#ALSO. I'm a femme who doesn't shave or really wear me

[arzner]

are you butch or femme? or masc or fem? not sure what terms you'd prefer

Honestly...none? I feel like I just kind of am how I am. It's not something I really think about. The only time I ever thought about it was years ago when I was much younger and first came out as a lesbian, and I saw some stuff online that made me feel like I had to be either butch or femme.

In a lot of ways I feel like I just exist in my natural state -- I've never worn makeup in my life, I quit shaving many years ago, etc. -- and to me that doesn't feel "masculine" even though it's treated as if it is for women in our society. I also find myself just doing what makes me feel comfortable. I tend to get my clothes from the men's section mostly because I prefer the styles and quality of the clothing. I wear flat shoes because I find them comfortable and practical. Most beauty practices and expectations of "femininity" seem highly uncomfortable to me, and I'm just not interested in any of it. I do have long hair, though. Then I guess if you get into labeling certain personality traits one way or the other, it just starts to feel like gender roles to me.

I get the appeal of having shorthand to describe yourself (or whom you might be seeking in a dating context) and I don't have anything against anyone who uses these terms! I mean, I'll use them at times in casual conversation too. I just don't really feel attached to any of them for myself, but I will say that I find myself relating more to butch/masc/GNC women's experiences.

#Anonymous #asks #messages #thanks for the message! :) #I'm definitely not trying to act like I'm ~special~ or anything by not picking a term lol #hopefully my response didn't come across that way! 😂

[ms-understand]

When I was around 12 and I found a News Week magazine with a picture of Boy George, brought it to my parents and told them I wanted to look like him. I have no idea what went through their minds, but they seemed to write it off as me being silly. I began sneaking my mom's eye makeup and when she found out she was very upset. I also started wearing girl's capri pants around this time and I got a bag to carry my things in. I was teased a lot and sometimes I got pushed and sometimes punched and always teased by my mom's younger brothers. I learned to avoid this by acting in a way that young pre-teen boys would have considered tough. I shaved my long hair off. I started wearing Levis and graphic tees from metal and hardcore bands. My penny loafers became big heavy boots. Most of all, I started fighting back.

Yet, that little "femme boy" never really went away, she just got pushed back. The thing about this is it doesn't work. She always would find ways to get out and I would always end up embarrassed or hurt and try to push her back even more. This is something that has continued up to this very day and I'm finally saying enough is enough and I'm getting a therapist who will hopefully help me figure this out. Despite what many transphobes think, a kick between the legs or other types of violence won't work, or I would have been what they think a man should be, long ago.

I am going to document this. If you don't like it you can block me or ignore it, but I am going to document it. I think there's probably someone else out there who can benefit from it and even if I'm wrong about that, I think I can benefit from it.

#transitioning #trans issues #transgender #egg cracked #lgbtq+

[cruelsister-moved]

not trying to gatekeep i just literally don't understand this idea of like... for want of a better phrase, treating butch and femme as entire genders and then being gnc to them because like 1. they're already inherently gnc by being lesbian roles so you're not doing something radical here and 2. they're social sexual roles so performance and presentation IS basically an inseparable part of them enough that like a "masculine femme" is completely meaningless where a masculine woman is completely rational

#and idk how to rationalise my thoughts abt this without like a whole essay #esp since butch and femme also have double meanings AND a lot of times ppl don't realise they aren't using the same meanings as eachother #but yeah especially since no one is ever expected to be butch/femme and like performing it has no benefit in society and stuff like #I feel like ppl r applying the same kind of rhetoric as like 'don't deny my womanhood just because I don't want to conform to femininity' #but.....womanhood and femininity are separable categories. butch/masc and femme/feminine like rely on those concepts #femininity means different things to different people n like a lot of femmes are very gnc (to womanhood) #but the idea of u know being like oh Im a femme and I hate dressing femininely and shit it's just like.... #so are u a femme then? #like im not trying to be mean but it just doesn't make sense why u would Ídentify with like #An entirely optional label #if you don't feel comfortable with the implication of that label #and like there isn't really a way of going around '[ #'subverting' butch/femme that doesn't end up basically treating them as male/female and like I fucking hate the conflation of femme/woman #its just silly to me like they don't need subverting because. they aren't forced on people or like wielded the way gender is #so it's like harmless that they're somewhat rigid and 2D like that's fine bc if ur not that then u just don't need to id as that #ALSO. I'm a femme who doesn't shave or really wear me #makeup so it's not that I'm saying u must perform hyperfemininith to b #be femme