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#;; 🦈 { crack! }
capitansalazar · 5 days ago
hey. hey armando. you know where cats go when they die ? purGATOrio
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El Matador del Mar is known for many things.
His sense of humour is not one of them.
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capitansalazar · 5 days ago
“Hey Armando! You know what I like best about our new universe where I’m the new Captain of the Flying Dutchman? You can’t kill me! So now you’re STUCK WITH ME! HAHAHA!!” // crack 4th wall breaking metaverse what? XD
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"Could be worse. Could be Jack."
It's not much of a salve to this fresh new wound upon his limited patience. But it's something to hold on to.
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capitansalazar · 7 days ago
*throws a pound of glitter on you* SPARKLE GHOST
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"GRRARGH! NO! NO, NO, NO, OW! RRRGH, WHY WOULD YOU—?"
The poor ghost has glitter inside his skull now. It's very painful.
I hope you're happy.
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candy-hime · a day ago
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iconic asks
the greatest shit people have dropped in my ask box
crack
🦈anon: the dragging of touya and shouto todoroki
??? anon: can you tag me
@maxi8898: hoes glad
@hotwings0203 makes me choose btwn my lovers -_-
dilf izuku gone wrong
@ryukspisswhore x rubi x rodrick heffley
is rubi an imax theater? bc shes fucking projecting rn
turning 🦈anon into a bkg simp mwahaha
@girl-who-likes-cold-bois and i discussing bkg and the implications of him being real
@seagullcrisps always sending the cutest memes hehe
@th0tfairy teaches us about saint laurent condoms (not an ask but i shat myself when i saw this)
@girl-who-likes-cold-bois requests ratatouille smut😐😐😐
zuckerberg nation
rubi spills her zuck romance origin story
@miriobaby gets zuckerberg elon musk and jeff bezos DILF hcs she DID NOT ask for
incel zuckerberg!deku AU?
the screenshot that singlehandedly turned ppl into zuck fuckers
@lmaosupertuff rightfully drags me for choosing zuck over andrew garfield
the white colonizers :/
i cant be saved
@angeloroki rightfully questions my sanity
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tryingmyves · 4 days ago
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MHA | The class 1A boys and which song they are from INSIDE
💥 Katsuki Bakugo: All Eyes on Me
honestly this one just feels right, he's aiming for the top and wants everyone to see how great he is
⚡ Denki Kaminari: Sexting
the only inaccuracy here is that his phone would die, the man is his own charger
🦈 Eijiro Kirishima: Comedy
heroes deal with some heavy shit but he's always looking for a chance to cheer up his friends and crack a joke
🐝 Hanta Sero: Shit
sero gives me a very lowkey/chill vibe, he's big into self-deprecating humor but would perk right up after a nice shower
❄️🔥 Shoto Todoroki: FaceTime with my Mom (Tonight)
this song was made for shoto, the line about talking to his dad? *chef's kiss*
💨 Tenya Ida: How the World Works
i think that ida really did think the world was all about cooperation and everyone helping out others, he got a rude wake up call but he's going to put in the work to help make it better
✳️ Izuku Midoriya: Welcome to the Internet
boy spends plenty of time online and would rather die than show you his search history
bonus!
🧠 Hitoshi Shinso: All Time Low
i wonder if he could brainwash himself to not be so hard on himself
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daddyissei · 2 months ago
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Daddy Issei’s Kittens (anon list)
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Nicknames used generally for everyone: Kitten, Sweetness, Slut, Love, Baby, Pretty Girl/Boy, Little Girl/Boy (these won’t be given to specific individuals), Little one
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Little Cloud ☁️
Sunflower 🌻
Brat #1
Little Angel 👼
Angel 😇
Butterfly 🦋
Peach 🍑
Fuji 🗻
Onigiri 🍙
Peanut 🥜
Flower 🌺
Kitty 🐈
Ice Cream 🍦
◕ㅅ◕✿
Bunny 🐰
Choupette 🎀
Purple Heart 💜💜💜
Mushroom 🍄
Alien 👾
Little Monster
Precious
Little Snake 🐍
Faerie 🧚🏻‍♀️
Pink Flower 🌸
Bee 🐝
JJ
Rose 🌹
Puppy 🐶
Chick 🐣
Little Cherry 🍒
Housewife
Little Kitty 🐱
Lightning ⚡️
Ice Princess 🧊
Petal
Headphone 🎧
Lovedrunk (the love of B’s life)
Cake 🎂
Little dove 🕊
wuvanon🍓🤍
Honey 🍯
Tiger 🐯
Black heart 🖤
Pumpkin 🎃
Star ⭐️
Crack anon
Kiss 💋
Mooncake 🥮
Kiwi 🥝
Pinku anon
Cocktail 🍹
Snowflake ❄️
Clover ☘️
Darling (teapot)
Guppy 🐬
Otter 🦦
Alien 👽
Lovebug 🐞
Birdie 🦜
Lemon 🍋
Belle 🎐
Bubs
(•‿•) My axolotl 
Shark 🦈
Pet ✨
Sugar💕
Babycakes 🍰
Shy Boy
Teddy Bear 🧸
Lamb
Crown 👑
Heart 🫀
Spiderweb 🕸
Scorpion brat 🦂
Lollipop 🍭
Sprout 🌱
Mamas
Stoner 🍃
No face
Little whale 🐳
Sirenita 🧜‍♀️
Saturn 🪐
Little cow 🐮
Elf 🧝🏼‍♀️
Moonie 🌙
Swiffer wet jet
Dancer  🩰
Fortune cookie 🥠
Tulip 🌷
Star eyes 🤩
Little lamb 🐑
Tomato 🍅
Valentine anon 💝
Iyo anon
jup
lantern 🏮
baby bottle 🍼
Dumpling 🥟
Chili pepper 🌶
Pink heart 💗
Eggplant 🍆 
Ghost 👻
Rabbit 🐇
Theater 🎭✨
Cherry babe 🍒
Lil cow 🐄
Bootiful
Goofy Goober
Swiffer Wet Jet
Shy monkey 🙈
Strawberry 🍓
Mochi 🍡
Peacock 🦚
Panda 🐼
Fox 🦊
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Names may be used more than once if accompanied with a different emoji
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vixenpen · 10 months ago
Hi 💖 as the local cry-baby/soft black girl, I was wondering if you could do the poly!bakusquad being soft on like a rainy day 🥺🥺 wow please ignore if it’s not your style (also soft sex is greatly appreciated if that’s more your style 👀)
Poly Bakusquad x Black femme Reader💥🦈👽📦⚡️
The entire squad is so soft with you🥺
They’ll rib and crack on each other. Roast tf out of each other, but with you it’s just playful teasing
💥 “Aww is baby gonna cry.” 😂
You: 🥺🥺🥺
💥: 🙄 “I didn’t mean it silly, c‘ mere.” Hugs and cuddles
Rainy days are your favorite days so the Bakusquad makes sure to make that time together special
Mina grabs your favorite big cotton blanket and snuggles up beside you
Kaminari makes popcorn
Kiri grabs the drinks
Sero is on one side of you stroking your floofy hair
And Bakugo is actually less grouchy and mean spirited
🦈 “What do you wanna see today Boopies? Ladies choice!”😁
👽 “Lets let y/n decide!”
You almost always pick some romance drama, fluffy chick flick or a soft horror that won’t scare you too bad because it makes everyone hug you tighter
They never complain no matter what you choose
If something is too scary during the horror scenes, they’ll cover your eyes
After the movie, everyone pretty much remains snuggled on the couch only getting up for bathroom breaks, fresh snacks, and bed time
⚡️ “baby doll, do you want your book?”
📦 “boopie you want some more drink?”
👽 “let me twist your hair, cupcake.”
💥 “Oi! I’m gettin snacks, babe, whatchu want?”
Bottom line, you are baby and they love you so much
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litttlesilkworm · 12 months ago
If ValorisHBO was a full on gay Hallmark romantic comedy rather than a slightly subtler rom com with the backdrop of a nuclear disaster, what would be the setting, how would these two crazy cats come together, what would their first kiss be like, etc. Basically, give me all your crack Valoris rom com headcanons. xXx 🦈.
Thank you for your lovely ask, my dear Comrade, and I apologize for a belated answer! 🥰💕🤗💖🦀🦀🦀 Valoris for me is so deeply intertwined with the backdrop of the nuclear disaster (yet with all the trappings of a classical romantic comedy, as you have pointed out!) that it was truly a lovely new perspective to explore!
Perhaps it could go as something like this: Boris has just been appointed by Gorbachev to head the Bureau for Fuel and Energy, and selects several scientific consultants as his advisors. He initially would have appointed Velikhov to be his nuclear energy consultant but within merely a week, would already have had enough of Velikhov's snootiness and overall insufferable nature. So Boris would kick him out of the commission and, with his expectations low as far as nuclear physicists go, would appoint one Valery Legasov in his place. 
When Valery would show up at the Bureau's meeting, Boris would be instantly attracted to the deliciously plump academician, his blue eyes, boyish freckles, nervous, chubby hands, and a lock of reddish hair that keeps falling out of place and is begging to be smoothed by one's hand... Boris' hand... Nevertheless, wary of his experiences with nuclear physicists thus far, Boris would act chilly towards Valery at first, and Valery's tendency to correct Boris and inadvertently expose his lack of understanding of how atomic plants work, wouldn't help things none. Valery, in turn, wouldn't allow himself to even think of Boris outside of the committee meetings, because he, at the age of fifty, is certainly, definitely, absolutely NOT going to stumble into a secret, unrequited crush on a man as famous and unattainable as Boris Shcherbina! Definitely not!
One evening soon thereafter, Valery would be giving a lecture at his institute for the non-scientist Party members interested in learning about nuclear energy, and would be quite shocked to see Boris in the audience. As Valery begins his talk, he would feel a distinct sense of pride for Boris, the type of pride a teacher feels toward a pupil who takes initiative to learn more material than what is required for class.
Indeed, Boris’ reasons for showing up at Valery’s talk would have been, at least in part to brush up on his knowledge of the nuclear energy field. But, as he would watch Valery teach, watch him being so comfortable in his own element, so pure in his love of knowledge, so breathtakingly delicious in his light blue suit with chalk smudges all over it, Boris would at once realize that he is lost. He is gone. He is completely and irrevocably taken with this incredible man. 
And when, in the middle of the talk, Valery would take his suit jacket off, Boris would hardly even hear the lecture anymore. All he would be able to think about is how much he wants to bend this ginger-haired scientist over a desk, feel that lovely belly and bottom of his with his hands, yank his trousers down and fuck into those pillowy buttocks until Valery is sobbing and mewling with pleasure... 
(see, dear Tovarishch, what a lost cause I am? I can't even write a romantic comedy plot without beelining straight into smut! I am so sorry 😳😳)
Since that fateful evening, Boris would seek to express his affections to Valery, but the scientist would stubbornly refuse to interpret Boris' attentions as such - whether it is Boris insisting on fixing his hopelessly lopsided tie before a meeting ("he is embarrassed of how I look!"), or stepping in to defend him from condescending Politburo colleagues who dare to belittle Valery ("I don't need him to pity me, a grown man!"). Of course, the more Valery would struggle against his developing feelings for Boris, the more these displays of aggressive caring from the Deputy Chairman would make him fall in love, and the more they would make him dream of what it would be like to be loved back by Boris.
Valery’s crush would grow so strong that the scientist would even save an issue of Pravda featuring a lovely big portrait of Boris in it, and hide it in his desk drawer. Question is, will Boris catch a glimpse of it somehow, someday as he stops by Valery's office? My vote is yes.
Their first kiss would probably happen when one day, Valery would arrive at the committee meeting in a typical for him manner, embarrassingly early, and with chalk dust all over the back of his suit. Boris would find him standing alone by the window in the meeting room. With his heart brimming with desire to care for this awkward, incredible man, Boris would approach him from behind and, in a very no-nonsense manner, put his hand on Valery's shoulder to steady him and begin brushing the white smudges off Valery's suit.
"You've got chalk all over yourself again, Legasov," Boris would grumble, slapping and swiping his huge hand again and again across Valery's stocky lower back and chubby bottom.
Examining his finished work, Boris would exclaim: "Good!" and loosen his grip on Valery's shoulder, still resting his hand there. Valery would turn around - flushed, out of breath, lips parted - and Boris would not be able to contain a smile at the sight of just how beautiful Valery is like this. His thumb would be lightly stroking the top of Valery's shoulder, and then the scientist would whisper, questioningly, hopefully, "Boris..." and Boris would put that unruly lock of soft hair back in place just like he has been wanting to do for weeks now, and then reach for Valery's full lips with his.
Maybe Boris would then instruct his secretary to notify everyone that today's meeting is canceled, and whisk Valery into his office, where his fantasies of making the scientist sob with pleasure would all spectacularly come true.
In the end, Boris and Valery would be having a romantic dinner at Valery's apartment. Sasha the cat would be suspicious of Boris at first, watching him closely all evening from the top of a bookshelf, motionless like a statue. But after deciding that this tall unfamiliar man is undeniably making her human happy, Sasha would relax, approach Boris, headbutt him and settle in on his lap for a nap.
This didn't come out as headcanons but rather, some sort of a plot bunny! 🤗💖💜💛💚🥰
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