#ALSO i know i don't have to apologize (and i'm not !!) or say anything at all abt not getting the draws done i just wanna

[mattyriddlesbitch]

English is not my first language, so I apologize if this request looks confuse :(

but can you do mean!mattheo × shy!reader and she's soooo needy and horny, but doesn't say nothing, but matty realizes it and make her tell him EVERY LITTLE THING that she wants him to do, and she's so embarrassed and he's just pouting and saying "if you don't tell me what you need i can't do anything, angel" and she's just buring her face in his neck and saying "please" but he doesn't do nothing until she says graphically what she wants. and he's so mean, edging her with his mouth and fingers (maybe some toys if u want) until shes crying, and then he just overstimulate her as fuck!!! (but he also doesn't forget to praise his girl for doing so well!!!!)

i know this is super specific, but my mind is lost in dirty thoughts, I'm sorryyyyy 😔

btw, can i be -🌙 anon?

Yes! You can be 🌙 anon! I hope this works for you!

Guide Me

Mattheo Riddle x F!Reader

Warnings: Oral(female receiving), fingering, cussing, orgasm denial, edging, overstimulation.

18+ Minors DNI!

You had been feeling so needy and desperate all day. Especially now as you cuddle with Mattheo in his bed, surrounded by his scent and warmth and him. You needed him so badly, but were too embarrassed to say anything. You never liked being vulgar about what you want. Even finding it hard to initiate sex. 

Mattheo could tell by your subtle shifting and the way you were clinging to him as you cuddled. But he wanted you to say it. He wanted you to tell him what you wanted.

“You okay, princess?” He asked as you shifted around again for the umpteenth time.

“Yeah.” You said softly, scooting slightly closer, as if that was even possible.

“You’re moving around a lot, are you uncomfortable? Do you need something?” He asked, still feigning ignorance to your horniness.

“No.” You spoke so quietly, he almost didn’t hear it.

“You sure, darling?” He moved your hair so he could see your face better. “Because you just have to say the word, and I’ll help you out, whatever you need.” 

You glanced up at him before looking back down, letting a deep breath out as you debated on saying anything or not. “I need you.” You kept that quiet tone, embarrassed about saying it outloud.

“What do you need from me?” He asked, tilting your head up to look at him.

You realized his little game now, blushing at having to tell him more. “You know what I need.” You say, moving to bury your head in his neck.

“I don’t. You gotta use your words, angel.”

“Please.” You say quietly into his neck.

“Begging me won’t help if I don’t know what you want.” He was teasing you and you hated it. He wanted you to talk dirty to him, tell him everything you wanted.

You groaned softly, not moving away from his neck. “I need you in me, please.”

“How so? You want my mouth, my fingers, my cock? Maybe your little dildo would suffice if you don’t wanna use your words.”

You pulled back to look at him now. “I would like your mouth and fingers please.”

He smiled at you now. “Was that so hard, sweetheart?” He said as he pushed you gently onto your back. He helped you out of your clothes, keeping his touch soft. “Guide me through it, baby. I like hearing you talk dirty.” He settled between your legs, placing soft kisses to your thighs.

“Use your tongue on me, please.” You said softly, still embarrassed, but the way he was looking at you so eagerly helped a little.

He listened and started licking at your pussy, groaning at the taste. You moaned, tangling a hand in his hair. “Like this, princess?” He asked as he looked up at you.

“Just like that, yes.” You nod, throwing your head back.

He continued and you were starting to feel like you needed more, but he wasn’t giving anymore than the licks.

“Need more, Matty. Please.” You begged as you looked back at him.

“What else do you want? You gotta tell me.” He said with a smirk, loving your reaction.

“Your fingers. I need them in me.”

“That’s my girl. Good job.” He said as he pushed his fingers in you, going back to licking at your clit.

You were moaning and cursing at the pleasure, trying to keep your head up to watch him. He was a fucking expert with his mouth and fingers and had your orgasm building quickly.

“Fuck, Matty, I’m so close.” You moaned, throwing your head back again.

He pulled his fingers out and pulled back slightly. You whined, feeling your orgasm get pulled away from you.

“What the fuck?” You asked as you looked back at him.

“I told you to guide me, you didn’t say anything about letting you cum.” He smiled mischievously

“Then make me cum.” You frowned at him.

“How?” He asked with that stupid smile.

That one word would have made you ready to kill him if you weren’t so fucking horny. “The same thing, fingers and mouth.”

“No ‘please’ this time?” He teased.

“Please.” You whined.

He complied and pushed his fingers back into you, bringing his mouth back to your clit. This man drove you insane, but damn, if he wasn’t so fucking good at this. He had you moaning and bucking into his face within seconds, that orgasm that was previously building coming back again.

“Don’t stop, please, don’t fucking stop.” You moaned, holding onto his hair tightly.

He groaned as he kept going, satisfied he got you to talk again.

You came on his fingers and tongue in mere moments, crying out his name as he helped you ride it out. He wasn’t letting up, though. He kept going and made you shake and cry again.

“Mattheo, please.” You cried.

He ignored you, still going. You could feel the tears building as you tried closing your legs on his head. He just used his free hand to push them back open, never letting up. You were crying and your body couldn’t decide if it should buck into his face for more pleasure, or back away to get a break.

“Matty.” You whined his name again.

Again, though, he ignored it, ignoring your pleas. In fact, it felt like he was going faster, harder, deeper. He ripped another orgasm from you, making you scream his name as your body shook almost violently.

And again, he didn’t let up, continuing his assault on your pussy.

“Stop. Please. I can’t” You tried closing your legs on his head, and he backed off, removing his fingers from you before putting them in his mouth to clean them off.

“Look at you. You’re learning how to use your words.” He smiled before leaning down to kiss you.

You both moaned into the kiss, wrapping your arms around him as his roamed your body.

“Now, how about I get to guide you with my words?” He smiled at you.

#slytherin boys #slytherin boys x reader #slytherin boys smut #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo riddle smut #mattheo riddle x reader

[iheartkiri]

draco malfoy is an idiot. (1)

                            ✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡

You stood in the library, your movements sharp and angry as you slammed books back onto the shelves. It had been a month since your blowout with Draco, and the feelings from that night still rained heavy on your mind. Clearly, it had been a mutual sentiment as the tension between you and Draco whenever you two unfortunately ran into each other was thick enough to cut. 

Your childhood friends, Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott, noticing your mood, exchanged concerned glances with each other.

"What's up with you, Y/N?" Blaise cautiously asked, his eyes darting between you and the bookshelves. "You've been pissed off for weeks. Did something go down with you and Draco?" 

You spun around, your eyes flashing with a mix of hurt and anger. "Oh that jerk?" you snapped, your voice dripping with bitterness. "I can't believe I ever considered that loser my friend."

Theodore frowned, his eyes filled with confusion. "What did he say that got you so riled up? We know Draco can be an ass sometimes, but a month of you guys not speaking is a bit much."

You clenched your fists, the hurt and anger bubbling inside you. "You know what he did? He called me sensitive and said I couldn't take a joke," you said, your voice shaking. "He made me feel like my feelings didn't even matter to him, like I was overreacting. He didn't even try to see where I was coming from."

Blaise's eyebrows furrowed, his expression turning serious. “Dang that's a low blow, even for Draco. We know he can be a jerk, but a month of you guys not talking is a little excessive. What exactly happened during that fight?"

You took a shaky breath, the memories of that painful day flooding your mind. "It started as off as a stupid joke, but then he took it too far. I tried to tell him how he was in the wrong, but he brushed me off. He didn't care that he was hurting my feelings."

Theodore placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, his eyes soft with understanding. "I get why you're angry, Y/N. Draco can be thoughtless. But a month is a long time. Maybe he's realized his mistake and is too stubborn to admit it."

You shook your head, your eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I'm not ready to forgive him, Theo. Not yet. He really messed up, and I need him to understand how much his words hurt. I won't be the one to cave."

Blaise stepped closer, his voice gentle and understanding. "We get it, Y/N. Draco can be an arrogant jerk sometimes. But we also know he cares about you. Maybe he's too proud to admit he was wrong, but we can try to talk to him, see if he'll apologize."

You scoffed, your anger simmering just below the surface. "Don't bother, Blaise. I don't want anything to do with him anymore. If he's waiting for my apology he can wait all he wants. Besides, he must be 'so sorry' himself to let a month pass by." You added sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

Theodore squeezed your shoulder, his eyes filled with determination. "Y/N, we just want to help. We know you and Draco go way back, and we can see you guys really care about each other. We're worried, and we want to fix this."

 You shook your head, your eyes flashing with a mix of hurt and stubbornness. "There's nothing between us Theo. Not anymore. And even if there was, it doesn't change the fact that he hurt me. I'm not ready to forgive him."

Blaise and Theodore shared a worried glance, their faces grim. "We won't push you, Y/N," Blaise said, his voice gentle. "But we're concerned. We know you and Draco have a very....close relationship. We just want to see you happy again."

You sighed, your shoulders slumping in defeat. "I appreciate it, guys. I know you're trying to help. But Draco and I are done, and that's final."

As you turned away from them, your eyes landed on the books you had angrily shelved, their spines crooked and out of place. It was a reflection of the chaos inside you—a chaos that idiot Draco had caused and seemed to have no intention of fixing anytime soon.

Blaise and Theodore exchanged a meaningful glance, their faces filled with concern. "We'll give it one more shot," Theodore said, his voice unwavering. "We'll talk to him, try to talk some sense into that rascal."

You shook your head, a bitter smile on your lips. You knew there was no way they could possibly make Draco Malfoy apologize.  "Good luck with that. Draco's too stubborn for his own good. And even if he is sorry, he won't admit it. He's too proud for that."

Blaise placed a hand on your shoulder, his eyes filled with sympathy. "We'll see, Y/N. We know how to get through to him. And if he truly cares, he'll find a way to make things right."

And as you continued to shelve books, your anger slowly fading into sadness, you knew that Blaise and Theodore would do their best to mend the rift between you and Draco. But deep down, you weren't ready to forgive him, not yet. The hurt was still too raw, and the silence between you stretched on.

-

#literature #draco malfoy #blaise zabini #harry potter #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x y/n #harry potter fanfiction #hp fic #harry potter fandom #draco fanfiction

[lifeandlies-of-regulusblack]

On the aftermath of feelings after Sirius leaves 12 Grimmauld Place

I feel like there are certain things regulus is allowed to feel regarding sirius' decision to run away. I guess for me i set it up where it's either sirius asks him to come with (passionately, and sometimes in a way that both of them know what's going to happen but sirius still asks, so very flatly, out of some nod to their 'failed' brotherhood) or it's gotten to the point where it's been so long, they barely even owe each other anything anymore, even though this still hurts the both of them.

I also very much toy with the idea of it being one hell of a night, and it's regulus pushing sirius to the floo or out of their house because sirius needed to get out then and there. Have regulus send the rest of his brother's stuff to the potter's as a last goodbye.

But there are other versions where the stakes are high or sirius, while still very involved in regulus' life will simply up and leave. Disappear. And worse, continue to cut ties in hogwarts leaving regulus blindsided and abandoned. Or in some very brutal way fuck up regulus' life in the process of doing so.

And that's the kind of thing that i will probably never write because I would've just let regulus get over sirius. But also that's the kind of stuff where i feel like people generally and unreasonably expect Regulus to be kind, and understanding, and magnanimous about it.

Because the universal fact is this: Sirius deserves to leave and save himself.

But a lot of times, people forget other universal facts such as:

Regulus is allowed to cut ties with Sirius too. This is a two-way street. You guys can't be fighting for Sirius' right to leave and then be angry when Regulus decides to commit.

Regulus is allowed to be angry when he's the one having to bear the brunt of the shit storm that follows after Sirius leaves. And this is something that Sirius has to acknowledge. Any effort at building bridges back up, yes, has to have Regulus address the circumstances that led Sirius to leave BUT ALSO, Sirius has to address what he left Regulus to face, what he did, and own up to the fact that, that was a choice he made.

Sirius deserving to leave doesn't justify or negate the damage of hurting Regulus to do so! YES. READ THAT LAST SENTENCE AGAIN. This is like telling a kid he shouldn't be angry that he was pushed in front of a moving bus so another kid could cross the road. Okay, so Sirius needed to hurt Regulus to leave. But why is Regulus unerringly the one burdened to absolve the way his brother broke his legs so that he could run? That's crazy. Sirius apologizing for this isn't him apologizing for leaving, it's him apologizing for the way he did. There's a difference and Regulus deserves to get that from Sirius, the same way Sirius deserves to hear from Regulus how he didn't deserve the way he was treated at home.

Yall say, "well sirius isn't responsible for regulus"

WELL I SAY: REGULUS ISN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR SIRIUS TOO.

I think both brothers deserve better in life! And from each other! Two-way street!

However, i feel that "Sirius deserves to save himself" gets turned into "Everything he does to do it is okay". This is not true!

If you guys come out of this thinking, I'm trying to say that Sirius shouldn't leave — you're being purposely daft. And no, I also don't agree with the idea of Regulus having free reign to treat Sirius like shit and feel entitled to his brother's loyalty after all that. That's not what I'm saying.

#regulus black #sirius black #the black brothers #regulus headcanon #marauders era #regulus meta #my writing

[miss0atae]

Random thoughts about We Are episode 3:

If someone had told me I would like this series, I wouldn't have believe them. I'm surprised by myself, because I'm enjoying it way more than I thought I would. It seems like I'm still into "slice-of-life/uni" series.

▪️ Phum still enjoyed "torturing" Pheem by making him carry his shopping bags, washing his clothes or cooking for him. Pheem despite being reluctant always did all these tasks, but the childish prank Phum pulled on him was too much for him. Phum made him wait for him and Pheem did wait until the mall closed and was even worried about him. I guess Pheem is the type of person who care about everyone and even if he knew Phum likes to tease him, he never thought the prank could go this far. He is annoyed and very angry at him, but the power of a proper apology may work well on him. Indeed, Phum listen to his friends' advice and apologized. He was brooding a lot over the incident.

I believe he has so much more fun around Pheem that he thought he would. Now I'm wondering, did he fall for him before and used the "kick incident" to get closer to Pheem or is he enjoying so much the time he is spending with him that he will fall for him?

▪️ Q and Toey were very cute in this episode. We got more information about how Toey decided to join the Art field thanks to his crush to Q. I really liked the conversation he had with the owner of the cafe. Here and there, the series is giving some life advice and I really like when they are doing this. It's not groundbreaking advices, but I always feel better when seeing it and I believe they may have a good impact on other people who also watch it.

Q and Toey had a funny clay fight and I believe that's the moment Q started to feel something more.

He was very protective to Toey when a senior was flirting with him. Q is also willing to do anything Toey may ask even if he is reluctant at first: singing for him, sharping his pencils or giving him a snack.

We know Toey is already smitten but the slow burn Q is feeling is so nice to watch. I admit I liked the little "jealousy" part of the series. Funny how I hate people who jealous in real life, but I don't mind watching it in series.

▪️ Tan and Fang didn't get a lot of screentime in this episode. Tan bought a cake for Fang, but he didn't want to give it to him so he used Phum as a proxy. I don't think Fang is fooled by Tan's terrible skills at flirting. He knows! He must know! I want to see how he will react, now.

▪️ Pun and Chain had a longer appearance in this episode. They may not be in love (yet) but Chain is taking so much care to Pun. He is doing a lot for him and everyone can see it. They were invited by Tan to enjoy a meal outside and even Tan felt he was third wheeling. Poor Tan. I felt bad for him. Next episode should bring more for the two of them and I can't wait to see Pun and Chain's romance blooming. Pun is clearly my favorite. His little puppy look are just so cute.

▪️ I also want to say that I appreciate how friendships is also shown in the series. We saw how Phum asked for help from his friends, but also how Q care for Pheem even if he hides it under some pretense. Friendship is just another way to love someone. It may not be romantic, but it is a very strong link too.

I'm slowly falling for We Are the series. I hope I will stay interested until the end of the 16th episode!

#my thoughts #random thoughts #we are #we are the series #gmmtv series #bl series #bl drama #thai bl #thai series #qtoey #phumpeem #tanfang #chainpun #episode 3

[mightymizora]

Hello mighty mizora! Big fan here of your work the way you write is so mesmerizing honestly im always in awe!! I have a small question i hope its not annoying i've asked this question to another writer who i liked once but they were so mean to me back so i understand that maybe its not the best question to be asked but i have ADHD and i need alittle direction so i hope maybe you can give me some (its totally okay if you dont want to ! ) Do you have any pointers to someone who has never wrote anything past school essays and to do lists if they want to start writing fanfiction and have it be nice and expressive? I have so many ideas i write them down write 5 sentences thats like a summray maybe a few sentences of some scenes of romance sorta like a small outline it feels so dry... And i dont know what to do past that... Essays had structures and preferred starting intros and all that but i feel lost when i try and start a story, i know myself and i know once i start i will not shut up but starting feels like a wall and i dont know how to climb yk ?

Hey pal!

Firstly thank you so much and also I'm sorry you had a bad experience with another writer. You've asked this so nicely. And apologies for this being delayed I thought I had clicked post but I'd saved the draft again!

So I'm not going to claim to be an expert in this but the way I approach this is:

I start with what I want to say with a piece. What do I want to explore? What do I hope the reader will take away from it? I then jot those down for myself at the top of the document, just like you describe with your summary! If this changes as I discover things that's okay, but it's kind of my road map.

I usually also start in the middle of some action, or with a line of dialogue. Honestly you don't have to do this at all but the joy of fanfiction is you don't have to do loads of exposition! People know who the characters are and you can dive into things! It means you get stuck right in which I personally like.

I also don't write chronologically! I think we can get so stuck on things. I think of writing a story like pruning a garden, so I might write some "holding sentences" per scene and then work on scenes as they come to me. It's a good way to build up the bits as you are inspired. You can see this really clearly in a piece like Blood and Bone which is very sparse, some of the holding sentences in that fic are still in there.

When it comes to dialogue, I use the actioning method used in acting and I work out what people want to do by saying something. I like when characters don't say things outright, but say a hundred words by what they don't say. A character can say I love you, and it's good, but what if they say I don't want you to leave? What is left in the gaps?

When it comes to description I think I have a long way to go honestly but again. What are people seeing, smelling, tasting, seeing touching? What is their primary sense? Does it evoke anything else for them, or are they entirely in the moment? This can vary from character to character.

Another thing to think of is variant rhythm. Once you have a first draft down, go over it again and look at sentence structure. Can you add variation by changing the length of sentences? Can you tell a story in the rhythms you use? I'm a big fan of long run on sentences in romance showing a character losing control, for example.

And the big secret honestly is... you might well find your writing a bit dry! I find mine dry! I look at it squinting, asking whether the sex is sexy or if it's just way too out there or just completely misses the mark. We only really know when other eyes get to see it.

I hope that's helpful!

#on writing #anons are always open for writing chat honestly #so if you want clarity lmk!

[emdotcom]

The Mario movie thing is so funny to me. Here, look at this:

Sonic movies (1, 2, & w/ 3 on the way) come out, does INCREDIBLE in box office, decimates Marvel films, who previously had a stranglehold

Nintendo sees this, wants a piece of that pie, buckles down to make a Mario movie Incorrect order of events, as pointed out here! Mario movie announced before the public knew about Sonic movie.

(Potentially because the previous Mario movie was so out there, did poorly, & was disliked by fans & then promptly forgotten,) they pair with Illumination, a studio that is largely known for making very sterile films

Btw, is it just me that finds it weird that there is no mention from Nintendo or online of the previous movie, in all this? Maybe I'm the only one who remembers this film idk

They announce casting. Everyone immediately boos because they cast Chris Pratt as Mario.

Immediate outrage, as Charles Martinet, the voice of Mario for DECADES, was not cast in his claim to fame roll

There is a (unsourced) rumor that a test screening for the film was met with disappointment, making Nintendo unhappy

Slightly corroborating this, Nintendo buys Dynamo Pictures, to make Nintendo Pictures, with the intent to make future movies in-house

Anticipation for the movie likens it to other sterile animated movies of the last 10 years, like the Minions movies

Trailer comes out.

People continue to boo Chris Pratt, a bad cast for a beloved character who is putting 0 effort into his voice, in comparison to all other VAs putting in 110%

Chris Pratt goes to bed "depressed," at seeing the response I was incorrect, that is an older article, about when he was thanking his wife for providing a healthy child, to which people drew immediate parallels to his ex-wife's son, who has many health complications & needed many surgeries.

But with your help, we can make him being depressed after media backlash reality!

Lol, &, may I say, lmao.

#gale chatter #mario movie #chris pratt #sonic movie #btw i 100% believe that rumor you cannot tell me that ain't what happened #also it is transparent that nintendo wanted what sonic movie had #damn maybe i don't do that batim video as my first maybe i do mario movie #my hot take is they should have cast both charles martinet & the super mario bros super show va #& used them interchangeably #bc. that would own #i wanted to mention thr jack black ass thing here but i feel it's too out there & irrelevant #at first reading the quote ppl got mad at i was little like 'oh dang is this not as bad as i thought' #but then i remembered 1) it's chris pratt he says rancid shut all the time & 2) #this response of stating he feels depressed while not like apologizing is just to do nothing but evoke pity #& he easily coulda apologized & been like 'i didn't mean it that way' or 'i wasn't thinking abt it & I'm sorry' #but he's not sorry. he doesn't see anything wrong with what he said. it's the internet's reaction that is thr problem in his mind #so he wants to make them pity him & feel bad that shit is TEXTBOOK manipulation i would know lol

[mel-loly]

-Hey🌹

(also- read the tags please..)

#I went back? perhaps... #I wanted to make this post to clarify some things and also.. #I wanted to apologize for my “bad mood” last Friday.. I already wasn't doing well some days. so... #yeah. I know it was very wrong of me to say some things and well. that's it. I'm so sorry.. #I also wanted to say and apologize to the people who gave me art ideas and I didn't do it. #as I said before. I've been pretty bad. and even more full of things to do and think about.. #I know I should have told you guys this earlier but unfortunately I couldn't... #so- I won't be able to make them anymore. but... I'm open to art ideas now for christmas! #without being crk characters and also without being other people's characters (like- art requests if you guys know what i mean).. #maybe yes it could be with other people's characters but- I don't want it to be an art request for example. as i said #sorry for anything again if I said or did something wrong. I swear it wasn't my intention. and if it was. I apologize more for that #so... that's it. I don't have much to say- #just wanted to clarify a few things and wanted to ask for christmas art ideas so I can get back to posting.. #sorry again for everything and hope y'all have a wonderful day/night with this wonderful art of mine that i did for you guys💛 #hello kitty is one of my favorite characters. love her <333 #hello kitty on my style #hello kitty fanart #hello kitty art #hello kitty #art #i'm mel and this is my blog✌️ #my art blog #my art #my art <3 #art mel #my art style #fanart

[vilevampire]

if more than one minor event happens within a day I'm already like "damn hold the fuck on the world is moving too fast"

#tbf I have also been feeling sick all day today so I there's a reason I'm not processing anything properly #for context: mike said something on stream today that most of the fandom did NOT like #I don't even know what it was bc I didn't watch the stream today. but a lot of ppl got mad #including ppl that liked him before #I started getting flashbacks to what happened within the brazilian fandom in january tbh #and at the same time it seems twt could be blocked from Brazil entirely soon enough #because elon doesn't want to comply with our anti hate speech laws #it's been too much for me to process #I don't think anything major long-term is going to come out of either of those occurrences #mike already apologized and said he would inform himself better before saying stuff (whatever it was) #and ppl have said twt would die like. at least 4 different times already and it's still around #also even if it did die in brazil it would mostly be a minor inconvenience for me tbh #the biggest problem would be maintaining communication with mike but if push comes to shove then he at least knows my e-mail #lucasings #and my tummy still hurts 😐😑

[stardustedknuckles]

It's bedtime and I'm being very sappy, but I just came across a joke that my ex taught me, way back when, and it was good to have a reason to think of her and smile.

There's a great nothing where we used to be, and I feel like I recall the broad strokes and the bad details whenever I think of her. Her trauma and my unassuming arrogance in trying to help her, the nights she wouldn't reply to my texts because she knew I would stay awake terrified she'd hurt herself, the way the only thing she knew how to do with someone who cared for her was to manipulate them just to feel in control of something, and all I knew to do when I knew someone was trying to be better, when they wanted to be good and wanted me, was to stay with them - more importantly, to never give up being wanted by someone I wanted in return.

But the bad is never the whole story. And it's not excusing the fucked up little ball of issues we made together, but we wouldn't have fought so hard for us without the good. And she did teach me jokes and I did get her to sleep at my house that one time, early on, and I smiled up at my ceiling feeling floaty and warm while she slept because I was safe enough to fall asleep around when nobody else was, and she tried as hard as she knew how no matter what anyone else said. Of course she sucked at it. Of course I should've stood up for myself, of course it shouldn't have gone on for as long as it did. Neither of us even knew we were together until it was over and didn't find out we were lesbians for another five years after the end.

But she brought me to her dorm before I ever really understood the risk she was opening herself up to by having someone in a small and empty room alone, I clearly remember the first time she touched me (head on my shoulder) after months of me being careful not to touch her lest she jump out of her skin or start trembling, the paint speckled up her arms the first day of our class together, and the way it felt to have earned every morsel of her stunted and spiky affection. The nights we lingered in my driveway after she got in her car to leave, the cramps in my muscles after leaning for so long and how bright the stars always looked for all of those extra, stolen minutes. Her body weight across my lap while I threaded my fingers through her fine, fine hair (which I could probably still find attached to something, somewhere, even after 8 years). It was like becoming friends with a feral cat and I got scratched plenty. It's much healthier to read about than to live, I promise.

But it's okay to acknowledge that our explosive and often terrible attempts to care for each other were rooted in the earnest attempt to be good to and for the other, whatever our personal reasons why. And sometimes, many times, certainly more as the years went on, we succeeded. There's still nobody I would rather haunt that town with. Those moments of joy snatched from two conflicting kinds of broken shine all the brighter for the confusing mess of hormones and feelings and pasts we snatched them from. How it felt to be safety for someone who had never known it, to feel that sense of purpose before I was old enough to really understand why that was such a problem. I could go on until the sun comes up, but that's okay. Maybe one day I will. But for now I read that dumb little joke and, just for a second, I can remember how she smelled and the way the light that filtered through the old library windows poured over us like beams of honeyed time unspooling around us, the way I rolled my eyes and tried not to laugh lest I break the hush of the third floor - the wicked pride in her eyes, the surprise in them at discovering how much she liked that she made me laugh... and the smile it brings to me isn't bittersweet anymore.

#I genuinely don't know how I'm going to manage being that open with anyone ever again #Or if that's even a goal I should have #But I'm glad I had those years #I'm glad we had each other #And I think true healing - not just processing - probably comes from being able to wrap myself in the good #Without apologizing to the cop in my head for enjoying anything about it #Because almost every single person I ever told about her said I was in an abusive relationship #And it took me a decade to understand that the fact she didn't mean it to be didn't mean it wasn't #And that it's still okay that I loved her so much #I'm not an idiot for it and I don't need to qualify it and say how much I know better now #It's okay to think back and just remember the good #Anyway if you read all that I have no idea why but there you go #Also yes she's where I got so much of spiky beau from #Especially those early pieces

[girlscience]

okay okay okay okay. I KNEW that the fight between Luffy and Usopp was going to be different from the rest of the show so far and I knew I was going to have thoughts about it but oh my god I did not expect it to FEEL so different. Like up to this point they have faced some fucked up people and had some serious fights, but the Strawhats themselves haven't really felt serious. This alone feels like it legitimized Luffy's captaincy and proved how the crew will trust and follow his decision making. (which is why I really really love Zoro's part in it because even Luffy was having a hard time doing this and Zoro told him he couldn't waver because if he did who could they trust? and I have so many feelings about that) Anyway, this was really the first incident related only to the crew themselves that has felt actually serious and I really appreciated that.

#I also liked seeing all the other responses to the fight as well #Nami clearly doesn't understand and just wants them to apologize and get along again but she's still siding with Luffy because he is captain #Sanji understands more but he also clearly would prefer for them to just talk it out but I feel like he does think Usopp is in the wrong #in a way that Nami doesn't and he is still following Luffy #and then Chopper... I don't feel like he fully understands but I think his issue stems more from a crisis as a doctor #and feeling it is his role to heal everyone and suddenly he is unable to care for someone he loves #However I do think that in part his experience with almost being taken by the foxy pirates really cemented him as never ever leaving #the strawhats so even though it hurts him he isn't going to do anything that he feels betrays the crew and i feel like he found a good line #of respecting his beliefs as a doctor and also still following luffy #I think Zoro saw this as necessary and knew Luffy needed something that cemented him as captain and he knew there was no other way #for luffy and usopp to work out their disagreement. also he has only been following luffy this whole time and he feels the rest of the crew #needs the level of devotion he has to luffy so if usopp doesn't feel that and wants to leave? he says go. #if you aren't willing to follow no matter what you shouldn't be here. also i think he is mad at usopp for making the rest of the crew have #to go through all this and watch it happen. #i am very excited to see all the fallout from this and how this arc goes and how they get back together #i am also super super excited for the robin plotline #i know farrrrr more about the usopp plot in this arc than robins so i literally don't know what's going on with her right now #and i'm super excited to find out #one piece

[meowonhao]

soo crazy to me how in the last year with minghao, dokyeom, hoshi, joshua, junhui, and now woozi (idk if i'm missing someone) y'all are way too ready and eager to automatically throw them under the bus over something some random person (usually antis) said online and then like a day or two later when everyone comes to the consensus that it wasn't actually that big of a deal or even wrong/bad in the first place (which you could've figured out yourself from the beginning by just doing like. 30 seconds of research and exercising your critical thinking skills) everyone just moves on like nothing happened and goes back to being a fan/stanning them or whatever like you weren't just going with the crowd and shit-talking them 12 hours ago

#not even going to get into how so many problems arise from no understanding of korean/asian culture #and relying on half-assed and sometimes just straight up wrong translations #like cool you don't have to know everything about a culture or be fluent in a language but #that also means you probably shouldn't be speaking on certain things at all much less without even trying to look into it a bit more #anyways..yeah i'm sorry maybe i'm delusional but i definitely am going to default to trusting my idols #and then figuring out for myself if i really think they did something that bad or “cancel” worthy #before i'm about to believe some random twitter/tumblr/tiktok user and just go with whatever they tell me to think about something #and most of y'all don't apologize or clarify anything. just move on right after hurling the most abhorrent accusations against these people #who are people too in case anyone forgot #but then an idol kills themselves and everybody boohoo's and cries and acts like they just can't believe how this happened again #like it's you. you're why #and i can only speak on the last year of course bc that's how long i've been an actual carat and kept up with them to this extent #i'm sure other stupid stuff has happened before that too with other members #i just think if you're so ready to toss away your idols without giving them like any benefit of the doubt whatsoever you just need to go #i hate when i see this stuff too bc i'm usually only seeing the korean side of stuff and most of these things are such a non-issue here #bc people know better (not saying there aren't some crazy fans everywhere but) #then i see some dumb shit on tumblr dot com that either only has links to some dumb twitter thread #or i have to search for on twitter because again. i do not see stuff from int'l fans unless i am forced to or look it up intentionally #and just saying the timing of these things is always so calculated by antis and y'all fall for it every single time #this is all i have to say bc i just remembered the whole thing abt ppl trying to say hao was being fatphobic or something dumb #and then i remembered everything else and it just made me mad all over again lol #if anyone disagrees with any of this feel free to block me🥰

[abyssembraced]

Okay, so! I have:

Changed the url of the blog (scale-tippers -> abyssembraced)

Changed the colour scheme of the blog (though it's still somewhat subject to change)

Updated the avatar to reflect the new colour scheme (though it's still temporary until I draw a nicer one)

Removed my old promo as my pinned post due to it being outdated (a temporary pinned post with links and stuff will be up in a sec; a new promo will come eventually, probably once I finish writing Rouxls' bio page)

Archived (dropped) Ryunosuke and Robin as muses for the time being.

#ooc #((plus side to making a poll about the url change and not just dming my mutuals directly:)) #((the anonymity and indirectness makes people less pressured to say 'yes' and thus will answer 'no' if they don't want me to change it!)) #((the down side to not talking to people directly:)) #((i do not know who i now need to apologize to for changing my url)) #((and the reason the blog colours are still subject to change are because everything is very ghost-centric right now)) #(( (oh btw tumblr stop trying to correct me on my spelling of ''colours'' i am Right) )) #((''abyssembraced'' is still a lot more fitting for ghost than it is for rouxls even though the new url was supposed to suit both muses)) #((but i chose to go for that name specifically instead of something like ''darkembraced'')) #((so i'm thinking i might change the blog's colours to be black/dark grey and blue/cyan to reference castle town)) #((so that rouxls feels more included given that he's Also a primary muse)) #((also i do still love ryuu and robin but i just. don't have the confidence to write them right now)) #((maybe they'll come back someday! but i'm not gonna promise anything and i wouldn't count on it unless i decide to replay their games)) #((but i don't really like dealing in absolutes so i'm calling them ''archived'' and not dropped)) #((their bios are still available on a separate ''archived muses'' page i just made that can be accessed from the regular muse list))

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#god! why is having a meltdown the most embarrassing thing in the world? even a day later #i hate beeing aware of every single thought and feeling i'm feeling while not being able to put a finger on what it is #and also being aware of every feeling and thought people around me are probably having #and then not knowing what the fuck to do to stop them from acting angry at me or just not talking to me at all #i know seeing someone going completely insane is not a fun feeling for people but i'm not doing it on purpose #could we pretend it didn't happen when it's over? #it's not that i'm not telling you what's going on in a calmed manner because i hate you and want you to worry #i'm not talking because i CAN'T and even if i could I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING #i spent all day yesterday trying to avoid having a meltdown and when i finally failed #i was crying by myself in silence not bothering anyone #but of course my mom seeing me cry made my anxiety and embarrassement spike and then my brain was gone #so not being able to explain to her what was going on made HER upset with ME and i just couldn't deal with that so i had to go to sleep #but i woke up today and she's being so cold to me and i can't help but feel guilty because I KNOW it's because of me that she's like that #and there's nothing i can do about it #i want to apologize but i literally don't know what to pologize for cause i didn't do anything wrong? #i don't think i did? and what's the point of apologizing if i don't think i did something wrong? #i'm not going to be those people who say ''i'm sorry you feel this way'' cuase that's not an apology! #i fee like shit mentally. physically. emotionally AND have to deal with my mom acting angry and offended and cold #idk what to do #i should have stayed in bed #but no... i'm ranting on the internet #angel talks #personal

[rusalkaandtheshepherdgirl]

sucks to suck sometimes

#that is to say i'm going to vent here in the tags i would apologize but this is my blog so #but i won a sonnet contest yay congrats go me if there's one thing i can do it is write pretty weird sonnets that people like for some reas #i even got prize money for it again all good here #however yesterday i was driving because you know i was planning to go try and take my driving test and get a license #for you know government id and also so i can. drive a car and whatever useful skill in this car-centric hellscape amiright #and i did passably all hour i just drove around the city practicing like passing and stopping smoothly and all those good things #and then i drove onto my street which i cannot stress enough is a one way residential street #and it was the middle of the day so like. there were a total of five cars parked along the block #and my mom picked up a call with her girlfriend which like good for her right but it's very distracting because she's right next to me #and i'm trying not to listen because she doesn't like to be eavesdropped on when she's talking to her gf #and the apartment has paper thin walls so i basically have to try and turn my attention off so as to give her privacy #so anyways i turn half my attention off and manage to tap one of the cars parked on one of this nearly-empty street #because to quote olivia rodrigo i'm not cool and i'm not smart and i can't even parallel park #and they test u on that so i was trying to parallel park right which i can't #so now i am refusing to go take my driving test because i hate myself and my abilities #and to get back to the setup i can't even be happy about prize money or anything because obvs i have to pay back my mom #because cars are expensive even if it's just small dents in them #and like. there's been a whole thing about me being promised a job and then not getting it so i don't even have a job right now #i'm applying to all the places i can think of that i can get to on public trans and who might wanna hire a teenager with v little experienc #so anyway until someone decides to take pity on me and hire me i don't even have a job to help pay her back with #which it could be worse! we have enough money that it's not going to be a disaster until i can properly pay her back #and my sweet twin is even begging me to let them pay half because we generally split expenses and pool our money and whatever #even if it's usually like. buying coffee for both of us or getting lunch someplace not me managing to fuck up driving on an empty street #so like it could be way way worse however it really sucks #anyways i feel terrible about the whole thing obviously and needed to vent someplace #so hi strangers on the internet it was probably not worth it at all to read all of that #rio remarks

[quatregats]

Not me being way too excited anything happens in Boston/New England in these books, literally I know we’re on the wrong side here but I Don’t Care

#like that is MY old ironsides that is MY charlestown navy yard #that is MY beacon hill and MY cambridge and MY weird new england accents #don't talk to me i am feeling Emotions™ #also i gotta say. i have understood the war of 1812 far better from reading these books than anything they taught us in history class #it just doesn't really click when you're in a high school classroom and they're like the british navy was pressing american sailors #i think it's just really hard for us to understand how close the us and britain were (culturally/socially/etc) at that time #and also how war worked in the age of sail but yeah i mean that's an obvious thing you learn from Boat Books #anyhow i'm just reading these and jack is like in a horrible state and i'm just like okay but mr o'brian is mentioning places i know #yeah characters are cool but charlestown is cooler :p #jkjk i don't think charlestown's even showed up yet lol #perce rambles #aubreyad #also i'm not sure how herapath will turn out but i am vibing with him on account of He's From Boston (and also likes languages) #yes stephen is my emotional support blorbo but herapath is my emotional support bostonian (/cantabridgian) #apologies for this appearing in the tag but i have to protect my followers who don't want to see aubreyad content

[cparti-mkiki]

still thinking about the maria teresa author* who, when highlighting the physical differences between philip iv and his castilian subjects in passing, out of the blue, could think of nothing less strange than bringing up how "small and with rather developed body hairiness" the spaniards are. i think it was a french attempt at humor (haha! the spanish!) but it's just a very [?] thing to bring up specifically, given that the question of body hair was basically irrelevant with 17th century men's clothing.

it's a small thing but it stood out to me by its sheer randomness and the fact that someone thought it was either a relevant comment or a funny enough sentence to print. also my guy...... we are literally side by side. we are two mid sized to small countries glued together in a little peninsula-continent and we've had centuries upon centuries of exchanges. ive lived in both countries ive visited north and south and there is no big overarching "racial" difference between us............ i think there are obvious on-average differences in the extremes (pas de calais vs andalucia fight) but the way you see what's commonly attributed to the spanish you'd think we were different species. if you want to call us unattractive or more animalistic (not that i think the aforementioned traits are bad at all— but that's what the tone implies) you're gonna end up throwing a lot of stones at your fellow countrymen

*yeah, the one who did a biography of a spanish princess using only french sources lmao

#my posts #with all due respect to my french friends whom i love very much #this is honestly why i started not disclosing the fact that I'm spanish to acquaintances #that way they just take me for one of them and so #i get to avoid all the random microaggressions and 'spanish things' they would find 'obvious' in me #if i had told them i wasn't french #one time i got told out of nowhere 'wow you have so little arm hair for a spaniard' as several school acquaintances scrutinized me and #it's the weirder and somehow (to me) more uncomfortable version of the 'you're so pale for a spaniard' which was also recurring #i don't want to imply all french people are like this or anything. love you guys #but it's amazing that so many of them see nothing annoying or déplacé about pseudoracial remarks #these psychonational euro relationships have to be studied like a bug #do you ever hear another european's passing comment about your country/region #and just know which entrenched stereotypes they're basing off their completely inaccurate image of it like a tip of the iceberg kinda thing #but it's not like you can 'haha well actually' over every single small comment or you'd look insane #if this post seems overly combative i apologize and i just want to say studying in france is the source of this hate #this post is not leaving the bubble but just in case i will state: this is not a post about actual racism. this is an ethnical euro on euro #violence discussion space