#5.9.21

[brianajungwirththrowbacks]

May 9, 2021

Briana on Tammi’s Instagram & story!

#5.9.21 #briana jungwirth #brianasrealaccount #freddie tomlinson #tammi clark #austin clark #may 2021 #may

[civcivciefendi]

Bogpeople

Olağan hayatından dışarı fırladı kadın. Gözlerinde yıldızlar döne döne yürüyor ve düşünüyordu: çocuklarım bir anlığına aç kalsın ve odadaki ata yadigarı vazoyu kırsın, kocam yatakta beni bulamasın, şöminedeki ateş ve titiz adımlarım dursun, terliklerim ve halılarım soğusun, örgü şişlerim parmaklarıma dokunmaya özlem duysun ve ben yalnız kalayım. Daha önce hiç yürümediği şekilde yürüdü kasabanın sokaklarında, yavaş bir yağmur yağıyordu birkaç haftadır ve kadının adımları yağmurun pıtırtılarıyla aynı düzende dönüyordu, aşıyordu, hızlanıyor yavaşlıyor, gidiyordu, kadın artık sokakta yürümeyene kadar. Sokakların bitişiyle birlikte kadın pabuçlarını da çıkardı ve sadece kendi ayaklarıyla yürüdü ondan sonra. Durdu kadın, adını bilmediğini, yurdunu bilmediğini, nerede olduğunu bilmediğini düşündü. Çamurdaki bir çift ayak izinin üstünde duruyordu ve tek bildiğinin bu olduğunu da düşünüyordu o anda. Burada durabilirdi, gitmeyebilirdi, yağmur hiç durmayabilirdi. Balıkların bataklıkta yüzüşünü duyuyordu ayak parmaklarında, sokaklardan tüm insan pisliklerinin enginliğe doğru aktığını duyuyordu, kara bulut döküntülerinin toprak olmaya başlayışlarını duyuyordu, dağların parçalandığını kuşların düştüğünü kutsal kitapların yazıldığını damarlarını duyuyordu. Duruyordu.

Çıplak bir çocuk gördü, kurumuş bir ağacın altında bekliyordu. Kıyafetlerini bulamadı gözleriyle kadın, ona doğru yürümeye koyuldu. Kendi çocukları gibiydi bu çocuk da, hafızasının bulanıklığı, havanın bulanıklığı, çocuğun yüzündekilerin bulanıklığı sarhoş etti kadını bir an. Çocuk bir şey topluyordu o şekilde durarak, kendi içinden dışına doğru topluyordu. Çocuğun topladığı şey çocuğun tüm yavaşlığıydı. Çocuğun kalbi ayaklarından başlayarak yavaşlıyor gibi geldi kadına ve yüzünde bir korku belirdi, ama aslında korkmuyordu kadın. Kadın yalnayak çamurun üstünde dikildi ve çocuğu izledi. Çocuk tüm yavaşlığıyla bir nefes aldı, dünyadaki bütün nefesleri tek bir nefeste içine alacak kadar uzun bir nefesti bu, yağmur durdu, sonra bir daha başladı, ağacın birkaç dalı koptu ve çocuk nefesini almıştı. Çocuk yürümeye koyuldu, bir tek kadının görebileceği adımlar atarak bataklığa doğru. Yağmur bitti ve bir süre sonra kar yağmaya başladı. Kasabada kıtlık oldu ve sonra da sel bastı, dolu yağdı ve çatılar ve pencereler kırıldı, kuru ağacın çoğu döküldü, kadının saçlarından bir ağarma başladı, ve çocuk ilk adımını atmıştı. Çocuk o kadar hızlıydı ki bir taraftan, kasabadan hiç kimse, gökten uçan hiçbir akbaba, yakınlardan uluyan hiçbir kurt, yavruları aç hiçbir ayı, hatta kadın bile fark edemedi bataklığa girdiğini. Kadın evine geri döndüğünde çocukları çoktan ölmüştü. Kocasının kemikleri ata yadigarı vazonun içindeki yerlerini almıştı. Kasabada kalan tanıdığı tek yüz tekir bir kediydi. Kedi şöminenin önündeki sedirin üstüne kafasını kopardığı yavru bir fare bırakmıştı. Kadın fareyi alıp çöpe attı, çöp sepeti temiz ve boştu. Kadın kasabaya gitti, hiç tanımadığı bir adamdan bir ayna satın aldı ve kocasını yataktan temizledikten sonra aynayı çekmecenin üstüne koydu ve ondan sonra baktı. Bir çocuk buldu karşısında, kendi çocukları gibiydi bu çocuk da, aynaysa buğuluydu. Kadın soyundu ve bataklığın oradaki yeni filizlenmiş ağacın altına gitti. Yağmur daha başlamamıştı.

-5.9.21

[edo-vivendum]

Can I ask what it's like to actually be recovered? Do you feel free? Do you ever miss your ED? My therapist keeps reminding me that I won't just *forget* how to have an ED if I want one. And she's right of course. But she also says that when I'm recovered I won't want one anymore, and that's so mind boggling I can't comprehend it. It's that really true? Is it really possible to just let yourself exist and be fine as you are after spending so long in agony trying to be otherwise?

Hi! Thanks for asking. Let me answer your questions in pieces so I can organize my thoughts.

Do you ever miss your ED? Very very rarely. Less than once every two months. I miss my sick body fairly often, but my ED made me so so miserable.

I definitely have not forgotten how to have ED. If I wanted to relapse, I could. I still remember all my "tricks". I still remember how many calories are in everything (though as it is now, it doesn't come to my mind unless I consciously think about it).

Is it really possible to just let yourself exist and be fine as you are after spending so long in agony trying to be otherwise? Fuck yeah it is. I have moments here and there (like today) where I want to look different, but I can accept that even if I don't love the way I look, I love who I am. It's not perfect, but I am letting myself exist, and I'm not micromanaging it. Sometimes it feels like a lot, but honestly? Most days it comes naturally.

Do I feel free? I truly do. When I was deep in my ED, I really hated myself. My self-worth came from my ability to shrink myself. Now, (granted this came from more than just ED treatment it also took trauma work), but now, I know that I am lovable no matter my size. I am able to fully participate in life!! I am not overwhelmed by anxieties about food! I can let negative thoughts go, and negative emotions are temporary. Truly, I never thought I'd get here. But I did.

Yeah, I could go back. But there is no part of me that wants to go back, not when I think about the whole picture of what my life was when I was in my ED.

I struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. I have no memories of a life without one, but I'm finally creating those memories, and it's truly amazing to know I worked sooo hard to get to this place. It took me seven years of working on myself to get here. Progress can be slow. But seriously, it's worth it.

#personal #ed recovery #recovery #edrecovery #edulting #actuallyed #Ask #Anon #5.9.21

[an0nymousghost]

happy milf day

#ts4 gameplay #ts4 random legacy #rn 5 #random nightmares #sofia scarlett #for reference im posting this on mother's day #5.9.21

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

bit of a weaker chapter than 11 but I still enjoyed it ofc

funny gag also

#shimeji simulation #5.9.21

[whatever-dude]

If you're gonna fight, wear your mouthguard

#matthew tkachuk #matty tkachuk #ratty matty #i love when he fights #its hot af #but man needs to wear his mouthguard #like plz. i love your little lisp. you cannot ruin it #i love him tho #calgary flames #flames #nhl #hockey #5.9.21 #ottawa senators #sens #senators #artem zub #uhhh. dont cross check matty. plz & thx

[ener-chi]

Okay, time for a really big update. Very long post below.

This is something that has been happening over the past 6 months, but I was not able to talk about until recently.

6 months ago, I showed up to the astral one day in some kind of abandoned temple. And I found that I couldn't leave. I wasn't able to pull up my own "realm" or talk to my guides or anything.

I explored the temple - very old, very large and cavernous, yet minimalistic. Also very empty, and very quiet. There was one place that I frequented often - a shrine room, with a small Buddhist-like shrine and a giant statue of some kind of warrior-like figure that I couldn't make out.

Skipping ahead here (all of this was pretty drawn out but I'm making it seem like it happened quickly) one day I was testing my clairaudience and I realized that the temple was not, in fact, empty or quiet; it was very much alive. Voices filled the halls, and energy ran through the walls. I found myself being drawn to a new portion of the temple, and after making some offerings, someone appeared to me.

It was the figure that the giant statue portrayed. He said that he once overlooked this temple, but now he must move on and place it in the hands of someone else. One lengthy process later, this is what happened.

I found that my energy had become linked to this temple. I also found that the temple was living, and had a "spiritual" embodiment - like a form that it appeared as, which is like that of a spirit.

I spent a couple of months learning - new techniques, new forms of energy work, new runic spells. Things about reality. Things about myself.

I also started working with Odinn. Through his help, I ended up spending the last two months confronting and working through my biggest traumas.

All of this has completely changed my practice - everything about it. My energy is different, my energy work methods are different, my runic magic and astral fighting is different, my views on the Universe and Reality have been altered. Everything has changed - definitely for the better.

There is soo much more to this, but this is basically the story in a nutshell. I've been wanting to share it, but I haven't been able to. The temple was not open, and I did not want to draw any attention to it until it was time. The temple opened a couple of days ago, and now I'm finally able to talk about it!! Very interesting, exciting times indeed.

That's it for now. Hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Blessings!

#mine #journal #5.9.21 #tp #path

[thighlerseguin]

DAL vs. CHI | May 9, 2021 - Denis Gurianov 1-1

#dallas stars #stars lb #denis gurianov #jamie benn #5.9.21 #thighler gif #g: gurianov #a: benn

[closetgremlin]

Just found out that Spotify has audiobooks now 👀? You will see me listening to those, now, holy shit

#BOOKS. THAT IVE BEEN UNABLE TO BUY #THAT I CAN LISTEN TO??? AMAZING #owning would be preferable but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ that’s expensive so this will do #|| #caps in tags #cursing #miro talks #diary entry #time stamp : #12:01am #5.9.21

[brianajungwirththrowbacks]

May 9, 2021

Briana on her families Instagram l!

#5.9.21 #briana jungwirth #brianasrealaccount #may 2021 #may

[brianajungwirthinstagram]

Briana yesterday in the top left corner | 5.9.2021

#5.9.21 #briana jungwirth #brianasrealaccount #freddie tomlinson #freddie reign #tammi clark #austin clark #louistomlinson #louis tomlinson

[lightningfilledsaber]

Wanted to try out a neotraditional style opossum and now I want this tattoo on my body

#mud draws #5.9.21 #opossum #possum #neotradtattoo #neotraditionalart #neotraditionaltattoo #neotraditionaldesign #i wanna try doing this style more i kinda love it #please dont ask if you can get this tattooed until i figure out if i want it or not lol #if you want me to design one for you just send me like 5-10 bucks or something #artists on tumblr

[edo-vivendum]

You ever see yourself and just go... Oh who IS this? She is nothing like I remember her.

Honestly I'm really triggered. I've been doing so so well. But seeing myself in a full body photograph next to my brother and sister really has my head spinning.

I know I've gained weight. I know. AND I'm healthier, happier.

But right now I'm freaking out a bit. So that's fun.

#personal #5.9.21

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

I fuckin caught up to Tropical Rouge! Was only 5 episodes behind. But all were really fun! Every time I fall behind on this I wonder why I’m still watching and every time I catch up I’m like “oh yeah that’s why”. Wild.

Laura very cute

#precure #5.9.21

[whatever-dude]

They really need to stop saying "tkachuk" like? Be specific please. There's two of them

#matthew tkachuk #matty tkachuk #ratty matty #brady tkachuk #calgary flames #flames #ottawa senators #sens #senators #nhl #hockey #5.9.21 #they say jvr & tvr when they play #why cant they do that with the tkachuks? #i hear tkachuk and i automatically think matthew

[sicaoleracea]

How could I how could I want you to touch me

#5.9.21