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emo-batboy · 6 months

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Things Battinson Totally Did During His First Year of University

Using Unhinged or Odd Things I Also Did as a College Freshman :D

Note: for this list, let’s believe Bruce was living in an (admittedly expensive and swanky) dorm because it is required for first-years, especially those entering at a young age, and Alfred told him he needed to make friends. Also yes I did every single thing on this list. I never claimed to be a role model

Bruce, to his TA: I’m so sorry I’m late to class. I gave blood a few hours ago and almost fainted on the way here, but it won’t happen again.

Signs up for a class called “Age of Dinosaurs” despite it not being required whatsoever and proceeds to work his entire schedule around it

Bruce: Your mental health is super important. If you think you should see the on-campus therapist, go see them. Friend: Fine. I’ll sign up for therapy if you sign up for therapy too. Bruce: Hold on-

Finds a loophole in his housing contract that allows him to get a pet frog, calls him kermit :)

Gets a second frog because Kermit was lonely, names it Constantine after Muppets Most Wanted, then realizes that they’re gay for each other. Wonders if the rainbow-colored rocks he got them triggered anything

Swings dramatically between calling Alfred every single day and ghosting him for weeks, cries when he realizes what he did

“Accidentally” joins the student body council, doesn’t know what he’s doing, gets re-elected anyway

Molds a dragon out of Laffy Taffy instead of doing his work

Bruce: *joins Honors, gets all A’s, takes the max amount of classes, has several minors, overachieves* Also Bruce: I’m a failure.

Breaks into a building after hours to study because NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AT THE LIBRARY

Bruce: I will not get seasonal depression this year. Bruce: *gets real and seasonal depression that year*

Meticulously schedules his day with a color-coded planner because if he sits down for too long, the thoughts will consume him

Gives a presentation to his rhetoric class on how much he likes Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (it is 20 minutes long)

Successfully allocates funding from the student body council to pay for free feminine products in the dorms OUT OF SPITE because someone said it couldn't be done. fuck you, Andrew

Bruce: It is not an all-nighter if I go to sleep before my first class. Friend: It is 7:30am, the sun is in the sky, and your first class is at 12:30. Bruce: But I am getting sleep.

Refuses to go anywhere without his backpack because what if he needs three notebooks at once

Loses over 20 pounds because ✨stress✨ and scares the shit out of Alfred when he comes home for Thanksgiving

Argues with his TA over the one (1) question he got wrong on his Dinosaur exam

Bruce, calling Alfred: Hello father figure. How do I do taxes? Do I have to do them myself? Also, I think I’m having a panic attack.

Joins in on a charity arts-and-crafts project that gives kids books with matching activities made by volunteers, proceeds to commandeer the project because “it’s not color-blind friendly” and rewrites the instructions for everyone

Makes a murder wall

Goes to one (1) sports game and proceeds to leave in the first ten minutes because it’s way too loud wtf is wrong with people

Professor, addressing the lecture hall: I dare you to write an essay about these two sentences. Bruce: *writes an essay about six words, gets a 100, never even read the book*

Crawls into the ceiling for some alone time

Ghosts someone after a date because he’s too scared to tell them he didn’t know it was a date in the first place and now he feels bad

Classmate: How tf does he walk across campus that fast? I go in the same direction he does on my bike, and he’s always ahead of me. Bruce: *is gay sprinting to Dinosaur class*

Refuses to let others use his Favorite Pen TM

Constantly gets mistaken for a Grad Student because he is “so wise and mature” (bestie, that’s the autism)

Alfred: *casually mentions he got into a car accident through text* Bruce: *replies with a meme while hyperventilating because he doesn’t know what to do with that information??!*

Wears a suit to one of his finals

Regularly eats non-organic food for the first time in his life, proceeds to learn about several allergies Alfred forgot to mention he has

Writes “What is a Hot Pocket?” in calligraphy and proceeds to laugh his ass off alone in his dorm because he is so exhausted he’s reached the point of delusion

Locks himself out of his dorm right before class, frantically asks the floor group chat if someone can help, proceeds to tell the nice gay man on the floor who saved him “I love you” because his social skills have hit rock bottom

Makes a little music album display next to his desk for his favorite band (Nirvana) His friends call it a shrine, and they are technically correct

Has a blacklist of people he refuses to interact with because Reasons

Counselor: What do you want to do when you graduate? Bruce: *gestures vaguely*

Refuses to take the bus because there are people in there and he doesn’t like those

Loses one of his frogs, how tf did he do that, they’re fully aquatic, oh fuck, this is probably why they got rid of that loophole a year later because unbeknownst to Bruce, he accidentally started a frog revolution in the dorms, btw he SWEARS he did not mean to do that

Has two trash cans in his room: one for the Good Garbage, and one for the Bad Garbage. Only Bruce knows which is which

Bruce: *writes a creative piece about a ship’s final thoughts as it sinks, bringing its passengers down with it* TA: Absolutely lovely, Bruce, but are you okay?

Goes on Night Walks, keeps himself safe by maintaining a level 12 resting bitch face at all times

Earns the nickname “8th floor cryptid” after pacing the halls at 3am when it’s too cold for Night Walks (honestly tho how tf didn’t he get the nickname earlier?)

Bruce: Do you think a depressed person could do this? Bruce: *has a manic episode*

Okay that's all love you BYE

#cryptid Bruce Wayne #college au #does this count if op is the au #fully nocturnal unhinged madman Bruce but make him like 17 and full of crippling separation anxiety and autism #bruce would rather die than inconvenience a professor but hE KNOWS HIS DINOSAURS #Dino class was my fav one in uni hands down #yes i am insane thank you for asking #originally this was just going to be a normal list but I kept taking from my own experience then said “fuck it I'm the captain now”#one of these was a lie tho...the murder wall was third year :/#battinson #bruce wayne #batman #the batman 2022 #batman 2022 #the batman #battinson needs a hug #dc universe #gotham #autistic bruce wayne

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phontinent · 2 years

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belphies-cowgirl · 9 months

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little things you do for them

word count: 500+

Lucifer

sitting next to him on the piano bench and turning each page of sheet music for him while he plays.

sitting in his lap while cupping the side of his face and rubbing your thumb across his cheekbone in the privacy of his office whenever he's stressed out more than usual (he'll press his forehead against yours and let out a content sigh)

when he opened a package and foam exploded all over him (do better Satan, that was a lame prank) you started to wipe his face clean, but he scrunched his face and tried to pull away because it was embarrassing and "not necessary" (don't let him fool you, he likes it when you baby him like that)

Mammon

that one time you waited for him after one of his modeling gigs with a sweet treat and a kiss because he looked so pretty wearing a suit with his hair slicked back.

running your fingers through his hair despite protests about how he doesn't need to be babied (he does) and that "it's no big deal" after one of his brothers takes a joke a bit too far.

zipping up his jacket for him and warming his hands up with yours whenever it's a bit too cold outside (give him a few minutes to learn how to breathe again because you're holding his hands)

Levi

moving his headset back on top of his head when it starts to slide back during an intense gaming session

leaving little love notes on his monitors sometimes (he has a tiny crisis when he has to take them down)

taking notes for him without him asking you to when he misses class (it melts his heart knowing you took time to copy and colored code your notes again for him)

Satan

rubbing his back while he lays his head on your lap and rants about a heated argument he had with Lucifer.

when you split a cute cat-shaped cookie with him when he decided you should have it instead and that he would order something else.

staying up late with him discussing a book, having little debates about the characters and plot points (he finds it endearing when you go on tangents or talk with your hands)

Asmo

letting him hold your hand while he searches through clothes racks

moving a few loose strands of hair out of his face when he’s focused on painting his nails

liking all his devilgram posts when you have some free time to go through them (feels really appreciated when he sees you've spammed his notifications because he posts A LOT)

Beel

gently wiping food off his face because he gets messy sometimes and doesn't realize it

handing him an ice-cold water bottle while he's working out and dabbing his forehead with a cool towel when he gets too sweaty

giving him snacks between classes so his stomach doesn't growl too loudly during classes (poor baby gets embarrassed when it happens during an exam)

Belphie

putting a makeshift pillow under his head when he falls asleep on uncomfortable-looking surfaces

moving his hair out of his face when you're trying to wake him up (he playfully nips at your hand sometimes)

sleeping with a few of his blankets so they smell like you and he can bury himself under them when you're gone (2 hours running errands and he acts like you abandoned him)

✄ ——————————————————————

feel free to comment, reblog, shoot me a message, or an ask <3

please do not use my work as your own!

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bambisnc · 26 days

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operation : true love - how likely riize is to NOT confess!

pairing : ot7 x reader! genre : crack + fluffff cw/tw : food mention + littol bit rushed n uneditted D: wc : im guessing maybe 400ish? -> update its 495!

shotaro : 2/10 - cutie would plan out eveyrhting the moment he sees you and has that italicised oh moment - i'm talking your favorite flowers delivered by hand followed by your ideal date + lots of fairy lights/candles. trust me.) and woo you exactly how you deserve to be wooed <3 would get a little anxious about making everything perfect for you tho

eunseok : 7/10 - he'd lowkey be such a tsundere ... thanks to my talk w mai i'm fully convinced he's the Only academic rival to lover to exist. would for sure pine after you silently and end up confessing in the middle of an argument. you know like "why do YOU care who i'm going out?" "BECAUSE. i like you. okay bye."

sungchan : 192830429283/10 - im biased sorry. but you can't tell me you don't see best friend!him being so obsessed with you - like all your friends know it, hell even you know it but the guy himself refuses to admit. is so "we're besties!! it's natural for us to hug and hold hands and make out between classes in the janitors closet :D i mean what. i didnt say anything" coded like c'mon

wonbin : a solid 13/10 - i feel like he'd be really conflicted. like on one hand he'd rather you be the one to confess but on the other he wants to do like a huge romantic gesture and be the one to confess to you. i can imagine there being this one phase of time where he'd kinda start ignoring you to get you to reach out to him or wtv tactics the insta/tiktok girlies (gn) teach him too

seunghan : 5/10 - okay but i see him either just randomly blurting it out of nowhere over a voice call or while ur ft-ing ("hey this cat reminded me of u" "aww haha im in love with you" "WHAT") OR doing it via a more traditional, thought out kinda way ... maybe like making you a gift or writing you a love letter/song :(( <3

sohee : 4/10 - bbg is confessing to you so fast. he'd only do it once he confirms (multiple times) that you both like each other though. is immediately planning the best way he could confess to you. does all his necessary research, books everything in advance - goes all out to ensure there's no hitches, basically. him and taro probably share notes

anton : 11/10 - bro is Not confessing. you can feel free to tho he'll say yes obvi! as soon as he gains back enough conherence after he (half) faints that is. for sure the type to get you soso many gifts and he'd try to be so casual about it too "hey i got u a customized acessroies set with the fav flower/colour you like" "anton wtf" "uh no dw i had an extra hahaha". def gets u guys matching stuff a lot too

notes : imma not be online for at least a day (shocker) so queueing this!!!! -> well that was a lie <3 + [m.list] song rec : LOVE ME BACK BY FROMIS 9 WEEWOO WEEWOO

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villainsandvictimsalliance · 5 days

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Tomura and Dabi both telling Toga she doesn't have to get a villain name if she doesn't want one hits even harder when you finally remember the circumstances of their own villain names.

Tomura got assigned a villain name because he was turned into a villain against his will. He didn't get to choose his identity, he didn't get to choose his destiny. Someone else came to him and then changed him until he couldn't recognize himself in the mirror anymore.

Dabi was rejected by his father over and over and over again. It's not like he wanted to deny who he was, in fact, he wanted to use it as a weapon and that's why he got a villain name. Dabi is more like the manifestation of all his trauma and grief. Dabi is a reminder, a scar and a story to tell.

See their arguments against the villain naming yourselves and get some free analysis about it:

From right to left*

Dabi:

(Villain names are) stupid. That's just some crowd-pleasing crap. A holdover from before the quirk registration system.

Dabi is the first to mention the origins of the hero and villain naming convections. Before there was order in their society, people needed names to identify their powers.

He's also aware that taking a villain name is done to both appeal to the public and oneself. See how Mr. Compress mentions that a villain name gives you class, or how Twice and Spinner seem to get it as a matter of being cool.

Touya himself knew he picked the name Dabi for the show. He's not particularly attached to it and he doesn't even defend his name when Compress decides to criticize it. Being Dabi is just a tactic.

Tomura:

There basically used to be no differences between heroes and villains. One story says... The alias stuff started when you'd have an anonymous enemy and you needed to call them something. From there, some decided to adopt those very nicknames to hide their identities.

Assuming another identity —like a new skin— was a matter of survival.

At some point, they went all-in with code names, ripped straight from comic books. According to this theory, it all started with people announcing themselves by those aliases, that's why the world's turned into a comic book.

Anyway, I'm good. (The names can be cool and all, but eh).

The rest assumes that Tomura has always been Tomura Shigaraki (even after hearing during MVA his confession about his past). In truth, you see he doesn't want a villain name. Like Toga, he rejected the idea when it was suggested.

Mr. Comic Book Fan #1 (AFO) was the one who gave Tomura his name and we all know what he did with those words. Similar to Touya's intention with the name Dabi, AFO hid Tenko Shimura so he could later use his identity as a weapon against All Might.

It was a matter of survival for Touya and Tenko alike. No one could know they were a Todoroki and a Shimura. That new identity prevented little Tenko from being found and allowed Touya the freedom to plot his revenge.

It's very important to me that they are the ones who tell Toga she doesn't need a villain name. She is good as she is, she must be able to live as she is too. Somehow, they protect her in her choice of not picking a skin to hide behind.

#bnha #mha #shan's reblogs #my hero academia #league of villains #lov #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura #dabi #touya todoroki #toya todoroki #toga himiko

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nateconnolly · 24 days

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WHAT DO ALL OF THESE BOOKS HAVE IN COMMON?

ANSWER UNDER THE CUT

All of them have been banned, or access to them has been restricted, in a prison in America within the last ten years.

In many states, prisons have broad and vague guidelines for book restrictions -- N.J. Admin. Code § 10A:18-4.9 grants prisons the right to ban a book if it "Lacks, as a whole, serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value". In Arizona, "inmates are not permitted to send, receive, or present... Publications that depict nudity," and explicitly states that classical art is not an exception (DO 914: 8.2.1 and 8.2.1.1).

I volunteer at a nonprofit that sends free books to prisoners. From personal experience, I know there are sweeping book restrictions such as "no dictionaries," "no coloring books," or "no manga". While these books are not always strictly banned, inmates are frequently underpaid, or forced to labor without pay. That means many inmates cannot afford to purchase books, and rely on nonprofits for access.

Book bans in public libraries and schools are unconscionable, but they are usually not effective at restricting access. A high school student can usually still see an image of Michelangelo's David even if they cannot learn about it in class. In prison, a book ban on nudity can permanently prevent inmates from accessing great works of art, the shared heritage of humankind.

DONATE TO THE INSIDE BOOKS PROGRAM IF YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY. THEY SEND FREE BOOKS TO PEOPLE IN PRISONS.

Sources:

Found on Marshall Project

1,001 Movies You Must See Before You Die (banned in California according to Marshall Project

Basic Fundamentals of Modern Tattoo (Illinois)

No role playing games. A Practical Guide to Dragons. Abolish Prison Slavery. “A Multi Denominational Wicca Bible. (Montana)

101 Things to Do With Mac and Cheese (New Jersey)

“But, Didn’t You Kill Malcolm?” and “A Field Guide to Lucid Dreaming” (North Carolina)

“100 Years of Chevrolet” “1000 Dot to Dot Animals” (Oregon)

“San Francisco Bay Newspaper” “Making Everyday Electronics Work” (Rhode Island)

“Marvel Encyclopedia” (South Carolina)

“A Brief History of Manga” (Texas)

“1001 Photographs You Must See in Your Lifetime” (Virginia)

“A Question of Freedom” Reginald Dwayne Betts (Wisconsin)

The Tennessean

A prison in Tennessee restricts access to The Quran, The Torah, The Bhagavad Gita, and books about Norse mythology. (The ban did not apply to the Bible.)

Personal Experience

I am not willing to dox myself, so I cannot name the nonprofit where I volunteer. However, I swear that I have seen book bans on manga, how-to-draw guides, coloring books, electronics books, dictionaries, and composition notebooks.

#book bans #prison #prison reform #anti intellectualism #censorship #original post

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jackiehicks · 8 months

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‘Best Kept Secret’

Wyatt Lykensen x Reader

request: wyatt x wells!reader with a secret relationship? they're just always sneaking away from friends during school to meet up.

A/N: my first request and it’s a wyatt x reader?? the stars literally aligned for me on this. i hope you guys like it!! this is set after the events of zombies 2 for timeline reasons. don’t get sick of wyatt just yet though, there might be some more content coming your way…

words: 1.6k

content warning: light swearing

y/n smiled at her phone and sighed. she had been dating wyatt for a few months now, but they had decided to keep it secret due to the fact that she was human and he was a werewolf. she knew seabrook was integrated now and the human/zombie/werewolf student body was becoming more familiar by the day, but it was just easier to keep her relationship with wyatt a secret.

she didn’t really know why they kept hush about it. perhaps it was so the two of them would be somewhat left alone by bucky and his aceys who found every opportunity to say something snide and cruel about y/n and her friends. maybe it was the fear of wyatt being shunned by his wolf pack - this was the first time a wolf and a human had started a relationship in well over a century. maybe it was the judgement she would get from her family.

to cut a long story short, y/n was burdened with the surname ‘wells’. not only was her mother the mayor and her father a well-respected zombie patrolman, but she was the twin sister of star cheerleader and monster-activism trailblazer addison wells.

it’s not that addison and y/n didn’t get along, they had been best friends since the day they were born - they practically came out of the womb holding hands - it’s just that y/n had seen everything that addison had gone through last year with her zombie boyfriend zed, and she did not want that for herself and wyatt. zombies were one thing, but werewolves were still a whole other story in seabrook.

on top of all that, y/n was simply never as popular as addison. she always felt like an outsider. where addison hid her natural hair with a blonde wig, y/n always wore her white locks proudly and defiantly. this got her in a lot of trouble with her parents and the school (seriously, being dress-coded for having naturally white hair was a joke) but she didn’t care. she wasn’t like all the other kids at seabrook, why try to fit in?

that’s how y/n and wyatt met, actually. y/n noticed how all of the wolves had streaks of white in their hair, and she was curious. maybe this was why she felt as though she was different from the others? she talked to wyatt about it, learned some interesting things about wolves, learned some interesting things about wyatt, and shared some interesting things about herself. the rest, as they say, is history.

so, y/n and wyatt were seabrook’s best kept secret. when they weren’t miserably hiding their relationship, it was sort of fun. y/n liked the danger of sneaking around with her “scary” boyfriend, and the thought of doing so was more than appealing as she stared down at her chemistry textbook on the table.

she closed the book and picked it up, making her way out of the library, when all of a sudden she felt a hand on her arm and was being pulled round the corner. she yelped just as she came face to face with her boyfriend.

“miss me?”

“wyatt, you frightened me!” she smacked him playfully on the arm.

“come on, i’ll walk you to your locker. you’re not gonna need any books next period.” he grinned as the two of them walked down the hall.

y/n placed the chemistry textbook in her locker as wyatt leaned nonchalant on the lockers next to her.

“where are we even going for our… free period?” he asked in a hushed voice. she smirked at him and shook her head. the halls were completely empty, everyone was already in their next classes.

“this was your idea, honey. i figured you would have a plan.”

“when do i ever have a plan for anything? you’ve been at this school far longer than i have, surely you know some good hiding spots.”

“i don’t know if you remember this, but i’m a wells. i have to be on my best behaviour at all times.”

“god, that’s pitiful. thank god you have me, you’d be so bored otherwise.”

y/n closed her locker and kissed wyatt on the cheek.

“thank god indeed. come on, i think the football field is unoccupied this period.” she grabbed wyatt’s hand as she started to run towards the school’s exit. he laughed loudly as he ran with her, and she shushed him.

y/n and wyatt sat on the bleachers, looking out over the seabrook football field. it was a warm day, as it usually was in their perfect town. wyatt and y/n enjoyed deep conversations in moments like this, no one around them to interrupt them, simply sitting and chatting. wyatt had his fingers interlocked with y/n’s as they spoke.

“you’d think the school would be more monster-friendly” wyatt sighed.

“yeah, i mean eliza was campaigning for zombie language classes which would have been dope, but there’s not much accommodation for zombies outside of what zed’s presidential campaign was going for.”

“and for werewolves… shit, people still won’t look us in the eye half the time.”

y/n smiled softly and squeezed wyatt’s hand. he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

“sometimes i think you’re the only one outside of the pack who understands me, sweetheart.” he said. he was only inches away from y/n’s face, it would be so easy to just grab his cheeks and kiss him. so that’s exactly what she did.

y/n’s hands gripped wyatt’s face firmly and she kissed him square on the mouth - only briefly, but it left them both grinning. wyatt returned the favour, kissing her with such force that almost knocked y/n backwards. they laughed against each other’s lips until wyatt pulled away. he had a concerned look on his face, and y/n immediately worried.

“wy, what’s up?”

“not to panic you or anything, but i got a scent.”

“oh god, what is it?”

“smells like jock.”

“oh shit” y/n exclaimed, looking at her phone. there was 5 minutes left of their ‘free period’ and she had totally forgot that the football players and cheerleading squad start their practises early. this wouldn’t be much of an emergency, except for the fact that y/n’s sister was on the cheer team.

“we need to hide, right? if addison or zed sees us-“

wyatt finished her sentence for her. “we won’t be much of a secret anymore, i know. come on, let’s go.”

they made their way down the steps of the bleachers as fast as they could - why the hell did they sit all the way at the top?! - and began to make their way around the corner of the field when they saw the football team and cheer squad about to turn the same corner, with addison and zed leading the crowd.

“under the bleachers!” y/n whisper-shouted and grabbed wyatt’s hand, running to hide under the metal bleachers from her sister’s line of sight. the two were out of breath, quietly laughing with relief.

“you’re almost too good at this ‘keeping secrets’ thing, you know that?” wyatt asked, wrapping his arms around y/n’s waist. she put her arms on his shoulders and began fussing with the soft hair on the nape of his neck.

“oh please, this is a team effort.”

wyatt hummed in agreement as he leaned in for another kiss, but the two were interrupted by the sound of a throat clearing.

“you guys good under there?” zed grinned. addison was standing next to him, trying to hide her smile.

“i don’t know what shocks me more: the fact that you hid your boyfriend from us, or the fact that you skipped class, y/n.” she laughed.

“please don’t tell mom and dad.”

“about your truancy or your secret werewolf boyfriend?” zed interjected. y/n scowled at him.

“if you don’t want me to, i won’t.” addison reassured her. y/n breathed a sigh of relief.

“thank you.”

zed sauntered over to wyatt, putting him in a headlock.

“skipping class, huh? remember what i said about doing it like the zombies do?”

wyatt smacked his arm playfully. “yeah, right. like no zombie has ever cut class before.”

“we follow rules here at seabrook. come on, furball, can’t be missing two classes in a row.”

wyatt sighed as zed let him out of the headlock. he was still getting used to being so buddy-buddy with people outside of the pack, and zed really could be extra sometimes.

“he’s right, actually,” wyatt said to y/n, “we probably should get to our next classes. don’t wanna get caught by anyone else.”

“yeah, you’re right. you go ahead, i’ll catch up.”

wyatt winked at his girlfriend before he began to walk away. y/n turned to her sister, engulfing her in a hug.

“i’m so sorry i didn’t tell you, addy. you have no idea how badly i wanted to. we were just worried what everyone would think. wyatt hasn’t even told his sister either and she’s the alpha werewolf and she’s, like, actually scary.” y/n blabbered, squeezing addison tight. addison laughed.

“sis, it’s okay. i was nervous to tell you about zed and i when we first started dating. don’t stress.”

“ugh, i love you. i really should go though, i don’t wanna be late and i know for a fact wyatt is waiting for me a few feet away.”

addison untangled herself from her sister’s tight squeeze of a hug.

“i love you too, now go!” she spun y/n around by her shoulders and gave her a shove. y/n waved goodbye before she jogged to catch up with wyatt.

zed wiped a fake tear from his eye, “ah, young love.”

“come on, casanova, you’ve got football practise.”

#zombies #disney zombies #wyatt lykensen #wyatt lykensen x reader #wyatt lykensen imagines #pearce joza

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munson-blurbs · 7 months

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i am alrREADY SENDING IN MY REQUEST SO I DONT FORGET AND I NEED THIS

Peanut Butter Cup - Nerds

IM SO EXCITED.

Fake dating/Bookworm!Reader/Steve Harrington

Warnings: fake dating, Harrington familial dysfunction, drunk family members

WC: 1.1k

Divider credit to @saradika

Steve had heard it all from his parents:

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?”

“Just go out on a date, Steven.”

“You spend all damn day at that video store; you’re never gonna meet anyone that way.”

He normally shrugs it off, until his parents give him an ultimatum: get a girlfriend before the annual Harrington Family Reunion in two weeks, or don’t bother showing up at all.

“Twenty years old, and you barely passed high school, work a dead-end job, and don’t even have a girlfriend,” his father mutters, disgust marring his features. “You’re a disappointment.”

The insult reverberates around his skull all day: disappointment, disappointment, disappointment. It’s not the first time his father has hurled the term his way, and it likely won’t be the last, but the impact continues to sting.

It’s still gnawing at him when you walk in the door, sliding a VHS copy of The Shining across the counter with a bashful smile.

“Sorry, I know it’s a day late,” you apologize, already digging into your bag for change. “How much is the fee?”

Steve dismisses the notion with a wave. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, already checking the movie back into the system. “You, uh, went to Hawkins High, right?”

“Mhm,” you confirm, zipping up your purse and hitching it back up your shoulder, “class of ‘86.”

“‘85,” he chirps, clearing his throat to temper his enthusiasm. “Anyway, hope the movie was good.”

You nod and smile again; the gentle upturn of your lips has Steve melting. “It was. The book was better, though.”

And that’s when Steve finally places you: back in high school, you volunteered at the school library and, on more than one occasion, had helped him find a book for research projects. You were pretty then, and you’re even prettier now.

“I haven’t read the book,” he admits, embarrassed that he hasn’t read much of anything besides a comic book or two since graduation.

Your jaw drops. “Well, now you have to!” You grab your car keys from your back pocket. “I’ll swing by tomorrow with my copy, if that’s cool?”

“Y-Yeah, ‘s cool,” he stutters, giving his head a soft shake to shift the hair from his hazel eyes. He watches as you walk out of the store, the sway of your hips drawing him in.

He probably would have stared forever if Robin hadn’t cut in. “Hey, Dingus, you’re drooling.”

You stop by Family Video the next day to drop off the book. And then a few days after that, you go there again to grab another movie. Soon enough, you’re a regular customer.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Steve blurts out from where he’s standing next to you as you peruse the horror section. “Feel free to say no, to tell me to fuck off, and I will. I will just…fuck right off.”

“Shoot.”

“Could you pretend to be my girlfriend at my family reunion next weekend? Nothing weird,” he rushes to add, not wanting to imply any unwanted contact. “Just hand holding, arm around your shoulder…no feels will be copped, I swear.”

You pinch your eyebrows, perplexed. “Is this the trade-off for having my late fee waived?” you tease, thumbing The Exorcist and tugging it from its spot on the shelf. “Because I’ll pay it.”

Steve laughs, shaking his head. “Nah, just tired of hearing my folks complain about me not having my life together. Figured if I showed up with a smart, pretty girl on my arm, they’d shut up for a little while.”

Your face burns at the compliments, both at the words and that King Steve is the one saying them. “What’s the dress code?”

You and Steve arrive in his Beemer, his hand already pressed to the small of your back as you walk into the restaurant. A room filled with Harringtons greet you as you enter the room, and your stomach flips as you wonder if you can pull this off.

“Showtime,” Steve murmurs in your ear, taking you around the room to meet his family. You’re suddenly self-conscious of where your black dress lands on your thighs and the cut of the neckline. Sure, Steve had approved it, but what did he know?

You note that he’s been gazing at you since he’d picked you up earlier, eyes drawn to you like a magnetic force. It’s part of the whole bit, you try and convince yourself, but something nags at you that Steve isn’t that good of an actor.

The conversations go as easily as they can; you spend the evening peppering in “facts” about your relationship that you and Steve had rehearsed over and over. Some of the details were truthful, like meeting at Family Video and bonding over horror movies. Other parts were much more embellished: relationship duration, your first date, the way Steve bragged that you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on.

It’s smooth sailing until Steve’s inebriated father stands up, clumsily clinking his knife to his wine glass. “I’d like to make a toast,” he slurs, swaying as he speaks, “to my son, Steve, and his girl! Never thought I’d see the day he’d land someone like her.”

Your eyes remain glued to the floor, waiting for the moment to be over, but if the impromptu speech wasn’t awkward enough, one of Steve’s equally drunk uncles calls out, “Give her a kiss, Stevie!”

Steve shakes his head with an uncomfortable chuckle. “Nah, we’re not really into the public–”

“Aw, c’mon!” His boisterous voice echoes throughout the restaurant. “Kiss, kiss, kiss!” he chants, and soon enough, most of the family joins in.

“Shall we shut them up?” Steve mumbles, turning to you. “Y’don’t have to…”

“N-No, we can.” It’s not the most conventional first kiss, but then again, nothing about this arrangement is normal. “We can just…”

Steve’s hand is on your cheek, nose nudging against yours as your lips press together. This isn’t a simple peck; no, it’s far more involved, more intimate, than you had anticipated.

You melt into him a bit more, resting your own hand on his bicep until the kiss comes to an end. The men hoot and holler; the women exchange awws.

“Now that,” Steve’s dad guffaws, clapping a hand on his son’s back, “is the kiss of true love!”

You manage a small smile, wondering exactly what just happened. The kiss was the best of your life, and it was supposedly just for show.

Steve’s breath tickles your earlobe as he whispers, “he may be drunk, but he’s not wrong.” His cheeks are pink at the admission.

It’s certainly a conversation you’ll need to have later, but you can’t say you disagree. For now, your fingers intertwine with his, and you give them a quick squeeze.

Maybe it’s the wine, but you swear you love him back.

#trope or treat #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #fanfic #stranger things fanfic #stranger things

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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 months

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Bad King Richard got rich by exploiting workers at King’s Faire

Next Tuesday (Oct 31) at 10hPT, the Internet Archive is livestreaming my presentation on my recent book, The Internet Con.

King Richard's Faire is the largest renfaire in New England, and its owner, Dick Shapiro, extracts a reported $400k/day – a sum that is only possible thanks to systematic and likely illegal worker misclassification, which lets him pay performers sub-minimum wages and deny them benefits:

https://www.reddit.com/r/boston/comments/172267v/kings_faire_inc_aim%C3%A9e_bonnie_shapiro_nets_over/

Many of the performers at KRF are absolutely unpaid – these are the "villagers" – who mill about looking picturesque in exchange for free admission. They even have to buy their own turkey legs.

When the faire is rained out, all workers – "volunteers" and paid workers – are sent home without any compensation. Attendees are also sent home with rain-checks, many of which go unused (there's no refunds in the land of King Richard).

Staff work from 8am to 730pm and are paid a day-rate that works out to $6/hour. After heavy weather events, staff are ordered to show up early to do cleanup, but are not paid for their time. Staff don't get health benefits – instead, local community groups like the Elks put on fundraisers to cover the health-care costs of the performers.

Now, King Richard's worker mistreatment is not an outlier in the medieval reenactment industry. Think of how the knights at Medieval Times – who put on nightly, potentially lethal performances to generate profit for their employer – unionized in the face of exploitative labor relations. To add insult to injury, Medieval Times sued the union, arguing that its name – "Medieval Times Performers United" – was a trademark infringement:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/medieval-times-sues-union-trademark_n_63485fa5e4b0b7f89f54546b

This trademark wheeze is the latest desperate tactic to be deployed by the ruling class in the face of a surging labor movement with broad public support. Starbucks – one of the world's most notorious unionbusters – is doing the same thing to its union, Starbucks Workers United:

https://seattle.eater.com/23923490/starbucks-workers-united-union-lawsuits-copyright-trademark-israel-hamas-palestine-social-media

These moves are wildly out of step with the current of public opinion, which has swung hard for union rights in a manner not seen in generations. The outpourings of public support for striking entertainment industry workers were handwaved away as exceptions driven by the public's love of actors and writers. But that doesn't explain the strong, ongoing support for the UAW in their strike against all of the Big Three automakers:

https://pro.morningconsult.com/instant-intel/uaw-strike-public-opinion-october-2023

Bosses have always tried to smash worker power by dividing workers – by race, gender, or "skill" – but workers are workers and solidarity is the source of worker power. That's why the whole labor movement backed Equity Stripper NoHo, the first strippers' union in a generation:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/14/prop-22-never-again/#norms-code-laws-markets

Creative workers are part of a class of workers who suffer from "vocational awe," the sense that because your job is satisfying and/or worthy, you don't deserve to get paid for it:

https://www.inthelibrarywiththeleadpipe.org/2018/vocational-awe/

(Think of joke about the father who finds his runaway son at the circus shoveling elephant shit: "Son, come home!" "What, and quit show-business?")

Creative workers have long been encouraged to see themselves as "independent businesspeople" – LLCs with MFAs – and this mind-zap is augmented with our bosses' repeated insistence that the unions are for big burly blue-collar workers, not ethereal dreamers and pencil-pushers. Our bosses tell this story because it discourages us from forming unions and demanding fair pay and good working conditions (obviously).

Think of J Edward Keyes, the cartoon villain who serves as editorial director of Bandcamp. When the workers Keyes managed formed the Bandcamp United union, Keyes called them "white-collar tech workers…appropriating the language of the legitimately oppressed," adding "Fuuuuuck Bandcamp United":

https://www.404media.co/bandcamp-editorial-director-fuuuuuck-bandcamp-united/

Keyes's contempt notwithstanding, it's clear why Bandcamp workers need a union – after the company was flipped twice in rapid succession, its new owners, Epic Games and Songtradr, fired all its unionized workers. Keyes responded to coverage of this mass firing by calling the Pitchfork reporters who wrote about it "absloute amateur journalists."

The attempt to divide-and-rule "knowledge workers" from "industrial workers" is a transparent bid to shatter solidarity and make it easier to abuse and exploit all workers. Thankfully, workers are wise to that gambit, and understand that when all kinds of workers struggle together, they win.

Take the UAW strikes: for many years, the UAW was an objectively bad union, ruled over by a dirty-tricking clique who sold out the membership. It's normal to blame workers for bad leaders, but the UAW old guard had rigged union elections, making sure that they would stay in charge. It's not workers that like corrupt unions – it's bosses.

Before the UAW could fight back against their bosses, they had to fight back their bosses' minions in the upper ranks of their own union. That's where the the Harvard Grad Students' Union comes in. After years of worsening exploitation and working conditions, the Harvard Grad Students organized under the UAW, then joined forces with reformers in the union to oust the corrupt leadership.

During the leadership struggle, Harvard Grad Students helped their comrades from the auto-sector master the union's baroque constitution, so when the old guard tried to prevent motions from reaching the floor, the grad students were able to cite chapter and verse back at them. In the end, grad students and auto-workers together won the victory that paved the way for the strikes:

https://theintercept.com/2023/04/07/deconstructed-union-dhl-teamsters-uaw/

A strong, unified labor movement is necessary if America is to save itself from inequality, racism, the climate emergency – the whole polycrisis. The idea that creative workers aren't workers is bullshit – and so is the lie that all workers are uncreative. The "Worker As Futurist" project recruits Amazon drivers and warehouse writers to write science fiction about a future without Amazon:

https://jacobin.com/2023/09/amazon-workers-sci-fi-writing-bezos-imagination-speculative-future

They call this a "belief that rank-and-file workers, whose bodies and minds are exploited by capital, might have access to some knowledge about capitalism that is beyond even the most brilliant theorist or analyst of capitalism."

All workers can and should tell their own story. Doing so isn't just a way to change the narrative – it's also a way to change policy. The new merger guidelines from the FTC and DOJ Antitrust Division explicitly incorporate labor-market effects into antitrust policy. As Brian Callaci and Sandeep Vaheesan write for The Sling, the testimony of workers and unions can help produce the evidentiary basis for blocking the mergers that lead to monopolies:

https://www.thesling.org/workers-are-an-untapped-resource-for-antitrust-enforcers/

The rising labor movement is a force for profound change in every part of our economy and politics. Workers can be our knights in shining armor.

https://www.thesling.org/workers-are-an-untapped-resource-for-antitrust-enforcers/

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/25/huzzah/#bad-king-richard

#pluralistic #renfaires #labor class war #king richard #charter of the forest #harvard #teamsters #uaw #worker as futurist #bandcamp #bandcamp united #j edward keyes #medieval times #kings faire #kings faire inc

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novemberocean · 3 months

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Well if you do (or even if you dont)

DO I HAVE A BOOK FOR YOU

"For five years, Aderyn has waited to get the Call—the event when the system controlling her world grants her a class and appropriate skills to become an adventurer. When the system makes her a Warmaster, Aderyn eagerly sets out on her first journey. The problem? Her class is useless. No one believes a Warmaster is anything but a joke. They aren’t strong fighters, they have no magic, and they don’t have powerful skills. But Aderyn hasn’t waited all these years to give up now. With the help of a young man from another world, she’s going to prove this Warmaster can do anything."

so maybe isekai isnt the term. what do you call when someone is isekai'd into your world? and also your world is much cooler... except for maybe the toilets.

you can read it on audible with the link above OR the first 20 people to reply to this post with your email get a free spotify code to listen to the audiobook!

#isekai #dnd #dungeons and dragons #roleplaying #stories #reading #lit rpg #rpg #fantasy #female protagonist #look i know the author #she has written NOTHIN BUT BANGERS #but THIS is the one i think tumblr would dig

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boul3vvard · 6 months

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Bring your child to work day･*.:+

Sanemi AU x GN! Reader DRABBLE!

S/n = sons name

I started writing this story back in nov 2022 I abandoned it and came back to it March 2023 erased the ending and rushed it so sorry if this isn’t up to par I’m just trying to get this out of my drafts lol. Now a few pointers

★ Sanemi is OOC I just think that it would be really cute to picture him in this sorta dynamic.

★I tried to keep it gender neutral as possible this is also my first time writing a gn story so feel free to give me any possible feedback

★also as I always say this isn’t proof read AT ALL!! so there might be a ton of grammatical errors idrc HAPPY READING

There are only 3 characters who are color coded

Y/n sanemi and s/n

“Are you sure you’ll be fine taking him with you I mean he’s only 4, He won’t be too much of a distraction for you?”

y/n said while doing their sons hair making his curls pop out a little more.

“He’ll be fine we’re not doing too much in class today anyways” sanemi sighed as he was getting dressed for work. “You’ll be good for daddy right?” y/n asked s/n while looking at him in the mirror. “MMHM” s/n said happily. Y/n was a little nervous at first about this whole ordeal when sanemi brought it up but all the doubt disappeared when y/n saw how giddy their son was to spend time with sanemi this was also the first time their son is going to be around a bunch of people at once, let alone a bunch of teenagers. how will he react? “he’ll be fine plus I’m there if anything does happen, which nothing will so stop worrying, You act like we’re going to war or something” sanemi chuckled as he patted his partners shoulders. “I know I know I guess I’m just a little worried” they sighed “for nothing, we’re gonna head out inna bit I have to get to work early. where is the little guy so I can put his shoes on?” “IM RIGHT HERE DADDY” his son squealed excitedly “LOOK”. sanemi sighed, a soft smile appearing on his face. “your shoes are on the wrong feet you dork c’mere” Y/n packed everything sanemi needed for Haruto in his book bag so he wouldn’t get bored. “are you all set and ready to go?” sanemi said while picking his son up into his arms. “Have fun you two” y/n waved at the two before they left.

Sanemi got to class 1 hour early so he could prepare his classroom for the day. students started rolling in and filling in their seats, two of his students ran into his classroom one slapping the other repeatedly. “INOSUKE STOP HITTING TANJIRO FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL NOT REPEAT MYSELF” Inosuke gruffed as he plopped into his desk. “hey sir, who is that child sitting in your chair? if you don’t mind me asking” Tanjiro asked pointing to the child as his classmates started to quiet down since they all wanted an explanation. “He’s my son. I decided to bring him in with me today he won’t be too much of a distraction” sanemi said as he started gathering all of the papers on his desk into a neat pile. The class all became strangely quiet so he looked up to see what was wrong “yes?” He said as he quirked his eyebrow. “YOU HAVE A CHILD??” they all yelled in Unison. “FORGET ABOUT THE CHILD YOU’RE MARRIED??” Zenitsu yelled freaking out. “Is that a problem?” sanemi started to get angry. “I just feel bad for the sorry sack who decided to tie the knot with you” Inosuke said bluntly. Sanemi threw an eraser at the boys forehead. “Before we get started on today’s plan how about I let him introduce himself to you all” just before the boy was about to speak everyone zoomed in on him making him feel so small, he hid behind his daddies leg. “it’s okay remember how we practiced in the car do it exactly like that okay don’t be shy” sanemi said as he pushed him up front, everyone weirded out about how soft he got for a sec-. “h-hello my name is s/n and I’m 4 years old” he showed everyone on his fingers. All of the girls in the classroom started cooing at the young boy. “AWWW HES SO CUTE” they shouted. “thank you” s/n said blushing at his shoes, he ran back to his dad and hugged him. “You did good, now go sit down for a little bit alright daddy has to do his job okay” “okay” s/n said shyly as he ran back to sanemi’s seat.

The rest of the day went smoothly as s/n opened up throughout the day and became more talkative. During passing periods Haruto would run to the other teachers classrooms to greet them. He ran up to the first classroom and walked in. “Uhhhh mr Iguro Theres a Child standing in the door way” one of his students said confused. Iguro was about to tell the child off before he raised his eyebrows in confusion. “s/n?? What are you doing here?” “I’m with daddy today he let me come to work with him today” he basically shouted happily “I see, well im in the middle of teaching right now how about you come back later okay? “Okay see you later” on his way back to his fathers class he stopped by Uzui’s class, they were all circled around a bowl of fruit quietly drawing it on their own. “I LOVE DRAWING CAN I DRAW TOO?!” The entire class was startled by the broken silence. “s/n??, What are you doing here kid? And what a flashy way of entering a room” Tengen said smiling at the kid ear to ear “I’m here with daddy” “of course you are but where is he? “In his classroom” “well I’m kinda in the middle of a class kiddo so how about you run back to your father and I’ll catch up with you later, how does that sound” “OKAY BYE BYE” just as he was about to run off again sanemi scooped him up “there ya are punk, you can’t go running off like that especially not at my job,what if principle Ubuyashiki caught you before I did huh?” “Sorry daddy I went to go see uncle Oguro” “let’s go eat lunch y/n packed you something delicious” sanemi said “YAYYYY”.

overall he enjoyed being at work with his father and seeing what he did daily. Some of the kids would chat with him which he loved of course and even colored with him. The class fell in love with him very much only knowing him for such a short while. I liked today Do you think I can come to work with you tomorrow daddy?” “Of course you can.” Now let’s go home I’m sure y/n can’t wait to hear all about your day today”

#sanemi drabble #sanemi fluff #demon slayer sanemi #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi x reader #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #sanemi x you #hashira x reader #kimetsu sanemi #shinaguzawa genya #kny genya #demon slayer genya #tanjiro kamado #zenitsu agatsuma #demon slayer inosuke #anime edit #anime art

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livingbarbie · 10 months

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finding a hobby ‧⁺˚*･༓☾

something really key to improving your self esteem and productivity is getting off of that phone !! but i feel like we all know this, and most of us also know that the best way to get off your phone is to find a hobby. this sounds simple enough, but it might be one of the hardest things i've had to do in my growth journey.

finding a hobby can be really difficult for a multitude of reasons:

there are so many possibilities - if you google 'hobbies', you are hit with hundreds (or even thousands) of ideas. while that's promising at first, as you scroll through these lists it can become quite overwhelming and confusing. after ten minutes of scrolling, you're likely to just lay back down and play on your phone again.

lack of interest - the biggest issue for me was simply a lack of interest in ANYTHING. i would scroll through lists on google, tumblr, whatever and nothing at all would catch my eye. this is probably something to do with instant gratification (i don't know much about it), and is most likely a result of the amount of time i spent on my phone doing a whole lot of nothing. either way, know you are not alone in this feeling!

perfectionism - if you do find something that peaks your interest, that's great! however, i know a lot of us struggle with perfectionism. often this can cause you to give up on the hobby almost as quickly as you started it, because you are not outstanding at it immediately. once again, you will probably end up feeling defeated and resort back to your phone.

it took me a long time to be able to push past these obstacles, but once i did it was so insanely rewarding. here are some of the things that helped me to do so:

hide your phone - so silly, but this truly did help. i put my phone in a drawer, and closed it. with my phone out of sight, i couldn't just pick it up out of habit. this forced me to kind of just sit with my boredom, and eventually i found things to do. (usually ended up being something from the MANY lists i had read)

try anything - i mean ANYTHING, anything at all. pick something that didn't really catch your eye at all and just try it. for example. i tried crochet out of boredom. it turned out that i didn't really enjoy it that much, but now i know how to crochet which is kind of cool. just try as many new things as possible, until something sticks.

change your mindset - shift that perfectionist mindset ASAP. find a way to embrace doing things badly. this is way harder than it sounds, but it is so worth it in all aspects of your life. try things and do them badly. learn to accept your bad attempts at things. these hobbies are for you and your enjoyment only, you do not have to show people. the best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself permission to make mistakes.

i have found many hobbies in the past year, some i am more passionate about than others. these are some of my favourites:

reading: an idea you have probably seen everywhere, but it is genuinely a favourite of mine. don't buy into the idea that you HAVE to read in a pretentious way. for many people, classics and books written in the 1800's are not enjoyable and that is perfectly okay. don't be afraid to read something that might seem silly (e.g fantasy, young adult, even children's novels). there is no point in trying to read something you know you probably won't enjoy.

coding: i got into this by accident if i'm being honest, i just got hooked on it when watching my younger brother do something for his digital technology class. this is something i NEVER would've guessed i would like. if you have access to a laptop or a computer, it is so worth trying. there are thousands of free resources online to teach you, and it is super fun learning to code your own little projects.

dance: something i sometimes do in my spare time is learn dances (specifically k-pop dances). i enjoy a lot of k-pop girl group music, so i find learning the dances really fun (and sometimes challenging). i would totally recommend trying this, k-pop or not, as it also doubles as exercise!

learn a language: you can do this in so many different ways, whether you learn the basics of many languages or you dedicate yourself to fluency in a single language. this is such a cool skill to build, and i honestly just find it really fun.

this is a very brief overview of finding a hobby, but the main point i want you to takeaway is to try anything and everything. ultimately, you will not know whether you enjoy something until you try it. please do not feel discouraged when you don't enjoy the first few things you try, there is something for everyone !

stay dreamy, my angels <3

#hobbies #it girl #self care #self love #self improvement #girl blogger #dream girl #wonyoungism #motivation #barbie #feminine energy #pink pilates princess #self concept

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shiyorin · 4 months

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Time to silly headcanon

Primarchs but they are in Hogwarts Au

Because everyone need Hogwarts au :v

Lion El'Jonson

Top marks in everything but has a resting bitch face

Secretly a big softie but acts aloof

Skips class to nap in the forest

Once stupefied a professor but claims it was an accident

They think he is Slytherin but he is Gryffindor

Fulgrim

Slytherin prefect, always flawlessly styled hair and robes

Always changing hair and outfit more than Luna Lovegood

Hosts lavish potions parties in the Room of Requirement

Already opened a beauty salon in Hogsmeade on weekends

Perturabo

Ravenclaw but always in detention for arguing with teachers

Could single handedly build a new Hogwarts over summer

Always scribbling dark fortress designs instead of notes

Enchanted the suits of armor to attack people who irritate him

Jaghatai Khan

Always late to class because racing brooms in the halls

Sends letters via hawk instead of owl

Hufflepuff seeker, fastest broom in the game

Enchanted his motorcycle to fly

Leman Russ

Gryffindor team captain, chill dude until someone mentions Slytherin

Parties in the Forbidden Forest weekly

On a first name basis with the giant squid

Sneaks hip flask of firewhiskey into class

Rogal Dorn

Hufflepuff prefect, stickler for the rules

Enchanted the suits of armor as a personal army

Constructed multiple secret bases around campus

Reported Peeves to the headmistress at least weekly

Konrad Curze

Not actually a student, caretaker is convinced he's a ghost

Lurks in shadows muttering about "justice"

Won't stop leaving creepy notes in people's bags

Has never been seen in daylight

Sanguinius

Gryffindor seeker and favorite student of professors

Runs free tutoring for anyone struggling in class

Tries to help everyone even if they’re mean to him

Secretly a vampire but hasn't told anyone yet

Ferrus Manus

Technically should be in Ravenclaw but hangs with Gryffindors

Top of the Transfiguration class

Always transfigures things by accident when angry

Stockpiles spare parts in the Room of Requirement

Angron

Kicked out of every class for flying into homicidal rages

Secretly takes care of magical creatures in the forest

Pranks people by putting curses on bludgers

Weekly visits to St. Mungo's due to "outbursts"

Why is he Hufflepuff???

Roboute Guilliman

Head Boy and Ravenclaw prefect patrols the halls excessively

Top marks in every class and pays attention except Prophesy

Binds rule books to smack people who break curfew

Daily schedules include color-coded classes and chores

Mortarion

Constantly skipping herbology to smoke strange plants out back

This Slytherin always smells like a wet grave and fungi

Hoards Doxys and bowtruckles in the damper closets

Enchanted his robes to be self-cleaning but they’re still grimy

Magnus the Red

Runs the wizard chess club and gobstones club

Has a psychic duel with Professor Trelawney weekly

Secretly teaching advanced magic to other houses in the Room of Requirement

Uses crystal balls to gaze into the future of quidditch matches

Somehow became the most hated Ravenclaw

Horus Lupercal

Charismatic Gryffindor prefect and heir to Dumbeldore

Talented chaser who carries the quidditch cups every year

Top marks but still finds time for partying with Slytherins

Already has several Hogsmeade businesses lined up for after graduation

Lorgar Aurelian

Runs Slytherin religious cult meetings in the Forbidden Forest

Always gets plucked from class for excessive proselytizing

Has enchanted murals all over the school of super holy scenes

Constantly blessing other students whether they want it or not

Vulkan

Hufflepuff chaser, always lets the snitch go

Best at Care of Magical Creatures, even the dangerous ones love him

Secretly bakes the best cookies in the kitchens

Constantly in the hospital wing due to "potions accidents"

Corvus Corax

Introverted Ravenclaw, knows all the hidden passages

Best student in Defense Against the Dark Arts

Skips classes to research advanced transfiguration

Owl delivery? Nah he climbs in your window

Alpharius/Omegon

No one knows if they're the same person or twins

Always seen disappearing around corners and through secret passages

Top marks in Potions but no one knows which one is which

Pranks people by polyjuicing as other students

#shiyorin's writer #primarch #hogwarts au #lol #warhammer 40k #wh40crack

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