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#And answering even this took SO MUCH SOCIAL ENERGY
hee-pster · 1 year
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scooby dooby doo, lookin’ for boo!
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+18 content read at your own discretion, please scroll if you’re uncomfortable with. [MDNI]
pairing: football player!jake x afab!virgin!reader
genre: smut, strangers to lovers
summary: Santa was real, he had to be and Jake felt like he was finally out of the naughty list, because this christmas came bearing gifts for him. Not only his longing for pussy was about to be over but his life was about to be changed completely, thanks to you and your cute little Velma costume entering his life so unexpectedly. As surprisingly pleasant as this was for Jake, it was even more so for you, considering how determined you were to stay as a virgin. Guess Chaewon and Yunjin's plan of getting you laid wasn't so bad after all, cause you were sure that nowhere in this world, there could be another Shaggy who's capable of making you change your mind, let alone doing it this fast.
word count: 15.8k
warnings: dom!jake, sub!reader, first time sex, unprotected sex, multiple smut scenes, oral sex, fingering, edging, boob kink, ass kink, objectification, Jake is a pervert, usage of pet names, marking kink, dirty talk, mentions of shower sex, lmk if I missed something
a/n: hi hi everyone, it’s been a while :3 I wanna start by wishing you all a very happy new year and I hope you are having a good time 🫶🏼 I have been working on this fic for a while and now that it’s finished, I wanted to give it you as a new year’s gift <3 it took me a lot to write this so I’ll be really happy if you would give me feedback with comments, reblogs and asks, I’ll be looking forward for your thoughts on this! Also if you are wondering about how i am, please don't worry, I’m fine and I’m currently enjoying my own company in peace 💖 thank you for being patient with me, I love you, I’ll be seeing you later 🫶🏼
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Boring and monotonous — that's how your last year at university started, not very different from your previous ones. 
Being a girl who was the definition of socially awkward, you weren't surprised by the outcome of your own actions. Loneliness was kind of your thing ever since elementary school, but despite the fact of your very poor “human” skills, you managed to gain two great friends through these 4 years of college — Yunjin and Chaewon, the only people who cared enough to know about your existence.
You loved them, you really did with your whole heart, but there was a tini-mini problem about them that made you wanna bang their heads together from time to time, like you've been wanting to do lately.
The thing was, for some reason you couldn't figure out just yet, you managed to befriend the two most extroverted people on the face of earth with never ending energies, your polar opposites to be exact. 
And as much as you enjoyed the serenity of your own company, they hated it, enough to make finding you a boyfriend their task. 
It wouldn't be wrong to say that they were quite popular at school, always receiving flowers and chocolates from the guys in your classes at valentines day, often being asked out to concerts and parties by different boys from different departments of your big university. 
Admittedly, it was fun to gossip with them about their hookups, but undeniably you were curious — curious on how it would feel to have someone interested in you, in a romantic way or more precisely, in a sexual way as well.
The saying that “curiosity could be the worst curse” was true in your case, since you were terrible at suppressing it. Which would often result with you asking the girls very private questions that they had fun answering, most of them being about their sex life. 
That being said, considering the personalities of your two best friends, it wasn't hard for them to see the intention behind your “innocent” curious questions — you wanted to get laid.
No, you needed to get laid, as soon as possible for that matter. 
So, unlike they did in classes, this time they were more ready to take some responsibilities to do what it takes for their beloved cute nerd —  you, and make it their mission to find the perfect guy for you to discover the answers of your “fantastic” questions on your own. 
And to achieve that, they didn't hesitate to drag you along with them wherever they went, parties and clubs, you name it. 
Speaking of parties, since it was the last month of the year with Christmas being right around the corner, people didn't think twice before using it as their excuse to throw a house party every other day, one after the other. 
Normally, this situation wouldn't be any of your concern but like it was stated before, Yunjin and Chewon were the biggest extroverts of all time.
And what did extroverts love more than anything? Yes, parties, no matter which kind. 
Adding the new mission they took upon themselves to get you laid at least once before graduation, you had no option other than following them to each and every party at this point, one being scheduled for tomorrow  — a costume special themed party thrown at Park brother's mansion, the most popular guys in the entire campous. 
The guys that Chaewon and Yunjin had their eyes on, so as you can guess, there was no way to bail out. 
You still did everything you could to not go, going as far as not buying a costume for yourself since it was the dress code even when you knew that Chaewon would try and kill you with her bare hands. 
But your plan miserably failed when they showed up at your place with their hands full with shopping bags, some of them being purchased for you. 
Of course when it came to real life stuff, you couldn't outsmart your friends, cause they knew you too long to fall for your cheap excuses which often repeated themselves. 
For that exact reason, they already guessed that you probably wouldn't even look for a costume so instead, they did the job for you and bought one — the one that they thought would suit you the best considering your personality, a Velma from scooby doo costume.
The very costume of the most recognized and the sexiest nerd for the one they knew, a match made in heaven. 
The only thing you were lacking was a Shaggy by your side, which they hoped you'd find at the party, a steamy type of one though — a one that would help you solve the mystery of the likes of your vagina. 
Well, it seemed like the sincerest wishes really did come true like the saying, 'cause Sim Shaggy was feeling in the mood to solve some mysteries, particularly the naughtiest type of ones. 
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You were good at maths, you really were. 
But there were no equations whatsoever to make you understand how exactly a 24 hour time period could flow so fast, cuz it was already friday, aka the day of the big party. 
You were currently resisting to unlock the door of your dressing room to your two friends who were busy banging on it with furious fists, yelling at you to come out so they could see how the costume looked on you. 
Turns out it was more revealing than you thought as you stood there right in front of your big mirror, trying your best to adjust to the size of your mini skirt and the exposed skin of your tummy, because what was supposed to be the turtle neck was actually a crop top and a very slim fit one at that. 
It was so tight that it felt only like a thin layer on your skin, making you feel naked since you normally only wore loose clothes, because you felt comfier in them. And not to mention how the burgundy skirt you were wearing wasn't covering anywhere it was supposed to, leaving your buttcheeks almost entirely on full display.  
So as Yunjin said, costumes were indeed slutty, and yours was the perfect example for that. 
“Guys I don't think this costume suits me!” you yelled behind the door, trying to fix your skirt to cover at least some more part of your ass, not that it worked.
“Just come out and let us see first!” came Yunjin's voice from a distance, Chaewon's hum of agreement following right after. 
You took a deep breath and cupped your face as you unlocked the door, wanting to hide the matching tone of red that your cheeks were painted with, similar to the color of your skirt. 
“Ta-da!” you attempted to chant as you walked out, gaze focused on the floor while you tried not to cry at how your voice cracked. 
For some reason you were extremely uncomfortable, although the two girls who were looking at you with big eyes and dropped jaws literally saw you naked for more than once or twice. 
It was almost like you were trapped inside of someone else's body, everything felt too unfamiliar, even though you knew it was just you overthinking. 
“Fuck girl, you look amazing.” Chaewon walked up to you, gently held one of your hands and made you spin on your platform heels, eyes glistening with your beauty as she spoke, “You're definitely getting laid tonight.” 
“It's not really what I want though, unless you didn't notice ..” you sulked, “.. virginity is so underestimated these days.”
“Yes, it's not what you want, true ..” Yunjin shook her head rather dramatically, shooting a glance over you through the mirror as she continued to perfect her eyeliner. “.. because it is what you need, what your body literally screams for.”   
“No, it's not — ”
“Mhm — ”
“Either way ..” you raised your volume, rolling your eyes at the way both of your so-called best friends were humming at you sarcastically instead of believing you, feeling deeply betrayed by their actions. “.. I look like a slut begging for some dick like this..” you sighed, “.. and I feel like a fucking clown too.”
“Hey, that's definitely not true, okay?”
“Yeah, you look nothing like a slut.”
The way you and Chaewon gave Yunjin the “be fucking for real” look in sync was enough to make her clear her throat and speak again, this time using the right words to express her thoughts. “What I mean is, you look daring and hot, okay?”
“Do I really, though?” you asked, avoiding eye contact as you used your hands like fans to cool down the hotness of red on your cheeks. 
“Yes, really ..” Chaewon gave you a reassuring nod, holding your hands gently and caressing them in her palms, “.. I wouldn't be shocked if there would be a huge line of Shaggy's on your front door, waiting to fuck you after tonight.” she teased, wiggling her eyebrows, making you bite on your lower lip to not laugh at her silliness. 
“For the nth time, I'm not gonna fuck anyone tonight, especially not any Shaggy.” 
She raised her hands up, acting like she was surrounded in defeat. “I'm just saying it in case, okay?” she shrugged, looking away as she mumbled the rest of her sentence, “If it happens though, make sure to choose the one with long fingers and a high nose.”
“Chaewon!”
“Alright, enough bickering ..” Yunjin interrupted you, trying her best to look serious as if she didn't snort at what Chaewon said like thirty seconds ago, “.. let' s get your makeup done, we don't wanna be late to the party.”
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Park's mansion, at 9 pm
“Dude, what the fuck?” Sunghoon said to Jake, eyeing him up and down with a confused expression on his face, “Where the fuck is your costume?”
“This is my costume, genius.” Jake muttered, grabbing himself a drink from the tray some cute waitress was holding, “I'm Shaggy, from scooby-doo.”
“It looks like you're only wearing a very cheap looking green shirt with some pants you stole from your grandpa's closet for me.”
“At least I'm not dressed up as Dracula for the nth time.”
Sunghoon scoffed at his friend, one shotting the remaining alcohol in his fancy glass. “At least I'm still gonna get laid tonight.” he said, winking at his visibly annoyed friend, Jake, who wanted nothing more than to get high and not remember anything from tonight. 
Jake shot him a death glare, cursing at him with his eyes. “With that eye makeup? I wouldn't be so sure.” he mocked, reaching for another drink, needing something stronger this time. 
“So whose mother are you after tonight, Shaggy?” Sunghoon asked, knowing exactly which buttons to push to make Jake lose his temper, distracting the subject away from his poorly made eye makeup easily.
“For fuck's sake, how many more times do I have to tell you guys that it was a fucking mistake?” Jake finally snapped, knocking over 2 shots of vodka one after the other, scrunching his whole face at the bitter taste in his throat. 
“Yeah but, how did you managed to fuck Ray's mom in their house, at the party they were throwing and get caught while piping her?” Sunghoon kept on with his teasing, enjoying the strong taste of the drink just as much as he was enjoying watching Jake struggle to come up with responses that made any sense. 
How could a person not know if the woman they were fucking was the mother of their friend — the mother of their team captain also, in Jake's case.
So what happened was, last year during Halloween, Jake got invited to a party which was special to the football team of the university only. It was also a costumed party just like this one, but the host was Ray — the captain of the football team that Jake was also a part of. 
They knew each other ever since Jake started university and were super close because Ray was always there for Jake like an older brother, even though their age gap was no more than a year.
With that being said, it wasn't hard to guess that wherever Ray was, Jake would be there too  — they were basically inseperable, but that changed completely after what Jake did. 
Jake was a casanova, has been a casanova since day one and there was no soul who didn't know about this. 
He liked to fuck every chance he got, and once he's turned on, nothing other than putting his dick inside someone's pussy mattered to him. 
Nothing about age, looks, place could stop him from getting what he wanted. 
So, due to the lacking of his rationality skills, he accidentally ended up fucking Ray's mother inside their bedroom, on the bed she was sharing with his father. And if this was not enough, he got caught by Ray while he was balls deep into her pussy, halfway through breeding her. 
As terrible as this sounds, the aftermath was much worse, he almost got kicked out of the football team and lost his scholarship, all because he didn't think of asking the woman who she was since she was too hot for him to not hit for that matter.  
But thankfully after Ray's graduation last year, things got better, and he actually had the chance to be the team captain this year. So, he really needed to not mess anything up. 
Thanks to the trauma that Ray's party left on him, he stopped going out for clubs and drinks as well as parties, which meant he hasn't been fucking for almost more than a year now. 
So as it could be guessed, he was about to lose his mind due to how much he was literally craving pussy and his beloved friends making fun of him for not getting any like Sunghoon did wasn't helping, not at all. 
It wasn't that he couldn't get laid, he was choosing not to, since he was afraid of fucking up even worse. 
“So how long are you gonna continue this pussy fasting?” Sunghoon slightly nudged his arm with his elbow, separating Jake from his not so pleasant flashbacks. 
“Not any longer than tonight ..” Heeseung barged into the conversation from the corner, holding an almost empty bottle of beer in his hands. “.. a very hot Velma at 9 o'clock, if you're not banging that, I definitely am.”
Not needing to hear anything more, Jake instantly turned his head to the indicated direction, his jaw dropping at the sight before his eyes. 
There you were, standing awkwardly next to your two friends with a worried expression on your face, very easy to spot thanks to the warm colors you chose to wear. 
Unlike the uncomfortable look on your face, you didn't seem like you were struggling to stand up in your burgundy platform heels, your posture looking perfect from Jake's point of view. 
He couldn't stop himself from eyeing you up and down, observing his surprise match with admiration. 
You looked like the real version of Velma, only hotter than he could ever imagine. Everything about you was so pretty, from the way your legs looked under your short skirt inside those orange thigh highs, to the way your matching color of crop top covered only some of your upper body so tightly, making your boobs pop out so sexily. 
He licked his lips to control his drooling, feeling like a caveman as his eyes stayed glued on your body, traveling upwards to now study the pretty features of your face. 
Your makeup was the definition of perfect, the hot tone of red that you wore on your lips complementing your skin tone gorgeusly. Your cheeks were blushed, he couldn't be quite sure whether it was the make up or it was because you were shy but either way, you looked cute — too fucking cute for him to stay uneffected. 
And not to mention how well your big round glasses fitted your whole look, making your pretty face shine even more. 
Shit, if he were to fuck you, he'd definitely make sure you'd keep the glasses on the entire time. 
“Dude ..” Jay's enthusiastic voice distracted Jake from his small analyzing session, making him slightly flinch as he looked up to Jay to listen to what he had to say in such an excited way. “.. I think I've found the perfect match for Jake.”
“Oh ..” Sunghoon giggled, “.. He's already watching her.” he said, signaling the direction where you and your friends were sitting, where Jake couldn't turn his head away.
“She's a friend of Chaewon, the girl I've been talking to ..” Jay smirked, “.. so she's completely safe Jake, don't worry, she's not anyone's mother or anything.”
“Not that it would stop you.” Heeseung blurted while snorting, fist bumping with Sunghoon on the side. 
“Haha, you guys ..” Jake let out a sarcastic and a very fake chuckle, getting up from his seat as he spoke, “.. you're so very fucking funny.” he rolled his eyes, walking away after grabbing a big sized bottle of beer for himself.
“Hey, where are you going?” Jay shouted behind him, feeling slightly guilty for teasing his friend so much. 
“I'm gonna go get some fresh air!” Jake shouted back, feeling his need for oxygen increase because of you, because of how much you took his breath away while sitting there, without a clue on what you've been doing to him by simply being present.  
Fuck, he thought, how was he supposed to survive tonight without getting his hands on you?
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You wanted to throw up and you wanted to do it right onto the face of the guy who was doing everything to flirt with you, instead of getting the hints that you weren't interested in him and leave. 
There he was sitting right next to you, cracking one unfunny joke after the other, his hands desperately trying to touch your thighs with every minute that passed. 
You've been forcing yourself to endure his miserable existence for approximately thirty minutes now, doing it only for Yunjin and Chaewon, since the guy happened to be their friend. 
But nope, it wasn't gonna work out, not when the only thing you wanted to do was to punch him right on the nose.
Which you nearly did, once he tried to throw his arm over your shoulders to pull you closer to him. 
You pushed him away almost immediately, getting up from your seat as you told him that you wanted to get some air, and that you wanted to do it alone. Seemed like this time he picked up the signs of you not wanting him around, which he only responded with a nod before walking away. 
Thank God, you sighed, at least he wasn't some sort of an obsessed creep. 
You scanned the room briefly, looking for your two gorgeous friends, not surprisingly spotting them next to Jay and Sunghoon — the hottest brothers of the campous, step brothers to be exact. 
Since you were a great friend, you figured that it was best to not interrupt them or in other words, cockblock them, so you picked up your phone and typed a quick text on your group chat to let them know you were gonna get some fresh air on the terrace.
Without waiting for them to read, you exited the room, wanting to get away from the loud crowd as fast as you could. This party was the worst one you've been attending so far, and maybe for the first time ever, you were feeling disappointed about it. 
Considering how you've been actively being dragged to parties by your friends for over two weeks now, this was the only one you actually put any effort to get ready for, only for you to get hitted on by some dude that did not know what the word “respect” meant. 
Even though he didn't physically assault you, his eyes were enough, the way he kept staring at your boobs and legs was engraved in your brain in the most awful way, making you feel sick in the stomach. 
You desperately needed some fresh air, for both your nausea and the tears that swelled up in the corners of your eyes. 
After climbing two flights of stairs there you were, finally on the terrace floor, being welcomed by the cold breeze that hit your face as soon as you stepped up. 
“Wow.” you mumbled at how pretty the view of sky was, taking quick steps to walk over the edge, wanting to get a better sight of the sea that was lying just across the fancy mansion of the Park family. 
“Everything looks so pretty from here ..” you breathed out, hugging your shoulders as you took in the most glorious scenery you've seen in your life so far. 
Maybe it was the beauty of the sea or the serenity of the silent sky, but for some reason you couldn't quite distinguish, you were crying, warm tears flowing down from your eyes to meet with your cold cheeks.
And not long after that, your breathy sobs started to be heard, which made the guy who was quietly watching you from the corner break his silence, his husky voice carrying a hint of worry as he spoke.
“Are you okay?” Jake asked, trying his best to use his softest tone so that you wouldn't get scared, not that it worked.
You flinched at the sudden accompaniment of an unknown voice, almost tripping and falling as your surprised eyes met with his concerned ones. He rushed over to help you gain your balance back, gentle hands supporting you kindly by the waist as he mumbled a fearful “Be careful.”
“I'm so sorry ..” he apologized, swiftly removing his hands from your body, “.. I didn't mean to scare you like that.” he said, looking everywhere but your eyes. 
His heart was beating like crazy, chest almost cracking open due to the rate of his heartbeats. Of course he couldn't look you in the eyes, I mean, how could he even survive an eye contact with the prettiest girl he has ever seen while he was feeling this weak already?
“I-It's okay ..” you cleared your throat, “.. I'm the one who didn't notice you.”
Jake licked his lips nervously, not knowing how to put his thoughts into words correctly. He took a deep breath and finally managed to look at your eyes, his voice going down in octave as he spoke again. 
“I know this is really not my place but ..” he blurted out, pausing for a brief second, “.. would you wanna let out what's bothering you? I mean .. I have beer, if you want.”
You couldn't help but giggle at him, thinking he was too cute for his own good when he was just trying to communicate casually. You wiped your tears away with the back of your hand, hoping that your waterproof mascara was actually waterproof.
“You have beer, huh?”
“Y-yeah I mean, since they say alcohol makes it easier to talk, that's why I'm offering.”
“Hmm is that so?” you teased, liking the way his cheeks started to show a really cute tone of red, “Who exactly are “they” though?”
“You know ..” he shrugged, smiling nervously, “.. just p-people.”
“Just people, huh?”
“Y-yeah.”
“Do you always stutter this much?” you asked, enjoying his constant struggle to form any words to answer you. Was he flustered because of you? Aw, that would be so cute.
“When I'm n-nervous, yes.”
“Why are you nervous?” you stepped awfully closer to him, standing only mere inches away from his face, unaware of the boldness of your moves. “Are you planning on doing something, like getting me drunk, hm mister —” you stopped, realizing that you didn't know his name yet. Great, you thought, this was the best excuse to learn it. “ — wait, who were you again?”
“Shaggy, y-your Shaggy ..” he blurted out, not exactly thinking before speaking out, “.. fuck, I meant, Shaggy — I'm Shaggy from Scooby Doo.” 
You didn't bother holding your laughter at his never-ending clumsy mistakes, which made him cuter and cuter by the passing minute in your eyes. “My Shaggy, huh?” you imitated his tone, “Sounds cute.”
“Since you're Velma and t-they're a c-couple you know, in the cartoon ..” he gulped down, letting out a defeated sigh before facepalming once he realized he only made it worse the more he talked. “.. fuck, I should shut up.”
You chuckled, muffling his hair gently with your delicate hands, feeling close to him for some reason you couldn't explain. “Thanks for enlightening me about our relationship, my Shaggy — ”
“Ugh, please —” he groaned, palming his face and hiding his blushed cheeks on your shoulder. Oddly for you, skinship with a total stranger like him didn't feel awkward at all, if anything, it made you excited over the contact.
“I appreciate everything you said but, I meant to ask you who you really are ..” you gently pushed him away, separating him from your shoulder to form an eye contact, “.. like, what's your name?”
“J-jake, it's Jake ..” he almost whispered, unable to keep his eyes locked with yours, “.. from the mathematics department.”
 “Y/n, from chemistry.” you reached your hand out to him, watching him hesitantly grab it after blinking a few times. You had to admit, you've never seen anyone looking so adorable while they were confused, Jake was truly an exception. 
“It's a cute name, y/n ..” Jake commented, the shy smile on his face turning into a more confident one gradually, “.. I like how it rolls off my tongue so smoothly.”
“You do?”
“Mhm.” He nodded, still holding your hand, thinking how perfectly it fitted inside his big palm. “I really like it.”
“Enough to share your beer with me?” 
“Oh, sweetheart ..” Jake shot you a side smirk, bringing your hand to his lips to leave a feathery kiss on your soft skin, “.. I would share it with you even without knowing your name.” 
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“So, if you mix this and this and add a bunch of these ..” Jake spoke enthusiastically from behind the counter, playing the role of your personal bartender as he made you a drink that he claimed to taste way better than the beer you two shared a while back on the terrace. “.. you get this pretty baby named, the zombie.”
He wiggled his eyebrows as he landed your special cocktail to you, making sure to pick the fanciest glass for the fanciest girl at the party, you.
“You see y/n, I'm no chemist like you but ..” he leaned closer to you, watching you squeeze your eyes shut as you took a sip from his recipe, “.. I know a lot of formulas to work with.”
You took a small sip, feeling slightly anxious because you didn't do well with bitter things and since he mixed a lot of everything together, you were worried it would cause a chemical burn in your throat.
But surprisingly, aside from the cringyness of his words there was truth to them, since the special potion he made just for you actually tasted so sweet that you were easily able to finish it at one go, leaving him with a proud smile on his face as he watched you. 
“Normally, it's strong enough to knock you over if you finish it at one go like this ..” he chuckled, “.. but I adjusted it so it's weak and sweet enough for my lady to enjoy.” he tapped at your nose, giving you a puppy-like smile. 
He was so adorable that you were sure, this couldn't be only the illusion of the alcohol that was mixed in your blood. 
He was sweet and it was genuine, maybe that's why you opened up to him so fast, not doubting once before sharing the cause of your tears back on the big terrace, accepting his kind offer of beer. 
You told him the real reason why you were present at this party which was hosted by two of his close friends as he shared, Jay and Sunghoon, telling him how pressured you actually started to feel due to your two best friend's what's-supposed-to-be a sweet act.
You knew they meant only well with their little “lets get y/n laid” movement but besides from the goofiness of it, considering how traumatic it was for you to endure one of their “friends” with the exact intentions of trying to hit on you, it was safe for you to say that you wanted nothing more than for them to stop — which was the part that Jake get involved.  
He, being the sweetheart he is, offered to be your company for the night, telling you that with him by your side, no one would come to bother you. 
And he was right on that, since it's been almost an hour you two came back from the terrace and no one — including your two best friends and their spouse candidates for you, bothered neither you nor Jake. 
Things were going so smooth so far, until Jake pointed behind you, where your two best friends and his two best friends were sat together in pairs — Chaewon with Jay and Yunjin with Sunghoon, staring at your direction, observing the coincidental perfect match between you and your Shaggy, Jake.  
“I believe they are staring at us.” Jake commented, putting his palm under his chin, narrowing his eyes as he acted completely immersed in his mystery-solving Shaggy role. But just as it was in the cartoon, he was looking nothing other than a clown, a cute one at that, with his terrible acting skills and handsome looks. 
“Oh yeah?” you mocked, imitating him as you put your elbow on the counter just like he did, cupping your chin with your palm. “And how do you suggest we get rid of their curious looks?”
“Dance ..” he said, reaching his hand out with a somewhat flirtatious look on his face, “.. I believe we best dance to decrease their level of suspicion.”
You couldn't help but to giggle as you held his hand, “Then, we shall dance.” you said, following the lead of his dorkiness. 
You let him carry your hand in his as he got out of the mini-bar thingy that he used to show off his chemistry knowledge on drinks to you, walking into the depths of the crowd that moved their body to the rhythm of the current song that was playing. 
“By the way ..” you spoke once you arrived at your destination, smiling as you wrapped your arms around the neck of your pretty date for the night, “.. It was a really lame way to ask for a dance, mister Shaggy.”
“Hey ..” he chuckled, looking like an absolute smash with his rosy cheeks and plump lips, making your heart flutter with his unintentional flirting skills. “.. It still got me a dance though, didn't it?” he bit on his lips, pulling you closer by your waist with his big palms placed on both sides.
Yep, he was right, it did get him a dance. And maybe — just maybe, it was gonna get him something more, something he has been craving for so long. 
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“Should we be doing something about this?” Chaewon said to Yunjin, taking the opportunity of having Jay and Sunghoon being absent to get drinks, pointing at where you were very wildly dancing with Jake. 
“I mean, I'm kind of getting worried.”
Yunjin scrunched her face once she noticed how Jake's hands were resting very close to your ass, watching you sway your hips in harmony with his while laughing at something he seemed to be whispering in your ear. 
Oh God, she thought, I hope it's not dirty talk. 
“I can't be sure if she's faking it to get rid of us ..” Yunjin responded back, narrowing her eyes to focus on reading your body language. “.. or if she's really into him.”
“I don't know which one is worse ..” Chaewon shook her head, almost gagging when Jake spinned you around and pulled you closer to himself, his lips almost brushing against yours. “.. but it looks like the second one to me.”
“I mean I know we told her to get a Shaggy but, did it have to be him?” 
Chaewon sighed in frustration as she let out her question, wanting to just snatch you away from the guy who she knew that had a terrible reputation on the entire campus. 
She despised him, especially because she watched it first hand how what he did almost ruined Ray's life, one of her closest friends of years. 
Yeah, she knew that she didn't really have any rights to talk about Jake since she wasn't even involved, but witnessing Ray's struggle unintentionally made her grow some sort of hatred towards him, she could not help it.
Thankfully Ray was doing much better with his parents now, moved into another city and enjoying his newly started life there. 
But unfortunately, that didn't seem to lessen her despise over Jake, since she was barely holding herself from ruining your fun.
She tched, rolling her eyes at the irony of this situation. 
She was the one who told you to go and find yourself a handsome looking, sex beast Shaggy and you did just that, but now there she was, trying to decide whether or not she should boycott your once in a lifetime experience. 
She couldn't help but to feel awful, you were her best friend.
“You know ..” Yunjins voice brought her back to reality, separating her from the sly thoughts in her head. “.. this is partially your fault.”
Chaewon glared at her, annoyed by the fact that she was thinking the same way as her. Ugh, why didn't she think better before encouraging you to go find yourself a pretty faced Shaggy and do the deed with him?
“Shut up, Yunjin.”
“No, because if you didn't tell her to go for a high nose and pretty hands, we might not be facing this situation.” she huffed, unable to hide the disgust in her face as she tried to stop the thoughts of you banging Jake from coming to her mind while she watched you two basically do a mating dance. 
Yep, she thought, you were definitely gonna lose that v card today.
“How could I know she would actually listen to me?” Chaewon defended herself, crossing her arms over her chest, “She literally never listens to me!” 
“Well, either way, It's too late now ..” Yunjin shrugged, accepting the obvious truth before her eyes. You looked like you really enjoyed Jakes company, which seemed to be coming in a romantic / sexual way, not that she took pleasure from witnessing. 
All there was left for them to do was to support you, which wasn't gonna be easy, but well,  as your best friends, it was their duty.
“.. we should just accept and —” her sentence got corrupted before she could finish it when the two handsome brothers that left their side came back, carrying a couple of glasses that were seemingly full with expensive looking drinks.
“Hey there ladies ..” Sunghoon cheered as he got back to his seat next to Yunjin, gently handing her drink out. “.. what are you discussing so passionately?”
“Nothing!” Yunjin let out a fake chuckle as she reached to get the drink from Sunghoon, watching Chaewon doing the same with Jay. “We were just talking about how your friend seems to be getting along so well with y/n, right Chaewon?”
Chaewon nodded with an awkward smile on her face, locking her eyes with Yunjin's approval seeking ones to avoid Jay's gaze. “They look like —”
“— like a cute couple, right?” Jay finished her sentence, turning his head to watch how his best friend was all over you while you were dancing to an upbeat song. 
You go tiger, he thought to himself, trying to hold his laughter back while observing Jake.    
“Haha, exactly.” Chaewon took an annoyed sip from her drink, cursing internally for ever agreeing to come to this party. 
“They're really sweeping the dance floor,” Sunghoon commented, “Look at them, they rock the whole place.” he said, leaning onto Yunjin, eyes looking at her as if he was offering to do the same. 
“They totally do!”
Jay one shotted his drink at the same time as his brother and placed the glass on the small table before their feet, reaching his hand out to Chaewon with an attractive smirk on his face. 
“Should we join them, then?”
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As lovely as it was to dance with the most popular brothers of the school, maybe for tonight, it wasn't the best thing to do for neither Chaewon nor Yunjin. 
They were stuck with the Park brothers in the middle of the dance floor, while a rather romantic/slow song was playing and despite the fact that they scanned the entire room maybe for the nth time, you were nowhere to be found, nor was Jake. 
“Do you see her?” Chaewon mouthed at Yunjin who was wrapped with Sunghoon's arms next to her, as she rested her head on Jay's shoulder, giving up from searching for you. 
“Negative.” Yunjin shook her head, pouting at her friend as she let Sunghoon pat her back, his gentle hands caressing her exposed skin through the thin fabric of her dress.
They both sighed as they accepted their defeat, leaning on their handsome partners while trying to suppress the buds of worry inside their gut. 
Where could you have disappeared?
Meanwhile, y/n and Jake, in one of the rooms at Park's mansion
“God,” you groaned into Jake's mouth, letting him corner you between himself and the door, “you have such kissable lips.” 
He giggled at your cute confession, big palms coming down to cup your ass under your skirt, fondling your flesh with his pretty hands. 
“And you have an ass to die for, sweetheart.” 
You smiled at his naughty compliment and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into an even messier, deeper kiss. You welcomed his tongue inside as he swiped it along your lower lip, tasting your cherry flavored, burgundy lip gloss once again.
The way you tasted so sweet was getting him high, your intoxicating scent spreading everywhere from the tip of his nose to the ends of his veins. He could feel you all over his body, which had his dick desperately twitching in his pants with the lust he felt for you.
You let out an attractive chuckle as he kept kissing you, reaching your hands down to the tent on his crotch, where he was poking in between your legs with his hardness. You palmed him over his clothes, making him whimper against your lips when you traced your fingers on the outline of his cock, gently stroking him through the fabric. 
He felt so weak under your delicate touches, almost as if he was poisoned with the way you moved your lips on his. Everything about you was so irresistible; your pretty smile, your adorable moans, the softness of your ass and most importantly — the way you called out his name. 
It had the same effect with the song of the sirens, alluring him more and more every time you opened your mouth to let his name out.  
“I want you so bad, y/n ..” he whispered in your ear, nibbling with your earlobe after breaking the kiss, “.. so fucking bad.”
“Then take me, Jake,” you responded to him, pressing your swollen lips onto the exposed skin of his neck, placing an open mouthed kiss at where he seemed to be sensitive. “I'm all yours.”
He pulled out from your embrace briefly, resting his forehead on yours to form an eye contact, which made your knees give out. “I want to fuck you ..” he whispered as he pecked your lips, “.. hard and raw.”
Your heart skipped a beat on his words, his lustful gaze hypnotizing you with his blown out pupils, an unfamiliar feeling making your stomach burn. 
Was this how desire felt like? 
You assumed so, because it was the first time you ever wanted a man to touch you, to do unspeakable things to you. 
You wanted him and he wanted you, there was no need for stopping. 
You fluttered your lashes as you observed his features, his high nose and plump lips looking even more beautiful than the beginning of the night, the dim lights in the room shadowing his well sculptured face just perfectly. 
You thought about how you ended up here, right where your friends planned you to be, and looking back at what you've done, you had no regrets whatsoever, surprisingly.
You didn't regret kissing Jake. 
You didn't regret initiating something for the first time in your life, with the most adorable guy you've ever landed your eyes on. And you were sure that you werent gonna regret losing your virginity to him either, cause at the end of the night, it all was meant to be. 
You two were meant to be, you thought, destined to be together. 
As overdramatic as it sounded, Jake actually shared the same thoughts with you, cause what were the odds of you two matching in a random party as one of the most known couples of the cartoon world, in one of his favorite TV shows that he still watched to this day?
That's right, yes, close to zero. 
A Little fun fact about him: he was always a Velma boy, always has been and still was. 
Just now he has noticed how right his decision was once again, cause he definitely and absolutely had the biggest, the fattest crushes on Velmas — well to be precise, on a certain Velma, you.
There was something about the way you looked at him with your gorgeous eyes behind your round glasses, your lips swollen and your lipstick smeared all over your chin due to his kisses. 
He traveled his hands on your body, stopping on your chest to cup your tits with one of them, and resting the other one on your blushed cheeks. He caressed your lower lip with his thumb, soon after pressing his finger on your tongue for you to suck. 
He hissed as you played with his thumb in your mouth, giving him a preview of how good you'd look if you were to suck him off. The thought of it almost made him moan out loud, the effect you had on him being like none other, not compatible with any girl he's ever hooked up with before.  
Fuck, he thought, realizing the bitter truth — he was never ever gonna be able to get over you. 
And maybe, if he got lucky, he wouldn't need to. 
“Y/n,” he called your name out, almost as if he was whining, “you're driving me crazy, baby.” he said, massaging your boobs, one hand perfectly enough to cover them both over your tight crop. 
You hummed as you reached to his hands, placing yours on top of his large ones. You let his thumb slip out of your mouth as you replaced it with his index and middle finger instead, giving him a provoking look as you let his digits slide on your tongue, taking them in your throat as deep as your gag reflex allowed.  
“Shit.” he grunted once you clenched around his fingers, making him wish that he would feel the same thing around his cock one day, if not tonight. 
He pulled his fingers out of your mouth after letting you have your fun for a little longer, smashing his lips onto yours as soon as he removed them, kissing you harder, with much more of an uncontrollable desire this time. 
“I want to be the first,” he admitted in between breathless kisses, “and the only guy who ever gets to touch you like this.” he continued, letting the hand you just sucked on sneak under your skirt, brushing his fingertips over the dampness on your panties. 
“I want to be your only one, y/n,” he whispered like he was begging for your approval, resting his lips on yours as he kept speaking, “I can please you that well baby, I promise.”
“Then do it, Jake ..” you responded to him with a tender voice, your eagerness reflecting onto your tone. “.. what's stopping you?”
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“J-jake!” you reached your hands out for the man that left your side on the bed to kneel in between your legs, his eyes locked on yours as his hands never left their place on your clothed core.  
“Shh baby, I'm right here.”  he said with a calming tone, leaning to press a wet kiss on your upper, inner thighs. 
Feeling how wet you were on the tip of his fingers was making it really difficult for him to take things slow, the urge to rip all the clothings off your body was getting incredibly hard to ignore. 
Yet he was trying his best to keep his promise of giving you the best night of your life and to be able to do that, he knew that he had to be patient.
That's why he was taking one step at a time with you, trying to go at the speed of baby steps, starting off by using his skillful hands on your clothed pussy. 
Seemed like his efforts were worth the trouble, he thought, considering the way you were grinding your hips against his palms.
You were finally ready for him to get to the next step, oral sex. 
Oh how much he wanted to eat you out right now, to absolutely devour every single drop of your blissful orgasm with his tongue. 
He just knew that you'd taste better than any dessert he's ever tried, a sweet little recipe that him and only him would ever get to try.
Yes, he was gonna make sure of that, he was gonna make sure that he'd stay as the only one to ever be that lucky.
With an excited sigh, he pushed your panties to the side, revealing your throbbing pussy for his hungry eyes. 
The sight was mouth watering, he was flabbergasted at the way your little hole was pulsing out a white drink for him. 
Not wanting to waste any second, he licked it up, sucking on your cunt like he was left hungry for years. His fingers remained still on your clit at the same time, doubling up your pleasure with the way they rubbed your sensitive piece of flesh.    
He moaned once you snapped your legs around his head, cutting out his oxygen flow for a brief minute before he managed to separate them to breathe. 
“Shit, y/n ..” he cursed when he detached his lips from your cunt, his chest heaving up and down as he was looking at you with his dark eyes from where he was sitting on the floor. 
“I don't think one time is gonna be enough for me, not when you taste this good, love.” he said, being struck by the addictive taste you left on his tongue. 
It was making him wanna risk anything and everything just so he could keep you to himself.
“Wh-what do you mean?” 
He chuckled at your naive question, biting his lips before diving back on his meal for tonight. “It means that I'm gonna make sure ..” he whispered, licking a long line from your butthole to your clit, “.. make sure to give you a reason to see me again.” 
And with that, he poked his tongue inside your hole, strong hands coming up to grab your hips so that he could pull you impossibly close to himself, not letting you escape from the indescribable amount of pleasure he was giving to you. 
Silence was not an option for you at this point, the only thing you were able to do was to moan his name out very loudly as you were pulling on his soft, dark hair, challenging the strength of the roots of his silky strands. 
Honestly speaking, now you were totally getting the hype about sex in your generation, cause damn, this shit was mind blowing, at least with Jake it was. 
You could swear that you were seeing stars, choking on your words as he fucked you with his tongue, his nose brushing against your bud ever so often to make sure you were losing every bit of your remaining sanity. 
You were already weak and the way he held your legs placed still over his shoulder with his beautifully large hands was not at all helping you move in your spot, you were completely immobilized from waist down on the bed.
One hand gripping the sheets and the other tugging on his equally soft hair, you were feeling over the edge, shaking under the effect of a strong burn in your stomach. 
That must be my closing high, you thought to yourself, lowkey impressed that you still had some functioning neurons left in your brain after everything Jake was doing to drive you crazy.
Just when you were thinking what more he could even do to you, he did it, slipping a finger through your wet folds with ease. 
He was gentle, for now, as he was moving it in and out of your tightness, making sure to curl it so that he could make even more of a mess out of you. 
You could feel his smug smirk on your skin as he drifted his plump lips away from your cunt, peppering soft, feathery kisses all over your exposed thighs as he drew small circles on your tummy with his other hand.   
He was soft but rough, sweet but merciless at the same time, adding a second finger inside as he paced up once he felt how much you started to clench. 
He was aware of the fact that you were overstimulated, completely fucked out yet it gave him nothing but pleasure, if anything, it was only encouraging him to go harder on you. 
After taking a quick glance at your face, he chuckled, seeing how you were chewing on your lower lip to keep yourself from being embarrassingly loud. 
You already wanted to disappear in thin air due to the lack of control you had over the twitching of your legs, your whole body spasming under his weight as he raised on his feet to hover over your defenseless body, the pace of his fingers remaining exactly the same as he did so. 
“Nuh-uh, baby ..” he shook his head, freeing your lip from your teeth with his thumb, “.. do me a favor and never keep that pretty mouth shut when I'm touching you, okay?” he asked, gently pecking you on the lips. 
“Fuck, Jake —”
“Exactly,” he giggled, adoring how quick you were at obeying, “be very very loud for me, yeah?”
You nodded, rather eagerly to his like, grasping the collar of his loose green shirt to pull him closer. You kissed him just the way he liked to be kissed, sloppily and needily, your tongue fighting with his, even though you knew that you had no chances of winning any kind of battles against him. 
Giving up, you allowed him to conquer the insides of your mouth once again, bucking your hips up desperately with your closing high. 
He wrapped a hand around your throat to keep you from moving as he suffocated you with endless kisses, casually biting and sucking on your lips because the marks he left on your neck and thighs weren't enough for him to be satisfied. 
“Jake, I think I'm g-gonna —” you panted against his mouth once he permitted you to breathe, his chest moving along yours as he felt himself leak some of his cum into his boxers.
It was pathetic, yeah but what could he say? It's been forever since he touched a girl and well, this was hands up the very best hookup he's ever had. 
Maybe even too good to stay as only a hookup, even.
“Do it,” he spoke, not letting you finish your sentence, “you're doing so well love, now show me how you cream my fingers, okay?” he comforted you, resting his forehead on yours with nothing but love and admiration in his eyes. 
The way you could feel the pulsations of your walls was a quite new experience, you were light in the head as your heart was beating like it was trying to drill its way out of your chest. 
Everything was so new and admittedly a little scary, but for some reason, the way this complete stranger of a boy touching your private parts made your worries disappear. 
He was astonished while watching how hard your orgasm hit you, your very first one excluding that one time you tried a vibrator out of curiosity, moving his fingers out of your hole to land a sharp smack on your clit. 
“Shit —” you gasped, squeezing your thighs together around his hands, visibly shaking under his weight with the wave of pleasure that washed over you. 
“You did amazing,” he whispered, leaning to your ear, “absolutely amazing, y/n.” 
“So did you,” you replied, pulling his head out of the crook of your neck, your eyes searching for his before you made the boldest request that you've ever made so far. 
“Now do it again, but with your dick this time.”
A wide grin spread all over his face as he slowly got up from his spot, took his loose shirt off while he was standing right in the middle of your tired legs. 
“What my princess wants,” he spoke, undoing the button of his cargo pants in the blink of an eye, “is what my princess gets.” 
He let his pants fall from his waist to reveal his boxers and the very visible bulge under it, diving his hands under the tight fabric of his underwear to stroke his aching length, knowing just exactly what he was doing to you.
You never thought something other than food could be craved, but there you were, trying to control your mouth from foaming at the delicious sight before you. 
And when he slid down his pants to his knees, that's when you knew that you were crazy, enough to let out a whiny cry over the looks of his pretty cock. 
It was just the perfect size, yes apparently the perfect size did exist, veiny and not too thick with a cute pinkish tip.   
“Like what you see, huh?” he asked, rightfully smug, letting a glob of spit fall from his lips on his dick, his eyes daringly locked onto your flustered ones. 
He knew that he had you right in his palm but only for this night, you could allow it, since it felt hot to be weak and vulnerable for the first time. 
“Yeah I do,” you licked your lips, letting him spread your legs even further apart as he positioned himself against your hole, brushing his head lightly over your wet folds. “very much so, love.”
He giggled at the way you mimicked his tone, pulling you by your nape to steal a kiss from your still somehow glossy lips. 
“That so? Let's see how much you'll like this then.” 
With that, he was easily balls deep inside you, grunting out a husky “fuck” over the way you clenched around him just right. The feeling took his breath away, making him dizzy for a quick second as he watched how you took every inch of him.
You were buried in the sheets, still fully clothed as he begun to fuck you because let's be honest, your costume was a dream come true. 
Your back was arched and your legs were resting against his chest while his hands were busy traveling the length of your legs, massaging your flesh gently while he was thrusting inside you, moving slow to let you adjust his size.
So, in short, everything was perfect — well at least it was, until his phone started to ring non stop.
He ignored the first and the second calls, convincing you that it was probably one of the guys who was calling him, to make sure he wasn't knocked out somewhere due to how heavy he usually drinks.
But on the third call, you stopped him, telling him to get it because something wasn't feeling right. What if it was important, sex could wait for another day after all, right?
Extremely annoyed, Jake listened to you, reaching to his back pocket to answer the incoming call from his best friend that he now was hating for cockblocking him. 
Yes, it was Jay, the pain in his ass. 
“What do you want?” he huffed against the speaker, hoping Jay would get the hint and never bother him again. 
“Where the fuck are you?” 
“In the middle of something, Jay —”
“Like what? Y/n?” Jay teased,  “You better not be in my room, or else I'll give you a second butthole.”
Jake sighed, rolling his eyes out of annoyment. You were lying there all pretty with your little hole around his cock right before him, yet as if there was no other time for Jay to bother him, he picked this very moment to ruin. 
How perfect, why was luck never on Jake's side?
“I'm hanging up.”
“No wait —” Jay stopped him, sounding out of breath as if he was running. “I'm afraid you and y/n will have to wait, this is important.”
“I'm sorry but my understanding of what's important is not the same as yours right now, Jay,” Jake said sarcastically, caressing the sides of your calves, “So if you'll excuse me, I gotta go.”
“We're taking Yunjin to the hospital, idiot, so no i can not excuse you!” Jay finally snapped, the sound of his yelling was loud enough to be heard by where you were lying. “You need to take a break from fucking because this shit is important, now get your ass up and meet us at the location I'm gonna send to you.”
“What the fuck happened?” Jake asked, looking very confused as he slipped himself out of you, signaling you to get cleaned in the bathroom near the door. 
You had no idea what was going on but you didn't object to him, since whatever they were talking about seemed to be really serious for your little sneak out with Jake to not get interrupted. 
He mouthed “I'll explain.” at you while grabbing his shirt from the floor, wearing it clumsily as he was listening to Jay explaining the details of what the problem was. 
When you came out of the bathroom looking a little less fucked out, he walked up to you with open arms, pulling you into a warm hug as he mumbled out an apology for your very first night to be ruined like this. 
“It's okay,” you kissed his neck, patting his back as he swung your bodies together. “It's not your fault,” you told him, “now tell me what happened.”
“Okay, but dont panic alright?” he sighed, cupping your face, trying to find the best words to explain the situation to you.  “Yunjin's at the hospital, apparently she injured her ankle.”
“What?!” you yelled, stepping away from his embrace in shock, “Where, how?!”
“Well, Jay said she drank a little too much,” he scrunched his nose, looking down on the floor while talking,  “and didn't wanna come down from the dance floor even though Hoon and Chaewon begged her to.”
“Sounds like her,” you shook your head, scratching your forehead with exhaustion, “and where are they now?”
“Jay was gonna send it to me,” he said, reaching to take your hands in his big ones as an attempt to comfort you, “hold on, let me check.”
“Here, he sent it.” 
You read the name of the hospital out loud as he showed you the screen of his phone, letting him intertwine the fingers of his other hand with yours.
Everything about tonight was so confusing that you were having a hard time catching up, but one thing was for sure, you trusted Jake. 
It was awkward, yes, and maybe even wrong because you knew nothing about him, but that seemed to not be an issue for your emotions because the only thing you were feeling was comfort while holding his hand.  
“Let's go.” he said, kissing the tip of your nose, his eyes looking very different from minutes ago, so innocent and kind. 
However, they were pretty either way, making you wanna fuck everything up and give this game called “love” a chance.
“Mhm,” you hummed, brushing the intrusive thoughts away for now, “Lets go.”
3 weeks later, the night of the new year 
“Happy new year, baby.” 
You were staring at the message that you sent to Jake for like an hour ago, pouting in disappointment cause he still hasn't responded to you.
I mean, not that you'd like admitting but he was actually ignoring you the way you thought, you could understand his reasoning cause if you were to be honest, you kind of had it coming. 
Why? Well because, practically speaking, in this new relationship thingy with Jake, you weren't even giving him the bare minimum, where he was giving more than everything you could ask for to you.  
So far, he sneaked out almost every night to meet with you, and even took you out for multiple dates, doing it all the while respecting your decision to keep your relationship a secret from both his friends and yours. 
But even though he agreed with you on being private for now, you could still remember the enthusiasm leaving his eyes when you first told him about it. 
It was obvious that it was not at all what he wanted, yet he still did it, only because you seemed happier that way, and that was the only thing he cared about. 
It was the most heartbreaking sight you've ever seen and you couldn't help but to feel guilty, because right now everything between you two seemed to be falling apart, despite how good it started. 
And you couldn't help but to blame yourself for that, since Jake couldn't be more perfect than he was right now.  
Even after your first night — the night of your first sex which got interrupted in the most ridiculous way, thanks to Yunjin and her clumsy ass who was doing great now — Jake never did anything to offend you, in fact, he didn't even bring up the topic of what went down that night, because he was afraid of making you feel uncomfortable.
He seemed to be always so considerate towards you in some way, but if you were to be honest, you felt like you were the complete opposite of him, which made you think like you were only making him feel bad, especially tonight. 
So what happened was, he was begging this past week for you to spend the christmas night with him, and well, it wasn't an offer you wanted to reject either. So, you ended up saying yes. 
Because as much as he wanted to be alone with you, you wanted the very same, since you couldn't stop thinking about your very steamy first night and how great things could've been if only it wasn't ruined. 
And for that exact reason, you decided to dress up a little for him tonight, hoping that by the end of the night, nothing but Jake's warmth would be wrapped around your bare skin. 
But things unfortunately didn't go as planned — when did it ever with you anyways —  and just when you were getting ready to go out, Chaewon and Yunjin decided to pay you a visit, just like how they did every year with a big turkey they brought along themselves to cook for the night. 
Yes, that was right, you totally forgot about your yearly tradition with your two best friends, such a great move from you. 
Thus, you ended up ditching Jake with the lamest apology message, which he still hasn't returned understandably, cause he had every right to be angry with you, or even stop talking with you for good although that was a torture for you to even think of. 
“Fuck.” you huffed, shuffling on the mattress of your bed, crossing an arm over your face as an attempt to dry away the newly formed tears in your eyes. You felt helpless, because you didn't have the guts to call him, but all you ever wanted to do was to hear his soothing voice telling you that it was okay.
Was it selfish? Most definitely, but you were too desperate to care about it. 
There was only one thing going on repeat inside your brain, the thought of not wanting to lose Jake. It hurt a lot, more than you could express with words. 
But as you were busy fighting with your tears, you were forgetting about something, something really important about Jake. And it was the fact that he was already too in love with you to ever leave you, no matter how angry or offended he felt, therefore your worries were irrelevant. 
Because if not, what on earth was he outside of your door right now, freezing in cold as he was waiting for you to pick up your phone. 
Feeling the buzz next to your head, you wiped away your tears and sniffled, smiling widely as you looked at the name on your screen with wet, swollen eyes and a red nose. 
“Jake,” you whined once you answered his call, your voice cracking as your eyes started to shed a waterfall out of a sudden, “I'm so sorry, baby.”  
“Y/n,” he breathed out, his heart dropping at the sounds of your sobs, “baby why are you crying?” 
“Because I'm sorry,” you heaved a sigh, “I'm sorry that I couldn't be with you tonight even though I promised, I'm such a terrible girlfriend.”  
“Aw sweetheart,” Jake let out with his usual soft tone, feeling his eyes burn because of how terribly it hurt to hear you cry like this, “that's okay, please don't cry, hm?” 
“Are you not mad at me?”  
“No, how could I be mad at my angel?” he responded, chuckling, “If you don't believe me, why don't you look from your window and see for yourself, huh?” 
You got up from your bed, confused, and waddled towards your window, cleaning your face with the back of your palms in the meantime. 
The sight you saw was beautiful enough to make an extremely excited squeal escape from your mouth, he was here, Jake was here for you. 
Slapping a hand over your lips, you tried to contain yourself from being too loud since the said two girls were staying over the night, currently sleeping like babies in the guest room. 
You allowed yourself a minute to calm down, watching your handsome boyfriend through your window. He was leaning against his car as he was staring at your way, waving at you cutely from where he was standing. How could he possibly be more endearing than this? 
Not being patient enough to spend another second without him, you ran outside, going down stairs with the speed of lighting as you dropped your phone on the floor of your room, leaving Jake hanging once again.  
He called out your name a few times after seeing your silhouette disappearing from the frame of your window, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion until he heard the sound of your front door opening to reveal a very happy you running towards him with wide open arms. 
He lifted you up as you hugged him tightly and spun you around while giggling, wishing you a very good year that you both hopefully would get to spend with each other.
“Y/n —” he let out, placing you back on your feet, his arms still wrapped around your waist as your hands rested on his nape. 
Unable to resist how pretty his puffy lips looked, you cut his words the best way you ever could and pulled him in for a kiss, moaning once you felt his sweetness on the tip of your tongue. 
He returned your moan with a deep grunt, showing you that he was sharing the same feelings with you — desire and love. 
He was so into you that even a simple kiss like this made his stomach do endless flips inside him, sending shivers down his spine. He couldn't resist you, he couldn't ever, not that he would want to try either. 
So he surrendered, leaning down and lifting you up once again, making you wrap your legs around his waist as he walked towards your house to keep you both safe from the cold, carrying you inside quickly. 
But the cold was not the only reason why he was rushing to move things under a roof, since his stomach wasn't his only organ that was left affected from your endless kisses.
Yes, you are guessing right, he could feel his dick harden inside his boxers, which was making him let out soft moans ever so often into the kiss. 
It was so funny to him that after years of hooking up with girls, you were the only one he didn't need a prep with before sex — since with a touch, you managed to get him as hard as a rock in the matter of seconds, good to go for as many rounds as you could want.  
Getting inside your place, he was able to shut the door not so loudly with the back of his foot, immediately turning you around and slamming your back against the hard surface for a more efficient make out session.
His hands were on your hips as he was grinding against your core, his lips sucking on yours desperately, making you lose your barely existing patience. The way you whimpered against his mouth was nut worthy, yet he was trying his best to save his babies for your pretty little cunt that he has been craving more than ever lately. 
“Jake —” you gasped, tugging on his hair as an attempt to briefly break the kiss, failing once he pressed his hungry lips back on yours in no time. 
“Shh, keep it quiet baby,” he whispered, sounding somewhat sarcastic, “didn't you tell me your friends were gonna stay over tonight? Do you want them to hear us, hm?”
“I don't care anymore —” you responded, finally saying 'fuck it' to everything, “ — I want you, right now.”
“So far from staying private, huh, sweetheart?” he teased, rocking his hips against yours in a way he knew that would make you cry out of joy, smirking once he got the exact reaction he wanted from you — a high pitched moan. 
“P-please,” you whined, pecking his lips, “I need you so bad, please.” 
He giggled, enjoying to see your struggle over your desire for his cock. Maybe it was finally the time he let you get a taste of it, he thought, to put an end to your hassle. 
“Where's your room?”   
“Upstairs.” you pointed at his back, innocent eyes blinking in expectation as you observed his pretty features like you did at the night you first met. He was so pretty, even prettier than that night. 
“Let's go then, princess,” he smirked, eyes looking a few shades darker, “Let's fulfill your needs.”
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“Shit, It's so hot in here.” Jake mumbled as he dropped you on your bed, aggressively removing his coat and then his sweater, giving you the best of deja vu's while standing in between your legs.  
Everything he did was reminding you of your first night, from the way he was so impatiently undoing the buttons of his pants to the way he was looking at you with a lustful gaze. But this time, you weren't two complete strangers, you were together, like a real couple. 
He was your boyfriend, even though nobody knew, yet.
You giggled at the thoughts in your head, thinking how great it was for you to be able to call the statue-like guy before you as yours. You were lucky, but if you'd ask him, he would say that he was the lucky one. 
You were driving him crazy no matter what you did, but even though he didn't understand why, he liked the way you made him lose all the control he had over his body when around  you. 
Looking at you lying on the sheets of your large bed, he was feeling his blood boil in his veins, his skin burning hot as his dick kept twitching inside his pants. 
All you did was to kiss him outside and here he was, no better than an animal at self control, watching you wrap your still unfortunately clothed legs around his hips to pull him on top of you.    
He fell on you with a deep grunt escaping his lips, large hands creeping up to pin your arms upon your head as you kissed him, your tongue dancing with his feverishly. 
“Don't move your arms.” he ordered as he broke the kiss, now conquering the exposed skin of your neck with wet pecks and gentle bites.  
He then trailed his hands down to where they belong, on your boobs, and cupped them over your shirt, massaging them slowly. From the way you whimpered next to his ear, he knew that you liked it, which was the only signal he needed to keep doing what he was doing. 
But not only he kept on working his hands, he involved his hips into the game right after, and lit the first spark of your fiery night by grinding his bulge on your throbbing core. 
Despite the layer of clothing between your bodies, you could feel his hardness sharp and clean, the friction of having him so close sending your eyes to the back of your scalp. 
In that moment, you realized how addicted you were to him, as if he was the master of your body and you were nothing but a puppet by his side. His warmth was intoxicating against your skin, and your bliss only increased once he tugged his fingers on the hem of your shirt to push it over your chest, revealing the delicious sight of your pretty waist and soft tits.
“God,” he groaned, stealing a glance from you, “I fucking love you so much, y/n.” he whispered, before diving his head onto your boobs.   
He pulled the cups of your bra down to gain better excess for his hungry lips as he kept on suckling on your tits, leaving pinkish marks everywhere his mouth touched at the same time. 
You were a panting mass underneath him, having a difficult time keeping your arms still and your hands in place the way he ordered you to. With how welcoming his soft locks looked as he was busy devouring your tits, you gave up, reaching to tug your delicate fingers on his soft strands. 
He grunted when you pulled on them, detaching his lips from your abused skin as he gave you an authoritative look. “What did I tell you, angel face?” he asked with a stern yet a soft tone, gently grabbing your wrists and placing your hands back where they were supposed to be — above your head. 
“Keep your hands in place and be patient, like a good girl, okay?”
“But —”
“No buts, I'm gonna take my time on you this time,” he cut your words, “and you're gonna let me, understand?” he said, not waiting for your response as he slithered down on your defenseless body, stopping once his knees met the floor. 
You knew this scene very well, feeling butterflies having a dance party in your stomach as you watched Jake kneeling in between your legs, his face perfectly being perfectly in level with your clothed core. 
He didn't waste any time at saving you from the unbearable weight of your clothes, sliding your sweatpants down to your ankles and then taking them off along with your panties with one swift move of his talented hands. 
“Mmh,” he hummed, bringing his face closer to where you were throbbing after tossing your clothes somewhere on the floor, “smells like heaven.” he commented, before licking your wetness away. 
The funny thing about this was, even though the whole point of him eating you out was to give you pleasure, he was actually doing it for his own amusement. 
He liked to eat you out, he liked to fuck your little hole with his tongue, so fucking much.
In a way he couldn't quite resolve, he grew an addiction to your taste after your first time together, which resulted with him craving you more and more with each passing day till now.
The only reason why he kept his thoughts to himself was because he was afraid of scaring you away by being well, too eagered, but since that did not seem to be the case now, he didn't really have any reason to hold back from the true desires of his heart.  
With that being said, of course he jumped right into having a feast on your pussy, restraining your thighs with his strong hands to keep them from snapping around his head like before. He didn't want to be interrupted in any way as he worked his tongue on your cunt, feeling how much you were already shaking under him adding a new spice to everything that was going on. 
It seemed like you didn't give two shits about being caught anymore, considering how loudly you were crying out his name, gripping on the bed sheets with all the strength you had left in your body. 
“Jake! fuck, please!” you whined for maybe the hundredth time, bucking your hips up against his mouth in hopes of gaining more friction. But nope, this wasn't anywhere near to be enough for you.
You needed something more, much more than only his pretty lips, something big and hard like his beautiful dick.
“Please what, baby?” he asked with a nonchalant tone as he kept poking your clit with his tongue, naughty eyes looking at you as if he was enjoying the torture he was making you go through. 
He knew it as well as you did, that you wanted — no, that you needed something more than what he was giving to you right now, but where was the fun in that if he just let you have it that easy, right?
No, he was gonna play with you, just a little bit more. 
He stole one last peck from your pussy before he raised on his feet, a cocky smirk forming on his face as he leaned down, now hovering over your body with his taller figure. 
He reached his hands down to your cunt this time, since he couldn't bear the thought of leaving your pretty little hole empty, easily inserting two fingers inside your folds as his face rested mere inches away from yours. 
He chuckled when you winced with the sudden wave of pleasure washing over you, your jaw hanging loose whilst letting out the cutest moans he's ever heard. 
“Please what, y/n?” he repeated his question, fanning his hot breath against your cheeks. 
“I want you, please Jake.”
“You already have me baby,” he responded, pointing at his two fingers that were moving in and out of you, “is this not enough?”
“No, it's not even close to being enough,” you replied, letting your frustration win, “this is what I want, Jake,” you spoke as you palmed his cock over his pants, ignoring the 'don't move your hands' rule he forced on you, “this is what I need.”
“Is that so?” he sighed against your lips after stealing an open mouthed kiss, pushing his dick against your hands almost as if he was urging you to stroke him even more. 
“Yeah, it is.”
“Then why don't you try asking politely for it, y/n,” he got up, pushing down his pants along his boxers to reveal just what you've been dying to see — his pretty, veiny cock, and let a ball of spit fell from his lips on his tip as he finished his sentence, “just like a good girl would do, hm?”
After licking your lips, rather provokingly I might add, you smiled, feeling relieved since you were finally gonna get what you have been dreaming for, the only thing you had to do was to ask for it kindly as Jake put it, and you were more than ready to walk over your pride for your body's needs.
“Jake, can you please fuck me hard and raw,” you spoke, pausing to take off your sweater along with your bra, “then fill me up with your cum, pretty please?”
“Of course, my sweetheart,” he cooed, “as always, what my princess wants, is what my princess gets.” he said, aligning his dick at your entrance while holding the eye contact with you, his one hand placed on your hips as the other worked on smearing his spit all over his length. 
After a minute of silence, he was deep inside you, going as far as he could fit while stretching your walls deliciously. His head fell back as he managed to push his full length in, his abs tensing and his body shivering due to how tight you were around him. 
Oh boy, he thought, this was gonna be a long night.
“Baby,” he groaned, hands roaming on your clothless thighs as you wrapped them around his waist, “try to relax a little for me, hm?” he asked, visibly struggling before your eyes.
“I-I'm trying —” you choked on your words while trying to answer him, accidently causing your walls to clench even more as you coughed. 
“Shhh, take it easy,” he whispered, cupping your blushed cheeks with his big palms, his thumbs gently caressing the corner of your swollen lips, “breathe in with me, okay?”
You nodded and did as you were told, trying to follow the rhythm of his chest as you inhaled, closing your eyes. He took this chance to close his lips on yours, kissing you gently with his soft, puffy lips. 
His sweet act actually ended up having a calming effect on you, making your muscles relax and your breath to settle in. You hugged his neck as he began to slowly thrust his dick inside you, helping you adjust to his size with gentle pushes.
You could tell how much he was trying to hold himself back from being rough with you considering the way his kisses became much more messier in the span of a minute, needy moans escaping from his mouth to yours ever so often. 
“I like this so much.” you confessed, breaking the kiss for a brief moment, watching how his eyes lit up with joy as he smiled at your cute confession. 
“You do?” he asked, pulling his whole length out before slamming it back in, observing the way your face scrunched with nothing but pleasure. 
You were so beautiful, more than anything he ever saw on the face of earth. 
“Yeah, it f-feels so good Jake,” you whimpered, giving him a sloppy kiss, “so so good, baby.”
“That so?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at you, lifting you up from the bed with one swift move. “How about this, angel, does this feel good too?” he said, now fucking you in standing position, his hands supporting your butt as you bounced on his cock in the air.     
“Oh God!” you let out a high pitched scream, holding onto his shoulders as tightly as you could, “Yes — fuck, it does, please dont stop!”
He had no intentions whatsoever to stop, but admittedly, it was hard to support your weight and keep his balance while you were violently rocking your hips on top of his. Thus, he found the solution by pushing you against the nearest surface available, which was the wall next to your work table. 
But as eager as he was, he was clumsy too, knocking down your miniature Christmas tree next to your chair on his way accidentally. 
“Oops, sorry —” he apologized, smiling sheepishly, looking down at the ruined decor that was gifted to you by Chaewon and Yunjin. “Merry Christmas by the way love, may we keep having sex like this the whole year.” he said, winking at you playfully. 
“You're such a dork.” 
“Correction, I'm your dork,” he objected, pouting cutely, “and admit it, you love it, you love me.”
“Hmm, let me see,” you sighed dramatically, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer, “I may like you, but just a little bit.” you teased, pecking his pout.
“Just a little bit?” he asked, sounding disappointed, continuing to fuck you as if this was nothing but a casual chat between you two, something you always did. 
If you had to admit, you liked how normal everything felt despite how your previous attempt ended up in a disastrous way, you were feeling happy now and most importantly, you were feeling safe. 
“Yeah, just a little bit.” 
“Let me see if I can change your mind, then.”
And with that, you found yourself laying flat on your table, your legs resting on his shoulders as he cleaned his workplace from any unwanted accessories — and by that I mean your beautiful trinkets, pencils and notepads being thrown on the floor by him carelessly. 
Well, not to worry, he would be more than happy to buy you anything you wanted, as long as you kept your pretty legs wide open for him, just as you were doing right now. 
Watching you from this point of view was totally a bliss, he knew, because there was no other time in his life that he felt his dick twitching so hard, enough to keep him on alert so that he wouldn't accidentally cum inside you.
One thing he didn't know though, was the fact that it was exactly what you wanted him to do. 
Clueless on what you were thinking, he pulled out, with the intention of keeping it safe since he couldn't quite tell when he was going to bust a nut. He predicted it to be soon though, thanks to how hard you've been clenching around him and how much he couldn't hold back anymore. 
“What are you doing?” you asked, watching him stroke himself upon your tummy with a very confused expression on your face. 
“Im gonna cum —”
“Then why did you pull out?”
“Because I'm going to cum?”
He was lost, not understanding a word you were saying. Was it wrong of him to pull out of you? How? That was what he always did, at least until today. 
This was probably one of the reasons why he got so shocked when you asked him to put it back in, almost choking on his spit, he coughed, looking at you with big puppy-like eyes.
“E-excuse me?!”
“What?”
“Did you just ask me to put it back in as in,” he stopped, gulping nervously as he felt his cheeks burn, suddenly getting shy over what he was about to say, “as in, uh, to breed you?”
“Exactly,” you smiled, reaching a helping hand out to take his dick from his palms and align it back against your entrance, “heard it was a good way to start your year, you know?”
He giggled, landing a smack on the sides of your thighs as he pushed his dick all the way inside you once more. “I wonder where you heard that from, huh darling?”
“From someone very wise,”
“Interesting,”
“So,” you bit your lower lip as you threw him a naughty look, wandering your hands on his forearms that were currently crossed over your bare legs as he began to thrust inside you, going with a faster pace this time. “you must not stop until I'm filled to the max, okay?”
“Got it,” he answered, nodding his head, placing a light kiss on your ankles, “I guess it's never too early to be a dad.”
You laughed at his statement and moved your legs from his shoulders, wrapping them around his waist instead to pull him down on you. He didn't resist you, in fact, he was more than happy to be meeting your lips again as you kissed him needily. 
He tugged his fingers in your hair and deepened the kiss, feeling his legs shake and his body burn due to his closing high. 
Noticing the messy disrupt on the rhythm of his hips, you hugged his neck and decided to help him as much as you could by grinding against his cock, ending up doing a really good job since he began to let out the most beautiful sounds of satisfaction you've ever heard in your life right after. 
This was gonna be his strongest orgasm ever, he could tell, feeling his knees almost giving out over the way your walls squeezed him just perfectly.
He pulled on your roots and buried his head on your chest, letting a huge wave of pleasure wash all over his body as he spurted his hot seeds inside you, his moans muffling against your skin.
He was feeling so high, even higher than the clouds that he almost didn't notice how your body was spasming under his weight, your own climax hitting you just after his.
His smile was wider than ever as he was massaging your thighs, his body resting on yours while he was praising you, telling you how perfect it felt to be with you and how grateful he was for having you all to himself. 
He was peppering small kisses all over your chest, nibbling with your nipples playfully, biting on them slightly to see your reaction. 
He pouted when you let out a squeak and pushed his face away, fighting with your hands to gain back a spot for his head on your boobs. He was addicted to them, yes, reasonably though — because let's be honest, no man in his right mind would prefer pillows over his girlfriend's pretty and super soft tits. 
“Hey, let me lay on your chest!”
“Promise to not bite then!”
“Fine I won't, Oh my god ..” he sighed dramatically, returning back to his position finally with your allowance, “.. I just wanna stay like this for a while with my girlfriend.”
You chuckled,  “You can be such a baby sometimes,” you commented, playing with his hair, “but I like it though.” 
“A baby who just fucked you raw.” he smirked as he looked up to you, his eyes glistening with joy once he realized the shade of red on your cheeks. 
“By the way how did I do? What do you think about our first time?” he asked, hoping to get you a little bit shyer, since you were even cuter that way. 
You booped on his nose, overwhelmed by his curious eyes, you sighed, giving up on trying to play it cool.
“It was a-amazing,” you responded, glancing away, “y-you were perfect, like you are at everything.”
“Awww, my baby —”
“But you could have made a lesser mess, I mean, look what you've done to all my beautiful decors.” you cut his words, giving him a sarcastic roll of your eyes, knowing damn well that he was gonna be irked.
Good, he had it coming. 
Of course you had to tease him in return, what was he thinking, that you would cut him a slack this time? 
Hah, no way in hell. 
You were shy, true, but you most certainly were not naive. 
He pressed his lips together, trying to hold himself back from giving you a bitchy answer since his plans for your eventful night were not over, not yet. 
“Well, let me clean up this mess then,” he mumbled, hugging your waist and lifting you up, “starting with you, my love.” he winked, leaning in to kiss the corner of your lips. 
“Would you mind showing me the way to your bathroom, honey?” he asked, trying to mask the meaning behind his words by using his innocent-looking, boba eyes.
You grinned, well, this was a great offer of truce. You could never turn off his booty call, even if you just had sex cause lets be honest, it would be a dumb move. 
“It's the second room on the hall,” you whispered against his lips, smiling sheepishly with excitement almost as if you didn't just get dicked down minutes ago, “from the left.”
“Let's go then, shall we?” he walked towards your door, rather eagerly, not wanting to waste any more time before resuming your fun activities. 
“Wait —” you stopped him as he grabbed on the knob, causing him to flinch with the sudden high-pitched tone of your voice.
“Why?”
“What if the girls woke up?” you asked, worried, “I don't want them to see us like this, I mean, we're naked and —”
“They won't.” he cut your words, pecking the tip of your nose as an attempt to calm you down, yet failing to succeed.
“How do you know?” you pulled your face away, looking in his eyes dead serious, “We made a lot of noise, It's possible for them to be awake.”
“Well, even if that's true, you have nothing to worry about.” he spoke, being careful to sound as comforting as he could. 
“How?”
“Because, my angel, If that ever happens, I will man up and use my tough guy stare to scare them away, okay?” he said, trying to imitate the Chad face that he seemed to be obsessing over lately. 
You had to admit, this was smooth, as well as it was funny. 
You hit him on the shoulders as you broke into laughter with him, trying your best to silence since you were still afraid of the scenarios in your head becoming true and your two best friends catching you with your boyfriend's dick buried deep in your cunt. 
“You're such an idiot.” you commented, trying to catch your breath as he was still laughing, cupping his face to watch how pretty he looked while cracking the lamest jokes ever.
He was cute though — the very cutest, with his long locks covering his eyes messily. 
“For the nth time, y/n,” he sighed, throwing his head back with annoyment, “I'm your idiot, okay, not just an idiot, there's a difference.” he let out, emphasizing on the word 'your' as he rested his forehead against yours. 
“Got it, my idiot.”
“So are we doing this?” he asked, signaling the door, eyes begging you to say yes. 
“Yeah, we definitely are,” you responded, watching his face glow with a pleased smile, feeling your heart warm up at the sight. 
Ah, you were so in love with this man that it was kind of dangerous, yet that didn't seem to change anything. Maybe it was because he was worthy of it all, you thought, looking back at every risk you took for him and yeah — he was more than deserving, anything and everything you've done so far. 
“It's Christmas anyway,” you sighed, “there’s no better time to have shower sex, right?”
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Tagging:
@muffinminnie @donghoonie-3 @lix-freckle3 @foxdaisy @jak-ey @n-ek0 @seungkwan-s @duolingofanaccount @heeseongism @spiderrenjunfics @parkhonnie @seuomo @sluttyenha @skzenhalove @valley-of-lies @thots4hee @jayked @gegeetime @yjjungwon @gobighee @5xiang @meowz02 @brownsugarbaybee @enhabordercarnival @autotunedqueef @iloveyedamie @woonie-muffin @oceanyocean
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xxbimbobunnyxx · 5 months
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You’ll Never Be A Burden
(Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader)
Summary: When you can’t get out of bed, answer your phone, or shake the feeling of hopelessness your boyfriend is there to reassure you that he will always be there for you no matter what. WK: 1.6k moodboard
Warnings: Talk of mental illness, depression, feeling unloved/unworthy of love, not being able to get out of bed, insomnia, food mention, hurt/comfort, Eddie being the sweetest sweetie. Just all around this is centered around mental illness and how it feels to be too depressed to get out of bed. Please let me know if I missed any. Also I wrote this in one sitting so there’s probably typos. 18+MDNI
A/N: I don’t specifically mention a certain mental illness but for me this is how it feels when I’m having a BPD episode. So for me this symbolizes borderline depression but it can apply to any type of depression or mental low. I’ve been really going through it lately, so I just harnessed how I feel into writing this and it was very therapeutic. I wish Eddie could come hold me.
You weren’t sure how long you’ve been laying in bed in between awake and asleep at this point. A few hours? A day? Two? All you know is that the clock on your nightstand reads 2:48AM and you have been trying to force your brain to shut off since it read 8PM. You tried everything to calm the war raging inside your mind. You took so many deep breaths at this point you lost count, you pulled all the blankets over your head and tightened your body into the smallest ball you possibly could, you rocked back and forth while you repeated your mantra of “you’re okay” to yourself over and over again. But no matter what you did you couldn’t stop the negative thoughts from swimming around inside you.
You hated when you got like this. Overcome by this feeling of hopelessness. The feeling of shame. Loneliness. Not being able to shake the feeling as if you’re a burden to everyone around you. So you isolate yourself. Not wanting to drag anyone down with your negativity, not wanting to lash out at the people who are just trying to help you, not being able to bear the feeling of being alone in a room full of people.
Your friends had all texted and called you, social media notifications and voicemails piling up. Not even being able to muster up the energy to pick up the phone and respond to the one person you knew would make you feel better. So instead you thought of him. The way his beautiful eyes lit up when a smile spread across his lips. The way it felt to have his arms around you, his smell, his soothing voice. It’s what kept you going on days like this. Him.
Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to pick up the phone. To ask him to come hold you. You were embarrassed, embarrassed of the disaster your house has become, embarrassed of your unbrushed teeth and messy hair, the pajama pants that felt like they were stuck to your body. You didn’t want him to see you like this. He’s only ever seen you like this once, and he was amazing, perfect even. But to this day you beat yourself up over those days he took care of you, washed you, held you while you sobbed, read to you in exaggerated voices until you dozed off with your head in his lap and his fingers in your hair.
You know he wouldn’t mind, that he was happy to help you, be there for you. But you were so scared of him seeing you differently and changing his mind about you. You were terrified that if he saw the real you, truly, that he would leave. You’d become too much, too little, never the right amount, just like you always did.
That’s why when you heard a knock on your door your heart race picked up, you felt your skin flush, because you knew it was him. You knew he’d come, you knew he’d be worried and you can’t decide if worrying him to the point that he showed up at your door or just texting him back was worse. You heard him knock lightly on the door a few more times before you heard the key you had given him turning the lock.
“Baby? Are you here? I just came to check on you… haven’t heard from you since yesterday morning and I was starting to worry.”
His voice became louder as he talked, his footsteps padding down the hall to your bedroom door. Your head was still shoved under your blankets so you didn’t see him but you heard the knob turn and the door swing open.
“Sweetheart…”
Eddie’s heart nearly shattered when he opened your bedroom door. Your room was trashed, the black out curtains drawn blocking out the moonlight, and even your fairy lights you always had on, even in the night, were shut off. He couldn’t see you, but he could see the outline of you and hear your breathing. He walks over to your bed and sits on the side next to the lump of blankets you’ve buried yourself in. His hand comes up and runs along your side and it causes you to jump.
“Baby… please let me help you? Let me take care of you. I know you’re scared of being a burden but you’re never a burden to me.” He continued to run his hand up and down your body, the feeling already causing your body to subconsciously relax just the tiniest bit. “Can you come out? Please? I wanna see my girl.”
“I look horrible Eddie… I don’t want you to see me like this.” You pull the blanket tighter against you, shutting him out no matter how loud your body screamed at you to just throw yourself into his arms.
“I’ve seen you wasted, vomiting your guts out in Harrington’s bathtub, it can’t be much worse than that baby. Come oooonnnnn pleeeseee. I’m not above begging.”
He chuckles, his hand squeezing your hip lightly before it resumes caressing you. You sigh, pulling the blanket back just enough to peak your eyes out and him and your heart swells. He’s so beautiful, just the sight of him made butterflies erupt in your stomach. Just being near him made you feel just a little bit more alive. He pushes the blanket the rest of the way off your head, smoothing your hair out of your face.
“There’s my beautiful girl. Hi baby.”
He cups your face in his hand, running his thumb along your sweaty cheek, not caring if you think you look awful, you’re always gorgeous to him. Even like this. Especially like this. Raw and real. He wants you to feel safe with him when you’re in this low place. He wants to sink down to your level and pull you back up with his hand in yours. Eddie would do anything for you. He knows that scares you, he knows you want to believe him but it’s hard to fight the feeling that he’s going to abandon you. But he will do whatever it takes to prove you wrong. To prove that he isn’t like everyone else. To prove that he will stay.
“Hi.” Your voice comes out a scratchy and whiney and it makes you even more embarrassed than you already are. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? You have nothing to be sorry for sweetheart. I’m here for you, always. I brought your favorite snacks, bubbles, and your favorite teddy bear, me. Come here, let me hold you.”
He pushes the blanket back further and you shiver when the cool air of your room hits your body. He holds his arms out to you and your whole body tingles. He’s here for you. He wants to be here for you, and even though that terrifies you, the soft look on his face makes you feel safe. He makes you feel safe. You push yourself up and he grabs you by the forearms pulling you into his lap and cradling you like a small child.
As soon as his arms are around you the floodgates open, sobs leaving your entire body shaking while your tears soak Eddie’s t-shirt. He doesn’t say anything for a while, just holds you while you cry, running his hands through your tangled hair, caressing your skin under your oversized shirt, kissing on your tear stained cheeks. After a while your sobs turn to small cries before they finally stop.
“It’s okay baby girl, you’re okay. I’m here for you, okay? Let me run us a nice bath, afterwards you can eat something, only if you want, if not that’s okay, I just want you to drink some water for me okay?”
“Okay Eddie… thank you, I-“
“Shh, you don’t have to thank me and you don't need to apologize, I’m your boyfriend and I love you, let me be here for you.” He smiles sweetly at you, rubbing the remaining tears from your cheeks and gathering you in his arms.
Eddie spends the night making good on his promises. He pampers you in the bath, washing you and brushing your hair, even putting lotion on your skin afterwards. He puts your comfort movie on tv in the living room so you can lay on the couch while he makes your safe meal. He doesn’t push you to talk, he knows you will when you’re ready. He holds you and tells you he loves you while he makes commentary on your favorite movie. When you finally start to feel sleep creeping up on you he ushers you back to your bed, the sheets now changed because he insisted it wasn’t a big deal. He holds you tight, and kisses you over and over again. He even gets you to giggle and pulls a genuine smile out of you a few times.
As you lay there in the love of your life’s arms you feel less hopeless. You feel less alone. You feel your body start to warm inside from the tips of your toes all the way to your nose as he places a gentle kiss on it. You feel safe. You regret not calling him sooner but the fact that he came without you even asking makes it even more special to you. Your mind can tell you he doesn’t care all it wants, because he’s always there to tell you he does.
“I love you angel, get some rest, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll always be here.”
“I love you Eddie. I know you told me not to thank you, but thank you, for being here for me. For being you.” You nuzzle your face into his neck, placing a gentle kiss there before you doze off into a peaceful sleep. In the arms of someone you know loves you.
527 notes · View notes
kedsandtubesocks · 1 month
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dance away your cowboy blues
Country Singer!Joel Miller x F!Reader
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summary: who knew the man with the voice of an angel could break your heart this bad?
warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY MDNI, modern/no outbreak AU & Joel has both his daughters, exes to lovers with eventual husband!Joel, angst followed up by good sweet fluff, concert venue, light drinking mention, Joel being stubborn & bad at feelings, hints of spice, fools in love, reader is addressed as ‘honey, darlin,’ use of song lyrics in fic, Pearl Jam & Taylor Swift song mentions, soft & heartbroken!Joel, lovesick!Joel
word count: 6k
a/n: here we are - the last installment in our ‘Let’s Rodeo’ series & I’m so incredibly grateful to finally make it here, also this is my mini tribute to our boy and his SAG award! The main song Joel sings is this one and I highly recommend! Thank you to my forever babe @the-wild-wolves-around-you for letting me scream about plot holes & aiding my Joel brainrot, @tightjeansjavi for always being down to chat about Joel, and to @lowlights & @ahauntedcowboy for being my ever guiding forces for this series, thank you all… And finally to you reading this, thank you so much ♡
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A year ago, Joel broke up with you on a warm early spring morning.
He arrived at your apartment, sat you down and shattered your world. You felt every range of emotion as he simply stood there like a man of steel.
So upset and angry, you wanted to rip your heart out and throw it at him.
Then later that week you found out his record was officially getting picked up and you crumbled.
Ending your relationship simply because he was about to step into true proper fame - you never took Joel to be a man so somberly callous. However, you began wondering if that’s what fame sometimes did to people.
When curiosity gnawed too hard, you’d Google him or even check Spotify. Simply catching glimpses of how big he’s gotten sent you spiraling. Last Thanksgiving, your favorite aunt threatened to lock your phone away when she found you upset in the bathroom after discovering Joel was performing at the Dallas Cowboys holiday game.
From that point on you refused to even check any amount of social media or update on him.
A few clunky first dates and a couple of ghosting experiences later, you’ve now decided to simply work on yourself and embrace the selfcare of being single.
It’s why when your best friend called you earlier today eagerly explaining how her parents had extra tickets to the Rodeo tonight, she playfully teased how she knew you didn’t have anything planned for this Saturday night.
You almost hung up on her, but you excitedly scrambled to get ready.
Now the smell of fried foods, popcorn, and beer cloud the air. The fairgrounds hold a chaotic but controlled lively energy. You never knew so many cowboy hats could exist in one space.
Once you meet up with your best friends' parents, you’re transported to a whole new area you never believed could exist during a rodeo. Lux and cozy, the VIP lounge gleams with its elevated experience. You knew your best friend’s mom worked for the construction company managing the arena. You just didn’t realize how big of a hookup it was. The VIP tickets allowed for full premium dining along with a couple of free drinks.
More importantly - it came with the best concert seats.
“In the dirt” is how they’re described because the tickets are literally stationed on the floor, in the dirt of the rodeo stadium, right by the stage.
Ecstatic and bubby energy now fills you. The food being served is divine and you gladly enjoy the free various drinks.
“So wait, did we figure out who’s performing?” You ask curiously while you lounge taking advantage of the nice seating area.
“Uh, I think my dad said it’s that band named Midland is performing today.” Your friend answers but then is quickly pulled away to meet more of her mom’s coworkers.
You’ve never heard of the band, but for a free concert you’re open to enjoy some live music.
It’s a trait you gained from Joel.
Because of him you grew to love music performances, the energy that comes with hearing the band, being among the hum of the crowd. The trips around Austin seeing not just him perform, but enjoying other concerts with him, let you appreciate and admire live shows.
Waiting for the concert allows you to enjoy some of the actual rodeo event. But the main performance of the evening soon arrives.
“You kids go enjoy! We’re getting a little too old and are just gonna stay back and enjoy the free food.” Your best friend’s mom grins with a wink.
The ticket advertisement wasn’t joking when it said close to the stage. The ground level truly sits on the dirt floor. The arena swallows you whole surrounding you like a strange fishbowl. A small crowd already lines the front railing closest to the stage. However sneakily you find a nice open spot by the side that gives a clear sight to the stage.
Even if you don’t know the band, giddiness bubbles in you electric.
You take in the massive general admission floor section already packed full. The band must be popular. So you take plenty of pictures and happily enjoy the time with your dear friend.
The lights dim and excitement crackles in the air. The stage lights up. The large backdrop screens on the stage flutter to life beginning to showcase different picturesque black and white shots of Texas.
Midland, you remember, is a city in Texas so the images make sense. A low strum of a guitar begins playing. The melody dances soft but in a quick beat, a hypnotic tune trying to rev up the crowd.
The tune brews up its intended magic that you even get swept up in the anticipation. The sound gets faster and the strumming is rather simple but so striking.
Then the music stops. Suddenly the lights of the entire stadium shut off. Wild galvanized screams erupt.
The lights brilliantly dance forth back to light. They all focus now on the performer who, like magic, now appears on the stage with the rest of the band.
And the lead singer is Joel.
Your knees almost give out.
Dressed in the most dangerous plaid green button up, it so simple yet beautifully compliments him. More grays pepper his beard and highlight his tousled curls. The brilliant stage lights bask him in a heavenly glow.
Your soul momentarily leaves your body the minute his voice sings his first note.
Instantly your best friend whips towards you panicked. She rapidly screams asking if you’re okay as she apologizes over and over.
“My dad must have gotten the dates wrong! God I should’ve fucking doubled checked or some shit!” She cries deeply apologetic and hurt.
You earnestly tell her it’s not her fault and it’s alright. It was just an unfortunate mixup.
“Do you wanna leave?” Your friend leans closer to you. Her eyes shine understanding and considerate. “We didn’t pay for these tickets and I promise you my parents will completely understand. We can say fuck it and bounce.”
You haven’t even completely processed it’s Joel. It’s like your brain went cloudy and now blinking out of the fog, your eyes return to the stage.
Joel isn’t an extroverted man. He’s reserved, quietly charming, even holds a gruff but poised grace. But right now, he’s an absolute sun on the stage. He’s radiant, naturally swaying to the music while singing his soul soul.
Maybe it’s the piece of you still horribly in love with him, or just the curiosity to see how this goes, whatever it is - you shake your head no.
“We can stay.”
Your best friend’s eyes go wide as saucers hearing your answer.
“Are you sure?” She presses and you nod your head.
“Yeah, let’s stay. Afterwards we can laugh about how old he’s gotten.” You laugh bitterly about him looking more aged even after a year.
When truthfully the stronger wrinkles around his face, the vibrant grays, all of his aging only intensifies his striking looks.
A canyon wide sized hole rips through your heart.
The song flutters to an end and the crowd claps with a thunderous roar. With a reassuring squeeze to your shoulder your dear friend nods then turns back to the concert.
You pray this isn’t the worst decision you’ve ever made.
Then Joel speaks.
“Howdy everyone,” his voice is still so devilishly thick and smooth as a shot of moonshine. His accent does his home state proud. The crowd absolutely adores him, screaming loud just hearing him speak.
“Thank y'all for comin’ out tonight. I’m Joel Miller and m’here to sing y’all a few songs.” So simple, casually eased, and it’s so Joel.
His gruff southern charm made you fall in love with him so fast and now it’s a unique brand of magic charming everyone under his spell.
Joel strums a few notes, rapidly shifting the tune and transitions into the next song.
You now fully soak in Joel.
He seems otherworldly, a god of music reincarnated as a Texan cowboy. You think back to the days sitting in his living room and listening to him play. You were honored to see that side of him, to hear him strum to life so much magic.
During the holiday’s Joel’s daughters, Ellie and Sarah, would often pester him to sing silly songs. He’d grumpily obliged but you knew he basked in their attention and love.
He loved to sing. You always knew he was destined for the stage like it was woven into his veins.
You still remember the day one of Joel’s acoustic performances blew up online gaining so much attention. The excitement and absolute joy you felt then still lingers in the corners of your heart. Although, those feelings have been gathering cobwebs.
There’s of course a bitterness seeing him, but also, an unbearably small twinkling pride knowing he’s here living his dream. The song finishes and again the stadium rumbles in applause.
“How y’all doin’ tonight?” Joel asks and your heart jumps hearing his voice again.
The crowd cheers back at him.
“Good good, let’s keep it goin’.” He yells back and then strums the guitar sharp.
That’s when the stage slowly starts moving.
It’s slow but with the surprise purpose to look out to the entire crowd. For some reason you almost laugh thinking of that man, who couldn’t even remember how to FaceTime on his ipad, on a full rotating platform.
However, the lyrics start and you realize he’s singing a heartbreak ballad.
If you’re going out with someone new, I’m going out with someone too…I won’t feel sorry for me, I’m getting drunk but I’d much rather be somewhere with you…
It’s hard hearing him now with how exhilarated the crowd screams at the stage moving. But you try to hear how the rest of the song unfolds.
At the chorus, your throat tightens.
I can go out every night of the week, can go home with anybody I meet, but it’s just a temporary high… ‘cause when I close my eyes, I’m somewhere with you
The words sting every inch of you, but you believe it has to be just a simple heartbreak story and isn’t about you, isn’t directed at you. Yet the words feel like sharpened edges of a broken mirror that seem to reflect every moment of your time with him.
Then the stage rotates to your side of the floor.
There’s no way he can see you or will even spot you. There’s a whole crowd stretching before him. You’re just a fish in a sea of fans.
Joel continues strumming, allowing his voice to so beautifully carry the emotion.
The stage, in its slow movement, is now front and center to your line of sight. Some girls at the very direct front of the railing scream and wave frantically at him.
A small smile tugs at Joel’s lips as he waves back. Joel’s eyes scan the rest of the crowd -
And that’s when he spots you.
Quickly, you rationalize he could be staring out behind you at someone else alongside the side railing.
But Joel’s eyes even narrow trying to focus more. Your gaze stays on him, like something inside of you refuses to waiver.
His eyes flicker with realization then turn into full moons.
He knows it’s you.
Joel continues singing the chorus but emotions cloud his face. His brows are furrowed hard, almost confused like he’s trying to really comprehend what’s going on.
You understand. You’d be so confused too if you were in his position. You’re still even baffled as to why you stayed in the first place.
The stage starts shifting back to the main center direction
But Joel cranes his face to the side, refusing to have his eyes leave.
His focus stays on you.
It’s obvious enough that your best friend now shakes your body.
“Is he staring at you?!” She tries to whisper but she ends up partly screaming.
You think maybe it’s a hallucination.
Yet Joel’s deep inky eyes stubbornly stay locked on you as he sings now.
If you see out on the town and it looks like I’m burning it down, you won’t ask and I won’t say… but in my heart I’m always somewhere with you…
Your world twists warped, melting into a sea of so many emotions you can’t stay afloat.
Joel finishes his song and the crowd enthusiastically cheers. Yet, it sounds muffled as a numbness crawls over you like a thick soupy fog.
You should leave. You need to. But you’re here now. And decide to see the end of this. If he’s singing about someone lingering within him, then you might as well make true to those lyrics.
Joel lowers his face for a moment and shakes his head. The mic faintly picks up his cough of a disbelieving laugh and your heart sinks.
“Alright folks, let’s jam.” He announces composed and brings his guitar to life.
He’s beautiful walking around with it. Strums effortlessly until he shifts from one guitar, his classic, to a more sleek all black styled one.
Joel lets the music and band take over while he makes the switch. He also leans in to whisper something to the stage hand.
Then as if nothing, Joel steps back into the limelight and illuminates the stage.
He walks around freely now that the stage stopped rotating. The current song is lively with a great beat and you hate how badly you want to bounce around to its infectious sound and the way Joel’s voice elevates the tune.
Caught up in the melody, you don’t notice until it’s too late. Joel walks over to the side of the stage directly facing you.
The guitar carries a large piece of this song’s bridge allowing his eyes to flicker across the crowd.
Until they return to your gaze. Stuck in his stare, Joel suddenly cocks his chin towards you.
Most of the crowd around you screams at his simple action. Even your best friend yells out a loud ‘holy shit’ but you stay quiet.
Not knowing how to react, all you do is stupidly shrug.
It’s awful, not even the best reaction you can give.
But Joel barks a laugh, a true laugh that thankfully happens at the tail end of the song, but your knees go weak.
You made him laugh.
On stage.
Heartache finds its way back into your system fiercer than ever and it poisonously tastes of adoration as well.
Joel transitions into another song. This time moving around the stage more towards the other side.
Yet, either his eyes flicker back to you, or he ends up walking to your section.
A part of you wonders if he’s doing this now to mock you, almost showing off how good he is knowing you’re here. You don’t believe Joel would be that heartless, but you hate how that option still lingers.
“He’s been walking over here a lot.” Someone even behind you even notices.
“Well he is old.” Someone yells back. “Maybe he’s just trying to keep his joints in shape.”
You almost want to snap back that he’s looking damn good for his age and in good enough shape that he kept you bent like a pretzel for practically a whole weekend, but you swallow back the protective bite.
You simply go back to enjoying the show, and it’s fantastic. You can’t deny that. Joel is a performer, keeps the crowd focused and engaged. He isn’t showy or dramatic but takes control of his presence on stage.
You think of the days seeing him at small bars around town, sitting on a stool playing till his heart's content.
Then he booked Stubb’s in Austin and when you watched him own that stage - you knew this was meant for him.
You’re reminded of that so vividly tonight.
“Alright, gettin’ to the end here.” He announces and the crowd sounds heartbroken.
“I know, i know,” he coos back soft and low. “But just wanted to say y’all have been lovely.”
So many shrill shrieks crack in the room and you almost roll your eyes.
Your best friend snickers beside you. “Gotta give it to him, man can work a room.”
She’s right of course. Though it’s still so surprising for a man grumpily reserved and introverted at times.
“This next one I hope maybe some of y’all will know.”
He strums the cords to Pearl Jam’s ‘Alive.’
What gained Joel traction online was his renditions and covers of various songs. He added his own country twang and twist to all the songs he covered.
Pearl Jam happened to be one of Ellie’s favorite bands. A hollow nostalgia rip through you, thinking of the two girls you miss.
The crowd ignites recognizing the familiar rock ballad now turned into the tune of a country song by Joel’s touch. He owns the solo and his husky voice melts into the lyrics beautifully.
Under your breath you sing along. You used to sing along when you cooked breakfast at his place or during drives with him and the girls.
It’s a beautiful fondness, yet one still barbed and so aching.
The song ends with the intense but small burst of fireworks that has the stadium cheering. You even clap.
“Appreciate y’all.” He addresses the crowd. “That’s a one of my daughter’s favorites so always means a lot when I get to play it.”
A smile you can’t fight tugs at your lips at the mention of Ellie.
“Now my daughters, they’re like night ‘n day.” Joel continues and your heart fills up so overwhelming fast for those girls.
“One of them, like I said, loves some Pearl Jam. Now my other daughter…” Joel pauses.
“She’s a big fan of someone by the name of Taylor Swift.”
The crowd absolutely explodes and you think you even feel the arena shake. Sarah honestly was a big fan and Ellie loved to tease her about it so much.
“Normally for this next and final song, I’d play ‘‘shake it off.’” Joel had a few songs of hers that he covered. That one was a fan favorite.
“But tonight, I'm itchin’ to play somethin’ else.” He continues.
You even perk up curious.
“So let’s end this on a high note, yeah? Sing along if you know this one.” Joel concludes.
Then the drums begin and the song bursts to life.
The stadium swims in a dizzying frantic energy.
The way Joel sings, he’s pouring his heart out. He’s memorizing. Utterly heart wrenching.
This is the finale, the end of this strange unreal dream you’ve wandered into. You wonder if he feels it too.
The song’s chilling bridge comes and Joel walks to stare directly at you.
I thought I had you figured out, can’t breathe whenever you’re gone. Can't turn back now, I'm haunted…
His eyes never leave yours.
The lyrics sear through your heart. You think about screaming the song to back him. He’s the one who left, the one who’s ghost lives among your ribs.
Then Joel hits the final high note, lets his voice carry the powerful finale, and the crowd roars in earth shaking excitement.
It’s magical, magnetic and utterly devastating in both the best and worst ways. Another few sets of indoor fireworks go off and the show ends.
Joel wishes the crowd a beautiful night and you’re left in a tangled web of emotions.
Your best friend immediately turns to see if you’re okay. While the crowd starts leaving, you and her take a moment. Out of the edge of your focus, you notice a crew member of the arena approaching the side of the rail. You don’t think anything of it.
“Excuse me,” until that crew member stands in front of you on the other side of the barrier.
Blinking absolutely confused you turn towards the man.
“I’ve been asked to escort you backstage.” He explains and your best friend gasps.
You wonder if the ground opened below and dropped you into a free fall.
Quickly you stammer out that you couldn’t. There's no way. Maybe the man must’ve mistaken you for someone else.
“Mr. Miller said you’d say something like that.” The crew member says reaching into his pocket to hand you something.
It’s a keychain.
Not just any keychain, but the one you gave Joel.
It’s a cartoon armadillo, dressed up as a cowboy, holding a guitar. When you first saw it you immediately thought of Joel. His daughters got a kick over it, giggled at how cute it was, and your heart had bursted when you saw it constantly among his keys.
Now the worn little cowboy creature sits waiting for you. It’s sweet marble like eyes stare up at you like a day hasn’t gone by since you gave Joel this.
Your best friend gasps, maybe not fully recognizing the keychain but understanding the significance.
You ask the crew member if your friend can maybe accompany you backstage, but he shakes his head a sad no.
“Then I…I can’t.” You shakily breathe out.
“Yes you can!” She interjects. “You gotta at least hear him out!”
You turn to her and find determination fiercely burning in her eyes as she nods.
“But what about you? I don’t want you or your parents waiting around for me.” You urge.
“Don’t worry about me or especially about them!” She reassures, even offering to wait for as long as you need.
You’re grateful, unbearably so and embrace her tight.
“You call me if he gets stupid. I don’t care backstage or not, I’ll go get you.”
You laugh watery at her well meaning threat and thank her. With a quick sweet goodbye, you follow the crew member along the rails until exiting.
The walk out to the backstage area fills you with a hurricane of emotions. What else could Joel say to you? A part of you wonders if he’s going to be cruel about this, having you simply show up to his dressing room just to laugh so arrogant and smug about how wonderfully famous he is now.
No, Joel isn’t that type of man.
Or you hope fame hasn't warped him into that type of man. Arriving at the green room door, your heart races loud in your ears.
The crew member knocks and before you can compose yourself, Joel opens the door.
He’s bathed in the golden amber light of the backstage room. It highlights all those grays again but also illuminates more of the time passed on his face. More winkles line against his eyes and when he fully stares at you, you wonder how different you might look in his eyes.
A jackrabbit like urge rushes over you to maybe flee, call your best friend to come get you.
“Thanks for comin’,” he mutters out. “Was worried ya wouldn’t show.”
You want to bitterly joke that you didn’t want to, but the armadillo keychain you hang onto holds the truth.
The door closes leaving you and Joel alone. Awkward stale air chokes the space.
You simply keep your attention on examining the room. His classic weathered jacket rests thrown over the couch. The rider is stacked with so many classic Joel snacks like his favorite jerky, popcorn, and even a few familiar favorite treats his daughters love.
Then your eyes catch the mug on the counter and you grin softly.
It must be filled with Joel’s classic drink - chamomile and ginger tea with honey for his throat.
“It’s…yeah. That’s it.”
You didn’t even realize you said anything out loud until Joel replies casuing your heart to jump. Finally your eyes find his.
It's a curse that your greatest heartbreak is this handsome. Exhaustion weighs in you and feels ancient, like if you carry the sum of so many lifetimes before.
“So…You wanted to talk to me?” You speak first, trying to keep yourself strong.
“I…uh yeah.” Answering so cryptically, his shoulders deflate. “How ya been?”
“Good.” You answer simple, curt almost.
There’s too many things that could’ve slipped out if you said anything more. Like how you selfishly kept one of his shirts and hate that the smell of him on it has faded like a wistful memory. Or how you can barely listen to Dolly Parton or Johnny Cash anymore because you’re reminded of Joel singing along to their songs.
So you turn the conversation back to him.
You ask how the girls are and Joel perks up, eyes shimmering with fatherly pride.
“Good, yeah they’re good. Uh, Ellie’s playing softball for the school again ‘n Sarah’s busy with student council. They’re still just bossin’ me all around.”
“As usual.”
You both say the same line at the same time and it chokes you up.
Joel inhales and his lips press tight, a hard line. The air tightens. No one says anything and now annoyance, frustration and maybe even a bit of panic claw at you.
“Joel, why am I here?” You ask him again.
Sighing, so weary and tired, he looks down.
Feels like ages pass between you and him. The faint noise of the stadium leaks into the room muffled.
You think of your best friend waiting and of your own heart waiting to end this.
“Look, it was good to see you,” you half lie. “You did great, hope you and the girls take care”
You turn to walk out.
That’s when he blurts out your name and you stop.
“I miss you.” He exhales.
“Miss ya so g’damn much. Every fuckin’ day.” He mutters.
When you turn back around, he stares at you unwavering. You don’t know what to say.
“Seein’ ya out in the crowd…thought m’heart was gonna give out.” He barks a weak laugh.
“Almost stoppin’ the fuckin’ show just to make sure it was you… y’look beautiful as ever.” His eyes haze over slightly, almost nostalgic.
Suddenly a heated spark rips into your chest, jagged edged and angered.
“You broke up with me.” You snap, voice already raw.
“I know,” Joel nods. “Worst damn decision of m’life.”
Your lips tremble. Everything hurts like a live wire is burning up your veins.
“Then why? Why did you do it?” You croak. You want to scream, maybe even storm out and not even give him the chance to speak.
“What? Did Mr. Big Country Star hate having a partner that wasn’t famous too?” Venom leaks bitter and poisonous in your mouth, choking your throat.
“Y’know god damn well that ain’t it.” He snarls back hard.
“No actually I fucking don’t know Joel.” You reply with a fierce bite. “You so conveniently left out any real damn reason why you were breaking up with me.”
“I said our paths were going in separate directions.” He glares hard at you now.
“And that’s about it!” Your voice raises and you hate it.
The tears come quicker than you hoped for and you hate that more.
“No real explanation,” you exhale, wanting to stay as calm as you can. “You couldn’t even give me that…what else am I supposed to think?”
Even dabbing away your tears, your composure is slowly slipping.
“I couldn’t do this to you,” he breathes out and it’s broken. His eyes are shimmering obsidian pools.
“This life, all the fuckin’ mess that comes with dating someone in the limelight, I couldn’t just throw that on ya.” He explains and the truth rings out a quiet hum.
“And you didn’t think to talk to me about this?” You whisper out now hurt. “Joel, I thought we were a team.”
“We are- were.” He slips and corrects himself fast. “I just knew if we fuckin’ talked about it you wouldn’t have understood.”
“Understood what?” You’re frustrated and it leaks into your voice.
“That I didn’t want ya fuckin’ hatin’ me!” He finally screams the weighted truth.
Stunned quiet but still slightly confused, you ask Joel what he means.
Pain travels across Joel’s handsome face as his jaw clenches hard.
“This shit…it takes away a lot.” He croaks out. “Hell I’ve even missed things with the girls. Didn’t want ya sacrificin’ your life or wakin’ up one day and realizin’ how much you’ve lost ‘cause of me…couldn’t let myself do that to you.”
Your chest aches like a rocket got shot into you. You’re angry he took that chance for you to decide, but you understand.
Joel never wants to be the cause of pain to others, especially those he loves.
He agonizes so much over his decisions and how corrupting he believes he is. When in reality every action he takes you know simply stems from his endless deep devotion to keep those he loves safe.
His decision to end your relationship was him, in his own frustrating Joel way, trying to keep you safe. Even if it was from himself.
Your lips tremble and you cuss bitterly hard under your breath.
“You damn stupid man.” You hiccup. “I didn’t…I don’t care what life fame would’ve given me with you. I would never resent you. For better or worse I just wanted a life with you, that’s all I ever wanted.”
Through a few sobs, you wipe the tears fogging up your sight.
Before you can see it happening, strong sturdy arms suddenly wrap around you and shock you breathless. Curled in Joel’s arms, it’s like a sad coming home party and you cry even more.
“M’so sorry, my darlin’.” Joel whispers against your forehead.
“I hate you.” You don’t. Even on your hardest days, you never could.
“I know, hate my fuckin’ ass too.” Joel replies.
His arms squeeze you tighter.
“Never stopped lovin’ you. Never will.” His voice wavers and now your arms wrap around him.
“You left.” You whisper back so small while tears continue to prickle in your eyes.
“I know honeydew, ‘n I’ll never forgive myself for it.” He replies fiercely like a strike of lightning with its bright force. “Been a fuckin’ mess without ya. Tommy would be the first to agree and the girls too.”
You absorb his words, basking in the safe haven that is Joel. Hours, maybe days pass just in his arms.
“Please forgive me, baby.” He whispers hoarse against your head.
You nod a soft yes.
Because even the part of you that wants to yell and stubbornly say no knows the ultimate answer is, and always will be, him.
“Of course…I love you.” You mutter half dazed against his strong chest. “Love of my life.”
Pressed so close to him, you feel how hard he swallows and his arms squeeze you impossibly tighter against you.
He says your name and you hum out a soft noise.
“Marry me.”
Your eyes, which have sort of glazed over, snap open wide.
“What?” You mutter out, maybe think you misheard him.
“Marry me.” Joel repeats himself.
You practically squawk like a confused bird and scramble in his arms.
“Joel Miller, you can’t be serious?!” You shriek through the tears still lingering in your voice.
Your face snaps up to him. His face is composed, almost serene in a way as he look at you with molten eyes.
“Serious as that g’damn ring I bought ya.”
His words are a mumble but so soft and unwavering. Your soul leaves your body like you were thrown into a cold lake.
“You what?” You stammer out.
“Y’heard me.” He nudges his chin to you. “A ring. Bought it after you dropped everything to go take care of the girls when they got sick.”
Too many emotions overwhelm you and the tears return with a vengeance.
Joel, like a steady man in the storm, places his warm hand on your face to gather you back into his embrace. He places the softest kiss to the side of your head.
“We gotta have a chat about discussing your feelings with me more, Miller.” You manage to chide him through your tears.
“I know.” He mutters against your skin while he continues softly kissing you with utter tenderness. “‘N I’m not lettin’ ya go again.”
You squeeze him hard, trying to burn his memory into your arms worried you’re going to wake up and find this is just a heartbroken hallucination.
“Baby,” he begins.
“Hm?”
“Stay with me for the night.” He urges. “The bus got plenty of room-”
“Ooo, is this what you say to all your groupies, Mr. Miller?” You tease with a snort.
“Behave.” His hand playfully squeezes your hip but his underlying somber tone even with his chuckle ignites a familiar heat brewing in you of the times he’s reprimanded you like that before.
“No groupies.” Joel reassures you. “Only you sweetheart, only ever gonna be you.”
His words flutter into your heart and make a nest there.
Gently you draw back to stare at Joel. Your hand moves to his face, aching to just touch him. Even in his arms you’re waiting for him to vanish from your touch as if he’s a figment of your wrecked heart, a ghost of lovers past haunting you now.
But his stubble tickles against your palm. Running warm as usual, his face feels like a soft morning sun. Your thumb strokes his cheek and his eyes close, melting into your hold.
Gently you place a soft kiss against the corner of his lips.
Joel now tilts his head so he can deepen the kiss before you can even draw away.
It’s not a consuming passion that you expected. No frantic fierce clash of lips or an overflow from a year passed between you two.
Instead it’s a soft welcome home. It’s a kiss you’ve given him when he’s come home late or when you leave for work.
Because his blood, his soul, you believe are simply stitched into the very fabric of you. It’s like a piece of you is returning back to you, or maybe back to your other home with him.
“So you gonna stay with me?” He mumbles against your lips.
“I don’t know Miller, you haven’t even offered to sign anything for me. What kind of famous country singer are you?” You smirk against his lips.
He laughs, hearty, a true wild deep one sweeping you into its joy.
“Hell yeah I’ll fuckin’ sign something for ya, our marriage certificate.” He snaps in classic grumpy Joel fashion and you almost think about dragging him to a courthouse.
You text your friend a million apologies and even take pictures of all the signed merch you’re bringing back to her.
Now in the cocoon of Joel’s cozy bed on his tour bus, among the warmth sheets, you hold the ring up in the dim light inspecting it. Because of course your secretly romantic man kept the ring with him.
“You sure you weren’t keeping this around for someone else?” You ask.
“Fuck no.” He growls low. “S’yours…only yours.”
From behind his arms slide around you and you’re encompassed by his swallowing presence. His beard scrapes against your shoulder.
“If ya don’t like it, can get ya another one.” He mutters casually but hesitant softness peeks out from under his gruff tone.
“It’s perfect.” You reassure him.
It’s the ring Joel got you then and it’s the ring you want now and always will. You even tell him that.
The kisses places on your bare shoulder whispers of his devotion.
“Honey.” However, his voice now is hesitant and makes you pause on your ring inspecting.
“I gotta ask…but do ya have my armadillo keychain?” Joel asks with an utter somberness.
You burst out laughing and it shakes your body.
“Honeydew, I’m being serious!” He growls out. “Want that lil’ fella back!”
Wheezing with giggles you lean back against Joel, floating so blissfully floating in renewed adoration.
Twisting in his arms your lips find his.
“Tryin’ to distract me ‘cause you lost him, huh?” He mutters.
You snort, shaking your head.
“No I just love you so much, you dumb cowboy.” You tell him.
“Your dumb cowboy. For better or worse.” He vows, kissing you back firmer now.
“For better or worse,” you nod breathing into him.
In this carved out slightly cramped space it feels holy, sacred, chapel like. You’re even afraid it might be gone tomorrow morning. However, the ring on your finger is the steeled reassurance it isn’t going anywhere.
But, just in case, you gather this glory and Joel into your arms with the promise of never letting go.
246 notes · View notes
ijustreallylovethem · 11 months
Text
your momma still does
hehe it’s fic time! i love this song recently so i wrote a fic about it because it just screams ellen hughes to me! hope y’all enjoy.
ex!jack hughes x reader, platonic!luke hughes x reader
words: 3,008
masterlist
it had come out of nowhere. it confused you how he had just done a full 180 spin and ended your three year relationship. he had left for a roadie, kissed you goodbye and said he’d miss you, and then came back a completely different person. it wasn’t until three days after the breakup that you found out the reason.
moosey
have you been on socials today?
big sis
haven’t been on my phone much
moosey
can i tell you before you find out yourself?
you stared at the text, wondering what he could possibly know, when his picture popped up on your screen with a facetime. you barely had the energy to talk, your eyes were red and puffy, and you were sure your voice was hoarse from crying, but for some reason you answered. maybe it was intrigue or maybe it was just the fact that you hadn’t talked to luke since before they left for the roadie and you missed him. when the call connected you could tell he was angry, which just confused you even more.
“hello?”
“hey, y/n, how are you doing?” despite his initial demeanor, luke was caring and comforting, which made you smile a bit.
“not great, obviously.”
“i’m sorry, but i have something i need to tell you and it’s not going to make you feel any better.” your heart was racing at his words.
“what?”
“so i was on instagram and this picture comes up so i click on it, right? jack out in winnipeg.”
“luke, i don’t-“
“y/n. he was with a girl.” you went silent, not even sure if you were breathing or your heart was beating. “i had no clue until i saw the picture. i’m gonna fucking kill him.” you stayed silent, taking in the information. luke just sat there silent as well, not sure what to say and still seething at his brothers actions.
“like… how was he… like kissing her?”
“well it was multiple pictures. in the first they were walking and then going in this building but it was all windows on the front so in the next picture you could see them uh…”
“kissing.”
“yeah.” you felt like your whole world was collapsing around you. sure, he had broken up with you, but now he had cheated on you as well? “i’m sorry, y/n.” your stomach hurt at just the thought of him with someone else.
“no, thank you for telling me,” you whispered, but it was as loud as your voice would go. how long had he been talking to this girl? had he planned to meet with her when he went there?
“do you need anything?” luke asked, but you barely heard him. his voice was distant, but a reminder that he was still on the phone. you hung up, or at least thought you did, before you took off to the bathroom. how many other girls did he have in other cities? everything in your stomach came up, which wasn’t much considering you had holed yourself up in bed the past three days. luke sighed as he heard you, hanging up and calling his mom.
you took your time laying there on the bathroom floor, resting your head on your arms. your head swirled with thoughts and questions, each one making you feel more sick as well as angry. you eventually heard your roommate emily coming home, and knew she’d find your feet sticking out of the bathroom door into the hallway. it was only moments later that you heard her voice outside of the door.
“so i see you’ve moved from your bed.”
“he cheated,” was your only response, but you didn’t say it loud enough for her to hear. she hummed in confusion and you rolled over to your back. “he cheated!” you nearly yelled, sniffling afterward. you hadn’t realized until now that tears had been steadily spilling from your eyes, but now they were turning into full sobs. her face fell as she sat down and pulled you up into a hug, letting you cry on her shoulder again. she rubbed your back as you soaked her shoulder with snot and tears, eventually corralling you back to your bed. she refilled your glass of water to make sure you were hydrated, and then left with the promise of bringing you some food.
you were almost asleep when your phone rang, pulling you back to consciousness. you sighed, wondering who could dare to be calling you when pictures of your boyfriend cheating on you were clearly spread across the internet by now. you picked up the phone and groaned at the brightness, but your eyes focused on the name on the screen. ellen.
“hello?” your voice was raspy from crying and then nearly being asleep.
“y/n.” she sounded relieved to hear your voice, which put you at a weird sort of ease. you weren’t sure why you supposed she would be mad at you, but you realized now that you had. “i am so sorry! luke called and told me everything. jack hadn’t even told me that you two had split! i promise you that i’ll be calling him and giving him a piece of my mind because i know i didn’t raise him to do this.”
“oh, thanks, ellen.” you weren’t quite sure what else to say.
“look, i want you to know that we still care about you. you’ve been a part of our family for so long and i need you to let me know if you need anything.”
“yeah, i will,” you told her, though you weren’t sure that you’d take her up on that offer.
“okay, we’ll it’s getting late and i don’t want to hold you up but keep in touch, alright?”
“of course. bye, ellen.”
“bye, hun.” the phone call ended and you dropped your phone to the mattress, looking up to see emily walking in with a plate of food.
“his mom?” you nodded, sitting up and taking the plate. it looked delicious but you just weren’t hungry. “what did she say?”
“just apologized, asked to keep in touch.” you shrugged. “doubt i will though.”
“yeah, that’s tough.” emily knew how close you were to jacks family due to how close he was to them. you had spent three summers at the lake house with them, as well as various holidays and big games. you had grown to be a big sister to luke considering he lived with jack for a year and a half now. she left you alone to eat but you just set the plate on the nightstand, laying back down and falling asleep.
it was a week later that you got another call. by now the whole world knew about the end of your relationship with jack, you had started to do better and migrated to the couch when you weren’t in class or at work. you were in the middle of an episode of new girl when your phone rang, ellen’s name popping up.
“hello?” you weren’t really sure why you picked it up, but here you were.
“y/n! hi! how are you doing, hun?”
“oh, i’m okay.”
“good! good. um, i just wanted to call and check in on you. i haven’t heard anything from you or even luke but i know it’s probably still a rough time for you.”
“yeah.”
“i just- is it okay if i tell you how much i yelled at jack?” you let out a laugh at her question, and she took that as a sign to continue. “i mean, i really laid into him!” she said with a laugh of her own. “i told him to try and apologize, even though i knew he had fucked up and you wouldn’t take him back after what he did.”
“oh, he um, he hasn’t called or anything.”
“i didn’t think he would,” she mumbled, as if she was saying it more to herself.
“i saw that quinn got a hatty the other night,” you said, trying to change the subject.
“he did! it was in detroit so me and jim were there actually and the whole place went crazy. i thought i might lose my hearing for a minute.” you both laughed, and it was almost like your conversations with her before.
“that’s good! he deserves it.”
“he does, he really does.” it was silent for a moment, and you were about to speak again but she beats you to it. “well, i don’t want to keep you. hopefully you weren’t busy when i called.”
“oh no, it’s no problem!”
“i’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“yeah, talk to you soon.”
after that, it was like clockwork. ellen would call once a week, sometimes twice, always around six o’clock. sometimes you would be busy or working and couldn’t answer, but you’d just apologize during your next call. she never minded, telling you that it was good that you were living your life and having fun. the calls always started with her asking how you were doing, and then you’d talk about things you had heard in the media and news recently. sometimes it was hockey related, sometimes it was about luke or quinn, and sometimes it was other things like new music or the outfits from some award show.
occasionally, the conversation would fall toward jack. when he scored a hatty, when he was chosen to be on the cover of some magazine, when he was once again seen with a girl and the pictures got spread everywhere. ellen tried not to bring it up, but old habits died hard, and you used to spend a lot of time discussing jack. she would always end the conversations about him with apologies, and you always reminded her that it wasn’t her fault.
a month after you had talked to luke last, he was sending you a text and asking you if you could meet for dinner. you hadn’t seen him since before the breakup, and you really missed him, so of course you agreed. he picked you up later that night and you smiled when you climbed into his passenger seat.
“hi lukey. how have you been?”
“pretty good. been playing well.”
“that’s good. i wish i could say that i knew that but-“
“it’s okay. i didn’t think you’d be watching every game after what happened.” you nodded, looking out the window.
“i watch quinn’s sometimes but… watching you is a little harder since it’s not just you.” the car was silent after that, but it didn’t take long for luke to pull up to a small diner. you had brought him here one night that he wasn’t feeling the best about his game, and you knew he needed to get out of his head a bit. so you distracted him by bringing him to the only place you knew was still open at one in the morning. daisy’s diner. once you were in and seated, you both took a quick look over the menu. you ordered your drinks and then when those came out, your food as well, and then settled in.
“can i get the elephant in the room out of the way?” luke asked. you sipped your shake but then nodded. “so back when i told you what happened…” he took a second to find his words, “i confronted jack about all of it. i probably didn’t go about it like i should’ve but i was pissed off so i just really went in on him. he got pissed too and told me it wasn’t any of my business. by the time i talked to him, i had called mom and i guess mom had called him because he started telling me that i had no right to tell her about it and whatever.” he shook his head. “what he did was a dick thing to do though and you didn’t deserve that at all. he’s been mad at me ever since but i’m still mad at him so…” he shrugged.
“awe, lukey. you didn’t have to do all of that for me. your mom told me that she yelled at him pretty bad too.”
“mom talked to you?” he took a sip of his own shake and you nodded.
“yeah. she called me i guess after you called and told her. then she called about a week later. now we’ve been talking once or twice a week.”
“hm. didn’t know that. that’s good though. i should’ve called too, checked in on you.”
“i’ve been okay.” you shrugged. “okay as i can be after getting out of a three year relationship and finding out i’ve been cheated on at least once.” luke gasped.
“you think it was more than once?” you let your eyes fall to the table, shaking your head slightly.
“i don’t know. he never gave me any reason to think he was cheating, even when i was thinking back after we broke up. but i wasn’t with him when he was on the road, who knows what he was doing?”
“okay, you weren’t with him, but i was. he wasn’t usually like that. i actually had to think super hard about when that picture could’ve been taken because he’s almost always with me or dawson or nico when we’re away. it was when we went out after we won and i guess he happened to slip away from everyone. we didn’t even realize he wasn’t there until we were leaving so i called and he said he left early, was already back at the hotel. he was there when i got back so i didn’t really have any reason not to believe him until we got back.” you nodded, trying to blink away the tears that were building on your lash line.
“but that never happened before?” luke shook his head.
“i hate that he did that to you. not only because he’s an asshole and he hurt you, but if i can be a little selfish, i haven’t seen you in a month and i miss you being around all the time.” you laughed slightly, wiping away your tears before they could fall. “seriously! i was trying to text a girl the other day and i didn’t have anyone around to help me come up with what to say.” you laughed more now, and luke smiled.
“did you fumble?”
“massively.”
“awe, it’s okay. i’ll help you next time.” your phone rang and you picked it up, seeing ellen’s name on your screen. “oh, it’s your mom.” luke nodded, letting you know you could answer it.
“i’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick.” he was up and out of the booth as you lifted the phone to your ear.
“hey, ellen. how are you?”
“i’m good! you probably didn’t see but luke set a record for longest ice time in the devils franchise.”
“he didn’t tell me that!”
“you’ve still been talking to him?”
“i’m with him right now, actually. we hadn’t talked since before but he asked if we could go to dinner and catch up.”
“oh well don’t let me interrupt! we can talk later?”
“of course! talk to you later.” the call ended just as the waitress set your food on the table and you thanked her. luke came back a moment later and you both dug into your food. “wait!” you chewed your bite and picked up your phone, swiping over to the camera. “pose!” luke rolled his eyes but posed, giving a thumbs up with the hand that wasn’t holding his fork. you smiled and placed your phone back down, going back to eating.
“this is so fucking good,” luke said, and you nodded in agreement. only a few moments went by before you spoke up again.
“you know you can call me and talk whenever you want, lukey.” he smiled slightly at you, the best he could with food in his mouth.
“thanks, y/n.” you nodded. “um, i do have something else to tell you.” you looked up at him confused. “i wasn’t sure if i was going to tell you for sure or not but,” luke put his fork down and leaned back, reaching into his pocket, “i searched jacks room the other day because he took something from me but instead of finding it i found this.” your jaw dropped at the box he held out and opened, displaying the prettiest ring you’d ever seen.
“luke…” you didn’t know what to say.
“i just figured you should know.” you nodded.
“just put it back where you found it,” you said quietly. he nodded, slipping the box back into his pocket. it was silent between the two of you for a few minutes before you spoke again, trying to get yourself out of your head. “your mom said you broke a franchise record.”
“oh, yeah.” his cheeks flushed at the attention being put on him.
“good job! i’m proud of you.”
“thanks.”
ellen called again the next week, asking how you were doing and how your dinner with luke was. you could hear a bit of a smile in her voice when she asked about it.
“i saw the picture you posted after. he looked like he actually didn’t mind having his picture taken for once.”
“he definitely rolled his eyes but he posed.” you were a little nervous about the fact that she had seen it, considering the aftermath of posting it. you had captioned the post “my favorite hughes brother” and allegations were immediately flying. people were sending you threats for jumping from jack to luke, with very few coming to your defense. you didn’t pay them any mind though, not until now. you didn’t think you could handle it if ellen thought the same as all of those so-called fans.
“well i, for one, loved the caption.” you smiled at her words, laughing along with her when she giggled. “don’t tell jack i said that though.”
“oh don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”
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silentcryracha · 10 months
Text
❍ ‗ Love Language (Skz - Hyung line) ‗ ❍
Pairings : Chan x reader, Minho x reader, Changbin x reader, Hyunjin x reader
Genre/warnings : Half headcanon and half scenarios. They all start fluffy and fun and end up suggestively/with a little smut. Regardless strictly 18+
Summary : Each member has some specific dynamics in their relationship that makes your love so special. These are some of them <3
Word count : 2.1 K
A/n : The summary and title suck I know apologies lol, just read to understand lol. Anyways have fun!
ps: There could be errors. Do NOT repost on other socials. Leave feedback if you feel like it, otherwise enjoy! ♡︎
Maknae line link
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Chan ‗ ❍
Chan would be absolutely smitten with someone that either had his same talents with music (the whole process) or at the very least someone that is genuinely interested in what he does. He would feel very validated and happy about it , for sure.
"Oh wow is this something new?" he'd answer yes and ask if you wanted to hear it. Of course you'd say yes in a heartbeat. You'd sit on his lap and listening intently to the new sample/recording, bopping your head to it slightly along with the rhythm.
He would try play it cool but would secretly be really hopeful of your response. When you finished listening you'd say something like "That was great, Channie. I especially liked-" and then you'd go into detail about it. He would be smiling so wide I just know.
Extra bonus points if you start adding some technical specifics or took the initiative to give other ideas, keeping in mind everything that you learned from him. Now he's absolutely in awe and wouldn't be able to hide it.
Or maybe it could be a lyric draft, a new dance bit to learn, some raw vocals and so on. Honestly just any part of his work.
He can be insecure sometimes and doubt his own abilities, so I feel like he would gain so much confidence if someone that he genuinely cared about gave him positive feedback. Especially since you'd try to be always really honest with each other, he would value that a lot too.
So in short, shower him in compliments and make him all shy, he'll love that and hate that at the same time.
It could also be that maybe you're not an expert in the matter and would simply ask him to explain further his inspiration/ideas or the process behind whatever he was doing.
Either way one of you would end up impressed af and randomly go like "You know that was really hot, right?"
Next thing you know you're fucking on the studio couch. Or the desk. Or you riding him on the studio chair. The possibilities are multiple.
"So you think I'm really hot, uh?" he'd tease, making you smile breathlessly. You'd get closer to his ear and whisper "Yes. Always" making him groan.
"You seemed such an expert a few moments ago" he'd say in between thrusts, "Should we make our own beat? What do you say, uh? Can't talk now?" you'd clench around him, too out of it to respond.
"My baby is too fucked out to talk now?" he'd tease, but quickly add some sort of praise like "My good girl, so smart".
He could and would absolutely tease you to get you hot and bothered but would never miss to also shower you in praises like you do with him.
Minho ‗ ❍
I feel he's someone who would love to have a person that can easily match his energy, but also sweep him off his feet.
If he's being serious, he'd want you to also be serious. Unless it was a situation in which you know that he just needs some jokes to make him calm down. If he's in a teasing mood or maybe a rare cheesy mood, he'd like you to play along. Imagine if he decided to be really sweet and you're like "What are you doing Minho"
He would absolutely take it ten times worse that it actually is. Especially if we're talking about occasions in which he allows himself to be comfortable and play around. So don't do that please lol
He would find it very amusing if you actually managed to not only keep up with him but maybe even take it a step further. Maybe when he's making a joke or being ironic. If he's being cute and you act even cuter it would make him happy/shy. If he gets into a heated conversation and you're open to discuss it with him, he would really appreciate you speaking your mind and listening to his thoughts.
He would also get quite protective of your own feelings, wanting to demonstrate the same consideration and love to you. He'd make sure to also adapt well to your own mood or cheer you up and comfort you if you needed it. I guess we could say that trusting each other with your feelings and emotions is your love language. And that's why you work so well together; you're truly friends before you're lovers.
But again, in general he would get so giddy and excited when you do share his vibe. Would probably end up with the tension going through the roof. Sexy, angsty, funny, cute. Doesn't matter really.
And now suddenly he's having his way with you in whichever place you're in and truly keep the energy going.
"Oh you think you're funny now, uh?" would absolutely tease you for going along with him and turn it against you. Say shit like"Such a naughty girl for making such jokes" only to make you go insane.
Not in public, absolutely never in public. He's not a big fan of drawing the attention on him especially when he feels vulnerable. But once you get home, oh boy. Again, could be anywhere around the house in any moment of the day.
"Minho-" you'd try to say in between kisses, "Are you sure this is the time for this?" your tone not convincing even yourself. He'd smirk, jokingly grazing his teeth on your neck, "Why not? What, you want me to stop?" he'd tease, making you immediately say no and kiss him harshly.
Those kind of "I don't even know how I ended up here" type of situations. Insane and unhinged just like the man himself.
A joke goes too far and you're laughing a little to hard while you're doing laundry? The washing machine will do. You just got home and are too horny to think straight? The wall next to the entrance sounds good. It's a lazy evening and you're watching something on tv? The bedroom is the place. And so on <3
Changbin ‗ ❍
Changbin is probably someone who would love to have someone that he could spoil and take care of, 'baby' if you will, but would 100% do it back. I almost feel like it would be a standard for a relationship.
He is the type of man that would treat you like royalty and make sure that you're never missing anything. He wouldn't do it expecting to get anything in return, it's just really a matter of affecting and his love language.
But, it would make him very very happy if his s/o had the same type of dynamic.
For him specifically we're talking about both non material and material type of gifts/attention. Like comforting you or making you laugh when you need it, always making sure that you're comfortable and taken care of.
But also I feel like he would spoil you with gifts both randomly and in special occasions. If for example he buys you a birthday gift, it would have to be the best option that fit your taste perfectly. I also feel like you noticing it and making a comment on it like "Oh, Binnie thank you so much, it's my favorite color!" would make him extremely proud. Just in general seeing you happy and knowing that he contributed to it.
On your side, I think he would truly appreciate even the smallest and most mundane things like grabbing his jacket for him before he goes out and give him a little kiss goodbye, adding a slightly bigger portion of a food that he likes in comparison to another that he enjoys less, taking his hand/stroking his arm when he's feeling nervous to comfort him and so on.
It would make him feel loved. And a little babyed too, which I think he'd love to be honest. He'd absolutely baby you in return though, for sure.
All of these situations could easily turn into more explicit ones with the right setting or the right occasion.
For example, if we're talking about gifts, something a little kinky could be you buying a set of lingerie 'just for him'. Or the opposite. He could be the one buying you a nice necklace and comment on how he'd "Like to see you wearing only that"
Or maybe he could have a special event/professional engagement that he's feeling nervous about and you could say something like "I know you're gonna do great. My Binnie is always so good" getting closer to him adding "Make sure to do very well today too for me, okay? Just think of me waiting for you at home with a gift for you only" you'd add some touching or kissing to really seal the deal.
Good job, now you successfully turned him on. Would probably get distracted from his anxiety and go around with a shit eating grin, and of course, do absolutely great on stage. And after that he'd come come with a purpose, and that purpose was thanking you properly for giving him the confidence that he needed. And find his gift, of course.
Not even the time for you to congratulate him on his performance or say hello for that matter, that he'd be passionately kissing you. "Want to show me that little gift you were talking about, princess?" you'd smirk at him and just go "Unwrap it yourself, baby boy".
And he would absolutely do that in no time but not before picking you up and then bringing you to the bedroom to fully enjoy his gift.
Hyunjin ‗ ❍
Hyunjin is somewhat of an introvert yes, but he is also someone who can completely transform on stage, and that is thanks to confidence. Whether he's actually confident or kind of 'fakes it til he makes it', you can't really tell the difference. And that's because nonetheless he genuinely enjoys himself and has lots of fun dancing, singing and performing in general.
This is why I think that something that he would truly appreciate and find attractive in a s/o is the ability to be carefree. Doesn't necessarily mean that you couldn't be insecure or at the contrary be extremely confident. It just means that nonetheless you would be able to have fun and enjoy yourself when you're doing something you like.
For him it can be dancing, for you it can be something else. Whatever it is I feel like it would make him happy to see you truly happy. And also not take yourself too seriously. Maybe even make fun of each other from time to time.
Like when he's practicing a dance routine and being all sexy and serious and shit, maybe even purposefully make a show for you, and by the end of it you'd go "Hwang Hyunjin stop making sexy faces it's just me. Or do you want to seduce the walls?" that would probably make him laugh and instantly shift the mood. Maybe even get him a little shy, never hurts to tease.
And that's when you play it off, but there could easily be other occasions in which he would 100% try to seduce you and be successful at it.
He could be singing or dancing to a particularly 'exciting' song and somehow get you involved. Maybe whispering some lyrics with a low voice, or get you to dance/move with him finding an excuse to touch you. Or maybe both at the same time.
You could also play the same game though. Maybe one night you're feeling particularly in a good mood and just wanted to dance/sing like there's no tomorrow, so you'd try to get Hyunjin involved in your fun, usually being successful. He'd get shy at first but would slowly start to let himself go too.
In the same situation, if you were feeling in a specific mood though, you'd try your best to seduce him. Again, maybe mouthing or singing some lyrics suggestively and giving him bedroom eyes. Or dancing in the sexiest way you could manage, swaying your hips, touching your body or straight up coming onto him and teasing him up close, inviting him to put his own hands on you.
At that point the level of attraction that he was already feeling just from seeing you being so carefree and confident in having fun would straight up turn into being horny. He'd follow your movements with his hands on your body, maybe joining for a while only to explode not long after.
Any surface would do. You'd be way too drunk on each other and with way too much tension to release to think straight. "Look how messy we are right now, and who's fault is that?" he'd whisper in your ear while fucking you against the dance practice room wall.
"I have no idea" you'd tease, making him chuckle breathlessly, before bringing his head closer with your hand to kiss him deeply.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
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splitster · 7 months
Text
answering more POM WRAITH au/Pingo asks!!
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featuring: biology questions, creatures, dingo (unfortunately), and more!! check it out ↓↓
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she does need sleep! she doesn't need to sleep as often as people, but she's a little wraith and she needs to snooze every like... i dunno. three days? sure, let's go with that.
although in the first few days of her being on PNF404, i could see her getting bored one night and poking around her crewmate's rooms to see what they're doing (spoilers: they're all just sleeping). in the morning after, dingo talks about a very bizarre dream he had with a specter watching him sleep! everyone dismisses it as the ranger having some weird sleep paralysis, but pom's sweating at the table thinking about how she should be way more careful if she does that again.
this ask did inspire me though, i'll probably make more art explaining how she works sometime later hehe...
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that'd be scary... although, if there's anyone incentivized to wraithify olimar, it'd probably be the plasm wraith! that golden goo is really fond of him, and they'd love to make olimar just like them
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WAHH THANK YOU!!! if they ever dated and got married they'd be able to save on a dress! hehe
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she might look kinda scary but she's a sweetheart!! pom would genuinely struggle to make herself hurt humans. if there's a beast threatening her crew though -- that thing is mince meat!!
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WAAAHHH THANK YOU!! it's definitely a challenge to make it fit with the other wraiths but still be unique... it was fun to design though!!
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IM SORRY i didn't get to your ask before i actually posted the full wraith design... there she is though!! HILAHERHLIAEERH
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yes!! he's the first one to discover her secret. it'd probably happen on accident out on the field pretty early on when pom is forced to defend herself with no pikmin, but it's no difference to Oatchi -- pom is pom! he'd bark and give her helmet a lick, and when pom realizes her rescue pup isn't scared of her it's quite the relief...
i have art of oatchi and wraith pom i'll be posting later!!
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WAHHH... this is cute i like this hehe!! dingo sees those striking X eyes and still falls in love!! GRRRR i must draw more pingo now...
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AUGH.... OK!! more pingo on the way then boss 🫡 (i do appreciate it though lmao)
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she doesn't need to eat human food, but she does need to consume living creatures for biomass! human food is definitely delicious and she very much enjoys things like chocolate or hot coco, but to sustain her form and keep up energy she has to go for creatures
i'll probably make art for this later to explain better, but it is kinda like an amoeba -- after killing something, she can cover it and dissolve it with her goo. easy peasy!
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Louie: You're a wraith? I thought you were just weird like me Pom: ... Louie: ... Can you go get creatures for me
pom is trying her best to understand human social cues and etiquette but it's a struggle sometimes!
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i took psychic damage from this ask thank you for penis ringo💖
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YES!!!!!!!!! there are so, so many ways that could happen and each one is hilarious... i've written out a few different scenarios, i should pick one to draw out... it'd be funny if dingo learns her secret but decides to trust her and keep it safe. but he's, you know. dingo. he's not good at lying, especially to his crewmates (and especially to his actual childhood friend of a doctor who was already very suspicious of the new blood!)
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of COURSE i'm very abnormal about those two.... actually if y'all have scenarios you wanna see with those two, send more asks and i'll probably end up drawing them lol
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that's actually a really good question! i haven't thought too much about how her full wraith would visually change, but if she ate enough and got stronger i imagine she'd finally be as big as the other two. she'd probably gain more wraithy abilities and attacks! trying to take down a powered up full wraith pom would be a very difficult fight, even for those with the best dandori skills and a full squad of pikmin
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Pom: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Shepherd: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Collin: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Dingo: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Yonny: this is gonna be fun Bernard: (doesn't care if people find out) Russ: (doesn't care if people find out) Oatchi: bark
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shy-urban-hobbit · 16 days
Note
"wait...is this a date?" with Husk & Angel please :3c
Slight C/W for typical Val behaviour
Angel kicked his feet idly where they hung off the arm of the lobby sofa as he scrolled through his socials. He'd only just been able to start moving around without a limp that morning after Val had damn near broken his leg and while he was happy for the break (hah!) from work, he was now starting to go slightly stir crazy after being housebound for two days after Val had decided he was useless while one of his legs was twice the size of the other.
He scowled to himself as he shifted around slightly. He was pretty sure that was a spring digging into the small of his back but he couldn't muster the energy to rectify it - as Hell's most famous pornstar, he'd been in way more uncomfortable positions - he could live with something that wasn't a dick poking him in the back until someone or something gave him a worthwhile reason to move.
"Hey, Legs."
Angel yelped and cursed in quick succession as the sudden appearance of the hotel's resident cat demon made him promptly drop his phone onto his face.
"Asshole." He grumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "First ya ditch me, and then ya make me injure myself. I should make ya kiss it better."
"It's not ditchin' ya if it was work." Husk answered as he placed the new bottles on the bar top, "As for the other thing, can I substitute one of those cups of sugar masquerading as a drink?"
Angel sat up to peek over the back of the sofa. Sure enough Husk was stood holding out a hot pink frappe from his favourite coffee place, an eyebrow raised as he shook the cup slightly, enticingly, "Well?"
"I've told ya you're my favourite, right?" Angel asked, making grabby hands until Husk handed it over, the smell of artificial raspberry filling his nose. "What's in the other bag?"
"Nothin' much. You wanna hang out in my room for a while?"
Angel blinked, finger still in his mouth as he paused in licking off melted whipped cream from where it had run down the side of the cup, "Ain't we got another redemption exercise or hugging circle or some shit in like, 5 minutes?" Not that Angel was complaining; Charlie had used his unexpected freetime to really double down on his possible redemption. Whatever had been said in that meeting with Heaven making her more determined then ever and if he had to look at one more crayon drawing or diagram he was going to start tearing his hair out - he may or may not have played up the whole wanting to rest up and heal thing once or twice, just to get her to leave him alone for 5 minutes (and God bless Vaggie for having his back on that one, even if the look she threw him told him she knew he was exaggerating and even though the princess was always quick to comply with minimal fuss and puppy eyes ever since the whole 'boundary crossing' thing).
Husk shrugged, holding out a hand, "Talked to Charlie earlier, we've both got a pass on this one."
"Fine." Angel took the hand without even thinking about it, gingerly testing his leg after laying down for so long - it still ached, but he didn't end up face planting or anything, "But if we end up having to do some weird extra credit thing later on, I'm blamin' you."
"Noted." Husk chuckled as he grabbed the mystery bag and headed upstairs, Angel's hand still in his.
Angel had only been in Husk's room a handful of times but he'd made a game of trying to see if anything was new or even remotely out of place whenever he entered. The small space was so uniformly neat and organised it was almost like a display rather than an actual living space. Part of Angel wondered if it was a control thing - he used to seek some semblance of control over what entered his body and when and what he'd remember through drink and drugs, why couldn't this be Husk's way? It seemed kind of funny now that the old him probably would've purposely moved things around or hidden something, just to fuck with the other.
"Sooo.... anything specific in that fuzzy head or ya just wanna bask in my presence?"
"So fucking humble." Husk opened up a laptop Angel hadn't noticed sat on the bed before now, "And I was thinkin' a movie. You in?"
"Sure. Surprised Al lets ya have one a those. Y'know, with the whole hatin' any tech after the 40's schtick." Angel said as he settled at the head of the bed, using one set of arms to attempt to plump up Husk's measly excuse for pillows.
"Borrowed it." Husk answered, not giving any details about who from (although Angel had a pretty solid idea if the rainbow and heart stickers were anything to go by).
"Oh my fuckin' God. How dense is this broad?" Angel laughed, throwing his head back against Husk's shoulder after having decided the cat was comfier to lean on than his flat pillows, Husk's arm resting on the low headboard behind them, "The guy's been pining since like, day one!"
"I think the dialogue's maybe one step up from the shit they have you spewin' and that's a low fuckin' bar!"
"Hey, it's all in the delivery, an' I got toys that ain't as stiff as these two." Angel crunched on a strawberry lollipop as the two protagonists acted out yet another 'cute' encounter like they had a gun pointed at their heads, "Y'know I'm surprised ya agreed ta this one. I didn't think it'd be your kinda thing."
"It ain't, but the fact it's so bad it's funny is makin' it bearable."
Angel hummed in agreement, snuggling further into Husk's chest fur as the female protagonists stereotypical gay BFF was laying the truth out for her in that the casual 'not a date' had totally been a date.
"Girl, he invited you over, made sure you weren't going to be interrupted, got you your favourite foods -"
Angel snuck a glance at the various wrappers covering the bed after he'd finally been given permission to dump out the contents of the bag.
"Jeez Husk, you raid a candy store an' just grab anythin' pink?"
"...no."
"Oh my god, you just grabbed anythin' pink!"
"I didn't know what you'd like. Seemed a safe bet."
"Well, well, ain't we the cocky one? Ya that sure I was gonna say yes? And ya bet payed off, just so ya know."
"-sat through something he knew would make him want to gouge his eyes out 'cos he knew you'd like it. How many more clues do you need?!"
Angel blinked, this insult to romcoms suddenly feeling a little too on the nose. Husk clearly felt the same if the way he was suddenly showing great interest in the acid rain falling outside was any indication.
"Wait...Husk, is this a date?"
Husk's tail twitched as he bought his attention to the other demon, cheeks slightly pink under his fur and ears dipped slightly, "It can be, if ya want. Or it can just be two friends hangin' out, rippin' a terrible movie to shreds. Your call."
Angel moved slowly, partly because of his leg and partly because he didn't want to spook the other as he sat himself in Husk's lap, mindful not to let his expression slip into the lewd mask he usually had to wear when he was practically straddling someone on a bed as he cupped Husk's jaw so the cat couldn't look anywhere but at him, "Yeah. I want."
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wovenstarlight · 2 months
Text
I got an interesting anonymous ask on the SFS Tumblr asking about the reasoning behind a bunch of Yoohyun's decisions that had… less-than-stellar outcomes, let's say? (LMAO.) and I'd like to keep the TL blog clean so I'm answering Anon here. I'm gonna post their ask in full for reference, because the answers to each individual question overlap:
Hi, thank you very much for your time, energy and effort. What you are doing is really amazing and admirable. I know you are busy enough and I shouldn't trouble you, but after reading the manhwa, I had questions about Yoohyun's logic and sentiment, and I became more confused after reading the novel and I don't know who to ask. Please ignore my message if it's to much trouble. 1: Why doesn't Yoohyun spend the last years of his life on earth peacefully with Yoojin, even though he knows that the world will end soon? 2: What did Yoohyun accomplish by leaving and humiliating Yoojin that he was persistent to do it for so many years? 3: Why instead of using his forces and technologies to protect Yoojin, he announces to the world that it is open season on him and he is worthless? (Normaly no one dares to harm the family of an S class but Yoohyun expose Yoojin to danger by abandoning him.) 4: Why does Yoohyun stop protecting Yoojin when the most dangerous part of Yoojin's life as an F class hunter begins? (Using his influence he could easily ban Yoojin from entering dungeons. Or he could have secretly formed a group of the most powerful hunters to go with Yoojin to dungeons. This way he could have provided him with everything he needed and keep him safe. That is, if he had any intention of protecting him.) 5: Why would Yoohyun gain all that resources, power, wealth and connections and he sit around and does nothing so that Yoojin would face death every day and rot in the basement? He gain all that for what, if not for protecting Yoojin? 6: Why doesn't he ever change his procedure or provide new options for Yoojin to stop going to dungeons? (Yoojin has no chance for a peaceful life due to not having a degree and being a notorious person. And he doesn't know about that cult.) Yoojin got to see his 30 years old birthday cause the cult didn't feel like killing him and he took care of himself in dungeons and was lucky that only his legs broke. So why would Yoohyun identify as a doting brother? The more I think about it the less I understand.
(crossposted on AO3, if you'd prefer to read there)
Okay, so, I'm really prone to rambling at length and this is a subject I have strong feelings on, so I'll give you a very short version of my answer in bullet points, and then a longer version with proper chapter-specific references and full explanations of what I think was going on.
Yoohyun wants to repay Yoojin for all the care and love he's given him, but as a 17-year-old, he doesn't have much social power
Yoohyun's Awakening puts himself and anyone he loves (i.e. Yoojin) in a dangerous position, because while he has individual physical power as an S-rank, he still lacks social power and also can't singlehandedly protect Yoojin 24/7
Yoohyun, in all his rash 17-year-old glory, takes the drastic action of cutting off Yoojin, planning to build up enough power to protect Yoojin and then reunite with him. Yoojin, as just your ordinary everyday 22-year-old, faces no risks other than people targeting him in order to hurt Yoohyun (I don't agree that no one would dare to harm the family of an S-rank, for reasons I'll elaborate on later in the long answer), so if Yoohyun's not close to Yoojin, then that cuts it down to "no risks at all", right…? So tell the media, tell the world, that no, Han Yoohyun doesn't give a shit about Han Yoojin. Yoohyun assumes he'll be able to explain it all to Yoojin one day and that he'll understand. (This should answer your Question 2 and Q3.)
But it doesn't work out as expected. Yoohyun thought it'd take much less time to establish his position than it does in reality (the assumed 4-ish years ended up as 6+ years). Also, Yoojin's gone from trying to make up with Yoohyun in a way that'll let them be together again (not going to happen, because Yoohyun's still not ready to bring Yoojin back into the fold) to being in his own terrible situation, so he's started lashing out at Yoohyun. So even if Yoohyun was in a stable enough situation to try reconciling with him, Yoojin might not be open to it by this point
Somewhere along the way, Yoohyun learns from the filial duty addict Diarma the world is going to end. He doesn't drop everything and go to live with Yoojin because even now, there's still the concern that maybe Yoohyun won't be able to protect Yoojin from everything, and maybe Yoojin doesn't want Yoohyun around, anyway. There's no use in going to live with Yoojin if it'll just end up getting Yoojin killed through Yoohyun's inaction (Q1).
So Yoohyun keeps maintaining his guild and his power so he can keep protecting Yoojin from what he thinks are the Real Threats. (Because the worlds of low- and high-rank Hunters are VERY different. Yoohyun probably assumes that because Yoojin's not facing the high-rank Hunter dangers, he's facing no dangers—a stupid but understandable mistake, given that Yoojin also assumed the exact same thing in reverse about Yoohyun! It sucks, it really does, but I really do think Yoohyun just… didn't realize just how bad it was.) (Q5) And the world can end whenever it wants; if there's no challenging it, then at least Yoohyun's kept Yoojin safe in the meantime.
And the one danger they have in common, dungeons—you suggest Yoohyun banning Yoojin from entering any, but Yoohyun's cut himself off from Yoojin entirely, remember. Trying to interfere in his life would be met with (a) STRONG rejection by a deeply hurt Yoojin who doesn't understand why Yoohyun thinks he has any say in Yoojin's life anymore, and (b) interest by Yoohyun's rivals, who'd wonder why he's trying to keep his hyung away from dangers when he says he doesn't care about that hyung's wellbeing, putting Yoojin right back in their crosshairs. (Q4)
Also, the immoral people have been killing Caregivers of S-ranks. Diarma might have told Yoohyun about this. If he did, then Yoohyun's goals would definitely have gone from "stay strong and one day reconcile with hyung" to "NEVER get close to hyung, because there are beings outside this world, much more powerful than anything I can match in a reasonable timespan, who will 100% kill him". At which point, even if Yoohyun had wanted to reconcile with him, or compromise by just adjusting his plan and talking to Yoojin a little more, or literally anything past making a show of total and complete indifference, he couldn't have without knowingly risking Yoojin's life. (Q6)
You and I and all the other S-Ranks readers, removed from this situation as we are, can think of half a dozen ways Yoohyun could probably have gotten around things. But the simple fact is that in that situation, under that much pressure, with that much emotional attachment to his brother and literally everything that mattered to him at stake if he fucked up in the tiniest of ways—forget making perfect decisions, there was absolutely no way Yoohyun was going to do anything other than what seemed least risky. Because to do otherwise would be risking Yoojin’s life and therefore his own. And the choices you’ve already mades, the path you’re already on—no matter how bad it is for you, no matter how bad it is for the people you love, no matter how much it hurts—will always, always be less risky than the unknown path, because at least this way, you know what dangers to expect and brace for. At the core of the matter, it’s just that… the path that was best for Yoojin's happiness wasn't the path that was best for Yoojin's life expectancy, you see? And Yoojin can't be happy if he's dead. Yoohyun can't be alive if Yoojin's dead. That's all it came down to.
……oh my god that was so long actually. And that was supposed to be the TL;DR. The long version is going to be SO long. I hope you like reading 50-page passionate essays. There's a poll at the end, you can look forward to that!!!
(Also, okay, before we jump into the Deep End. Two disclaimers.
Anon, you said you read the manhwa and novel, but I read only the novel, so some of my chapter references might be unfamiliar. I know they shuffled events around a little in the webtoon, too, so I'll try and describe the general events so you can find any webtoon parallels.
Yoojin's a REALLY unreliable narrator and definitely doesn't know a lot of what Yoohyun's gone through. Part of that is because there's things he has no way to pick up on or deduce; part of that is because he wants to not think about Yoohyun going through bad shit; part of that is because Yoohyun doesn't want Yoojin worrying about him and has actively hidden the worse parts of his life from him. So a fair part of what I'm talking about is going to be reading between the lines and extrapolating.
Okay, disclaimers done!) Now on to the long version with references. Let's go point-by-point based on the TL;DR.
#1: Yoohyun wanting to repay Yoojin
I mean, the skill's called Last/Final Repayment! Isn't that enough? Where did you think that came from? There certainly wasn't anything Yoojin wanted to repay Yoohyun for.
Okay, no, more seriously. Yoohyun and Yoojin have grown up with only each other to depend on. Yoohyun has watched Yoojin take care of him alone their whole lives, with no outside support, keeping a roof over their head and their stomachs filled. For Yoohyun's sake, Yoojin has given up:
A complete education, with Yoojin having "dropped out of school to take care of his little brother", as mentioned in chapter 1.
A proper social life. In chapter 25, Yoojin says his friends in his early 20s were "middle-aged factory workers" instead of people his own age.
Hobbies. He says to Yerim and Myeongwoo in chapter 45 that one of his "few hobbies" is taking spam calls, but his character profile from the E-books volume 1 confirms it's his only hobby, and one that's now fading… which leaves him with zero personal interests. (The spam calling thing is almost certainly something that sprouted from loneliness in the years that the brothers were separated, by the way. After all, why would Yoojin waste time listening to some stranger on the phone talk to him about something he doesn’t care about? Most likely because there isn’t—wasn’t—really anyone else who’s willing to talk to him, anymore.)
The sole birthday present of "a 10,000 won bill to buy something tasty to have with his friends" he got from their parents, which "would be used for Han Yoohyun’s birthday. As [it was] every year", as mentioned in chapter 239, during Yoohyun’s flashback to childhood.
And Yoohyun, a helpless child, could only watch as Yoojin gave up all of that, to no real benefit of his own, just to focus all his attention and resources on supporting Yoohyun.
By the time he was in middle school, Yoohyun was already talking about becoming a doctor since it'd be "advantageous in a lot of aspects"; he says he "just wanted to make it so you [Yoojin] could live comfortably" (chapter 258). Yoojin wouldn't have to be the sole earner, and would've been able to pursue his own happiness as well as Yoohyun's. Yoohyun wants very badly for Yoojin to not have to worry about him anymore. It makes sense that that sentiment would remain even after he Awakened.
#2: Yoohyun's Awakening
And boy what an Awakening it was! Straight from a random orphaned kid with zero social life and decent grades to one of the world's most desirable and dangerous individuals, basically overnight. He has none of the social sway that the rich and well-connected Sung Hyunjae or the professional athletes Moon Hyuna and Choi Sukwon do, and he refuses to get the help of big corporations like Choi Sukwon and Bak Mingyu (and Yoon Kyeongsoo? I forget if Soodam was also a corp-backed guild). So he's got no power, but he's also declared his intent to create a guild, and that combined with his nature as a born S-rank makes people perceive him as a threat. Maybe not so much in the early days, when people think he's just an arrogant, stupid kid who's going to crash and burn, but definitely more so as time passed, which Sung Hyunjae confirms in chapter 152:
“[Han Yoohyun] was at an age where he had a lot of problems, starting out living alone.” […] “He wasn’t even alone, strictly speaking. I heard Team Head Seok and the others joined Haeyeon early on.” I heard that Seok Simyeong had visited Yoohyun-ie even before Haeyeon was founded. He was still annoying, but I had to give him his share of the credit for Haeyeon. Sung Hyunjae gave a small nod at my words. “Even so, it isn’t easy for a latecomer to find his place.” “That’s… You’re right.” “For the first year or so, it was easier. Since most of them said Haeyeon wouldn’t be able to properly establish itself.” Sung Hyunjae also said he hadn’t been interested in Haeyeon—in Yoohyun-ie—at the time, either. “The problem arose when it started to become a major guild.”
The second the initial "LOL, this has got to be a joke, right?" blinders come off, he's at risk. And he would've known that this would happen right from the start—Yoohyun's smart enough that he would've understood the lack of attacks was just because they didn't see him as a real threat yet.
So, again: a latecomer on the scene with no power and no experience to his name, and seen as a threat to deal with. No social connections means he has no one to rely on to help him with Yoojin's protection: it's up to him alone. And even S-ranks have to eat and sleep and use the bathroom and do half a dozen other things that would pull him away from Yoojin's side, not to mention the all-important requirement of raiding dungeons, which Yoohyun himself admits in chapter 71 was one of his main concerns:
“Once I start a raid on an S-rank dungeon, I’ll be gone for a week […]. Me… avoiding you… was also largely due to the S-rank dungeon raid time. Since, obviously, I can’t look after you once I go into the dungeon.”
So Yoohyun himself can't just stay by Yoojin's side as his bodyguard 24/7. He'd have to leave him unattended for, at minimum, whole weeks. Which means he doesn't have a reliable, sure way to keep his hyung safe.
#3: Cutting off Yoojin, and the risks to an S-rank's family
And that's not even mentioning his own safety. What happens when Yoohyun's hurt and can't help with guarding Yoojin? And he will be hurt, either by dungeon raids or other people. If you don't think that second one is a concern, as early as chapter 6, when Yoojin and Yoohyun are having their first meal together, Yoojin asks about Yoohyun's ability to cook, and he says he taught himself:
“I’ve got items for detoxification and de-cursing, now, but I didn’t have them before. So making my own food felt safer. Even now, when I enter dungeons, I bring dried rations I made myself. Since it’s most dangerous inside dungeons.” “…Detoxification? De-cursing?” What was I hearing right now? As in, there were bastards who’d poison and curse his food, so he had to make it himself… that sort of thing?
Yoohyun himself, a strong, healthy S-rank with a good constitution and one hell of a temper, was at risk of being poisoned and cursed through something as everyday as food. You said that normally, no one would dare attack the family of an S-rank—but if people are willing to attack the S-rank himself, knowing that he'll kill them for sure if it fails and he learns they're behind it, then what's stopping them from attacking the S-rank's family?
There's two points you could argue:
Yoohyun says in the chapter 6 conversation that "It’s a major crime for an Awakened person to target an Unawakened person, so I made them think it wasn’t worth it to risk going after you." But that'd only last for the 3 years up until Yoojin Awakened, and honestly, there's a real risk that anyone targeting Yoojin before that time would just be rich or socially connected enough that they could make the charges go away.
The other argument that if they attack an S-rank's beloved family and that fails, now the S-rank is coming after them with a vengeance, and he's not even suffering from the aftermath of poisoning or a curse to weaken him in the slightest, so that might scare them off. But, like… people do stupid things when they're desperate. In that kidnapping where Yoojin met the Krecke Blackie (chapters 46–49), sure, Yoojin had his own special skills that made him valuable, but he also had five major guilds and the Association all dedicated to his protection. That's several times the protection a single S-rank could offer, and some idiots who weren't even in a desperate situation still tried to go after him for benefits similar to what you'd get from having leverage over an S-rank. So I really don't think anything would stop people from threatening Yoojin. If anything, the combined facts of Yoohyun starting out from a weak position, Yoohyun obviously caring about Yoojin, and Yoojin being so much weaker than Yoohyun would make that the best option by far, if you wanted to hurt Yoohyun. After all, it’s not like Unawakened F-rank Yoojin can fight back himself, and again, Yoohyun isn’t going to fight you if it would risk Yoojin’s life.
So, Yoohyun goes "if I distance myself from hyung and make people think it WON'T hurt me for him to be hurt, then people have no reason to target him!" and follows through. I do think this was a stupid move on his part, even if he intended to explain it all to Yoojin eventually, because by not letting him in on the secret right from the start, he guaranteed that Yoojin would be hurt and upset by his sole remaining family member seemingly abandoning him for better prospects. Which leads Yoojin to start making his own stupid moves, which snowballs into a series of bad decisions on both their parts, and so on… but we'll get to that in a minute. The problem, I think, is that this plan could've worked, if only Yoohyun had told Yoojin at the start, so that Yoojin knew not to draw attention to himself. Maybe they could've done regular calls on burner phones or something, to stay in touch, and they'd have been happier that way.
Unfortunately that didn't happen. Why? Because, as Yoohyun states in that same conversation in chapter 6, he "didn’t want to burden" Yoojin. Yoohyun's desire to protect Yoojin is not just physical, but also mental/emotional—he doesn't want Yoojin to know that Yoohyun's going through all this trouble of leaving home and dealing with threats to his life and making big decisions, because he doesn't want Yoojin to worry.
[EDIT: And actually, thinking back over this, do you realize—Yoojin always talks about how Yoohyun was a delight of a child to raise, never complaining, never throwing tantrums, wonderfully behaved and always doing as he was told. Enough so that Moon Hyuna has to tell him, explicitly, in Chapter 43, that that’s not normal, in those exact words:
“He was a good younger brother who never needed to be scolded. Ever since he was little, he listened well and didn’t worry me…….” “You said you were the one to raise him, right? After you lost your parents early. That’s not normal.” She clicked her tongue and continued. “A good, obedient little brother from a poor family without parents. That sort of thing doesn’t even appear in children’s fairy tales these days. Because it’s not realistic.” “I mean, to go that far—” “Kids are kids. They get frustrated and angry if there’s something lacking, they make trouble to get attention, they compare themselves with others, and beyond begging their parents to buy them something they want, they might even resent them. Parents might still think their kids are cute, but brothers? To them, they’re just enemy bastards; I also have a younger sibling, so I know. Of course, there are brothers and sisters who get along. In peaceful households where their parents take good care of them. Even then, it’s not like they never fight. Younger brothers in particular are a type that need to be put in their place; older siblings the world across would probably agree.”
This suggests that Yoohyun and Yoojin have never, ever, EVER experienced conflict on major life decisions. Not once have they argued about Yoohyun making choices that Yoojin wouldn’t like. Which means Yoohyun approached cutting off Yoojin with a very particular mindset, and I have some guesses as to what exactly that mindset was. Do you think he hoped Yoojin would understand that his perennially well-behaved brother would have some reason for leaving home? Do you think he just… didn’t know how to approach telling Yoojin about his choice, knowing it’d upset him so much, so he simply didn’t and hoped for the best? Or was it something else entirely?
Either way: Yoohyun absolutely did not know what would come of this choice. He definitely did not expect just how hard it would be on Yoojin. At the time, he was probably just wanting to spare Yoojin the heartache of their first major argument about Yoohyun’s life choices.] And it's that very desire to not bother him with the knowledge of how much Yoohyun's suffering that eventually makes things go wrong and both of them suffer for it.
#4: Yoohyun's strategy failing
What do we know about Yoohyun's plan going wrong? We know that Yoohyun intended to wipe out his enemies before even thinking about allowing Yoojin into danger. In that conversation in chapter 6, he tells Yoojin to wait "just 1 year" and to basically live in confinement, locked up safe inside Haeyeon, until Yoohyun's done. Combined with the 3 years since the dungeons appearing and Yoohyun Awakening, that means he thought it'd take maybe 4 years in total, with hurrying at the end to accommodate Yoojin already being involved with him again. Yoojin says in narration that pre-regression, it took him 3 years instead of the 1 he's proposing, which puts us at a total of 6 years minimum before Yoohyun could even think about reuniting with Yoojin.
But, of course, a lot can and did happen in those 6 years. Within the first 3, the brothers' relationship had deteriorated enough that Yoojin blocked Yoohyun's number, as mentioned in chapter 32 by Yoohyun to Yoojin during novice Hunter training:
“You got angry and told me not to call, remember? You even blocked my number.”
Why was Yoojin angry? See chapter 158, when Yoohyun was temporarily amnesic due to Jellyfish's fog:
“I’m certain I told you not to come near me.” …I remembered. When I’d heard that, I’d blocked Yoohyun’s number, telling him not to call me back.
Yoohyun's repeated refusal to tell Yoojin about his plans, just telling him they had to stay apart, only worsened their relationship. And while Yoohyun did attempt to reach out and help Yoojin in ways such as sending him money to cover living expenses (probably hoping to repair their rapidly deteriorating relationship), that also made it worse, with Yoojin rejecting all of those attempts. As he explains in chapter 274, during the flashbacks induced by Jellyfish in their fight:
Gritting my teeth, I sent back the money Yoohyun-ie sent me without even laying a finger on it. To the me of that time, it was horrible money that my young brother had as good as traded his life for. Yoohyun-ie wanted me to accept living expenses and stay safe, but I believed my brother was being sent to his own death and could never accept it.
It isn't like Yoohyun didn't try to reach out. He did. The problem was that all of his attempts were undercut by his continued refusal to tell Yoojin why he had distanced himself, such that all those attempts at staying in touch only rubbed salt in the wound of being abandoned. And as early as 3 years in, by his own admission in chapter 6, Yoohyun starts to think that things have gotten so bad that even if he tries to confess everything now, Yoojin might not "be understanding". He might not be willing to let go of his hurt and resentment to reconcile with him.
So should he stop reaching out, then? Surely there's still hope that they can reconcile in the future. Someday, maybe, when Yoohyun's sure he can protect Yoojin, even if Yoojin doesn't want to be with/near him.
#5: Learning about the world ending
Only, there's a deadline imposed by the end of the world, which Yoohyun learns about from filial duty addict Diarma. Part of the contract with the filial duty addicts, as Sung Hyunjae explains in chapter 102, is not interfering with said end of the world. Actually, the contractors have to give "their word that they’ll eliminate obstacles" i.e. other people fighting against the end of the world, so Yoohyun can't do anything about this deadline. This gives him a limited amount of time in which he can "eventually" reconcile with Yoojin.
So, as you ask, Anon, why not spend that limited time with his brother? Well, just because there's an end of the world approaching—which Yoohyun can't even talk about! L-rank contract, remember—doesn't mean that Yoojin is 🌟magically🌟 going to get any less mad about Yoohyun abandoning him for several years than before. Yoohyun still doesn't want to explain, so that argument is absolutely not getting resolved.
Even if he tries to explain vaguely that there's some threat and that he'd like Yoojin to live with him or at least accept his offers of protection and security, what happens if Yoojin refuses? Yoohyun clearly isn't willing to violate Yoojin's desires too far, since the most certain way to keep him safe would be to lock him up in a vault somewhere inside Haeyeon and never let anyone else see him, but that would trample all over his free will and happiness, not to mention it'd ruin Yoohyun's "live normally and happily with hyung" goals. So he'll have to let Yoojin stay out in the world, while all of Yoohyun's rivals and enemies are still out there, watching the Haeyeon Guild Leader reach out to his brother and wondering if they've reconciled. At that point, it doesn't matter if they actually have made up or not. If someone even suspects that Yoojin is close to Yoohyun, then they'll target him on the off-chance that it's true. And if Yoojin did refuse Yoohyun's offers, which he's almost certain to, then he's defenseless against whatever attacks come. And they will come. In chapter 6, Yoohyun admitted that a single visit to Haeyeon Guild by Yoojin, willing or unwilling, would be enough to get attention on him:
“But if I directly give orders for you to be brought in and allowed to live within Haeyeon Guild, my enemies will start to actively target you. Even with you just being here right now, I’m sure they’ll already have started keeping an eye on you.”
Think of it from Yoohyun's enemies' perspective. If Yoohyun cares about Yoojin, attacking Yoojin gives you leverage over Yoohyun. If Yoohyun doesn't care about Yoojin, then he won't care if you're attacking Yoojin, so you'll face no retaliation from him. Yoohyun's enemies have nothing to lose from this, while Yoohyun has everything to lose. So, in this situation, it'd be better to take the least risky path: just don't engage with Yoojin at all.
And, also, even if he'd decided to take that risk, there's a different one when it comes to actually figuring out a system to guard Yoojin. This point is more speculation, but I do think Yoohyun might have struggled with deciding when he'd done enough for Yoojin's protection. Because the reality is that Yoojin was never, ever going to be 100% safe from all dangers ever. Again, the vault method is the only way Yoohyun could achieve that. Yoohyun could've put together any amount of high-rank Hunters as Yoojin's exclusive security detail, and he'd still have to leave him alone with these potentially corruptible strangers for a full week at a time during every S-rank dungeon raid. I suspect there was a real risk of Yoohyun continuously going "I just need to get a bit stronger and a bit more established" indefinitely, without ever reaching a point where he was actually satisfied. (Which, if this was indeed a risk in canon, would be overridden in the post-regression timeline by Yoojin's keyword usage making Yoohyun's desire to live with him again and uncertainty about Yoojin's response win out over the urge to keep obsessing over safeguards.)
#6: What counts as a "real" threat
When it comes to Yoohyun's need to defend Yoojin against threats, there's also an important aspect you need to consider, which is: what threats? You see, the worlds of low-rank and high-rank Hunters are very different, to the point where Yoohyun seems to completely overlook some aspects of what Yoojin's used to dealing with, while Yoojin explicitly notes on multiple occasions that he didn't even realize Yoohyun faced certain dangers. As always, we come back to the poisoning attempts mentioned in chapter 6, the first time Yoojin realizes Yoohyun was suffering his own ordeals. This sort of sneaky threat gets reiterated in chapter 11, after Yoojin's trip to the Hunter Mall, when Yoohyun tells him he can't even take a simple drink from any public vendor because it might be poisoned (not something that'd work on Yoohyun himself, but it certainly would on those lower-ranked people around him who he cares about). No, not even in a government-sponsored location like the Association, because even these locations are filled with other guilds' spies and informants. Yoojin's internal response is essentially "what sort of underhanded bullshit is this", and out loud he questions Yoohyun about it:
“But would they do that sort of thing in none other than the Association? If they get caught, the backlash will be huge.” And if Awakened people couldn’t trust the Association, it’d end up hurting the guilds, too. “Of course they wouldn’t make trouble inside the Association. But it’s possible to have their target sent away in an ambulance or police car.” “…And then that ambulance or police car goes missing?” “You’re getting it.”
And Yoojin literally thinks, not a paragraph later, that this is maybe too much even for him:
Somehow, the further things went, the more I felt like I should stop being involved with this brat Yoohyun-ie and go off to live on my own.
Better the dangers you know than the ones you don't, but in Yoojin's words.
Everyone in the high-rank sphere is, well, high-rank. Strong and resilient even when they don't have defensive skills, to say nothing of when they do. They face threats, yes, Real Threats that pose danger to them and risk their safety and status, including threats from other people—Song Taewon mentions to Yoojin in chapter 83 that he's investigated Yoohyun for murder multiple times a year—but because they're so strong, those threats come in the form of dungeon monsters or social attacks, not actual physical harm. Especially not physical harm from other people; like, chapter 75 mentions there's laws against S-rank Hunters going into dungeons together for fear that they might hurt or kill each other, so unless they encounter each other in a dungeon break region where combat is expected (or pick fights with Chief Song, an S-rank duty-bound to fight other S-ranks), they're never really going to encounter personal threats from other Hunters.
Take all that through the lens of protecting Yoojin: he's just some guy, he's not involved in the social/political Hunter Hunger Games, so he's probably fine on that front, right? And otherwise, Yoohyun just needs to protect him from dungeons (keep Yoojin out of them when possible, prevent breaks in his area), and maybe just some general watching out for Yoojin getting himself into anything risky, since he's so weak as an F-rank. That's all the threats Yoohyun sees on a daily basis, so that's probably it, right?
Wrong. Low-rank Hunters have their own set of threats they face, and while a part of that is dungeons and monsters, a very large part of that is also just… being easy to kill, in a community of people very ready to kill. Low-rank Hunters murder each other a hell of a lot more than high-rank Hunters get to even hurt, let alone kill, each other. Think about how easily the knowledge of dungeons being good body disposal spots comes to Yoojin (chapter 19, when threatening Yerim's uncle). Think about the way Yoojin talks about being pressured into slave contracts and miner guilds, and how common it seems to be for low-rank Hunters to be maimed and disabled and left in the lurch (chapters 21 and 22, saving Yoo Myeongwoo from Hope Resources Guild). Think about chapter 49, where Yoohyun claims there's strong camaraderie among high-rank Hunters, and Yoojin responds with this:
Comradeship, huh. There was no such concept in low-rank Hunter teams. Of course, it wasn’t like there were no good people around. The problem was that they all died before long. There were fixed low-rank teams united through trust and friendship, but it was very rare that they lasted. With how strongly they banded together, if one of them died, they couldn’t endure the shock and would fall apart; and even if that didn’t happen, if they were doing well for themselves, they’d be attacked from the outside by the many Hunters who’d find them unpleasant. But a high-rank dungeon raiding team that suffered few such accidents could form a sense of comradeship and keep staying together.
Low-rank Hunters will get killed by monsters, or survive only to get killed by the loss of their teams, or find good teams only to get killed by other jealous low-ranks, or (in Yoojin's experience) survive multiple team-wide killings only to get ostracized and distrusted for being suspiciously good at surviving (almost like you're the one setting up your teams to fail! really makes you wonder, doesn't it?), or, or, or…
High-rank Hunters just… survive. That's it.
Of course Yoohyun wouldn't know to protect Yoojin from these threats. He's never faced them. To him, fighting other people is a fun, challenging pastime, where no one being allowed to kill each other is an unspoken rule that goes implicitly understood. He wouldn't realize how it was very much not fun for Yoojin; maybe he'd know it intellectually, but I don't think he'd understand, not without getting up close and personal to see Yoojin struggle with it, which he can't do himself. If he tries to send someone to spy on or just generally help out his brother, Yoojin's primed by his experiences to distrust the people around him, so spies won't get anything out of him, and any strong Hunter handpicked by Yoohyun to help his hyung might simply be unable to gain Yoojin's trust. (Picking out a whole team of strong Hunters? Even if Yoojin trusts them, they'd probably end up victimized by jealous Hunters. Rinse and repeat.) You must also take into account that Yoojin's been made enough of a target by society that he's hiding every weakness someone could potentially exploit. Hell, if he's hiding well enough, you might think he's doing just fine.
And in the time period where it would be blatantly obvious that Yoojin was not fine, that early period right when he Awakened and turned into society's scapegoat overnight? That was when Yoohyun and Haeyeon were also being targeted, and wouldn't have been able to spare the kind of attention and help Yoojin would've needed, not with all the scrutiny they were all being subjected to. Actually, when Yoojin's reminiscing about these times in chapter 59, he hypothesizes it might've been Yoohyun's rivals themselves who were behind the scapegoating:
At that time, it would’ve been hard for that guy to look out for me. Public opinion wasn’t good in many ways, and there were too many scrutinizing eyes for him to secretly look after me. Now that I thought about it, I wondered if there wasn’t some sort of operation targeting me. The response was too excessive to have simply been the work of a few trash journalists. It was a matter that could be packaged excitingly, I was an F-rank which made me easy to use, and at that time, it could drag down Haeyeon Guild in the public opinion. Whether it was the government, the Association, or rival guilds, they’d have been fools not to use me.
If it was Yoohyun's rivals behind it, then by fighting on the Haeyeon front, Yoohyun might actually have been keeping Yoojin safe, too. How do we know he didn't actually mitigate the suffering to some degree? We haven't heard from Yoohyun about his side of things during this time, so we don't have a definite answer one way or another.
Certainly, Seok Simyeong didn't help at all by making a public statement denouncing Yoojin, especially not when it was so bad Yoojin admits to almost being suicidal over it (chapter 19)! But, well, it was a busy time. We don't know whether Yoohyun was consulted on that one, or if it was something they rushed in order to get ahead of the situation. It might also be that Yoohyun was consulted and made the choice that they'd publicly denounce Yoojin but privately offer him support, only for Yoojin to reject it as he did before with the money Yoohyun sent. Yoojin's done this before, where he conveniently doesn't mention a detail about a scenario until it becomes immediately relevant!
I cannot emphasize enough that we don't have Yoohyun's perspective on this. We don't know what he was doing or not doing to help. But we know, from his love for Yoojin, from his desperate desire to keep him safe at all costs, that he must've been doing something. Was that something effective? Was it useful to Yoojin's immediate life? Who knows. But he was trying.
#7: Banning Yoojin from dungeons
…Keyword being trying. Because, uh. To be honest, how well do you think any direct attempts at "helping" went over? The very first moment that Yoojin regresses to is when Yoohyun got him out of a meeting with an Awakening broker. And Yoojin himself says that ended so badly that "after listening to Yoohyun-ie’s nagging, I’d become furious and stormed off, shouting that I could take care of myself and to quit bothering me" (chapter 5). So if Yoohyun tries to openly keep Yoojin out of danger, then Yoojin is going to have a screaming fit of anger at his life being controlled by someone who apparently isn't even interested in being in it.
And that's before Yoojin Awakened. Once he had an actual, legal, government-assigned license saying he could go into dungeons? Yoohyun had zero standing. Zero chance he was ever going to be able to stop him from going into dungeons, short of breaking down and crying and begging for him to not do it, which (to successfully convince Yoojin he wasn't just putting on a show or trying to guilt trip him) would also require Yoohyun to admit he still cared about Yoojin and reveal his 3- uh, 4- I mean, 5- 6(!!)-Year Master Plan To Keeping Hyung Safe Forever And Ever.
Yeah. Never gonna happen.
And even that one (1) attempt at keeping Yoojin away from dungeons and Hunters and everything related could've gone really badly, because as Yoohyun himself admits in their chapter 6 conversation, his enemies will "already have started keeping an eye on you [Yoojin]". Just from one single show of apparent concern for Yoojin's wellbeing! Can you imagine what would've happened if Yoohyun kept stopping Yoojin every time he tried to go into a dungeon? Setting Yoojin's own frustration and anger aside, can you picture the kind of attention that would've gotten Yoojin? No, this was one battle Yoohyun had to lose in order to win the overall war.
Anon, you mention providing "new options for Yoojin to stop going to dungeons". Okay, sure, we're starting with Yoojin being society's black sheep and probably rejected out of hand from most positions he applies to, and Yoohyun's only leverage in society being in dungeon- and Hunter-related fields. What options would he have provided for Yoojin? A dungeon- or Hunter-related job, probably at Haeyeon or one of its affiliates? That's precisely what we're trying to avoid, and also visible enough that Yoohyun might as well not have even fucking bothered with the 6-Year Master Plan etc. etc. Okay, so then something at one of Haeyeon's sponsors-? Except Haeyeon famously doesn't have backers, and any connections they have through business deals will be glaringly obvious to Yoohyun's rivals if leveraged. Oh, Han Yoojin, the man who no one wants to hire, got a job at a company whose products Han Yoohyun sponsored just a while ago! Absolutely no one is wondering how this could've happened. Also, funny how Han Yoohyun's helping Han Yoojin find work, it's almost like he cares about him… (And so the end begins.)
Remember, all of Yoohyun's efforts at separating himself from Yoojin require actually being separate from Yoojin and the choices he makes. Yoojin's life is—unfortunately enough for Yoohyun—his own to live… and his own to ruin.
#8: The transcendent threat
And all of that—every single one of these environmental factors that make it so Yoohyun has a billion and one concerns to consider before he can so much as talk to Yoojin—all of that comes before we take into account one more fact:
God Hates Caregivers Personally.
Or, in a non-joking manner, and in the fashion Yoohyun might have learned about it from Diarma, as is strongly suggested in the virtual reality dungeon arc during chapter 246:
There are beings out there, outside your world, stronger than anything you know, and this is acknowledging the fact that you are among the strongest existences humankind will ever produce. These beings rule your entire world, are the children of the very power that created the dungeons terrorizing your planet, are themselves so powerful that they can predict dungeons and manipulate the system in their favor, that they can manipulate the circumstances of individual humans as long as they're inside dungeons. In allying with any one of their number, you make an enemy out of half of the entire population of these transcendental existences. You have already made an enemy of them. And these people, these all-powerful creatures, who you've painted yourself a rival of? These same people have a known track record of killing the loved ones of people like you.
Your brother goes into dungeons every week as part of his job. He's already at immense risk. If you go near him, if you make it seem even slightly like you're interested in him personally, you make him an out-and-out target for these transcendents, and they'll smite him. He dies, and you die, and it's game over.
Option one: You can grow to their level, meet them with equal strength, certainly, but will you get the time to grow that far before they kill your brother? Is his natural lifespan even long enough that he'd survive the time it took for your growth? He dies. You die. Game over.
Option two: Don't pose a threat. It's too late for you to never get on their radar in the first place, but if you can keep from seeming any more dangerous, maybe they won't give him any attention. Secure a favor that will let you help him when he needs it, at most, but otherwise never use your transcendent connections to your own advantage.
Option two, taken to its conclusion: If you die before your brother does—if you die calling in that favor and saving his life—you never have to see him be killed.
(Option two, on the flip side: You will not expect it to be your own ally who set the stage for your loved one to be killed.)
So, basically, every single concern Yoohyun's had about protecting his brother that made him distance himself and not tell him anything so far? All of that is taken and cranked up to difficulty level Maximum. "If I show interest in hyung, one of my rivals or enemies might choose to hurt or kill him!" The transcendents WILL kill him with NO known incentive. Yoohyun might assume it's because he poses a threat to their side, but he can't be absolutely certain that's it. In fact, he doesn't know anything about this opposing transcendent faction, since he was blocked from contacting them by the very fact of having chosen a side in the first place, as Water Droplet explains when discussing the born S-ranks in chapter 106:
“We don’t know for sure either. The filial duty addicts contacted them first, so their information is obscured. We only know that there are five, and about the ones that are in contact with you.”
And while Yoohyun-as-Alpha knows the reasons behind the immoral people killing Caregivers—namely, that they want to remove distractions for S-ranks, so that they focus on combating dungeons and monsters—if Diarma had told Yoohyun about this, and if he'd thought to apply the bare minimum of intelligence to his delivery (a disclaimer that must be made, with this transcendent in particular), I really don't think he would've told him why. No, he would've wanted the immoral people to seem like a dangerous threat, so he would just have said that they might kill Yoohyun's family, without giving him their reasoning.
Which means Yoohyun knew nothing about the immoral people's motives, nothing about their goals, nothing about what they'd see as aggression. Which meant, hypothetically, that any and every action he took could trigger them to smoothly and efficiently eliminate the only person he loved in all the world. It would be so easy, too; Yoojin's entering their turf multiple times a month as part of his daily job, a fact which we've already established Yoohyun couldn't do anything about. The only thing he knew for sure is that they hadn't killed Yoojin so far.
Remember what I said before, about the known path being safer? Because you know the dangers you'll face on it? Yoohyun knows doing what he's doing right now is keeping Yoojin alive. He can't control a single other thing outside of that. And the danger posed by not doing what he's doing just got shifted to a level he is not prepared on any level to respond to. Before, he might've thought Yoojin was safe at least inside dungeons with his chosen teams; from his perspective, "dungeons with only guild members inside are actually safer than the outside world" (chapter 134), while the outside world was more of a risk because of all of Yoohyun's enemies. But now? There is danger all the time and in every location Yoojin goes, even those outside of this world, on an insane, unrivaled level. He is never, never safe, and any single unexpected action Yoohyun takes puts that at risk. If doing anything at all is dangerous, then it's better to do nothing.
So, yeah, that's the crux of it, isn't it. Yoohyun needs to protect Yoojin every day, every single time. Everything else in the whole world only needs to kill Yoojin once. In such a situation, how would Yoohyun ever dare to risk making either of them vulnerable?
…The end! I hope that this explanation, long as it is, has given you at least some additional insight into Why Yoohyun Did All That, and helped serve as a reminder of just how little we actually know about Yoohyun's perspective of the events pre-regression.
By the way, this entire post is pulling only from information we get up to chapter 272; there’s more information revealed up to chapter 350—actually, even just in the next few chapters after that, up to 275—that sheds more light on Yoohyun’s decision-making process in the pre-regression timeline. Maybe I’ll come back and post a part 2 to this analysis someday using the additional information we get as time goes on, but right now, this much will have to be enough.
In any case—thanks for reading this far. And of course, as promised, here's the poll!
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image-thot · 10 months
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For the Cause: Soundwave/Reader/Shockwave
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Summary: When Shockwave returns from Cybertron, all quickly notice his increased irritability and aggression towards the few remaining omegas. Megatron concludes the best course of action is to ask his most loyal follower to lend his to the adjusting mech.
Warnings: a/b/o, heats/ruts, dubcon, non-graphic smut, Dubious sharing of mates
Shockwave was not a mech that many would choose for company, most would rather avoid the scientist in fear they'd become his next "project". He liked it that way, the fewer distractions he had meant more energy he could use to focus his work only ever needing to stop for necessary needs such as refuelling, recharge and the once-in-a-melenia rut.
Shockwave had a gift when it came to pushing down functions and emotions he deemed "illogical" and for the majority of the war primal base coding was deemed just that. Even when he was stranded on their dead home world, he was alone the conditions poor and so it was pushed down once again. That all changed when he was rescued and brought back into the Decepticon ranks once more.
For the first time in a long while he came to crave social interaction.
He would never outwardly show it but he'd often find himself enjoying the company of the Megatron, Soundwave, Y/n, Knockout, Eradicons and even Starscream.
So the only logical conclusion as to why his primal coding was finally burning through his frame with the need to find and mate an omega, was that optimum conditions for producing sparklings have been met. 
The logic was there but it didn't stop him from trying to refute it.
Aside from self-servicing every few hours he hadn't found much relief, the Eradicons were not designed with their primal coding in mind and therefore were of no use to him. Those that could be of use such as Starscream, Y/n and Breakdown were already spoken for, their Alpha's being of high ranks would likely mean a direct confrontation. 
Even though he never acted on his impulses did not make him any less pleasant to be around, often he'd find himself in a heightened state of aggression 
To say this made everyone a little tense was an understatement.
For the first two weeks, it was simply chalked up to his lack of social interaction over the many years. After the third, many assumed he was angry over his abandonment on Cybertron but by the fourth, even Megatron had grown irritated over his new demeanour.
"Soundwave, I hope you've found the answer to our problem." Megatron speaks watching the faceless mech standing before him.
"Affirmative." One of the many voices Soundwave has collected plays, Megatron motions for him to continue.
|Conclusion: Shockwave experiencing a long overdue rut cycle and has not been able to find a suitable omega to mate resulting in aggression towards alphas and their omegas.|
Megatron hums in acknowledgment of his communication officer's response, his digits tapping along his throne in thought.
"So if Shockwave were to have an omega to help in this rut he'd return to his usual self." Megatron states as Soundwave nods in response as he watches his Lord in thought. A few minutes pass as Megatron thinks, weighing each choice carefully before he speaks.
"I assume that y/n isn't carrying from your last rut?" Megatron queries keenly aware of the tension this draws from Soundwave's frame at the mention of his own mate, he takes a moment to calculate the time since you had last took him.
"Affirmative." The thought that if you had been carrying crossed his mind, would megatron consider another to offer Shockwave.
"I assume you would be willing to share your omega with Shockwave?" Megatron's words have a hint of amusement behind them as watches Soundwave’s biolights pulse.
|Query: An order?| 
Soundwave already knows it is and as insulting as it is, he'd never ever disobey a direct order from him. Even if that meant putting the bond he had built with you in harm's way.
"Yes, we cannot afford to lose Shockwave or his important work. I expect this to be handled quickly and discreetly Soundwave." Megatron almost growled as he motioned for the slender mech to leave.
Pulling his emotions tighter in, he makes his way to your station with his new directive.
This was for the cause, shockwave and his research is important to reach their goals. It was ordered by Megatron himself, a sign that he trusted you and there was no higher honour than that.
You would understand.
When your mate paid you a visit while on duty it was a shock, a rare event indeed.
"Nothing makes me happier than seeing you my love but I know you wouldn't come by unless something was wrong." Your words are so sweet and kind, it makes his spark drop with dread.
|New orders: Presence required in Laboratory -Shockwave in need of your assistance|
His visor flashes displaying the message as he feels himself stiffen, a small glint of confusion lights your optics before it disappears.
"And that assistance would be?" Optic ridge raised as you eye him up and down. "You're never one to skip on the details, especially regarding orders."
Your gaze has him instinctively straightening, chassis puffing out at the thought of you choosing another alpha over him. No, this was a mission you weren't choosing him merely fulfilling your duties as a Decepticon.
|Shockwave experiencing difficulties adjusting to the presence of omegas :Solution: Y/n to assist in adjustment|
Soundwave doesn't miss the way your frame tenses and your EM field draws back. It's obvious you’re disgusted by the request, your dermas twitch as you try to suppress a grimace.
"In what way?" It’s not that you don't know the answer, the defeated tone that tries to break through your words is evidence of that. 
You wanted no, you needed to hear it from him. If he'd order something so intimate in your bond to be given to the cause, you know he would. When he simply stares back you turn, moving back to your console as you begin to close your work. It may hurt your spark but you can understand that all Decepticons should be willing to sacrifice anything to further the cause.
"Any and All." The recorded voice of Megatron plays through his speakers, letting out a deep ex-vent you close the last data stream before turning to him.
"Affirmative. I will make my way there at once." Your voice never faltered as you push down the building emotions that threaten to spill out, as you walked towards the door Soundwaves visor tracks your movements and he doesn't need to analyse you to know that you feel betrayed.
“It’s a necessary sacrifice.” It echos through his helm, watching from the security camera as Shockwave looms over you his large frame corralling you backwards until your back hits the med slab.
“It’s for Cybertron.” The rage bubbles as Shockwaves servo roughly turns you, his cannon pressing hard into your back to bend you over the Energon-stained slab.
“It’s for the future.” Growling at Shockwave's careless clawing at your interface panelling, his pede kicking your legs open wider as your panels retract.
“It’s for the Decepticons.” Optics focussing back on the data in front of him he continues to listen, the sound of metal harshly clashing against metal along with a chorus of growls and whines fill his audio receptors.
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ingravinoveritas · 27 days
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Firstly i dont think she adjusted since moving to the UK what do u think?
And secondly this post feels that its all about her again like and the character is based on her in real life but the project was longed talk about in 2017 as michael said on the Graham norton show to which michael was with Sarah at that point. It's again trying to be the centre of attention again and stay irrelevant just cos she not getting it from michael
What ur thoughts on this recent of post of Al
So, apologies that it took me all week to answer this--I feel like the entirety of the month of February has just caught up with me, which essentially feels like a lot of tiredness hitting all at once.
I did see this on Monday, however, and I just...am again at something of a loss. I got a bit down on myself over my response to her Insta story from the first preview of Nye and thinking I was overreacting/reading too much into things...and then this happens.
The first thing I would say is that I agree with you that AL is making it all about her again. The post itself comes across as PR, which it likely was because Georgia also shared the same clip that day--albeit with a caption that was actually about Michael/centered on the show. And the contrast becomes even more stark when you look at this post from Caroline Sheen. Caroline is Michael's cousin and she had a small role in The Way, and her post is much more personal and essentially what you would expect from someone who is close to someone in the production. Which subsequently makes AL's post look even more like PR in comparison.
But I think what irritates me the most about Anna's post is that it's yet another instance of her making a dig at Wales. Talking of patterns as I tend to do, she did this previously in September of last year (the #FromManhattantoTonypandy hashtag), and in both of these cases it's her reminding everyone of where she lived before, and likely where she still wishes she lived. In thinking of your initial question, AL may have adjusted to Wales in some ways, but it's clearly not where she belongs or thinks she belongs. I've written previously on my blog about her likely thinking she would be living the celebrity life in New York or London, and Wales was almost certainly a place she didn't even know existed until Michael. So this entire post feels like it's tinged with passive-aggressive resentment as a result.
Let me be clear: In no way do I think that moving to a new country is an easy thing, and it is more than understandable that someone might not love every single thing about the place in which they live, especially if they are an outsider coming from a completely different culture. But the thing is, The Way is literally about Wales. It is entirely focused on Welsh identity and history, and it is a project into which Michael has poured a tremendous amount of his passion and energy and time, which speaks to what you mentioned about him talking about this since 2017.
Why, then, would you make such a snarky comment on a post promoting a show so centered on Wales? That your own partner directed, no less? At best, it comes across as thoughtless and self-centered, and at worst, as deliberately disrespectful.
I can also fully understand why Michael put out a tweet of his own promoting the second episode less than an hour after Anna posted that story. If we are to say that Georgia is a good representative for David on social media--which she arguably is, most of the time--then Anna, by contrast, is the worst possible representative for Michael. And a post like the one above only further highlights how mismatched and wrong for each other they truly are. I also think it's pained him to refrain from tweeting for this long, and now he finally has a reason to start again, for which both we and Michael can be thankful.
So yes, those are my thoughts on AL's story from earlier this week. Glad to hear from my followers as well about your reactions to this. Thank you for writing in! x
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yandere best friend pt3
tw; infantalization, yelling, violence, self harm, feels bad because comparison is the thief of joy, life being unfair
ageless blogs n minors DNI blease tq <3
yea im on a roll haha i just finished part 2 and now i moved onto part 3, as u can see i was projecting here with the leg situation
anyways its pretty short and as usual, no proofreading
enjoay
You don't know how he's doing right now. Time passes so fast that its been four years since that haunting call from your friend. You finished your masters degree and now you're deeper in debt than ever. You're taking on three jobs unrelated to your qualifications and running on no sleep, just like how your friend did when he was working towards his biggest goal.
Well, maybe you lied. You knew how he's doing, because his stupid restaurant name is ubiquitous.
It's strange, unfair and confusing how he managed to turn his restaurant into a multimillion corporation this fast. It's now a famous brand with multiple branches across the globe, it has expanded into selling frozen products in supermarkets everywhere. It's still growing too, more and more people are investing in his empire, making him richer and richer and making you green with fucking envy.
People who invest in stocks bring up his brand pretty often, saying that it's worth to invest a couple thousand dollars in it because its in some sort of top 500 index. You weren't really interested in that because you don't even have a couple thousand dollars to spare in the first place.
Your friend seem to mostly stay out of the limelight, making him more of a faceless founder. It's rare to find interviews with him, even if you did, he would always give vague, generic answers to the questions. He would focus more on promoting his products than anything else, he's neither humble or arrogant... but he's just like a robot made only to advertise whatever it's selling and make as much sales as it can.
The masses would very much prefer to pay attention to the celebrity ambassadors the marketing department hired.
Personal information about your friend was scarce, so far you knew that he went ahead and got himself a diploma in culinary arts and another diploma in Food Science and Technology in the last four years. No doubt, to improve the credibility of his company and in hopes of having more customers flock in.
You felt... bad. Took the conventional, the more socially accepted route of studying to one of the highest degrees, but your friend who started off with only a high school diploma and an iron will was so much more successful than you in life.
Perhaps it's simply the human condition to compare ourselves to wildly different lives. Every time you check the news about your friend, it's always something about his company achieving another award for delicious tasting food, well known events involving major public figures or the highly anticipated release of a new product.
You don't come across pictures with your friend in it, but when you do, it's always a picture of him talking to an important figure in a lavish setting, or having the fanciest dinner you have ever seen with people in formal clothes. He looked amazing in every one of it, he was so put together that it looks unreal. Well, seeing that he can afford the best treatments the world has to offer, it doesn't come off as a huge surprise.
And that is soul crushing, you wish to be him. And you forgot the hardships he went through. And you became bitter. And resentful of him. And resentful towards yourself. And-
Oh, your break is up. Time to continue your self loathing inner monologue while dealing with snooty customers. All the while, forgetting that your friend also has to deal with mood and energy vampires everyday.
As if things couldn't get anymore worse, you fucked up your legs. Well, not you. But some spoiled brat with a speedy sports car slammed onto you while you were lawfully using the zebra crossing. Their daddy was loaded and had the right connections, so the person who took your legs out walked away scot-free. You were left to clean up the mess yourself.
Luckily, it's not the worst thing your legs can take. You'll still be able to walk, but it will take ages to heal and might as well amputate them to pay for the damn bill. Throw in a kidney or two and you might just pay half of it off. So, you'll be wheelchair ridden until further notice.
You moved back into your parents' home, the same country where you and your friend first met. As much as you hate depending on others, you need your parents help. You are financially ruined and you can't exactly find a job that's kind to people with your disability. Or to people with any disability, in fact.
Word spreads so fucking fast. Your friend made a beeline to your parents house as soon as one of his private eyes reported that you're back home.
He was in a meeting with the board of directors managing one of his numerous subsidiary companies. It baffled everyone in the room when your friend showed interest in something other than profits and company growth. It was thought that he has no soul, no loved ones and no sentience. He was just a massive piece of code programmed to make as much money as possible at all cost.
Seeing that he experienced such a strong emotion upon hearing your arrival, that he had to adjourn a meeting, was so jarring.
It made him seem... human.
You were fast asleep. Exhausted from what the world has pelted at you and weak from all the pain. Your parents invited your friend in as he was extremely excited and happy that you're back, oblivious to the fact that you're in this state. He didn't bother listening to the full report his private eye was about to give him.
As soon as he entered your room, his smile fell upon seeing your crippled state. You were unconscious, if you weren't, you would probably die from mortification... your successful childhood best friend, seeing very unsuccessful you. An old laptop sits uncomfortably on your belly, yet another job rejection letter was shown on the screen.
Your friend was speechless. He could already hear the growing storm of regret, self hatred, anguish, anger, sadness brewing inside him, it was muffled, but its getting increasingly clearer and louder.
His trembling hands gently stroked your casts as tears threaten to fall from his eyes.
What happened? He whispered, it was loud enough for your parents to hear. Hence, they began explaining.
The name of the person who hit you with their car was all he needed to know. He is going to take care of it. Everything else bounced off his head as his eyes slowly travelled to your hands, he took one of them into his larger ones. He massaged them with utmost love and longing.
It's rough. It's calloused. It's scarred. It's everything that he never ever want your hands to be.
You groggily woke up, using your free hand to rub your eyes. You paused when you saw your friend by your bedside, silently staring at your hand in his. Tears rolling down his cheek and dripping onto the collar of his very expensive jacket.
He failed. He may have tried his best to stop it from happening, but he ultimately failed. You went through more or less, what he went through.
He shouldn't have left you alone, he shouldn't have trusted that you won't suffer like he did. He should have intervened, he should have bought that plane ticket instead, He shouldn't have respected your boundaries that day, he should have come to you regardless.
You have proven that you are incapable to take care of yourself. No more mistakes, no more neglect, you need him now more than ever. He is going to make things right and you will have no say in anything anymore. You will depend on him and he will make sure of it.
As soon as his eyes met yours, he lost it. He broke down sobbing in his hands. The weight of his failure is crushing him to pieces, how could he be so fucking stupid? Obviously, you needed him despite receiving that scathing text message four years ago. You were so young, so naïve, so inexperienced and oblivious to the cruel, cruel world around you. Of course, you thought you would do okay. You haven't seen the world at its' worst like he did! He should have known better... and he knew better! He just...
He just wanted you to be happy. And, he thought you would be happier if he left you alone for a while. In the meantime, he would continue building that perfect life for you to come home to, filled with nothing but comfort and luxuries. But look at you now, you were robbed of your innocence, and, your friend blamed himself for it.
You're suffering and he was the cause of it. only if he didn't neglect you in the first place...
No...
Only if you didn't fucking reject him over and over again. Things would have turned out differently. You also had a part in this!
You covered your face out of embarrassment, you did not want him to see you at this stage of life. You didn't want anyone seeing you like this.
Please leave me alone. You said.
You always knew your friend to be the softest, sweetest person around you. He never got physically violent to anyone (at least, to your knowledge).
Imagine the shock when he yanked your hand away from your face and delivered a devastating slap to your face. You were stunned as the ringing of your ears and the pain of the blow overwhelm your senses. Within moments, a red print was formed on your cheek.
Your parents rushed in to put a barrier between you and him, but he ignored them and began yelling and pointing at you hysterically.
I trusted you! I trusted you! How dare you do this to yourself!? I worked so fucking hard-- I sacrificed everything for you, and you can't even keep yourself healthy! Oh, he was angry. He was shouting and screaming, most of the time it just made you scared and confused. You can't understand what he was getting at because he was jumbling over his words.
Your hands, they aren't supposed to look like mine and look what you have done to them! His voice went hoarse from all the exertion.
You weren't supposed to work for anything in life, I was supposed to provide for you! Why can't you just fucking depend on me!? Why can't you just accept me!?
You can only watch on as he threw a massive tantrum, your father tried his best to pull him away from the room, but to no avail.
You are going to depend on me, I am going to provide for you and that's final! I don't care what you think, you can't be trusted to do anything alone! With that final piece, he wrenched himself off your father's grip and stormed out of your childhood bedroom, slamming the door behind him so hard, that some wall décor fell to the ground with a loud crash.
He is going to replace them later. Now, he needs to make a few phone calls.
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milktei · 6 months
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Us Without Me
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Suna Rintarou x gn!Reader
Genre: Angst. hurt with no comfort :0. a bit of a character study??? with a touch of song fic (but no lyrics because it’s just not my thing)
Warnings: none(?)
Requests: Closed
not edited
a/n: A small gift for 300 followers :3 Based off of the song ‘Us Without Me’ by Grent Perez (PLS LISTEN TO IT. AND HIS WHOLE DISCOGRAPHY ITS BANGER AFTER BANGER FOR ANY MOOD). i haven’t had the energy to do any requests but this song just inspired me and i managed to write it between all my school work.
I hope y’all enjoy this because i know that i’m very inconsistent when it comes to posting but i’m so so grateful to everyone that enjoys my writing. I’m currently in stem so being able to be creative in some way between my stressful life has been a blessing. it’s just an extra benefit that people enjoy what i write.
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In his defence. He was never that in tune with his emotions. At least… that’s what he keeps telling himself.
The silence that came with staying up well into the night was something that he used to relish in. After a hectic day of training he knew that eventually the night would come and he could relax in complete silence doing whatever he wanted.
That was until you left.
You used to go up to him to talk about your day the moment he got home. He would often tune you out as he took off his shoes, up until he managed to get into the shower. His days used to be filled with your voice.
Used to.
For a while after you had left the apartment, he thought that you’d eventually come back. You always did. You usually needed a bit of time to calm down after big arguments such as the one you had that one fateful night.
Eventually you’d come around. That’s what he always told himself.
Though it seemed like this would be the one exception. Now he was left in this apartment that felt far too big, and far too quiet for one person.
How he wished to hear you talk about your day just one more time.
He was never the type to think much about the past, always the kind of person to look towards the future and its plethora of possibilities, but not this time.
In the quiet parts of the night, when there was nothing to distract his mind from reminiscing, his mind forced him to consider the ‘what if’s?’ What could have been had he not spoken to you the way he did that night. Had he put aside his pride for once and chased after you like the damn fool he knew he was.
You leaving him left him with more questions than answers. Rather, more questions that he didn’t want to know the answers to. Questions that he would never be able to pull himself to ask.
He would never ask those questions. He kept his space. He wouldn’t dare contact you because he knew that it wasn’t him that you wanted. Definitely not because he was scared of any further rejection.
Definitely.
So he was stuck, thinking about what you had, cursed with the thoughts of what could have been while you had managed to break free.
He eventually got into the habit of watching from afar, just to make sure you were doing okay. That’s what he would tell himself unconvincingly. What a mess he was, looking at your posts on social media for a bit too long. Clicking on your account and scrolling through it a bit too often.
Analyzing your most recent post for a bit too long, and realizing that there were two drinks at the table you sat at. You’d always beg him to visit new cafes with you, more often than not he’d say he was busy or tired.
He’s stare at the picture for far too long, and eventually realize that you were looking at the person taking the picture with the same flustered yet elated look that you would give him all that time ago.
His heart sinks to his stomach but all he can do is look at you through a screen.
The more you posted the more evident it became that you were over him. He would chuckle angrily at his phone. The same phone you would beg him to get off of, just to give you even a fraction of his attention. He could never tell if he was angry at you for moving on so quickly, or at himself for caring so much now. Only after you had left for good.
He found himself wondering how you purged him from your heart so easily. When the mark you left on his was still so prominent. Then he remembers how he treated you and the mark begins to throb.
He thinks about how you live somewhere else now. How you’ve made a new place your own but even after all this time there are still remnants of you in his godforsaken apartment. The bath mat you bought, the way you organized the kitchen, the body wash you insisted he buy because you liked the way it smelled. He still buys it.
All this pain and heartache that he feels. He worries that he’ll be tethered to it forever. forced to live with the fact that he’s lost the best thing that could have ever happened to him and he’ll just have to accept it. For a man that only looked to the future, he can’t imagine himself living as carefree as he once did and it worries him. More than he would ever like to admit.
He finds himself comparing your new relationship to the one you two used to share. An immensely unhealthy habit for one to develop, but one he couldn’t free himself from.
‘We used to be like that’ he thinks to himself dejectedly as he sees a video of you and your new flame a mutual friend posted. He can see himself in the position of the other person but then he is dragged back to reality, and can see it’s the relationship you two once had. Just without him.
In the end he has to accept the bitter truth and realize that it wasn’t him that you needed. But god he still desperately needed you.
But as he looks at your new relationship, it becomes more clear to him. He didn’t deserve you, and he would have to live with that. The amount of attention and love you now get. The happiness in your eyes that grows with each post. It’s incomparable to how you two used to be. When he’s feeling particularly pathetic, he imagines himself as your new partner. Devoted, loving, determined to ensure the relationship works.
That’s where his imagination stops. In reality he knows that your relationship never looked like that. It never would have, not with how he was.
So he remains in the silent darkness of his room. Staring at pictures of you and your new fiancé. Stuck in his delusions that in another life this is exactly how your relationship would looked. It’s just that this time, it was without him.
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starlostastronaut · 4 months
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DAY 04 | IN THE DARK
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PAIRING: hwang hyunjin x reader
GENRE: fluff
WC: 0.80k
CW: nothing
PROMPT: "tell me a secret"
if any of you are marauders fans and read atyd, you know exactly where i stole this prompt from lmao. that was pretty much all i had in mind when writing, and as always the prompt is more of just inspiration lol. i also wrote like half of this today in school. but anyway, enjoy cute sleepy hyune <3
title from waiting - jamie campbell bower (yt link bc its not on spotify)
general masterlist here
<< previous | mctc masterlist | next >>
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You were fighting the urge to close your eyes and sleep with the last bits of energy you had left. You promised Hyunjin you would wait up for him, but he didn't show up. You ate dinner alone, receiving an apology text telling you that the practice ran late and to not wait for him because he didn't know when he would come back.
You weren’t happy, of course, but you understood. This was what it was usually like when they had to learn a new choreography. Long nights in the studio, Hyunjin coming home tired and angry at Minho and his perfectionism. By that time, you would already be asleep, and you would see him at breakfast the next day.
Today was no different. You cleaned up the plates and got ready for bed, thinking of Hyunjin, who was most likely still dancing somewhere. Determined to wait for him to come home this time, you turned on the lamp, deciding to read for a while to pass time. But just as your head hit the pillow, the exhaustion finally caught up to you, and you had to fight your entire system to keep your eyes open. Then, when you were about to succumb to the dreamland at last, you felt the bed sink. Your senses immediately alerted you and brought you to full consciousness, but soon there was a hand on your arms, rubbing up and down and coaxing you back to your sleepy state. 
“It's just me. Go back to sleep, love,” Hyunjin whispered. His touch momentarily left your skin as he took off his hoodie and tossed it away, completely disinterested in where it was going to land. Carefully to not disturb you, Hyunjin climbed into the bed properly, settling down behind your back. One of his arms travelled over your waist, prompting you to scoot back into Hyunjin's warmth. With a hum, he tightened his hold on you, pressing you even closer.
“How was your day?” you asked, desperate to stay awake for a little longer. You wanted to enjoy the time you got with Hyunjin as much as you could, because, truth be told, there hadn't been much of it lately.
“I don't know,” Hyunjin mused. “Long. Exhausting. Fun. Minho was a dick.” After each description, he pressed a soft kiss to the back of your neck. He too was relishing in these stolen moments of affection, when you belonged to him and him only. If only they didn't so frequently happen in the middle of the night. “I couldn't wait to get back home to you,” he murmured, his lips still pressed into your skin.
When you didn't respond, he assumed you fell asleep. He wouldn’t be surprised. It was actually pretty impressive that you managed to stay awake for that long, if you were to ask him. Hyunjin knew that today you had a difficult day. Your workplace had organized some sort of event (he didn't listen properly when you told him, and he was aware that that was his problem), but he could imagine how exhausting it must have been, especially for you, who really weren’t a big fan of socializing.
Hyunjin himself couldn't seem to fall asleep. He was more than content to just lay there, though, holding you safely in his arms. However, he was sure he would fall asleep soon enough. That was one of the many effects you had on him. When he was with you, he felt the most relaxed.
Suddenly, he felt you move. Without a second thought, he adjusted himself so you could lay your head on his chest. His hand came up to gently stroke through your hair. “Love? Are you awake?”
“Mmhhm.” That was all he got in terms of an answer. Hyunjin chuckled. You truly were the cutest like this, worn out and tired, but fighting sleep with all you had, just so you could spend a few more moments with him. “Hyune? Tell me a secret,” you pleaded, snuggling into his chest. Your words weren’t anything more than a sleepy murmur, but Hyunjin still heard you well enough.
Hyunjin smiled and kissed the top of your head. “You're my biggest inspiration,” he confessed. “When we're practicing a dance or recording a song, I always think about your reaction, and that motivates me to do my best.”
When he didn't receive an answer this time as well, he went to properly check. Your eyes were closed, and your chest was slightly moving, calm and steady. You were properly asleep at last. Hyunjij smiled to himself. He didn’t know if you heard him or not, but that didn't matter. He would tell you tomorrow again. But for now, he closed his eyes, surrendering himself to the land of dreams.
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taglist: @stayconnecteed @saintriots @vivioluh @ivaneedssleep @jazziwritesthings
©starlostastronaut 2023 | do not repost/translate my work without permission
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diamondmooniii · 1 year
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Do you need clarity?
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1-3
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♡ p i l e 1 ♡
(ace of swords - queen of pentacles - the hermit - 3 of swords)
You're getting a new beginning. A new cycle is starting in your life.
You've probably been working on your mindset for a while, on your self-esteem and how you perceive yourself and you're finally seeing all the fruits of your work. You may be receiving a lot of compliments from others or comments about how much you've changed. You may have recently gone through the end of a chapter in your life and focused on yourself and healing so you could become a new version of yourself.
In this cycle you probably didn't socialize much, so you ended up spending lots of alone time. You took your time to look inwards, to learn about yourself and also teach yourself new things, and now you're able to leave all that behind so you can move forward in your life without carrying the weight of the past on your shoulders, and now you'll also be presented with the opportunity to help people who are currently in the place you once were. You're wiser now, so it's time for you to let go of those things that hurt you and use your knowledge throughout this period of inner reflection to guide others.
You're being asked to embrace your feminine energy, to nurture yourself and those around you. I feel like you've been learning how to fill your own cup and satisfy your own needs before tending to others, and now is the time where you'll be putting more work into that.
You should also focus on self-care, but like physically, so like doing your skin care, investing in new products, maybe even going to see specialists/dermatologist. Invest in your appearance, get some new clothes or even change your style. Try new things, it'll make you feel really good.
Although you're in a better place right now, I feel like your healing journey is not over. So I feel like in the near future you'll be doing more shadow work to asses past wounds/previous heartbreaks that you may not have been aware of or things that weren't too important before may resurface and get your attention so you can work on them.
Remember to take it one step at a time and be gentle with yourself. Healing may not be easy, but it's worth it. ♡
♡ p i l e 2 ♡
(The magician - queen of swords rx - two of swords rx - temperance rx)
Your manifestations are on their way to you. You've probably already seen some of them, know that the rest is coming your way right now, however, you're being called to open up to them.
You've been working on your mentality a lot to manifest all this, but you still need to work on being open to receive and accept all the blessings coming your way.
In the past you may have felt confused as if you didn't quite know what to focus your thoughts on and that may have led you to doing some deep shadow work to get in touch with yourself and to understand that part of you that has been hidden and repressed for most of your life, and it allowed you to have a more clear and understanding mindset. You may have had a revelation that allowed you to change paths and align to that version of you that you wanted to embody all along.
You may still be a little confused right now, but that's ok. A message is coming your way, (most likely in the form of a thought) that could end up being the answer to all the questions you've been making to yourself recently. This will allow you to fully dive into what you've been wanting to do for so long. No more half things, you're finally getting everything you've been wanting. Things are going to flow and work out in your favor. Your life will be balanced and you will be able to see it really soon, as long as you remain open to receive all of it.
♡ p i l e 3 ♡
(9 of swords rx - 2 of swords - the moon rx - the fool - ace of pentacles)
Tw: mental health
You may have been experiencing some anxiety for a while now, nightmares, panic attacks and things like that. You probably feel lost and don't know where to go or what to do with your life. I feel that some of you regret something that happened in your life in the past few months. Whatever it is for each of you, I feel like this event has made a huge impact on you, and maybe you don't know how to let go of that or you're not ready just yet. Going to a professional is always recommended if you're able to, if not, some shadow work (I recommend journaling) because I feel like this is bothering you a lot, and if you don't start working on it, it could lead you to have more severe issues. Stress and anxiety shouldn't go unmanaged.
Right now you're being asked to take some time for inner reflection and to be honest with yourself. You may be feeling guilty, but lying to yourself and falling into a victim mentality will only hurt you further. Reflect on whatever is bothering you and work on making peace with it. Everything is temporary, so don't focus too much on how long you're going to be here or how long it's going to take.
You're being called to leave this period of your life behind. Reflect on your thoughts and how this whole thing impacted you and LET IT GO. The past is the past and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. So work on your issues and find new things to do, do something you've been wanting to try for a while and take a leap of faith. Get yourself out of that energy and move toward something better, somewhere new you have yet to experience. This will lead you to abundance in all areas of your life, but specially in your finances, so try a new hobby or work on a new skill, something out of your comfort zone. Sign up for some classes and meet new people, network. This will really pay off in the near future. Be mindful of where you put your energy and how much of it you give to certain things. Fill your cup. This will benefit you a lot.
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chelseachilly · 5 months
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THIS LOVE - chapter seven | that's how you get the girl
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pairing: ben chilwell x reader
rating: T
word count: 2.3k
summary: you've been sulking at home for days, mourning your fake relationship and possibly your friendship with ben. little do you know, he's on his way to your flat...
A/N: here is is...the final chapter of this love! 🩵 this story has been so much fun for me to write and you've all been so kind with your feedback :) thank you for sticking with me if you made it this far, and i hope you enjoy this one! not to give anything away...but the chapter title is (very clearly) from how you get the girl by taylor swift (also what perfect timing that i'm finishing this just in time for 1989 tv!!)
previous chapter | view all chapters
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From the moment you walked away from Ben in the tunnels of Wembley, everything was pretty much terrible. 
You drove straight home and cried your eyes out for the rest of the day and night, feeling like utter rubbish and longing for the comfort of the one person you absolutely can’t talk to about this. 
You could’ve, in theory, called your family or one of your other friends to vent, but it was hard enough admitting your feelings for Ben when Mason practically forced them out of you. You weren’t sure you could bear to say the words out loud - to admit to anyone but yourself that you’re in love with him. 
Days passed and you continued to wallow in your misery, leaving the house only for work. It took three days before you summoned the energy to force yourself to go for a drink with some coworkers, but trying to smile and pretend everything was fine when your heart was completely shattered proved too difficult, and you left after one beer.
The following day, you felt so completely drained of energy when you woke up that you ended up calling Val begging her to take your shift, which she thankfully did without prying too much. You just aren’t ready to open up about everything yet - it’s too painful. Honestly, you can’t imagine a time that it won’t be. 
Normally, when you’re upset over a guy, you cry for a few days, a few weeks at the most, eat a lot of ice cream, and then get over it.
But this isn’t just some guy. This is Ben. He’s your best friend, the most important person in your life, and you may have lost him over your own stupid feelings. 
Which brings you to right now, laying face down on your couch after crying so much that you don’t think you physically can anymore. Your curtains are closed, wanting to shut out the world for as long as you possibly can before facing reality.
There are unanswered texts on your phone from both Ben and Mason. You felt you owed them at least a quick assurance that you were okay - even though you’re not, really - so you forced yourself to respond to Mason once, but you haven’t listened to any of the many voicemails Ben has left. You’ve been doing enough crying, you think hearing his voice right now might send you over the edge.
You also know that they’re in Ibiza on a boys trip, and you know exactly what that means - clubbing, drinking, loads and loads of hot girls. The last thing you want is to hear about Ben’s latest conquests, you’ve purposefully avoided social media so you don’t have to read about them in the Daily Mail. 
You’ve just mustered the energy to get up, wipe your tear-stained cheeks and shuffle over to the kitchen to try to force yourself to eat something when there’s a knock on your door. 
You seriously consider not answering it, figuring it’s probably someone trying to deliver food to the wrong flat - who else would randomly show up at 9pm on a Friday night is beyond you - but when the knocking persists, you begrudgingly walk over and swing it open.
Your mouth falls open when you see who’s waiting for you on the other side.
“Ben?”
Lo and behold, there stands the man you’ve been crying over for five days straight. He looks oddly disheveled, his hair is soaking wet from the rain outside, and he’s here. At your door. Not in Ibiza.
“Y/N,” Ben breathes. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“What are you doing here?” you murmur, and you’re ashamed of how weak your voice sounds after the hours of sobbing. 
It certainly doesn’t go unnoticed by Ben, much to your dismay, as his face falls and he takes a step toward you. When he reaches out to cup your face, you pull away, refusing to allow him to comfort you right now. 
“What’s wrong, love? You look like you’ve been crying-“
“I’m fine, Ben,” you say quickly, worried your voice will falter again if you take too long. “Why aren’t you in Ibiza?”
“I flew back.”
You roll your eyes - even when you’re madly in love with him and feel like bursting into tears at the sight of his face, this boy can still drive you crazy.
“Yeah, I know, but why?”
Ben takes a deep breath, like he’s summoning the courage for something.
“Because the whole time I was there, while the boys were having fun, I was sitting around missing you and wishing you were there,” he says. “And you weren’t answering any of my texts and I saw you out with some guy on your story-"
“He’s a friend,” you say sharply, crossing your arms. “Not that you get to tell me who I can and can’t date while you’re off getting laid by every model at the beach club-"
“I wasn’t getting laid, Y/N, that’s what I’m trying to tell you,” Ben says desperately, taking a step closer and melting all your resolve in the process. “I wasn’t partying, I could barely even eat or sleep, all I could think about was you and how much I wanted to be with you. How I always want to be with you.” 
He reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, his thumb brushing against your cheek, and this time you can’t bring yourself to pull away. 
“I’m sorry I kissed you like that after the game, in front of all those people,” he says, gently dropping his hand from your face. You miss the warmth of his touch immediately.
“I wasn’t upset about the kiss,” you admit quietly, almost shamefully, avoiding his gaze. 
“I know,” Ben says softly. “You were upset about how it happened.“
Your heart skips a beat as you realize what he’s implying, your eyes darting up to meet his bright blue ones.
“Did Mason-"
“No, no,” Ben says with a small, slightly nervous smile. “He just pointed me in the right direction. Turns out everyone else already knew what it took me twenty years to figure out.”
Your legs feel like they’re about to give out, and you have to grip the doorframe for stability as Ben continues to look at you like you’re the most important thing in the world. 
“I love you, Y/N,” he says, his hand over his heart like he’s making an oath, or afraid that it might burst out of his chest, or perhaps both. “I’m in love with you. I’m so sorry that it took me this long to realize it, but I think I’ve been in love with you my whole life. I think that’s why I’ve never wanted to settle down with any other girl, I think my - my heart knew it was waiting for you.”
“Ben,” you breathe, tears now forming in your eyes once again for entirely different reasons. “I love you too. I didn’t realize until I had to pretend to be in love with you, but somewhere along the way I think I realized I...wasn’t pretending anymore.”
Ben’s hand tentatively reaches out to grab your waist, pulling you closer, and you felt a bolt of lightning crash through you as his touch electrifies your entire soul.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he whispers, now close enough that your noses brush, sending another wave of sparks through your body. 
“I was terrified,” you admit. “I was worried that you wouldn’t feel the same. Although, deep down, I think I was even more scared that you would.” You timidly reach up to run your fingers through his hair, and you see the way his eyes fall shut in contentment. “I can’t lose you, Benji.”
“You’re not gonna lose me, baby,” Ben murmurs, sending goosebumps up your arms with the new term of endearment. “We’ve always figured everything out together before, this isn’t any different. It’s scary for me too, but thankfully I’ve got my best friend by my side.”
You smile, fiddling with the hem of his shirt before looking up at him shyly. “Well, speaking as your best friend, I think it’s my duty to give you some relationship advice.”
“Oh yeah?” Ben grins, squeezing your waist. “Let’s hear it, then.”
“When a girl tells you she loves you back,” you murmur, tilting your head to brush your nose against his. “You should probably kiss her.”
Ben doesn’t have to be told twice - you only see a flash of his blinding smile before he pulls you closer and descends his lips onto yours. It feels like heaven to kiss him, every nerve in your body on fire as your lips mould together perfectly. 
Your arms wrap around his neck, not caring that he’s still wet from the rain or that your door is still wide open for any of your neighbours to see. Your entire world is Ben and his hands on your waist and his mouth on yours and his familiar scent enveloping you. Despite the passion burning inside you, you don’t feel like you’re going to combust any time soon - you just feel warm. You feel protected, content, happy. He’s your safe place, and he always has been. 
Ben deepens the kiss, and you gladly part your lips to allow his tongue entry. You don’t expect the moan that leaves your mouth when he does so, but it only spurs Ben on more, making him tighten his grip on you.
“I love you so much,” he mumbles against your lips between kisses, “so, so much.”
You kiss for a long time, neither willing to break apart for even a moment, until the sound of someone walking down the hall breaks you out of your trance. When you both pull back for a moment, just enough to look at each other, you lock eyes for a few seconds before bursting out into laughter. 
“Holy shit,” you laugh, shaking your head in disbelief. “I can’t believe that just happened.”
“I can’t believe we waited this long,” he confesses, pecking your nose. “I didn’t know kissing someone could feel like that.”
“Me neither,” you breathe, unable to resist leaning in to kiss him again, this time tugging him by the shirt and pulling him fully into your flat. 
When you both find the self-control to pull apart again, you gaze up at him lovingly for a moment before your eyes flit to the large duffel bag and backpack behind him, which you’re noticing for the first time.
“An overnight bag? Thats presumptuous of you, Benjamin,” you tease, raising an eyebrow.
“I came straight from the airport,” he explains, and you can’t help but blush slightly at his urgency to get to you. “But I do hope you’ll let me stay for a while.”
You can stay forever, you think to yourself. You don’t say it out loud, but you’re pretty sure he knows.
“Not sure I’m dressed for a first date,” you giggle, glancing down at your old joggers and t-shirt from uni. 
“First of all, you look insanely beautiful, like always,” Ben says without a hint of doubt. “Second, this doesn’t count as our first date. I’m taking you somewhere nice.”
As he drags his bags into your flat and shuts and locks the door behind him, you shake your head at him with a smile.
“Just because you’re my boyfriend now doesn’t mean I’m gonna start letting you spoil me all the time.”
Your stomach flips for a moment as you realize what word you just said, but judging by the look on Ben’s face and the way he drops his bags to the floor to walk over and kiss you again, it was the right one.
“Babe,” Ben groans lightly as he pulls away from the kiss, your fingers lightly scratching his scalp. “Call me your boyfriend again and I’ll probably buy you a bloody Tesla. Or a boat, or a house, whatever you-“
You smirk, leaning in to kiss him both to shut him up - you think you’re gonna love this new method of doing so - and because you really want to.
Any hope of a witty retort is lost when Ben tugs you impossibly closer and his hand slides underneath your top, making it impossible to think of anything else. 
He walks you backward until you reach the sofa, sitting down and pulling you into his lap so that you’re straddling him.
You’re kissing like the world is about to end, a tangle of limbs and unspoken promises, both of you completely insatiable. When Ben begins to trail his kisses down your neck, sucking gently at your pulse point, and tugs you closer by your hips so you can feel his bulge against your core, you could explode from the pleasure of it all. 
“Bedroom,” you murmur, your fingers tangled in his hair - you’ve dreamed about touching it like this for so long. Touching him like this. “Now.”
 Ben pulls back to look at you, and you half-expect to see that same cocky glint in his eye you’ve see a hundred times before he left the club or a party with some hot girl, but this look is entirely different.
His gaze is intense, but it’s also full of adoration and devotion and, you swear, even a little bit of nervousness, which is totally adorable. 
“Are you sure, Y/N?” he asks in a low voice, running a hand up and down your back and leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. “I’m happy to wait if you want to take it slow. Whatever you want, baby.”
“I want you, Benji,” you murmur, pecking his lips softly. “I want all of you. I don’t want to wait.”
Ben nods and smiles at you for a brief moment before pulling you into another searing kiss, standing up with your legs still wrapped around his waist and beginning to walk you to the bedroom.
You don’t leave your flat for two days after that, shutting out the outside world completely except for one text Ben sends in the boys group chat - with your permission, of course. 
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a/n: the end...almost! 💗 i still have an epilogue coming your way, hopefully sometime next week! thank you to everyone for reading, please let me know what you thought of the big confession scene, i hope it was everything you wanted! xx tag list: @captainwans @amandaaa1025 @bbygrlllllll @ncentic @lunamelona @kathb59 @cinderellawithashoe @batmansb1tch @myheartgoesvroom @chillymountsjess @babygirlbenji @delicateearthquakellama @joyfullyswimmingface @xxenia14 @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @chilwellspulisic @maraudersmap123 @evelinapurmale @freekoalakryptonite
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brionysea · 8 months
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robin was wrong when she assumed nancy was being weird because of steve. nancy was being weird because she was having a day. she took her friend somewhere and then they died and she got dismissed by the police despite knowing she was right, just like barb
then nancy was stressed out because robin ended up going along with her despite nancy clearly wanting some alone time after all that and robin can be. a lot. she has so much energy and she's very hyperactive and nancy had been up all night, was scared and confused and probably exhausted, and she wasn't prepared for that much abrupt interaction. she felt belittled because robin was poking holes in her theory and it probably didn't feel like she was taking her seriously either, so yeah she was a bit edgy about it. it's not her fault robin took it personally
(it's also not robin's fault; she listed off a lot of neurodivergent traits about herself and rejection sensitivity disorder tends to be included in that, so she jumped to conclusions and overcompensated because the need to be liked can be very strong with rsd. robin's not great at picking up on social cues according to her own neurodivergent disclaimer, so she wouldn't realise what's really going on, especially not with someone like nancy who's used to keeping her emotions on lock and can be quite difficult to read if you're not jonathan levels of perceptive)
nancy warmed up to robin once robin found some answers related to the mystery because that's what she was thinking about
everyone who tried to push steve and nancy together because "you don't want them to die so obviously you still have romantic feelings for each other" was wrong. eddie said "wheeler" jumping into near-certain death for steve meant she loved him when mike did the same thing for dustin. it is love, but it's not romantic and it doesn't have to be romantic to be worth something. mike said a friend is someone you'd do anything for and nancy is continuously motivated by barb, her best friend, whether that's attempting to save her or attempting to make up for what she sees as her own fault
wanting to keep people alive and protect them doesn't mean you're in love with them. the same incorrect assumption happened with max when el saw her and mike smiling at each other and mike wanting to make sure max wasn't hurt after she fell down. caring about people isn't inherently romantic
this happens to the wheeler siblings a lot. they always get misinterpreted as being in love because they want to help and protect people even though they have a lot of reasons for that, with at least a few of those reasons being rooted in trauma, especially for nancy. that's why both of their love triangles aren't really love triangles at all. the presentation of their characters is being intentionally skewed and people keep buying it
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