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#Car Dealerships In The Area
swanconcerto · 9 months
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me if i were in “your flirty vampire boyfriend finally bites you”
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darthtaoshay · 10 months
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I love how I tell my brother I got the new car because it gives me the peace of mind that my car can’t easily be stolen anymore and he just tells me I am an idiot for changing cars again and I am just hurting myself in the future.
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runawaymarbles · 1 year
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@ the radfems making the “a cis boy who is medium at sports could just transition and become a star on the women’s team and get accolades and scholarships” argument:
Okay. Then you do it. Men have all those societal advantages. All the power. The system is built for men. You talk about this all the time. So why don’t you just become one? You want to get those promotions, that respect at the car dealership, you want to walk home at night and look over your shoulder less often. All it’ll take is, you know, a few years on testosterone. Changing your name. Reminding your friends and family to use the new name and pronouns because this won’t work if everyone knows you’re just pretending.
Or does the idea of doing all of that for the hope of a leg up in one or two specific areas seem, you know, fucking ridiculous?
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Find Your Dream Car: Visit the Top-Rated Aston Martin Dealership in NJ
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Looking for a high-quality used Aston Martin? Look no further than our used Aston Martin car dealership in NJ. We offer a wide selection of used Aston Martin vehicles, as well as a range of services to help you find and maintain your dream car.
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If you are looking for a used Aston Martin car dealer near your area, look no further than our dealership. With our extensive inventory, expert team, and commitment to customer satisfaction.
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0ystercatcher · 2 years
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[our work crosses paths with soooo many industries] not the same anon but i got curious after reading, which industries would you say are those?
basically any industry you can think of considering its more or less necessary for businesses to have at the very least basic branding and brand /sales material to show customers. i meant designers can get a little taste of different industries and areas that way even if your work begins as simply branding or really basic material for them
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fangirl-dot-com · 3 months
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The Inheritance
Guys, I keep messing up the timeline. So here we go. Christian, Geri, and Mitch find out about Lorenzo and your parents disowning you at your last F2 race. Max finds out about Lorenzo in this chapter (although not written in detail). Max then finds out about your parents in chapter 18 “All For You.” 
This is proof that I listen to my readers :D @dreamy-state-of-mind asked to see how reader bought her cars and this chapter was created! I can't do every ask for an idea but I try to listen to what y'all want!
Y'all are being fed...two chapters in a row (which means the next one won't be out for a little bit - so I apologize!)
Like always comments, questions, concerns, reblogs, and likes are always appreciated! Enjoy!
TAG LIST IS CLOSED
Your hands were in your pockets as you walked around the open room. You had somehow lost Max, Vito, AND Christian. It wasn’t like you meant to walk away, you just did on accident. How could someone know that the foreign car dealership was this big. Well, you would know, but that’s beside the point. 
It was quite cold in Germany. Thankfully, you had packed extra layers, something the men seemed to not know how to do. You were sure that Max would have worn his Red Bull polo if you didn’t mention to Kelly where you were going. Sure, he could dress on his own, but who would want that? 
Your eyes gazed at all of the cars on the floor. Most were the common stock models. Audis, Mercedes, and even Volkswagens littered the area; yet, the cars you were looking for were nowhere to be found. You kept heading in the same direction, hoping to at least find a familiar someone who looked like they worked there. 
Your ears picked up on some German words. Feet taking faster steps, you rounded a corner. Ah, there they were. 
Somehow you completely missed seeing that the Porsches would be in a different room. You gingerly stepped farther into the vast open-ceiling room. Your hand itched to touch them, but you knew better. 
Looking at the cars brought back some great memories of the first time your godfather took you here. Yes, he could have gotten any Italian brand of car that he wanted. Everything was at his fingertips. Yet, he brought 11-year-old you to Germany to get his imported cars. 
Your eyes landed on a familiar model. If you thought hard enough, you could hear the imprints of Lorenzo’s and your laughs as he took you to do donuts in abandoned parking lots. 
“A beauty isn’t she,” a voice scared you, causing you to fall on your ass. Your cheeks burned at the thought of being caught. Yet, when your eyes met familiar friendly ones, the redness left. 
“Hi Seb,” you greeted as you took his outstretched hand that he offered. He pulled you to your feet and into a hug. After you were done, you pulled away to turn back to the car. This time, you let your hand gently grace the older door. 
“Enzo had one,” you simply stated, leaving it at that. Most knew you didn’t like to talk about the man, since it brough on so many emotional memories. 
Sebastian took a couple steps and stood next to you. 
“Do you still have the keys to the garage?”
You grinned up at the German ex-driver. “Of course I have the keys. You know he left me the entire house.” 
He bumped your shoulder, head jerking to lead you away from the car. You followed without hesitation. 
“What do you plan to do with it?” 
You cocked your head in thought. “I’m going to keep it for now. I don’t want to sell it. It’s not like I need the money anyway.” 
He chuckled. “I forget that you’re like a multi-millionaire at 20.” 
You just shrugged. “Not my fault that I was basically his only family. I never asked for it.” Your eyes dropped to the shiny floor below. A hand was placed on your shoulder. 
“I know. I’m glad that you’re well off. Makes me feel better about not seeing you as much.” A sad smile graced his face as he looked at you. 
You tried your best to give him a genuine one in return. “I’m doing much better than I was.” 
“Have you showed Max your vast array yet?” 
“Nope.” You popped the ‘p’. “I plan to soon, actually. I told him that I needed to go to Italy after this.” 
Seb raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything else. You went to talk, but familiar voices echoed in the big room. 
“Kid!” 
“Seb?” 
Your head whipped toward the sound. Ah, there they were. 
And they brought an assistant with them. 
Max and Christian looked at Seb in question as Vito brought the German into a big hug. You stood toward the side to watch the two friends reunite. The assistant took this opportunity to approach you. 
“Ah Miss L/n, so good to see you again!” 
“Again?” Max questioned, looking at you. 
The assistant turned to the Dutchman. “Yes. Miss L/n has been a patron at this establishment for years now.” He turned back to you. “I have the two models that you called ahead for. I will lead you to them.” 
The man turned on his heal and began to walk deeper into the room. 
Sebastian was now talking to Vito and Christian, which led to Max walking by you. 
“I didn’t know you’d been here before.” 
You looked up at him with a sly smile. “My godfather bought a lot of his cars from here and would take me with him. Some of the cars at the front are a part of his collection that I donated when he passed. He left me so many, I didn’t know what to do with them.” 
Max stopped in his tracks as you kept walking. Once he got over his shock, he sped up to catch you. 
“So many?”
You placed a hand on his shoulder. 
“Maxie, how much money do you think I have?” you asked, an innocent look on your face.
“Couple thousand?”
You shook your head. 
An eyebrow rose. “A couple hundred thousand?” 
Another shake as a mouth dropped. 
Max looked around before whispering, “Millions?” 
“Bingo. We’re going to tour my house when we go to Italy.” 
You kept on walking, leaving the even more confused Dutchman. 
“House?” 
A few steps more and you had caught up with the group of four men. Christian whistled at the sight of what lie before him. 
“Thank you Mr. Klein,” you shook the assistants hand as you looked at the two dark green cars in front of you. “Did the payment go through well?” 
The man nodded. “Yes it did. Mr. and Mrs. Fischer send their best regards and also thank you for the donation.” 
The four men (minus your manager) gawk at you. Yet, you were too busy beaming. 
“I’m so glad. Tell them that I will reach out the next time I’m here for longer. I want to see their children again, I miss them.” 
With a couple more goodbyes, weird stares, and going over plans to ship your Porsches to Monaco and England safely – you were on your way to Italy. 
Thankfully Sebastian wanted to join, saying something about how he hadn’t seen the house in forever. Which brought on more questioning looks from Max. 
However, Christian had to sadly say goodbye as he had a connecting flight to go somewhere else for business. You promised you’d send some pictures when you could. 
A chauffer had met you at the airport, names written in fancy calligraphy on a starch white piece of paper. 
The man gave you two cheek kisses as you greeted him. 
“Guido! Come stai amico mio?” (how are you my friend?) 
Max couldn’t wipe the look off his face as you began to talk to the older gentleman in perfect Italian. Vito only patted his shoulder. 
“You’ll get used to it. She’s definitely someone to unravel. You’ll get there.” 
The four of you then followed the man to the Rolls Royce that was waiting in the parking area. Suitcases were loaded in, and the three of you were on your way to your house. 
Or, more like mansion/estate/castle that Max found out as the car pulled closer. He turned to you. 
“Kid?” 
“Inheritance Max. Inheritance.” 
Your door was opened once the car was parked. Multiple people came out of the house, wanting to greet you. 
“La mia famiglia! Mi siete manvati tutti!” (My family! I’ve missed all of you!”) 
A couple of the staff took your bags as you walked through the giant doorway. Once you were through, you turned around and opened your arms. 
“Max, welcome to Casa di Lorenzo Alessandrino.” 
Max’s head was in a state of looking upwards as he walked in. He would have held his mouth open, but the interior seemed to demand respect as power and poise dripped from its walls. Now it was turn for Max’s hands to itch, wanting to touch everything.
Once everything was settled, you gave Max a tour as Vito and Seb went to go get some drinks. Your fingers twirled a special key ring as you led Max to your garage. 
You turned to him and gave a smile. “You ready?” 
Let’s just say, Max was not ready to see so many cars. Max let his jaw drop. 
The garage was deep and long, probably housing close to 40-ish cars. Your eyes glimmered as you looked at the older cars that you missed dearly. 
“You can go look you know,” you told Max as you made your way down the little staircase to the floor. Your heels clicked and echoed with each step. Max was quick to be on your tail. The Dutchman made his way quickly to each car, stopping for only a second before getting distracted by the next. 
You hummed as you looked at the empty spot among the Ferrari’s on the back wall. You pointed to it when Max came up beside you again. 
“The only car Lorenzo never had in his collection was the F40. I need to talk to Charles or Carlos about seeing how I can get one ethically. I want to complete the collection, but not pay far more than what it’s worth.” 
Max nodded, soaking in your words. He was about to say something, but a flash of orange caught his attention. His eyes sparkled as he looked at the spaceship looking car. 
“What kind of car is that?” 
You smirked as you gazed on your most prize possession. 
You walked closer and clicked the keys, making the car roar to life only for a second. (You don’t want to give you and Max monoxide poisoning.) 
Your hand ran over the orangey hues that covered the car.
“This is the Apollo Project Evolution.” 
Max looked down at the hyper car. 
“What that a V12?” 
“Yep. A Ferrari V12 to be exact. Three million dollars, one in ten made, over 700 horsepower, and completely street legal. I’d take you for a ride, but I would rather keep this between me and whoever knows about it.” 
You turned on your heel to start walking toward the door where you walked in. “I bought it because it reminded me of the spaceship from Guardians of the Galaxy.” 
Max snickered as he could imagine you at 14-years-old, watching that movie and falling in love with the space craft. Then, he imagined you last year, trying to find out how you could get your hands on it. 
He took one last glance at the big room, before following you back into the house. He softly shut the big door behind him. 
“Does Arthur know about this place?” he asked as he caught up to you, not wanting to get lost. 
You softly smiled at him. “Yes. I brought him here after Lorenzo passed away in 2020. I just didn’t want to be alone. Vito was here as well.” 
Max returned your sad smile. You and Vito had told him about the place on your way here. Tears were shed, hugs were given out, but you’d get through it. 
But then he suddenly pouted at the thought of you not bringing him here earlier. 
You tutted. “Don’t worry, Charles hasn’t been here if that’s what you’re pouting about.” 
That brought an instant grin to his face. You rolled your eyes at his childishness. Soon, you joined Vito and Sebastian in the kitchen. Aperol Spritzes lined the kitchen counter. Your hand reached one, before Vito was thrusting an different one into your hands. You pouted when you realized that yours was probably nonalcoholic.  
Sebastian snorted. “Let the kid have one.” 
“Vito, what do you think they do for podiums? Make sure mine isn’t actual champagne?” 
Vito rolled his eyes and handed you one from the kitchen counter. You quickly smiles and took a sip of the bubbly drink. 
“So kid, did you show Max the garage?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow as he took a sip of his own drink. 
You nodded as you placed your cup down. “Yep!” 
“And the track?” 
“You have a track!?” 
y/n.89 has posted
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y/n.89 glad to be back to my home away from home. Italia, quanto mi sei mancato. conserverai sempre ricordi preziosi e non posso ringraziarti abbastanza per amarmi da bambino. quando tornerò sarò sul podio, ne sono sicuro
(translation : italy how i've missed you. you will always hold precious memories and i can't thank you enough for loving me as a child. when i return, i'll be on the podium - i'm sure of it)
liked by sebastianvettel, vito_official, y/nlover, and 58,204 others
y/n's_fav who was going to tell me that our girl knows Italian?
y/n_updates she speaks it fluently! her godfather was Italian and taught her when she was growing up! y/n_on_top all I'm hearing is that her, Carlos, and Charles can now talk shit about Max if needed
charles_leclerc quindi Max non riesce a capire? (so max can't understand?)
y/n.89 no, quindi è ora di svelare i segreti dell'infanzia, Charlie (no, so spill the childhood secrets Charlie) carlossainz55 abbiamo molto da dire (we have a lot to tell) maxverstappen1 I CAN READ MY OWN NAME - I KNOW YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME y/n.89 senti qualcosa? (do you hear something?)
vito_official così felice di essere a casa. possiamo restare ancora un po'? Guido e Luigi dicono che gli manchiamo troppo (so glad to be home. can we stay a bit longer? Guido and Luigi say they miss us too much)
y/n.89 mi mancheranno così tanto. torneremo presto! (i'll miss them so much. we'll be back soon!)
sebastianvettel glad to have been able to go with you! I'll see you soon kinder!
y/n_in_italy NOT HER HOUSEKEEPERS'S NAMES BEING GUIDO AND LUIGI
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bigcollections · 4 months
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CARSALESMENİNFO - GOLD
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Exploring Car Salesman Earnings: Understanding the Salary Statistics If you've ever wondered about the financial side of the automotive sales industry, you're not alone. Car salesmen play a crucial role in the vehicle purchasing process, and understanding their earnings can provide valuable insights. In this article, we'll delve into the world of car sales salary statistics, covering their average income, salary statistics, and factors that influence their compensation. 1) How much do car salesmen make The income of car salesmen can vary based on several factors, including experience, location, dealership size, and individual sales performance. On average, a car salesman's earnings typically consist of a base salary plus commissions. The base salary serves as a steady income, while commissions are tied to the number of vehicles sold. New or less-experienced car salesmen may start with a lower base salary, while seasoned professionals or those working at high-end dealerships may command a higher base. Commissions, often calculated as a percentage of the vehicle's sale price, can significantly boost earnings, especially if the salesman meets or exceeds sales targets. 2) Car Salesman Earnings: Breaking Down the Numbers To provide a general overview, the average base salary for a car salesman in the United States ranges from $20,000 to $40,000 per year. However, the potential for additional income through commissions can substantially increase overall earnings. Commissions typically range from 20% to 25% of the gross profit per vehicle sold. With the average profit per vehicle hovering around $1,000 to $1,500, successful salesmen have the potential to earn significant commissions. Top performers who consistently meet or exceed sales targets may enjoy additional bonuses and incentives. 3) Car Sales Salary Statistics: Influencing Factors Several factors influence the salary statistics of car salesmen: Location: The cost of living and demand for vehicles in a specific area can impact earnings. Salesmen in regions with a higher cost of living or strong demand for cars may earn more. Experience: Seasoned car salesmen who have honed their skills and built a client base over the years often command higher salaries and commissions. Dealership Size and Reputation: Salesmen working at larger, well-established dealerships or those specializing in luxury vehicles may have access to a broader customer base and potentially higher commissions. Sales Performance: The number of vehicles sold directly correlates with earnings. High sales performance and exceeding targets can result in increased commissions and bonuses. In conclusion, car salesman earnings are dynamic and influenced by various factors. Aspiring car sales professionals should consider these elements when entering the industry and be prepared for a compensation structure that rewards hard work, sales acumen, and customer satisfaction. Visit CarSalesMenInfo for more in-depth insights into the world of car sales, including tips for success, industry trends, and advice for both aspiring and experienced car salesmen.
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ckret2 · 2 months
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Chapter 40 of human Bill Cipher, in spite of his fondest hopes, still being stuck in the Mystery Shack:
As much as Gideon wants out of the evil magic game, the survival of his father's used car dealership rides on Gideon's help.
And, relatedly, Bill's started receiving psychic car commercials.
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1981
Ford had been in his study for what felt like forever, staring at the pile of papers and numbers on his desk, trying to stop the figures from shifting and swimming before his eyes; when something from behind him lit up the dim room with golden light and he a heard a familiar voice behind his shoulder—
"Heeey, Stanford! You've been having a lot of dreams about tax forms lately, what gives?"
Ford was startled out of his thoughts. He turned around, smiling in relief. "Oh, Bill! Hello." Apparently he was dreaming. Thank goodness. It explained why he couldn't seem to get these forms to make sense. "How long have you been watching me?"
"About twenty years."
"What?"
"About twenty minutes," Bill said. "I wasn't going to bug you tonight, but usually your dreams are a little more adventurous! You're starting to worry me, kid." He disintegrated the tax forms with a gesture and floated down to sit on Ford's desk, like a razor-thin glowing paperweight. It was strange to see him cross his legs. "What's on your subconscious?"
Ford hadn't thought his Muse cared that much about his day-to-day human troubles. It was comforting to know someone was worrying about him—someone so far beyond human potential that maybe Ford didn't have to worry he'd be disappointed to learn Ford was struggling a little. "It's my grant money," he sighed. "I feel like my research into Gravity Falls is nowhere near completion, but that money will only last for so long. It won't be long before I'll need to ask for more funding, and I'll have a hard time convincing anyone if I don't have anything to show for it, but I don't want to share incomplete research..."
"Ah, money. The second-worst curse human society's ever inflicted on itself."
"What's the worst one?"
"Marriage."
Ford barked a laugh. It wasn't even that funny a joke; it was just such unexpectedly human cynicism for such an otherworldly entity. It sounded like a joke Ford's dad would make.
"Well, money. What to do..." Bill drummed his fingers on Ford's desk, gazing off into the distance as he thought. Ford realized that, at some point while he was distracted, most of his study had vanished, leaving his desk and chair sitting precariously atop a faint gridded plane in the starry blue void where he usually met Bill. Finally, Bill said, "Have you considered buying gold?"
He hadn't. "Will it help?"
"Sure it will! Eventually!"
"In time to help pay my mortgage?"
"Hmm." Bill thought a moment longer, then snapped his fingers. "Got an idea." He floated off of Ford's desk to eye level, strange sigils appearing in white-blue light around him. "Do you happen to know where the people who decide your funding live?"
"Er... the general area." It had to be near the Backupsmore campus, didn't it?
"Then I might be able to help you!" The symbols solidified around Bill. "I know a little spell to help persuade people. It'll let you plant ideas in their dreams—give 'em a little subliminal nudge. It could make some bigwigs come around on the importance of the research you're doing out here."
A fascinating concept. Ford studied the sigils greedily. He didn't recognize them, but they looked fairly simple. "You're not... talking about mind control?"
"Nah, that's not in my wheelhouse. It'll just let you... talk to them! Like I talk to you! I'm not controlling you, am I?" His eye curved up in a facsimile of a smile. "But you'll find most people have a harder time ignoring you when you're talking to them inside their own heads. What they do with that when they wake up is up to them. Just think of it as a way to schedule an interview where you'll have their undivided attention."
Ford pressed his lips together as he thought; then shook his head. "Thank you, Bill, but no. I wouldn't feel right earning money that way. I'd rather know they were impressed by the scientific and historical value of my work—and if I use magic, I'll never know for sure if they really thought my work measured up."
Bill laughed. "That's what I like about you, Stanford! You really shoot for the stars—and you've got the work ethic to get there! You don't want the fame and fortune unless you earn it!"
Ford was momentarily taken aback. It was rare that his muse openly complimented him; on most nights he dealt with Ford with a sort of cool, detached fondness, something a little too distant to be real affection. When he did voice his approval, it was like the sun coming out after a month of cloud cover. There were nights, when Ford was really feeling his isolation in these woods and he'd half convinced himself all his years of research had been a waste of time, when he was half willing to chase that sunshine to the ends of the earth.
"You'll do whatever it takes to finish your research, won't you?" Bill asked.
Ford gave Bill an awkward, self-conscious smile. "Of course I will. How could I not?"
"Hey, not everyone has your ambition! Most people take the easy way to the top. Cheating, copying, riding on greater men's coattails... Some guys earn the dough to buy their gold, others just want to dig for someone else's." Bill spread his hands in a shrug. "Well, it was an idea." The sigils started to fade.
Ford raised a hand. "Hold on. I don't want to use it, but... do you think I could learn that spell anyway?" He smiled hopefully. "For research?"
"For fun?"
"For fun."
Bill laughed. "I was waiting for you to ask!" The sigils reappeared, and next to them appeared an incantation. "All right, I'll walk you through it. Pay attention, I don't think you've got enough time to go over it twice this REM cycle."
Ford nodded, focusing fully on Bill, determined to remember the spell well enough to record it in Journal 2 when he woke up.
####
Spring, 2013
Tentatively, Bud Gleeful said, "Son... now, I know you lost that spooky grimoire of yours. But... don't you have anything left that might help out the dealership?"
Gideon growled in irritation. "I told you, father! Everything I knew was in Journal 2! It's gone! Anyway, I'm just trying to be a normal kid now. I don't want to get mixed up in any more magic. I'm through with it."
"I understand," Bud said, nodding. "And I think that's mighty admirable of you, turning over a new leaf like that. Shows real maturity." He hesitated, wringing his hands together. He pre-emptively winced and said, "But it's just that... business hasn't exactly been booming, ever since your little tenure as Bill's sheriff. And you know I love the fellas you made friends with in the penitentiary, they're all such... colorful characters; but having them hang around does make folks a little wary to drive into the parking lot..."
Volume doubling, Gideon snapped, "Are you saying it's my fault?!"
"No, son, no. You know I'd never." Bud knelt down, and—cautiously, like he was trying to pet a feral cat—put a hand on Gideon's shoulder. "But, well... business is slumping, that's all. We'll be fine as long as we live within our means, don't you worry about that—but our means might not cover luxuries like those fancy suits and fine new boots you like so much, you understand."
Gideon lowered his gaze, tugging self-consciously on the sleeve of his favorite suit jacket. It was already just a little too short to be fashionable; he probably didn't have long until he outgrew it completely.
"Your mother and I are doing all we can," Bud said. "If there's anything you can do... well, you don't have to, of course. But—it'd be a mighty big help."
Gideon grit his teeth, glaring at his feet. (How long until he outgrew all his shoes? He had a growth spurt coming "any day now," he'd been told. The prospect didn't excite him.) He balled his hands into fists; and then muttered, "There... might be one spell I remember... the sigils were pretty simple..."
####
June 2013
Bill could see it in his mind's eye: if he kept pushing and pushing eventually there'd be no more room in two dimensional space for his mother to fill, and then she'd be forced to bend UP, up into the third dimension, all that open free space. Then she'd see the dark, she'd see the far points of light—
"STOP!" His mother howled in pain. He kept pushing. She was out of room. She didn't bend up. He shoved—and she splintered. Bone snapping, cartilage tearing, he could see inside her thin body as things broke and ruptured. He didn't know what to do.
And for several long, long seconds—he couldn't remember what was happening. The world seemed to bend wrong, and he couldn't remember.
At least, he couldn't have remembered a few weeks ago. He hadn't wanted to. But he'd been studying a book on lucid dreaming since then; and the first things it taught was how to remember more of his dreams. And now, he recalled exactly what happened next when he pushed his mother and she splintered and ruptured:
He pushed harder.
Her skin fractured and peeled off, strand after strand. It filled the spaces between his fingertips, wrapped up his arms. He could shut his eye but he still saw it through his eyelid, still felt it tickling at the corners of his mouth. 
"You want me to tell everyone the third dimension's full of dead shapes?! Huh?!" All he could see was blood and bone and peeling skin. "Then why don't you go find them for me!" He let out an angry, hysterical, broken laugh.
Her hand grabbed weakly at his.
He let go and jolted back, gasping—and almost retched. What had he done? He hadn't meant to. But he'd kept pushing—but it was too late by then. It was too late by then, wasn't it?
"What have you done?"
Bill whirled around to face— "Dad?"
The green trapezoid looked as sick as Bill felt, eye darting in horror across the crumpled line in the corner. He couldn't even see most of it from where he was—his eye didn't work like Bill's, he couldn't look through the mess of skin to the gore beneath.
"It was an accident," Bill whispered. (He'd kept pushing.) "It really was, I promise."
His father tore his eye from the corpse to Bill's face. "What are we going to tell your followers?"
Bill looked past his father. Through a wall so thin Bill almost couldn't see it, hundreds upon hundreds of shapes were settled, waiting—to see him. He was sure: somehow, somehow, they could see him too. They knew what he'd done. His life was over.
A thunderous voice boomed, "Whooee, what a fix! Boy, you look like you could use a getaway car, couldn't you?"
Bill blinked. He blinked again. He looked up-but-not-north.
A human in a pink Hawaiian shirt, standing on top of the universe, looked down at him.
Bill said, "What."
"Here, let me just—getcha right—" The human plunged his hand through the second dimension, scooped beneath Bill, and popped him right up off the surface of the universe. "Now, if you'll pardon my saying so, you look like you could use a little help getting somewhere far, far away from here!"
Bill stared at him. "What."
"And I've got just the thing to help you!" the human declared. "Aren't you feeling stuck? Trapped? Just can't take your obligations anymore? Miserable you can't hit the road and see all of—well—" he gestured vaguely out at the flat surface of the universe stretching into the distance "—whatever this is? Then you need to visit your buddy Bud Gleeful—(that's me)—at Gleeful's Auto Sales, the finest used car dealership in Roadkill County! We'll get you a set of wheels that'll carry you on the cross-country police-evading tour of your dreams!" He dropped his voice and murmured to Bill from behind his hand, "Warranty expires at the state line."
"What." Bill looked down at the universe—and was disappointed but not surprised to see he wasn't a triangle anymore, but a human. He looked at Bud again. "Are you advertising to me. Is this an advertisement. Am I getting advertised to in my sleep."
"And if you sign before you leave, we'll throw in a free air freshener," Bud added.
Bill stared at him in horrified amazement. "I am going to kill you," he said. "And then I'm going to wake up and kill you in real life."
"Ah, well. That's a right shame."
####
Bill shot straight up with a roar of rage. "Oh, when I get my hands on...!"
"Whoa. Bad dream?"
Bill whirled around with a murderous glare. Dipper's spirit, ghastly and pale, was hovering in the middle of the attic. Bill snapped, "You're a bad dream!" He scrambled after the spirit.
"Whoa! Hey!" Dipper tried to swoop away from Bill toward the stairs.
Bill caught him by the back of the neck. "You are going back in your bo—bed, you're getting in, and you're not getting back out."
"Ow, let go!" Dipper squirmed in Bill's grip, kicking his feet in the air. "I was just going to turn off the TV! I heard it playing an advertisement, I think that's what put me in... you know." He gestured at himself. "The sleepwalking dream."
Bill hesitated in front of the kids' door. "What advertisement?"
"I don't know, it was too far away to tell. But I know it was an advertisement, it sounded... advertise-y."
"Hmm." Bill considered that. And then he flung Dipper's soul through the door.
"HEY!"
"I'll turn off the TV," Bill said. "Go back to sleep!"
Ugh. Everything ached, his stomach was trying to turn itself inside out in an attempt to escape and go forage for food independently, and the world held a vindictive grudge against Bill personally. He trudged downstairs, muttering crabbily to himself.
He wasn't surprised to discover the TV was off.
####
"I'm conducting a survey," Bill said. "Did you hear any advertisements from the TV last night? Maybe have any dreams that might have been influenced by hearing an ad?"
"Uh..." Soos slowed at the bottom of the stairs as he thought. "Nope. Slept like a baby all night."
"Interesting." He waved at Melody to try to catch her attention. "Hey, how about you?"
"Nope!" Already dressed for work, she hurried from the stairs to the living room without even glancing Bill's way. She tended not to linger when he was nearby. He told himself he was flattered.
"Dude," Soos said, "What happened to your arm?"
Bill looked down. On the underside of his forearm were two thick lines set at an angle, burned so dark brown they were nearly black. "Leaned on the stove after someone used the burner. Oops."
"Do you need...?"
"Don't worry about it, it's already healing." Bill rolled down his hoodie's sleeves as he leaned into the kitchen, "How 'bout you, Stan? Hear any phantom ads last night?"
"Nuh-uh. But I sleep with my hearing aids out," Stan said. "The only things loud and grating enough to wake me are a car horn or your voice."
"Ha!" Bill looked from Stan's side of the table to Ford's—and Ford wasn't facing him, but he was glancing from the corner of his eye toward Bill's arms.
Bill turned away without asking anything. No point. Obviously, Ford had been too far underground to have picked up anything. Bill told himself Ford was seething at getting the cold shoulder.
"What're we talking about?" Mabel asked, coming downstairs with Dipper close behind.
Bill looked at her—and then let his gaze sweep past her with the same cold disinterest he'd favored Ford with. He brushed past her to head upstairs. "Hey, somnambulist." He shoved Dipper's hat down over his eyes as he passed. "TV was off. No one else heard anything. You dreamed your stupid ad."
"Hey." Dipper pulled his hat back up. "Jerk."
Mabel called, "Bill?"
He ignored her and kept walking.
####
"What was that all about?"
Bill was curled up in the attic window seat, flipping covetously through an issue of Gold Chains For Old Men; at the sound of Mabel's irritated voice, he merely said, "Oh, hello." He turned another page. "Here to try to make a fool of me some more?"
She planted her hands on her hips. "Bill, what are you talking about?"
"Tell me about those 'Mysteries' of yours. Did you plan your story any deeper than that? Were you going to arrange for me to catch you with a cloak and dagger just to make me wonder?"
Mabel paused. "Oh." She laughed weakly.
"So how many people were in on it, huh? Was it just you and Stanford, or did you have the whole house laughing at me behind my back?"
"It—it was just us two." She leaned on the wall by Bill's feet. "Um, so... are you actually mad?"
He shot her a venomous look, then lifted his magazine so he couldn't see her any more.
"Come on!" She poked his knee. "It was a harmless prank! And you lie to everyone all the time."
"No I don't."
"You're so sensitive."
"I am not," Bill said indignantly. "I'm proud. I have pride. And lately pride's about the only thing I have going for me. And I didn't think a friend would try to undermine it."
Mabel heaved a sigh. "Okay, all right. Sorry."
Bill lowered his magazine to peer at her skeptically. "Are you really?"
"Well, yeah." She leaned against the window seat. "It was just a joke, I don't wanna hurt your feelings."
He stared her down a moment longer, assessing her sincerity. And then he sat up and pulled her into a hug.
She squawked in surprise, but returned the embrace. "Bill! What—?"
"You're sweet, you know that, star girl?" He gave her one last squeeze and let her go. "When you aren't trying to make me look dumb. But you don't rub salt in the wounds, that's what matters."
"Pfff. I kinda think you'd try to kill me if I did."
"Mmyeah, I might." He wouldn't. Only person in this entire dull rotten world who was willing to apologize for wronging him. He wasn't giving her up easily. "Hey—did you happen to hear any commercials last night? Maybe have any dreams that might've been caused by one?"
"Nope! I had a dream about cats fighting a war against an octopus."
"Oh, that one. Did the octopus win or did the lions show up in time?"
Mabel paused. "It's always creepy when you do that. But the octopus won this time."
"Aww. That poor picturesque beach town."
"I tried to get between the octopus and the town when the cats failed."
"Did you stop it?"
Mabel shrugged. "Dunno. I woke up before it reached me."
"Too bad! But hey—you've been making big progress with your lucid dreaming. You'll get it next time!" No salesmen offering cars as war chariots for the cats, though. It was almost a pity. Bill would've liked to hear about Bud getting eaten by a giant octopus.
"So I guess Dipper was the only one who thought he heard a commercial."
Dipper and Bill. "Guess so."
####
The large, empty floor room, down the main hallway at the far end of the house, was among the few places Bill was allowed to go. Except when the humans had some big event like a dance or a museum exhibit planned, there was nothing in it but a flat old sofa, a fireplace he couldn't turn on, and Soos's electric piano taunting him. In spite of its relative isolation from the rest of the household, Bill rarely had reason to visit it.
But when he wanted space to pace and think, there was no better room.
Last night's advertisement was magic, no doubt. And he suspected he knew the exact spell. The Mystery Shack was way on the outskirts of Gravity Falls; probably nobody else here was affected because they were just out of range of the signal. The only reason Dipper had nearly picked it up was because he didn't have his thick skull in the way when his spirit was out of his body.
But Bill's psychic abilities had been heavily suppressed since he was put in this body. How was he channeling the signal so much more clearly than anyone else?
He thoughtfully ran his tongue over his new golden tooth. "Hmm."
####
Bud entered the Gleeful house flipping through a pile of mail. "Junk, junk, bills, junk... Here's your subscription, honeybunch." He held out an issue of Nervous Wrecks Weekly magazine. His wife paused her cycle of polishing the front window to stiffly take it.
"Junk, coupons... Gideon! You've got a fan letter!" He checked for a stamp indicating the tiny envelope had passed through a state correctional facility. "And it isn't even from the prison, isn't that nice!"
"Coming!" Gideon ran out of his room, snatched the letter from Bud's hand with a little grunt, ran back to his room giggling, and slammed the door.
Bud chuckled. "Joy, sweetie, you remember when that boy got so much fanmail he used to throw it out? These days he's excited for every single letter." The corners of his mouth turned down. "Suppose it's good for him, learning to appreciate the little things."
"Mhm." She looked down at the roses outside the window. She'd need to trim those soon. "I suppose it is."
In his room, Gideon studied the odd envelope. It was tiny—barely large enough for the address and the stamp, no return address—and when he turned it over he discovered lines of text printed on the paper. The flap was tucked carefully into a fold in the envelope that held it tight.
As he pulled out the flap, he realized that the envelope wasn't held together with glue; it was some sort of cleverly-folded origami craft that began to unfold in his hands as he pulled out the flap. The letter was written on the inside of the envelope. "Why—what a delightful little creation!" He sat at his dressing table to focus on unfolding the letter, careful not to damage it so he could re-fold it later.
Once he'd smoothed it out, he could see that the paper was carefully torn from a book. The outside of the envelope was made from the last page of a chapter, with only a few lines of text at the top of the page and the rest left conveniently blank. It talked about telling the difference between waking and dreaming.
He turned the page over to read the letter.
GIDEON–
IT'S ADORABLE THAT YOU'RE USING A DREAM COUNTERFEITING SPELL FOR CAPITALISM! I BET YOUR PARENTS ARE PROUD! HOWEVER, MY FILLINGS ARE PICKING UP AUTO DEALERSHIP ADS ALL NIGHT. IT'S REALLY ANNOYING. CUT IT OUT.
In place of a signature, there was a triangle with an eye.
Gideon's blood ran cold.
He read the letter again, then studied the words themselves. He didn't recognize the tall, thin, crooked handwriting. He flipped over the envelope. No return address. He noticed for the first time that the letter wasn't addressed to "Gideon". It said "STAR BOY". Fan mail. Right.
The postmark was from Gravity Falls.
"It can't be Bill," Gideon muttered to himself. "Bill's dead. It's got to be some prankster with a twisted sense of humor..."
But then, how could some prankster know he was doing dream magic? Did anyone else even know that Bill had called him "Star Boy"?
No. It had to be a prankster. If Bill were alive, he'd be doing much worse than sending letters and complaining about fillings.
He crumpled up the letter and threw it away. His father's business needed Gideon to do whatever he could to help. Gideon's own financial future depended on it. He wasn't about to let some prankster stop him.
####
There was a rumble of several motorcycles and a revving car engine outside the Gleeful house, disturbing the late evening still. Gideon came in the front door wearing a little backpack, waving behind himself as he came in. "Thanks for the ride, Ghost-Eyes! Good talk today! I'll see y'all this weekend for brunch!" He shut the door as the engines receded into the distance.
"Welcome home, son," Bud said from the couch. "How were the ex-convicts this week?"
"Oh, great, just great. Graybeard's daughter is gonna let him meet his grandson and Spiderwebs got a new job."
"Oh, that's wonderful to hear. I know you were real concerned for Spiderwebs."
"I shouldn't have worried! He got work at an alpaca ranch on the other side of town, did you know there's an alpaca ranch 'round here?"
"Can't say I did!"
"I think it's a good fit for him. Being out in nature calms him down."
An uneasy silence fell over the room as they waited a polite amount of time to change the topic. In the kitchen, Joy cleaned the same dish for the third time.
Bud cleared his throat. "Well, uh—you know, it's been a couple of days since we've run a 'nighttime ad.' Do you think it's a good time to...?"
Gideon squeezed his backpack's straps. He could still see that spindly text reading "STAR BOY". "Do you think? I don't want to put 'em too close together, folks might notice..."
Bud grimaced. "It can't hurt. It's been almost two weeks since I sold a car."
Gideon scowled. But he nodded. "Yeah, all right. I'll go set up."
"You know how much your mother and I appreciate it," Bud said. "I'll go heat up dinner."
Gideon went to his room, tossed his backpack on his bed, rolled out the tarp on which he'd drawn the circle and sigils in permanent marker, and set up the candlesticks and candles around the perimeter. His father called him to dinner; they watched an evening talk show; and after a little more dawdling, they figured it was late enough that most folks would be asleep, and went to Gideon's room to get to work.
As Bud awkwardly lowered himself to sit in the circle and Gideon lit the candles, Gideon asked, "Father, do you ever... remember who you talk to? I mean, whose dreams you're in?"
Bud considered that, pursing his lips. "No, can't say I do. It's a bit like I'm dreaming myself," he said. "And it's sort of a jumble of a few hundred dreams, too. Like I'm visiting the whole town at once. All I can recall is a blur!"
Gideon frowned. "I see."
"You sure you don't want to be sitting in the circle this time?" Bud asked. "I'd bet if folks saw you in their dreams telling them to buy a car, why, they'd just rush right down."
These days, Gideon wasn't so sure. Sourly, he said, "I don't want to get involved." He'd gotten enough of starring in his father's car commercials when he was younger. He'd thought he'd escaped that completely when he picked up the telepathy act; he didn't relish the thought of using telepathy to star in another car commercial.
"All right, suit yourself. Just keep it in mind." Bud got as comfortable as he could on the floor and shut his eyes.
Gideon took a deep breath and began chanting: "Dreamers, hear me, from far far away; tonight you'll dream of what I say; dreamers, hear me, from far far away; tonight you'll dream of what I say; dreamers, hear me, from far far away..."
The flames flickered and turned bright blue. A purplish shimmery light surrounded Bud; and as Gideon kept chanting, the light expanded to the edge of the circle and beyond, creeping across the floor, over the bed—
A shrill wail filled the room. They both started, losing their concentration. The wail persisted several seconds before it resolved into a eardrum-bursting roar of words: "HI I'M SCOUT YOUNGER AND I'M IN A PICKLE SO YOU CAN DRIVE FOR A NICKEL! I'VE GOT SO MANY CARS I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT 'EM! SO WE'RE GIVING THEM AWAY FOR FIVE CENTS, THAT'S RIGHT FIVE CENTS! SCOUT YOUNGER, I'M A DEALER BY THE PEOPLE FOR THE PEOPLE—"
"Dagnabbit," Bud shouted, "that's the man undermining my no-barter-for-a-quarter deal and getting all my business! He's halfway to Portland—but darn it, his commercials are so catchy!"
"—THAT'S YOUNGER PATRIOT CARS, ON THE NORTH SIDE OF INTERSTATE—" The commercial was cut off with a clap of thunder that made them both jump again.
And before the dying rumbles of the thunder had fully faded, a second voice spoke—a high-pitched, furious shriek that Gideon hadn't heard in nearly a year but instantly recognized: "SEE HOW YOU LIKE GETTING USED CAR ADS SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, YOU LITTLE TWERP. THIS IS MY FINAL WARNING!"
There was another crack of thunder; and then nothing.
Nothing but a faint, muffled, mechanical whir coming from Gideon's bed.
Slowly, Bud said, "Is that...?"
Gideon looked under his bed; then on top, tugging over his backpack and unzipping it; and he pulled out a still-running cassette tape player. A complicated sigil was painted on top of the player and stretched over the play button, glowing shimmery purple as though it had absorbed the magic from Gideon's spell.
Bud took the tape player, stopped it, rewound a bit, turned down the volume dial, and hit play: "—your throat in the middle of the night, you little—"
He stopped the tape. He and Gideon looked at each other.
Bud said, "Don't tell your mother."
####
"Third lap!" Dipper crowed as his car zoomed over the line on the digital racetrack. "You'd better catch up fast!"
"Aw, c'mon," Mabel groaned. She tilted her body along with her game controller as she steered her car around a tricky curve, as though that would help her go a little faster. "No fair, I'd be winning if you didn't throw a goose at me—"
"Pff, shut up, you always use the goose."
Bill was sitting cross-legged on the floor, watching the fish tank—as far as either Dipper or Mabel could tell, having a staring contest with the axolotl—but without breaking eye contact with the tank, he leaned over to elbow Dipper's knee. "Hey kid. Go left."
"What? No, shut up." Dipper tried to kick Bill's arm away.
"Go left. Trust me, it's a hidden shortcut."
"No! You're not even watching."
"I'm psychic. Go left."
"No." Dipper jerked his car to the right. It drove off the track and landed in quicksand. "Aw, man—"
"YES!" Mabel sailed past him. A fanfare played as she crossed the finish line. "The winner! Woo-woooo!"
Bill beamed as Dipper glared at the side of his face.
Somebody knocked on the door—and kept knocking, frantically hammering for attention. Dipper and Mabel looked over.
Bill glanced over, rolled his eyes, said, "You don't want to answer that," and looked back at the fish tank.
Dipper glared at him again, stood, and went to answer the door, Mabel close behind. "Hel— Gideon?"
"Told you," Bill muttered.
Gideon was sweating, panting, and wild-eyed with panic. "Mabel! Dipper!" He paused to give Mabel a sweet smile. "Hi Mabel~♡" And straight back to panic. "We've got a problem! I know y'all don't want me 'round here, but—but this is an emergency!"
Dipper glanced at Mabel. She sighed, but reluctantly stepped back to let Gideon in. "All right. What is it?"
"I know I sound insane, but—but you have to trust me," Gideon said. "I don't know how, and I don't know why, but Bill Cipher's back! I'm sure it's Bill, it can't be anyone else, he... he knows things only somebody with his powers could know!" He paced anxiously in front of the twins, "He's been sending me threatening mail and harassing me and—and I don't know what he's up to, but we've got to find him and stop him! You've gotta help me!" He grabbed Dipper's arms. "I think he might be trying to kill my family!"
Dipper and Mabel turned to glare at Bill.
He was determinedly studying the fish tank.
"Hey, Goldie," Dipper snapped.
Bill glanced over with an expression of mild interest. "Hm?"
"Gideon here says that Bill's been harassing him," Dipper said. "What do you think about that."
"Oh wow," Bill said, extremely unconvincingly. "That's so crazy. I can't even believe it."
Gideon's anxious gaze darted past Dipper and Mabel. "Who's...?" He thought he remembered seeing that stranger around Wendy.
Dipper stepped between their line of sight. "Thanks, Gideon. We'll handle this... problem."
The stranger got to his feet and sauntered to the entryway. "Hey Gideon. Just out of curiosity, what were y—"
Mabel cut in, "Bye, Gideon!" She tried to push him toward the door. "We'll see you later!"
The stranger leaned over Gideon, planting a hand on the doorframe. "—what were you doing that got on Bill's nerves so much, I wonder—"
"Shhh!" Mabel tried to push Bill away.
Had Gideon not heard the voice so recently, he might not have noticed anything odd about the stranger in front of him. But as it was, a chill instantly ran up his spine. He slowly looked up. The menacing smile was unfamiliar, but the eye... something was wrong with that eye. The longer he stared into it, the more he could see the cruel, mad, golden inhumanity.
Gideon squealed in terror and bolted out the door. 
Dipper squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. "Seriously?"
Mabel chased after him. "Gideon! Gideon wait!" She caught up with him rounding in front of the gift shop and had to tackle him into the dirt.
"Get offa me! You're working for him, you traitor—"
"Gideon, listen! We're not working for him, he's our prisoner!"
"Oh." Gideon stopped struggling. "Well, that's a different kettle of corn, isn't it."
Mabel sighed in relief. She backed off Gideon, but had to hold his ankle to make sure he wouldn't bolt again. "Okay, look. We don't know how, but Bill's stuck in a human body, and he's got no powers."
"How do y'all know he isn't faking it?"
"Because he tried to kill us and we beat him up." She winced. "We've... kind of beat him up a lot."
Gideon nodded. "O... okay."
"But you can't tell anybody," Mabel said. "If there's an angry mob or something and he gets executed, the real Bill might hatch from his body like an egg and he'll take over the town again!"
Gideon shuddered. He could almost still feel ache in his legs and the blisters on his feet under the adorable sparkly pink shoes.
"So he's fine here with us. We've got everything under control, he's not dangerous like this—" Mabel turned around to shout, "—and HE SHOULDN'T BE SENDING THREATENING LETTERS, BILL."
Bill's voice drifted from around the corner of the house: "YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!"
Dipper said, "What did Gideon do to warrant that, anyway?"
Bill glowered into the distance. "He knows what he did."
"Okay, I-I won't tell anyone. I promise." Pitifully, Gideon asked, "Can I go home now?"
"Yeah, you can go home now." Mabel let him go. He got up and ran as fast as his little legs would carry him.
####
They reconvened in the living room. Dipper and Mabel stood in front of Bill, glaring. Bill sat on the sofa, smiling innocently.
"Bill," Mabel said. "You should be ashamed of yourself."
"Oh, yeah?" Lots of people thought he should be ashamed of himself, but not many had the guts to say so.
"Bullying Gideon like that!"
"I have an excuse," Bill said. "I've been crabby this week. Body made me crabby. Some kind of human neurotransmitter imbalance. I didn't sign up to have neurotransmitters, it's completely out of my hands."
"That's not an excuse," Dipper said.
"Plus, you're an entire adult thing!" Mabel said. "You're picking on a little kid! He's like, eleven!"
"So? There's not a lot of difference between eleven and a hundred eleven when you're a million million years old."
"Then maybe you're too old to bully anybody."
Bill blinked in mild surprise. "Huh."
Dipper said, "Plus, you're gonna blow your cover and get everyone in trouble!"
Bill shrugged. "He can't prove anything! Anyone could have sent a letter pretending to be me."
Mabel asked, "How did you send a letter, anyway?"
####
"Hey, Soos," Mabel yelled, "Can you send a letter for me?"
"Sure thing, hambone! Just stick it on the pile in the kitchen."
Mabel licked a stamp, haphazardly slapped it on the envelope to her parents, tossed it on the other mail, and ran back upstairs.
Bill crept into the kitchen, peeled the stamp off Mabel's envelope before it dried, stuck it on his tiny origami letter, and stuffed them both into the middle of the mail pile. "Sorry, kid," he muttered. "You'll just have to resend this one."
####
"I have my ways," Bill said.
"And how did you 'harass' Gideon?" Dipper asked. "What could you possibly do from in here to harass him?"
####
Bill sat on the sofa in the floor room with Mabel's boombox radio on the floor, a cassette tape player/recorder he'd salvaged from the museum held up to the speaker with his thumb hovering over the record button, his other hand hovering over the key with the thunder sound effect on Soos's keyboard, an air horn between his knees, and a nearly-dead marker he'd fished out of Mabel's trash and revitalized with rubbing alcohol waiting next to him for drawing a magic-activated sigil. He glared at the boombox as the local radio station played an advertisement for air conditioning installation. "Come on," he muttered at the boombox. "Play the stupid car commercial."
The next ad started. "Bargain alert, bargain alert! I've got more used cars than I know what to do with! Hi, I'm Scout—"
"Yes," Bill hissed. He hit the record button, squeezed the air horn between his knees, held the tape recorder up to the boombox until the end of the commercial, kicked the boombox's power button, quickly held the tape recorder up to the piano, and triumphantly hit the key that produced the sound of a flushing toilet.
"NO!" He kicked the electric piano's leg, flung the tape recorder to the other end of the sofa, and flopped face down on the cushions. After permitting himself a moment of grief at the injustice of it all, he dragged over the tape recorder, stopped it, rewound it back to the start, hit the lightning key several times to make sure he had it, and then set up again to wait for the next time the car commercial played.
####
"Hey Wendy, could you get this door for me?"
Wendy gave Bill a puzzled look. "That's the wrong hallway. Rainbow Club's down that one." She pointed at the door across the room.
"I know, I'm just looking for the restroom! I need to dooo... girl hygiene things?"
Wendy looked at the tape player-shaped lump under Bill's shirt, looked at his face, and raised her brow.
"Okay, okay. I'm gonna prank Lil Gideon."
Wendy opened the door, leaned through, and opened a second door to a coat closet. "Good luck. We're all counting on you."
Bill saluted her, and rummaged through the leather biker jackets in search of Gideon's little backpack.
####
"You've got no idea what kind of dark powers I still have at my disposal," Bill boasted, leaning back and lacing his hands behind his head.
Dipper turned to Mabel. "Yeah, he's got nothing. He probably bribed a tourist to call Gideon's house or something."
Bill scowled, but didn't dignify Dipper with a response. "Anyway, the game's over now that Gideon knows where I am. I won't do it again."
Dipper scoffed. "Yeah, sure. Why should we trust you?"
"Because," Bill said calmly, "if I do it again, you'll have to tell your uncles, and I'll be in serious trouble. So I won't... and therefore, you won't. Right?"
Dipper frowned, but looked at Mabel. Mabel was considering Bill with her hands on her hips. She prompted, "Aaand...?"
It took Bill a moment to figure out what she was aiming for. "And I've realized I was mean and I'm very remorseful for my hurtful actions."
Mabel pointed at him. "That's what I wanna hear!" She looked at Dipper. "I think we can let him off with a warning."
Dipper shook his head in resignation.
Mabel said, "But you're not stopping there, Bill."
"How's that?"
"Come on, man, think!" She poked her finger against her temple. "You know the answer! We just watched this episode yesterday!"
"Episode?" Dipper asked.
"I've been using Color Critters to teach him social skills."
Bill said, "I have social skills, all you're doing is showing me what'll be on the test."
"That's how learning works, dummy! I wanna hear you regurgitate that textbook answer!"
Bill opened his mouth, stuck out his tongue, and pantomimed sticking his finger down his throat and gagging; but then he said, with a blatantly artificial chipper tone, "'If we hurt our friends, we should try to find a way to make it up to them and make sure it can't happen again.'" 
"That's right! 98 points! I'm taking two off for attitude."
"So how do you expect me to make it up to him? I can't exactly un-send him a letter. Unless you're gonna loan me that time tape—"
"Stop asking for the time tape," Dipper said, "it'll never happen."
Bill shrugged. "Then what do you suggest."
"Figure it out yourself," Mabel said. "You're the one who's gotta make it up to Gideon, not us."
Bill rolled his eye. "Is this part of the terms to buy your silence?"
"Yeah, it is."
"All right, fine." Bill sighed and stood up. "Give me a bit to brainstorm. I'll be upstairs." He meandered out of the room.
Mabel called after him, "You better not think you're wiggling out of this!"
"Relax! I won't disappoint you, Shooting Star. Promise."
Once he was out of earshot, Dipper turned to Mabel. "How do you expect him to make it up to Gideon?"
"He should say 'sorry.'"
Dipper nodded. Okay, sure, that sounded reasonable. "How long do you think it'll take for him to think of apologizing?"
"I'd give it a couple of hours."
####
(If you recognize the dealership being parodied, we now share a warrior's bond. Anyway hope y'all enjoyed, I've been looking forward to introducing Gideon for a long time! As always, I'd love to hear y'all's thoughts and comments on the chapter!)
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do u have any sort of website that can tell me jobs in a small town? trying to write a story set in a small town but i cant come up with any ideas for jobs apart from the essential ones like police or hospital
Jobs in a Small Town
Government: mayor, city manager, city council member, city attorney, city clerk, code enforcement officer, customer service representative, finance director, fire chief/firefighter, paramedic, human resources manager, information technology department, librarian, municipal court clerk/administrator/judicial specialist/court security officer, parks and recreation director, planning and zoning director, police chief/officer or sheriff/deputy, public works director, utilities clerk, wastewater plant operator
Business: business owner/operator or employee (such as a clerk, receptionist, manager, or administrator) at a shop, restaurant, cafe, gas station, mechanic, tow truck, locksmith, landscaper/lawn care, handyman, florist, funeral home, pool cleaner, daycare center, grocery store, feed and pet store, car dealership, clothing boutique, ice cream parlor, liquor store, bar, nightclub, community theater, "big box store" (like Walmart), warehouse store (like Costco), movie theater, mini-golf course
Medical Services: hospital (administration, doctor, surgeon, nurse practitioner, nurse, nurse's aide, respiratory therapist, anesthesiologist, orderly, receptionist, lab worker, security, etc.) Doctor's office or urgent care (administration, doctor, nurse, nurse practitioner, receptionist, etc.) Dentist or orthodontist (administration, dentist/orthodontist, dental assistant, orthodontic assistant, receptionist, etc.) Nursing home/assisted living facility (administration, doctor, nurse, orderly, etc.)
Random: country club employee, dog walker, babysitter/nanny, home nurse, museum director/curator/specialist/employee, town archaeologist (if area is rich in history), industrial jobs (mining, factories/manufacturing, farming/crop production, fishing/fisheries), wedding coordinator, convention center director, attorney, judge, taxi driver, utility repair technician, railway worker, bus driver, school jobs (principal, teacher, teacher's aide, librarian, cafeteria worker, counselor, security officer, custodian), airport jobs (administrative, security, service provider/employee, airline worker, pilot, flight attendant, plane mechanic)
That's all I've got at the moment, but keep an eye on the comments in case others come up with ideas! :)
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saiidahyunie · 3 months
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freefalling
hirai momo x reader ; fluff
synopsis: you and momo are clear opposites when it comes to enjoyment, you live for the thrills while momo might end up with a heart attack just by watching you. 
wc: 1k
a/n: i still can't believe that momo made *that* sound in that ttt squid game episode. ty to the anon who requested this small drabble it was so cute!!!!
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you had a mantra: life was always meant to be lived to the fullest, even if you had to do things that had to force you out of your comfort zone. 
the rush of your heart beating, the adrenaline pumping through your veins, screaming out the top of your lungs in pure excitement. you wanted to live a little on the edge. 
momo however, wanted to keep her feet on the ground, she was still able to indulge in some of your fun activities, but she couldn’t help but worry that something might go wrong and end up with you getting hurt. it was kind of cute to see her in distress, covering her face with both of her hands because she couldn’t bear to watch you do some of the things that you do in your free time. 
she watched you rock climbing one time after her dance class, she couldn’t believe how fast and high you were going.
you showed her a video recording of you skydiving, she was left in awe that you were able to do a feat like that by yourself and without any help with the whole parachute situation. 
but for her to watch you bungee jump? off of a bridge and down into a rapid flowing river? momo said to you that she doesn’t know if she can handle it firsthand. 
“you sure you don’t want to come up with me?” 
“it’s okay y/n, i think i’ll be fine down here.” 
you walk over to momo, cupping her head with your hands as you play with her hair for a bit, matching her pouting face as she had a slight worry of your bungee jumping session that you planned during your special vacation while in hawaii. 
“you can try recording me, i’ll say something to you before i jump down.” 
momo nods at your request as you begin to walk away up to the ascending stairs up the bridge, holding her hand until you eventually let go, waving to her as you walk up the stair set with the workers as she looks all the way up on the towering bridge. 
the area was actually pretty nice. the sun wasn’t beaming down the annoying heat and there was a light breeze coming through the big archways. it was also cool since there was a wave of mist splashing down below as you finally reached the top of the structure, getting the last bit of instructions from the workers before getting properly strapped up. 
you then have the rope clicked on your harness as you start to stand on the outward platform, stopping at the edge as momo looks up at how high you actually were. momo gasped as she saw your small figure at the edge, waving as you looked cute in your bright peach helmet that they provided for you. 
momo was happy to see you enjoy yourself, but she felt her hand slightly shake as you flail your arms out like those stupid tube balloon thingies that they have in front of a car dealership. 
“momo!” you yell out, “can you see me?!” 
momo laughs as she waves her hand at you again, phone in her other hand with the camera already recording, sitting back down on the set of flat rocks to stabilize herself, zooming in on your small figure as you put both of your hands to your mouth, ready to yell something out.
“to my lovely girlfriend momo! thank you for putting up with my stupid daredevil shenanigans!” 
a short second later, you get the thumbs up from the worker as you leapt forward with no hesitation. momo gasps as she sees your body go straight down, the rope not undoing itself as she puts a hand to her mouth, covering her small scream as the rope finally tenses. 
it looked like you fell for maybe 50 feet, but momo sees that you went down further than that. it was actually almost 150 feet as she sees you bounce back up from the flexible rope, body snapping from the sudden motion as momo exclaims at the sight of your head whipping back. again, that worry coming out of her as your body faces upright, swinging back and forth as momo laughs at you yelling like a complete buffoon. 
momo places a hand on her chest, relieved at you being okay. she then continued to record on her phone  as you stopped swinging after a minute or so, catching the camera as you wave, finally happy that you got to bungee jump since it was on your bucket list.
“good job y/n! we’re gonna pull you back up now okay!” you look up to hear one of the workers tell you with a loud speaker, flashing a thumbs up as they began to pull the rope, you slightly going higher and higher as momo takes a picture of you just dangling, like a baby in their little walkers. 
ten minutes later, momo looks back on the video of you jumping as you finally made your way down. momo immediately got up to hug you as you reached her, taken aback as you comforted her after your daring activity. 
“y/n!” momo yells out, leaving you breathless as she clutched onto your body like a koala on a tree. 
“hey! i wasn’t gone for that long but it’s cute that you missed me for that long.” you softly say, brushing your lips against momo’s cheek as she clutches you for a few more seconds. 
“i got worried, the stuff that you do is dangerous, baby, my heart can’t take it sometimes.” 
“you got the recording right?” you ask her as you run a finger on her stricken face, flashing a light smile while nodding. 
“it was so cool, but also scary y/n.” momo replies, “i don’t know how you do these things, they freak me out.” 
you give momo a kiss on her forehead as she hums at your affectionate side, “i’m just a girl with adventure!” you beam as momo slaps your arm at your response. 
“whatever you have next on your bucket list, it’s definitely gonna kill me next time i swear.” 
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ramblingoak · 3 months
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Naps With Copia
Chapter 9: A Nap to De-Stress
Other Naps: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8
For @visiosatanae 💙 who wanted a post stress nap
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Papa Emeritus IV x GN Reader
These are all stand alone chapters so you do not have to read one before the other! This series came from my post about wanting to nap with Copia all around the abbey. The stories will all have gender neutral readers and soft Copia naps.
Warnings: Primo, Secondo and Terzo being annoying, job related stress and a loving nap with Papa, some cursing but sfw, 1,300 words (thank you to @gothdaddyissues for the dividers!)
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If the phone rang one more time you were going to smash it to pieces.
All day you had been dealing with this.  Not even just the phone, but it seemed like no one could handle anything on their own today.  You had been visited by what felt like every Sibling in the abbey, most asking questions that they should have been able to handle on their own.  Even a few Ghouls had come by, pestering you about band practice schedules and whether or not the delivery truck had been by.
You probably could have survived the nonsense from the Siblings and the Ghouls, you were used to having them wander into your office.  It was when the Papas decided to join in that you reached your limit.  One of your jobs was keeping the front entrance area clean and ready for any visitor that came in and so each morning you took the time to sweep and mop the entrance.  That way the intricate tiles on the floor would be shiny and impressive, they’d be practically glowing as the sun beamed in through the stained glass windows.
Or they would have if Primo hadn't tracked mud all over them.
“What the fuck, Papa?!”  Primo had turned and raised a delicate eyebrow your way, no doubt ready to snap back at you until his eyes fell to the mess he had left.  You waved away the apologies you knew he’d start muttering and trudged back over to the mop and bucket.  “At least take your stupid crocs off before you come inside!  Look at this!”
Behind you there were some hurried whispers in Italian and when you turned around you saw the back of Primo’s robes as he quickly ducked around the corner.  In his place was Secondo, looking tall and imposing as usual.
Like that shit ever worked on you.
“The answer is no.”
“I haven’t even asked you yet.”
“Yes but you always ask me the same three questions,”  You turned and held up your fingers, ticking them down as you listed what he always bugged you about,  “Have my packages arrived?  No, I haven’t gotten anything from Pure Romance or Buttercup’s Bunny Boutique.”
“Those are completely diff–”
“I don’t care what they sell.  Moving on, I also haven’t gotten a call from the car dealership so I’m imagining whatever new Italian monstrosity you’ve ordered this time isn’t ready yet.”  You raised your eyebrow when he started to say something but thankfully he took the hint and closed it.  “And finally, your fri–”
A frantic knocking at the front door interrupted what you were going to say.  You pointed a threatening finger Secondo’s way before hurrying to the doors and swinging them open.  It took all your self control not to let your face fall at the sight before you.  At least twenty children were staring up at you with wide eyes, most of them clutching onto the hands of the adults with them.  A tour, a tour that was not on your calendar this morning.
“Um.”  Your usual professional demeanor seemed to have left the building and you couldn’t stop yourself from just staring and blinking at all the faces in front of you.  “Are you he–”
“Ciao, ciao!”  The hurried voice of Terzo came up behind you quickly, his shoes squeaking loudly on the still wet tiles.  “Thank you darling, I will take it from here.”
“You’re giving a tour?”
“SÌ, I happen to give the best tours.”
“Yeah, but only when you want something Terzo!”  
A throat clearing from the steps had you and Papa breaking your death glare on each other.  One of the adults with them, a younger woman who seemed to only have eyes for Terzo, stepped forward with her hand out.
“Oh thank you Papa!  We’re so lucky you took the time out of your busy schedule to show m– uh, I mean us around!”
“No, no dolcezza, I’m the lucky one.”  He gently took her hand, dropped a lingering kiss on the back before tucking it into the crook of his arm.  “Shall we?”
You stood there, trying to keep your smile on your face as the group started following Terzo like a bunch of lost ducklings.  He led them around the corner, daring to turn and give you a mischievous wink before disappearing down the hallway.  You didn’t move for a moment, your feet frozen in place and your fists clenched.  Secondo was gone, no doubt using the distraction as his chance to run away.  This was the last straw for today.  You didn’t care if Satan himself was going to knock on that door next you were done.  
The door to your small office banged against the wall as you flung it open.  You’d just grab your laptop and phone then you could hide out somewhere else.  Imperator owed you some sick time anyway.  If you stayed here any longer you’d be too tempted to burn the whole abbey down.  There was only one place in the abbey you’d be able to relax after a day like this and your feet quickly took you there.  The door flung open right when you were grabbing the handle and you nearly had an armful of an irritated Secondo. Your mouth started moving before you could stop yourself.
“Whining to mom, Papa?”
“I’m not whining to anyone, I’m just telling mio fratellino that maybe he should take you on a vacation before you kill someone.”
“Yeah?  Well you’d be the first one Mr. Buttercup Romance!”
“Ok, ok!”  Copia rushed over to the door, pushing himself between you and his brother.  “Let’s uh, let’s take a breath here and maybe, apologize.  Can we do that?  Hmm?”
With a huff from you and a growl from Secondo you both walked away from each other.  Secondo quickly leaving down the hall and you brushing by Copia to throw yourself on the plush couch he had in his office.  He mumbled something under his breath as he closed and locked the door behind him before wandering over to look down at you. 
“I want to go to Venice first.”
“Venice?”
“Then Verona, Milan and Florence.”  He had that adorable confused look on his face and you had to hide your grin in one of the throw pillows for a moment.  “You know, for our vacation.”
“Oh!  SÌ, sÌ of course.  Well, he’s right amore, you do deserve a vacation.”  Copia dropped to his knees next to the couch, cradling your face in his hands for a moment before leaning in to press a quick kiss to your nose.  “We should do something else first.”
“And what’s that?”  He grinned as he stood up, groaning briefly when his knees popped.  With quick movements he moved to your feet and gently took your shoes off before sitting on the edge and working on his own.  “Copia?  What are you doing?”
“We are taking a nap.”  Copia noticed the confused look on your face and smiled softly, dropping his shoes on the ground and then sliding in next to you.  “A nap can do wonders, yeah?”
“I suppose.”  He chuckled against you, sweeping a hand over your head and rubbing your scalp.  With a sigh you melted against him, all the stress from the day seeping out of you by his presence alone.  “You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had.”
“Probably not, but you can tell me about it later, eh?  We should rest for a bit first.”
“Okie dokie, Papa.”  Copia laughed again and you felt his lips brush against your forehead.  You slipped your arms around his waist, getting as close as you possibly could.  Close enough his warmth alone began to lull you to sleep, the comforting beat of his heart under your ear helping as well.  “We’ll talk about Italy later.”
“Of course, amore.  Whatever it takes to keep the abbey standing.”
You grinned against his shirt, inhaling breaths of his cologne and letting everything that was Copia help relax you to sleep. 
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@da-rulah your nap is next 😉
Other Naps: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8
If you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list (or if I accidentally left your name off) of this fic or any of my others please leave a comment or send me a dm! Thank you 💙
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amtrak-official · 6 months
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The presence of Car dealerships is a decent indicator of the quality of an urban area, the more car dealerships the worse an urban environment will be for humans
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seat-safety-switch · 2 months
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Couple years ago I fell in with this weird art crowd. It wasn't entirely my fault, but rather my rip-roaring need to be loved and the fact that none of them had paid enough attention in math class to count how many more Zima I was sneaking from the gallery openings than I was formally allocated.
One of the big names was Teoric (not a typo, but we assumed it must originally have been one.) I fucking hated him and his holier-than-thou attitude. His thing was genocide. Not committing it, though I'm sure he would have been open to doing so, but documenting it in his art. Cruise control for shocking the common gallery-viewers. He wasn't even polite about it. Interpretive Dance Anne said that she had dibs on the Armenian Genocide, and Teoric swooped right in there with a mixed media collage moistened with his own tears.
Remember, I wanted to be loved. Pretty much everyone was done with his non-stop antics. So I volunteered to smooth things over. Teoric live-work-lived in a disused furniture factory that had been converted into artist lofts. They didn't believe in locks, and conveniently for me, I didn't believe in them either. I went over to Teoric's office, and sat down in a chair next to his working area. He immediately exploded with rage.
"You fucking bourgeois simpleton," he shrieked. "That is not a chair - that is a transformation of Ikea commodity furniture to honour the victims of Hrothgar the Terrible's mass execution in 673!"
At once, I saw an opportunity here. "You know, Teo" - he hated being called that - "a lot of new genocides happen every day. You could be the first artist to document them in history."
As I watched his plane depart from the pre-9/11 departures lounge (more ashtrays than now,) I had one thought on my mind. Well, two. I didn't know where Tajikistan actually was, and I hope whoever's credit card that was got some good karma for their contributions to local art.
When I got back, Interpretive Dance Anne had already moved into the now-vacant studio. She was overjoyed that I had managed to remove the thorn in her side, and offered to put a good word in for me with Obvious Dance Anne. I felt cheap. What had I done? My guilt grew until one evening, at the Ford dealership that a guerrilla art collective had seized and was now displaying portraits of the owners' family's last moments, I saw Teoric again. Just for an instant, but it was undeniably him. I rose from my chair, scattering the gaggle of local theatre journalists I had been holding court to, and pursued.
My flabby, booze-soaked legs could not catch him that evening, sliding on the rain-slicked dealership lot. The last I saw of Teoric was him climbing into a Chevy HHR and peeling out across the parking lot. Mixed-Media Ernie had seen me run out, and came to put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, assuming that I was about to vomit for a different reason.
"Oh yeah," Ernie said, as I explained the entire situation to him, "he sold out and started working for General Motors. Designs all their cars now."
The SSR too? "Yeah." He had found his muse in war crimes yet again.
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Unleash Your Inner James Bond: Find the Closest Aston Martin Dealer
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bamsara · 7 months
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Also update for car situation:
Car dealership said there was not a single dealership in the country that had the part I needed, so wanted to charge me $362 USD for a part to be ordered from Japan, which would take about 12 weeks to get here plus another hundred or so for labor. So approx about 450-500 in repair
However I am. Very lucky. To have a person who works with automobiles and he was able to find the part for around 200, plus charging me labor of 50 and the part would come in about a week from now. So I paid the whopping $250 and crossing fingers that it's the only thing wrong with the car
I still haven't been able to get to the post office to drop off envalopes and packages for patreons and pins lmao. They're here and they're packed! I just literally can't drive them to the PO, and they won't come do pick up either. I was able to send off a handful when my mother let me borrow her car for the price to taking her 30 minutes to work at 6am and picking her up at 5 and so forth but I can't do that anymore because of commute time and she uses her car for work, and there's no one I can rely on for a ride for just a drop off during PO open hours
So uhhh a little bit panicked because I want these out before September ends but it's fine it's cool. If I didn't live in the area I live in now I would simply walk the box an hour or two to the office and then walk home. No buses no sidewalks and too rural for uber. Smh.
(It's not safe to drive but tbh I'm wondering if I can just. Drive the car with the broken accelerator pedal to the post office if I just go real slow anyway. Also walmart. I crave fruit.)
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kedreeva · 3 months
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Well, this weekend I took a hazardous trip to get my new car and bring Indie home.
Sunday, after totaling my jeep, I got home to find Indie in hypothermic shock. All of MY birds were fine, thankfully. I brought him in and warmed him up in increments overnight, but he couldn't go back out into the cold, and couldn't stay here if it was going to be cold, so I made the decision to bring him back to his home early. GRACIOUSLY, his actual owners said if I brought the hens I would have bred him to down, they'd do the breeding for me.
Thursday I rented a mid-size SUV. There was only one available whose trunk space laid flat, and when I went to leave with it, they sent me back and gave me a newly-arrived return, some Mazda that was an absolute NIGHTMARE of a car. I drove it home, packed for the weekend, and prepped the trunk space for Birds.
Friday morning, I was up at 5am taking care of some stuff and making sure I was awake enough to drive. I ousted Sark from bed around 7 and he helped me load Arcana, Eclipse, and Indie into the back of the car, and Aris and her two babies into the barn with Polaris. I set off for North Carolina, but with a MASSIVE snowstorm moving in over West Virginia, and snowstorms having plagued the north east, I would be taking an extended trip down- from Detroit area to Knoxville, TN, before going over to NC.
Almost 17 hours later, I got to Indie's home. We left the birds to sleep in the car since they were already cuddled up, and I went inside for a 5 hours nap.
Then it was up again, moving birds into their coop, and I was back on the road another hour to return my rental, an hour to get to my mom and dad's, a brief break there to hang out, and then!! an hour to the dealership to pick up my new Jeep. I had my previous one for 19 years, 300k miles on him, so this is... going to be an adjustment, but it seems like he will be fine. I have named him Sheet Cake. He is white outside, and tan inside, absolutely terrible colors, and smushed flat compared to my Liberty.
Went back to my parents' for the night, played Pokemon GO with the for a while (anyone wanna be my mom's friend? she needs more people for a quest), and zonked out around 9pm. And BACK UP around 7, so I could make the 12 hours drive back home yesterday. MUCH more pleasant ride, in the Jeep than it was in the Mazda. The lack of birds wasn't terrible, either.
Bug was ECSTATIC to see me, she got left behind with Sark. I snuck away like a thief in the night, so she woke up and I was just Gone. When I walked in the door she froze and stared at me for a long second and then lost her shit, throwing herself up on stuff and doing the excited flappy-wing duck down. I sat her up on her perch and she beeped and beeped and beeped as I gently scrubbed her face and neck. It's not like she has a hard life when I'm gone, Sark is here to hang out with, he gives her fresh food meals just like I do, he cuddles just like I do, but it's just not the Same.
Anyway, it's good to be home.
And now that I have a white Jeep... it's time to find some Jurassic Park decals for him.
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