#CAS ITS NOT DISGUST ITS JEALOUSY FUCKING HELL

[gayconfessioncas]

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#oh i am. obsessed. i have been thinking about it and. will dean ask cas to stay in this fic? will he? #and who will confess their love first? and how? i am. i feel like I'm bubbling on the inside just waiting for things to unravel #right. okay. without further ado #sophia reads to build a home #okay what do i remember from last time. cas in the rain. cas getting an invitation to talk at the school dean works. #and now. this chapter. they are 18. fuck this one is gonna. have angst huh #okay so this is the aftermath of the party huh. cas is hungover and dean is full of guilt #wait no. i think days have passed. cas is? packing? shit is this it??? #cas is calling dean homophobic again. the frustration is. so real. cas please. he's literally bisexual #dean. we know you want to come out. this is the second time now you almost did. let it out bb. let it alllll ouuttt #okay. back to present day. #dean. listens to music. that reminds him. of cas. great! so without further notice i WILL be passing away!! thank you so much for your time #rule number one cas. don't ask dean about sammy. he WILL cry. don't test him #cas goes back to Scotland (?) in a month!! plenty if time for shenanigans and confessions!! here's your chance boys!! #(rowena voice) fix it! #back to 18. castiel i love but please. PLEASE stop assuming things about dean. don't let your anger and jealousy cloud your judgement!! #this scene is kinda. uncomfortable though. cause dean is talking about lisa to his friends and. well. he's in love with cas #so it feels all very fake. yanno? like a show. like hes trying to get a reaction from cas and that just makes cas angrier. its a whole thin #CAS ITS NOT DISGUST ITS JEALOUSY FUCKING HELL #oh these chapters are killing me. KILLING ME. AND NOW YOU JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO PRESENT DAY??? AFTER THAT MESS??? #HAVE MERCY DEAR AUTHOR IM SCREAMJNG #dean is talking to a class of teenagers about protest music and cas is watching. im about to explode #SHUT UP SHUR UP THEY JUSTED HUGGED FOR THE FIRST TIME KN NINE YEARS IM INCOHERENT #oh i. i need to go to sleep now... oh no. no i want to keeping reading #one more chapter? no. sleep. unless? noooooo i gotta sleeeeepppp. fuck. #okay but tomorrow is friday so more reading then. stay up late reading then

[i-make-fun-of-spn-characters]

I feel like you've given most spn related things some lil spice but I always love the spice on this : hot spicy take on the "Dean is the most horrible character and ruins everyone's life and Sam and Cas are poor little meow meows who only do bad things sometimes because tyran Dean farted in their direction" takes that are not really only said by anti-Dean peeps ? Obsessed with that incredible thesis and would love the added spice ❤

SPICY HOT HOT GHOST PEPPERS CAROLINA REAPERS HELP I'M BURNING

I really try to respect other people’s opinions, and I believe there are a wealth of ways to interpret a story, and I think that’s a deeply beautiful thing. This applies to interpretations I don't agree with and outright dislike as well. That said, some opinions are simply and objectively bad, dishonest, and/or demonstrably false, and I truly do not believe you can sit down and honestly watch through the show with an open mind about all the characters, truly pay attention to what they do, say, and believe, and come to the conclusion that this show is about an evil manipulative abusive man terrorizing his pure and sinless brother and friend. It is an interpretation built from cherry picking facts to suit an ugly, miserable theory, making Mount Everest out of a bunch of the tiny mole hills, making the worst possible presumptions of feelings and intentions, and holding characters to completely different standards in order to neatly divide them into "abused" and "abuser" in a way that, frankly, fetishizes the abused person. I despise this interpretation of the story with every fiber of my being, and I have absolutely no respect for the opinion of anyone who peddles it, regardless of who they cast as villain/victim (because people have also done this with the others—it’s just more “popular” to do it with Dean... I mean... does anyone else remember how people were shitting on Sam after his emotional reaction in 14.12? Calling him an evil abuser? Because I do).

The thing that always gets me about this take isn't just how dishonest, unfair, mean-spirited, and compassionless it is in its treatment of Dean’s feelings, circumstances, and intentions... but how deeply reductive and offensive it is toward Sam and Castiel, sucking away their identities to turn them into effigies to mourn for their sad, Stockholm syndrome-esque attachment to their "abuser". Further, it grips the heart of the show—the relationship between Sam and Dean, and then the relationship among TFW as a whole—in a tight, uncompromising fist and pulverizes it. It literally rips out the heart of the show (the RELATIONSHIPS) and replaces it with something unprepossessing of any merit: A miserable, 15 years long story about a malicious abuser getting away with terrorizing those closest to him for his entire life, while his poor abuse victims suffer through until they die for him/happy to be reunited with him because they “don’t know any better” and never ever learned better, I guess. What a stupid, sad sack of a story.

Castiel is a thousands of years old celestial being who has literally beaten Dean into the pavement under no form of mind control, and has shown over and over again that he will do whatever the hell he wants, regardless of whatever Dean thinks about being sidelined. If he thinks whatever he is doing is in Dean's best interest, he literally does not care how Dean feels about it. He will nod and smile and then fly off and swallow thousands of souls with Dean begging him not to, shove Dean out of the way to attack the big bad, leave Dean alone in Purgatory, refuse to come out of Purgatory so he can self-flagellate, fly off with the angel tablet, help Sam with the Book of the Damned, let Lucifer possess him without anyone's knowledge or agreement, come into Dean's room under the guise of apologizing for ghosting him so that he can steal The Colt out from under his pillow and murder someone, decide not to murder that person and still prevent Sam and Dean from helping by knocking them both unconscious, get himself killed, make a deal to trade his life for Jack's and never tell anyone, hide information and worries and ignore phone calls, ghost Sam and Dean, and bicker and fight with Dean as if they are a married couple. Love sickness and feelings of worthlessness (which Cas has a wealth of reasons to feel—many of which aren’t even related to Dean but to his heavenly family) are reinterpreted as the result of some sort of constant, terrorizing emotional abuse. Power and authority that Dean does not actually have is forced into his hands by these fans. Maybe listen when Cas says, “Hey—not everything is your fault.” Maybe listen when he says “I loved the whole world because of you”, calls Dean a role model, says he enjoys their conversations, offers to die with him and dies for him multiple times. Maybe treat these feelings as genuine and valid and HIS and not as the delusions of some poor manipulated baby. 

Sam is framed this way even more often than Cas, and it's a damn shame, because what I typically see is this: Sam’s development into a mediator and peacemaker is twisted and reinterpreted as coming from a place of weakness and/or fear. Rationality, maturity, wisdom, and compassion are not the traits of a scared, powerless child. They are the traits of a mature adult, who has been beaten down by life, and fought and raged against his circumstances, and somehow come out of it with more kindness and understanding and strength instead of less. He has made his own decisions whenever it was possible, within the set of circumstances doled out to him. From telling his dad to go fuck himself and going to college, to getting back into hunting to avenge Jess (NOT because of Dean—Dean took him home without complaint at the end of the woman in white case), to continuing to hunt after their father died because he wanted to feel close to him (Dean was actually weirded out and sort of disgusted by this), raging and fighting to save Dean from his deal against Dean’s wishes, continuing to hunt and working with Ruby (directly against Dean’s dying wish), drinking demon blood, jumping in the cage, leaving hunting to go be with Amelia, coming back to hunting to save Kevin, fighting with Dean over what he had with Amelia and threatening to leave if Dean didn't shut his mouth, leaving Amelia to go back to hunting (Dean ultimately suggests he go back to her—Sam chooses to stay), trying to kill Benny, demanding to be the one to do The Trials and saying he is going to SURVIVE them—that being the ENTIRE POINT, losing that resolve in a fit of depression but choosing to drop the knife, demanding space from Dean (and being given it), fighting to save Demon Dean who didn’t want to be found or saved, using the Book of the Damned against Dean’s wishes, telling Charlie that this is what he wants—that he used to want normal but now all he wants is to hunt with Dean and that he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he can’t have that, unleashing the Darkness in his desperation to keep Dean with him and even saying, “I would do it again” in the aftermath, saving the town being destroyed by Amara, getting into The Cage with Lucifer, leading a team against the British Men of Letters, nurturing Jack, punching Dean in the face when he was going to sacrifice himself, leading more hunters, wielding a gun against Chuck... and that’s just some highlights. Sam Fucking Winchester does not need your bullshit about him being some sad, scared, helpless baby lorded over by mean old Dean who has never let him do anything he wants. 

Yes, in the text itself, there is jealousy and resentment at times, and there is legitimate and righteous anger on Sam’s part on a few occasions. There is blame cast on Dean by Sam for some of these choices/circumstances. Some of those moments where Dean is blamed are legitimate, and some of them... frankly, are not. Within the framework of the fucked up dynamics of the way they were raised, Sam and some fans bristle when they feel Dean is casting himself as the parent he is not, but Sam also has been guilty in the past of trying to reframe himself as Dean’s child when things got tough. Neither of them is responsible for the origin of that dynamic, but they BOTH have responsibility to change it, and they both, ultimately, succeed in doing so. For Sam, his part comes in recognizing and learning to fully own his own choices. Recognizing that he is not a child, and he is certainly not Dean’s child, and it isn’t just “Mummy—loosen the grip”, but Sam has to too—not claim independence only to blame Dean for his choices when his own decisions have an ultimate outcome he is unhappy with. That is a legitimate arc that Sam goes through imo, but he comes out the other side of it, and he and Dean relate to each other much better as peers from then on—and I’d like to note that throughout the entire series, when they don’t relate as perfect peers and teammates, it isn’t always Dean “bossing Sam around”, but Sam also trying to sideline Dean and yes—boss him around. And when they lied and hurt each other and yes, even manipulated each other, Dean most certainly wasn't always the one doing the lying and hurting and manipulating. Always, always, ALWAYS, they both had an understandable point of view, and it was complex, and you could understand why they made the choices they did, even if you thought of those choices as being wrong ones. 

I also would like to point out (because this is basically what I see all of the time) that Dean being hurt by someone or simply voicing his feelings or opinion is in no way abusive or manipulative. Dean is certainly charismatic and loved and his returning love and respect is often deeply desired, but he is not an actual siren, who bends people to his will simply by speaking or being. People are, in fact, able to tell him “no”, and frequently FREQUENTLY do. Further more, no one is owed his affection, his unwavering loyalty, or his trust. He has a right to his boundaries, regardless of if it makes some poor sad sap feel deprived of the “wellspring of coveted love” while he works through things. He can be hurt and angry, and he can wear his heart on his sleeve at times, and he can be flawed, and broken. [Insert Castiel's speech from 15.18 here]. So can Sam. So can Cas. None of them are manipulating each other by virtue of getting angry, feeling hurt, being traumatized, needing space, or having differing opinions or feelings. Sam didn’t punch Dean in the face in 14.12 because he's a cruel, manipulative abuser trying to force Dean under his thumb. He didn’t work behind Dean’s back with Ruby, insist on doing The Trials, beg Dean to use Doc Benton’s alchemy, use the Book of the Damned to cure Dean, pump him full of blood to cure him of being a demon despite the fact that it might kill him, or scream at him and fight him for wanting to get in the Ma’lak box because he “doesn’t respect his autonomy” and “wants to control him” and “doesn’t respect his right to his own body”. He did it because he loves him desperately, and Dean could stand to fucking hate himself less, and he fiercely wanted Dean to live even when Dean didn’t want to or couldn’t picture what that could be like. He didn’t force Dean to do anything simply by opening his mouth to voice disagreement and swaying Dean when he did so. Now reverse that. 

Cas didn't beat Dean into the ground in season 5 because he wanted to terrorize him into never going against Castiel ever again. He didn’t go behind his back dozens of times, sideline him, go MIA, all because he wanted to manipulate and control Dean and punish him. He didn’t throw sassy remarks at him to shatter his self-esteem. Now reverse that. 

*Breathes*

Anyway, fuck "X is abusive” interpretations. 

#being serious for 5 seconds #RANTING RANTING RANTING #spicy spicy ghost pepper extract #mail

[bbnibini]

PSISLY: An Obey Me!CYOA – forty-nine🔖

Telling Levi that everything you experienced last night being a dream was a lie. You didn't remember buying such an expensive blanket, nor did it come with the stuff you packed for your week-long refuge in RAD. The receipt he clumsily left with you was evidence enough that he wrote the letter.

"Ghost my ass. Coward."

So you say, but you cuddled with the said blanket anyway, hoping remnants of him would be there.

If he loved you back, then why would he reject you? Should you have told him to wait for you? To fix your shit so he would give you another chance? It was pathetic. Now you understood Mammon's desperation. But you do need to fix your shit. And maybe stow away your daily necessities at your locker until tonight. Classes would start in a few hours and you needed to prepare.

That fucking locker.

If you would have known this would all happen, you wouldn't have opened it at all.

"Stupid ghost."

"Achoo!"

You jumped at the sound and wrapped the cursed blanket over you like some cloak of invisibility at one of Satan's wizard shows but you ended up looking stupid instead.

"Who's there?!"

Your sneezing invader ended up being the last demon you wanted to see while starting your day.

Fuck.

"You weren't there when I woke up. And they won't tell me where you are.

.

.

.

.

It's because of me, ain't it?"

"Mammon--"

Without any warning, he rushed up and hugged you, feeling the tightness of his hold. Your ghost crush's words repeated in your head like a mantra,

"Face reality."

…ringing incessantly in your head like a curse---of cruel fate trapping you, shaving away your own will and dictating your heart on what it should feel like the cheesy otome games which you play in pajama nights with Asmo and Levi.

Stupid fate told you to hug him back. To follow the script in this messed up romance story and fall in love with the right (person) demon.

"It's all right to feel surfeited. Your emotions are valid, no matter what other people will say. You shouldn't force yourself to love someone. It would be cruel to both of you."

But of course, your ever wise ghost crush has all the answers, for you remembered what he said again, along with your passionate kisses last night despite being in the arms of another man. You felt sick to your stomach.

"We're over."

"No!"

"I don't love you, Mammon. I'm sorry--"

You felt his tongue inside your mouth, probing, desperate, waiting...for you to look his way--to forget about a person who did not want to be remembered. To fall in love with him instead. To lose yourself in the kiss and finally give him a chance.

…but you pushed him away. You stopped yourself from raising your hand out of respect for his own feelings, even if he clearly didn't do the same for yours.

"I can't do this, Mammon. This is unfair!"

"I don't care! I love you! I'll make sure you'll love me too!"

"You're being ridiculous! You know I'm in love with someone else! Aren't you angry with me? I kept on telling you you're all these things when you're not! Why would you want anything to do with me?"

You were tired of crying. Your heart sought for the solace of that one fleeting dream, hopeful for an escape. Face reality? For what? To see how much of a horrible person you are?

"I should be  the one saying that. I should have told you the moment I'd known!" He was shouting now, screaming at the top of his lungs at an early, sunless morning. His voice echoed through the hallways, a piercing screech, frustrated and angry at himself. At you. Your voice was a whisper in comparison.

"No, it was me. Why didn't I notice I was idealising you?" You answered back on the verge of raising your own voice, tempted by the catharsis brought about by mindless projection, uncaring of what it will destroy on its path.

"You're not. I wanted to change on my own. I stole your chance of you ever knowing him. I'm the scoundrel here, aren't I? Must be why you can't ever love me."

The hurt in his voice made your heart clench. You held him by the hand and shook your head repeatedly, letting out a voice as if it were on the verge of screaming. Deep breaths. You aren't the only one confused and pained about all of this. At some point, while false, you had feelings for him. And even if the truth of your twisted love story had been revealed, instead of that love diminishing, it only took a different form. You realised that with your conversations with Levi last night.

"You know that's not true! You have a lot of amazing qualities! Just because I love someone else doesn't mean that would ever change. Mammon, I care about you. That's why I want you to love yourself too."

Tightening your hold on his hands, you looked in his eyes, trying your all to make him see what he could not. Oh, you know there was something there. Something that would make both of you finally listen to each other, instead of shouting at each other but not hearing yourselves at all.

"You were my first demon. You stayed by my side and cared for me. Even if we didn't have the best first meeting, you have always treated me well. So…please don't say you want to change for those reasons. You deserve to be loved for who you are!"

Oh, to hell with this! Stupid feelings! Stupid tears! Stupid you! You were a sobbing, screaming mess, palms sweating as it was intertwined with his, eyes stinging from a love blinded by idealised illusions.

"I love him, Mammon. I want to find him…"

…only to find pain in realising the truth.

"He's a coward who won't even show his face to ya! Why would you love a jerk like that?"

A truth that the both of you couldn't take so kindly, evidenced by the fact that he spoke his next words with unbridled jealousy.

"Oh, he is! I hate him so much! But, I love him all the same!"

Your vociferations were feral---inextinguishable, lighting a fire in your heart that you thought was long gone. The same flames of wrath you snuffed out before even understanding the unfairness of your situation---of your own life being taken away, anger over those who could never understand the fragility of a transient existence as yours.

"He's the worst!"

You cried out, voicing out your complaints for a man who couldn't even tell you his name. His stupid name! "Arrogant! Prideful! Selfish! Telling me to face reality when he cannot even face his own!"

You aired out even more of your complaints, screaming at the top of your lungs, a crying sobbing mess--undergoing stress far too early in the morning for you to gain any sense or bearing. You didn't even realise your legs gave out on you as you were sitting with your legs splayed on the floor, muffling the sound of your sobs, hoping the tears would also stop.

You screamed until you had no more voice, calling out to your first demon in a hoarse whisper,

"I want to love you…but I can't…"

Mammon lost his anger the moment you broke down in tears, epiphany in his eyes that he was too emotional to ever understand or control. You were in his arms, this time not out of possession but of concern. His chest was stained with your snot and tears, uniform crumpled by the clench of your hands, clawing at some proverbial cliff your ghostly love threw you in to fend for yourself.

"Why would he kiss me? Why would he tell me he loved me if he couldn't fight for me? Why would he tell me to face reality when he's not here by my side?"

Mammon's clutter of a mind held back the urge to ask you 'You met him?' And instead held you in his arms, his desire to protect you from anything that causes you harm intensifying, even if the threat was himself.

There was a sense of understanding in his eyes, too late to be realised, or at least that was what he thought. He was disgusted by how similar he was with that scum of a man who didn't even have the courage to tell you his feelings face-to-face. He didn't say anything and held you until you calmed down, making soft strokes on your back as if you would shatter in his arms at the slightest touch. You probably did already, perhaps you had been broken all along. Maybe that was why he left you.

"If you want me to stay by your side," you said weakly, void of anything in your eyes, reflecting the bliss of abreaction. "I can only offer you my friendship. I'm tired, Mammon. I need space."

"Okay…" he answered back, hearing your voice for the first time.

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I'm sorry too."

"I want to break up with you."

"Yeah…we need that right now."

"I'm not good enough for you. For him. For anyone right now."

"That's not true. It's that guy's damn fault!" he quickly lowered his voice down upon seeing you look up at him. "He doesn't deserve ya."

"But I love him…"

It hurt to hear it from you, but he didn't comment. "Mhm. I know."

He held you in his arms for a while until your tears dried and both of you were calmer--able to listen to reason, or at least civil enough to have a coherent conversation.

He broke the ice and told you now that he had a deeper understanding of your situation, about his own truth. "It was the morning before I went to work at Witch's Brew. Little D gave me my own letter." "Apparently I placed it in some random classmate's locker. Couldn't even remember stupid instructions. That damn Belphie…"

"Belphie?"

Why is Belphie involved with this?

Mammon answered generously. "Yeah, Belphie. He was the one who told me your locker schedule.

.

.

.

Judging by the look on yer face…that..ain't good, huh?"

You nodded, replying softly. "I never told him about my locker."

"Wait. What?"

"I'm shocked too. I kept it from him before…especially after…you know."

"Oh."

"B-but I don't feel that way anymore! We're good now!" you replied, flustered.

"...I just didn't have the time to tell him, I guess."

Now that you were now on speaking terms, Mammon couldn't help but finally ask. "What about you?"

"Huh? Me?"

"Your face is a mess. You've got lipstick smudged like a clown--

.

.

.

.

Oi, I'm being serious here!"

You wiped the tears on the corner of your eyes. "Sorry, just laughing at the irony."

"In English, please."

You looked at him cautiously.

"Promise you won't get angry?"

"I already am and I don't even know why. It's that jerk, ain't it?"

You wrapped the blanket around you and covered your face. "Maybe…"

Since you knew Mammon's mind is probably racing with all kinds of tangent thoughts right now, you hoped to silence them with your brutal honesty.

"We kissed a bit…

.

.

.

Okay, maybe a lot. I'm sorry…"

Mammon was more concerned about your secret admirer's lack of responsibility more than anything. There was anger there of course, but he had already burnt out. Like you, he was also tired of…feeling. It was Satan's specialty, not his. Instead, he answered with slight annoyance. "Yet that jerk still left you?!" (Emphasis on the slight)

"It's not like that!" it was such a complicated and surreal situation that if you didn't experience it for yourself, you wouldn't even believe it. But you explained it to him, everything that happened. A dreamlike encounter, now only a reminder of your heartbreak.

"I was the one who forced myself on him. He kept on saying it was a dream but…" you showed him the blanket wrapped around you and flushed at the reminder of your nightly embrace. "...why does it feel so real?"

Mammon didn't know how to respond. Satan's spells are powerful stuff. It would keep every intruder away that only the likes of Lord Diavolo or the caster himself (or the Great Him!)could dispel. Still, it doesn't make sense. He can still feel the traces of magic in your temporary dwelling before he broke the barriers, familiar with the runes and the spell's intricacy---a magic that was entirely his fourth-born brother's.

"The spells were untampered before I got here. Even someone as powerful as the Demon King would leave traces of his magic if he went in here last night. Yet there's nothing. Only Satan's. Ya sure you really kissed someone here?"

"I-I did! He...he left this for me." you cuddled with the blanket even more, hoping it would hide the blush in your face.

"Tch." He rolled his eyes in secret and pretended not to look at your lovestruck face. No time for pining, stupid. He thought to himself.

"Only way I can think of is if that stupid jerk is Fat-- ex-Father himself."

G-God?!

"You ain't locking lips with that old geezer, aren't you?"

You? In love with God himself? That's the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard!

"I WOULDN'T DARE!"

"Yeah. Figures. This is hella weird."

Thankfully,even Mammon thought it was too impossible. You haven't met the man yourself, but you were certain it wasn't him.

"I agree."

Your beloved ghost crush had an odd, familiar air to him. A presence that made you feel safe, loved and protected. Treasured . Comfortable enough to joke and share laughs with each other despite only meeting for the first time.

"It feels like I've been waiting for him. Like we've been apart for a very long time, and we met each other again."

Awkward silence.

"You don't even know 'em." said Mammon, unable to hide the bitterness in his tone.

"I'm sorry...maybe we shouldn't--"

"S'cool. I was the one who asked anyway." Saying that though, he considered your situation and changed the topic."So…you're gonna stay here for a whole week?"

"That's the plan."

"Even if we're good now?"

You nodded. "Until we're both completely recovered and I don't want to beat his ass anymore."

"Heh. So you're not giving up on him? Even if he already did?"

How could you? As much as you want to, your heart told you that it still wanted to find him. And when you do…

"...I'll give him a piece of my mind. Hey Mammon?"

"Yeah?"

"I care about you, you know that?"

"Yeah. But it ain't the same as lovin' me, ain't it? You have bad taste in men."

"Mhm. The worst."

He let out a sigh, whether it was because of your stubbornness or your stupidity, or an amalgamation of both, you didn't know. But he must be disappointed in you right now. Even you aren't blind to the fact that he was the "better choice". But you hated that term. Mammon is so much more than a "choice". He was his own demon, he didn't deserve being objectified or being treated as a substitute for someone else.

"Just so you know, I ain't giving up either."

Yet here he is, equally stupid as you are, declaring his bold words with a toothy grin, hiding his pain to pacify yours. Something hurt in your chest at the thought. But you could do nothing else but pretend you didn't notice his unfair kindness.

"Eh?"

"My rival's as good as dead. I'll steal your heart, fair and square. You'll see!"

"Pfft. Don't ever write a poem."

"Well I'm sorry that jerk can write! Writers are lame anyway!"

The artificial sun illuminated the classroom with its orange hues, welcoming the day filled with new beginnings. You wished you could say the same for you, that this heartache, this ending, this pain would signal the start of your own. For Mammon too, so that he can learn to love himself again: a fresh start, an acknowledgement of the love you've had for each other despite parting ways.

"See you soon." You stood up slowly, and offered your hand to him.

Smiling he took it and answered back.

"Yeah. I'll be waiting. Always."

[ Mammon's Normal🌸Ending obtained.]

💌Read the epilogue

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💌masterlist

#psisly #hamartia series #interactive fiction #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x reader #obey me fic #obey me fanfic #cyoa #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x reader #obey me satan #obey me satan x reader #obey me barbatos #obey me barbatos x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x reader #love letter #secret admirer