#@ mutuals i have been ignoring for a while: im sorry ill get back to you when head less emty | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wizkiddx · 3 years

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i have exams hence why i needed to write something exceptionally cringe :)

PSA: this is completely inspired from one of my fave writers own blurb @blissfulparker --> completely recommend u go read hers its much better than anything i could ever write!!!! (and just her whole account) = link

Summary: pure exhaustion and mutual pining, Tom Holland x actress!reader

^(just thought this was cute, doesn't really fit aha but full credit to op!!)

A scheduling nightmare would be putting it lightly. Perhaps almost unavoidable but that didn’t make it any less of a hellish form a torture. Harry had very helpfully said it actually was a form of torture, that is sleep deprivation. Y/n loved her job - it was all she’d ever really wanted - yet that thought was quickly becoming not enough to get her through the day. Not when it felt like an interrogation tactic used by the CIA.

To give a quick timeline of the past few days may give a little context:

Thursday - filming the fight scene all day plus an evening-turned-half-the-night-shoot due to some technically difficulties delaying the process.

Friday - flying to New York while doing read throughs of scenes for the next few days; followed immediately by getting glammed and filming the tonight show with Fallon; then a dash across town to the late late show with James Corden; then straight back on a flight to Atlanta that landed at stupid o’clock in the morning

Saturday - a full day of shooting in a mock grand central station set

The press trip to NY had been unplanned… to say the least. But the star of their studios other new release had taken ill - meaning they had slots booked on some of the biggest talk shows in America that would just be abandoned (angering the shows bookers too). It was a waste of perfectly good promo time and since the studio had their two other stars together doing a block of reshoots - it wasn’t a conversation. Much more a call demanding the two of them to be on the plane.

Normally this wouldn’t be such an unmanageable ask either, except the reshoot block was really rather time pressured. You see, the promo tour wasn’t far from beginning meaning they really needed the final film in the can. So really it was a bit of a mess. Just to free up that single day the two were in New York the whole schedule had had to be rejigged - in doing so they’d lost a rare day off too. It was just typical.

The joys of success hey?

Well, that’s at least what Y/n was making herself think whilst her incredibly talented SFX artist was in the process of crafting a deep wound onto her upper arm. The reason why she would be ‘dripping with blood’ whilst at a train station was beyond Y/n to be honest - she hadn’t been allowed to read a lot of the script so even now as filming was drawing to a close, the story arc of the movie she was headlining was still a little ‘fuzzy’.

“So I watched your ‘spill your guts’ thing on YouTube” Ellie giggled whilst reaching over for more prosthetic putty- a technical term apparently

“I’m glad one of us enjoyed the experience” Y/n replied with a sigh, rolling her eyes at the mischievous smirk on her face - no doubt Ellie took great joy out of seeing her suffer through eating a thousand year old egg. Which Y/n swore the taste of was still in her mouth… and it seemed as though it’d never leave.

“Oh don’t worry darling I did too” Nelli called over from the next chair along, where she was doing Tom’s makeup for the day of shoots. “Between that and the animals on Fallon, you made a hell of a lot of people laugh last night” Tom’s artist was referencing the fact one of Jimmys other guests was a zookeeper, so at the end of the interview he had you and Tom join in trying not to scream at the snakes and spiders.

“You mean laugh at us?”

“Well of course darling!” Nelli exclaimed back in an overdramatic bronx accent making all three of the women burst out laughing, Ellie’s unceremonious snorts echoing through the trailer only egged them all on more.

Tom in response, who had otherwise been absent from conversation for the majority of the morning, exclaimed a curse and jumped up in his chair. While you and Ellie collected yourself, Nelli apologised to him.

“Oh sorry love, I’m interrupting your snooze with my uncontrollable comedic gift” She spoke sweetly, even if still taking the moment to flaunt to the other women, as she squeezed his shoulder compassionately.

“No no” Tom waved off her apology, attempting to rub his eye before Nelli swatted his arm away - a stern look for the risk of ruining all her hard work she’d put into making his face look half presentable.

“I’m impressed you can sleep while they poke you with all these er instruments” Y/n added in, having only just realised Tom had been in a light sleep for god knows how long they’d been in that chair. It did seem a bit unlikely, being able to fall asleep as you were dabbed, prodded and brushed.

“Maybe you should try though Y/n… your purple eye bags are proving a struggle even for me” Ellie quipped back, now it was Y/n’s turn to give the stern look. Tom took the explain though, shutting her off from whatever kindly meant insult she was about to throw back at her friend.

“No normally never, I just….” He was cut off by an ear splitting yawn, appearing almost powerful enough to crack his jaw - which would be a disaster, for no one should ruin such a beautiful and sharp jaw line. “…uh-sorry. I just think I ended up taking my NyQuil and DayQuil the wrong way round in the madness of yesterday.” Only Tom, the poor kid often seemed to lacking in any form of common sense - even if those closest to him knew just how intellectual and passionate he could be about the right topic. Affectionately, Nelli scalded his idiocy by jokingly swatting his head with a little tut.

“I can’t believe your still standing then! I’m barely alive and I don’t have any sedatives in my system.” It was true, Y/n was at that stage where every part of her body felt ridiculously heavy… eyes included … eyes especially.

“But I did sleep on the jet back while your stupid self was studying the script!” Tom replied with a pretty inarguable point - at the time he knew her actions were stupid; when their flight took off at 11 PM he was certain that the most valuable asset to his ability to act in the reshoots today would be sleep - rather than character development. And he’d tried to convince Y/n that briefly, but gave up. She was bloody stubborn when she wanted to be.

“Stop competing about who has it worse cos I think it’s me and Nell”Ellie announced - making Nelli agree empathically with her coworker, nodding her head as she looked first to Y/n in her chair then back at Tom.

“Yeh because we have to deal with your unusable faces!!”

After much sarcasm thrown back and fourth, the trailer slowly ebbed it’s way back into serenity and peace as both artists focused on their work. Once Nelli was done she excused herself, Tom staying in the chair in favour of studying (more like staring blankly) at the dialogue for this mornings scenes. His pretence didn’t last long though and while Ellie was busy adding the final touches of fake blood to the now almost completely believable gash that she’d crafted on Y/n’s arm - Y/n had her attention focused the opposite way.

At poor little Tom. He looked so childlike, his slightly puffy eyes looked as if they had weights tied to them - they way he was having fight against gravity to flutter his eyes open, before loosing the next second only for the process to repeat as they dragged downwards. The broad muscles of his neck occasionally seemed to occasionally let up a little, letting his head tilt slowly at first until it gathered enough momentum to throw him off balance. The then sudden movement of his head unconsciously pulling itself back in line caused his eyes to bolt open prior to the whole cycle repeating again. All Y/n wanted to do was let him lay down someone, her heart feeling a tug in her chest just seeing him like that.

Ellie proclaimed her completion of the wound, leaning back to admire her work before looking to get an affirming nod from Y/n. Yet instead, she was too preoccupied gazing at the boy slouched across from them. “Someone seems a little distracted.” Ellie smirked, finally garnering Y/n’s attention, only feeling more and more smug watching a light tint appear on the actors cheeks.

“I-well-no… we need to go.” Y/n ignored her words as though nothing had happened, instead rushing off the chair to get Tom out the chair and onto the awaiting set. They had places to be.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||| (bcos im lazy)

Honestly when the director, Ed, called for lunch break, it was pretty apparent to be purely as a compassionate gesture to Y/n and Tom. Both of them had tried so hard this morning to fully commit, even so they’d both been almost completely useless. Y/n kept missing cues whilst all Tom’s actions and lines where slow, dragged out and at times completely prompted from someone behind the cameras.

So when the lunch break was called there was only one thing on Y/n’s mind and what sandwich was available in the mess tent was not it. Still standing on the set next to her fake holdall bag she looked toward Tom, who was pulling himself up to standing from the train station bench - the pace of his movement making him look more like an old man.

“You good?” His answer was predictable.

“I’m so fucking shattered”

Tom swore he’d never heard anything sweeter come out of Y/n’s pink lips than her next statement.

“C’mon I know somewhere we can lie down.”

Without any sort of thought Tom blindly agreed, nodding as he took her outstretched hand in his. The gesture in itself brought a fresh wave of comfort to his aching limbs and as his feet stumbled to catchup with her slight head start he leant the majority of his weight into their connected hands.

Neither would admit it but they were ‘a thing’… whatever the hell that meant. It was clear as day to everyone and anyone that worked closely to the two but neither of them had ever broached the topic with each other. They’d worked on a few films together over the years; each time they got closer and closer to the point any job without the other simply wasn’t as good. It was scary though, especially for two actors in the prime of their careers. If they weren’t working the same film they’d likely be the opposite side of the world to each other most of the time - quality time together would be few and far between, Really their jobs didn’t suit dating at all, yet it would be perhaps easier if one half of it worked a ‘normal’ job. Something with consistency, a regular structure. A level of dependability that neither Y/n nor Tom could offer to the other.

So it was terrifying, acknowledging the growth in their magnetic attraction to each other. Both were acutely aware that doing that, confronting their feelings, would most likely signal the beginning of the end.

Although none of this stoped Y/n from returning the gesture, tilting her shoulder into Tom’s left side as they took slow steps through and then out the set building. She steered the two past the hair and makeup trailer and round into a store and extra equipment trailer. Tom tilted his head as she climbed the stairs whilst beckoning for him to follow - it didn’t seem like the most obvious choice. Rolling her eyes, Y/n explained.

“It’s where all the blankets and coats and kept for the raining scenes plusssss no one will disturb us in here.” Again Tom was not in a position to disagree, eyes drooping as his shoulders sagged to the floor. Right now he’d take anything.

So he climbed up the stairs and shut the door behind him, just as Y/n flipped the light on. She was right, it was well equipped and with an almost mountainous supply of red blankets that normally the crew and extra would all be wrapped up in after the freezing rain scenes with all the ‘waterfall machines’ as Y/n called them. However it was also um…. It was cosy. “Oh I don’t think I realised how small it was” She chuckled lightly, since now the door was closed her back was pressed up against the far wall of cabinets and still her front was mere millimetres from Tom.

“I…I don’t mind… if-if you don’t?”

“I’m too tired to care” She giggled in response, and Tom , now with her seal of approval, immediately started ransacking the piled shelves for all their worth creating a floor carpeted in the pale red of the blankets, in an attempt to make it more cosy. Joining in, it was almost remarkable how quickly their bodies suddenly agreed to move, with the new promise of rest mere moments away.

Once the trailer was fully drowned, Tom kicked off his costume shoes and threw his jacket off - it haphazardly landing by the doorway. Y/n copied him, leaving her stood up whilst he had the advantaged of already settling down on the floor, her standing and looking down at him.

The space between the two opposing shelving units was not close spacious enough for two people to lie down whilst keeping a respectable level of personal space. Suddenly feeling a wave of awkwardness, Y/n stayed standing, wringing her hands slightly - whilst fairly certain Tom could hear her heart running at 100 mph.

“You er… gonna stay there or?” Tom, contrary to popular belief, wasn’t a complete idiot - he could see she was suddenly self conscious. He got it too - they’d never crossed this boundary of choosing to cuddle into each other. It had happened once of twice accidentally over there 2 years of knowing each other. Both of those times it was completely accidental, falling asleep watching a movie with a safe distance of space b between the two, only to find hours later their bodies almost completely intwined. Tom would be lying if he said that his heart didnt skip a beat when he had awoken to Y/n’s soft and gently breath fanning into his neck. He’d loved it, but understood that was unconsciously breaking down part of the wall they’d both been the constructors of.

For fear of getting hurt.

So now, as Y/n awkwardly bent down and lay on her side, he thought it was imperative to make her feel comfortable. Naturally then, his arm slid round her shoulders and pulled her down toward his chest, releasing a little breath as he felt her relax, her legs slowly wrapping round one of his.

“This okay?” He murmured, now into the crown of her head as she lay half on her side half on his chest. In reply she nodded into him and Tom couldn’t help but grin- unbeknownst to him but Y/n was doing the exact same thing.

The peace lasted all of 3 seconds until she groaned again.

“What?” Tom enquired as she wriggled out his hold and stood up. Instead of replying though she just leant over and flicked the one harsh light bulb off making Tom chuckle as she fumbled her way back onto the padded floor in the darkness, earning a few grunts from both as she accidentally kicked Tom’s thighs or banged her head on one of the now empty shelves. Fumbling her way back into a comfortable position, occasionally cursing when she stubbed her toe- or Tom did when she accidentally elbowed him in the ribs.

“Comfy?” Tom asked a little sarkily as he squeezed her a little more into his side.

“Mhmmmm… I’m gonna sleep for 100 years”

“Yeh me… me too”

And with that they both almost instantly and in complete unison sagged into each other and the blankets - the pent up stress and tension of the past few days ebbing away.

What the pair had neglected to remember was that sleeping for 100 years wasn’t really an option. The whole crew of 50 people, who wanted to restart filming after 45 minutes, had not been told about Y/n’s little hiding place. The pair were so completely safe in their own little cocoon of comfort they were completely oblivious to their teams calling there names more and more frantically. Completely oblivious to the game of hide and seek the situation had descended into, completely oblivious to Harrys natural annoyance as the director asked him for the whereabouts of the two stars - as though Harry was childminder to the pair of them.

It was Nelli who found them first. She’d and Ellie and Tom’s manager had all been recruited by Harry as part of the man hunt. Both girls, having seen first hand the state of the two this morning, were fairly certain they’d both crashed out somewhere. So Nelli, already with a sneaking suspicion, opened the door gently, her figure blocking the majority of the light from seeping through to the dimly lit inside. The sight she was met with had her actually pouting at the cuteness - and yes its a cringey word but also the only one appropriate.

Between bedding down and barely an hour later the two had managed to become impossibly tighter pressed to each other. Y/n’s face was pressed into the crook of Tom’s neck and his arms seemed to have pulled her on-top of him almost completely. Her left leg was hooked under his right, which was then sandwiched by his left too. They both looked so pure and innocent and god did Nelli know they both needed any extra time they could get.

Nelli cared a lot about Tom, she’d been working with him from the beginning, from the child star days to now. She cared about him like her very annoying surrogate son and she wanted to see him looked after. She also so completely wanted the two stars to stop pining after each other. Because frankly it was getting a little frustrating for everyone else.

So she chose to tactically forget about her discovery, sneaking a photo on the sly before silently pulling the door closed and leaving them to their sleep.

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x actress!reader #fluff

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cringe-central · 3 years

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Love Languages

The Lost Boys: Seperate

Giving vs. Recieving

A/N: Im so sorry this took so long to complete. I just started a new job so things may take longer, but ill still be writing. The next fic will most likely be poly with you and the boys getting together.

David

Giving: Gifts

David enjoys giving gifts that remind you of who you belong to. He's not good with emotions so giving momentos, to David, is a good way of showing his love.

David gives gifts to show you that even if he isn't around, he's thinking about you. He also uses gifts as an excuse to take care of you. He views himself as your protector and wants you to know that he can and will provide for you.

If he sees you looking at something for just a little too long, he will totally pay for it, legally, with money. He definitely won’t steal it if that's what you're thinking. But whether it's gained via dubious means or not, it's yours. David is basically a criminally inclined sugar daddy.

If you make an off comment about being hungry? You're getting food. You tell him he doesn't have to get something for you? That's too bad, it's not even a question to David, you're getting taken care of.

David just wants to provide and protect, just let the boy take care of you the only way he knows how.

Receiving: Physical affection

David is very touch starved under all that angst, pride, and daddy issues. Although he wont admit it, he needs to be given affection, badly.

Before he met you it never bothered him, he had the boys and he didn't need more than that. But when you came into his life, and you held his face in your hands? He realized how much he missed being held by another.

He's never thought highly of humanity, but your warmth pressed against him and feeling the steady rise and fall of your chest under his hand hits him in his cold, undead heart.

In public, PDA is kept at a minimum with David so he can keep up his rough and tough persona. He acts annoyed when you get clingy, but it's painfully obvious that he actually adores it. If you want to force him to hold your hand he'll complain about it, but he wouldn't dare move away from you.

In private however, all bets are off. Chairs aren't allowed, you're either on his lap or laying on top of him. Worry about his legs falling asleep? Don’t, he's already dead, they physically can't fall asleep. You aren't going anywhere sweetheart. If you're standing? He's wrapping his arms around your stomach.

If for some reason he moves his hands away while cuddling and you bring his hands back, He swears he can almost feels his heart start beating again. He finds you adorable when you're like this. It makes David smile when he sees your look of mock offense when he takes his arms away from you.

Cuddle this man. He may try to act all tough and intimidating, but he just wants to be held.

Dwayne

Giving: Acts of Service

Dwayne likes making your life easier, he's not a big talker but he knows that actions often speak louder than words.

He's a vampire, so the biggest stress factor the boys have is being found out and staked, but other than that he and the boys live a carefree life. He knows being a human is often very difficult. Picking up on your stressors and helping make your life easier is how he shows affection best.

Often if you're really busy, Dwayne will pick up food for you and make you take a break before helping you finish what you were doing. If you feel unwell in the slightest he’ll be there in a second to take care of you. Dwayne is also very tall, and will always get things down from above without even needing to be asked, it's basically a reflex at this point.

It's not uncommon for Dwayne to finish those last edits of an essay you were writing. He'd do more than that but he knows you'd be upset with him if he did. If you worry about taking advantage of him, Dwayne assures you that isn't the case. Taking that weight off of your shoulders makes him feel not only wanted, but needed.

Dwayne needs to know he's taking care of you, he's never been one to show love through words but you never go a day without feeling it.

Receiving: Quality Time

Ever since you and Dwayne became a couple, you've been the first thought in his head every morning, wanting to get feedings done sooner so he could spend time with you.

Dwayne has a lot of free time on his hands and during the time he spends with you, every possible ounce of attention you could give him was given. He adored those long conversations where you went on and on about whatever your current hyperfixation was. Even if you felt as if you annoyed him by simply rambling about a topic, he found those moments intimate and special.

Museum and Bookstore dates were very common between the two of you. Debates and deep conversations were a favorite of his, you both respected each other and your opinions.

For museums, he would watch you stare at the exhibits in wonder while he told you of what history he remembered in certain pieces. Though he wasn't too old by vampiric standards, you would ask him all sorts of questions about the eras he's lived in. He's very quiet, but it's on these dates where you can get him going.

Bookstore dates are quieter, there was one a little ways away from the hotel that stayed open later into the night. Once a week, you and Dwayne would try to get there as soon as possible and stay there until they kicked you out. You would buy (definitely not steal) books and walk back to the beach or, if it was particularly cold, back to the cave. You two would then read them and discuss the book until the next bookstore date.

Paul

Giving: Physical Touch

Paul loves giving affection, he takes offense to any moment spent without his S/O in his arms. He knows his reputation, and keeping you close shows that you're not to be fucked with. Many girls may try to get his attention, but they will never be the ones on Paul's hip and you take that as a badge of pride.

Paul enjoys the summer, his cool body is perfect for giving a lot of cuddles during that time. The colder months are heavily disliked by both you and him because of you body needing to stay warm, but Paul gives the best hugs, to the point where you begin to crave his touch.

Paul's worst fear is you feeling ignored or unloved; if you two have been physically distant he will immediately rectify it as soon as he can. This boy will never let his S/O go un-snuggled. Every time you're upset you are swept into Paul’s lap with your head tucked under his chin.

When you're at the boardwalk, your hand is always in his or his arm is around your shoulders. If you two are sitting down then you'll be in his lap. The boys may tease him about it but he doesn't mind, he's proud to show you off.

Paul is a himbo at the end of the day, he's not good with words and has said the wrong thing before, but through his actions you are shown how truly loved and valued you are to him.

Receiving: Words of Affirmation

Paul is a very literal person, he enjoys when you tell him what's on your mind, and he adores listening to you talk. Listening to you talk is the highlight of his night.

Even though Paul shows love through physicality, he needs to be told the words I love you. The first time you told him those three simple words he became pretty emotional. He couldn't remember the last time someone genuinely told him he was loved, and here you were confirming your mutual affections for each other. He's so soft for you man.

You always tell him how much he is admired and adored as you hold his face in your hands, and Paul melts every single time. He finds a lot more pride in his clothing and hair after you rave about how amazing he looks.

He values what you say above everyone else's opinion, and if you like the new thing he did with his eyeliner you notice he does it significantly more. Paul is the definition of jokester, but when you tell him what he said made you laugh he takes it to heart.

Paul loves being a vampire, but sometimes he needs you to say you aren't afraid of him. That despite what he is, you still feel safe around him. Even the toughest of people feel insecure sometimes and you're willing to do whatever he needs to feel okay again.

Marko

Giving: Physical affection

There's a reason him and Paul are best friends, sometimes a bro needs a hug. And though his motto was always ‘bros before hoes’ something was missing. There was a level of affection he longed to give, but never could.

When he met you and he was finally able to give those romantic affections, he went overboard. Always holding you and touching you in some way, you weren't let out of his grasp for weeks. Any time you needed to leave the cave to go home, Marko would whine and beg you to stay with him for a little while longer. Any time he could convince you to stay the night, he would be ecstatic.

Marko is very happy to know that someone loves him for him, and he is determined to show that in every single moment of your relationship. If you had a distant boyfriend before? Destroy those expectations, because you got the clingiest vampire in the lost boys.

He loves to scent mark on you, a giant vampire thing, it's like a drug to this angel faced sweetheart. Having his scent melding with yours as you two roam the boardwalk drives the boy insane. Marko is very possessive, and he can't help but nuzzle into your neck or wrap his arms around your torso so that everyone knows you're taken.

Much like his best friend, Marko is also a himbo. He needs you close to him and if you aren't he becomes whiny. The next time you see him, you won't be leaving his grasp any time soon.

Receiving: Gift giving

Marko is an artistic being and he appreciates gifts that have effort put into them. Things that are bought are nice, but if you spent hours making something? He doesn't care what it is, he will love it.

If you made him a bracelet, he'd wear it every day. If you paint, you'd notice pieces of art taped onto the wall, growing with every piece you make him. If you bake? What you make him is gone in a day. His favorite gifts however are the patches you make him, sewing them on and admiring the intricate detail put into each one.

Everything you make him or give him is valued, keeping anything and everything tangible in a wooden box that Marko painted himself. He protects that box with his life, keeping it in the most protected place in the cave.

If you write him letters he stores them in the box and he reads them by the fire pits when he can't sleep, which helps him get some shuteye. He treasures every little thing you give him, but to Marko, you are the true gift. Each of those momentos being a simple reminder of the wonderful being who made them.

#the lost boys x reader #the lost boys #the lost boys marko #the lost boys david #the lost boys dwayne #the lost boys paul #this took me so long to complete im so sorry

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too-kinky-to-live · 3 years

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taste

happy vo.re day everyone!!! here’s my cringe fic to commemorate :-)

(no ao3 link this time im too self conscious)

this idea came about while talking to the lovely @chili-kinks and they made this in conjunction with my fic so please check them out!!

anyway this fic features pre.game oum.asai and soft, same size vo.re, you have been warned. also bad words

“IIIIT’S PUNISHMENT TIME!!!”

The screen cut to a large Monokuma towering over the latest blackened, a small blonde girl with a long pigtail. The demonic bear picked up the girl and began to lick all over as she struggled in his grasp. Slowly lifting her above his head, Monokuma bent his head back and opened the gates of hell: his half-fanged mouth, with drool beginning to form around it. The girl was screaming and flailing about as she was lowered further down to her demise. Monokuma’s fist released her without effort, the blackened dropping right into his gaping maw. It slammed shut with a metal clang, and the bear gave a loud, deafening gulp.

Saihara’s eyes were glued to the T.V., in a more intense manner than usual. What a cruel way to go, even for Danganronpa standards. He had many ideas about his own execution someday, but this… this was definitely one to consider. He could only imagine how she felt wriggling around in his large belly, put to an eternal sleep with a comforting blanket of warmth. His shaky hands moved to text his boyfriend Ouma, who sadly couldn’t make it to their weekly Danganronpa viewing because of heaps of school projects. He knew Ouma was more into the mystery aspect of the show than the gruesome killings, but he simply couldn’t resist.

Saihara: omgomgomg did you see the latest episode???

Ouma: I did. I had it on in the background so I could work.

Saihara: what did you think of the execution? :D

Ouma: It was… something. Unexpected, definitely.

It was difficult for the taller boy to contain his fantasizing, to say the least.

Saihara: i love the way she was screaming for dear life,,, it was soooo satisfying in the end! god i wish i were monokuma… tasting a victim would be so worth ittt

Ouma: Uh, Saihara?

Saihara: yea?

Ouma: I think you should go to bed. You have school tomorrow. And… you’re scaring me a little.

Saihara: sorry kichi… but fiiiine ill see you tomorrow.

The last thing he wanted was to make Ouma uncomfortable. And he was a man of his word, he’d take his advice and get to bed. However, there was one thing he wanted to try first. Rummaging around in his snack drawer, he found a small bag of Monokuma-themed gummy bears. He couldn’t stop thinking about having something whole run down his throat… and what better way to do it than try on a small candy? He frantically opened the bag and plucked out a red gummy. Dangling it above his drooling maw, he licked his lips.

“My first victim… down the hatch!”

He shoved the gummy in his mouth and had to stop himself from chewing. Positioning it for swallowing, he let it slide down his throat with a hard gulp. Saihara traced a hand over his chest to feel it going down to his stomach, shivering slightly. What an amazing feeling… he couldn’t chew these ever again! He happily shoved more in his mouth and gulped them down, pretending they were meek little prey against his predatory might.

Saihara tossed the bag aside and rubbed his belly blissfully. One day, maybe he could have a person inside him. Despite his affinity for Danganronpa, he could never bring himself to kill someone. He was going to rely on Team Danganronpa’s directors to change that for him. No, he merely wanted someone in his belly for a while, just to feel what it’s like.

Surely a normal human like him couldn’t achieve that, right?

Only one way to find out.

Ouma looked on nervously as Saihara effortlessly swallowed half a sandwich whole. His previous victims included sushi, apple slices, candy, cookies, and brownies. It was almost inhuman how the taller boy could open his mouth to fit a seemingly endless array of food.

"Saihara, you're gonna make yourself sick."

Saihara simply chuckled. "I'll be fine, 'Kichi."

The smaller boy knew Saihara had a somewhat unhealthy obsession with Danganronpa, but he never would have imagined it would affect him this much. Despite how unnatural it was, Ouma couldn't help his morbid curiosity. He couldn't deny how interesting the latest execution was (no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise), and a small part of him absolutely loved watching Saihara scarf down food and seeing it travel down his throat.

Nope, he definitely didn't enjoy this.

Every so often, the taller boy would lift his food above him and slowly ease it into his mouth, as if to simulate eating a person. Ouma was immensely thankful the other patrons of the cafe were ignoring them. Maybe this sudden fascination would fade once the next Danganronpa episode came out; but with Saihara, anything was possible.

Saihara: hey could you come over today? i wanna try something.

Two weeks later, Ouma received a rather unceremonious text from Saihara one night.

Ouma: Sure. What is it you want to try?

Saihara: i don't think i can say over text

Ouma furrowed his brow, his mind racing to the absolute worst possible scenarios. Did something happen between him and his uncle again?

Ouma: ...why not?

Saihara: i just can't i'm sorry

Saihara: pls come over asap

Ouma: Alright.

It was unsettling how vague his friend was being, and that made him all the more worried. He hurriedly packed his things and ran to Saihara's house.

The two sat across from each other on the floor in Saihara’s room, neither saying a word. The taller boy had his eyes cast down, deep in thought with Ouma left to wonder just what the hell happened to him. The air was unnerving, and Ouma couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you okay, Saihara?”

The boy in question took a second to look up at him, meeting his eyes with an emotionless face Ouma had not seen in him before.

“Do you remember the episode where the girl got eaten alive?”

Oh.

“I… I want to try it out. I’ve been practicing so I could make it happen.”

Oh.

Saihara couldn’t possibly think this would work, right? Humans aren’t capable of eating each other without… killing the other. Ouma shuddered.

“Saihara,” he spoke slowly. “Do you really think you can do this? I mean, Danganronpa is just fiction after all… and one of us wouldn’t s-survive,” his voice began to quiver.

The taller boy sat up slightly and looked at Ouma with soft eyes. “I won’t let that happen. I’ve been looking stuff up. I’ve been training myself. And… you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Part of Ouma didn’t want to. That part was constantly pushing the fact that this could end up very bad. However, another part slowly began to rise up - the feeling of being the closest he can to the one he has a crush on. And of course, there was that naughty side of him thrilled at the idea.

“...I’ll do it.”

Saihara’s eyes lit up. “Really?!”

“I trust you. And, well, I’m kinda curious too.”

Hearing Ouma have mutual feelings to this weird activity made Saihara’s heart race. The smaller boy began to remove his clothing, too embarrassed to make eye contact with his crush. Saihara finally noticed how bony Ouma was. He’d make sure to get him a proper meal later. Ouma removed everything but his boxers, feeling somewhat self-conscious and looking away with a blush.

“Could you uh, close your eyes while I do this? I don’t think I could make eye contact with you.”

“S-Sure.”

Ouma complied and Saihara inched his way towards him, shaking slightly. Ouma trusted him. He wasn’t about to let that be for nothing. Raising himself above Ouma’s head, Saihara opened his maw until it became unhinged. He gently bit down on the smaller boy’s head of hair. The flavor was a sweet grape with a bit of lavender, which made Saihara drool slightly. He couldn’t help but smile in bliss as he took more of the boy in. He felt Ouma flinch a bit, so he brought his hands to Ouma’s arms and rubbed for reassurance. The smaller boy calmed down and Saihara reached his shoulders.

Perhaps it was Ouma’s smaller stature, but this was going a lot easier than Saihara had anticipated. He wanted to lick at him to get more of his sweet flavor, but he didn’t want to gross him out. He also wished he could ask how Ouma was holding up, but, well… he was a bit preoccupied. As Saihara reached the smaller boy’s torso, he realized the boy had entered his stomach. He was already feeling full, but there was no going back now. He took a hand off of Ouma to rub his belly, his hand gliding over the dent created in it. Reaching Ouma’s boxers wasn’t nearly as thrilling of a milestone, since his taste was interrupted by bland fabric.

He picked up the pace and shoved the covered part of Ouma’s body down his gullet. He mentally apologized for being so rough. Resuming the wonderful taste of Ouma, he slid down his spindly legs. All that remained was below the knees, and those were consumed just as quickly. Saihara could feel Ouma squirming a bit to get comfortable, and that’s when the true euphoria started.

It felt fucking amazing.

It was everything he hoped it would be. He leaned back and let an arm support him from behind, using the other to support the massive weight added to him. His stomach stretched past his knees with many bumps protruding from it. Red-faced, Saihara panted heavily with his tongue lavishly hanging out. God, this was so worth it. He rubbed around to feel for Ouma, who was surprisingly calm during the whole ordeal.

He opened his mouth to ask Ouma how he was doing, but a massive belch burst from his lips instead. The smaller boy, meanwhile, was fumbling around trying to make out his surroundings in the dark. His body was drenched in saliva; but strangely, no stomach acid was present. The world quaked around him as Saihara let out a loud burp, and Ouma found it hard to be grossed out given his current circumstances.

“Are you *urp* okay, ‘Kichi?”

Saihara’s hand found Ouma’s head between the fleshy wall separating them, and Ouma couldn’t help but lean into the touch. He never saw himself in the stomach of his crush, yet here he was.

“I’m okay. It feels… really nice,” he blushed, accentuated with a small rub to the stomach walls. He was amazed at how elastic Saihara’s stomach was, he hoped he wasn’t putting too much strain on it.

“Haah… I’m great, ‘Kichi! The best I’ve ever felt, actually! You tasted incredible,” he grinned, licking his lips.

Suddenly, the buttons on his dress shirt holding on for dear life relented and popped right off, exposing his large belly. That was… pretty hot, Saihara realized. Ouma started to rub more of the walls surrounding him, causing Saihara to moan rather loudly. He was a complete mess around his crush, but it was just too difficult to contain his bliss.

“Saihara, why aren’t there any stomach acids yet?”

The taller boy gave his belly a gentle pat. “I found recipes online for drinks that *hic* could subdue stomach acids for a bit. It looks *hic* like they worked pretty *hic* well, huh?”

Ouma smiled and let himself lean back into the warm stomach walls.

“You’ll let me out when I’m ready, right?” he asked tiredly.

“Of course,” Saihara whispered, rubbing Ouma’s head.

“Thank you, Saihara.”

#hope yall enjoy #pora's fix

25 notes · View notes

bellamyblakru · 3 years

Note

For the adorable cliche prompts 49 & Merthur ❤️

oh my god i am so sorry for how late this is. like im months late. i apologize 😭😭my writing drive has been so shit, but i got the random urge today and i wrote like over 4,000 words in one sitting💀💀 i hope this is okay!!! again, i am so sorry akskksks i hope you like it, my lovely mutual❤️❤️

ill add it under the cut and it is right here on ao3! without further ado, i present: merthur + anxiety + you caught me doing something dangerous and flipped out

Merlin smiled at the servants as he passed them.

One step in front of the other, the warlock smiled on, ignoring the growing blood stain beneath his tunic. He was lightheaded, growing more unsteady as he walked through the darkened halls of the castle. He could make it to his chambers, he knew, if he just willed a bit more magic to staunch the flow of the wound.

He paused in the middle of an abandoned corridor, leaning his head against the cold stone of the wall as he focused his power. His magic flickered sadly, already working overtime to keep him conscious. But, as always, it answered his call. Merlin felt his magic simmer over the injury as he let out a small breath of relief.

Straightening up, Merlin stumbled his way into Gaius’s workroom, and he did not collapse until he made it to his small room in the back.

He stared and stared at the ceiling, wondering if anyone else could feel the world spinning. He figured he should worry about that, but his magic prickled his mind then—reminding him to sleep.

So, Merlin relented, and he fell instantly into a restless slumber.

Waking up with a gasp, the warlock shot up in his bed. He narrowed his eyes at the light coming through his window, wondering how on earth he got here. The last thing he remembered was reading the threat against Arthur that was hidden in the king’s letters and thinking how to stop it…but the rest of the day came back blurry. He shook his head. The day needed to start—even if Merlin couldn’t remember what he did the day before, even as that thought slightly terrified him.

He moved to the edge of the bed, swinging his feet over, and he tried to stand up. The minute his feet touched the ground, the room swayed, and he came crashing back onto his cot. Merlin groaned at the searing pain in his abdomen. Lifting his tunic, he gently prodded the bruised area that covered most of his torso.

His answer was solved, then. He must have found the threat and eradicated it, and this was his gift for doing so. Grimacing, Merlin slowly got to his feet and limped to his mirror. Looking over to his left, the warlock saw some wrapping he could use to cover the damage. Doing so, rather gingerly, he frowned at the ache. His magic usually smoothed away these pain and bruises quickly—it was why a bruise never lasted more than a few hours on him. Shrugging the thought away, however, figuring it must be taking a bit more power than usual, he threw on his purple tunic and plastered a smile on his face.

By the time Merlin arrived at Arthur’s door with breakfast, a sweat had broken out against his neck and back. Panting a bit, Merlin shoved the wooden door open revealing an already awoken Arthur staring through the window.

“You’re late.” Merlin heard Arthur grumble.

“Yeah, sorry.” Merlin couldn’t think of a lie that suited him, so that’s all he said.

Arthur turned around. “That’s it? ‘Sorry’?”

Merlin grinned. Arthur rolled his eyes, moving to sit at his desk where Merlin dropped off his food. Arthur watched him tidy up the room for a few moments before blurting out: “Let’s go out.”

Merlin turned around, an eyebrow raised. “Out?”

Merlin swore he saw Arthur’s cheeks redden. The king coughed. “With the knights. You know, like a hunting trip.”

Laughing a bit at Arthur’s rushed sentence, Merlin smiled. “When shall we depart?”

Arthur straightened up, tilting his head to regard his servant. “Today.”

“Okay.” Merlin saw Arthur’s palpable relief at the word, though he couldn’t fathom why. “Is everything alright, Arthur?”

Arthur smiled brightly. “I’m fine, Merlin.”

The warlock narrowed his eyes. “If you say so.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, Arthur focused on eating and the paperwork in front of him as Merlin started grabbing the laundry thrown about. He hid his flinch as he bent down, stifled the cry wanting to escape his throat as he walked to the dresser.

He needed to get out of here before Arthur noticed.

“I’ll go prepare the provisions and tell the knights.” Merlin didn’t hear Arthur's response as he ran out the door, quickly shutting it and leaning against the cool wood. The guards barely blinked at his behavior—they were quite used to oddities at this point. Merlin nodded to them as he continued down the corridor.

Today was going to be difficult, and he couldn’t imagine it would end well at this rate.

Forcing his magic to his core, Merlin sent messages to the roundtable and to the kitchen before he found his way back to Gaius’s workroom. He was sat at the table, head in his hands, when Elyan walked into the room.

“Merlin?”

Merlin shot his head up, regretting it when the room twisted. Blinking, he looked at the knight who somehow was sitting beside him. Merlin saw Elyan’s lips moving, so he tried to focus.

“—lin, can you hear me? Are you okay?”

Merlin narrowed his spinning focus on Elyan’s concerned eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”

Elyan scoffed. “I find that hard to believe, my friend.”

Merlin tried to smile. “I swear. What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Elyan’s eyes softened even more. “No, everything is okay. Arthur sent me to fetch you. We are leaving, remember?”

Merlin blinked again. How long have I’ve been out?

“Of course.” Merlin shook his head, a sheepish smile on his face. “I must’ve fallen asleep.”

Elyan narrowed his eyes. “Merlin, you don’t seem well. I don’t want you to hurt yourself more. I’ll tell Arthur you can’t-“

“No, no, I’m okay. I can come.”

That didn’t seem to convince the knight, if the doubtful look on his face was any indication. “Merlin, you are a part of my family, and if you need to stay home, I’ll stay with you. Make sure you get better. Arthur won’t fuss if I make an excuse for us both. Maybe Gwen, you, and I could go on another picnic, yeah?”

Merlin smiled at the memory of their last adventure together. “That does sound tempting, but I am truly okay! Look!” He got up and did a little spin, making Elyan laugh at the dramatics.

“Okay, okay. I believe you. But don’t think I won’t keep an eye on you, little brother.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” Merlin grinned, pulling the knight into a strong hug, his heart feeling more full than it has in a long time.

“We are leaving in a few moments, I’ll meet you there?”

Merlin nodded, promising to be there on time, and when the knight vanished, as did Merlin’s brief energy. Chiding himself on not taking Elyan’s offer, Merlin forced his legs to stumble into his room to throw some articles into his bag. He double checked his wrappings, and he raced out the door.

He felt his magic flicker at his movements—it wasn’t pleased to be keeping him conscious and healing at the same time. Sighing through his teeth, he shook his head before smiling brightly at the knights. Elyan rolled his eyes while Gwaine ran up to him and pulled him into a spinning hug.

“It’s been too long, Merls!” Gwaine ruffed his hair when he put him down, a wild grin on his face.

Merlin laughed, swatting away the knight’s hand. “I saw you yesterday!”

Gwaine put his hand on his heart, a fake pout on his face. “You haven’t missed me?”

Merlin nodded, trying to ruffle Gwaine’s hair back, who squealed and ran behind Percy for protection.

Lance walked towards him with Merlin’s mare in one hand. “How are you Merlin?” Lance whispered so only he could hear.

Merlin took his horse, stroking her neck. “I’ve been better.”

Lance frowned. “Are you hurt?”

Merlin opened his mouth to lie, but Arthur was already on top of his horse yelling at them to hurry up or they would be left behind. Merlin shrugged his shoulders to Lance, who narrowed his eyes, but they both hopped up their respective horses.

The ride hurt his side—a lot. Each trot sent pangs of fire through his body, rippling in his veins, spreading a wild, uncontrollable pain that caused Merlin to bite his cheeks to keep himself from yelling.

He didn’t make a noise, though. He never does.

He stayed behind the pack, trying to feel the magic of the earth around him. The trees, the birds, the ground—all of it magic, all of it welcoming Merlin with no hesitation. He smiled slightly, his head tilted towards the sun trying to shine through the foliage. Hearing someone slow down, he forced himself to open his eyes at his companion.

Arthur watched him, curious, staring openly at him.

“May I help you, sire?”

Arthur did a half smile at the tone. “Just…thinking, I suppose.”

Merlin opened his mouth to say his quip, but he audibly, and dramatically, snapped it shut when he saw the look on Arthur’s face—the king laughed, causing Merlin to stare at the other now. He loved Arthur’s laugh. It didn’t happen as much as Merlin would like, but the time he got it out of the man always felt like a prize like no other.

All the pain in the world would be worth hearing that sound again.

Arthur’s amused face looked away from Merlin, assessing the small clearing they just wandered into.

“We can make camp here.”

Merlin immediately jumped off his horse, grateful for his tight wrapping he applied this morning. The bandages feeling like the only thing keeping him whole.

“I’ll get firewood!” Merlin yelled, not waiting for anyone to say anything else as he all but ran into the forest, towards the running water he could hear was close by. Three steps in, he heard someone walking behind him.

He sighed. “Lancelot. Why are you following me?”

The man in question caught up to him easily enough, and then right passed him, looking at the ground for usable wood.

“Well, my magical friend, as you are in pain and have not answered my previous question, I figured I could take it upon myself to annoy you until you broke in and told me what was going on with you.”

Merlin grumbled. “I’m fine.”

Lance didn’t stop searching, barely blinking at the obvious lie.

Sighing, Merlin grabbed Lance’s arm, stopping his friend’s theatrics. “Look, I just hurt myself yesterday and it hasn't been healing properly. It’s fine, I’m fine.”

Lance quickly poked Merlin’s side, earning a loud gasp from the warlock. Merlin looked at Lance with wide eyes, shocked. “What the fuck, Lance?”

Lance scoffed. “Fine my ass, Merlin. If you say that one more time, I’ll throw you in the river.”

Merlin scowled, while Lance just rolled his eyes. “Now, you’re going to go back to camp and let me finish collecting firewood.” And right when Merlin was about to protest, Lance glared at him. “No complaining. I am going to make sure you’re not going to do anything else stupid and hurt yourself more. Merlin,” here Lancelot’s eyes were soft, “I am here for you, always. And I am not letting you hurt yourself more.”

Merlin smiled softly, giving in and hugging the knight. “Thank you, Lance. You know I love you?”

Lance grinned, pushing Merlin gently towards the others. “Yeah, yeah, I love you too.”

Merlin hugged himself as he walked slowly back to camp. If Lance could tell, then maybe he wasn’t as good as hiding his pain as he originally thought. He frowned as he continued, his thoughts moving towards the noticeable silence of the surrounding forest. It seemed a bit too quiet, but he pushed the thought away. I’m starting to sound like Arthur, he thought with a small huff.

Walking into the clearing, Merlin spotted Gwaine and Percy bent in an intense conversation, Elyan and Arthur parrying in the center, and their sleeping mats all nicely arranged in a circle, so he figured it would be a good time as any to start preparing dinner. Working diligently helped keep his mind off himself. As his thoughts wandered, he didn’t notice the small cracks of sticks and dried leaves coming from the other side of the clearing.

He did see the shadowy movements, however, right before they attacked. Merlin got up quickly, shouting out an alarm that was just a few seconds too late. And the last thing Merlin saw before he was knocked out was Arthur yelling at him, and then nothing but blackness.

Merlin woke up with a resounding headache. He tried to move his hands, but he forced his eyes open when he realized they were tightly bound.

He squinted in the bright firelight, seeing many figures encased in darkness.

“Finally! The warlock awakens.”

Merlin shook his head, confused. “What?” He said through his gag.

“Ungag him, will you? Let the man talk.”

Someone close to him stepped forwards, the face unremarkable and void of any expression as he roughly took off the covering.

Merlin spit blood to the side before he squinted up once more. “And you are?” Merlin said, sounding bitter and a bit bored. This shit always happens to them.

“Call me Aren.” The man said, the smile heard in his voice, as he stepped into Merlin’s view. He was a tall man with black hair and onyx colored eyes that glinted from the fire.

“Should that mean something to me?” Merlin inquired, knowing that pissing people off was usually his specialty.

Aren’s smile vanished. “We met yesterday. Don’t I look familiar?”

Merlin leaned forwards on his knees, tilting his head. “Hmm, I can’t recall. Though, I don’t usually give many of my enemies much thought.”

That made Aren grin, and Merlin took the quick pause to look more closely around him. All the knights were tied with two or three of their attackers holding them in place. Lance was here, too, so they must have caught him unawares as well. Merlin looked to Arthur next, who was glaring daggers at this Aren man.

Aren hummed, walking around him. “How is your wound?”

Merlin saw Lance and Elyan straighten at that as Arthur’s head snapped towards the warlock. Merlin feigned confusion. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

The leader nodded to the person to Merlin’s left, and Merlin barely had a second to understand what was going to happen before the man kicked him squarely in the abdomen.

Merlin screamed as he fell to the ground.

Aren clicked his mouth, disappointed. “See what happens when you lie?”

Merlin grunted, managing to bring himself back to his knees. He felt the blood soaking through his shirt, the color draining from his face, the intensity of the stares of his friends—from horror, or from fear, Merlin couldn’t tell.

“What do you want?” Merlin spit, getting slightly pissed off now.

Aren shrugged. “What do any of us want, Merlin?”

The warlock lifted his gaze, finally realizing what the man said at the beginning. Warlock. This man knows I’m a warlock. Merlin quickly looked at Arthur in horror. The king looked steadily back at him, no hint of repulsion or betrayal or anger. Maybe he didn’t hear Aren say it, Merlin prayed to any of the gods that was true.

“Ahh there it is!” Aren cheered. “The recognition. You were quicker yesterday.”

Merlin growled. “And why is it that I can’t remember anything about our little encounter?”

Aren looked to his left, grabbing someone’s hand. “Ah yes. That would be the work of my lady, Taryn. Say hello dear.”

The girl smiled, the expression more wild than not, and did a slight bow before sliding back into the darkness. Aren then watched with clear amusement as Merlin tried to use magic against the bindings. “My dear boy, what are we? Novices?” He scoffed. “We are quite skilled, I’ll have you know.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I don’t give a shit who you are or what you know.” A quick pause before Merlin continued: “How about we make a deal?”

Merlin heard Arthur start protesting through his gag knowing what Merlin was going to say, but the warlock tried to ignore him and the unease settled in his gut.

“Yes?” Aren said lightly.

“You can have me, without a fight, if you let my friends go. They are innocents.”

The leader laughed, loudly. “I would hardly call these men innocent, Merlin. They’ve aided and abetted the king of Camelot’s hatred of magic. Watched as true innocents were killed, watched as the king did nothing but stand to the side as our people burned. No one here is innocent.” He snarled the last part towards the group, making them look down in shame.

“Still,” Merlin pleaded, “you have me, right? That’s all you came for. Let them go.”

Aren’s face darkened a bit, but he still seemed to consider the offer. “Willingly?”

Merlin vehemently nodded, knowing that he had mere minutes before the blood loss made him pass out.

Aren turned towards Taryn, as Merlin quickly counted how many people there were. Thirteen held his friends down, two were to his left, two to his right, three in front.

20 people, Merlin mused, shouldn’t be too hard. Right?

He let himself glance at Arthur, who turned to look at him at the same time. Arthur’s eyes didn't look angry, or betrayed, only fierce with a hint of distress. Merlin looked at his King for strength, knowing that if he didn’t believe their captors about his magic, he would soon. And Merlin wanted to remember his face like this—strong, unyielding, protective. His king, soon to be his doom. Merlin shut his own eyes, swallowing the terror of what he was about to do in front of his friends. If he were to die from this either way, at least his friends would make it out alive.

With resignation and determination pounding in his blood, Merlin opened his eyes. He heard the gasps of everyone, and he knew his eyes were no longer the color of the sky, but a fiery gold. Aren snapped his head at the noise, eyes widening at Merlin.

“That’s not possible,” the man shook his head violently, “the cuffs—“

Merlin gave him a feral smile before the world ignited into a burning white light.

Landing on his face, Merlin felt his energy quickly fade into a numbness. He laid there, breathing unsteadily, when he felt hands lift him up.

Elyan, Gwaine, and Lance surrounded him, the latter two holding him on his feet as Elyan took out his sword in front of them, Percy quickly joining the knight in front.

Merlin coughed out blood, whimpering a little at the lack of any feeling in his body. His eyesight was blurred, but he saw Arthur stand up slowly, his hands raised like he was taming wild animals.

Merlin gasped, remembering, albeit slowly, what happened. He stumbled away, his breathing quickening, his heart pounding too quickly, too quickly. He fell, the pain in his side returning full force. The knights tried to help him, but he pushed them away, tears streaming down his face. “No, no, no,” Merlin cried, “I’m going to die. He is going to kill me.”

He saw Lance and Gwaine quickly look at each other, fear on their faces, as they stepped towards him. Merlin sobbed. “No, no, no. Get away from me. No, no!”

He couldn’t breathe. The ground started spinning beneath him, the trees started falling towards him, he heard screams, but that could’ve been himself, as the world crashed into blackness once more.

“aking up? Gaius!”

Merlin couldn’t move. His eyes felt like they had been sewn shut, and his throat felt like he had been screaming for hours on end.

“Ga’s?” Merlin rasped out, reaching out his hand for his father figure.

“I’m here, my boy, I’m here.” Gaius touched his hand, feeling his forehead with the other. “Your fever has finally gone away.” Merlin heard Gaius move away for a moment, only to return with a glass of water. He forced his eyes to open, lifting them to the court physician.

“How do you feel, Merlin?”

After gulping down the entire cup, Merlin sighed contentedly. “Like absolute shit.”

Gaius chuckled. “I would imagine.” The man helped Merlin into a sitting position, the pain in his side almost nonexistent.

“What happened, Gaius?”

Merlin looked past his caretaker, eyes landing on the king. “Arthur? Why-?”

The sad look on Arthur’s face was enough to remind Merlin exactly what happened. Merlin gasped, looking towards Gaius in terror, “Gaius had nothing to do with it, my lord. I promise.” And then remembering what the knights did, he quickly added, “Neither did the knights, I swear on my life. If I am to burn, please keep them out of it. I’ll do anything, just please don't hurt them.”

Arthur’s face fell even more, the hurt shining brightly in the king’s eyes. At the moment of silence, Gaius rubbed Merlin’s back and whispered, “Merlin, Arthur knew. It’s okay, we are all going to be okay.” And with that, the man left them alone.

Merlin couldn’t think straight. His thoughts flew faster than ever, trying to connect the pieces he was obviously missing.

“Merlin…” Arthur whispered, his voice sounding scratchy from disuse. Now that Merlin actually looked at him, the king looked horrible. His blonde hair disheveled, his stubble longer than normal, his shirt and pants dirty, his eyes baring darkness indicating he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time.

“Arthur..?” Merlin said softly, a question, a concern.

Arthur got up then, and he started pacing. Merlin could do nothing but watch as his king—his light, his reason for living—pulled violently at his hair. Confused, Merlin wanted to comfort Arthur, as always, but as he tried to get up, his legs immediately failed him. Merlin closed his eyes, expecting to hit the floor hard, when he felt strong hands hold him up.

“Merlin! You need to sit down and rest, what are you doing?”

Merlin held onto Arthur, his hands finding their way to his king’s shoulders to steady himself. They locked eyes for a minute, or for an hour—Merlin couldn’t tell—before Merlin broke it with a quiet question. “Do you hate me?”

Arthur tensed beneath his hands, and Merlin’s heart fell. It was too much to wish that this wasn’t the end. Merlin tried to stop his tears from coming, but it was no use. His heart was broken. He felt broken.

“No, no! Why are you crying, Merlin? Are you in pain?” Arthur sounded genuinely concerned, breaking Merlin even more.

“I’m fine.” Merlin tried to push himself away from him, but Arthur held on steadfast.

“Merlin, look at me, please Merlin.” And after a few beats, Merlin did. He saw Arthur’s beautiful cerulean eyes bright with unshed tears.

“I don’t hate you.”

That made Merlin’s knees weak, but Arthur didn’t let go, and he didn’t stop talking, either. It was almost like once Arthur started, he couldn’t stop.

“I don’t hate you, and I don’t think I ever could, if I’m being honest. You know what I am? Angry. Not at you keeping your secrets, or lying to me for years. I worked through that all already—I’ve been doing it for months. I always came to the same question, though. Why? Why risk yourself like this? Why help me? Why stay at my side when I’ve been unworthy of that devotion? That question wouldn’t leave me alone. I would watch you tidy up my room, humming, and wonder what on earth is keeping you at my side? At first, I was angry. Angry that you lied, angry that you were the enemy the entire time, angry that everything we had was a lie.”

Arthur tighten his hold after Merlin flinched at the words, and the king started rubbing absentminded circles on the warlock’s skin.

“But, after keeping you at a distance for a week, I’m not sure if you remember that,” Merlin did. Vividly. Arthur wouldn’t let him near him, and he wouldn’t tell Merlin why. But after that week, they returned to semi-normacy. Merlin was unsure what happened, and Arthur still held himself tightly whenever Merlin entered the room.

“I realized how stupid I was. I asked Gaius to tell me everything, not that he did it easily. He refused to know anything I was talking about,” Arthur rolled his eyes, “like I would ever believe that. But after a few days, and countless promises that I meant no harm, he told me. I was in shock for a bit after. Gaius said he didn’t have all the details, and that I should talk to you, but I was scared. Merlin. I was scared to find out why.”

Merlin still couldn’t stop the tears from falling as Arthur gently lowered him onto the cot, the king sitting next to him, still rubbing those damn patterns onto Merlin’s skin.

“Watching you for a couple more days, I started scolding myself for my own cowardice. I started thinking why the question mattered that much, why I cared at all for someone who obviously never truly trusted me. I get it, though, Merlin,” here Arthur stared directly into Merlin’s eyes, not wavering for a second, “why you never told me. Fuck, I wouldn’t have told me either if I was in your place. When did I ever give you a reason to?” Arthur scoffed at himself, still tensed and worked up.

Merlin couldn’t get a word in before Arthur continued on. “And last week, I decided enough is enough. I needed to tell you I knew. It wasn’t fair of me to keep it from you, not when you live your life in such a constant state of fear of Camelot’s laws. I needed to tell you how I was almost done rewriting the laws, how close I was to freeing your people, how sorry I was for being so idiotically blinded by my father’s hatred. And when you agreed to go to the hunt with me, I was already prepared with my speech. With you and my knights, I was going to explain the changes I was making, and I thought that would be the perfect time to tell you I knew.”

Arthur got up again, walking back and forth. “Of course it all went to shit, though, because when can we ever get a break? And, gods, Merlin, I was so angry at you for putting yourself in more danger! What was that? Not telling me you were hurt? I had to find out by some assholes kicking you so hard that you scream in pain! Merlin,” the king turned to face him, walking back to the cot, “the sound almost broke me.”

Merlin’s tears were a steady companion as Arthur took up his seat once more, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. “You were in agony, and I couldn’t do anything! Powerless, and terrified, and fucking useless. When you looked at me before turning into white hot flame, I saw your fear, your terror, your resignation that this was your end. I screamed, then, when you closed your eyes. I screamed at the men holding me, at the world for watching this happen, at the gods who did nothing to help. But you,” Arthur shook his head, eyes full of amazement, “You lit up. You burned so brightly, I had to shut my eyes. I’ve never seen such raw power, Merlin, you were brilliant.”

Merlin repeated the word quietly to himself, brilliant.

Arthur shook his head again, his eyes darkening. “After that, you started freaking out. You were sobbing, yelling you couldn’t breathe, backing away from everyone. Even as the knights tried to tell you that they understood, that they knew, you didn’t believe them. Gaius says you were delirious from the blood loss and the use of such magic, and it scared me. I thought we were going to lose you,” Arthur’s absentminded rubbing returned, the feeling burning through Merlin’s skin.

“The knights, Merlin, you should’ve seen them. Elyan and Percy had their weapons towards me, as Gwaine tried to help Lance pick you up. But you wouldn’t let them, saying for them to run, that they needed to get out of there. Lancelot managed to calm you down enough that you passed out, but no one moved. They were ready to protect you until their last breath, even if that meant leaving me behind to get you to safety. I explained to them quickly what I knew, and they immediately moved aside to let me near you. I had to get to you, and I think the knights saw that too.

We carried you to the horses and rode to Camelot, faster than anything we’ve ever done before. Gaius was able to stop the bleeding, but you had such a high fever for days. I didn’t leave your side. I wouldn’t. The knights came in at the beginning, and they promised me that you would be fine if I left for a moment, but I couldn’t move. You thought I hated you, I saw it in your eyes, and every time I closed my own, that was the only thing I saw. They realized it was quite a lost cause and they began to take turns staying with us, each of them telling me how they came to realize your magic. Elyan found out accidentally through Gwen, who threatened him if he harmed you in anyway, Gwaine apparently always had an inkling, ever since the plate incident when we first met him, and Percy said he had no idea, but he knew what kind of person you are and he would defend you to his dying breath.”

Merlin’s breathing hitched, the overwhelming feeling of acceptance smothering his lungs.

“Lancelot was the fiercest, if you were wondering. It took a lot of explaining on my part before he let me near you again. I knew Lancelot’s loyalty was with you, but the depth of it shook me to my core. All the knights seem more loyal to you, it seems, than their own king,” here Arthur smiled, “and I am proud of that, of them. They knew you, all of you, and did not hesitate to protect. I knew I made the correct choice picking my roundtable, wouldn’t you agree?”

Merlin nodded, still stunned enough by it all that he couldn’t say a word.

Arthur grabbed his hand then, turning himself towards the warlock. “So, no, Merlin. I do not hate you. I was mad that you put yourself at danger once again, so please stop doing that. You’re going to put me in an early grave from worry, and I think Gaius and the knights agree with me.”

Merlin gave a wet laugh, “I can’t promise that, Arthur, you know that.”

Arthur’s soft smile returned, and Merlin couldn’t help but stare at the man’s face. This was the king he chose, here was the reason he put himself at danger. Arthur wiped away Merlin’s tears, and Merlin leaned into the touch as Arthur’s fingers gently stroked his cheek.

They had so much more to discuss and to plan, but for now, Merlin let himself feel acceptance for the first time since he’s moved to Camelot. He let himself feel loved, cared for, understood.

No, this wasn’t the end of anything, Merlin realized, only the beginning of something greater.

#ashley answers #ashley writes #merthur #merthur fanfiction #merthur fanfic #merlin bingo #merlin #bbc merlin #hurt/comfort

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akvtsuki-ari · 4 years

Text

Sweetheart (Ch.1)

Warnings: Mentions of BDSM and bunch of other kinks but nothing sexual in this chapter lol. Sub!Spencer and Femdom!Reader

Length: 5.3k

Authors Note: this is hands down the most self-indulgent shit ive ever wrote but do i care? the answer is no dsjk but this that series i had planned where the reader introduces spencer to proper BDSM and all that. hoping to make this fic kinda informative also lol. also im uploading this fic on ao3 as well. also no tags for this fic bc its really specific and ill probably be writing for it for a while! sorry about that

Plot Summary: Spencer Reid just wanted to be.., well, you know. He doesn’t expect to find much when he signs up for a BDSM dating website but somehow he manages you and he couldn’t be more delighted

Spencer Reid was certainly a lot of things. He was a lover of the arts, someone who had a particular affinity for 15th-century literature, a magician at best, a theater nerd at worst, and a teacher when life called for it. He loves the world even when it's really dark and he loves sleeping in even more. He loves his friends and they love him too - even when they pretend that his random facts annoy them. Spencer Reid was a friend, an FBI agent, a genius with an IQ of 187, and a son to a mother he loves wholly. He was a lot of things and for the most part - he knew a lot about what he really loved to do. He supposed that it's been like that his whole life.

It's not everyday that he discovers something new about himself. About everything else? Always. He loves to learn, but about himself? There's never all that much on the frontier.

It's hard to say, because of that, when Spencer discovered he was a sub. It's difficult to pinpoint a specific time and place, or even how the pieces got put together. He just remembers how it felt when it hit him, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour into a concrete wall. Or a plane crashing onto an island. Or like a fly hitting the glass panes of a delivery truck. He remembers the feeling when he was deftly reminded of this fact. Spencer Reid was a sub - through and through and he wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Surprisingly to most of his direct peers, Spencer wasn't a virgin. He'd had sex with 2 people who he'd been kinda friends with at some point, but it always got a little weird after that. The second time though, the girl ended up choking him a little bit when she got off and Spencer thought he had died. Not in a bad way, more in a "I'm so turned on by this I feel like I've genuinely gone to heaven," sort of way. He didn't think it was possible for a sexual encounter to make him feel like that but it did. It didn't stop after that either, which was the most agitating part.

Spencer doesn't consider himself a sexual person. Sex is about intimacy and companionship, and hopefully love when he finds that someday. Sex isn't necessarily about pleasure but that wasn't an easy lesson to learn.

Spencer just wanted to understand - so like any great genius he participated in thought experiments. It's normally a female superhero/supervillain that crosses his mind (he has an affinity for Poison Ivy), and he just kinda imagines what it would be like if they did what she did. The choking turned him on, but it wasn't enough. Through that, he figures out that he had more than a choking kink and that he was more than a little interested in a partner having complete access to him. He thought about it for weeks and the getting off was working for him but he couldn't get the fantasy out of his head. He wanted more - he wanted someone to fulfill his wishes.

It was too much for him to ignore. Those months of being able to hold off through masturbating are over and he's just sorta itching. Aching to act on those impulses with another person who can give him what he needs, and he doesn't want it to be transactional. Maybe it's too ideal to want a partner out of such an endeavor but was it so wrong? To want real affection and romance from someone who could also overpower him wasn't a crime and he'd be damned if he pretended to want any less. Spencer was just searching, even if it was rather desperately.

So, when Spencer finds himself on a BDSM dating site and he feels like his life is in shambles, he can only blame himself. It's not something he'd normally do but he's getting a little more than relentless about it but he also just wants to see what's out there. He's so out of it was it happens, it felt like he was being possessed as he made a fake email and wrote out his account information. Definitely blaming it on possession, he thinks.

It's too late to go back, as he scrolls through tons of profiles of rather intense looking people. He's not surprised, this is where people go to express themselves. They're entitled to that, it just sucks since he's just not ready for such levels of intensity. He wonders if he's in too deep yet, but he figures he'd hit that mark a long time ago and keeps scrolling through profiles. There wasn't much to go off of, many people not choosing to use photos for the sake of anonymity, which was good for Spencer. He clicks onto his own profile, reading his own bio carefully.

USERNAME: DOC187

SUB/ SWITCH / DOM

M / F / O

FETISHES: N/A

BIO: Interest in a dominant female companion. Completely inexperienced.

Spencer feels ridiculous, but he doubts anyone would even message him. He doesn't have much on his profile and he keeps things short for that purpose. He wanted to stay as low to the ground as possible - more curious to explore what was going in the world than to find anything legitimate. He scrolls through hundreds of profiles, mostly of people who were BDSM vets looking for new connections or fun. Some people catch his eye but they don't match his interests so he doesn't bother.

Except, one profile. The bio was beyond interesting to Spencer.

USERNAME: MISS—LILAC

SUB / SWITCH / DOM

M / F / O

FETISHES: Sadomasochist, Degradation, Humiliation, Pegging, Overstimulation, Edging, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation, Dacryphilia, Shibari/Gags/Bondage, Wax Play, Impact Play, Breath Play, General Sensation Play, Discipline, Collaring, Begging. Willing to try most things.

BIO: Interested in submissive males of any experience level. Helps if you're interesting and like to read and watch indie films. Looking for genuine connection and plenty of good banter. Curly hair is nice too. lol.

Before Spencer can think about it for too long his mouse clicks over that stupid little message button next to your profile. Spencer shakes his head at his own existence as he types you a message. Says you're online right now, but Spencer's sure he won't get a response for a while.

DOC187: Seems I fit who you're interested in. I even have the curly hair.

Spencer chews on his nails anxiously before he sighs at himself. He has no clue what's gotten into him belle before he can think he sees your 3-dotted bubble pop up. He feels his body wracked with nerves.

MISS—LILAC: I'm guessing you like to read and watch indie films too?

Spencer smiles. You seem interesting and the fact that the two of you were just talking normal was making Spencer happy.

DOC187: Indeed. I'm a sucker for 15-century literature and anything in Russian and foreign language. You?

MISS—LILAC: 15th century huh? I'll assume Chaucer. And Russian? You're interesting, doc. I'm more modern and English, hope you're not deterred.

Spencer smiles, surprised that you recognize an author as niche as Chaucer. He shakes his head at your commentary. He almost forgets that both of you are on a BDSM dating site and the irony doesn't escape him.

DOC187: Deterred? Never. I think you're rather interesting too, Miss Lilac.

MISS—LILAC: Ever the gentleman doc. I'm hoping you won't run away if I ask you more personal questions.

Spencer swallows. He types back quickly.

DOC187: What kinds of questions?

MISS—LILAC: If it's okay, you're real name and what you do. My names Y/N, and I'm a florist. I live in DC and I love romance novels.

Spencer smiles. He appreciates you laying down the path for him, knowing the stakes.

DOC187: My names Spencer and I work for the FBI. I also live in DC, and I love magic.

MISS—LILAC: Magic? I'd love for you to show me sometime.

Spencer swallows. Part of him feels like it's a stupid idea to ask you out so early but if you asked, he'd likely say yes. He decides to wait it out.

DOC187: I'd be more than happy to show you.

MISS—LILAC: I suppose you could send me a video but that's not the same as seeing the magic in real life, now is it?

Spencer is smiling like an idiot at this point. He shakes his head a little, jittery.

DOC187: Infinitely better live, I would say.

MISS—LILAC: Seems like I've found an excuse to ask you on a date then. Saturday's work for me but I'm sure it depends on you, FBI man. Before that, I'm gonna drop my number and I'll be expecting your call. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)

Spencer giggles. It's a little out of range for things he's used to doing, giggling aloud for someone else is certainly new. Spencer picks up his phone and dials away, anxious to call you but excited nonetheless. He heard you pick up the phone and his heart catches in his throat.

"Hello?," Your voice is smooth, and a little bit lower than he was expecting. It sounds pretty.

"Hello, Y/N," Spencer says back. He heard you laugh on the other side and can't help the way his heart flutters.

"Lovely to talk to you doc,"

"Still Doc? Not Spencer?" Spencer questions. You smile on the other side of the line.

"Doc seems to fit you. But, for the sake of formality, hello Spencer,"

"I like Doc too, but it feels like I should have a nickname for you as well. Only seems fair," Spencer says laughing quietly.

"If it's your prerogative you can call me Miss Lilac, or just Miss but..." you trail off for a minute. Spencer squints.

"Miss is a title, you know? Doesn't seem fair for you to call me that when I haven't earned it from you yet. I'm sure we'll get there but for now you can just call me Y/N," you say softly. Spencer blushes bright red, his voice betraying him as he speaks.

"O-Oh, well um - where does the name Lilac come from? Normally people go with their names when it comes to stuff like that," Spencer says shyly. He heard you laugh on the other side of the phone and blushes again, grateful you can't see him.

"I love the language of flowers and flowers themselves. It's a way to speak that not many people know - but I like the meaning and look of lilacs. White lilacs represent purity, so that was a bit of irony, but light purple lilacs mean first love," you say carefully.

"First love?," Spencer asks. You bite your lip for a moment.

"I joke that BDSM is my first love since it's such a big part of my life. Not as big as some but not small for certain. It gave me much needed confidence so I joke that it was my first," You say lightly. You hear Spencer giggle on the other side and you smile.

"What about your username? Any significance to DOC187 that I should know of?," you readjust your seat on your couch as you talk. Spencer grows a bit embarrassed.

"I normally introduce myself as Doctor Spencer Reid for work, not a medical doctor but I have three PhD's," Spencer admits. You raise your brows but hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Very, very impressive doc. What about the 187? It could be a plain ol' number but my guess would be otherwise,"

"That's my IQ, actually. I don't think intelligence can be boiled down and quantified like that but I couldn't think of anything else," Spencer explains.

"So you're a certified genius with 3 PhD's? To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Anything else impressive you'd like to tell me before I totally pick your brains," you say a little shocked.

"You wanna pick my brains?," Spencer asks. You wanna laugh at the irony of such a silly question from such an intelligent man but you refrain.

"Who wouldn't?," you say incredulously. Spencer smiles shyly.

"The only other thing is that I can read 20,000 words per minute," Spencer says trying to deflect. Your jaw dropped before but it manages to unhinge a little further.

"There's a lot to get to know about you Doctor Reid,"

"I'm sure it's the same for you," Spencer replies.

"Guess we'll have to find out won't we?," you say smiling.

Damn, Spencer got lucky. Hopefully he'd get to find out soon

_____

"Reid, are you listening?," Derek's voice snaps Spencer out of his entranced state. His smiling expression snaps up to look at Derek who looks a little exasperated.

"Sorry, what was that?," Spencer asks back. Derek puts down the case file they were working on. They had just finished a case and needed to complete some paperwork before submitting it for review and to be used in court. The job was given to him and Morgan and Spencer was evidently distracted.

"Alright, kid - what is up with you? All case you've been checking your phone non-stop and spacing out, all smiles and giggles. C'mon now kid, seriously. You got a little lady at home waiting for you or is there something else I don't know about?," Derek interrogates. Spencer doesn't really know what to make of it, though it's not really in his interest to hide you, it hasn't really come up with anyone on the team yet so it was proving difficult to decide what to do. The smile on his face manages to appear again as he starts to think about you, the tips of his ears red.

"Reid," Morgan says again, with a small look of irritation.

"Her names Y/N," Spencer blurts out faster than he can't think. Derek gives him a huge grin, holding his hand out to dap Spencer up. Spencer just looks at it confused for a second before getting the memo.

"'My man," Derek says chuckling. Before Spencer can continue Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia walk in. Hotch is the only one missing, and Spencer's a little grateful.

"What are we celebrating in here you guys?," Prentiss asks first. Spencer goes to say something to move away from his sudden confession but Derek is quick to cut him off.

"Our boy genius over here got him a little lady," Derek announces. The whole team erupts in questions and Spencer wants to bury himself.

"Congratulations, Spencer!! How long have you two been dating?," Prentiss asks.

"You guys are so dramatic. It's only been two months but no first date because well..." Spencer trails off. JJ just nods her head.

"Duty calls, I'm guessing" JJ finishes. Spencer nods deflated hearing Emily draw a breath between her teeth.

"That's tough, Spence,"

Just as Spencer goes to give a response back he gets a text from you that makes his day a little better. It's a selfie of you at work, a picture your employee must've taken of you in a room full of new flower deliveries. You're giving Spencer a toothy grin as you hold a bunch of gardenias in your hand.

Y/N 🌸: *image attachment*

Gardenias// You're lovely + Secret Love <33

Spencer cannot control the way his whole face bunches up in a smile, as if there's no one else in the room with him. Everyone just looks at him surprised, Garcia giving him a side-eye.

"How can you guys trust this stranger? We don't even know who she is! I haven't even run any background checks on her," Garcia complains. Prentiss nudges her side.

"I don't know if it matters - look at how hard he's smiling over there," Prentiss says. Garcia reluctantly looks and can't help but sigh.

"Okay well he seems really happy but still! We don't even know her," she pouts.

"I'm sure we'll meet her soon," JJ snickers at Spencer's lovestruck expression. Derek leans over Spencer's shoulder and raises his brows.

"Is that her, kid?," Derek asks. Spencer nods, simply staring at the picture you sent. Derek whistles when he sees you - you're genuinely stunning and he's surprised to say the least.

"Hot mama, pretty boy - how'd you manage that?," Derek asks, dumbfounded. Emily rolls her eyes.

"C'mon Derek, I'm sure - oh wow," Emily leans over Spencer's shoulder to see you and is met with the same reaction. JJ and Garcia are quick to follow thereafter, both looking equally as surprised.

"She's..." JJ trails off. The rest of the team just nods as Spencer grins ear to ear.

Spencer 🐻: Beautiful, as always.

Spencer ignores the rest of the team as they look at each other in disbelief.

Y/N🌸: Me or the flowers, Doc?

Spencer🐻: Both, but mostly you.

"Wow, Spencer you're really -" Prentiss starts

"You're whipped, kid. I mean seriously whipped," Derek finishes, nodding in agreement. JJ can't help but smile, giving Spencer a small pat on the back.

"She seems lovely, Spencer. How'd you two meet?," JJ says. Garcia stands around looking rather suspicious. A blush creeps onto Spencer's neck as he's reminded of how you two met.

"Online," Spencer says shortly. No one decides to question it, and Spencer thanks every god he can think of.

"Have you two FaceTimed yet? How can we know she's not, I don't know - catfishing you? Or scamming you in some other cyber criminal way?," Garcia sounds distressed. Spencer gives a small smile.

"We fall asleep over FaceTime every night," Spencer admits. Penelope's expression falls, and Prentiss gives a smile.

"That is disgustingly cute," JJ says laughing.

"Okay, well - I'm still running a background check on her," Garcia says stubbornly "But, I'm happy for you,"

"Thanks Garcia," Spencer mumbles out as he texts you again.

Y/N🌸: I wanna see you, love

Spencer blushes red as he reads your message. The word love makes his whole face hot.

Spencer🐻: I can't take a selfie for my life

Y/N🌸: You're with your team aren't you? Get them to take a picture of you.

Spencer wants to fold away, not ever really being the picture type, but how could he ever deny you.

Spencer🐻: How could I ever say no to you?

"Hey guys, can one of you take a picture of me for Y/N?" Spencer asks embarrassingly red. The whole team sends him a look of surprise.

"I'll take it Spence, try not to look as uncomfortable as you do right now," JJ says. The whole team refrains from laughing as Spencer gives an awkward smile. He thanks JJ who hands him back his phone before texting you again.

Spencer🐻: *image attachment* You owe me one

Y/N🌸: you're stunning as always. hadn't seen you in so long I almost forgot what you looked like.

Spencer🐻: stunnings an interesting choice of words.

Y/N🌸: I said what I said, doc.

Spencer can't help but do a little giggle, that causes the whole team to give him a look. Morgan just shakes his head, shrugging. Emily, JJ, and Garcia just look at each other before the room draws into a subtle but comfortable silence as Spencer just smiles, totally unaware of how whipped he happened to look. He didn’t seem to mind either way.

___

"How was work?," Spencer asks over the phone, kicking his shoes off as he looks into his fridge for something to eat. He hears you sigh on the other side of the line.

"Busy today - wedding season is coming up so tons of calls for centerpiece designs and costs. It's going well though, business couldn't be better," you say, clearly tired yet content. Spencer gives a small smile and feels relieved that things are going okay for you.

"That's really good. I'm glad you're feeling alright," Spencer replies. You ease into the couch as you talk to Spencer, relaxing by the second.

"What about you, FBI man? You have an okay day?," Your voice is full of a gentle concern that Spencer appreciates.

"Yeah, just paperwork and JJ said that we shouldn't have any upcoming cases this week to be worried about so I have the weekend off," Spencer says without thought.

"Have any special plans for the weekend?," you say cheekily. Spencer, still not having caught on, shakes his head for a second.

"No, why?,"

"Hm... well - would you like to go on a date with me then Doctor Reid?," You ask, giggling. Spencer's eyes widen in realization as he facepalms for a moment.

"Wow, I didn't even think... yes - yes I would love to go on a date with you Y/N," Spencer says laughing at his own misfortune. You shake your head instinctively, but the growing smile and even further growing adoration makes it hard to sit still.

"Hey, Spencer," you say, butterflies filling your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I really like you,"

____

Saturday comes quicker than Spencer can really understand. You told him not to worry about what the days plans would be but he can't help it. Anxiously awaiting you in front of the cafe that the two of you were supposed to meet at, in a part of town Spencer hasn't really seen before. You said that you'd lead the way and the irony isn't lost on him.

"Spencer?," Your voice is small, as you call out to what you think is Spencer Reid. Of course, you'd seen him before but to see him in person like this was still so unfamiliar. His head shoots up, eyes searching for you. He's delighted to have found you, certainly that was true as he walks towards you. Your arms envelop him in a friendly hug and he can't help but find himself sinking into. You smelled sweet, like fruit and flowers (which makes sense, the more he thinks about it)

"Lovely to finally meet you, Y/N,"

"Same goes for you, doc. Would you like to be informed of our plans for the day, or do you prefer the element of surprise?," You ask smiling. Spencer laughs at your question.

"Details would be appreciated, but I get the feeling you're not gonna give me those."

"You're right! It's a trick question, since it's a surprise. But, promise it'll be good,"

"I'll take your word for it then," Spencer says with a small smile. You hold your hand out for Spencer which he accepts, locking his hands with yours. The affection makes him feel full of warmth, as you lead him away for the day you had planned for the both of you.

___

Spencer underestimated how well you knew him. He really, really did. It's hard to explain since Spencers been on a date before but this was so profoundly different. He's a little touched, but beyond that he's just.. surprised? Every date he'd been on before this, he'd have to play the gentleman but it never seemed like the other person was interested in just him. It was always casual small-talk over dinner, or a mid-day coffee date or something else that just felt mundane but this was beyond Spencer's imagination.

The first place you took him was a bookstore - which was in Spencers mind already a winner for best date he'd ever been on. You walked inside with him and told him he had to pick up a book for you and you had to pick up a book for him and to say his heart absolutely fluttered would be an understatement. He picked up up a copy of "The Screwtape Tales," by C.S. Lewis for you, and you gave him a copy of Shel Silverstein's "Where The Sidewalk Ends." For you, you got a glimpse to see what Spencer's sense of humor was and you gave Spencer a piece of your childhood. Both equal but opposite forms of intimacy. The only thing was Spencer had to wait to read his book because it's relatively shorter than yours and he reads 20,000 words per minute.

The next place you took Spencer was an indoor butterfly garden. Does he have to explain why that's a good date? He heard you talk about all the scientific names for the different flowers and why they attract butterflies and he wasn't sure he could crush any harder on you if he tried. A particular moment sticks out to him on which a butterfly landed on your shoulders and just stayed there like it didn't want to leave. Spencer's eyes were fixated on it the whole time - and he had never wanted to be a butterfly in his life before but he figures there's a first time for everything.

The last place, where the both of you were at now was just a small coffee shop, locally owned and supported by the community here. You told Spencer that when you started up your shop, you'd come in here to work on big orders before you'd expanded enough to have employees. Spencer admires your work ethic, much more than he could ever anticipate as he sits down at a small booth, totally covering the both of you as you return to the table with a little plate of banana bread and two iced coffees. Spencer pouts as he looks up at you, watching you flash him a grin.

"I could've helped you carry this over," Spencer complains gently. You roll your eyes.

"Maybe next time doc," you say softly. You hold back your commentary often on the date, and Spencer pretends not to notice for your sake but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wanna know. You always had something sly to say but you'd kept it from him so many times now he figures it's better if he didn't ask.

Spencer looks at you as you push a plate of banana bread towards him. He looks at you with curious eyes before reading your clearly excited face and laughs. He picks up a piece and examines it, before taking a bite. If it tasted as good as it smelled then he would be more than obliged.

The involuntary moan that escapes Spencer's throat makes you choke with laughter. Shit, you weren't kidding when you said this was the best banana bread in the city. Spencer just looks up at you like he's about to cry with joy as you double over in giggles.

"I know," You say softly, taking a bite yourself eyes filling with joy "I ordered some more for us to take home - you're welcome," you say with confidence. Spencer smiles because that is genuinely thoughtful, but it was more endearing to see you pretend it wasn't. He just shakes his head, a blush arising to his face as he looks at you. You're staring at him with intent. He quirks his brow at you in question.

"I had a good time today, Spencer" You say warmly. You only called him Spencer when you were saying something affectionate and a bit serious. He gives you a toothy smile.

"I haven't been on very many dates, but this was easily the best one I'd ever been on," Spencer says honestly. You grin ear to ear, hands carefully holding Spencer across the table, running your thumb over his knuckles for a few seconds. You couldn't say for sure whether it was too soon to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you'd be damned if you said it didn't cross your mind.

Spencer was mind-numbingly unaware of what good boyfriend material he was, but beyond that - what good submissive boyfriend material he was. It was driving you nuts, but you knew this was all new for him and you didn't wanna freak him out. Even when guys say they're interested in being submissive, they're still often times uncomfortable with you being fully dominant. Dominant in public and in bed, if you will. You wanted to pay for dates, and buy him flowers, and make him feel special too - at least on the occasion. That role came naturally to you, that let me make you feel owned type affection that only a dominant person can give. It scared men off - out of relationships, and you totally got why - but you liked Spencer too much as a person to risk iit.

Spencer holds your hands together, gathering your attention. You looked at him spaced out and he gives you a look of concern.

"You okay?," Spencer asks. You nod, chewing your lip in debate of whether or not you should express your concerns. Spencer just tugs on your hand and looks at you intently.

You sigh, looking at Spencer softly.

"I'm okay I just really like you," you say a little exasperated. Spencer laughs but is filled with relief.

"I'm glad to hear that. What else is on your mind?,"

"I really like you - like in an, I want you to officially by my boyfriend way and I hope it's not too soon but I'm just, worried I guess," you say nervously. Spencer can't help the way his heart beats in his chest when he hears you say boyfriend. God did he want to be your boyfriend.

"What're you worried about?,"

"I'm worried about freaking you out. I can be a lot since I'm... you know?," You say nervously. Spencer looks at you to continue.

"I'm more than just dominant in bed, and for a lot of guys it's not their thing and that's their right but I like you so much. I really don't want that to happen if I ask you out now and you realize that it's not for you," you say in clear upset.

Spencer looks at you in disbelief. You were worried that he was gonna freak out over that? That you were too dominant for him? It feels like such a silly concern but the expression on your face tells him you're speaking from experience.

"I mean, it's all kinda new to me but, well - I do like how you treat me? It's a nice change, I can't imagine myself getting tired of it, or of you. I really like you too," Spencer tried his best to reassure you without totally embarrassing you. You smiles at Spencer but your face is still full of doubt.

"If that ever changes, I'll tell you but I'd really like to call you my girlfriend," Spencer finishes. You can't help the warmth that spreads in your stomach at the offer. You just nod, looking up at him. You stand and walk to Spencer's side of the booth, sliding in next to him, leaning your head into his shoulder for a few while seconds. You sit back up, and Spencer turns to you.

"Hey, doc," you say softly. Spencer hums in acknowledgement.

"Can I kiss you?," you ask softly. Spencer chews his lip and nods, looking down at your lip. You're wearing lipgloss and it makes them look pretty - you are so pretty to Spencer.

Kisses are their own language, Spencer figures. The way someone kisses you can tell you a lot about who they are - so, when you put your hands on the side of Spencer's face, pulling him closer to you with such care and adoration - Spencer can feel what you were referencing earlier. The word Miss rings out in his mind, the way you pay attention to him with your hands. He feels your lips press against his, slowly gliding your fingers in his hair, thumb brushing agains the side of his cheek. Your other hand rested on his inner thigh and he has to think about anything other than that not to get hard. Spencer didn't get how much he'd been thinking about touching you until you'd do with no hesitation and he lets out a small whine. You pull back and Spencer has to catch his breath.

His lashes blink up at you and you're absolutely beaming.

"You're cute baby,"

Baby? Spencer wants to cover his face when you say it. You kiss him again and he can't help but feel flush.

You were Spencer's girlfriend and then some and he couldn't be more happy.

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid angst #spencer reid oneshot #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #Criminal Minds #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #sub!spencer #sub!spencer reid #so nervous abt uploading this lol

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dreamerology · 3 years

Text

i was tagged by the loml @123dream to answer these 20 get to know me questions! thank u for tagging me hehe 💕

🦋what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

elliot or el! i don’t rly have a preference for either

🦋when is your birthday?

october 9

🦋where do you live?

canada 🦫

🦋three things you’re doing right now?

i just got home from work so im listening 2 music, snacking on a muffin & catching up w my roommate

🦋four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

i would definitely love to have more people to talk abt books w but im not overly interested in being involved in any of the fandoms

🦋how is the pandemic treating you?

awful lol our govt is handling it so poorly & im so tired of constantly feeling on edge and anxious when im at work/having to take the bus and it just seems like an endless cycle which like ☹️💔 it’s been 2 years since ive seen my gf and who knows when we’ll be able to travel again….i also just miss walking around malls & going escape rooms & board game cafes, stuff like that

🦋song you can’t stop listening to right now?

honey by halsey 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 (the entire album really…)

🦋recommend a movie

castle in the sky <3

🦋how old are you?

21! 22 soon 🤢

🦋school, university, occupation, other?

i currently work at two post secondary libraries! been at the one for 2 years and the other for a year (ignoring the months i was laid off from both bc of covid 🙄)

🦋do you prefer hot or cold?

cold bc at least u can continue to layer up for warmth….my anxiety has decided this summer that heat makes me claustrophobic and triggers panic attacks so im glad the weather is starting to cool off

🦋name one fact others may not know about you.

ive never been stung by a bee/wasp so im terrified im actually allergic even tho there isn’t that kind of severe reaction in my family lmao

🦋are you shy?

yes but not even in the cute way more so in the annoying and useless in social situations way

🦋what are your preferred pronouns?

they/them! at the moment im also ok w he/him

🦋any pet peeves?

people who r on the phone while they’re at like a checkout or expecting help from someone idk how else to describe it but every time a student comes to check out something while on the phone and i also have to talk to them i wanna smack the phone out of their hand

🦋what’s your favourite “dere” type?

could not tell u the definition of one of them sorry

🦋rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

6 maybe??? in a (temporary) full time job in my field which will hopefully lead to something more!!! and our work schedules just changed so ill actually be able to see my roommates every evening instead of once a week :D i just got back from an absolutely wonderful road trip! ive also picked up reading again which makes me really happy & fulfilled….if the panoramic wasn’t happening n i had a trip planned to see noah it would be even higher also once i get a better hold of my anxiety i’ll be unstoppable

🦋what’s your main blog?

dreamerology

🦋list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

im not active on any of them anymore like im barely active here lmaooo

🦋is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

sometimes i take a lot time to reply bc i overthink my messages rly bad if we’re just getting to know each other! but if we have something in common chances are i already consider us besties im just horrible at initiating convos

tagging some mutuals who r recently in my activity bc idk like anyone on here anymore 😢@softredvelvet @carnation-station @penpall @s00ft @leetaemn

#u don’t have to do this if u don’t wanna!!#el.txt

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lvstcd · 4 years

Note

#59 with john b, #75 with jj having like a angsty!love hate relationship with the reader ooo, #87 with john b

“can you dance with me?” “you’re not mad?” x john b routledge

warning: swearing

tonight was one of the infamous keggers that you and the pogues would throw every friday night. you and your boyfriend, john b, had gotten into it an argument earlier about him inviting his ex girlfriend, sarah cameron. you knew that they had ended on good terms with a mutual agreement that they weren’t working out. but now here you were, deeply inlove with the brunette mop head who you called your best friend and boyfriend.

as you grab a red solo cup filled to the brim with milwaukee beverage, you start to zone out, staring at the ground as a flashback of the argument from this morning.

“babe, calm down, i just invited her to the kegger, tonight, it’s not like i proposed to her.” john b exclaims, walking towards the front door, his keys in his hands since he had to go work a couple shifts before the party tonight, then he would go pick up the kegs and head to the boneyard. “exactly, johnny, you fucking invited your ex girlfriend to a party where people will be drinking. she’s a fucking lightweight and will be all over you and i will have to watch and beat a bitch.” you yell, throwing your hands in the air. he rolls his eyes and lets the screen door slam behind the two of you as he stalks off towards his beat up van.

“you’re overreacting.” he mutters, walking to the driver’s side of the van as he averts his gaze to you, observing your worried and hurt expression. “fine. see if i care if she comes. ill invite anthony.” you scoff, crossing your arms and turning around, not bothering to watch john b get pissed at the mention of your ex. “oh for fucks sake, y/n, anthony is a piece of shit and sarah isn’t. you’re just jealous because i invited sarah to the kegger, and you shouldn’t be because i love you and not her!” you stop and turn to him, a evident frown on your lips at his insult towards you.

“screw off, john.” you sob slightly, stopping off towards the chateau, leaving john b to flinch at his name. you never called him john unless you were genuinely upset or mad at him, so he knew that he would have to go straight to you at the kegger.

you glance up at the guy who handed you the cup and smile before turning around and walking towards kie and pope who are standing by the dance floor, awkwardly talking about god knows what. “y/n!” kie smile at you, throwing her arm around your shoulders as you gulp down half of your beer, a grin on your lips. “hey baby!” you giggle as you inhale a big breath of salty air, your nerves calming. “have you seen john b yet?” pope asks as he fiddles around with his cup, glancing around for the brunette. you shake your head no and shrug, “don’t give a fuck if he’s here or not.” you mutter before taking another drink of your beer. kie shoots you a worried look, dragging you off away from pope.

“spill.” she whispers lowly, her eyes not leaving yours. “kie, im not spilling my beer, that’s a waste.” you chuckle, bringing the lip of the cup back up to your mouth. “you know what i mean, y/n/n.” she states a slight frown on her lips. you shrug again and rub chin, wiping off some beer that spilt on you. “john and i got into it before he left for work... he invited sarah to the kegger and i just... i lost it i guess. i did overreact but then he called me jealous and it hurt because im not jealous i just don’t want his ex here.”

kie nods and kicks some sand with her foot before looking back at you, “i think you are jealous. if you weren’t, you’d be fine with sarah coming.” you groan and throw your head back, “i’m not jealous!” kie chuckles and pokes your shoulder, “yes, you are. just admit it. it’ll make things easier for you if you admit it.” you snort and rub your eyes, letting out a loud sigh. “fine, i was fucking jealous, better?” kie smiles and links your arms together heading towards the dance floor. “yes. now, come on. i can’t handle change by r.o.a.r. is playing.” she smirks at you, walking backwards, almost bumping into random people.

you both start to dance, letting the music take over you and putting you in your own world, everyone around you fading. john b slowly makes his way over to you, watching you feel yourself and move along with the music. kie glances at john b and walks towards him, patting his shoulder before walking away, causing you to come back to reality and notice your boyfriends presence about 6 feet in front of you. “can you dance with me?” you yell so he can hear you over the music and chatter around the beach as you still sway along with the music.

he makes his way over to you and you wrap your arms around his neck, resting your head on his shoulder. “you’re not mad?” he asks, his hands resting on your lower back. you shake your head no and continue to move, staring at the sand as the music takes over. “i’m sorry for calling you jealous.” he mutters into your head, placing a kiss on your hairline. “don’t be. i was jealous. i overreacted. lets move on, okay?” you ask, glancing up at him, a small smile on your lips. he nods and places a kiss on your nose before resting his forehead against yours.

“i love you and only you. you know that right?” he asks as he continues to stare into your eyes. you nod and smile up at him, “i love you and only you, too.” he smiles and places his lips on yours, everyone around you fading once again, but it’s only you and john b this time.

“lets bury the hachet.” “fuck your hatchet.” x jj maybank

warning: swearing

to say you didn’t like jj maybank was an understatement. the blue-eyed blonde mop was on the top of your ‘fuck off’ list. you were close with kie, pope, john b, and sarah, but for some reason, you and jj couldn’t even agree on the same topic. if you said you like mac n cheese, jj would claim mac n cheese was disgusting, even though he ate it like everyday.

no one knew why you and jj couldn’t get along. well, everyone but you and jj knew why you two couldn’t get along. kie would always point out the obvious sexual tension in the room but both of you denied the accusation and claimed that you two wouldnt fuck if you were the last two people on earth and had taken hormone pills.

you were thinking about all of this while you sat in the chateau in between kie and pope who were focused on john b who was talking about something unimportant. “y/n, you good?” pope asks, turning the attention to you. you nod and smile at your friends while jj snorts, taking a sip of his beer. “probably day dreaming about doing me.” you scoff and flip jj off, “in your fucking dreams, maybank.” you sneer at the boy as he mocks you. “more like in your dreams, y/l/n.”

“oh wow, stealing my comeback, not a shocker since your thick skull can’t think of anything else.” you shoot back, fiddling with your fingers while your friends silently facepalm and groan at the argument at hand. “oh fuck off, your dumbass couldn’t think of any comebacks if you tried.”

“says you! you steal my comebacks all the time, you fucking idiot.”

“suck my dick, y/n.”

“how can i suck something that doesn’t exist?”

“ill show you it exists-”

“can both of you shut the hell up?! we’re all so tired of hearing your fighting. we dread being near you two because we know exactly what will happen. just fuck already and get over it, goddamn.” john b blurts, causing you and jj to go silent and avoid each other’s presence. “im going to take a nap.” you respond, standing up and walking into john b’s room, your dedicated spot for naps.

when you close your eyes, you hear the door open and close. assuming it’s john b, you ignore it, knowing he’s most likely going to give you a pep talk about the incident before. “can you wake the hell up?” jj asks, causing you to sit up quickly and glare at the boy. “can you get the fuck out?” you spit, falling back onto the bed and rolling onto your side.

“i didn’t come in here to argue, y/n.” you scoff and close your eyes, letting your thoughts wander through your head, “then get the hell out.” you mutter, cracking your neck so you can get comfortable. “can you stop being childish for a goddamn second?”

“says the 16 year old with the mental age of 2.” you respond, still keeping your eyes closed. “oh my god, forget it, i’m not even going to try.” jj starts while walking towards the door, slightly twisting the knob while you sit up confused. “try what?” you ask, confused as to why the blonde came in to talk to you anyways when he knew it would be a fight.

“john b is right. i’ve noticed that they all have been making less plans with us and it’s because of our fighting so i came in here because if we both really love our friends, we need to grow the hell up.”

“how the fuck do i need to grow up?”

“just shut up, and listen. let’s bury the hatchet.”

“fuck your hatchet.” you sass, causing jj to roll his eyes and run a hand through his hair. “you’re so fucking stubborn.” jj mutters, pacing around the room, the gears in his head turning. “wow jj, thank you. that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me ever.” you respond sarcastically before going silent as you hear the door click. you and jj turn to each other and run to the door, realizing that john b’s door locks from the outside.

“dude, what the fuck?” you ask, hearing whispers from the other side of the door. “you two can come out when you make up and stop insulting each other 24/7. in the meantime, we’re going to the wreck.” you hear john b explain before you hear the screen door slam shut and the house fills up in silence.

“shit.” you mutter, turning around and flop on john b’s bed. “if you would’ve just buried the hatchet.” jj mumbles, sliding down the wall and putting his knees to hsi chest. “oh fuck off.” you mutter, your hands in your hair as you stare at the ceiling.

after 10 minutes in silence, jj sparks up a conversation. “why do you hate me?” he asks, staring at the floor boards as you turn your gaze to him, your eyebrows furrowing together. “what do you mean? you hate me..” you respond, confused as to where this was coming from.

“i don’t hate you. it just seems like you hate me so i act like i hate you too.” he mumbles, fiddling with his fingers. “i don’t hate you, jj. you just annoy me and make these stupid comments that set me off, so i respond.”

“i make the comments because it feels like a habit between us. all we do is fight. i don’t know of a time where we haven’t actually said something nice to each other. you’re not a bad person, y/n.” you nod at him and slightly smile, “neither are you.”

“so what happens now?” he asks as you shrug and cross your legs. “wait for them to get back.” he chuckles, “no not that. what happens to us? do we go back to fighting all the time or do we become friends or do we just not associate with each other?”

“what do you want to do?” you ask, biting your lip as he looks away in thought, a small smile on his lips. “i want to get to know you. i want to know everything about you. so start talking, y/n/n. they won’t be home soon.” you smile at the boy and nod as you start to spill information about yourself, feeling relieved that you two won’t fight anymore.

“that’s my ex-boyfriend.” “well kiss me so they see.” x john b routledge

you and john b had been nonchalantly flirting with each other over the past couple months. you both hadn’t discussed the situation at hand, but everyone was used to it. kie called john b your boyfriend and pope called you john b’s girlfriend. you both would disagree with the titles and leave it at that.

you and the pogues were on the beach, enjoying the sun and catching some waves when john b runs over to you and scoops you up before running into the water before throwing you in, a yelp leaving your lips as the ice cold water hits your skin. “routledge, you’re dead.” you glare, a small smirk on your lips as you start to make your way to john b who is running towards the shore towards kie and pope. you shove john b with a laugh before freezing in your spot at the sight of your ex in front of you. “oh shit...” you mutter, turning around so your ex can’t see your face. “what?” john b asks, noticing your weird behavior.

he glances around behind you before turning his attention back to you, “what’s up?” you groan and glance behind you. “that’s my ex-boyfriend...” you mutter, quickly pointing at the guy who was now looking at you. john b nods and glances at you, “well kiss me so they see.” he mutters, grasping your attention. “what?”

“kiss me so he see’s. did i stutter?” he chuckles, bringing his hands up to your face. you heart beats in your chest since this would be your and john b’s first shared kiss. you quickly lean forward and place your lips on his, hearing your ex scoff behind you and stomp off. yet, you two still don’t pull away.

when you both pull away for a breath, john b smiles down at you, his hands still resting on your cheeks. “your exes should come around more often.” he smiles at you as your cheeks heat up and you shove his shoulder, “shut up.”

taglist: @jjsredhat @livinglikepogues @jjsbxtch @jj-bxby @baby-pogue @jellyfishbeansontoast @ilovejjmaybank

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givemequeen · 5 years

Text

just get it over with ; george x reader

request: George smut where you’re friends with the boys and you decide the mutual tension between you both is to much so you try to push him until he breaks. Like you’re being very sexy all day and like “accidentally” having your skirt ride up or asking him for a shoulder massage and moaning softly to him (you’re oblivious to him staring or are youuuu ;)) and he just has to take you a/n: ugh im such a slut for Geo recently. honeslty he’s my fav now, with Paul closely tied (finished this at 1:27am but ill post in the morning ‘cause of the wifi :)) also, i would consider doing a part 2??? pairing: george x reader summary: George and you have been friends since you were kids and you’ve had it with the tension. one day you go to the studio, you’re their personal assistant, wearing rather revealing clotehs and George just has to take you warnings: smut lmao year: 1963 word count: 3.020

You and George had been friends for as long as you can remember. He’d been the shy boy from next door that you walked to school with and spent your afternoons with (after spending the whole day in school together). When he joined a band a couple of years later you couldn’t be prouder. And when they hired you as a personal assistant you were delighted, you could now spend all day with your best friend and new friends, John, Paul, Pete and Stuart.

Going to Germany with him was a really big move but it all turned out great. Well, that is not counting that you all got deported and that they lit a condom on fire. Still, things turned out fine. Stuart and Pete eventually left making Paul the new bassist and a guy John’s age, called Richard Starkey, joined and became the new drummer. But no one called him Richard, you all called him Ringo since he wore loads of rings.

That had all happened a couple of years ago, the band was now internationally famous and recording their 2nd album, With The Beatles and you were still their assistant. You toured with them, went to their recordings and went with them wherever they went. Through the years you had grown close with them all but none could compare with George.

He was just so dreamy, his accent, the way he would look off into nothing, his hair, his smile and his everything made you weak in the knees. You had fallen for him long ago but you always pushed your feelings aside because why would he like you and be with you when he could have anyone? The thing about him was that you never saw him with anyone and you were grateful he was discreet, well at least you thought he was.

“Just get it over with! Do it with anyone, I bet yn would even be up for it!” you heard John say as you came in with beverages.

“Shut up Lennon,” growled George making you much more interested in the conversation.

“Whatcha talking about? Do what?” you asked as you handed everyone their drinks and kissed George on the cheek. You didn’t see when he blushed and looked away making the boys snicker.

“George needs... help with something. Are you up for it?” Paul said with a smirk.

“Sure thing, I would help you all with anyone,” you replied and John nearly spat out his drink. “Is everything okay?” you questioned worriedly as you stood and went to kneel next to him. “Did I get the wrong drink? Oh, I’m so sorry.” you handed him some napkins. John shook his head and coughed before taking the napkins you were offering.

“No, everything’s fine. Just thought of something funny.” George was red and the other two were laughing their heads off.

“Okay...” you slowly made your way back to the couch and sat next to George.

“Well Harrison, you’re up.” George Martin poked his head into the live room where you were in. George nodded and glared at the boys before going behind a panel and picking up his guitar. Paul and Ringo sat next to you and cheekily grinned at you while John kneeled in front of you.

“What is it?” you demanded.

“George likes you,” Ringo said in a sing-song voice.

“And I like him, I like you all.” you scrunched up your eyebrows and looked at them weirdly but they only giggled.

“yn, he like likes you. Like a lot, maybe even love.” Paul explained, you looked at him for a second before rolling your eyes and looking down at your lap.

“Stop it, I know he doesn’t like me,” you mumbled wishing it was true.

“He does, and you like him,” John added making you look down at him and narrow your eyes.

“That is not true and I don’t know where you got that from so shut up and don’t spread lies!” you scolded at him before looking at George, he had one hand on his hip and his guitar to the side and he seemed to be talking to Martin. The left side (which was facing you) of his headphone was on and he didn’t hear any of you.

“Sure thing, just wanted to let you know he’s crazy for you.” Ringo pipped up, Ringo would never lie to you. “That’s what we were talking about, he hasn’t done it yet and we think he should just get it over with.” you eyes widened in shock, he’s still a virgin? You weren’t judging him since it was the same with you, you’ve had boyfriends before but right before kissing them you would think of George and couldn’t do it.

The day was over quickly and George took you to your flat where you made up a plan. You were now realising that he possibly liked you, throughout the ride, he kept shooting you looks, had he not been driving he would have just been staring at you. And you know took notice in all the tension between you, with each touch you both shivered and you were a mumbling mess round each other. Your plan was to finally get it over with and get with him once and for all, you were sick of the tension.

The next day you wore a rather short skirt and a sheer white button-up with the first couple of buttons open. Had this been any other job you would have never worn that but this was George, John, Ringo and Paul, you could come in joggers and they wouldn’t care. They were all there when you came working away. Like always they were all wearing trousers and a button-up shirt but obviously not sheer like yours.

When you came into the studio just like every other morning with your coffee for everyone their jaw’s dropped. You ignored it and handed the coffee’s out making sure that when you went to George and leaned down that you cleavage was showing. George’s eyes seemed to be burning holes into your chest and they didn’t leave until you cleared your throat.

“What’s in the agenda today boys?” you asked as you sat down and cross your legs.

“Erm... Sorry, what?” George made you repeat the question, you giggled as you repeated the question. “Oh I’m recording my song Don’t Bother Me.” he smiled proudly and tore his eyes off you.

“Sounds nice, I’ll go sit over there, call me if you need anything.” you leaned down once more and kissed his cheek before skipping over to your usual spot on the couch.

“You’re drooling.” teased John in a sing-song tone as he passed his friend. George stood up properly and shook his head.

“Shut it, Lennon,” he warned before making his way over to his spot in front of the microphone. You could feel his eyes on you throughout the whole song and you couldn’t help but giggle every time he messed up knowing it was because of you. George never messed up unless he was nervous.

“Everything okay Georgie?” you asked as you pouted your lips and batter your eyelashes with your newly founded confidence.

“Yes. Everything’s fine.” he groaned, kicked the floor and ran a hand through his already messy hair. It was something he had been doing every time he messed up.

“Why don’t we try another song, okay Harrison?” asked George Martin from the other room. George nodded and got ready for his next song but it was no use. He kept mixing the chords and lyrics especially when you would look up to him through your lashes and smile sweetly.

They tried other songs and this time it was Paul and John stopping to make changes. During one particular long stop, you went over to Ringo with George’s eyes following you all the way. You leaned over the kit exposing your ass and you heard George choke on his water from behind. Quickly you turned around and put on a worried look. “Everything okay Georgie?”

He coughed and coughed before nodding at you and putting out a thumbs up while his other hand covered his mouth. You shrugged and returned to Ringo. “Great job yn,” Ringo whispered sending you a wink.

“Dunno what you’re talking about.” but you sent a wink his way before smirking. You returned to your seat once they were ready to go again and resumed your teasing. Paul and John decided on rewriting a bit of their song so Ringo and George had free time. They went to sit over where you were, you had moved down to the floor and sat against the sofa with a book but when they came over you dropped it. George sat next to you but on the sofa, sighed and leaned back.

Ringo excused himself to go have a smoke and you took this as an opportunity. You moved over so you were sat in between either of his legs. He jumped slightly at your touch and removed his hand from his eyes to look down at you. “Georgie, my shoulders hurt, could you give me a massage?” you asked him with an innocent look.

“Sure thing.” this was a bad idea for him, he massaged your shoulders and you softly moaned before throwing your head back. His eyes went wide at the way you looked, your mouth was slightly parted as moans escaped and your eyes were closed.

“Ready!” announced Paul just as Ringo came back.

“Thank you George.” you stood up and kissed his cheek before sitting on the sofa.

“Yeah no problem.” big problem.

For the rest of the song he couldn’t concentrate. His eyes kept wandering back to you and his mind went back to the soft, sweet moans that you had emitted. Luckily for him he hand’t gotten a boner in front of everyone in the studio. Well, at least not yet.

“Okay Harrison, let’s take five and get yourself together,” Martin said when he noticed George not listenting. George nodded once more and rushed out the room taking a water bottle and a pack of cigarettes with him.

“Think I’ll go out for a cig as well.” you smiled and got up from the couch before following George. You found him on the roof hidden away from sight. He looked up to when you came close to him, the sound of your heels alarming him but as soon as he knew it was you he blushed just like he had been doing all day and looked down.

“Geo, is everything okay?” you asked him even though you knew the answer. You took a seat next to him on the stairs that lead to where the AC machines were and placed your hands under your thighs pushing your breasts closer together.

“I think you know.” you were a bit taken back, he had been flustered all morning and less than five seconds ago.

“I’m sorry?” you weren’t letting him win. George chuckled and took out one last drag from his cigarette before putting it out.

“My sweet yn, I think you know.” he turned to you, his eyes dark with lust.

“George, what do you mean?”

“Wearing that skirt? Those heels? That t-shirt? Leaning over Ringo’s kit and showing me your ass? Come on yn, I know you, you never do that.” George smirked at your shocked face. “You think you’re going to be in charge? Never.” he leaned to you and kissed you. Your hands escaped your weight and cupped his face pulling him closer to you while his landed on your hips. He pulled you onto you and you started grinding your hips.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” George admitted once you pulled away.

“Me too,” he smirked once more before kissing your neck and somehow standing up.

“Lets go somewhere more private,” he whispered before dragging you back into the building. He looked into a couple of rooms but found something wrong with all of them. “I don’t our first time being in a broom closet,” George explained when you kissed his neck impatiently.

“Isn’t your flat down the street?”

“Good thinking.” he kissed you quickly before sprinting down the stairs with you behind.

“Damn you, George! I can’t run that fast with heels.” George chuckled at the sight of you and leaned down slightly so you could jump on his back and with a smile you did. You thanked him and bobbed up and down as he ran to his flat. In no time you were inside his flat kissing each other again.

He tore off your t-shirt and threw it across the room before doing the same with his. Then he proceeded to unclasp your bra and pull down your skirt before reaching for his belt. You batted his hands away and pulled him to his room, you sat him down on the bed and straddle his hips before unbuckling his belt and pulling down his trousers. His dick was straining against his boxers and when you pulled them down it flung out making you gasp.

“Ever been with someone?” he asked nervously.

“No.” you admitted as you slowly took him in your hand and maintained contact with him. “You?”

“No,” George confessed.

“That’s okay.” you pumped him a couple of times and when you were about to put him in your mouth he shook his head. “No?”

“No yn, I want to please you, I want to be inside of you.” He took your hand and pulled you up before kissing you again and putting his hand on your back. He flipped you and pressed you against the bed. Slowly he hooked his fingers on the waistband of your underwear and pulled it down. Without breaking eye-contact George slipped two fingers inside of you and smirked at your gasp. “That feel good?” George said as you moaned, you nodded and let your mouth fall open, eyes closed and head fall back.

“But- but I want you inside of me.” you requested.

“Gladly.” he reached for a condom on his bedside table and rolled it on then he put his hands on either side of you. George took his cock in his hand and supported all his weight on his other hand before lining himself with your entrance and slowly pushing in. You groaned at the feeling and finally understood why everyone was so obsessed with sex, even though there was pain the pleasure was too great, it even blurred most of the pain. You let out a groan matching George’s and wrapped your legs around him wanting to get used to the new feeling. “Tell me when you’re ready,” he whispered as he stayed very still.

“Now.”

“Sure?”

“Sure,” you confirmed and he nodded before starting to move himself in and out of you. With each movement a wave of pleasure shocked your body, your fingers were tugging on his hair making him groan.

“Shit yn you feel so good around me.” he complimented, you opened your eyes to look up to him and found him looking down.

“G-george!” you cupped his face and made him look up to you. George smiled gently, a smile that didn’t match his moves, words or look in his eyes.

“Is everything okay?” he asked worried that he was doing something wrong.

“Y-yes!” you moaned out, George reached between the two to of you and began rubbing your clit when you started clenching around him. You arched your back and felt your heartbeat quickening. Your hands went down to his back and you could swear you were leaving marks with your nails but so was he. One of his hands was on your hip gripping tightly, he switched once more and returned to the previous position he was in, of his finger on your clit.

You clenched even more around him as you came with a cry of his name. George rode out your orgasm and joined you not long after. You felt him twitch inside of you before he sighed out and kissed you. His moves had gotten sloppier right before he pulled out and collapsed next to you. He took off his condom and safely threw it away before joining you in bed.

“Round two?” he asked with his hands wrapped around your waist.

“You’re on.”

***

After a long time of screwing, you and George remember the studio. You were quickly getting dressed when you heard a knock on the door. “Go open it!” you told him as you zipped up your skirt.

“You’re wearing my shirt!” he said pointing at you, you looked down and realised why it took you so long to put on your shirt, because the buttons were on the wrong side!

“Shit, just go!” George nodded and zipped up his trousers before opening the door. You peeked through and watched as he opened it to John, Ringo and Paul. They stopped talking and moving when they saw his state, hickeys all over his neck, no shirt and messed up hair, and erupted in cheers.

“All right man!” John said as he playfully slapped his shoulder.

“Way to go Geo!” Paul was about to hug his friend when he thought better of it and simply waved awkwardly.

“Shit, is she still here?” Ringo said before looking over to his bedroom door, you closed it quickly and pressed yourself against the door. Shit, they knew.

“Oh damn, sorry Geo, should have told us, we’ll be on our way.” you heard Paul say. You quickly pulled on your heels and patted down your hair before stepping out.

“It’s fine guys, I’ll be on my way, see you George.” you quickly said without looking at them. The three boys looked at each other before going over to the living room. “Call me,” you whispered to George before reaching up to kiss his cheek.

“I WILL!” he called out after you and watched as you went down the lift with a massive smile and his shirt still on.

tag list;

@thebeatleswritings @beatlevmania @i-love-queen-3000 @brians-metaphor26 @honimello @maccafied @julessworldd @lovemybrowneyedboy @storiesfrommirkwood @beatles-babee @geostarr

#the beatles #the beatles x reader #the beatles smut #the beatles fluff #the beatles angst #the beatles imagine #the beatles one shot #the beatles blurb #george harrison #george harrison x reader #george harrison smut #george harrison fluff #george harrison angst #george harrison imagine #george harrison one shot #george harrison blurb

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mintchocolateleaves · 5 years

Text

Locked Out The Other Side (1/?)

Summary: At the end of the day, Jake isn’t brave, or an adventurer. He wants to be, but he is not. He is just a sixteen-year-old boy who wants to go home, Or, on Earth-C, Jake can't find himself settling down in the same way others do. So, he decides to head somewhere that seems more like home. His own, personal adventure.

Notes: You guys KNEW THIS WAS COMING. I mention reading HS, you all should have known. Okay so essentially, I love Jake. I wanna write a lot for him. If tumblr’s being a pain then here’s an [AO3 Link]

Jake isn’t exactly sure what he’s expecting the moment he opens his eyes, but honestly, it’s not this. He’s not expecting to wake up halfway across the tiny village they now call home, with goosebumps on his arms and eyes staring up at the stars. He’s pretty sure he should be back in his new room, the one that’s bare of any movie posters, and not in the cold of the evening.

Although really, he says that it’s cold, but frankly, it’s not that much. Not really.

Sure, goosebumps are rising up his skin, but that doesn’t mean he’s not comfortable, lying here and staring up. It’s nice knowing that he’s one of the reasons these stars exist now, except, well, not really, he didn’t really do anything and Jake knows that and-

Oh.

Maybe lying down here looking up at the stars isn’t so comfortable after all.

He pushes himself up, blinks as he rubs at his eyes and checks to see if his phone is in his pocket. In the past, he used to text mainly with his skull-top helmet, but now that seems kind of… silly. And impractical.

Nowadays it’s just him and his phone, and honestly, Jake is surprised when pushing into his pocket shows that he does, in fact, have his phone on him. For a moment it was a little nice to think maybe, in the depths of the evening, it had been just him.

Still, his phone is here, still mostly charged, and so he takes the opportunity to check Pesterchum. He wouldn’t want to be ignoring anybody, because honestly, he’s probably a bit too skilled at ignoring people and that’s not a skill he should be condoning.

Honestly, he shouldn’t be surprised that there are none.

He scrolls down and there are messages from the day before, all of them answered in quick succession because else the same tightness in his chest would return. A message from John mentioning how they’re hosting a movie night and wouldn’t it be cool if Jake joined them? A quick hello from Roxy asking if he was going to explore a little bit with her, Jane and Dirk.

Both rejected.

It’s not that Jake doesn’t want to watch any movies, but the idea of getting together in a big group kind of leaves him feeling kind of… strange. Like, he’d probably be so focused on not making a huge fool of himself that he’d end up making a fool of himself – and even then, he wouldn’t even be watching the movie.

He’d told John maybe another time. Maybe they could watch movies with just the two of them? He kind of thinks that’d be nice.

And the whole Roxy exploration idea? Gee, it’d be cool and all, he’s always loved exploring but well. Jane hates him, and Dirk was so mad at him when they broke up and honestly, most days he thinks Roxy’s only being nice to him because she’s like, pitying him and just being polite.

His phone buzzes.

-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 04:21 --

GG: hi jake!!!

GG: couldnt sleep either huh

GT: Not really.

GG: that sucks :(

GG: i cant really sleep either so i was just tending to the plants were growing

GG: have you been to the green house yet

GT: Not yet.

GG: its pretty cool im growing pumpkins again

GG: remember in our letters how i was always losing pumpkins

GG: i recently found out that it was roxy who was taking them shes really cool :)

GT: Yeah.

GG: hey jake are you okay you dont seem okay :(

GT: Gosh jade i didn't mean to worry you!!

GT: I'm actually feeling quite merry right now!

GT: I woke up because it's a bit chilly in here so i'm going to get nice and toasty and head back to sleep.

GT: Sorry i can't stay and talk but an adventurer needs his sleep you know!!

GT: until tomorrow jade!

-- golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 04:24 --

GG: ok

GG: :(

GG: im worried about you jake

GG: ill talk to you tomorrow

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 04:31 ----

Jake slips his phone back into his pocket, pushing himself up so he can hug his knees. Now that he’s firmly not looking at the sky and the stars, he’s staring out past their village, to the trees that seem to loom over them.

He’s not sure whether they loom because they’re so large, or whether it’s because recently he’s been feeling pretty small.

Jake isn’t entirely sure, but he doesn’t really think the difference is that large anyway, so not knowing is fine. Adventurers don’t mind not knowing things, and Jake is an adventurer, even if he’s not really been doing much of that recently.

Breathing out a sigh, he blinks again.

Funny how since they’ve come to Earth-C they’ve all pretty much stayed in the same area. Sure, they adventure out sometimes – like Roxy and the others, they’d been fine with looking around the immediate vicinity – but he doesn’t think that they’ve gone any further than a few miles.

Maybe because they’ve got a home here, and there’s no point searching for anything else when they’ve already got that.

The only thing is, with the busyness of this entire place, the amount of people – human, troll or carapace – Jake doesn’t really consider this place to be home. He’s got a room, and he’s got his own space, but home isn’t…

Home isn’t this.

It is secluded, hidden away on an island that is purely his. It’s overgrown vines and mystic ruins, isolation and seclusion. It’s having the space to be on his own without ever feeling like he’s trying to hide away.

Disappearing is something Jake’s been trying to do recently. He’s not altogether good at it, but he’s not bad at it.

Really, it’s not that he wants to disappear, but rather: Jake wants what he’s wanted since their session ended, since it even began, and that’s just… to go home. Earth C is so foreign to what he’s used to, that most days he thinks that maybe everything he’s remembering is gone for good.

Actually, that isn’t a half bad idea.

If it’s impossible to feel settled here, in his bare room and isolated state, nervousness swimming through him – then why doesn’t he try to find the home he remembers? This new earth is similar in a lot of ways, so he reckons he could find at least something resembling the pacific island he’d lived on.

And if he can find it, then surely, he can… settle there.

It’s not like this place is really tying him down. He doesn’t know most of the people living here well enough to be tied to them, and those he does know? Roxy, Jane, Dirk…

Well, then they have their space from him. He wouldn’t want the lot of them to be anymore pestered by him than they already have.

It’d be an adventure.

And adventurer would definitely go for it. They’d map out the lands they explored, take note of the terrains as they search for the treasure that they’re certain is out there. They’d explore everything, they’d see places that they’d never been before and goddammit, maybe Jake hasn’t been an adventurer in a while but he-

He kind of wishes he could be one now.

He wishes he believed in himself enough to be one, to take that first step and grab everything he needs, to let everyone know that he’s going to find something great, past this village that they’re trying to raise. Jake wishes he was brave enough for that.

But he’s come to realise that honestly, he feels more like a fake, feels more like a coward than anyone brave, so he doesn’t. He doesn’t have the courage to let everyone know, to be an adventurer who gets to go on some sort of quest.

At the end of the day, Jake isn’t brave, or an adventurer. He wants to be, but he is not.

He is just a sixteen-year-old boy who wants to go home.

And that want is all he needs to decide to head out in search of it. It is not an adventure. It’s not some miraculous journey for him to find himself, or anything. It’s just Jake, and his head, and the thought that maybe things will feel a little better when he’s home.

It is a bright morning, the skies holding no clouds in sight, and Roxy Lalonde is ready for action.

She’s got a lot of plans in action for today, actually, because the sun is bright and although she’s late to push herself out of bed, she’s got things to do.

Most of the things are similar to yesterday. Help build a little more of the village up, help Jane with some baking, spend some time drawing with Callie. But today – today Roxy has a brand-new plan that she’s been musing over for a while.

Well, it’s more something she’d tried in a different way before, but today she’s pushing the issue. No longer will she skirt around it.

Roxy is going to find a way to bring their friendship group together again.

She’s been trying to subtly bring them altogether for a while now, and frankly, it’s been harder than she’d expected. Well – not really. The motion has been mostly a success.

Callie has integrated into the group easily enough, which has been amazing. And Jane has become much more comfortable talking with Dirk again, which is even better, because Roxy had been lowkey worried that their mutual affections would cause some bittersweet rivalry.

And Roxy herself, has managed to get over the big, awkward crush she’d tried to force onto Dirk in the past, managed to move past to a point where their conversations don’t seem as strained anymore.

There’s only one person that they’re missing and that’s Jake.

Roxy isn’t a fool, she knows when someone is dodging her attempts to bring everyone together, and Jake has been doing just that. He’s kind of a shut-in to be honest, turning down all of her promises for adventure before she even has the chance to emphasise how awesome they’re going to be.

But enough is enough.

Today is the day.

Roxy’s got her game on and she’s going to drag Jake out on an adventure with them today, whether he wants to or not. Even if he throws a tantrum and the entire day goes horribly for it, she doesn’t care.

They’re going to hang out because how else are they supposed to get over all the things they’ve said and done to each other as a group. She won’t let him remain idle while the rest of the universe moves on.

No throwing away of friendships today, no, no.

Jake lives near the end of the village, on the side nearer to the river than the forest. It’s not that far a distance from where Roxy herself lives, so she settles on walking, letting her kitten, Frigglish the second, pad along beside her for some exercise.

“Let’s go get Jake,” she says to the cat, leaning down to run her fingers through soft fur, grinning as the cat follows beside her. “This is going to be so, frickin’ sweet.”

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:05 --

TG: janey

TG: adventrue today!!!

TG: *adventure

TG: be ready okay

GG: Alright, see you soon! :B

GG: Cupcakes?

TG: hells yeah <3

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] stopped pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:09 --

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:10 --

TG: di-stri!!!

TG: ur adventurin wit/ us today right??

TG: u cant say no

TT: If I can’t say no, then isn’t the answer yes?

TG: exactly!!

TG: see u there

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] stopped pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:14 --

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 11:15 --

TG: jakey-boiii

-- golgothasTerror is now an idle chum! --

TG: dammit jake

TG: were draggin you out of isolation

TG: this is a prison break

TG: we wont take no for an answer

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] stopped pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 11:16 --]

“You know what Frigglish the second,” Roxy says, glancing down at her cat as it pads along beside her, coming to a stop just outside the door to Jake’s house. “I think this adventure is going to be pretty epic.”

Frigglish the second lets out a small mewl that Roxy takes as agreement. Then, he lets out a second mewl that’s a slightly different pitch. Roxy implies the meaning to be one of, knock on the door already.

Roxy does.

Knuckles rapping on the door, she offers three sharp knocks, waiting for the any signs of life behind the door. She doesn’t know much about Jake’s sleeping habits recently, but she doesn’t think he’d still be asleep at eleven in the morning. He’d always seemed like more of an early bird.

“Jake!” She knocks again, this time, several more raps echoing a jingle she remembers enjoying before they’d played Sburb. “Jakey, open the door, we’re going on an adventure!”

Jake does not open the door.

Fine, if he wants to play things that way, Roxy thinks, then she’ll just up her game. She’s not a rogue of the void for nothing.

Closing her eyes, Roxy visualises the object she wants in her mind, fingers tingling slightly as she tries to bring the object into existence. It doesn’t take too long until she feels the object plop into her hand, corporeal and weighty.

“Last chance Jake,” Roxy calls, opening her eyes again. There is no movement. “Fine, I’m coming in.”

Taking the object she’s conjured, she lifts it up to the door handle. It’s a key, brass coloured, and it fits within the hole almost as if it were the real thing. Maybe because with her powers, it pretty much is.

The door unlocks with a faint click, and Roxy pushes it open, wincing slightly at the creak. Jake’s really got to put that on his to-do list, creaks like that belong in a horror movie or something.

“Jake?”

She searches through the rooms individually, glancing around. Some areas are messier than others, but most importantly, they’re all empty. No life in sight other than Roxy and her cat.

Jake is gone.

#homestuck #jake english #jade harley #dirk strider #dirkjake #jane crocker #roxy lalonde #mywriting #Fic: Locked Out The Other Side

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taesamorcito · 6 years

Note

What’s your love story with your gf if you don’t mind me asking?

anon this is going to be long because i never get to tell the story or talk about my relationship since me and my gf aren’t out yet :( don’t worry i’ll add a tl;dr at the end in case you wanted the short version

so we met in uni, we shared a few classes at the end of 2015 but truly got to know each other during the second half 2016 because shared almost every class during that semester. She was really easy talk to and really friendly and funny and so smart so i was always asking for help in class :( we started hanging out more often and i saw her every day so i kind of started liking her but didn’t want to admit until she got a boyfriend and that felt :/// that happened in september/october idr, but i do remember i always got mad when she cancelled plans with me to be with him or like got really sad or uncomfortable would bring up the subject :( so by now i knew i liked her but just brushed off as a simple crush.

Fast forward to summer 2017 january i came out to her while i was drunk lmao i sent her multiple texts saying that i was bi that i was sorry and if she didn’t want to be my friend i understood it and blah blah blah, i didnt tell her i had a crush on her tho!! she replied the next morning saying she was okay with it that i shouldn’t be apologizing and that it was really (tbh i was too embarassed to even read it so idk what else was there) i just told her “let’s forget abt this pls” and we did, we didn’t mention it ever again lmao So idk when but thing started to change when classes started in march again we didn’t have classes together so i didn’t see her a lot in uni but i visited her house quite often and things started to change . she was always very touchy but now she held my hand more often or if we were watching movies she would cuddle with me it was really nice, but it just fueled the crush i had :((

MAY 2017 her birthday came and she had a party obviously her bf was there :) this is where i knew that it was more than a crush because i remember that when i saw them kissing my heart really fucking hurt even though i was drunk, later that night he went home and i stayed over with other friends and for a few minutes we cuddled a bit while sleeping and that just felt so perfect :((( but it didnt last long because one friend was so drunk he wouldn’t shut up and we had to calm him down. so now i KNOW im in love with a straight girl with a bf

JUNE 2017 all the cuddling and hand holding and hugs and touchy acts were starting to get to me on one hand it felt nice and wonderful and perfect on the other she still had a bf and for me she was in love with him so :/// i was determined to put some distance between us so one saturday night my parents were out of town and i invited some high school friends over and got really really really drunk and i just texted her “hey im sorry but i need to stay away from you” or smth and she called because she wanted to know why or what had happened i couldn’t fucking talk to her, words literally wouldn’t come out of my mouth and all i could say was “you don’t realize?” (TALK ABT DRAMATIC) she got frustrated with me and said “i wanted to fix this but if that’s what you want ill give your space” MY DRUNK ASS THEN THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA TO TELL HER THE REASON BEHIND AND JUST CONFESSED VIA TEXT it said smth like “i like you but i know you dont because you have a bf and that’s okay but i really need to forget abt you so i need space” she answered the next morning saying she was surprised but now understood better and she will give me the space i needed but if i promise i would go back to being her friend after, i was too embarassed and was kind of short with my answers and the whole thing ended up in bad terms that day

destiny was a fucking bitch because the next day and the following days i kept running into her at uni and it was so awkward we both didnt know what to do :/ three days later she texted me if we could talk and i agreed and she cried bc she didn’t know what i expected her to do if i wanted her to ignored me completely or if a hi was okay and i just didnt know how to handle everything and at the end we agreed no contact or speaking but that lasted like a day because i thought everything over that night and realize that i was being a selfish idiot and that the situation was making everything worse because now i thought about her even more and just wasn’t working as i thought. we talked the next day and i asked her if we could forget abt everything and just act normally BUT BEFORE THAT AKSCLNAS i asked her to tell me that she’ll never see me like more than a friend and that she loved her bf she did and then we agreed to forget abt this

the following days were so awkward for me because i was so embarrased abt this whole fiasco but she didn’t let me avoid her lmao and well she was extra touchy now i remember that not long after we got back too being in good terms we took a cab to her house and during most of the ride she was hugging me or holding my hand she says it was bc she wanted everything to go back to normal.

JULY 2017 my favorite month sooooo she and her bf started having problems (i think this started months before but i was just finding out because of our mutual friend) and our cuddling and hand holding had increased a lot :( one night we were skyping and her mom comes in and she mentions smth abt her bf being in the past and i was just :O but didnt say anything until the next day and she confirmed it, she said the feelings just weren’t there and that she had tried to break it up much sooner but he asked for a second chance but at the end it wasn’t fair for either of them to continue so she ended it, i told her i was sorry to hear that and didnt really talk abt it that much, days passed and midterms started and i had trouble with this particular course so i asked her if i could sleep over her house and stay up studying she agreed and well KCLKCNANCANCM it was late like past midnight almost 1 am and i wasn’t getting any of the stuff she was tired so we kinid of said fuck it. she turned off the lights and i was just messing around with the music from her lap we both layed down and obviously she cuddled and i tried to distract myself changing the music but i could feel her face really close like realllyyyyyy close so i turned my head and i could feel how close our lips were but i quickly turned back to looking at the laptop because i thought it was an accident but she didnt move and i turned my head again and i could see she was awake but didnt move away so i did lmao i was so fucking nervous and i turned again to see her reaction but this time she kissed me!!!! it was so soft and tender and just magical it was an undescrible feeling still one of my favorite moments ever :( after that she just smiled and said “let’s sleep” so i closed the laptop and hug her and tried to sleep but i couldn’t because i didnt know what it meant or what she expected from me or if she even liked me dkascla next morning was cute too we were woken up by a noise and she just got closer to me and gave me a small peck on the lips and went back to sleep and i just died again and held her closer and went back to bed

we talked abt it days later lmao midterms ended and there was a party and after it i slept over her house and just drunkly asked her if this was a game or just smth she was curious abt or why she had kissed me that day, she said she liked me :D and that this wasn’t a game and i told her ok let’s talk more when im not this drunk mvlmsnackjc we dated for months but we count as part of the relationship and i finally asked her to be my gf in november 2017 after giving her a cd with all the songs i listenned since i knew i liked her aslcnscncl dumb i know but in that moment i thought it would be cute and i also gave her this necklace i used as a charm

now she’s in this uni program that’s really good for her career but it involves her being in another continent for a year, she left in march 2018 but came to visit in august !!!! and still has a few days until she has to go back but will come for a few days for christmas and then she’ll be back in march for good nnckascnaskcnasnd it’s hard but i love her and wouldn’t change any of it

TL;DR we met in uni, i liked her, she had a bf, i confessed while drunk, she said it was okay but only saw me as a friend, broke up with her bf, kissed me and now we’ve been together for a year and 2 months

#there you go anono #this was cute to think abt before going to bed #hope you don't get bored #love you for asking this <3333 #answered

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tobespecial-a · 5 years

Text

HIYA FOLKS WELCOME TO MY BLOG HERE. GONNA KEEP THESE AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE SO LETS GET TO IT. --- this blog is dash only for now but may change in the near future.

first things first. i am a student in school monday - friday from 1-5pm so expect some slowness on my end. i am studying to be a mental health and addictions worker & am really passionate about the field i am in so i will be obviously prioritizing school & also irl commitments over rp. please respect this & we shall be dandy

now that thats outta the way. HI THERE I AM ES !!!! ( well technically its ESTELLE, but you can call me either or i do not mind !!! ) YOUR LOCAL NON-BINARY GAY ( they / them pls ) who is in fact straight af for a certain gay icon zachary quinto --- i hail from the pst timezone in vancouver canada. fun facts about me. ANYWHO ON WITH THE RULES.

REPLIES

this is not my only blog folks, it will be one of my more active ones, but it is not the only one i run. please be patient in terms of replies. i usually try to stay on top of my game but sometimes i miss shiz. pls poke me after 2 weeks if you are wondering, i may have missed it !! however it is likely in my drafts. PRO TIP THOUGH, i like each reply or starter posted to me, if i didn’t like it there is a 95% chance i did not see it. so please feel free to remind me after the 2 weeks.

also personals do not reblog my threads, ooc posts or anything thats not a reblogged photoset , its annoying, just don’t do it. -- i also have minor case of dyslexia so please be patient with spelling errors. i catch most of them, but sometimes i don’t get them all. if something becomes an issue please tell me.

FOLLOWING AND UNFOLLOWING

i am mutuals only. please keep this in mind. i will only take ooc asks from non mutuals. if i am not at least following you ( cos i know some people who i write with / have written with don’t follow everyone cos they want a clean dash, but they still wanna write ) then please don’t attempt ic interactions. this is your first & final warning. i will ignore attempts & block if it persists.

do not follow & refollow me repeatedly its also annoying & will likely get you blocked. i take a while to follow back sometimes, please be patient. i rarely unfollow so if you see it happen, please poke me. however i have the right to ignore it, or not answer. you have the invitation, i just don’t have to invite you in if i chose to revoke it.

disclaimer i probably will not follow blogs that romantically ship peter/claire. incest normally doesn’t bother me enough to mention it, but this one just really is a big nope for me. sorry in advance.

CHARACTERIZATION

gabriel is based off nbc heroes & my own personal headcanons. at the point of writing this i have seen the first & second season, i am making my way through the rest of the show at present. don’t worry about spoilers though as i pretty much know most of the major plot points for gabriel during the series, just not all the specifics. --- threads will generally take place in aus & content i have seen however, until i have caught up. though idk how big the fandom is so i sense a lot of aus my way any ways lol

*** REGARDING HEROES REBORN

i have no plans to watch it. sylar isn’t even in the show so its really just not required of me to view it. any plot lines transpired in that canon will never be seen in any way on my blog. sylar reforms himself post series & just goes on from there. when i officially make it through the whole show i will write proper headcanons on that.

ACTIVITY

because of school & other blogs i won’t always be around. however i can always be reached by mobile if you need anything, just hmu. thank you for your patience in this regard. also fair warning i do have ADD a low grade form of ADHD so i get a lot of the fun extras that come with it. please respect there are times i may need to step back or times when i become disassociated , its been happening a lot lately so i wanted to inform people so they don’t think i am ignoring them. i promise its not you, its me, i just need space. FOR THE MOST PART, i am usually always around to answer ims & messages so do not be afraid to message me or anything.

SHIPPING

ah yes everyones fave category. if anyone has questions you can always im me or hu my ask box for more deets. GABRIEL IS PANSEXUAL BORDERLINE GRAY ROMANTIC ( hes between demi & gray )

imma start off by saying that i ship syelle as well as petlar. a note about the later, from what i have read & seen i will only really ship them ( petlar ) during / post the wall, which at the time of writing this i still need to view. i would be open to pre show aus to start at this point.

anything else is fair game at this point, just be aware sylar isn’t looking for anything serious really during heroes canon. plus hes not exactly a nice guy so like be warned there. ---- honest to god if your interested in shipping with sylar or gabriel ( yes there is a difference ) pls come @ me. the worst i can do is say no.

i will also state i don’t ship sylaire because well…. shes underage ???? & before you leap down my throat about heroes reborn, most of the content i have seen is her being underage. but i’m not gonna accuse anyone of aging anyone up for a ship, cos there is canon where she is older. i am just not interested. don’t see the appeal, i’ve read way too much meta & just don’t see it.

it is also worth noting that post 3x01 the second coming, sylar can no longer die. he is immortal. save for one weak spot which he aint about to tell anyone where it is.

finally ummmm i’m 22 guys so no lying about your age to smut with me. i will block your ass if you do. don’t make me be the bad guy.

GODMODDING

pls do not god mod my muse. you wanna write him ?? make a blog of your own, or go write some fic. i play three strikes. first time is a reminder, second time is a thread drop third time is a partner all together drop. THESE CAN BE EXERCISED AT MY DISCRETION HOWEVER

also i think its worth mentioning cos some might see this as potential godmodding. sylar is not a nice guy, hes a type of serial killer. he will kill you if it benefits him, or if you piss him off enough. hes not above doing it just to prove a point. he will hurt you if you make angry, might not kill you but he can hurt you if you anger him. so if your muse riles him up enough ?? just be prepared for potential violence, that might follow. --- i will not exercise my muses strength cos you think its funny to have yours poke the hive. -- if you don’t like this, please don’t attempt to write with me. my muse is a villian for most of the show & i won’t be watering him down for you.

OOC VS. IC KNOWLEDGE

at the point i am in the show, the only people who know what sylar looks like are the people that have seen him, furthermore only those who have heard the name know he is even a thing. so its safe to say a lot of normal savillians don’t know him. HELL a lot of the heroes don’t know him either. --- keep this in mind when interacting. if your character has special abilities to know who he is, thats different, but don’t just assume you know who he is or what he does.

FURTHERMORE TO GO OFF A TANGENT i am not gonna be too keen to see a bunch of starters of people begging for their lives. gabriel is a hell of a lot more then just a random serial killer. he is a complex character who has feelings & issues of his own. hes not going to kill just anyone for the sake of it. please bare this in mind. i will likely not reply to those kind of random interactions. --- by all means if you wanna plot something like that i am game for it, but please give me the heads up. i will not reduce my muse to a stereotype killer, cause hes not & thats the tea. he only kills when it benefits him, its not a sport for the hell of it.

TRIGGERING CONTENT

given the nature of my muse there will be some triggering themes on this blog. such as murder, gore, suicide, manipulation. if anyone is bothered by this, please blacklist accordingly. i tag “ insert trigger “ tw. i will not be posting heavy gore on this blog in visuals at least & i ask you tag it if you post it. i’m fine with a bit of blood, but too much makes me a little ill. writing is fine, anything like a photoset with heavy gore needs to be tagged for me, & i myself will not be posting such content.

MAINS & EXCLUSIVES

i will only be doing exclusives for ships & crossover fandoms at this time. if you are interested in being mains lemme know. i do however require previous interaction ic or occ, preferably both. if you wanna be exclusive i ask you return the favour otherwise i drop the exclusivity.

AND I THINK THATS ABOUT IT !! I PROMISE I AM LESS SCARY THEN THESE RULES MAKE ME SEEM, I AM GIANT NERD WHO IS HELLA FRIENDLY & LIKES TO GUSH ABOUT HER FAVES ALWAYS !! MUTUALS MAY ASK FOR DISCORD IF THEY WISH TO TALK THERE

NOW HURRY UP & ATTACK MY INBOX OR IMS OR LIKE A STARTER CALL LETS WRITE !!

#rules !

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

Text

Episode 7 “It's a Hot Mess Express “ - Scott

People are so hard to work with. I get they don't like this challenge truly I do but I just wish they wouldn't keep shutting down every idea I had. It's... annoying. I get that I'm also the problem here. Because if an entire room full of people is saying you're wrong then you're probably wrong but still. I dislike being shut down. I've just been feeling kind of isolated since my name was written down. Even in my own alliance it seems like everyone thinks less of me for being paranoid. It doesn't help that I'm not entirely pop culture savvy so a lot of their convos I'm a bit out of the loop on. Part of me wonders if it's cause I'm in a male dominated environment? I don't think they are sexist but I do think that I'm being unintentionally ignored. Like throughout the duration of this confessional I have submitted 6 ideas/comments to the group and they've either been left in the dust or dismissed. That has to mean something right? Is it my personality? Did I come on too strong with my enthusiasm? Do they think I'm bossy? Socializing doesn't exactly come naturally to me. If anyone had met me 4 years ago you'd probably be in the know. You know that ability where you can pick up what people imply, whether through body language or through hidden meanings. I don't. I literally was born with out that ability and it has done whatever the opposite of wonders are for my life. At first I thought it was fine, I thought hey no big, everything is good, people like me eventually. But then I played Malaysia... A lot of great things came out of that game, a lot of good friendships and memories but in a way it sort of haunts me. When the confessionals came out, for the first time ever I saw what people thought about me. Sure they liked me eventually but they also disliked me. Like really really didn't like me at all. It was my first real interaction with people outside of the treatment school I went to, it was my first real interaction with the rest of the world and people hated my guts. Don't get me wrong I always suspected I was disliked but... to see their actual written thoughts on paper was hard. Of course as they got to know me they started to like me but I couldn't forget that it wasn't always like that. That at one point they looked at me or their screen or whatever and saw a pest. And that's my biggest fear, that I'm the problem. That no matter where I go people see me and are filled with dread or disgust. That people are always wishing me some from of ill because I'm bad at conversation or sort of creepy. Well at least they came to their own conclusions now, maybe they pulled their heads out of their asses or because it wasn't me they were actually able to function. God this spiraled, I only wanted to complain about how shitty my tribe was being not go on this full blown existential rant. Fuck me am I right? I'm not sure what this is going to contribute to the game. There is no hashtag big moves or fun comments but like I already typed this up so I'm not going to delete it like a pussy.

Ok now we can talk whew. UMMMM not Connor fucking up Duncan's perfect record! Now that I'm over the shock, thank you Connor because I'm 95% sure that obsession is the reason Duncan did the most to make sure Devon voted me instead of him back on Thoth https://giphy.com/gifs/mamovie-stalking-octavia-spencer-eavesdropping-j5uEVYERR0ncYlJ36e Really pleased with how the game is shaping up tbh, assuming I don't lose another music video challenge hahaha. I would LOVE a final 3 with me, Ali, and Devon but I know that's a long way off so I'm just focusing on the here and now. My biggest concern is protecting Ali. Essentially Duncan hit me up to work with him, TJ, and Jordan and I was very much like lol not sure about that. Mainly because Jordan and I don't have a strong relationship? And Duncan was like yeah but he wants to get to know you better and I'm like https://giphy.com/gifs/week-wtf-moments-QjIz1AqkGTszK If that's the case, that needs to come from Jordan and then it's between me and Jordan. Why someone else is interceding on Jordan's behalf is very dicey to me but I'm not that surprised because that continues to be a theme with Duncan: getting me to fit into plans that best suit him. Y'all know DAMN well Jordan Pines don't wanna go to the end with me and the feeling is mutual. But I HAVE to make it work with Jordan or Duncan will get pissy. He literally was like ok well who are you close with and I felt a serious feeling in my gut to not mention Ali. So I said oh I talk to Adam a lot but I wouldn't say I trust Adam. So after telling Ali all of this lmao, we decided I needed to go back to Duncan and say yes because it would keep me in the know and keep both of us safe. Also it allows me to keep an eye on Jordan and Duncan at the same time so we truly stan. And the gag is I'm not scared of Jordan Pines and I welcome the challenge of getting him out so love yall for letting me in through the front door hahaha My new issue is just timing. We'll be ok if we win this next challenge but if not, I could see that alliance targeting Ali. Obviously I have a plan and will put the vote on someone else but I really want to prolong turning on that group for as long as I can. I don't wanna spook TJ and I know killing Jordan will leave me with a pissed Duncan and I really don't need that based on how seriously he's playing. So I'm hoping I can finesse somehow? Maybe one of them gets idoled out at merge and then a blindside on the other won't be as messy. But yeah I keep feeling like the walls are closing in, in terms of allies, and I'm working HARD to make sure I have an exit strategy at all times haha cause fuck these men I'm trying to win again. I "love everyone" which means I have no problem voting out anyone

So let me just make sure i got this right, connor tried to get people to vote for me, they all told me, he "planned" with me to go for liam, then....he votes for duncan and he goes home unanimously? little did he realize when he went around and gave a feeble attempt at rallying people to vote for me, i had already rallied everyone to go for him and made sure everyone knew he was a liar and couldnt be trusted, you know im a firm believer in loose lips sink ships and i absolutely used my big mouth as my weapon to sink his ship. Even if there turns out to be some majority alliance that did this all without me then well...i guess that's another story but im still taking my hard earned credit because either way i got what i wanted one way or another so im here for it, sorry gal! i now find myself in a position i hope i can make some moves with, duncan already just made a vague to comment to me about how "it only takes 4 now" which he's right, and he mentioned autumn, himself, me, and ali. Which, that's a 4 I would love to go forward with for the time being, i like to think ive had good genuine talks with them 3 in particular, and now we can start get together maybe lock something in and if we make it to a merge or even another swap we at least have something to work with with each other, but we'll see, we gotta focus on immunity first now, id love to win just to for sure see any of the other people who lied to me go home oop so while i may be feeling ok now i just have to remember to simmer down and play smart and make the right connections with the right people i need and saying the right things to whomever needs to hear it, because that's what i do best in these type of games to stay alive, i feel like my intuition has been leading me ok so far this game so im just gonna keep basing my decisions off that and charging forward PERIOD and ill damn sure do it with or without the help of the tomb because a bitch can not get in ive tried over and OVER at this point im back to pounding on the door of it just hoping if im annoying enough yall will let me in!

i'll do a proper game confessional later but me and dan are both judges for the svalbard music video challenge and its so sad that we cant talk... its like... this could be us working on a music video if things were different kjlsdfa its missing dan and jake hours

Whew! Sorry about that what happened was I ran out of anxiety meds a few days and that rant was the commutation of being with out sanity pills for three days! Everything is fine! I am fine! People are fine! I am sorry to the future Thoth 2.0 tribe, you are all great, I just get very spirally when I am without some sort of stabilizing force! Sorry to the hosts for using this as a diary this is not a diary this is survivor... Anyway this time I have some more constructive things to add! Okay so things are fine. Dan and I continue to bond, though he had to call me out on being bad at communication in order for our relationship to progress. I get it was like a check point or whatever and frankly I appreciated it. Like I said in my rant yesterday I have massive paranoia when comes to interacting with people and whether they like me or not, so constructive feedback while annoying is always helpful. Plus through research I found that he values a good social game so the fact that he's reaching out and telling me what I'm doing wrong is probably a sign that I'm not a lost cause :D. It turns out we have a few mutual friends our lord and savior John Coffey and also Sarah,... Lynn to be specific there are like a shit ton of Sara(h)s so should probably clarify lol. I want to work with him. I know he's in the majority alliance with the brawn tribe, which also contains Jakey and Jordan. Considering the fact that the beauties are slowly but surely getting eliminated, their favor would be helpful to me and mine. However, I know for sure that one of them wrote my name down. Honestly probably both of them. I know I keep harping on this fact but I just really really don't like the idea of looking like an idiot by aligning with someone who wanted me dead or wanted to fuck with me. If we do lose this challenge we are going to have to figure out who to keep or who to eliminate, I feel like it should be between those two. Mostly because I'm not exactly comfortable with a brawn majority. Like I know how people are saying tribe lines don't matter and while they don't, advantages do. And what more advantageous than being in a majority alliance? If we get rid of a brawn that would make it 4 brains- 4 beauty - 5 brawn. Which seems a bit more fair lol. Also RIP Connor remember how I said he was a threat? Welp I guess this is why they don't ask me for cast assessments :/ and also cause I was dead for like several years.

absolutely nothing has happened in fact i was kinda in a ~mood~ today so i feel like my social game took a big L because i didnt feel like talking to anyone and i was busy so i kept being that bitch to responding once an hour ..... but in other news i finally accessed the tomb, and once i started using more than one brain cell at a time i was able to get in and it was actually about 10x easier than i was making it out to be im not sure WHY i was struggling so much but of course, to no surprise i finally get in and the pedestal is empty AGAIN. Now there's not only at least 1 idol from the last time i went in the tomb gone, but there's possibly a second too, if not an advantage that can easily be played against me. At this point all i can do is try and recover a little bit, tomorrow ill have to just try more with my conversations and hopefully one of the people i can somewhat trust is the person who has whatever was in their time time around but probably not, it's never that easy

okay so i have a video confessional from earlier uploading which is kind of a recap of the last two rounds BUTTT!! liam just finished editing our video and i love it!! he did so good and our tribe all tried our best... im just hoping the other tribe didn't go bananas all out, because if they didn't we should hopefully win... i really wanna win immunity because otherwise i feel like adam is gonna be the vote and i dont want that anymore KJASDFA. i would just be sad because idk who the alternative would even be.... so basically we better win immunity KJLSADFA

Me: Alright everyone, make sure you film horizontally!!! Devon: Fuck you

Honestly!!! I take back what i said about Kendall. I feel like we’re making some strides to work together??? Or she’s playing me? I’m hoping to stir a Devon vote this round because I think he threw the vote on Kendall to piss me off, but who knows. I wanna talk to Jakey and see what he thinks about a me/him/augusto/Amir alliance to get through this vote? Idk I trust him but who knows!!!! Maybe everyone is lying to me???

okay... i know i said god is a woman and her name is autumn but its time for the remix. god is a woman and her name is alyssa's mum because alyssa's mum just rescued us from defeat in that challenge JKASDF the judges were kinda unnecessarily harsh but we move on. basically for the other tribe's tribal, i hope jake/dan/devon live... hopefully another scary old school person goes but tbh who knows what is going to happen?! im just so happy to have made f13, i said i'd come 14th in my intro so we love surpassing my own expectations

the immunity challenge went well, we won, which is good because i just didnt feel like going to tribal council because im honestly unsure what the hell is going on, i wanted to feel good about the connor vote because obviously that was my plan from the start however he just made it a little too easy by not talking to a lot of people allegedly, up until right before the vote, i dont think there'd be an easy vote next time we go to tribal, unless ... it's me... am i the easy vote?? i wanna really think im not but its just always too quiet to me when we dont go to tribal there's also lots of talk and speculation about a possible merge at 13, but me and my vivid imagination aka paranoia think maybe another swap of some sort could still happen even if for just another round or 2, i never knew with you sneaky hosts!! also i know we won in the challenge but we wouldve won in the challenge by even more if liam used more footage of my video i sent in i feel like i got no screentime!!! but of course i kept my big mouth shut for once because there's no i in team so ill try not to throw too much of a diva fit but listen... i tried to give yall a DEATH DROP, and i pulled a wig ruveal by snatching off my hat, and i was giving you a whole tik tok dance i made myself..... but there was no way i was doing more than beyonce's part so he didnt have much to work with so touche .... the full version i made will just be deleted scenes for myself ill reflect on when im more mature and think to myself "what the fuck was i doing?"

So not to my surprise, we end up losing the challenge AGAIN!! I've just accepted that I really don't have any luck in this game. I was really hoping that we'd just win every challenge until the merge because I'm over going to tribal and voting people out. I feel like going to the amount of tribal councils that I have has left a huge target on my back. But at the same time, I'm playing the game more than other are. Maybe I have that going for me, who knows. Anyways, the Thots alliance is deciding on either Devon or Dan for this vote. I basically told them I was good with either, even though I would perfer to keep Devon so that I at least have more of an opportunity to rebuild our relationship. I've made it very clear that if the group as a whole wanted to do Devon that I'd write his name down to prove that I trust this group moving forward. So we decide to go with Dan for this vote, and this doesn't really sit well with Jakey. I'm not surprised by that, since I know he's wanted Kendall out for awhile now. But he is really adamant that he doesn't want Dan to go. Which I get, he thinks that Dan would trust him moving forward. When it comes to Dan though, his social game lacks so much that it's like "I don't even know if I can trust him moving forward". And I think the fact that Jakey more so wants to target Kendall this round instead of Dan is a strong sign for me. I'm pretty positive he has an idol since the brain one has been found and he's lied to me about clues before. So this has me thinking, maybe it's a good time to get Jakey out this round? Thinking about it numbers wise for the future, we don't really need Jakey's vote for a majority this round since the four beauties and myself makes 4, and if we bring in Devon that's 5. Plus, I don't even think that Jakey's under the impression that he would... get voted out this round. He seems offly confident that he's staying, just that Dan's going. But I like to think he'd let Dan be a sinking ship and go.. Idk I'm gonna try to pitch this to Amir and see what he thinks. I kind of tried to hint around it to Augusto that Jakey wasn't cool with it, but Augusto kind of turned a blind eye at that. And I don't trust Kendall with my thoughts since she's very blunt... so I wouldn't be surprised if she leaked my plans. Similarly to what Devon did when I voted him out last week. I'm hoping that Amir will see where I'm coming from and that he might be open to that concept. For all I know, I could be voted out this round. And honestly, that'd be the smart move for them to make because my perception in the game so far has been pretty spot on. I think my self awareness this time around has been an asset for me, so I'm hoping that I can get by this vote and hopefully enter the merge soon.

Coming back into the game, I knew I needed to open up a bit and start to Slither earlier than I would imagine. After throwing a vote onto Kendall, I broke down any chance between the Beauty and Brawn working together to knock out myself and Scott. I haven't told anyone about my vote, and don't plan to. Going into this vote, Dan should be the obvious choice. OG Brawn hasn't suffered any additional losses in numbers, and I'm just too close with Augusto/Amir/Kendall to consider flipping. In preparation of tonight NOT being a swap, I established an alliance with Amir and Augusto. They are a duo in every sense, but attaching myself to them sets up the opportunity to at least CONSIDER voting out Scott next round. It would have to be between him and Scott.

All I got to say is oof… I genuinely thought I was on vacation after the last round like I’ve been SO bad about talking to people or at least that’s how I felt cause I was operating at 60% instead of the 110% I do when I socialize. That being said, I have my goals that I want to stick to and see happen. Dan needs to leave this tribal so I can get Jakey out next even if Dan leaving makes me really sad. Dan leaving takes a number away from the Brawn and a number away from Jakey, who I am able to get out by keeping Devon and having him/Kendall/myself/Amir vote for him if we happen to lose again. The alliance of me/Kendall/Amir/Jakey/Scott went on call last night and it was deadass an hour and a half long call where everyone was like “idk who should go but I’m fine with whatever” although… that certainly wasn’t the case. I, personally, made points that were pro-Devon such as Devon not having any clear allies to reunite with at merge and things like that and EVENTUALLY at the last 5 minutes of the call, we decided that Dan leaving is the better option. Scott and I even discussed a Brawn having to go before we even did the call so yeah. One thing I could tell though? Jakey was not having it. I understand his frustration but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I voted out AJ to prove that I am not here to play by tribal lines and you said you would do the same but here we are… Amir called me last night telling me about how Jakey was trying to strong arm him into voting Devon out because Jakey didn’t want to do Dan… like sir, I’m? I’m very happy that Amir came to me and confided in me to kinda spill out his emotions like that makes me <3 but it also made me wanna pop off at Jakey because I don’t like those approaches in games hgfjdks even if I do really like Jakey, I was just ugh gjfdks. That aside, I feel like I am doing good about getting information and building friendships out here like I’m DEADASS is almost every single alliance on the tribes I’ve been a part of and while I don’t get tons of info from direct sources (ie. Jakey), I get the information from close allies (ie. Amir) which in a way can be even better? That being said, I’ve been way too good at forming friendships that every vote makes me feel really bad? With Dan for example, I adore that man like even if he isn’t the most talkative he’s just amazing. But does Dan benefit my game as much as Devon? Not really, even if Dan wanted to align. I’m sticking to my promise of doing what I have to do and be a little bit more cutthroat than I usually am because I do genuinely want to win this game and I’ll do what it takes to get there. Honestly, I’d be SHOOK if we do not merge next round or the round after ghfjdksm but I’m just trying to plan ahead and look at my connections. My Thoth connections are Amir > Kendall > Devon > Scott > Jakey whereas my Hathor connections are Autumn > Duncan > Adam (?) > TJ > Jordan > Liam M > Ali. If we do merge, making a secret thing with Autumn would be KEY just to have another person in my corner but also I need to connect with a Brawn to be good with them yknow? It’ll definitely be interesting and I can see the merge being messier than a taco bell bathroom BUT I’m hyped at the same time?

How is it already Day 16? There seems to be something seriously wrong with that. Anywho, I've let myself take a quick step back on the social game these last few days. I think I've put in the work to cement a couple strong groups here and can put myself in a good spot, but now I can avoid being the person that probably would be seen as a huge threat in the near future. Once merge hits (which I'm hoping is this next round), I'm going to have to go back to bringing that social game to a 9 (10 is where the Alyssa threat level begins), but right now I'm hopefully putting myself in a good place. In the event we don't have a merge and have one more vote on Hathor, I really think I need to make a move on Ali. I realize I keep saying this and I'm going to feel awful when he sees this all, but he is such a HUGE threat, and I can't let him skate by to where there's no room to stop him. I made that mistake last time in letting the person I knew would win get too far without me being able to stop them. Not this time. Ain't no fucking way.

This may very well be my last confessional lmao. I’m just feeling very paranoid about this vote and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone votes for me except for Jakey. Or if he even flips to the majority against me. And honestly! I’ve come to terms with it. I really tried my best in the game and I can’t be mad about how I performed in this game specifically. I understand I’m a threat in these games and if people are worried about me end game, quite frankly they should be. I know that I’ve played Tumblr Survivor one too many times and should have quit while I was ahead. I know I’ve talked about working with Kendall and killing Devon, but honestly idk who is voting where. I think I’m going to try to just go with what I think is majority (against Kendall) and just hope to god I’m not going anywhere. I hate having this defeatist attitude, but if I get voted out I’m going to have zero hard feelings and take it in stride. I guess I’m just not cut out to win tumblr survivor ❤️

Our video was so iconic, SHOUT OUT TO ALYSSA'S MOM!!! I should really be making sure im fortifying the bonds i've made but im really just happy to be on break and not have tribal. I've only been to tribal once within a 7 day time span instead of the 4 times in 7 days the brains endured before. I will say i was positively shook to get the vote from connor, but i never thought i could play a perfect game anyways lol. I'm hoping to god that dan or jakey go, i dont want the brawns over here to have other options than autumn and i come merge. Im surprised at myself because im starting to really want to stick with all these people come a merge, i suppose we'll see how it goes and how my attitude changes moving forward.

Sooooooo I actually felt kind of bad about voting for Dan until he was throwing my name out :/ I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I'm kind of nervous now. Like Jakey told me this and he did the same thing to AJ. Also I haven't heard anything from Scott yet... that's sketchy right? Ugh I swear if I'm voted out then Alyssa's mom, I will meet you in the Denny's Parking lot for a fight. I'm not afraid to throw hands at the elderly, ask Drew.

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We love when men listen to me an in turn we win immunity! This is now the second time that's happened lmao cause I sure did make everyone commit to a time block so we didn't play ourselves in the endurance challenge and I sure did suggest Telephone as the song choice so wooooo Not a lot has happened and I don't have a lot of time to talk to begin with but I have a strong feeling we are not merging tonight lmao. Tbh I look forward to another day on Hathor it's very chill over here, all things considered. Also I need a couple chill challenges the next two rounds cause ya girl is moving, graduating, and leading an underground movement all at the same time so don't set me up with a crazy time-consuming challenge lol

I feel vindicated. Starting off in this game, I was not doing so well gameplay wise. Flash forward, I've been a big contributor physically, and socially too! I've got big plans, and I will carry this tribe again if I have to!

(may've already submitted this but i'm worried i submitted it for day 18?)

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Also...

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ok let me just start by saying: im in an emotionally FRAGILE state at the moment writing this right after the winners at war finale.....SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT SEEN BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT....NATALIE AND WINCHELE ROBBED, as inspired as i am by my aries sistren natalie and think she should've won, im even more upset for my fellow beauty sister michele because lowkey? i absolutely LOVE the way michele plays, because in my own head at least i like to think i at least play slightly similar, i like to lay low and just adapt to where i see i can fit the best, anywho thats all ill say on that, back to THIS game dan being voted out last round, was kinda meh, i had the tiniest conversation with him during one world and he did end up giving me some tea about the brawns, but i couldve easily tried working with him later on against the beauties, PLUS him leaving means that none of those false beauties left, which is bad for me because i want them all gone oop and ive worked hard over here trying to make sure everyone knows they are threats even if theyre not working together, they went against me and lied to me, which means i cant trust them or work with them, which means i need to make sure no one else does either it's very nice though duncan has approached me and asked who i was comfortable with incase we did go to tribal and he said him and jordan pines were pretty close and honestly jordan is the only one ive been on a call with this whole game which is fine because anyone who knows me knows i dont care for calls much in this game and that usually hurts me so im hoping its not hurting me this time but truly, im not sure people are approaching me way more with information and plans then they ever have so im hoping thats a good sign, espcially with duncan saying he basically wanted me to be in the know with him, i think i can trust him as of now going foward and i hope the same about jordan pines, because first of all i love his energy and him as a person my fellow stoner crackhead, and second of all let's be real i definitely want to use him as a shield later on cmon the guy has a season named after him, forget denise being the queen slayer, i want to be the king tamer also in good with ali and autumn i think?? i personally enjoy my short little convos i have with them frequently so i just hope we're on the same page, but idk the little voice in the back of my head is telling me it all seems too good to be true almost like a perfect illusion and maybe duncan is tricking me trying to talk to me about "keeping this tribe strong", so i guess we'll have to wait until the next time we go to a tribal together to find out so yeah in conclusion, sorry to dan, and plot twist of the century im rooting for jakey to not be voted out the other tribe? even though im still convinced he could be making me his number 1 target especially if he gets in kahoots with kendall, but im hoping i played them against each other enough during the one world so that didnt happen

What do ya know....another tribal council. After only being exempt from one tribal, this has become somewhat of a routine. I am extremely confident in the numbers this round. I'm under the belief that everyone will be writing down Jake's name, and Jake will likely be writing down my/Kendall's name. Still, I believe there is a worry about idols. I would hate to be idoled out by Jake after everything I have worked towards...I can't afford to throw my vote on Kendall or Scott with the merge coming up so soon, because it fractures my game going into a potential merge...Somewhat of a "all or nothing" bet tonight.

Me @ the brawns who have been on this tribe: https://media.giphy.com/media/szPZ2NXIGCMcE/giphy.gif

So a couple new developments: 1. Jordan offered me a final two which I'm sooooo excited to see how that's going to turn out. I've really connected with Jordan this game (which admittedly I didn't think would happen before this game), but he's been the person I've confided in the most out here. So I really think this is going to be the start of something amazing. 2. With this F2 deal, Jordan told me that Amir/Jakey knew each other outside of this game. This is bad for me both because Jakey is supposed to be my other guy with Jordan, but also Amir is the person I'd want to target come merge (which should be next round). I have zero connection to him, he's proven to be good at comps, he's won this game before, and he doesn't add into my plan of having numbers on every side. So now I'm in a spot where I think I'll probably have to make a move against potentially my closest / other closest ally in this game. Being safe right before the potential merge feels amazing and opens a lot of opportunities, but is extremely scary knowing who is going to merge. Hopefully come to merge, I have a chance at the merge idol to avoid anyone else having the chance at getting it, because I need some added knowledge in this game.

I am so fucking pissed at Devon. WHY ARE YOU ON THE BRAINS IF YOU HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS!!!!!!! dsfjkaafkjdaldjfjadksjads Great now I get to die!

I don't know why Jakey wants to kill me. I am not a threat. Like at all? Most of the strategies I come up with are bad and I am barely social? Sure I guess I can win like a challenge or two but not enough to be physical? I mean I'm trying to kill him but like... honestly he started it 2 rounds ago. I am a paper tiger worse I am a paper giraffe. Sure I'm tall but basically harmless and only sort of evil. At least I remember why I hated him so much. I don't hate him NOW, I'm 22 years old I have better things to do then hate some guy for trying to win a game. But I am annoyed and inconvenienced by this. Maybe a little hurt too because the only reason I can think to get voted out is because my personality sucks so much that he doesn't see a future where we can work together. Which is fair I guess? But I can't be that awful right? God this game is a constant existential crisis... Also I think people are annoyed with me for being paranoid and shit. Oh I'm sorry people who's name isn't getting written down, I'm sorry I'm not more pleasant while I'm in fear for my metaphorical life.

It’s a MESS ITS A FUCKING MESS SCOTTIE WANTS DAN OUT DAN WANTS DEVON JAKEY WANTS DEVON DEFON WANTS DAN AUGUSTO AND KENDALL WANT JAKEY AMIR WANTS NOT JAKEY OR AUGUSTO OR KENDALL I literally don’t have number in this game and I’m going to get fucked on at the merge

Okay so Augusto basically told him that his name was an option for this vote or the next one and Kendall told him that the brawns are bringing up his name and said that he was the throw away vote So now my gut is telling me dan did it and jakey was in on it But I don’t care, if that’s the case Everyone on this tribe wants a brawn out, EVERYONE I just have to make sure it’s not jakey Because Augusto and Kendall want jakey now and I refuse it Rn it seems they r okay doing dan It seems everyone is cool doing dan So I’m happy with that

Jakey is fucking strong arming me r u joking Ndbdjdjsns Jakey talked to scottie And got scottie to want devon So now they’re gonna try and call the alliance tmmrw and change to vote back to devon over dan And if Augusto and Kendall don’t want to Jakey wants to pull brain and brawn to vote kendall like sir I’m literally getting strong armed, and he can’t see why people want dan out I could make a move rn But should I even I probably shouldn’t If they try to get kendall I will flip it on him

don’t know what to do I’m pleading so hard with jakey rn like hey it’s not good for me to go into merge with 6 brawn 4 beauty (dysfunctional) and 3 brain (dysfunctional) And I said I want to do dan is that okay like jakey u need to choose a side, brawns, or this tribe And he goes If u decide to do dan Then I’m gonna unite dan and Scott and Devon and vote kendall So if that’s the case, I’m sending u home theres no way around it then

Throw back to last night when I hung up on jakey to call Augusto and told jakey that I was taking a shower but literally I was gone for an hour and needed an excuse fast so I told him i shaved my ass call that strategic ass shaking

Okay so this tribal. Everyone on my tribe thinks jakey is evil and he’s just going to go back to the brawn tribe, which is like, wtf, he literally voted in minority on purpose and gave us leverage on him. Like he literally has put himself on the line multiple times. He ratted out the brawn majority over and over. Like jakey is not loyal to the brawns on the other side at all. The people on this tribe don’t give a shit and my opinion isn’t being heard at all, Kendall won’t budge and Augusto won’t budge, and Scott wants to keep devon. Can I just say scott is a rat, he is playing every single person. Jakey trusted him soooo much . Anyway, everyone wants jakey out for literallt no reason and jakey trusts me 100% and jakey is the best way to get info from the brawns on the other side. Anyway, KDJDKSN KDNDKD we are getting dirty. Jakey has an idol. And I told him he was the vote and I made it sound like it’s all Scott’s decision cuz I’m really tight with Kendall and Augusto, so now, jakey wants to idol out Scott Basically, it’s time for a cluster fuck and it’s time for chaos So at merge jakey and I will play from Opposite sides

so jakey fking tried to flip the vote and he blew up the 5 person alliance to devon and hes fucking up my game so much nkwejfnkew god maybe i will try and get him out at merge even tho i love him, i basically had to ccreate this narrative that jakey thinks that me jakey scott and devon are voting kendall but jakey is actually voting out scott jesus christ thi round gave me a migraine i have a case of the lie-abetes

I- there's nothing else to say hahaha the boys don't even talk game. So when I know something y'all will know something

People are paranoid as hell about a merge. What is there to be paranoid about, honestly? I've just tried to come into this game and have a good time and I think I've achieved that. No one is really looking at me as a threat right now, and there's still plenty of time left to play.

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which i will upload but adam just woke me up to the fact that we might be merging tonight?! which is so exciting and kinda crazy.... and the days line up with montenegro for us to be merging... at merge i think all my "laying low" can finally be for something and i can transition the bonds i've been making into making stuff happen. i've also been hosting a game during these quarantine times and i've realised people that do too much making SUCH deep bonds during the early stages become the people the jury is mad at in the endgame. i feel like im the middle ground, people feel close to me (and I would like to think I've come across as likable) without everyone thinking im their soul sister closest ally. at merge i think my "close" people who i can somewhat rely on are: autumn, jake, dan(?), jordan(?) and adam? like i have a core of people with various connections, which gives me some cover. its just about then feeling out the rest and seeing who i can trust amongst the rest... particularly the unknowns of augusto/kendall/scott/amir (assuming they are all at merge). like that is going to be the most important part of the merge stage for me, is figuring out which of them i can trust (and i do think dan and/or jake's opinions can help with this, because brainstorming with autumn helped me figuring out this hathor swap tribe).

i'm excited for merge... i do think i have early juror written all over me but i am also very excited. its time to emerge from the shadows and stumble my way into the light

live fast die young merge boots do it well. i literally am a clown, i got excited by my guess going so well and now i literally am a target the size of the sun exclusively because of my own actions what was i thinking KJASDFA honestly at this point? i embrace it, i push the 'im a shield' narrative and i trot on my little trotters to being mayor of ponderosa. this season i chopped of my own head so will not be the winner and the king, but hopefully i can be a kingmaker? also if me winning the tiebreak sends jake home i literally will be so unspeakably frustrated with myself i will literally... scream. HE PROBS HATES ME. i'm praying he lives i will feel so bad if he doesnt KLASDF

i literally... can not believe i am so stupid my lack of braincells really boggles my mind

So I was really hoping that we would win this challenge today because I like everyone on this tribe. But of course with my luck in this game, we lose AGAIN. And it's a shame because I like the Thots Alliance and i feel bad voting out Devon. I know he's someone who trusts me and although I don't 100% trust him, I know that he's someone I can depend on. Plus he makes a really good goat at the end, so it'll make winning more of an obstacle for me without him there. To my surprise however, Kendall and Augusto approach me with the idea of voting out Jakey. I really like Jakey and I practically see him as my #1 here, so voting him out would be difficult for me to do as well. We've discussed the idol together, he gave me his CBS all access account info to watch the finale, and hes one of the very few smart people in this game. So on a personal level, this is a hard decision to make. However, from a game perspective, it might be the right call. Jakey's setting himself up to be a swing vote at the merge, and the fact that he campaigned for Dan to stay and was adamant on not voting him out shows that. When it comes to Devon and I, I would prefer to not vote Devon out but if I needed to in order to show that I trust an alliance moving forward I would. So the fact that Jakey doesn't see it like that is alarming to me. In addition to that, I know that Jakey has lied to me multiple times in this game. He purposefully gave me the wrong idol clue for one of the matches, and when I called him out on it he bluffed it up. On top of that, I know for a fact that he voted for Kendall during the AJ vote. And the fact that he's trying to play it off on Devon goes to show the lengths he would go to make sure he controls everything. And on top of that, he wants us all to tell Devon straight up that he's going. Like... did he not learn from my story when I tried to do that? It can't happen. From a game perspective, voting out Jakey is the more logical choice to make. He can navigate better in a group of people and is aware of whats going on. Devon on the other hand, doesn't even know where the idol is or how to look for it. Devon is someone who you can take into a merge and know what he's going to do. Jakey is more unpredictable. And I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to rally up troops to blindside me when that time came. From a personal perspective, I prefer that Devon goes just because of the lack of trust between us and the fact that I don't ever see myself fully trusting him. Sadly I have to lose this battle in order to win the war at the end. So I'm going to vote Jakey out tonight and really hope that it doesn't come to bite me in the but or that he doesn't play his idol (i know he has one, its obvious with how paranoid he's been)

Guess I’m gonna cry because we lost… by a tiebreaker… it was sad. I feel especially awful because had I not made the mistake of repeating a name on my list during my 8th guess, we could’ve very well have won… but no one needs to know that! It just blows because going into a potential merge in a 7-5 scenario is NOT it. Plus like, their only vote was a unanimous vote for Connor which like… love Connor, but a rock could vote Connor out. I wanted to see tension, I wanted to see idols played, I wanted to see hands thrown, I wanted to see lines drawn, and I wanted to see messiness but all I ended up seeing? Disappointment. I hate it here deadass (‘:

Aside from being kinda sad we lost, I do feel super secure. Last round, I wanted Dan to leave to get rid of Brawn numbers and have the best chance to get Jakey out and now I have that! I know Amir is on the fence but I know Kendall and Devon would be all for it (Scott is as well, but I didn’t really know how much he’d be about it until this round) so it needs to happen. While I adore Jakey as a person and we’ve connected a lot, our strategic games don’t align at all since he doesn’t tell me much of anything? Most of his info goes to Amir or Scott and I’m being selfish here but I want all the tea (‘: plus him playing double agent with the Brawns at merge is not what I need if we’re going into the merge with not enough numbers. Not only that but Adam is a wildcard in terms of if he’ll work with me or not but Jakey being there with us makes it so Adam wouldn’t want to so there’s that. Girl… i sound like a whole ass gamebot wtf ghfdjnms

It’s so weird like I am extremely proud of the game I am playing but I still feel inadequate as a player? I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others because I’m ME but my two closest allies (Kendall, Amir) are playing so much better? Amir is able to get all the tea in the world and form those important game connections which I don’t feel like I can yknow? With Kendall, she is just so bold (and beautiful) with her gameplay in a way I could never like she doesn’t mind being the secondary target, she talks to everyone and talks game with everyone, and stuff like that. So in a way, I’m probably not a major threat to people because those two icons are here BUT I also don’t know if that’ll make me seen like a non-factor… that’s just how I feel going into merge and it’s kinda mehhh idk ;-;

MERGE IS COMING. TOnight actually, people are speculating, but im the only one with the certainty that its tonight and im feeling wonderful. I think if I play my cards right Im gonna have a lot of options come merge. God pending Kendall does not die tonight (hopefully her beauties keep her alive) im gonna suggest we secret pair beware this shit and tsart working from opposite sides to keep each other safe. That will allow me to pick of people Im not working with, while hopefully ensure that people im not with who are with her will be detered from targeting me. Thats my plan but who knows what the true dynamics of merge will be. Ive been playing quiet so far but im about to become the star of teh show, my ego just cant take it.

i really feel like by getting a five i got jake voted out and i want to scream i literally am gonna be out for blood if he goes

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#BackWithVengeance

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