...to tell him...
Hey, there, diary. I left the house today and it wasn't for just going to the library! Are you proud of me? Are you even sentient? No, probably not. But, y'know, I wouldn't be the most surprised.
Any guesses as to where I went? No? Fair. I went to... GoodTimes Cafè! It's a really nice place. I'd recommend it to you if you gave a shit. But then, you're a book and I'm talking to blank pages.
Anyways, GoodTimes Cafè. It's run by someone who used to go to my highschool back when I had friends and wasn't a crippling mess and Xornoth was actually alive.
Back then, however, it was run by his dad. A nice guy, no doubt. But then he died of some disease and his son was forced to run the place. As for who his son is, I didn't remember until I went today.
The place was nearly full when I entered. There was only one seat for two people in the corner of the room, perfect for looking out the window. I wasn't in the mood for cooking breakfast so I was here.
I ordered waffles and coffee 'coz why not. The guy working at the moment looked at me for a good minute before shaking himself and taking down my order.
I sighed and looked out the window, watching birds flutter from one tree to another, singing their joyous song. I'm not sure how I feel about them, honestly. Sometimes I think 'huh, what pretty creatures' and other times I think 'shut up for once'.
Anyways, I was there, contemplating life, when the guy working - what, is he the only working? - comes up with my food and a bright smile.
"I remember you, now! You're that guy from highschool. The one who argued with the drama teacher just to get the role of Juilliet in the play! I think the rumours said that you did that just to kiss a boy you liked?"
I pulled on a smirk - for old times' sake - and said, "I'm pretty sure I started that rumour." For the record, I did. I started that. It was true, though. I did use it to kiss a boy I liked. That boy just so happens to be Mr. I-met-at-the-library.
"Well, good to see you around! You've not been coming out much, as Owen tells me."
"Darling, I came out 4 years ago and it was a hard time."
The guy laughed and set down my food so that he didn't drop it. "Alright then. I'm Scar, by the way." I smiled at him and said, "I'm Scott, but I think Owen told you that."
It didn't occur to me that Scar knew Owen, really. Owen knows a lot of people I don't. And plenty I do.
He left with a grin, leaving me to eat my breakfast.
Just then, Mr. Library walks in. I watched him as he realised there was no vacant seat... except for the one just across from me.
"Hey..." he said hesitantly, "Mind if I sit here?" I nodded and gestured for him to sit down, unable to speak because my mouth was too full of waffle to do that.
Scar comes by to take his order, smiling at me as he does. God, does that man ever stop smiling? He gets an omlet along with some toast and a coffee.
"Uhm, I realised I never told you my name. I'm Jimmy."
And that's when everything clicked.
All I can think to say is, "That's nice to know. At least I'll have something to call you other than Mr. Library."
Jimmy snorted in laughter, "You called me Mr. Library?"
I rolled my eyes and said, "It's not exactly like you left me a name." To that, he shrugged.
Talking to Jimmy was surprisingly nice. He, as it turns out, is extremely easy to flirt with. I even got his number. Little by little, I felt the old me seeping back in through cracks I thought my brother's death closed up.
Maybe the old me isn't so dead after all.
part 1
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Appreciation
A week of appreciation. I wasn’t going to do this, but then I foolishly had An Idea. (Not a good idea.) So I’ll be writing a Bering and Wells... thing. Rather, a series of things. Seven things. The overarching title is, naturally, “Appreciation,” but each piece of the whole will be a thing unto itself. Mostly.
So, okay, here goes with the day one prompt (Dancing), which led me to what I found to be an illuminating quote (from Christgau, below).
Architecture
Robert Christgau, “Writing About Music Is Writing First.” Popular Music 24 (2005): 415–21.
One of the many foolish things about the fools who compare writing about music to dancing about architecture is that dancing usually is about architecture. When bodies move in relation to a designed space, be it stage or ballroom or living room or gymnasium or agora or Congo Square, they comment on that space whether they mean to or not. The comment is usually oblique, absorbed below normal levels of ratiocination. And it can make itself felt that way, subliminally inflecting the meanings of dwellings, edifices, and meeting places. But if we want to understand it more fully, we’d best reduce it to words.
And why is that? .... [A]s we’ve been told ad infinitum from Saussure on down, nothing can be reduced to words, not even words. Writing about writing is also like dancing about architecture.
****
Myka knows she’s not the world’s most poetically inclined person, but she understands the figurative, if clichéd, sense in which any relationship is a dance. Some people probably enjoy the literal action as part of that figurative whole, but while Myka as a rule likes to keep her definitions tight—literal—in this case she’s been relieved that the applicability of “dance” to her romance with Helena has been thus far been figurative. She’s been committed, in fact, to ensuring that the “figurative only” condition continues to obtain.
Until.
(Being in, so deeply and inescapably in, a relationship with Helena has run Myka headlong into an inordinately high number of situations that represent such an “until.”)
“Do you remember—” Helena begins one night, as they’re preparing for bed, and Myka cuts her off with a brief “yes.” Given the architecture of her brain, she could hardly help but do so.
Helena, undeterred, continues, “—that hallucinatory retrieval, so long ago, in which the artifact compelled us to dance together?”
“No,” Myka revises. “Aggressively, no.” She puts the aggression into her very posture: her body, she hopes, is refusal.
Helena immediately kicks her poorly set, insufficient legs out from under her: “Liar.”
The kicking: figurative, but effective. Myka has no deniability. “It was terrible,” she says, reexperiencing the frustration, albeit on a smaller scale, both at wanting Helena so desperately and yet seeing no path to having her... and then at being forced to dance. With her. Against her... Myka manages to step back—just barely; it’s a teeter—from entering the memory in its fullness.
“Thus proving my last statement true. Why was it terrible?”
“Because I hate dancing,” Myka says.
“That doesn’t seem to be a lie.” Helena cocks her head—to the right, her “thinking” side. “But does this hate apply in every circumstance?”
“Yes,” Myka says, no hesitation or revision required.
“That too has the ring of truth.” Another head-cock, now (not unexpectedly) left, with an additional raise of chin. That’s the teasing-but-with-an-undercurrent movement. “Yet would it apply even to dancing with me in another circumstance? Given that I’m the putative object of your affection?”
Myka considers keeping her mouth shut but concludes it would most likely be taken the wrong way, given the undercurrent to the tease. Hoping to thread the needle correctly, she says a vaguely interrogative, and hopefully discussion-ending, “No?”
“Perhaps I’ll summon Steve,” Helena says, and it’s a threat—well, “threat”—that identifies the needle as very much not threaded.
If anyone else had ventured such an idea, Myka would have sparked her usual worry about their use of Steve, but he, however strangely, doesn’t seem to mind playing lie detector for Helena. There’s an elusive sweetness to their burgeoning agents-in-the-field partnership; Myka sees it, but she can’t, no matter how she tries, locate its underlying concept.
“Look,” she says, trying to imbue her voice with placation, “even if I wanted to dance with you, which I’m sorry but I don’t, because I hate dancing, I can’t get away from my resentment about having been forced into it by an artifact. I also resent that it was to house music.” She shudders as her brain now rebelliously recreates the experience: earsplitting noise underlain with disturbing vibration, all so loud and so physically overtaking that she could barely formulate any thought at all, despite her desperate need to formulate thought, because her body had found itself forced to press against Helena’s in ways that were infinitely more disturbing and created so much more noise than the music and she could find no way to think herself out.
Helena taps a finger against Myka’s left collarbone, a precise one-two-three-four clearly intended to call Myka back to the present. She says, deftly, “It was at the very least rhythmic. Aggressively.” The echo is playful: a different tack now, jollying. “But tell me,” she continues, still playing, but with focus, “why do you hate dancing?”
Finally, an easy one. “Because I’m terrible at it.”
“What does ‘terrible’ mean in this context?” Less whimsy now: she’s working her way toward something, but Myka can’t tell (and isn’t sure she wants to know) what. “Are you referring to some objective skill level? Some need for instruction? I would think that if one’s partner is willing and able to appreciate one’s movement, one could abandon such—”
“One—and when I say ‘one’ I mean ‘me’—is always observing oneself. Myself. Judging. There’s no such thing as real abandon.”
That gets her a little not-quite-derisive snort. “Of course there is.”
Myka doesn’t—genuinely doesn’t—believe that. Certainly she can move in response to emotion: a twirl to express a settling of satisfaction, a flail of arms to accompany a burst of belonging... but still always with that observing other inside, outside, seeing, evaluating.
That Helena can more fully inhabit a moment is really no surprise. That Helena has a hard time imagining how others’ interiority may differ from hers isn’t much of a surprise either.
Myka sighs and, for the sake of peace, tempers her absolutism with, “Not in public. That’s a bridge too far.”
Helena takes a moment, one involving no tilting of head. It renders her inscrutable. Then she says, “I’m not overly familiar with the American legal system.”
Are they through with dancing as a topic? Myka holds out a (probably vain) hope that they are, so she hurries to offer, “I’m no expert, but I was pre-law for a while, so if you want to know something in particular, maybe I...”
She trails off, for Helena’s head is moving left again as she says, with full disingenuity, “Are you aware of a law restricting dancing to public spaces?”
Myka is both disappointed (that dancing is still the topic) and cautiously pleased (that Helena is inflecting it this way, rather than insisting that Myka revise her feelings about public terpsichory).
Helena goes on, “And yet I doubt such a law exists. Consider a quite private space: for example, a bedroom. In theory, but also, in specific, for here in a bedroom we stand. Certainly it’s a space in which bodies have been known to move.” She says this without a salacious cast, which gifts Myka a quiet space in which to think. About this space. About how Helena moves in it. About how she herself moves in response.
After a time, Helena ventures, “My intent in mentioning that small slice of the past wasn’t to upset you.”
Myka believes her—is happy to believe her. “That’s not my intent either,” she says. “When I respond poorly. To anything... but particularly to a slice.”
“The past has many pitfalls,” Helena says, but not with gloom, as is sometimes the case when the past, as a concept, is at issue.
“It does.” A universal truth, regardless of how it’s said.
Helena shrugs, and she smiles now (her winner’s smile) as she says, “We could dance them away.”
Comedian, Myka thinks, and she laughs. “I honestly don’t think we could. Unless we’re in a musical and I’m not aware of it.”
“Would you be aware of it if we were in a musical?”
“That’s a good question,” Myka says, hoping—obviously against hope, but she goes with it—that they can shift to epistemological inquiry, because Helena does find musicals fascinating... but not all musicals: only the ones in which the numbers simply happen as part of the diegesis. “Like operetta, but more alchemical,” she’s said, and Myka has been glad of her own knowledge of Gilbert and Sullivan, as well as her familiarity with the musicals Helena is newly encountering, so as to understand how Helena is thinking her way to an appreciation, how she is enjoying that thinking.
“If that is a good question, then so is this one, I hope.” Helena holds her head still again, offering no preview of whatever utterance will follow. “Might we dance, such that the pitfalls of the past fall away? For the duration of the dance?”
In those words Myka hears the heft of what Helena tries, always, to keep at bay. “You don’t have to work so hard,” she says, meaning, as far as she knows what she means, that Helena could have just asked for what she needed. For Myka does give in when Helena asks, because another of Myka’s commitments, a far more constitutive one, is to trying—trying—to spare Helena the need to work so hard.
A slight right turn of head accompanies Helena’s response: “But what if I’d like to?” She adds a wisp of smile. “Work hard to change your mind,” she clarifies, though she doesn’t need to, and Myka knows she knows it.
Perhaps in response to all that knowledge, Helena extends her arms. “There’s no music,” she says. “You can very easily pretend it isn’t dancing at all.”
The concession is a jewel: a gift Myka is grateful to know for what it is.
She’s grateful because of another thing she knows: she gets things wrong. So, so often, she takes up situations, thinking to bend them into sense, but errs, twisting them wrong... but she can appreciate this. She can appreciate that Helena needs to know that she has worked hard to arrange for those pitfalls to fall away. For the duration of what may or may not be a dance.
Their arms are around each other. This is what is necessary. Regardless of any movement that might literally be defined as dancing, that is the definitional, essential, architecture.
END
Note:
I hope it’s apparent that I appreciate Bering and Wells as themselves—that is, as characters brought into being by Joanne and Jaime. But I appreciate also that “Bering and Wells” (for want of something better to call this televised catalyst and all it encompasses) has (have?) introduced me to invaluable, treasured friends; produced mind-boggling experiences; and all along motivated (forced?) me to do a lot of thinking, including rethinking my own writing, as well as the claiming of authorship, in contexts that extend well beyond the fanfictional.
I’m not going to enumerate the rules—or “rules”—I’ve set for myself here. Just know that there are rules. Writing is hard: sometimes making it an intellectual puzzle greases the wheels; sometimes it makes the wheels throw off sparks of grinding difficulty. This puzzle has worked both ways for me.
I find Bering and Wells to be, quite literally, something else, and I honestly don’t remember or understand how it (they) caught me. I don’t. Since the beginning, I’ve been playing catch-up with my nervous system—“Wait, how did this happen? What actually did happen?”—and the answer is, “Doesn’t matter, just keep writing it down.” This changed my life. And I am trying, always trying, to write like it did. (Having said that, most of these pieces aren’t as coherent/smooth as I’d like. To my shame. Seven is a lot, but that’s no excuse.)
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Toller of the Mirelands - Arezu
[Inspired by @monsoon-of-art's Pokerus AU]
As the group continued up the Dungeon, Rei fidgeted with the crafting tools. His mind was stuck on what Akari had discussed while they'd taken a breather to make some Ethers and Potions. A device that taught a move to a Pokemon in seconds? That was just incredible! Even if couldn't teach any move to any Pokemon, it was still a miracle machine.
Oh, he was glad he’d convinced Akari to wait on using any more yet. The Professor would love to inspect them, such a device was beyond his wildest dreams-
*KLONG!* “OW!”
-And he should’ve been watching his path. Welp, paid for that. Grumbling, the ‘chu rubbed his head as he backed away from the obstruction.
It was a big obstruction, easily four times his height. The large silver bell-like structure continued to resound through the dungeon, forcing Rei to hold his large ears against his skull. Ok. That was loud. Erm… ok, just try to slip around, ignore the red ribbon tied to the top of the bell.
Wait. Red? Having already gone behind the metal instrument, Rei whirled about to look at the ribbon in question. As far as he knew, most bells didn’t have those. Not to mention the shape of the ribbon looked familiar… as did the designs on the bell, come to think of it. Altogether, it was recognizable enough that charge was already building up in his red cheeks.
“BRRROOOONNN…” As the Bronzong’s eyes opened, Rei couldn’t help but pat himself on the back for recognizing Arezu. Especially as he hadn’t seen her much since her changes started…something about trouble moving or looking creepy. Anyways. Fire off that Thundershock and regroup with the others for the big fight!
Hang on. Where WERE the others?
…Uh-oh.
—
When they heard the bell toll, Akari and Captain Cyllene both went to attention. “Think that’s her?”
“Yeah, probably is…and Rei is probably over there too.”
Cyllene had to dodge as the Dewott whirled around with a shocked “Wait, WHAT?!?”, eyes rushing back and forth. “I…where’d he go? And why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
“My job is to observe how you perform, not help keep track when someone takes the wrong path.” She coughed, ignoring the Water-type’s glare. “That, and I may have only noticed after we took a turn or two. But that's not important."
Akari’s face shifted to an “O” of understanding before she nodded. “Well, alright. Think we can retrace our steps to where we split up?”
“Not exactly, but it’s worth a try. Lead on.” The Abra gave a small chuckle at the shock on her charge’s face, even as it morphed into joy. “R-right! Let’s see. We entered this room from here…”
—-
Rei dove to the side, panting as he avoided a painful-looking swing from the bell-like Warden. That last shot of electricity didn’t do much (shouldn't Steel be weak to Electric the same way Water is?), and with the Steel-/Psychic-type's heft, he did NOT want to get close enough to use his Quick Attack+Nuzzle combo.
Roll to the side, dive underneath, let the cheeks build up charge. Panic and fire your attack early when you see Arezu starts to glow. End up on the receiving end of a Payback and fly clear through several rooms before slamming into a wall with a cry of pain. Yeah, that hadn't been a good battle plan. At least he knew exactly where it went wrong.
Grunting and standing, Rei pulled a spare Oran from his pack and ate it, watching the Brozong come closer. And then his assumption she was melee-only was proven false when an Extrasensory shot towards him, knocking him straight up into the air. And by the time he could even start his descent, a psychic grip took hold and slammed him into the floor.
His pained “Ka!” filled pointed ears - that impact REALLY hurt. It felt less like being thrown into a wall and more like a giant metal and wood thing slammed into his back! He could still stand, grunting as energy filled his cheeks once more. The Bronzong stopped, almost staring at him. Was she feeling sorry all of a sudden? Well…after all that, he had some tension to let off. And what do you know, here was someone that had to get KO’d anyways. “Chhhhhhuuuuu…”
—
It had taken them longer than they wanted, but the others had found the battle. Not because of following Rei’s tracks, given his recent flight, but by hearing the crackling of electricity from a couple rooms over. And, of course, his voice.
“This way!” Akari waved the Abra on, rushing towards the fight - and screeching to a stop in the door.
“Akari? What happen-” Cyllene’s words were also cut off as she stopped at the door, eyes riveted on the scene before her. On one side of the room, a ribbon-wearing Bronzong stared in shock at the other side. On said other side? A Pikachu bathed in white light.
The Dewott was faintly impressed - that was the remains of a Treasure Box there, and those usually needed help to get open - but her attention was mainly on her partner. Sparks flew from his cheeks as he grew taller, his tail elongating as fur changed color under the light. His constant “chuuuu…” filled the air alongside a heavy feeling of static, sending Akari’s fur on end as the light faded.
“RAI!”
—--
Rei’s eyes snapped open as the bolt lanced from him to the dual-type ‘mon. Impact sent it convulsing, spinning, and inverting in the air. Whoo, that took a lot out of him… Good idea to just take a seat for now. Especially as Captain Cyllene and Akari were right there, rushing towards him! Heh, he was happy to see them... But he still had to ask: “Where were you?!?”
Akari gazed at him (and pffft she was so fluffy!), off-handedly mentioning that she was “Not sure, we got split up a ways back. But…” They seemed more focused on him than the Bronzong. “Erm. You guys know that Arezu’s over there, right?”
“O-oh! Right, I’ll go confirm she’s out…erm… Captain, do you have anything at Jubilife for parties?” Rei blinked as the pair went to check on the Warden. They never did a party for any of the other Wardens, or even the Nobles! Why would they do one now?
…tail, you can stop touching his face now, thank you.
Wait. Tail. Touching face?! A Pikachu's tail isn’t that flexible!
Adjusting some to see said tail, the Electric-type’s jaw dropped. That was his tail, he could feel it - but it was long and flexible. Paws went up to feel his ears, and indeed they had spread some - no longer pointed. Looking down at said paws revealed a more brownish tint to his fur - and a small gleam under the shrapnel of whatever he’d landed on.
Gently moving aside the debris to look, he gasped. That was a Thunder Stone…a spent Thunder Stone.
This all led to one conclusion. A conclusion he never expected to reach today…or ever. It was such a shock, his next two words were drowned out by the clamor in his brain.
“I…evolved?”
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