#And you fucking know it's the fucking queer or disabled or nd students or students of color or other kids that tend to get bullied

[grungepoetica]

actually autistic rant time

so, context: I was filling out my application for ASAN’s Autistic Campus Inclusion summit a few days ago. Everything was very last-minute (I submitted it on time, don’t worry), but it was going smoothly until I got to the question that asked, “what advocacy goals do you have to make your campus a better place for autistic and other disabled students?”

My brain stopped working when I read that. I bluescreened.

Why?

Because my college is one of those places that prides itself on inclusion and supporting the student community. There are clubs and affinity groups for queer students, women, FGLI & undocumented students, damn near every ethnic & cultural group under the sun... and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for neurodivergent and disabled students. Not only that, but several of the dorm buildings don't have accessible entrances or safe elevators for students to use.

And I somehow hadn’t realized how FUCKED that was before I read the application.

No wonder I've felt so isolated. I don't know any autistic or ND people on campus. I haven't have anyone to talk about it with, except for the educational accessibility office, and I was terrified of not fitting in with any of the other affinity groups because I've never fit in with NTs.

It was already hard. I started college with a lot of emotional baggage, and then Covid-19 happened. And I'm so used to casual ableism that I didn't even CONSIDER that the lack of disabled & ND student groups was hurting me even more.

The only advocacy goal I could think of for the application was CREATING a space for people like me, because IT'S NOT. FUCKING. THERE. All that talk of inclusion and listening to diverse viewpoints in the student body, and yet there's no place on campus designed to let me speak.

I feel so betrayed.

#rant #grungepo rants #actuallyautistic #college #neurodivergent #undiagnosed adhd #disability justice #ableism #college struggles #what the fuck #nothing about us without us #hopefully i don't fuck up the post this time #college be like #grungepo thoughts

[dearracists-blog]

...

Did i mention how i was kidnapped as a child...

Stalked by a white man...

Who was fat as shit..

Did i mention how i was targeted at a gay rally with bright lights in my face even though i cant see far away and suffered from vision problems..

Did i mention how afterwards i went to a mental place and the man eating food in the place days later was literally behind the glassdoor...

Did i mention how i felt whter dream im thinking reality of this man being on top of me...

Did i mention how .. my entire life i was told to write down dreams and memories and they were taken from me ... suddenly had those dreams again. Woken up to someone knocking on a hard object and me being told to go to sleep and having a heart problem ...

Did i mention how i have woken up to a man kissing me..

Did i mention when i was in grade school , my friend told me i was being bothered by the teacher..

Did i mention, after years of not being back in miami ive talked to this dude mentioned him to my father... and i think this dude has been around my immediate family before..

Like my cousin was almost 20,19,18 or something.. and i was 8 .. this dude from the same age frame.

Did i mention how buddy took me his place and the door was left open but his brother live there... but wasnt there

Did i mention ive heard knocks in my house, while undressing....

Did i mention how ive been stuck in the bathroom by pastors..

Did i mention how suddenly i suffered from the same disability of memory even though i remember everything.

Did i mention how i was like 7 or 8 and suddenly people was telling their children to hunt gay kids and i was subjected to mollestation and rape and told i was mentally ill even after holding up the highest grades at times when i was threatened to be kill or called a faggot..

Does it make sense that after i stated i should be able to protect myself with the things i learn in school and practice things i learn in school i was told no...

But later on was attacked by students emotionally, verbally, physically and physchologically like a trained dog..

Did i mention how the students tried to hook me onto drugs..

Did i mention they would blantantly come to me in front a teaxher and say want some drugs..

Did i mention ive gone through the same experiences in school for the past several years..

Nd ive been in public and experience something weird and run into the teachers .

Is it strange how , the kids in the school tried to futher damage my eye and i was given drugs by people to help my vision ..

That years later those people still have the keys to my vision..

This is mention.. i have a scar on my foot that a circle.. and a scar on my other feet that lolk how it does..

And burns on my back..

That luckily healed. Scars on my feet no .

Go to a doctor in chesterfield or miami.. list no scars. Like wtf..

Did i mention how kids bullied me terribly..

Did i mention how they forced me to eat things at 6 7 8..

Did i mention how i went to school with a cap on my head because i had scars and sores..and my mother cut it and i was bleeding from the wounds from the razor.. but apparently it was just a fungus from dirt...

Did i mention how.. in the florida school systems.. i was cruxficied and people wrote books..

Did i mention how people in miami dade county ridiculed me, allowed me to be abused, beaten by my parents in public , beaten by students, people throw rocks at me , drug me, experiment on me and claim they didnt..

Did i mention how suddenly these family members i met suffered the same exact abuse apparently... and were given either the same mental outcomes and physical asigns of abuse..

Did i mention the black people where i from gave no fucks about me.. no fucks about black people and black pride but be with their parents attending rallies after whooping my ass in their schools and abusing me...

Did i mention how my family apparently snuck away when the time was right but was followed.. this is 2000 now..

Did i mention people i never known founnd out my medical problems that were never associated with them..

Did i mention i was under the care of either my mother or father or their doctor .. and would go days with treatment after being sick because apparently its too costly.. and stayed inside.

Did i mention the kids would throw dead animals near the kids they heard were from a certain place...

Did mention i was sold drugs in elementary...

Did i mention later on that white dude showed up with more dudes.. in a pickup with a conderate flag i think...

Did i mention how my intelligence levels have gone completely down and inve encountered the same abuses and experimentation and riducle since i could remember...

I havent had any hallucinations, short term memory loss without reason, delusions anything... and would literally be led into abuse.

Did i mention ive been so abused so people could force me into care.. to be experiemented on with people ive known from elementary school when bad things happened.

Do you know ive literally been lied to several times that these arent the people... but o remember them clear as day especially the girl who didnt shave her lip...

Why she shoowed up suddenly idk..

Did i mention. My life has been nothing but abuse in every catergory and the ridicule is always greater and more public...

Did i mention i been lied to about the year until i took these meds ....

Did you know i would literally be out ina kitchen and the lights would flicker and my family members would force me into a place away from it after i brought food for the house ...

Did you know after being starve, confused, thirsty suddenly having backflow in my showers .. weird men my father knows would be leaving my room...

.did you know ive felt electric shocks on my body without being around carpet or static electricity ...

Did you know... ive spent my wholle life being kind to people to find out they are liars and are using me to get over everything they hate..

They will subject me to rape by a man and say im a queer.. they hate queers..

They would get me sick and laugh....

People in my family would apparenntly commit crimes or be setup or whatever..

Nd ive sat in the chair of a drunken barber and left with patches in my hair and cuts and at some point forced to get a hajrcut and be left bleeding and my mother saying im not gonna help you..

Do you know i was harassed nonstop and would get into fights and suddenly people were injured but i was only 7 ...

The black people in south florida and chesterfield county are not what they say they are. They are not the civil rights, descendants of prisoners of war they claim to be.. their children abused , the parents abuse.. people are killed..

Ive been to almost four fake funerals in my life and was told i was delusional after being attacked by family members.. .