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#But i will get up again!
traumacure · 11 hours ago
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long post, positive though :)
a little sleep deprived but i took my adderall and i'm feeling surprisingly good today. i showered and brushed the tangles out of my hair and even scrubbed myself down properly instead of just sitting there letting the water wash over me like usual. for a long time now it's felt like i've been stuck in place, scrambling for a way forward while everything around me is covered in some kind of slippery fabric that won't let me get enough of a grip on anything to make any real progress. i've grown so disconnected from myself, my life, and the people around me that it's as though i've become a spectator unable to truly exist within or interact with the space i occupy. until today i didn't know how to change that, or rather, i did know, but i didn't know how to begin. it felt like too much to even start with. this hostile living environment has made it too easy for me to just give up and let myself fester. quarantine made spiraling feel like the only trajectory available to me. without any outside obligations to give me a semblance of structure, i let myself completely splatter like a liquid without any container to hold it in place. under these conditions, collapsing felt like the only thing i knew how to do.
but right now, i feel like i've finally seen a way forward. i think i can do it. first things first, i have to take better care of this body, or i'll never be able to exist in it comfortably. i got used to neglecting myself because i got used to being neglected. but if it was anyone else in my care, i would find this way of life completely unacceptable. i have to start thinking of myself like a child or a friend in need, someone depending on me who i don't want to let down. i need to start caring about myself like i do others. i have to be kinder to the me that needs to be taken care of and stricter with the me that has to take care of them.
it's not gonna be easy. it won't happen overnight. there's a lot of changes that need to be made before i can start getting better, but i'm going to start trying to slowly work on making them instead of waiting any longer for a magical solution to appear that'll make all this hard work effortless. i won't beat myself up for the days i fall back, for the moments i lose momentum and can't summon the energy to do everything i want to do for myself. i won't pressure myself to do more than is feasible in any given moment. i'll start small, but i'll start. that's what's important. no more standing still and stagnating. i've let my life get like my hair does at its most neglected—a matted, tangled mess of knots. when i look at what a mess it's become, fixing it feels impossible. but just like i slowly combed all those tangles out in the shower today, i'll do the same for my life. i'll work through it strand by strand until everything is sorted out and i'll take care to not let it get this bad again.
#i'm gonna make a list of my self-care goals and tangible things i can do to work on building healthier habits#of course i don't have the energy to do anything right now i've been neglecting to eat or drink or sleep or exercise properly for ages now#i can't expect myself to start feeling better if i don't give my body anything to work with#i'm constantly running on empty of course i feel so hopeless a lot of the time#but right now i have hope and i'm writing this down so i won't forget once i feel bad again#progress feels possible in this moment and i want to remember that next time i start feeling helpless again#i've been waiting too long for other people to help me but i can't wait for an angel to come save me#i've gotta be my own angel and pick myself up off the floor like i always have#at the end of the day the only one who can save me is myself and that's okay because i can do it! i've done it before and i can do it again#in my darkest moments it was my own strength that carried me forward. when no one else could give me the answers i needed i found my own.#i know i'm much stronger than i feel a lot of the time and my survival this long is proof of that#i have to be able to rely on myself if no one else i have to be able to trust in myself if nothing else#and in this moment i do. i really do believe i have what it takes to slowly start making things better for myself :)#i know there will be times when i feel hopeless again but that's okay. i'll get through them and keep moving ahead like i always have#i might stumble and slide back now and again but i'm facing the right direction and i know i'll get to where i want to be eventually :)#affirmations#💟#💙.txt
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aaetherius · 11 hours ago
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I just wanted to hop on super quick since I haven’t been the most active (especially on both of my multis - Lucifer will always be my main), and I probably won’t post today, and might possible not have time to post tomorrow either (though, I hope I’ll be able to slip on at night to write something)! 
I just wanted to say, I love all of you! You’re all fantastic! I do read the threads that I see pop on my dash, and all of you are so wonderful! Your characters are well written, and interesting, and I adore the passion all of you have for your muses! You’re very much seen, and appreciated!
Remember to be gentle to yourselves, and take breaks/gets plenty of rest! Sometimes writing can be draining or you might not feel very confident in your work, but just remember their are people who love your work and your muses, even when you’re not super sure of yourself, and will interact with you! 
Remember to drink water, eat food, and take any medications you need to! Remember to take care of yourselves, and reach out to those you trust when you need to! You’re loved, and deserve to have good things happen to you/come your way! May your weekend be blessed, and relaxing, or, at the very least, less stressful! 
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nammyfanficsblog · 12 hours ago
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after seeing lastest fallen banner of FEH which included Feral Dimitri and Final boss Edelgard....and more morgans....I was like hey that’s cool but I kinda don’t excpet to see more Fe3H soon (but here they are and both El and DIma are so OP)  
I was wondering if Claude was in this banner too? (please forget the fact that Claude will never be fallen cause I like that too but I just wanna try something different) what will he be? a feral archer? a crest beast? mine was thinkng of him being a coloress flier dragon (just like F!Grima ) he would be himself but has no control over his power and include the dialouge of how much everyone hate him being like this. (why it’s sounds like Corrin again lol)     
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windstrider2017 · 23 hours ago
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I cut my hair today and while I love cutting and styling my own hair, I will always hate having to deal with the fucking clippings afterwards omg
#hair clippings from hell...hello we meet again :(#ugh they get everywhere#and i'm remembering the Hair Splinter From Hell that i stayed up all night trying to remove until i finally got that stupid mf out#i got it out tho#also imo it's worth it. i will happily keep cutting my own hair#i took a bunch off this time so it was a little weird to look in the mirror and see it this short again bc it had grown out a bit#not drastically but enough that this is a bit of a difference for sure#it looked cool before too before it got too overgrown for my liking but meh i always cut it a lot when i think it's time for a haircut#ik i'd probably be a good barber or hairdresser and would lowkey consider it as a job option but#for one thing i would rather not be the one potentially responsible for a haircut somebody doesn't like#if i fuck up my own hair that's smth i'm willing to accept and idc but i wouldn't wanna screw up someone else's#just thinking back to last summer when i first cut my hair and i went v quickly from like.#cutting most of it w the longest possible guard and same length all around...except for the top that i did w scissors#to now i'm cutting hair like a pro and doing a sort of fade each time and purposely doing the top a bit messy bc it looks good that way#i use both scissors and clippers to cut it and tbh it's still somewhat long-ish even after i cut a lot off#my haircutting style is literally a mix of meticulous by-the-book and purposefully sloppy diy and it works great#man people at school next year are gonna be so shocked when they see me and i am here for it#i wish i'd done it sooner cause oh man#i went around looking like THAT when i could have been looking like THIS? omg#this is way easier to deal w too. it looks cool when it's messy and doesn't rly get in my face#i still wear hats a lot just bc i like them but i wore a hat to class so much freshman year#bc my hair was ugh and i didn't want to deal w it or have anyone to see that shit lmao#i finally got the guts and the excuse to cut it last summer when it was so long that it was getting in my face and nobody objected#so...snip snip bitches#and here we are today#i had pretty neutral expectations and was just like if it's bad it's bad (whatever) at that point#but it turns out i am a bit of a natural at cutting and styling hair#i am not a natural at common sense tho bc my back hurts from sitting weird and my phone battery almost died...skdjdjd whatever
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ghostprinceiii · a day ago
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As much as I want to get back into playing Genshin Impact, I'm still full of regret for my financial choices earlier in the year and I just know that if I played that game again I would keep spending money and getting frustrated because the one character I wanted is already gone and making progress is so so slow when you're ftp and didn't ration your resources/know how to properly use artifacts or whatever they're called before you got to an AR you can't handle.
#Was ftp for a fair while then I looked into online spaces and got sucked into the idea that I needed to get every character#that was popular at the time (and since they're only available for a limited time theres even more pressure)#and ended up spending quite a bit of money and instantly regretting it but not learning my lesson. I'd been saving up primogems for Februar#when Xiao's banner was gonna come out and I'd only spent a small amount of money on the game before but then Albedo suddenly got really#popular and even though I didnt care about him that much at first I quickly jumped on the bandwagon due to collecgors anxiety + fomo +#communal hype. Used all my saved gems and didnt get him. Didnt learn. Wasnt enough time to save up again even though I was playing almost#24/7 at that point cuz of other stress so when Xiao's banner actually came out I didn't have enough for even 1 wish I don't think.#I'd also gotten really frustrated with Dragonspine and had started playing BOTW at that point so I'd taken a break from Genshin and only#come back to try and get Xiao because I liked his character and design and I'd bedn really excited about his banner before. Got impatient#and ended up spending a ton of money on primogems only to end up nearly broke and with Xinyan + a weapon I didnt want. Haven't opened the#game since then. It moves too fast and there's too many updates and events ans daily things for me to keep up. Can't even play ACNH every#day anymore and thats as low-stress as it gets!Basically I made a stupid decision and got made + didnt like the culture surrounding the gam#so: I will do with this game what I do with all of my retired fixations. Consume fanart of a small number of very specific characters +#fanfiction with a billion exclusion tags so that I only see what I want to read and then maybe a long time later I'll get back into it but#never actually be as passionate about it or interested in it as I was the first time. Which is kinda sad but whatever.#ghostprince posts#DNRB#Genshin Impact#videogames#This is *riddled* with spelling errors jesus fucking christ I used to have so much more motor control than this what happened??
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kingkangs · a day ago
omg you're going to love a tale of crowns, the romance options are so good!!!
i just rmb to answer this bc i hit ch5 but I RLY AM !!! it is so cool to see such a carefully built up world based on the middle east and the creator’s kurdish heritage it’s just... WOW 💥‼️‼️ probably going to play thru it twice for rezan and ashti and i WILL be going BONKERS!!!
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thedeaddrop · a day ago
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i know i’m late to the show (i always am please see my naruto blog and obsession in the year of our lord 2021 as an example) and this is no way a new take, but i just finished Bojack Horseman and I believe it might be my favorite show of all time? there were so many moments that felt terrifying and cathartic at the same time because it felt like i was being seen. as someone who struggles with PTSD and some other things that i’ve never really dealt with in a real or healthy way it honestly felt therapeutic to watch. because yeah, sometimes it was really heavy and fucking HARD to watch... but it felt so personal and made me feel not so alone for the first time in a long time. representation of mental illness in a way that doesnt demonize the people who struggle with it but also doesnt excuse their actions. the theme of giving so much of ourselves away to other people that we lose ourselves in the process because it just feels like there's nothing left... even the way things consistently fell apart was comforting because i’ve never felt safe or secure in my life. so to see that reflected on screen was just so fucking beautiful and i’ll quit ranting but i feel lighter now that i’ve finished it and i don't know what the take away from this is... but yeah. 
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h-isforhome · a day ago
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my grades can look incredibly shitty all they want but at least i am still a good writer :•)
#this is the part where i get a flash of the future where i’m failing my stem major and pursuing a fruitful career in writing#and i always wonder if it’s future me saying ‘hey dumbass change ur major’#but them i’m like No i do rlly like my major and the career i planned out it’s just . hard .#and.!! i am it’s not like i’m absolutely better at writing classes i mean helloooo it took me fucking ages to get my paper done yk#and also like.....i am just taking bio chem physics courses none of which r my major specifically#and really i’ve only taken two (2) major specific courses in my 3yrs here but i’ve loved them both so .#rlly it’s just abt where i am in life rn not allowing for amazing academic success <3#it’s not that . i’m terrible at stem or anything . just . circumstances <3#hmmmm can u tell i’m desperately trying to make sense of this bc ik my immediate and extended family and#my family friends will b disappointed if i went the nonstem route 🤡#OR maybe ! maybe maybe this is all bc there’s always been a popularized divide btwn stem and the humanities in that .#everyone always said pick one or the other no exceptions ur good at one bad at the other#when . that’s obvs not true for me esp but also bc we have a desire to learn and can appreciate both yk like .#my friend always said humans want 2 learn everything and anything and idk abt evidence or w/e but i feel like it’s true and again 4 me esp#and so . when we’re brought up to specialize in one and hate the other it never works out yk if i say i’m good at writing#according to divide it means i’m bad at stem yk . but also also also: is the us capitalist society Built for an interest in both .#bc that’s rlly where the divide comes from yk the whole need for ‘better’ careers and so . if i can’t realistically pursue both#what’s the point .!#where i was going w this idk <3 i love both wish i could do both also my english ta emailed and said my v late paper was so good she wants#2 use it as a sample :-)!!!!!!!!
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v-pet · a day ago
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i wonder how much effort it would be to remake a new main email address for myself at this point.. while i dont think i currently consider my birthname to be a deadname necessarily, it would be Very nice to have my main email have the name i, like. actually enjoy using on it instead hfsfhsfd
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dirt-str1der · 2 days ago
hey just so you know, tomat/o/grater is a hardjuner
I mean i knew because its not like they were hiding it or something but heres the thing , imo being a hardjuner is like ig a forgivable “crime”, as far as i know tg didnt like actively go harass ppl for making content of john (that’s where i draw the line >.>) he just kinda groused about it on his own blog because like its THEIR hc , and basically theyre allowed to be salty over fandom shit hell i do it too and im much more annoying about it considering i dont contribute jack to fandom like he does
Like yeah its kind of sad that they arent receptive to the idea of any OTHER version of our beloved egbert than transfem but its not like theyre racist or, made transphobic comments, or like idk, be alt right. I just like his art and meta and think hes a funny guy is all
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