#AND I COULD CRY!!!!!!!!! THATS SO CRAZY

[hiphopcherrrypop]

im probably like their #1 fan...... i luv how the pink hair boy looks like he's 2 seconds from crying

#THE NONDYSFUNCTION CHILDHOOD FRIENDS(?) !! #bucchigiri?! #bucchigiri #bucchigiri fanart #jabashiri #hagure #anything happens and hagure is like 'ARE U OKAY🥺?' #anything happens and one of jabashiri's arms is up blocking hagure #so silly how he was hiding from mahoro #hagure calls him ryu-chan what if i died #i think jabashiri should have a soft spot for one perosn and that one person is hagure #hagure tatsuto #jabashiri nagare #idk where their full names appeared from but those are whats on myanimelist and i will trust that as accurate #post ep 3 tag addition..... #WHAAAATTTT #HE WAS LIKE ALL SHY AND TIMID OR WTVR IN EP 2 #HOWD I GET HIM YAPPING AWAY CORRECTTT #he's like more mellowed out than when he's yapping but STILLLL THATS CRAZY #im so happy he's really silly i could cry i tell u

[subarashiihibi]

my thing about izaya is that he's so strange and weird and i love that so much. i didn't want to ramble too much in the notes of that poor person's post but i find the way he speaks and the words he chooses so interesting so let me ramble a little bit. this may or may not even be coherent so bear with me here im just going to speak my thoughts.

ok this got really fucking long and all over the 0place so im putting this under a read more sorry.

so i have volume 9 of the novel in both english and japanese. i only have two novels in japanese and that is this one and yuuyake wo. so i'm pretty crazy about this izaya speech analysis shit. anyways i was rereading thru the jp ver the other day just to compare it to the eng and i kinda realized that like.

a lot of people you can separate their speech in either formal and informal speech right? someone like shizuo speaks really informally and uses a lot of rough, dragged-out versions of words and stuff (しゃーねえ vs しょうがない) and then someone like shinra who speaks in a ton of yojijukugo and generally sounds like a nerd emoji gijinka.

izaya on the other hand rly... doesn't fit in either? i mean sure he sounds like another nerd emoji gijinka but it's kinda different. it's not so much the words he speaks but rather the intonation and his tone...

and he has his moments where he speaks pretty seriously and whatnot of course, but in general he just... doesn't sound very human when he speaks? i don't know if that's a conscious effort or not. is it his attempts at distancing himself from his own individual humanity? or is it just because he's a weird guy? i dunno. but it's interesting nonetheless.

one thing i will note though is that despite his somewhat inhuman speech patterns, it's also pretty...dramatic? to the extent where it's really exaggerated but also very cute and charming. (this part is important.)

i think a lot of what makes izaya's speech so weirdly inhuman is because he doesn't really use a lot of slang or similar lingo that people his age would typically use. i know mikado said in the novels that he doesn't really try to fit in with his age group's fashion sense either so it makes sense but still. he's like an old hag it's so funny. and it's because of that that when he says stuff like 'i don't get all hot and heavy over headless women' or whatever he said to celty it's really amusing to me because like... why is the strange man saying this?💀

another example i kinda giggled about on my twitter when i read it it's not even crazy and i sound corny and cheesy and stupid but theres this scene in vol 9 where izaya messages celty for business and hold on let me just put it as a quote.

he sounds so old saying 'video game' like 😭 idk it's just funny cause he barely even knows anything abt games like bro knows nothing im crying

in the jp hes like 「…ゲーム中なのかい？」 and then when celty tries to explain herself he says 「何を言ってるのか、良く解らないんだけど」 and im rly bad at tling parts of sentences and stuff but just know that the way he words it makes it sound like this gif to me

i love both versions i think the original jp makes him sound like hes so lost and confused (hence why pw gif cause lord that man always looks lost LMFAOOOO) and then eng tl just blunt ass "I don't know what you're talking about." makes him sound like full on hag 😭😭😭

OMFG WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THIS FUCKING SCENE WITH SHINRA ITS SO FUNNY.

first i think it's funny the translation has izaya say fuck here cause he very rarely swears and i did read this one thing about how he only swears when his mask slips so to me this is like genuine bewilderment that he cant even hide LOL. second why is he so excited to hear about 'whatever sexual fetish' shinra has im crying he's so damn nosy . okay but this is not the funniest part let me add that now.

???

ehy the hell is izaya orihara talking about foot fetishes???😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im crying bruh i was so flabbergasted when i read this i was like WHAT did he just say? he says it in the jp ver too which just makes it even funnier. this goes back to what i said earlier but i always get so amused when izaya has something to say about sex or whatever cause he's so fucking weird and unsettling why does he know that

(i mean i also get so hard i nearly pass out thinking about izaya tlaking about sex but thats probably just a thing with my heart condition and stuff)

oh also another scene i think is really cute and amusing and funny is back when shinra was first still trying to get izaya to form the bio club w him.

1. shinra is funny as fuck in this scene but also izaya's "Hmm. Can I punch you?" made me havbe a good laugh. in the jp he says 「んー。殴ってもいいのかな？」 which is pretty much the same thing just with the intonation of like 'hmmmmmmmmm should i hit u or not...' sorry like i said im just bad w explaining this stuff. but i felt the need to point it out not cause im one of those annoying ppl who praise the original jp ver and reject translations and localizations i just think it's important for izaya specifically cause i love him and i want to analyze his speech patterns as best as i can.

i was going thru the novel just now for other stuff i wanted to mention and i forgot abt this part but it's so funny.

'Let's not get hasty. Type calmly, please.' its not even funny or nothing i just find it so amusinf whenever he talks like that💀 i will say though the english translation kind of makes him sound more weird and inhuman than the original. that line in the original was basically just him telling her she needs to calm down enough to at least type properly LOL. idk if im just being nitpicky cause this is izaya tho so feel free to ignore that. fwiw i like the eng tl bc while it's a different intonation than the original japanese ver i think if he did speak english it would probably sound smth like that anyways.

this too made me laugh like ??? seriously he is really nosy when it comes to people's intimate affairs. in the jp ver he calls them an 'intimate couple' which just is like .. ok bro💀

does anyone else see my vision of izaya getting cucked by celty (does it count as cucking when celtys the one dating shinra) while he looks sad and pathetic and miserable that he never decided to shoot his shot w shinra back in the day

if i were commenting on the actual stuff going on in this scene rn this post would be a lot olonger and even more terribly all over the place so im just gonna focus on how i think it's funny izaya says 'easy, man...' this is like one of the only times his words are somewhat natural and sound like smth you would hear someone else say. in the jp ver it's 「おいおい…」 which is somewhat less out of left field in terms of coming from izaya but still it's pretty surprisingly normal. i have to wonder if in that moment he's too worried about shinra to care about keeping up appearances.

this is just random and me making fun of izaya as usual but why the hell does he weigh himself after his showers💀💀💀 it's cute and endearing and only adds to his strong gap moe but still... it's strange...

speaking of cute things this is from a volume i forget but he says this one phrase a couple of times and it is just both really cute and also kind of idk... saddening. one of the times i can remember he says it is when namie was making fun of him or something and he replies 'Don't tease me. I'm only human.' or something along those lines and it's like . hm. ok.

i think it's cute he says 'dont tease me' a few times cause eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (trying to ward off severe brain damaged incoherent thoughts) but 'im only human' is like... are you really? even after you try so hard to escape your own humanity and individual self so much... im going to try and give my thoughts on it here but this is just based off my hc that izaya has bpd so yanno. im basing a lot oif this on my own experiences sorry. i do that a lot. (gestures over to all the posts i make abt fob/mychem fan izaya)

when it comes to just straight up acknowledging his humanity izaya has no problems with this because 'sure, i'm human. isn't that obvious?' is probably something along the lines of what he thinks. it's easy for him to just say that because it's just that. it's just words. it holds no real meaning and shows no true insight into how he actually perceives himself. but when it comes to actually having to come face to face with his own humanity and the fact that yes, he is only human, it's a lot more difficult because now it's out of his control. i wonder also if he has problems with perceiving his own self.

i say this a lot but i truly do believe izaya is so so so beautiful and i love him so much. also i just saw a funny post on twitter so i wanna say this here idk if yall know this but izayas actually a latina hes got chismosavirus❤ ok thats all i have to say sorry for rambling so much

#my media literacy suddenly skyrockets when it comes to izaya #anything else im like zzzzzzzzzz as soon as its time to talik abt izaya im like I'M UP !!!! 💯💯💯💯 #but ya this isnt meant to be like anything crazy or nothing i just felt like talking abt izaya and some stuff in particular i found amusing #sorry if i sound stupid in some spots im trying not to just add 20 skull emojis or crying emojis and make fun of him #it's either that or im trying not to sexualize him #it's a battle. it's prety hard. #theres a REALLY easy joke i could make there but im not going to . im gonna be mature . #ok sorry thats all i dont have enough energy to think anymroe #i started new meds today and my heartds feeling a little funny so imight die after posting this</3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Like this has to be a thing right? It's a thing I experience at least. Please please please tell me abt ur experience if u do 🙏

#all the literature i find is like yeah pmdd can be mistaken for bipolar but then they dont talk abt mania or hypomania #so im like ??? wtf is happening? #i mean i wasnt looking that hard but its still weird to me bc i tell my mum i possibly had a hypomanic episode and she instantly was like #hm could b hormones and she was 1000% percent right bc it happens mostly in the days before bleeding starts #so like i cant b the only one out there. and it doesnt happen all the time. and usually its not that extreme #like id say its mostly just elevated mood and it mostly just lasts like 3 days or so. so i dont think it counts as hypomania. but thats wha #ill select bc i had one time that felt so fucking crazy it felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. it was fun tho #before i crashed so hard i had to leave work in the middle of the day bc i couldnt stop crying lol #anyway. im curious #menstruation #pmdd #pms #its always depression this depression that. why the fuck do i wanna run around in circles screaming until i die? riddle me that batman

[bylertruther]

the crazy thing abt will and mike is that we mostly learn will is gay because other people tell us he is, but we learn that mike is gay (despite him telling us he's not, begging us to pls see tht he's not gay) because literally everything that he does is so fucking gay. because in him trying to not be gay he is just being so unbelievably extra fucking gay without realizing. like. el is literally his red herring idc i'll say it stone me if u must but the truth must be said !!!!

#why is he always so crazy to save and protect will and even just to figure out if he's okay #but if el is missing he's like damn... tht sucks... but stays his ass at home. calls on his radio but thts it. #he doesn't Go Insane and put himself n everyone he loves in danger jus to find her. he knows she's out there. he SAW her. and yet!! #and when he fucks up with her he needs someone (lucas and will) to hold his hand n guide him through it (which NEVER fucking works #bc they don't know her how mike SHOULD know her as her bf but i digress) but when he fucks up with will HE LITERALLY DOES EXACTLY WHAT #OTHER CHARACTERS ARE TELLING HIM HE NEEDS TO DO FOR EL (LUCAS) OR EXACTLY WHAT OTHER CHARACTERS ARE TELLING EL THAT HE'LL DO FOR HER (MAX) #EL IS LITERALLY CRYING BEGGING PLEADING SAYING YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE ME WHY CAN'T YOU SAY IT YOU THINK I'M A MONSTER #AND HE'S LIKE 😰🤐😶🫥 BUT WILL CONFESSES UNDER HER NAME AND THEN /PROMPTS HIM/ TO SAY WHATEVER HE NEEDED TO SAY #AND SUDDENLY /THATS/ WHEN HE CAN SAY I LOVE YOU?!!? FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME????? #AND THEN AFTERWARD WHEN THEY'RE NOT TALKING HE JUST BRUSHES IT OFF???????????? #YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NOT A GAY MAN? YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NOT A HOMOSEXUAL? #meanwhile will has always just been will. the Biggest hint we got was s4 him moving his foot away. but other than that it was always subtle #ppl calling him slurs. bc everything else they PURPOSELY made it so tht it could be either he's just Not There Yet or Could Be gay #but mike is just so. he's fucking gay bro how else can i say it like 😭 #mine #mike

[cubedmango]

well i have the free time rn so ...... i made that diy cherry magic meta . make of this whatever you will but also if you get it even slightly wrong i will haunt you into the afterlife so watch out <3

#cherry magic #my post #yeah its just 30 images in a row with no explanation no words nothing. what about it. #actually i wanted it to be longer but thats the image limit on here and i didnt wanna have to split it up so i actually held back #could do another one like this if i feel crazy enough another day tho . theres a lot more of these sitting in my head rn #alright thats all (for now) im gonna go cry about them again adios

[cheswirls]

looking @ old fic i started when i was 14/15 is so funny bc im realizing once again why i never mark fics as abandoned even if its been literal years since i've touched them. specifically i was checking docs for stuff i started and either did or didn't post to ffn.

and its like. nothing is bad??? like i can see where my outside-the-box ideal of fic writing comes from. not just fics but writing in general, i'm p sure. even if it's a total cliche plot setup, there are details on each that rly make it stand out like oh yeahhhhhh i did have this great idea once upon a time.

funny too bc was it executed well in prose??? no absolutely not i wrote like shit when i was 15. would i revive an idea one day and revise it to be less cliche or cringy while still keeping the stand-out elements??? yea maybe. i might. everything i'm currently working on that i started from 2021 up to now still holds my supreme interest, but like i'm not gonna say never.

esp since i write fic first and foremost for my own need and specifically what i like to read, it makes it impossible to consider an idea i've thought extensively about "not worth writing anymore". anyway not making this too long i jus found everything interesting to consider

#writing #this fic i pulled up from JUNE 2014 crazy was the old chosenshi au i was trying to write for a friend #i dont ship blue/silver and never will and thats prolly why i never finished it #but i do still like!! the idea of rocket!blue raised w silver and breaking free of tr while running the hoenn branch #no idea how i remembered bc it wasnt in the plot pts on the doc but she was gonna get sent to the battle frontier #to nab jirachi and have encounters w frontier brains and change her mind at the end of it all #hell i could go back and not make it ship fic at all - have silver be a little one-sided obsessed or #even jus like.. attached to blue as a rivalry like as a way to show her up at every turn #another fic around the same time was the old pokespe hs au where i changed all the dexholder's names for some reason #i have no idea where i was in reading spe bc i put lyra in for some reason and had the sinnoh trio even tho i never read past v2 of dp #idk if it was more gameverse or what but its so funny looking @ the ship list n seeing i had gold paired w black #bc i had manga!ss and manga!ferriswheel so was it rly speverse or was i projecting???? #actually i think black was supposed to die and gold was gonna go thru this whole thing abt grieving #looking at the ship list so funny bc i never shipped gold/crys or entourageshi #and clearly i did not know the superiority of pmshi if i threw lyra in jus for silver #god but i do love (most!) of the alt names i gave them #would absolutely fuck up the ship list if i ever redid it tho #also have perfectworld tho im sure i have the most recent rewrite on pen and paper somewhere #that one i also gave up bc the idea i had for flare!sycamore was cringe along with #every time i went back to work on it enough time passed that i thought my writing sucked #i rewrote that damn thing so many times but oooooooo i still love the idea #as long as i changed the cringe parts to smth better i could still rock w most of these #that fic rly had everything... psychic!korrina. leaf/serena. sycamore hacking the secret to mega evo. lys/syc that ends in failure #bc of the ending line i will never forget > only in a perfect world could you and i be together. destined and doomed from the start #im rambling n im boutta run outta tags gimme a sec

[saturnsfather]

yknow. if i had a nickel for every time i had a huge crush on someone, never did anything about it, then reconnected with them several years later only to be told that they Also Had Feelings For Me or Currently Have Feelings For Me, except because of the time distance or other factors i/we cant/wont do anything about it and then i pretty much never see them again, id have two nickels. which isnt a lot, but it sure did happen twice.

#tbd #just. reflecting #man. remember being a Kid. #funny enough neither guy was someone i cried over! i DID cry over a boy in middle school because i couldnt work up the nerve to ask him #to dance with me. which in retrospect is so silly. i did also still think i was a girl back then too #but anyway. first guy didnt work out bc by the time he told me he liked me #which by the way was WILD bc he basically admitted that the very distinct memory i have as a turning point in our relationship #where we actually became friends. was ALSO the moment he REALIZED HE HAD FEELINGS FOR ME. and it just never came up. lmao #but by then id been over him for a few years. and then i ghosted him. #second guy i reconnected with in high school and he got a girlfriend partway through that year. #but he had a car and occasionally gave me rides home from school. and on one of them we started talking #about the summer camp we originally met at. and i told him id had a huge crush on him back then #(fully equipped with the knowledge that i still did kind of have one) #and thats when he told me ‘haha woah really?? i had feelings for you too. thats crazy’ #and then we never talked about it again. #to be fair it probably never would have worked with us anyway because i have I Could Fix Him disease #and always have. #and he already had a drinking problem. at sixteen. so you can imagine how i felt about that. #anyway. all this is to say. #if it happens again im gonna k!ll myself lol #thats a joke. i will not. but i will be So fucking mad

[wampabampa]

i hate my hair its so fucking stupid I swear- its feels stringy now cause I do double shampoo LIKE MY HAIR DRESSER DID and when i first did it it was fine but now its like "no *finger wag*" LIKE WYM NO?? you were literally fine with it for the first two months but now your a little bitch abt it

#squish the goober #rambles #so annoying #and i didnt even realize it until like #after my shower an hour ago #>:c #and cause its spring im shedding like crazy so because of all the extra strands my hair is getting tangled all the time #could brush it rn and in 20 mintiues theres gonna be a tangle #long hair sucks chat #i love it but #christ on a cheesy sprayed cracker with a slightly toasted edge #what the flip! just be normal! #anyways I got adobe now #so I will be trying to transfer the thing im doing on procreate now over to it #but im kinda self concious about it because like #i enjoy alot of detail in my work no matter what #thats just what I do even when i try to do simlipfed two days later im adding an extremly tiny detail and oh no its rendered god dammit #and with this im trying to do a poster for my fave movie as a kid and its just- not it cry emoji I was really loving it but now i looked- #at the actual posters from the movie (which tbh were ass besides 2) and im like nooo now my stuff looks horrible cause its not exactly- #-like the origanal source material #i dunno

[todayisafridaynight]

my only crime in finding jingu hot is that his voice is fuckin grating i may be deranged but im not delusional

#snap chats #PLEASE give him a different voice i cant yumi i know you coulda done better #oh yeah im playing rggo and i pulled him hi #i also pulled baby kiryu and im crying he sounds so cute 😭😭 #like i listen to him and i go Damn That Do Be Kiryu As A Teenager #LIKE JUST IMAGINE KURODA TALKING IN A HIGH VOICE AND THATS WHAT YOU GET #its so cute im obsessed #i also got inoue and saigo :]] makes me laugh cause saigo's leadership ability increases inoue's attack and Brother Needs It 💀 #i have kiryu as my leader tho since his ability increases everyones attack by 15% but still thats so funny #inoue has terrible attack all things considered but i like his heat ability so #jingu's heat is actually great it's only like. 4-5 bars but not only does it does damage to one target it also heals the party #inoue boosts the highest attacking unit (which is safigo for my party) and heals everyone and saigo just heals #I DONT MEAN TO PUT SO MUCH HEALING but jingu was a crazy nice deal when everyone else's heats are like level 7 #saigo will prob just be a straight attacker but it sucks that his heat isn't an attacking ability. BIG waste smh #rggo keeps giving me ryujis btw. i have so many ryujis i can make a team of ryuji at this point #like two were free im p sure but i just keep geting more 💀 #rgg loves ryuji and it shows #ok im going back to playing bye #fuckin tricked you into reading a post about RGGO instead of just my insane bullshit about finding jingu hot #literally the lamest antagonist ever but if his voice was better he could get it

[salsflore]

⠀

#ugghhhhh #cw vent #my sister is currently venting to me via text about our mom and i’m just like :| i hate it. i hate that they’ve been arguing so much #recently. my mom is being completely unreasonable and her brother died so i get thats playing a factor but shes like driving me crazy too #and i just. i don’t know there are things my sister’s doing that i disagree with and stuff but i just #wish i had a family that got along and stuff. tired of always being their only outlet #now i’m crying on the balcony like an idiot because i don’t even have my own room to cry in #my religious aunt is coming this sunday so hopefully ... #i can talk to her about it and she can reason with my mom. better than i could at least #💭 #i miss my dad so much and i wish childe were here ... #my dad doesn't really get. like. how i really feel but at least he tries ... even if 90% of the things he says arent helpful

[madlichen]

i wish my autism beam was real and i could shoot people with it and also give them autism too so everyone could be autism because when everyones autism no one is

#syndromes not evil the bad guy is society and mental health is so much more than keeping the crazies off the streets #i wish i could change society and be a queer little mouseboy who likes science #but no cannot have nice things society will make you the villain for trying to change it why are the villains always smart in movies #because they recognize the pain and suffering in the world thats why they see it and they actually do something about it #but that makes them evil thats why theyre the villain because they want change and change is bad #the us government is actively stopping me from changing the world for the better one person one autism beam at a time #birds arent real theyre government drones beaming 5g mind control waves into our synapses and i sciencedude have a solution #global havannah syndrome must be stopped we must the villain murderous scum hiding out in bushes from eating our babies #just so long as we only protect the unborn babies and not the children because the dead are more important than the living #enslave the middle class to the monopolies bring about the oligarchy bleed out on our machines to raise efficiency and bring costs down #in this essay i will explain why the coming downfall of society has everything to do with how we treat others #thiS IS THE POLICE OPEN UP THERE HE IS GET HIM wait no you got the wrong guy NO THE FBI NEVER MAKES MISTAKES I AM THE LAW #breaking news a man by the name of science dude has been arrested for reasons not even the fbi is willing to share #NO PLEASE IM INNOCENT HELP ME #wow they must have done something really bad if the police are arresting them lets influence our audience to think theyre bad as well #breaking news someone got cancelled its a crying shame this cancel culture business tune in next time to the only source of truth on tv #i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i w- #liiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvveeeeeeeee #its a cold place and they say it gets colder #your bundled up now wait til you get older #but the media men beg to differ #judging by the hole in the satellite picture #the ice we skate is getting pretty thin #the waters getting warm so you might as well swim #my worlds on fire how bout yours #thats the way i like it and i never get bored #well the years start comin and they dont stop comin and they dont stop comin and they dont stop comin and they dont stop comin #im crawing in my skin these wounds they will not heal #janine janine youd like to know me well but there are things inside my head that even i cant face #these and other song when you tune in and enter to win 0% apr for the first twenty months no money down offer lasts until 10 years ago

[dexaroth]

i know its unrealistic and nonsense to feel bad bc im not as good as i could be within a hobby bc a hobby is supposed to be fun and occupy your time but i cant for the life of me not feel guilty about not drawing and not improving

like.. i have most of the resources. i often have the time. i have almost a thousand pictures in my reference folder to be used to practice and learn. i have an internet connection to be inspired and learn from those better than me and yet... i just don't feel like drawing. and i mean drawing something grand.. not just the dozens of doodles and oc refsheets i keep churning.. i want to do standalone pieces like i used to and look at them fondly and feel proud of something. but i just dont have the flame to do it for months and months on end

i mean obviously this is much more likely to happen when it has been your primary hobby for over like 7 years contrary to, say, webpage coding which i just started to learn like a year ago. what's keeping me from wanting to draw though? its so frustrating to know you Have the Potential to be a good artist and knowing How you could become more but just.. not feeling like it. and telling urself im gonna draw tomorrow and tomorrow comes and its one of those days you'd rather stare at a wall the whole afternoon and it just keeps going and going and you stay stumped

#yes i have the potential to do so much better than what i can show you right now dude trust me #not only for personal reasons but i also want to start looking into doing commissions for real and like. #thats insane #idk what to draw > set up comms so someone gives me smn to draw > they dont know what i can draw > idk what to draw > repeat #im also like the guy that loves giving gift art but ive had so many cases where i drew for a rando and they just. treated it like a product #sold along the character like cool! so glad i spent my time into a drawing for you to throw it into your garage sale like everything else! #and that looming fucking awful sense of 'originality' like boohoo someone drew this already waaaa i dont believe in originality why do i > #> care so much. Why. its like knowing there isnt a monster under ur bed and still suffocating yourself inside the bedsheets. nonsense... #this is so tiring. not drawing to me feels like neglecting a dear friend #even though i dont feel bad at not practicing at a game. at not knowing how to code everything in 2 days #at not knowing the best clays to sculpt or the best knitting tricks. #bc its a fucking hobby. i should feel obligated to do it i should have fun when i want to and yet i chain myself to it #i shouldn't fell obligated* oop #could you imagine how crazy stupid it'd be that a construction worker felt bad for not building some lately #WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!! I DONT GET IT!!! #dextxt #<its always funny to end a post with a cry and then have it followed by lowercase txt tag like teehee just another white guy moment #but i do mean im tired and frustrated and miserable for nothing.. war and hate on planet earth or whatever. *explodes*

[fangedtracks]

crying screaming throwing up etc etc etc

#chatter #em #made me TWO!!! playlists #we like to express our love for each other through playlists which is actually so cute of us #but they made me a playlist themed around i love you ! so some songs i've heard and some new ones #which is always a treat!! #they also made me a playlist themed around slow dancing in the kitchen #and they included songs ive sent them and offhandedly mentioned how i wanna dance w someone in the kitchen to them #god . i know it sounds like a small thing and a silly thing for me to be crying about but . i just #its so fucking crazy to me they listen? like of COURSE they listen theyre a god damn sweetheart and they know me sometimes better #than i know myself #as someone who kinda just vibed a lot alone and got used to solitude its crazy to me ill mention something once and they'll remember it #like i made a joke that if they wanted to get me anything for my birthday they should get me mothman #and guess what #they GOT ME A MOTHMAN PLUSHIE AND ITS THE CUTEST THING EVER (after them of course) #and its just like . oh my god? you not only listen to what i say but you remember? and you genuinely know who i am? #like . what the fuck bro that's crazy #yall know that tweet thats like you get kidnapped and theyll return you if you can speak about something for 30 minutes #yeah i could speak about em and how much i love them for like actual hours . #i just feel so incredibly lucky to be known and loved by them yknow? its . yeah . its good #it hurts sometimes because they're far away from me and sometimes my heart gets so excited i just. need to squeeze them and theyre not here #BUT as ive said before i would do this over and over and over and over and over just to say hello to them once more #EEP we're going to be together in like 3ish weeks HOLY FUCK #this reminded me to buy my concert outfit eugh im gonna look soooo cute actually #ANYWAY #my heart is so full and i love them an incredible amount <3 #UPDATE ON THIS: i changed my blog title to 'oh loverboy' yesterday? and theres A SONG CALLED LOVERBOY ON THE PLAYLIST THEY SENT ME #OH HHHHH MY GOD MY FUCKING H E A R T #we're really on our own wavelength huh

[transgaysex]

not the defunct tv episode about zoboomafoo making me cry......

#wind howls #THAT SHIT WAS LITERALLY HANDS DOWN MY FAVOURITR TV SHOW EVERRRRRRRR #i used to watch it in french since thats just how tv is here #i already knew that little jovian had passed away years ago but it still made me cry.... that little lemur was my fuckin homie !!!!!!! #i also didnt know the kratt brothers had a show before that :0 ive watched Be The Creature and some Wild Kratts but not the first one #wild kratts is more for children (though i do remember a while back a hardcore kratts brothers fan followed me on here) so im not! #as interested but maybe i could rewatch an episode or two of zoboomafoo with my baby sister sometime. heartwarming treat #edit it was my favorite show when i was like 8 not like . of all time applicable in the present still #also its not 100% true Kaboum was my favourite show but zoboomafoo ? 0.000001% below. it made my little autistic brain go crazy

[natandacat]

The levels of stress I'm under are medically contraindicated so I'm making myself not be stressed by just embracing the idea of complete failure and powerlessness. Is it working? Mostly. My ability to focus on work is gone tough so that's annoying (I say while procrastinating on homework by writing this)

#just bitching #i can't even have a little beer to relax CMON #medical #i played 15min of cello today #im ecstatic that i can play again but its so frustrating like makes me wants to cry but i cant frustrating #that i cant play more than 15 minutes #i lost all my calluses too #the cello is just so important to me people dont get it #its like if you couldnt like. smile or laugh or cry anymore imagine that it would suck #im not even making art like when id raw or write its literally not even art to me its just me #i hate that i cant play 1h+ a day rn #like i dont need MORE grief like please thats jhst so much grief #i hate being physically disabled it sucks so fucking much #and i have to perform so that my uni doesnt kick me out and i cant speak up about the daily horrible ableism #no matter how demeaning and isolating #love being expendable. love being seen as an acceptable sacrifice #love being told i have nothing to contribute since i cant go to abled spaces that literally threaten my life #love that when i say those spaces dont have to be that life threatening in which case i could evolve in them im literally ignored #eyes shift conversations ends #'thats crazy' they say before dismissing my experience. yeah. it truly is crazy

[alphalesbian]

.

#................................................................................................................................. #so another update on my skin i guess . . . #about a week in and its basically everywhere on my chest and terribly on my back and legs and butt : - ( worst its gotten so far is itchy as #all hell on my side but thankfully so far thats really it....... ive maybe been tired n had a sore ish throat like when i first felt it but #not really anymore.... now its just my skin looking. awful lol everywhere #but....... i found out about this skin thing that looks Exactly The Same As Mine Looks Right Now and that ! was a major relief considering ! #its not a serious skin thing and my symptoms almost entirely align with the process so far ! ! ! #as much as i am still skeptical im just. i dont know that helped a lot i guess. everything else id found n been thinking it could be were #oretty serious things for the most part which honestly raqcking my brain about that for the past week uh #probably wasnt the best mental health decision to make OTL............... #still gonna go up the mountain for some cheap blood work tommorow..... then back to urgent care on wed/thurs to really make sure its nothing #serious which will also immediately improve my headspace regardless so. thats good too #and the help from my best friend . . . . . . . . . i am so so lucky to have him he is literally so special. i was right at the bottom and he #didnt even hesistate . crazy how that can feel so nice and hurt so much at the same time #hurt really from just honestly how immensely empty i was and how much i really needed that support #still though absolutely heated from. the initial situation and how my main support just kinda fucked off in response lmao! but #all that greif and sadness and ugly crying aside today has been a mostly good day in comparison. let alone finding out something it could #absolutely very well be and its Not Super Serious Necessarily and Pretty Common all things considered #is a big plus. . . . a lot to think about and a lot to do as always just really really gotta keep my head on my shoulders . . . . . . . . . #okay and honestly all that aside ladies it looks. so crazy. i really actually maybe am gonna take pictures of this to really document it nd #even if its a serious thing its like. so crazy looking #feels pretty ridiculous dont get me wrong it literally feels like my skin is fucked up where its raised n swollen but the pattern is #idk medically fascinating to me i guess is the best way to say it lol #how would that be for my first selfie in like 4 years teehee 😌 anyways enough of my ranting but in case anyones interested here ya go . . .