"Failing Better: A Conversation with Ocean Vuong" interviewed by Viet Thanh Nguyen for LA Review of Books (2019) [ID'd]
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Some gay men have also described being praised by people who know that they are gay fathers, as they react with astonishment over their capacity to take well care of a child without a woman in the household. Likewise, the participants in the present study described how they were recurrently praised, simply for taking care of their children. Such praise was given in situations where they had been read as fathers, i.e., presumably passing as cisgender men. One participant described a huge difference in how he was treated by people who presumed him to be a cisgender man, compared to when he was known to be a transgender man. As soon as people knew that he was transgender, and that he was the gestational parent, he was expected to be the main caregiver, and no one would praise him for his daily duties. Thus, caretaking engagements, which is often taken for granted when performed by women, seem to be similarly expected to be performed by transgender men who are gestational parents. The gender assigned at birth and/or the role as the gestational parent seem to trump the present gender identity when it comes to others’ expectations of a person’s parenting role.
from the study Transgender Men Forming Two-Father Families with Their Cisgender Male Partners: Negotiating Gendered Expectations and Self-Perceptions by Anna Malmquist
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If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it.
Ruthie Lindsey
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my favorite form of love is being loved without feeling like i was begging for it
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Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.
— John Green.
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You deserve to be surrounded by people who bring out the soft side of you, not the survival side of you.
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The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
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Isn't it strange that we talk least about the things we think about most?
Charles Lindbergh
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Jules Laforgue, from Modern Poets of France: An Anthology; "Lament of the Pianos Heard in Rich Neighborhoods,"
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