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#A chonk to join the chonk men
honeybeezgobzzzzz · 2 months
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🗡️ Something Dread, Something Red: Chapter Nine
Something Dread, Something Red: Stuck in a proposal to a Marine Commodore, you escape minutes before your wedding in one last ditch effort to avoid getting married to a tyrant. Barely making it to the port of your town, you stumble across a ship just starting to leave and beg for passage off the island. You fail to notice that the people you beg for help, are pirates.
Warnings: Confused Thirsting.
To Note: “Red Haired” Shanks x FemReader
Word Count: ~3.2k
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Ingles was three days behind the Red Force and bright open skies were stretched ahead. So you had grabbed Cerise’s soup and stew book and found a nice place to sit on the deck of the ship while the men roughhoused and goofed off. The sun felt nice on your face and the slight breeze kept the air from feeling too hot. While you had intended on spending the morning studying Cerise’s cook book to bolster your cooking knowledge, you had instantly gotten distracted the moment swords came out.
Slowly lowering the book in front of your face, you peered over the edge as Benn and Limejuice sparred with each other with live steel. Good gods, someone was going to get hurt! You blanched at the pair, wincing every time steel clashed and sharp echo permeated the calm day.
“Better get used to it, Aria,” Hongo’s voice came from off to your left, and glancing at him, you saw him watching the pair of men. “This is pretty normal for us, we held off on it because we didn’t want to shock or upset you. But you seem to have adjusted and they were itching to get some practice in.”
“I’m not in shock or upset, I’m worried they are going to hurt each other,” You snorted indignantly. “They’re using live steel and we are on a ship that constantly moves. What happens if someone get’s cut or worse?” Hongo shrugged with a lazy smile. Of course you wouldn’t be upset by them practicing! You just didn’t want them to get hurt.
“Think about it, we’re pirates,” He stated, returning his eyes to Benn and Limejuice. “Knowing how to wield a blade on a ship is pretty damn important in our line of work. We get used to the motions and if someone does get hurt… well, I’m around and they know how to take a cut.” You still didn’t like the idea of them getting hurt by sparring like this, but you could understand the need for practice and the practicality of practicing in the same conditions they might find themselves in. So you took to watching them.
Every single one of them moved with grace and skill, they clearly had several years under their belts to hone the fine skill of wielding a blade. The sharp ring of metal on metal was not bothering you as much as it had in the beginning and you actually found enjoyment watching them as long as you ignored the little nicks and cuts they gave each other. Then the shirts came off.
Naturally they were going to get hot and work up a sweat working out and sparring, but you hadn’t been expecting them to just whip off their shirts and continue where they left off. You’d nearly snorted the water you were sipping when Bonk Chonk had whipped his own shirt off without even bothering to pause his spar with Gab. You had been slack jawed for approximately a minute before realizing that this was normal for them, and you probably shouldn’t be to worried about it. So you got over the fact that you were watching grown men with no shirts spar with live steel… until Shanks joined in on the fun.
Now, you had absolutely no problem watching the men spar shirtless, they were like older brothers to you at this point. But Shanks? Your jaw dropped open the moment he had his own shirt off and you were very lucky that Cerise’s cook book was blocking your mouth otherwise the entire crew would have seen you gawking at Shanks. When you finally managed to snap your mouth shut again, you swallowed thickly and took at least a minute to appreciate what a beautiful man Shanks was. He was appropriately tanned from sailing the Blues, not to deep but not to light, had well defined muscles that clearly indicated lifting you over his shoulder with his only arm was effortless to him, and an overall body that clearly indicated that he took good care of himself.
In your eyes, he was perfect in every way.
Your eyes stayed glued to the captain as he pulled out his own sword and loosely batted away a few strikes from Benn. It should be heavily noted that while Shanks was one armed and using his non dominant one to parry the blows to his person, his own blade moved with such refined grace that it looked like the red haired man was barely putting any effort into it! You found yourself entranced and unable to tear your eyes away.
Benn and Shanks moved about the main deck, exchanging light hearted jibs at each others form and playing on each others age. Benn was fifty, but to you he moved with the suave grace of a twenty year old. Surprising, but at the same time, not at all. With the way the men lived, their bodies were in a constant state of work. They didn’t let themselves get lazy because one simply couldn’t be lazy sailing the Blues. Shanks was thirty nine, and that did surprise you.
He had the refined looks of a mature adult, but not one almost going on forty. To you he almost seemed like he was in his early thirties, not late thirties. He was also laid back and fun, you hadn’t ever encountered an adult his age who wasn’t crotchety, asinine, or just plain mean. Another reminder that you had missed out on so much being confined to Bonn Manor. Your mind strayed from old memories, distracted by the trickles of sweat carving paths along tanned skin.
You grew rather envious of those little trails running along smooth skin and beautifully crafted muscle. Perhaps not envious, jealous might be a better word. You wanted to trace those paths to find out if Shanks muscles were truly as sculpted as they appeared to be. Your fingers twitched at the idea of them running along warm skin, following dips and curves. Oh it would be even better if it were your tongue…  Freezing in place, you let out a strangled noise in the back of your throat and proceeded to smack Cerise’s cook book against your forehead as your face and neck rippled with unbearable heat.
For the love of the All Blue, Linaria! Get control of yourself!
Unfortunately for you, your noise and sudden face smack hadn’t gone unnoticed and the crew was now looking at you in concern.
“Aria?” Shanks called out, lowering his sword and worrying that something was wrong. The last three days had gone so well and he hated to have something happen now.
“I’m jealous!” You blurted out without thinking and the moment your brain caught up with your lips, mortification soon took residence within your body. Why did you say that!? You were going to burn up right in that seat, reduced to a smoldering pile of bone and ash. What you did not expect, was for the men to start laughing at you.
“Don’t be jealous, I’m sure you just have ta’ bat your eyes at Shanks all nice and pretty like, and he’ll give you some pointers on how to wield a sword.” Yasopp called, doing a fancy trick with his sling shot. For a few precious moments, you didn’t quite understand what the sniper meant… then it came to you. They thought you were jealous of them knowing how to use a sword! Relief flooded your body, but the fiery burn of embarrassment over your rather naughty thoughts lingered. Slowly lowering the book from your forehead, you eyed each of the men while trying not to openly gawk at Shanks and his unfairly handsome state.
“I don’t bat my eyes,” You huffed with a grumble. There was another round of laughter and Shanks took pity on you, sheathing his sword and walking over. “You all are terrible, I hope you realize that.”
“They’re just teasing you,” Shanks said with a teasing smile of his own. He leaned against the deck railing next to you and observed your body language. Something had embarrassed you, he could sense the heat pooling beneath your cheeks and neck, but knew that it was a far better choice to pretend that your embarrassment did not exist. “Though Yasopp is technically correct.” You glared at the red haired man, your embarrassment quickly trickling away. Shanks gave you a curvy smile.
“I’m not batting my eyes at you, just so we are clear,” You retorted, rolling your eyes and hugging the cook book to your chest.
“Shame, I rather like your eyes,” Shanks replied, leaning in a little closer to look at your eyes. They were indeed a beautiful color, one that complimented the tone of your lavender hair. Your face and neck started to warm up again. Seas give you mercy this man had no idea what he does to you. You don’t even know what he does to you!
“So about learning how to use a sword?” You broached, trying to steer your mind and the conversation away from Shanks’ body. Find your reason Linaria. Shanks’ lips twitched.
“I’ll teach you, it’d probably be better for you in the long run.” Shanks admitted, running a thumb beneath his lips. “But not when the men are sparring. They sometimes get carried away.”
“I can see that,” You said, eyeing Building Snake who had a laceration that Hongo was lecturing him about keeping clean. “This is part of your routine, and they seem to enjoy it. Please don’t let my presence alter that, I’m not going to flop in a faint because Limejuice and Gab decided to settle a wager via a sword fight.” Your frank words had Shanks’ smile stretching wider as he chuckled.
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“You sure?” Lucky asked, rubbing the back of his head. He was used to doing all the cooking on board the Red Force, so you stating that you were going to be more proactive around the ship by fixing meals for the crew was a little odd. Well, you had already forced your way into helping him to feel useful, and clearly something had changed in the three weeks you’d been on board.
“Quite so,” You answered before lofting up one of Cerise’s cook books. “I’ve come armed and ready, and need some practice.” Lucky squinted at the book, almost not believing what his eyes were telling him.
“Wait a minute, is that one of—”
“Cerise’s cook books? Yes, yes it is,” You stated calmly. “She gave me a couple to learn how to cook while sailing.”
“But those books are like the holy grail to Cerise, I spent an entire summer beggin’ for just a look at one and didn’t even manage that.” Lucky complained, wondering how you had managed to get the old woman to give you not just one cook book, but several! The cook decided then and there that you must have some sort of magical gift. “Well if it’s one of Cerise’s recipes, and she gave you her books, you must have impressed her. What were you thinking?”
“Her autumn stew with jerky,” You explained, opening the book up to the page with the recipe on it. “I noticed that a lot of the ingredients you stocked up on in Ingles matched up with this recipe and I’ve never had jerky before so I figure it would be a good start.”
“Oh that stew?” Lucky asked, bouncing in place at the idea of having Cerise’s famous autumn stew with jerky for dinner. It’d been at least a year since he and the crew had tasted it. “The boys’ll eat it up! Probably won’t have leftovers but that’s why we stock up on food.” You beamed at Lucky, glad that he was on board with your plan.
“Great! Just keep them away from the kitchen, I know they like to snack on bits and pieces of stuff while you cook and I will not allow that in my kitchen.”
“Your kitchen?”
“Yes,” You stated. “If I’m cooking, it’s my kitchen. No snacks, no hovering, no ‘is dinner ready yet’!” Lucky let out a slow drawn sigh.
“You really do know us, don’t you.”
“I’ve spent the last three weeks watching all of you. It wouldn’t have been very smart of me to not pick up on your quirks and habits. Additionally, you are men.” Lucky gave you a hurt look and you simply raised your eyebrow in challenge, for nothing you had said was technically wrong. “Now then, where did the jerky get stored? We need to get that soaking…” 
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You were proud to say that the smells coming from the kitchen had many of the men coming to investigate. However, much to their great disappointment, Lucky Roux kicked them out before they could question what was for dinner. You were busy reading through the cook book yet again while the stew simmered on the stove and barely gave the investigative men any mind. Cerise had handwritten several notes in the margins of her cookbook giving high quality tips and tricks the she had learned over the years.
Such tips included how to pick out the best produce for this recipe, how long it would stay fresh in the fridge, and what cuts of meat were best for making jerky. Making jerky wasn’t exactly something you ever thought you would want to know, but the more you thought about it the more you realized that jerky had a long shelf life and was good for the seas. Then again, you didn’t even know if you liked jerky! Your eyes flickered away from the book to the few bits of jerky left on the counter.
“Small bites, just incase you don’t like it,” You mumbled to yourself before reaching over and snatching a small piece of jerky. Looking at the small piece of red meat, you smelled it and shrugged, its smell was surprisingly good. Nibbling on the edge of the jerky, you were pleasantly surprised by the intense meat flavor. Rather than take another nibble, you simply ate the rest of the piece, savoring the flavor and rather exciting prospect of sneaking something behind Shanks and Hongo’s back. Giggling to yourself, you reached for Lucky’s special spoon and gave the bubbling stew a stir.
“The men are getting restless,” Lucky announced, shooing away Benn for what had to be the fifth time in the last hour. He peered at the stew and felt his own stomach rumbling. Just by the smell he knew that there wouldn’t be a drop of soup leftover.
“Fifteen minutes,” You said, running the spoon through the stew and checking the consistency. Oh yes, fifteen minutes should be more than enough for the stew to come together. “Youmight as well tell them to wash up, I swear I can hear them drooling.” The cook did as you bade, chuckling at your words because the men indeed were drooling.
While you had a moment alone in the kitchen, you grabbed a small spoon from the kitchen drawer and dipped it into the stew. You were fairly sure that by the smell alone, you hadn’t made anything horrendous, and you had followed Cerise’s instructions to a t, but you didn’t want the men to eat anything you cooked without tasting it first. Blowing on the small spoonful, you tentatively looked at the spoon before sticking it in your mouth.
Oh.
By no means did you think the stew was anything special, certainly if you had made it… but you were pleasantly surprised by how nice it tasted and how delicious the fresh vegetables had turned out. Of course the flavor of the jerky was there, but the dried meat had softened up to a texture that was only slightly chewy. Pleased that your first ever dish had come out well, you ladled some of the stew into a small bowl to eat before the men came along and ate everything in sight.
Bowl in hand, you squirreled yourself away the corner of the kitchen and delicately ate your portion as the men filed into the kitchen (at least in a somewhat orderly manner) to get their share of dinner. Shanks was last to grab a bowl, which he always did so intentionally, and eyed you.
“You get enough to eat? The men have been driven crazy by the smell and I doubt there will be any leftovers.” He spoke, serving himself up a bowl and grabbing a spoon. You had been surprisingly absent the last two and half hours, usually this time of day you liked to be out on the deck to watch the shimmering sunset. “Are you going to come out on deck with the rest of us men or has the drooling turned you away?”
“Oh I’ve had enough, stomach is still quite small and it’s very filling,” You reassured Shanks with that gentle smile of yours he loved. “I’m just writing some notes down before I forget, I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
“I hold you to that, madam, as your company has been greatly missed this afternoon,” Shanks stated with a half smile and a teasing gleam in his eyes. You giggled further and turned your attention back to Cerise’s cook book. She had said that you could try adding your own variations to things, after you had made the recipe as it was intended the first time. You were thinking about how to stretch the food made on the ship, and a great many of the recipes you’d tabbed through in Cerise’s other cook books had main dishes over variations of potatoes.
You wrote down your last thoughts, making sure that you wrote down the nuances and taste profile of the stew. While you had initially intended to learn how to cook to be self sufficient, you found that you enjoyed the task and wanted to work on the skill more than just for survival. Tucking the book away in a safe place, you wandered out to the main deck while humming beneath your breath. The moment you appeared on deck, the chatter of the men ceased and you found all eyes on you.
“Something wrong?” You asked, your eyebrow rising while you looked around.
“When did you learn how to cook?” It was Bonk Chonk that spoke. You blinked and tilted your head to the side.
“Three days ago, why?”
“Bloody hell you’re a lucky man,” Limejuice complained, much to your confusion as the rest of the crew nodded with equal groans.
“Well at least we get to enjoy it for now, because this is life changing,” Hongo muttered before diving back into his dinner. Nods went around and they all resumed eating, leaving you in a state of confusion.
“Come on, you’re missing the view,” He said, guiding you by the elbow to the perfect view of the fading sunset. You looked up at his face with your eyebrows scrunched.
“What was that about?” You questioned, really not understanding what the pirates had been talking about. Shanks shook his head and was grateful that you didn’t understand their subtle quips.
“They’re just being themselves, Aria, never mind them.” He reassured you, making a mental note to tell the men to back off on the comments.  The last thing any of them wanted was to scare you off.
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Date Published: 1/25/24
Last Edit: 1/25/24
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aph-netherlands · 5 months
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What kind of partners would the Benelux siblings be? And what kind of partners are they looking for? (any romance or sexuality headcanons?)
i personally think in terms of sexuality:
Laurens 🇳🇱 — bisexual with a preference for men
Elliot 🇱🇺 — pansexual, no preference
Emma 🇧🇪 — pansexual with a preference for women
in terms of what kind of traits they’d look for in partners…
Ned: prefers a partner who is into academia, things like history and art and sciences. he’s massively tall so his partners always end up shorter than him, and he actually loves this fact. he also prefers someone on the heavier side, the man is an unapologetic lover of chonk (and these are all reasons why we are actually irl dating <3)
Bel: needs someone who can keep up with her chaos!!! whether it be to calm her down or join her in the zoomies, she just needs someone who won’t get fed up with her. also loves a partner who is very giving and devoted because she loves the attention, and she will return it ten fold!!
Lux: he’s not picky when it comes to a ‘type’, but an absolute necessity is to be willing to give him attention as much as possible. yes this is a toxic trait of his. he also loves a partner with an eccentric side, he finds weirdness fascinating!
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blamebrampton · 2 years
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Two re-reads this time, but one I had forgotten and the other needed a second read, and needed a chonk of time for that read (so it was my Covid recovery choice). Both read on Kindle, so sorry if the cover images are ridiculously sized: Tumblr’s interface hates my iPad.
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First up, Team Human by Sarah Rees Brennan and Justine Larbalestier. I’ve read multiple books by both of these authors and they’re both talented writers but I am not their target audience, being too old, too cynical and too impatient to get past the kissing bits. Nevertheless, I enjoyed SRB’s Demons and Lynburn trilogies and found Larbalestier’s How to Ditch Your Fairy a witty and clever take. So I was very interested in this book at the time it came out, read it, enjoyed it, and completely forgot it over the past 10 years. So reread it was!
Set in a town in Maine that has been a safe haven for vampires for centuries, the book follows Mel, high school student, her bestie Cathy (same) and how the arrival of Francis, the 200-ish-year-old vampire in their class changes everything when Cathy falls in love with him and contemplates joining him in undeadness.
The one thing I remembered was that this book treated the pros and cons of vampirism seriously and interestingly, and it does. Francis lives in a family of several other vampires (one a ‘vampire cop’) and one human: an unwanted baby who was left on their doorstep and who Camille, the cop, decided to raise rather than eat. Neat touches like this fill the book, including the dangers of changing from human to vampire, where 10% will die and 10% become zombies.
Having the competing perspectives of Kit, the human raised by vampires, and Cathy, the human in love with a vampire, as they contemplate transition both faced with Mel, the 100% Team Human protagonist, drives much of the drama of the book, with an additional mystery that starts as an aside and ends up pivotal.
An interesting, well-crafted and often very funny book that respects the conventions of vampire and high school romances even as it cheerfully subverts them. And the poignant parts pack serious punch.
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Secondly, The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton. I bought this as an ebook as the physical book is a massive chonker and I think I had a broken wrist or thumb when it came out (or had recently had one). This was great for the physics of reading it, but not great for following the characters on the first read.
The story opens in 1866, with Walter Moody newly arrived on New Zealand’s South Island in search of his security on the goldfields. In the last hours of his voyage, he encounters a sequence of inexplicable events that leave him shaken. By coincidence, his first day onshore, he meets 12 men who have a set of mysteries of their own. Slowly, viewing many of the same events from different perspectives and then as the events of the novel unfold, these mysteries are shown to all link together and mostly unravel as the group bonds and trust is rewarded. A missing young man, a woman led astray but perhaps redeemed and an archetypal villain form the focus of the action that our 13 men seek to understand.
With a large cast and a complex structure (governed both by astrological references and a constantly waning chapter size), it’s a meaty, lengthy read that is best tackled in hardcopy so you can keep everyone straight at first. It very much rewarded the re-reading, as on my first time through I spent so much time wanting to find the solutions to the greater mysteries that I missed some of the book’s finer points re the various characters. I think reading it in paper would have helped here, as you are more inclined to linger a little longer on the page, or find it easy to flip back to the bit your impatience made you slip through.
The self-consciously literary structure of the novel was much-touted on its release and could be offputting as this can work against a connection with the cast of the book (as I found in Catton’s earlier The Rehearsal, which was clever but colder than this book). Despite the complex view-shifting of the early chapters, there are many people who draw the affection of the reader: Walter Moody trying to do the right thing and be a better man than his father; Thomas Balfour, who wants to be honourable but whose faith in the honour of his patron, the politician Lauderback, is being shaken; Crosbie Wells, whose death sets everything rolling and who emerges in death from his introduction as a shadowy drunken hermit to a man in full; Emery Staines, the golden haired boy of luck who is missing for most of the book, and Ana Wetherell, who most of the men care deeply for, whether or not they have paid for her or exploited her and who is revealed as the pivot point of events. While there is only one central Maori figure, Te Rau Tauwhare is treated as his own man with his own internal life, not a cipher for his people, and the conflicts of Colony and Treaty aren’t ignored in the text.
Highly recommend it for the next time you want a good literary meal over a week or two.
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yuuniee · 13 days
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maybe tsum Auburn or Daniel cause you know my biases
[Tsum Headcanons]
A/N: You ask, I answer~ (You really like fish men, huh? /j)
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🐢 Daniel:
Tsum Daniel is tiny a bit more aggressive than his human counterpart, but still chill. He tends to hop around the campus and hang out with Coral, Fawn, Asif, Hera and their tsums.
Daniel doesn’t even react to his tsum, he just picks him up and goes ‘You are my friend now, come here.’
They get even closer when Tsum Daniel starts to make a small mix of three songs and ends up with a summer vibe-y rock type of thing in hand. Daniel gets proud and impressed of him and even pats his tiny head.
If you’re listening some songs nearby, don’t be surprised when Daniel tsum jumps on your shoulder! He just wants to listen to some songs with you!
He can also be seen at Heartslabyul, trying to help Trey with the cake by bringing him the ingredients one by one. At least he’s trying, you know!
Tsum Daniel tends to hang out with Tsum Jade, Tsum Floyd and Tsum Azul when he is done with the job. Sometimes he stops the chaotic tsums with Tsum Azul, sometimes he joins in the fun.
If you leave Tsum Daniel unattended for too long, he may fall asleep on the place he is standing.
He also makes parfaits for people in Mostro Lounge by hopping around the kitchen and putting the ingredients.
If you want to take a picture of Tsum Daniel, you can. He’s okay with it as long as the flash isn’t on, otherwise you may accidentally stun him!
During Flying classes, Tsum Daniel climbs on his human counterpart’s shoulder and squeaks in excitement when they are high up. He sort of stands up and just feels the breeze. As for Daniel, he gets a bit annoyed when he squeaks and puts his hand under him to catch him. (He doesn’t fall though!)
If Daniel falls asleep on somewhere other than his bed, he squeaks loudly and bounces on his head to wake him up.
When they go to bed, Tsum Daniel goes on Daniel’s chest to and stays on there. They end up cuddling in their sleep, though Daniel won’t tell anyone about this...
His card is an SR card with him holding the tsum on his head with a cocky smile while the tsum has his headphones on and smiling contently.
🐟 Auburn:
Tsum Auburn is a bit worse than his human counterpart, but still the same. He is usually around Fawn and her tsum to protect her as his job as a royal guard. If someone hurts them in any way, he wouldn’t be afraid to hit that person with its tiny body.
When Auburn and his tsum meets, they observe each other and he goes, “I see...” before picking the little chonk up and putting him on his head.
They get even closer when two troublesome students start a fight in cafeteria and Tsum Auburn stops them both while his human counterpart checks if anyone is injured. The students later get called in Headmaster’s office and Auburn comments on how quick the tsum acted, saying that he was quicker than him and managed to separate two people that were at least ten times his size. Tsum Auburn squeaks happily and climbs on his shoulder for the rest of the day.
Due to him being the royal guard of Fawn, his tsum also goes to protect her tsum. Whether it’s something she can deal with herself or not, they both protect their queen.
Tsum Auburn sometimes braids his human counterpart’s hair while he is in class and then pretends to take notes along with him on his eraser.
Tsum Auburn can also cook meals for others if the situation calls for it. Though, I can’t promise if they will be delicious for some people... (See: Solomon (Obey Me))
Tsum Auburn usually fights with Tsum Daniel or Tsum Leona. While the little guy thinks it’s a playful fight, it isn’t.
In his spare time, he can be seen playing with the dolls that Archie made for Auburn when he is too busy to play. He hates being lonely...
When Auburn goes swimming in a lake, Tsum Auburn waits for him on the deck, waiting for him to come back.
Tsum Auburn is also needy and wants attention 24/7/365, hence why his human counterpart would feel a little drained.
His card is an R card with him bowing to the viewer a bit too much with a wink while his tsum bows on his head too.
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marmarbeans · 3 years
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Baby pictures of the peeegs!~ When we first got Bronwyn, we were scared to hold him cos he was such a litol boi. Salem and Mocha fought when we first put him in the cage. So much so, that we thought Bronwyn was a girl. He used to always wheek whenever someone opened a door, and it was pretty cute. ^^ When we first got the chaos duo(Salem and Mocha), it was our first time ever getting a guinea pig. We got them a cage and everything. That and we thought they were girls.
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ironmandeficiency · 3 years
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tf boys + dnd headcanons (bc i clearly have nothing better to do)
pairings: benny miller / reader (romantic) but platonic w the rest of the tf boys
word count: i’m typing this in the post itself good luck fuckers
summary: i got nothing y’all. just know that benny & will have a little extra info idk why
a/n: i’m semi-new to dnd but i’m armed w the player’s handbook and google so i will do my best
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benny: i think dnd was a guilty pleasure for him during high school. yeah he was seen as a Hot Popular Guy™️ and played football and baseball, but there is and always has been a nerd living in that heart of gold. had one (1) set of dice he used for every campaign and even kept them with him when deployed. he joined a campaign for the first time in years after coming back from The Mission That Shall Not Be Named™️. creating new characters & a homebrew or two became a way for him to cope with everything that happened there and heal.
details abt (one of) benny’s character(s):
half-orc barbarian-bard multiclass, affectionately known as a bardbarian
college of lore + berserker pathways
himbo af and benny laughs a lot when he gets to act out said himboness
character has a tendency to start bar fights if his talent is questioned, and usually it’s beating them with his fists and/or lute. there’s an npc that owns an instrument shop the half-orc frequents that gives him a glare every time but will always repair or replace said lute
uses vicious mockery against the BBG (big bad guy) every time they face a new one and the guys have never laughed so hard at benny’s random insults
focuses more on utility spells bc it’s just that easy for him to beat the hell out of someone with fists and weapons. becomes a jack of all trades kind of guy (similar to irl) and enjoys the “oh shit he can do that?” questions when he pulls off an intricate
when you offhandedly mention dnd night with your friends while planning for a date, benny’s eyes go wide. “you play dnd?! why didn’t you tell me earlier, lovebug? i love dnd!” precious baby boy will gush abt his first campaign back in high school and find his first set of dice to show you. he’s excited bc dnd is now another thing you can do together as a couple. will ask if you two can make characters with interlocking backstories 🥺
will: he didn’t play in high school but knew some guys in basic training that played who explained the basics to him and his first thought was “oh benny would love this” bc he knows his brother that well benny never had the heart to tell will that he had been playing dnd for years before will told him abt it so will takes credit for introducing benny to dnd. didn’t join a campaign but a character was built & he was gifted a set of dice from that group’s dm in case he ever wanted to start. ends up taking this character with him when he joins one of your campaigns and enjoys it a lot more than he thought he would
details abt will’s character:
goliath male, abt 7’8” and 300ish lbs bc he a big chonk
ranger-fighter multiclass — “warrior who used martial prowess and nature magic to combat threats on the edge of civilization” & “master of martial combat, skilled with a variety of weapons and armor” (pg. 45, dnd player’s handbook)
you can’t tell me that william miller wouldn’t enjoy the FUCK out of this combo without your pants catching fire
favored terrain: mountain, forest at level 6, and arctic at level 10
fighting style: two-weapon fighting
archetype: beast master. prefers a wolf, hawk, or mule companion but isn’t too picky
less of an emphasis on strength (goliath characters already get +1 to strength & rangers need more dexterity and wisdom anyways); instead, put his higher stat rolls into dex, wisdom, and constitution
you mention dnd early in getting to know will partly to just make conversation (and to snuff out whether he was the kind of guy to look down on the game as a whole). he tells you abt benny and a few of his army friends that played, and that he didn’t consider himself a player bc he hadn’t used his character yet. you called bullshit and, after getting him to play once, discovered that will would make a fabulous dm. his memory? impeccable. session plans? infallible, no matter what the party can improvise. is somehow always able to steer the party in the direction he needs them to go without being forceful. no one has ever heard a “you can certainly try” sound so encouraging yet foreboding at the same time.
frankie: poor man is absolutely clueless. he joins in on the dnd fun bc he saw how excited benny was and figured that it would be better than sitting at home by himself watching western reruns. ends up being inspired by said westerns (namely “the rifleman”) when creating his character and is crossing his fingers the entire time hoping that no one calls him on the similarities. despite the emphasis placed on charisma, he’s drawn to the paladin class bc of their self-chosen holy quest and the desire to vanquish evil (trauma 🥺). is learning how spells work as he goes and is frequently apologizing for holding up the session bc of this.
details abt frankie’s character:
half-elf paladin male
neutral good alignment
worships helm, god of protection (forgotten realms)
strength & charisma highest stats
protection fighting style
takes the oath of vengeance — “a solemn commitment to punish those who have committed a grevious sin” (phb, pg. 87). the character’s own purity is inferior to serving the justice they believe is required. to me, this just SCREAMS frankie
with the guidance of helm, his character became the sole caretaker to a child whose village was slaughtered by his character’s sworn enemy. strives to defeat said sworn enemy both in the name of his adopted son’s lost family & simply bc helm was like “dude you gotta stop this guy” shortly before frankie’s character found the child
has a bunch of healing & defense spells instead of combat spells bc why would he need combat spells if he can just fuck someone up with a weapon of choice?
santiago: like frankie, santi was absolutely clueless. but unlike frankie, he did a fuck ton of research during the days leading to the first night of the campaign. he he showed up after actually having done research with a well-rounded character with fitting stats and an intriguing backstory. does what a lot of men can’t and won’t by giving the party a female that is a genuine badass and respected for her badassery instead of being talked down to simply bc she’s a female. enjoys putting feline tendencies into his rp and the guys make cat jokes a lot.
details abt santiago’s character:
female tabaxi monk, way of the open hand
chaotic neutral alignment
was raised in the monastery and became a teacher in the ways for a short time. left the monastery after her curiosity revealed corruption within the ranks & was only allowed to leave freely under the condition of not telling anyone what she found
she was called back to teach when a sickness took down a lot of the elders and despite the reluctance, when she learned her mentor was sick, she went back. taught until his death and is in search of a medicine to save the monastery
her curiosity is fueled by her passion to learn everything she can. sometimes this gets her into some shenanigans but nothing too bad
triple frontier taglist: @pedropasscals @max--phillips @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @obirain @themarcusmoreno @catsnkooks @battletales @darthadeline @jedi-mando @book-of-anarchy @andysficrecs @purelypascal @whovianwar @lv7867 @kaermorons @princess76179 @greeneyedblondie44
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jasthelazyelf · 4 years
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12, 15, 35, 37, 57, 73, 78, 105, 141, 150 Hope you don't mind me asking so many, I was having a hard time narrowing down questions lol
Now now, you don’t have to hold back, I love answering questions :3
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
 NIVIRO -The Return (just hits every right spot)
 Katty Perry - Firework
 FUN - Some Nights
 Of Monsters and Men 
 The Chainsmoker and Coldplay - Something Just Like This
With enough research, there is a song in literally every genre of music that I’ll really like, even if I don’t like the genre in general otherwise. For me it’s a lot about the beat. Have a catchy beat and u got me.
15. What good thing happened this summer?
I made some new friends among the Obey Me fandom and honestly I love y’all ;w;
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
Even if I have a philosophical speech with myself about what all is considered with the word “TV”, I’ll still pick it as the thing I can live without. Our family hasn’t watched TV channels in probably about 10 years, so I am already going without it. :’D
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
Highly depends who I’m around at that moment. If it’s friends, I just make random kitty or screm noices and see who’ll join. If it’s with people I don’t trust enough and they don’t continue the conversation, my mind goes automatically day dream mode, so there’s absolutely no silence in my head.
57. Favourite food?
Pizza Pollo C:
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Yep! Several. A tiger, a big lizard, a husky and my new trusty chonk. My brother also gave me a cat shaped pillow for xmas ^w^
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
Green tea flavoured ice cream. Only had it once but bOI was it absolutely delicious and so refreshing.
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
If I think it means what it means, then yes, absolutely. They’re quite common if you go to camping sites with other people AND our “burning witches” tradition is actually more about people getting together and drink a few drinks and children having fun in witch costumes, with huge bonfires lit and people singing songs. Don’t worry, it’s not middle ages here :’D
141. Night or Day?
Eternal exhaustion. I love sleeping and I go quite early, but I am definitely not a morning person.
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
“It’s a dress, on a man who works in a post office, Richie!” - Running with the Demon, Terry Brooks 
Thanks for sending these >w<
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brownstonearmy · 4 years
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2020-04-24: A Party You Can’t Refuse
July 21 (Tuesday morning)
The rainy weather of the past few days has given way to a fair summer morning with light cloud cover. Our band of intrepid adventurers has once again converged at SHART HQ for their newest assignments. Dave has been training Bob (the slightly damaged monodrone modron from Mechanus) to do some work as a receptionist and document service requests from the citizens. Unfortunately for everyone involved, Bob doesn't quite grasp the concept of what is an appropriate request that requires SHART's attention. Dave informs the party that someone has requested their presence at a birthday party in a few hours.
Normally Dave would disregard cases that don't require sanitation expertise, but Dave isn't about to let some poor kid get disappointed. But the rest of the service request isn't very helpful. Aside from identifying the birthday boy as Alston Cormellis and giving his address, there's no information about his age or even what the party is supposed to do at the party.
Do they need to bring a gift? Nobody's sure, but Lucky has an idea for a surprise gift. When asked as to what the gift is, she declines to specify, probably because the party would try to talk her out of this particular surprise. Spleenifer suggests making a doll, or perhaps bringing some goats along to make an impromptu petting zoo. The party's appearance is requested just before noon, giving everyone about an hour and a half to get prepared. Lucky and Spleenifer use this time to change in to appropriate clothes, with Lucky putting on actual clothes underneath her magical ones, and Spleenifer going on the Minor-Goat-Retrieval-Quest-of-Tuesday-Morning.
Meanwhile, Q (who goes by Sparkle today) and Norm set off to the address to do some recon for the situation. Sparkle is wearing their finest sparkly purple tunic and fuzzy pants, though the warm July day causes Sparkle a small degree of regret for choosing the fuzzy pants part of the outfit. The walk to the party's location is only a few blocks to the southwest, just past the Brownstone Park Memorial Grotto. As the pair walk past the park, they notice several shadowy figures congregating around central statue in the small park. The shadowy figures scatter as soon as they are seen.
A moment later, Norm and Sparkle arrive at address where the party will soon be taking place. It's in a poorer part of town, outside a tiny house next to a run-down stable where horses are shoed. A woman who looks like she hasn't slept in a few days is flitting around an improvised table made from stacked crates while Alston the birthday boy wanders around. But before Norm and Sparkle can approach, a halfling dad and his daughter pass nearby. The halfling dad is low-to-middling level crime boss in the City Runners gang named Average-Size Tony. Norm recognizes Tony as a potential source of intel for the next steps in Norm's secret investigation of the drug trade after the incarceration of former Devil Boys distributor, Magic. Average-Size Tony walks up to Alston's mother and gruffly reminds her that under no circumstances is anyone allowed to enter the house until he's done, then gives his daughter a kiss on the cheek and sends her to play with Alston.
Once the coast is clear, Sparkle and Norm introduce themselves to Leah Cormellis, Alston's mother. She's grateful for everyone appearing on such... SHART notice (no, I will not apologize for that pun). Norm and Sparkle start discussing business with Leah, and asking some questions about Alston's preferences. Sparkle mentions possibly getting King Chonk to attend as an honored guest and also that they were the performer behind the famous song about King Chonk. Leah is interested, and Sparkle wonders if this might turn into a "flirty single mom" situation. Before excusing herself, Leah mentions that she was able to scrounge together some cake but she would like there to be some more food for the kids if it's not too much trouble.
The time of the party draws nearer and the (adventuring) party reconvenes again. Spleenifer's got her goats, and Lucky knows some folks who might be interested in catering the event. Yep, it's the Folks From The Yolks, Kosja and Turalisoth! It's not too difficult to find a wandering house on the outskirts of town, and Kosja is more than happy to have the opportunity to test her experimental cooking on soft-skins. The lizardfolk in disguise have recently discovered the soft-skin food called "cheese" and wish to expand their menu offerings before opening up a proper restaurant. Lucky hops in the house and directs Kosja where to park for the party.
As the house lumbers over to the party site, Lucky sees an unusual covered wagon parked outside the farrier's stable with a sign on it that says "JUICED! Energy Drinks". Lucky helps Kosja get set up and start cooking, but the resulting food doesn't smell too appealing to non-reptilian sensibilities. With some tactful suggestions for possible improvements, Lucky gets the culinary ship sailing in the right direction.
Spleenifer shows up to house with her goats and tethers them to the chicken legs of the lizardfolk's mobile home. Norm appears in clown garb and starts up a juggling act. As Sparkle is setting up, they notice more shadowy figures congregating on the perimeter of the party site. Children start arriving, but the lurkers on the periphery keep on lurking. Sparkle recognizes the street urchin nicknamed Nosebleed hanging out with the lurkers, intensely watching Alston's house. Sparkle walks up to Nosebleed and questions him about what's going on.
Nosebleed informs them that his friend, Pokey, is in the house. Pokey is an older kid in the Devil Boys gang who started running drugs when Magic got busted. But Nosebleed saw Pokey get beat up and kidnapped by some goons from the City Runners gang. Sparkle tells Nosebleed to enjoy the party and go back to working at Robin's ranch when it's over. Sparkle promises Nosebleed that Pokey will get rescued one way or another.
While this discussion is happening, Spleenifer's goats are getting a lot of attention in the makeshift petting zoo. One kid gets a big chunk of their shirt eaten by a hungry goat, but the kid didn't seem to mind. Norm's act gets more interesting when he incorporates knife juggling. And once the lizardfolk start prepping their next dish, Cool Cheese Soup, Lucky wades into the party entertainment gig with an impressive display of blindfolded knife-throwing.
Lucky conjures up a floating target and starts slinging knifes. She gets two bullseyes, one right after the other. And for the finale, Lucky asks Alston what his favorite animal is. It's an Owlbear! Lucky throws another knife, which ricochets off of multiple surfaces and still manages to hit the target. Alston claps with excitement, but wants to know if he can ride in the walking house with Lucky's friends. If the lizardfolk say it's okay, it's okay with her. Alston races over to the house to get permission, and Tony's daughter, Meri, chases after Alston.
As the two children are clambering up the ladder into the house, a bloodcurdling scream erupts from inside of Alston's house. The scream startles some nearby horses and Spleenifer's goats, which in turn startles the lizardfolks's home. The walking house lurches off as fast as it can, and Spleenifer's goats are still attached to the legs. The cauldron of cool cheese soup spills all over the children, and the partygoers on the ground start a food fight with the globs of partially-melted cheese.
Average-Size Tony emerges from the house to ask just what the heck is going on, only to get rushed by the Devil Boys under the cover of the food fight. Sparkle grabs Nosebleed before he can enter the house and convinces him to stay out of the fight. Meanwhile, Spleenifer is trying to untie the goats, but the rope refuses to budge. So she tries her backup plan, which is to attempt to ride one of the goats and untie their collars.
Except that doesn't work as planned, either. Her long legs trip up one of the goats and the both fall prone to the ground, but the rope breaks for that goat and thus both are safe... For now. Lucky casts Misty Step and teleports into the rampaging house, but it triggers a wild surge and she ends up covered in flakes of rust upon her arrival. She looks for a way to convince the house to stop running, and finds a perfect little pressure point that stops the house from fleeing. Lucky cleans up Alston and Meri with some trusty prestidigitation and sends the pair back to the ground.
Back in Alston's house, Norm sneaks inside and hears the sound of a scuffle coming from behind a cracked door. Average-Size Tony is giving out free samples of halfling Kung-Fu to three other Devil Boys while another kid whom Norm recognizes as Pokey is tied to a chair and bleeding. Norm uses some of his flash paper to temporarily blind Tony while Sparkle sneaks in to untie Pokey. As Sparkle is working on this task, she sees that there isn't any men's clothing in the house. Maybe Leah is single and available?
Alston runs into the house with Lucky following closely behind. It's finale time! Lucky polymorphs Alston into an owlbear and directs him to sit on Tony, which he does. While Tony is pinned, Norm takes out a knife and makes a deal with Tony: give up knowledge about the Devil Boys leadership in exchange for Tony being able to keep on living. He readily accepts the offer and spills the beans on everything he knows.
Spleenifer, having finally gotten the goats under control and joins the rest of the party inside the now-trashed home. She has many questions, such as whether it's socially acceptable to the collect a poop sample from an owlbear at a birthday party. Lucky politely discourages that plan since that owlbear is actually the birthday boy in disguise. She conjures up a little birthday hat and places it on the owlbear's head to emphasize her point. Lucky and Sparkle clean up and repair the house to better-than-new condition.
Pokey tries to sneak away, but Sparkle flags him down and tries to get some more information out of him. He reports that he was attacked by the City Runners and they offered him a lot of money to flip from working as a distributor with the Devil Boys to helping launder money for the City Runners. He refused, and that's why Tony started beating him up even more. The City Runners were using a terrible energy drink called JUICED! as their front for laundering money. Sparkle and Pokey loot the JUICED! wagon behind the house, and Sparkle uses some of the coins to help out Robin's ranch and also to give a monetary gift to the birthday boy. Sparkle also grabs a few energy drinks for fun and research purposes but doesn't consume them.
Once the house is cleaned up, Pokey takes the empty JUICED! wagon and lights it on fire in the middle of the street. Spleenifer offers one of her goats named Marge Thatcher as a gift to Alston. You would be forgiven for thinking that "Marge" is short for "Margaret," but it is actually short for "Margarine" and the "Thatcher" part of the name comes from the goat's propensity to munch on thatched roofs. Norm relieves Tony of all his ostentatious jewelry before letting him go.
The adventure concludes for the evening and everyone advances to the next level. Stay tuned next time for more!
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