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due to personal reasons i will be donning my seal-coat and escaping my responsibilities by returning to the sea

#i was not built for college i was built to be a lil guy #would very much prefer to be a selkie catching fish rather than just some guy writing essays #selkie #selkies #aough #mythical creatures #mythology #selkie folklore #folklore #dragons chatting

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infernaltenor · 2 months

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everytime i draw niki i add more piercings to his design (ft the laziest crazy:b outfit drawing probably ever, i just wanted to draw the choker lol)

#niki shiina #enstars #ensemble stars #my art #i love niki shiina!! hes about 95% of the reason im still playing!!!!#hes my lil guy!!#anyway #just wanted to put a doodle out to prove my college essays have not yet killed me letsgooooooooooo

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serenedash · 9 months

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I love thinking about daily life in Daybreak Town and I'm gonna put a read more for my own sanity here LOL feel free to add your headcanons about Daybreak Town :]

one thing I really like thinking about is what quests/missions and raid hour was like for wielders since khux loved to make game mechanics actually Mean Something lore-wise. If you never played khux, raid hour was twice a day (11am and 11pm in my time zone) where powerful enemies would appear called raid bosses and you and your party could take them on solo or together

So like. Daily missions/quests are really only mentioned briefly in actual cut scenes (off the top of my head, Ephemera mentions it to Player that it would be suspicious if they were gone too long because it would look like they were slacking, Strelitzia also is shocked that Lauriam basically gets all of his missions done before noon) but I imagine that daily missions take up most of the day for wielders (again, another gameplay mechanic where you earned in game currency for doing things). And you know obviously we get to see lots of wielders around during the day, we get to see our character and others going to bed at the end of the day, and when Player waits for Ephemera at the fountain we see how no one is around at night,

I've seen a lot of discussions about night time in Daybreak Town, headcanons about how there are wielders that only do their missions at night, how darkness is more potent and there are more heartless (I especially love when people point out the night sky would be pitch black since the worlds are still one world so there would be no sky, only adding to the darkness at night). But back to raid hour!! I like to think about wielders getting their daily missions done and going back home to relax/nap/whatever and then when raid hour happens the clock tower rings and its like the empty streets suddenly fill with people, wielders meeting up with their parties or people going for the solo boss fights, and they all go ham until the bosses disappear and everyone goes back to bed. In the khx novel chirithy says that the clock tower only rings at "special times" but never elaborates so I like to think raid hour counts lol

for other daily life things tho, I've always had this headcanon that since the unions were formed (or maybe since the master of masters took on apprentices,) wielders just flocked to Daybreak Town and kinda. basically drove out the original people in Daybreak Town so its literally like a town run by kids (and moogles) and I like to think there's a good amount of kids/teens running little shops like there's that one part of Daybreak Town that's like a street market and I just know those were all run by like 15 year olds (also you can't convince me that 18 is like the oldest people get in Daybreak Town bc the game makes it SO SO SO CLEAR that wielders die CONSTANTLY and its VERY NORMALIZED) but anyway yeah some wielders not really doing their wielder stuff and instead just running businesses because you can't tell me there's moogles for Everything,

I've also had some very clear ideas about how parties work like since day one of unchained x, I like to think party leaders have get togethers to discuss what's happening in town or in their union and each union has their own like. Office I guess? for party leaders to gather and I always liked to imagine the leaders going there in the morning for reports of where strong heartless are or orders from their union leader yknow (idk in my head its like a post office, go to your little mailbox and get your stuff)

I don't have anything else those are my random disjointed thoughts👍

#im kinda tired sorry if this didn't flow well #but hopefully all my ideas are coming across lmao #sliding in my demyx somebody headcanon here of him fucking off to just play music in the fountain square all day #he's the daybraek town equivalent of that one guy at every college who sits outside playing guitar #irt the business thing- some friends and I have fun talking about our key kids running a deli together in town thats where that came from #khux #kh #kingdom hearts #headcanons #foretellers #chirithy #player #khux essay #im rambling

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be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie · 11 months

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Cried some big fatass tears reading the latest chapter of @undercoverpan 's ghost Spider fic, and I need to take some time to examine why this ghost nocorro au just really hits me in the dick every time.

There really just has to be something about doomed love, and especially children, that just gets me. The remnants of something that was once beautiful and now will never be whole, it just hurts. God, okay, I gotta go watch The Midnight Club again, this is THE vibe of that show. I cried seven full times just watching the last episode of that show. Grief and tragedy irrevocably intertwined with inevitability and acceptance.

Speaking of this, dON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FIC FROM LAST NIGHT Follow Me Down to the Peach Tree by famed nocorro oneshot writer CherryApollo. Took the ghost nocorro au and tragic soulmate aus and made it 1000000 times worse??? Like I was crying agAIN, twice, over these goddamn ghost nocorro aus.

I have so many questions. Do the other Sully's know about Spider? Would they have been the same age, so ghost Spider just popped up around when Neteyam was like five and when Neteyam started playing with and noticing him Jake and Neytiri were devastated? I can't even fathom how sad it is that Neteyam is just doing his best to forget about this. This soulmate au world is so tragic, like my mind went instantly to a buddy cop type thing where Neteyam is trying to solve Spider's murder as soon as he's old enough to realize what happened, and it's all this way to throw himself into ignoring that even when it's solved Spider is still dead. I'm writing that as a concept on my novel ideas doc, but I'm mad about it. Fuck, why do we always do this to nocorro, I'm crying again I have to go. I'll write some ghost au headcanons that will fix this tragedy for me tomorrow because I can't handle it rn.

#ghosts are such a beautiful literary concept i can't handle them #they are literally too much for me #it #the black phone #every mike flanagan work #aND NOW THE GHOST LOCORRO AUS??#can't take much more of the ghosts!#that rinney fic with robin haunting finney after he couldn't leave him? the unbelievable amount of times i cried at that #beloved and la llorona (2018) and hamlet and much more were all in my last essay for college which was about ghosts as a metaphor for #generational trauma #if any of you fuckers were interested in that bad boy #twas a really fun write #it was also just all mike flanagan shit #if you guys keep sending me ghost asks i will descend into a mike flanagan blog again #miles spider socorro #spider socorro #neteyam sully #nocorro #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa on avatar (cameron)#melissa og #neteyam ghost!

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botseeksbot · 4 months

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#we are so fucking back . we are so fucking back ive missed drawing brock bio parent shit #was gonna post this w other art im working on but i need the tags to talk about other stuff <- guy who uses his art to just write essays #everyday though i think that hes only 21 when the boys are born .#smth smth . why does rusty keep boys bio [parent] a secret . i do think realistically it would have repercussions for an osi agent do like #get their client pregnant ? LOL #''wouldnt it be obvious theyre brocks'' <- yes but osi knows hes transgender . they dont need to know what transexual sciences rusty did #i think like hunter would have ideas but wouldnt ask but if brock ever told her she would be so fucking mad . and send him to another job #all this to say . there are subtle differences to brock when hes younger (except the college ep LOL but thats s1) and i think he should be #freaking the fuck out during early relationship/family stuff . but mostly internally . but sometimes he cant keep it internal #my art

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cryptidclaw · 1 year

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for ur essay work big to small.. do a big vague outline and gradually make it tighter and more specific until it's good. like ex: "this is the paragraph i am starting with, i want to mention x y and z" , "paragraph 2 I'm going to mention a b c and how it does this and that". n then just flesh it out over and over again in small bites until it's gone like eating vegetables

Ok this us really good advice ... but first I need to uhhh read the writings that were assigned throughout the semester LMAO

WAIT I have my e-reader!!! Ehehw I will listen to them >:D

#i cant read #its the adhd dyslexia combo power #cryptid answers #i just really hate writing essays 😭😭😭#guys im just such an adult who is in college i am totaly not bullshiting my way thru these classes 🙃

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daydreamycrustacean · 5 months

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watching hbomb's video is giving me hives bc being in college it has been drilled into me SO MANY TIMES that if you write an essay or something and you take someone's words and you don't quote or source them you are in deep shit. It's like. Ooooh god these people (james whatshisname) have neve written essays in their life. They have never felt the pain.

#Writing essays/whatever for college is genuinely one of the hardest things for me ever #Its a form of torture #Its just like when i overheard people joking about using ai for writing stuff for college and i was like #You guys are joking right? Im not the only person here that's working despite their unmedicated adhd right? Haha.#Bottom line. writing is hard. Specially for me. Specially if its you (academic formalities)

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milksnake-tea · 6 months

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call me jing yuan bc oml do i just want to take a nap w a fluffy lion in a sunlit meadow w birds in my hair free from all of my worries of the mortal realm

#thinking out loud 🏵️#i have midterms this week.... and im going insane #and college apps............. i have to rewrite my essays now lmao #my eyebags are permanent atp guys #they aint going away #rollo im joining u in the eyebag gang <3

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tin-can-iron-man · 1 year

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Foaming at the mouth thinking of the potential analysis and parallel of Victor going through with his college experiment despite being told to wait because he was irrationally emotional and passionate about his project and it went wrong vs. Reed Richards stealing his own rocket despite being told to wait because he was irrationally emotional and passionate about his project and it went wrong

#one day I'm going to spout out a college level essay on the subject of reed & doom and when that happens it's over for all of you #reed richards #victor von doom #doctor doom #mr fantastic #marvel #it's!! IT'S JUST. Once again Victor having immense cursed by the narrative vibes my beloved #REED gets powers. Reed gets a found family and superhero team and fame and public adoration (like 95% of the time)#Victor gets his face mauled by fire and glass shards and shrapnel and possibly well hidden demonic clawing #I'm not HATING on Reed I'm just saying that for doing the exact same thing Victor did in college it really did work out for you huh #favored by the narrative vs cursed by the narrative #no wonder Victor is so crazy when it comes to everything FF #I'M JUST SAYING—#just...is having a grudge against a guy who is just like you and does all the same things you do #except HIS stuff always works out for him and YOUR stuff always bites you in the ass. REALLY that far fetched and unrealistic #is Victor petty? oh absolutely. Does he often fail because of his OWN undoing? OH ABSOLUTELY.#is it Reeds fault things work out for him? NO. is it Victors fault things never do? Comics will tell you yes.#listen what I'm saying it a lot more analytical and philosophical #but also imagine being gaslight by your own universe that everything bad that's ever happened to you is your fault PFPFPFPFPFPFLF

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theoppositeofprofound · 2 years

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I’m going a wild about John again, because imagine. You are a little boy born in Aotearoa in 2005 or 2006. Not very poor but not very rich, you grow up playing with hand me down toys your mum played with decades ago, buying your best friend down the street mince pies cause your allowance is a little bigger than his. You’re Māori and proud of it but you’re only tv-and-preschool conversational in Te Reo, you know your descent by heart but you also once won a bet with it. You love the earth the way everyone does, fiercely but absently. You love people so much it sometimes hurts. You’re young and so certain you’re going to change the world. This is the generation!

You’re also very, very clever, so clever that you get a scholarship to an expensive boy’s school your nana could never afford on her own. You wow all the teachers, stay at the top of the pack, pick up a glib attitude to fend off any attacks, learn a certain disdain for your crueler, more entitled classmates. The strength of your grades keeps you at top unis all the way through your terminal degree and you learn to loathe the rich kids who buy a new iPad every year and assume they’ll always have a escape from the consequences of their actions. Between academics you do a bit of light activism, some climate strikes, some protests.

After all, you’ve grown up in a world slowly dying and your youthful certainty that this is the generation to fix things is giving way to mild panic. Nothing you can’t joke about on twitter, but enough to have you rethinking your career. People are dying out there.

You devote everything to medicine, do a few years with the Peace Corp, see the victims of the first droughts and floods. You help develop a more method of freezing food-to cut down on global transportation costs, reduce emissions, reduce global food shortages. It never gets fully implemented because companies don’t want to switch over, no incentive they say. You campaign in that for years. As you do you start to think, what if we could freeze people instead of food? Save them, put them on ice until the earth can heal. You make more contacts in the medical field, an enterprising duo working in human cryogenetics who haven’t already gone to suck up to the fat cats. Your collaborative research shows great promise with victims of acute injury but you’re still working on scale and a few other kinks.

In the meantime, your earth is dying. You see your own country begin to drown. The extinctions kick into full gear, the Great Barrier Reef goes two decades earlier than anticipated. The human population hits 10 billion by the time you’re thirty five, as birth control availability gets scarce in crisis hit areas. Desertification exacerbates starvation. The last typhoon season kicked off a refugee crisis that turned your own nation—your own nation!— nasty with selfishness.

It’s getting harder and harder to justify putting humans on ice on earth, not when their security could be so easily compromised. Mars is a nonstarter, only idiots try to go to Mars. No, you have to look farther. You stake your whole career on a plan as reckless as it is brilliant and you’re so sure that for once the world will go right! This is the generation that will save the world, and just in the nick of time.

They cancel your project, they shutter your facilities. They give no true explanation, only a refusal. For the first time in your life you know despair, true and absolute.

And for a moment in that heartbreak, that bubbling, scorching fury, you feel an echo of the planet’s pain. A child of the land, raised on promises that you alone can protect the earth, you find that for once you’ve been given a miracle.

#nona the ninth #john gaius #nona the ninth spoilers #John is not a millennial he’s Gen z #the precocious sort of kid who hung out on tumblr for the essays #as an eight year old with a college grade reading level #all that anger all that displaced rage #this man went to climate protests as a twelve year old #and saw the planet die anyway #this man grew up reading eat the rich guillotine bezos jokes on tumblr #and is so offended people are upset that he actually tried it #this is a guy steeped in hopelessness who was hopeful anyway! until he wasn’t at which point he had a nuclear breakdown #John drives me up the wall because that’s us #we could be John #clever and desperate and angry

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