#Bath should be big shower should be cube

[twofrontteethstillcrooked]

Destiel Month, 25-27 Nov.: Movie, wound, bed

"What else has been buggin' you?" Dean asked, shifting nearer.

deancas ust, newly human cas

"The people in this town seem very unsuspecting of the sheriff," Cas pointed out. "He is at far too many vague 'law enforcement conferences' during times of full moons to not be a viable suspect in these supposed 'werewolf attacks.'" He bit back a groan and tried to sit up at the headboard more straightly.

Dean paused The Savage of a Red Morning II: Rabies Attack and refluffed the pillows Cas had been leaning against. "There we go." He also yanked the blanket back into order and arranged it around Cas's waist. "Better?" 

His anxious expression made something catch in Cas's chest. Like a crick in the neck, Cas thought – that was something he'd experienced now as a human, one of those inexplicable little ways a body could betray you simply because you'd, quote, slept wrong, end quote. He felt the normal heat coming off of Dean's body due to nothing more than homeostasis and close proximity and wanted to pet it like a pelt, wear it like a pair of mittens. 

Cas wanted. And wanted.

He remembered he needed to answer. "Yes. Thank you." He sounded tired even to himself. 

Dean watched him. "You wanna keep going with the werewolves, or is it time to hit the hay?"

"I can stay up a while longer." Cas rubbed his hand on his thigh that was somewhere beneath layers of linens and pjs. "May I ask you something?"

Dean nodded.

"How long did it take you to get used to wearing trousers?" 

Dean's whole face wrinkled with confusion. 

"It was probably so long ago you don't remember," Cas said. "At some point in your life, you were dressed by someone – a baby, wearing baby clothes. Then eventually, you were big enough to wear shirts and pants, possibly even shoes and socks, hats and coats." 

"I… Yes?" Dean tipped his head. "Sammy hated shoes for a while, when he was maybe a year, two years old. Kicked them off every chance he got. But I think that's pretty normal for little kids. I remember his feet were like squares. Squishy cubes."

"My leg hair is very distracting," Cas grumbled. "And I cut my toenails after I took a bath one day last week, but they were still very difficult to trim with those little clippers. They did not seem much softer after being in water than they had been dry."

Dean rubbed his hands over his face and like magic a different expression appeared. One, Cas noted, that was appreciably less bewildered; he liked Dean's small, rueful smile and his eyes soft with sympathy.

"What else has been buggin' you?" Dean asked, shifting nearer. He ran his right arm behind Cas's back and pulled him even closer, until they were tucked hip to hip. 

"The stitches itch," Cas told him. He held up his bandaged wrist as evidence. "My calves and shoulders ache from the chase with the alp. There's a tiny spot on the roof of my mouth that feels puffy and sore, but also numb."

Dean's smile grew a little. "I don't doubt you burned yourself, the way you lunged at my coffee this morning." 

"Food tastes better, sometimes. Louder. Potato chips are so loud and so salty. And they make the roof of my mouth sorer. My new boots have been rubbing a blister on my left heel and another one on the smallest toe on my right foot. Do toes have other names?" Cas asked.

"I just say pinky toe."

"All right. Sweating is terrible; it makes you wet. I don't like being wet, except in the shower, and even then, if the bathroom is cold, it's awful. Urination and defecation, it should go without saying, are deeply annoying."

"Sure," Dean said, nodding.

"I used to be able to keep my body clean, or just be clean, period, instantaneously. And now every hour feels like a battle with microorganisms living on my skin that through no fault of their own – I assume – will cause me to smell strange and off putting if I don't remove some of them on a regular basis with detergents or suppress them with deodorants or antiperspirants. I also used to be able to see the microorganisms; I can't do that anymore, but I know they're still there, waiting to feed on sebum my body produces without my consent." 

Cas looked down at his hands in his lap and turned them over, palms up. "The alp's familiar," he started.

His throat closed for a second.

Dean slipped his left hand gently into Cas's.

Cas looked up into Dean's eyes. "It didn't take anything for the familiar to cut me." He swallowed. "When I was an angel, if I cut myself, I didn't really feel it. The hurt was far away, and then I would heal." He closed his fingers around Dean's. "The familiar's knife sank in so quickly – it really was like a hot knife through butter." He shuddered, both remembering and not remembering the pain. "I tried to take deep, calm breaths, to slow my heartbeat like Sam talks about. Which didn't work. And when the familiar'd left and I was able to wrench my left hand free, I wasn’t– I'm right handed, I guess, and my left hand is weaker. Trying to staunch the wound to my right wrist with my left hand didn't work as well because the blood made everything so slippery–"

"Shhhh," Dean said, tipping his forehead against Cas's temple. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." He placed a kiss beside Cas's eye.

"Swinging a heavy weapon was much harder," Cas whispered, closing his eyes and leaning into Dean.

"You'd lost a fuckton of blood, dude." Dean dropped another kiss atop his head. "And you're right handed. You did pretty well with that iron nail regardless." 

Cas couldn't tell if he was imagining Dean's voice shaking just a bit. Sounds traveled differently these days. Dean's heartbeat was right there too, a steady lub-dub, lub-dub beneath Cas's ear.

"Anything easier than it used to be?" Dean asked. "More enjoyable?"

"I really do love coffee," Cas said. "This blanket has a comfortable texture. Your old flannel shirts are almost velvety and I like wearing them. Gooey pizza and cold beer make more sense now. Crisp morning air in November, listening to music in the Impala, getting dry after a soapy shower – all of those are nice." His gaze fell to Dean's mouth; he caught himself and looked up again. 

The moment stretched and stretched, green as a woodland.

"You're warm," Cas said quietly.

"I don't think that's new," Dean said just as quietly.

"It is to me." Cas felt a thrill shiver through him as Dean's eyes darkened and his hand tightened on Cas's.

"Oh," Dean whispered, and it seemed like he was going to say something else.

Cas kissed him first, a soft glancing. Dean chased him to deepen the kiss.

A sigh of pleasure escaped Cas before he could stop it. "This is better," he was able to whisper back eventually, Dean's hands gentle as he held his head. "This is much better."

#destielmonth22 #destiel #deancas #spn #snippetfic #fic #destielmonth

[ukbathroomshoponline]

Choose the Best Quality Bathtubs in the UK using the Bath Buying Guide

After a busy day, the best way to feel relaxed & refresh will be a long hot soak in your bathtub. Nothing will give you more relaxation than pleasing bathing. Therefore, you should choose the bath for your dream bathroom that gives you a pleasant & relaxing bathing experience. Previously, bathtubs are considered a luxurious item in the bathroom, but nowadays, in addition to being a centerpiece of your bathroom, it becomes a necessity in every bathroom.

With the availability of a wide range of shapes & sizes of baths, you can choose the right brand, size & shape of bath for your bathrooms in the UK.

When selecting the best quality bathtubs in the UK, you have a broad selection to choose from the best brands like Duravit durastyle Baths, Waters Coast Baths, Duravit durasquare baths, & Tavistock Bathtubs.

Other brands are Waters Cube Bath, Vitra Baths UK, Duravit Starck Baths, Waters EBB Bath, Carron Baths, Eastbrook Baths, Carronite Baths, Kaldewei Baths, Duravit D-Code Baths, and many more.

Before you choose the brand, first decide which shape & style of baths will accommodate your bathroom.

You have a choice to buy Single Ended Baths, Double Ended Baths, Freestanding Baths, Shower Baths, and many others.

Moreover, you can get Freestanding Baths UK, P Shaped Baths UK, L shaped Baths UK, and more.

For bath shapes, you have square, round, corner, and rectangular baths to choose the right shape from the best bathroom shops in the UK.

Thus, with so many styles & sizes, you need not compromise on the look of your bathroom, even if you have a small bathroom area.

For your new bathroom or renovating an existing one, you need to measure your bathroom area accurately and decide its position to put the bath. Remember, you need to leave enough space to move freely in your bathroom and get ready. 

If you want to replace an existing bathtub, you will get a technological advantage with innovative design & style with the best buy of a bathtub. Thus, with a single change in your bathroom, you will get a refreshing and contemporary look in your bathroom.

Choosing the perfect bath style needs to know more about the baths, their usage, and what shape & style will suit your bathroom.

Straight baths are the commonly used baths and are available for small & big-size bathrooms.

For your compact bathroom space, you can choose single ended baths. In your compact bathroom, it best fits in your small space. You can add a shower to this type of bath. Hence, those who like showering & bathing together can enjoy this bath style. In this bath, the taps & waste are at one end and allow one person to bath by keeping feet toward the bath taps.

For your spacious bathroom, choose a double ended bath that has taps & waste in the middle of the bath. In this type of bath, two bathers can bath at a time. It is best suitable for children, couples, or tall people.

Even in your small bathroom, you have various styles to choose a bath like corner baths. If you don't have separate space for a shower, in this style also you can combine a shower. You can use a bath panel or bath screen to cover your bathing area and give it a contemporary look.

Freestanding baths give your bathroom area a luxury and spa-like look. They are available for all sizes and types of bathrooms. You can place it anywhere in your bathroom as per your bathroom layout. It creates a center of attraction in your bathroom area. 

You will also get traditional freestanding baths and modern freestanding baths for your bathroom. They come with built-in or exposed taps as well as with or without feet. 

When it comes to selecting the bath material, you can choose an acrylic bath, if you are looking for a versatile, long-lastly, and cost-efficient bathing solution. It is easy to install, light-weighted and needs less maintenance. It retains hot water for longer.

For your periodic bathroom, you can choose a cast iron bath. It retains hot water longer compared to an acrylic bath. It becomes costlier and heavy. Hence, you need to ensure your floor strength before you install it. Cast iron baths are highly durable baths and multiple suitable for your traditional bathrooms.

Write at [email protected] to buy the best quality bathtubs in the UK. Also, visit our Bathroom Shop in the UK to get the best deals on Baths for sale, Cheap Baths, Shower Baths, Small & Large size Baths, Bath Screens, Freestanding Baths, Waters Bath UK, and many others.

#Single Ended Baths #Double Ended Baths #Freestanding Baths #Shower Baths #Bath Screens #Bathtubs UK #Small & Large size Baths #Cheap Baths #Baths for sale #Freestanding Baths UK #P Shaped Baths uk #L shaped Baths UK #Bathroom Shop UK #Best quality bathtubs UK #Acrylic Baths #Duravit durasquare baths #Duravit durastyle Baths #Corner Baths #Waters EBB Bath #Tavistock Bathtubs #Carron Baths #Carronite Baths #Kaldewei Baths #RAK Baths #Eastbrook Baths #Duravit D-Code Baths #Duravit Starck Baths

[moremoneytips]

Helpful Tips For Keeping Your Skin Looking Its Best

New Post has been published on https://innersoulhealthandbeautyreviews.com/helpful-tips-for-keeping-your-skin-looking-its-best-7/

Helpful Tips For Keeping Your Skin Looking Its Best

There are many things to consider when it comes to proper skin care. Skin care also involves protecting your skin from sun damage. Sun damage can occur when you least expect it, but it can also happen even when you are vigilant. Here you will find information regarding how sun damage happens and how you can avoid it while maintaining healthy skin.

It’s always best to avoid getting sunburn, but if you get one anyway here is an easy way to soothe the pain. Take aloe vera lotion and put in an ice cube tray. Once it’s frozen rub it on the sunburned skin. You will cool the skin and moisturize it at the same time. Just make sure not to put it in your drink by mistake!

If you have blemishes, try applying a little apple cider vinegar to the affected area. This treatment, while pungent, is able to make your skin more moisturized while reducing the dryness that comes with acne. Do this when it’s daytime because you will notice that this kind of vinegar smells strong and you’re probably not going to want it on your bedding.

Whether your skin tone is light or dark, always use sunscreen on sunny days. Not only does over-exposure to sunlight cause skin cancer, it also ages your skin much faster. If you have an especially light complexion, avoid tanning too much. When you reduce your skin’s exposure to the sun, you will reduce years to your appearance.

For total body exfoliation, invest in a long-handled, natural bristle brush. Before you step into the bath or shower, brush your dry skin with vigorous, circular motions. In addition to leaving your skin feeling tingly and invigorated, dry brushing will also improve your circulation and slough away dead skin to create a glowing appearance.

Avoid taking long, very hot baths or showers. The intense heat from the hot water and the prolonged exposure to water breaks down the lipid barriers in your skin leading to moisture loss and dry, cracked skin. Lukewarm baths with added essential oils or short showers are much healthier options for your skin.

To have the softest skin around without spending a ton of cash, you should check out the nearest farm supply store. Many products made to soothe and protect cow udders are perfectly suited and safe for use, on even the most sensitive human skin. There are udder balms to protect the cow’s delicate skin against the harshest weather conditions and udder creams for moisturizing. These products can provide humans with the same protection against the elements and are far more economical than the big brand skin-care products on the market today.

All in all, skin care is not just about beauty products and special cleansers. Skin care is about preventing sun damage. Sun damage can be dangerous, protect your skin from the sun. This article indicated how to prevent skin problems from occurring. By using the tips in this piece, you really can keep your skin free from sun damage.

#Bath and Body Care #Body Care #Facial Care #Skin Care #Skin Treatment

[neurodiverse-adulthood]

Sensory self-injury alternatives

**Edit: note-- this post is getting a major rehaul, organized better with more options! I will leave this one up but link the new one when it's time.**

Any distraction from the desire to hurt yourself is ideal. 

But I know it’s not that simple. Sometimes you won’t make it through the night without feeling pain, doing damage, or seeing wounds. You can still get that without relapsing-- here are 100+ sensory alternatives to self-harm that might safely bring you the catharsis you need.

I list them with the senses they stimulate: visual, tactile, kinesthetic, auditory. To find the right stim quickly, hit CTRL + F and then type in the sense you need.

CW: long post, talk about self-harm and urges, talk about blood and injuries (and textual imagery)

By the way, I’m proud of you. I’m proud of however long it’s been since you last harmed. Three seconds? Three years? I’m proud of you. Even if you’ve relapsed on long hard progress. It’s hard not to harm, and any amount of time you spend not doing it is a big deal. Sincerely, someone who's been clean for just under 1 year as of this being posted. [Edit 1/2023: ~2.5 years!!!]

A) Water methods

Tactile. Place ice on the spot you want to injure. Place a towel underneath. Sit there and let the sensation sink in. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Place an ice cube in your mouth. Let it sit there or carefully suck/chew it, and pay attention to the sensation. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. 

Tactile, visual. When in a safe mood, drip some red food dye into some water, pour the water into an ice cube tray, and place it in the freezer. Then do the first ice method over a sink or tub instead of with a towel underneath. Remember that red stains easily, so take care when using these. 

Tactile. Take a very hot shower or bath. Be careful that the water is not so hot that it will cause burns, and do not spend too much time in it. It should just be warmer than desirable and sting somewhat.

Tactile. Take a very cold shower or bath. Be careful that the water is not so cold that it will burn, frostbite, or freeze you to death; and do not spend too much time in it. It should just be cooler than desirable and sting somewhat. 

Visual. Paint your nails a red color. Then wash the polish off in the sink, shower, or tub. 

Visual. Use a washable marker or washable paint to draw the wounds you want to make on your skin. Then rinse it off in the sink, shower, or tub.

Auditory. Close your eyes or turn off the lights, then slowly drip water into a sink or glass, imagining it is blood.

B) Dry sensations

Kinesthetic. Slide a rubber band around the fingers of the hands that want to make wounds. Flex your fingers in and out, stretching and contracting the rubber band repeatedly. Notice the fatigue and burning in your finger muscles after awhile

Tactile, kinesthetic. Aim a rubber band toward the area you want to hurt. Pull it back no more than 4 inches. Release it and allow it to sting the area a bit, paying attention to the feeling. If the area begins to redden, choose a different location. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Clap your hands together. Take special notice of the stringing sensation. 

Tactile. Take a plastic bottle cap. Press it onto the area you want to hurt so that it stings a bit and leaves an indentation but doesn’t turn red or break skin. Hold it down for no more than 10 seconds at a time. Give each indentation a 1-minute break before you press into it again. Focus on the stinging 

Kinesthetic. Exercise in some capacity if you are able, taking special notice of the burning in your muscles 

Tactile. Get an acupressure ring or similar. Press it into your skin with restrained force and focus on the sensation

Tactile. Take an ice pack and press it into the spot you want to hurt, taking care to place something between your skin and the ice pack to prevent frostbite. Pay close attention to the stinging sensation

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. See my trichotillomania, dermatillomania, and excoriation tags 

Tactile. Use caution if your skin is sensitive. Obtain a muscle-relieving cream like Tiger Balm, Icy Hot, and the like. Gently apply to the spot you want to hurt, focusing on the frigid burning sensation 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Eat some hot/frozen food and drink, such as hot chocolate or frozen fruit, paying attention to the sensations. Take care not to inflict burns. 

Tactile. Take a brush and brush the area you want to harm. Can also be done with a silicone brushie or gloves

Tactile, kinesthetic. Heat up a heating pack, wrap it in a towel, and rest it on your body. Some heating packs are weighted as well.

C) Oral strategies

Tactile, kinesthetic. Take a tough piece of chewelry and use your teeth to do to it whatever you want to do to yourself. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Take a plastic bottle cap and carefully destroy it with your teeth. Chew that shit up. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Take a plastic or silicone straw and carefully destroy it with your teeth. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Chew some gum. Feel free to be exceptionally violent about it. Pretend it’s your tongue. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Place an ice cube in your mouth. Let it sit there or carefully suck on it or chew it up, and pay attention to the sensation. 

Tactile. Have an icy cold drink. Drink it quickly. Focus on the brain freeze and how it feels.

Tactile. Munch on a spicy or otherwise intensely flavored food/candy/gum. Focus upon the sensation.

Make some edible fake blood.

D) Artistic coping

Visual, kinesthetic. Go to this website. Click and drag to make red cuts. The faster you drag, the thicker the cut, and the more it will bleed. It works on mobile and on desktop. 

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. Draw the body part you want to harm, use an existing template of one, or save/take an image of the actual body part. Draw the damage you want to do on it instead of the real part. Make use of different mediums or brushes. Look up what the damage looks like for reference if you can.

Edit injury

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. Take a pen or marker (a red/orange one if you want the visual of blood, though it may only show so well on different skin tones). Carefully draw the damage you want to do to yourself on the body part instead of actually inflicting it. 

Visual, kinesthetic. Draw some representation of your problems. Drip red liquid onto it in a sink or bathtub, as red stains easily. Ideas for red liquid: dyed water, melted wax, colored glue, paint, dye, fake blood capsules, red jam/jelly, or fake blood recipes

Visual, kinesthetic. Especially good if you’re an SFX makeup artist. Apply SFX makeup, liquid latex, or liquid band-aid to the area you want to hurt and make it look like a realistic wound

Visual. Paint your nails a red or blood color. Then wash the polish off in the sink, shower, or tub

Visual, kinesthetic. Fingerpaint using red paint. Let it get all over your hands as you paint whatever you want-- consider painting wounds or representations of your problems

Kinesthetic. Carve some wood or do another medium that involves cutting/carving. Consider making it into a representation of your problems or something that makes you happy. 

Visual. Use a washable marker or washable paint to draw the wounds you want to make on your skin. Then rinse it off in the sink, shower, or tub. 

Visual. Paint your nails a red color. Then wash the polish off in the sink, shower, or tub. 

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. See my trichotillomania, dermatillomania, and excoriation tags

E) Tearing, hitting, cutting catharsis

Kinesthetic. Take a piece of cardboard. Draw some representation of your problems on it first if you want. Then shred or punch it. 

Kinesthetic. Take a piece of paper or old magazine/newspaper. Draw some representation of your problems on it if you want. Then tear it up. 

Kinesthetic. Take something dispensable made of rubber or silicone. Tear it up, cut into it, claw it to pieces, etc. 

Kinesthetic. Take an eraser. Tear it up, cut into it, claw it to pieces, etc.

Kinesthetic. Punch a pillow or stuffed animal, taping a drawing of your problems to it first if you'd like.

Visual, kinesthetic. Rip open a jelly donut and stare at the jelly oozing out. Eat or save the donut.

Tactile, kinesthetic. Get some playdoh and knead it so that it’s spread out a bit but not too thin. Then rip, claw, or cut into it to your heart’s content. Do to it what you want to do to your own body. Bonus points if the dough is skin-toned.

Visual, kinesthetic. Cut open some fruit, especially red fruits.

Visual, kinesthetic. Cut or rip apart a piece of meat. Eat or save the scraps.

Visual, kinesthetic. Fill a balloon with a bit of red dough, liquid, or slime. Then cut the balloon open (over a sink or bathtub if using liquid). Bonus points if the balloon is skin-toned.

Tactile, kinesthetic. Take a cup of ice cubes with you outside or to a bathroom that with a tub. Throw the cubes at the ground (or floor of the tub) so that they shatter upon impact. Or place them on the ground/floor and smash them with your foot (shoes on).

Visual, kinesthetic, auditory. Cut or claw into a piece of meat. Save the meat for eating later. Wash hands before and after.

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. See my trichotillomania, dermatillomania, and excoriation tags

F) Picking, peeling, pulling catharsis

Tactile, kinesthetic. Take a silicone brushie. Pour some glitter onto it. Pick the glitter particles out from between the bristles. 

Kinesthetic. Take any rock, plastic toy, or small handheld item. Cover it with stickers, tape, and/or paint. Pick and peel every last bit of the stickers/tape/paint and its adhesive off the surface, under warm water if needed. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Take a silicone brushie, spiky ball, or similar item. Pluck at the bristles, even plucking them clean off if it helps. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Take a fruit or vegetable and peel it. Eat or save the scraps.

Tactile, kinesthetic. Cover the part you want to hurt in a coat or two of regular glue. Let it dry. Pick and peel away the glue. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Obtain some crayons. Peel off the wrappers. Then consider melting the crayons down for the following method.

Tactile, kinesthetic. Take a rock or similar item, preferably one with lots of holes or grooves (e.g. lava rock/pumice stone). Cover it with hot wax, hot glue, liquid latex/rubber, paint, or a few coats of regular glue. Allow to dry/cool. Then pick and peel it away. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Obtain a piece of fur, furry cloth, or pipe cleaner. Pull out the fur. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Rip apart yarn, felt, or cotton balls.

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. Take a silicone brushie or trivet. Pour glue, liquid latex/rubber, melted wax, or paint on it. Allow to dry. Pick and peel the substance.

Tactile, kinesthetic. Place small strips of regular tape over the area you want to hurt, then peel them off. 

Visual, kinesthetic. Especially good if you’re an SFX makeup artist. Apply SFX makeup, liquid latex, or liquid band-aid to the area you want to hurt, making it look like a realistic wound if you want. Let it dry, then pick/peel it away. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Get a silicone trivet and pick it claw at it. 

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. Pour a little bit of regular glue into a bowl. Add red food dye and stir until it resembles blood. Cover the part you want to hurt in it, let it dry, and then pick and peel it way. Be careful-- red stains easily and doesn’t come out. 

Kinesthetic. Paint your nails (perhaps red polish). Let it dry, then pick off the polish. 

Tactile, kinesthetic. Invest in a tough piece of chewelry with high surface area. Pick, cut, and tear at it.

Tactile, kinesthetic. Brush a pet gently. Then violently pull the fur out of the brush.

Kinesthetic. Crack open seeds or nuts.

Kinesthetic. Peel the dark skins off of freshly cracked peanuts.

Visual, kinesthetic. Pop open some pomegranate seeds over a sink or plate.

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. See my trichotillomania, dermatillomania, and excoriation tags

G) I Am Looking methods

Don’t do these if seeing blood imagery or gore is upsetting for you! Use these if seeing blood would be cathartic, not to trigger yourself!

Visual. Check out this list of 70+ stims that look like (but aren’t real) blood. Some are realistic

Visual. Check out this list of actual/realistic blood gifs and images. Some are scientific, some are just edgy, and others are artistic. 

Visual, kinesthetic. Look up how to draw blood. Practice if you want to. 

Visual. Look up injuries and wounds. Especially in the area you want to hurt on yourself

Visual, kinesthetic. Go to this website. Click and drag to make red cuts. The faster you drag, the thicker the cut, and the more it will bleed. It works on mobile and on desktop.  

Visual, kinesthetic. Heat up some red crayons and watch them melt. Play with it using a popsicle stick or something. Consider using it for Section F, #7. 

Visual. Type in some text in Bloody font. 

Visual. Drop some red food dye into water, pour into an ice cube tray, and allow to freeze. Then take them out, set them on a plate, and watch them melt. Use heat to speed up the process if desired.

Visual. Make fake blood, then play with it and put it on your skin if you want. Be careful, as red stains very easily and doesn’t come out. Consider edible kinds

Visual, kinesthetic. Especially good if you’re an SFX makeup artist. Apply SFX makeup and liquid latex to the spot you want to hurt to emulate a realistic wound. Stare at it for awhile. 

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. Pour a little bit of regular glue into a bowl. Add red food dye and stir until it resembles blood. Cover the part you want to hurt in a coat or two of it, then let it dry. Be careful, as red stains very easily and doesn’t come out.

Visual. Place band-aids on the places you want to hurt or wrap them up with gauze. 

Visual. Apply some red liquid (dyed water, colored glue, paint, dye, red jam/jelly, or fake blood) to the place you want to hurt, then wrap it in gauze and let the liquid soak through. Be careful, as red stains very easily and doesn’t come out. 

Visual, kinesthetic. Get a jelly donut. Rip it open. Stare at the jelly oozing out. Then eat the donut

Visual. Watch a nature documentary, especially one about carnivores, or look up carnivores hunting and eating

Visual. View footage of fruits/vegetables being peeled. Here is a collection of some

Visual. View footage of food being grated. Here is a collection of some

Visual. View footage of meat being cut or prepared, especially raw meat. Here is a collection of some. Consider watching cooking shows too, especially with Gordan Ramsay yelling at people

Visual, tactile, kinesthetic. See my trichotillomania, dermatillomania, and excoriation tags

Visual. Carefully burn cardboard, paper, or wood in a safe outdoor setting with the means to put out the fire at a moment’s notice. Draw a representation or you or your problems on it first if you want. Be aware of fire safety. 

H) Bonus: some music (TW)

“Talking to Myself” by Watsky

“Baby Don’t Cut” by Bmike

“A Sadness Runs Through Him” by The Hoosiers

“Are You Satisfied?” by Marina

“Please Don’t Cut” by MikelWJ

“Your Love (Deja Vu)” by Glass Animals

“Animal I Have Become” by Three Days Grace

“Bullet” by Hollywood Undead

“Historic Cemetery” by The Front Bottoms

“Hold On” by Chord Overstreet

“Her Last Words” by Courtney Parker

“Ugly” by Nicole Dollanganger

“Interlude IV” by Zach Callison

“Never Too Late” by Three Days Grace

“Sleep” by Flatsound

“help” by Pink Guy

“Don’t Jump” by Tokio Hotel

“Such Small Hands” and “Nobody, Not Even the Rain” by La Dispute

“Youth” by Daughter

“Don’t You Dare Forget The Sun” by Get Scared

“Be Nice To Me” by The Front Bottoms

“So Cold” by Ben Cocks

“Drowning” by The Eden Project

“Because of You” by Demi Lovato

“Echo” by AmaLee and dj-Jo

“Let You Down” by NF 

“Honestly (Encore)” by Gabbie Hannah

“Oh No” by Marina

“Broken Crown” by Mumford & Sons

“Santa Monica” by The Front Bottoms

“I Found” by Amber Runs 

“Breathe Me” by Sia

“My Heart Goes Bum Bum Bum” by Flatsound

“Warrior Concerto” by Glitch Mob 

“Teresa” by YUNGBLOOD 

“You Said Okay” by Flatsound

“Dear Diary” parts 1 and 2 by MikelWJ

“a deer mistaking candles for headlights” by Crywank

All of Crywank’s music

“Waking Dream” by Natalie Walker

“Life” by Lil Peep

“Pigeon” by Cavetown

“Swimming Pool” by The Front Bottoms 

“King” by XXXTENTACION 

“Thistle and Weeds” by Mumford and Sons

“$ting” by The Neighborhood

“No Lies, Just Love” by Bright Eyes

“Anywhere But Here” by Mayday Parade

“Runs in the Family” by Amanda Palmer

“Orca” by Until The Ribbon Breaks

“Gomenasai” by t.a.T.u.

“Under the Knife” by Icon For Hire 

“Amen” by Amber Runs 

“Car Radio” by Twenty One Pilots

“Laminated ET Animal” by Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows

Stay safe and I hope these help! You are loved, and you deserve to be happy and free from harm! ;;

#stim tools #adult stimming #actuallyneurodivergent #advice and help #self-help #coping skills #mental health #dermatillomania #trichotillomania #excoriation #visual #tactile #kinesthetic #auditory #taste safe #food #diy #animal #cw: harm talk #cw: self harm

[my-naughty-writings-and-musings]

Got some aftercare headcanons for Cygate, Shadowstriker Rodimus, Drift with fem reader after an intense intimacy?

Ohohoho indeed I DO! We support healthy and loving intimacy on this blog 1000%

Cygate

·After anything bordering on intense or highly passionate sexy times, these two are equally insistent on caring for you, though their methods are admittedly quite different. Tailgate is more focused on affectionate fussing; he wants you to be comfortable, and has a sort of mental checklist of tiny details to ensure you're alright. Cyclonus is more intent on being tenderly supportive, asking you softly if you need anything and acting as a strong, protective presence for you to feel safe with. It's actually an excellent balance between the two of them.

·For the physical activities done to help you relax, one in particular is chosen by Tailgate on the regular; warm baths. One can hardly blame him for how he enjoys being in a tub with all three of you, but you certainly benefit as well. The sweet smelling soaps chosen by Cyclonus and the warm steam of the bath just melt away your tension to the point you're almost asleep by the end. A soft washcloth helps to ensure you're clean as well, and neither one especially minds if you do doze off while being scrubbed. They both find it absolutely adorable.

·Cyclonus will insist on straightening the bed before sleep, allowing Tailgate a chance to hold and cuddle you while he does so. The mini is typically bordering on sleep himself at this point, so you're inundated with sleepy affirmations of love and adoration as he nuzzles you all the while. Cyclonus will ensure you're both good and sleepy before carrying you to the now neat and tidy bed, where he is careful to arrange everyone in the most comfortable way possible. Should you still be awake, you'll catch his soft expression of love as he confirms you're indeed well and ready to get some sleep after an exhausting but rewarding round of intimacy.

Shadowstriker

·Though brash and dominant in almost all things, Shadowstriker enters a state of methodical calm after hardcore interface, enough that she appeared to be in a trance the first time you saw this play out. However, she's still the dominant in this stage, by which she means all the work is on her. You won't be moving a finger. She's more than strong enough to carry you to the washroom for a warm shower or bath, and will gently wash you clean before bundling you up in some soft towels. Expect some soft kisses during all of this.

·As she prefers to wind down a bit more, she'll set you on her lap to watch some vids or just cuddle and talk, all at your discretion. You'll be able to feel her holding you close the entire time, keeping you warm and safe as she allows you to decide upon the topic of choice. Do you want to talk about Cube? The events of the day? How Soundwave is adopting every mini he gets his hands on? It all works for her, and you'll find she's a wonderfully devoted conversationalist.

·Once you're relaxed and ready to nod off, she'll take you to bed, but will insist on breaking out every pillow she owns to form an incredibly plush nest of sorts. Setting both of you up in the center, she'll encourage you to sleep in her arms, and she'll praise you as you fall asleep for the incredible job you did. Gentle kisses to your forehead and a careful massage of her digits over your shoulders will make staying awake simply impossible. For all her tough talk, you'll find her expression as you doze off full of total adoration.

Rodimus

·Our beloved Captain is very insistent on taking your time after anything remotely intense in the berth, so he'll encourage you to go as slow as you like and take as much time as you need. Tiny kisses all along your face and little whispered adorations will be non-stop the entire time, as you'll find him to be immensely sappy in the afterglow. If you want cuddles, he'll go above and beyond to snuggle you with all he's got, with particular attention paid to forehead nuzzles.

·He's got a ton of super soft and plush blankets on standby, and he'll take out all of them if you request it. At your behest he will happily swaddle you and relax for some more cuddling, and he's very big on watching some feel good movies while doing so. Just being extra soft and lovey is his go to for coming down after anything remotely intense. It's hard to be at all tense in his company when he's so focused on making you relaxed and happy.

·As a final bonus, he always keeps sweets around for extra pampering. They're small and not messy to ensure everything stays clean, but he is more than happy to unwrap them for you and pop them into your mouth. He'll even make sure to get your favorite flavor.

Drift

·The afterglow might just be his favorite part, because getting soft and tender and intimate is his favorite. He'll keep the lights low and sounds to a minimum, but he will have sweet scents from lightly scented candles in the room. He wants you to feel not just relaxed, but totally at ease in his arms. This means no lifting a finger as he reduces you to a contented and stress free pile of satisfied happiness.

·The primary method of his choosing is a bath, but it's nothing short of extraordinary. There are petals, candles, fancy soaps, and the whole thing is temperature controlled for maximum relaxation. You might just feel your eyes grow heavy as soon as he gets in with you. Sweet smelling soaps will wash you clean as he either talks softly or stays in comfortable silence at your request, and his careful hands will gently hold you close to him the entire time. When you're finished he has a few extra large and plush towels to wrap you in to dry.

·Before you doze off, his little ritual includes one final step for maximum relaxation. A careful massage will work out any lingering tension, and if you so desire he'll gladly use a bit of lotion to help his hands move more smoothly. He'll never mention where he picked up the skills, but frankly it feels far too good for you to care, as he's always able to work a kind of near magic by the time he's done. The last thing you'll hear before dozing off in total bliss is a whispered "I love you", and the last thing you'll feel is the soft warmth of blankets being lain over you in bed.

#valveplug #transformers #mtmte #maccadam #cyberverse #lost light #lostlight #idw #tf #ll #my writing #my asks #requests #my headcanons #cygate x reader #cygate #tailgate #cyclonus #shadowstriker x reader #shadow striker #shadowstriker #drift #drift x reader #rodimus #rodimus x reader

[the-settingsun]

Chrollo Lucilfer NSFW alphabeth

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Chrollo is extremely gentle with you during aftercare, he tends to be pretty rough so after you two finish he focused all his attention on you. He will clean both of you with a towel first and then run you a bath, while you wait for it to fill he will sit beside you and just quietly carres your arm with his thumb.

After the bath is filled you both get it and just lay in each others arms before drying off and getting dressed again.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite bodypart on himself is his chest. He loves to see you falling asleep while you lay on his chest. It allows him to play with your hair and look at your face while you sleep.

His favorite body part on you are your hands. He loves to intertwine his fingers with yours when he makes love to you. But when he is downright fucking you he loves to see you struggle when he pins them above your head.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He either finishes inside of you or on your lower belly, but he generally prefers the latter. However he loves to see you out of breath, sweaty and dripping with his cum.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Once when you were trying bondage for the first time he managed to get a picture while you were blindfolded. He keeps that picture in his phone for a particular reason.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Chrollo Lucilfer knows what he is doing. He didn't have many sexual partners in the past but he knows what to do to make you melt under his touch.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Any position wherr he can see your face, even better if he is the one on top.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

No, not at all. If you try to joke around too much he will stop because he will feel that you're not taking his efforts seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He is likes to keep it clean down there, soemtimes that isn't an option with his busy schedule but most of the time he is shaved clean.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Chrollo's picture is right next to the definition of romance. He is extremely romantic and even if there isn't an anniversary or a special date coming up he will prepare as much as he can. For example, candles, rose petals, fancy dinner, towels for cleaning up afterwards, and so and so. Even if you two were just cuddling or relaxing at home beforehand he will shower you in words of affirmation "You looks so pretty like this my love" or "Let me show you how much I love you" he will gently caress your body and prepare you before actually doing the deed. He'll make sure you are comfortable and ask if it's okay for him to put it in. He always kisses your neck and hold your hand during the intercourse.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Simple, he doesn't. If he miss you he calls you or looks at that one illicit picture he has of you. Besides why would he jack off if he can just ask you and return the favor later?

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Bondage, slight temperature play and choking. Chrollo loves seeing your wrists tied together, he loves to see you struggle again your restrains as he overstimulates you. He loves seeing your body react when you're blindfolded. He likes taking ice cubes and circling your sentive spots with them.

If he is feeling more stressed and he is going rough he will degrade you. He uses isults such as "You needy bitch tell he how muh you want this cock. You dont deserve it, let me hear how much you want it" but he always feels like he did something wrong and apologizes during after care or immiedetaly after he says it. There have been times when he realized he was too harsh and had to stop.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His bedroom. He has a giant penthouse, he doesn't get to visit so often but even so he has a luxurious bed, giant windows that provide beautiful and breathtaking views of the city and a mirror that takes up quite amount of space in the room. He will take you anyway but he prefers did to fuck you against the windows because he likes how the cold glass gives you goosebumps on your skin.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

When you are dressed up. If you and him attend a formal event he cannot keep his hands to himself. Because your relationship is a secret, he will glance at you from the other side of the room. But as soon as you to escape the public eye the night it's more magical.

When he sees you fight. He loves to see the flame in your eyes as you work towards your goal of defeating someone. Because you are a member of the Phantom Troupe and he is the leader, he gets to see you fight very often. This means that the aftermath of your fight is either a warm night of cuddling or rough lovemaking.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

A threesome. He hates the idea of someone else touching you, and after a talk with you you both agreed that a threesome is something you're not interested in and will never bring up again

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers recieving. He can get very vocal too, moaning and cursing under his breath. He grabs your hair and holds it behidn your head like a ponytail so you could access his dick better. Words like "Fuck, princess you're doing so well" will come out his mouth while he sucks air through his teeth. He doesn't force you to swallow and would rather come on tour chest.

While he prefers recieving, he is very skilled in giving. He spends considerable amount of time between your things, kissing them and leaving marks before moving onto the actual thing. Chrollo has a big nose and it usually rubs along your clit in the rhytm he is pleasuring you, adding more stimulation. Whenever Chrollo gives you oral you are on cloud nine.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He is either slow and sensual or fast, rough and merciless. Even if he is rough he will try to avoid hurting you too much and attemps to hold back, but when you scream out his name something just snaps and he can't stop himself.

Most of the time he begins slows and gradually becomes more rough. There are times that he truly worships you like your birthday or during comfort sex. Either way he is very understanding.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn't like them. The only time you have quickies is when you hadn't been with each other for a long time and you know that you have to part ways again soon.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes, it is willing to try anything once. As long as both of you properly research what you want to try, he is willing to try it out even if he thinks it's not something he will enjoy.

No he doesn't like to take risk if it means that you could be caught. He is a very private person and he thinks that sex should be should be happening behind closed doors. Plus he hates the idea of someone else seeing you when you're this vulnerable. He's a very private person about your relationship in general and it is still a secret which means that the getting caught situation applies both to the overall relationship.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He usually goes for two rounds but you know he can last longer. He doesn't want to overwhelm you so he's holding back, but if you say that you don't want him to hold back then you're in for a long night.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Besides a blindfold, ribbons, and handcuffs he doesn't own an anything. He finds no use for it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn't like teasing and he doesn't like to be teased which means that teasing is not a thing you do in the bedroom. However he really liked sport play and if he has the time he will put a blindfold on you and spend 20 minutes just worshipping and kissing every inch of your body.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Chrollo is pretty vocal. He will swear under his breath, grunt and moan. He will purposely lean closer to your ear and immiedetaly after follow up with sentences such as "Look what you're doing to me" or "Princess you're so perfect, just for me"

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

After you two moved in together into his penthous he bought a mirror that is placed above your bed, so when he is feeling extremely dominant he will grab your neck and force you to wath your own reflection as he fucks your brains out.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

7.7 inches AND he knows what he is doing.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Below average. He can go a long time withouth sex,but once you two are reunited it is a long night for both of you eince you can't get enough of each other.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He never falls asleep before you, even if he came home late or if he has to leave early the next day. He will either read, cook or practise nen until he is sure you are asleep and he can go to sleep too.

#chrollo lucilfer #chrollosmut #chrollo #chrollo x reader #chrollo smut #chrollo hxh #hunter x hunter #hunter x reader #hunter x 2011 #hunter x hunter x reader #phantom troupe #phantom troupe x reader

[gltzgghln]

PNW Heat Wave Survival Tips, reposted from dead-dyke

hi dead-dyke is a creep so i'm reposting his guide

For many people in the PNW this is a very dangerous thing, unlike in the state of AZ, having A/C is not required for something to be considered a habital space, so a lot of appartments and homes are without it - making it all the more likley to leave some people very ill or at worse, dead.

So, on to the tips: (Please note that I have only 6 months of medical training, but a decade of living of AZ - so this isn't medical advice, it's life advice)

When you get inside, you will be tempted to go stright to the fridge and gulp a big glass of water. Do Not Do That. Start with lukewarm water, then move to cold water. Drinking cold water or Ice water when you are overheated is dangerous, it stimulates the vagus nerver which will lower you heart rate and it will send your body into shock - you're not meant to go from super hot to cold, you're body doesn't understand it. This can cause seeing spots, fainting, and vomiting. And when you vomit, you will become even more dehydrated. When your body is cool enough to drink cold water, sip it. Do Not Chug.

Popcicles and Ice chips are your new best friends. Ice cream is your enemy - avoid dairy at all costs, it will make you vomit in the heat, which will make you dehydrated. The more dehydrated you are - the more likley you will end up in the hospital.

Avoid spicy foods. Covet fruits and raw veggies.

If you'de like - have what I refer to as The Cocktail of Life. Water, one to two ice cubes, two shots of pedialyte.

Turn off your PC, move to a laptop or even better a tablet if you need to do work. (I am typing this on my tablet - so ignore spelling erros)

Turn off all the lights, turn off any non-essental electronic, in this situation the only non esential electronic is your phone, any fans, and if you need toi work or be online a tablet/laptop.

Do not use the stove or oven. I repeat, Do NOT Fucking Use your stove or oven. You eat salad and fruit and veggies now. Have a small amount of dairy free yogurt or fruit smoothie without milk. You don't eat meat now, you are a temporory vegitiarian.

Keep yourself in spaces with less people and with less objects, aim for rooms that are mostly empty if you can or are large.

Take short naps - not long ones, set an alarm for an hour at the max. Drink a glass of lukewarm water after every nap (You will be pissing a lot during the heat wave fyi. Also a 'gross' comment, but if your urine is yellow you are not drinking enough water, it should be clear.)

Lay on the ground, heat rises. If you can - sleep on the ground, move your matress to the ground if you have hard flooring and the space.

Try taking off all your beding, leave your boxspring or mattress on and lay under your bed if you have carpeting or a sleeping mat. (I am under my bed typing this.)

Limit your activities, but don't stay in one space all day, try to move somewhere else once an hour, even if it's just rolling to the other side of the room/bed or changing seats.

You might be tempted to use an ice pack. Don't. Instead if you need to, get a cold washcloth and spread it out on your stomach.

make sure your breathing is even, in and out. panting will make it worse, you don't function like a dog

speaking of dogs, keep your animals inside - avoid cuddling them, for both you and their saftey.

Lukewarm showers, after the shower, you can take a cold (not freezing) bath. Don't have a cold bath without having a lukewarm shower first, it's just like the point about drinking water.

Don't drink alchol, avoid smoking (regardless of what you're smoking), if you need to be high becouse this is inssufrable, go for an edible and have a timer on your phone remindsd you to drink every half hour.

Close your blinds and your curtains, but leave your windows open so the heat can escape and you can cathe the breezes.

Stay safe out there. If you start seeing spots, vommiting, are dizzy or have a migrane - call an ambulence or have a friend drive you to the ER. DO NOT DRIVE YOURSELF TO THE ER.

addition by @/solitarelee

Just a medical addition, your pee should NOT be ENTIRELY clear, it should be a very mild clearish yellow. If you pee is actually completely clear like water, dial it back, you are overhydrating and it can also be dangerous, even/especially during a heatwave. What you want is a look like lemonade that’s had too much ice melt in it (sorry I genuinely don’t know how to describe the color better than that lol). 

If you find yourself overhydrated, don’t stop drinking altogether, but lessen your intake to small sips until your pee regains some color, also consider drinking coconut water or any water/drink infused with electrolytes as overhydrating dilutes your body’s electrolyte content

#pwn heat wave #heat wave #heat warning #signal boost #important #portland #arizona

[domesticdeanwinchester]

i know the rain like the clouds know the sky

read it on ao3 or below // 1.7k words

It must have rained last night, or maybe very early this morning.

Either way the sky is a cloudy kind of grey. Overcast with those darklight smudges of stratocumulus. It isn't ominous, though, the clouds. They're calm in the sky. Peaceful.

Peace. It isn't a feeling Dean's very used to, the last two decades of his life being the chaotic, apocalyptic, traumatic mess that they were.

But the last couple of months... they've been his first real taste of that. Of the calm after the storm. Of easy days, of settling down and moving slow, of being worry-free. Well, relatively worry-free. There may not be any big bads looming over them and the last of the apocalypses may be behind them, but he's still got a husband with a rebellious streak a mile wide, a brother and a sister-in-law who both encourage it far more than they should (and can get into a fair amount of trouble themselves too), and a once-capital-G-god-turned-four-year-old-toddler to take care of and keep entertained. So yeah, maybe not entirely worry-free.

It's good though. It's really good. For the first time in Dean's life, he's at peace with it. He's happy.

Dean stares out at the sky through the kitchen window as he waits for the coffee to brew, letting himself get lost in the matching clouds of his mind.

The staccatoed hiss of coffee dripping draws him back to the kitchen, and he watches as the drip turns steady and the pot starts to fill. When the stream comes to a stuttering stop, Dean waits for the last hesitating drop to fall from the nozzle. Once it does, he removes the pot and pours himself a cup — this chipped old thing that reads "I never dreamed I'd be a grumpy 70 year old man but here I am killin' it", with the "grumpy 70 year old man" bit in big red letters, that Claire got him as a joke, but that he secretly loves. There's still plenty of joe left, so he replaces the pot and leaves it for Castiel, knowing it won't be too long before he's up too to claim it for himself.

Dean cradles the mug in one hand and pulls his dead-guy robe tighter around his body with the other, ambling towards the back door. He slides it open and takes the mug out onto the porch.

The morning air is crisp, cool and a little bit biting, but he likes the slight sting. There's still a hint of a mist to it, too, that makes Dean think that more rain isn't too far off. It smells like the rain, like fresh earth and a hint of that residual lightning storm ozone smell that reminds him so much of Castiel.

He stands at the railing, wiggling his toes in his toasty slippers, holding the mug between both hands. It's warm against his palms, and he brings it to his lips to take a sip, letting that warmth trickle down his throat, settle in his belly, and bloom throughout the rest of him.

It's quiet outside, only the soft wisp of the breeze moving through the trees to keep him company. The rest of the world still slumbers on.

Eventually the back door creaks behind him, and the wood of the deck groans a little beneath footsteps. Dean doesn't have to turn around to know it's Castiel joining him.

A pair of strong arms slide around his waist, and Castiel hugs him from behind, pressing his warm cheek to Dean's shoulder. Castiel brings his lips to kiss the point of his shoulder blade, and even through the material of the robe Dean can feel it.

"Thought I'd find you out here," Castiel murmurs. "It's cold," he adds, burrowing closer.

Dean shifts back against Castiel, nuzzling into his hug as best he can. "I like it," he says.

"Mm, of course you do," Castiel says.

They fall into a companionable silence after that, just the quiet sounds of the world around them and their steady breathing filling the space between them.

"Come inside?" Castiel asks after a moment.

"I will," Dean answers. He doesn't move, though.

"Are you okay?" Castiel asks gently, shifting from pressing against Dean's back to burrowing into his side.

Dean doesn't answer right away this time. Instead lets the question settle, lets it bleed into his bones. He watches as a bird takes flight from a branch of one of the trees, sees the light breeze make the small patch of grass dance, admires the still surface of the lake in the distance. He thinks of Castiel, living and breathing right behind him, thinks of Jack, young for the first time in his life tucked away in the racecar bed he'd begged for with his worn in stuffed bee cuddled close, thinks of Sam and Eileen and brand new baby Maura probably starting their morning too all those miles away.

A faint smile pulls at the corner of Dean's mouth. "Yeah, I am," he tells Castiel, and he means it. He really really means it. He pulls his gaze from the lake and turns in Castiel's arms to look at him head on, to meet his eyes and hold his gaze. "I am."

A small smile graces Castiel's lips, and they just kind of stare at each other for a moment before he brings a hand up to Dean's cheek. His palm ghosts over it before settling against his jaw, cupping it softly. "Good," he says, then leans in to kiss Dean's cheek.

They stay like that for a few beats longer before Castiel runs his thumb over the arc of Dean's cheekbone. "I'm going to go back inside," Castiel says, trailing his fingertips over Dean's chip before letting his hand fall back to his side. "It's too cold out here," he adds, scrunching up his nose in a way that pulls a fond chuckle from Dean.

"Yeah yeah, go inside ya big ice cube," Dean says, rolling his eyes and turning back towards the porch railing.

"Don't be too long," Castiel tells him, moving towards the door.

"I won't," Dean assures, and takes another sip of coffee. "There's more in the pot for you, should still be warm," he adds, lifting his mug in reference.

Castiel smiles. "Thank you," he says, reaching for the handle. He opens the door halfway, then pauses. "When you come in we should make pancakes. Jack will like that."

It's Dean's turn to smile as a memory of the last time he'd made pancakes filters to the surface. Jack had been asleep that time too, but when he followed his nose into the kitchen to find Dean behind the stove, flipping a pancake the size of Jack's head he'd been so excited. And so amazed too, by how many different kinds of pancakes Dean had whipped up — chocolate chip, blueberry, cinnamon sugar. He'd even tried out a special new recipe, with fresh honey and vanilla. Jack insisted on assisting with the remaining batter, eager and insistent on helping Dean when it got time to flip the pancakes. All the flavors had been a hit, and Jack had been gleeful all morning — a sticky, syrupy, chocolatey mess, but a very happy one nonetheless.

Based on the look on Castiel's face, Dean figures he must be remembering that morning too.

"Yeah, okay," Dean agrees, giving a nod. "I'll be in soon," he promises.

Castiel nods and disappears back inside.

Dean will follow shortly, he will. He'll head back inside and he and Castiel will make stacks upon stacks of pancakes, and maybe one of them will go wake Jack, or maybe Jack will come find them laughing together over the half cooked, half gloopy pancake Castiel accidentally flipped out of the pan and onto the stove. They'll dig into their breakfast with Jack, sitting around their little table together. And later he'll call Sammy. Ask how Maura is. How Eileen is. Maybe they'll video call, and Jack will steal the phone and hold it way too close to his face, and he'll show Sam the new space in his mouth where he'd just lost his tooth. It might rain again, and if it does Jack will want to put on his ladybug rain boots and his new froggy rain hat and jump around in the puddles. They'll bundle up for it, and Dean might indulge his inner child too and jump around in the puddles with him. Castiel will watch from the porch with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and he'll disappear back into the house just before Dean and Jack decide to come inside to start up a batch of hot chocolate. All three of them will curl up on the couch and put a movie on. Jack will fall asleep halfway through, tired out from his day in the rain despite the sugary treat afterwards. There will be a chocolate mustache still on his lip, and Castiel will try to gently wipe it away without waking him. He'll curl into Dean's side after, right under his arm, pulling the thick knit blanket tighter around them, and Dean will kiss the top of Castiel's hair. They'll fall asleep like that, too, until Jack wakes them up rejuvenated from his nap and ready for something new. In the evening Dean will make butternut squash soup — one of Castiel's favorites, and they'll eat it with freshly baked crusty bread and some warm apple cider to boot. He and Castiel will tag team giving Jack a bath — he'll beg for bubbles and they'll indulge him, of course — and once he's wrapped up in his favorite pajamas they'll tuck him into his bed and Dean will read him two stories and then Castiel will read a third, and they'll both kiss him on the forehead and say goodnight. Dean and Castiel will take a hot shower together, no fooling around, just the warmth of the spray and their gentle hands on each other's skin, washing, cleaning, touching. They'll dry off and dress in their pajamas, then they too will climb into bed. That night, as another bout of rain pebbles soothingly against the window, they'll drift off beneath three blankets with Castiel curled around Dean. And in the morning, they'll do it all again.

But that will all come later.

For now Dean revels in the peace.

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #toddler!jack #destiel fic #spn fic #deancas fic

[howdoyousleep3]

the panty fic made me like...long to read more of you writing aftercare. like what if bucky drops so deep and he’s so so soft he’s like nonverbal and steve was particularly dommy that time but then he’s all just taking care of him? i want it...

I don’t write aftercare enough, you are right. I think I realized that when I was actually writing “kiss it when he eat it”, that I just end fics after orgasms are had and how I definitely shouldn’t do that. Readers need aftercare almost as much as the characters do. 😭 I’m going to try and not let this get away from me so...

If Bucky is going nonverbal this is an intense night for them. I rarely write Steve going full Dom on Bucky, even being meaner to him (which I realize I should...) but this would need to be very different than their regular. I wrote about him going nonverbal when I did that Ask about how they cope in quarantine and shibari and I wrote Bucky floating hard when they had sex after making things official in my first story but it’s pretty hit and miss.

There are three things I think would make Bucky drop and float hard and those are heavy praise, overstimulation, and breathplay. 

O O F

Get them all together in one night, one fuck, and baby won’t come back until the morning. 

They’ve learned this as they’ve learned about each other and them as one. They’ve known Bucky’s love for praise since their first date, knew it the first time they talked in the bar for Christ’s sake; it’s Steve’s most powerful weapon. They came across overstimulation slowly, easing into it after they learned that Bucky can come untouched and that he can come more than once in one setting, so sensitive. Breathplay...that was different. That is something they stumbled upon, Daddy’s hand coming up and around Bucky’s neck, grip tight but nothing restricting, but Bucky made that breathy little whine nonetheless.

“...color?” Steve had rasped, looking down at Bucky underneath him with wild eyes. It took a few seconds, a tap on the cheek or two with Steve’s other hand, but Bucky drooled just like his dick did, slurred a low and slow, “Green, Daddy.” 

As they’ve learned and communicated they’ve uncovered what to do when Bucky floats in such a way, what is okay to transpire when Bucky floats and leaves Daddy on a little cloud rapidly. Steve is okay and encouraged to keep using Bucky, to keep sending him further and further into this sparkly sweet place. They have figured out how baby likes to come back, what to do after, what Bucky needs. 

Steve sends Bucky under hard one night, reels himself in from going into Topspace and everything once he sees Bucky’s eyes glaze over unusually early on. He’s been teasing his boy all day: a hand between Bucky’s legs as they spoon in the morning that pulls away at the last moment, tender kisses in heated mini makeout sessions that are scattered throughout the day, hot kisses on the back of Bucky’s neck as they’re out shopping that day and as Daddy stands behind him, tucked in tight. 

So, when Daddy’s voice drips hot with praise that evening as they crawl into bed, his big Daddy hand going tight around the column of Bucky’s throat, they both know how this is going to end up. Steve does what he can to keep Bucky with him but turns out those small slaps across his cheek or on the inside of his thighs help accelerate him drifting away. 

We know, even though I haven’t written it much, that Daddy Steve is a King when it comes to aftercare. His Sugar is his number one priority in his life, especially during and after Bucky responds to Steve in such a euphoric way. He would never let Bucky down.

Bucky floats and goes to that sweet sugar-spun place after Daddy stuffs him full of cock on his back, legs together and pressed to Steve’s chest, hand tight around Bucky’s neck. It’s like it’s the only Daddy wanted in the world, hips powerful, grip devastating, voice raw--

“Do it, do it, Bucky come on, baby go there. Go be as sweet as you can be, lemme see it, I gotchu. Know Daddy’ll take care’a you and love you and keep usin’ your sweet little body just how you like. Come on, babylove give it to me.” 

With express permission he does. He comes under Daddy’s touch, trembles around his cock, floats away with a grin on his face. He can still hear Daddy, hear that he’s making Daddy feel good, that’s he’s a perfect boy. He barely registers other movements, rolls and spreads, but Daddy’s voice is in his ear the entire time in the most comforting of ways.

Bucky even comes again, Steve’s thumb rubbing along the underside of his sensitive cockhead. He comes and...and goes quiet. When Steve asks him questions Bucky doesn’t respond. With Steve’s front to Bucky’s back it makes it hard to see the younger but when Steve gets a view of his boy’s face and the sight of him covered in his own come, he comes. 

Steve is someone who can stay hard for a while after he comes, dick not entirely sure if it’s done being used after one round. When Bucky is like this Steve is in no way quick to pull out. He’s chosen such position so he can hold Bucky close and in his arms without breaking that connection. Head nestled against a meaty bicep and an equally muscle-packed pec, Daddy’s lips right at his ear, his free hand stroking up and down Bucky’s body.

Both men are in heaven. 

These are the moments where Steve gets the most emotional, where his love for Bucky becomes overwhelming, where he lets his voice get a bit watery as he talks to Bucky. 

“Just the sweetest boy aren’t ya, Buck? Look at what you let Daddy see, what you let Daddy do, what you share with him. Just an angel on Earth, baby, and you chose me to be your Daddy, a goddamn miracle. You stay there, sugar; you stay there as long as you need. I’ll keep you safe, honey.” 

Bucky can go a long time without coming back to Steve, especially considering how safe and loved he feels. They’ll lay there in bed for quite a bit of time, Steve just watching Bucky, hands in his hair, kisses on his cheeks. He’ll listen to Bucky’s breathing, the small content noises he’ll let out from time to time. 

Eventually, he’ll carry Bucky to the bathroom, not even comfortable leaving Bucky on the bed alone for a quick ten seconds, would grab and wet a washcloth and carry them back. He’d lay Bucky out like he was a fragile little treasure, would wipe him down and make him clean enough for the time being, would make sweet noises as he did so. 

It would be just a lot of Steve holding Bucky close, skin on skin, sweet words pressed right into his ear. They’ve learned that Bucky can kind of panic if he comes to and there’s only silence so Steve turns the television on for low background noise. 

Steve knows Bucky is coming to when his hands come to life. His fingers will twitch and he’ll subconsciously reach for Steve, followed by a curious noise. Daddy doesn’t talk to him quite yet, reassures him more physically by running his hand through Bucky’s hair and kissing his temple. 

Steve is weak as fuck for Bucky rubbing his face into Steve’s chest like a cat when he reaches another level of normalcy. 

It has taken Bucky such a long time to not be embarrassed for having dropped so hard but they are past the point of tears or ragged breaths. Bucky tends to let out a purr or a giggle when he’s aware enough to go verbal again, when he comes back to Daddy. Steve is quick to jump on the encouragement, the praise, welcoming Buck back with hushed, “Baby”s and kisses. 

“Hey, sugarbear. There he is.” He won’t ask questions right away, Bucky needing to come back slow and steady. The turn and the press of Bucky’s face into his neck is enough of an answer to unsaid questions. In time he’ll ask how Bucky is feeling, how his body feels and how his mind feels, and they’ll act accordingly. Sometimes more snugs and a few tears are necessary. Sometimes they can hop into a bath. Most of the time sleep is of the upmost priority and they want it as soon as possible.

Steve always makes him drink some water as soon as he can. Food follows the bath/shower (which is purposeful and warm and snuggly) and it’s anything that Steve can feed Bucky with his own fingers: cubes of cheese, pieces of dark chocolate, chunks of chicken, grapes. Bucky is always quiet as a mouse and pleasantly introverted after such a scene and the silence between them is cozy and welcome. 

As they snuggle back into bed Steve always asks Bucky if he liked anything or if he didn’t, a debrief of sorts, so Daddy can know what to do or not do in the future. 

Bucky is clingy and falls into sleep quickly and Steve Rogers is the happiest Daddy that ever Daddied...

#askK

[frickfracksnatchisback]

gggg I love your headcanons so much they make my sappy little selfshipping heart happy....if you’re alright with it I’d like your take on how the ghosts are with a SO whos got adhd

Heck ye!! I’ve got ADHD as well, so I totally get where you’re coming from! Needless to say, I’m more than happy to deliver ;3

Snatcher and Moonjumper like to gift S/O things they can fidget with! Whether it be stress balls, slime, spinners, cubes, etc., they like giving S/Os these things so they can watch them fidget. With Snatcher it’s more likely to be a fidget cube/spinner/toy of some kind, usually with a purple and golden yellow motif with his signature smile plastered onto it. With Moonjumper, however, he’s more of the type to make a stress ball out of his strings or take the time to make some slime with S/O!

If S/O has any hyper-fixations, obsessions, and/or interests that they love going off about, both Snatcher and Moonjumper are more than willing to listen! Even if they don’t quite understand it, it still makes them smile seeing S/O being so enthusiastic about something they’re passionate about. And who knows? Maybe S/O might even get Snatcher or Moonjumper into certain fandoms! And while S/O and Snatcher/Moonjumper might have different tastes, they still respect each others interests and love them for just how much of a nerd they are.

The ghosties also love going off about their interests as well! Snatcher loves talking about law, obviously, but he’s also a massive book nerd, and he even gets into a few video games every now and then! Meanwhile Moonjumper loves talking about sewing, knitting, sword fighting, classical music, and dancing, while he’s also trying to learn how to bake and getting into a few cartoons/animes! And both ghosts really like astronomy, and Moonjumper even knows a bit about law himself! Basically, both ghosts like learning about S/O’s interests and hobbies, and vise versa! They like to try and teaching S/O about their hobbies/interests and S/O does the same with them as a sort of bonding time!

If S/O is know for stimming, such as tapping their fingers, shaking their legs, bouncing up and down in their seat, tapping their feet, etc., no worries! Snatcher and Moonjumper do the same thing! Snatcher taps his talons rhythmically while he’s reading and even swishes his ghost tail from time to time. And Moonjumper snaps his claws or, if he has legs through some magic, tends to tap his feet. Also, if S/O tends to do more excited stimming as well, like jumping up and down, clapping or flapping their hands, etc., Snatcher and Moonjumper find it especially adorable! (Moonjumper tends to do more excitable stims than Snatcher, but if S/O catches Snatcher stimming/fidgeting it means he feels more comfortable around them!) However, if S/O is known for doing more harmful stims, like biting or scratching, Snatcher and Moonjumper will find them alternatives so they can stim safely!

If S/O doesn’t like the certain textures and/or fabrics, Moonjumper will offer to make them clothing articles out of fabrics they do like! If that last sweater Moon gifted them feels too scratchy to S/O, Moon will personally offer to remake it because he doesn’t want S/O to feel uncomfortable! And that goes for blankets, pillows, and plushies as well, as he’ll try and use more softer and fluffier material to make them especially comfy for S/O! (Or whatever kind of material S/O likes or requests)

Snatcher like to kindly remind S/O of tasks they should get done, especially if said tasks are absolutely necessary and if S/O tends to procrastinate often. He won’t force them to do it if it’s not mandatory, but if it’s something like chores he’ll remind them and possibly even offer to help! But if it’s something selfcare-related (like eating, drinking, grooming, showering/bathing, and/or sleeping) and S/O is putting it off? Snatcher will literally pick them up and force them to do it and he won’t leave them alone until they do. Say what you will, but Snatcher wants to make sure his S/O is happy and healthy, not to mention taking care of themselves!

If S/O becomes more hyper by consuming caffeine, excess sugar, etc., you can bet that Snatcher and Moonjumper make sure they only eat in small amounts. Snatcher’s the same way, as every time he drinks a lot of coffee, he becomes especially hyper. And with Moonjumper, he can’t have too much sugar in his system or he will be literally bouncing off the walls. They won’t stop S/O from eating what they like, of course, only remind them to eat in moderation if said food makes them extra hyper.

Since S/O tends to be more absent-minded and forgetful, when Snatcher assigns contracts to them he goes over everything with them to make sure they understand. And if they forget something, Snatcher is sure to remind them to stay on task as best he can! Moonjumper’s the same way as S/O, as his mind tends to wander and he daydreams often. But if this is ever the case, and S/O becomes distracted by something, Moonjumper makes sure to get their attention as politely as he can, tapping their shoulder lightly or calling their name multiple times to get their attention. Snatcher does this as well, though he tends to playfully tease S/O afterwards or get their attention in annoying ways, but he assures them he’s only messing with them.

If you’re like me, you tend to make a lot of weird noises at random times. If S/O does this, Snatcher and Moonjumper tend to play along with them, making silly noises back until it becomes a sort of game between them. They think it is actually rather cute when S/O does it! And sometimes it gets a little silly, with S/O and Snatcher/Moonjumper giggling at themselves afterwards. (And yes, this can include meme phrases and references, if S/O manages to get Snatcher and Moonjumper into them)

Snatcher lets S/O fidget or toy around with his floof as a form of stimming, letting their hands brush through it, letting them twirl locks of it between their fingers, or just letting S/O pet/scratch his floof in general. It means free affection (AKA: pets and scritches) for him, and something soft and fluffy to stim with for S/O!  Moonjumper also does this, by letting S/O fidget with his strings while he’s busy sewing/knitting, even getting to teach them how to play string games like cat’s cradle!

If S/O tends to have random mood swings, being fine one minute and then not fine the next, Snatcher and Moonjumper deal with this appropriately. I’ve mentioned this before, but if they ever catch their S/O in a not-so-good mood, they will be sure to hold S/O close, wrapping them in a blanket burrito, and give them something like their favorite comfort food (basically, whatever kind of snack is S/O’s favorite) plus something that they like to cuddle or hold, like blanket (possibly weighted), pillow, or plushie. Snatcher and Moonjumper will try and calm S/O down if their mood is due to any anxiety attacks, try to comfort them if S/O has any depressive episodes, or if S/O just finds themselves in a bad mood in general Snatcher/Moonjumper will stay there with them and won’t leave their side unless S/O asks them to.

If S/O becomes needy for touch and affection often, Snatcher and Moonjumper are more than happy to oblige! Snatcher’s pretends to be more reluctant about it, but if he sees S/O doing “grabby-hands” or asking nicely with big puppy-dog eyes? Well, how can he say no to such an adorable face? Moonjumper is the same, pouncing on any chance to litter his S/O with affection! But if it’s soft and simple affection that S/O wants instead, like simply wanting to cuddle or be held, Moonjumper will be just as happy to do so. And as needy as S/O can get for affection, Snatcher and Moonjumper can be the same way! Moonjumper tends to politely ask his S/O for permission, giving them pleading eyes and dragging out the word “Pleeease?”, or simply nudging them gently with his horns when he wants attention (kinda like when a cat bumps their head/nuzzles their face against you when they want attention, if that makes any sense). With Snatcher, he usually become needy for S/O’s affection when they’re busy with something, which means they’re not paying attention to him. He’ll wait until S/O’s finished, of course (only making the occasional needy whimper or sigh), but once they are Snatcher immediately teleports them into his lap, wrapping his tail around them like a snake while he hugs them and lets their head rest against his floof like a pillow (that’s basically how he tells S/O he wants attention without actually asking for it, the heckin tsundere).

#ahit #a hat in time #ahit headcannons #a hat in time headcannons #ahit snatcher #a hat in time snatcher #ahit moonjumper #a hat in time moonjumper #ahit snatcher x s/o #a hat in time snatcher x s/o #ahit moonjumper x s/o #a hat in time moonjumper x s/o #ahit moonjumper x reader #a hat in time moonjumper x reader #moonjumper x s/o #moonjumper x reader #ahit snatcher x reader #a hat in time snatcher x reader #snatcher x s/o #snatcher x reader #snatcher #the snatcher #moonjumper #anon ask #ask frickfrack #frickfrack rambles #some of these are self indulgent as friiiiiick #i hope some of y'all can relate adsfghjk-

[flirting-with-psychology]

1. I own a ferret. 2. My best friend is my boyfriend 3. My best friend is a girl 4. I use the word super way too much 5. I am a boy 6. I like My Chemical Romance 7. I own more than 100 CDs 8. I like discussing politics 9. I collect state quarters 10. The Legend of Zelda is my favorite video game. 11. I have Cingular 12. I love MAC makeup 13. I smoke too much 14. I own more than 5 bandanas 15. My favorite movie is Kill Bill 16. I watched Lamb Chop when I was young 17. I have my ears gauged 18. I can do HTML without guidance 19. I watch Spongebob Squarepants regularly. 20. I go to the movies at least once a week 21. I play guitar or bass 22. I love Elvis 23. I’ve had a mo/bi/trihawk before 24. I have met my favorite band 25. I like to hardcore dance 26. Something’s outside my window 27. I believe in ghosts 28. I do drugs regularly 29. I am straightedge 30. My favorite feature about myself is my lips 31. I have never consumed alcohol 32. I want a tattoo. 33. My favorite actor is Will Ferrell. 34. I have seen Conan O'Brien live. 35. I hate MTV 36. I used to watch Cheaters every week 37. I have my own vaccuum 38. Frank Sinatra is awesome 39. I sleep with a stuffed animal 40. I am scared of werewolves 41. I watch hockey regularly 42. I am originally from New York 43. I own an iPod 44. Some people aren’t funny. 45. I hate school. 46. My favorite vegetable is lettuce. 47. Tickle fights are fun. 48. I am currently unemployed. 49. I have my license 50. I hate spelling mistakes 51. I love Spanish class 52. I live in a big city 53. I have been to the Grand Canyon 54. I listen to music to fall asleep 55. I watch TV to fall asleep 56. I only get a few hours of sleep each night 57. I’m relatively innocent. 58. I am a size 3 or smaller 59. I’m bored. 60. Purple is my favorite color. 61. I hate flossing 62. I have a car. 63. I believe in God 64. I’m in love. 65. I used to love Unwritten Law. 66. Reno 911 is my favorite show. 67. There is a mini stapler on my computer desk. 68. Cuddling’s my favorite. 69. For sure. 70. I have a flip phone 71. I love my handwriting 72. I own a Louis Vuitton handbag 73. I want to be an astronaut. 74. I love the song Dragostea Din Tei 75. 50 Cent is not talented 76. I like scanners better than digital cameras. 77. I own at least one Punk-O-Rama CD 78. My room is sound proof. 79. I’m 5'5 or less 80. Lying pisses me off 81. I backstab people. 82. I have been in a fist fight. 83. I have PaintShop Pro. 84. It’s almost midnight 85. My nightlight is cracked 86. I only listen to Dashboard Confessional when I’m sad 87. And I feel like a pansy when I do so 88. I hate metal 89. I’m in a band. 90. Napoleon Dynamite is annoying now. 91. I love hickeys 92. I want to lose weight 93. My favorite channel is the Food Network. 94. I don’t have a CD burner. 95. Pixar is stupid except for the Incredibles 96. I own an apartment/house 97. I am engaged. 98. My computer’s a Gateway. 99. I hate driving. 100. I like watching boys sleep. =========================== 01. I miss someone right now 02. I don’t watch much TV these days 03. I love olives 04. I love sleeping 05. I own lots of books 06. I wear glasses or contact lenses 07. I love to play video games 08. I’ve tried marijuana 09. I’ve watched porn movies 10. I have been in a threesome 11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship 12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy 13. I have acne free skin usually 14. I like and respect Al Sharpton 15. I curse frequently 16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year 17. I have a hobby 18. I’ve been told I can suck the chromes off a trailer hitch. 19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me 20. I’m smart 21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones 22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal 23. I hate the rain 24. I’m paranoid at times 25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scars. 26. I need money right now! 27. I love Sushi 28. I talk really, really fast sometimes 29. I have fresh breath in the morning 30. I have semi-long hair 31. I have lost money in Las Vegas 32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister 33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S. 34. I shave my legs 35. I have a twin 36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past 37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D. 38. I like the way that I look sometimes 39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months 40. I know how to do cornrows 41. I am usually pessimistic 42. I have a lot of mood swings 43. I think prostitution should be legalized 44. I think Britney Spears is hot 45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past 46. I have a hidden talent 47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. 48. I think that I’m popular 49. I am currently single 50. I have kissed someone of the same sex 51. I enjoy talking on the phone 52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants 53. I love to shop. 54. I would rather shop than eat 55. I would classify myself as ghetto. 56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders 57. I’m obsessed with my Livejournal 58. I don’t hate anyone. 59. I’m a pretty good dancer 60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington 61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother 62. I have a cell phone 63. I believe in God/ a higher being. 64. I watch MTV/Vh1 on a daily basis 65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months 66. I love drama. 67. I have never been in a real romantic relationship before 68. I’ve rejected someone before 69. I currently have a crush on someone 70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life 71. I want to have children in the future 72. I have changed a diaper before 73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before 74. I bite my nails 75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club 76. I’m not allergic to anything 77. I have a lot to learn 78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger 79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie 80. I am sometimes shy around the opposite sex 81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message 82. I have at least 5 away messages saved 83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before 84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past 85. I own the “South Park” movie 86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal 87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum 88. I enjoy some country music 90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza 91. I watch soap operas whenever I can 92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist 93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career 94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all 95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story” 96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy 97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it 98. I have dated a close friend’s ex 99. I’m happy as of this moment 100. I was born in the 80s but I am truly a child of the 90s  101. I have slapped john dasaro and chris burke in the face..on the same night 102. I haven’t showered in two days… and I like it. 103. i own every f***er here 104. I procrastinate all the time 105. I’m a nerd 106. I LOVE the movie The Wedding Singer. 107. i hate corn. 108. i’ve attended the rocky horror picture show 109. i’ve never seen Bambi the movie 110. Thinking about the future terrifies me 111. Without music there would be no point in living. 112. If I could change one thing about myself I would 113. If someone of the same sex liked me, I would date them. 114. I went to the mall today for 5 hours ================================ Would do Have Done

001. Bought everyone in the pub a drink 002. Swam with wild dolphins 003. Climbed a mountain *004. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive 005. Been inside the Great Pyramid 006. Held a tarantula. *007. Taken a candlelit bath with someone 008. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it. 009. Hugged a tree *010. Done a striptease 011. Bungee jumped *012. Visited Paris 013. Watched a lightning storm at sea *014. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise several times *015. Seen the Northern Lights 016. Gone to a huge sports game 017. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa *018. Grown and eaten your own vegetables *019. Touched an iceberg *020. Slept under the stars 021. Changed a baby’s diaper 022. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon *023. Watched a meteor shower *024. Gotten drunk on champagne *025. Given more than you can afford to charity 026. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope 027. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment 028. Had a food fight 029. Bet on a winning horse 030. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 031. Asked out a stranger 032. Had a snowball fight 033. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier 034. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can 035. Held a lamb 036. Organized and planned a surprise party for a loved one *037. Taken a midnight skinny dip 038. Taken an ice cold bath 039. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar 040. Seen a total eclipse 041. Ridden a roller coaster 042. Hit a home run 043. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days 044. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking *045. Adopted an accent for an entire day 046. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 047. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment *048. Had two hard drives for your computer *049. Visited all 50 states 050. Loved your job for all accounts *051. Taken care of someone who was really sick *052. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 053. Had amazing friends 054. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country *055. Watched wild whales 056. Stolen a sign 057. Backpacked in Europe *058. Taken a road-trip 059. Rock climbing 060. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice *061. Midnight walk on the beach 062. Sky diving *063. Visited Ireland 064. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love 065. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them *066. Visited Japan 067. Bench pressed your own weight 068. Milked a cow 069. Alphabetized your records 070. Pretended to be a superhero 071. Sung karaoke 072. Lounged around in bed all day 073. Protested something you feel strongly against 074. Scuba diving *075. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye 076. Kissed in the rain 077. Played in the mud 078. Played in the rain *079. Gone to a drive-in theater 080. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret *081. Visited the Great Wall of China 082. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog 083. Dropped Windows in favor of something better 084. Started a business 085. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken 086. Toured ancient sites 087. Taken a martial arts class 088. Swordfought for the honor of a woman 089. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight *090. Gotten married 091. Been in a movie 092. Crashed a party 093. Loved someone you shouldn’t have *094. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy 095. Gotten divorced 096. Started an office war 097. Gone without food for 5 days 098. Made cookies from scratch 099. Won first prize in a costume contest 100. Ridden a gondola in Venice 101. Gotten a tattoo 102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on 103. Rafted the Snake River 104. Been on television news programs as an “expert" 105. Got flowers for no reason 106. Made out in a public place 107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything 108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug 109. Performed on stage 110. Been to Las Vegas 111. Recorded music 112. Eaten shark *113. Drank an entire 6 pack by yourself *114. Gone to Thailand 115. Seen Siouxsie *116. Bought a house 117. Been in a combat zone 118. Buried one/both of your parents 119. Shaved all of your hair off *120. Been on a cruise ship 121. Spoken more than one language fluently 122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone 123. Bounced a check 124. Performed in theatre 125. Read - and understood - your credit report *126. Raised children 127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy *128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour *129. Created and named your own constellation of stars 130. Taken a bicycle tour in a foreign country 131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did 132. Called or written your Congress person 133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over 135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge 136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking 137. Had an abortion 138. Had plastic surgery 139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived 140. Wrote articles for a large publication 141. Lost over 100 pounds 142. Held someone while they were having a flashback 143. Piloted an airplane 144. Petted a stingray 145. Broken someone’s heart 146. Helped an animal give birth 147. Been fired or laid off from a job 148. Won money on a TV game show 149. Broken a bone 150. Killed a human being *151. Gone on an African photo safari 152. Ridden a motorcycle 153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph 154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced 155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol 156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild 157. Ridden a horse 158. Had major surgery 159. Ridden on a passenger train 160. Had a snake as a pet 161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon 162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing 163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours 164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states *165. Visited all 7 continents 166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days 167. Eaten kangaroo meat 168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground 169. Been a sperm or egg donor 170. Eaten sushi 171. Had your picture in the newspaper 172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime *173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about 174. Gotten someone fired for their actions 175. Gone back to school 176. Parasailed 177. Changed your name 178. Petted a cockroach 179. Eaten fried green tomatoes 180. Read The Iliad 181. Selected one "important” author who you missed in school, and read 182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them 183. …and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you 184. Taught yourself an art from scratch 185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt *187. Skipped all your school reunions 188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language 189. Been elected to public office 190. Written your own computer language 191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream 192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care 193. Built your own PC from parts 194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you 195. Had a booth at a street fair 196: Dyed your hair blue 197: Been a DJ 198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal 199: Written your own role playing game 200: Been arrested ====================== 1. I have self-mutilated before. 2. I still love the song Dragostea Din Tei 3. I used to like New Kids on the Block 4. The 80s was funny. 5. I have realtones enabled on my cellular phone. 6. Public bathrooms scare me 7. I have keys on my belt 8. I’m not wearing a belt 9. I hate writing 10. I hate reading 1. I love compilation CDs 12. My favorite teachers have all been guys 13. I think Bad Religion’s only been around for ten or so years 14. I don’t know who Bad Religion is. 15. I don’t wear my hood unless it’s raining 16. I enjoy smaller clubs rather than big ones 17. I’ve put a song on repeat for more than 8 hours 18. I have sound on my computer  19. Someone wants my hiney. 20. My mom loves Elvis 21. I have my own computer 22. I live on the east coast 23. My favorite animal is a kangaroo 24. I’m on vacation 25. I don’t own a pair of ripped jeans 26. I am very insecure somewhat 27. I love to dance 28. I curse way too much. 29. I choose the pansy way and star out my curse words (f*ck) 30. I feel dumb because I was just called a pansy 31. I have a flatscreen computer 32. I collect something. 33. I’m married 34. I won’t date someone who’s smaller than me smaller, as in also shorter? 35. Brass knuckles are the shit. 36. I own a hand puppet 37. I write with blue pens 38. I wear eye makeup almost every day 39. I wish I lived somewhere other than here 40. I don’t own a band shirt. Not yet anyway.. 41. I love techno. 42. I have my nipples pierced 43. I’m shitty at wrapping presents 44. I know someone in the KKK 45. I’m racist/anti-semitist. 46. I don’t know what those mean. 47. I love life most of the time 48. I have posters all over my room 49. I’ve never been a camera whore with someone.. And I want to. 50. I’m halfway done 51. I wish I lived in the 80s 52. I know what the term borgie means 53. I’m interested in social hierarchy. 54. I love music videos. 55. I have a DVD player 56. I’m drunk right now 57. I’m listening to music 58. I have a big screen TV 59. I have an STD 60. I know the singer of the Clash’s name 61. The only IM program I have is AIM 62. I skateboard regularly 63. I live on the north side of town 64. I have been to Alaska 65. I’ve worn a cowboy hat 66. I watch late night infomercials for retarded, unnecessary things 67. I LOVE DOING THE DEATH GROWL TO MY FAVORITE METAL SONGS. 68. That last question was dumb. 69. I know what the word “peligroso” means in English 70. I speak another language fluently 71. I’ve been in a limo 72. I own a bong 73. My lungs hurt 74. I know someone who’s committed suicide 75. I’ve got a six pack and I don’t need you! 76. I know what band sung the above line 77. I like strong boys. 78. I’m sick right now 79. I know someone who’s currently enlisted in the army 80. I do not own a color phone 81. My birthday is in September 82. I hate mall cops 83. I hate most cops in general 84. I’m wearing blush 85. I live in an apartment 86. I’m still in high school. 87. I own something from Victoria’s Secret 88. I don’t know a boy that wears girls pants 89. I’ve had the same best friend since I was 8. 90. Brownies are my favorite 91. So is cake 92. I’ve heard the song “Looks Good in Leather” 93. I own some sort of propaganda, fake or real 94. I deny the Holocaust happened 95. Kisses are my favorite sign of affection 96. I need to charge my phone 97. My purse could pass for a suitcase 98. I take birth control 99. I only buy what’s fashionable

1. I love bolding 2. I know someone named Mimi 3. I hate my old best friend 4. My favorite alcoholic drink is Jack n Coke 5. I have a digital camera 6. I’m talking to at least one person online 7. I like watching college basketball 8. I have never moved. 9. I have at least one cat 10. I have at least one dog 11. I’m going to see a movie tonight maybe 12. I make my own AIM icons 13. I’m in pain 14. I watch more than five shows a day 15. I love the Cure 16. My parents like some of the same music I do 17. I have never been to the dentist 18. I listen to the radio 19. I do my own laundry 20. I’ve made at least one article of clothing 21. I have/want something on my face pierced 22. I go to at least one concert a week 23. I’ve written a story 24. I’ve dyed my hair every color of the rainbow 25. I own a Grand Theft Auto game 26. My favorite pattern is camoflauge 27. I know someone who does/did cocaine 28. I have too many game systems 29. I love scary movies 30. I hate scary movies 31. I’ve had sex more than 5 times 32. My favorite chips are Lays Original 33. I think butter is unhealthy 34. I hate the Osbournes 35. I used to have dreadlocks 36. I need to take medicine for something 37. I suffer from insomnia 38. I speak ebonics 39. I’ve gambled 40. And won 41. I have at least one gay friend 42. I like going to pet stores 43. I own a dog toy 44. And I don’t have a dog 45. I own more than ten candles 46. I’ve smoked a cigarette in the shower before 47. I’ve flunked a class 48. I listen to music every day 49. I have more than one nickname 50. I wear pajamas when I feel like it 51. I’m wearing more than one jewelry item 52. I haven’t washed my hair in a week 53. I watch the Grammy’s every year 54. Along with the Macy’s Parade 55. My favorite season is winter 56. I have seen the All American Rejects live 57. And I’ve enjoyed it. 58. Boobs are nothing special 59. I go swimming at least once a week in summer. 60. I have a pool. 61. I’ve gone skinnydipping 62. I’ve played strip poker 63. And lost 64. I want a nautical star tattoo 65. My cell phone turns off when it’s charging 66. And it pisses me off 67. I used to buy my entire wardrobe from Hot Topic 68. I’ve been to albinoblacksheep.com 69. My favorite subject is History 70. And/or math 71. I am a republican 72. I am a democrat 73. I listen to the Used occasionally 74. I have been to the Warped Tour 75. I am part Mexican 76. I am part German 77. All of my grandparents are still alive. 79. I love bowling 80. I know that there is a South Park, Colorado 81. I love Dairy Queen 82. Sometimes I think I’m crazy 83. I own a Moffatts CD 84. I own a Backstreet Boys CD 85. I want plastic surgery 86. Operation, operation, snip and tie, snip and tie 87. I know what song that line is from 88. I have killed something [bugs!] 89. I’ve never had a Nokia cell phone 90. I’m never sarcastic 91. Light eyes turn me on 92. I have never been to a foreign country 93. I don’t eat enough 94. I own illegal weaponry 95. I know someone who has overdosed on something 96. And lived to tell about it 97. I don’t own a pair of mittens 98. I love the heat 99. I’ve never had a steady boyfriend/gf 100. I want to makeout.

#survey

[cynicalrainbows]

The Next Best Thing Chapter 18

In which Cathy is having a Bad Day.

The weekend is good, but things start to go wrong almost immediately after- Monday morning, or maybe even Sunday night.

She goes to sleep, after another chapter of Little Women, thinking about tarlatan dresses and what corsets must feel like, but she ends up dreaming about much scarier things- little attic girls with sewn up mouths scratching on the underside of her mattress and rooms full of cobwebby birthday cake and running through an empty art gallery after the tips of her parent’s coats that keep disappearing round corners no matter how fast she chases after them-

It’s a muddled, unsettling sort of dream- and then the day starts out in the worst-ever possible way because when she wakes up, her sheets and pajamas are cold and wet and sticking to her bare skin, and she’s so horrified that she actually sort of wants to shrivel up and die right where she is, just disappear from existence entirely.

(If she had to choose, she thinks she’d take the little attic girl, sewn up-mouth and all, over this.)

Thankfully, she’s spared Catalina having to find out (she thinks then, she really would die of embarrassment) because when she comes out of the shower, Catalina doesn’t even think of ask why she’s showering in the morning when she had a bath the night before- she just says that she’s going to put on a load of laundry before work to try and get on top of the housework and can Cathy put her own things in?

She can.

It’s a relief, and actually a very, very lucky coincidence because Catalina never usually does laundry in the morning ever, even though the laundry makes things into even more of a rush.

It turns out that Catalina’s alarm didn’t go off on time so they’re running a bit behind.

Still, even though she’s had longer in bed than normal, she’s tired.

 Catalina looks unusually ruffled too, and she looks oddly concerned and earnest when she asks Cathy if she’s alright.

‘I’m fine.’ She tries to look like she means it.

‘Are you sure, mija? You know you can tell me anything.’

She nods as convincingly as she can and Catalina doesn’t look entirely convinced but she stops asking anyway.

Now she’s on the phone, trying to explain to her boss why she can’t come in early, while she makes coffee and stuffs files into a bag.

‘-I understand but….. I know-.....Look, I’m just having a bit of a stressful morning, but I’ll make it up, I can just work through lunch again…..Yes, no I do understand, truly-.... What’s that?’ Catalina eventually slams the fridge, looking annoyed. ‘No, she CAN’T take herself to school James, she’s SEVEN…. No, I don’t care what your kids were doing at that age-’

She keeps arguing and Cathy stirs her cereal round a little too vigorously in irritation that Catalina is apparently telling everyone she’s too much of a baby to take herself to school.

(She bets she could really. She’d probably be fine, even if she had to get a bus by herself like the really big children do. Not that Catalina will listen.

‘I don’t think you’d like it, mija.’

‘I would.’

‘But the bus makes you feel carsick, I thought.’

‘Only sometimes. And it’s different when you’re grownup, grownups don’t get carsick.’

‘I wish you’d told that to Maria when I got my first car.’ Catalina chuckles, momentarily distracted. ‘My backseat was never the same- I told her at the time she wouldn’t like tequila-’

‘What?’ 

Cathy is confused; Catalina looks like Kitty when she’s caught sneaking cubes of sugar from the bowl.

‘Nothing, mija. But you still can’t go to school by yourself.’

Catalina is VERY unfair sometimes.)

Catalina sighs at the puddle of milk by her bowl and drops Cathy’s school bag by her chair.

‘Please be careful mija, we’re late as it is-’

This feels unfair when it’s Catalina who woke her up late in the first place and she mumbles something to this effect under her breath while spooning up the last of her Shreddies.

‘WHAT was that?’

She knows it isn’t good when Catalina speaks sharply like that, and doubly so that she isn’t even calling her mija- so she doesn’t repeat it and shrugs instead. Still. It ISN’T her fault they’re late.

Catalina doesn’t press it, but she frowns and whisks away Cathy’s bowl, so she doesn’t even get to drink the milk she’d been saving til last.

‘Your dinner money is due today-’ Catalina’s phone starts ringing again, sounding more insistent and angry with each vibration. ‘I have to get this- can you go and get the cheque and put it in your school bag? It’s on the table in the hall- Hello?’

Cathy’s so annoyed about the milk- about the general badness of the day in general- that she doesn’t even answer, just stamps her feet harder than necessary when she goes to put on her school shoes.

‘Cathy, stop that NOW-’

She stops. Reluctantly.

It’s not a good beginning.

*

 Catalina drops her off in such a hurry she has to run across the playground to join the back of the line before her class goes inside, so it’s not until they’re all in the classroom that Cathy notices that everyone seems to have more bags on them than usual.

Her stomach flips over- of course, it’s Monday.

Swimming day.

School swimming lessons had paled in comparison to Anne’s sleepover- which is why she hasn’t thought about the fact that they’re starting today for a while- but now, with everyone else chattering excitedly about how far and how fast they can swim, about whether it’s true the pool they’re going to has a waterslide or a wave machine, about whether it’s true that everyone has to jump into the pool to begin, whether they can swim or not….now it feels like a bit more of a big deal.

Especially when Anne pauses in showing off the fancy green goggles (that her Mum dropped off at Jane’s that morning before school) to ask where her swimming things are.

 (The shame of Kitty biting Grace has, it seems, gone over rather better than expected with the other parents, since apparently they all have rather strong feelings about being treated like babysitting services. 

Because of this, Anne and Kitty are no longer in disgrace and can go home- which is a good thing, because Jane has called in a couple of favours to cover her shifts and is running out of people she can ask.)

Having to admit she’s forgotten to bring her swimming things makes Cathy’s tummy feel all tight and anxious- is forgetting swimming things like forgetting homework or is it even worse? Is she going to get into trouble?- and then Anne looks sympathetic and lowers her voice.

 ‘Did Catalina forget?’

She isn’t really sure whether to say yes or no- did she? Did both of them?- but she nods uncertainly anyway and Anne looks sorry for her because Anne knows all about parents forgetting things for you.

‘If I’d brought my spare bikini, you could have borrowed it-’

‘That’s ok.’

‘I’m sorry you don’t have your stuff. Will you still be allowed to swim?’

She doesn’t answer.

She’s let Anne borrow things too many times to count, she's expressed regret that Anne doesn’t have this or that hundreds of times, and she’s never once felt strange about it…... but she isn’t sure she likes it being the other way around. 

Not one bit.

They’re interrupted, luckily, by the register. And following the register, dinner money collection.

It’s only as the teacher takes out the familiar red plastic folder that she remembers something else- the cheque, still sitting on the hall table.

The teacher looks at her oddly when she has to admit she doesn’t have anything to give her.

‘What happened, Cathy?’

‘I-’ She’s about to say that she forgot it but then it occurs to her that she’s already going to have to admit to not having her swimming things and she really doesn’t want to be in trouble twice today, and maybe she’ll be in less trouble for the swimming things if the teacher feels sorry for her. 

So she opens her eyes a bit wider, trying to look all honest and sad and brave, like one of the poor street children in the storybooks they sometimes read at Christmas.

‘Catalina…..wouldn’t give me any dinner money today.’

It’s not really, really a lie, not exactly. After all, Catalina didn’t give her anything at all. And it was a cheque she was meant to pick up from the hall table, not money. So really, she isn’t lying.

(That’s what she tells herself, anyway.)

The teacher doesn’t question her any further, thank goodness, she just shakes her head and makes a little mark by her name.

‘Alright- you go along and have dinner as normal today.’

‘Yes Miss.’ 

(She’s wondering if maybe she should explain- that really, it was just Catalina forgetting rather than not giving her money on purpose, and actually, Catalina didn’t really forget at all….but she doesn’t quite have the words.)

‘And don’t look so worried-’ The teacher smiles reassuringly at her and pats her shoulder. ‘It’ll all be sorted out.’

Which she takes to mean that she can have the dinner for free today and bring in the cheque tomorrow and no one need be any the wiser about anything.

Which is a relief.

(She’s glad Catalina doesn’t have to find out about her not-lie.)

*

She cheers up a bit as they all get into line for the coach- because Anna brings up the sleepover and the other girls start asking questions and looking jealous and it’s nice to feel special….. But then on the coach, the teacher stops Cathy and Anne squashing onto a double seat with Anna and because Cathy is on the end, she’s the one who gets sent to find a new seat. 

The only one left is next to Stephen Gardener, who picks his nose and fries ants with his pocket magnifying glass at playtime and likes to try to stamp on people's fingers when they drop things under the table. 

This is NOT a good day at all.

They’re only engaging in a little tiny bit of under-the-seat kicking as they negotiate seat boundaries and leg room, but unfortunately, it draws the attention of their teacher (who is looking more ruffled by the minute and doing lots of dark muttering about her own views on school swimming lessons). 

They got told very firmly to stop-this-instant on pain of being left behind at school, and this makes Stephen subside almost at once (with one final secret kick to her ankle) but Cathy wonders if maybe she should carry on because that would be one way at least to avoid having to get into trouble for the missing costume.

(She doesn’t know how Anne manages it all the time- forgetting things is so stressful and horrible that for once she doesn’t even think about how the jerky hot coach is making her feel carsick. She doesn’t EVEN care that Anna and Anne are whispering and giggling together in a very annoying way down the aisle- she just wants to be able to press a big button like on the television remote and fast forward to tomorrow so the stress of dinner money and swimming costumes can be over and done with and everything can go back to normal.)

The class is lining up to go into the changing rooms when a teacher stops her.

‘Where are your things?’

She bites her lip- she doesn’t know this teacher, she’s a special just-for-swimming one and she isn’t sure if she’ll be the sort of teacher who acts like forgetting things is a personal affront to her. She’s wishing she’d said something to her own teacher, because then maybe it would be sorted out like the dinner money thing, but it’s too late now.

‘Did you forget them?’

Before she can say anything, her real teacher comes over, looking harassed and carrying a clipboard. 

She gives a little sigh- obviously noting Cathy’s bagless state- and then draws the swimming-teacher away a couple of steps and starts whispering to her in a way that is apparently very rude when you do it in class but just fine when it’s teachers, even if they’re not even whispering properly and she can still hear bits of what they’re saying.

(At least when she and Anne whisper, they do it properly.)

‘....both parents….quite recent….still settling back in….’

She knows exactly what’s being said, even without hearing all the words, because it’s just a version of the same story that everyone around her seems to be telling one another….but she still doesn’t like it.

It’s also very odd to have something so enormously, earth-shakingly huge trimmed down and stuffed into a few neat potted sentences- as if Mum and Dad dying is just another piece of news, like any other. Her teacher at least is using her Very Serious voice- and the swimming teacher does a little sad face when she hears and shakes her head….but it’s not enough. 

(She doesn’t really know what COULD be enough.)

‘....some problems…. Not sure they’re coping….dinner money….-’

(She hopes very hard that they’re talking about someone else’s dinner money and not hers.)

Eventually, the swimming teacher turns back to her, her eyebrows knit with cloying concern.

‘Did your- ah- your godmother forget your swimming things, dear?’

She nods. It isn’t a lie, really, is it? After all, they BOTh forgot them.

‘Poor little thing.’ She clicks her tongue. ‘We’ll find you something, poppet.’

Stephen sniggers and Cathy wishes they were back on the bus, so she could kick him with plausible deniability. 

(No one will believe her foot slipped all the way over to where Eddie Bonner and Stephen are pinging the straps of their goggles at one another. Worse luck.)

She doesn’t want to be in trouble, but she doesn’t like being a ‘poor little thing’ or a poppet either, and she’s starting to wonder if perhaps it wouldn’t have been better to just be honest about everything all along, when she’s handed a spare swimming costume and all thoughts of everything else go out of her mind.

The spare swimming costume is awful- all bobbly from being washed one time too many, somehow too tight and too baggy and a nasty sickly pink colour. 

The towel smells damply sour.

‘Yuck!’ Anne wrinkles her nose, and Cathy sort of wants to push her over, especially when she sees the big, fluffy towel Anne is taking out of her own bag.

(It looks suspiciously like one of Jane’s Nice towels, which means the towels that are for bath use only and not for swimming and definitely not for picnics, sunbathing or anything interesting at all. She wonders if Jane knows Anne has it.)

‘It smells funny!’

Anne is giggling but Anna isn’t.

‘I don’t think it does.’

She’s grateful for Anna’s help but mostly just annoyed at herself. How COULD she forget swimming day, when she’s been looking forward to it for weeks?

Watching the others get changed into their own pretty costumes makes her feel even worse, and then she feels a stab of anger at Catalina too. 

Why DIDN’T she remember it was swimming day, why DIDN'T she make sure Cathy had her own towel and her blue-and-silver swimming costume, when all the other Mum’s managed to? 

Even if she isn’t a Mum, it’s meant to be her job now- isn’t that what Catalina keeps reminding her, that it’s ok to let her do Mum-things?

(Her own Mum wouldn’t have forgotten. Her own Mum would have remembered- she wouldn’t have forgotten an important thing like swimming day because she’d know how it important it was…

Then she thinks about how her Mum won’t EVER know about swimming day, how she won’t EVER be able to tell her- and how no matter how good she gets at swimming now, it doesn’t matter because Dad won’t be there to be proud of her. 

She tries to think about Mum swimming in the sea and screaming at the seaweed- the story made her feel warm and good and happy on Sunday- but now it just makes her sad.

 She’ll never swim with either of her parents again, just hear stories about them swimming with other people.

 It feels suddenly so unfair that she has to grub for scraps of other people's memories of them: why can’t she have her own? 

And for that matter, why can’t she just have them- not the memories of them but real, live parents who sort out things like dinner money and swimming costumes for you?)

She’s so busy thinking about this- and so reluctant to put on the horrible suit that it makes her slow getting changed, and she’s the last one out of the girls changing room when the swimming-teacher stops her AGAIN.

‘Don’t you have a bobble, dear?’

‘Why, Miss?’

‘To tie your hair back, of course...Oh well, I can see you don’t-’ She unsnaps an elastic band from around her wrist and before Cathy can dodge, her hair is being scraped back painfully into a much-too-tight ponytail.

‘There! Much better!’

It isn’t much better but she can’t say that. She definitely can’t explain that she always has her hair loose and extra-fluffed out when she goes swimming at home.

(She isn’t a baby anymore, she KNOWS that mother otters fluffing out their babies to keep them buoyant is totally different to her fluffing up her own curls. 

It’s not like she doesn’t know she won’t go under with her hair tied back- she can swim properly now, after all, she’s not a baby afraid to go into the water even with armbands on.

 She just LIKES having her hair fluffed out for swimming- but it’s not like she can do anything about it now, especially not when the elastic is so tight it’s making her head sore.)

They all have to line up and jump into the water and then swim to the side to prove they can all swim well enough to be in the big pool- but she somehow ends up a second behind everyone else jumping in, and she’s thinking so much about whether her hair really COULD affect her floatyness that she forgets to hold her nose….and then she’s choking and splashing and her eyes and nose are burning and aching, and she has to grab onto the side cough until someone pulls her out.

It’s embarrassing, once it stops being scary- more so because the minute she can breathe halfway normally again, the just-for-swimming teacher is taking her hand like she’s Kitty’s age and taking her over to a whole other section of the pool.

‘We’ll try you over her, dear-’

For a moment, she’s completely confused- and then she realises.

They think she can’t swim.

She’s been put in the beginners group- along with the other children who can’t swim. Some of them don’t even want to get into the water and are clinging to the steps like they think they’re going to drown.

There’s a new swimming teacher with them- she’s smiling and going on about how much fun it’s all going to be and how they don’t need to be afraid of the water at all, it won’t hurt them.

They have to line up along the wall, with the water lapping around their tummies, and do silly things like blowing bubbles with their faces in the water.

(Cathy wonders if this is a punishment for not being able to swim.)

She wants to speak up, to explain that she’s been put in the wrong group, that she can swim perfectly well, that it’s all a mistake-

‘Go on, lovie!’

The new swimming teacher is beaming brightly at her.

‘But I’m not- I can-’ She can’t quite figure out how to explain properly- she doesn’t want the new teacher to think she’s being rude, after all- and it’s so frustrating that she can’t just SAY it.

‘There’s nothing to be scared of- be a big brave girl now!’

This stings- she wants to explain that she isn’t a BIT scared, that she learnt to swim without armbands or anything at all, and not in a baby pool like this but in the big, choppy, heaving grey OCEAN, with the waves breaking ever minute, and that even THEN she wasn’t frightened even though she was two years younger….but that makes her think about Dad’s hand in hers as he led her into the water, and his hand under her head as she floated on her back and how proud he was when she did it for the first time, how proud they both were, and him telling her all about the special strong lady swimmers who swam all the way across the channel to France and how she’d decided then and there that she was going to do that too one day, and how he’d nodded seriously and said that he’d cheer her on the whole time from the boat…..and then she has to duck her face down quickly into the water, so quickly that more water goes up her nose and the chlorine stings her eyes.

(It’s ok- it doesn’t count as crying if your face is already wet.)

**

The lesson is boring boring boring but she doesn’t want to try saying anything because she doesn’t want any more memories to come back. She does look over to the other group a few times- they’re splashing and shrieking and swimming, real proper swimming. They’re learning strokes that she’s known for AGES, and it’s so frustrating, knowing that she should be up there among them.

After what feels like hours, they come out of the pool and Anne immediately asks her what happened.

‘Why’d they put you in the other group?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘But you can swim already-’

‘I KNOW I can swim already!’ She wants Anne to appreciate just exactly what she had to put up with so she starts telling her all about how boring and babyish it was, but rather than being properly sympathetic, Anne just gives her a funny look. 

‘Why didn’t you SAY something?’

It’s too hard to explain- the way the words stuck, the way the memories had started tugging at her like an undertow that might pull her off her feet any moment- so she doesn’t

*

They don’t have enough time to dry off properly after swimming- and she doesn’t like feeling the towel on herself more than she has to, so the rest of the day feels damp and chlorinated.

Then Catalina is late picking her up,something she normally wouldn’t mind, except that it rankles when she thinks of the horrible pink swimming costume and how much her hair hurts all scraped back (somehow this is Catalina’s fault too) and how Anne keeps boasting about being in the top five in one of the stupid swimming races.

(It’s so unfair- she can swim better than Anne, she KNOWS she can, and Anne knows it too. But no one else does- even as far as Anna knows, she’s one of the ones who can’t swim.)

‘Hello, mija-’ Catalina is juggling an armful of folders and her handbag as she aims an apologetic smile at the teacher, who nods tightly. 

‘Hello.’ It comes out flat.

(This is not the first time Catalina has been late, but it’s the first time Cathy’s minded so much.)

‘How was your day?’

She shrugs. She doesn’t want to talk about it. (She bets if everyone at Catalina’s work suddenly thought she couldn’t swim, she’d not want to talk about it either.)

‘I’m sorry I’m late mija, I got a call just as I was about to leave work-’ Catalina is smiling but she looks a tiny bit anxious too, like she’s trying to sound happier than she is. ‘I have exciting news! We’re going to have a visit from your social worker tomorrow- nothing to worry about, just so she can check everything is alright and I was thinking we should really-’

Catalina breaks off when the teacher comes over to them.

‘Mrs Trastamara?’

It’s a sign of Catalina being more stressed than usual (even if she’s trying to look calm and normal) that she doesn’t correct the teacher for calling her ‘Mrs’, which is something she’s usually VERY quick to do.

‘Yes?’

‘Could we have a little word before you go? Just quickly?’

‘Of course-’ Catalina looks a bit confused but she smiles anyway. ‘What is it? Is there anything wrong?’

The teacher glances at Cathy and Catalina follows her gaze. ‘I think it’s best if we perhaps talk privately- Cathy, could you wait outside for a moment?’

She nods and slides from her chair obediently.

Outside the classroom, she counts the coat pegs over and over, and wishes on every one that the teacher is just going to talk to Catalina about something normal and safe and boring, like the PTA or the summer fete.

Maybe, after all, everything IS ok- maybe everyone has forgotten everything, including things she may or may not have said about dinner money or the lack of it….

Then the door opens and Catalina comes out.

She does not look happy.

#six #six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #the next best thing

[c-ptsdrecovery]

Mental Health Wellness Tips for Quarantine

From Facebook, written by Betsy Williams Briggs

[As an anxious person myself, please note: this is not a list of EVERYTHING YOU SHOULD BE DOING. Pick the things that will help you and let the others go! <3 ]

From a psychologist: After having thirty-one sessions this week with patients where the singular focus was COVID-19 and how to cope, I decided to consolidate my advice and make a list that I hope is helpful to all. I can't control a lot of what is going on right now, but I can contribute this.

Edit: I am surprised and heartened that this has been shared so widely! People have asked me to credential myself, so to that end, I am a doctoral level Psychologist in NYS with a Psy.D. in the specialities of School and Clinical Psychology.

MENTAL HEALTH WELLNESS TIPS FOR QUARANTINE

1. Stick to a routine. Go to sleep and wake up at a reasonable time, write a schedule that is varied and includes time for work as well as self-care.

2. Dress for the social life you want, not the social life you have. Get showered and dressed in comfortable clothes, wash your face, brush your teeth. Take the time to do a bath or a facial. Put on some bright colors. It is amazing how our dress can impact our mood.

3. Get out at least once a day, for at least thirty minutes. If you are concerned of contact, try first thing in the morning, or later in the evening, and try less traveled streets and avenues. If you are high risk or living with those who are high risk, open the windows and blast the fan. It is amazing how much fresh air can do for spirits.

4. Find some time to move each day, again daily for at least thirty minutes. If you don’t feel comfortable going outside, there are many YouTube videos that offer free movement classes, and if all else fails, turn on the music and have a dance party!

5. Reach out to others, you guessed it, at least once daily for thirty minutes. Try to do FaceTime, Skype, phone calls, texting—connect with other people to seek and provide support. Don’t forget to do this for your children as well. Set up virtual playdates with friends daily via FaceTime, Facebook Messenger Kids, Zoom, etc—your kids miss their friends, too!

6. Stay hydrated and eat well. This one may seem obvious, but stress and eating often don’t mix well, and we find ourselves over-indulging, forgetting to eat, and avoiding food. Drink plenty of water, eat some good and nutritious foods, and challenge yourself to learn how to cook something new!

7. Develop a self-care toolkit. This can look different for everyone. A lot of successful self-care strategies involve a sensory component (seven senses: touch, taste, sight, hearing, smell, vestibular (movement) and proprioceptive (comforting pressure). An idea for each: a soft blanket or stuffed animal, a hot chocolate, photos of vacations, comforting music, lavender or eucalyptus oil, a small swing or rocking chair, a weighted blanket. A journal, an inspirational book, or a mandala coloring book is wonderful, bubbles to blow or blowing watercolor on paper through a straw are visually appealing as well as work on controlled breath. Mint gum, Listerine strips, ginger ale, frozen Starburst, ice packs, and cold are also good for anxiety regulation. For children, it is great to help them create a self-regulation comfort box (often a shoe-box or bin they can decorate) that they can use on the ready for first-aid when overwhelmed.

8. Spend extra time playing with children. Children will rarely communicate how they are feeling, but will often make a bid for attention and communication through play. Don’t be surprised to see therapeutic themes of illness, doctor visits, and isolation play through. Understand that play is cathartic and helpful for children—it is how they process their world and problem solve, and there’s a lot they are seeing and experiencing in the now.

9. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and a wide berth. A lot of cooped up time can bring out the worst in everyone. Each person will have moments when they will not be at their best. It is important to move with grace through blowups, to not show up to every argument you are invited to, and to not hold grudges and continue disagreements. Everyone is doing the best they can to make it through this.

10. Everyone find their own retreat space. Space is at a premium, particularly with city living. It is important that people think through their own separate space for work and for relaxation. For children, help them identify a place where they can go to retreat when stressed. You can make this place cozy by using blankets, pillows, cushions, scarves, beanbags, tents, and “forts”. It is good to know that even when we are on top of each other, we have our own special place to go to be alone.

11. Expect behavioral issues in children, and respond gently. We are all struggling with disruption in routine, none more than children, who rely on routines constructed by others to make them feel safe and to know what comes next. Expect increased anxiety, worries and fears, nightmares, difficulty separating or sleeping, testing limits, and meltdowns. Do not introduce major behavioral plans or consequences at this time—hold stable and focus on emotional connection.

12. Focus on safety and attachment. We are going to be living for a bit with the unprecedented demand of meeting all work deadlines, homeschooling children, running a sterile household, and making a whole lot of entertainment in confinement. We can get wrapped up in meeting expectations in all domains, but we must remember that these are scary and unpredictable times for children. Focus on strengthening the connection through time spent following their lead, through physical touch, through play, through therapeutic books, and via verbal reassurances that you will be there for them in this time.

13. Lower expectations and practice radical self-acceptance. This idea is connected with #12. We are doing too many things in this moment, under fear and stress. This does not make a formula for excellence. Instead, give yourself what psychologists call “radical self acceptance”: accepting everything about yourself, your current situation, and your life without question, blame, or pushback. You cannot fail at this—there is no roadmap, no precedent for this, and we are all truly doing the best we can in an impossible situation.

14. Limit social media and COVID conversation, especially around children. One can find tons of information on COVID-19 to consume, and it changes minute to minute. The information is often sensationalized, negatively skewed, and alarmist. Find a few trusted sources that you can check in with consistently, limit it to a few times a day, and set a time limit for yourself on how much you consume (again 30 minutes tops, 2-3 times daily). Keep news and alarming conversations out of earshot from children—they see and hear everything, and can become very frightened by what they hear.

15. Notice the good in the world, the helpers. There is a lot of scary, negative, and overwhelming information to take in regarding this pandemic. There are also a ton of stories of people sacrificing, donating, and supporting one another in miraculous ways. It is important to counter-balance the heavy information with the hopeful information.

16. Help others. Find ways, big and small, to give back to others. Support restaurants, offer to grocery shop, check in with elderly neighbors, write psychological wellness tips for others—helping others gives us a sense of agency when things seem out of control.

17. Find something you can control, and control the heck out of it. In moments of big uncertainty and overwhelm, control your little corner of the world. Organize your bookshelf, purge your closet, put together that furniture, group your toys. It helps to anchor and ground us when the bigger things are chaotic.

18. Find a long-term project to dive into. Now is the time to learn how to play the keyboard, put together a huge jigsaw puzzle, start a 15 hour game of Risk, paint a picture, read the Harry Potter series, binge watch an 8-season show, crochet a blanket, solve a Rubix cube, or develop a new town in Animal Crossing. Find something that will keep you busy, distracted, and engaged to take breaks from what is going on in the outside world.

19. Engage in repetitive movements and left-right movements. Research has shown that repetitive movement (knitting, coloring, painting, clay sculpting, jump roping etc) especially left-right movement (running, drumming, skating, hopping) can be effective at self-soothing and maintaining self-regulation in moments of distress.

20. Find an expressive art and go for it. Our emotional brain is very receptive to the creative arts, and it is a direct portal for release of feeling. Find something that is creative (sculpting, drawing, dancing, music, singing, playing) and give it your all. See how relieved you can feel. It is a very effective way of helping kids to emote and communicate as well!

21. Find lightness and humor in each day. There is a lot to be worried about, and with good reason. Counterbalance this heaviness with something funny each day: cat videos on YouTube, a stand-up show on Netflix, a funny movie—we all need a little comedic relief in our day, every day.

22. Reach out for help—your team is there for you. If you have a therapist or psychiatrist, they are available to you, even at a distance. Keep up your medications and your therapy sessions the best you can. If you are having difficulty coping, seek out help for the first time. There are mental health people on the ready to help you through this crisis. Your children’s teachers and related service providers will do anything within their power to help, especially for those parents tasked with the difficult task of being a whole treatment team to their child with special challenges. Seek support groups of fellow home-schoolers, parents, and neighbors to feel connected. There is help and support out there, any time of the day—although we are physically distant, we can always connect virtually.

23. “Chunk” your quarantine, take it moment by moment. We have no road map for this. We don’t know what this will look like in 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month from now. Often, when I work with patients who have anxiety around overwhelming issues, I suggest that they engage in a strategy called “chunking”—focusing on whatever bite-sized piece of a challenge that feels manageable. Whether that be 5 minutes, a day, or a week at a time—find what feels doable for you, and set a time stamp for how far ahead in the future you will let yourself worry. Take each chunk one at a time, and move through stress in pieces.

24. Remind yourself daily that this is temporary. It seems in the midst of this quarantine that it will never end. It is terrifying to think of the road stretching ahead of us. Please take time to remind yourself that although this is very scary and difficult, and will go on for an undetermined amount of time, it is a season of life and it will pass. We will return to feeing free, safe, busy, and connected in the days ahead.

25. Find the lesson. This whole crisis can seem sad, senseless, and at times, avoidable. When psychologists work with trauma, a key feature to helping someone work through said trauma is to help them find their agency, the potential positive outcomes they can effect, the meaning and construction that can come out of destruction. What can each of us learn here, in big and small ways, from this crisis? What needs to change in ourselves, our homes, our communities, our nation, and our world?

#coronavirus

[watchmegetobsessed]

Icebath - Shawn Mendes

i just had to

masterlist

If you don’t know him you have no idea what’s going on behind the jumping, screaming and laughing on the stage as he basically blows the whole arena up. You turn to Andrew and share a look as he sighs.

“He’s gonna suffer tonight,” he shakes his head, watching Shawn running across stage, his muscles are flexing so much it’s painful to even watch. The fans are going crazy, for them it’s just a nice view of his sweaty body, but backstage we all know he is hurting.

“He needs that icebath,” you sigh crossing your arms on your chest.

“Good luck with making him do it,” Andrew scoffs knowing that the bath has been brought up a million times but Shawn refused to do it saying that he wouldn’t be able to make it through without passing out.

You settle everything by the end of the show, the huge tub in his dressing room is already filled with ice, waiting for him to dip in. When he runs off the stage you can see the pain in his eyes.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” you ask concerned as he wraps his arms around you, pulling close for a kiss.

“Achy,” he exhales, trying to catch his breath while grabbing a towel and wiping his face. “Let me shower and let’s get back to the hotel,” he says leaping towards his dressing room but you grab his hand and pull him back earning a puzzled look.

“Shawn, wait,” you say, not really knowing how to tell him that he is not avoiding the icebath any longer.

“What?” he asks, towering above you, tugging a lose strand of hair behind your ear.

“You have to take that icebath we talked about earlier.”

You feel his body tensing up and he presses his lips into a thin line staring back at you. Since he doesn’t say anything you continue.

“Babe, your body needs it, believe me, your muscles will feel so much better after it!”

“I’m willing to do anything, but an icebath sounds like Hell,” he growls nervously while you run your thumb across the back of his hand soothingly.

“It’ll help, just trust me!” You are practically begging, there is no chance you are letting him leave without that damn bath that he should have taken a week ago when he first started saying that his muscles are aching.

He bites his bottom lip, eyes roaming around the room as he is possibly trying to find an excuse not to do it, but you are determined this time, there is no getting out.

“Okay,” he then finally says causing your brows to go high up on your forehead.

“Okay?” you ask back as if you didn’t hear it right.

“Yeah, I’ll do it, but only if you do it with me.”

“What?” your lips hang open as you did not see this coming.

“I want you to do it with me, or I’m out,” he repeats, hoping this would make you let him get away again, but it’s not happening.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” you nod and his eyes immediately widen at your not expected answer.

Ten minutes later the two of you are standing next to the bathtub in only your underwear, staring down at the ice-cubes swimming in the probably ice cold water. Shawn takes your hand and you turn to him, seeing him nervously chewing on his bottom lip.

“Are you ready?” you ask even though you don’t feel too ready yourself.

“Not really,” he mumbles furrowing his eyebrows.

“Come on, let’s get over with it,” you sigh letting go of his hand as the two of you stand on the two ends of the tub.

Leaning down you put your hands to the edge and Shawn does the same mirroring your actions. Luckily the bathtub is big enough to fit both of you, your legs will be a bit tangled up but you probably won’t even feel that from the cold.

“Babe, do we really have to do it?” he whines like a little child.

“Just get in!” Andrew tells you from the side.

“Want to go first?!” Shawn snaps at him, but we all know they are just joking around.

“Come on, let’s do it on three.”

“Three? Maybe ten?”

“No, Shawn. Three.”

“How about a minute? I need to get my mind ready for this.”

“Oh my God, it’s not a space launch!” you roll your eyes at him. “One.”

“Fuck,” he mutter under his breath, worriedly eyeing the ice.

“Two.”

“Babe…”

“Three!” you scream basically jumping in as fast as you can.

The cold is burning your skin and you almost jump out immediately, but you know you have to stay even though you are shivering terribly.

Looking up you see that Shawn only put one leg in, his lips are in a huge O shape as he is adjusting to the temperature.

“Shawn! Get in!” you tell him taking deep breaths.

“No, I can’t do it!” he cries out, but you are definitely not having this bullshit now. Grabbing his hands you pull him and he can’t do anything but get in, otherwise he would fall. “Oh my God!” he screams as the water covers him up to his neck, his hand gripping onto yours underwater for dear life.

“It’s alright, you’re doing great!” you encourage him even though you are kind of dying as well.

“I love you, I love you,” he jabbers gasping, his chest rising and falling rapidly under the ice.

“I love you too,” you chuckle, but your voice comes out shakier than you wanted.

“Aren’t we gonna die?” he asks shutting his eyes closed.

“No, it’s alright. Just stay a little longer and try to relax your muscles,” you tell him and he nods shortly.

Your and Shawn’s breathing starts to slow down, though the water is still burning your skin. You are so proud of Shawn, he is doing amazing and you’re sure he’ll feel so much better after.

“Should I go under?” he whispers peeking at you.

“If you want.”

He nods and taking a deep breath he lowers himself until the water closes above his head. His hands are still holding onto yours as the seconds pass by, then his head pops up again as he gasps for air.

“Okay, can we get out already?” he asks, his whole face turning red from the coldness.

“Yeah,” you nod and he immediately stands up, water running down his whole body as he wraps the towel around his body jumping out of the tub while you do the same in a lot slower pace.

“Fuck, we are not doing it again,” he exhales rubbing his head with the towel and you just chuckle at him.

“Wasn’t that bad.” Stepping closer to him he instinctively opens his arms wrapping them around you, covering you as well with his towel.

“I think I died at least two times, but yeah,” he breathes out.

“Don’t be such a baby,” you chuckle kissing his chest softly.

“Can we go home now?” he asks with a painful look on his face. “I need to recover after this.”

“Sure. Let’s get dressed.”

#shawn #mendes #shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fanfictions #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes x reader #mendes army