#Can't escape this. {vent}

[hel7l7]

YOU TRY NOT TO DO IT BUT YOU DO IT ANYWAY

#it feels like you can't escape it #vent art

[shirogane-oushirou]

i think this is my first pic of them together??????? somehow?????? god. anyway. gay furry cuddles babey.

#me: i should work on my selfshipvember wip for today! #brain: no. Furry Time. #idk i just wanted to draw something cute for no other reason than it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. yknow? #especially on a day like today. i just. ough. not gonna vent on here. it's just... my family is so :) they're just so :) ARGH. #the idea of ren wrapping his tail around me has rotted my brain since i saw that imagine an eternity ago ;__; #📌 [ my posts. ] #selfship #self ship #selfshipping #self shipping #🦦 [ can't escape it. ] #🍄 [ lying on the blade of an emotion. ] #🐐 [ been up all night. ] #✨ [ oc lore. ] #🧃 [ who is in control. ] #🐸 [ look ahead. ] #🦔 [ used to be easy. ] #🎨 [ 046 art. ]

[katyspersonal]

If I had a nickel for every time a person that quite seriously helped with public slandering and humiliating me for fake ass reasons, supported drastically ableist stance on me and took the side of my stalker (that also I remind you bullied other fans for headcanons) then got upset and "insulted" at the fact that I vented about how much they hurt me and my friends, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but what the actual fuck.

Like... Maybe consider not spyoning on a blog of a person that "makes you uncomfy"? You will be happier if you don't check up on things and people you hate, seriously. And if you do, why you act so shocked that I express my pain and disapproval of your actions and mindset, the very same that hurt me and my friends? In fact, why DOES it hurt you to learn what I think and feel after your words and actions? Why do you CARE about feelings and opinion of a person you despise and disrespect so much that you deemed them worthy of all this, and even their friends deserve to be hurt by association? Like... NOW you consider my feelings? Of course I fucking disapprove of backstabbing me and my friends after over month of pretending to forgive me. Of course I fucking disapprove admission that you are willing to help slandering and humiliating a person that you were not even scared and hurt by. I wrongly assumed that if you hated me that much, I must have actually done something wrong, but now I know I still didn't because you admitted that you were willing to harm someone and even shun their friends without even as much as hard feelings, because they are a "heretic"?

Is what hurts that I had very high opinion on you and then flipped on a dime when something drastic came out? But isn't it the same way for you? Didn't you both like my blog and thought I was cool and then one day it was over? I think it is safe to assume that unfortunately it can work like that. And everything can be fixed and worked into neutrality and 'cold peace' coexistence, but you don't want that. You'd rather keep getting upset and self-isolate from everyone that likes my company, or isolate them from me, so this hole just keeps growing and growing and all good things that could have been keep falling into it. Or you really expect me to leave just because of all this? When I was a kid and a teen and a bit of a young adult, I've dealed with bullying to the point of having literal stones thrown into me, and never once I avoided the places where it was happening. Because it made no logical sense that some jerks could decide who belongs or not belongs in a place that is for everyone. I tried to enjoy my time anyway. I was not, listening and enduring all that, but I tried. Sometimes I'd get really bad for me and I'd snap and fight back, and I remember they were scared when I did because anger of cornered rat is a terrifying thing you know? One time it got especially bad with one of them and I snatched the bat from her hands and smacked HER over the face, worse than she hurt me but I've had enough. Then finally adults bothered to get involved, and what I received from the bullies was "but why didn't she just leave this area? :(" Why the question is "why won't you go away?" instead of "why I feel entitled to bully out a person that didn't even do anything bad to me but just makes me uncomfy with not being like us?"

In the end, I walked a full circle. Some autists just have a power of bringing out the worst in people with how much they don't understand unspoken social cues, cultural rifts, even the language and semantics often times. I have a friend with similar problem, he had a bad luck of using combination of words that make people go blind from rage without meaning to, and you find out he actually made a perfect logical sense after talking to him for context and reasoning. I thought it was a curse, but it is a blessing. I decided I will never fix what is "wrong" with me, if it really helped to separate fakers from real ones in such a short time. Without it, I'd be friends with traitors, cowards, bullies, fools, conformists and stalkers. And the worst part, I would not ever learn it.

Yet again: you are NOT harmed by me venting in MY blog about how I was hurt by your words and actions. If you two were okay with slander and public humiliation of someone and their friends, sure you must be okay with someone venting about actual harm. Or else you have double standards. You are not supposed to care about what I think about you either, you are supposed to crawl into your Discord groups to share screenshots of my posts and mock me there for "being so butthurt" like your kind of people always does. And if you do not want me to hold grudges, you've had enough chances to neutralize me. I was not having you blocked for a good reason. But you chose to keep throwing stones. Too bad for you, I've been trained for this shit, when your spoiled soft asses cry harm and trauma over a single slightly negative experience. Heck, over even reading something you don't like!

Here is a thing: I do not namedrop you. I only namedropped two people when it was relevant, and only because they made themselves public first so I didn't "out" them. And if some people read "he reblogged posts bullying me 50 times too often and was too eager to hate on me, like to the point it was scary" and instantly think of you, then consider what reputation you have. Why? Why? Why you'd throw me (and. my. FRIENDS.) to the wolves and then get angry that I react? Tell me why! It is your problem that you are willing to harm people willy-nilly without considering their feelings or bothering to actually learn whether they deserve stalking and bullying and their friends getting collateral damage, and in the end you don't even have the honor to be genuinely mad and scared as your motivation for it. It is """not personal""". So getting unhealthy obsession with helping slandering me was "not personal"? So acting oh-so-supportive towards my friend who got to talk about her identity and then instantly dropping her upon learning she was interacting with me, after previously having been thankful to her for being one of the first to support YOU, was "not personal"? And the worst thing, I believe it. This is just your Tiktok generation of cruel, overly-judgemental people. You did not get to learn about real life and real relationship and real complexities, and you never will. And I was such a fool doubting myself thinking that you were scared of me.

So tell me why. Tell me why NOW you care what I think of you? Why you care that I vent in MY blog, without namedropping? Why you care what I say and feel if I am nothing but a name of "heretic" to block and pass along for you, a person you don't know and don't think has feelings and nuance worthy of considering before mistreating? Why do you CARE about my opinion? Is this because I effects your self-image? But I am just a stupid bigot in your eyes, so how can my opinion have any power or credibility for you? Are you scared that people will find out? But I do not namedrop! Are you upset that "I don't know you" to say such things? But you do not know ME, and yet that didn't stop you from accepting and helping to spread extremely hateful and uncharitable headcanons about my personality, beliefs and motives your friends crafted, so clearly you are okay with "saying things"? Why? TELL ME WHY! Tell me how it is supposed to hurt you, because it does NOT! The worst I can do is to yell at you and run away crying, and I didn't even do THAT!

Unless I just did, because yet again you decided to sneak around and check my blog. Dude, you hate acknowledging my existence to you point of abandoning mutuals that answer my asks, so why would you check my blog? Just don't do that? Just not check it? There were 4 coincidences about your art that made me think that you were snooping on my content, I am helpful with the lore I know, and took some stuff for inspiration, and one time was passively-aggressive about how I drew a certain female character. But I've got a relief that no, they were all coincidences, and you were not stalking me. So now I have to worry about it again? So I should give into my paranoia, because there was a reason in the end?

Just go away, okay? Just go away. The alter that grew from guilt and pain, and admiration, that you've triggered, is dead, anyhow. It was painful and felt like getting the whole entirety erased and written again, but it's done, so you don't have to worry about it either. Just not sneak on a person you dislike, because, again, me venting without namedropping won't effect you, nor you should care what "just another heretic" thinks. I am not a human for people like you, after all your drama-hungry kind does, and stop pretending that I am. My friends aren't either, they are just "traitors" that refuse to cooperate for your group, and I hate every single conformist bastard that blocked them by association. Not you, them. I won't have a gaslighting of "it is not us vs them!!!!" when actions speak louder than words, and all effected people know what they did.

So far I do not have an incentive to stop digging myself deeper into a hole of "wronged intellectual" self-image, which is a bold claim for someone with quite large intellectual disability as myself, I know. But none of this makes any sense, and doubting that maybe I just don't get something about people availed me nothing. I do get it, society IS just as bad as it seems, deny it or not.

#/vent #I am sorry if I've lost the train of thought I just started shaking from crying while writing #and then it just was kinda gone #I need a drink /srs #yes I know it is not healthy coping mechanism but I am tired #I can't escape the loop of 'why the fuck are you VOCAL about the pain and harm we caused you?' #I just wish I was not born into a world that stands on this #it is not just here its always been this way. and I mean ALWAYS. #humans dont change #I tried to blame culture I try to blame time and generation but no. humans are JUST like this. #there is no reason or story.

[desastreus]

reasons i hate living in a small town

people who think you're part of their church will recognize you and say hi

#this is my parents' fault #i never wanted to go to church #never wanted to be seen as one of them #please make me invisible the next time i go outside #i think one of the christianity problems is the reason they're behaving so kind and loving is because they believe that that will get you #into heaven but i don't think they genuinely care about me #just... if they would see me on the street and my parents never took me to church or my parents never went to church then they wouldn't giv #a fuck about me #kind of reminds me of school #you're in a class with all different kinds of people so just try to fit in and be kind but you never really comfortable with these people #because you have literally no choice but to sit in the same room with them all day #like... you're immediately taught to be nice to everyone and that you can't escape from people you don't feel comfortable around #maybe i'm going to deep into all of this but #vent post #cw vent #vent cw

[taralen]

(*σᴗσ)

The next "Ask" response might take a day or two because I want it to be as *ahem* honestly drawn as possible. What does that mean? Oh.

You'll see.

Some people might think I'm being "crazy" as an "act" or putting on a "character."

Lmfao

W̶̢̪̏͋ͯ́͠h̷̬ͤ̿͢͜͝y̢̛̛̘͑̉ͬ́̕ ͧ͏̛̝͘͠t̴̵̺ͨ̊̑͜͡hͨͭͣ̈҉̵̷̝͟e̡̛̯̿́͟ ͯ͞҉̵̻͞f̵̴̢̥̌͐̆̑͟u͉ͩ͗ͤ̀͜͢͞c̈́̉ͥ̓͏͏̛҉͉k̲͋̇ͤͩ́͟͟͞ ̸̷̵̢̦͆̏w̢̢̤͒͑̾̀͝ơ̢̧̟͋͜ü̸̷̲͘͠l̵̤͗͌́͘̕d̢̨̹͂͘͢ ̴̛͍̒͌͡͡Ḭ̸̢̿͝͠ ͧͧͧ҉̴͙͘͜e̛͚͊́̆́̕͠v̨̡̛̙ͤ͆̊ͯ͞e̵̴̫ͭ͌́͘r̶ͥ͗͋̃͢͢͏̻ ̷̧̘ͨ̍́͘p͂͐̽͏̴̢̛͉ŕ̴̢͕ͥ̀͘͟e͔͑̈̓̀̕̕͠t̷͂͆͆ͪ͢͏̶̰e̸̡̼̒ͭ̌̕͞n̷̡͚͆͂̿͘͜d̴̵̓ͩ́̄͞҉̰ ̐̓͗͏̧͉͟͡t̵̷̸̢͎̾̊̾o̸̡̯ͪ̋̈̏͢͟ ̧͉̆̀͟͞b̡̢̲ͧ͘͜e̛͂͊͜͡҉̩ ̿ͨ͗҉҉̛̮͡t̵ͭ͗҉̨̧̙h͖͊͘͜͡͡i̵̧̻͋͟͞ś̀͞͏̶̘͡ ̸̴̢̄҉̺ẃ͗͏̷͚̀͟a͌ͪ̆̀̚͘͏̬͞y̸̢͚̾̈́͜͞?̢̯̋ͥ̔̀͟͝

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

Please.

I ain't a kid (sponge). I have memories from the 90s.

Anyway why am I typing this? Oh right

because I ran out of my meds and I haven't taken it in over 24 hours and my hands keep shaking and I'm DEFINITELY OKAY THOUGH i am definitely ok

You know how I know I am definitely 100% ok? Because I was drawing despite shaking and I ¦¦¦▓▓▒▒▒░░

[[ĪF ᗰY S❤ƱĿ ѠᗩS ᗩ Ƈ❤Ŀ❤Ŕ ĪƬ Ѡ❤ƱĿD ßƐ ṖĪᑎҠ]]

I was tripping [[balls]] in my crib while in this same damn room. Those diamond patterns really @$%^ing pissed me off!

]]I may end up somewhere far away, and at first, I was happy, but now... I'm wondering if it's worth it. I hate the community here. The place I loved no longer exists. Everything changes too fast for me... I never got to appreciate the city to its full extent because I am not wealthy, but even then... Why would I stay living in a city? Why would I do this? Why am I second-guessing myself? I don't want to stay here for the reasons I should. I just want to bring the kitty from outside with me. Is that possible? Can I bring him with me? I love him so much, and the thought of someone hurting him when I'm no longer here makes me sick to my stomach. But he is a "feral" cat to anyone but me. Yet, I can't take him inside. What am I going to do? He is the one thing I don't want to leave behind...[[

[[Pink: The color of Compassion, Romance, and Nurture.]]

[[Does that color even represent me?]]

#musings #manic thoughts #manic vent #anxiety #I have a cat cage but I don't know if he will go in it... He did before but then he escaped #How will I catch him? I can't leave him. I can't...

[theshalesky]

Maybe longing is the thing i'm good at. I want I want I want I spend my day wishing for things i don't have. It's easy, isn't it? Dreaming about how your life could be If it was different So much easier Than actually... Living. I'm the cat Looking out the window, so lonely Hissing in fear at anyone who approaches them. I'm looking Over the fence, thinking: The grass looks so much greener in a different world. Maybe what i'm admiring in the thing i see Is not the life itself, but the fact That someone else is living it for me. (Maybe I'm just not good At living???) Maybe it will get easier, Maybe it won't. Maybe i should learn to appreciate The life i have - of course i should. But nothing makes a room feel emptier Than wanting something in it.

(stole the last sentence from @heartpeacenquiet :3)

#yes my only genre is lazy vent poetry #not really satisfied with this one but i can't think of a way to make it better #writers and poets #spilled ink #spilled words #spilled poetry #my poem #vent poem #escapism

[mrstsung]

I want this shang but only the version in my head. Only the version i handcrafted away from the narrative and the hype schlock that was mk12/mk1. The version that is his humble beginnings,freshly cursed by the gods,former warrior of earthrealm,having a falling out with his former friend and mentor lord raiden and cohersd by shao kahn to serve under him thus betraying earthrealm. The version i handcrafted and carefully made with love. Tho it can apply to any and many of the various iterations of shang tsung over the years. I feel a young shang's misadventures is long overdue or at least a proper backstory that isn't overtaken and overshadowed by corporate meddling. (I would absolutely love to have mr.tagawa's input more on this personally,and his opinions and thoughts on my backstory for shang. But alas maybe some day)

But anywho. A young shang tsung would be nice but better written or given at least a better script.

Because mr. Alan lee is such an amazing talent. And i feel he deserves so much better as shang tsung,one of THE if not THE MOST iconic antagonist of the mortal kombat series. (As with many other actors and VA for said character.)

Like this shang's aesthetics(minus the claws gauntlets tho they are growing on me but they could look better. Maybe more snake or dragon motifs?),the charm is there,the feeling,the attitude,the actor does an amazing job,but the problem is....legitimately....everything else. When your "antag" is better than everyone else,and i mean that genuinely. Better than the script and plot,better than the protags,better than the other antagonists,etc. Then....it's not good. Of course i love shang and want a win for him once. Especially now he has legitimate reasons why he does what he does,why he is how he is,and you genuinely feel sorry for him,and want to hug him,give him a friend,ffs you just go "ah fuck man, you good?" Yeah. He actually has something shown at least. Not my personal flavor. However for canon to be bold enough to do so is shocking. But what pisses me off as a fan of both mk and shang tsung. Is that...

1. It took them waaaaay too long to make that happen.

2. It doesn't feel sincere even when they did.

3. It feels rushed and plot convenient. And centering shang's whole backstory around liu kang instead of well....shang tsung. At least it feels that way. It doesn't feel like the character has agency. So it feels like a half assed apology for doing shang dirty.

So that's why i don't like the story that shang is centered around. Now if we take the character,the concept of a shang tsung down on his luck,barely surviving off of scraps,even tho he serves a powerful kingdom and emperor with a cushy job as a court mage. That i would love to see. That's exactly how i always saw his og backstory, if you want him to rectify mistakes ACTUALLY FUCKING DO IT AND NOT BACKTRACK FOR STATUS QUO FOR YOUR "PROTAGS OR HEROES" TO WIN!!!! Like holy shit dude. Like crap,the Fanfics are better than canon writing and nrs knows it! They seem to even try to copy what we as fans to but fail so hard. But it's sad it feels so half assed when a "professional gaming company" is supposed to make this. But i feel its corporate meddling,and Hollywood greed that prevents this series,at least storywise and narratively from reaching its true potential.

Sorry for this vent. But this character I'm very very passionate about. But mostly this game series. I love this game. I love playing it. Almost all the games. It's my childhood as many others. And I'm not gonna stand for mediocrity and slander to one of my faves.

But anyways. Enough rambling. Back to shang.

Like mk12/mk1 shang tsung isn't bad at least looks wise. No more different than anyone else. But it still bothers me they all look "samey" and not in a memey,jokey,fun way. It looks sloppy next to him. Ignoring everyone else around him,looking at shang individually. Omfg he's a cutie. He's smug,he's the shang i know n love but just....younger. like in His 30s or so. Around my age. Which is cool. But....i still kinda wish his old man shang wasn't a ruse. I ignore it was a ruse tho so it doesn't count. In fact like i said. I'm rewriting the whole thing period.

Will it be kinda self indulgent? Maybe a bit self inserty,Yes. But i don't care. Because he deserves better than that.

We owe it to mr.tagawa. to shang's character. To all the voice actors and actors and amazing talent over the 30+yrs mk has been around. We deserve a good story,a better story,and even more so,a better fucking game. To play. To learn. To have fun with. Without paying and arm and a leg to even access it. Period.

Shang tsung baby you deserve better. So so so much better.

#mortal kombat #shang tsung #self ship #self shipping #💚heart and soul🐍 #shang tsung mortal kombat #mk f/o #antagonist f/o #villain f/o #villain/antagonist f/o #vent #sorry for this but srsly i deeply love and appreciate the character and he deserves only the best #apologizes for the vent #mk12/mk1 shang tsung #mk1 2023 shang tsung #my version of mk12/mk1 shang tsung is the only one I'll ever accept of a young or babyface shang tsung #i can't really ever hate any version of shang tsung this man has me in a vice grip of death lovingly of course #that's my curse of the gods tho to never escape shang tsung's little claws around my heart n soul oof

[jaz-it-up]

hold the fuckin phone

"you'll get the movie if you pledge"

okay so you're just gonna screw over the fans who can't afford to, joey? you're gonna spend the time hyping it up and then screw us over bc some of us have actual lives? is that what's happening? bc it suuuuuuure sounds like that's what's happening

like i understand that he needs the money to make it. but limiting the access to the movie is just. the absolute biggest dick move i can think of. oh, you can't afford to donate bc you're a person with a job and a life? fuck you, you don't get any content, you just have to watch from the sidelines as the people with the money get to have all the fun

come the fuck on, man. i thought joey was better than that.

#escape the night #vent #i'm a broke college kid joey i can't donate #but that doesn't mean i don't want to support it #jaz.original

[aeide-thea]

ugh

saw a post with a quote that basically tidily summed up the rebuttal i'd half-started drafting to someone's post about how homosociality in tolkien ~queers amatonormativity~ [spoiler: on the contrary, male homosociality has been engaged in a three-way handshake with both misogynist heterosexuality and amatonormativity for literal millennia, and far from undermining them, more typically serves as essential reinforcement], so i was like, great, now i don't have to actually write that essay, i can just reblog this instead and tag it #tolkien! :)

but then, like a conscientious idiot, i went and dutifully looked up the book it was from, because i think it's irresponsible to cite excerpts whose context you aren't familiar with; and very predictably it turned out to be by a r*dfem and to make all sorts of claims abt so-called 'phallocratic culture' that i dislike, both as a trans person and ally myself and also as a logical thinker who can tell perfectly well from, you know, lived experience of our society that having a penis doesn't in fact confer ready social acceptance, never mind dominance, on people who don't otherwise look or act the part of a Proper Man, because ultimately what we reflexively defer to is a particular vibe, produced by a combination of physique and affect and other things besides, which may imply the presence of a penis but neither actually reveals nor necessitates one…

so like. ugh. probably i'm gonna have to write my own essay after all. :/

#i don't know much about marilyn frye and it doesn't look from a quick google as though she's on par with some of the really nasty t*rfs #but like. you don't have to be vitriolic to still be fundamentally approaching the world in a cissexist way #that gives too much credence to ideas abt Men and Women even as it resents them #like in this essay she comes out with shit like #'women generally have good experiential reason to associate negative values and feelings with penises' #and like. i don't identify as a woman but presumably a r*dfem would class me as a ''''female person'''' so like. #speaking from that classification—can't relate!! #(i mean‚ dgmw‚ i don't want to be dismissive of experiences that were forced‚ or coercive‚ or consensual but painful‚ or or or) #(and it's not that i haven't myself had experiences where people were bad about consent with me) #(but personally i would say i associate negative values and feelings with those *people* and their *behavior‚* not with Penises per se.) #and maybe it's just like. that i'm speaking after literally 50 years of gender progress #like frye does in fact concede that a reframed relationship to penises would be an improvement #(''if penises were enjoyed a good deal more and worshipped a great deal less‚ everyone's understanding of… power and of love would change #beyond recognition and much for the better'') #so maybe it's just like. hi that's me! i'm there! enjoying them! :) #but i just feel like. i don't need to be drawing from a well that takes cisheteronormative constructs this much for granted #and thinks the way to escape them is separatism #as if the knife that cuts Women away from Men weren't cutting some of us in half‚ not 2 mention being itself a cisheteronormative construct #but like. the decontextualized quote really was tempting… :/ #anyway. some people vent about normal things; i vent about shit like this‚ i guess!

[hazmatazz]

google.. how to stop. anxiety..

#head in hands #i don't Wanna practice piano even if that might help #i don't Wanna ask for validation from others. i can't rely on ppl complimenting me everytime i'm anxious #i don't Wanna do work. thinking of school makes me anxious #i don't Want to read or chill. the fact i'm being unproductive makes me anxious #oughhhh head in Hands. i wish the school would get back to me about counseling already. it's been over a Week #i understand there are sooo many kids and so much shit butnuuyggghhhhh it always takes forever #hate like. country and it's school underfunding shit because nobody wants to work here so i everything sucks #anyways. #babble #complaining #vent #<-??? #everything sucks today. everything sucks so much always. everything has sucked for Years #and there's no escaping it despite how Hard i try to be happy #anyways. if you want to like compliment me a bunch like. go ahead. it'll make me feel better even if in the long run it's probably not good

[seraphlin]

Thank you still for staying, even despite my weaknesses and flaws and traumas. Your patience and kindness during my silly breakdowns always means a lot

#any patience and kindness towards me no matter the situation still means a lot #but in moments like these were I feel like I'm in my darkest again- it's a lot more appreciated #sometimes- most times. being always. I get scared of being vulnerable #I'm scared some of you will walk away when I'm at my worst. when I show the worst of myself #I can understand if it's not something you can handle. but I appreciate if you still tried to stick around for the best of me #if you still hang around- even at a distance. to just. let me know even after everything. you're still here #even if you don't want to get involved or say something when I get like this #she's always been scared- the child inside of me. or maybe that's just what I've decided to think my fear as #because she's. she's an embodiment of all the fears and traumas I have. all from that time #do I seem silly for putting so much importance to it? my traumas? do I look like someone who's too consumed by it? #especially since I can just. let go. but I can't. not when these things and fears have shaped me to who I am #what I am. how I act. how I survive. it does not define me yet it shaped me to who I am today #how I think. how I feel. I try to run but I can never escape it can I? #sorry. I started rambling again there. there's just so much I wish I could process properly #thank you still for reading. even if u can't say anything to comfort me #at least in a way. I still feel heard and seen #the clouds cry too (vent)

[katyspersonal]

Cool.. Our rent price got raised. :') I did not know it was even possible to get even MORE poor than me and mom already were, but here we are. Guess I'll start surviving on literal bread and water at this rate.

#/vent #personal #no but when will things stop getting worse? #in moments like this I feel especially bitter thinking about that asshole that went to me like: #'wahh wahh katy i won enough money in the court to buy everything I want but it doesn't matter because I can't buy YOU uwu' #*ten days later* 'actually I don't want a friend/sister anymore can you please stay in your bum spot and simply be my- #-online friend and listen to me ramble about my interests without any regards to yours and show off how cool my life is to you like always? #like no I am not materialistic but when people make dramatic promises of this kind they better stick to them #'nooo but you MUST get out of russia!!!' bitch how? I can hardly afford enough food let alone travelling and living abroad #anyways yeah I am done using the guy that pretended to want a better life for us both and then turned tail as a core for venting #sorry it just makes me angry #not so much living in powerty and not being able to crawl out of debt and my life state no matter what #but more about a very consistent trend of having friends that one day get RICH and dump me as 'lower class' right after that happens #he is not the only one like that in my life he is just the most recent one #really speaks about how unlikeable I am if people lose interest in me as soon as they can buy happy things instead #shows that my worth as a human being is super low and I only work as entertainment when people can't buy something to do that instead #like videogames food travels objects books etc etc... #I am just below those things and less interesting than those things and I'll die early hahaha lol #hopes are that supernatural luck power that doesn't want me to escape easily will send me something to help. because yeah my situation- #-is B A D.

[alren-ki]

That Isolation sure can Sucks

#awled ren vents #I need to stop trying to search for groups near me #it never fixes things #it just makes me more unstable and hopeless #but like #what the fuck else am I supposed to do? join a dating app? #I'm sick of only having my dad to rely on #I want to be there for my people more but I can't if I'm stuck like- this #I haven't gone outside for longer then it takes to get groceries in forever #and my Physical therapy place hasn't called me back #sometimes it feels like I'm never getting out of here- like the pandemic killed any chance I had to escape this damn state

[sherlock-is-ace]

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#argentina saw trump and went ''yeah we want one of those!''... #this absolutely insane man might become president and fully ruin the country (more than it already is) #which is never fun but even worse when you're queer... #today i'm glad i'm living with dysphoria every day but haven't started T #because as sad and absolutely awful as what i'm about to say is... #i can pretend to be a cis woman for safety... #which is a HORRIBLE thing to say or do #but i don't have to put myself out there trying to get hrt or anything like that #or legally change my name and gender mark while looking like i look... that might get me killed or something #bare in mind everything i'm saying A. hasn't happened yet #and B. is being said by someone with an anxiety disorder who can't see hope right now... so take it with a grain of salt #i'm just scared and i don't like the state of the world right now... #and we were somewhat safe in some aspects here and we're so close to losing them now #i'm scared and hate it here but i'm also broke and can't leave so... #we are where we are where we are i guess #angel talks #personal #sorry for the politics... i'm not going to start posting politics #the point of my blog is to escape the hell that is the real world... but i needed to vent and also you know me i love screaming at the void

[heyitsphoenixx]

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#personal vent incoming to just get off my chest don't be weird about it #i've known since i was a kid that my dad was overtly abusive but #just in the last 3-5 months i've learned my mom was and currently is almost just as abusive #but she's just covert about it instead #all of my adolescence was about surviving my dad who was so obviously a monster that he was almost easier to deal w in a way by comparison #this is. what an utter mind fuck #there's also like. no member of my family that i can turn to for help #bc they're either just as bad or my mother has ruined any relationship i might have w them over time #and i also fear being a burden #so i'm making a plan to get out but god it's overwhelming thinking about doing it all alone #and the thought that it might take years to actually get out or get healthy #she's kept me isolated from any support for so long #and im afraid any family that could possibly help wouldn't fully understand or they would be just as bad as her #and it feels impossible to progress at all bc im living w her and literally filed as her dependent on taxes #like ik this is gonna be the hardest thing to escape in my life and i've already escaped a lot #but this time i have to largely on my own #is v scary #and she's conditioned me to believe that i can't make any right decisions on my own without her #and that anything i do is always 'backwards' #makes it that much harder to make a clear plan #her work schedule is so inconsistent that it makes getting therapy online (since i don't have a license or car yet) nearly impossible #to do it without her or my brother listening #that i've just felt trapped for years #but. i can Tell i'm getting better now and rapidly. more than i've been for a v long time #so the process is just beginning and i think even she can tell #which is also dangerous #but ik i can do this its just the amount of time and effort and organizing behind her back and doing it alone thats v overwhelming #but anyway #we stay silly

[whimsicalchaosgarden]

You ever trying to go to sleep and suddenly your brain decided to replay your least favorite sounds? Like I'm just trying to lay there and then suddenly my brain replays a guy eating chips, and idk how to block it out because it's my THOUGHTS that are triggering me!

#misophonia #there is an imposter in my head and he eating chips in the vents and I can't escape!