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diamondnokouzai · 11 months

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Top Ten Ways to Recover From the Loss of a Loved One—Number Nine Will Shock You!

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Losing a loved one is never easy. From realizing you’ll never hear them laugh again, to almost crying at the grocery store because you put their favorite food in the cart by reflex, to seeing their face on strangers in the street, to the funeral and the well-wishers—it’s never easy. Personally, I recently lost my baby brother. It was unexpected—I suppose it usually is, when someone you love dies—but I kept going. These are some of the tricks that I found that helped me.

I see you. I’m with you.

#1: Think About Them

It may seem counterintuitive, but thinking about the loved one who you lost can actually help the mourning process. Focus on them. Remember their smile, their laughter, and even their tears. Remember all the parts of them that were alive. Think about their energy. Focus on all the memories you had with them, to the point where you can’t think about anything else without connecting it back with your loved one. Sit in their bedroom and refamiliarize yourself with their smell, their possessions. Remember—if you start to think that you’re doing too much, then you never really loved them.

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Personally, I sit in my younger brother’s room and think about the games we used to play together. I take out the old chessboard and play a game with him. I close my eyes and remember his voice, playing back all the phrases he used the most in my mind. I listen to whatever he has to say. It can be difficult, at first, to hear your loved one’s voice after you saw them die, but as you stick with it it becomes more and more natural until you don’t even have to try at all. You can do it.

#2: Be Gentle With Yourself.

Mourning takes as long as it takes. There is no way, nor any reason, to rush it, so don’t try–simply let yourself go along as time passes. See the sun rise, then set, then rise and set again and again, ad nauseam, all without the person you lost. Let the moon cross the sky without taking in anything around you. Let the loss wrap itself around you without anything changing. Don’t let anyone else try and force you to grieve any faster than you need to. Don’t let anyone else control your mourning. No one but you can decide how you mourn—if you’re more comfortable sleeping the day away than going to therapy, that’s no one’s business but your own! Remember, it’s your pain. Only you can make it go away.

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And even when you hear their voice at night or in the television static begging for you to bring them back, remember: that’s just proof that it’s working!

#3: Get Into Nature

It’s important to recognize the healing power of nature. My younger brother used to love going on long hikes at night, and while I personally am connecting with his memory by going into the woods, even if you don’t have that kind of connection with nature, going outside and getting close with the plants can be healing. The sight of so much life all around you, the smell of plants and the feeling of leaves, the disgust that roils over you as soon as you remember that as alive as the plants are, none of the people you love will ever be so alive again. You will finally understand why they died, even if you don’t accept it.

Remember, go as far into the forest as you can. As long as you remember the first two steps, you won’t get lost—or, at least, not lost enough for it to stick. You just have to stick with it, further into the forest, until the sun sets. Until you can’t even see the trees in front of your face, and then go further. Just past those dead bushes, past the cordon, past the sign. Then you’ll be there. Then you won’t have to accept anything.

Remember. I see you. I’m with you.

#4: Read!

Just like getting into nature, getting into books is a great way to help escape from the pressure that comes with

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mourning. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can always ask your local bookstore owner, or check for resources online! Personally, I would recommend The Worst Loss: How Families Heal From the Loss of a Child, The Turn of the Screw, and Pet Sematary. Of course, if you would rather read The Shining or The Body Keeps the Score, then that’s completely fine. What’s most important is that, whatever it is that you’re reading, you’re still thinking about your loved one. Remember, you can’t forget them. Do you think that they would want to

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be forgotten? Of course not! You’ve heard them begging!

#4: Connect With Other People

Obviously, you aren’t the only one who remembers your loved one. They were too good for you to be the only one who remembers them. Other people knew them, too, and you can always speak to the other living about your mutual loss. Personally, I speak to my parents. When my baby brother was alive, my parents frequently scolded him, but it seems that they’ve begun to regret a great many things since we lost him. I ask them to tell me stories about him, and I let them cry. Sometimes, I even start crying too—but that’s healthy! It’s important to get all your emotions out.

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But that doesn’t mean that you have to forgive them. They know what they did, after all. They know that they ignored your loved one while he was screaming, begging to live. What kind of parent could ignore their own child? What kind of parent would hurt their own child? They know what they did! If they regret it now, isn’t it too late? There’s no more forgiveness after death.

You wouldn’t want to forgive the person who killed someone you loved. They wouldn’t want you to forgive them.

#5: Keep Everything Clean.

It can be hard to remember the basics, when you’re grieving. Soap, bleach, baking soda—who cares about any of that once they’re dead? But you have to keep things clean, even if there’s no point in going on. If things get to be in too much disarray, the neighbors could notice and interfere, and no good ever came from an interloper.

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Here’s a neat life hack: buy all the cleaning supplies in advance on one trip! That’s one less time you have to go out and talk to people. Get three or four jugs of bleach, six or seven boxes of baking soda, and about three gallons of soap. You might get some looks at the cash register, but that’s why they invented self-checkout!

#6: Make a List

Planning can be difficult when you have so much on your plate. The best thing to do for it is to make very basic lists so that you know what you have to do, and to break it down into smaller, more manageable parts. For things like doing the dishes, you can make the steps as simple as picking up a plate, putting it under the water, and turning on the faucet. For more difficult things, like living, you can make it even smaller—step one, wake up. Step two, open your eyes. Step three, inhale. Step four, exhale.

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Or, you can always just give up! After all, if you really loved the person you lost, you would want to be with them, wouldn’t you? Or are you as selfish as they say?

Don’t worry. I believe in you, at least!

#7: Get Into Art!

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Art can be a great way to get your emotions out. Obviously, there’s no such thing as bad art, but you should try to keep your art true to yourself and to your mission. Don’t ever forget about why you lived when they didn’t, you worthless piece of shit.

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And while it can be tempting to break the rules of art, remember: you have to know the rules to break them! Henry Capaldi didn’t break onto the art scene by blowing up statues, but by building them. So remember—five points per pentacle, and while blood type doesn’t matter as much as it was once believed to, it does still have to be human!

#8: Figure Out What You’ll Give Up

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Some people struggle with this step. Should the bedroom be packed up and stored, or should it stay in place? When can old homework assignments be recycled, if ever? Is it more important that you live, or that your loved one lives? Is there anyone else you can give up? Will it even work, if you aren’t sacrificing yourself?

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There is no “right” answer to these questions. It all depends on what kind of person you are. Personally, I chose my parents—there is nothing a parent should want more than for their children to live, after all. They know what they did, and so do I.

And besides, Mom hasn’t been the same since the accident. She’d want this.

#9: Visit The Grave

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Some people say that you should visit the grave in order to get closure, but that’s not why you’re here, is it? Bring your shovel. It’s so dark down there, you have to get them out. They still need a body, after all. Carry them carefully—depending on how long it’s been, they might be falling apart. That’s alright. Once they’re back, everything will be better again! Just like before! I wouldn’t lie to you,

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would I?

This is where things get tricky. You can’t let anyone see you take them out of the graveyard—they wouldn’t understand. They would tell you to leave well enough alone. But they haven’t gone through what you have. Not like me. I know all about this kind of pain.

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Remember. I see you. I’m with you.

#10: Get Into Nature

It’s important to recognize the healing power of nature. You have to do this at night, of course, preferably when the moon is full, but if you have a flashlight, it shouldn’t be a problem. Into the woods, now. Past the deadfall. Ignore the figures you see in the darkness—you’ve been so stressed lately, sometimes your mind plays tricks on you. Just keep going. You’ve got all the materials you need now, and even if you can feel some of the cold, slimy parts of your loved one dripping down your chest and into your boot until it squelches between your toes, that doesn’t matter anymore. You’re almost to the cemetery! Don’t give up!

You want him to come back, don’t you? You loved him. And now you can love him again! Just get into the cemetery and bury him again. This time it’ll be better than the first funeral. You’ll be able to embrace him this time, no one will stop you. You’ll be there for him! Isn’t that wonderful? Aren’t you happy?

Why not?

Ignore the corpses you see on the ground and the freshly disturbed dirt. Your mind is just playing tricks on you. Focus on your loved one. Kneel down and pray if you want, but it won’t help you now. Not since you already came so far.

Ignore the sounds you hear coming from behind you. There’s no one there.

Don’t worry. You’ll be with your loved one soon.

I’m sorry for tricking you. I just needed one more body.

Remember. I saw you. I was with you.

#11: Dead Isn’t Better

He’s back! Isn’t this wonderful? He’s just like how he was. It doesn’t matter how much of his skin or flesh is missing, or what he says. He’s just like he used to be. Everything’s just as good as it was. You don’t need your parents anymore. You don’t need anything! He’s back home with you. Isn’t that perfect? Aren’t you finally happy?

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Why not?

#horror #horror writing #horror stories #short story #my writing #fiction #.din #.txt

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