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#2- unless it’s near a city I doubt I’ll be able to find a decent mental health professional that I can actually go to
nope-body · 3 years
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My parents have been having a Talk with my sister for at least an hour and a half now, and I’m barely avoiding a panic attack just because I’m listening to a comfort song on repeat with noise canceling headphones.
And I used to think that I didn’t have trauma.
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kuraiarcoiris · 4 years
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Fransweek 2020 #7
Better late than never. Even if it’s two weeks late.
I blame the length. I never wanted it to get this long. Hopefully someone enjoys this.
For the record, this is related to #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, and #6.
With this I am done with Fransweek. I may never do it again...
     __________________________________________
Valentine’s Day
The plate of stuffed ravioli ceased to look appetizing.
“You want to do what?” Frisk asked in her flattest tone.
“I…uh…I want to court you?” her goat brother answered with a strained smile.
“Court me?” she repeated. Okay. So she had heard correctly the first time. “Why?”
“Why?” her goat brother echoed as if she was the one making ridiculous statements. “Because you are the best human—no person anyone in the Underground has ever met, and without you I would still be a flower? That’s beside the point of you also being one of the prettiest people on the planet with an even more beautiful SOUL. And there’s also the political benefit of strengthening the Monster Kingdom by our union, you know, should it get that far. Not that that is a really big consideration, but it’s a plus. Mostly I want to court you because you’re…well, you.”
“Yeah, but…,” Frisk started before words failed her. How did she explain to her goat brother that them dating would never ever work? She was suddenly tempted to go back to her last SAVE and avoid this conversation a little longer.
“Do you…find the idea of us courting really that weird?”
       yes                                                                  a thousand times yes
       of course                                                  <3 uhhhhh….
“I…see,” said Asriel as his long face became even longer. “Is it because you have someone else in mind?”
A certain punny skeleton came to mind, but Frisk tucked the thought away. Too much blood spilt, determination used, and bad times had. She needed to focus on reality.
“Not really. It’s just…weird…?”
“Still,” Asriel started. His fork danced around the lasagna left on his plate. “Would you consider allowing me to try and court you?”
The negative answers flashed through Frisk’s mind, but the young woman saw no reason to break her brother’s heart unnecessarily. He would figure out that they didn’t work as couple pretty quickly. Or at least that’s how it worked with Papyrus.
“I guess it couldn’t hurt.”
Her brother gave her a watery, wobbly smile. Her SOUL pressed down in her chest, but she ignored it for his sake.
     ______________________________________________
The chatter of overly polite conversation hummed about the room. Frisk smiled a banal smile at the French diplomat as she half-listened to the woman prattle on about customs in her country.
“…we had to remove them from the bridge. However the custom has spread to other public fixtures and even other cities. It’s very romantic, n’est ce pas? You should try it with your betrothed sometime. Especially since I hear monsters’ love truly is unbreakable. Or it is within reason. I do not mean to insult your mother, of course. She had every reason t—”
“Excuse me,” Frisk interrupted for once ignoring her etiquette lessons with Woshua. “My what?”
“Your betrothed. Your mother was ever so pleased to inform us of your upcoming betrothal to the Monster Prince—”
“I’m sorry, Madame Beauparlez, but I have to excuse myself. Something urgent has come up.”
“I see. Feel free to take care of your urgent business,” said the woman with a sharp gleam in her eye. “Your mother was in the kitchen last I heard of her. Trading recipes with the chefs as she normally does.”
“Thank you for your understanding,” said Frisk in as unaffected a tone as possible. She then headed in the direction opposite the kitchens and towards her current security escort. He stood straight at attention along the wall with the other bodyguards and more than a head taller than them all.
“AMBASSADOR FRISK!” Papyrus greeted at an almost decent volume. “IS THERE SOMETHING THE GREAT BODYGUARD PAPYRUS CAN DO TO HELP YOU?”
“Yes. Could you tell me where my mother is?”
“GIVE ME A MOMMENT,” said Papyrus. He closed his eyes sockets and hummed loudly. He then opened them. “SHE APPEARS TO BE DISCUSSING SOMETHING WITH OUR HOST IN THE LIBRARY. THERE ISN’T ANYONE ELSE WITH THEM.”
“Thank you, Paps. I’m going to head over there. Do you need to follow me?”
“YES, BUT I WILL STAND NEXT TO THE DOOR WITH KNIGHT KNIGHT. WE WILL GUARD YOU AND QUEEN TORIEL TOGETHER!”
“You’re the greatest, Pappy,” Frisk said with a genuine smile on her face.
“NYE HEH HEH! OF COURSE. LET’S GO!”
Steeling herself, Frisk headed to the library. The crowded rooms were a challenge made much easier by the near nine foot monster tagging along behind her. Even after meeting him, too many humans were intimidated by Papyrus for his size alone. Some had seen him in action, and those were the ones who headed to the edges of the room the moment they caught sight of him. And yet he was nowhere near as terrifying as his brother.
“Pappy,” Frisk whispered as they entered an empty hallway. The tall skeleton tilted his head.
“YES?”
“How’s Sans?”
“TERRIBLE AS ALWAYS. HIS MESSY HABITS ARE ENCROACHING ON MORE ROOMS OF OUR HOUSE! HE LEFT A SOCK IN MY KITCHEN! MY KITCHEN!”
Frisk’s hand stifled her giggles, and the woman’s eyes twinkled at the thought of a well-placed sock messing with Papyrus.
“THOUGH LATELY IT FEELS LIKE THE MESS IS LESS PURPOSEFUL THAN BEFORE,” Papyrus continued. “SANS IS A COMPLETE SLOB, BUT HE USUALLY LEAVES THE SLOBBINESS IN HIS ROOM UNLESS HE DECIDES HE WANTS TO RATTLE MY BONES. BUT WHEN I MENTIONED THE SOCK HE APOLOGIZED AND PICKED IT UP IMMEDIATELY.”
The mirth filling Frisk’s chest deflated and left the space behind feeling cold and pain.
“AND I KNOW I GET ON HIS CASE FOR SLEEPING ALL THE TIME, BUT IT’S GOTTEN BAD. SOMETIMES HE LAYS IN BED ALL DAY AND STARES AT NOTHING. SOMETIMES IT’S LIKE…HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE AWAKE AT ALL.”
The look on Papyrus’s face…Frisk had never seen his skull sag like that. As if it couldn’t even contemplate making its usual smug, self-satisfied grin. The painful cold spread to Frisk’s lungs, and she reached up to put a hand on the tall skeleton’s red glove.
“How could he not want to wake up? He has the Great Papyrus as a brother. Who could want more than that?”
The sag of the skull lifted up briefly.
“HEH. SANS SAID THAT TOO. BUT HE LOOKS LIKE—NEVERMIND. I HAVE A PLAN TO CHEER HIM UP!”
“That’s great, Paps! I’m sure he’ll love whatever you decide to do for him.”
“OF COURSE! THE GREAT PAPYRUS ALWAYS KNOWS BEST!” Now the usually smug skull regained its confident firmness. Warmth threatened the painful cold in Frisk’s chest. “HOWEVER I WAS WONDERING IF MY BEST FRIEND WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A HAND IN HELPING THE GREAT PAPYRUS WITH HIS PLAN?”
Who could say no to those pleading eye sockets?
“Of course. Just let me know what you want me to do.”
“GREAT! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GO HANG OUT AT GRILLBY’S WITH MY BROTHER!”
Confusion swirled and mixed the cold with a blossoming warmth.
“How would that help?”
“DO YOU DOUBT THE GREAT PAPYRUS?”
“No, but—”
“NO BUTS! YOU ALREADY AGREED TO HELP ME. TAKE-BACKSIES ARE NOT ALLOWED,” Papyrus said with his red scarf floating behind him. Frisk knew better than to argue with the scarf flutter.
“Okay, I’ll go Papyrus.”
     _________________________________________________
Blue and pink sweater? Check. Comfy blue jeans? Check. Shin-high brown boots? Check.
Combing her hair into her classic chin-length bob, Frisk criticized her reflection. Maybe she should go with the faded ribbon?
“Frisk, can I come in?”
Glancing behind her at the door, Frisk sighed. Maybe she could ask Mom about the outfit? She thought her Underground look would get a chuckle or some reaction out of Sans. She hadn’t dressed like this in ages. She’d considered a more bland casual outfit, but she didn’t want him to think that he wasn’t important enough to dress up for. But she couldn’t dress up too much, because this was a cheer-up-the-skeleton dinner, not a date. And she was currently courting someone else. Dating someone else? And why did it matter because he would never think of her that way any—
“Frisk? My child? Are you okay?”
The door squeaked, and her eight-foot tall mother entered.
“Oh my! I haven’t seen that outfit in ages!”
“Yeah, I’m meeting up with Sans at Grillby’s and I thought this outfit would” --make him look at her twice— “cheer him up.”
“Hm. That might have some effect. It’s definitely past-able.”
“Mom,” Frisk groaned and then giggled. “Say, do you have any good puns I could use tonight?”
“Past-ibly.”
The two laughed and giggled at the terrible pun. Sans would love it.
“Maybe you should go instead of me,” Frisk whispered. Her mother’s snort cut off as the goat woman’s attention came fully on her daughter. “You could cheer him up better than I could…”
“My child,” her mother started, and then shook her head. She bent down onto her knees and caught Frisk’s wandering gaze. “I have been thinking about what we spoke about during Ambassador Tchiazcy’s winter banquet.”
“Oh,” Frisk gulped. She had been avoiding her mother in the days following said winter banquet. “I wanted to apologize—”
A big furry paw blocked Frisk’s view of her mother and stopped her words. The paw went down and revealed a chagrined face. The large furry paw captured Frisk’s hand gently.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” said her mother. A half-smile darkened her expression. “I do not have the skill Sans and Papyrus do for reading and sensing human SOULs, but I am not entirely blind to them. And that night I saw something in yours that I have seen in few monster SOULs.”
Frisk stared at her mother as her mother’s paw led her hand to her chest. The large paw pressed Frisk’s hand over the young woman’s hidden SOUL.
“It’s in pain. Dreadful pain.”
Closing her eyes, Frisk hoped to hide the truth from her mother. Her SOUL ached coldly beneath her fingers.
“My poor, poor child,” the goat woman whispered, and Frisk felt fur and warmth and safety wrap around her. “Why are you fighting your SOUL?”
“I don’t know,” Frisk whispered back as she nuzzled into her mother’s soft shoulder. “I don’t know why it hurts. I don’t know what it’s fighting for.”
“Don’t be silly child,” her mother said as she turned her head to nuzzle her muzzle into Frisk’s hair. “It’s your SOUL. You know it better than that.”
An ever-present grin and warm, firm magic and a kept promise. Those things and more.
Frisk brought up her arms to hold onto her mother.
“It can’t have what it wants.”
“You don’t know that until you try.” Her mother pulled away and gentle, wet eyes looked firmly into Frisk’s. “It will hurt worse if you don’t try.”
Frisk gulped and then nodded. She’d try.
      ___________________________________________
“Another please, Grillbz.”
The Fire monster shook his head, and Frisk glared at him.
“It’s nonalcoholic. And this is the last one, I promise. If he isn’t here by the time I finish this one, I’ll go home.”
Grillby tilted his head.
“Honest. Last one. And then you can cut me off.”
Fire crackled. Frisk sighed.
“I promise.”
Nodding, Grillby went to get another cup of spider cider from the back. Frisk watched the entrance from her booth. Another monster entered. The Nice Cream Vendor. A table nearby cheered his entrance, and he headed straight towards them. Frisk refused to look away from the entrance.
The seventh cup of spider cider was place in front of her, and Frisk took the tiniest of sips. The noise at the restaurant and bar started to abate. Frisk’s attention remained on the bar’s main door.
The Dogs stumbled out of the bar, barking half-drunken thanks to Grillby. The Nice Cream Vendor and his friends waved good bye to each other at the door. The drunken Bunny staggered and twirled out of the bar calling out words that made no sense. And Frisk drank the last sip of her spider cider.
A bearably hot hand cupped her shoulder and startled her. Blood red eyes looked up at a little sizzling Fire.
“I’ll go now,” Frisk said standing from the booth and shaking off the hot hand. She gave the barkeep her best smile. “Thank you for letting me stay so long, Grillbz.”
The Fire crackled and spoke.
“….you okay?”
“I will be,” she said quietly. Her hand clutched the top of her shirt. “I knew I shouldn’t have listened to it.”
“…listened to what?”
Frisk shook her head. Blinking fast and hard, she got out of her booth and headed to door she had watched all night.
“’Night.”
A hot hand tried to catch her shoulder, but she dodged. Just like she had all through the Underground. And then she ran. So many times. Outrunning when ACTing wouldn’t work. But could she outrun her own SOUL?
       ______________________________________________
Darkness filled with tiny pinpricks of light. So many humans had gazed at the sight. So many took it for granted. But none of the monsters here tonight would. To them the night sky was a sight to be loved and cherished like their princess and prince. Frisk wondered if a certain monster would be mapping the stars again tonight.
“The stars are beautiful as always.”
Frisk nodded. A large, furry arm bumped against hers as her father leaned against the balcony next to her. Frisk leaned against the arm and enjoyed the scent of flowers and dirt. She closed her eyes and pressed harder into her father’s side.
“Overwhelmed?”
She nodded.
“Understandable. It’s quite a big decision to bond with someone for life.”
Frisk moved her head down once.
“Which is why choosing the wrong one would be…less than wise.”
She blinked and gazed up at her father. He looked down at her with a wise but pained smile.
“Mom?”
A hollow chuckle and a shake of the head answered her question.
“For me, it was letting your mother go. I should have chased her all the way to the Ruins. I should have begged her to come back. So many bad decisions would have never been made if I had kept her by my side.”
Frisk pulled away from her father and vigorously shook her head. Her mother had left. He could never have stopped her.
“I could have put more effort into bringing her back, into persuading her. But I let my grief blind me to hers, and so I went over half a millennia without her.”
Frisk’s gaze fell to her left hand and the diamond-studded ring decorating it. She held it up to her face and watched the diamond sparkle like the stars she had seen in the sky. It held none of their beauty.
A white paw the size of a serving plate covered her glittering hand and gently tugged her attention to the mammoth of a monster that was her father.
“Far be it from me to deny my son’s SOUL its avid desire, but I cannot stand by and watch my daughter’s SOUL fall any further trying to please others at her expense. And in the end it will only serve to hurt both my children if I remain silent. Self-sacrifice is all well and good, but to force it unnecessarily…Let only one of us make that mistake.”
“I love him,” she stated honestly.
“Yes,” he said as he lifted the hand he held gently. “But not like this.”
Frisk gazed at the sparkling ring and slowly shook her head.
“Your SOUL longs for another.”
The weight in Frisk’s chest lifted and near burst under the words. Vision blurring and heat prickling her eyes, Frisk nodded.
“He…,” she squeaked and then stopped. She attempted to clear her tightening throat and failed. Pushing through the clog, she finished. “He doesn’t want me.”
“My dearest, I am a very old monster. Over the centuries I have observed many SOULs and watched as they longed, hoped, fell, bonded. And the draw your SOUL is experiencing…That is not one of mere desire like the one my precious son has. No, it is one half longing for its twin. A deep, ardent need to be whole with one particular SOUL. That kind of need is never one-sided.”
“You think so,” Frisk breathed out in a whisper.
“Never,” her father repeated firmly. “And as your father, there is only one thing left for me to do.”
Confusion marked Frisk’s expression, but it was soon wiped away by surprise as her father slid his large paws under her arms and picked her up.
“Know that you have the king’s blessing,” he said as he pressed her forehead against his. He then tossed her over the side of the third-story balcony. A scream fought its way out of her throat, but its futile attempts were cut short as a familiar warm, firm hold caught her SOUL.
Slowly, gently Frisk floated through the air and then landed feet down on the ground.
“i assume the years of guilt have finally driven king fluffybuns off the deep end.”
Frisk stared. The skeleton in front of her kept on his usual grin as he shifted awkwardly.
“you okay, pal? you look a little thrown off by something. or should i say someone?”
“You’re here?” Frisk asked as words finally escaped the knot in her throat.
“yeah. not usually my scene, but paps insisted that he needed a little extra help keeping an eye on things. i told him i didn’t really have eyes, but he insisted i help him anyways.”
Frisk’s mouth closed and opened before shutting firmly.
“heh. not really much to it, so it’s pretty much my speed,” he said with stiff shrug. His eye lights focused on something over her shoulder. “so i happened to be near the ballroom and heard the whole thing the goat prince did for ya. pretty sure congratulation are in order for that, right? not every day ya get proposed to by a prince at a fancy ball. and on valentine’s day too.”
His eye sockets darkened, and Frisk lost sight of his eye lights.
“so congratulations,” he said with a dark, hollow eye sockets and a grin to match. Frisk’s lips trembled and then burst apart as laughter bubbled out of them. The skeleton’s grin sagged, and Frisk doubled over in laughter. “uh…wanna clue me into the joke, pal?”
“Dad’s right,” she huffed between laughter. Her whole body shook and felt lightly tethered to the ground. Only laughter echoed in her chest. “We’re so stupid.”
“you look to be a bit more on the insane than stupid.”
“Wait,” she said struggling to bottle her mirth in her chest. The giggles kept escaping. “I’ll explain…in a minute.”
Sans stared at her, and his grin’s nervous strain caused the giggles to start all over again.
“you done?”
Frisk held a hand in front of her as her breaths continued to transform into loud laughter. Her stomach ached almost as much as her chest had.
“time for back up.”
“No,” Frisk said grabbing at Sans’s sleeve. She missed and nearly fell, but he didn’t move. Regaining her balance, her giggles finally faded.
“that must’ve been one funny joke.”
“It is,” she answered with a smile that hurt her face. “Come closer so I can tell you.”
“ok,” he said with a more convincing shrug. He shuffled over and bent his skull towards her. Frisk tilted her head up and kissed his cheekbone.
Giggles bubbled back up her throat as his skull quickly gained a dark blue tone, but she reigned them in. Sans’s eye sockets once again became full dark, but his grin remained frozen and lit under the blue tone.
Slowly and deliberately, Frisk lifted her left hand. The diamond sparkled, and eye lights reappeared and followed the glittery object. She then took off the ring and held it out.
“Looks like I’m going to have to give this back,” she said with a cheeky grin. It slipped a little. “It’s going to hurt him, but either I do it now or later when it’ll hurt more. My SOUL is not mine to give to him.”
“and whose is it?” came the skeleton’s voice quieter than Frisk had ever heard it.
“A jerk of a skeleton that made me think he had a crush on my mom and that he didn’t want anything to do with me after the Carlisles were taken care of.”
“heh,” he said as his shoulders finally lost their rigidness entirely. His eye lights were bright and solely on her, and a slight blue tint remained on his skull. “in my defense i did have a crush on your mom. gave it up pretty quick once i caught a true glimpse of your parents’ SOUL bond though.”
“Dad was trying to explain to me earlier that one shouldn’t get in the way of SOULs meant to be together. Which is why I want an explanation for Grillby’s.”
The blue darkened as his eye lights shifted away from her again.
“you were with the petal prince. it wouldn’t have been right to try to get in the way of that.” His grin curled up in a sheepish manner as the blue faded again. “if it makes you feel better, grillbz wouldn’t serve me ketchup for a full two weeks after that.”
“Good,” she said. She tucked the ring into the pocket of her dress and then reached for a skeletal hand. She didn’t miss. “Want to ditch this party and do some stargazing with your future bond mate?”
The blue returned full hue on his skull, and Frisk decided she really liked that color. He mumbled something, and then they were instantly in a large field. Stars infinitely decorated the sky tucked into the distant horizon.
Frisk gaped at the scene around her before turning back to her skeleton. A slight blue glow surrounded him, and his eye lights stared at her with a wonder all too similar to her own. She tugged him down onto the grass. He followed her lead, never once looking away from her. Soon they lay facing each other on the grass. Their hands remained intertwined.
“Do you come here often?” she finally asked.
“i used to. took a break after something unpleasant occurred here, but it’s better now.”
“What was the unpleasant thing?”
“giving up on bonding with the love of my life.”
Frisk quirked an eyebrow, and he chuckled. Her skeleton brought their intertwined hands up to his grin, and a pleasant cold pressed against her hand. He winked at her. Her body forgot to breathe.
“the petal prince asked before courting you.”
“Oh,” Frisk exhaled. She scooted closer to her skeleton. “You’re not making the whole ‘giving the ring back’ any easier.”
“it wasn’t easy watching you take it.”
She pressed her forehead against his, and her lips pecked at their intertwined hands.
“I’m going to give it back.”
“i should get you one to replace it.”
“Okay,” she said, her cheeks heating. She turned to look at the infinite sky over their heads. “Found all the constellations yet?”
“nope,” he said close to her ear. His skull knocked against hers lightly. “i could use some help.”
“I can be helpful.”
“want to point out ursa minor then?”
“Ummm,” she hummed, concentrating on the random patterns she had heard made up the starry sky. She pointed her free hand towards the sky south of her. “Is it over there?”
“not even close.”
“Then where is it then?”
“over there,” he said lifting their hands further up and tracing a different area of the sky with them. “see?”
She didn’t, but she nodded anyway.
“Show me another one?”
“sure. this is orion,” he said, guiding their hands towards another portion of the sky. “it’s pretty easy to find because of its belt of three stars. which is why its my current favorite.”
She nodded again, this time seeing the form traced by their combined fingers. The joined hands continued to skim across the sky as the soothing baritone voice continued its explanation.
Frisk followed the fingers as she noted every movement from the shoulder bumping hers, trying to take it all in. Her SOUL soared and whispered with his, and joy echoed between them. Both SOULs rested in each other. And then hands intertwined and foreheads touching, the two fell asleep.
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that-bwitch · 6 years
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Shattered
Part 2: Wild Ride
The second part of this series is here! I'm very excited about it and you guys seem to like it as well, which makes me more than willing to share more. For some reason, I'm having great pleasure writing this Billy, hope you're enjoying it as well!
Word count: 2,688
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Three times with an interval of an hour you woke up, screaming from the same nightmare, crawling into your dreams over and over again. The scene from that evening kept on repeating and after every yell of horror that sounded through the thin walls of the apartment, you thanked heavens you didn’t have a weapon next to you, or there was a high possibility that you would either stab or shoot yourself in sleepy delirium.
After the third time you were almost killed by a zombie again, you weren’t able to lie on that bed anymore. Trying not to make the mattress under you creak, you put your bare feet on a rough surface of the carpet and stood up, wincing at the unpleasant sound the rotten boards made. You cautiously looked at Billy, who fell asleep in a chair at the table, wondering if he wasn’t woken up. But despite his head lying dangerously close to freshly sharpened knives, he seemed rather peaceful, and if it wasn’t for the circumstances, you would have smiled, perhaps.
You were still relieved that Billy had finally got some rest. Considering the amount of efforts he had to make on daily basis to keep both of you alive, he must have been deadly tired, you thought, carefully getting round the table and heading to what you assumed was the kitchen. You were right — there were preserves laid out on the table, along with some fresh vegetables Billy happened to get somewhere. As you happily noticed, there were signs of a gas stove as well, but all your sudden joy faded away as soon as you tried to turn it on, which wasn’t a smart move in the first place. It didn’t work and your immediate thought was that in the morning you would have to fuss around that half-broken portable cooker you were carrying with you.
Examining things on the table, you came to a conclusion that there was nothing for you to do here, you had no desire to eat, but neither you wanted to go back to the room and suffer from nightmare after nightmare. You grabbed a wrinkled apple to keep your hands occupied and sat down on a chair, aimlessly rolling the fruit from palm to palm.
Now that your head was somewhat clear from the recent events, resulting in terrible dreams of yours, you couldn’t help but get to the thoughts about your future in that messed up world you were doomed to live in from now on. You had no idea, how much time you would be able to hold on until you would be eaten alive, or die from famine — because you had no doubts that eventually there would be no food and water left. You didn’t know about the situation in the outside world as well, as there was no electricity left, and barely any TV channel was still airing, to begin with. You remained oblivious to such things as potential evacuation program, camps or simply safe spaces for survivors, existence of people like you in general. From the very start you were put before the fact that there was only you, Billy Russo, who you had met purely by accident, and thousands of walking dead, wandering around New York and ready to destroy you if the case emerged.
It wasn’t the life you had imagined for yourself even a week ago, eating an ice cream in a sunny park with your niece and laughing at two pigeons fighting for a stale piece of bread; now you didn’t know where the girl was, along with the whole family of your sister. You planned a trip to Bahamas as soon as you would be able to find time from your work. Your relationship with that cute guy from Tinder was evolving pretty quickly and you planned to go on a real date this weekend. You had an exciting life ahead, but in an instant it was erased from the book of faith, as well as at least a half of the Earth’s population — from the map of the world.
“Night owl?”
You flinched at the voice behind your back but quickly recognized Billy’s and innerly scolded yourself for being such a nervous wreck. Who else could it be?
You merely shook your head in response, blankly looking at the apple in your hands.
“Nightmares,” you answered, dropping the fruit at the table and crossing your arms on your chest, leaning back on the chair and closing your eyes. Billy’s presence didn’t let you think anymore, so instead you tried to throw all your thoughts away and perhaps, get in the zone and go to sleep for a couple of hours before morning.
“I noticed.”
At your questioning look Billy heaved a loud sigh, rubbing his temples.
“You screamed like a wounded dog,” he explained, already near the table, rummaging in the bag. “My head’s breaking,” he added later, with a block of pills being taken out of the front pocket.
You lowered your head, feeling guilty for the lack of sleep Billy got even when he decided to finally rest — it was your fault, and he was, without a doubt, blaming you, otherwise he wouldn’t have mentioned your screams. Looking up at him, you noticed how tired his face looked, another crease on his forehead, and felt even more upset.
“I’ll… go,” you muttered, standing up and quickly making your way out of the kitchen, having made a decision to leave Billy alone. Secretly, or not so much, you tried not to stay near him for more than five minutes in a row. It always resulted in dumb quarrels and it was the last thing you wanted right now.
Billy answered nothing, settling down on the chair you were previously sitting on. Soon you lay back on the bed and fell into a dream once again, this time without any nightmares or anything else, interrupting your sleep.
You figured out one thing today: you were at the very outskirts of the city and that’s why, firstly, the surroundings looked so strange — high buildings, usual for New York, were mixed with partly destroyed wooden houses, and secondly, you hadn’t recognized this part of the city — you lived in the centre and had never been anywhere further than your workplace. Billy, on the other hand, knew every secret passage and every path, leading through heaps of garbage in the city dump. Although you were clearly interested, why did he happen to have such an unusual knowledge, you didn’t ask any questions, afraid to wake Billy’s mean side — this morning he was surprisingly calm and even said “Thank you” for the breakfast, made by you. Not that he was genuinely grateful, it sounded more like two drily thrown words to make you fuck off, but it was at least something.
You set off rather easy, leaving all your unnecessary belongings in the flat — the portable cooker broke down completely, some food deteriorated and Billy decided since that moment you would be travelling light. Now you had only guns, Billy’s precious knives, water and loaves of bread, along with some preserves. You felt sad for leaving fresh vegetables behind and tried your hardest to make a nutritious breakfast to at least get most of them to use.
Now you were walking through the parking lot of a supermarket, which, according to Billy, was near the border of New York. You were relieved that soon you would be able to ride out of the city, but at the same time you didn’t really know what was the point. Sure, open spaces were way more preferable and safer, but where were you going? Were you to do something to stay alive by yourselves, or were you to find help? Where would you get food? These questions had been twirling in your head constantly, but your mouth refused to open whenever Billy gave you a warning look, which had a power to shut you up at any minute.
Sounds of glass crashing distracted you, as well as they did it to Billy, who instantly raised up the gun, his face tensing. You ran to hide behind him, instinctively covering your head with your hands. The sound faded away as quick as it started, and you cautiously looked over Billy’s shoulder.
“Russo?” you called in a whisper, afraid that someone besides him could hear you. ”What was that?”
He merely shrugged, keeping his eyes on the glass door of the entrance to the mall.
You slowly walked further, trying not to make extra noise by scuffing the grainy ground. At first glance, atmosphere was calm around the supermarket and, as far as you could see, inside. But something must have made the glass crush, and it wasn’t anything good by default.
“Should we get over there?” you asked again, looking at Billy, who was still keeping silent.
“If you wanna die, sure, depart now,” he replied in that same tone he was usually talking to you with, but his attention was on the doors. “I suggest we leave the fuck outta here.”
To your mind, there was nothing better than agree, so you eagerly nodded. The two of you proceeded walking with caution, Billy’s gun alert.
“See a car there?” he asked after several minutes, when the supermarket was left out of your sight, hidden behind a sparse forest, and there was nothing around except for the car Billy was pointing at.
“Yes,” you replied, examining it.
A black Jeep Cherokee, the newest model, as far as you could tell from your narrow car knowledge; smart, but seemingly touched by violent actions — its left door had a giant dent. But overall, it looked like a pretty decent car, considering you didn’t have any other options.
“That’s our destination,” Billy continued. “Now listen.”
He fully turned to you, blocking the bright sun that was blinding you until that moment.
“That’s it,” he stated, spreading out his arms and looking over the neighborhood. “That’s the end. We’ll never go back to New York, ever.”
You frowned, nodding, although not understanding where he was leading his speech.
“I hate myself for picking you up, but I’m not just dropping you wherever, unless you want it yourself,” Billy went on, stepping closer. “You sure are a heck of a burden, but I’m not refusing to carry it.”
“Alright, king of allegories,” you muttered under your breath. “So?” you urged him to continue louder.
“You don’t wanna stay here?”
“What?” you asked, surprised. “Of course I don’t!”
Billy deeply breathed in and out with his eyes closed.
“Alright,” he said, opening them and turning away. “Just wanted to be clear on that,” he threw over his shoulder, making his way to the car.
“You’d be happy if I wanted though, wouldn’t you?”
Billy stopped, causing you to almost crash into his back.
“Hell I would,” he finally replied, making you wince.
You should have admitted that every rude word that came out of his mouth, hurt you. Maybe you didn’t show it that often, especially in his presence, but they were painful to listen to. You already knew you were useless at nearly everything, was there a need for confirmations?
Billy, though, didn’t seem to care about hurting your feelings in the slightest. Judging by the cold expression on his face, these words meant nothing for him. As much as you were scared to talk to him about it, you decided to yourself that someday you would rise this subject. Perhaps… just not now.
With such thoughts you reached the car, and you were ready to open the door and fall on the backseat when Billy grabbed your hand so tight that you couldn’t help but scream, hissing and rubbing it when he let you go.
“What’s wrong with you?!”
“What’s wrong with you?!” he asked, highlighting the last word. “I swear, with your common sense you’d be dead in seconds.”
“I’m tired!” you protested, but Billy didn’t listen, cautiously walking around the car and peeking into the window, letting you open the door only after these actions of his.
“Imagine walking into a zombie, hiding in a car, would you?” he offered, lumping the bag he was carrying on the seat. “No time to run and inevitable death.”
You rolled your eyes, getting into the car and stretching out on quite a large backseat, letting out a groan of satisfaction when you felt your muscles relaxing. You didn’t have any wish to start an argument, so you just sighed, putting your hands under your head and closing your eyes.
“We’re staying here for long?” you wondered, hoping the answer would be positive and you would be able to rest for a little bit more.
“‘Til I’m done with checking everything,” Billy simply answered. You lifted on your elbows and looked at him through the glass of the front window. He was absorbed in sorting out guns, laid in front of him on plain black surface.
“Alright,” you mumbled, leaning back and shutting your eyes close once again.
About an hour had passed before the dead silence was disturbed. It was that same sound of glass crushing, but now it was accompanied by screams of a person, and not only one. You immediately jumped up, feeling how your heartbeat accelerated in seconds.
“Russo!” you exclaimed, stepping on the ground, but there was no need to do it — he was already alert, with a gun in his hand.
You stood next to each other, witnessing the most horrifying scene you could ever imagine and never thought you would see. Two people, a young couple of a boy and a girl, were running from an immensely huge swarm of zombies, both of them crying. It was obvious that they were out of breath, making unbearable efforts to keep running for their life.
Your body and brain froze at this sight, unable to proceed any reaction. But when the couple noticed you and Billy and the boy started waving, screaming something incomprehensible, you flinched and tried to grab the first thing you saw — a small gun that Billy forgot to lift from the ground.
“Russo!” you yelled after he caught your hand in the air, making you stop. “Don’t you see, they need help!!!”
“We can’t help them,” he negated, slowly shaking his head.
“No, we can!” you kept screaming, attempting to break out of his tight hold. “We have a car, for god’s sake! Let’s ride into the zombies! We can help them!”
“Do you think these dead won’t kill us in an instant?” Billy coldly wondered, piercingly staring at you. “Do you think they can’t destroy a car?”
“We can help them!” you cried hysterically, but gave up on trying to escape. “We can help them...” you muttered, going more and more quiet with every word you spoke.
With widened eyes, full of tears and terror, you watched the girl tripping and falling down on the ground. You watched the boy stopping to help her and falling down next to her, his trembling legs refusing to keep him up. You watched terrifying creatures pouncing on them and fighting for their flesh. It was happening not too far away and you could hear the last cries the people made before being silenced forever.
“Russo...” you whispered, your breath shaking. “They were in the mall. We didn’t help them when we could… We killed them, Russo...”
“Stop,” Billy ordered and you obeyed, running out of strength to continue speaking. “Get in the car. Right now. We need to leave before they notice.”
All of your further movements were automatic: you crawled inside the front part of the car while Billy quickly collected his guns and put them in a trunk, you shut the door on your side. Your stare was completely blank and all the sounds were shushed, as if they were coming through cotton wool.
“We killed them, Russo,” you whispered again.
At that exact words of yours your car crossed the city border and left New York.
Tag List: @padfootagain @giggleberts @starless-skyox @furmicl @random-quartz @movokepwc @ilkaeliseb @sophiabulbu69
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prophetparadox · 7 years
Text
Birds of a Feather Chapter 1: Silver and Iron (A Prompto x OC Soulmate AU)
Prologue <-/AO3/-> Chapter 2
Word Count: 2,510
Hooray! I managed to get the chapter done before Episode Prompto came out (or before I was exposed to the spoilers because it’s out in Japan) and I became a wreck of emotions! 8D
So here’s our introduction to the lucky lady, Katia Ferrum! I needed to get her information out of the way, but she’ll be interacting with Prompto and the guys in no time! Speaking of, I’m not used to writing for all the Chocobros just yet, so hopefully I did a good job on them here! I’m sure I’ll figure it out by the end of this thing if nothing else! Also, get ready for me to put this girl through a lot, I have a tendency to make my OCs suffer, and Katia’s gonna go through that by the end of this. There’ll be a happy ending though, promise.
Tagging @themissimmortal @blindbae @cupnoodle-queen and @nifwrites because this is still their faults. Also @takuahijackedthetardis and @mini-moogle-queen. If anyone wants to be tagged in future updates, let me know and I’ll be happy to do so!
"What do you mean the boats aren't running?!"
"I'm sorry miss, but there are no boats running to Altissia at this time. There's nothing I can do about it."
"You've got to be kidding me. Any idea when they'll be running again? I need to get to Altissia and fast."
"No, I'm sorry. There aren't even any boats coming from Altissia right now."
"Great. Juuuuust great. Now what am I supposed to do?" The young woman sighed, taking a seat in the restaurant as she rested her arms and head on the table. Her entire plan was ruined. How was she supposed to make it to Altissia now?
Katia Ferrum had lived in the Crown City of Insomnia for as long as she could remember. She'd never even seen the world outside the city walls. In normal circumstances, coming to a place like Galdin Quay would be like a dream come true for her, but as things were she wished she could head back. She had no money (she didn't know what gil was until today and had stupidly left the city with currency she couldn't use), she had no way to get home unless she ran into another friendly driver who didn't mind her tagging along, and now her surprise plan was in pieces.
She tried to stop her thoughts, didn't want anxiety to get the best of her and make her start crying while she was out here in public, as she twirled a strand of her shoulder-length brown hair in her finger. She wasn't completely screwed, not yet. The boats were sure to be running again soon, what with the upcoming wedding and all, so she was bound to get out of here soon if she was just patient. However, she didn't have a place to stay until then. She had no camping gear, so the nearby heaven was useless. She had no gil, and even if she did there was no way she'd be able to gather enough to stay here at the hotel. Maybe she was screwed. She banged her head against the table. Could things possibly get any worse?
From the pocket of her jacket, she could hear her phone ring. She pulled it out, looking at the text notification. She smiled, opening up the messenger and reading the text.
Hey Kat! We're about to head out 2 Altissia! Why don't you come see us off? I'd like to see you before we have to go. :(
She giggled a little bit. Of course it was Prompto. She'd been best friends with him and Noctis since high school, they'd been an inseparable trio, always hanging out together and spending time at the arcade after school. These days, she didn't spend as much time with them as she used to. She'd started training to be in the Crownsguard shortly after graduation, leaving less time for her to spend with them. She always made sure she'd spend time with them, but her training and wishing to keep it a secret meant they spent less and less time together. It made her feel bad. Every time she had to text Prompto saying she couldn't make it, she'd feel a sinking feeling in her chest that just persisted. It made her feel lonely again.
At least all that work had paid off, as six months ago she was officially brought in to the Crowsguard, and she even had the clothes to show it. She couldn't help but wear it now, it was part of the surprise she had planned.
Speaking of the surprise, she read the text over again. They were leaving already? Katia groaned, now how would she make it to Altissia before they did? It'd only take them a few days to get here, and the guys would be able to spot her easily! She took a deep breath, first she had to respond to Prompto.
Sorry, I can't make it. I really wish I could, but I got other plans right now. TT^TT But don't worry! I'll be sure to hang out with you guys soon! Noct being a married man isn't about to keep him from being our friend! I'll see you guys soon though, I promise! I'll make it up to you then!
She hit the send button for the last text, she hated having to lie about it but it wasn't like she could walk back home to see them off. Especially since she'd planned on surprising them by beating them to Altissia, though that didn't look like an option any more. About a minute after she sent the text, she felt that sinking feeling again. The sadness, no, disappointment that she always felt in times like these. It wasn't even her fault this time though, she wasn't in the city at all. Oh well, like she said she'd make it up the next time she saw them.
She put her phone away and sighed. Back to the matter at hand then. She needed to figure out if her plan was still salvageable. Making it to Altissia before them wasn't possible now. It had taken her two days to get to Galdin Quay just by hitchhiking, and they were likely taking the car so it could take even less time depending on how many stops they'd need to make. Perhaps she could wait until they leave, head on the next boat, and just surprise them then? But there was still a matter of finding a place to stay. She'd heard about how daemons prowled the roads at night, and from what she'd heard she didn't want to risk running into one just yet. And since it wouldn't take long to get there, she needed to find some place else to stay for a while. Somewhere she wouldn't run into the guys and spoil the surprise.
She groaned, she forgot that she had no gil. Not only did she need a place to stay, she'd need to find a way to get food while she was out. She cursed herself for not planning this out better. There had to be some way she could earn money.
As if by luck, she managed to remember a poster she'd seen back near the docks. Something about Kenny Crow and hunting? Maybe that was the key! She could do a couple of hunts in the area, preferably ones that didn't appear at night, and earn herself some cash to stay somewhere! But she'd have to leave Galdin before it got dark out, guess it was back to hitchhiking. Plus this way she could keep her fighting skills sharp. Being a member of the Crownsguard wasn't easy work after all.
With a plan in her head, she stood up from the table and headed towards the counter, if she was gonna get some hunting done before nightfall, she better get started now before it got late. "Hey, what are the local bounties in this area?" she asked.
The young woman behind the counter handed her some flyers, each one with the visage of some nasty creature. Surely there was one among them that she could handle. Her eyes darted around each one, taking in the details and ruling out the ones she didn't need. Finally, she found one that seemed right up her alley. Some kind of crab-like creatures it seemed. And it paid a decent amount as well. "I'll take this one." she said, holding up the poster and showing it off. The woman smiled and wished her luck. Well, the hunt wasn't going to take care of itself, so she was off.
As she walked down the pier back to the shore, she quickly looked around to see if anyone was nearby. The coast was clear, lucky for her, so she pulled down the wristband she wore on her left arm and looked at the marking on her wrist. It was a chocobo feather, at least it looked like one to her, and she'd had it as long as she could remember. Her father had told her it was her soulmate marking, and that somewhere there was a person with the same marking on their right arm. Katia would be lying if she said she hadn't hoped about finding a soulmate, but she'd never seen anyone with the same mark and she couldn't let it be seen so easily. But the mark itself gave her comfort, she'd stare at it with her brown eyes and stroke it with her fingers. It made her feel warm and strangely gave her a confidence boost. She never questioned it though, she just let it do the trick, hoping that her soulmate was a good person.
She quickly put the wristband back on, hoping that no one saw anything, and ran down the pier to begin her first hunt.
---------------------------------
"So are you just gonna keep staring at your phone until it dies or what?"
Prompto nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden sound of Gladio's voice behind him. He'd been so lost in thought that he hadn't realized the muscular man was standing behind him. He scrambled to put away his phone as Gladio laughed at his antics. "Could you not scare me like that?" he asked, trying to hide the crack in his voice.
"It's hard not to when you space out like that," Gladio said, calming down his laughter. "So what's got you so mesmerized anyway? Waiting for a call from Cindy?"
"I doubt it," Noctis piped up. "If I know Prompto, he's still looking at that text he got from Kat yesterday." The prince smirked, as if he knew something no one else did. Prompto hated it when he did that, but he was right.
After telling him she wouldn't be able to see them off, and the disappointment had set in, he'd gotten another one from her asking to let her know when they'd made it to Altissia and to send photos. He'd told her it wouldn't be a problem, and hadn't heard a word from her since. It'd been a day now, the four of them having made it to Hammerhead and getting the car fixed up by Cid, and she hadn't said anything to him since then. It was strange that she was so quiet, she'd usually send him at least one message a day to see how he was doing, but the lack of communication was starting to worry him.
"So what if I am?" he asked. "Aren't I allowed to miss my other best friend, Noct?"
"You are, but the amount of times you've stared at your phone since the car got fixed is a little strange if you ask me." Noctis said, that smirk never leaving his face.
"I just wish she'd been there to see us off," Prompto admitted. "I mean, I've barely seen her these days, it would've been nice for her to be there when we left."
"She said she was preoccupied, there's nothing more that could be done," Ignis finally joined in. "I'm certain that Katia wanted to be there."
"Knowing her, she'd probably have begged to come with us," Noctis said. "She sounded excited about the wedding after all."
The idea popped into Prompto's head. Katia being there with them sounded even better. Having someone like her around would've made this trip even more fun. Though he wasn't sure if she'd be able to deal with the battles they'd gotten in recently. The Dualhorn they'd fought that morning hadn't been easy after all. Would she be able to have kept up with all of them? He didn't want to think about something like that. "You got that right." he said, trying to keep up his cheery facade. No reason for the others to know just how much he was missing her, something that he didn't even really understand. They were just best friends, so why did he feel so sad about all this?
"Besides, you got enough girl problems anyway. What with Cindy and all." Gladio said. Prompto looked away. The female mechanic of Hammerhead was certainly a sight to behold. She was beautiful, smart, just the kind of woman Prompto would want to be with. She didn't have the same mark as him, but he didn't care. But as much as he wanted to go after her, his self-doubts and fears got to him again. Cindy probably didn't want a guy like him, she was probably out of his league. And then there was the small pain he felt in his heart. He didn't get it, he thought falling in love would feel good, not painful. Maybe he had more to learn about love than he thought.
"It will take us some time before we arrive at Galdin Quay," Ignis said, changing the topic. "And it'll be dark soon. I suggest we stay at this motel for the night, so we may avoid any daemons that may be prowling about."
"Well, it's up to Noct." Gladio said, nudging the prince's arm with his elbow.
As the other three discussed what their next move was, Prompto felt a slight pain in his arm. It wasn't anything serious, but it was easily noticeable since nothing had caused this. He'd been feeling these minor mystery pains since yesterday. He tried to hide it, but to no luck as Ignis noticed him grab his arm. "Another mysterious pain in your arm, Prompto?" he asked.
"Yeah, it's another one." he sighed.
"It would seem your soulmate, whoever they are, has been rather reckless lately. Though considering the scuffles we got into yesterday and this morning, I'm sure that they're feeling the same way."
"What makes you so sure it's my soulmate bond?" Prompto asked.
Ignis pushed his glasses back up. "I'm no stranger to these pains myself, you know," he explained. "And considering neither you or I have wounds where these pricks of pain are, it could only be our soulmates getting into some kind of dangerous behavior."
"So it's settled then, we're staying here at the motel?" Gladio asked.
"No doubt about it," Noctis said. "If for no other reason than to keep Prompto from complaining about all the pain his soulmate seems to be putting him through." The smirk had returned.
"Cut it out, Noct!" Prompto said. Though he wouldn't mind staying in a nice warm bed tonight, he didn't want to feel like he was a burden. Without another word, he walked over to The Crow's Nest, his thoughts felt like they were all over the place and he needed a bite to eat.
The others followed him, deciding getting some food was a good idea. Noctis stayed in the back, the smirk gone as he sighed. Just what was that girl getting into? He hoped it was nothing too serious. He had enough on his hands as it was. Plus she had her reasons for doing whatever it was. He just hoped it wasn't going to kill her in the process. The last thing he needed was Prompto going through something like that.
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forgedobsidian · 7 years
Text
Aphelion
A MHA fanfiction. Chapter 5.
Chapter 1     Chapter 2     Chapter 3    Chapter 4
AO3
Summary:
Izuku has been kidnapped by All For One, for reasons the young boy doesn’t understand. He is forced to stay at a rundown facility, surrounded by villains and, for all he knows, completely without help. In-between his attempts to escape or learn why he has been stolen, the young boy spends his time with a near-comatose man who seems strangely familiar.
Trigger Warnings for: kidnapping, body horror, medical torture, needles, and pain
All For One sighed around the tube in his throat, his chin resting on a fisted hand.
Really, this is beyond tedious. 
He was seated in a familiar chair, nodes and drips connected to the remains of his head. Medical machines and IV bags hung from the metal stands surrounding his seat. His legs were stretched out in front of him, a familiar monitor resting on a nearby desk. The screen was blank - Kurogiri had just given his report. Everything was quiet.
“I’m back,” his companion said.
Eihei was a short and stout man, a full brown beard not seeming to match his bald head. The tips of his fingers were covered in organic circuits, sparks of electricity zapping between the joints. He was surrounded by electrical cables, all of them plugged into the wall. They gave off a faint heat, their previous use wearing through the protective shielding that surrounded the wire.
“Any more resources for me, Eihei?”
“None of any particular interest, at least as of yet. How’s the boy I found for you?”
“Useful.”
Eihei snorted. “That’s all well and good, but how soon are we gonna see the fruits of our efforts, so to say?”
“Before long. Murata and I have been working on a special project of mine. The boy is helping us move along at a much greater pace that we originally anticipated.”
Eihei looked him over, eyes flicking over the chair, before he shrugged and nodded. “Sounds alright.”
“How about that one we’ve been watching?”
“The girl from the Eight Precepts? The kid isn’t old enough quite yet, but before long we’ll see if that investment Chisaki made pays off. He’ll have to work a while, though, to get the right amount of trigger he needs. We have time.”
“Good.” I can’t allow the playing field to get too level. That makes things messy. “If need be, we’ll organize a raid and get our hands on the girl ourselves. But only if she turns out to be promising.”
Eihei nodded. “I’ll keep an eye on it.”
“Good.”
They both quieted down when Ito opened the door and walked into the room, an angry twist to her mouth. She stalked over to the pair, carefully stepping around all the medical equipment and Eihei’s cables.
“Damn kid made another escape attempt.” Ito had a fading snarl on her face, and her eyes were angry. “Murata left the door unlocked. I’ll have to have a word with him.” Red flared up her fingers and lingered around her wrists. She came to a stop in front of All For One, an angry twitch to her shoulders.
While he would prefer to keep the true nature of his physical state under wraps, there were a few people All For One allowed into this innermost sanctum. Shigaraki was one, Eihei was another. Ito was relatively new, but she had proved herself and it was easier for his commandments to be understood if he gave them to her directly. He could always kill her if the need arose.
“He left the boy’s door unlocked? That’s a little unfocused, even for him,” Eihei muttered.
“He left the boy with that . . . that thing, you know? That we used on the raid? That’s the door he forgot to lock.”
All For One shifted. “He left the boy there? I wonder why.”
Ito shrugged. “I have no idea.”
All For One steepled his fingers as he thought. A moment later and he gestured at Ito. “Your report, then.”
She nodded. “I’ve reestablished contact with some of our inner city dealers. Told them we’ll have a good product for them in a little while, and that it’d be in their best interest to leave some room for us unless they want trouble. I’m having trouble tracking down our people on the coast, though.”
“We need them, Ito, if we plan to get back to a global level.”
“Understood, sir.”
He nodded, ignoring the pain as the tube shifted in his trachea. “Well, then. To work.”
Ito nodded and left the room, pulling the door closed behind her. 
“Eihei. When will the first test batch be ready?”
Eihei harrumphed. “A day or two more, I think. It’s taking a bit to work out the obvious kinks, like time and the cooldown period.”
“That is acceptable. When you deem it ready, I know where to find our first test subject. It’d be best to get as much use out of that particular resource before it becomes obsolete.”
Izuku walked after Murata with a satisfied feeling in his chest.
Yagi. Toshinori Yagi. That’s his name.
“Sorry for dragging you all this way. I’m a little tempted to just not bother with bringing you to the room, but I like having my tools nearby.”
Izuku shook his head, breaking out of his thoughts. “It’s alright. I don’t mind the walk.”
“That’s decent of you.” Murata seemed subdued, and he kept rubbing at the bandage that was wound around his right forearm.
Izuku’s brows furrowed. “What happened?”
“My mistake, my mistake. Won’t happen again.” He sighed and smiled. “Left your door unlocked. I’m not supposed to.”
“You got hurt . . . because of me? Because I tried to get out?”
“From a certain point of view, sure. But Ito was very specific, and it won’t happen again, so don’t worry about it.” Murata opened the door into Yagi’s room and stepped inside. “You know the drill. Sit down and stay still so I can get more samples.”
Izuku nodded, even though Murata couldn’t see him. The chair was where he had left it, the arm straps hanging over the edge of the seat. Izuku fell into the chair with a sigh, trying to find something to occupy his mind. He didn’t want to think about his situation.
Yagi was sleeping in his chair, which was normal. The oxygen mask had been fastened back around his head. There was a thick bandage stuck across his back, and Izuku could see the edges of the burn around the lip of the covering.
He’s not looking much better, but at least he’s resting, Izuku thought. 
He sighed again, almost not noticing when Murata tied the rubber strip around his arm. He did notice the sting of the needle, and he forced himself to not watch as Murata drew his blood. It was over quickly.
Izuku made to press his fingers at the needle mark to stop the bleeding after the syringe was removed, but Murata’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.
“Wait there for a second. I think I might try something out really quick.” Murata walked over to his desk, muttering under his breath. 
Izuku shifted in his chair, shooting another glance at Yagi. The man hadn’t shifted, hadn’t even twitched since Izuku and Murata had entered the room.
“Maybe just a little . . . just to see . . .” Murata placed a piece of cloth over the top of a small bottle, the orange contents splashing as the doctor quickly turned it upside down. A blot grew on the cloth, and he quickly righted the bottle and replaced the cap. Then he walked towards Izuku.
The boy felt his heart beat faster, and his vision tunneled to the cloth held in Murata’s hand. He could feel his muscle freezing in place, keeping him from moving. He wanted to jump from his seat and run, but he couldn’t force his body into leaving the chair. He could only watch as Murata pulled out Izuku’s arm, baring the new needle mark to the open air.
Then Murata pressed the wet cloth against Izuku’s skin, centering the wet blot on the puncture where he had drawn Izuku’s blood. Izuku yelped when Murata pressed the cloth harder, the pain from his bruise and the recent shot worsening. Then, the pressure was gone, and Izuku stopped squirming.
“Well, now, this is interesting.”
Izuku took a shaky look at his arm. There were bumps raising along his skin, and even as he watched the bumps seemed to fold in on themselves and harden. Except for a vague itching, it hadn’t hurt. There was a faint green color spreading along the bumps, though, and Izuku started to feel nauseous. 
The bumps and color faded a moment later, leaving his arm looking like it had before. The bruise throbbed, though, and Izuku wanted to scratch at his arm.
“W-what was that!?”
“Don’t worry, don’t worry,” Murata said, waving his hand. “It wasn’t permanent, and I just wanted to see how a little of it reacted to a quirkless body.”
“What . . .” Izuku swayed in his seat, stiffened, and took a desperate dive for the trashcan. 
Murata watched as Izuku gave a dry heave. “Well, that was interesting.”
Izuku was breathing heavily. “That . . . what . . .”
Murata gave a chuckle. “Just a little experiment. No worries. You’ll feel better soon. Out of curiosity, did it hurt?”
The boy shook his head and rested the back of his hand on the cold tile floor. Eventually the nausea passed and he was able to stand, only to collapse back in his chair when he realized how shaky his legs were.
Izuku didn’t try to ask Murata anything. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, and he doubted Murata would be as talkative now as he had been in the past. He swallowed and cradled his arm close, trying not to scratch at his skin.
Eventually Murata sighed and walked to the door. “Come on. I’m taking you back. And no, you can’t stay here to take a nap or whatever. I have to get you back to your room.”
Izuku blinked.
Murata sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Why do you like talking to him anyway? He’s a terrible conversationalist, from my experience.”
Izuku started. “You . . .”
“I know that you like talking to him. It’s not that hard to figure out.”
The boy swallowed, trying to push down the panic in his chest. “I-I just, I don’t know. He . . . um.” Izuku’s mind scrabbled for an answer. “He reminds me of someone. I’m trying to figure out who, is all.”
“Oh, now that’s interesting!” Murata suddenly seemed very happy. “Conducting your own experiment, are you?”
“I . . . I guess, sort of.” Izuku tried not to squirm in his seat, uncomfortable with the attention. He’s in the same boat as me. Neither of us wants to be here. He’s the closest thing I have to an ally, right now. And he needs help.
Izuku knew that his drive to help others might not help him in his current situation, when he needed to focus completely on keeping himself safe. But he couldn’t just let someone else hurt and suffer when there was something he could do about it. If Yagi knowing he wasn’t alone helped ease his situation, then Izuku wanted to help.
“Well, that’s very interesting, kid.” Murata was pinching at the skin on his hand. “As much as I support what you’re trying to do, let it never be said I don’t support the scientific method, I can’t let you have free range just yet. Besides, Ito’s scarier than you. So, maybe some other time.”
“. . . okay.” Izuku got up from his chair, making his way to where Murata had swung the door open. He gave Yagi’s limp hand a consoling pat as he walked by. 
Murata kept talking as he walked Izuku around the compound, taking the long way back to the cell.“I mean, besides, he’s only been so aware recently because of everything that’s going on. You, the raid, et cetera. He’ll quiet back down before too long.”
Izuku spoke before he could think. “Raid?”
“Oh, no. I don’t want to get in trouble with Ito again. You’re not getting anything out of me.” Murata snorted and ran his fingers along the wall. 
“Oh. Okay.” The curiosity in Izuku’s chest was squashed. 
Murata peered around the hallway, a mischievous twist to his mouth. “Though, I do like you. You help my work. Maybe I’ll tell you a bit, just to get that expression off your face.”
Izuku nodded, trying to control his expression. The more information I have, the better. 
“Boss sent some folks out on a raid, along with your friend in the chair. That’s where he got that nasty burn.”
“He wanted to go?”
“Doubt it. He’s stubborn when it comes to stuff like this. Ito had to get a little persuasive, apparently. Anyway, we got our hands on some really important data. It’s changing the entire game.”
“Game?”
Murata just grinned. “Now, now, don’t worry about it. It won’t hurt you. I think.”
“Oh.”
Izuku didn’t get a chance to ask any more questions. Murata opened the door to his room, Izuku stepped in, and Murata closed it. There was the distinctive click of a lock.
Izuku sighed, kicked at the door, and fell backwards onto his bed. A moment later, and he dug his notebook and the salvaged pen out from his backpack.
He wrote down everything that had happened that day, from seeing Yagi to what Murata had told him. A determined expression fell across his face. He turned the page, and kept writing. 
Four years ago . . .
There was something wrong with his chest. 
He couldn’t breathe past something in his side, he couldn’t move his arms. Blurry light filtered through his closed lids, painfully drilling into his head. When he tried to say anything his dry throat tore and something warm dribbled out of the corner of his mouth. His feet were cold.
His hand twitched, and he dimly registered the click of his nails against something metallic. A wave of chilled air trickled over his arms.
Why can’t . . . I breathe . . . 
Toshinori tried to blink his eyes open, but they felt gummed shut. He wheezed and tried to throw his shoulders up. All he managed was a feeble twitch before he fell back, winded. His left side felt numb and crinkly. 
It took everything he had to reach up and rub at his eyes. His fingers met his eyelashes, and he could feel something thick and globulous holding them closed. His nails scratched away the substance, and before long he blinked his eyes open.
The bright light spiked into his head and he twitched with a groan, clenching his eyes shut against the pain. The next time he slid his eyes open carefully, giving himself time to adjust.
His vision was blurry and unfocused, but the sight that met his eyes managed to send a jolt down his spine even through the thick haze over his senses.
His hands were bandaged, but he could still see the way the joints were twisted and warped under the wrappings. He turned his head, looking down at his torso, the flicker of a dark memory licking at the edge of his mind.
He found the edge of the bandaging first, his hand slowly tracing the edge the off-white fabric. His head turned further. The bandages bulged suddenly at his sternum, and he could feel sweat beading on the back of his neck as he turned further.
His side was mangled. He could tell even through the thick padding that was stuffed around what was left of his ribcage. He could feel now that he was turned slightly on his side, bandaging on the left half of his back pushing him up. Clarity spiked his mind even as he wondered where the pain was.
A groggy tendril of determination went through his brain, and he managed to sit up and swing one leg to the floor. He dimly took note of the loose pants he wore, and the fact that he had been lying on a thin gurney. A twinge ran up his side, but the discomfort didn’t increase.His toes scraped against the cold tile floor, but he couldn’t feel it. His feet were numb. 
He swung his other leg over to the floor, legs dangling off the edge of the narrow gurney. Only then did he see the various IV lines stuck in his left arm, tendrils of thin plastic tubing attached to several fluid bags that hung from a metal stand. 
“Wh-” 
His voice rasped and caught in his throat. The taste of iron filled his mouth, and it took all he had not to throw up. Instead, he coughed roughly into a bandaged fist, his eyes widening at the blood that gathered on the white wrappings. 
What happened?
The door across from the gurney opened, a person of middling height walking through with a tray held in his hands. Their eyes widened when they saw Toshinori sitting up.
“Woah, didn’t expect you to be up and around quite yet,” the person quipped. They set the tray to the side and walked to the side of the gurney, one hand reaching out to rest on Toshinori’s forearm. “And how are we today?”
Toshinori cleared his throat, hunching in on himself as a painful cough built in his chest. “W-where am I? Who’re you?”
“Easy, easy, fella. I’m Masumi Murata,” the man said, gently turning Toshinori’s wrist over to check the IV’s. “You’re in a safe place. No worries.”
Toshinori knew he was a mess, that his face was pale and sweat was tracking its way down his cheek. His hand shook where he gripped the edge of the gurney. Something in him felt broken and out of place, but that didn’t stop him from trying to figure out the feeling of warning at the back of his head.
“Well,” Murata said, giving Toshinori’s shoulder a friendly slap. “Looks like you’re knitting together just fine. Just don’t squirm around too much, and don’t try to leave the room. Too much movement and we’ll be back to square one.”
“S-square one?”
“You were heading down a tunnel towards a bright light when I got my hands on you. It was touch and go for a while.”
“How . . . how long?”
“Long enough. Anyway, let me run a few tests, and I’ll let you get back to sleep, yeah?”
Toshinori swallowed, but gave a hesitant nod. 
Murata smiled and turned back to the tray, picking up a stethoscope. “I’m just gonna listen to your chest real quick.”
Toshinori felt his back twitch when the cold metal of the stethoscope roamed around his back. The faint feeling of unease had increased, and Toshinori tried to keep the worry from his face as he gave Murata sidelong glances.
He couldn’t find any official identification, and Murata’s clothing beneath the lab coat wasn’t anywhere near regulation. His surroundings didn’t look the slightest like a hospital room, either. It felt more like a modified storage closet, crammed with medical tools.
A chilling thought grew in the back of his mind.
Well, there’s one way to find out . . . 
“Gran Torino? W-where is he?”
“Who? Oh, him! He’s fine! Not a scratch on ‘em. Don’t worry about that.”
Toshinori grappled with his memories, and his mouth turned sour. 
Torino had broken his knee in the fight, and landed on a shattered window. There had been glass shards sticking out of his elbow when Toshinori had last seen him.
And with that Toshinori knew what had happened. 
He wasn’t safe, wasn’t in a hospital. He didn’t know what had happened to Torino, or if Sir had ever shown up. He didn’t even know what day it was or how debilitating his injuries really were. 
All For One’s people had gotten there first. It was as simple as that.
Toshinori swallowed, and steeled himself for movement.
He made his move when Murata had his back turned, his bare feet slapping against the tile. When he stood he felt something twist in his side, and pain flared along his sternum. He moved quickly, despite the discomfort. There was a painful jerk in his arm as the IV’s pulled free.
Before Murata could react, Toshinori had opened the door and skidded out into the hallway beyond.
His side hurt, but not as much as he had expected. It was hard to keep his balance, but not so hard as to keep him from staggering down the hallway.He heard Murata running up behind him, and without much thought he turned and grabbed Murata’s outstretched hand, pulling him in close, twisting his wrist. Then he pushed Murata away, trying to tangle the fake doctor’s legs as Murata staggered.
Pain flared up his side, forcing Toshinori to take a couple steps back and sag against the wall.
Murata was swearing under his breath and holding his twisted hand, slowly massaging the fingers. 
“The hell was that for?!”
“You’re lying,” Toshinori snarled, feeling his hands shake. “Where am I?”
Murata glared at him, cradling his twisted hand. “Geeze, was it something I said?”
“Answer me!”
“Okay, okay, just calm down.” Murata raised his good hand in a placating gesture. “No need to get riled up.”
Toshinori felt his hands curl into fists at his sides and he took a threatening, though wavering, step towards the doctor. 
“Woah, okay, chill! You’re gonna be fine, but just let me give you this, okay?” Murata pulled a loaded syringe from his pocket. “This’ll help you relax, nice ‘n easy.”
Toshinori snarled, but his voice cut out as something warm and tasting of copper surged up his throat and out his mouth. He looked down, and saw blood dribble from his chin onto the floor. 
“Well, that’s not a good sign,” Murata said, his voice surprised.
Toshinori coughed and felt something give in his side. His vision started to blur. The ground moved up to meet his knees, and he dimly felt himself slip sideways. There was a dull thump when his head connected with the ground.
There was a tremor going up and down his spine, and he couldn’t control his limbs. His jaw spasmed and he bit the inside of his cheek.
He could dimly hear Murata’s footsteps coming closer. “That’s quite the seizure you’re having there, buddy.”
Toshinori felt his shoulder relax, and he tried to take a swing at where he thought Murata was.
“Now now, none of that.”
There was a prickle in his neck, and everything faded away. 
Time lost all meaning for him after that. He was occasionally aware of something happening around him. His ears constantly felt like they were stuffed full of cotton, so he couldn’t pick out the voices that danced around his head. There was a smell of antiseptic and iron, and sometimes the sticky scent of something rotting. 
He floated in an out of consciousness, sometimes held in a drugged sleep, other times forced to undergo more painful procedures under Murata’s supervision while awake. The few times he managed to shake himself to awareness he was quickly put back under, only able to get a quick, blurry image of his surroundings before falling back into the jagged feeling of unconsciousness. 
He could feel himself losing weight, the proud muscle along his shoulders and arms fading the longer he was captive. He was growing weaker, unable to move for more than a few minutes at a time. He never got another chance to try and escape. 
In his more lucid moments he wondered what was happening outside his cell, how his friends and companions were handling his absence, how the world was responding to the disappearance of All Might. Guilt at not being strong enough to get back to them ate at him just as much as the injury to his side. 
He couldn’t remember when he was moved to the chair, or when the ports were surgically implanted in his torso and arms. It took him a while to figure out that there were ports winding up his spine, as well. Sometimes he managed to get a look at his arms, and could track the passage of time by the number of old and new needle scars. 
One time he woke up feeling light-headed and chilled, and he realized that his hair had been shaved.
He didn’t get many visitors that he could remember, his waking interactions usually limited to Murata and his needles. Sometimes, though, All For One was there.
“I intend to make your failure complete, All Might.”
He jolted, pulling out of the drugged sleep and giving a wet cough. 
“For how strong you were, you were weakest when it most mattered. You’ve failed so many people.”
Toshinori groaned, trying to stifle his voice. His eyes roamed over the room in a blurred haze until they fell to focus on All For One, sitting across from him in a chair.
“You know, it’s astonishing just how quickly everything fell apart. Even I was surprised, in truth.” All For One seemed whole, only the black helmet left as a testimony to Toshinori’s efforts. 
He swallowed, clenched his eyes, and tried to school himself into resistance. 
“You won’t be a problem any more, All Might. In fact, you’re going to help me rebuild from the ground up.”
Toshinori tried to snarl, to fight back, but his willpower was tattered. He had nothing left to fight with. Still, he pulled his lips back and bared his teeth, mentally scrabbling to put a more coherent form of resistance together. 
“I always knew you were a brute, but I hardly dared hope for such an animalistic response.” 
Toshinori felt a clammy hand rest on the back of his neck. He shivered and tried to duck away, but he was stopped by the weight of the tubes along his spine. 
“Eventually, I’ll take back the quirk that I made. I’ll take you apart piece by piece until I get my hands on what I want. And until then, you’re another tool of mine, to use and discard at my whim.”
The hand tightened and Toshinori choked. His head was pulled back until he was staring up into All For One’s mask, his drawn features reflected in the dark material. Spots swam in front of his eyes.
“And there’s nothing you can do about it, hero.”
Something dug into his side, and his vision went white.
Author’s Note: All For One is a really interesting character to write!
I’m pretty surprised at how many people seem to enjoy Murata’s character. It’s a nice feeling; it took a while and A LOT of development to get his character down. I’m so glad that people are responding to him!! He’s a blast to write, honestly.
Thanks for reading!!
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opisasodomite · 7 years
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Answer all of them. That's right you bastard, every damn one. We're gonna overload this site with the cuteness that is your relationship. Happy goddamn Easter.
You sent me this just to torture me damn you Nicole 1. Have you met your soul mate?Well that term is cheesy as hell but I literally can't imagine anyone more compatible with me than Act and I love him super lots so... Yes? I guess?2. Favorite color when you were younger, and now?I used to really love green partly because Irish but now I'm all about the purple because I am the Byzantine emperor3. Do you wear eye-shadow? What color?Get anything away from my eyes I am terrified of anything makeup related near my eyes even eye shadow4. Are you in love right now?YES5. In your opinion, is love at first sight real?No but the fact that I literally saw Act's OkCupid profile and immediately thought wow what a cool dude sure says a lot about my judgment lol6. Are you an optimist, realist, opportunist, or pessimist?I guess I consider myself a realist? Like things aren't either wholly bad or good and I do believe you can advance if you take opportunity but ultimately you are limited based off of your circumstances like wealth race status and mental health, stuff like that. 7. First kiss details? (If you haven’t been kissed, reply how and if you would like to be.)lol I'm going to do both first kisses because I really wish my first was actually Act. So it's high school and no other gay kids existed ooexcept my friends friend. We start dating because duh gay. We go to a school concert and I'm like trying to be cutesy and romantic so I tell him, because I'm dying of heat in the winter because Florida, "if I had do be overheating at least it's with you~*~" and then cue kiss. He was an ugly dude but damn did he know how to kiss.My first kiss with Act was actually damned passionate. We meet up after talking for months for the first time. I drove six hours from Tampa to Savannah and we meet and hang out all day right. It's all very simple and very chaste. We go hang out at my hotel afterwards though where we pretend we don't know what we wanna do. So we start cuddling... My god I've never felt such electricity from someone touching me. He says he's wanted to do that all day as we just hold hands. I then ask if we can kiss. We lean in gently and it's awkward but feels so good...We didn't do anything else except make out but it was great.8. Do you own stickers, an stationary?No but Act taught me calligraphy and I really should learn it again and get some nice stationary for fun.9. What’s your aesthetic?Uh... Colorful pants? That's all I guess lol 🤣10. Do you wear dresses, and skirts?Nah11. What is your hair like?Resistant to change. I have blond and wavy hair but no matter what I do it always wants to lie flat on my head so I've given up doing fancy stuff with it and just do some decent styling.12. Does time go by fast or slow to you?Too damn FAST when Act is here and too damn SLOW when I'm bored to death.13. What time do you go to bed? What time do you wake up?This question assumes I have a regular sleep schedule.I guess normally I fall asleep around 2 and wake up at 10 though.14. Favorite sweet food?Hmm... Lately I've kinda become an endless cheesecake eater. That and cookies or ice cream.15. Tea, coffee, or hot cocoa?I would die without coffee but tea is also good. 16. Space, Ocean, City, or Forest?I'm a forest gay.17. Favorite game as a child?Video game: the Legend of Zelda: Wind WakerBoard game: this weird version of chess called stratego? I would always play it with my mom lolOutdoors: uhhh baseball? If by baseball you mean hitting a ball and not having to run lol18. Comfort book?It's hardly a comfort book because it's the embodiment of Angst™ but the only book I can just open and read a bit of is Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami. The narrative voice and theme of adolescent identity crisis really kinda got to me when I first read it. I still identify heavily with the characters and love the surreal, almost cerebral tone.19. Princess, Fairy, Mermaid, or Unicorn?I'm a forest fairy boy thanks 20. Do you fall in love easily?Lol very much so. I met Act in person once, and we were just chatting one night on the phone and he was translating "Now I See the Light" from Tangled from Swedish into English and it just hit me: this super nerd is the cutest and most interesting guy I've ever met, and has a beautiful voice and personality. 21. Favorite word?Apparently. It's quite versatile and always has a ring of sarcasm to it.22. Describe your life in 3 words.AHHHHHHHHHHH (grad school), Act, Nicole 23. Do you dance? Slow dance?lol nope 24. Do you wear fake nails, or paint your nails?Nah 25. Has anyone ever confessed to you?I'm literally the confidante of both of my best friends (Act included) so yes26. Do you lie?Yeah. White lies though, I can't stand being deceitful unless I'm trying to avoid something unpleasant for me or anyone else. Like I'll say I'm going to bed but really just want alone time or I'll say I need to get home instead of I really don't want to be in social situations right now.27. What makes you smile?Thinking about my boyfriend :)Otherwise it's my super cool friend @stained-glass-rose That jerk 28. Have you ever cried in a book or movie?Duh. I sob at any emotional scenes 29. When and who was your first crush?Hmm that's hard to say really. The first super super deep one was with this guy Chaz in high school, my best friend at the time. He and I had 6/7 of our classes together and spent every day eating lunch with each other. During the summer he would ask me to come over every day and after I came out he got even more physically affectionate with me. During freshman year English class we watched a shitty version of the Odyssey and he just rested his head on my arms and napped there. It was super super gay for me. We still suspect he was probably attracted to guys.30. Marriage or kids?Marriage without a doubt, it's legally convenient and frankly I like the idea of a nice commitment thingy. Kids I'm gonna need a long time to think about because I'm an anxious and depressed mess who can hardly handle himself and is afraid of getting a pet even. I like the idea of giving a sweet kid a good home but I'm worried I'm not up for it. We shall see. 31. Are you superstitious?Not at all. Tbh I find ghosts, magic, superstitions, and all that to be completely silly.32. Who’s your 3 am thought?Take a wild guess lol(Act~)33. Do you like candy? What’s your favorite candy?I have a horrible sweet tooth: I love mostly fruit flavored candies like skittles and twizzlers and life savers especially.34. Favorite holiday?Christmas because winter :p35. Favorite season?WINTER I AM A FURNACE36. Cat or dog person?I love dogs so much they are my life's goal. I've always had one until I moved away.I used to be meh about cats, neither liked nor disliked them, but now I'm appreciating them and their personalities which are so much different from what I'm used to with dogs. They're beautiful and elegant and dumb and adorable creatures all at once. I still don't think I want one though but when a cat lets me pet them I feel Blessed™37. Are you quiet or loud?I'm quiet if I don't know you and I never shut up if I do38. Favorite time period? (80′s, 60′s, etc.The 80s would've been great if Reagan wasn't president and AIDS never existed. The music, aesthetic, movies, and all that are some of my favorite enduring things.39. Favorite fashion fad that went away?Skinny jeans. I'm very disappointed because absurdly tight pants are my go to fashion choice40. The best dream/ worst nightmare you’ve ever had?I have weird nasty horror nightmares but the freakiest one was a weirdass realistic one.TW: Sexual assault, pedophilliaMy worst nightmare involved my old roommate that me and Nicole used to live with. An old friend's friend contacted me and asked to hang out in the dream. I agree and he's on his way over: while he's out in my living room I hear my roommates door close and I find graphic pictures showing the dude into those diaper kink things and somehow this made me certain he was gonna hurt her.I burst out of my room and try to open her door only to find he's locked it and assaulting her at that exact moment. He then mocks me through he door as I desperately try to get in and stop him.God I was so scared for her and Nicole from that point on41. Worst fear as a kid?... To be honest it was (and still is) being raped or kidnapped and molested.44. Do you flirt?With my boyfriend :p45. What’s your style?I have none I'm a giant spastic nerd 46. Do you blush?Not often anymore but I get bashful when flirting with Act or when he gives me an unsolicited compliment. Also Nicole's mom called me and him adorable while we were being cute and me and him both blushed lol47. Do you feel everything, nothing, or you don’t know what to feel?I feel numb a lot of the time but I think I'm able to feel some things again. I still don't feel like I feel as much as I should48. Are you a crier? Do you smile?I'm not as much of a crier as I used to be but I can still break out at the slightest touch if I get in an argument or stressed.49. First love?Act.50. Last love?Still love Act :p
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