Can we get a list of the brothers in order of how Otto feels about them romantically or in other ways ;)
"So, we'll rank the brothers in 5 categories:
Attractiveness
Performance/enjoyment (to phrase it politely)
Long term eligibility
Clout
Extra skills
Each will be scored out of 6 for a possible total of 30 points."
John Dory, total: 14
"John Dory is plenty attractive in a rugged kind of way. He scored slightly above average in performance (to everyone's surprise). He is single, however he has a bad track record with romantic commitment. He's also not a Brozone fan-favorite, and doesn't have many extra skills that would benefit me as his partner."
Bruce, total: 20
"Bruce is objectively the most attractive brother and the most popular member of Brozone, which gives him full points for "attractiveness" and "clout." He scored the lowest possible point on "long term eligibility" on account of him already being married. He doesn't have a lot of extra skills outside of parenting and managing the restaurant (not especially beneficial to me)"
Clay, total: 25
"Clay is very attractive, very tall, and very skilled. He has a job and many qualifications which adds to his attractiveness. He is single and seems unafraid of commitment. He scored low in "clout" since he's a less popular member of Brozone. However, he's the best dancer, he's funny, and he's still a very good singer. Very talented indeed 💙"
Floyd, total: 19
"Floyd is very beautiful, but not a great match for me. He is caring and emotionally intelligent which makes him a good partner (but not for me). His performance was... Not to my tastes. He is the second most popular Brozone member so he ranks high on "clout." He doesn't seem to have many additional skills. Flop."
Branch, total: 18
"Branch is the best singer of Brozone and very popular (even though he only performed live once). It feels weird to give him the highest possible score for clout since he was most famous as a baby. Despite being exempt from the "performance" category, he still has a higher total score than John Dory. He also seems to have a lot of skills from growing up alone and fending for himself. After being abandoned. Very resourceful!"
"And there you have it! My official ranking of the Brozone members based on my personal experience with them! 💙"
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It's annoying that the gayest most flamboyant character in a videogame ever created that I've ever seen can be romanced by female characters canonically. I finally have a gay icon to thirst for and he is being ruined by pussy. Disgusting. I hate you and everyone else who posts hetrosexual content with Astarion. Fuck you and every other vagina owner.
lmfao I’m sorry but this was way too funny not to post
“Vagina owner” “ruined by pussy” says the person who’s actively being a ‘pussy’ by hiding behind anon
I will tell you something scary now tho, listen carefully okay?
He’s canonically pan. 🫢
Also him being “flamboyant” is mostly an act, but even then, being flamboyant doesn’t mean you’re automatically gay, just how being “masculine” or “feminine” doesn’t mean you’re automatically heterosexual. Wild concept I know 😱
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im going crazy with how people are starting to agree with snow that sejanus was really stupid and deserved what was coming to him. reading the books first should be a pre requisite to the movie idcccc if that takes away the wider audience, the wider audience all have smooth brains anyway.
“why was he colluding with rebels when he could’ve just thought about it pragmatically 🙄” i’m in your fucking walls. sejanus was never dumb, snow just kept pushing that perception of him through the book to deflect the fact that sejanus was an actual good person. snow thought himself the personification of good and benevolence, which was why everything he did had to have some half-assed excuse as to why he was justified in doing it. it was why he was actually tweaking in the woods when lucy gray left him, because he wanted to rid himself of her but he didn’t have an actual reason so he convinced himself of the most random scenario ever to justify trying to shoot at her. so we can establish that snow was an evil broke boy who clearly wasn’t good— then sejanus was a direct confrontation of snow’s own shortcomings towards that (i don’t think i have to detail how sejanus was genuine, it was obvious). coriolanus and sejanus are like the direct opposite characters of each other, and snow knew and took pride in this to an extent. which is why snow couldn’t admit that sejanus was good to himself, thus sejanus was deemed ‘stupid’ to protect his own deluded self actualisation (but this also includes other aspects like how the war made the plinths rich and the snows poor, leading to resentment and jealousy from snow).
“but that still didn’t mean he wasn’t doing dumb things throughout the book” was it really that dumb? a rebellion will always include some level of risk but i don’t hear anyone calling heavensbee stupid because it actually worked out for him. plus sejanus is district, so if we use our common sense of who he is as a character and emotional intelligence of his situation, it’s pretty easy to see why he would get in touch with rebels. he’s literally always yearned for the districts, he never once cared about his money or safety, which isn’t stupid, it’s sad. this was his way of dealing with the guilt of profiting from his people’s suffering— again, not stupid. you could argue he was reckless, especially when he went into the arena, but most people who simply cast him as a ‘dumb character’ ignore how troubled he is and fall into the very filtered lens of snow who was just concentrating on his stupidity.
sejanus’ growing radical actions had nothing to do with stupidity and everything to do with feeling helpless and like nothing was changing. he tried minor/low-risk things such as attempting to change the perception of the districts in the capitol, advocating against the hunger games etc etc. of course it didn’t work, so his options grew limited to more radical courses of action. its a natural line of thought— activists literally do it in real life when they feel as if their cause isn’t getting enough attention (eg. setting themselves on fire). sejanus is a desperate character who is so selfless in light of snow’s constant self-preservation. snow will always put himself first and be paranoid that he will be betrayed like he’s betrayed others, so he never understands sejanus’ disposition to help and trust people, so he labels him dumb. omg. like. sejanus is so not-stupid i’m actually gonna start freaking out!! this is defamatory leave my boo alone!! plz go read a book and work on media literacy i am begging!!!
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