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#Anoukriti Bhasin
I left my love for him between the pages of my favorite book. Sitting here reading it now, I can feel all that I wish I never said. I can feel all I felt and the words I wish had stayed stuck inside my chest.
I feel the pain of my unrequited love, and the regret I felt at the admission of my love. I feel all that the old me felt when she looked at his smile and tasted his lips. I can smell the musky scent of his old sweaters. The ones she stole for the winter. I hear the rasp of his voice as he sung to her the sweetest of tales about the eternal magnificence of lovers. His hands fitting warmly around hers as the cold winter chill blew against the windows of the false mirage of a home around them. The very one that she dreamt up, but the one that never existed. I can feel her unease through the pages as my fingers skim over the inked words pointing her fate towards darker paths. The roads she never saw coming, but I say she dodged Cupid’s cruel arrow aimed right for her glowing heart. I dare say he was her demise and her savior in disguise. The one who shot the arrow but pushed her out of the way, shattering her upon impact. It was a doomed story from the very beginning of the pages. The intent of the fates clear from the ink embedded deep into the paper, just as the inevitability of the doom of her absurd idea of a happy ever after, a future with no pain. Little could she have known all her wishes were in vain. After all that broke her, ruined all she had ever built. Tearing her down, the darkness embedding itself so deep into her, it ripped her mind apart trying to get free.
His claws tipped in the frigid numbing of loneliness as they dragged across her skin, leaving her for dead. What’s worse is that she never knew she could pick herself back up again. So blind, it took her so very long to crawl back, stand on her own two feet again. My lips curve up as I turn the page only to find a new chapter, the one wherein she stood by herself. Lonely and trembling on her feet, but standing nonetheless. Fire and rage in her eyes. And acceptance. For all that had ever fought against her. And love. For herself and for the two feet that had stood her back up again.
ANOUKRITI BHASIN
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It's all too confusing.
My heart ripped out of my chest, laid onto a canvas for the curious eyes of onlookers.
I don't know how I feel. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel, what they expect me to feel.
I should be in pain, crying out, writhing on my bedroom floor, sobbing in pain, my heart slowly ripping itself in tatters.
But I'm not.
Instead, I've buried it down. Pushed down inside my hollow heart where I can't see into the deep black well of despair and pain, left to rot.
I don't think I ever really loved him, just as he never loved me.
Drawn to the idea of being with him, loving him, holding him. It was just an elaborate fevre dream, and like all dreams, I woke up. Just a bit too late that is.
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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"Impossible things are so much easier to believe
than what’s staring you in the eye."
I haven't looked into anyone's eyes for a long time, mum.
I can't look into your eyes and read all the words left unsaid.
I don't want to see your disappointment.
It breaks me.
I don't want to break,
not again, mum.
Never again.
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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kadota /ka‧do‧ta/ (v.) to disappear, vanish; to get/ be lost, be missing; to fade
“My breath is quick, as if to give air to that tiny flame inside my chest. To keep it burning. To make it burn hotter, shine brighter. But my mind tells me it will be better on the other side...”
- Anoukriti Bhasin
“Life is for the living Death is for the dead Let life be like music And death a note unsaid”
- Langston Hughes 
@anoukritiwritesss   on tumblr 
@kriti__writesss on instagram 
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I'm sick at heart,
my feelings of never ending sorrow wrapping tighter around me.
I don't know how I should feel,
what I feel.
I'm trapped.
There is a cage around my chest.
It presses tighter against me with each passing day.
I shake,
I want to scream.
My heart swelling against the confines of the cage,
wanting to break free.
I want to let it all out.
I don't think I'll ever be able to break through.
I talk, and talk and try to put the feeling into words but its inexplicable.
I cannot explain this feeling of this intense unhappiness.
I'm slowly getting sucked further down that quicksand,
slowly getting used to each rising inch.
There is pressure on my head, my memories aren't leaving me alone, haunting me each second of each day.
I can see darkness swirling in my peripheral.
My past hooked onto me like a baby to its mother.
I can't pry the claws of the past of my shoulders, they're stuck in, gripping me for dear life.
My eyes lose a little life every day,
that will to live being thoroughly bleached out of me.
The darkness comes again, at times it comforts, others,
it destroys.
It preys on my mind, on my weaknesses, on my memories.
Gives fuel to to void inside of me.
Making it larger with each passing day.
Making it big enough until it swallows me whole.
Until there's nothing left but the darkness grinning.
Chapter 1
ANOUKRITI BHASIN
@KRITI__WRITESSS ON INSTAGRAM
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"The Mother wept.
She wept for all the souls taken.
She wept and wept until she ran dry.
Until the sky turned blue again.
She dried her tears
and took the lost souls under her soft wings,
showed them a deeper love
than the one they had on the ground."
Tears Falling from the Sky
ANOUKRITI BHASIN
@KRITI__WRITESSS INSTAGRAM
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arcane
(adj.) secret, mysterious, understood only by a few
"My heart beats so loud, so fast, so desperate to show that there is something alive within me. Something worth saving. Something worth fighting for. Something real."
-- Anoukriti Bhasin
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Coronavirus shows us how powerless we truly are.
We can hide behind walls, weapons and names, but that does not change the truth.
When our time comes, there is no force in the world that can pull us back into the land of the living.
When karma catches up to us and deems it fit for us to repay for our sins, there is no prayer powerful enough to escape from that fate.
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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"You have bewitched me body and soul", my affections for you consume me. My entrapped and utterly bewitched soul does not ever stop thinking of you. It is as though a broken record playing on repeat, screaming, "I love you and I cannot think, breathe or simply be without you in my arms or live without thoughts of you in my mind".
Anoukriti Bhasin
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TW: Depression, trauma, suicide (symbolic), dark poetry
"There is something around her neck. She thinks it her hand. Can't be, her hands are petting her cat.
"What is it? Why won't it go away?", she cries.
I softly caress her skin. Squeezing here, soothing there. Never breaking contact. Leaving her gasping for breath.
Won't let her breathe. I scrape my claws of darkness against her soft skin, leaving cruel marks bleeding her brand of light.
Watching all the light bleed through her skin, grinning where there is nothing left.
Until she's writhing on the floor, gradually stilling. Until there her eyes glass over and her light pools around her, becoming one with the air.
I laugh, watching the light betray the one who kept it close and safe for years.
How easily it leaves its home the second the home starts to break. Doesn't try to save it, doesn't even look back.
Just as I won't when I leave...
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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Nefelibata (n.) "cloud walker"; one who lives in the clouds of their own imagination or dreams, or one who does not obey conventions of society, literature, or art.
- Origin Portuguese
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"Am I lying? Or am I just too afraid of the truth?"
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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"If I told you about the darkness inside of me would you still look at me like I'm the sun?”
― Unknown ~ ~ ~ ~
**Do not repost**
**This is original work. Everything on my page is original other than the pictures. Reposting would be plagiarism** **reposts are appreciated!** **love yourself and take care! always remember that I love you all and am always there to talk! xxx**
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"How can I ever hide from my shadow?"
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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“I can’t stop thinking. I am constantly reminded of my past. It loves to haunt me. Thinks it’s fun to play. It isn’t. There is no greater torture.”
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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**Do not repost**
**This is original work. Everything on my page is original other than the pictures. Reposting would be plagiarism** **reposts are appreciated!** **love yourself and take care! always remember that I love you all and am always there to talk! xxx**
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when does talking to your loved one become a thing you feel you need to do rather than something that happens on instinct?
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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I want you to take me to the symphony, museums, run through the meadow with me and make flower crowns. Read me poetry as I play with your hair, braiding flowers into them. Let's slow dance in the kitchen while you cook a delicious meal, enjoying a sunset walk at the beach, holding hands and whispering promises of forever to each other. Holding on tight, never wanting to let go.
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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I wish the girl I told him about was real. I wish I could be like her, only so I could have been enough for him.
― Anoukriti Bhasin
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