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gleefail · 4 years

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Glee Memories: 1x15 The Power of Madonna

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x15 The Power of Madonna heeee, Sue just referenced Desperately Seeking Susan. Man, I loved that movie as a kid. Who’s That Girl as well anybody remember that one?!

hahaha, how have I never noticed before that Quinn is drawing a picture of Rachel Berry…a very unflattering picture that says “LOSER”? Awesome.

hahaha. Jesse and Rachel ‘hypothetically’ went to a Wiggles concert. Seriously, he’s kinda perfect for her.

Aw – The Montage from A Chorus Line is playing under Jesse’s pressure-her-into-sex moment. I have such fond memories of that song. I was featured in this song for a show that ended up changing the course of my entire life, quite literally. :)

“Would you please stop talking? You’re grossing out my baby.”

“But I can’t wait to get a guy mad at me for saying ‘no’.” Bite your tongue, Mercedes. Also…be careful what you wish for.

Still creeps me out that they have this whole sex talk with Mr. Schue in the room. And that he eavesdrops. And that when he speaks up it’s to ask if they’re having that much ‘guy trouble’, not to actually be a good teacher and help Rachel out in her “my boyfriend’s pressuring me to have sex but I’m not ready” situation or to respond to Britany and Santana’s advice to just never say no and that they should have more self-respect…teacher of the year indeed.

Do women really still earn 70 cents to every dollar a man does for the same job? Oh, eff that!

More Emma pamphlets: HELP! I’m in love with my stepdad! I still breastfeed …but how old is too old? Congratulations, you’re pregnant. Proper Wiping: Easy as 1…2…3 …and something about Toxic Shock Syndrome and Asperger’s that I can’t read, lol.

Ugh, douche. Will just said this area of expertise (sex) is Emma’s blindspot. Jerk.

So Glee seems to have a knack for insulting folks that will later be guest stars. Gwyneth Paltrow and John Stamos have been mentioned thus far, and Lindsay Lohan just made the list. Hmmm…

I love the Ann Coultier jab. Cause I despise that ‘woman’

Ray of Light routine on stilts. Still leaves me speechless. My favorite part is still when the men on stilts do these assisted lifts with women who are not. They get them so effing high. It’s just amazing.

“Somehere on the English countryside in a stately manor home, Madonna is weeping.”

“Hall of fame MILF”

HA! Artie’s look in response to Tina giving him side-eye. Too funny.

Finn has no idea what misogynistic means. #BlessFinnsHeart

Kurt is gonna do a video of Madonna’s styles. With Mercedes. Kurtcedes love. :)

Yeah, I find it hard to believe high school boys wouldn’t be rubbin’ one out at these girls in corsets, touchin’ themselves and bein’ a little S&M with one another. Even if they hate Madonna with a passion. Their disinterest is completely unrealistic.

Britany has a (younger presumably as she plays soccer with a 7 year old) sister. Forgot about that. I think RIB did too.

The way to get a man forever is to take his virginity? Really? I would think that would unleash him into a sexual awakening and sleeping with everything he could now that he wouldn’t be perceived as ‘lame’ or a loser or whatever for being a virgin…no?

Finnocence. Nice.

Can we acknowledge that Finn lost his virginity in a plot for Santana to snag a younger man (by what, 4 days I think she said?) to emulate Madonna per Sue and not get kicked off the Cheerios? That’s…just so sad.

“You’re about as sexy as a Cabbage Patch Kid.” – ha!

So…watching this post-Nationals, does Emma get to have Madonna playing in her office now? ;)

Finn’s pissed that Rachel lied to him and didn’t really break it off with Jesse. Evs. Mind ya business, Finn.

So because he’s jealous or his ego is hurt or whatever, Finn tells Rachel if her and Jesse leads to something bad for the entire Glee club not to expect anymore friendship from him. Um…yeah. I’d marry him a year or two later. Cause…clearly he’ll be there through rough times…douche. Selfish, childish douche.

I still really like this mash-up of Borderline/Open Your Heart. And as much as I don’t love Finchel, the angst in this is my cup o’ tea. I like it.

I do love all the Madonna shout-outs in the hallway. Makes me feel old that I recognize each of these looks. Oy.

Finn, why are you just randomnly tearing books from the shelves and knocking them to the floor as you walk through the library? Such a badass…

I was watching an episode of Gilmore Girls and Brad was the piano player for one of Emily Gilmore’s parties (I think Rory’s college grad party). Hilarious. Also, he looked EXACTLY the same. How long ago was that?!

I find it awesome that Mercedes has a picture of a gal from So You Think You Can Dance in her locker. I love that show.

Up With People rejects. Ha.

Hmm. Will is suddenly not intimidated at all by Sue and her quips. What brought that on? Although, it’s hot when he stands up to her. Until he makes fun of her hair. Then he seems like a jerk.

“Oh, snap!” I love this moment. And the gif that came out of it.

Birth moment of the Sue, Kurt, Mercedes dynamic right there. Yay. :)

Sue just told Kurt and Mercedes about her sister being handicapped. I don’t care what anyone says, she likes them, even just a little bit. And I love this dynamic of the three of them. It always makes me smile.

Hahaha – Kurt’s reaction to Sue not being able to keep up with the latest looks when she was younger. Hilarious.

“Mercedes is black. I’m gay. We make culture.”

“I picked the Stephen Sondheim biography section for our clandestine meeting because only he can express my melonchalia.”

“You deserve epic romance.” Listen. Looking back from the end of Season 3, I really am not understanding why I’m supposed to want Rachel with Finn. Jesse makes so much more sense.

“Foreplay shall begin at 7:30 sharp.” Oh Emma. A for effort.

Vogue. Man. I was so little when this came out. I remember when it premiered on MTV.

Jane Lynch has such long legs. I’m jealous.

“Will Schuester. I hate you.”

Like A Virgin still makes me really uncomfortable. For so many reasons. I just…don’t need to see this side of any of these characters. I feel like a voyeur.

How did Santana and Finn swing a motel room at 15 years old? Hmm….

Add Whoopi to that list of joked about future guest stars. Yeesh…that’s 5 now? 4? Stamos, Paltrow, Lohan and Goldberg.

Sue is gonna reinvent Kurt and Mercedes. Squee!

Why is Rachel looking at sheet music for Where Is Love? Cause 1. I hate that song, 2. I hate that show, and 3. shoutout to the pilot?

Finn just asked Rachel how her date with Jesse went. With the subtext of “did you sleep with him?” WHY are they even talking about this? I don’t get it. It’s private Finn, so rude you’d even ask. Also, how does he even know they are even close to sex? I missed something. This is so weird. Made even more weird that neither of them seems to think it’s weird that they’re having this conversation. Ugh.

“Just come out so we can talk. Or sing about it.” Jesse is ridiculously perfect for Rachel Berry.

Okay, I’m gonna rant for a second: I know I’m anal and put him on a pedestal and all, but S3, they make it sound like Sam had sex with one of his clients at the strip club; after they’ve shoved super-romantic in-love-with-Mercedes Sam at us for like, 9 episodes in a row over a span of like, 3 or 4 months; regardless of how I personally feel about that or that ship, right now we see a super uncomfortable scene that still breaks my heart where Finn is dealing with the aftermath of sleeping with Santana, when he has feelings for someone else, but more in that he doesn’t have feelings for her, therefore it didn’t mean anything and it’s clearly not sitting well with him. Regret is all over his face. It’s so sad. So…why did they do the same thing but expect it to be okay in S3 regarding Sam (but even more gross cause of the whole stripper/client aspect)? Eff you, Glee.

I feel like this might be the most real and vulnerable I’ve ever seen Santana (in the post-coital conversation with Finn in the motel room bed). I mean…a couple moments may rival it, but it’s definitely top 5 if not top 3. It’s so sad to see how she really feels about this aspect of her life that publicly she seems so proud of and invincible to. Man. Poor Santana.

Um…is Puck playing Ninja in the background or just being a human statue or something? It doesn’t look like anyone is playing with him, so it must be the latter? Random.

Something changed in the way I felt about Glee after this episode, now that I look back on it. I felt like I should’ve left this episode feeling like “wow – they’re ballsy and go against the grain! They’ll do the unexpected” but…instead I was left with a feeling of “do I trust these writers with these people I’ve come to care about?” I’m referring to the possibility of consummation with 3 couples, 2 of which would have seemed…not completely unhealthy and one that obviously was…and they had those 2 chicken out and consummated the 1 that just shouldn’t have because it was kind of an irresponsible message to send to the youngins watching this show who they say at times they speak to when they write things like Kurt’s gay storyline or about being an outcast but finding a group that understands you and being happy with who you are. But here I’m sure they’d say something about how they’re not role models and shouldn’t be emulated. Yeah. This was the beginning of the end of my true love for Glee and the beginning of me just loving certain characters and occasional episodes or storylines…the beginning of my love to hate Glee. Whee. :/

It’s cute that Will polished Emma’s shoes. :)

I know a lot of people think it’s condescending and all, but I think the way Will handles suggesting counseling etc. to Emma was nice. There’s something mature about it. I think it’s that he’s like “we need to take action to work through our issues or they’re not gonna go away” as a team. It was nice.

“What the hell? It seems like now people are doing things JUST to hurt my feelings!” Ok, so maybe Finn IS more perfect for Rachel than I thought. Selfish little man-child.

Jesse St. James just joined New Directions. Kurt is pissed cause it means he’ll have no chance at a solo. Mercedes mentions that they only trot her out at the end of songs to wail on the last note, how is that okay? Truth.com. Also, why were those two issues NEVER addressed by Will? They were put out there, they were true as hell, and they were just ignored. Teacher of the year indeed.

Santana points out that obvs Jesse is a spy. Mr. Schue sticks up for Jesse and lets him join. Yet Rachel wasn’t allowed to date him cause that would be bad for the Glee club? #WTF?

“Mr. Schue, is he your son?”

“Okay, from the top!”

4 Minutes. Seriously, I never thought Chris Colfer was hot before I saw this song. But let’s be real – he is hot as fuck in this song, I still think so. It was the first time I noticed as well that boy had grown into a little man! When did THAT happen? Wasn’t he just a baby-faced nugget like, 3 episodes before this?

Also, I love both of the vocals for them on this song.

Ok. This still pisses me off (can you tell this is an ep that started my rage towards Glee? Lol): Emma, Mr. Schue and Rachel are all distraught and shocked when they see that Mercedes and Kurt have joined the Cheerios…WHY? Britany and Santana are already on the Cheerios and in Glee and it’s fine. Quinn was. Why is this such a betrayal? They didn’t QUIT ND to join the Cheerios. And isn’t Rachel in like, 16 clubs in addition to Glee? Puck, Finn, Mike and Matt are on the football team. Artie has jazz band and AV club. Mercedes and Kurt and Tina are the only ones who are ONLY in Glee Club. This is stupid.

Shot of Quinn who is happy as a pig in shit for the two of them. THANK YOU Quinn for having sense and being a cool person and good friend.

“You guys could’ve at least given me a heads up.” “You mean, the same you way you gave us a heads up before NOT giving us a solo almost every week?” PREACH!!

You expect me to believe that the sexuality of Express Yourself, Artie working on that kick-ass Vogue video, or that amazing performance of 4 Minutes didn’t sway the boys to like Madonna…but their shitty rendition of “What It Feels Like For A Girl” did? Fuck you, Glee. I’m not an idiot. Stop treating me like one.

Why is Kurt a part of this lesson on treating the girls with respect? 1. He’s into Madonna, so he doesn’t need to be converted. 2. He’s NOT treating the girls like garbage. Teacher of the year indeed.

“I think we’re gonna need a new baritone cause Finn would like to become Finnessa”

“My growing feminism will cut you in half like a righteous blade of equality.”

Kurt mentions he’s an honorary girl. Again, WHY is he a part of this lesson?

AW. It just broke my heart a little that Tina said to Artie “why would you propose when you don’t even like me?” Aw. Poor Tina.

Alright, I admit, I love that whoever wrote this ep finally ended this nonsense with Finn being all pissed at Rachel for dating Jesse like she did something wrong and made him realize why she was even single to be pursued by Jesse in the first place. Kudos…whoever you are cause they didn’t credit the writer or director on this ep (the fuck?).

“Sing off. The parking lot. 5:00. Be there.” “No…”

“Frankly, I need you. I’m tired of carrying the male vocals all by myself.” Oh, FUCK. YOU. Finn! (I say on behalf of Kurt, Artie, and Puck).

Kurt just sang his first itty bitty solo in Glee club and then before Mercedes starting singing he ran up and gave her a peck on the cheek. Oh my God, I love them.

Gospel choir. So. Effing. Random. Yet so. Effing. EPIC.

SOLOS: Rachel (4), Mercedes (3), Finn (3), Emma (1), Santana (1), Will (1), Jesse (1), Kurt (2)

#Glee Memories #Glee #lol Glee #Glee The Power of Madonna

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getseriouser · 7 years

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20 THOUGHTS: Winter is Coming

THE weather was woolly at best at the MCG on Tuesday and whilst the conditions were reminiscent of a dark June or July day, the result was just as dreary for the defeated; Collingwood are in a spot of bother.

One win from five, that by a solitary point over the 18th placed team, and on the big stage of Anzac Day it was far from a good showing by the black and white.

Elsewhere, the South Australians have much promise for their fortunes once the Winter does clear, whilst the forecast for a few clubs in the middle of the pack could still be anything, bright, sunny, or in a heartbeat, like true Melbourne weather, dark and stormy.

1. Nathan Buckley is the man in the firing line. He has had enough time to build a team capable of playing finals. The first year he was in charge the side won one final, lost two, stiff to miss the Grand Final, but that was still Mick Malthouse’s team. Since then its one finals game for one loss, and there’s little optimism of an appearance, let alone victory, in September this year. That’s compelling in itself despite the rhetoric of why, and how, and when.

2. So what should happen? Nothing for now. It’s only April. There’s every chance he doesn’t coach next year, but there’s no benefit in doing anything too hastily too soon. The losses have not been of the ilk that get’s a coach early, the biggest loss being 19 points in Round Two. Perhaps the St Kilda game aside the team has been in a winning position in every other game, so whilst finals now luck unattainable, this is far from a side that needs its coach sacked in Autumn.

3. It’s a few, key, pivotal areas that the Magpies are failing in. Only a few, but in a game this competitive its been more than enough. The forward line is defunct of structure and flow, the poor bastard Darcy Moore looks horrendously out of form but the game plan to move the ball forward, and then once it gets inside 50, is anything but helpful to him. Time after time the way they are setup fails them. This might be Buckley’s ultimate predicament, he has more than enough talent at his disposal now to be competitive alas there remains critical coaching/gameplan undoings.

4. How do we though judge their opponents? Essendon are presenting a case that even if they miss the finals this year there’s enough to suggest top eight, winning finals, as early as next year. The youth movement of last year, the likes of Darcy Parish, Aaron Francis, Andy McGrath, combined with the returning veterans, resembles the sort of mix good September sides are built on. Top Four next year would not be out of the question.

5. A side that will probably make top four but hasn’t really gotten out of first or second gear yet is the Bulldogs. Credit to Brisbane for making a real fist of it on Saturday, they are looking on the up too, but a better side nobbles the Dogs who should never be losing that game. It’s no concern though, this is a long year and it’s a smart bet to say they’ll finish the home and away season higher than they did last year – and we know what happened next.

6. West Coast. What to say about West Coast. This is a team that if they had any ability to play up to their, well, ability, in Melbourne, they would be a top four, if not top two fancy. But their, well, inability to perform on the MCG so far this season has been horrid. To be fair, the Richmond loss, in the pouring rain to a team on a hot streak, could be forgiven, but the Hawks are ripe for the picking and they didn’t even give a yelp.

7. As for the Tigers, we must concede some credit, five and zero is five and zero. However, two things: who have they beaten, still? This column raised that query last week and then, on Monday night, Melbourne gave an almighty show for a side with a decimated bench. A fit Melbourne just wins that game. Further, five and zero starts don’t guarantee anything, can I give you North Melbourne’s 2016 season?

8. The other side I queried was Geelong. I didn’t validate their credentials despite their perfect start, however their performance against St Kilda was tremendous I must say, particular the game by their captain. The Cats should steam roll Collingwood this Sunday with games against the Suns (away) and Bombers to follow. Hard to imagine them missing now, must say.

9. The team that definitely has had a transparent start to their season, the Adelaide Crows. And a big reason why, which in Melbourne would have been totally missed, is the performances of the Crouch brothers. Brad was part of the mini-draft concessions, when the expansion sides had access to trade seventeen-year-olds (see Jesse Hogan with Melbourne), the other, Matt, a second round pick, both have been super in a midfield two years on from Patrick Dangerfield. Both brothers amassed over 30 touches on the weekend, and along with Rory Sloane, these three are the midfield guns that can take Adelaide to greatness.

10. As for Sloane, this man is a machine. He will go far in the Brownlow, not just because of the disposals he racks up but due to his work inside which is so instrumental to his teams’ success. He is number one in the competition for tackles (10 per game) and number two for clearances (eight per game). Just amazing.

11. Two unsung heroes for the Crows as well, the two ‘Rorys’. Rory Laird, having a great 2017 so far, is number eight in the competition for inside 50s, Rory Atkins at the other end not only does a great defensive job on the oppositions’ small forwards, but he is number eleven in the league for rebound 50s.

12. Their cross-town rivals, Port Adelaide, are playing football that should see them too return to September action. Whilst they have lost some of our trust in the last couple of years, the sort of form they are in, and the style to which they are playing, so resembles their glory years, and therefore one would be comfortable penciling them in for finals football this year.

13. As for that final eight, gee it’s a long way to being set already. We can lock in the GWS, Adelaide, the Bulldogs, West Coast and probably now Geelong and Port Adelaide. Fremantle with an ounce of luck stay in, then if you believe in Richmond it leaves one spot for St Kilda or Melbourne. If you don’t, or don’t yet like this column doesn’t, then perhaps the both Dees and Saints get in. The next month should tell us.

14. The Dockers still have a plethora of home games to come, and whilst they may not win too many out of Western Australia they should do enough to make September. As this column reiterates, a Ross-Lyon coached team with their better players fit and healthy will win more than they lose.

15. A quick one on sooking about bad luck. Are we trying to regulate the game to such a degree we can stop bad luck from having an impact? When it comes to injuries during a game and the yearning for the sub rule to return, to umpiring decisions, or rule changes such as the deliberate out of bounds interpretations, do we need to be so reactive? The reforms made most recently to the out of bounds rule, and the third man up rule at the same time, have been largely positive, but they, much like the injuries to key players during a game, will still suffer from the occasional spot of bad luck which we need to just accept.

16. How bad is Jaeger O’Meara’s knee? Not only have the Hawks mortgaged their future to his acquisition, they have done so taking a massive risk on the health of his knee. Other Melbourne-based clubs, who did their due diligence in discussing the potential to pursue the Rising Star winner, decided against doing so because of the extremely negative picture their medical advice painted. We shall see, the Hawks have a lot riding on him.

17. And a quick one on the 17-5 fixture idea. It will get up, how soon is the only question. But the idea that’s come from left field, and late, is that the five weeks for the bottom six will produce the last finals spot. How absurd. Sure, if you need a carrot for those bottom six to remain interested, there are other ways. But for a side that may be bottom four after Round Seventeen to potentially make the finals over a team that was up to 11 spots higher at the time, does not add up in anyone’s language.

18. Some big games this week, none bigger than the Preliminary Final rematch in Canberra on Friday. This is the Giants’ to lose – the Dogs are cruising in their premiership defense and will be far more dangerous in a month or two, whereas the GWS need to follow up their impressive win last week and validate the idea that they are a maturing side that can dominate a season.

19. Interesting game in Tassie on the weekend, the Hawks hosting the Saints. Hawthorn got the walkover win on Sunday by playing West Coast in Melbourne, whereas St Kilda let a big chance slide in their loss to Geelong. St Kilda are playing good footy but slipping at key times – this is a great chance to topple the dominant side for the last few years but also to show that they are a serious footy side in 2017. Another loss and the questions will be asked.

20. A Derby is always a monster game, but all of a sudden the Dockers are big show. This was the year West Coast was to walk through and host a couple of finals whilst Fremantle would be stuck in the cellar of mediocrity. The Eagles will be smarting from their away form, in Melbourne, and keen to make a good showing of things, meanwhile Freo have it all to play for; a win here will see them 5-2 after seven rounds and their season is set up big time.

(originally published Thursday 27 April)

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