Ranking Books I Read In 2022 - 60-56
It’s time once again to rank the books I read this year! Enjoy!
Spoiler warnings for all books from here on out. I’ll provide trigger warnings where I think they’re needed.
60. Rubyfruit Jungle - Rita Mae Brown
What I liked: If we’re being honest, nothing. Which infuriates me because this is a pillar of LGBT literature, and I really wanted to like it.
What I didn’t like: Molly is insufferable. The writing is juvenile, which is fine when your protagonist is a child, but as they grow, the writing should really grow with them, and this stays painfully childish. I had to read the words “incest doesn’t seem much like trauma to me” with my own two eyes, and far be it from me to go purity police on anybody, but fuck that. Also parenthesis happen in dialogue which just...no.
Final thoughts: This book was gross, I hated it terribly, and that makes me more mad than any stupid brain fart Rita Mae Brown put to paper in this book. TW for incest.
59. Dagon - Fred Chappell
What I Liked: Strong start, with some absolutely gorgeous language that really conjures up a feeling of being sweaty, hot, and dirty.
What I Didn’t Like: Another victim of what I now call the Daphne Byrne effect - builds so much atmosphere (which is good) but then doesn’t do anything with it (which is bad and irritating and makes the book feel like it’s moving at a snail’s pace.
Final thoughts: Could have been really good, but it gets so caught up in setting this unsettling, eerie mood that it forgets to do anything with it until it just kind of fizzles out at the end. There’s nothing sadder than wasted potential.
58. Adulthood Is A Myth - Sarah Anderson
What I Liked: Some of the strips did manage to get a giggle out of me.
What I Didn’t Like: Had too many nlog vibes for me to really connect with. Basically told the same joke over and over again.
Final thoughts: I understand why these are so popular, but I just don’t really care for them the older I get. You can only make so many comics about being a weirdo, just switching out the quirky nouns and verbs for other quirky nouns and verbs before it gets stale. Definitely doesn’t make me want to read the other books.
57. Stuff White People Like - Christian Lander
What I Liked: Again, managed to get a giggle out of me every now and then.
What I Didn’t Like: Got really stale after the first several entries.
Final thoughts: Much like Adulthood is a Myth, the joke just gets stale after the first several times you hear it, but at the opposite end of the spectrum. We get it, white liberals think they’re special because they aren’t like other girls. You didn’t need to write a 200-ish page listicle to tell us that.
56. The Women Who Hate Me - Dorothy Allison
What I Liked: Um...I’ll get back to you...
What I Didn’t Like: Honestly, I’m hard pressed to recall any of the poems in this book. I didn’t write down anything about it, and can’t recall a single one from memory.
Final thoughts: Definitely the least impressive poetry collection I read, but not really annoying enough to go higher in the list. Just unmemorable.
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While growing up in an abusive family, a part of me strongly refused to grow up, in fact it's still resisting it. I thought at first, it was because I was taught that I am less and less valuable as I age, but it wasn't only that. It turns out, growing around mostly abusive people, can give you some horrifying notions of what it means to be an adult.
I am going to write down how I perceived adulthood, as an abused kid, because I need to work on it myself, and if there's somebody else feeling this, know that these are not your only option for a future:
All adults are stupid, unkind, boring, bitter, aggressive, obsessed with money, do not understand people around them at all.
All adults have to play specific roles assigned to them and don't step outside of these roles. For instance: mother, grandma, father, aunt, teacher, uncle, neighbour. All roles are restrictive and people can only do whatever is assigned to this role (cleaning, cooking, working a job, going to army, being married, etc)
Adults can't play, be curious, or have fun. Adults have to be focused on their role and stay grumpy, serious, bitter and busy. They don't laugh except when drunk.
Adults are having it tougher than children. They are unloved, uncared for, nobody considers them nice or pretty, nobody wants them around or gives them gifts. Adults are permanently unwanted and undesired everywhere.
Adults have good opinions only of people who are already dead. Everyone alive is constantly being humiliated, shamed and criticized. It's better to be dead.
Adults don't care about children, and only think the worst of children. Adults think children should only exist to work and to be yelled at. Adults are dangerous.
Adults don't care about friendships, loyalty, kindness, courage, bonds, closeness, care, or love. Adults friendships are drinking and smoking in the same room while talking badly about every other person in their life. They don't play, laugh or share things. It's a big game of pretense that the other has it better.
Adults lie and fake everything. They lie about their home life, about what they know, about money. They lie about, and to their children. They tell lies confidently. They make things up if they don't know and then tell those lies as if they're truths. They don't feel guilt if caught lying and instead double down on it.
Adults have money but they can't spend it. They have to keep paying bills and they never have enough money for bills and food. They will buy alcohol and cigarettes though, but they're always stressed about bills. They consider it children's fault.
Adults are endlessly stressed about having to 'feed a family'. This is so bad that they actually end up hating their families. They wish all of their children were dead so they wouldn't have to feed them. They can't seem to stop having children but also hate feeding them. It's like they're forced into it.
Adults have to work constantly. They work their jobs and have to do endless chores when they get home. They have to get up early to do chores and do them late at night. They have to do everything alone, unless they can get a child to do it for them. They can't select not to do it, they have to shift it to someone else to avoid it. Adults have no free time, or hobbies. They have to work at all times and always know what needs to be done.
Adults have bodies that work less and less. They can't run, climb or jump. They're always having surgeries and can barely walk. Their backs and hips hurt and they complain about the pain every time they need to do anything. They blame the work for this but can't stop working. They're still somehow stronger than children when they want to hurt children, and then they're fully mobile. But at all other times they appear sickly and need stuff done for them.
Adults never get over anything that ever happened to them. They're always victimized by everything that ever happened to them. We the children have to get over things instantly, but they are angry and bitter about the past forever. They hold grudges against family members forever. They freely take things out on other family members. They never forgive or forget or calm down.
Adults are not passionate about anything. Their main priority is looking good in front of others and convincing everyone they're better than they are.
Adults selectively care when someone is crying. If it's someone they don't know, they'll act nice about it. If they know the person they will tell them to shut up and stop annoying them. It's like they fall for strangers tears but see through anyone else's as pretense. I don't understand.
Adults die and then other adults get drunk at their funerals. They say you need to cry but they're only serious for the public part and then go and have parties where they just laugh with everyone. Adults don't care about the dead people but say you're not supposed to say anything bad about them now they're dead. They pretend they cared while the person was alive but they didn't. They obsessively clean and decorate graves just for others not to think they 'didn't care'.
Adults will betray anyone's secrets. Adults will tell other adults whatever you told them in confidence. Adults cannot be trusted with information.
Adults judge and badmouth anyone who doesn't act the way they think people are supposed to act. They will impose their own rules and morals on others and shame anyone who doesn't agree. They insist that everyone needs to follow their assigned family role even though they complain about hating their own. They use the most horrid slurs for people they consider 'bad at their role' and write these people off as parasites and worthless people
Adults all agree children should be obedient, quiet and never want anything or disturb them. They want children only to present them with achievements and work for the rest of time.
Adults have sex but nobody is supposed to say anything about it. It's unclear whether they want to be doing it. If it's a part of a role it doesn't seem like they can say no.
Adults can't be cared for or pampered like children can. Adults do not get candy or chocolate. Adults say it's because children are cute and they're not. Adults are jealous of children. Adults complain about not being cared for.
Adults don't understand how hard children have it and always say being a child is the easiest and best time of life. They seem jealous and tell children to be grateful because it's only going to get worse. I can't imagine surviving worse. They claim their childhood was better than anything they deal with now because food was free and they didn't have to have a job.
Adults have no freedom. They have to stay with family and play their role. They can't survive otherwise. They leech off of each other and hate everyone. They live by imposed rules that force everyone to stay together even if they hate each other. They hate everyone around them. They feel loyal to no one. They bring misery to themselves and people around them and don't feel shame or responsibility for anyone they've hurt or ruined.
Adults don't see others as people with their own inner world. They insist that everyone except them is stupid, shallow, mindless and worthless.
Adults are all cowards who will submit to anyone who is stronger and louder. They'll only fight those who are weaker. They don't care about justice and will happily punish victims in unfair fights. They themselves are bitter and upset if they don't get the justice.
Adults only ever look out for themselves. They don't care about other people. They want money and others to admire them and to serve them. If that is not happening they are angry and bitter at the entire world.
Adults don't see good in other people. They don't see what someone else needs or deserves. They don't care about adventures or magic. They don't have wonder or awe inside of themselves. They don't even look at beautiful things in front of them. They don't care about nature, animals or trees. They don't care about books or knowledge, or reading. They don't care about stories or legends. They don't care about people who suffer so badly they want to die. They judge people for suicide.
They don't care about creating or making something unless it can be sold for money. They don't even tolerate others doing it.
They love no one. Everything they do is a drag and a pain to them and they want to push their work on someone else all the time. They don't care about anything except money and how to get more attention and keep pretenses. They have no true friends or care for anyone. All they have is work, rules and roles they need to act. Their lives are meaningless. Even though they have money they cannot travel or use it for fun or joy. They don't think anyone should be free to do as they want. They have no dignity or honor but pretend they do when in company. They yell but pretend they're victims for 'having to yell'.
They don't care if someone wants to die because of their actions. They don't care for anyone who wants to live differently. People who live differently are worthless and stupid to them. They think they're the only ones who are always right even when they're always wrong.
Adults are convinced that when I grow up this will all make sense and I will grow up to be exactly like them
If you felt as a child, or still do, that these are the truths of adulthood, and something you'll end up becoming, it's not true, and it's mostly just abusers who live their lives in this manner. If this is the only thing you've ever known and seen as a child, adulthood would be terrifying and feel like you'd have to lose your soul in order to become like this.
I'll write another follow-up debunking these and writing what I feel adulthood is right now. It's just definitely not that. And living around people who act like this is normal, is traumatic.
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