#ANYWAY... fuck so so much 2 think abt. and apply to my own life...

[primonizuto]

ive been rereading the bartimaeus books recently and god they are so fucking good like it's insane how good they are and i am speaking mostly of nathaniel and kitty here despite the fact that bart is my fav character of all time like

nathaniel is the worst guy ever of all time and it rules. it is so difficult to write a character who you unequivocally feel sympathy with in the first book slowly turning into the absolute worst piece of shit imaginable by the third book but IT IS DONE HERE. and ofc the series itself as a whole was so carefully plotted and everything felt so tight and concisely written, and a lot of the impetus behind the events in the books were very clearly spelled out bc it's YA lit so things Have to be clear, but it kind of still amazes me that there's so much connecting the metaphor (identity closely linked with the name you have and the face you present to the world; 'nathaniel' linked with compassion and idealism and individuality and creativity but also trauma vs 'john mandrake' linked with power and control and the repression of that trauma) with the worldbuilding (true names are dangerous weaknesses and so magicians are supposed to be nameless until they are old enough to be given their magician name) - something as simple as nathaniel being nathaniel during Amulet and Golem's Eye and then suddenly by book 3, at his nadir, he is john mandrake and everybody including bartimaeus calls him that... oof !!! it makes it stick out even more in Golem's Eye when he's still being called nathaniel in the narrative but everyone around him is calling him mandrake as a point of transition

KITTY JONES IS THE BEST YA HEROINE EVER WRITTEN BAR NONE!! i was talking abt this a while ago but it is so fucking cool that kitty's magical special power that she has (her resilience) is NOT what ultimately makes her special and important to the narrative. what makes her important is her capacity for compassion and her determination to follow through on her convictions, in this case with ptolemy's gate. her resilience is mainly there to give her a backstory and place her in opposition to the magicians, it's not there to make her the chosen one

i swear these books legitimately radicalised me as a kid. i remember reading the descriptions of the british empire in the books when i was maybe 11 or 12 and being like 'gee, i sure am glad it wasn't like that in real life', but when i was older and returned to the books i could see that it wasn't 'what if', it was allegory, extrapolating real history and applying it to the book's universe

also i'm not jewish and please correct me if i'm wrong but i think GE is one of the only fantasy stories written by a non-jewish (i think) author which uses golems as a plot point in a way that retains their jewish origins - bart explicitly mentions in his world that the golems, in line with our world's jewish folklore, were first made to protect the jewish people from pogroms!! it's not some case of like 'oh yeah golems are in this also. where did they come from, you ask? it's not important'

anyway didn't mean for this post to be so long but if you like reading fantasy alt history YA which is also a really impressive trilogy-long takedown of indoctrination, abuse and the british empire then i present to you the bartimaeus trilogy by jonathan stroud

also the prequel novel is good too and functions in every way that a prequel novel should by 1) fleshing out a few offhanded references from the main books into a contained story of its own and 2) making sure that story deepens our understanding of the main character and allows us to see him in a totally different light before a key element of his backstory had even happened which makes that element itself even more tragic and profound

#u can really tell ive been unable to post for 2 weeks lmao sorry

[m4rkiza]

pile of headcanons

bunch of raihan/leon headcanon nonsense from my twit*r

theres alot under the cut, warning : its cheesy, also, i headcanon raihan calling leon "bubu"

Raihan is really good at baking and leon is great at cooking savory & spicy food, raihan likes spicy food and leon likes baked goods, they complete each other

Leon so thick and firm he'd be so good to hug and raihan took advantage of that, holding his bubu until leon complains or whine, yknow when ur pet looks so cute and u hug them, like that

leon contacts name on raihans phone is like "♥💖my bubu♥💕", but raihans contact name on leons phone is "Raihan" with capital R

raihan complained about it, showed leons contact name on his phone, leon is surprised bc he thought his contact name on raihans phone is just "Leon" or "Lee"

then leon changes rai's contact name too "🥰raihoney💖

leon doesnt look like the guy who'd be extra on hair and skin treatment, the reason his hair and skin (especially his hair) is unbearably soft and shiny is bc raihan kept reminding him to do so (and buying it)

sometimes leon act spoiled so raihan will do an entire haircare for him

yes raihan do it bc he loves leon unconditionally and he thinks leon deserves it

raihan has a dirty mouth and uses every swear word but for some reasons, around leon all he can say is "jerk" "ugly" and "dumb"

raihan does that bc all he remember when hes with leon is pet names and how-to-coo-and-woo-your-boyfriend

raihan being leons moral compass feels fitting, not bc leon is dumb but bc leon himself is swallowed by his own title and got the hero complex, making him selfless and have a hard time to say no

raihan is there to "what the fuck are you thinking, dont do that baby, you'll die"

but leon seems stubborn yes? he wont listen if people just say "no", he'd ask the reason why, and if the said person doesnt give a clear answer, he leaves but raihan always tries to explain him in full description, short & long lasting damage, consequence etc

so obviously leon listens, and as time goes by, raihan is.. his moral compass, in a way

raihan playfully growls while squeezing leons body parts but its definitely not so playful in leons mind

raihan always ask leon to wear his freshly-washed-hoodie at sunday so when he go to work at monday, his hoodie will smell like leon

raihans laugh is like "aha haha haha *low volume wheeze* phew heehee" and leon got a laugh that can trigger an earthquake

Raihan sneeze like a kitten while leon sneeze like a buldozer

Leon muffles his laugh by hugging raihan so it wont surprise anyone around them

leon demanding affection from raihan by giving him stupid empty threats

leon : Kiss me or ill

raihan : u will what

leon : i-i will shrink your hoodie and make it mine

raihan : no, now come here bubu

In reality, leon doesnt need to do "things" to get raihans attention, raihan told him he can just ask or "just sit on my lap or tug my shirt and ill cuddle and kiss you till the next day", but leons ego is too high for that so he does stupid shit instead

raihan is very loved by leons family bc surprisingly hes able to stop leon and hop from fighting

if u ask how, raihan simply pick up leon up and walk away

aihan is the only guy who leon will listen too and got called as the "champion tamer"

but all raihan do is just

raihan : bubu, no

leon : no..?

raihan : leon. no

leon : no...

then nag him softly while explaining the consequences, sometimes short and long term effect it depends on the situation

leon is stubborn, so it took sometime to convince him that his plan or an action he almost took to partake is very impulsive or doesnt give a good result

the thing is leon is not stupid, infact hes quite brilliant, therefore its hard to convince him if a person who tries to stop him doesnt have a similiar mind like he is, but thankfully theres raihan

for some reasons raihan is able to found leon in any occasion so the league staff ALWAYS calls him whenever leons gone

league staff : mr rai-

raihan : is it leon

league staff : yes

raihan : im on my way

leon likes to ask raihan for hairbands bc he kept losing them

raihan : bubu, isnt this your third time asking for them this week

leon : ....yes..?

raihan spoiling leon bc he feels he wants to make up for him, bc he wasnt available near leon when fought eternatus

leon follows raihan everywhere in the winter and kept pressing himself to him, whenever raihan question whats wrong leon just looked him in the eye and "im warming you up"

leon is small by raihans perspective but he hugs leon tight anyway

raihan is possessive of leon hes THAT hot, charismatic yet very adorable, leon is the one who keeps his chin up and soothe his fears, and hes the champion, everyone wants the champion, u think he'll let go that easily? no, never

and leon is probably possessive too, raihan is a hot nerd, affectionate and gentle, hes the one who push him to his best, the one who also stops him for doing too much, hes his source of comfort and he wont let go and wont let anyone take his raihan away from him for sure

10 years of friendship and healthy rivalry means 10 years of being on each others live, being one of the biggest contributor and supporter for the other, who pushes to the limit yet stopping when one is too close to the edge of the cliff

no matter if its platonic or romantic, they wont let anyone take their rival, friend and lover away that easy, you wont let anyone try to take away one of the important and huge part of your life

raihan big, so hes the big spoon, he loves cooing right at leons ears and kissing the back of his neck, shoulders and sometimes reaches forward to press a sloppy wet kiss to leons cheek

leon crying to raihan when he founds out raihan smokes when hes stressed out, and begging the other to stop and talk to him instead or cope with healthier way

raihan doesnt need an alarm clock to wake him up, leons just need to grin and say "good morning!" its so bright it WILL wake him up

raihan and leon lives together and since then the outfit leon has on his wardrobe is a collection of formal tailored outfits and his battle tower outift, some booty shorts and work out clothing, and obviously underwear and socks.the rest he just stole from raihan

especially t-shirts, hoodies, and jacket, raihan seeing him walking and opening his wardrobe after shower is such a common occurence that he doesnt even need to ask anymore

raihan looks like the type who carries lipbalm and hand cream in his hoodie pocket, he carries 2, 1 cocoa lipbalm for him and honey lipbalm for leon. whenever he met leon, he applies the lip balm on him, it becomes habit that leon even raise his chin up for raihan

leon can sleep alone fine, but when he woke up he felt groggy,but if he slept on top of raihan he'd woke up like he had a perfect 8 hours sleep even tho he slept for only 5 hours

raihan is a heavy sleeper but waking up with leon glued to his chest/back make his whole day better,especially when he woke up to leon peppering his face with kisses to wake him up

raihan being lowkey flustered and overwhelmed by leons beauty/cuteness/sexiness/everything while leon is being clingy and acting spoiled around him

leon cant be serious around raihan, when he saw the gym leader,he automatically let his guard down infront of him, changing from champion leon to leon from postwick, all giddy and happy

leon unzips his champion outfit and once raihan heard the zipping sound he zooms to leon to plant his face between leons chest

if leon wants attention from raihan he will do various things from holding his arm and press his head to raihans shoulders,sitting on his lap and loop his arm around raihans neck,hugging him from the front and put on a cute face

but if raihan wants attention he just, hug leon from behind,put his head on leons shoulder and doesnt let go until leon does SOMETHING

leon has been taking care of others for so long,so when raihan takes care of him ,its a new,yet quite familiar feeling.

its hard to accept since he felt bad about receiving the attention,but raihan kept doing it until leon tend to act spoiled around him

raihan always kiss leons forehead before he sleeps,when raihan is away, he has the urge to videocall raihan so he can coo him to sleep,but hes too embarrassed to do it

he thought abt that and raihan suddenly videocalling him,its noon on the region he visited, and hes like "heeeey, i just want to say good night to my beloved!! good night leon,sweet dreams,sorry bc i cant kiss your forehead but ill kiss u 10x more when im back"

leon was shocked and stared to his camera "lee? fuck,is the connection that bad-" and leon stuttered "n-no! i was surprised...thank you darling, have fun and stay safe okay?"

"of course! dont stay up thinking abt me for too long,i love you so much bubu,good night!

"..good afternoon raihoney,i love you too" leon stayed up for the next 20 minutes rolling around the bed screaming

raihan actually helps leon on taking care of his dragons, which made leons dragonmons actingspoiled around raihan,and sometimes leon thinks that his dragons loves raihan more than him

raihan plays with his dragonmon as if hes playing with a yamper,calling them "cute little babywubby" and playing with their hands,kissing their foreheads and lays with them on the floor,and of course leon joins in by laying on top or next to raihan

even leon have seen raihan carrying his dragapult like a baby with a baby axew hugging his legs, raihan is legit a dragon pokemon magnet

raihan has a habit of cooing or complimenting at leon even when hes doing the simplest thing ever and leon feels giddy like a 5 y.o everytime raihan does it

can u imagine how many pictures of leon raihan have on his phone,its probably more than 1000, he takes picture of leon as if hes a baby pokemon

leon comes to raihans place at 2 am without any warning,i mean raihan DID gave him a spare key so, raihans flat is HIS flat too,and there he goes,going to the bedroom and slip himself under the duvet,crawling to sleep closer to raihan

at first raihan is SO surprised that he jumped from the bed,but now he doesnt care anymore and just kiss leons head,mumbles "goo'nite bubh" and sleep again

leon does it so often that if hes gone from his apartment,people call raihan instead of him

raihan hugging leon from the back while leon is doing stuff in the kitchen while singing,and raihan is there like,peppering smooches and compliments while leon is STILL singing,and giggling bc raihan is smooching him

raihan is BAD at it but he sings along with leon in a joking manner and leon cant even sing anymore bc hes just wheezing while raihan is just "cmOn bAbeEEe SING AgAiiiNNnn"

#raileon #kbdn #kibadan #truerivalshipping #raileon headcanon

[0ystercatcher]

im really curious and would love to hear more of your thoughts bc i never heard such unique stuff from anyone else about any radfem thing :) what do you mean by your slave morality post?

ahummm lol i wont lie i made that post a little impulsively but ill attempt to explain it. readmore please work.

not sure where to start or what yr context for this so ill start from like nothing. slave / master morality is this theme? in nietszches writing that posits that thers 2 types of morality that of the "masters" and that of the "slaves" and master morality is like...the morality of idk strong and the master considers things that are useful to them to be good and things that are harmful to be bad, but ultimately i think is aware that good/bad is just an extra layer we give to things that ultimately have no meaning. masters believe in like...power and use their will to achieve it. slaves tho just respond to masters and their morals and create this morality where they villify the master for being powerful and behave like actually power and achieving power is morally wrong and they seek to kinda. not achieve power in the same way as the master but to instead make the master into the slave. thats a quick dirty summary and i prob ate some details. tho

anyway the way a lot of radblr (and im saying radblr instead of radfem bc radfem is a like a Thing w literature of all kinds and criticising it in this way would be silly while radblr is just kind of a cesspit based on weird readings of radfem on this website) talks about feminism and more specifically, the position of women in society, is really um. self defeating and just kinda incorrect. they try to act like the fact women are oppressed is idk some sort of evil unto itself that men do as a weird result of power and thats Bad, instead of truly understanding that taking power over others and opression happen bc they are "beneficial" to the system we live in.so they misdirect their "effort" (posts) to talk abt how bad and cruel and sad it is that women are affected by x y and z like that screenshot i posted. "women cant laugh women cant yell etc etc" and comparing it to how men can get away with all that, and sulking about it, instead of like. trying to achieve the power to do all those things and not give a shit abt it, like men have.

it just strikes me as a very defeatist and pessimistic way of seeing the world and its just wrong historically speaking. men arent "evil" for having power over us and the more time we spend acting like resentment and reaction to men is enough to get us anywhere better the less we will get done. at some point, if we really want liberation from th patriarchy we have to get off our asses and take enough power on our own to face it yeah? we cant do that if we just make each other feel righteous bc were the good ones actually uwu. like i dont want oppression. i dont want to be told to live my life in service of men. and the only way to go against those things at the end of the day is to apply my will and simply Not Do that to the best of my ability. why should we give a single fuck abt what mens standards are for our lives if we know for a fact those standards are designed to keep us down, yknow what i mean.

again tho i made that post without thinking abt it too much bc it fit into that pattern of weird posts ive seen lately. i guess my point is women can literally do whatever if we just decide to do it and to act like these made up boundaries imposed onto us are somehow real and not made up from thin air to keep us in line we will never get anywhere. individually and collectivelly (tho that ones a little harder). man why did i write this i havnt even read that much nietszche

#m #if the readmore doesnt work cll tumblr :-/ #also sorry i am not proofreading this i wrote this while avoiding work lol

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

#didnt proofread this at all 💀 fhsdfks #tua #the umbrella academy #pls dont let this flop i spent like an hour on it hfjksd #aus #team zero #ben hargreeves #wip #I GUESS #misc #ghosting au

[angeltrapz]

howdy 💙 chainshipping ask time: on days when they’re feelin bad, what do they do for the other person? also favorite date night activities? + th first moment post-bathroom where they each realized they’d fallen in love w th other?

hi!! 💜

ooh I think abt this a lot actually. I think th two of them have a tendency 2 bottle things up, so it kind of takes a lil bit fr them to realize tht Hey, Someone Wants To Make Sure I'm Okay and fr them 2 then get to a place where they share how they're rly doing rather than bein like "no everything's fine wdym :)" but once they Do get past tht n r able 2 be honest w each other, it's a lot better fr both of them + honestly its own form of healing.

a lot of th time when Adam's having a bad day, he's either nonverbal or responds w as short of an answer as possible, so th big thing Lawrence does fr him is just let him know he's there when/if he's ready 2 talk + there's no stress 2 tell him what's wrong right away. tht's smth tht's rly important to Adam, n smth he appreciates greatly. often times, along w tht, Adam tends 2 seek out physical contact - so like coming up behind Lawrence while he's cooking breakfast n wrapping his arms around him, holding his hand when they're walking together, sitting close enough so their knees/shoulders/hips brush + just leaning into Lawrence's side altogether, etc. so another thing they do is either cuddle up on th couch or in th bedroom n they watch a few movies together. sometimes Lawrence will read 2 him too. it's rly all abt proximity + lil actions tht in reality r a wordless way 2 say "I'm here, it's okay, we'll get thru this together." Lawrence is patient, doesn't rush him, n stays close by. fr Adam, tht is more than enough + means th world. n it eventually leads 2 him being more comfortable voicing how he feels more often!!

Lawrence's bad days r a lil harder to catch bc even tho he knows Adam's there, he still feels a pretty intense amount of guilt + doesn't often feel tht he has like. a right 2 complain? bc I think, fr a long time, he views himself as th one most responsible fr what happened in th bathroom n how they got there. it takes a while fr him to break out of tht mindset, but th main thing Adam reminds him of is he's still here. bc Lawrence spends a lot of time thinking like, "if I wasn't a bad person, Jigsaw wldn't have chosen me or put my family in danger, therefore it's my fault + I need 2 atone somehow." Adam is aware of this, n they've found tht th best solution is fr him 2 just b very blunt n ask "well was I a bad person? was I so horrible tht Jigsaw chose me based on tht n I deserved what happened next?" n of course Lawrence will immediately be like "no of course not??? nothing u cld've done cld warrant tht?" (kinda like th way u mentioned Adam comforts William) so Adam gets to respond w "tht applies 2 u too, u know. yr not a bad person. nothing you cld've done wld warrant smth like tht, either."

n Lawrence mentally bluescreens th first time he hears Adam say tht bc it's just like. He's Right. if he doesn't think Adam is a bad person + deserved wht happened, why did he? so tht's like th big thing Adam does fr Lawrence. he reassures him tht despite his brain's best efforts 2 convince him otherwise, he is a good person who Adam loves n tht might've made mistakes, but they didn't warrant being chained to a pipe in a fucking bathroom somewhere w his family in danger + being tasked 2 kill his now-bf, christ.

favourite date night activities!! I think they're mostly p lowkey fr th most part just bc of like, th unease of potentially being around A Lot Of Ppl, but every once in a while they'll dress up a lil bit n go somewhere nice fr dinner bc Lawrence is a hopeless romantic + he likes being able 2 do tht fr Adam sometimes. Adam thought it'd be like, wayyyy too stuffy + uncomfortable esp bc it's not smth he's used to, but honestly it's rly fun n they get to spend time together, so in th end it's all fine! plus there's never any pressure 2 like, go all out w dressing up or anything, so tht's nice too. honestly, if Adam wasn't so in love w Lawrence, th way he holds his hand over th table while they skim thru th menu + talk abt what sounds good might make him think he was somehow th main character of a romcom.

a lot of times, too, they frequent this local diner tht Adam used 2 go to fr breakfast all th time when he n Scott were teenagers bc it was relatively cheap, th food was good, + th staff was full of kind ppl. the lighting is lowkey n they usually have some sort of seasonal decorations around th place, n it's just somewhere Adam feels Safe, which of course leads 2 Lawrence feeling tht way abt it too. it's rly nice fr when they still want to go out, but don't rly want to put too much effort into it (tht's not to say th diner is low-quality tho!). they're there so often some of th servers know them by name + are friendly w them, so there's tht too!

their favourite, tho, is nights in where they order takeout or delivery so tht neither of them have 2 cook (Adam is getting better w it, tho Lawrence still cooks fr th majority of th time) n they can just relax. sometimes they lay a bunch of blankets on th floor n camp out there, sometimes they make a pillow fort bc why not, n sometimes they just grab their favourite blanket n curl up on th couch while watching random TV fr background noise or movies. Adam’s head always ends up on Lawrence’s shoulder at some point. Lawrence will have an arm around his shoulder. sometimes Adam will rest his legs across Lawrence’s lap. it’s just being close + enjoying some downtime tht they both rly appreciate.

as fr th first time they realized they were in love each other... in all honesty, fr Lawrence, it was pretty much th moment Adam finally woke up in th hospital n looked at him n said “you came back fr me.” (like yr text game Still Life is Exactly how I see it happening!!) however, th first time Lawrence rly became CONSCIOUS of tht feeling n was able 2 put a name to it was honestly so simple and yet so meaningful. it was Adam standing in his kitchen th morning after he’d spent th night bc he cldn’t get to sleep on his own, too worked up n on edge n afraid 2 be alone.

it’s Adam in only a faded n too-big t-shirt n boxers trying 2 figure out how to use Lawrence’s keurig. it’s th sunlight streaming in frm th window above th sink n framing Adam’s face n turning his eyes this bright honey-green when Lawrence catches them. he’s in th middle of washing the dishes bc he’d been meaning to since th night b4, watching as Adam moves around n learns th placement of everything, his presence so natural-feeling tht it’s hard fr Lawrence to even imagine tht he hasn’t always been there. and then Adam turns 2 look at him bc he can feel him staring, his hands curled around a mug of hot coffee, eyes still half-lidded w remnants of sleep n hair a wild unruly mess, and he smiles - tht is when Lawrence truly realizes tht he loves him. he cldn’t imagine his life w/ out Adam in it. he can hardly remember how it felt to live w/ out him. tht’s when he knows.

I think fr Adam, th moment he became truly aware of how much he loved Lawrence was actually during one of his bad days where he was stuck in th mental bathroom, unable get out of his own head fr much longer than a few minutes at a time. he had gone mostly nonverbal n found the energy needed 2 keep up a conversation was just not smth he had, but instead of Lawrence being irritated by tht fact, he was going out of his way 2 be like, “I know yr not doing well, n tht’s okay, if u want 2 talk to me I’m here but if u don’t I’ll still b here anyways.” n tht’s like smth tht’s so foreign to Adam, ppl being willing 2 understand his struggles w things like speech n eye contact if he’s distressed + who don’t try 2 force him to power thru it, so tht first time he’s just sitting there on th couch, leaning against Lawrence’s side w/ his legs tucked up underneath him n w his weighted blanket covering them both, watching Lawrence fill out th crossword in th daily newspaper n just kinda coasting tht line between being present n checking out, he’s just like. Huh. This Is Nice.

bc no one’s ever rly offered tht kind of accommodation 2 him? esp not his parents, which is part of wht I mentioned earlier abt his tendency to bottle things up. neither of them have 2 say anything; it’s just comfy, reassuring, sitting so close + sharing a space while maintaining a comfortable silence bc Adam doesn’t think he can explain yet. n he looks up at Lawrence’s face, tracing th heavy line of his furrowed brows as he concentrates hard abt whatever word it is he’s trying 2 figure out, th tip of his tongue peeking out btwn his lips as he squints, occasionally mouthing a word or two, n tht’s kind of when it hits him. it’s just kind of like an internal ah, I see. Lawrence doesn’t mind tht he’s like this. he doesn’t badger him fr answers or expect him 2 be th perfect image of good mental health n is perfectly content 2 just sit w/ him as he rides it out. tht’s when Adam really gets tht this is love.

tysm fr this ask I had so much fun w it <3

#saw #adam #lawrence #thank u!!!! #I laid down earlier 2 see if it wld help but it. hasn't so #it's been. a long weekend in several different ways jdkds #I spend a lot of time thinking abt th polycule but I've spend Just As Much if not more time thinking abt these 2 lmao #spent* #long post #again. tysm!!

[slutaktion]

a few tips on sex with trans men & transmasculine individuals, from my own experience

(these tips could apply to you both as a cis or trans/nonbinary person. a lot of them could probably apply to sex with transfeminine ppl but i dont have the experience to speak on the subject so ill keep it to what i know.)

1. someone who hasnt had top surgery may not be comfortable with you seeing their chest during sex. you also shouldnt assume that they wont be comfortable with it. consider both possibilities before having sex. talk to your partner. are they comfortable having their chest exposed? are they comfortable with you touching their chest? is that in fact something they want you to do? you dont want to trigger dysphoria or discomfort in your partner - you also dont want to avoid touching them when they want you to because you made an assumption about their dysphoria (& possibly make them feel like youre uncomfortable with their body). some transmasculine people may be uncomfortable with seeing or touching their partners chest because it will trigger their own dysphoria. thats also something that may need be discussed.

some examples of possible scenarios: maybe you wont ever see or touch your partners chest. maybe theyll wear a binder, a sports bra or a shirt at all times. maybe you wont see their chest but youll touch it through clothing. maybe youll see their chest but you wont touch it. maybe youll see and touch their chest. etc.

2. the same ideas apply to your partners genitals: if they havent had bottom surgery, dont assume that your partner is looking for genital stimulation, vaginal penetration, or anything that they havent stated they want. 

some transmasculine people are comfortable with vaginal stimulation & sex. some transmasculine ppl prefer anal sex. many transmasculine people dont bottom at all. dont assume that a transmasculine partner will bottom.

3. if your partner hasnt had bottom surgery, ask them what you should refer to their genitals as. personally, i just asked my partners "what do you want me to call your junk?" & that was that.

dont assume that a partner is comfortable with you calling their vagina a "pussy" or another slang word, or even that they want it referred to as a vagina. dont assume they want their clitoris referred to as their clit. on the other hand - dont assume that theyre necessarily uncomfortable with that. some transmasculine people would feel weird calling their clitoris a dick. some transmasculine people dont have bottom dysphoria & are fine with you referring to their genitals with typical slang used for vaginas. some transmasculine people may prefer that you never acknowledge or refer to their genitals at all - especially if they dont want you to touch their genitals at all, they may just want to not be reminded of them at all. 

4. you should always aim to discuss boundaries, with any partners. this is especially important with trans partners because you may have assumptions, doubts, or expectations that you may have never questioned. 

you may assume that a trans partner will always top or always bottom (note: this is often linked to assuming that "everyone with a vagina bottoms" & "everyone with a penis tops", which really is based in cisheterosexual norms of sex; these assumptions align trans ppl with standards of their assigned gender at birth & are pretty transphobic). you may have assumptions about your partners level of comfort with some sexual acts or with their or your anatomy. you should aim to talk about how you view the sex youre going to have so you can know what to actually expect & do. that kind of talk doesnt have to be coldly medical either. ask your partner questions: "do you want to fuck me?" "would you like it if i went down on you?" "do you like when i touch your chest?", etc.

5. if your partner is on testosterone, dont expect their genitals to be the same as the genitals of a cis woman. testosterone causes clitoral growth, which means your partners clitoris is going to be larger. it can be more or less big depending on the person. for many people, it will get visibly harder and bigger when theyre aroused. on t, the clitoris may behave pretty much like a very small penis (think if just the head was poking out of the body). people on testosterone may produce less lubrication, which means if youre going to vaginally penetrate your partner you absolutely should count on having lube (note: you should always count on some lube regardless of your partners sex or hormones anyway bc it can always come in handy). in some cases, transmasculine people may have vaginal atrophy when on testosterone, which means the lack of lubrication will cause tearing to the tissues. this can make vaginal penetration very painful or impossible. if your partners wants vaginal penetration but it became painful after hormones, or if the vaginal atrophy causes them pain in daily life outside of sex, they may want to look into asking a doctor for a topical estrogen treatment. such treatments are applied only to the vagina & do not counterbalance the effects of testosterone, but they can stop vaginal atrophy.

if your partner is getting on testosterone, they may experience a rise in sexual libido, a few weeks/months into testosterone. they may find that theyre horny very often, sometimes even constantly. that can be a pretty fun time! however, if you have a long-term partner who is getting on testosterone, it can be a good idea to talk about this beforehand. would you like to be having a lot more sex, or would you rather they handle it privately?

if you started sleeping with someone after they got on testosterone, and they were very horny all the time as an effect of testosterone - if this wasnt the usual state of their libido before hormones, its likely that its not going to stay like that in the future. after time, their libido will probably decrease again and theyll find themselves to be in the mood less often, closer to their libido pre-testosterone. this doesnt mean that theyre less attracted to you or you did something wrong - its just an effect of hormones.

6. if you have a penis, you need to use a condom whenever you have penis-in-vagina sex, unless your partner has had a hysterectomy. testosterone may reduce fertility or even prevent a person from getting pregnant completely... but you dont know that for sure. many people on testosterone can still become pregnant, even if theyve been on testosterone for months or years, even if they never have periods anymore. (you should also always use protection, unless you & your partner are exclusive & you know what stds you may or may not have & how to prevent spreading them. this is just specifically abt the pregnancy risk.)

7. after all these tips... dont be scared. sex with a trans person is not fundamentally different from sex with a cis person. the goal is still to share an intimate moment with another person, where the both of you try to make one another feel good, & the key to that is still to communicate what both of you are looking for & what your boundaries are. you may be lacking a baseline understanding of parts of sex with a trans person bc you probably havent received education on anything but penis-in-vagina sex between a cis man & a cis woman, & even if you know about gay sex, its probably between two cis men or two cis women. but in the end, its all about just checking in with each other & doing what feels good.

- rezki

more on these subjects:

Sex and Communication

Vaginal bleeding after testosterone

#trans #trans partner #safe sex #boundaries #communication #dysphoria #trans man #transmasc #hrt and sex #rezki

[wastrelwoods]

for the character ask gimme a kristen applebees

AHHH west. YES. YEAH

why i like them:

sarah was initially getting me into this series and i was like. you know i don’t really do this whole kinnie thing and she was like. well you’re going to kin kristen applebees i’ll tell you that much. and she’s never been wrong in her life so i guess i do! 

why i don’t: 

OH those first few episodes were rough!! ROUGH! the gal rly hits so close to home and that’s it’s own kind of hard to deal with. but i do appreciate it if only bc it’s so much fun to see her progress from there

favorite episode (so far): 

i’m only abt 2/3 of the way through freshman year but i can’t decide if i love more when she meets tracker at the black pit or when she gets actually wasted on like. one beer at ostentatia’s house party and makes out with a cheerleader who is CLEARLY and OBVIOUSLY a construct and not a living woman

favorite season: 

not rly applicable because i haven’t finished season 1 yet but like! ask me again later i guess!! 

favorite line:

FUCK. OH MY GOD. when tracker kisses her and she blurts out, “I actually, uh, I don’t kiss!!” in a lesbian panic. have not gotten over that that’s SO good 

favorite outfit:

that’s not fair to her bc as far as i know she only has one. six variations of the same tie dyed summer camp t shirt...and she wears them so well bless her heart. anyway kristen applebees prom suit when

otp:

sjkflg i mean it seems like she’s got a nice canon thing going but i also wouldn’t mind her with either of the other bad kids girls. i have baby gay energies to project onto all3 of those ladies in any combination at all and i am NOT picky about it 

brotp: 

oh geez well! kristen and fig!! at this current moment i am experiencing the exhilaration of those two being on-and-off roommates and just. tormenting gilear and every other unlucky son of a bitch in the apartment complex. also i think fig should give kristen an undercut and a stick and poke. fuck i should draw that

headcanon: 

i mean i almost can’t project anything on her she’s got it all already but i guess i can go for like....hmmmm....has never worn makeup in her life and does not know how to apply it. which end of a mascara wand is up? she doesn’t know. that might be basically canon 

ohhhh god also she and fabian are the same height and she could lift him. i want to doublecheck their stats to see if this checks out but i am, once again, only midway through the first season and i will NOT be spoilt

unpopular opinion: 

oh i don’t know any of the relevant opinions and frankly i’m not sure i want to...god i hope nobody baselessly hates her and thinks she’s annoying i would be Hurt

a wish: 

i feel like much of what i want for her CLEARLY happens later on in this campaign and i will be very satisfied when i get there but just. excited to see it

an oh-god-please-don’t-ever-happen:

she becomes femme

5 words to best describe them:

UHHHHHHHH fuck i don’t know i feel like i’m so early days!!! but just. my exact high school experience give or take a few fights to the death

my nickname for them:

i feel like kris works. i manifest that. someone refer to her as kris 

#fantasy high #ask game! #pigeon post

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

[maggotbrainz]

can i get a uhhhHHH D with james & jason 😳💖

sdkfjkjh bro i love drunken confessions theyre so funny like ??? amazing. under cut cause this one got mf LONG AS HELL oops

okay so. 90s college aus have my whole ass heart so this is what were mf doing

anyways james switches colleges sophomore year cause the last one was. fuckin awful LMAO. and cliffs like hey apply to my college dude its pr cool ,,, anyways things work out and james ends up in the sober living house on campus

which is a mf joke cause everyone drinks anyways and the RA is a huge stoner

and he ends up as roommates w/ jason 

pothead jason ,,,, my uwus 🥺🥺 SDFSKJ anyways its vitally important to me that hes majoring in arts for like. journalism and hes on the track team doing the steeple cause he just thought it was neat in high school so now its like. his specialty LMAO 

and james is just. dying because every single morning jason gets up at like five to go for a run and james is like. 😑😑 bitch ,,,, 

jason puts his hair up in a ponytail tho and the first time james sees it hes just like ,,, 😳 oh ,,,, huh ,,, 

james doesn't rlly know what he wants to major/minor in ,,, hes just. drifting thru life rn ,,, anyways so theres the whole introductions and jasons got fuckin. posters all over his side of the room and shit ,,, cassettes all over his desk and one day while hes out at class james is snooping around like ,,, *turning over cassettes* huh ,,, inchresting

they've got english together so theyre chillin, they go to the library and study together and james finds out jasons from michigan and likes mountain biking and good barbecue and james is like oh cool im from cali and i like skateboarding 

and like. a couple weeks into the first semester jasons like hey. u should come join the track team dude we could use some more members and james pauses in between hitting the bong like. huh ???

so he joins the track team LMAO 

lars + dave r on the track team too ,, lars does long distance + dave runs the relay ( and EVERYONE knows they hooked up freshman year at a frat house party but NEITHER of them talk abt it LMAOO and daves banging kirk anyways ,,, kirk + jason r friends cause they have a fine art class together LMAO)

anyways ,,, i just. fuckin love stupid college antics so much. SDFKHFKH

studying all together ,,, going to track meets and shit ,,, getting stoned to pink floyd at like 2 in the morning cause they dont have class the next day and lars drives them to the mcdonalds cause hes the only one not blitzed ,,, jason literally ends up sitting in james lap and james is just. dying inside

CAUSE HES GOT A CRUSH ,,, my mans got it bad at this point ,,, anyways james meets cliff for lunch like. HELP ,,, and cliffs like. why dont u just tell him dude. considering ur fuckin attached at the hip i think u got a pretty good shot

anyways. so there’s the state meet for track + their school sets a bunch of new records and theres a party at the frat house dave lives in afterwards ,,,

james gets. fuckin SLAMMED dksjfkjh

and theres a karaoke machine. anyways james gets an idea. 

so he fucking drags jason over and keys in alone by heart and at first theyre singing and joking around cause theyre drunk dumbasses but eventually it gets to the point where james is. serenading jason like the drunk idiot he is ,,, 

and when it ends jasons like ,, 😳😳 and james is like ,,, jason i-

and then he pukes all over jasons shoes. like. everywhere. 

and poor jasons dying inside ,,,, anyways he takes james back to their dorm and is like u better go to bed dude and like gets james into his own bed (after he throws out his shoes </3)

and james is like jason wait ,,, and when jason leans back to look at him he leans up and kisses jason before passing out LMAO ,,, 

which is. well. jasons heart is like 💥💥 but hes also like :-(((( cause vomit ,,,, anyways hes like ,,, confused cause is this ,,, for real ??????? hes had a crush on james for ages but uhhhh,,, hes been too chicken to say anything LMAO

anyways. james wakes up and he doesn't rlly remember much ,,, expect for kissing jason,,,

FUCK THIS GOT TOO LONG 

basically then james is like dude i rlly like u and jasons like ,,, for real ???? anyways theyre dumbasses in love <3 THE END 

#✉️ #ty !!!! #man. i rlly wanna write this one now ....

[tossertozier]

hey i was wondering if you could talk a little about your thoughts behind eddie and richie's very limited playlist. i realise its quite an old fic now but something abt it has rly stuck with me since i first read it ages ago and i would be super interested to understand richie and the other losers perspectives on eddie and richies relationship. eddies head is always quite a lonely difficult place to be and i would love to know how you see this version of eddie and richie going forward 1/2

no worries if its difficult/youre too busy but if you have a moment i would rly love to read a little more about that universe. thank you !! 2/2

honestly anon i just read the beginning segment of that fic and i had to stop. i could call it projection: the fic. all of my fics are to some extent.... but that fic is nearly obvious. the entire opening sequence is straight out of my own life.

this is the fic in question if anyone hasn’t read it. i would read it before reading this post. the post is almost as long and will spoil the whole thing.

but of course in real life the guy i was fucking at the time was not my long term best friend so their relationship in the fic would be a lot more complex. i was never thinking about marrying my fuck buddy. but i did only fuck him bc he reminded me of someone else.

i decided to go with making it so new rules wasn’t necessarily applying to just eddie or just richie but could be about either of them. it’s definitely one of the more tragic of my fics. the part where richie and eddie have sex because they can’t have a conversation hurts me. it’s a very personal piece of myself to have written into a fic. “eddie laughs as he grabs his upper arms and he thinks to himself that this is it. this is almost enough.” && then later with the “i always thought you two were meant to be.” “please, please.” he tightens his pinky in hers, and spares a glance for bill “don’t say that.” like... the whole thing is so sad. i left it ambiguous in the writing with intention, bc i think it’s much more interesting to read things that leave room for interpretation, but when i was writing it, i was envisioning richie as in love with eddie. it’s unreciprocated but eddie needs to feel that love and attention anyway so he lets richie love him.

the other complicated piece of it is in this fic and really in none of my others, eddie really underestimates richies intelligence. “for fuck’s sakes, eddie.” he rips his hands off of him and eddie feels the cold bit his skin where richie leaves it, “don’t lie to me,” he stands up, whipping off his shirt even though it’s apparent they’re not having sex that night. “i’m not a fucking child.” he uses the deodorant on eddie’s dresser. he trades shirts out for one in his black leather bag. he shuts eddie’s door behind him. he doesn’t know what hurts more, that he’s off to find another what’s-her-face, or that eddie has to make himself care about it.

richie is well aware eddie doesn’t love him back but richie is content to take what he can get. eddie doesn’t love him back because he doesn’t think richie will ever love him in the way he imagines being loved. in the way he imagines bill loving him, or bill being as a lover. richie does love eddie, but eddie doesn’t really acknowledge that because it is not what he has always imagined love to look like.

he just wants to be in love with richie tozier, who doesn’t love him, but in a different way. a survivable way.

when i wrote this i was having a lot of thoughts about hero worship and eddie and bill and didn’t really have a space in any of my other fics to dive into it. it wouldn’t have worked in on pointe as eddie didn’t desperately need a role model at that point in his life. &tfat! eddie has already well moved past that. tfoas bill was a huge fucking mess. i wanted to put thoughts out there on what happens when you spend a lot of time fantasizing. i think a lot of young (especially gays) do. the creation of this person in your head and exactly how they would love you is such a hard thing for any REAL person to combat. really i just wanted to get out some feelings about how fantasy can really disrupt real life. bill and eddie not interacting in the fic is purposeful. i wanted to show that eddie’s fantasies are sort of baseless, but he clings to them anyway. they feel safe, even if they hurt him.

& then the

eddie knows richie does this purposefully, takes all the real decision making out of his hands. he asks the question but lets eddie decide what the question even is.

this is the passage that really sums up why eddie and richie don’t work in this universe. richie doesn’t even see himself as an adult. he is childish and selfish and immature and eddie confuses all of that with him not having actual feelings for eddie which isn’t true.

again... if you’re left wondering what happens next... it’s kind of intentional bc i did want it to be able to be read multiple different ways? but i’m gonna talk about what i was thinking of when i wrote it.

the entire last scene is... what it is. i used it will come back and i hoped readers would take that as even as eddie says that this is the last time it’s gonna happen, that’s just not true. they are hopelessly codependent. eddie thinks as he leaves about things dying before they can grow again, but then he also puts on blackbird. because people. aren’t trees. we have to take the broken bits... the longing and expectations and hurt of our past and move on with it stuck to us because you can never truly just shed your past like a skin and move on. eddie knows that he has to let it (bill’s marriage) hurt him and let that pain and rejection be a part of him because it will be whether he acknowledges it or numbs himself out to the point he can’t feel it using whichever vice (alcohol, attention, sex.)

does eddie think there’s hope for them at the end of that au? no. does richie think there’s hope for them at the end of that au? no.

do i think richie & eddie might have hope in that au? yeah... actually. i think they’re twin flames they’re characters that lend themselves beautifully to fanfiction because i can always see them falling in love over and over again.

it would take a lot of growth and recovery of course but... both of them know that. at the end of the fic, richie is confronted with that he is an adult now, regardless of if he wants to be one, and eddie knows he has to take himself as he is and keep going if he ever wants to get forward. that’s mutually good places for the characters to be... even if the ending feels a little desolate. it’s not. it’s bleak & bare... but it’s hopeful. there’s a life waiting at the end of winter.

thanks for asking anon!! this was fun to talk about. i actually like that fic more than i like a good number of my old fics so it was a nice quick reread.

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

#dash games #// this took ages....

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Primez!

hell yeah thankyou!!! [2, 5, 17 been answered]

(3) maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

i’m that theatre gay who’s never Really been in any theatre production. and there was an archery place like 10 min from where i grew up and i was like “ooh archery how cool” b/c i’m a gay but never tried it

(7) amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

hardly unheard of but i Don’t Like the approach to astrology that ppl have been getting in the past few yrs like. the Joke someone on twitter had that we’re like, on the verge of some astrological discrimination lawsuit……..and idk ppl get like pseudo-christian-style Smug about it like, don’t apply this to everyone??? and it’s just strange to like. tell people what they’re like. or explain their characteristics via this really strange westernized vague concept of astrology rather than like, tell me about the life experiences that affect the way that you are. like it’s almost condescending and ppl are being way too serious about it sometimes in (see: the on the verge of the lawsuit thing lol)…..anyways and i guess some of my Killjoy tendencies make me like, haha i’m the Hater b/c idk i’m real opinionated. but a lot of the times it’s not Really b/c i hate other’s joy or some shit, it’s just crap along the lines of like, “these ideas abt love which are meant to be Very Romantic actually strike me as being the Less ideal interpretation of love between people and the potential therein? and colder? and unhealthier / more unpleasant / not as nice / etc etc etc as my ideas on romance which i guess seem like i’m wanting to just shoot down some Lovely Concepts but i’m like. that doesn’t seem lovely. i’m on the very of launching into another essay abt Isolation Isn’t Romantic and Romance As Very Human And Ordinary And Even Mundane Seems A Lot Better Than The More ~Magical~ Approach and did i mention romance should be the Opposite of isolating and yet it’s so taken for granted sometimes that you’ll know it’s True Love when you [bass boosted DIE FOR EACH OTHER] and stop giving a shit about anyone but this one other person and etccccccccc [me screaming for hours]”

and a lot of times things that i guess are would-be Cute / Charming / Wholesome / Positive / Etc start to grate on me if i have to see it too much and i’ll probably end up hating or resenting it but like, not because i hate happy stuff, but b/c it just like. is like, i like things to be Genuine, and it will just feel like this is Performing genuine…ness………..which i don’t like. b/c it’s being Not genuine to try to appeal on the grounds that it’s genuine? yknow. which also extends into the realm of “i hate this Cute music over this cute animal video. don’t tell me how to feel about it” and when something tries to be Surprising in the realm of like, pseudo-dissonant like. oh this is a cute harmless white girl on the ukulele but she just said “fuck” and “std’s” or some crap!!! whaaaaaat!!!!! like, i hate this actually? can i die

i could give a ted talk just showing vines that make it into plenty of people’s compilations and being like “this is why this vine is Not Funny (Enough)” 

(also i do sometimes hate Having Fun. doge speak was so awful. of Course gop congress adopted it briefly in its original heyday. even now i hate the derivatives. i’m not about to rb something that contains the word birb. can i die)

also i think star wars is boring. i think cargo pants are fun and fine. 

(11) orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

we get confirmation that any Winston Footage is filmed for billions s5. soph i know that like, fitting in almost 3 hrs of subway travel / going into nj and back / probably having to do all this on a weekend / having like a 5 second window maybe makes it difficult but we all agree it’d make another epic gamer moment if you got to see lihn

(13) bonfire - describe your dream house.

lol being in my teenz in 2008 i haven’t thought about it much tbh. i think i’d like a pretty cozy (smallish) bedroom and just a lot of physical Niches yknow. i like to frequent very specific spots which are not too out in the open. and really everything would be kinda Cozy Smallish but not the kitchen. get some space there, and like, raised counters like for julia child being 6′2″ b/c Standard Height is not comfortable for me either at my tender 5′11″ or 6″ness. and i always think that those sitty spaces that are like, Depressed into the floor are fun. i know there’s a word for that, but whatever. there’s a bunch of very disparate color schemes i’d think i’d like, so like, idk if i’d just go for totally different Aesthetic Approaches from room to room to try to cover all of them lol

(19) pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

i mean i think it’s more important to recognize that anyone is entirely capable of Doing good or bad, and arguing about what they Truly Are In Their Hearts is beside the point. but i also think the idea that like oooh if Polite Society crumbles enough we’ll all just be roving in bloodthirsty packs, looking to kill each other and loot / probably eat the corpses, etc etc ~dark gritty bold~ apocalyptic material that’s like wow yeah that’s really confronting the Uncomfortable True Nature of society. like, capitalism is already a brutal and inhumane situation to exist in, but it’s not some emergent expression of Human Nature like, oh, life is just like this, empty and alienating and unfulfilling unless you [physical violence b/c it is Genuine], or that people would turn on each other if we were in survival mode, like…..no. survival mode always entails helping others to survive like. yeah not for necessarily Every individual? but that’s just more of anyone’s capacity to Do good or bad. but humans as a species are not solitary, we’re social b/c that’s how we all exist in relation to each other, society is innate to us and not some Luxury that distances us from our True Natures. we communicate with each other and want to work together even beyond helping each other survive and want to connect to each other and total / imposed isolation is Bad for anyone. and i think that love and altruism are Human Nature too. like, it’s weird when it’s treated like some evolutionary mystery why humans (or individuals of other species) would exercise altruism and/or self-destruction (or the risk of it) for the sake of others? like “but it doesn’t make sense b/c for us survival means Passing On Genes, we protect ourselves and our ability to exist and procreate, and we protect those most genetically similar to us, down the line to favoring your most distant cousin over a random stranger,” etc etc What A Mystery Why We Are Altruistic!!! but it’s not?? like? we don’t just see ourselves as individuals and we recognize the self in the other, and that we are all just Arbitrarily the self that we happen to be, and are all The Other to everyone else’s Myself…..and why would humanity not Preserve itself beyond just individuals looking out for just their individual existence? we just like. don’t only prioritize the preservation of our own genetic code. why should it be a less Survivally Successful approach for any individual to look out for any other individual? of Course we give a shit about other randos who don’t have any familial or even any other personal connection to us at all b/c we just care about the survival of other humans. 

anyways! no yeah so i think that Love and Altruism are intrinsic human nature. like creativity and communication. we aren’t like, always doomed to destroy each other b/c That’s Humans For You. denying the humanity in others inherently requires actually just reducing one’s own humanity, yknow??? re: human nature anyways. i know we’re all still technically human regardless of how we act. and that the self-destructive destruction of others is a feature of humanity, but i don’t think it’s one which is Inherent or Inevitable. i.e. the Self-Destruction thing. capitalism is out here threatening everyone’s existence and just so happens to require placing the Wealthy Few above the worth of the lives of all the rest, who are the cheap labor force rather than Just As Human as the richest. anyways. mostly Good! but the point is still that anyone can do Bad regardless so like, who cares if you have some good in your heart, bitch we all do.

(23) ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?

still a bit effed up on missing the theoretical concept of an in-person group of people who are consistent in genuinely enjoying / being enthusiastic about time spent with you. one reason it’s theoretical is that i’ve never Really had a whole in-person friend group exaactly. and it’s theoretical b/c idk, it’s not easy for me to feel comfortable Being Myself around others and like, i like being in groups as a rando amongst strangers really easily, but if it’s like, we’re all in a group and talking and stuff, i can just go into [stifled mode] real easily, idk, it’s hard to say whether the times i’ve been Uncomfortable in groups like that is just like, it not being the right people, or that i just will always like smaller groups or just one-on-one or smthing i dunnooooo. either way i get depressed about Wouldn’t It Be Nice though so idk? i guess i would still ideally seek it out. but i also can’t feel like i can actually expect this to happen. on a related note i forgot to mention Briony Atkins as this minor character who is very like me in being someone who is outwardly v withdrawn and quiet and comes across as not speaking b/c she has nothing to say but in reality she’s a passionate and boisterous person who just rarely shows / expresses it around others. i’m out here never talking (and getting the chance to talk aloud and it’s like a mile a minute all at once trying to compensate) and being pretty quiet and people get surprised when i have An Opinion even though i’m super opinionated lol and i just find it really hard to be myself around others unless i’m operating completely on my own and beholden to no one, but even then. anxious

#i'm Not being very cryptidly with all these............ #Anonymous

[mirajcnks]

ah hello everyone !!! i’m jules and wowow  i am so excite 2 meet u all and interact w all of ur dope charas :’) this is my Messy intro where im gonn a scream abt mira!! ok thank u for reading if u got this far jsdjfh

[ & ; * - cindy kimberly / pansexual / she/her ] isn’t it weird how close { amira 'mira' jenkins } resembles {cindy kimberly }? damn, i heard they are a { twenty } year old { undergraduate } and a member of { delta psi delta } studying { nursing }. outside of class { mira } participates in { soccer, photography & art} and their party anthem is { good as hell } by { lizzo }. 

amira was born on January 1, 1999 in Kona, Hawaii. she is actually the first baby born in the new year in Hawaii. her parents, dane and stella jenkins, were high school sweethearts & only 20-year-olds at the time of the birth of their daughter. 

her younger years were great, her parents spoiled her by taking her on trips and buying her whatever she would want. they treated her like a princess and soon anought she sorta turned into one.

but unfortunately when mira was 10 years old, her parents had filed for divorce and were currently fighting over who would she would live with. ultimately, amira’s father got custody of her during the week and she would visit her mother on weekends. 

dane jenkins, her father, is the co-owner of jenkin bros industries, which is a construction company. dane & his brother inherited it from their father and now run the business together. after the divorce, dane turned into quite the workaholic but still made time for his daughter

stella jenkins was a college student at the time, in which she decided she would drop out of school to become a full-time mother. during her time with dane she remained a stay at home mother but once they got divorced she started taking to online classes to finish getting her degree in social work.

she prefers to go by ‘mira’ instead of amira & will def give you the evil eye and a lil attitude if you call her by that. amira only allows close friends & family to call her that!

amira is daddy’s little girl & she wouldn’t have it any other way. her father treats her with everything she wants & give her all the money she wants to make up for not being home as much as he should. obvi one she will stop taking advantage of it but she is going to enjoy it while it last.

amira’s relationship didn’t really get much better after the divorce. sometimes she wouldn’t even go to her mom’s house on the weekend bc she was “busy.” eventually amira found out the truth, her mother had cheated on her father and was seeing some other guy instead of hanging out with her. what made it worse was she found out that he had a son, it made her feel as if her own mother would rather spend time with her son. amira never let her mother know that and still holds it against her till this day.

growing up with a decent amount of money had it pros and cons on mira as she grew up. she has grown to have a very luxurious taste. always has to the best of everything lol

ever since amira was younger she was always very bubbly and outgoing. she was actually vry into school bc she would get to see her friends.

she wasn’t a bad student, getting some A’s but mostly B’s but she really didn’t mind. she knew she couldn’t be the best at everything but at least she tried her hardest.

when amira started high school, her grades did improve but she herself got wilder. she was the biggest partier & pothead in the high school she attended. but no matter how wild she was, she kept up her grades & eventually made it to the honor roll.

also during high school, amira got really into creating art, whether it be painting, drawing or taking photographs. she also joined the soccer team to keep her busy but mostly to look good on her college application lmao

in her senior year of high school, amira decided to take a risk and apply to college she dreamed of going to, yale, doubting they would every accept her. but quite to her surprise, she was issued a half a scholarship at yale. she also turned out to be the valedictorian of her graduating class.

it broke her heart to leave her family. mostly her dad, in Hawaii but she wanted to pursue her dreams and she knew that they have her back no matter what happens

in her freshman year amira didn’t know what she wanted to do until she took some biology & anatomy classes & realized that she wanted to be in the medical field, ultimately deciding on nursing as her major

amira also continued to play soccer in her college career & joined the photography & art club to help her mind stay focused throughout the year. 

amira also rushed the delta psi delta sorority & decided to join when they offered it her. at the beginning she thought it would be a waste of time but she fell in love with her sisters & couldn’t imagine not being in the house with them.

ANyways i’m totally rambling rn so i shall stop her and move on to the next thing !!

PERSONALITY

she paints liKE ALOT !!; usually having something to do with the landscapes or people or flowers bc those are all her fav things. she does draw as well but prefers to paint. amira also has a passion for photography & often paints some of her own photographs

she’s vry protective of her friends and of herself

even though she is protective af she is very open to new people in her life! never wants ANYONE to feel left out when they around her.

she def puts up a front when sharing stuff about herself and her emotions unless she rlly trusts you

she likes to think she is badass as fuck but in reality, she is loser lmao!! ( laughs at her own joke)

speaking of jokes lbr, she pretty funny and sarcastic so she isn’t the only one laughing

however sweet she seems, she can also be very manipulative when she wants to be. knowing she can bat her eyelashes and get the world.!!

she tends to try to avoid most direct confrontation even though she’s really good in social situations and appealing to people uwu

always thinking, always learning, always caring

an actual flower

loves tattoos but only has like two!!

she looks at life in terms of opportunities and has lots of wishes and goals !!

she wants to live a vry luxurious life when older even though she is now. but she wants to be able to say she earned it herself

vry romantically compulsive which can be a problem lol!!

she constantly longs for partnership; whether it’s romantic or not

when it comes to money, she can be frivolous in her spending habits one day, and frugal the next

she is a problem-solver and will spend a lot of time helping others solve problems if needed

v good at talking and well-liked

while her spirit’s lively, it is also cunning & she often acts without thinking, throwing herself into things

loves to party obvs !!! tries to go out every single night bc why tf not lmaoo

honestly she is the life of the party. whenever the party is dying down or just getting started she is the first one on the dance floor. or she is walking around making people take shots with her

she is also very open about smoking pot and is def down to try other shit even though she hasnt been offered it yet

she doesn’t have a good sense of organization but she loves life and all it has to offer <3

but some cool ass plot i’d like to see is GIRL SQUAAAD, best friend, high school friends, exes, rommie, enemies, fwbs!! , party buddies or literally ANYTHING THAT SMELLS LIKE DRAMA and just anything bc i’m plot trash!!!

#yale:intro #just drippy droppin this here before i knock tf out #i shall be on mobile during the day tomrrow #so like or slide into the dms to plot #:~) <3 #this is so long im srry omf

[lanamemories]

hLO itsa me nai-io!!!!! (read shrieked in a high voice like mario if he buckled his dungarees too tight around the crotch)...... im sad i missed opening bt i had a pretty busy past 2 days so i didn’t hav any chance at all to b online bc i ws staying at a friends bt. anyway. excited to b here nw regardless of my Fashionably Late entrance. i’m 22 n live in manchester (the u freakin k Bay Bee) n cackle a little too mch like a witch fr supernatural suspicions nt to arise. thts all u rly need to kno. like this or hmu fr plots!! 

p.s. this is her pinterest for those of u tht like tht kind of thing

「 bridget satterlee. cis-female. 」have you seen lana jameson around yet? i hear SHE decided to be in ALPHA NU for their JUNIOR year as a DANCE major. the 21 year old SHEEP is known to be vivacious, alluring, childish and impulsive. ➨ the muse is written by nai. she is 22, in the gmt.

some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror, seventies platforms covered in bowie inspired lightening stripes, fanning the flush in your cheeks with a bright red flamenco fan in the back of a crowded lecture hall, michelangelo reminiscent statures clasping at their stone in suggestive places, bopping stranger’s on the forehead with heart shaped lollipops, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, lighting a paper lantern and saying “aw, how pretty,” only for the whole party to shriek as it crashes into a children’s tent in the next garden over, a ball point pen that turns a woman naked when you click up the nib, cackling so ferociously that you almost throw up and your ribs ache.

ok im a Lay Zee gorl n dnt wna waste any mre time redoin lana’s intro so im pastin in her old one so i cn hop right to interactions. the only thing i can think tht needs to b added is the stuff abt danny nielsen (an evil npc of mine bc im a sadist) who recently beat up zeke van doren (full name this is Official feel like im writin a journalist article) bc he found out him n lana slept tgether n her n danny were kind of dating if....u can call his idea of romance tht. danny is in custody nw bt its a whole Thing like.... is prob... known around lockwood bc it ws a pretty intense..... thing tht happened n danny ws quite a popular senior

grew up in a big house in albany, NY, bt also spent time all over the place n was in the city a lot

okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life

they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once

despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him after initially bein mad tht he ws leavin her all alone. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character n she like. deliberately puts tht on sort of. kind of.... is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as

she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not

she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh

personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days

#wshedintro #ok these tws r kind of intense/in abundance bt. all r only rly briefly touched upon / nt explored in detail #hypersexuality tw #abuse tw #ptsd tw #hospitalisation tw #death tw #grief tw #rape tw #statutory rape tw #drugs tw #mental illness tw #addiction tw #assault tw #whew! feel like i jst unloaded an entire moving truck addin those all on there

[lanasaved]

cue me, clanking noisily at a nearby manhole as i attempt to scrabble my way bk out of the sewer like the stinky little rat tht i am. enchanté, ghouls! some of u might remember me (nai/from manchester so i pronounce things like a gallagher brother n i’m profusely sry abt it) bt if nt i hd to drop off the face of the Earth rp wise fr a hot minute there bt now im bk n i couldn’t resist reviving lana so???? here we r. u kno the drill more abt her under the cut!!

( cis-female ) haven’t seen LANA JAMESON around in a while. the KRISTINE FROSETH lookalike has been known to be (+) VIVACIOUS & (+) ALLURING, but SHE can also be (-) UNRELIABLE & (-) CARELESS. The 22 year old is a SOPHOMORE majoring in BALLET. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/ha/the beast from split. )

some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror

SO i think in terms of explainin where she’s been fr the past month i’m gna say tht she didn’t rly.... tell a lot of ppl??? probably only a select few bt to others im guessin she was pretty vague bc she hates discussin anythin serious/personal. anyway essentially she’s been back @ home helpin her brother out n i won’t elaborate much more bc im a thot

frm this point on ive jst pasted her old intro bc im the laziest woman alive n that’s jst life Babey

she’s local to the ny area i jst havent decided where exactly she grew up tbh. probably somewhere upstate

okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few rly big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life

they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst.... a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pastel coloured fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once

despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him regardless. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character

she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. in fact she’s so… shameless in her endeavours tht she’s actually currently having an affair w her ballet instructor tanya who’s engaged to b married

she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh

new development!!!!!!!! cue me trottin around doin jazz hands. she’s actually been cut off by her dad so she’s….. living off the money she has left n has to look to find a job which is jst. a nightmare fr someone like lana bc she’s insatiably irresponsible n destined to be fired from anything she tries to hold down bt. it’ll be interesting bc this means she genuinely has to keep on camming even tho she’s starting not to want to any more bc of other circumstances i won’t elaborate on jst yet winks

personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. let’s get wildt!

#water:intro #inhales a deep breath before slappin down these tws #theyr all only briefly touched upon / vague bt! jst to be sure #rape tw #statutory rape tw #abuse tw #ptsd tw #hospitalisation tw #hypersexuality tw #death tw #mental illness tw #drugs tw #also im literally 2 lazy to finish doin her blog so if u click on the pages n r shocked by the barren findings then i jst. i jst dnt kno #wht to tell u

[minblush]

k-armys are spreading a tweet namjoon made in 2013 about korean independence where he says 'There is no future for people who have forgotten history' which shows he probably won't agree with working with a japanese imperialist, hopefully he still has this attitude in 2018 twitter(.)com/BTS_twt/status/367906282012831744

yeah i have seen them doing that ;; and fancafe and all the official tweets since then have been flooded with people talking about these things too, but bighit is playing dead fish so far :(

microwavehater said:Am i the only one who never believed that bts has ~creative freedom~ (anymore) ? If they (still) had, they’d use their influence to spread msgs like baepsae, not just love urself uwu (considering yoongi made political pre-debut releases &interview stuff) Also, their newer releases (LY her onwards) are v much lacking in the hiphop department which (i assume) was a marketing choice. Hiphop just doesn’t sell as well to a female audience (along w the fact that vocalists are the face of BTS).

i think they still have creative input but creative freedom definitely not, but it’s debatable if they ever had it anyway? idk.. and them moving on from hip-hop was definitely both trying to change things up as well as appeal to a broader audience, love yourself era overall was an attempt to basically touch as many people as possible, i don’t mind them changing their musical direction but what has bothered me was the loss of their involvement (because it is less)

Anonymous said:I totally agree with you about BTS losing their originality. I’m almost starting to get annoyed of them. Now bc they know people love their music for its topics such as mental health, etc I almost feel like they’re thinking that they’re obliged to constantly write music that only has a “social” message. I did not like Idol at all. It was pretty tacky and the idea of loving yourself seemed so forced in the lyrics. I want them to make songs about whatever they want at that moment. (1/?)

Anonymous said:Also every fan keeps saying the same thing about them being unfiltered when actually they’ve become SO filtered now. They’ve almost created this illusion of being super open with us when actually we barely know anything about them. I don’t mind that but I hate how they’re touting that as something that applies to them. Honestly most fans now are the bandwagon type and the fandom is starting to feel more like a cult versus a community like it used to. (2/2)

i don’t know if i ever talked about them losing their originality? because originality is debatable in this case too, if you mean their original intention then yes i agree with that, and i agree they definitely created the illusion, once i got out of the bts bubble a bit and also thought back to the old days, i realized how closed off and filtered everything is comparison to the past and even to other kpop groups nowadays that are way more direct, i feel like even exo is more outspoken these days and direct with their fans which i thought could never happen??? i used to stan them and it was hell hah.. and these days.. wowza..

Anonymous said:Fuck yesss we need new yoongi mixtape and i agree abt what you said i wish bts could read that and be like okay guys i think they are right we have done some questionable things and shit has to be addressed whether we like it or not and just fucking do so. Some fans will drop but some would drop anyway bc it is getting out of hand i would never want to call bts problematic bc shit i cannot imagine that being true but them supporting problematic people is kind of making them ones

i just feel like nothing will change because bang pd is too greedy.. he really is eyeing like building a global empire with all the business deals he has been making.. also bts have done plenty “problematic” things themselves, though not to that extent, but some of their actions have hurt a lot of people too, but it depends on what bothers you, i find colorism and things like that a problem, but ofc definitely different thing than pedophilia and such, i just meant to say that nobody is perfect

Anonymous said:Do you ever just wanna randomly bump into bts and be like “hey lets talk!” And then tell them about all these issues and fandom drama and just tell them to wake the hell up? Cos I do haha

well even if we bumped into them, most of them wouldn’t talk to you so dkajsdka

Anonymous said:i agree with everything you have said but what bothers me is he is a co produce of produce 48 and nobody really complained about it even though he is know for sexualizing minors... or did i miss something?? also i feel sorry for you getting hate you were just saying your opinion and people should start to accept some facts! it's not the first time bighit did something questionable ://

oh but actually when that was announced there was backlash? i remember seeing complaints about the producer as well as some of the trainees due to their supposed right wing associations, there were also complaints about women’s rights cause of the oversexualization of some of the girls back in japan and the producer’s lyrics, i think this backlash seems bigger or more visible to you because it’s happening in your fandom ;; that season of produce even ended up having the lowest rankings and voting participation so :/

Anonymous said:I have three words to describe the part of the fandom that blindly accepts all the things, even the problematic ones, BTS do. 'Situationally woke cult'.

that fits perfectly

Anonymous said:i rly appreciate sou voicing your thoughts even if they r not in essay form or refined for days. I agree with you on many things but at the same time it's not as disappointing to me bc I guess I never held them to high standards. like in the beginning I could kinda imagine that they were somewhat sincere (but still remained sceptical) but the more they got famous the more I accepted that that sincerity and authenticity would stop bc that's just the kind of business that kpop is... (♤)

Anonymous said:like it's an inherently dishonest industry. they sell an image just like everyone else, and at best(!!) they were as real as possible with us in the beginning. no doubt they wanted to be different from everyone else and it was easier as long as not that many people gave a fuck about them. but as soon as they started to this chance was over. so i guess what I'm saying is that my view didn't change and I'm not surprised, because I never really bought what they were trying to sell...(♤)

Anonymous said:I still love them, theyre likeable & adorable boys. but theyre not changing the world. they're not in the right kind of industry for that. they love their luxury expensive stuff & the glamour of it all & that's okay. I just take every concept the whip out w/ a grain of salt & a knowing smile & enjoy the entertainment. that's just my own two cents that nobody in the fandom wants to hear so I'm bothering u. & its not an analysis or anything just what is on top of my mind while watching TV lol (♤)

Anonymous said:(♤) oh ps. except for that whole controversial stuff with that misogynist jpn songwriter and supreme boy and what not. I take that seriously , I wont act as if that's just a cute quirk. but they're men so I didn't expect much lmaoo. I knew that those kind of disappointments are just part of the deal ever since I learned that jimin (a whole cutie pie and my ultimate bias) stans chris brown. definitely would kick jm in the shin for that if I ever got to meet him. at least keep it to yourself lol.

haha i wish you didn’t start this with a backhanded compliment but dkajsd yeah overall i see your point and agree... i understand like if you didn’t buy into that whole spiel, then of course you can just keep on going and stanning them as idols and all that comes with that, but many people and me included sincerely thought that they were different, i have stopped stanning kpop groups for a while and got drawn back in with bts because i felt they were so fresh and unique, genuine and open with fans in comparison to other groups i have stanned.. but ofc that image crumbled as time went on.. things have changed as well... and i agree, it’s fine to enjoy it for just the entertainment and like the boys as people, accepting they are just as any other idol.. and maybe i will continue with that perspective myself!! but i honestly find it difficult having believed in it and also bighit continually selling this image to their fans despite evidence of the contrary, i can deal with idol business but like continually being blatantly lied to and then being in a fandom where most of the rhetoric is build around blindly believing it and eating anything the boys and bighit sells? it’s honestly emotionally exhausting sometimes.. but yeah.. you’re honestly right.. even with the last point lol... they are men, and korean men at that sigh.. that’s why i’m burying myself in girl groups nowadays adkjsd to heal my soul

Anonymous said:Hope you have a wonderful day filled with only good things ❤ - the cutest person in the world

thank you so so so so much! you have a wonderful day too ♥ cutie

Anonymous said:simple question, not loaded at all, no wrong answer, the honest answer is the right answer- yaddah yaddah you get it -what do you think bangtan is lying about and what exactly are you saying overall? i just need the language simplified for my 3 braincells :) if i do get what you're saying - whether the actual members of bts are real or not, their message is. "dont let anyone tell you what to do" "live your own life and not a borrowed dream" "life is a marathon, not a race - go your own pace"etc

you can read this post as well as the tags to it to see some of the examples, i mean i have been saying lots of things so i don’t know what exactly you want me to clarify? i think their message is compromised when their actions contradict it, whether it’s their actions or bighit’s is up to debate, like i was talking about in the post though, you can’t have things both ways, can’t hail the boys as woke independent kings while propagating the idea that they are just the company’s pawns at the same time, if you accept their authenticity isn’t there then ofc it’s a different argument, and the things you have listed there may be true, but isn’t is soured knowing they are just things that are said in order to sell bangtan as a product to you? to me they are

Anonymous said:I'm not gonna disagree but I like to see all the sides of a story. Bang pd is their boss, bts made a contract with him, he will ALWAYS have the last word on, well, everything they put out. We like to think that bc bts has creative freedom they can do whatever they want, well obviously they can't. Even if bts wanted to talk more about issues and not work w bad ppl, bang pd wants them to succeed, he wants to make money bc it's his business and bts is the only thing bringing money to it.

i get this argument a lot and to that i will answer again this and this, i don’t understand what your point is exactly though, so you are saying bts are pawns that have to do as they ceo says, yes and? i am criticizing the decision he has made? i’m criticizing that what he cares about the most is money? that he will stop at nothing to widen his wealth and influence? i will not support bts cooperating with vile people just because it wasn’t -completely their decision-, i’m sorry i’m really struggling to see what your point is about the other side of the story, it’s a shitty situation and if they all go through with it, it be greatly disappointing

#ask #anon #microwavehater