#2021 can go to hell

[moregraceful]

folks tonight we discovered what hitting my breaking point looks like and it is: impulse three day vacation in palm desert for ahl hockey in february by myself. does anyone have any recommendations for stuff to do in coachella valley?? like restaurants or hikes or museums or anything. i don't drink and i love museums and i will have a car and my only two commitments are evening hockey games. i should probably buy my lesbian parents alcohol, snacks, and/or spices for looking after my dog and i would like to buy local. also love a local ice cream shop or creamery. literally any recs you have would be great!! no recommendation too great or too small!!

(also podcast recs that aren't true crime or horror since i have two 7+ hour drives and if i listen to my sports podcasts the entire time i will become a worse version of myself than we started with, which is already bad lmfao)

#i'm so excited i have not been on vacation since 2021 and i have never been on vacation by myself ever #we will not discuss the circumstances that led to me making this decision in 15 mins and having a room booked and the tickets bought #within an hour and a half tonight but. know that it has been very very very bad for at least a month. lol. lmao #also i am so sorry to firebirds fans where the fresh hell does your team get off charging you $30+ dollars for ahl hockey #obviously i went apeshit and bought $80 tickets close to the bench for observation purposes but like. $30 for ahl hockey?? #not even sitting close to the glass??? that's insane. i hope i get to see someone beat brisson's ass for no reason #OH FIREBIRDS FANS ALSO. WHICH LITTLE GUY SHOULD I ROOT FOR #big fan of going to minor leagues games choosing a guy at random and throwing all my emotional energy in to his game narrative #but i feel like i have. at least two firebirds fans following me maybe one of you can choose a guy for me #fresno oilers.txt #IS THE BOTANICAL GARDEN FUN

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

💀B O R L A N D & D U R S T🧢

#fellas looking great in all that color #and Fred's 2-piece windbreaker suit combo is fresh as hell #especially with those sunnies and those red-striped adidas shelltoes #I can already see this going down as another iconic FD look right along his Dad Vibes the Chicago Lolla 2021 and Nookie video looks #Limp Bizkit #nu metal #Wes Borland #Fred Durst #down the rabbit hole

[introspectivememories]

if you're writing a charles fic, it must have some aspect of boyking. he must lean a little on the childgod side. he has to be revered a little bit, adored even. if people aren't talking about him like they wouldn't wash his feet and adorn it with perfume like mary magdalene washed and adorned jesus' feet, you're doing it wrong.

#LOOK AT HIM #nearly every image of charles has some aspect of religious imagery to it #that one image of the spanish gp 2021 where he has his hands in front of him and he's looking up at the sky.... madonna in prayer #fuckin look at the entire country of italy. do i even have to say anything? #look at the way ferrari loves him. the way they hold him. press kisses onto his helmet. comfort him. reassure him. #look at vanzini naming him 'il predestinato' all the way back in 2012!! maranello's sun/son!!!! #everyone's always like 'oh stockholm syndrome! stockholm syndrome!' babe he's never leaving them. #he's choosing this!!! he loves this!!!! he's in this scuderia ferrari shit for life like the rest of us!!!! #but he returns it all!!! #look at him saying 'if ferrari is a cage then i would like to be kept in that cage my whole life'!!! #'why stay with ferrari?' / "i have always been a tifosi. i have always loved her. that is reason enough.' #even the most recent contract renewal where he said and i quote: #now my own dream remains. a dream that writes itself in red. tifosi the dream continues. #and like red?? like blood? like the blood that dripped down jesus' temples when they place the crown of thorns on his head? #red like the suit? like the car? like the boyking they have made you out to be? the childgod you have become? #when he won in monza i think it was too late for us. i think it rewrote something in us. i think he ascended that day. #the closest the narrative has come to consuming him. when he wins again in monza (and he will win in monza again) it will change us again #i have to stop before it gets me too. who said all that? i need to go lay down. #charles leclerc #cl16 #scuderia ferrari #f1 #introspective.txt #and obviously you can write you fics however the hell you want. this is just how i like mine.

[lalalaugenbrot]

Mad Men: without context

#mad men #the earliest version of this on my pc is from 2021 #and the idea that i might have forgotten something is still terrifying me #but i feel like this project has to finally end #some things arent in here simply bc they werent editable into this format #christ on a cracker #hells bells trudy #go bang your head against the wall #she's probably home with the relaxazizer right now #my mother can go to hell ted chaough can fly her there #so i'm fascist because i gave you a deadline #my people are nordic #you were crying in the breakroom which i have specifically forbidden #and many more #i just tried to give this video at least some rhythm/pace #and some didn't fit in there #anyway: mad men is and remains the funniest tv show ever made

[br1ghtestlight]

the weird thing is realizing I have already felt the worst I'm ever gonna feel in my entire life. like not saying that traumatic or horrible things won't happen to me but over the past few days I'm realizing that its STILL not as bad as the trauma i went though as a kid and teenager. its still easier to cope. because the thing is that I have already been through so much terrible stuff AND I was in a long-term psychologically damaging situation that it's just like. its so much easier just having access to food and hot water and a clean house and santitary bathroom and kitchen etc

like that makes everything SO MUCH easier everything else aside and the independance knowing that you care take care of yourself and it isn't hopeless. there's a level of trauma where once u come back from that there isn't anything worse that can happen to you bcuz you will NEVER again be in that situation ever again. like there's a lot of horrific things that could happen but That specific trauma is never going to happen to me again. if I can survive that then everything else is just easy

#i mean its still HARD but there is a world of difference between bad and traumatic things happening #and the absolute unending hell that was my life as a teenager #like THAT was unsurvivable #and the coping mechnisms I developed as a toddler its just like. Well. we've already done all that #but can you imagine how annoying I was in 2021 going through the worst of it like my god. be grateful i wasnt posting on tumblr #txt

[ir0npvrker]

sylvie: why are you ignoring mobius?

loki: i’m playing hard to get

sylvie: why would you do that? you’re already hard to want

#source: tumblr #loki and sylvie’s SIBLING dynamic #s*lkies can go rot in hell #lokius #loki and sylvie #sylvie laufeydottir #loki laufeyson #loki of asgard #mobius m mobius #loki (2021) #tva #marvel #mcu #incorrect marvel quotes #incorrect mcu quotes #incorrect quotes

[redladydeath]

Vaguely wondering if I should get tested for a seizure disorder. Ever since I was sixteen, I’ve had these intermittent, couple-month-long spells of having sudden, inexplicable, painless twitches in my chest. For a while I was terrified it was a heart issue, but I’ve mostly overcome that fear since no one’s ever found anything unusual in my blood work. I have anxiety obviously, and that could very well be the cause, but it’s such a physical reaction (and usually happens without any prompting) that I sometimes struggle to write it off as purely psychosomatic. I heard the other day that you can have a seizure disorder without even knowing it, so maybe? Idk. Would really like to get tested, but my family lost our insurance last month and we’re now on Obamacare, so I don’t think I could justify it to my dad. He’s always been very firm that it’s all in my head and he’s probably right, but I still would like to know.

#these chest twitches made my life hell in 2020 and 2021 #i was scared every day that I was going to have a heart attack and die #now I’ve managed to stop being afraid of them and I think they’re actually more muscle related than blood/heart related? #but yeah #would still like to have an actual answer so I can avoid the rumination #haven’t had to think about these in like a year but for some reason they’ve come back with a vengeance these past few days #was literally sitting in class today barely restraining myself from having a panic attack because they kept happening #redlady speaks

[icyheart-and-friends]

Heads up if there's any decrease in my activity here or on discord it's bc for the last few days Mama the cat came back (we last saw her in 2021) and we finally were able to trap her! We plan to get her to the vet this weekend and just- letting her adjust to being an indoor cat

Also shout out to @kisaisacat for helping me via giving tips and tricks to help aid in her trapping!

#diye speaks #she seems to be handling the fact we have other dogs and cats pretty well?? no hissing or growling at them so far #so that goes well #we'll be temporarily owning her until I get ready to move out a few years from now. Then she'll go to a shelter from there. If she doesn't #do well. we'll try to find a shelter sooner that can take her in #regardless she's not planned to be a permanent pet here /info #and she's sure as hell not going back to being an outdoor cat if we can help it. It's NOT safe and also not good for the environment #last time we saw her in 2021 she had kittens in our barn. So I'm HOPING she's not pregnant again but I wouldn't be surprised

[septimus-heap]

Having a bad day :(

#sep talks #would elaborate but I'm too tired. That is part of it ngl. I'm so tired all the time #no energy for anything that isn't school. Barely enough energy for school #actually that's a lie. Not enough energy for school. I can't do homework bc I'm too tired #barely awake enough most of the time to remember to eat #I'm ill rn so that's not helping #I want to lie down and sleep for 1 million years and never ever have to get up. But unfortunately I Do have to get up #my throat hurts my head hurts I'm so so tired my feet hurt bc my shoes don't fit right my joints hurt bc of god knows what #I'm having a genuine crisis almost to the level of whatever the fuck I had going on in 2020/2021 #I have no plans for the future I have no plans for the present I'm too tired to even consider it #I need to deal with some school stuff but I really really really do not want to have to #I knew school made me tired and depressed but this is i think worse than its ever been before #and idk how to fix it. I need the qualifications #I can't quit. I don't know if I can carry on. Hell on earth. Idk why I'm so tired I wish I could fix it #but I'm too tired to call the doctors

[erebus-luckycharm]

I know my mental health is good when I'm listening to metal 19 hours a day and am obsessing over Japan non-stop

#I've noticed lately that how much my depression improved after I got out of law school #the worst part of it lasted for about a year an a half #and then anhedonia kicked my ass for 3 years #in 2021 my emotions started to come back #and now I think I'm emotionally fully functional again #HUGE yay for that #I can enjoy things again and I'm not only going back and forth between numbness and pain :') #The only thing that stresses me is that I couldn't focus on career stuff at all during this period from hell and now I'm nearing 30 #and the only thing I can put on my CV is 'beat depression ⭐👍🏻(for now)'

[b-a-pigeon]

Nanowrimo Update - November 22 Word Count: 6389 (today) / 45458 (total)

The couple of chapters I wrote today were mostly rewrites of the first draft & also the part of this story I have the strongest mental image of, so I expected it to be quick but not "6k+ words in one night" quick, lmao. No spoilers, but there is a sudden death and then lots of sad stuff and then a weird makeshift funeral that turns out kind of sweet actually :')

#nanowrimo 2022 #nanowrimo 2021 #that 50k is sooo close i can taste it..... #the end of the whole story... less so but like #at this rate i might hit 60k in november & then i prob only have 20k to go #which is ?? unbelievable but hell yeah

[magentagalaxies]

tbh y'all are actually lucky my hatchetfield hyperfixation is mostly gone bc if it was still my strongest hyperfixation i would be literally insufferable when it comes to paul 23 and emdroid. yes i know they're side characters who are never coming back yes i know they're basically identical replicants of regular characters yes i know most people hate them bc of the murder. but also they were literally the best part of that entire series and if the writers realized they accidentally created the most romantic story ever told with these two beings created to be mindless capitalist drones who both escaped their fate and somehow found each other and the freedom to make their own lives together then the world would be a much better place

#i see paul 23 and emdroid labeled as antagonists in one post and immediately i'm transported back to january 2021 #sending my friend 21 texts about the ship of theseus and accidental symbolism in this little zoom show #tbh i'm glad that friend group ended up being toxic as hell now i'm not as tempted to go off on a tirade about the deleted dialogue anymore #and i can focus on the important things in life. like instead writing my friends entire essays on the history of buddy cole

[simptasia]

You know, I have never watched anything with David Dastmalchian in it, but I absolutely love him because of everything you've posted on your blog about him lol. He's a hot funky lil' guy and I appreciate seeing him on my dash lol

i'm so proud

legit i adore getting messages like this, like "oh i like this because of you" "i realised this because of you" "i watched this because of you"

i like having a positive impact on people

#anytime i can cause somebody to get a crush or consume a media or realise something about themselves #i am well please with myself #and it happens a lot actually! #i mean this quite sincerely. like david is a lovely fella and an amazing actor and fuck almighty he's gorgeous #anyways. hell yeah #.....oh i realised i should maybe recommend something with him in it huh? #well the suicide squad is how he got me. love at first sight of that miserable face <3 #it's a great movie overall anyways! #theres teacher 2019 tho i must warn you it's a very intense movie with heavy themes. it's not a light-hearted watch #but it does contain his best acting #uhh looking thru his imdb im reminded his career is one of small roles. he's only now getting the love he deserves #he's a fucking delight in the 2016 version of macgyver tho. i haven't watched that show proper but i've seen clips! #...basically if anybody wants to try consuming david go for the suicide squad (2021. not the other one) and see what happens #if you are suitably captivated by his sad man then party on bro

[motto-chanto-itte]

lagtrain save me

save me lagtrain

however the rest of the post goes because i forogt

#i am so very tired #balancing equations can go 2 hell #sigh. one direction and japanese songs i listened to in 2021 save me i guess

[hellbatschilt]

Genuinely surprised when people follow me for XIV stuff because I haven't talked about it properly on here in a while... When the expac comes out, I'll be all over that though I prommy (different way of saying promise)

#like what doesn't help is that there's a content drought and i've finished all of my the grindy achievements already #me holding up my tt card mount my pt*ranodon and my hunt mounts #but anyways yeah. i sometimes go on hellbat to do hunts these days since i need a break from playing my 3rd alt LOL #although i do love my 3rd alt a lot. mr. meurs*ult l*mbus c*mpany my beloved <- censoring since i don't want it to show up in his tag #got the title i wanted on him (guardian angel) in 5 days like a madman and now i'm just slowly leveling all of his jobs to 80 lol #also wanna work on his dol/doh jobs too tbh... i don't think he'll be like my x alt (but that's because i've had x since 2021) but a man - #- can try. meur won't have the aliklil though. but anyways #once d*wntrail is out i will be going ham on hellbat again. finishing 7.0 story stuff and then immediately working on my hunt achievements #bat mount... bat mount please. how has this game existed for 10 years and there's no bat mount. #hell give me a barbastelle to fly around on or something. i play as a lala anyways so it's already the perfect size LOL #i was gonna ramble more but realized i need to do my hard mode md run in l*mbus before maintenance so byeeeee

[iwantyoursexmp3]

march 1st tomorrow so it’s time for this shit again usually i do it on the 1st but i have to leave the house at 7am so

and of course there’s a whole section looking like this 👍

#a varied mix bc I’ve been getting sick of what I was listening to all Jan and december so now I’m like what the hell do I listen to #also I listen to more albums now and I don’t want to put the whole albums in so I just picked my go tos #the seasonal playlists act to reflect what I’m listening to the most + feel the most over + #is something I can quickly play if idk what to listen to but need music 👍 I’ve been doing this shit since 2021