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star-whores-a-new-hoe · 4 years

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One Shot: Snow Day//Obi Wan X Dancer! Reader

Summary: You have a delightful snow day in the ballet studio with Obi Wan. (Modern! AU)

A/N: No One fucking asked for this! So some of y’all may know that I’m a ballet dancer and I just really wanted to combine that with my writing even if like no one is gonna read it. This is based on a snow day I had in my studio and no one was there, it was amazing! Also this was super fucking hard to write with out using proper ballet terms, I did my best! The choreography at the end is from the ballet Sleeping Beauty and I will link a video so you guys have a visual reference for whats going on, it starts at about 4:42. Hope y’all like this!

Word count: 1.5K

Warnings: None!

The snow flurried down from the early morning sky and gently kissed the window panes of the studio. You watched it with awe as you finished stretching on the barre. With your leg propped up on top of the metal pole, you stretched your arm over your head, reaching for your pointed toes. You felt your quads ache with the stretch, as if they were waking themselves up in anticipation for dancing. You allowed your music to flow around you, drowning out your body’s complaints to the stretch. A splendid playlist of Tchaikovsky, Stravinsky, and Adam filled the empty brick room.

You had been unable to believe your luck when you arrived at the snow covered studio that morning. The only other occupant was the receptionist, who had informed you that you had the space completely to yourself. Wasting no time, you had rushed over to the practice room, intending to make the most of your snow day.

As you removed your leg from the barre, you stretched your arms above your head, attempting to relive some of the remaining tension. You walked over to the corner of the room where your dance bag lay and plopped yourself down on the hard Marley floor. You reached into the bag and pulled out your pointe shoes, along with the supplies you needed to prepare your feet for their torture. After putting them on, you rose to your feet and attempted to fully stand on the shoe, letting your feet grow accustomed to the sensation of extreme weight on your toes.

Finally, the time had arrived for your favorite part of any dance practice, the actual dancing. You scurried out into the middle of the floor as waltz of the flowers played. You had no specific choreography in mind, you simply intended to let the music lead your movements. As the melody moved, so did you, swaying and turning, balancing and leaping. With precise, graceful movements you danced across the floor, simply letting muscle memory take control. From an outsider's perspective, your actions would look flowy and light, but as any dancer can tell you it takes an abundance of control to uphold that appearance. Each of your muscles, from the tips of your fingers all the way down to your toes, engaged themselves in your dance. With spine elongated and core engaged, you twirled around the room in quick little movements, keeping your eye on a picture on the wall to help keep you in straight line.

As you spun around, you noticed someone out of the corner of your eye coming through the doorway. You ceased your spinning and glanced down at your hands, a nice trick to quickly stop dizziness. You looked up at the doorway again and smiled when you saw your loving boyfriend.

“By all means, don't stop on my account.” You smiled at Obi Wan with pure adoration in your eyes. He held two coffees in his hands.

“How did you know I’d be here?” You asked, moving forward to take one of the coffees.

“I simply asked myself where you would go with free time on a snow day, and the studio came to mind.” You wrapped your arms around his middle, careful of the drinks.

“You know me so well.” You said into the fabric on his soft sweater.

You felt him place a tender kiss to the top of your head, the gentle brush of his lips against your forehead contrasted with the harsh winter landscape outside the studio. “That I do darling.” You pulled back and took a sip of your drink, staring out at the snowy street below as you did. You marveled at the way the snow seemed to make everything inside the studio brighter.

“How long have I been here?” You asked, unsure of the time. It does seem to slip away as one dances.

“About an hour and a half I believe.”

“Goodness, I completely lost track of time.”

“Well darling, with weather like this I doubt you have anywhere else you need to be.” You went to place your coffee down next to your bag.

“While I have you here, I want to try something.” Obi Wan raised an eyebrow at you questioningly, waiting for you to continue.

You absentmindedly pointed your toes one at a time, extending you sure to be bruised toes. “Are you familiar with the rose adage?”

“I don’t believe so.” He said, taking a sip of his drink.

“Well, it's a scene from the ballet sleeping beauty. It’s super famous, the dancer playing the sleeping beauty has to balance in an attitude as four different dancers turn her. It's really hard.”

Obi Wan gave you a knowing smile. “And you want to try it?”

You nodded. “And I want to try it.”

He placed his coffee down on the floor. “And what exactly is an attitude?”

“It's like an arabesque.” You could tell your words held no recognition in them for Obi Wan.

“So and arabesque is like this.” You said. Standing on the tip of your pointe shoe, you raised one leg behind you to about 90 degrees high, perfectly straight and pointed. Raising your arms above your head, you did your best to keep all your muscles engaged. Your quad and lower back screamed with the effort. “And this is an attitude.” You slightly bent the knee of your raised leg.

“And what do you need me to do darling?” You always felt butterflies erupt in you when he called you darling.

You came back down to the floor and let your body relax “I need you to hold my hand and slowly walk in a circle, we’re gonna do it four times. When I tell you, I’ll let go for a moment and balance on my own before the next turn. Ready?”

He walked towards you and offered you his hand. “Always.” Once again, you raised yourself up onto the tip of your pointe shoe and extended your slightly bent leg.

“Ok, you can walk now.” So with your hand atop his, Obi Wan slowly walked around you in a circle, watching closely as you gently turned on the tip of your shoe. When he reached his original spot, you did your best to center yourself before taking your hand off of his. As you balanced for a moment, you noticed that the snow illuminated Obi Wan’s face in a bright light, the same way it had the room, highlighting all his features and making his beautiful blue eyes stand out.

You placed your hand back in his, and he walked around you again. “I suppose, if you are dancing the role of sleeping beauty, then that makes you my princess.”

You snorted and almost lost your balance. “Oh man, that was horrible.” Removing your hand from his again, you balanced on your own. You could feel your legs begin to shake with the effort it took to keep them active.

Obi Wan looked slightly offended. “I thought that was pretty good.” You took his hand again and he slowly spun you.

“Not your best.” You balanced again, feeling like you would collapse any moment. “Last one,” You muttered more to yourself than to Obi. The two of you repeated your steps again, and on the last balance you stretched out your arms and smiled to a nonexistent audience before bringing both feet down to the ground and finishing with a quick double peroiet.

You let out a deep breath that you didn't even realize you had been holding in. Turning, you wrapped your arms around Obi again. You could barely suppress the grin that spread across your face.

“We just completed one of the most iconic scenes in ballet!”

He chuckled at you. “I hope you know that you are completely drenched in sweat.” You pulled back from him and gave him a pout.

“Way to ruin the moment.” You flashed him a quick smirk to show that you really weren't that upset before you ran over to your dance bag. Once again, you sat yourself down and removed your pointe shoes, relief flooding over your sore feet as soon as you took them off. You flexed them a few times to expel the ache before slipping on your regular shoes. “I really should do a cool down but I just want to go home and shower.”

Obi Wan picked up your bag and coffee before helping you up.

“Whatever you desire darling, it's your snow day.” So hand in hand with your prince, you left the studio and walked out in the snow covered wonderland of the outside.

Tag list: @fangirl-on-bitches @whovianayesha @scarletsoldierrr @million-dollar-legs @thetreandtessa

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divisioninwarsaw · 5 years

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Saturn Dominant • ♄

Saturn is the planet of true wisdom. Simplistic astrology labels Saturn as “dogmatic & restrictive” yet it’s the planet of high intelligence. It is best placed in Air (intellectual) signs. Dominant in Aquarius , Exalted in Libra, Comfortable in Gemini. Albert Einstein had Saturn aspects to his mercury.

Saturn in Aries / 1st {The Wounded Prophet} : Saturn is in it’s fall in Aries. A walking a shadow amongst the passionate youth. You’re the prophet that nobody wants to hear. Your wisdom is “outdated”, “unfashionable” & “conservative". Fiery Saturn tries to impose it’s beliefs too brashly & this makes you an outlier amongst your peers. This placement is the embodiment of a young person with an old soul. (Albert Einstein) / (Lana Del Rey)

Saturn in Taurus / 2nd {Mother Earth} : Taurus welcomes Saturn’s innate discipline & self control. Here, Saturn returns to the basics. The wisdom of mother nature & all it’s creatures becomes inspiration to you. The intellectual you, can comfortably detach from the mental plane & immerse yourself in the simplicity of nature. You’re frugal, practical & financially smart. (Aretha Franklin) / (Vivien Leigh)

Saturn in Gemini / 3rd {The Politician} : Saturn likes Gemini. The nervous energy is instantly squashed under foot. Here, Saturn is it’s own teacher. The mental ability is so introspective that it takes years it to be revealed & your leaning process is slow, steady & profound. Saturn utilizes the qualities of Gemini to become a master of knowledge. You have great analytical & comprehensive skills. (Scott Walker) / (Billie Eilish)

Saturn in Cancer / 4th {The Founding Father} : Saturn is underground building the foundations of an empire. Cancer reminds Saturn that the roots set here, shall carry the weight of the whole zodiac. Yet at the same time Saturn is unwelcome. One must be nurtured first, before they can be disciplined. Saturn creates a paradox by being here, and demanding rationality & maturity too soon. (Elizabeth I) / (Ava Gardner)

Saturn in Leo / 5th {The King’s Rival} : Here, Saturn is not the King, he is in competition with the King. And The Sun & Saturn are mortal enemies; the abused servant to Henry VIII. You become the puppeteer behind the scenes & you consider every fun activity a mock stage for the ego. Art is created with meticulous detail but you don’t seek praise. Having children is a serious matter that you value highly. (Stevie Nicks) / (Marilyn Monroe)

Saturn in Virgo / 6th {God’s Design} : Like, “jardin à la française”, Saturn imposes order in nature based on symmetry & patterns. You design the landscape of the human mind meticulously and skilfully, crafting an Utopia. This is an excellent placement for a budding artist. Talent matures like fine wine. Wisdom is acquired in humble pursuits. You have a great genius for medical & technological brilliance. (Gene Tierney) / (Serena Williams)

Saturn in Libra / 7th {The Philosopher} : Saturn loves to be adored by Libra! It is the perfect air sign, a vision of calm waters at sunrise. There is no other intellectual pool of knowledge like it. You’re connected to the human psyche & aware of yourself for the first time thanks to the mirror image Libra provides. Only through socialization & partnerships, can one understand the human capacity for higher thinking. (Judy Garland) / (Elizabeth I)

Saturn in Scorpio / 8th {The Judge} : Here, Saturn is appointed Judge of the Underworld by Hades, where sinners come to seek redemption. The only value, is the transformation that death offers. You develop a knack for finding hidden things & revealing secrets. There’s a heightened perception of the unseen. Plutonian Saturn travels to the depths of the human psyche, and returns a Demi-God. (Lana Del Rey) / (Rosanne Barr)

Saturn in Sagittarius / 9th {The Architect} : Out of all the fire signs, this is the one Saturn is most comfortable with. Saturn has achieved the heights of philosophy with Libra already, so Sagittarius offers the actualisation of philosophy. Here, you’re the architect Michelangelo, designing masterpieces in seclusion. Wisdom is acquired through the study of foreign cultures. (Grace Kelly) / (Marilyn Manson)

Saturn in Capricorn / 10th {The Emperor} : The power this placement holds is amazing. Here, Saturn is at it’s fullest potential. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You’re very “sound of mind” & practical. You symbolise authority, respect, prestige & fame. Saturn Returns are the most beneficial here. Whatever potential your natal chart holds, Saturn is strong enough to guide you to success. (Walt Disney) / (Albert Einstein)

Saturn in Aquarius / 11th {The Master} : The detached & outrageous Aquarius secretly longs for a leader to guide them. Here, you’re is a prophet onto your peers, an unusual thinker. With the wisdom acquired through many experiences, Saturn stands upon the pulpit to preach to a new wave minds. This is where philosophy comes to be a religion. Knowledge for one, is knowledge for all. (Johnny Depp) / (Marlon Brando)

Saturn in Pisces / 12th {Washed Ashore} : Saturn was the master of structured nature in Virgo, but now it’s faced with a force of nature it cannot tame. Like a shipwreck, all your efforts are in pieces, sinking below. Saturn returns are the worst here, like earthquakes under water. Where Saturn cannot build, it cannot prosper. Discipline is hard to maintain. Yet this placement grants you the most glorious kind of wisdom; the wisdom of the solitary self. (Björk) / (Scott Walker)

You’re Saturn Dominant when you have; Saturn as the chart ruler, or conjunct ASC / DSC / IC / MC, or part of a stellium. *Depends on how strong the other planets are.*

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jorahssquire · 3 years

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Whether or not Trump successfully steals this election, he’s already stolen Biden’s victory -What it feels like to watch the challenge to Joe Biden becoming President Elect.

BY JOE BERKOWITZ

8 MINUTE READ

In my mind, the calendar always ended on November 3. Beyond some potential events and projects, that’s as far ahead as I dared imagine.

Whatever happened afterward would either be too horrible to contemplate in any depth, or would bring such tremendous healing relief that to consider the possibilities for even one second when they could still be taken away would be torture.

Only after the election would I allow myself to open the mental Pandora’s Box of what it would feel like to suddenly wake up each day in a world where Donald Trump is out of power and we could all take a breath and undo some of the harm he’d inflicted and maybe try to do some good.

I didn’t kid myself that a Biden administration would instantly solve the pandemic puzzle or bring the country together. At the very least, though, it would deliver consecutive days without a constitutional crisis.

It took until Friday, November 6, to understand that it was actually happening; that Biden was ahead by so much in Pennsylvania, his victory was all but assured. Some publications like Vox even called the election, though legacy outlets remained cautious. At that moment, I finally let myself comprehend the enormity of the moment and its attendant implications, but only a little.

I dipped a toe into a creek to test the water and ended up falling in entirely. All of what this victory meant finally started to truly dawn on me at once, and an ecstatic energy animated my very being. I let out an involuntary holler, and ran around my apartment, ending up on the balcony, where my joyous screams ripped through the calm of the day.

On Saturday, when the news finally broke that the win was official, my wife and I jumped and danced and made calls to family. We watched videos of New Yorkers and Philadelphians celebrating in the streets, and we went outside in Minneapolis to experience it ourselves, greeted by a cacophonous call-and-response of honking cars and applauding passersby. People were walking around in groups of five, brandishing glib and glittery homemade posters, drinking champagne straight from the bottle. There were the spontaneous revelers, mini-parades, and block parties of a rare religiously festive occasion. World leaders started congratulating Biden, who made a very normal if not particularly inspiring victory speech. It was a moment for the ages, complete with Rudy Giuliani’s Four Seasons Total Landscaping fiasco unfolding in the background, a reminder of just how ridiculous Trumpworld could be, and how it might feel to laugh at them now that they would no longer be in charge.

It was an ending and a beginning and it felt so amazing, I was glad I hadn’t allowed myself to imagine it when there was still a chance I might lose it. Then, by Tuesday, November 10—a week after the election—it was gone.

The victory hadn’t vanished entirely, but it was now tainted by the all too familiar crisis mode, another existential threat suddenly looming. I had expected Trump to be surly and uncooperative, and that he might not concede, so when those things happened, it was almost a relief to see how low and small it made him look. But my mistake was in thinking that the GOP didn’t really need him any more and would just let him twist in the wind.

Instead, by Monday it became clear that the bulk of the Republican party, including its leadership, were fully unified behind Trump. Everyone from Mitch McConnell to Ivanka Trump to Ted Cruz on down, all claimed a peculiar form of voter fraud that only affects the top of the ticket, and not the down ballot section, where Democrats lost as many as 10 House seats and failed to win the Senate. They’re all using the line that “every legal vote must be counted,” implying a surplus of illegal votes, only from Democrat voters. Bill Barr authorized an investigation into alleged electoral irregularities, causing a top lawyer at the Department of Justice to resign in protest. And finally, on November 10, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo assured the country that, in the end, Donald Trump would prevail and remain president.

It was as if America had survived the climax of a horror move only to find out it was actually the beginning of a two-season Netflix series. That release of tension was instantly reversed, replaced with a deep spiritual exhaustion, and the feeling of being turned inside out and wrung dry.

No matter what happens now, whether Trump and the GOP succeed at stealing this election, under the paradoxical guise of preventing it from being stolen, they’ve already stolen our victory, and so much more.

One of the most excruciating aspects of witnessing this attempted theft is that it’s unfolding in exactly the way that experts predicted. Trump alleged in advance that any outcome in which he didn’t win would be the result of voter fraud, something he also suggested back in 2016. He also discouraged his own supporters from using mail-in ballots, despite the pandemic, because in his framing, they were so easy to manipulate. Democrats called out Trump’s maneuvering, and the fact that his appointed Postmaster General Louis DeJoy happened to be slowing down deliveries just before the pandemic election. Pundits speculated that Trump would claim victory based on the early, in-person votes, and that mail-in ballots would later erode his victory and that he would refuse to concede.

It was all so predictable that Bernie Sanders called every shot in advance exactly.

Considering all the Trump-inflamed scrutiny on would-be voter fraud, the election was heavily and thoroughly observed, including by an international panel Trump invited (which is now calling his accusations baseless.)

This broadly embraced charade relies upon tremendous bad faith. No legitimate evidence of voter fraud has been found—aside from the one Trump supporter in Pennsylvania who got busted requesting a ballot for his dead mom—let alone enough fraud to account for anything near the margins by which Trump lost. All claims to the contrary tend to be based on hearsay and shadowy evidence to support a preordained hypothesis.

The GOP is acting only on unearned suspicions and hostility. They clearly started with the conclusion that Democrats stole the election, and are now working backwards, throwing everything against the wall to see what sticks. They make broad statements that their observers weren’t allowed in, when they were, and that droves of dead people voted, when they didn’t. Disgraced scam artist James O’Keefe, who got busted in 2018 for trying to run a #MeToo sting operation on the Washington Post, is offering $25,000 rewards for testimony. All any takers have to do is lie and their voice will be worth more than the people’s voice, as long as enough soulless GOP jackals believe them.

So far, though, all of Team Trump’s cases are being laughed out of court. Either the judges outright toss them, or the hearings end with Trump’s defense admitting that they have nothing and are wasting everyone’s time.

Even the one “whistleblower” O’Keefe unearthed, and who set up a GoFundMe that raised over $120,000, has now recanted his testimony. (The personal fundraising appeal has since been removed.)

How on earth are we expected to accept, after four years of a presidency known for its dishonesty, that high-level officials can contest a legitimate election win on the basis of such amateur hour, fake fraud b.s.? Or that the GOP is owed the opportunity to kick the tires because of how unfairly they’ve been treated? Or that Democrats are just inherently suspicious and, according to Senator Lindsey Graham, can only win by cheating?

The nihilistic cynicism on display here is breathtaking. Trump decided the only way he could save face is to shroud his decisive loss in indecision, and delegitimize it in the eyes of his 70 million supporters. It’s the Birther conspiracy all over again, minus the racism.

The goal at this point might not even be to overturn the results, so much as just inject enough doubt into the proceedings that Trump voters refuse to believe the election wasn’t stolen. (Also, to raise money for Trump’s new leadership PAC and chip away at his debt.) Why would those voters accept the truth, when their leadership angrily swears otherwise? The best-case scenario now is that Trump supporters ultimately forego an actual street-level revolution for just angrily assuming the next administration is utterly fraudulent.

Some of their response depends on how this tumultuous post-game phase of the election ends. At the moment, Rupert Murdoch is dangling rumors of a historic book deal payday in front of Trump, which could cushion the blow enough to get him to go quietly. Or maybe he—in collaboration with McConnell, Graham, O’Keefe, and the rest—will find a way to invalidate the results. Or maybe the fraud allegations will only persist until a lawyer gives a damn compelling speech in a courtroom, and we get the full Aaron Sorkin ending.

Either way, Trump has stolen something from us that he can’t give back.

In addition to the fleeting feeling of victory, which already feels so long ago, and the sheen of legitimacy, he has stolen any naïve hope of Biden or anyone else uniting the country any time soon.

For a brief instant, I thought maybe if Trump was revealed as a bitter, sulking wannabe tyrant for all to see, we might start to agree on some things again. I had a modicum of optimism, which was bound to get crushed by the reality of a Biden presidency, but which felt incredibly refreshing.

It’s all gone now.

For the indefinite future, all those days in the calendar beyond November 3 now look identical to the days that preceded them: Constant chaos, frustration, lies, and irresolvable polarization.

Trump and his cohort have stolen this victory, stolen our optimism, and stolen Biden’s legitimacy.

Some of it can be restored, some of it cannot.

None of it can be forgiven.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joe Berkowitz is an opinion columnist at Fast Company. His latest book, American Cheese: An Indulgent Odyssey Through the Artisan Cheese World, is available from Harper Perennial.

#GREAT Article #I'm not quite this cynical #YET #Trump completely sucks though #and the GOP absolutely disturb and disgust me #criminals and liars

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aubenoe · 5 years

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Modern!MDZS HCs

Yunmeng Jiang

The lakes are preserved and you can't use motorized boats, only traditional ones

Absolutely amazing street food. Like > over almost any sit down

and very good sweets. Candies, cakes, fritters, sweet cakes

Canals through skyscrapers

Marine bio, zoology, engineering, botany, chemistry majors

Yoga is huge. Relaxant services/classes like massages, barre classes are v normal

The disciple bells can have small little LEDs that glow in them, can be jewel encrusted, rose gold detailing, etc

Flavored lotus seeds as a snack, chipotle, lightly salted

Their perfume is lotus obv, but you know Daisy by Marc Jacob with the flower cap? Yeah looks like that but purple/blue/white/pink lotus deal. Shimmery.

Lotus Pier has festivals at the port all the time, trade festivals, kite festivals, flower festivals

DOGS. Everyone loves them, they swim well, they're cuties. There are puppy cafes, many many good kennels, everyone volunteers at an adoption fair. 6pm after work? Its like a dog show outside when they go for a walk

Gusu Lan

Wake up. Stretch. Skincare.

Also, hair masks.

Literally only place that the university is not a party school. Like at all.

Music, philosophy, history, bio, psych, literature, art, nutrition majors.

Good wood carvers

I imagine the food to just be plain/healthy. Not necessarily bad, just nothing special. Maybe like Mennonites.

Accepted LGBT first and forever ago bc of LWJ+WWX and others in their sect c: Believe that the love and passion between you and your special person has no bounds by gender.

Rules voted on by elders. Their’s an app that shows them + a list of whose punishment is rn and what rule they broke. Rules can change to be practical, except the wake up at 5 stuff, which will never change.

iPhones but never the brand spanking new ones. Like iPhone 6s/plus is 👌 Headphone jack, just in case. (And they still use charms!)

$$$ Headphones/earbuds. Never even seen the $15 crappy ones.

Hanfu Movement? Please, they never stopped.

CARRIES A TIDE PEN LIKE A BIBLE

There aren’t any pets in the Cloud Recesses per say, but everyone still cares for the Rabbits and the one stray cat who sleeps on the window sills

Gusu is a designated Dark-Sky city

Lanling Jin

Nice cars and motorcycles. German-level care for them.

Also uses/makes lotsss of good skincare, has like a Myeondong shopping district for it.

Communications, accounting, political sci, public relations, marketing, theater majors

Dental school is also popular, people have good teeth around here

Every restaurant is a five star restaurant

V15 Pro/Google Pixel 2 XL/iPhone XR 128G...Nice Big Phones.

Youtubers + Influencers

With YumengJiang on the whole dog thing and will fight you if you disrespect their Chow Chow.

They like cats too

Party school but somehow??? tied with Gusu Lan for scores

Best Interior designers

They have large, grand Koi ponds that children love to sit around and watch

Believe their partner’s zodiacs have to align

Everyone goes to the nail salon, men, women, children, animals. Good nails considered the most accessible weapon.

Qinghe Nie

WE THE NORTH! is their sports chant

Really good cold weather foods like beef stews, meat pasties

Earth sci, Kinesiology, Welding, Speech Pathology, Crimnal Justice majors

Make really nice homemade soaps

A common children’s game is to make paper mache horns and headbutt each other to see whose horn breaks first

Actually very nice Chinese Landscape paintings inside residences

Crossfit culture, tire flipping, rope workout, whole deal

Takes very good care of disabled/special needs citizens, its a flat area but if need be, lifting the wheelchair in one arm the person in the other. Free speech pathologist at all the schools. If they can’t fight, they like to still include others in whatever they play/train in.

No fast fashion here, durable, well made clothes that can be worked in

The “Unclean Realm” is spotless. No litter absolutely anywhere. Eerie.

Also a Dark-Sky City

#mdzs #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #this was entirely inspired by jayessarts' modern wangxian drawings go look!!

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tvmoviechristmas · 4 years

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Best Christmas Ball Ever! (ION, 2019)

It’s amazing! I feel like a princess!

Starring: Elisabeth Harnois, Samuel Hunt, Christian Oliver, Thomas Kraml

Plot Synopsis: After a surprising breakup at home in Chicago, Amy decides that a change of scenery will do her well and impulsively decides to spend the holidays with her brother in Vienna. After taking ballroom dancing lessons with her dashing European dance partner, Lukas, Amy scores an invitation to dance competitively in the city’s biggest holiday ball, and also another shot at love. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: During one of the 230482309482309 long-ass dancing sequences, I was trying to think of what the waltz they were dancing to reminded me of. Eventually, I realized it was the Shostakovich waltz from Eyes Wide Shut.

Eyes Wide Shut, I remembered takes place during the Christmas season which means it is totally a Christmas movie even if its also about orgy parties and human fidelity. I didn’t even like Eyes Wide Shut all that much, but as my memory was jolted during while watching that waltz sequence, I suddenly wished this ION fluff piece had some of that energy to it. Mainly because it would be bonkers.

Imagine turning on your television and expecting a run of the mill story of an American girl whisked away to Europe and a romance with a handsome foreigner during Christmastime and instead you have to watch an ION movie about orgies. Your brain would explode. Conservatives all across America would go into shock. It would be the ballsiest craziest thing, and would certainly stand out in such a G-rated landscape.

Best Christmas Ball Ever! did not want to frazzle the minds of America though, it just wanted to be a safe, cheaply made fantasy of a girl who gets a princess dress and learns to dance before chastely kissing an Italian dude. It is that movie. For better, for mostly worse. There should have been more masks! Alan Cumming should have had a short scene where he judges people! Would have been fun!

Watch If: You don’t eat anything with eggs, if you’re a nephew or if you take cardio barre classes.

Skip If: You like to drink hot chocolate alone, if the real you is rich and slutty, or if you like to drink hot chocolate alone.

Final Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, consider donating on my Ko-fi page!

#2 stars #best christmas ball ever!#ion #review

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nobodyzhuman · 6 years

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Masked

Kinktober Day one: Masks and Deep throating

Fandom: The Flash

Characters: Barry Allen. Leonard Snart and a little bit of Iris West.

Barry Allen glared at his best friend. Iris stood a few feet away from him, holding up a beautifully crafted mask. It was deep crimson with just a hint of black along the edges. Normally he wouldn't be annoyed about wearing a mask, hell he wore one on an almost daily basis. However, this one was for a Halloween party, a party he didn't know was a masked ball kind, until she showed up with a suit and the mask.

He had sighed knowing he had already promised her he would go. So, he quickly took the suit and changed. But left the mask in her hand. When he was done, he turned and stared at the mask. He knew she had picked the color intentionally and he knew that no one would see the red mask and assume the man wearing it was the Flash but still a worry feeling nagged at him.

"Don't you have a black one?" He asked, looking at her hopeful.

"Nope." She said with a smile. "Come on, Barr." She said with a slight eye roll, "No one is going to know it’s you. Besides this mask will look great one you."

"Iris." He whined, "If this ends badly I'm blaming you."

He reached out and took the mask. The mask itself was a flexible metal. Thin and lined with something soft. The two thin straps at either end was silk. Well at least it wouldn't be uncomfortable to wear.

He sighed, and placed it on his face, turning his back to Iris so she could tie it in place.

"Why are we going to this party again?" He asked.

"Because," she huffed behind him, "It's all rich people. And they will be wearing masks, so they won't expect a reporter. It's perfect to find a few stories."

"And I'm going?" He questioned turning around.

Took a step back, giving him a once over. With a grin and a thumbs, she turned and walked out of his room.

"Iris." He called after her, " Why do I have to come again?"

"It looks better if I show up with a date." She said from somewhere in front of him.

Barry sighed.

Somehow Iris had rented a car to drive them to the party, and the whole drive there he didn't say a word to her. Not that she minded, she played on her phone the whole time. Only putting it away when they pulled into a drive way front of a huge house.

He got out of the car, when the drive held the door open for him. Then he held out his hand to help Iris out. She gave him a happy smile and kissed him on the cheek.

It was easy for them to get inside, the man at the door didn't even question Iris when she walked. He understood the man's reaction. Iris was stunning in her long red dress and black mask. The dress was cut low enough in front to show off her breast but not low enough to show everything. It was also the same deep red as his mask.

Once inside he tried to stay by her side, as she wondered and inserted herself into other people’s conversation. He watched in awe as no one seemed to mind her cutting in. She was a natural at getting people to feel comfortable and talk to her.

But after about an hour, he was bored. So, he nudged her shoulder and nodded his head towards the stairs. She smiled and waved him off.

While the main floor was set up for dancing and small gathering. The upper level held couches and booths. Along with a bar and caters walking around with trays of food. While the bar held no interest to him, the food smelled amazing.

He took a crab cake from one of the waiters walking passed and wondered to a well lite area in the back. It was a single wall, lined with art. It was set up to draw people in and he was bored enough to walk over and look at the paintings.

"Beautiful." A man said from his side, he turned and looked at the man.

"What?" Barry asked.

The man chuckled, "The painting." The man said with humor in his voice. There was something about the man's chuckle that reignited with him. But he couldn't place why.

"Oh, yeah. It's nice." He stuttered out. Quickly looking back at the painting. He didn't know much about art. The landscape in front of him was nice, but he wasn't sure what made it beautiful to the other man.

And the man chuckled. "Not an art fan?" The man questioned.

"No really." He admitted.

"Then why come?" The man asked, sounded interested.

"A friend." He said.

"Girlfriend?" Barry shook his head.

"Boyfriend?"

He felt his face turn red. He shook his head no.

"Good to know." The man said, no shame in his voice.

Barry's head whipped around to look at the man. He knew his face still held a hint of pink. Was this man flirting with him?

"What?" He asked softly.

The man just laughed. Again, Barry felt there was something familiar about the man.

"Do you want a drink?" The man asked, turning to look at him. It was the first time he got to look at his new friend. He was wearing a black suit, with a dark blue shirt underneath. His mask a similar shade as his shirt.

He nodded his head, still a little surprised by the situation.

He had to admit the man looked good. The way the suit fit him, showed a well-toned body and the blue eyes of the man's eyes, just visible behind the mask, was enough to peak Barry's interest. As the man walked away, a flash of something came to Barry’s mind. His mind trying to remind him from where he knew this man. Because he was positive know that he knew this man.

His complain wasn't gone more than a second before he reappeared two classes in his hand. He handed Barry one and sipped the other.

“So,” The man said after a moment, “Should we do the whole small talk thing? Or…” The man stopped talking and moved closer to Barry. Pressing just close enough that Barry could feel the warmth of the other man’s body. He shivered.

“Or?” He asked, hoping he sounded less breathless then he was.

The man chuckled, his arm wrapping around him, pulling them close. He then leaned in to whisper in Barry’s ear. “Or should we move somewhere a little less public.”

‘Fuck.’ Barry thought, as he sucked in a breath. He was tempted. For some reason he was very tempted. There was a pull towards the man, and it was strong enough to get his normally over working brain to stop.

He gulped, “I…” he tired to voice both his want and his caution.

“Breath, Scarlet.” The man said, his hand finding Barry’s back.

His heart skipped. No wonder the man was familiar. Fuck, he thought again.

“Why are you flirting with me?” He questioned in a low whisper. Because it didn’t seem like the type of game Snart would play.

“Because I want to.” Snart said, running his hand along Barry’s spine. He tried to suppress the shutter that ran through him at the feel of it. But he was sensitive as fuck since he got his powers. Plus, the man turned him on, and now that he knew it was Snart and could see his face in his mind. He was even more tempted to give in and do what the man was suggesting.

“And because…” Snart pulling back a bit. Not enough to have to remove his hand from Barry’s back but enough to bring his other hand up and run a finger along the bottom of Barry’s red mask. “You can hide behind this. No worry or guilt about it.”

The finger moved tracing his cheek. Barry’s skin burned under the feel of the Snart’s cold touch. “Think about it, two strangers meet at a party. Not the flash or Barry. Not Leonard Snart or Captain cold.” By the end of his little speech Snart was cupping his cheek.

Barry looked up catching the other man’s gaze and he knew Snart was waiting. Probably even counting the second until he either gave in or pushed him away.

Some distance part of him knew it wouldn’t work. That he wouldn’t be able to hide behind the mask, at least not in his mind. But that part lost out to the rush of lust and want he felt at the idea of doing. Playing the part of masked strangers for the night.

So, he nodded his head.

Snart didn’t even hesitate to lean in and kiss him.

It was soft at first, almost questing like the man was waiting for him to have second thoughts. But Barry had already made up his mind, so he pressed against the other man. Deeenping the kiss.

It only last for a few seconds before Snart was puling away. The man took his hand and led him away firm the crowed area and into a more secluded area. Barry wasn’t even surprised the thief knew where to go. He would have to check tomorrow and see if anything had gone missing during the party.

He was shoved against a wall. He moaned and let any thoughts about tomorrow fade. Snart’s lips found his quickly enough and Barry let himself get lost it in. The feel and the taste of the other man. He moaned out, when Snart shifted them, making them press even closer.

He let his hips grind against the man, the friction of it sending sparks through out his body. He was tempted to just go with this. Let them both rub against each other until they both found their end. But another thought entered his mind. A much dirtier one. One that he wouldn’t have gave voice to if it was anyone else. But he knew that Snart wouldn’t tell anyone. So, he decided to give into the desire.

He pushed Snart away. Snart groaned and gave him a questioning look. Barry took a deep breath and let himself drop to his knees. He heard Snart suck in a breath and a rush of lust went through him. He reached out and quickly, totally using his speed, he undid the belt and zipper. Then lowered Snart’s pants and of course the man was going commando. Barry looked up raising his eye brow. Snart just smirked.

In retaliation for the smirk, he leaned forward and ran his tongue along the very tip of Snark’s cock. Not more than a feathers touch, but it was enough for the man’s hips to thrust forward. He kept his mouth where it was but looked up. Snart was watching him, an intense look in his eyes. Barry felt a pull in his abdomen at the look.

Then Snart slowly reached down, as if asking if it was okay, and placed his hand on the top of Barry’s head. When Barry didn’t’ stop him, the hand took and hold of his hair and pulled his head forward. The touch was both gentle and firm and Barry moaned.

Then he closed the last bit of space, taking just first bit of Snart into his mouth. He didn’t want to go to fast and make a fool of himself. So, he took it slow. At first.

But it didn’t take long for him to work his way down, taking the cock inch by inch and until the tip pushed against the back of his throat. He only gagged once. Which had Snart pulling out just long enough for him to catch his breath. There was a pause where Barry looked up from his knees and Snart looked down at him. That second where he knew Snart was silently asking him if he really wanted to do this. Instead of answering his just opened his mouth again and waited for Snart.

Then the man cursed and pushed back in to his mouth. The swift thrust caused Barry to moan and heard Snart make a similar sound. Then the hand on his head tightened and the thrusts became harder driving Snart deeper.

Barry had never done this before. He had wanted to try it. Even thought about asking an ex but he had been too embarrassed and shy to get the words out. But in this moment, hiding behind a mask and knowing his secret would be kept. He let himself take Snart as deep as he could, and when he felt Snart’s rhythm change, he used his powers to vibrate his throat.

“Fuck. Red.” Snart cursed and then the man spilled into Barry’s mouth.

Barry barely had time to take a breath afterwards before Snart was pulling him to his feet and shoving him against the wall. The man kissed him deep and passionate. It took Barry’s breath away. Then he felt a hand cup his cock through his pants and he let his hips thrust forward. He whimpered when Snart pulled his mouth away. But then hand pressing against increased in pressure he forgot his complaint.

They stayed like that. Snart’s staring at him while, Barry rubbed against his hand. A part of him wanted to be embarrassed at being watched, but truthfully it exited him.

It didn’t take long before he knew he was done. He closed his eyes and bit his lip as he let his body rut against Snart’s hand. He bit back his moan as he came, only slightly regretting still being dressed.

He leaned back against the wall, trying to catch his breath. His eyes still closed, so he startled a little as he felt Snart move close and place a soft kiss against his lips. He sighed into and returned the gentle kiss.

Then the man pulled away.

Barry opened his eyes and took Snart in, he must have fixed his pants, before the final kiss, because he looked almost perfect again. There was a slight wrinkled look to the clothes now, but not bad enough to draw attention. Barry was a little surprised by the blue mask, he had forgotten about them.

“I…” he started. But stopped because there wasn’t really anything to say. Snart gave him an understanding nod and then walked away.

“Don’t steal anything!” Barry shouted before the man was out the door.

He heard the man snort but that was the only responds he got.

He stayed there for a few minutes pulling himself together. Then he wondered back into the party to find Iris.

#Kinktober #Kinktober 2018 #The flash #Barry/Len #leonard snart #Barry Allen #ColdFlash

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coralshort · 5 years

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I moved home to my heart city of Montreal! So much has happened! I am setting up a winter studio in a cozy and comfortable place with my now husband Ryan Backer. And I am so grateful to have free health care again!

I was in a show just as we just arrived, curated by fascinating Franco millennials. I went to the finissage at le Cheval Blanc and got to meet Sophie Latouche and my wonderful curators Eli Larin and Alexandra Tremblay. It was the first show I was ever in that was named by emojis only – no text!

🍆😂🤳 [Emoji d’aubergine/Emoji de visage riant aux larmes/Emoji de bras tenant un cellulaire]

After this show I was in Festival Phenomena for my second time curated by D. Kimm on the Rialto main stage!

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We created the first Montreal edition of FAKE ORGASM CHOIR. Betty Pomerleau, Ryan Backer and I created two new songs in addition to the song the Berlin choir created.

The iteration of the choir starred Ryan Backer, Eva Crocker, Ruby Kato Attwood,Christeen Francis, Sunny Doyle, Susie, Seagrid Patterson, Ash, Kelly Rea and the amazing Betty Pomerleau. Thanks to Shayo Detchema for documenting!

Earlier in January my partner Ryan, my best friends Winnie Superhova and Natasha Hargovan, and my gay husband Troy Davis created another successful Queer Healing Event. The next one will be at an accessible venue in November– we hope! More info on the event here. Please contact any of us if you would like to be involved in the next one. I feel this event is deeply linked to my social art practice in many ways.

BEFORE I LEFT BERLIN…

I managed to pull off two massive curations on the weekend of August 17 and 18th. One was a video curation, and the other was a performance curation.

Description: Coral Short deconstructs privilege within the genre of film. Videomakers decipher the notion of luck as privilege within our white cis supremacist society. This is unpacked through landscapes, ideas of heteronormative “beauty”, as well as signs and signifiers for luxury. Anti- authoritative aesthetic strategies are implemented to question the often unquestioned status quo. In this brand new program full of world premieres, playful political performance art unravels ideas, and film artists infuse old medias with intention to speak in new visual languages. From covering colonial statues with piss, to performance princesses, a wide range of different focuses emerge and visually unfold.

Thank you COVEN for such a packed and smooth event. And to artists Imogen Heath and Tami T for coming out! Other filmmakers on this bill included Claire Arctander, Divide and Dissolve, Sab D’Souza, Daniel Embree, Shon Faye, Gwendolyn Audrey Foster, BB Gunn, Winston Hacking, Virginia FiveNames Joseph, and Yasmeen Nematt Alla.

The performance curation was a successful fundraiser for a 3 day event around the senses called Sensorium organized by Calu Lema, Caritia Abell and myself. Huge gratitude to all the amazing performers. Big thank you to Adi Brief and Alex Tsoli for producing this fundraiser event with me and also to everyone who came out! Included was a screening room dedicated to a magnificent retrospective of Eva Wo‘s life work.

Around this same time Angela Gabereau and I were in a show in Montreal with Future Visions yet again!

ELO 2018 PERFORMANCES Eastern BlocExhibition Uchronia|What if? 6 PM – 10:30 PM For ELO 2018, curator Lisa Tronca presents a selection of Uchronia | What if? artists, some exhibiting their work for the first time in Montreal. By proposing different modes of reception of hypermedia works, this exhibition questions the gaps and connections between physical and virtual worlds.

Salvador Barajas // Pippin Barr // Stéphane Degoutin & Gwenola Wagon // João Enxuto & Erica Love // Angela Gabereau, Coral Short & Visionaries // Skawennati

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Right now travelling in the bay area with Ponderosa people from Berlin. I gave a workshop on my new project Choir of Emotions and performed with the Fresh Festival. I am staying in San Francisco right now with an old friend/cultural connector who I have the most inspiring conversations with called Ernesto Sopprani.

Before I left to San Francisco, I was on the french radio being interviewed by the legendary Michelle Lacombe! I did my first ever interview in french. Click here to hear the interview. I am looking forward to being on another french podcast soon to talk about Queer Healing Day.

https://www.mixcloud.com/radio_atelier/no-28-14-janvier-2019/?fbclid=IwAR0vVL2YuPqoRr1N8s-1kj5AQRxJt1IV5KzG8nh5tdBDEVI0U01DQw3nzBE

Back to Germany in the Spring…. I am the international cultural connector of Betonest in April! Please feel free to write to me to see if we can offer you a residency there just outside Berlin. You are very welcome to come for a week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks or the whole month! I am running a multi media residency with Caitlin Fisher called THAW April 23-May 3, but you are welcome in April. Please tell your maker friends who need time and space to work. I also hope to create a ritual residency there for October.

WWKA (Women With Kitchen Appliances) is reforming for VIVA. It will be our 20th year anniversary and we will be performing with 10 old and 10 new members in late September!! I founded this project in 1997(ish).

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My french seems to be flowing more easily this time around which I am grateful for. I adore my francophone feminist queer community around me . I am grateful to be home and surrounded by my old and new communities in Montreal, New York and the Bay!

Coming home I moved home to my heart city of Montreal! So much has happened! I am setting up a winter studio in a cozy and comfortable place with my now husband Ryan Backer.

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calliecat93 · 6 years

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Callie Reviews: TMNT 2012 Season One (Part Three)

(Part One) (Part Two)

Here is where we look at the season as a whole. For this, I will be looking at four things: Animation, Voice Acting, Characters (Heroes, Villains), and Story. I’ll be going more into depths about some stuff I skimmed over here as well. So lets dig in!

Animation

This is the Turtles first CGI show... okay yeah the 2007 movie was CGI, but that was a movie. When I first heard this, I was reluctant as I felt like 2D was becoming more and more of a lost out. But the CGI was really good! Mind you it looks a tad bit dated now as every season they pushed more and more to improve it. But still, it’s very well done. I can’t recall any point where I thought it looked bad or cringy...aside form when they wanted you to cringe anyways. What helps is that the show does add in some 2D elements, There’s the comic-style flashbacks of course, but even past that. They use these anime-like quirks like the sweatdrop, blushing, wide blank eyes when reacting in shock, vein burst when a character is angry, all these tiny little things that give it a more cartoony feel. I can’t recall any other Nickelodeon CGI shows that were doing this prior, so it helped it stand out among the other shows.

Another plus side? The character designs. Aside from a few background characters they re-colored, none of the important characters look the same. Like I know that some don’t like April’s design, but at least they gave her and Karai their own distinct character designs. Then there are the Turtles. Something I don’t like about the upcoming show is how much.. accessorizing they add in to make the Turtles look distinctive. 2k12 kept it very simple. Different heights, eye color, shade of green, and of course body build. For example Donnie, the genius who is mroe invested with machines than training, is both the tallest and most slender. Raph, the strongest, is the most buff and Mikey, the youngest, has larger eyes and freckles to show his child-like nature.And even with Raph,a ll four boys have kind of high school athlete-like builds. Nothing over the top like say... the Michael Bay films. Basically, I can believe that these guys can do the ninja-like agility more than I can with the overly buff, giant versions that have been used.

When ti comes to the mutants, the animators get creative. There are so many unique mutant sin the show. Snakeweed, Spyder Bytez, Dogpound, Fishface, Splinter, Leatherhead, all the mutants have their own unique design that work for them. They also know when to get creepy, like with the mish-mash... thing... from The Alien Agenda. That was disturbing as heck, and it’s not even the creepiest one they come up with! Oh just wait for next season, haha... but yeah, mutant designs are great!

Now the settings are kinda... meh. I mean The Lair is cool, but it’s mostly just either the the Lair, the New York landscape, Shredder’s lair, or an empty warehouse most of the time. It’s nothing really... creative I guess is the right word. We also don’t explore new York much, mainly settling on skyscrapers as the setting. It’s understandable why since New York is the setting, but still it juts gets kind of boring after awhile. But for what it’s worth, they do try to do creative stuff when they can like in Baxter’s Gambit with the black and white screens.

And of course, there is the fight choreography. As I said before, it’s fantastic. All the fights in the series are fluid, well-paced, and fun to watch. If I had to give some examples off the top of my head, there’s New Friend, Old Enemy when the Turtles rise form the water. The mix of black and red is absolutely perfect. There’s the first fight against Shredder in The Gauntlet which despite the boys getting constantly knocked down by Shredder, they give it everything they have. It looks freakin’ badass. Then there is any Splinter fight scene. There’s not many, only about three in this season (It Came From the Depths, I, Monster, The Showdown two-parter) but they are excellent. I said that the Splinter vs Shredder fight was the best and nothing after ever topped it, right?

So yeah, if I was going to rate the animation on a 1-5 scale...

Rating: 4.5

Voice Acting

The series was voice directed by veteran Andrea Romano, so you know that the performances are gonna be solid. As far as casting goes, they got in a LOT of big names both in the voice acting industry and out. There’s of course Greg Cipes (Mikey), Mae Whitman (April), Nolan North (The Kraang), Kevin Michael Richardson (Shredder), Phil Lamar (Stockman), Clancy Brown (Dogpound) and of course Rob Paulsen (Donnie). Rob’s casting was actually a pretty big deal as along with being a veteran with nearly 30 years of experience, he was also the voice of Raph in the original 80′s show. So getting him back even as a different Turtle? Yeah... that’s pretty big!

Then you have more well-known on-screen actors, like Sean Astin (Raph) and Kelly Hu (Karai). Now they both actually have very solid VA-ing careers and still do voice work to this day, but if you’re say... a Lord of the Rings fan and known Sean only for that, this may entice you. The newcomers to voice acting are Jason Biggs (Leo), Christian Lanz (Fishface) and Hoon Lee (Splinter). There’s also guest actors like Jeffrey Combs (The Rat King) and Roseanne Barr (Kraang Prime), so a solid mix of professional voice actors and a few newcomers. The result?

The voice acting is fantastic. Like even as the show goes on and you see more and more mixed reception, the acting is NEVER one of the things you see go down. If anything, it is one aspect that continues to improve episode by episode. All four Turtle actors do an amazing job conveying their characters, able to go from comedic to dramatic in a split second. I’d say that out of everyone, Hoon Lee impressed me the most since he’s the only one aside from Biggs (and... e’ll talk more about him next season) I hadn’t heard of. And he gave a very solid performance. Everyone did. Even for just minor characters like Pulverizer (Roger Craig Smith... yes Pulverizer is Sonic the Hedgehog) or some of the villains like Snake (Danny Jacob who voices King Julian outside the Madacgascar films) or Spyder Byte (Lewis Black), they convey their characters perfectly. Like Black’s character is a rude slob you want to punch, and he does such a great job in making you feel that way!

So yeah, you got a strong cast, a veteran voice director, and a crazy group of characters for them to voice. All of them nail it. And just wait, this is only the S1 cast. Wait until you see who they bring in for future seasons!

Rating: 5

Characters

As I said in Part One, this is the best part of the show. I know a lot of people who fell off TMNT as it went on, but still kept interest because of the characters. To me, this is always the most important part of storytelling. Yes having a good story itself is important, but a good story will be nothing without likeable characters to move it. A cliched story may be annoying, but if the characters are likeable and strongly written, people are usually more forgiving because they care about the cast. This show is no different. To this day, the thing that kept me attracted to the show was the Turtles, April, and Splinter and what they’d get into next. All of them have strong personalities that get you to care about them, or at least see where they’re coming from. I could gush about each of them one by one... so on we go!

Lets start with Mikey because he is the least developed this season... and most of the show sadly. I’d even say that his focus episodes dropped massively in quality after this season as he was forced mroe and mroe into the comedy relief/designated victim/little brother role. It’s a shame too because this season did an excellent job in balancing out both the comedy relief and the more innocent side of the character. Mikey is the most naive of the brothers and the least serious among them. It’s not to say that he can’t take situations seriously, it’s just that he’s more easy-going and fun-seeking than the other three. His biggest problem is his inability to focus and goof around, which has caused several instances of accidentally setting off alarms.

While not the best of the four, Mikey is a talented ninja and the best at going off just raw talent. He doesn’t think through fighting moves, he can just go with the flow and be perfectly fine. His strongest skill hpwever is his empathy and desire to make friends. While this has backfired on him before, like in New Friend, Old Enemy, where Bradford used and then kidnapped him for a trap, Mikey is incredibly non-judgemental and open-minded. It’s why he could befriend Leatherhead so easily in It Came From the Depths. He saw that the Kraang were attacking him and decided to simply talk to him like he would anyone else, even pointing out that maybe LH only acts like a monster because that’s how he was treated for so long. Mikey may not be book smart, but he’s very emotionally smart. As I said, Mikey’s character sadly devolves into annoying comedy relief as it goes, but for this season he had a strong start. No meaningful development aside form slow progression on paying attention (Parasitica being the final payoff... also if you’re afraid of wasps then avoid that one), but his character is strong enough to carry him through.

Raph is the brawler of the group and the quickest to anger. Hie’s the strongest fighter and incredibly confident... unless he has to deal with bugs. His biggest flaws are his both his anger and his jealous towards Leo. The first half of the season has Raph frequently back-talks and argue with Leo all because he got made the leader over him. For example, in Never Say Xever he is unhappy with Leo using mercy because bad guys don’t deserve it. Leo does eventually use the more Raph-like approach when kidnapping Bradford... and it fails miserably. What saves them? Leo’s act of mercy causing the Purple Dragon to repay the favor sand saving their shells. While he does slowly get a better grip on his temper once Splinter tells him of how dangerous it can be (Turtle Temper), it takes until New Girl in Town for him to overcome his jealousy once and for all. It’s very well done too by having Leo finally get fed up and give Raph what he wanted. Ultimately Raph can’t handle the pressure once things get rough and comes to understand both what Leo deals with essentially every day and how his own actions made it worst.

After that, Raph becomes the perfect example of a follower. While he’s still question Leo, he has good reasons for it, like everything involving Karai for instance. But he actively looks out for him more and stops mocking him outside just brotherly messing around. And even during that point, while Raph could be an insensitive jerk, he does love his family and will make amends when he goes too far. When he mocked Mikey wanting friends in New Friend, Old Enemy, at the end he comforted him after the fallout with Bradford and assured him that he’s a good person. When he mocked Donnie’s crush in Operation: Break-Out and led to Donnie going on a mission solo, Raph was worried about him, realized that he way too harsh, and tried to make amends by giving Donnie all the credit once back home. While Raph doesn’t conquer his temper completely, over the season he does get a better grip on it, can admit when he goes to far, became overall nicer, and by the end is a much better person. It was good stuff!

Donnie is probably the most... divisive of the four. Not because he’s badly written per say. He’s intelligent, but also high-strung and prone to stress. He’s not a bad ninja, but because of his focus on machinery, he’s the least skilled. The two episodes that focus on this are Metalhead and Monkey Brains. Metalhead has an admittedly meh plot where he gets sick of his bo staff and therefore creates the robot Metalhead to act as his weapon. The ‘meh’ plot is IDT it addresses the message of ‘the weapon doesn't make you a good fighter, you do’ very well, ut still Monkey Brains does a much better job, demonstrating Donnie’s tendency to over-think everything and how that is detrimental in a fight. By the climax, he’s able to get himself to rely on his instincts against a mind-reading villain (we’ll get to him later) and kick his ass.

Then there’s The Pulverizer episodes, which are the most interesting but sadly don’t go anywhere after this season. It has Donnie accept Pulverizer as an apprentice of sort, mainly so the kid can have some form of self-defense if he’s going to put himself into danger. It’s ultimately ineffective, but mainly because of Pulverizer wanting to rush and not listening properly. The most important part though is Splinter telling Donnie that by doing this, anything that happens involving him after will be his responsibility. Which we see in The Pulverizer Returns where Pulverizer decides ot let the Foot mutate him to gain awesome mutant powers. Donnie tries to save him, but sadly he fails and Pulverier.. it’s not pretty. While Donnie does still save him after, he’s left with the guilt of ultimately failing his student. I’ll go into mroe about how horribly the writers wasted this next season, but here? It was interesting to give Donnie this plot since you’d expect t to go to say... Leo. I think it really worked for what it was worth and let us see a side of Donnie outside just being the smart one.

So with that said, why is he divisive? Well... it’s because another major part of his character is his crush on April. He doe snot... manage it well, to say the least. He is rather, well... stupid and kinda creepy with it. But I do want to point this out. Yes, it is annoying but I think there’s a good reason for it: he’s an awkward teenager. Yeah him asking her to feel his goosebumps (Metalhead), accidentally calling her ‘his April (The Gauntlet), accidentally saying awkward things when she acknowledges him (pick any episode) are incredibly facepalm worthy at best. And yeah, they should have done better setup than have him just find her pretty when seeing her once. However he does genuinely care about her and int he premiere, he was driven more because he saw an innocent girl scared and was unable to help than his newfound crush. The feelings are genuine and Donnie being awkward about is because... well, Donnie is awkward in general and he does slowly improve. Honestly I’ll have mroe to discuss about this next season cause haha... boy is THAT a clusterfuck. But ultimately while Donnie can be annoying, overall it’s pretty bearable and he has plenty of positive traits to balance it out.

Finally, we get Leo. He’s the group leader, but unlike the past series where he pretty much grew up with that role, here he gets the role halfway through the first episode. He starts as a goody-two-shoes with a mischievous side who had a very basic view of leadership. He see sit as a position of authority, greatness, and unstoppable. That’s not to say that he doesn’t take the role seriously, he does. He devises plans, does his best to keep his brothers focused, and frequently asks Splinter for advice on how to best do things. But he also frequently uses cheesy one-liners and does his best to be as over the top with his heroics as possible, thinking it’s cool when it isn’t. It gives Leo a more naive feel to him, someone who is serious but also is still a teenaged kid who has a lot of learning to do.

The pressures of leadership are Leo’s primary focus as a character. While he has some doubts, the biggest blow to his confident comes in The Gauntlet after there massive defeat against Shredder. The following episode has him unsure of if he can properly lead the team and feeling guilty when things go wrong. But the ultimate meltdown comes in New Girl in Town where Raph finally pushes him too hard and he quits. He’s realized at this point that leadership is not like it is on TV. it’s unforgiving, stressful, and you’re gonna be the one facing the consequences when things go wrong. His difficulty dealing with this is what attracts him to Karai. She’s fun, does whatever she wants, and doesn’t care about the rules. She offers him a form of freedom that he hasn’t had before. It’s why he tries to get her to change sides, he doesn’t want her to be an enemy. Unfortunately things end badly between them this season, but you can see where Leo is coming form no matter how naive he was about it.

Leo evolved a lot over the season. He went from a naive teenager who quoted old TV episodes to a serious, determined leader who was willing to do whatever it took to get his team through. He never quit being optimistic and he does still have his stress with leadership later down the road. But the season is about him easing not the role an understanding the weight of that role. It’s very easy to feel bad for Leo because he tries incredibly hard, but he doesn’t receive a lot of gratitude or payoff, and he just has to accept that. By the finale, he’s willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to ensure both success and his family's safety... something that becomes a bit of an issue in later seasons (looking at you Space Arc). I’d say that because we got to see Leo actually having to come to terms with the role, it makes this imo the best version of the character. We actually have to see him accept the role and how he hate show it limits his free time, something IDT the past versions really did. And all while having this dorky, idealistic side that keeps him likable and all the mroe relateable. Overall, I’d say that the leader in blue was handeled very well here!

April is my favorite character in the show, but her writing this season has some issues. Now as a character herself, she’s perfectly fine. She’s an independent sixteen year old and incredibly proactive. Whenever she finds info on the Kraang or about her dad, she looks into it. When everyone is ready to quit in Panic in the Sewers, she’s the only one who actively tries to do something and get everyone else to not give up. When Splinter offers to train her, she accepts it and we see bits and pieces of her progressing. But it’s done realistically as demonstrated in Karai’s Vendetta where it’s very clear that April is nowhere near her level. But it also demonstrates her determination and how she never gives up, getting back up after every blow and at east trying to put up a fight. While she’s forced to sit most things out and does on occasion get kidnapped, she still tries to be an asset and does very well as an intel gatherer. She’s also incredibly stubborn and can get in over her head without thinking things through, like in Metalhead and the finale episodes. But ultimately her proactiveness and need to take action are her strongest traits and what makes her a useful ally.

The issues with April are in the writing of the plot. I already mentioned how the early episodes could have done mroe in having her ease into the group. There’s also after Karai’s Vendetta where despite living with the guys, we don’t see her until the penultimate episode. We see her express hating it in that episode, but we don’t get to explore the fallout of her losing her normal life. In fact we...d on’t see April’s life outside Turtle stuff until next season, and even then not by much. Now of course the show is about the Turtles and you gotta keep the focus on them, but still we get a bunch of ‘show, don’t tell’ problems with April. We’re told things like she’s living with her aunt, but we never see them interact. Hell, IDT April’s aunt is ever mentioned outside the pilot. We also find out that April is the Kraang’s target... and we never see how she feels about it. If she’s scared, if she’s worried. We can assume that she has some stress about it, as indicated when she vents in Karai’s Vendetta, but little to no showcase of how she feels about it. Mind you we don’t with the Turtles either, but still. Still, overall April is a solid character imo.

That brings us to Master Splinter, the best written character by far. Splinter is the perfect balance of a mentor and a father. He’s firm, strict, and not afraid to dish out punishment when it’s necessary. But he’s also gentle, patient, knows how to give his sons proper guidance, and when to let them figure things out for themselves. He’s also snarky as Hell, so it’s good that he has a sense of humor. He’s also a flawed person. He lost his wife and daughter because of hat is essentially a sibling rivalry that went WAAAY too far and his own inability to control himself worsened things. He lost his family and then his humanity, ending his life as Hamato Yoshi. Since then, he’s hidden int he sewers and tried to focus his energy on raising and protecting his sons. It makes letting them go topside difficult, as it is for any parent whose children are growing up. He can make mistakes, like letting his fear control him and press his sons far too hard in Panic in the Sewers, but he can admit those mistakes.

Splintr’s largest plot in the season, outside mentoring the boys and April, is accepting his mutant status and overcoming his fears. Many epsiodes such as the premiere, Turtle Temper, Monkey Brains, Panic in the Sewers and the finale show how much pain the rat master carries and while he’s move don to a new life, it still haunts him. The episode that best displays this however is a filler episode called I, Monster. In it we get this version of the Rat King, the mind reading villain from Monkey Brains, who uses his power to swarm New York. When he senses Splinter, he proceeds to try and brainwash him too. The episode does an amazing job at showcasing all of Splinter’s fears. The boys outgrowing him, his past tragedies, ending up alone, and the Rat King slowly uses all of it to break him down. Splinter fights back, but the thought of the boys moving on without him is ultimately what defeats him until the boys remind him of who he is. He is Hamato Yoshi, Master Splinter, but most of all their father. They need him and always will. Which lets Splinter overcome the mind control and essentially Airbend Rat King through a wall. It was awesome~

Despite that episode being filler, it’s one of the season's best. It is a strong character exploration piece about a father who has gone through Hell and is faced with the fear of his kids not needing him. It is very relatable and makes Splinter all the mroe sympathetic. And we see Splinter truly embody who he is now when faced with the Shredder again and upon learning that his daughter had survived. He went into full rat mode and gave Shredder the beating that we all wanted. And the season ends on a perfect lead in for the next one. Splinter now knows that Karai is his daughter while she was raised to hate him. It’s any parent’s worst nightmare. He now has to deal with that revelation as well as how he’s going to break it to his students. Splinter has some solid growth int he season, something that a lot of mentor figures in cartoons don’t get, and it’s done perfectly. He has his flaws, but is still a strong father figure to his sons. Add that to Hoon Lee’s absolute perfect performance and you have what is in my opinion the best incarnation of Master Splinter in any TMNT series.

While the main cast is strong, the supporting cast and villains are... not so much. There isn’t really a supporting cast honestly. The best we have is Leatherhead, who is awesome. He’s a damaged character. One treated like a monster and tortured for who knows how long. It left him damaged and prone to trauma-induced outbursts. But he is a good person who knows that what happened to him was wrong and can be quite sweet when given the chance. He didn’t have to save humanity, especially since most would scream and run if they saw him, but he didn’t want anyone else to endure what he did. It’s best exemplified with his sacrifice in TCRI, going back to Dimension X and knowing fully well what’ll await him there. But he does so to save his friends and give them the chance to save the Earth. LH is freakin’ badass and I love him!

The villains though are... kinda boring. Most of the mutants, while the designs are cool, are incredibly one-note. Not all of them, like the Rat King is so dramatic and twisted and his VA does such a great job with the delivery that you both love him and want to strangle him. But others like Snakeweed or Spyder Bytez are just... well, evil for the heck of it. The Kraang are the worst though since at least the mutants are only in like one or two episodes. The Kraang are annoying as HELL. They can be dangerous but the redundant speech pattern and all fo them having essentially the same personality (aka none) is so... boring. Min you in Season 4 we kind of get an explanation to why, but it doesn't change how grating they can get. That being said in large groups they can be dangerous and with things like the Technodrome, they’re not to be taken lightly. Still, GAH I HATE THEM!!!

The Foot are somewhat better. Stockman is pathetic and remains pathetic throughout the entire series. Bradford is a pompous asshole. Xever is a little more interesting in that he kidn of was forced to work for Shredder or go to jail... but sadly after that reveal, he reverts to typical henchman status sadly. Shredder is the Big Bad and a no-nonsense leader. He has no empathy and is more than willing to inflict physical violence on his troops if they fail him. He even threatens to harm Karai, his daughter (kinda...) if she questions him. He is a very single minded perosn, his only goal beign to kill Splinter and his students by any means necessary. Hell. he only starts caring about the Kraang when he realizes that they can advance his goal, but has zero issues letting humanity fall to them. Oh, and there’s his glee when Karai tries to kill Splinter. WOrst? THis isn’t even the worst that he does int he show. Oh just wait for next season. JUST WAIT. Otherwise though, while a powerful fighter, he just mopes in his throne for most of the season, but Richardson’s badass voice acting was nice to hear.

The most interesting villain by far is Karai, and Thank God for it. While Leo is a good-good, Karai is a bad girl. She’s laid-back, does what she wants her way, and doesn’t play by the rules. She’s introduced as a competent fighter, but unlike the other Foot she’s more interesting in talking to the Turtles than killing them. I think she did become genuinely fond of Leo, but ultimately she’s going to be loyal to what she thinks is her family. She also started off realizing that there were bugger problems, like the Kraang, that required more attention over the vendetta until the Turtles betrayed her. Then she pretty much went ‘screw it’ and decided to go with the vendetta, which only got worst when she met Splinter for the first time. Still, ti was nice to have someone actually question Shredder and try to be sensible. She’s definite the most well-written of the villains, and the revelation about her being Splinter’s daughter means that there is MUCH more to come for her. Like I said, just wait for Season 2!

Okay, this section was a LOOOT longer than I thought. So I’ll just finish by saying that the villains aren't all that interesting, but the main characters are very well written. They have strong personalities, plenty of room for growth, and their interactions always gel really well. Very well done!

Rating: 4.5

Story

The main plot threads are the Turtles against the Foot, and the Turtles feud against the Kraang. All with some subplots, like Pulverizer and the mutant of the week stuff, and filler episodes thrown in. I say that the plots are handled very well. For example well go with... say two or three Kraang-centric episodes. Then we may or may not get a filler episode before shifting over to the Foot Clan for awhile. It never felt like we got smothered with one faction over the other, which is good. The plots also slowly intertwined and it felt like they came together at just the right time during the last six or so episodes. Hence hwy the finale worked so well, giving some kind of payoff on both ends.

Many of the episodes were very basic and outright bizarre. Like Cockroach Terminator having a mutant cockroach tr to murder Raph... it’s kinda gross, but entertaining! Every episode normally has at least something small that’ll carry over as the story goes along. For example, Donnie built Metalhead in... well, Metalhead and brought him back in the finale, plus it helped him learn mroe about Kraang tech. In Baxter’s Gambit, April finally gets her own weapon and she attempts to use it in Karai’s Vendetta. The episodes all play a part, even if just minor, in the larger narrative and I feel some of the later seasons kind of slacked on that. This season had a perfect balance.

That’s not to say that it was perfect. Like at the end of TCRI, we find out that April is the Kraang’s true target which makes us wonder why... and the next episode is about Raph’s fear of bugs! So TCRI was episode 17, we don’t even mention this fact again until Karai’s Vendetta, which is episode 21. Five episodes later, and even then we get one tiny hint (April doesn't get damaged by mutagen-laced water) and... that’s it. The.show has a bit of an issue with not exploring fallout, which is weird because Panic in the Sewers did and id it excellently. Maybe it’s because they have to make episodes to sell toys, IDK. It doesn't do too much damage, but it makes it feel like they both wasted character opportunities and like there’s something missing. But at the very least the episodes remain entertaining, so there’s that.

Rating: 4

Final Thoughts

You know what I like about this series and why I ran it above the other ones? Well it does something that I feel that the previous incarnations lacked: The Teenage Mutant Nina Turtles felt like teenagers. They felt like a bunch of kids truly entering the world for the first time. They screw up, they have problems to overcome, and they don’t always learn it immideatly. Like their cockiness is a frequent pain in the shell for example. But the reason that I like pretty much all of the episodes aside form Episode 11 is because it feels like we’re watching a group of kids truly starting to grow up and learn about how rough life can be. How they have to change, how they have to fix their mistakes, and just become better people. As a nineteen year old who was just staring to figure my life out, when I started the show, that drew me in. I related to these characters so much. I felt like I was growing with them and coming to understand who I was due to it.

It felt really nostalgic to go back over this season. Imo, it still holds up big time. It’s funny, action-heavy, well animated, and the characters are just as enjoyable as I remember. Would I call this the best season? Hmm... maybe. I still have three more to look over. But it was a really fun ride and it got TMNT 2012 off on the right track. Can they stay on it during Season 2? Come back next week, and we shall see!

#tmnt #2k12 #tmnt 2012 #callie reviews

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