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taylorgrace-writes · 2 years

Text

Trusting You

Pairings: Bucky x reader

Warnings: mentions of violence, injuries, blood, cleaning wounds

Word Count: 2k

Genera: Angst

Bucky trusted you and only you. That’s why after the first time Bucky had stopped by your small apartment after a mission with crimson blood slowly dripping down the side of his face from a nasty cut you had cleared out a special drawer in your bathroom dedicated to first aid supplies and anything else he might need. Most nights, you would relax on your sofa in the living room or sit at your desk doing homework for your college classes when a gentle knock at the door would gain your attention. You almost always would open the door to find him standing there, an apologetic look on his face even if he looked like he had been dragged through hell and back. No words needed to be said as you gently took his hand or helped him limp over to the small kitchen table before you rushed to the bathroom to pull out that drawer and carry it awkwardly to him. As you gently got to work on his beaten body, he’d soon mutter sweet nothings in your ear. He knew seeing him so injured didn’t help with your anxiety, especially when he would glance up at you many times to see you on the verge of tears. He understood where you were coming from, though. If he were to see you in any sort of pain, he too would have tears streaming down his cheeks. After you had bandaged all his wounds to the best of your abilities, the two of you would retreat to the couch and lie down next to each other. You always being mindful of his injuries, even though he always insisted they weren’t as bad as they seemed. The two of you soon fell asleep against each other and in the morning Bucky’s wounds were all healed and he’d be off back to the Avengers Tower after giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

When Bucky showed up at your doorstep tonight, though, it had been different. It was a little past 11:00 when you checked the clock sitting on the corner of your desk. You nibbled on the side of your cheek, unable to resist bouncing your knee up and down, as you stared down at the dull textbook in front of you that you were attempting to comprehend. As hard as you tried to understand the darkened words staining the white pages, you just couldn’t concentrate anymore. When Bucky had left this morning, the two of you had gotten into a heated argument, which was way out of the ordinary. It had been bothering you for weeks now that whenever he’d come over after a mission, he’d always try to avoid talking about anything that had happened. You understood what happened during those missions was difficult to talk about, but he hasn’t once confided in you about anything that goes on. You usually have an idea about what happens since Steve almost always texts you what happened, knowing Bucky only trusts you to take care of him after a mission, but you just wish he’d talk to you. He’s made it clear plenty of times that you could talk to him about anything and that if you ever needed him, he’d always be there for you. You thought you’d made it clear the same went for him, but maybe not so once again you had brought it up to him. As soon as he woke up from his much-needed rest, you asked him.

“Hey, Buck?” He had turned to look down as your head was resting against his chest as his arms held you close.

“Yeah doll?” You took a deep breath before continuing.

“Do you trust me?” you asked softly, exhaling a slow breath. He looked at you, puzzled why you had asked such an odd question.

“What? Of course, I do. What makes you say that?” You glance down at your hands as they nervously wring together.

“I dunno, I just…” you closed your eyes, only reopening them up when you felt Buckys cold metal hand rest gently atop your quivering ones.

“What is it? What’s on your mind?” he asks so softly, you almost hate to ruin the sweet moment.

“Why don’t you ever talk to me after missions? Like about them?” you sigh, “I know you’re tired when you get to my place, but sometimes I feel like you just wanna hide it or something…” Bucky clears his throat as you pull back to look at him.

“I just don’t like to talk about it, okay? You don’t need to be involved in all of that. It’s already bad enough and I just-“

“Just what Bucky? Is it so terrible that you can’t confide in me about what happens during those missions? You come to me at least once a week with dark bruises all over your body and blood oozing from someplace on you. Half the time you can barely stand, let alone walk, without wincing in pain!” Suddenly he roughly tosses your body off of his and stands up, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Yes! It is actually, you wanna know why? Do you realize how much danger I’ve put you in? Just by knowing you!” You sit there on the couch, crossing your arms, refusing to back down. “Now I’m starting to see how much it affects you when you see me after a fight, and you shouldn’t have to deal with that! You shouldn’t have to deal with me at all!”

“No, don’t you dare try to tell me you’re not confiding in me just to spare my feelings! I’m trying to be there for you and you won’t let me! Yes, it hurts seeing you in pain, but you know what hurts worse?” Bucky’s eyes close as he clenches his fists in anger at his sides. “What hurts worse is when I start thinking maybe, just maybe, you might open up to me only to have you shut me out every chance you get.” You haven’t even noticed the tears running down your face until Bucky reaches his hand out to wipe the tear running down your cheek before you turn away from him.

“Please, can we talk-” he tries, but you interrupt him.

“No.” You sniffle as you walk to your bedroom, slamming your door shut behind you. You hear his footsteps as he saunters over to your bedroom door before letting out a long sigh and walking away. Only moments later do you hear your apartment door swish open and forcefully close. That’s how the two of you left it this morning. No texts throughout the day and steady tears flowing down your hot cheeks each time your mind wanders and thinks about what happened.

A knock on your door pulls you out of your thoughts as you open your bedroom door and run the short distance to the front door. You can only hope it’s Bucky standing on the other side. When you open the door, Bucky's head is tilted downward, looking at the floor. You whisper his name before you gasp in shock once Buckys looks straight at you.

“Hey doll,” he mumbles, with a slight upturn to his mouth. This has got to be the worst you’ve ever seen him, and you can’t help but cover your mouth to stifle a sob. Three large gashes are carved into the right side of his face and a bunch of bruises litters over the rest of his handsome face, and you haven’t even seen what lies under his clothing yet. You quickly pull him into your apartment with you.

“What the hell, Bucky…” you manage, as you bring him into your bedroom and lay him on your bed. You know you’ll have to get new bed linens later, but for now, all you could focus on now was what was in front of you.

“I think I took the worst of it.” he chokes out but coughs after trying to hide his pain with a laugh. You grab a couple of pillows and try to prop him up as he fights to keep his eyes open. “Doll, I know you’re mad at me right now-”

“Not now, let me fix you first,” you tell him sternly as he nods his head weakly, without a word. You get up and run to your bathroom to grab the drawer before you sit back down on the edge of the bed next to him as you help him peel off his jacket and undershirt. You almost wished you hadn’t, as you turned your face away to stifle a gag, hoping he didn’t catch it. Crying is a lot harder to suppress now than it was a minute ago as you look down at his chest and stomach, which is covered in gashes and blood. The largest gash that runs down from the left side of his chest to the right side of his stomach looks the worst, so you decide to start on that. As you start to gently clean the wound, he winces in pain and grabs onto your thigh as he closes his eyes, straightening his back to keep from crying out in pain. Minutes feel like hours as you continue to work on his beaten body. As you bandage up his torso, he whimpers a bit and you whisper a small I’m sorry to him as you continue to wrap his waist. You might have been angry with him earlier today, but right now, you just want to make sure he’s okay. He glances down when you move from his stomach up to his face. You grab a small cotton swab and pour a small amount of ointment on it before you bring it up to the side of his face. As you dab it softly on the side of his cheek, you avoid his eyes that stare straight back at you, regretting what you had said to him earlier.

“I’m so sorry…” he says, and only then do you look at him. That’s when you notice he’s crying, and he looks away from you. You softly run the pad of your thumb over the side of his cheek.

“We can talk later,” you whisper to him.

“No, I have to say this to you n-now,” he coughs, gazes back at you with his tear-filled eyes, and takes a deep breath before he starts. “Y-you are my favorite person. You are my person, and I-I don’t think I have ever trusted anyone more a-and it breaks my heart that you think any differently.” You cry, but he grabs your face with his metal hand and gently pulls you closer to him. “I am so, so sorry that I’ve made you think differently. It scares me how far I would go to protect you and the lengths I would go to get you back to me if you ever had been taken from me because I’m scared of the me that doesn’t have you. I could never live with myself if I lost you…” he sniffles again and you pull away a bit from him.

“What about me?” his face scrunches in confusion but you continue before he says anything. “How do you think I feel when I watch you leave each morning, not knowing if you’ll come back? How do you think I would feel if I lost you? Do you really think that I don’t worry about you every minute of the day? I worry every day, hoping that you come back to me all in one piece because if you didn’t, if you die if you die-” your rant cuts off with a hard sob as your face curls down to your chest.

“Doll…” his hands slide down to your waist and he pulls you over his lap to straddle him as he wraps his arms tight around you and guides you down to him. You bury your face in his neck as he cradles you. His metal arm stays tight around your body and the other holds your head close to him. Then you realize this isn’t right, he shouldn’t be comforting you when he’s the one who injured. You push away only for him to grab your wrists to stop you.

“Stop Buck, I should be comforting you, I’m just-”

“Don’t, I’ll be fine. The healing will kick in soon. Just being here helps me.”

“You’re always there for me, but somehow I can’t do the same-”

“You do.”

“I shouldn’t force you to talk to me. It isn’t-”

“The man who tried to kill me tonight knew your name.” Your breath gets stuck and you stare down at him. His hands grip your sides, probably more so for his comfort, but you didn’t mind, as your hands were placed softly on his shoulders. “We- we were fighting, and he called out your name and I just froze. He smiled at me and told me he knew where to find you, and when he was done with me, he’d come to get you.” Your words get stuck in your throat as you just listened to the words that came out of his mouth.

“He knew my name?”

“Yes, and I don’t know how. I don’t know why. As soon as he threatened you, I got so mad I don’t even remember the rest of it. I killed him before the rest of the team even got there, but…” he trailed off.

“But what, Bucky...” you asked softly.

“I know he’s not working alone. He got the best of me and now you're a target, too.” It was hard to see him so angry and hurt.

“Buck…” you place your hands gently on the side of his head as he looks at you, tears still falling out of his beautiful eyes. “Listen to me. We both knew this would happen eventually, but I know you’ll do everything in your power to keep me safe, but pushing me away isn’t gonna do anything. We gotta do this together.” A small smile forms on his face and he nods, turning to the side to kiss the palm of your hand.

“I’ll do anything for you, Y/N.” You return his smile. Soon you lay beside him as he pulls you into a hug. “Just let me hold you, you help take the pain away.” You almost start crying again as you let him hold you. You know you probably won’t sleep tonight, but you can’t help closing your eyes to rest as much as you could. After some time, you drifted off just as he did.

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