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#;; whY THE FUCK IS THIS SO FUNNY IM WHEEZING
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Pitbulls aren't cute. They should not be bred. Unfollowed.
Anon im laughing so hard im crying
Anyway, pitbulls arent worse than any other power breed lol. I love pitbulls my only complaint is that theyre too short for my tastes and a touch too energetic
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talkethtothehandeth · 8 months
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i dont like who you are as a person you didnt do anything wrong (that I know of) i just dont like your personality and you might think this is an unnecessary ask but I say it's very necessary because I said so
LMAO OKAY?
@svpphicsiren did you write this /j
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skylarsblue · 10 months
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✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes Nine✦
(Sexual Implication) Ghost, trying to be sexy by whispering: Gaggin’ for it, aren’t ya, love? Soap: Nope. Ghost: No? Soap: I don’t gag on anything. Ghost: *404 Error* Soap: …Ghost? Si? Simon, are you alright?
-- Y/N: Let’s play a word association game! Ghost: Why? Y/N: Because I saved your ass last mission and I’m bored, so you owe me. Ghost: *sigh* Fine. Y/N: P e r f e c t . Gaz: ?? Y/N: Cold. Ghost: Winter. Y/N: Spring. Ghost: Mattress. Y/N: Soft. Ghost: Comfortable. Y/N: Pleasant. Ghost: Sunset. Y/N, With a shit eating grin: Beautiful. Ghost, unconsciously: Johnny- Y/N: YES Gaz: OHHHHHH Ghost: Soap: *gasp* Simon!~ Ghost: I’m going to go crash in a heli. Y/N: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT-
-- Alex: Bitch do you want me to jump across this table? Because I don’t have all day for this. Norris: You feeling froggy? Leap. Alex: Okay, well here I come- Farah: Alex no, no- hOLD OFF
-- (NSFW Joke) Y/N: Oh sorry. I almost drank out of your cup. Soap: Wh-Just go ahead, it won’t matter! Y/N: Well I- Yeah no, you’re right. I’ve drank out of your cups dozens of times. Soap: We’ve sucked the same dick- Y/N: That’s a good point! Ghost: ….*sigh*
-- Gaz: What kind of girl do you like? Soap: My wife. Gaz: And you? Ghost: Johnny’s wife. Gaz: OH- Price, knowing they recently started a poly situation: Pfft-
-- (Use of the word pussy because haha) Gaz, filming: Pffft- Soap: Shhshh- Y/N in the hallway: FORTY THREE FUCKING CENTS! AHHHHH Soap: *wheeze* Y/N: I NEED A SUGAR DADDY!! Gaz: PFFFT- Soap: I can’t breathe- Y/N: At this rate I’m ready to plaster my fuckin’ pussy on the sidewalk for some sPARE CHANGE! Gaz & Soap: *doing that silent cackle thing and smack each other in the arm* Ghost, leaning into the room: What the f- Y/N: SPAARE CHANGE, SPARE CHANGE! ANYONE GOT ANY SPARE CHAAANGE?! Gaz: *coughing* Soap: Steamin’ Jesus I’m fucking crying- Y/N, passing by the room: 🎵Walkin’ in a winter wonderlaaaand🎶
-- Y/N: Would you love me? Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Would I love you if…? Y/N: nO ThAt wAs tHE QuesTiOn-
-- Y/N: Pretty boy! With me I said! Rudy: Rudy: Rudy: Oh I’m pretty boy! Y/N: Yes! Oo that came out a bit quick- (Also works with Soap & Gaz, honestly)
-- (THIS IS A CONCEPT IM TOO WHIMPY TO WRITE, SO HAVE IT HERE! THIS COULD WORK WITH SO MANY CHARACTERS Also, NSFW warning) Ghost: I don’t miss. Y/N, on his ear piece: Never? Even with distractions? Ghost: *turns his scope* Not ever. *just about to take a shot* Y/N: Hmm…what if I went… Mm Simon~ Ghost: *misses* Y/N: Ya missed. Ghost: Cheeky bitch…
-- Gaz: Alright, so, since we’re now in America and we have some time to kill, I went and I got you something. Y/N: Aww Gaz, you really didn’t have to- Gaz: *puts down their Whataburger order* Y/N: OH MY GOD Price: Really? Gaz: *shrug* Soap: *snickering as Y/N Fucking demolishes some fries* Y/N, having the time of their life: Garrick you ever need your dick sucked, a dead body buried, a beer or whatever, you call me. I got’chu Gaz: BAHA- Soap: *wheeze* Ghost: Are you fucking crying? Y/N with their mouth full: I missed it so much.
-- (Team bonding exercises) Soap: You’re a football player, it’s in ya blood! Gaz: That’s racist. Soap: Your soul? Gaz: That’s racist! Soap: …your eyes? Gaz: That’s gay- Soap: That’s homophobic. Gaz: That’s black. Soap: That’s racist!! Gaz: Damn- (this one is extra funny since Gaz is now confirmed LGBT)
-- Gaz: You overrated little twink! Soap: Hey I am a TWUNK, alright?! That is a combination, twink, and HUNK, get it?? Hunk-
-- Soap: Hey~ Fem!Y/N: You’re Gay. Soap: …oh yeah. Soap: *looks at Ghost* Soap: Hey.~ Ghost: *sigh*
-- Soap: I’m gonna have to meet men lying down. Y/N: …I thought’cha did?? Soap: OI!
-- Soap: Everyone says what a giving person I am! Y/N: He’s talking about when you’re in an upright position.
-- Graves: What if there’s a connection? Y/N: I think there’s a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste.
-- Shepard: Now you’re always ornery, rude, unpleasant, and sometimes downright mean. That’s part of your charm. Y/N: Thank you, you colluding-county-hopping-idiotic-relic. Price: *pride*
-- Alex: Oh my god, how are you such a good driver? Soap: Because there’s illegal shit in here. Alex: Soap: Because if I don’t use my turn signal, we’re both gonna do fifteen. Because I am going to lie and say yours. Alex: ….. Soap: Put your seatbelt on, sweetheart. Alex: *clicks it in places* Soap: You are not safe!
-- (Sucking dick joke) Kidnapper: You’re gonna do as I say or I will make you regret ever being born. Y/N: Oh please, I’ve sucked dicks more intimidating than you. Soap: Oh this is why Simon was the way he was after we rescued you both last time.
-- Soap, shoving marshmallows in his mouth: This isn’t very ha-*chokes* MILF!Y/N, across the fucking base: ….*mom instinct* Price: ??? Ghost: Uh- Y/N: Something just happened. Kyle: PFFT-
-- MILF!Y/N: *letting Soap & Gaz lean on her while Price and Ghost stand close behind* Untrue. I’m a mother now. It’s really changed my perspective. Graves: And do you find it hard juggling life and a career? Y/N: You can juggle these nuts.
-- Soap: *rambling* Soap: Agh, sorry, I’m just goin’ on and on- Ghost: Oi, keep talking before I kick your ass. Soap: ….. Gaz: See? This is exactly what I m-where the fuck are these flower petals coming from?? ARE THOSE SPARKLES??
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seattlesellie · 10 months
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HIHIHIHIHI CAN PLS U WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cq4ZwkQJLEM/?igshid=MTIyMzRjYmRlZg==
ELLIE WOULD DEFINITELY DO THIS JUST TO ANNOY AT U FIRST THEN IT KINDA JUST STUCK AROUND
PLELALALSE anon this is so silly and so ellie coded 😭
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laying in bed with ellie, just chilling and watching tv, probably family guy (i hq ellie as being a cartoons lover. i already said shed be a sucker for spongebob…. shed probably be like “im sooo squidward dude” when she’s literally spongebob in human form) laying on her chest while shes caressing your head <3 listening to her cackling at silly jokes and throwing out random “that was so funny” and “babe did you hear that? you’re literally meg” which makes you go like????? what are you talking about. you can feel yourself slowly doze off, eyelids becoming heavier and heavier, no longer focused on the screen. now, ellie usually gets pissed when you fall asleep because she wants you to stay awake with her, she has this thing where if she shows you something, whether its a show or a movie she likes she would quite literally stare at you the entire time to see your reaction, like if you dont laugh at something she finds to be the most hilarious thing in the world (watching superbad with her was an experience) she would literally roll her eyes at you and get mad 😭 (this one time she was fully side eyeing you throughout an entire one and a half hour movie and you were like “ELLIE i can see you looking at me”)
but, you look so peaceful and cute laying on her that she almost doesnt nudge you, almost lets you be and allows you to sink in to a deep sleep…. almost. but its ellie. and she cant. so she pokes you lightly till you open your eyes and shes just fixated on you. she looks so serious and goes like “babe. i have something super duper fucking important to tell you” and youre all concerned and ask her what happened. n she almost feels bad but she pulls you in to sit next to her.
“i need to do something” she says w her raspy voice and youre gone because why the hell is her voice so dreamy?
she slowly moves her face closer to yours, puts her hand on your cheek and kisses you. and its so sweet and so delicate, that its almost believeable that this is the only thing she wanted to do.
“awww…” you peck her again. “just wanted a kiss?”
shes like, swallowing in her grin now. and she looks so stupid because god knows ellie cannot hold her laugh like, ever.
“mhhm” she says, and she moves closer to kiss you again. this time, she just BLOWS HER FUCKING LUNGS OUT INTO YOUR MOUTH and bursts out laughing like a fucking idiot. youre stood there like 😨 and shes wheezing “oh my god - you should see your face dude” wiping away her dumbass ellie tears. safe to say ellie keeps doing that over and over again till one day you decide to do it back to her, which makes her go like “woah… did you just” looking like a kicked puppy 😭
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itsnotmydejavu · 2 months
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Absolutely need a Ghost Mingi or Wooyoung smut, shit it can include both of them and have any sort of plot or none.
But if you needed some sort of plot I was thinking reader finally moves into a house and gains independence. During the night they discover they have an attic and that a ghost or ghosts (if you want to include two members) inhabit that space.
“Boo!...oh come on, that was funny. Well, I am a ghost, you know…oh shut up. Anyway, what are we doing?...Oh, you’re going to shower? Cool, cannot wait to grab-. What do you mean no? Baby…baby don’t ignore me.” 
Warning: you sorta fuck ghosts, ghosts are wooyoung and mingi, mentions of having sex with a werewolf once, the house is cheap bc of said ghosts,,,ghost roommates, this will have degradation and praise, you fuck yourself with a dildo, talk of watching of you shower and them getting off to it, ghost cum, and lastly discussions of having a cat 
Summary: finally getting a house (after working three jobs to get said any other house), you finally get this beautiful two story with an attic. And while exploring you stumble upon two ghostly dudes chilling there, only to find out they're your new roommates. Yay. 
WHICH MEANS THIS FIC IS 18+ MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI 
I AM ALSO NOT IN CHARGE WITH WHAT YOU CONSUME
to clarify, this isn’t at all suppose to represent any idols behavior in real time, this is purely fiction
Shipping: ghost wooyoung x female reader x ghost mingi 
An: enjoy you ghost fucker :) love you pookie!! Also, i truly think im funny…@animatedglittergraphics-n-more for line divider!!
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You huff as the final box was placed on the ground. Looking around the living room, you smile at the furniture. Sighing, you lay on the couch, rubbing your eyes harshly. You’re glad that the furniture was already here, but it’s dusty. Your eyes close, but then shoot open when you hear a door slam. Blinking rapidly, you slowly stand up and walk towards the noise. Your feet take you to the hallway, where the hall goes into the stairs. With squinted eyes, you stalk upstairs. 
You start searching for the noise. Your eyebrows furrowed together, searching for what the noise came from. Of course, it wouldn't be easy since it seemed to make that noise once, and not again. For once, you debated on leaving the house but you just got all your shit in this house and damn if you were going to your ex. With a final huff, you go back downstairs to unpack. 
          After a bit, you lean your head against the counter in disarray. Blinking back your sleepiness, you decide to make it upstairs to pick a bedroom to sleep in. You walk up the steps to stop on the final step. A little pull cord dangles in the middle of the hallway. You stare at it for a bit, before stepping up to it and pulling it down. 
         You cough as more dust hits your face, your hands quickly trying to move the dust away from your face. Looking up, you squint your eyes again and make your way up the attic stairs. Popping your head up, you search around. Nothing but old boxes. 
        Suspicion starts to rise as you step into the attic. Bending down a little so as to not hit the ceiling, you move around the attic. The boxes have illegible writing on them, significant to their age, and old clothes inside. You sneeze, cough, and wheeze respectfully at the dust before getting to the end of the attic, where a window sits. You sniff loudly and try to open it. A couple of minutes go by and you release, groaning at the heaviness of it. 
“Why the hell is it so heavy to lift?” 
“Well, it is an old window, I imagine it’s heavy.”
You grunt in return, before pausing. Who….was….that? Your hands turn shaky as you slowly turn around, there stood two men, one with blond strands within the black strands, with a roman nose, pink lips and a small waist, while his friend towers over him a bit, with broad shoulders, eyebrow piercing, and puff of pink hair.  
Blinking at the two men, they give a small smile back, “We can-.” “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!” You scream without any more hesitation and book it, running around them and getting to the attic ladder. Quickly getting down, you make it to the actual stairs and get down them only to stop a few feet from the door, the oreo haired man stands there with his hands up. 
“Please, stop running. I was going to explain why we were here-.”
“How the fuck did you get down here? Also, no why should I fucking stop running, you’re in my home.”
“Um, actually, sweetie,” he spits back, “Mingi and I live here too, and we bought this house together years ago, and if you must know, I got down here because I’m a ghost.”
The dude nods confidently before crossing his arms, smirking.
. . . 
“yOU TWO ARE WHAT?!” 
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“So, you two died in this house and now haunt it because you’re stuck.”
“Pretty much.” “Yep.” 
You pinch the space between your eyebrows, “How did you two die?” 
They stayed silent for a second before Mingi, who you found out was the pink haired man, spoke up, “I died choking on a dumpling.” 
 
Wooyoung bites his lip and tries to keep his shoulders from shaking. Which prompts a glare from Mingi. 
“Wooyoung, why is Mingi dying that way, funny to you?” 
“It’s not that, him dying that way is funny, it’s just the reason he choked was because the man he was on a date on, complimented him and he freaked. Thus him choking and kicking the bucket.” 
Your mouth opens in shock, “You…you died on a date?!” 
Mingi’s pale, practically translucent, cheeks turn pink as he nods. Silence rings in the air, until you snort a little, covering your mouth going, “That’s…that’s kinda funny.” “OI!” “Right?!” 
Mingi rolls his eyes at the two of you giggling, before going, “It’ll be funnier when you explain how you died, Wooyoung.” That immediately shut the other man up. Which causes Mingi to smirk and lean towards the oreo haired male, “Go on….tell her.” 
Wooyoung pursues his lips towards him and looks away from you. Mingi’s smirk turns into a wide grin as he goes back to the corner of the couch and, “He died getting choked during sex.” 
You tuck your lips in your mouth as you slowly start to turn on the loveseat towards Wooyoung, who is staring intently at the far wall that leads into the lower bathroom. 
“You…” 
“Listen, I didn’t tap out because I thought I was finishing.” 
“Oh yeah,” Mingi teases, “You were finishing alright.” 
“Oh, at least I die having sex, you loser.” 
“I’m the loser?” 
“Yes! If I hadn’t helped you get that date, you would’ve complained about being single.” 
“Oh, shut up you weirdly proportion twink.” 
“I am a twunk.” 
“The fuck you are.” 
You watch the two ghosts bicker back and forth, resting your elbow on the arm rest. Of course, at first you were put off by the two ghosts. The only real interaction you had with the supernatural was your ex bf, who was a werewolf. And he cheated on you, so you didn’t want to think about him right now. You just hope that these two ghosts were nicer to you then your ex. This could be fun. 
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Seasons pass as you bond closer to your ghostly roommates. By the time you blink, a year goes by. Around the time, you learned that Mingi had a niece that went to college, which saddens him that he can’t see her anymore, Wooyoung’s best friend, San, visits him and you two become quick friends, you guys talked about a cat, only for San to say that cats might push Wooyoung and Mingi out of the house. Then you told them about your ex, which made them go, “Damn…you got cheated on by a loser.” 
“Damn right I did.” 
You and the two ghosts bonded more and more, until finally you realize that you’re starting to truly like them. Which puts you in a complicated situation because if you fall for them, that would mean they would watch you age and then die…that worries you beyond all. You’re worried that they wouldn’t like you either, and it’s driving you crazy. You want to spew your feelings most days, but you’re also afraid to push them away. 
You’re not sure what to do. Which makes you sigh as the tv plays a random movie. That catches the attention of Mingi who sits on the other end of the couch, “What’s wrong?” 
You look at him before looking at the tv again, “I’m just tired.” 
“Oh, you can sleep, this movie is boring.” 
“It’s not because the movie is bad, it’s because I have a crush on you and Woo and I don’t know how to react.” 
. . . 
“You do?”
After that sentence, you shoot up from laying on the couch. You two stare at each other in shock, his eyes wide as yours are slowly turning into circles. He blinks. You blink. No words until, “We like you too, you know.” 
You look at him in shock, before going, “You’re serious?” “Yes. I am,” Mingi gives a smile. You smile back. You wanted to kiss him, but right now that is impossible, so you just send him a kiss. He pretends to send one back. Then a scandalized gasp is heard from behind you, which looking behind you, shows a pretend hurt Wooyoung. 
“I’m sorry? Are we confessing when I was looking away?” 
“Yes. But we love you too, Woo.”
“You better, or else I will ghost block you two.” 
“Ghost block more than usual?” 
Wooyoung sticks his tongue out and crosses his arms. It makes you giggle and send him a kiss. He winks and places his head next to yours on the back of the base. He stares at you, before going, “So…what do we do now?” 
“Not sure, I mean, it’ll be weird for us to cuddle or even hold hands, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out.” 
Both men pause, look at you then squint at you, “You’re not gonna-.” 
“No, I’m not going to end myself.” 
“Ok, good.” 
You roll your eyes, but you smile at them. You know they mean well, and you can live with that. 
. . . 
You pant as both Mingi and Wooyoung sit on their calves, moving their hands quickly on their cocks. You weren’t sure how the three of you got to your bedroom and then them telling you in detail that their cocks still work. Which prompted the both of them to help you strip (read: help as watch) and start slowly letting their ghostly hands softly run across your skin. You moaned and got put in the middle of the bed. After a little bit, you grab your dildo, setting it in the middle of the bed and slowly start lowering yourself on it. 
Moaning loudly, Mingi goes, “Fuck! This is better than watching you shower.” Wooyoung whines and buck his hips. Mingi whimpers and starts leaning against his left hand as he speeds his right hand faster, “Oh? I saw your thighs twitch, did the good girl think of all the times we watched her? Hm?” 
You panted then started rubbing your clit. Whimpering, you bite your lip at the two men cowering over you. 
“Yeah? Oh fuck, yeah baby girl, we like watching you shower. Your perfect tits on display for us to see, with your pussy just there, fucccckkk, if only we could touch you. We would fuck you up.” 
You're clenching down and then after one final bounce, you pause. Mouth wide open, you lean forward and accidentally touch something slimy. Panting quickly, you look at your hand to see a glowy white substance, before looking at Wooyoung to see him staring at the substance in shock. Oh…Oh…
You stare in Wooyoung’s eyes as you lick a little bit, your face cringing. Super salty. But it made Wooyoung shiver at you licking at his ghost cum. As you and Wooyoung stare at each other, you feel something cold touch your skin and you look over to see Mingi bent over his right hand as his cum made a trail towards your thighs. All three of you slowly start coming down before you go, “Damn…well, at least I know how the sex is gonna work.” 
You grinned as the two men groaned. But they also have smiles on their faces.
@hongjoongswifefr thanks for the beta read darling!!!
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pepper-mintzyy · 7 months
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PISSA REUNION VODWATCH (long post) [PART 3]
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Continuing on where we left off---WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK- WHAT IS THAT- MISSA--- MISSA MISSA MISSA--PAPA- PAPAAAA- WTF IS THAT--YALL SEEING WHAT IM SEEING RIGHT? YALL SEE IT RIGHT?? RIGHT????
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WHAT THE FUCK MISSAAAAA---! Starting off STRONG today---I'm now curious if there's been any other moment where he gave Phil petnames- HNCFKSHNFJKHNFVKS
Also would like to note that Phil just loves this wet cat so much- he just loves him so damn fucking much--he is just sitting, driving the boat to this date and just GIGGLING at anything that Missa says--HE IS IN LOVE CHAT--HE'S IN LOVE--CELLBIT WASN'T LYING- MOFO IN LOVE BUT JUST WON'T FUCKIGN ADMIT/ACCEPT IT YOU CROW BARTARD---
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WTF IS THE TRANSLATOR DOING--IS THIS TOWARDS PHIL OR CHAT- LIKE WTF IS THIS- MY BRAIN IS ALREADY ON FIRE- WHAT IS THIS MAN--
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Me looking and listening to Phil having a GREAT time just giggling and wheezing at Missa's silliness-NVKWHFNKSVS THEY MAKE SO FUCKING SOFFTTTTTTTT THE MAKE MY HEART SOFFFTTT WAAAHHHH!
As they go on with this date, it's a date it's a fucking date I don't make the rules, rushing through the winds [help me-] Phil immediately just has an apologetic tone saying "I wish I could give you more stuff but I don't have anything on me =[" He wants to spoil Missa so bad, HE WANTS TO SPOIL HIM SO FUCKING BADLY. HE WANTS TO SHOWER HIS WET CAT OF A DAMN HUSBAND IN GIFTS JUST AS MUCH AS MISSA WANTS TO GIVE THINGS TO PHIL--
I AM NOT OK.
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"You know I cr-I crafted some really good armor for you, and I left it on an armor stand for MONTHS" You can hear how Phil was really hoping Missa would get the armor--HE WANTED TO SPOIL MISSA SO MUCH CHAT--
AND MISSA JUST VERY SOFTLY GOES "gasp Really?" LIKE I CAN SEE THE HEARTS IN HIS EYES WHEN I HEAR THIS SHIT--HE IS SO IN LOVE- EVEN MORE SO THAN HE ALREADY IS-
Phil right now with this damn sad tone "And like--maybe like a week ago? I was like "His ass ain't coming back" let me just remove that--AND THEN YOU ACTUALLY COME BACK! HAHAHA-"
Ok but like--answer me this crow father, answer me this...
WHY WAS THERE EVER ANY DOUBT IN THE FIRST PLACE--PHIL PLEASE--PLEASE MAN-
I gotta say Missa's timing is pretty funny, like just as Phil was about to lose hope, Missa just logs on like "OOP! I'm here now, where is my husband I want to simp for him--" FUCK SAKE THESE GAY CUBITOS KILLING ME-
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Getting to the part where they are trying to get to the mission location and start talking about the eggs. And as Phil starts to mention about adopting Lullah into the family he goes
"We have another egg now by the way, we have another egg.
Now bear with me chat because I'm not about to let shit go-- he said;
We. WE. WE
Not "I" like single no no no, he said "WE". This Crow man has included Missa in EVERYTHING there is about the shit that he goes through. AND IN THIS MOMENT OF HIM EXPLAINING THAT THEY HAVE TAKEN IN ANOTHER EGG HE JUST SAYS "WE" I--
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Loving the lil crumbs of confessions Missa is dropping-- "Love is in the air" LIKE YOU FUCKING SIMP-- YOU DAMN DOWN BAD WET CAT SIMP--JUST FUCKING CONFESS AND BE DONE WITH IT OMFG--COMPLETE YOUR DAMN PROMISE AND GIVE PHIL THE KISS ON THE FOREHEAD THAT YOU FUCKING PROMISED I AM FUCKIGN BEGGING YOU HERE PAPA PLEASE-
And again with the "WE" on that sentence. Like you can just fucking HEAR the smile in his voice, which mind you he probably has--I have the vod downloaded but I haven't watched it yet BUT FUCK IT IM ON COPIUM LEAVE ME ALONE, anyway--gonna be sad now cause the second bit of the sentence is Missa being a wet cat and just not having confidence in himself about being a good dad and husband--oh chat--
IF ONLY HE KNOWS. If only he knows how much his family values and loves him. Regardless of his constant girlfailure and silliness. Oh Missa, you have no idea how much you are loved <3
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Pissa Reunion Vogblog >> PT. 1, PT. 2
Reblogs are very much appreciated! <3
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colbybrk · 9 months
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lost in the fire !
colby / fem reader — fluff ?
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a/n — i’ve never wrote anything on tumblr, so hopefully this turns out okay ! also i was literally listening to this song while making this, i love the weeknd sm you don’t understand
summary — you and colby are alone at home and find nothing better to do than do karaoke without knowing the song or lyrics
warnings — none? it just sucks ass cheeks
it’s an awfully boring saturday and i ended up spending most of it on the couch watching tiktok’s. everyone else was out doing something actually productive with their lives, except colby, he was home watching tiktok’s too.
i yawned and snuggled closer to colby as i continued scrolling through my fyp. the annoyingly loud sounds from our phones echoed throughout the dim room and tiktok was becoming more boring by the second. that was until i came across a video of two girls playing a game that honestly seemed quite fun.
“hey colby?” i said, trying to get his attention. “hm?” he responded, his eyes still being glued to his screen. i turned my phone off after closing out of tiktok, “do you maybe wanna play karaoke but we aren’t allowed to know the song or lyrics? i dunno, i saw it on tiktok and it seemed fun, plus we have nothing better to do anyways” i asked, looking up at him with his face only being illuminated by the light from his phone.
his attention was brought to me as he raised his brows intriguingly and smiled, “that sounds fun” he shrugged his shoulders before continuing, “why not” a smile spread across my face and i grabbed the tv remote as he turned his phone off. “do you want to go first or should i?” i questioned while i turned on the tv and switched it over to youtube. colby thought for a moment, “hm, i can go first”
me and colby took turns and i picked a really dumb song, i could barely stop myself from laughing and i could tell colby was feeling the same way from my expression. “stop laughing!” he said while chuckling. “i—im sorry!” i covered my mouth as tears started to come out of my eyes from laughing so hard, i probably wheezed like five times, i wouldn’t doubt it for a second if you told me you could hear me from a whole other block.
we’ve probably been doing this for about a half hour and it’s honestly really funny, we’ve been playing stupid songs and songs that we don’t even know the lyrics to. laughter filled the room from my very off timing lyrics of the last song, “okay, okay next song!” i said while trying to contain myself. after a moment or two i began to hear the beginning of the next song and let out an audible gasp, already knowing the song. “oh my god, i love this song so much” the lyrics started and i started singing it as well, not messing up once.
“i wanna fuck you slow with the lights on” i began, making direct eye contact with colby as a smile grew on my face.
“you’re the only one i got my sights on”
“type of sex you could never put a price on”
as the song came to an end i dramatically clapped for myself. “i’m too good” i chuckled and stepped in front of him, looking down to meet his gaze. he didn’t say anything for a moment, only chuckled as i did. “dayuum, that’s the kind of music you listen to?” he finally spoke, putting his hand on my hip. i continued to look down at him as i laughed, “hell yeah, it’s awesome!” colby just jokingly rolled his eyes and laughed as well. he smirked slightly and started to speak again, “it’s also kinda hot” he said playfully and placed his other hand on me, pulling me in so i’m sitting on his lap. i gasped from the sudden action and smirked, keeping eye contact. colby kept his hands on my hips as he closed the space between us, kissing me passionately.
IM SORRY THE ENDING SUCKS BRO, if you want me to do a smutty ending (cuz i was thinking about it but every time i try i start questioning my life choices) but i will do a pt 2 if you want me to. ALSO please request ideas cuz i literally have no ideas, half the reason this sucks is cuz i didn’t know wtf to write about lmfao
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ask: could you write a story with quackity about the reader looking at the constellation and rambling about it and alex just admiring her and then she says that he has a little constellation pattern with his moles?
this is such a cute idea! so I’m new to this app and when I got this ask I accidentally deleted it😭
Warnings: cursing, fluff, no use of y/n, female pronouns.
our star crossed sky ⭐️
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alexs pov:
I was in a late night roblox stream with my close friend charlie.
“..what the actual fuck are you wearing?”
I question trying not to laugh at his Nicki Minaj outfit.
“quackity. this is my true FORM.”
I snicker at him covering my face, when I hear a notification go off on my phone and pick it up. I barely pick up the phone to see the contact name “rat<3”
the slightly rude contact name is actually my best friend.I’m a little confused on why she’s up so late, knowing she has college tomorrow. I check the message,
” hey you wanna go to the park? I’ve been studying and I am bored.”
I feel a smile form onto my lips. not the type that I get when charlie makes a joke, the type where I have to remind myself to breathe and the smile starts to hurt. almost immediately get my sneakers, as im still on call with charlie.
“hey man uhm I gotta go do something, uh yeah. sorry bye charlie’s chat!”
before he can respond I get off call, and start walking to the park.
when I arrive the only thing I can see is the back of her as she’s on the swing, and the light of brightness on her phone. I slowly walk towards her and whisper next to her ear,
”boo.”
she jumps up frightened, which the expression on her face makes me wheeze. she rolls her eyes and slaps me lightly on my chest.
“yeah real funny asshole.”
I make myself stop laughing, while I still have a stupid grin on my face. I put my hands up acting as if I just got caught,
”my bad my bad.”
her annoyed look quickly changes into a smile as she grabs my hand pulls me with her.
“W-where are we going?!”
I exclaimed laughing. she drags me to the empty part of the park where it’s a grass field, very muddy considering how hard it rained the night before. her cross body bag was holding a towel, she holds it in her hand looking at me.
“wanna sit?”
she suggested seemingly quite antsy. It was the kind of look even if I wanted to say no I couldn’t have. I close my eyes nodding, after she gets my approval I see her setting out the towel and laying down on it. I stand there for a moment looking at her smiling, she takes my hand gently making me sit next to her.
we get comfortable being shoulder to shoulder, she sighs softly while in the corner of my eye, I see her tiny smile.
“What’s up?”
she sighs and looks at me for a second then looks up to the rows of stars.
“Do you see that little pattern in the sky?”
she asks as she turns her head to me, still looking at the sky. I noticed how pretty she looked, with the light of the night sky barely dimming up her voice. I was so distracted I almost forgot to respond, I nod looking at her. she finally notices me looking at her, and laughs slightly as she tilts my face up to the sky.
she lets go of my face, and points to an area of the stars.
“you see that right there? that is cygnus, and in latinized greek it’s known as swan. also you know how usually in greek mythology there’s usually one persona ?”
I smirk at her slightly and whisper,
“I think so.”
while looking at her talking “well cygnus is different, it has multiple. well like zeus morphed into a swan to seduce a goddess named lea, or one says Orpheus got murdered and was placed next to the swan.. there’s many more but I can’t remember”
she laughed softly looking down. the way she was talking about something she was passionate about made me just smile. she didn’t talk too much, let alone ramble.
she tilted her head slightly, I felt her hand go onto the lower side of my cheek,and her fingers under my jaw. I quietly laugh more than less awkwardly,
”you okay?”
she smiles a little, tilting her head leaning in. my eyes widened, not knowing what she was intending, before she speaks so sweetly.
“your face has orion’s belt..”
I look away to the side trying to cover up the huge grin she’s given me. She turns my head again,
“stoppp”
i murmured blushing, as she laughed. I look at her the huge smile on my face, as turned into a look of love.
we sat together as i was careful of my movements, not trying to be uncomfortable or weird. this would’ve been a perfect time to kiss, but she held my hand instead.. and that was definitely enough for me
thank you guys sm for reading! I hope that your day was good, and feel absolutely free to request an idea it helps a lot! 💌💌
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sadlyiamgay · 3 months
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Yandere Genshin Men Brainrot
Im going fucking insane. Anyways have any of you guys played silly or furry wisher? It's like a cute and funny genshin ripoff, a little boring at times but I enjoy clicking away in slime valley. While playing though an idea popped into my brain, "what if the real genshin characters (that's hopelessly inlove with you) finds out the reason why you haven't played genshin in a while? Only to realize that you're playing a genshin meme game" And then these men go and hack the shit out of the game because monika vibes I love. Uh might update from time to time, thie will only include Zhongli and Neuvillette (they're literally the only well built 5 stars I have. How the fuck do we build genshin characters I'm so confused)
By the way check out the games (Silly Wisher, Furry Wisher). It's fun and amusing
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--ZHONGLI: His reaction to the realization of you playing an.. Odd ripoff(?) Game was one of pure amusement, the Geo archon couldn't blame you either, I mean, your poor little head couldn't handle the amount of unfinished and WAY too hard quests, he thought you were taking a break, but after a while (when you eventually and finally returned) he finds out pretty quickly from your small mumbles and comments that he oh so always adores, and out of pure curiosity decided to break out of the game codings and go through your apps, seeing two new odd games on your phone, Silly wisher and.. Furry.. Wisher..? Of course he broke in the new favorite games you had in your device, and cooing at the fact that you *still* main and favor him even in these joke games. He also quickly realized that he could easily possess the John Lee (he was a little offended by the name, but quickly laughed along when he heard you wheeze everytime you played the game) as well as Meatball. Quickly making both the characters extremely and suspiciously.. **Overpowered.**
"... Wait. Since when did Johnny do 100k damage??? Is this what happens if you level them up to level 15??? "
- YOU, mumble, absolutely amused and still giggling after listening to Dr. Snek's voiceline. Zhongli smiles, happy that you were enjoying your gameplay, he felt grateful, even though he was a little upset that you decided to play some ripoff game instead of properly spending time with him, Zhongli was happy that he didn't have to hide his lovestruck and flustered face, in the real game he always tried his best to mess with the camera so that it would never face him, he used to be able to hide his true emotions, but overtime it got harder. Extremely, harder (haha that's what she said). So it was a breath of fresh air on seeing you without you yourself seeing him, letting himself indulge in fantasies that he could never think of whenever you were around. Especially with the other game too. He could stare at you all the time, and you'd brush it off. Each time Meatball came around and jumped into the screen you'd coo, making him fall harder (down the stairs of) inlove with you. Each time you needed a copy of him for the whole "gene splicer" He'd come home willingly. Hell, there was a pull you did once that consisted of him and only him. He of course didn't question the fact that the dog version (that sounds so wrong) of him has alot kids. But he brushes it off. Replacing the thought of his genetics being merged is weird, into a fantasy where all those merged, genetically made kids were yours and his.
Congratulations, you gave this old man wattpad fantasies. Fucking hell, he wants to pull you into the game to do that. Though, that thought can and should wait. For now, he wants to watch and stare at you longer. *Just* a little longer.
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--NEUVILETTE, the hydro dragon was always a man with (questionable) morals. But even he, the mascot of Justice has his limits. He was upset at the fact that you weren't as active as before, sure he sympathized with your overwhelmed situation (especially since it was he who activated half the quests), but that mean you can literally just leave like that. It wasn't his fault that his curiosity about the game you kept mumbling about made him break out of the game he's bounded in. What was his reaction to Hydropump Judge and Judgy Cat? Well, he laughed. Not because he was upset, but because he was *still* favored. He was still your main. Even if there was no differences in attacks when it came to grinding in slime valley. So he rewards you with extremely overpowered and multiple copies of him, it also doesn't help the fact that he could literally also just stare at you for hours and hours. And you still brush it off. You weren't weirded out. You weren't reporting to the game developers. Unlike when you felt uncomfortable when he forced the camera to not be able to move and freezing the option to switch through the characters. Just you and him. Eye to eye.
"Man I wished you had a voiceline, Neuvi. I mean, your banner description in this game is absolutely hilarious, but I genuinely want another funny audio. Aside fron Dr. Snek"
-YOU mumble as you kept spamming the attack button, watching your highscore be passed, you questioned why the character was able to hit high numbers, but you didn't question it, you never did. Brushing it off and thinking that it must be because he had the highest level out of everyone. Neuvillette smiles. Happy, satisfied and lovestruck at how calm and adorable you were. He loved your expressions, all of it. But he *adored* your relaxed state. Since it was rare to see you like this. He wished the Fontaine update and his banner came earlier when you joined the game.
...Maybe he should lower the world level himself? He wants to see you in this state more often. He wants to see you happy and carefree, proud that you finally finished your quests. He thought of this as he kept staring at you through Judgy cat. You had fallen asleep, not minding the fact that he was on screen a while ago. You didn't question it, since it was part of the games anyways. Seeing you in such a state makes him want to break out of your damn electronic and drag you with him. But that can wait, for now he should think of a way to make you play genshin more often.
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guys listen to me. tmosth sequel where everyone is forbidden from killing sonic since he died last time, and sonic is trying SO damn hard not to laugh because he's the murderer this time.
imagine how fucking funny that would be. sonic is on edge because he died last time and it almost killed everyone and then he finds out he isn't allowed to die but he can make someone else die.
sonic, upon reading his lore card: oh sick, i cant die this time
amy: okay!! rule number one, the murderer can't use blowdarts or any actual weapons. please just tag them or something jesus shit.
sonic: alright, makes sense.
amy: rule number two, you can't kill sonic.
sonic:
amy: he died last time and it wouldn't be fair. kill me, kill espio, kill tails. i don't care. just make it fair that sonic doesn't get a second turn to be dead. sonic why are you laughing.
sonic, violently wheezing because he already can't die: IM SORRY I THOUGHT ABOUT SOMETHING FUNNY TAILS SAID LAST WEEK
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stitchthesewords · 10 months
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hello
Or grian coming back from dl and he needs not only a cane but hes suffering from a bad-but-temporary case of tinnitus and cant get out of bed and no one sees him for a few days until scar comes over to talk bc holy shit dl and finds Grian in need of help
EXPAND UPON THIS. I AM INTRIGUED. if u want no pressure <3
-catmaidetho
WHEEZING WHATS SO FUNNY IS THAT I HAVE BEEN. STARING AT A WORD DOC ALL DAY TRYING TO <- Girl who is so dead from her job
To start w what the delightful @hitheeprithee said to me earlier that made me. Absolutely fucking insane. But Scar gifting one of his canes to Grian in the post-DL return to HC because he's having trouble with both just walking bc of the aches in his body and the dizzyness caused by the disorientation of being shouted apart. And grian tries, really, to be appreciative, but scar's cane doesnt sit at the right height and he's awkward with it so he just stays in bed and then a few days later Scar sheepishly shows up with a custom made cane for Grian that's the right height and has feathers carved into it and just. hhhh.
But its like. Grian having to learn to rely on others. And I mean this in like the. I am physically disabled and im still learinng. You are always learning how to do this. Every day is a new day for failures and learning in this task. And its grian who doesnt want to get out of bed, who's never felt his body be in such constant misery, not even after third life or last life. He went out - bad. I don't have the brain power to elaborate rn maybe I'll reblog this tomorrow but tldr: I headcanon that the deaths in the life series and way different to deaths on hermitcraft. They're permanently debilitating in some way, but the players keep coming back because they learn to cope, they hold tight to the love for each other that radiates through every time they go through it - anyway. This warden death hurts - and Scar is feeling it too, but not as bad, not as Severely, and furthermore he has coping skills in place already for chronic pains and aches and fatigue. Grian doesn't.
It's Scar showing up and adjusting Grian's pillows to help him sit up, nursing him to health with some food and water, an ice pack, a heating pad, some potions from Cub to help with the pains, to help manage. Its Scar teaching Grian to use a cane, to trust his weight to this inanimate object, to learn to use it as an extension of himself. Helping him learn the walking pattern. It's Scar opening up the bedroom window or whatever the fuck the equivalent is in Grian's base to help get some white noise and teaching Grian to focus on it to make the worst of the ringing go away, to massage the muscles in his head to help with the headaches and migraines.
Scar teaching Grian how to pull his weight up with other people, how to get up from the floor with his back hurts so much he can barely move, to shuffle around the room a little bit just to get the blood flowing in his legs.
And then its like. It's Grian leaning his head against Scar's chest and crying from frustration because his body wont cooperate and he's never had to deal with it before and he doesn't know how. And grian apologizing because he's just complaining about things scar lives with always. And Scar soothing Grian's worries and anxieties becaue he knows why grian's frustrated and its not guaranteed to help but by god he'll try, he'll try so hard to give grian the world back if he can.
god I wish i could elaborate more but. I am sleepy.
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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year
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PLS YOU’RE SO FUNNY your pspspsps is too strong I’m back with more asks hello how are you I’m loving your takes on sagau! I thought of a contribution by the power of the pspsps imagine like the languages in teyvat are based on the nations’ real life counterparts (like Japanese for Inazuma) but like only loosely. So creator knows like exactly 3 words in Japanese and think they’re gonna take that and somehow make it work but they get there and understand NOTHING. They finally understand like one word but turns out it means something completely different in this version of “Japanese” so they think someone told them hi and they said hi back but they’re just going around saying “fuck” and no one wants to tell them
ANOTHER ONE YUHSSS LURING BACK IN FOR MORE im doing well tysm for asking ya flatterer!!
aw u think im funny??!! 🥰 well geez here i thought i was just going feral over sagau/isekai genshin stuff and it was like a dam burst and all yall were just coming down with me funny or not 🤷‍♂️
(Hey askers look ive got cookies 🍪🍪🍪 :) if u ask smth ill give u one!!)
Nice to know the humor translates, but holy fuck this ask is like 10x funnier than anything ive written so far or come up with LMAO PLEASE NO ONE WANTS TO TELL YOU-
____________
This is exactly what Portugese vs. Spanish is like i stg
Im not fluent yet but i know a decent amount of spanish at this point, but when i was first learning it i ran into some Portuguese and couldnt really read it and was like?? Oh ok maybe this is too many vocab words i dont get yet, and showed it to another person who spoke some Spanish and they were like ".. Uh, wtf is that?? What is that???🧐😟 Thats not even Spanish, but why is it almost???" And they just kept trying to read it so hard bc they thought it was so close it should work 😭
Anyway the point is i feel like that is just you in this scenario over and over again lol
Its like teaching a little kid language and they happen to pick up the cusswords the best,
Omfg ur around Beidou about to head to Inazuma (bc i like to think u traveling with Aether/Lumine and they r sweet enough not to abandon ur weird ass)
And Beidou just keeps cussing in Liyue's-almost-Mandarian-Chinese-but-not, and ur like trying to pick smth up bc it sucks none of ur little bits and pieces of lang. from ur world have worked so far, and she keeps saying this one word over and over again, to this angry looking Liyue guy, oh hey wait a minute, that's the Mandarin word for "hello"!! Maybe she's using it sarcastically?? She smiled afterward, oh Kazuha's laughing!! Maybe it means smth different? But they still look positive abt it so eh, cant hurt, and you sort of know how to say it!!
"你好 !! (nǐhǎo)", you do a little wave too :)
(I just used straight mandarin for this pls tell me if not right-)
Hey you did it! Sort of, you didn't really do the tones right, and you look over to see if they got it, and oop-
Everybody froze and looked at you, before Beidou starts screaming laughing, Kazhua's wheezing so hard he's leaning on a barrel nearby, the traveler is trying to keep it together, but u can see Beidou's ridiculous laugh is contagious and is spreading rapidly to crew members and to the traveler,,
The angry Liyuean man no longer looks angry, oh, he's leaving, welp, you can tell u did smth funny, but u havent a clue what u actually said
Every now and then Beidou will come up to you and try to teach u more Liyuean words, but anytime the traveler sees it they shoo her off, she has a shit-eating grin on her face, while the traveler looks unamused or is at least trying to hide their amusement
(There r so many characters that will take advantage of this and only try to teach you cuss words, at least at first, CHILDE, kaveh, VENTI, Itto, BEIDOU, Xinqiu the little prankster, ppl i can think of quickly god i gotta look at a character list)
Beidou BEAMS anytime u say "nîhâo" now, and gives u a thumbs up everytime 👍
You learn much later that you probably should just give up trying to say any of your world's lang. That sound equivalent to each genshin country's lang. bc apparently the few words you know from them are either random shit like "egg, bowl, etc." Or straight up explicit "fuck, shit, piss etc."
__________
I didnt have too much to add bc that is a GREAT AND HILARIOUS idea all on its own (esp if u did it in front of more serious characters or situation)
So pls forgive if lackluster writing happened!!
THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!! COME AGAIN!! AND YOU'LL GET A FREE COOKIE!! :]
✨️🍪✨️
Cheers,
🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘
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tigerdrop · 5 months
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so im kiiiinda redoing half of my fic. to account for the, uh. "canonically being able to put gordon into the computer" thing.
on the one hand i think its a way better deal b/c i will look 10% less insane writing about benrey literally putting him into the sims and playing with him like a doll . but on the other hand i have a bunch of words about gordon fingering himself that i cant use anymore
so. here they are, for u. "Enjoy"
———
Gordon blinks at the screen.
Benry Benry wants to have Oraljob sex with Gordon Freeman. Do you wish to proceed?
The laugh that erupts from him is high-pitched and violent, leaving him gasping for air. Benrey cackles in his ear. “I— I— Oh my God,” Gordon wheezes, doubling over. “You want to have what with me?! We can’t— We can’t show that on a Christian channel! We’re going to get so banned—“
“do you want to—“ Benrey can’t finish the sentence, gripped in the most intense laughter Gordon’s ever heard from him. “do you want to have oraljob?”
Gordon clutches his desk, weeping and howling.
When he calms down from his sudden fit of hysterics, he clicks “No”, to a chorus of disappointment from the chat. “I know, I know,” he says, sympathetic, “but seriously, Papa’s gotta pay the bills. Gotta keep it clean. PG-13, that’s my motto.”
“then why’s your dick out,” Benrey wheezes.
“Very funny—“
He stops in his tracks when he sees that his dick is, in fact, out. His Sims dick, that is. Gordon slams his ‘commercial break’ button so hard that he misses a few keys and takes a screenshot.
“Whoa! Put that thing away, man!”
“nice,” Benrey says appreciatively.
“Bear with me, folks,” Gordon begs. “We’re having some, uh, technical difficulties.” Why did his dick pop out? He said no! (In fairness, his Sim is decidedly not having oraljob sex. He’s eating a sandwich. With his penis out.) He hurriedly clicks through menus upon menus, trying to find a way to put his clothes back on, but none of the options do what he wants. “Why can’t I put away my stupid dick?!”
“hey, look. you just went up a level in nudism,” Benrey snorts.
Gordon buries his head in his hands, but can’t stop himself from an anguished laugh. “Okay! Give me fifteen, everybody. Go smoke a cigarette— or, or vape, I know the kids are big on the Juul these days, I don’t care, I’m not your dad.”
With that, he ends the stream.
“What kind of fucking mods did you download on my computer?” he asks, exasperated. “I feel like I need to give it a bath.”
“normal ones.”
“Uh-huh. You know my dick’s not even rendering correctly, right?”
“huh?” Benrey zooms in on it. “huh. it’s, uh. checkered.”
[some sort of connecting thought]
“I don’t even look like that, anyway,” Gordon mutters, brushing him off.
Benrey peers down at him. The webcam light turns on, drawing Gordon’s eye. “huh. i dunno. i can see the, uh… the resemblance.” He enunciates the last word carefully.
“Did you just turn on my webcam? Are we streaming right now?” Gordon sits upright, hastily checking on his streaming software. Still offline. Not that it would have mattered - he’s panned away to look at a stray dog in his yard - but it’s the principle of the thing.
“yeah, uh. no,” mumbles Benrey.
Gordon closes down OBS and Firefox entirely. Just to be safe. “A little fucking warning next time? How did you even do that?”
“administrator privileges.”
There’s a pause. Then Gordon sinks back down into his chair, defeated. “I shouldn’t have given you those. I should have smashed you up into little pieces when I had the chance. After you bought fucking Burnout Paradise on my dime—“
“you should show me what you look like,” blurts out Benrey, voice low and blunt.
“I— What?”
“i can make it look better. more like you.”
Gordon stares at the screen. Benrey avoids his gaze. He boggles a little, so far beyond comprehending this that he’s skipped past ‘denial’ and ‘anger’ all the way into ‘acceptance’. “Are you— Are you hitting on me?”
“for the immersion,” Benrey says stiffly.
———
Gordon throws his head back in frustration. “They’re just not— fucking— they’re not big enough! They’re short and stubby and I can’t— get them— where I want!” His wrist bends, desperately seeking something that he can’t describe. The tendons sing in pain. He hisses, then relaxes it, letting his hand fall limp.
Benrey stares down at him, mouth parted.
“This was stupid,” groans Gordon. “Now my hand’s all sticky and I don’t wanna wipe it on anything—“
“try again,” Benrey interrupts him, blunt and hoarse. “please?”
Gordon peers blearily at him from over the top of his glasses. “Huh?”
“i wanna.” That massive jaw gyres, struggling to work itself around a thought. “i could do it better. make it good.”
Heat rockets through Gordon’s belly, spiraling up his spine and leaving his hairs standing on end. His dick twitches without his conscious effort. Benrey’s eyes immediately dart to it. Emboldened, Gordon draws his fingertips around his hole, threatening to slip back in. “Yeah, bud? You sure? I don’t think you’ve ever done this before.”
“how would you know,” Benrey puffs.
“Uh, well, you’re in my fucking computer, for one thing.” He slips two fingers in with little resistance, just up to the second knuckle. For show. Nobody say he never did anything for Benrey. “But you know what? Maybe this’ll be funny.”
Benrey’s face hardens. “it’s not funny,” he says, pouting in high-definition. “i would never joke about pussy shit.”
“Point one: That is one hundred percent not true,” Gordon points out. “Point two—“ He curls them and groans, a soft noise. “I wanna hear it. Straight from the horse’s mouth.”
“what does this got to do with horses,” says Benrey, bewildered.
Gordon shifts in his seat, stretching a leg high into the air and gripping the back of his thigh to hold it firmly in place. His fingers move in a slow, back-and-forth motion, just enough that they visibly slide in and out, shiny and wet. Benrey makes a strangled noise in his throat.
“You think you could make it good for me? Tell me. Show me what I’m missin’ out on.”
Benrey’s fingers twitch around his avatar, scaled up to giant-like proportions, far too big for the task at hand but itching to put it into practice. “fuckin’,” he starts, low and rumbling and struggling to articulate himself, “stretch you open… mine’re bigger. lookie.” With his other hand, he waggles his fingers in front of Gordon.
“Well, duh,” Gordon says.
Above him, Benrey’s gaze shifts to his own hand, gears churning behind his eyes. “they’re still bigger,” he insists.
To prove his point, he snaps them - in a stomach-churning instant, Gordon’s camera snaps back to an isometric viewpoint, looking in on their dollhouse. On them. On Benrey’s Sim, pale and shirtless, beads of sweat tastefully textured on his skin, leaning over his own on the cheapest double bed Simoleons could buy. There’s a hand pressed against the mattress, and another at his waist. Pawing at him. And, unlike Gordon’s own hands, they’re proportioned well for a guy his size: closer to dinner plates than the slim, short ones he’s furiously trying to bend into the right shape in real life.
He shivers in his seat.
“Point taken,” he says. His voice cracks partway through.
As if on cue, their Sims start moving again, gracelessly sliding and snapping into a new position. Gordon’s stripped naked, letting Benrey between his legs, and one large hand buries itself in that hairy, thorny knot of polygons and glossy pink textures while the other holds him wide open. The fidelity’s good enough that Gordon can see exactly how the fingers curl: two outside, keeping them back, and two inside, making his Sim’s hips gyrate.
“lookatchu,” Benrey rumbles in his ear. “takin’ it like a champ…”
Gordon sucks in a sudden breath. He curls his own fingers in time with the animation, speeding up to match.
“bet you could take more.”
He whines and visibly clenches around his fingers. “Jesus, man!”
“yeah? yeah? c’mon,” taunts Benrey, shy of breath. “show me. put another one in.”
Gordon weakly mumbles some expletives as he leans his head into the crook of his headphones. Presses himself closer to that voice. “Who taught you how to fucking— talk like that,” he groans, pushing in a third finger.
The fans inside his tower spin faster. Louder. “fuuuck, dude,” he hears, a low, pained utterance.
“I’d let you,” Gordon says dizzily, “God, I must have lost my fucking mind, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” his fingers make slick, filthy, squelching noises inside of himself, “let you put your hand in me—“
“i wanna,” Benrey cuts him off, too fast. Eager. “wanna fuckin’— wear you like a puppet—“
Gordon makes a sharp noise that surprises even himself. The he half-laughs, half-pleads, “Don’t say shit like that! That’s not— That’s not hot!”
“you moaned. i heard it, buddy.”
He ignores this. Benrey takes the opportunity to lean in, getting a closer view of Gordon’s webcam. And the slick folds Gordon’s spreading open for him.
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jams-sims · 1 year
Text
It so fucking funny to get back into SNS after like not giving a fuck about Naruto for a decade. It like my guilty pleasure, my OG ship and the first manga serise that really dropped the ball. But I noticed something so fucking funny I had to stop lurking.
I thought we had all come to the mutual agreement that kishimoto could not 1 write female character and 2 could not write romance and 3 that the canon ships are ass. Just flat across the borad simply because the amount of disrespect Sakura got and Hinata got. (I was there when the hinata movie came out NO ONE was happy not even the JP fan.) I believed that the fandom could all live in harmony but sure as fuck is not the case and im wheezing-
BUT NO LMAO! I find sasusaku shippers out here still fucking fighting. An they all have their Sakura pfp of when she was cool that one time. Just being out of pocket, like they wanna reject the sns ship so bad they turn around and become homophobic-
BUT THATS NOT ALL- NOT ONCE NOT ONCE
Have I EVER seen a Naruhina shipper act out of pocket like I see Sasusaku do. (Now im sure they have but not to the extent i see sakura fans) Which made me realize why Hinata is treated better in the fanfic!
I can't fucking believe the narusasu and naruhina solidarity fucking still stands to this day- im gonna vomit from how fucking funny it is.
Like brooo- there are fic where Naruto is legit like-
"I love my wife but I also love sasuke. Im just gonna be honest and tell my wife." Is honest with wife, Hinata is understanding still hurt but at least hes honest. They work through their issues and sasuke is very much still naruto love interest and partner.
On sasuke end- "i'm just not gonna tell her."
That so fucking funny the fanfic activity reflect the state of fandom. It turned full circle to some how hinata gets to husbands and naruto gets a wife and husband. An im just losing my mind cause the rabbit hole is so fucking deep on this.
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bigmack2go · 1 month
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Since i made tjis tag i thought i might as well add onto it already so uh yeah… again: feel free to use this to explain the internet to ur parents
Emoji guide!!
💀: is like a way to laugh. Specially like a „bruh“ or „no she/he/they/you did not“, „i cant believe he/she/they/you did this“ or „there is no way they/you/she/he did this!“. Do not use this if someone died please!
😭: also a laugh. Dont ask. People use it differently but many people use it specifically when they are jokingly complaining or whining about something. Also when something is unbelievable and/or like a wheezing „what?!“ or „seriously?!“
🥺: we usually mock ppl w this saying they’re pick me (fishing for compliments)
🤠: i hate my life right now
😃😀: those are like a frozen smile and show that u highly dislike smt
🙂: im about to strangle someone and beat the shit out of them. When you need to take a deeo breath to keep cool
🙃: either mocking pedoph!les lt trying to creep someone out or saying that someone is creepy
😆: hAHa YoUrE So FuNnY (hint: youre not funny)
😁: ironically saying „look what I’ve accomplished“
🥹: is the version of „🥺“ that we actually use
🥲: can be „beautiful“ *wipes tear from eye* or like the office glance at the camera.
😇: i do not in fact have very good intentions
☺️: im gonna kill u. Kind of a „you did what now?!“ when u try to keep calm
😊: im so not okay right now and i hate my life or being proud in a bragging way
😉: make fun of pedoph!les
😌: uh-huh thats right. Im great (and u suck). OR „good girl“ yk?? Or being proud
😗: also a frozen smile kinda thing
😋: hehe mischievous
😝: mocking old ppl
🤪: ironic way of mocking pick me girls (aka girls that are fishing for compliments)
🤨: „thats what she said…“
🧐: „do you realise what youre saying??“
🤓: making a mocking voice
😎: mikedrop
🥸: are you aware that u sound like an idiot rn
🤩: IM GONNA BE A DOCTOR OR LAWYER OR SMT (i didn’t fail my maths exam for once)
😣😖: u gonna cry?/ go cry about it
😫: our generation is weird and has to make everything moaning. Sry but this is moaning.
😩: „OH COME ON!“
🤯: are you telling me you didn’t know this yet?
🥵: moking hot situations or saying „that was close“
🥶: „YOU GOT ROASTED“
😶‍🌫️: wasn me
😱: are you telling me u didn’t know this?
🤗: im so happy for u (i hate you and i don’t think u deserve shit and it’s not fair that i have smt i want. Fuck u)
🤭: you think im frightened of u?
🤔: ironic way to say „i wonder why“
🤫: i did smt haha
🤥: i did smt not-so-haha
🫠: „that was so embarrassing“ discompfot or blush or a way of showing a crush. Some people use it as that thing where j get rly angry and try to cover it up and then your eye starts twitching
🤥: haha wasn me (it totally was me and we all know it)
🫥: no ones laughing
😐😑: i cant w u
🫨: more ironic version of „🥶“
🤤: i want that
🙄😴: waiting
😮‍💨: why r u such an idiot? And why did god choose me to handle it?
😵- oh— (swallowing a laugh)
🥴: w h a t
🤢: exxeragating way to make fun of ppl
🤑: gimme gimme
🤡: u/i sound like an idiot. Also way to mock creeps
👹👺: when u make your voice all bellowish and/or come of creepy and weord
👽: he/she/they sounds like an idiot. Are they dumb? Or „girl—?“
👾: stop talking. Ur annoying and also no ones buying ur shit
✌️: often used ironically
🤌🏼: *cheffkiss*
🫰🏼🤏🏻: teeny weeny
🫴🏻: y tho
☝🏼: mhm (pretending to be an authority figure, usually in a lightly mocking way)
🖐️: oft used in combo w „😭“ to say „can i live??“
👁️👄👁️: heh
✍️: noted OR im writing u in my death note
🦶: stfu or what ur saying makes no sense
🫦: mockingly sexual
👣: ur onto smt
👀: „woOHP“ *swallows a laugh*, he said what?, offensive sideeye, looking forward to smt OR i may or me not be plning smt (im absolutely planning smt) aka what i says has double meaning
🗣️: no one wants to hear your bullshit
👼: opposite as 😇
💆: this isnt a massage. This is me desperatly holding my demples and taking deep breaths so i dont kill anyone
💅: fab. Its also kind of slang/ hidden way to say „gay“ and do the handflick thingy. At least it used to be idk
🧑‍🦯: ur not making any sense
🧍‍♀️: someone spunds like an idiot or idk what to do w myself/ this sotuation
🕴️: you are about to break into dancing
🕺💃: vibing w music
🎩/🎓: used to be like „ha look how smart i am because of tjis one thing i got right“ in a nonserious way but no one rly uses it anymore
💍: marry me (obv) but like in an easy way. You had a good idea and im flashed by it so im exerragating your genious so much i want to marry u. Thats just an example obv
👑: u dropped this
🦄: delulu
✨: to make a word fancy like precenting a banner u put one of these at the beginning and end of the word/phrase/sentence. This can br sarcastic or serious. In quarantine many people used this as general quote unquote marks
🌚🌝: hehe
🔥: pften used by bro-pal-guy-jocks to push a post by comenting
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fnaffersblog · 9 months
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Alright take two.
Spoilers for the sun and moon show episode
the sun and moon episode RUIN Sun TRAPPED Moon in VRCHAT LOLOLOLOL See link above
It's late and EVERYTHING is funny
(Trigger Warning Below Cut for: discussions of violence [Bloodmoon, Jigsaw], discussions of mental health [Sun], swearing, [because I'm incorrigible])
I'll be honest I do NOT like the name Jigsaw. I just simply do not like it. It's just not clicking with me for some reason. It sounds like the name is still up in the air in the show as well, but I hope I settled with it real quick if it does become the canon name for this dude.
I couldn't tell you WHY. It's just not sitting with me yet, which is bothering me because it's such a silly reason to dislike the appearance of a character. Especially since I REALLY like this guy.
yeah ya'll are right. Moon's concern for Sun's wellbeing is endearing
More of a gripe with Security Breach, but they missed an opportunity to call the game Glampire. I mean, come on. It's right there!
I try very hard not to be someone who nips about stuff on the show but the 'watch to the end to see...' is... really annoying. I've had to click off a couple videos because I was just... I dunno, they struck me the wrong way? Like, I'm already watching the episode? I want to watch the episode? I don't want to watch the episode when that thing pops up, makes me feel like I'm being told my attention span is not long enough or something. It feels kinda... insulting? But it feels dumb to call it that. It's just something I'm perturbed by. :/ I feel like I saw someone else mention this somewhere, maybe here or in the comments of a vid. So I hope it's not just a me thing.
I wonder why they started doing that? Maybe people were only watching so far into the videos? I'd be genuinely interested in seeing the analytics of the channel. I know that's not an option lol, but I just like data and looking at data. Correlating it to decisions and stuff. ANYWAY
I've also never understood peoples, like, people point out the cameras a lot as being shorter than normal or taller than normal or shakier and ascribing that to being a character when it just always felt like camera work to me. Cause, you know, it's VR CHAT, they gotta work with what they got.
But I did kind of understand this episode, because all I could imagine as Moon was walking through the Arcade back area was Ruin/Jigsaw/'whatever their name is when it's cemented in the future' doing that goofy, like, long legged cartoon walk where someone's sneakin' around in like tom and jerry or loony toons.
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or Sims 4 because this is the closest gif I could find lol
THEY'RE SO GODDAMN MENACING RRRRRRRRRGH
They make me genuinely nervous when they TALK it's so GOOD
Like, my heart clenches up you know what I mean?
"THERE'S NOTHING TO SEPERATE" SLAPPIG MY LEGS SLAPPING MY LEGS YESSSSSSSSSS
BOP IT TWIST IT BREAK IT BEND IT KILL YOUR FAMILY FUCK AROUND FIND OUT SPIN IT
LOL THEY DID IT RIGHT AFTER I DID IM WHEEZING
This guy is so. They're SO interesting to me. They're
They remind me of Bloodmoon. But only a little bit. In, like, a similar but opposite way.
so Bloodmoon, like I've said before, was built for killing. It was weaved into their code from the get-go to be violent. But they also enjoyed it, killing people was something they relished in.
This guy also seems to enjoy killing people, but unlike Bloodmoon, if they are to be believed, they are a fusion between Sun and Moon. As far as we know Sun and Moon were not programmed with any sort of penchant for violence. There was Killcode, but Killcode was a virus before he gained sentience, and if New Moon is anything to base off of, those violence urges were not hard coded into him. And if the AI is to be believed the only two folks in this particular robot are Sun and Moon.
Which seems to me like wherever this want for torture came from, they developed it on their own. Whether that be because of the events of the Ruin DLC or what, I don't know but I'm super excited to see all that unfold.
They also seem to enjoy it differently. Bloodmoon killed his victims, violently. They seemed to enjoy the viscera and gore of murdering people more than the lead up. After all they liked blood.
This guy is much more patient, all the way down to how they speak. They enjoy causing PAIN. It's a game to them, because it's fun. Their enjoyment comes from the torment before the kill. It's why he describes what he's going to do to Moon, I don't even think they mention killing at all, THAT'S what he enjoys.
"Moon suggest a different game! Moon suggest a different game!" Lol
"Rock a bye baby *doge w/dolphin sounds*" Had me crying.
As Jigsaw was following Moon back out of the arcade, they'd pass into a more shaded area and his eyes glowed which was Really cool and also Really unsettling.
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"We can make them count as limbs" fuck me he's so unsettling
STOP DOING THE POOR SINNERS HAND BIT STOP IT STOP IT
PUT IT BACK ON THE SHELF
WE'RE PUTTING IT THE CABINET
" I don't owe you anything."
"Yes you do! You owe me a game!" Pouty face. (:(
Should have suggested, like, a vocal rendition of Rush E or The Diva Dance from The Fifth Element or something.
I guess... they're robots though. So maybe notes like that wouldn't affect them. Might have set them on fire thought maybe?
Moon's performance was very nice! It really is a good song for his character. It takes a lot of confidence to sing in front of ANY type of audience.
Jigsaw really takes everything in stride. Moon insults him and he doesn't even respond at all.
The lil' nose boop.
The little head bonk.
"I'm yOU remember?"
OOOHHH He does NOT like cheating OOOOOOHHHHHHHH EFFFFFF
I was wrong there are something's he does not take in stride
I
LOVE him. He is shooting way up on my list of characters I look forward to seeing in episodes.
"Well I'm still standing here!" "And I'm way better than I ever was." LOL
You know I can see no cons of creating a portal gun. I think that would be highly beneficial and there would be no terrible outcomes that ignite from the building of a piece of machinery that allows instantaneous travel between two designated locations via breaking the very fabric of space time. Not a single bad thing could come from making something
Yeah okay never mind
(Sorry I gotta poke a leettle bit of fun at the guy who decided making the Newton Star was a good idea thinking making another high-tech piece of equipment is a good idea. I'll make fun of the satellite too, probably, when it comes around don't ya'll worry)
"Ohhhh NOOOoooo DOn't LEEaave ME MOOOnnn PLEEEeaase." As Moon just turns around and walks away
Followed immediately by a fucking jump scare Jesus Christ
But it worked right? It fucking worked, it lulled me into a false sense of security. Like, this guy who was threatening Moon's limbs not seven minutes earlier went into goofy silly clown mode and I fell for it sooooo, like. It worked.
It sounds like this was the first time Moon actually said anything about his trip to another dimension to Sun. So this is being dropped onto Sun with almost no warning.
Sun learned Moon would be gone for a week, and immediately went 'can we hang out?'
He very much needs some support right now. We're, what, a week post-hallucination episode? He needs his support group with him right now, it is a critical point, but he's too afraid to ask for it straight up so instead he's asking around it so to speak.
Instead of asking Moon to stay or telling him what the problem is, he's asking if Moon will play a game with him instead. Hang out. Be in his presence.
There are so many reasons this could be. Perhaps he would feel selfish asking Moon to hold off on completing this satellite to stay with him, especially if he's not comfortable with telling Moon WHY just yet, because if he doesn't offer a reasonable explanation then there's no justification for Moon staying, at least in Sun's eyes. It could be embarrassment over the issues, maybe he feels like he's blowing it out of proportion. Maybe he feels like he's asked or taken too much support already, and outright asking for more will end in not having any support at all.
Any number of things. It's easier to ask now when he knows Moon is 'not busy', maybe even more likely to say yes. And he's grasping for it too, "any random game" he just doesn't want to be alone because he just found out he's going to be alone very suddenly in a time when he should not really be alone at all, whether he knows that or not. He certainly doesn't want to be.
I see people often say that 'the worst thing someone can tell you is no'. They generally mean it in a positive way? I guess? I think Sun is at that point where, yes, one of the worst things you could say to him is no. So even an unenthusiastic 'I don't REALLY want to hang out with you' yes is better than a 'no'. Because a no means he'll be alone for sure, while a unenthused yes still means he won't be alone. Does this make sense? It feels clunky, did I explain this right?
Yeah the demeanor change from after asking Moon about the satellite, to finding out he has to leave for it, to finding out he's not leaving right away, to finding out Moon is going to hang out with him despite not sounding enthusiastic about it (because at least its something, you know?) was a trip.
I know Moon's probably stressed right now too, but the 'isn't there something you wanted to drag me along with' was unnecessarily hurtful.
I feel like we're slowly leaning back into past cycles with these two. Like, Moon not telling Sun about something big and important like that. Sun pushing down problems into something else. We'll see. It's just hints at it for now.
Sorry for the downer boo boo ending to the post ;-;
Maybe the next one will be a bit cheerier?
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