#Chandler is a Momma's boy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xandcrstone · 1 year

Photo

MEET XANDER STONE!

Works at The Station as a sports reporter. Washed up hockey player. Loves spontaneous roadtrips, indulging in eating junk food during the middle of the night, and coming up with terrible puns.

HIS BIOGRAPHY!

Overall, he’s a good guy. Or at least, he tries to be. Inconsistent and impulsive, can get on the overbearing side at times, but he’s mostly pretty nice. He tries to be honest, also a bit oversensitive, but he really tries to love everyone with his whole heart. He’s always trying to make things better for people. He’s very stubborn, wants to make his family proud, and has really started making Merrock his home.

HIS PINTEREST!

HIS STATS!

BASICS

FULL NAME: alexander ‘xander’ david stone

NICKNAME: xander. and for your own safety, never call him anything other than that.

GENDER: cis man, he/him

DATE OF BIRTH: march 13, 1995

AGE: 27

HOMETOWN: grand forks, north dakota

OCCUPATION: weekend sports reporter for the station

RELIGION: n/a

ETHNICITY: white, korean

LOCATION: merrock, maine

HOUSING: lives in a shared house near the coast

RELATIONSHIPS

PARENTS

FATHER: jonathan stone

MOTHER: so-yeon stone

SIBLINGS

SISTER: jasmine stone

CHILDREN: n/a.

OTHER FAMILY: nari gim (cousin)

PETS: tba!

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: doesn’t like to label himself, feels too boxed in if he has to pick one, but he likes who he likes

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: same as above

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single

CURRENT PARTNER: none

PAST PARTNERS: tba!

PERSONALITY

POSITIVE TRAITS: agreeable, modest, entertaining, clever, sentimental, honest, perceptive, faithful, brave, dedicated, imaginative, witty, trustworthy, humorous, amiable, innovative, adventurous, confident, relaxed, incisive, empathetic

NEGATIVE TRAITS: immature, disorganized, tactless, competitive, boyish, clumsy, conceited, impulsive, boisterous, impatient, demanding, insecure, complacent, dependent, rowdy, selfish, unappreciative, stubborn

THINK OF: nick miller (new girl), chandler bing (friends), jake peralta (b99), ryan bergara (watcher)

FAVORITE MOVIE: popstar: never stop never stopping

FAVORITE SONG: gravity by john mayer

FAVORITE EMOJI: 🤪

FAVORITE ANIMAL: bears

FAVORITE PERSON: his sister, jasmine

FAVORITE HOBBIES: taking the perfect selfie, curating a daily work out, screaming at the tv during a hockey game, continuing learning to speak korean, figuring out how to cook something other than ramen noodles, facetiming his family back in north dakota, covering sports in merrock

LIKES: sleeping in until noon, listening to music while driving, watching sports with a chicken wing in his hand, stormy nights, rice, the cold weather, being in photos, long meaningful talks, hugs, oragnes, poptarts, christmas, warm blankets, bad karaoke

DISLIKES: golf, licorice, uncooked vegetables, cleaning, the dark, being restricted, sitting around doing absolutely nothing, nightmares, antique dolls, locked doors, pollution

FUN FACTS ABOUT HIM

Calling him a momma’s boy would be an understatement. He’s a family guy in general and while he definitely doesn’t make a big show of it, say something unsavory about his family to his face and he will not jokingly threaten to destroy you. Considering how averse he is to serious confrontation with another person, that’s kind of a big thing.

He has a habit of getting surprisingly blunt or “real” with people from time to time? It’s all fun and games one minute, then Xander gets honest and while everyone else might kind of stop for a second because “what did you just say, Xander?” He soldiers on like nothing’s wrong because he either a) doesn’t even realize what he’s done or b) thinks it would be better not to draw too much attention to it.

He’s such a low-key know-it-all. On the outside, he’s looks like a giant himbo. But in reality, he may not make a big deal about something at first, but if things turn out the way he thought they would (and it wouldn’t be completely inappropriate to rub his victory in that person’s face), he’s definitely the guy that relishes getting to say the words ‘I told you so’.

When playing chubby bunny, he can fit up to nine of the regular sized marshmallows in his mouth at a time. He thinks it’s a real talent.

His favorite season is spring. Because it signifies renewal, a rebirth. It’s when the snow on the ground melts and flowers sprout in its place, it’s warm weather in place of the bitter cold and a time where he can cleanse himself of any discrepancies the rest of the year will bring him.

His guilty pleasure is Mcdonald’s. As being the main source of his diet, no one can ever try to tell him what the chicken nuggets are supposedly made out of and if they do, they can expect it to go through one ear and out the other. It’s his pick-me-up after a bad day and nine times out of ten - after an argument or whatever, you can get back on his good side with it.

Has a 2013 black Jeep Wrangler. Treats it as if a human being. Has named it and everything. Xander will never, ever let anyone drink in his car because if it spilled and stained the interior, he will blow a fuse.

He was actually born a month early, on March 13th. He claims it’s because he smelt bacon from inside the womb and wanted out to eat it. He’s immature, but he can’t help it.

Xander will yell at you for not texting back but then forget to text you for three days.

He is the KING of having fomo. He is always stalking Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter to see if his friends are out without him. He is only slightly hurt when he sees duos out, but if he sees large groups he gets really upset.

PLOTTING FOR XANDER!

An approximate timeline for Xander!

TBD!

Xander may come off as a jock… well, he is a jock, let’s be honest here, sport is a huge chunk of his identity and it’s also the reason why he can’t stand still for too long. The boy has a lot of energy, it needs to go somewhere and what better way to use it than slamming into some people on the ice? He’s loud, blunt, occasionally rude, he doesn’t look for the attention on purpose but he draws it because of his demeanor.

Xander has never had a hard time befriending others. In school, he was a troublemaker and an athlete - a mix certain to get you popularity. But even now at twenty seven years old, he isn’t afraid to make himself look an ass to entertain others. He’s never been shy and can talk to just about anyone.

Xander is the kind guy who schmoozes his way in and out of every conversation, effortlessly gliding through social situations with confidence and style. His time on the ice has served him well, glowing in the spotlight but also having some grace to share it with nineteen other people. Most of his rivals were deliberately trying to see him fail. But he’s nothing if not a team player, as cliche as that is. He’s a natural leader and wants everyone to work together towards ultimate harmony. When you’re out partying, he’s the guy that takes charge and decides what bar you’re going to. He’s always been someone who has been pretty free-spirited and marches to the beat of his own drum. He has quite the charming and engaging personality, he practically can get anyone to do anything but he’s far from the manipulative type. Half of the time, he uses his charming ways to get his friends to let loose and be as carefree for a moment as he tends to be. However, he’s not someone who is too careless, he knows when to have fun and he knows when to take things seriously. Xander is someone who’s going to be loyal to his friends, he’s going to treat them like family and he’s going to be there for them, no matter what they’re going through and it doesn’t matter if he can relate or not.

He cares about the people he has in his life and is a genuine, sincere, sensitive dude. Always was the boy who left his heart on the ice after every game. He stands up for what he believes in and is an unadulterated good person at heart. Unfortunately, he tends to be so harmonious that he becomes influenced by others’ attitudes. If he’s around dicks, he’s going to act like a righteous, self-concerned asshole, if that’s what everyone else is doing. The insecurity of being young and impressionable, especially now with the spotlight shining a little brighter as he’s on TV, tends to make him want to meld into the people around him. The weakness of his knee and shoulder caused him to become more anxious and protective of his reputation and abilities, coupled with the feeling that his parents wanted him to fail so he could pursue a more “realistic” path. He knows what he’s good at and has a hefty dose of confidence and ambition in him, but he can come off condescending and arrogant in the same light. Ultimately, a true people-person who sees the good and wants to shed light on it, but sinks deeply into insecurity and fear if he feels vulnerable. But no matter how much he tries to put on a “hockey bro” aesthetic, he’s unabashedly a naive, soft-shelled guy who doesn’t know any better than to trust everyone means well.

Xander loves his family more than anything. Even if they get kind of annoyed with him for making stupid or reckless or unjust choices, he knows that they’ll always support him. He gets along with all of his siblings pretty swimmingly, but when they get into an argument with one another, he generally tries to be the peacemaker, though he’s not necessarily the best at it.

As far as friends go, Xander is a great friend to have in your corner. Even though he’s not the most dependable, he’s very loyal and really does try his best to help his friends in their time of need. Plus, he’s good with his hands and good at fixing things. And he gives great hugs. He doesn’t care about how a person is as long as they have something to connect over. He also doesn’t need a lot of alcohol to do it. All of his energy and enthusiasm? 100% au naturale. He’s not much of a partier these days now that he’s working a full-time job. But he also likes to be in the company of people so if he’s invited to some type of party, he’ll probably go just for the socialization. Honestly, he just wants to do cute things like see movies and work out. Gym buddies are a must.

Xander loves people. He could carry on a conversation with a brick wall so even those folks that won’t talk back, he’ll do enough talking for both of them. He’s a sensitive and kind man. The kind that’s loyal to a fault, and trusts until given a reason not to. He’s friendly, but private. And even though conversation can flow easily with Xander, getting to know him on a deeper level can be hard. He doesn’t really share his thoughts and feelings with anyone unless he’s perfectly comfortable. Though, he loves talking to new people and spending nights with the friends he already has. He might not always be on time but if they call needing him now and he’s not busy, he’s there.

Xander can be a bit of a pushover with people. He’ll give several chances before he knows he should cut someone out. Even then, it’s not for long. It is extremely difficult for him to really hate someone. Usually if people hate him for some reason but Xander tries to fix it. That doesn’t always work. One of his major downfalls is his honesty. Sometimes in telling the truth, he can be a little too blunt with people. He doesn’t believe in sugar coating things because it doesn’t help a person out at all. This has led to more fights more than he cares to admit and has led to plenty of rifts that he’s caused. Still, he’ll try to fix them but it doesn’t always work out that way.

Also, anyone who bashes his family is automatically an enemy. Furthermore, he doesn’t get along well with snobs. And he has no patience for people who continuously fuck their lives up. Sure, Xander has made some mistakes but he has always tried to fix them, or at least make them bearable. People who can’t do that really piss Xander.

As loyal as Xander is as a friend, and despite his aversion to confrontation, he’s probably not an enemy you’d want to have. If he’s ever gotten into a fight, nine times out of ten it’s because he’s standing up for someone he cares about. He’s prone to bouts of moodiness, and does have a bit of temper deep down, but mostly he’s very good at keeping that to himself.

When Xander was a teenager, he didn’t have a lot of time to date, with practices every morning and/or evening, and games every weekend, but the desire was there. Throughout high school, when relationships were plentiful and bound to blossom, he was preoccupied with his sport. He did his fair share of complaining that he didn’t get that same teenagehood that his friends did, but then again, most of them played too. Dating came second to the game, refining their craft and honing their skills was more important. Maybe not in their hearts, but in their heads, and for Xander his head ended up winning more often. It was almost cut-and-dry that he would put his potential career over a relationship; one was up to him, and one was completely up to chance. In his heart of hearts, he is a sensitive, emotional dude who feels deeply and knows the clock is running on the rest of his life that he’s neglected in lieu of furthering his career. If there’s one thing that might subdue his parents’ restlessness about him making no real “concrete” life decisions, it would be bringing home someone that actually stuck. If he could avoid heartbreak for life, ensure that a lover would never come between him and his goals, then it would be in the cards.

Since coming to Merrock, he has dated off and on. There’s been nobody serious, but I could see him dating someone for a couple months at max. He’s a little distracted by everything going on in his personal life, so he’s not completely focused on finding someone, but he’s also not opposed to it. He’s just not sure what he wants, and he’s still so young that he doesn’t feel like he needs to worry about what he wants quite yet.

Other than that, he needs people to flirt with and maybe a really good fwb that just hook up when they need stress relief? Who knows, I’m down for anything, really.

If you’ve read this and would still like to plot, please send me a message as I’m always down to start something up! The more, the merrier!

WANTED CONNECTIONS

FRIENDS - He would love to have a friend group! People who make him feel like he can be completely himself.

WORK OUT BUDDIES - Working out is something that Xander is really into, so I’d love to have a person or two he works out with regularly and they just shoot the shit while they do it, try and motivate each other, and cheer for each other when they get a new personal record in. Overall, he’s very much into sports, so anyone sporty or athletic he probably could have crossed paths with.

PET BUDDIES - Xander is looking to get a dog, so maybe he befriends some other pet owners? Or walkers. He’s looking to get a coonhound, because they’re an extension of speed and need all the time outside. Just like him.

SPORTS FANS - Since Xander lived in Boston for a bit, baseball became another sport he liked to watch. The Red Sox are his team. Give him some baseball fans to argue with, to rejoice with, to get into a fight with for some silly arbitrary reason. Also: fuck Boston College.

LINGERING FEELINGS - I’ve also had this idea of a friendship that fell apart because Xander fell in love with a guy and then didn’t know what it was, so he ended up being a complete ass about it. This character was the first guy to really bring him any sort of awareness to his sexuality, and Xander was figuring it all out as he came to terms with that. It wouldn’t have gotten anywhere but they might still be on ends because of it and it might be fun to play with, so hmu if you’re interested!

CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND (preferably a female fc) - You know those childhood best friends that parents comment how cute they’d be together? Yeah, that was this character and Xander when they were little kids. At first, they didn’t get a long considering they were set up by their mothers. However, over time they became close friends. Like family, even. This character moved away when they got to middle school, but they kept their steady long distance friendship, and he told her everything despite all of the difficulties they faced. It was when he was drafted in the NHL that caused a rift in their relationship. His calls were less and less, which left this character feeling like she wasn’t a priority anymore. I’m requesting her because of how interesting their dynamic would be to explore.

HIS LITTLE SISTER, JASMINE - As mentioned, Xander here has a little sister that he’s pretty close to. He played his big brother role of helping by stepping in and help take care of her when he needed to. Without a doubt, he’s all about his sister, he loves her and is very protective of her and every single one of his family members. He’s been trying to get his sister to come out and join him in Merrock.

In all honesty, Xander’s open to quite a bit! He’ll have connections with anyone through Touchback since he worked there before quitting. Maybe some people who think he’s a little annoying and can’t mesh with his personality? I’m just spit balling with that. Feel free to throw something at me, I’m game to try anything!

#hc • you get what you give and you give what you get.

1 note · View note

royalhouseofcarrington · 3 years

Photo

The Viscount Binoir Celebrates 19th Birthday

To celebrate the Viscount Binoir’s 18th birthday, Nimben Palace released the first official portrait of the future Duke of Angers.

The portrait was taken on the grounds of Glen Falls Manor, the rumored future home of the Viscount or one of his siblings. Now that he has reached his majority, the Viscount is set to being his military service within the coming weeks at an unknown location.

It is unknown if he will continue with his few patronages and duties, but is expected to be a working royal after his military training is complete.

Happy birthday Your Highness!

20 notes · View notes

blackhakumen · 3 years

Text

Mini Fanfic #731: The Sleeping Dark Angel (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

9:34 p.m. at the Smash Mansion's Living Room......

TV Screen: (Ross and Rachel Starts Arguing with One Another.....Again)

Misako: (Yawns While Rubbing her Eye) Why does people think those two are best TV Couple again?.....They suck.

Kyoko: (Gasps in a Hush Like Voice) Misako! Look!

Misako: ('Sigh') What's is it, Kyo- (Eyes Widened a Little Once She Noticed Something in Front of her and Kyoko) -ko?

Dark Pit: (Fell Asleep on Both of his Girlfriends' Laps) Zzzzzzzzz......

Kyoko: (Gushing Over How Cute Their Dark Angel is Being) He's all tuckered out!~

Misako: (Stares at the Sleeping Dark Pit for a Brief Second Before Chuckling Lightly) Well, I'll be damned. Guess all that stupid love quarrel shit from the show really knocked him out this time~ Hey, wait a minute. (Turns to Kyoko) How come his head is rest on your lap?

Kyoko: (Puts on a Bragging Smile on her Face While Gently Stroking the Top of Dark Pit's Head) What can I say, babe?~ My legs save lives~

Misako: (Gives Kyoko a Deadpinned Look on Her Face) ...... I think the phasing you meant to say was "Thick Thighs Save Lives". (Starts Smirking a Bit Seductively) But damn if that's the case of yours~

Kyoko: (Giggles Softly While Blushing) Oho, stop it~ You really like my legs and thighs?~

Misako: Damn right. I've seen kicks and legwork you delivered on those street thugs. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're almost built like Chun-Li~

Kyoko: Ooh! (Happily And Silently Clap her Hands) I love Chun-Li! She's literally one of my inspirations in life! (Place her Finger in her Chin While Thinking) I wonder why she hasn't been invited to the Smash tournament yet......

Misako: (Shrugs) Who knows? Maybe she's enjoying the retired life?

Kyoko: Maybe.......('GASPS') Oh my gosh!~

Misako: What? What is it?

Kyoko: (Excitedly Points at Dark Pit Snuggling onto her Lap) He's snuggling!~

Misako: ('Sigh') Lucky bitch. I want his cute, dumb head sleeping on my lap too.....

Kyoko: I'm sure you'll have your chance soon enough, Misa-Sweetie~ (Happily Hugs Dark Pit's Head) Right now, momma's enjoy this!~

Dark Pit: Zzzzzzzzz.......

Misako: (Sighs Once More Before Smiling Softly) He really does look peaceful when sleeps......Hey, Kyoko.

Kyoko: (Turns Back to Misako) Yeah?

Misako: You got any lipstick on you?

Kyoko: (Put Both if her Hands in her Coat Pocket and Takes Two Lipsticks Out of Their) Only Cherry Bomb and Sweeten Strawberry. Why?

Misako: Pick which on you wanna put on your lips. (Puts on an Evil Smirk on her Face) We're giving our angel boi some kisses tonight~

Few Minutes Later.......

Dark Pit: (Slowly Starts Waking Up From Kyoko's Lap)

Misako: (Gives Dark Pit a Playful Smirk on her Face) Hey there, Sleeping Beauty~ Had a nice nap?~

Kyoko: (Giggles Softly at Dark Pit)

Dark Pit: Huh?...... (Felt Something on his Cheeks) Are these kiss marks?

Misako: (Chuckles Lightly) Yup~ We decided to give you some loving while you sleep.

Kyoko: (Smiles Brightly) You look sooooo cute that we couldn't help ourselves!~

Dark Pit: (Sighs While Placing his Hand on his Forehead) Figured you two would do something like that......(Turns to the TV and See Rachel and Ross Starts Making Out) God damnit. They hooked back up again?

Misako: Seems like it. They were at each other's throats earlier before. Those two are problematic as all hell.

Dark Pit: Right? Monica and Chandler are a way better couple than those two wish they could be.

Kyoko: (Nodded in Agreement) Oh definitely. Those, I don't know why Joey and Phoebe never thought about hooking up......

Dark Pit: ('Scoffs') Probably because the show is too focused on Ross and Rachel to even care.

Misako: Probably.

Dark Pit: ('Yawn') It's whatever. (About to Lay his Head Back on Kyoko's Lap) I'm going back to sle-

Misako: (Starts Snapping her Finger) Nuh-uh! Nope! You're not sleeping over there?

Dark Pit: Wait what? Why not?

Misako: You've been sleeping on Kyoko's Lap for a long ass while. So now you'll be sleeping in mines, no question's ask!

Kyoko: (Smiles Softly at Their Confused Boyfriend) Go ahead and sleep on Misako's lap, Pitto-Kins. It's okay.

Dark Pit: (Stares at Kyoko for a Brief Second Before Sighing) Fiiiiine. I'll go and...sleep on her lap or whatever. (Turns to Misako and Lay his Head Down on her Lap) Happy?

Misako: (Chuckles Lightly) Very. (Gently Strokes on top of Dark Pit's Hair) Comfy, isn't it?

Dark Put: Yeah. This is nice.

Misako: (Smiles Softly) Glad you're liking it. But I gotta ask: Which lap you like more? Mines....(Points at a Giggling Kyoko) Little Miss Chun-Li over there?

Dark Pit: You're seriously asking me that? ('Yawn') Both of your.....Laps... Save.....Lives......(Went Back to Sleep) Zzzzzzzzz.......

Misako: (Went Back to Having a Deadpinned Look on her Face) Again. "Thick Thighs Save Lives" is the correct saying. But....('Sigh') It's close enough. (Turns to Kyoko) What do think, Kyo-

Kyoko: (Fell Asleep as Well While Snoring Loudly) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........

Misako: ('Sigh') Nevermind. Might as well get some sleep too. (Kiss the Top of Dark Pit's Head and The Top of Kyoko's Hand as Well) Goodnight, losers. ('Yawn') Love you~

And with that, Misako finally fell asleep with her boyfriend and girlfriend by her side.

@keyenuta

@caleb13frede

@26shann

@bestpony666

@albion-93

@ma-lemons

@supergamemaster64

#super smash ultimate #river city girls #dark pit #misako #kyoko #chun li (mentioned)#lots and lots of fluff here #cute romance #cuddling & snuggling #dark pit x misako x kyoko #edited

8 notes · View notes

heyvivalapluto · 3 years

Text

scorpius malfoy headcanons

HUFFLEPUFF HUFFLEPUFF HUFFLEPUFF

soft aesthetic

heterochromia king.

right eye: hazel, astoria much. left eye: greenish with sparkles of blue

diagnosed with light ocd, but he’s getting better

loves sweaters. they are just so warm and cozy, specially if they are one of his weasley sweaters

same height as albus.

pansexual

70% of his body is coffee

he’s a pun master.

major daddy issues

loves to play the piano

because of his family status, scorpius could explore many talents

such as music, literature, martial arts and dancing

he knows ballet

and knows how to waltz.

an elton john fan and enthusiast

gentle heart

he wants to be a lawyer someday. wizard or muggle, he wants to help those without a voice

(very similar to a girl he knows. she was an inspiration, actually)

the most responsible person ever. after albus

(and when it’s related to work.)

scorpius never takes care of himself, which drives his friends insane

his priority is fighting for werewolf rights

super smart. one of the top students of his year

sucker for pens. since albus and rose introduced him to them, he’s been in love with it and always wants a new one

loves anything muggle. he just finds it fascinating, which made him arthur’s favorite child.

and yes, scorpius is an honorary weasley and one of their (adopted) kids.

he loves to read about mystery and open cases. scooby-doo could never

he’s so kind.

golden by harry styles

sucks at communicating. he can’t hold a conversation, he just has to make puns or a sarcastic comment.

never call him by his middle name. he may be a ray of sunshine, but he will murder you and hide your body so well that nobody will ever find you, if you do

a drama queen

who the frick knows latin? uh- scorpius does.

momma’s boy.

he LOVES hugs. come on, give this boy a hug. he deserves and needs it

touch starved

he seems shy at first, but i guarantee you, when you get to meet him, he becomes the most annoying person ever and you are thankful for it. everyone just loves how he always has a pun or is over confident or is sarcastic to the bone cause is just so funny

chandler bing raised that boy.

actually, he is the perfect mix between monica and chandler.

mondler’s child.

crooked smile

he sucks at math, it’s hilarious

he is lowkey in love with rose. he just chokes anytime she talks to him, because she’s too beautiful to waste her time talking to him

he snorts whenever he laughs too hard. he just does and it’s the cutest thing

“rocketman is the best movie in cinema history.”

chocolate frogs are his comfort food

his favorite superhero is spider-man

he had an emo phase. the pictures are everything

during his emo phase, he painted his hair with red wicks.

loves horror movies

“looks like a cinnamon roll and is a cinnamon roll”

just eat your damn vegetables, scorpius

knows how to braid hair and always make it stylish somehow. years of practice with his momma

falls asleep anywhere. he can’t help himself

he’s afraid he’s never going to be a good person, because of his blood. he just wants to be enough; to be good

skin care king.

CHUDLEY CANNONS!!!!

can’t drive

sassy

is marvelous at quidditch, but rathers not be part of the team

#scorpius malfoy #i can’t help but fall in love with this boy #scorpius headcancons #scorpius malfoy headcanons #scorose #hp #hp headcanon #heyvivalapluto headcanons

25 notes · View notes

watching-pictures-move · 3 years

Text

Put On Your Raincoats #20 | Squalid Motels and Desperate Gals, courtesy of Kim Christy

This review contains mild spoilers.

When I first heard of Kim Christy, I knew I had to delve into her work. Here is someone who was involved in the drag scene in the '60s and went on to direct and produce pornography from the '80s onward. She's also a trans woman director (and occasional actress), which is not just unusual in golden age pornography but even mainstream cinema today. Unfortunately, figuring out where to start was a challenge. There's a very good interview with her on the Advocate but which doesn't really delve into her directing work. So I did the highly risky and ill-advised move of scanning through the titles in her filmography and trying to pick out ones with interesting sounding premises. Even this was a challenge, as a lot of her movies sounded like they didn't have a terrible amount of story. (A good many of them also had certain slurs in the title, which are unfortunately common in trans pornography.) So out of the crapshoot of movies I picked, I can't say I really got to the bottom of what makes her work interesting or even gelled to most of them, but hopefully I can convey what makes the ones I did take to interesting.

To start with the most slight, the two Divine Atrocities movies are basically a collection of sex scenes. There's a theme of dominant women running through them, but otherwise there isn't much tying together in terms of staging, aesthetics and the like. The segments have titles like "The Leather Lass Tamer", "Rubber Rampage" and "Ms. Degradation", but truth be told, nothing here is terribly shocking. So there isn't a lot to either of these movies, but if you're watching it for those reasons, they're enjoyable enough. A few of the segments feature trans performers, and I did find that Sulka had a nicely imposing screen presence in her scene, and while Sugar Nicole briefly threatens her partner with her "big black cock", I did like that for the most part the movies don't discern between these scenes and the ones with cisgender performers. In the eyes of Kim Christy, there's room for everyone in this great sexual melange. Also notable is the threesome scene with Janey Robbins, who (after likely reading Dan Savage's column) tells one of her partners, "If you don't find a different way to fuck me, you can forget it, I'll have to find somebody else", and in the first time in the history of civilization, gets mad at her male partner for not climaxing quickly enough. "You always say it'll only take a few minutes. Time is the only thing I can't replace, and it always takes too long."

A bit more substantive narratively but less interesting is Momma's Boy, with a premise that you can guess based on the title. Tantala Ray presides over a brothel set during an indeterminate period, where she presides over her girls and also her son, who mysteriously became a deaf-mute at a certain point of time. Why did her son become a deaf-mute? Will we ever find out? Spoiler: it's incest. Tantala Ray does have a weird enough screen presence to make her parts watchable, but this has none of the charge that, say, Taboo brings to the same material. (It's worth noting that Ray in this movie, looking like a debauched queen of Mardi Gras in one scene, is a camp villain while Kay Parker plays her role straight in the other movie.) As it's shot on video, the movie is not very nice to look at, and the dirt cheap production values make it unclear whether this is supposed to be a period piece. Some of the dialogue is amusing ("Oxford?" "Guess again." "Princeton?" "Try Biloxi Tech, my sweetie."), and there is some old timey music and one of the clients wears an ascot at one point, so it's not a totally squalid affair. (It's classy, see? He's wearing an ascot.) As the son, Jerry Butler does a cringe-inducing lisp, but I did chuckle at his last line.

A bit easier to recommend is True Crimes of Passion, where Janey Robbins plays a private detective (cheekily named B.J. Fondel) who invariably bungles her investigations and winds up in sex scenes with the people she's supposed to be investigating. "Out of the fog and into the smog" begins the overwrought voiceover, which truth be told doesn't compare to the likes of Chandler but I guess the effort is nice. The first case involves her investigating the wife of a minister whom her client suspects of infidelity. Surprise, surprise, it turns out the wife has a girlfriend with whom she has dominant sex. Thanks to Robbins' investigative prowess, she gets found out and forced to join the proceedings and ends up getting her client, a Dan Quayle looking motherfucker in a cowboy hat, captured as well, which leads to an incredible burn.

"The lord will punish you for this."

"The lord already has, he gave me you for a husband."

Also, when Robbins is forced into cunnilingus, she says over narration, "Oh Christ, I'm not even sure I've seen one of these things up close", and yeah, okay, Janey.

The second scene is probably the most notable as it features Christy as a performer. Robbins visits her friend to investigate a death threat against her friend's brother (also Robbins' ex), and the twist can be deduced when you start wondering why a seemingly minor character gets an unusually large amount of screentime. The scene features a trope that likely isn't terribly sensitive by modern standards, but I get the sense from that Advocate interview that Christy isn't too hung up about such things and one must concede that the film is a product of its time and genre (and within that context, there's a lot worse out there). The last scene has Robbins spying on her neighbour in hotel to get some industry secrets, which leads to some really awkward dialogue about champagne and then a threesome involving her client and mark. Like the work of Yasojiru Ozu, this scene breaks the 180-rule, but I guess if this is your thing, you might enjoy it. At the very end, the mark just gives up his secrets to the client. The secrets of male bonding sometimes elude me.

Easily the most accomplished and enjoyable film from Christy that I watched was Squalor Motel. It combines the sexual variety of the other films with a sense of camp and grounds it in a distinct, memorable location. There isn't much more "plot" than the other movies, as it's basically about a motel concierge doing her job over the course of a day, but as it follows her bumping into a variety of (usually horny) guests and finding herself in amusing (and unfailingly sexual) situations, there's enough of a narrative through line that it feels like a "real" movie where the other movies strained for similar effect, and the movie uses a soundtrack of icy synths and jazz that sounds like imitation Angelo Badalamenti to give it all an alluring vibe. I'm gonna make a wager that David Lynch would have liked this movie. Look, I have no idea what his viewing habits are or what sends his motor running, and the thought of him jacking it furiously to this or any movie is not something that brings me pleasure. But this shares some of the campy tone and surface qualities of his works, and I also wanted to leave you all with that image.

Why does the motel have its own house band (to whom people try to listen to while they engage in all kinds of sexual congress)? Why is Jamie Gillis made up like a vampire and trying to sell marital aids? Why does the one guest's blow-up doll turn into a real person (and prove, uh, extremely vocal during their scene)? Why is the owner wearing a pig mask and a tutu while he spies on his guests? Why is everyone laughing at the newlywed? Why is the one scientist with a Hitler mustache and his shrill-voiced assistant conducting experiments (read: having a threesome) with Tantala Ray? And how are most of these things taking place in the mysterious Reptile Room in the middle of the motel? With an extremely winning Colleen Brennan in the lead role (sporting a pair of thick glasses, a Lucille Ball updo, and a big, toothy smile), we'll have a pretty good time finding out. Like a lot of hardcore movies, this is pretty episodic in structure, but its distinct atmosphere gives it a nice sense of momentum as it drifts from scene to scene.

With its nice production design (and the fact that it seems to have actual sets, rather than being shot in what I assume are people's homes like in the other movies), Squalor Motel feels a bit more upscale and lavish than the average porno. While I don't have any budgetary information handy, I do know that the production had an assistant director, Ned Morehead. To what extent he contributed to the movie's DNA I can't say for certain, but the directorial effort of his I watched, also produced by Christy, had many of the same qualities. Desperate Women starts off feeling pretty stylish with its spraypaint style opening credits (although it loses a bit of style when it misspells star Taija Rae's name as "Taja Rea"). Taija Rae plays a reporter who ends up wrongfully convicted for a murder and thrown in brutal women's prison presided over by the sadistic Tantala Ray, who seems to get her jollies from spying on her prisoners as they get it on or abusing them with the help of her dimwitted guard. During such incidents, the guard frequently ends up ejaculating on her uniform as a source of comic relief. (One such scene ends with a shot of a photo of Ronald Reagan.) I must however disclose, without revealing too much about the shameful inner workings of my hopelessly degenerate mind, that the denouement of scene involving Ray, her guard and Sharon Mitchell did not leave me unmoved. Mitchell plays a prisoner who befriends Taija Rae, and it's worth noting that despite being one of the best actresses in classic porn, she's saddled here with an atrocious Hispanic accent and at one point sings a bit of "America" from West Side Story.

By porn standards, this is actually quite well produced and has a relatively sturdy narrative. (I must however note that one scene has a blatant ejaculation-related continuity error.) Women in prison movies tend to be pretty squalid affairs in general, at least in terms of production values, so this doesn't feel too far off from the real thing and offers more explicit versions of the same pleasures, while its sense of humour gives it a nice campy quality. Tantala Ray especially delivers in a pleasingly over the top performance as the teeth-gnashing villain (the camera often frames her severe face in wide angle close ups), and say what you will about Sharon Mitchell's accent, I did like seeing her pop up in here. With all the flamboyance and excitement around her, Taija Rae almost becomes a supporting character in her own movie, although I must confess that I found her character's hopeless naivety pretty cute. ("I didn't wear rubbers, it's sunny out".) With a fun cast, a firm handle on the genre's pleasures and a groovy soundtrack, this is a pretty good time.

#film #movie review #put on your raincoats #divine atrocities #divine atrocities 2 #momma's boy #true crimes of passion #squalor motel #desperate women #kim christy #ned morehead

5 notes · View notes

dipshithqs · 5 years

Text

☠ ◞ ashton moio . 23 . cismale . he/him . › is that rocco mena i see walking through the campgrounds ? i can’t believe that the sagittarius is spending their summer here . i heard that MOUSE is a pizza delivery boy when they’re at home in chandler , arizona . but while they’re here , i’ve seen them stuffing his face while humming all night longer by sammy adams . i’ve called them the village idiot but that’s only because of their PLAYFUL and DIMWITTED tendencies . apparently , they’re back at camp silver lake this year because he missed the place . ‹ played by t , he/they , 18+ , mst . ›

INTRODUCTION

name. rocco age. 23 birthday. 11/23 sexuality. heterosexual

EXTENDED

full name. rocco spencer mena pronunciation. ROCK-oh SPEHN-suhr meh-NUH meaning of name. “rest” aliases. mouse, ,rocky, roc gender. cismale pronouns. he/him species. human zodiac sign. sagittarius hometown. chandler, arizona occupation. pizza delivery boy/camp counselor label. the village idiot faceclaim. ashton moio

RUNDOWN

🍕 a Very Dumb™ 🍕 obsessed w/ rap/hip-hop and constantly tries to write his own songs 🍕 super bad at writing but actually a decent rapper 🍕 generally liked by the kids ,, , mostly bc they can get away w/ a lotta shit w/ him 🍕 pinterest board 🍕 has been a pizza delivery boy fr 3 years 🍕 was a clerk n a babysitter before that 🍕 never taken seriously 🍕 loves energy drinks 🍕 still lives w/ his parents 🍕 developed a panic disorder n started getting panic attacks at 13 ,, , after his first run at camp silver lake 🍕 Would Rather Be Sleeping 🍕 bit of a momma’s boy 🍕 spotify playlist 🍕 a Good Choice if all you wanna do is sit around n eat cheetos all day 🍕 been skateboarding since he was 9 🍕 was close friends w/ 3 out of the 10 kids that disappeared 🍕 parties like a frat boy

QUESTIONS

why are they labeled as the trope that you applied for ? remember that kid in class that used to sit at the table during arts and crafts time just eating glue and putting stickers on his face ? that was mouse ... . ... and he hasn’t changed, ,,,he’s labeled the village idiot ‘cause homeboy is dumb as dirt ! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! !! a safety hazard. w/ the kinda luck he has too,,, he’d end up getting someone else ( along with himself ) killed ,,, fortunately, , where he lacks intelligence ... . n luck ,, , he makes up for in friendliness who are some of their character inspirations ? ( bonus points if you list some horror movie or television show characters ) gOd i wish i had more characters frm horror movies/tv but highkey philip j. fry from futurama, , a dash of charlie kelly from it’s always sunny in philidelpha,, touch of michael kelso from that ‘70s show minus the narcissism ( tho mouse has his moments ), ,,,, , andy dwyer from parks and recreation ,, , lowkey xander harris from buffy the vampire slayer do you think they’d run into danger or run away from it ? it depends tbh, ,,but probably run away , ,, like 93% of the time he’d run away what are the worst parts of their personality ? o god he is so. .. .. .. .. .. .... ..... ..so dumb, ,,fatally dumb, ,, , keep-your-distance dumb,, ,, actually making him annoying at times ( especially in serious situations ) ,, , n he can b V lazy so asking him to do. .. ... Anything .. ... can b such a Chore, ,, this makes him appear selfish at times,,, as well what are some connections that they would have formed at camp the first time they were around ? his main focus would’ve probably been the boys at camp the first go around, ,, since he was just set on having fun w/ a group a friends n girls just seemed Annoying at the time,,, , so BROS !!!!!! [ insert me and the boys meme here ] there’s a possibility he’d gotten a hardcore crush at camp the second go around ( at 14 ) tho are they nervous about returning back to camp silver lake ? why or why not ? noooooo he is v much Excited to b returning,, , thanks to his good ol’ ‘ subconsiously blocking out tramatic experiences ’ method ,, ,albeit ... .. . he didn’t expect to come back ,, , but couldn’t resist what’s their favorite scary movie ? so hard !!!! he’s def more into comedy or cartoons than scary or gore but he can b down fr a good funny horror ,, ,,, probably tucker and dale vs evil finally, what are some connections you’d like for them to have ? ( please list a minimum of three ) would fckn Love something along the lines of those two guys/heterosexual life-partners (shaggy/scooby, jay/silent bob, monty/jasper, etc) pLease ,,, might b pushing it but maybe something like cloudcuckoolander’s minder ?? listen .. ... ... ..he’s gonna die Quick w/o a smack whenever he tries to do smthn stupid (n thts all th time fjds),, !!! just friends !!! r smthin like it,, , def can see him crushing on someone, ,trying to hit on ‘em,,, , pulling out those cheesy pick up lines n they just Do Not Want , ,,,, ,lbh he’s not bf material, ,, ,, ok but i'm down fr aaannnnyyyytttthhhiinnngggg tho honstly it’s cool to just come up w somethin on the fly, ,, pLS HMU !!!!!!!

APPEARANCE

height. 5′8″ weight. 138 lbs eyes. brown hair. dark brown race. hispanic/latino nationality. american complexion. beige build. scrawny voice. x scent. cheese dust,, fruity pebbles, ,,body spray

RELATIONSHIPS

parents. donté + maría siblings. jamie children. none enemies. none ( that he knows of )

MENTAL

education. high school languages. english, spanish disorders. panic disorder habits. eating 'til he passes out, ,taking looooong ass naps ,, ,playing on his skateboard in the cabins ,, ignoring his general duties as a councellor/steering the kids off course

TRAITS

positive. optimistic, supportive, playful, tenderhearted, easygoing negative. lazy, dimwitted, self-indulgent, immature, careless

CHARACTERIZATION

moral alignment. neutral good jung. enfp-a enneagram. the peacemaker four temperaments. phlegmatic tropes. crying wolf, the ditz, buffy speak, dumb is good, too dumb to live, kindhearted simpleton, casanova wannabe, manchild, butt-monkey, the slacker, know-nothing know-it-all, fun personified, extreme omnivore, cloudcuckoolander, adorkable, unfazed everyman, innocently insensitive archetypes. the performer, the caregiver, the rebel aura. red tarot card. the sun

ATTRIBUTES

strength. 3/10 dexterity. 4/10 magic. 0/10 cunning. 2/10 willpower. 4/10 constitution. 8/10

INTELLECT

musical-rhythmic intelligence. 6/10 visual-spatial intelligence. 2/10 verbal-linguistic intelligence. 3/10 logical-mathematical intelligence. 1/10 bodily-kinesthetic intelligence. 3/10 interpersonal intelligence. 6/10 intrapersonal intelligence. 5/10 existential intelligence. 6/10 naturalistic intelligence. 2/10

#slasher.intro #( this is all tf over the place )

6 notes · View notes